May 15, 2024 • 13 mins
Join Tytannie Harris and Latosha Davis in Season 3, Episode 5 of "Raw with a Purpose," as they delve into the profound topic of trauma and its impact on our lives. In this powerful episode, they explore the complexities of trauma, the misconceptions around it, and the importance of a trauma-informed approach to therapy.
The discussion opens with an examination of why trauma responses vary greatly and how misunderstandings about these reactions can lead to misjudgments and further harm. They emphasize the need for empathy and understanding, explaining that trauma should not define a person, nor should it be a yardstick for comparing sufferings.
Tytannie and Latosha also discuss the importance of separating oneself from their trauma, advocating for the recognition of individual worth beyond traumatic experiences. They share personal insights on maintaining professional boundaries as therapists and the critical nature of self-care in the field of mental health.
This episode is a must-listen for anyone looking to understand trauma better, seek ways to support others, or find pathways to personal healing. It's filled with critical discussions on how to navigate trauma, the role of therapists, and the journey of healing and resilience.
Tune in to "Raw with a Purpose" for an enlightening conversation that aims to educate, inspire, and empower listeners to approach trauma with knowledge, sensitivity, and hope.
Follow Raw With a Purpose on Instagram for more content and tips on how you can manage your mental health ---> @RawWithAPurpose
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:06):
Hey y'all, we are back foranother episode of Raw
with a purpose.
I am Titanic Harris, author,speaker, business consultant
and CEO of TMHBehavioral Services,
founder of TMH ManCave Carl brings another title.
Oh my God,I was going to give him
some bigger airtime.
Next thing is,you gonna have a whole nother.
Not entirely.
(00:26):
All right. My name.
It is like, hey,if this responsibility
that comes with thistitle is heavy,
I write the checks.
Listen, give it go.
I'm Latasha Davis.
Couples, marriage, familyand relationship
expert here at CAMHBehavioral Services
and vice president.
Yes, yes, yes.
I think we need these layersfor this episode because,
(00:49):
we're talking abouta very heavy topic.
So we want just toput some disclaimers
out there for people,we want to be
talking about trauma.
And, who are youwithout your trauma?
And so trauma in its purestform is basically a
distressing event that promotes,promotes, emotional
or physical response. Right.
So anythingthat has happened to you
(01:10):
and you have an emotionalor physical response
to it, no matter what it is.
Trauma. Yeah.
And we want to talk about thatbecause I
as you know, we are traumafor therapists.
Trauma informed therapists book.
Let me get it out.
Trauma at that timeI know that's our I'm here
I'm a healing center. So it'srecognized as a trauma
informed therapist.
And so we dealwith trauma day in and day out.
(01:31):
So that's one thingwe always make sure we self-care
that we want to takecare of ourselves
when dealing with that.
for me for trauma,I'm not number seven anymore.
Talk about trauma.
Let's start there.
I can't get up.
This one can get up earlyand start her day.
but when we talkingabout trauma,
we want to talk aboutpeople who died trying out
traumatized people,saying their trauma is
(01:53):
bigger than this person'strauma. Trauma is trauma.
Regardless of whatthat looks like for people.
We have different experienceswith.
The people respond differently.
And then we want to takein consideration
how people respond.
When you say, oh, well,this person is
physically abused versusthis person
being sexually abused, like it'snot okay
for you to feel nasty, feelyou should feel the way
you feel,but just be considerate
(02:15):
of this person.
Experience and how thisperson is receiving
what happened to them.
And also,I think people are over
the word trauma too.
Like everything is not right.
I just want to say thatlike people talk about that,
but also people who leadwith their trauma.
Right.
When they when they talkabout who they are
I want to get into that too.
Yeah I know we, we talking abouthow people who have our
(02:37):
they havepeople identify themselves
with their trauma.
And I'm a bigone of my big models in therapy.
Is that youyour trauma happen to you.
Okay.
That's notyou are not your trans, right?
I always say thatlike that is a big thing.
Separate that. Especially you.
The kind ofwhen I was talking about,
therapist working with children,I know,
parents work with childrenand it's said, oh,
my child is bad.
(02:59):
Separate that out.
Your child have these behaviors.
Your child is not bad.
It's justreasons that the behaviors
are affecting your child.
So we need to kind ofrecreate the narrative
around that. Yeah.
