May 3, 2025 • 53 mins
Daniella Roman joins the episode to discuss her writing career, influenced by her family and cultural background, which inspired her book "Big Bear Wisdoms." She delves into the themes of her "Behind Closed Doors" series, exploring cultural integration, family dynamics, and toxic relationships. Daniella shares insights on reconnecting through social media and healing from past traumas through forgiveness and storytelling. She reflects on wisdom from her father and lessons on adversity, sharing personal experiences with family support, parental decline, and loss. LS Kirkpatrick adds a personal story, and the episode concludes with final thoughts, book details, and Daniella's future plans, ending with farewell remarks.
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(00:14):
Hi, and welcome to a really special readingbetween the words today.
I have Daniella with me.
She's just has such a heart.
She's an amazing cook.
Chef, I guess, is the way to put it.
But but she's just a beautiful person.
Daniella, thank you so much for being on myshow today.
(00:35):
Oh, thank you, Ellis.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah.
And we're here to celebrate you know, you I'mgonna I'm gonna pause right there because you
haven't written just one book.
You have other books that you have been thelead author on.
You've you've helped other people with.
One that the first one I was in was behindclosed doors, and we'll talk about all of that
(00:59):
in a little bit.
But let the audience know a little bit aboutwho you are.
Sure.
Thank you, Ellis.
Yeah.
So I'm Daniela Roman.
I'm out of New Jersey.
And, you know, to know me is to know that Igrew up in a real traditional Italian family.
You know, my dad was straight from Italy,strict strict father with me anyway.
(01:24):
And but, you know, all the traditional thingsgoing to my grandmother's house and, you know,
family, everything was around the table, right,and eating and things like that.
So, that's where I got my passion for cookingsince I'm eight years old watching my
grandmother and my mom.
So that's, you know, that's a whole other otherstory of, you know, where that led.
(01:44):
But, my dad, he was always just the mostinfluential person in my life.
He came from Italy Fourteen years old and, youknow, just barely finished eighth grade and
went right to work.
And that's just how things were back then.
You know?
So he just made a way, made a life for himself,and then, you know, raised a family and made a
(02:07):
life for for my brother and I and my mom andjust always worked hard, but always shared
these, like, life experiences that he had tohelp my brother and I with, you know, our life
and and as we got older and things weexperienced.
So that's, you know, the main thing about himis is just like the book says, Big Bear
Wisdoms.
And I'll let you know how he got that littlenickname in in a little while.
(02:30):
Those that are watching the video, I'm gonnahold the book up.
She has hers on the table beside her.
Mhmm.
But I'm oh, and she has hers in her hand too.
I am holding up, getting as close as I can.
This is just a fabulous book.
You can see it's not a big, huge, you know,heirloom type book, but it's an heirloom book.
(02:50):
One thing I want to mention before we go anyfurther is that anyone who has photos of their
family, letters, stories, don't know what to dowith them, it's amazing to put them in a book.
You don't have to do all of them.
Just pick a few that are important to you.
Write what's important about it, and now youhave something to pass on to your family.
(03:12):
And and it's a wonderful thing to have.
I love that you have so many photographs inthere, you know, of passports.
And and mainly, you have a ship's manifest.
My ancestors, we don't have it whether it got alot of times they get destroyed in the water,
you know, because they're on ships.
(03:32):
They get lost.
They get burned.
Who knows what happens to them?
But, it's really great that you have that, andI'm so glad.
Now we're gonna talk a little bit about behindclosed doors because we've mentioned part of
that in this book.
So Right.
Give our audience a brief explanation of whatbehind closed doors is.
(03:55):
Sure.
Well, that is a book series I started severalyears ago.
I ended up doing three editions of that, andyou were a part of, you know, the last one of
those that that I did.
And sharing stories of surviving domesticviolence, which was my backstory, and I had
shared that several years back in anotheranthology.
(04:17):
And, actually, Emilio, my husband, came up withthe idea of, you know, starting this book
series and getting other women to share theirstories of surviving domestic violence.
And it's in order, of course, to help otherwomen that are going through what you and I
went through.
You never know who you're gonna impact, who'sgonna hear your story, you know, how it's gonna
affect them.
(04:38):
And so that is something that I did mygoodness.
Like, I guess I started about four three orfour years ago.
And like I said, it was three editions.
And the last one you were in, you shared yourstory.
And I know, like, a lot of the women, you werea little hesitant to do that, and it's
understandable because that's that's adifficult, touchy subject to talk about.
(05:00):
Right?
And especially if it was many, many years ago,mine was, like, thirty plus years ago, and I
know yours went, you know, a little bit fartherback.
But it's also we worry about what are otherpeople gonna think.
Right?
Our family or certain people that hear thisthat didn't know, or if they did know, they
don't expect you to put it out there like that.
(05:20):
But I had to let go of all that because, youknow, we create this thing in our head.
Right?
Like, oh, my mom.
I was more worried about what my mom was gonnasay because she didn't know a lot of the
things.
And, you know, it was the first time that shewas hearing this.
And when I gave her the first anthology I didand she read it, I was a little scared.
I'm like, what is she gonna say?
Because we come from, like, that kind offamily, Italian family.
(05:43):
It's like, what happens at home stays at home.
You know?
Meaning, you know, whatever you go through, youdon't go and talk about.
And, you know, yeah, after she read it, shetexted me after, and she was like, why didn't
you tell us?
We would have helped you.
That was it.
You know?
And it was it was, like, shocking because Iespecially knowing my mom, that she would just
(06:04):
kind of, I can't believe you put that outthere, but it was nothing like that.
So, you know, I knew I was doing the rightthing.
Surprises, don't they?
Yeah.
Just a moment.
For those that are seeing the video, my puppyhas come through the door.
I didn't get a one.
She's not yet.
So I'll be right back, Joe.
So while I went and shut the door, I went andgrabbed the book.
(06:25):
It's called Behind Closed Doors.
Now this is not the only book I've done withyou and your husband.
We've got my brain just stopped.
We've got Spiritual Fitness?
Yep.
Spiritual Fitness Survivor.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
And then the shark book.
Everybody calls it the shark book.
(06:45):
Born to Risk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Born to Risk.
That one was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
But, but I love what you've done with Big BearWisdom.
Why did you write this book?
I mean, you could've not written anything, butbut why this book in particular?
(07:07):
Well, like I share in the book, you know, mydad and I had
a very close relationship.
I am your typical daddy's little girl.
Right?
And it was just something that was on my heartfor years even before he got sick and, you
know, passed that I had wanted to get it out,and I just never did.
You know?
Like, we think we have all this time.
(07:29):
You know?
And just it just went.
And, you know, before I knew it, I was like,ugh.
So it was something I promised myself that Iwould do because he shared so much in my life
that I just felt like it it had to be put outthere, had to be shared, you know, and and the
wisdoms and the things that he knew that youwouldn't even think someone that barely
(07:49):
finished eighth grade would would know thingsand and live his life the way he did.
You know?
Nobody taught him, like, a lot of these things.
He just taught himself, you know, and learnedfrom life experiences, and that's very
valuable.
And he was the first one to come to America.
Right?
It's not like he grew up here and and, you
know, in
these years, he he was the one who brought yourfamily here.
(08:13):
Yeah.
Yes.
It was, his brothers and, you know, his mom, mygrandmother who was actually born in Rhode
Island and then went to Italy.
And when she had her kids there, you know, shewas actually born in Rhode Island, which was
interesting, but then, you know, went back toItaly and grew up there and then brought her
you know, she came here with a couple of hersons, and then my grandfather and my dad came
(08:33):
on the ship last.
Okay.
You know, they all, you know, reconnected herein in Philadelphia is where he ended up, you
know, growing up and meeting my mom and and soforth.
Wow.
Wow.
So so your dad was I don't how old was your dadwhen he came to America?
(08:56):
Fourteen.
He was 14.
Okay.
So he came so why did they come here?
Did your grandmother miss miss being here, orwas there other circumstances?
No.
I think just especially I mean, it's it's,obviously the reason a lot of people even come
here today, but especially back then, it wasjust for you know, everyone looked at America
like, oh, the land of opportunity and, youknow, and they just wanted to, you know, have a
(09:21):
better life and and, you know, just so they allcame here and they all made their way.
You know?
You learn the language.
You you find work.
You you start a family.
You know?
And, yeah, and they all did, you know, verywell.
And it was very different back then when youcame here.
You know?
It was Yeah.
It was
very, you know, you had to have everything youknow, your shots.
(09:41):
You had to have a sponsor.
You had to know where you were gonna live orwork.
You know?
It was it was very different.
But, yeah, yeah, they they had to follow each,you know, each thing that, you know, you had to
and even when you knew people, like, my oneuncle came here and stayed with what they call
in Italian, you know, like, you know, otherItalian people.
(10:02):
And you would think like, oh, they welcome you.
Like know?
But he had rules.
You know what I mean?
It's not like, hey.
You show up, and it's like you do whatever.
They had rules.
You had to, you know, be a certain way, followa certain certain protocol.
You know?
So it wasn't easy.
Wow.
That, yeah, that I did not know.
That's crazy.
Oh, yeah.
Remember one thing I was told by someone wasthat when they came to America, they wanted to
(10:28):
become Americans.
So they learned the language.
They became became Americans.
They loved the culture, and they left not thatthey left their identity of who they were and
their heritage, but they left Right.
How they behaved back then so they could becomeAmericans.
And this person said to me, I don't understandthe people today who come to America and want
(10:52):
America to be their country.
It's like you come here because there's areason you came here.
There's opportunities.
There's a different lifestyle.
You have so much more available here.
You don't have, like, the cartels and some ofthe other things around that were attacking
you, you know, at the time when they weretalking with me.
(11:14):
And and I thought that was very interesting to,think of it that way.
And this is someone who did come to Americawhen they were adults.
And so that was enlightening, and it'sinteresting to hear how you're talking about
this culture that was there that, yes, you'reAmericans, but we have a set of rules to
(11:34):
follow.
You wouldn't
expect that at all.
Right.
Right.
And, you know, when you come here, like, my dadused to say, like, he had his brothers, and
they were a little older.
My dad was the baby of the family.
He was the youngest, but he seemed to be, themost, that really adapted to the culture here.
He loved rock and roll.
(11:55):
He loved the food.
He loved the cars.
You know what I mean?
In the fifties and sixties.
That was just and they all did.
But my dad used to say, you know, you have to,you know, adjust to where you are, to your
environment.
So he learned, you know, learned the language,the music.
It's not like you come here and he saw a lot ofhis, you know, other Italians that came here,
(12:15):
they would stay with the way they were inItaly.
Like, only listen to Italian music and only,you know, involve yourself with just other
Italians.
And he's like, no.
He's like, he wasn't like that at all.
He he made friends with everybody in every kindof culture that you know?
He was just very open minded that way.
He loved to learn, you know, the Americanculture, and you should.
This is where you're gonna live.
(12:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I I guess I identify with your dad in that waybecause when we I've only been to a couple of
places outside of The US.
But each time I went, I wanted to find out whatthe people were like.
I wanted to find out what the culture what dothey do every day?
How do they live their lives?
What is what is different about them?
(12:57):
You know?
And all the unique things they do.
And and it's so interesting.
In fact, the when I was at Taiwan, theconcierge at the hotel says Mhmm.
You are a crazy white American woman.
You never take a taxi.
You walk everywhere.
You want to be a part of our culture.
(13:19):
And and I thought, well, doesn't everybody?