So that's why I thinkis really important
to get into that topicso we can get
a better understanding of whatthat is, what we can do,
how we can support each otherdoing that and also understand
the impact, with relationshipswith trauma.
(03:21):
So one of the things talkingabout comparing traumas
that we just talked about,also minimizing someone trauma,
which you alsokind of mentioned,
so is not okay to minimizesomebody's trauma
because that's belittlingwhat they experience is I mean,
what does this you know,what does that feel like?
Let's sayyou're having a trauma.
You would thinkyou'd be a little bit
more empathetic to thatbecause somebody else
experienced something.
So it may not beto the magnitude
that you feel is where you at,but it is what it is. Yep.
(03:44):
so we want to talkabout trauma bonds
and trauma bonds. Yeah.
So sometimespeople have this habit
of holding on to thingsor people that are familiar
and not necessarilygood for them.
That's a trauma bond, right?
In a relationshipis where you share a
where you have a sharednegative experience
or similar experiences,and that experience is
(04:05):
your relationshipis based on experience.
So like if youif you both grew up
with certain experiencesthat were negative or traumatic,
that's a trauma bond.
codependencyis a symptom of trauma bonding.
the strong emotional bondswith people that are based on
traumatic events. Yeah.
And I thinka lot of people experience
those things.
I oftenthink about my friendships
(04:25):
and, you know, I have a historyof what's called complex trauma.
my complex trauma is basicallywhere as a child,
you experienced these,like, multiple traumatic events
such as abuse or neglect.
And so I hadthat experience as a child.
And so I have friendsthat I grew up with
who had those experiencessimilar to me. Right.
And we were bondedover our trauma.
But I noticedas I healed and moved on
(04:48):
and they did,our friendships change.
We were no longer trauma bonded.
And so that's anexample of like, you know,
the trauma bias in friendships.
And then I want to talk aboutmaybe the couple aspect
about it.
I hear oftenthat couples come together
like, yeah.
So my partnerhad this experience growing up.
I had this problem.
So that's kind of howwe became friends.
We came and fell intothis relationship.
But I don't know whywe can't connect on this level.
(05:09):
Will you connect on this levelyou didn't commit?
This is communication,understanding,
upbringing and understandingvalues.
That's a whole different entitythat doesn't come by
with the trauma.
So you can't usetravel ban is okay
because we get this experiencetogether.
Everything else I found in placethat's not that's not the case.
So we'll also because it'sa negative experience. Right.
(05:29):
And so I'll have to ask peoplewho are you outside of that.
Right.
You know, you notice about meand you know
I used to get C's about not C's.
But like people often ask me,you know, like, why don't
I share my story, right?
Because I have thishistory of complex trauma
and all these thingsthat are over
combat, of grace, of God.
Because I don't want to be.
I don't want to be identifiedas the person
who went through this,or the trauma is
(05:50):
associated with me.
And I've learnedthat the trauma is
a part of my story. Right.
And I've also found that mediumwhere I recognize that my story
can be inspiringto art, to others,
but I don't necessarilywant to leave my legacy.
I want to because Ihelp my community
heal at the end of the day,not for what happens in me.
Why?
It's part of who I am, right?
It's it's it happens in.
(06:10):
But it's not who I am. Right.
So I think that's important.
So for those whohave experienced complex trauma,
because a lot of us have.
Right.
And I think oftentimesit's hard for people
to move beyond thatbecause they don't have a story
outside of their trauma.
That's true.
You know, and then also justkind of piggyback on it,
like I'm talking aboutthe complex trauma.
Like a lot of peopleexperience trauma.
I've experienced trauma.
(06:30):
We have complex trauma.
We have a good friendship.
But you have areally good way of
if you even feel like you goingtowards that line, you like,
you know what?
No, that's conversationmeme out there.
I do like shitto stop that conversation.
I just like, okay, so I alsoI respect
and I think we deal withthis is therapist
I want to respect.
I know that I can talk to youas my best friend
about anything,but I think for me,
(06:51):
I recognize that you carryso much personally
and professionally.
I don't want to answer that playand not play my therapist
really well to hold my shit.
Right.
So I'm I'm going to call her.
And so I think for meit's utilizing my resources.
Right.
And I think a lot of timeswhen you've had
when you've had a historyof complex trauma,
you have to leaninto those resources. Right.