And it's like, no.
They need to.
They want to go shopping, and they want thingstheir way.
And it's like Yeah.
You're here in a different culture.
You get to learn all these new things.
You get to Yeah.
You never have back home and experience things.
It was it was language was a barrier because Ididn't speak the language.
(13:45):
Mhmm.
But what I ended up doing and and, you know,this was quite a while ago, but I went to
Google Translate.
And I write in their language, which is like aChinese dialect.
It's not words that Americans have.
So I'm trying to write it like it has.
I take it to the concierge, and I ask him.
(14:06):
I says I told him what I was trying to write, Igo, is this right?
And he looks like goes, yes.
How did you do that?
And I go, well, I went to Google Translate.
But but he adjusted a couple of things so theycould really understand what I was talking
about.
Because there, you buy your food every day.
You don't have, like, a grocery store like wehave that you go.
(14:30):
And their supermarket is more like clothing,and they do have prepackaged foods and things
like that.
Mhmm.
But most people go to the market to buy theirfood for that day.
And so I was going to this market.
I mean, they had green beans longer than thisand carrots that long.
It was just crazy.
Wow.
Thank god.
But I'm taking pictures of everything.
They're looking at me like, what are you doing?
(14:51):
This is our food.
Yeah.
Food where you live.
Not like that.
Yeah.
That was very And so once I was able to explainto them, they're like, oh, okay.
Yeah.
And what a difference.
It was just like this this barrier that wasthere was gone, and now we all connect
together.
(15:12):
So seeing all of that, I really resonate withyour dad on that.
That's just I'm so glad he did that.
And that had to be good for you growing up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He you know, we did things always did things asa family.
Went to the Jersey Shore, you know, went to thePoconos up in the mountains.
(15:33):
You know, he would, my brother, he was, like,really big with baseball and stuff.
So, you know, we would go to his games and, youknow, just very Americanized things where a lot
I noticed, like, even in my own family, like,the fathers that were, you know, from Italy.
You know?
They they didn't not that they you know, theywere good dads, but they just didn't Yeah.
Involve themselves that way, like, reallyAmericanize themselves in that way.
(15:56):
You know?
It was more
just work
and, you know, I take care of the family and,you know, and that's it.
And and my dad was just very hands on.
Like, he would work all day.
He was a bricklayer.
That's hard work.
Okay.
Yeah.
So but he would still come home.
And My grandfather did.
Oh, yeah.
Grandfather was he made bricks.
And so when my grandfather married mygrandmother, he went into the brick building
(16:21):
business, you know, brick making business andstuff.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hard work.
You know?
But he would still come home and find time to,you know, work around the house, always making
a nice home for us and and take time to playwith my brother and I and, you know, take us to
our grandmother's day or wherever.
Like, always something.
You know?
So, yeah, we we I had a really great childhood.
(16:43):
I mean, I'm blessed.
That's awesome.
I did too.
It's it's really nice to do that.
So I have a question for you, and I know thatsome of our audience is asking too.
And and this is a question that's beenpresented to me is if you had such an amazing
childhood, how did you end up in a toxicrelationship?
(17:04):
Mhmm.
Yeah.
Good question.
I know.
Right?
Yeah.
Think because we know there
were those kind of people out there that werenormal looking.
Yeah.
And, you know, thank you for asking thatbecause I I brought that up because my dad, you
know, the way I talk about him, he was just,you know, the consummate, you know, son,
(17:27):
father, husband, everything.
And you would think and like they say, mostdaughters, you know, look for their you know,
the mate that they were to be with to be liketheir father.
And, yeah, to get involved with that, here'sthe thing.
For me, it was kind of just low self esteem.
And I left home at 18.
And because I was so I don't wanna saysheltered, they didn't let me out of the house,
(17:50):
but you know?
No.
But it was like are sheltered.
Yeah.
Very protected, and I didn't you know, I wasn'tallowed to go hang out or date or, you know,
anything like that.
So by the time I left home, it's not that Ididn't know life because, like I said, my dad
would share a lot.
But until you actually experience things, youdon't know.
So I was very trusting, very naive, and, youknow, got involved with this person who was,
(18:12):
you know, Italian.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
My parents love him.
He's a % Italian and, you know, all that.
And just kinda got sucked in.
You know?
And then once you're in it, as you probablyknow, it's it's very hard to get out because
they mentally, you know, they attack youmentally and make you think that you can't do
(18:32):
better or, you know, even if threatening.
And this one was very, like, a very threateningand manipulative relationship.
You know?
And, I mean, I would be followed, you know, andkind of pushed off the road while I'm driving
and have people follow that.
That was just Yeah.
To be terrifying.
(18:53):
Yeah.
It was it was just very, you know, unexpected.
Then like I said, I was young.
I I didn't and and here's the other thing.
The way I grew up, I watched my dad.
Like, whatever he went through or dealt with,any challenges, he took care of her on his own.
Right?
He didn't go to his parents.
He didn't
We take care of it on our own too.
Right?
Right.
So I'm like, yeah.
(19:14):
And that's the last thing I wanted to go backand tell my parents that I was dealing with.
Number one, my dad would probably end up injail, you know, if they knew what was
happening.
That wouldn't have ended well.
And, you know, number two, it's just veryembarrassing and, you know, just how do I tell
them that?
So I didn't see them as close as I was to them.
(19:34):
I didn't see them sometimes for months when Iwas going through Yeah.
And I just Did they
ask what happened to you?
Did they wonder why you weren't showing up?
Yeah.
I would just always excuses.
I'm working or I'm doing this and that.
You know?
Just you just learn to make excuses.
And when I did go, the one time I remember Ihad gotten really skinny and you know?
(19:54):
And he's just he thought I was sick.
He literally thought I had, like, a disease.
That's how, like, I looked.
And I guess, of course, you know, just how didyou just keep making up things?
You know?
My dad's not dumb.
You know?
But they just didn't really know that that'sexactly what was going on and and never did
know until I wrote for the first time a fewyears ago, you know, about it.
(20:16):
So, but how do
I end up with shock to them?
I'm sorry?
Was that a real shock to them to I know whatyou said about your mom that that she couldn't
believe it.
Was your dad still around?
Did he was he able
Yeah.
You know what?
He didn't really say anything.
I think he kinda left that to my mom.
I don't know if he even knew how to approachthat, especially since it was so long ago by
(20:39):
the time this came out.
So him and I honestly never even talked aboutit.
Never even talked something?
Yeah.
But I'm you know, I I can imagine that it, youknow, it affected him, but he didn't say
anything.
And my mom, you know, like I said, I said, youknow and here's the thing.
I said to her, I said, look.
I'm fine.
Because she was like, you should have came tous, and we would have helped you.
(21:01):
I said, yeah.
I said, I'm fine.
I dealt with it.
It was a long time ago.
But what I had to realize was I had thirtyyears to get over it and process it, but she
was hearing it for the first time.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So I
had to let her kind of process that.
You know?
So, I mean, it doesn't matter how old your kidsare.
You know what I mean?
When you hear something like that, it's Yeah.
(21:22):
You know?
You don't always your
kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
So you wanna protect them.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Mhmm.
So I don't know about you, but I know, formyself even though I didn't wait that many
years to get married again.
I was I was scared to date anybody.
(21:44):
I didn't know if I could trust myself to choosebecause I didn't make the right choice the
first time.
Right.
Is that difficult for you too?
How did that process kinda go?
I know this kinda gets away from the book.
You do mention it in the book.
But Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Now well mind.
Honestly, I went from bad to worse because Iended up in another abusive relationship.
(22:06):
Relationship.
Yeah.
I ended up into And that's really common.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, you know, it was, I guess, number one,didn't give myself enough time from the first.
I didn't even heal from the first or deal with,you know, all of that and then met this person.
And, you know, that went on for over fouryears, and that was a difficult thing to, you
(22:29):
know, get out of.
And then finally, you know, I I just I'm sure,as you know, you get to a point where it's
like, you know, years go by, you mature, yougrow, you learn things, and, you know, you're
like, what am I doing?
You know?
And then you just kinda get a little tougherskin, and you don't tolerate.
Just don't tolerate that kind of, you know,anything anymore.
(22:49):
And, you know, you know, fortunately, I movedon, and I had been I was married for twenty two
years to to someone and was, you know, a greatperson and was great to my son and and and
everything.
That ended for different reasons.
You know?
Nothing bad that he did or anything like that.
But, you know, I finally knew what a healthyrelationship was.
(23:11):
Right.
Know?
You know, you look back, and it's like, oof.
I'll never do that again.
You know?
You know, you learn.
And, again Yeah.
It it has a lot to do with I was young, naive,like I said, and didn't have experience, and it
happens.
And you would think, like like you said, why dowe, you know, end up with someone that's
totally opposite of our father?
Yeah.
(23:32):
And I and you bring up a really good point too.
And I I've heard this before when I was goingthrough my divorce is that the second person
you meet is like the first person.
And the reason is is because that's what youknow.
That's what come what's comfortable.
They may present themselves differently and indifferent ways, so
(23:53):
you Mhmm.
Don't really know.
Sometimes you do know, and you just do itanyways because you think, oh, well, it can't
be real.
It really can't happen the same time, but it'sreal normal.
That's why it's really good to get thecounseling, to get help, to talk to people, to
find out, you know, what do you think aboutthis person?
And and Mhmm.
(24:14):
You know, the people that are close to you willsay, you know, it's a nice guy, but I don't
know.
You know?
There's just sometimes there's just littlethings that seem a little bit off.
Yeah.
Then you met Emilio.
You don't really go into that story in thebook.
You you talk about him, and then later on, youtalk about you and Emilio moving to a new
(24:37):
place.
But how how did that if you don't mind tellingus, how did that happen?
Well, it's funny because him and I, we went tohigh school together.
Oh.
And yeah.
So back in the eighties, we went to high schooltogether.
But then, you know, like, twenty eight yearswent by.
Like, we graduated high school, and twentyeight years, he lived his life.
(25:00):
I lived mine.
And then eight years ago, through social media,of course, is how we reconnected.
And I had not, yeah, I had not seen that namein twenty eight years, and I'm like, I saw him
comment on a mutual friend's post.
And I'm like, wow.
Amelia Roth.
I have not seen that name.
And here's the funny thing.
(25:20):
I had a crush on him all through high school,
and he never knew it.
Oh, really?
Oh, wow.
Yep.
And you know what?
Like, going back to how my dad was, it wouldn'thave mattered if he knew because I wasn't
allowed to date or anything like that.
So Yeah.
You know, no point in him knowing.
So so we kind of connected, you know, messagingor whatever, and he's just like, hey.
(25:41):
You know, how are you doing?
And I was going through a divorce at that time.
Oh, okay.
And, we just kinda, you know, went back andforth, and then we met up in person because we
lived in the same area, actually.
And the rest is history, as they say.
You know?
We just connected.
You know?
And you know his energy, so, you know, it wasvery Straight in.
Drew me in because it was opposite of what Ilike I said, my twenty two year marriage, he
(26:06):
was a good guy and everything, but it was justa totally different culture and different
personality.
And Oh, yeah.
This Yeah.
I guess how Emilio is is what I needed at thetime.
You know?
Okay.
Yeah.
Good.
Now you did mention in the book.
Let me think of it.
I just thought of it a second ago.
Let's see if I can remember.
(26:27):
You mentioned about how Emilio had mentioned toyou about some of his trauma.
Mhmm.
And then that lets you open up to your trauma.