And I want towant to just acknowledge
(07:12):
you for, you know,we grew up very differently
once we were very,very differently.
But our friendship,what I love about
it is not based on our trauma.
Right.
Like you had ayou have some trauma,
some complex trauma,but that's not
what keeps us connected.
It's like whowe are is without right
business partnersand what we've built
as a friendship.
And I love that it's not basedlike some of my relationships
in the past on our traumais based on who we are,
(07:35):
which is a testament to usand our growth in our healing.
And thenalso just talking about like,
it's a it's one thing to,you know, you have trauma
and you express itto your friend. That's okay.
But to relive itevery time with your friend,
that's not okay, you know,and then
to get mad at your friendbecause they're
tired of hearing it.
And sometimes people feel likeI don't have I don't know what
(07:55):
you want from me.
I don't have the capacity.
Don't ask me.
I don't know whatyou want from me.
I don't have your answers.
So then it's likeif I check out,
if I'm not listening,if I'm not giving you response
now you feel like I'mnot being a good friend.
That's not the case.
I understandit may be something that,
okay, you're as a friend, like,okay, what can I do
to support this person?
What they're experiencing isI don't have the capacity
to hear with this every day.
(08:16):
I don't have the resources.
I don't have the tools. Yeah.
And they are not your therapist.
They're your friend.
So you can havethese conversations
with your friend.
But it's nottheir responsibility
to be holding yourto hold your own baggage.
Also havinghaving those conversations
with your friendsI think is great.
That's therapeutic.
That's not the therapy.
Right.
You know,if I hear people say like, oh,
I can tell my friendsit's therapy.
No, no, no, it'snot the same thing.
(08:37):
Like talking to your friends.
That's therapeutic.
That is not therapy.
And so also respectingthose boundaries that it is
you are responsiblefor your own healing.
You arejust like you're responsible
for your own triggers.
And so is it's importantto acknowledge that.
And I love how,you know, in our friendships
we hold each other accountablefor things. Right.
Even, you know, in our workI'll say, hey, Tasha,
(08:59):
I don't know how you feel,right?
I to know what youwhat you think, what you saw
in the client and understandingand recognizing like when
the counter transferencethat some of us may experience
as therapists like,you know, one of the things,
because I knowI've had so much complex trauma
early on in my careeras a therapist.
I work in at Chaz.
We work that up.
Tasha, I work with DCFsagency together years ago,
(09:21):
more than ten years ago,and my supervisor was like,
I want you to work with, motherswho have children in the system,
like the momstrying to get the kid back.
Because I grew up in a system,I told her I can't,
I can't work with the mothersbecause I was still working.
I'm still I was still dealingwith my own mother issues
of being in the systemand my mother not being there.
And sobut I was able to recognize
(09:43):
that my supervisorreally was shaft
and was an appreciate my man.
I thank you for, you know,being honest about that.
You know,I struggle to tell her that,
but I knewI wanted to be in this field.
I'm like, I have to acknowledgemy own issues
or my own challengesin working with with
certain clients. Yeah.
And that's important.
Is a therapist to make sure,you know,
we take care of ourself.
Any that counter transference.
That's why supervisionis very important for you
(10:05):
to have on a consistent basis,because we do not want to put
any additional harmor detriment to our clients.
Yeah.
It's our responsibilityto make sure we're holding them
and that them holding us,we are not here for them
as a therapistto hold our stuff in
our sessions.
That is not okay either.
She don't talk aboutthat's happen because, you know,
I hear so many stories.
(10:25):
And let me just be clear,the things that my clients know
about me, they only knowbecause I speak
about them publicly. Right?
Anybody who has everworked with me over my ten year
career can never tell youthat I share
one thing about myselfin a session, or that I've ever
made it about them,because I take pride in saying,
this client,this place is about the client,
and I, I've said, you know what?
I need to work onmy own healing.
That's my responsibility.
(10:46):
So I've done the work and I'mstill doing the work out.
So my therapist, Amelia Jones,I'm still doing the work
so that I can continueto serve my people.
But I think it's importantthat as clinicians and therapist
and mental healthprofessionals, we understand
like the work is aboutthe client, right?
You have to be able toyou have to hold
yourself accountable.
Say, you know what?
I'm having my own issues.