And and that had to be healing for both of you,I would think.
Were you already mir I I haven't quite finishedthis part.
(26:50):
I was just kinda looking at some of the stuff Ihadn't read yet, and it's like Mhmm.
Good point.
But was this before you were married that thatyou talked about this, or was it after you you
were married?
After I married Emilio, you mean, that hebrought that up?
Yeah.
Is that when, or was it before?
It was actually before we were married, and wewere having a conversation, and he shared
(27:15):
because a little backstory, I had not sharedwith anyone in thirty years.
Even my ex who I was with for, twenty twoyears.
He knew that, I was in the first abusiverelationship a little bit, but the, sexual
assault in my sleep when I was 19, I nevershared that with anyone Oh, in thirty years.
(27:37):
And that manifested into, you know, anxiety,depression, eating disorder, suicidal, all
these things over the years that I was like,why am I going through this?
Because when you bury things, you know, youjust you just they're so deep down.
You don't even remember yourself.
Right?
Yeah.
But they definitely affect you.
(27:57):
Yeah.
They manifest
trying to pop up whether you know that that'swhat's going on or not.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And I didn't know what was going on, and I'mlike, what is happening?
So then by the time I was with Emilio and he wewere just talking one day, and he shared some
of his childhood traumas and things he wentthrough.
And what he did was he wrote a letter,literally wrote it out and to this person that
(28:19):
hurt him and said, I forgive you and, you know,just laid it out in a letter what he felt like
and dropped it off to this person.
Now
did.
Yeah.
Wow.
So
and that that's pretty powerful.
Now the person that, you know, sexuallyassaulted me, I don't know if he was dead,
alive.
I don't know where he was.
But he Emilio encouraged me.
(28:41):
He's like, just write out what you would say tohim because it's powerful to get things out on
paper and just get it out of, you know, out ofyour out of your head and put it on paper.
So I did that, and I said, I forgive you.
No matter what, you know, I just put how itmade me feel, what happened, how it affected my
life, but in the end, I forgive you.
(29:02):
And I just kind of let it go after that.
It was, like, such a release just to do that.
So he taught me that, you know, forgiveness, aswe know, is not for the other person.
It's for us.
Right.
So the more we just hang on to resentment andbeing angry about what happened or whatever,
listen.
The other person has gone on with their lifeprobably not even given a second thought about
what they did
to you.
(29:23):
And we're the ones suffering, you know, holdingon to this all these years, and it's affecting
our life, whether it's addiction.
With Emilio, he's very open.
It caused him to be, you know, an alcoholic anddrugs and this and that all because of what
happened to him as a child.
But once he let that go, and not that he didn'tstill struggle for some years.
You know?
(29:43):
But so after doing that and releasing that,that's when my healing, I feel, began.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
It is true.
There's, you know one thing I did, I guess I'vealways been a writer, but Mhmm.
You know, I just didn't do anything with it.
But one thing I would do when there would betough things is I had a notebook that I wrote
(30:07):
in, and I would write the story.
But I would write the story in a happy I nevertold about the awful stuff that I turned into
something really fun and positive.
Mhmm.
Years later, you know, after it was all goneand I was unpacking things and I read it, and I
(30:27):
was just my jaw dropped open.
I was appalled that I wrote something, and Inever told what really happened.
It's like I got angry at myself for lying andnot telling the truth.
Right.
They were probably really great stories.
I probably should have kept them, but I says,no.
I don't want anybody to read this because it'sfull of lies.
(30:50):
But that was how I dealt with it at the time.
That's how I was able to cope with it.
And and, yeah, writing stuff down really doesmake a difference.
It's powerful.
We talk about it in mindset, manifesting, allof those things is writing it down.
And you talked about forgiveness.
Now someone comes to us and ask forforgiveness.
(31:11):
That kind of forgiveness is not for us.
That is for them.
But we too if we're able to forgive them, weget such a tremendous healing that's there.
I remember, Corrie Ten Boom.
She was talking about one time when she, and Iknow I'm showing my age here.
She wrote the the book, The Hiding Place abouthow they hid Jews in their home when Hitler was
(31:37):
trying to kill all the Jews and all of this.
And and there's a little story to that.
We're just doing brief synopsis right here.
But she's went to a talk one time, and up fromthe back comes this guy walking to her.
And when he sees her or when she sees him,something's triggering that this is not a good
(31:59):
situation.
And he says, Corey, I'm says what his name?
And right away, she knew he was one of theguards who would beat his sister, who would
beat the other one, who was not good.
I mean, these women would have to stand standnaked 03:00 in the morning in Germany, in the
snow and all of this.
I mean, torturous things that were going on.
(32:20):
And he reaches his hand out and says, I want toask your forgiveness.
And she right away, she's like, well, I don'tthink so.
She just you know, that instant struggle ofYeah.
But if I'm talking about God's love and Godforgives, how can I not do that?
(32:40):
Because I see God lives in me.
And she said she reached her hand out eventhough she didn't want to.
She reached her hand out.
She said, God, you're gonna have to help methrough this.
Soon as she shook his head, she just felt thispowerful through her, just this immense love.
And she says, I forgive you.
And, I mean, for her, that was a big healingmoment.
(33:03):
And and what a powerful story, a real lifestory to talk about forgiving someone who did
such horrendous things to us.
And, you know, we never know what we're capableof doing until that moment.
Sometimes we'll say, well, if I ever see thatperson, I'm gonna do this.
But you never know until that moment you'rethere.
(33:25):
What you what actually even then, you don'tknow.
You just either react or act.
You know?
And sometimes we surprise ourselves.
So we've talked a lot about not the books.
They have in a ways because some of thesethings are in there.
They're mentioned, and people wanna know thebackstory.
(33:46):
That's Mhmm.
Part of reading between the words as we get tohear the story behind the story.
Tell us
a little bit more about what your dad gave toyou, this closeness you had with him, these
these nuggets of wisdom he's given youthroughout his life.
Tell us about that part.
(34:06):
Sure.
Well, growing up, like I said, he would alwaysshare his life experiences.
He'll tell a story like, oh, you know, when andwhere he got a lot of these was really funny.
When he was growing up in Italy, he wouldalways say, it's like whether it was his
grandmother or a neighbor or an uncle, theywould share these little quotes.
And, you know yeah.
Then if you go through the book, just about,like, the beginning, I think, of every chapter,
(34:31):
there's one of these, like, quotes.
And he would it's funny because throughout theyears, you'll hear, let's say, Tony Robbins or,
Zig Zig or whoever.
They have these things.
You know?
Yep.
They have these quotes.
(34:52):
Like like, for instance, we become the averageof the five people you hang out with.
Right?
We always hear, like, whoever, one of thesementors, whoever had set you know, say that.
Meaning, you know, if you're hanging withsomebody who's, you know, a drinker, you're
gonna become a drinker.
Or you're gonna, you know, hang with somebodywho gets in trouble.
You're gonna get my dad was you know, used totell me and my brother that since we're little
(35:15):
is that be careful who you hang out withbecause that's what you're gonna become.
You know?
So I would hear these things he shared with me,and then later in years, like, more when I got
with Emilio in the self development space andyou hear all these things, and I'm like, my dad
said that years ago.
My and he didn't know Tony Robbins from a holein the wall.
You know?
I can guarantee you that.
He didn't know, you know, he didn't know ZigZiglar.
(35:35):
He didn't know who these people are.
So it's just, yeah, wisdoms that are passeddown from, like, generations that we all
cannot.
Yeah.
We all just kinda put our own spin on them.
You know?
And they all mean the same.
Like, one, he I love this one.
He says, you have to bend a tree when it'ssmall so it grows the direction you want it to.
So he used to tell my brother, and I, you know,when you're raising kids, for instance.
(35:57):
Right?
Yeah.
And you see a lot of parents even today, it'slike 16, 15 years old.
They're having issues with the oh my god.
They don't listen, and they're doing this.
They're doing that.
My dad you know?
And and that's when the parents are, like, youknow, trying to be strict with them.
And you got my dad's like, you gotta do thatwhen they're little.
Little.
Because when, yeah, when they're small, you canhelp which way they go.
(36:20):
Just like if you plant a tree this big, youwant it to grow this way, you can bend it that
way, and that's the way it's gonna grow or theother way.
And that's the same thing with, you know,raising kids.
You have to start when they're little.
You don't wait till they're 16 to teach themrespect.
Oh, because they they learned when they'relittle.
They don't have to respect.
Mhmm.
Exactly.
So things like that.
(36:41):
He had so many like, nobody's gonna tell you towash your face so you look better than them.
I was just reading that.
That's I know.
Love it.
Yeah.
That's one of his
that's one of the
best ones.
Meaning, nobody some people, unfortunately,don't wanna see you do well.
They're not gonna you know, they don't wannatell you, you know, hey.
Do this to make yourself better.
You know?
They they wanna see you fail.
(37:01):
You know?
So my dad was big with that.
Like, be careful who you're you're hangingwith.
You know?
That's awesome.
Just had he had, like, a a a quote or a wisdomor or an answer for everything.
He really did.
And he was so funny and quick witted.
There's a in here, I think it's my son'schapter when his my ex, he would, like, have a
(37:24):
cup of glass of wine with my dad or whatever.
And he used to like my dad never would gooverboard.
He only drank a glass of wine or two with witha meal.
He was not like, oh, let me just drink thedrink.
He always said, don't ever do that.
Just always have food if you're gonna have aglass of wine or a drink.
Yeah.
He was not a drinker.
So so my ex, he was like, oh, come on, bigbear.
Have another one.
(37:45):
He's like, life's too short.
And my dad's like, yeah.
Life's short, but we don't have to make itshorter.
You know what I mean?
I
love that.
That is so funny.
You know, like, meeting you know, don't help italong by, you know, overdoing something that's
not good for you.
You know?
It's he always had things like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(38:06):
Oh, I love that.
I love love that that you could laugh.
You know?
That's one thing that I loved with my family.
And my dad, his family was not full oflaughter.
His home was not full of of that kind of loveand laughter and and just building each other
up.
So when he got to my mom, he loved her family.
(38:29):
I mean, because every time we got together, wewere laughing.
We were happy.
We were joyful.
It was just amazing.
Now my parents both came from Nebraska, but mygrandparents were in Idaho.
So my naive little me not understanding how itall works, I thought all the family back in
(38:51):
Nebraska was my dad's, and all the family inIdaho was my mom's.
I didn't talk about great grandparents andgreat uncles and great aunts, things like that.
Mhmm.
But when we would go back to Nebraska, we wouldalso see some of my mom's family.
And so I remember the first time we went there,and I was very tiny person, very small.
(39:12):
Mhmm.
And and we went over to this one people'shouse, and I loved it.
You see, all of my mom's family, they're allsix four, six two, you know, really old guys.
So, you know, even my aunts were fairly tall.
My mom, I think she was, like, five eight,something like that.
Mhmm.
So we go go to this one family, which wasactually my mom's mother's.
(39:37):
My, yeah, my my grandmother on my mom's side,her family, they were short like me, and they
laughed, and they sang, and they joked witheach other.
And it's like, these are my people.
Yeah.
Oh, that that's funny.
That's funny you say that because that was,like, how my my mom and my dad's family.
(39:59):
Now my mom, I don't even know her family.
There that's a whole story.
Yeah.
She has not seen her family in fifty plus yearssince she married my dad, and that's another
whole story.
So she grew up different.
You know?
Her dad was an alcoholic.
They were then they got divorced.
So it was a broken family.
But when she got with my dad, it opened up,like, just like you, like, a whole new thing,
(40:22):
like Italians around and she grew up around alot of Italians, so she was kinda used to that.
But it just they brought her into the family,like, you know, like, it didn't even matter.
She wasn't my mom's not Italian.
You would think she is, but my dad used to sayshe's more Italian than I am.
The stuff that she knows and the way that shecooks and, you know, all that.
So that was just, you know, amazing for herbecause they welcomed her like like their own
(40:45):
and, you know, loved her.
Wonderful.
So she had the family that she really grew upwith.
You know what I mean?
So, yeah, it's just it's really nice that youcan at least you you get a spouse you choose a
spouse that gives you what was missing.
You know?
And it's always that for for so many years,like, with her, my grandparents and my aunts,
(41:05):
my uncles, all of them.
It was you know, they just loved her.
They really did.
That's awesome.
So what is the one thing you really want areader to get out of the book when they read
it?
You know, I want them to see that, no matterwhere you come from, no matter the
circumstances, the struggle, you know, if yougrow up without you know, you don't have to
(41:30):
grow up, with money and and, you know, lavishthings, that you can achieve anything you want.
You know?
It's it's it's about hard work and no excuses.
That was my dad's thing.
There's no excuse not to do anything.
You know?
And like I said, he came here.
His siblings came here and didn't know thelanguage.
You know, they learned the language.
They barely finished eighth, ninth grade, youknow, some of them.
(41:53):
Yeah.
But they made a life.
They made it work.
They didn't, you know, depend on the system oror other people.
You know, you gotta work hard, you know, forwhat you want.
I want people to see that.
Like, today, you have every opportunity.
There's really no excuse not to do or or, youknow, be successful in today's world because he
came here in 1955.
(42:15):
We're in 2025.
If he made a life for him yeah.
If he made a life for himself and did what hedid, you know, there's just so much opportunity
today.
And the only excuse would be is is you.
My dad had Italian saying.
It sounds nice in Italian, but he would say,you know, there's no defect in this life unless
there's something wrong with you.
(42:36):
You know?
So there there's no excuse not to do anything.
It's it's you that's stopping, you know,yourself from doing anything.
So I want people to see.
You know what I mean?
Doesn't matter there's no excuse for anything.
Doesn't matter your economic background.
Your father's in your life.
He's not in your life.
Your mom's in alcohol.
Whatever it is, you have choices.
You make a choice to you know, how you wantyour life to go.
(42:59):
One thing I really like about this book, and Iand you may not even realize that it's there,
is that people that grew up in homes that werethey didn't have a great childhood, that they
maybe are in a relationship that's not good.
And they need to know what normal looks like,and your book provides that.
(43:24):
Your book provides what and I don't wanna saynormal, but a family that that enjoys each
other, that takes care of each other, thatlooks out for each other.
This is a great example of that.
This is something they can take and read andsay, you know, there might be something that
(43:44):
says, I really want that for my family.
Well, here's an example for it.
Yeah.
And I love that because there's there's a lotof self help books out there.
There's a lot of what you should do or what youshouldn't do along with this.
But here you have a great example of what itreally looks like of how to to live in that
(44:09):
hope and that joy and and keep going forward,you know, even though something happens.
Now you do talk about in the back, and Ihaven't read the last few pages, so it's okay.
That's
okay.
Spoiler alert here or something.
But you you talk about your dad's decline,about depression, him being sad.
(44:33):
That had to be tough to go through yourself,but what was really going on with him if we can
say that without really ruining it for ourreaders?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, come to find out that my grandmother, Iremember many years ago, she battled
depression.
And I wrote in the beginning, if you remember,she had lost three kids.
(44:58):
Yes.
Yes.
So
if you know, like, back back in those days,right, it was more like it's not like today,
you know, you have counseling.
You get help.
You have all this support.
Back then, it was about survival.
It was like, hey.
We just keep moving, and we got a family toraise.
And we you know?
So I really believe that she just buried allthat.
(45:18):
Can imagine?
Like, she had Yeah.
Two kids that were actually born.
Like, I I believe the one, Mario, he was atleast a year old or so.
And, you know, whatever the, situation was, hepassed.
And then it was a little girl.
And then I believe the other one was amiscarriage.
So I I can't even imagine.
I know you know, we know people that have lostone child, and it was devastating.
(45:41):
Imagine three and never really dealing withthat and healing from that.
I believe that manifested like we were talkingearlier.
You don't deal with things.
It will manifest into, you know, worse things.
She battled depression, and I believe my dad,he was a lot like my my grandmother because she
worried about everybody, and she was always,you know, that one, you know, just worry about
(46:03):
every my dad was the same way.
And my mom used to tell him, you're just likeyour mother.
You know?
And because he was the closest to his mom.
He was the closest to that woman.
You know?
They all, of course, loved her, but she he dideverything for his parents.
He was the baby, but you would think he was theoldest, the responsibility that he always, you
know, up.
So, yeah, that was very difficult to watch mydad go through that.
(46:26):
And if you read, I mean, I I was seeing thingswith him.
Like, we talk every day, sometimes two, threetimes a day.
He wouldn't even call me.
He wouldn't even get on the phone if I called.
He wouldn't answer his phone.
That was like I'm like, wow.
What is going on?
And my mom, you know, it's very difficult forher to deal with that.
He's just laying on it.
You would never ever see my dad laying on thecouch.
(46:48):
Yeah.
Never.
Especially if somebody comes over.
You know?
And he was just I mean, he was really in a baddepression.
It it was really sad.
You know, he wouldn't eat.
He was you know?
And it led up to he lost his oldest brother ayear prior, and we realized it was coming up on
the one year anniversary of that Mhmm.
That he got like this.
(47:10):
And I believe that that's what triggered it.
Right.
But he always just kinda had that tendency fordepression, and he went through anxiety.
You know, he went through all this stuff.
And, again, if you read, he went through atraumatic accident when he was 38 years old.
He fell four stories.
You know, that I believe he had yeah.
Off of the scaffolding, on a construction job.
(47:31):
And he, I believe that, you know, traumatizedhim, gave him PTSD in some form.
And, you know, again, these old school people,they don't go to counseling and deal with these
things.
They just
to buddies about it.
You No.
Anxiety just keep going.
Yeah.
So all that will eventually come out in otherways.
(47:52):
So, yeah, that was very difficult for all ofus.
And then, thankfully, you know, they found theright medication to get him through that, and
he got past that.
But, yeah, that was tough.
Isn't that something?
That would that would be really hard.
Yeah.
And and so, you know, there comes a time whenour parents have to go home, I'll say.
(48:16):
Mhmm.
That had to be pretty tough to go through.
Yeah.
That was, like, whoo, the hardest day of mylife.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For all
of us.
You know?
Because it's it's the, you know, like they say,the patriarch of the family.
You know?
And, my son, especially.
I mean, my son is a lot like me.
He since he's little, like, he holds things in.
(48:37):
You know?
He doesn't express.
And I I share in the book that that day that hewe were all there and my dad took his last
breath, my son hugged me, and he just let itout.
Like, I've never seen he's 30.
He was 30 years old at the time, and you knowwhat?
Never in my life did I see him show emotionlike that.
You know?
And he just
Isn't that so
(48:57):
Because, you know, it was, like, probably, itis well, it is his first real big loss in his
life.
You know?
I'm glad he felt safe enough to do that withyou.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was glad he did.
And, you know, what's funny is as close as Iwas with my dad and how devastating this was, I
didn't cry at that time.
Yeah.
(49:18):
And, you know, my mom
You were there for the others.
That's why.
Yeah.
I think so.
Even Emilio said to me, he's like, you'rereally doing well.
And I'm like, mhmm.
You know?
Right?
You know, it was tough.
But the next morning when I woke up and thefirst thought that I had in my mind was that,
like, my dad's gone.
And it just, like, came out.
(49:40):
Yeah.
And,
yeah, it's it's been tough.
And I have to say it's two years now, and Ican't even believe we just talked about it the
other day.
I'm like, wow.
Sometimes I even like, I'm driving, and I'm,like, thinking.
I have to remind myself.
I'm like, yeah.
He's really gone.
You know?
Like, we don't it's hard to accept because wethink certain people are just they're here
forever.
You know?
And and it's hard.
(50:01):
With my mom.
In fact, it was probably a couple years aftershe was gone.
I actually up the phone and started to callher, and it's like, what am I doing?
Mhmm.
Well, to Father's Day, LS.
To Father's Day, I went past in Walmart theFather's Day cards.
And I'm like, oh, and I literally had to stop.
Oh.
Like,
I'm ready to buy Father's Day card.
(50:22):
Yeah.
And it's just like
It's like, okay.
I'll give this to my kids.
Yeah.
It's appropriate.
You know?
So I'm like, mom, I love you.
You're my mother.
Yeah.
Yeah. Can
Can use day cards for my kids and my my andFather's Day cards for my son.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
It's tough.
It is it's hard to adjust.
It really is.
Even after, you know, years go by, it's it'stough.
(50:44):
It is.
Yeah.
Especially when you're close like that.
You know?
And I did with my mom.
Called her all the time, especially withgenealogy family stuff because she my mom was
so smart.
She remembered everything she remembers, names,the dates, and then she had her strokes.
And she finally had enough strokes that shestarted getting dementia, and it was really
(51:05):
weird.
My sister and I talk about this quite a bit.
It was so strange to see this this alien fromMars, I guess, live in our mother's body
because Yeah.
It wasn't our mom.
But she took care of us when we were littlethrough all the stuff we went through through
our toxic relationships.
(51:26):
So we took care of her.
It was it's still tough.
It's tough to go through all of that.
It is.
Because the yeah.
Dementia was part of my my dad had Parkinson's,and dementia is part of that.
That's hard.
So, yeah, we we dealt with that too.
It's tough to see somebody that was so on theball and you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You know, just not remember being different.
(51:49):
Yeah.
Yep.
Definitely.
My dad, when he started getting Alzheimer's, hehe said to me one time, he goes, I don't
understand why I can't say the word that I'mtrying to say.
And I I felt for him because he knew he wasstruggling.
And he
couldn't do anything about it.
(52:09):
He tried so hard.
And and that's that's a tough one.
That's a tough one.
So, Danielle, thank you so much for thisamazing book.
I I
appreciate it so dearly, and I am gonna finishreading it.
But I love the colors.
I love the picture of your dad on the front.
And I thank you for sharing so many vulnerablemoments in the book too, and but sharing the
(52:35):
photos of your family.
I mean, this is just this is just a book.
You just get hugged with this book and getinvolved in, and it's it's just wonderful.
So thank you for being here on the show.
Oh, have to let everybody know where to get thebook.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So you know what?
You could reach out to me.
(52:56):
If you're on Facebook, you can just, you know,message me, Danielle Ramon, or go to
info@Daniela'sDeliciousDelights.com, my email,and just, you know, let me know if you need if
you want a copy, and I will sign it and mail itoff to you.
And, also, no, You mentioned this, Danielle, isdelicious delights.
I love your cooking.
(53:17):
I'm just so glad that you you are doing, thecooking, that you're doing it for others, that
you're making the business out of it, and and Iwish you the best in that.
I wish you the best with this book and all ofyour life, and I can hardly wait till we get to
do something again and I get to see you again.
I know.
I would love to see you again.
Yes, Alas.
(53:37):
Thank you so much.
This has been great.
Thank you
for having me.