I mean, take a break,a step aside, right,
(11:08):
so that I can continueto serve my clients.
I wouldn't count on one.
We can count on one handhow many times
we hear the client say, well,the therapist talked about this
and made it about them.
And it's like, that's so unfair.
Like, you need to be in servicesyourself.
And this is not to say thatbecause you've experienced
that you can't do the work.
It's when you haven't healedthat you can't do the work.
When you haven't donethe work on yourself
(11:29):
is when I think you're serving.
You're not providing a serviceto our clients, are you?
You are a disserviceto our clients.
Yeah, I agree,so I think that's it for us,
I think to wrap that up. Yeah.
I just want to leavepeople with some tips though
in termsof how you get past two.
How do you get past selfidentifying with your trauma.
Number one is acknowledgeyour trauma, right.
(11:51):
Acknowledgethe impact that the trauma
has had on your life.
That's the first step.
Also, learnhow to separate yourself
from your channel.
What that means isyou said this earlier trauma is
is something that happenedto you,
but it does not define whoyou are as a person.
also identifying yourselfoutside of your trauma,
what does that mean?
That means understanding thatyou have positive traits
(12:14):
outside of what happened to you.
go to therapyif you need it, right?
Go to therapy, seek help.
And I will also saylike changing
a narrative, right?
You change a narrativeby rewriting your own story.
I often say, like I've rewrittenmy own story,
and I have shaped a narrativethat goes beyond my trauma,
you know?
And so I think that's important.
(12:35):
I'll leave people with that.
Yeah. as issue.
I'm sorry.
You're always picking onit, too.
I actually, I'll only say is,I think I already said it
inside the episode,but I just wanted to say again,
be unkind,be kind to yourself in a way,
and also ask yourself, Grace,I am not said in an episode.
Yeah, this is somethingI do want to say. Be kind.
Give yourself grace.
(12:56):
Also, be mindfulof when you're exposing
and talking about your traumasto friends, relatives, people.
Be consciousthat that could be heavy
and it's nottheir responsibility
to carry your baggageand your trauma.
also, if they are your friendsor relatives
are giving you resources like,hey, seek therapy,
here's a group,do not take that as a dig.
Do not take that.
They're not tryingto be involved
that you don't care about.
You take that as another wayof the positive thing that we
(13:19):
I care about you that muchthat I got
these resources for you.
And I would just say addthat much people to remember
that your resilienceand that there's
always room for growthas long as you're living. Yep.
All right, y'all, thisthis episode,
make sure you follow uson our social media
platforms right.
With a purpose.
Follow me.
A Titanic here is to meand K, follow me.
(13:39):
Easy, Latasha D Tony.
Not at IG in our social mediaplatforms, emails and, website
where I would send us an email.
Y'all let us know your thoughtsquestions about podcast.
We'll see our next time. Bye.
Hey y'all, we are back foranother episode of Raw
with a purpose.
I am Titanic Harris, author,speaker, business consultant
and CEO of TMHBehavioral Services,
founder of TMH ManCave Carl brings another title.
Oh my God,I was going to give him
some bigger airtime.
Next thing is,you gonna have a whole nother.
Not entirely.
(00:26):
All right. My name.
It is like, hey,if this responsibility
that comes with thistitle is heavy,
I write the checks.
Listen, give it go.
I'm Latasha Davis.
Couples, marriage, familyand relationship
expert here at CAMHBehavioral Services
and vice president.
Yes, yes, yes.
I think we need these layersfor this episode because,
(00:49):
we're talking abouta very heavy topic.
So we want just toput some disclaimers
out there for people,we want to be
talking about trauma.
And, who are youwithout your trauma?
And so trauma in its purestform is basically a
distressing event that promotes,promotes, emotional
or physical response. Right.
So anythingthat has happened to you
(01:10):
and you have an emotionalor physical response
to it, no matter what it is.
Trauma. Yeah.
And we want to talk about thatbecause I
as you know, we are traumafor therapists.
Trauma informed therapists book.
Let me get it out.
Trauma at that timeI know that's our I'm here
I'm a healing center. So it'srecognized as a trauma
informed therapist.
And so we dealwith trauma day in and day out.
(01:31):
So that's one thingwe always make sure we self-care
that we want to takecare of ourselves
when dealing with that.
for me for trauma,I'm not number seven anymore.