Oh, thank you so much for coming on, and we'llsee you next time on Reading Between the Words.
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next time on Reading Between theWords.
Hi, and welcome to a really special readingbetween the words today.
I have Daniella with me.
She's just has such a heart.
She's an amazing cook.
Chef, I guess, is the way to put it.
But but she's just a beautiful person.
Daniella, thank you so much for being on myshow today.
(00:35):
Oh, thank you, Ellis.
Thank you for having me.
Yeah.
And we're here to celebrate you know, you I'mgonna I'm gonna pause right there because you
haven't written just one book.
You have other books that you have been thelead author on.
You've you've helped other people with.
One that the first one I was in was behindclosed doors, and we'll talk about all of that
(00:59):
in a little bit.
But let the audience know a little bit aboutwho you are.
Sure.
Thank you, Ellis.
Yeah.
So I'm Daniela Roman.
I'm out of New Jersey.
And, you know, to know me is to know that Igrew up in a real traditional Italian family.
You know, my dad was straight from Italy,strict strict father with me anyway.
(01:24):
And but, you know, all the traditional thingsgoing to my grandmother's house and, you know,
family, everything was around the table, right,and eating and things like that.
So, that's where I got my passion for cookingsince I'm eight years old watching my
grandmother and my mom.
So that's, you know, that's a whole other otherstory of, you know, where that led.
(01:44):
But, my dad, he was always just the mostinfluential person in my life.
He came from Italy Fourteen years old and, youknow, just barely finished eighth grade and
went right to work.
And that's just how things were back then.
You know?
So he just made a way, made a life for himself,and then, you know, raised a family and made a
(02:07):
life for for my brother and I and my mom andjust always worked hard, but always shared
these, like, life experiences that he had tohelp my brother and I with, you know, our life
and and as we got older and things weexperienced.
So that's, you know, the main thing about himis is just like the book says, Big Bear
Wisdoms.
And I'll let you know how he got that littlenickname in in a little while.
(02:30):
Those that are watching the video, I'm gonnahold the book up.
She has hers on the table beside her.
Mhmm.
But I'm oh, and she has hers in her hand too.
I am holding up, getting as close as I can.
This is just a fabulous book.
You can see it's not a big, huge, you know,heirloom type book, but it's an heirloom book.
(02:50):
One thing I want to mention before we go anyfurther is that anyone who has photos of their
family, letters, stories, don't know what to dowith them, it's amazing to put them in a book.
You don't have to do all of them.
Just pick a few that are important to you.
Write what's important about it, and now youhave something to pass on to your family.
(03:12):
And and it's a wonderful thing to have.
I love that you have so many photographs inthere, you know, of passports.
And and mainly, you have a ship's manifest.
My ancestors, we don't have it whether it got alot of times they get destroyed in the water,
you know, because they're on ships.
(03:32):
They get lost.
They get burned.
Who knows what happens to them?
But, it's really great that you have that, andI'm so glad.
Now we're gonna talk a little bit about behindclosed doors because we've mentioned part of
that in this book.
So Right.
Give our audience a brief explanation of whatbehind closed doors is.
(03:55):
Sure.
Well, that is a book series I started severalyears ago.
I ended up doing three editions of that, andyou were a part of, you know, the last one of
those that that I did.
And sharing stories of surviving domesticviolence, which was my backstory, and I had
shared that several years back in anotheranthology.
(04:17):
And, actually, Emilio, my husband, came up withthe idea of, you know, starting this book
series and getting other women to share theirstories of surviving domestic violence.
And it's in order, of course, to help otherwomen that are going through what you and I
went through.
You never know who you're gonna impact, who'sgonna hear your story, you know, how it's gonna
affect them.
(04:38):
And so that is something that I did mygoodness.
Like, I guess I started about four three orfour years ago.
And like I said, it was three editions.
And the last one you were in, you shared yourstory.
And I know, like, a lot of the women, you werea little hesitant to do that, and it's
understandable because that's that's adifficult, touchy subject to talk about.
(05:00):
Right?
And especially if it was many, many years ago,mine was, like, thirty plus years ago, and I
know yours went, you know, a little bit fartherback.
But it's also we worry about what are otherpeople gonna think.
Right?
Our family or certain people that hear thisthat didn't know, or if they did know, they
don't expect you to put it out there like that.
(05:20):
But I had to let go of all that because, youknow, we create this thing in our head.
Right?
Like, oh, my mom.
I was more worried about what my mom was gonnasay because she didn't know a lot of the
things.
And, you know, it was the first time that shewas hearing this.
And when I gave her the first anthology I didand she read it, I was a little scared.
I'm like, what is she gonna say?
Because we come from, like, that kind offamily, Italian family.
(05:43):
It's like, what happens at home stays at home.
You know?
Meaning, you know, whatever you go through, youdon't go and talk about.
And, you know, yeah, after she read it, shetexted me after, and she was like, why didn't
you tell us?
We would have helped you.
That was it.
You know?
And it was it was, like, shocking because Iespecially knowing my mom, that she would just
(06:04):
kind of, I can't believe you put that outthere, but it was nothing like that.
So, you know, I knew I was doing the rightthing.
Surprises, don't they?
Yeah.
Just a moment.
For those that are seeing the video, my puppyhas come through the door.
I didn't get a one.
She's not yet.
So I'll be right back, Joe.
So while I went and shut the door, I went andgrabbed the book.
(06:25):
It's called Behind Closed Doors.
Now this is not the only book I've done withyou and your husband.
We've got my brain just stopped.
We've got Spiritual Fitness?
Yep.
Spiritual Fitness Survivor.
Yeah.
Right.
Right.
And then the shark book.
Everybody calls it the shark book.
(06:45):
Born to Risk.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Born to Risk.
That one was a lot of fun.
Yeah.
But, but I love what you've done with Big BearWisdom.
Why did you write this book?
I mean, you could've not written anything, butbut why this book in particular?
(07:07):
Well, like I share in the book, you know, mydad and I had
a very close relationship.
I am your typical daddy's little girl.
Right?
And it was just something that was on my heartfor years even before he got sick and, you
know, passed that I had wanted to get it out,and I just never did.
You know?
Like, we think we have all this time.
(07:29):
You know?
And just it just went.
And, you know, before I knew it, I was like,ugh.
So it was something I promised myself that Iwould do because he shared so much in my life
that I just felt like it it had to be put outthere, had to be shared, you know, and and the
wisdoms and the things that he knew that youwouldn't even think someone that barely
(07:49):
finished eighth grade would would know thingsand and live his life the way he did.
You know?
Nobody taught him, like, a lot of these things.
He just taught himself, you know, and learnedfrom life experiences, and that's very
valuable.
And he was the first one to come to America.
Right?
It's not like he grew up here and and, you
know, in
these years, he he was the one who brought yourfamily here.
(08:13):
Yeah.
Yes.
It was, his brothers and, you know, his mom, mygrandmother who was actually born in Rhode
Island and then went to Italy.
And when she had her kids there, you know, shewas actually born in Rhode Island, which was
interesting, but then, you know, went back toItaly and grew up there and then brought her
you know, she came here with a couple of hersons, and then my grandfather and my dad came
(08:33):
on the ship last.
Okay.
You know, they all, you know, reconnected herein in Philadelphia is where he ended up, you
know, growing up and meeting my mom and and soforth.
Wow.
Wow.
So so your dad was I don't how old was your dadwhen he came to America?
(08:56):
Fourteen.
He was 14.
Okay.
So he came so why did they come here?
Did your grandmother miss miss being here, orwas there other circumstances?
No.
I think just especially I mean, it's it's,obviously the reason a lot of people even come
here today, but especially back then, it wasjust for you know, everyone looked at America
like, oh, the land of opportunity and, youknow, and they just wanted to, you know, have a
(09:21):
better life and and, you know, just so they allcame here and they all made their way.
You know?
You learn the language.
You you find work.
You you start a family.
You know?
And, yeah, and they all did, you know, verywell.
And it was very different back then when youcame here.
You know?
It was Yeah.
It was
very, you know, you had to have everything youknow, your shots.
(09:41):
You had to have a sponsor.
You had to know where you were gonna live orwork.
You know?
It was it was very different.
But, yeah, yeah, they they had to follow each,you know, each thing that, you know, you had to
and even when you knew people, like, my oneuncle came here and stayed with what they call
in Italian, you know, like, you know, otherItalian people.
(10:02):
And you would think like, oh, they welcome you.
Like know?
But he had rules.
You know what I mean?
It's not like, hey.
You show up, and it's like you do whatever.
They had rules.
You had to, you know, be a certain way, followa certain certain protocol.
You know?
So it wasn't easy.
Wow.
That, yeah, that I did not know.
That's crazy.
Oh, yeah.
Remember one thing I was told by someone wasthat when they came to America, they wanted to
(10:28):
become Americans.
So they learned the language.
They became became Americans.
They loved the culture, and they left not thatthey left their identity of who they were and
their heritage, but they left Right.
How they behaved back then so they could becomeAmericans.
And this person said to me, I don't understandthe people today who come to America and want
(10:52):
America to be their country.
It's like you come here because there's areason you came here.
There's opportunities.
There's a different lifestyle.
You have so much more available here.
You don't have, like, the cartels and some ofthe other things around that were attacking
you, you know, at the time when they weretalking with me.
(11:14):
And and I thought that was very interesting to,think of it that way.
And this is someone who did come to Americawhen they were adults.
And so that was enlightening, and it'sinteresting to hear how you're talking about
this culture that was there that, yes, you'reAmericans, but we have a set of rules to
(11:34):
follow.
You wouldn't
expect that at all.
Right.
Right.
And, you know, when you come here, like, my dadused to say, like, he had his brothers, and
they were a little older.
My dad was the baby of the family.
He was the youngest, but he seemed to be, themost, that really adapted to the culture here.
He loved rock and roll.
(11:55):
He loved the food.
He loved the cars.
You know what I mean?
In the fifties and sixties.
That was just and they all did.
But my dad used to say, you know, you have to,you know, adjust to where you are, to your
environment.
So he learned, you know, learned the language,the music.
It's not like you come here and he saw a lot ofhis, you know, other Italians that came here,
(12:15):
they would stay with the way they were inItaly.
Like, only listen to Italian music and only,you know, involve yourself with just other
Italians.
And he's like, no.
He's like, he wasn't like that at all.
He he made friends with everybody in every kindof culture that you know?
He was just very open minded that way.
He loved to learn, you know, the Americanculture, and you should.
This is where you're gonna live.
(12:36):
Yeah.
Yeah.
I I guess I identify with your dad in that waybecause when we I've only been to a couple of
places outside of The US.
But each time I went, I wanted to find out whatthe people were like.
I wanted to find out what the culture what dothey do every day?
How do they live their lives?
What is what is different about them?
(12:57):
You know?
And all the unique things they do.
And and it's so interesting.
In fact, the when I was at Taiwan, theconcierge at the hotel says Mhmm.
You are a crazy white American woman.
You never take a taxi.
You walk everywhere.
You want to be a part of our culture.
(13:19):
And and I thought, well, doesn't everybody?
And it's like, no.
They need to.
They want to go shopping, and they want thingstheir way.
And it's like Yeah.
You're here in a different culture.
You get to learn all these new things.
You get to Yeah.
You never have back home and experience things.
It was it was language was a barrier because Ididn't speak the language.
(13:45):
Mhmm.
But what I ended up doing and and, you know,this was quite a while ago, but I went to
Google Translate.
And I write in their language, which is like aChinese dialect.
It's not words that Americans have.
So I'm trying to write it like it has.
I take it to the concierge, and I ask him.
(14:06):
I says I told him what I was trying to write, Igo, is this right?
And he looks like goes, yes.
How did you do that?
And I go, well, I went to Google Translate.
But but he adjusted a couple of things so theycould really understand what I was talking
about.
Because there, you buy your food every day.
You don't have, like, a grocery store like wehave that you go.
(14:30):
And their supermarket is more like clothing,and they do have prepackaged foods and things
like that.
Mhmm.
But most people go to the market to buy theirfood for that day.
And so I was going to this market.
I mean, they had green beans longer than thisand carrots that long.
It was just crazy.
Wow.
Thank god.
But I'm taking pictures of everything.
They're looking at me like, what are you doing?
(14:51):
This is our food.
Yeah.
Food where you live.
Not like that.
Yeah.
That was very And so once I was able to explainto them, they're like, oh, okay.
Yeah.
And what a difference.
It was just like this this barrier that wasthere was gone, and now we all connect
together.
(15:12):
So seeing all of that, I really resonate withyour dad on that.
That's just I'm so glad he did that.
And that had to be good for you growing up.
Yeah.
Yeah.
He you know, we did things always did things asa family.
Went to the Jersey Shore, you know, went to thePoconos up in the mountains.
(15:33):
You know, he would, my brother, he was, like,really big with baseball and stuff.
So, you know, we would go to his games and, youknow, just very Americanized things where a lot
I noticed, like, even in my own family, like,the fathers that were, you know, from Italy.
You know?
They they didn't not that they you know, theywere good dads, but they just didn't Yeah.
Involve themselves that way, like, reallyAmericanize themselves in that way.
(15:56):
You know?
It was more
just work
and, you know, I take care of the family and,you know, and that's it.
And and my dad was just very hands on.
Like, he would work all day.
He was a bricklayer.
That's hard work.
Okay.
Yeah.
So but he would still come home.
And My grandfather did.
Oh, yeah.
Grandfather was he made bricks.
And so when my grandfather married mygrandmother, he went into the brick building
(16:21):
business, you know, brick making business andstuff.
That's interesting.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Hard work.
You know?
But he would still come home and find time to,you know, work around the house, always making
a nice home for us and and take time to playwith my brother and I and, you know, take us to
our grandmother's day or wherever.
Like, always something.
You know?
So, yeah, we we I had a really great childhood.
(16:43):
I mean, I'm blessed.
That's awesome.
I did too.
It's it's really nice to do that.
So I have a question for you, and I know thatsome of our audience is asking too.
And and this is a question that's beenpresented to me is if you had such an amazing
childhood, how did you end up in a toxicrelationship?
(17:04):
Mhmm.
Yeah.
Good question.
I know.
Right?
Yeah.
Think because we know there
were those kind of people out there that werenormal looking.
Yeah.
And, you know, thank you for asking thatbecause I I brought that up because my dad, you
know, the way I talk about him, he was just,you know, the consummate, you know, son,
(17:27):
father, husband, everything.
And you would think and like they say, mostdaughters, you know, look for their you know,
the mate that they were to be with to be liketheir father.
And, yeah, to get involved with that, here'sthe thing.
For me, it was kind of just low self esteem.
And I left home at 18.
And because I was so I don't wanna saysheltered, they didn't let me out of the house,
(17:50):
but you know?
No.
But it was like are sheltered.
Yeah.
Very protected, and I didn't you know, I wasn'tallowed to go hang out or date or, you know,
anything like that.
So by the time I left home, it's not that Ididn't know life because, like I said, my dad
would share a lot.
But until you actually experience things, youdon't know.
So I was very trusting, very naive, and, youknow, got involved with this person who was,
(18:12):
you know, Italian.
I'm like, oh, yeah.
My parents love him.
He's a % Italian and, you know, all that.
And just kinda got sucked in.
You know?
And then once you're in it, as you probablyknow, it's it's very hard to get out because
they mentally, you know, they attack youmentally and make you think that you can't do
(18:32):
better or, you know, even if threatening.
And this one was very, like, a very threateningand manipulative relationship.
You know?
And, I mean, I would be followed, you know, andkind of pushed off the road while I'm driving
and have people follow that.
That was just Yeah.
To be terrifying.
(18:53):
Yeah.
It was it was just very, you know, unexpected.
Then like I said, I was young.
I I didn't and and here's the other thing.
The way I grew up, I watched my dad.
Like, whatever he went through or dealt with,any challenges, he took care of her on his own.
Right?
He didn't go to his parents.
He didn't
We take care of it on our own too.
Right?
Right.
So I'm like, yeah.
(19:14):
And that's the last thing I wanted to go backand tell my parents that I was dealing with.
Number one, my dad would probably end up injail, you know, if they knew what was
happening.
That wouldn't have ended well.
And, you know, number two, it's just veryembarrassing and, you know, just how do I tell
them that?
So I didn't see them as close as I was to them.
(19:34):
I didn't see them sometimes for months when Iwas going through Yeah.
And I just Did they
ask what happened to you?
Did they wonder why you weren't showing up?
Yeah.
I would just always excuses.
I'm working or I'm doing this and that.
You know?
Just you just learn to make excuses.
And when I did go, the one time I remember Ihad gotten really skinny and you know?
(19:54):
And he's just he thought I was sick.
He literally thought I had, like, a disease.
That's how, like, I looked.
And I guess, of course, you know, just how didyou just keep making up things?
You know?
My dad's not dumb.
You know?
But they just didn't really know that that'sexactly what was going on and and never did
know until I wrote for the first time a fewyears ago, you know, about it.
(20:16):
So, but how do
I end up with shock to them?
I'm sorry?
Was that a real shock to them to I know whatyou said about your mom that that she couldn't
believe it.
Was your dad still around?
Did he was he able
Yeah.
You know what?
He didn't really say anything.
I think he kinda left that to my mom.
I don't know if he even knew how to approachthat, especially since it was so long ago by
(20:39):
the time this came out.
So him and I honestly never even talked aboutit.
Never even talked something?
Yeah.
But I'm you know, I I can imagine that it, youknow, it affected him, but he didn't say
anything.
And my mom, you know, like I said, I said, youknow and here's the thing.
I said to her, I said, look.
I'm fine.
Because she was like, you should have came tous, and we would have helped you.
(21:01):
I said, yeah.
I said, I'm fine.
I dealt with it.
It was a long time ago.
But what I had to realize was I had thirtyyears to get over it and process it, but she
was hearing it for the first time.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
So I
had to let her kind of process that.
You know?
So, I mean, it doesn't matter how old your kidsare.
You know what I mean?
When you hear something like that, it's Yeah.
(21:22):
You know?
You don't always your
kids.
Yeah.
Yeah.
You know?
So you wanna protect them.
You know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
Mhmm.
So I don't know about you, but I know, formyself even though I didn't wait that many
years to get married again.
I was I was scared to date anybody.
(21:44):
I didn't know if I could trust myself to choosebecause I didn't make the right choice the
first time.
Right.
Is that difficult for you too?
How did that process kinda go?
I know this kinda gets away from the book.
You do mention it in the book.
But Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Now well mind.
Honestly, I went from bad to worse because Iended up in another abusive relationship.
(22:06):
Relationship.
Yeah.
I ended up into And that's really common.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And, you know, it was, I guess, number one,didn't give myself enough time from the first.
I didn't even heal from the first or deal with,you know, all of that and then met this person.
And, you know, that went on for over fouryears, and that was a difficult thing to, you
(22:29):
know, get out of.
And then finally, you know, I I just I'm sure,as you know, you get to a point where it's
like, you know, years go by, you mature, yougrow, you learn things, and, you know, you're
like, what am I doing?
You know?
And then you just kinda get a little tougherskin, and you don't tolerate.
Just don't tolerate that kind of, you know,anything anymore.
(22:49):
And, you know, you know, fortunately, I movedon, and I had been I was married for twenty two
years to to someone and was, you know, a greatperson and was great to my son and and and
everything.
That ended for different reasons.
You know?
Nothing bad that he did or anything like that.
But, you know, I finally knew what a healthyrelationship was.
(23:11):
Right.
Know?
You know, you look back, and it's like, oof.
I'll never do that again.
You know?
You know, you learn.
And, again Yeah.
It it has a lot to do with I was young, naive,like I said, and didn't have experience, and it
happens.
And you would think, like like you said, why dowe, you know, end up with someone that's
totally opposite of our father?
Yeah.
(23:32):
And I and you bring up a really good point too.
And I I've heard this before when I was goingthrough my divorce is that the second person
you meet is like the first person.
And the reason is is because that's what youknow.
That's what come what's comfortable.
They may present themselves differently and indifferent ways, so
(23:53):
you Mhmm.
Don't really know.
Sometimes you do know, and you just do itanyways because you think, oh, well, it can't
be real.
It really can't happen the same time, but it'sreal normal.
That's why it's really good to get thecounseling, to get help, to talk to people, to
find out, you know, what do you think aboutthis person?
And and Mhmm.
(24:14):
You know, the people that are close to you willsay, you know, it's a nice guy, but I don't
know.
You know?
There's just sometimes there's just littlethings that seem a little bit off.
Yeah.
Then you met Emilio.
You don't really go into that story in thebook.
You you talk about him, and then later on, youtalk about you and Emilio moving to a new
(24:37):
place.
But how how did that if you don't mind tellingus, how did that happen?
Well, it's funny because him and I, we went tohigh school together.
Oh.
And yeah.
So back in the eighties, we went to high schooltogether.
But then, you know, like, twenty eight yearswent by.
Like, we graduated high school, and twentyeight years, he lived his life.
(25:00):
I lived mine.
And then eight years ago, through social media,of course, is how we reconnected.
And I had not, yeah, I had not seen that namein twenty eight years, and I'm like, I saw him
comment on a mutual friend's post.
And I'm like, wow.
Amelia Roth.
I have not seen that name.
And here's the funny thing.
(25:20):
I had a crush on him all through high school,
and he never knew it.
Oh, really?
Oh, wow.
Yep.
And you know what?
Like, going back to how my dad was, it wouldn'thave mattered if he knew because I wasn't
allowed to date or anything like that.
So Yeah.
You know, no point in him knowing.
So so we kind of connected, you know, messagingor whatever, and he's just like, hey.
(25:41):
You know, how are you doing?
And I was going through a divorce at that time.
Oh, okay.
And, we just kinda, you know, went back andforth, and then we met up in person because we
lived in the same area, actually.
And the rest is history, as they say.
You know?
We just connected.
You know?
And you know his energy, so, you know, it wasvery Straight in.
Drew me in because it was opposite of what Ilike I said, my twenty two year marriage, he
(26:06):
was a good guy and everything, but it was justa totally different culture and different
personality.
And Oh, yeah.
This Yeah.
I guess how Emilio is is what I needed at thetime.
You know?
Okay.
Yeah.
Good.
Now you did mention in the book.
Let me think of it.
I just thought of it a second ago.
Let's see if I can remember.
(26:27):
You mentioned about how Emilio had mentioned toyou about some of his trauma.
Mhmm.
And then that lets you open up to your trauma.
And and that had to be healing for both of you,I would think.
Were you already mir I I haven't quite finishedthis part.
(26:50):
I was just kinda looking at some of the stuff Ihadn't read yet, and it's like Mhmm.
Good point.
But was this before you were married that thatyou talked about this, or was it after you you
were married?