Talk about trauma.
Let's start there.
I can't get up.
This one can get up earlyand start her day.
but when we talkingabout trauma,
we want to talk aboutpeople who died trying out
traumatized people,saying their trauma is
(01:53):
bigger than this person'strauma. Trauma is trauma.
Regardless of whatthat looks like for people.
We have different experienceswith.
The people respond differently.
And then we want to takein consideration
how people respond.
When you say, oh, well,this person is
physically abused versusthis person
being sexually abused, like it'snot okay
for you to feel nasty, feelyou should feel the way
you feel,but just be considerate
(02:15):
of this person.
Experience and how thisperson is receiving
what happened to them.
And also,I think people are over
the word trauma too.
Like everything is not right.
I just want to say thatlike people talk about that,
but also people who leadwith their trauma.
Right.
When they when they talkabout who they are
I want to get into that too.
Yeah I know we, we talking abouthow people who have our
(02:37):
they havepeople identify themselves
with their trauma.
And I'm a bigone of my big models in therapy.
Is that youyour trauma happen to you.
Okay.
That's notyou are not your trans, right?
I always say thatlike that is a big thing.
Separate that. Especially you.
The kind ofwhen I was talking about,
therapist working with children,I know,
parents work with childrenand it's said, oh,
my child is bad.
(02:59):
Separate that out.
Your child have these behaviors.
Your child is not bad.
It's justreasons that the behaviors
are affecting your child.
So we need to kind ofrecreate the narrative
around that. Yeah.
So that's why I thinkis really important
to get into that topicso we can get
a better understanding of whatthat is, what we can do,
how we can support each otherdoing that and also understand
the impact, with relationshipswith trauma.
(03:21):
So one of the things talkingabout comparing traumas
that we just talked about,also minimizing someone trauma,
which you alsokind of mentioned,
so is not okay to minimizesomebody's trauma
because that's belittlingwhat they experience is I mean,
what does this you know,what does that feel like?
Let's sayyou're having a trauma.
You would thinkyou'd be a little bit
more empathetic to thatbecause somebody else
experienced something.
So it may not beto the magnitude
that you feel is where you at,but it is what it is. Yep.
(03:44):
so we want to talkabout trauma bonds
and trauma bonds. Yeah.
So sometimespeople have this habit
of holding on to thingsor people that are familiar
and not necessarilygood for them.
That's a trauma bond, right?
In a relationshipis where you share a
where you have a sharednegative experience
or similar experiences,and that experience is
(04:05):
your relationshipis based on experience.
So like if youif you both grew up
with certain experiencesthat were negative or traumatic,
that's a trauma bond.
codependencyis a symptom of trauma bonding.
the strong emotional bondswith people that are based on
traumatic events. Yeah.
And I thinka lot of people experience
those things.
I oftenthink about my friendships
(04:25):
and, you know, I have a historyof what's called complex trauma.
my complex trauma is basicallywhere as a child,
you experienced these,like, multiple traumatic events
such as abuse or neglect.
And so I hadthat experience as a child.
And so I have friendsthat I grew up with
who had those experiencessimilar to me. Right.
And we were bondedover our trauma.
But I noticedas I healed and moved on
(04:48):
and they did,our friendships change.
We were no longer trauma bonded.
And so that's anexample of like, you know,
the trauma bias in friendships.
And then I want to talk aboutmaybe the couple aspect
about it.
I hear oftenthat couples come together
like, yeah.
So my partnerhad this experience growing up.
I had this problem.
So that's kind of howwe became friends.
We came and fell intothis relationship.
But I don't know whywe can't connect on this level.
(05:09):
Will you connect on this levelyou didn't commit?
This is communication,understanding,
upbringing and understandingvalues.
That's a whole different entitythat doesn't come by
with the trauma.
So you can't usetravel ban is okay
because we get this experiencetogether.
Everything else I found in placethat's not that's not the case.
So we'll also because it'sa negative experience. Right.
(05:29):
And so I'll have to ask peoplewho are you outside of that.
Right.
You know, you notice about meand you know
I used to get C's about not C's.
But like people often ask me,you know, like, why don't
I share my story, right?
Because I have thishistory of complex trauma
and all these thingsthat are over
combat, of grace, of God.
Because I don't want to be.