After I married Emilio, you mean, that hebrought that up?
Yeah.
Is that when, or was it before?
It was actually before we were married, and wewere having a conversation, and he shared
(27:15):
because a little backstory, I had not sharedwith anyone in thirty years.
Even my ex who I was with for, twenty twoyears.
He knew that, I was in the first abusiverelationship a little bit, but the, sexual
assault in my sleep when I was 19, I nevershared that with anyone Oh, in thirty years.
(27:37):
And that manifested into, you know, anxiety,depression, eating disorder, suicidal, all
these things over the years that I was like,why am I going through this?
Because when you bury things, you know, youjust you just they're so deep down.
You don't even remember yourself.
Right?
Yeah.
But they definitely affect you.
(27:57):
Yeah.
They manifest
trying to pop up whether you know that that'swhat's going on or not.
Yeah.
Exactly.
And I didn't know what was going on, and I'mlike, what is happening?
So then by the time I was with Emilio and he wewere just talking one day, and he shared some
of his childhood traumas and things he wentthrough.
And what he did was he wrote a letter,literally wrote it out and to this person that
(28:19):
hurt him and said, I forgive you and, you know,just laid it out in a letter what he felt like
and dropped it off to this person.
Now
did.
Yeah.
Wow.
So
and that that's pretty powerful.
Now the person that, you know, sexuallyassaulted me, I don't know if he was dead,
alive.
I don't know where he was.
But he Emilio encouraged me.
(28:41):
He's like, just write out what you would say tohim because it's powerful to get things out on
paper and just get it out of, you know, out ofyour out of your head and put it on paper.
So I did that, and I said, I forgive you.
No matter what, you know, I just put how itmade me feel, what happened, how it affected my
life, but in the end, I forgive you.
(29:02):
And I just kind of let it go after that.
It was, like, such a release just to do that.
So he taught me that, you know, forgiveness, aswe know, is not for the other person.
It's for us.
Right.
So the more we just hang on to resentment andbeing angry about what happened or whatever,
listen.
The other person has gone on with their lifeprobably not even given a second thought about
what they did
to you.
(29:23):
And we're the ones suffering, you know, holdingon to this all these years, and it's affecting
our life, whether it's addiction.
With Emilio, he's very open.
It caused him to be, you know, an alcoholic anddrugs and this and that all because of what
happened to him as a child.
But once he let that go, and not that he didn'tstill struggle for some years.
You know?
(29:43):
But so after doing that and releasing that,that's when my healing, I feel, began.
Oh, nice.
Nice.
It is true.
There's, you know one thing I did, I guess I'vealways been a writer, but Mhmm.
You know, I just didn't do anything with it.
But one thing I would do when there would betough things is I had a notebook that I wrote
(30:07):
in, and I would write the story.
But I would write the story in a happy I nevertold about the awful stuff that I turned into
something really fun and positive.
Mhmm.
Years later, you know, after it was all goneand I was unpacking things and I read it, and I
(30:27):
was just my jaw dropped open.
I was appalled that I wrote something, and Inever told what really happened.
It's like I got angry at myself for lying andnot telling the truth.
Right.
They were probably really great stories.
I probably should have kept them, but I says,no.
I don't want anybody to read this because it'sfull of lies.
(30:50):
But that was how I dealt with it at the time.
That's how I was able to cope with it.
And and, yeah, writing stuff down really doesmake a difference.
It's powerful.
We talk about it in mindset, manifesting, allof those things is writing it down.
And you talked about forgiveness.
Now someone comes to us and ask forforgiveness.
(31:11):
That kind of forgiveness is not for us.
That is for them.
But we too if we're able to forgive them, weget such a tremendous healing that's there.
I remember, Corrie Ten Boom.
She was talking about one time when she, and Iknow I'm showing my age here.
She wrote the the book, The Hiding Place abouthow they hid Jews in their home when Hitler was
(31:37):
trying to kill all the Jews and all of this.
And and there's a little story to that.
We're just doing brief synopsis right here.
But she's went to a talk one time, and up fromthe back comes this guy walking to her.
And when he sees her or when she sees him,something's triggering that this is not a good
(31:59):
situation.
And he says, Corey, I'm says what his name?
And right away, she knew he was one of theguards who would beat his sister, who would
beat the other one, who was not good.
I mean, these women would have to stand standnaked 03:00 in the morning in Germany, in the
snow and all of this.
I mean, torturous things that were going on.
(32:20):
And he reaches his hand out and says, I want toask your forgiveness.
And she right away, she's like, well, I don'tthink so.
She just you know, that instant struggle ofYeah.
But if I'm talking about God's love and Godforgives, how can I not do that?
(32:40):
Because I see God lives in me.
And she said she reached her hand out eventhough she didn't want to.
She reached her hand out.
She said, God, you're gonna have to help methrough this.
Soon as she shook his head, she just felt thispowerful through her, just this immense love.
And she says, I forgive you.
And, I mean, for her, that was a big healingmoment.
(33:03):
And and what a powerful story, a real lifestory to talk about forgiving someone who did
such horrendous things to us.
And, you know, we never know what we're capableof doing until that moment.
Sometimes we'll say, well, if I ever see thatperson, I'm gonna do this.
But you never know until that moment you'rethere.
(33:25):
What you what actually even then, you don'tknow.
You just either react or act.
You know?
And sometimes we surprise ourselves.
So we've talked a lot about not the books.
They have in a ways because some of thesethings are in there.
They're mentioned, and people wanna know thebackstory.
(33:46):
That's Mhmm.
Part of reading between the words as we get tohear the story behind the story.
Tell us
a little bit more about what your dad gave toyou, this closeness you had with him, these
these nuggets of wisdom he's given youthroughout his life.
Tell us about that part.
(34:06):
Sure.
Well, growing up, like I said, he would alwaysshare his life experiences.
He'll tell a story like, oh, you know, when andwhere he got a lot of these was really funny.
When he was growing up in Italy, he wouldalways say, it's like whether it was his
grandmother or a neighbor or an uncle, theywould share these little quotes.
And, you know yeah.
Then if you go through the book, just about,like, the beginning, I think, of every chapter,
(34:31):
there's one of these, like, quotes.
And he would it's funny because throughout theyears, you'll hear, let's say, Tony Robbins or,
Zig Zig or whoever.
They have these things.
You know?
Yep.
They have these quotes.
(34:52):
Like like, for instance, we become the averageof the five people you hang out with.
Right?
We always hear, like, whoever, one of thesementors, whoever had set you know, say that.
Meaning, you know, if you're hanging withsomebody who's, you know, a drinker, you're
gonna become a drinker.
Or you're gonna, you know, hang with somebodywho gets in trouble.
You're gonna get my dad was you know, used totell me and my brother that since we're little
(35:15):
is that be careful who you hang out withbecause that's what you're gonna become.
You know?
So I would hear these things he shared with me,and then later in years, like, more when I got
with Emilio in the self development space andyou hear all these things, and I'm like, my dad
said that years ago.
My and he didn't know Tony Robbins from a holein the wall.
You know?
I can guarantee you that.
He didn't know, you know, he didn't know ZigZiglar.
(35:35):
He didn't know who these people are.
So it's just, yeah, wisdoms that are passeddown from, like, generations that we all
cannot.
Yeah.
We all just kinda put our own spin on them.
You know?
And they all mean the same.
Like, one, he I love this one.
He says, you have to bend a tree when it'ssmall so it grows the direction you want it to.
So he used to tell my brother, and I, you know,when you're raising kids, for instance.
(35:57):
Right?
Yeah.
And you see a lot of parents even today, it'slike 16, 15 years old.
They're having issues with the oh my god.
They don't listen, and they're doing this.
They're doing that.
My dad you know?
And and that's when the parents are, like, youknow, trying to be strict with them.
And you got my dad's like, you gotta do thatwhen they're little.
Little.
Because when, yeah, when they're small, you canhelp which way they go.
(36:20):
Just like if you plant a tree this big, youwant it to grow this way, you can bend it that
way, and that's the way it's gonna grow or theother way.
And that's the same thing with, you know,raising kids.
You have to start when they're little.
You don't wait till they're 16 to teach themrespect.
Oh, because they they learned when they'relittle.
They don't have to respect.
Mhmm.
Exactly.
So things like that.
(36:41):
He had so many like, nobody's gonna tell you towash your face so you look better than them.
I was just reading that.
That's I know.
Love it.
Yeah.
That's one of his
that's one of the
best ones.
Meaning, nobody some people, unfortunately,don't wanna see you do well.
They're not gonna you know, they don't wannatell you, you know, hey.
Do this to make yourself better.
You know?
They they wanna see you fail.
(37:01):
You know?
So my dad was big with that.
Like, be careful who you're you're hangingwith.
You know?
That's awesome.
Just had he had, like, a a a quote or a wisdomor or an answer for everything.
He really did.
And he was so funny and quick witted.
There's a in here, I think it's my son'schapter when his my ex, he would, like, have a
(37:24):
cup of glass of wine with my dad or whatever.
And he used to like my dad never would gooverboard.
He only drank a glass of wine or two with witha meal.
He was not like, oh, let me just drink thedrink.
He always said, don't ever do that.
Just always have food if you're gonna have aglass of wine or a drink.
Yeah.
He was not a drinker.
So so my ex, he was like, oh, come on, bigbear.
Have another one.
(37:45):
He's like, life's too short.
And my dad's like, yeah.
Life's short, but we don't have to make itshorter.
You know what I mean?
I
love that.
That is so funny.
You know, like, meeting you know, don't help italong by, you know, overdoing something that's
not good for you.
You know?
It's he always had things like that.
Yeah.
Yeah.
(38:06):
Oh, I love that.
I love love that that you could laugh.
You know?
That's one thing that I loved with my family.
And my dad, his family was not full oflaughter.
His home was not full of of that kind of loveand laughter and and just building each other
up.
So when he got to my mom, he loved her family.
(38:29):
I mean, because every time we got together, wewere laughing.
We were happy.
We were joyful.
It was just amazing.
Now my parents both came from Nebraska, but mygrandparents were in Idaho.
So my naive little me not understanding how itall works, I thought all the family back in
(38:51):
Nebraska was my dad's, and all the family inIdaho was my mom's.
I didn't talk about great grandparents andgreat uncles and great aunts, things like that.
Mhmm.
But when we would go back to Nebraska, we wouldalso see some of my mom's family.
And so I remember the first time we went there,and I was very tiny person, very small.
(39:12):
Mhmm.
And and we went over to this one people'shouse, and I loved it.
You see, all of my mom's family, they're allsix four, six two, you know, really old guys.
So, you know, even my aunts were fairly tall.
My mom, I think she was, like, five eight,something like that.
Mhmm.
So we go go to this one family, which wasactually my mom's mother's.
(39:37):
My, yeah, my my grandmother on my mom's side,her family, they were short like me, and they
laughed, and they sang, and they joked witheach other.
And it's like, these are my people.
Yeah.
Oh, that that's funny.
That's funny you say that because that was,like, how my my mom and my dad's family.
(39:59):
Now my mom, I don't even know her family.
There that's a whole story.
Yeah.
She has not seen her family in fifty plus yearssince she married my dad, and that's another
whole story.
So she grew up different.
You know?
Her dad was an alcoholic.
They were then they got divorced.
So it was a broken family.
But when she got with my dad, it opened up,like, just like you, like, a whole new thing,
(40:22):
like Italians around and she grew up around alot of Italians, so she was kinda used to that.
But it just they brought her into the family,like, you know, like, it didn't even matter.
She wasn't my mom's not Italian.
You would think she is, but my dad used to sayshe's more Italian than I am.
The stuff that she knows and the way that shecooks and, you know, all that.
So that was just, you know, amazing for herbecause they welcomed her like like their own
(40:45):
and, you know, loved her.
Wonderful.
So she had the family that she really grew upwith.
You know what I mean?
So, yeah, it's just it's really nice that youcan at least you you get a spouse you choose a
spouse that gives you what was missing.
You know?
And it's always that for for so many years,like, with her, my grandparents and my aunts,
(41:05):
my uncles, all of them.
It was you know, they just loved her.
They really did.
That's awesome.
So what is the one thing you really want areader to get out of the book when they read
it?
You know, I want them to see that, no matterwhere you come from, no matter the
circumstances, the struggle, you know, if yougrow up without you know, you don't have to
(41:30):
grow up, with money and and, you know, lavishthings, that you can achieve anything you want.
You know?
It's it's it's about hard work and no excuses.
That was my dad's thing.
There's no excuse not to do anything.
You know?
And like I said, he came here.
His siblings came here and didn't know thelanguage.
You know, they learned the language.
They barely finished eighth, ninth grade, youknow, some of them.
(41:53):
Yeah.
But they made a life.
They made it work.
They didn't, you know, depend on the system oror other people.
You know, you gotta work hard, you know, forwhat you want.
I want people to see that.
Like, today, you have every opportunity.
There's really no excuse not to do or or, youknow, be successful in today's world because he
came here in 1955.
(42:15):
We're in 2025.
If he made a life for him yeah.
If he made a life for himself and did what hedid, you know, there's just so much opportunity
today.
And the only excuse would be is is you.
My dad had Italian saying.
It sounds nice in Italian, but he would say,you know, there's no defect in this life unless
there's something wrong with you.
(42:36):
You know?
So there there's no excuse not to do anything.
It's it's you that's stopping, you know,yourself from doing anything.
So I want people to see.
You know what I mean?
Doesn't matter there's no excuse for anything.
Doesn't matter your economic background.
Your father's in your life.
He's not in your life.
Your mom's in alcohol.
Whatever it is, you have choices.
You make a choice to you know, how you wantyour life to go.
(42:59):
One thing I really like about this book, and Iand you may not even realize that it's there,
is that people that grew up in homes that werethey didn't have a great childhood, that they
maybe are in a relationship that's not good.
And they need to know what normal looks like,and your book provides that.
(43:24):
Your book provides what and I don't wanna saynormal, but a family that that enjoys each
other, that takes care of each other, thatlooks out for each other.
This is a great example of that.
This is something they can take and read andsay, you know, there might be something that
(43:44):
says, I really want that for my family.
Well, here's an example for it.
Yeah.
And I love that because there's there's a lotof self help books out there.
There's a lot of what you should do or what youshouldn't do along with this.
But here you have a great example of what itreally looks like of how to to live in that
(44:09):
hope and that joy and and keep going forward,you know, even though something happens.
Now you do talk about in the back, and Ihaven't read the last few pages, so it's okay.
That's
okay.
Spoiler alert here or something.
But you you talk about your dad's decline,about depression, him being sad.
(44:33):
That had to be tough to go through yourself,but what was really going on with him if we can
say that without really ruining it for ourreaders?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Well, come to find out that my grandmother, Iremember many years ago, she battled
depression.
And I wrote in the beginning, if you remember,she had lost three kids.
(44:58):
Yes.
Yes.
So
if you know, like, back back in those days,right, it was more like it's not like today,
you know, you have counseling.
You get help.
You have all this support.
Back then, it was about survival.
It was like, hey.
We just keep moving, and we got a family toraise.
And we you know?
So I really believe that she just buried allthat.
(45:18):
Can imagine?
Like, she had Yeah.
Two kids that were actually born.
Like, I I believe the one, Mario, he was atleast a year old or so.
And, you know, whatever the, situation was, hepassed.
And then it was a little girl.
And then I believe the other one was amiscarriage.
So I I can't even imagine.
I know you know, we know people that have lostone child, and it was devastating.
(45:41):
Imagine three and never really dealing withthat and healing from that.
I believe that manifested like we were talkingearlier.
You don't deal with things.
It will manifest into, you know, worse things.
She battled depression, and I believe my dad,he was a lot like my my grandmother because she
worried about everybody, and she was always,you know, that one, you know, just worry about
(46:03):
every my dad was the same way.
And my mom used to tell him, you're just likeyour mother.
You know?
And because he was the closest to his mom.
He was the closest to that woman.
You know?
They all, of course, loved her, but she he dideverything for his parents.
He was the baby, but you would think he was theoldest, the responsibility that he always, you
know, up.
So, yeah, that was very difficult to watch mydad go through that.
(46:26):
And if you read, I mean, I I was seeing thingswith him.
Like, we talk every day, sometimes two, threetimes a day.
He wouldn't even call me.
He wouldn't even get on the phone if I called.
He wouldn't answer his phone.
That was like I'm like, wow.
What is going on?
And my mom, you know, it's very difficult forher to deal with that.
He's just laying on it.
You would never ever see my dad laying on thecouch.
(46:48):
Yeah.
Never.
Especially if somebody comes over.
You know?
And he was just I mean, he was really in a baddepression.
It it was really sad.
You know, he wouldn't eat.
He was you know?
And it led up to he lost his oldest brother ayear prior, and we realized it was coming up on
the one year anniversary of that Mhmm.
That he got like this.
(47:10):
And I believe that that's what triggered it.
Right.
But he always just kinda had that tendency fordepression, and he went through anxiety.
You know, he went through all this stuff.
And, again, if you read, he went through atraumatic accident when he was 38 years old.
He fell four stories.
You know, that I believe he had yeah.
Off of the scaffolding, on a construction job.
(47:31):
And he, I believe that, you know, traumatizedhim, gave him PTSD in some form.
And, you know, again, these old school people,they don't go to counseling and deal with these
things.
They just
to buddies about it.
You No.
Anxiety just keep going.
Yeah.
So all that will eventually come out in otherways.
(47:52):
So, yeah, that was very difficult for all ofus.
And then, thankfully, you know, they found theright medication to get him through that, and
he got past that.
But, yeah, that was tough.
Isn't that something?
That would that would be really hard.
Yeah.
And and so, you know, there comes a time whenour parents have to go home, I'll say.
(48:16):
Mhmm.
That had to be pretty tough to go through.
Yeah.
That was, like, whoo, the hardest day of mylife.
Yeah.
Yeah.
For all
of us.
You know?
Because it's it's the, you know, like they say,the patriarch of the family.
You know?
And, my son, especially.
I mean, my son is a lot like me.
He since he's little, like, he holds things in.
(48:37):
You know?
He doesn't express.
And I I share in the book that that day that hewe were all there and my dad took his last
breath, my son hugged me, and he just let itout.
Like, I've never seen he's 30.
He was 30 years old at the time, and you knowwhat?
Never in my life did I see him show emotionlike that.
You know?
And he just
Isn't that so
(48:57):
Because, you know, it was, like, probably, itis well, it is his first real big loss in his
life.
You know?
I'm glad he felt safe enough to do that withyou.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I was glad he did.
And, you know, what's funny is as close as Iwas with my dad and how devastating this was, I
didn't cry at that time.
Yeah.
(49:18):
And, you know, my mom
You were there for the others.
That's why.
Yeah.
I think so.
Even Emilio said to me, he's like, you'rereally doing well.
And I'm like, mhmm.
You know?
Right?
You know, it was tough.
But the next morning when I woke up and thefirst thought that I had in my mind was that,
like, my dad's gone.
And it just, like, came out.
(49:40):
Yeah.
And,
yeah, it's it's been tough.
And I have to say it's two years now, and Ican't even believe we just talked about it the
other day.
I'm like, wow.
Sometimes I even like, I'm driving, and I'm,like, thinking.
I have to remind myself.
I'm like, yeah.
He's really gone.
You know?
Like, we don't it's hard to accept because wethink certain people are just they're here
forever.
You know?
And and it's hard.
(50:01):
With my mom.
In fact, it was probably a couple years aftershe was gone.
I actually up the phone and started to callher, and it's like, what am I doing?
Mhmm.
Well, to Father's Day, LS.
To Father's Day, I went past in Walmart theFather's Day cards.
And I'm like, oh, and I literally had to stop.
Oh.
Like,
I'm ready to buy Father's Day card.
(50:22):
Yeah.
And it's just like
It's like, okay.
I'll give this to my kids.
Yeah.
It's appropriate.
You know?
So I'm like, mom, I love you.
You're my mother.
Yeah.
Yeah. Can
Can use day cards for my kids and my my andFather's Day cards for my son.
Mhmm.
Yeah.
It's tough.
It is it's hard to adjust.
It really is.
Even after, you know, years go by, it's it'stough.
(50:44):
It is.
Yeah.
Especially when you're close like that.
You know?
And I did with my mom.
Called her all the time, especially withgenealogy family stuff because she my mom was
so smart.
She remembered everything she remembers, names,the dates, and then she had her strokes.
And she finally had enough strokes that shestarted getting dementia, and it was really
(51:05):
weird.
My sister and I talk about this quite a bit.
It was so strange to see this this alien fromMars, I guess, live in our mother's body
because Yeah.
It wasn't our mom.
But she took care of us when we were littlethrough all the stuff we went through through
our toxic relationships.
(51:26):
So we took care of her.
It was it's still tough.
It's tough to go through all of that.
It is.
Because the yeah.
Dementia was part of my my dad had Parkinson's,and dementia is part of that.
That's hard.
So, yeah, we we dealt with that too.
It's tough to see somebody that was so on theball and you know what I mean?
Yeah.
You know, just not remember being different.
(51:49):
Yeah.
Yep.
Definitely.
My dad, when he started getting Alzheimer's, hehe said to me one time, he goes, I don't
understand why I can't say the word that I'mtrying to say.
And I I felt for him because he knew he wasstruggling.
And he
couldn't do anything about it.
(52:09):
He tried so hard.
And and that's that's a tough one.
That's a tough one.
So, Danielle, thank you so much for thisamazing book.
I I
appreciate it so dearly, and I am gonna finishreading it.
But I love the colors.
I love the picture of your dad on the front.
And I thank you for sharing so many vulnerablemoments in the book too, and but sharing the
(52:35):
photos of your family.
I mean, this is just this is just a book.
You just get hugged with this book and getinvolved in, and it's it's just wonderful.
So thank you for being here on the show.
Oh, have to let everybody know where to get thebook.
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So you know what?
You could reach out to me.
(52:56):
If you're on Facebook, you can just, you know,message me, Danielle Ramon, or go to
info@Daniela'sDeliciousDelights.com, my email,and just, you know, let me know if you need if
you want a copy, and I will sign it and mail itoff to you.
And, also, no, You mentioned this, Danielle, isdelicious delights.
I love your cooking.
(53:17):
I'm just so glad that you you are doing, thecooking, that you're doing it for others, that
you're making the business out of it, and and Iwish you the best in that.
I wish you the best with this book and all ofyour life, and I can hardly wait till we get to
do something again and I get to see you again.
I know.
I would love to see you again.
Yes, Alas.
(53:37):
Thank you so much.
This has been great.
Thank you
for having me.
Oh, thank you so much for coming on, and we'llsee you next time on Reading Between the Words.
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next time on Reading Between theWords.
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