I don't want to be identifiedas the person
who went through this,or the trauma is
(05:50):
associated with me.
And I've learnedthat the trauma is
a part of my story. Right.
And I've also found that mediumwhere I recognize that my story
can be inspiringto art, to others,
but I don't necessarilywant to leave my legacy.
I want to because Ihelp my community
heal at the end of the day,not for what happens in me.
Why?
It's part of who I am, right?
It's it's it happens in.
(06:10):
But it's not who I am. Right.
So I think that's important.
So for those whohave experienced complex trauma,
because a lot of us have.
Right.
And I think oftentimesit's hard for people
to move beyond thatbecause they don't have a story
outside of their trauma.
That's true.
You know, and then also justkind of piggyback on it,
like I'm talking aboutthe complex trauma.
Like a lot of peopleexperience trauma.
I've experienced trauma.
(06:30):
We have complex trauma.
We have a good friendship.
But you have areally good way of
if you even feel like you goingtowards that line, you like,
you know what?
No, that's conversationmeme out there.
I do like shitto stop that conversation.
I just like, okay, so I alsoI respect
and I think we deal withthis is therapist
I want to respect.
I know that I can talk to youas my best friend
about anything,but I think for me,
(06:51):
I recognize that you carryso much personally
and professionally.
I don't want to answer that playand not play my therapist
really well to hold my shit.
Right.
So I'm I'm going to call her.
And so I think for meit's utilizing my resources.
Right.
And I think a lot of timeswhen you've had
when you've had a historyof complex trauma,
you have to leaninto those resources. Right.
And I want towant to just acknowledge
(07:12):
you for, you know,we grew up very differently
once we were very,very differently.
But our friendship,what I love about
it is not based on our trauma.
Right.
Like you had ayou have some trauma,
some complex trauma,but that's not
what keeps us connected.
It's like whowe are is without right
business partnersand what we've built
as a friendship.
And I love that it's not basedlike some of my relationships
in the past on our traumais based on who we are,
(07:35):
which is a testament to usand our growth in our healing.
And thenalso just talking about like,
it's a it's one thing to,you know, you have trauma
and you express itto your friend. That's okay.
But to relive itevery time with your friend,
that's not okay, you know,and then
to get mad at your friendbecause they're
tired of hearing it.
And sometimes people feel likeI don't have I don't know what
(07:55):
you want from me.
I don't have the capacity.
Don't ask me.
I don't know whatyou want from me.
I don't have your answers.
So then it's likeif I check out,
if I'm not listening,if I'm not giving you response
now you feel like I'mnot being a good friend.
That's not the case.
I understandit may be something that,
okay, you're as a friend, like,okay, what can I do
to support this person?
What they're experiencing isI don't have the capacity
to hear with this every day.
(08:16):
I don't have the resources.
I don't have the tools. Yeah.
And they are not your therapist.
They're your friend.
So you can havethese conversations
with your friend.
But it's nottheir responsibility
to be holding yourto hold your own baggage.
Also havinghaving those conversations
with your friendsI think is great.
That's therapeutic.
That's not the therapy.
Right.
You know,if I hear people say like, oh,
I can tell my friendsit's therapy.
No, no, no, it'snot the same thing.
(08:37):
Like talking to your friends.
That's therapeutic.
That is not therapy.
And so also respectingthose boundaries that it is
you are responsiblefor your own healing.
You arejust like you're responsible
for your own triggers.
And so is it's importantto acknowledge that.
And I love how,you know, in our friendships
we hold each other accountablefor things. Right.
Even, you know, in our workI'll say, hey, Tasha,
(08:59):
I don't know how you feel,right?
I to know what youwhat you think, what you saw
in the client and understandingand recognizing like when
the counter transferencethat some of us may experience
as therapists like,you know, one of the things,
because I knowI've had so much complex trauma
early on in my careeras a therapist.
I work in at Chaz.
We work that up.
Tasha, I work with DCFsagency together years ago,
(09:21):
more than ten years ago,and my supervisor was like,
I want you to work with, motherswho have children in the system,
like the momstrying to get the kid back.
Because I grew up in a system,I told her I can't,
I can't work with the mothersbecause I was still working.
I'm still I was still dealingwith my own mother issues
of being in the systemand my mother not being there.
And sobut I was able to recognize
(09:43):
that my supervisorreally was shaft
and was an appreciate my man.
I thank you for, you know,being honest about that.
You know,I struggle to tell her that,
but I knewI wanted to be in this field.
I'm like, I have to acknowledgemy own issues
or my own challengesin working with with
certain clients. Yeah.
And that's important.
Is a therapist to make sure,you know,
we take care of ourself.
Any that counter transference.
That's why supervisionis very important for you
(10:05):
to have on a consistent basis,because we do not want to put
any additional harmor detriment to our clients.
Yeah.
It's our responsibilityto make sure we're holding them
and that them holding us,we are not here for them
as a therapistto hold our stuff in
our sessions.
That is not okay either.
She don't talk aboutthat's happen because, you know,
I hear so many stories.
(10:25):
And let me just be clear,the things that my clients know
about me, they only knowbecause I speak
about them publicly. Right?
Anybody who has everworked with me over my ten year
career can never tell youthat I share
one thing about myselfin a session, or that I've ever
made it about them,because I take pride in saying,
this client,this place is about the client,
and I, I've said, you know what?
I need to work onmy own healing.
That's my responsibility.
(10:46):
So I've done the work and I'mstill doing the work out.
So my therapist, Amelia Jones,I'm still doing the work
so that I can continueto serve my people.
But I think it's importantthat as clinicians and therapist
and mental healthprofessionals, we understand
like the work is aboutthe client, right?
You have to be able toyou have to hold
yourself accountable.
Say, you know what?
I'm having my own issues.
I mean, take a break,a step aside, right,
(11:08):
so that I can continueto serve my clients.
I wouldn't count on one.
We can count on one handhow many times
we hear the client say, well,the therapist talked about this
and made it about them.
And it's like, that's so unfair.
Like, you need to be in servicesyourself.
And this is not to say thatbecause you've experienced
that you can't do the work.
It's when you haven't healedthat you can't do the work.
When you haven't donethe work on yourself
(11:29):
is when I think you're serving.
You're not providing a serviceto our clients, are you?
You are a disserviceto our clients.
Yeah, I agree,so I think that's it for us,
I think to wrap that up. Yeah.
I just want to leavepeople with some tips though
in termsof how you get past two.
How do you get past selfidentifying with your trauma.
Number one is acknowledgeyour trauma, right.
(11:51):
Acknowledgethe impact that the trauma
has had on your life.
That's the first step.
Also, learnhow to separate yourself
from your channel.
What that means isyou said this earlier trauma is
is something that happenedto you,
but it does not define whoyou are as a person.
also identifying yourselfoutside of your trauma,
what does that mean?
That means understanding thatyou have positive traits
(12:14):
outside of what happened to you.
go to therapyif you need it, right?
Go to therapy, seek help.
And I will also saylike changing
a narrative, right?
You change a narrativeby rewriting your own story.
I often say, like I've rewrittenmy own story,
and I have shaped a narrativethat goes beyond my trauma,
you know?
And so I think that's important.
(12:35):
I'll leave people with that.
Yeah. as issue.
I'm sorry.
You're always picking onit, too.
I actually, I'll only say is,I think I already said it
inside the episode,but I just wanted to say again,
be unkind,be kind to yourself in a way,
and also ask yourself, Grace,I am not said in an episode.
Yeah, this is somethingI do want to say. Be kind.
Give yourself grace.
(12:56):
Also, be mindfulof when you're exposing
and talking about your traumasto friends, relatives, people.
Be consciousthat that could be heavy
and it's nottheir responsibility
to carry your baggageand your trauma.
also, if they are your friendsor relatives
are giving you resources like,hey, seek therapy,
here's a group,do not take that as a dig.
Do not take that.
They're not tryingto be involved
that you don't care about.
You take that as another wayof the positive thing that we
(13:19):
I care about you that muchthat I got
these resources for you.
And I would just say addthat much people to remember
that your resilienceand that there's
always room for growthas long as you're living. Yep.
All right, y'all, thisthis episode,
make sure you follow uson our social media
platforms right.
With a purpose.
Follow me.
A Titanic here is to meand K, follow me.
(13:39):
Easy, Latasha D Tony.
Not at IG in our social mediaplatforms, emails and, website
where I would send us an email.
Y'all let us know your thoughtsquestions about podcast.
We'll see our next time. Bye.
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