February 22, 2025 • 28 mins
LS Kirkpatrick and Samantha Bailey introduce themselves and dive into "Deceptive Liaisons," discussing its inspiration, launch, and connection to a nonprofit cause. They explore themes of healing and handling betrayal through writing, offering advice on managing betrayal and emphasizing the importance of self-care and recovery. The episode provides insights into the publishing industry and effective promotion strategies. They also touch on upcoming appearances and the challenges of entrepreneurship. The episode includes a sponsor segment featuring Spark Ghostwriting and concludes with farewells and closing remarks.
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Episode Transcript
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(00:03):
So we're gonna talk about your book.
Do you have your book available?
Alright.
It's actually gonna be released at theDecember.
That's okay.
It'll be presales, and that's just for thegroup who signed up for, to buy it early before
it hits the shelves.
(00:24):
And a % will go to of the profit will go tofeedingamerica.org.
So
Oh, nice.
Sorry about that.
That's my book here.
The giving book is all all of it.
All three of them.
Three volumes.
I've got a fourth volume in process right now,and all three of them, everything from Amazon,
everything from my personal sales goes to anonprofit.
(00:46):
The the co authors can still, you know, selltheirs and keep the profit from it if they
want.
That's fine.
That's, you know, part of the gift too.
But, yeah, I love having a book that goes tononprofit.
So welcome to another episode of ReadingBetween the Words.
And we have a really new book here.
You can't even buy it yet.
(01:07):
Samantha, tell us a little bit about yourselffirst before we talk about the book.
Sure.
I am a mother of six adult children, and I havefour grandchildren.
And I am an author, a speaker, and a PBT coachthat's a post betrayal transformation coach.
(01:28):
And I just I love what I do.
My kids are close to where I live, and, I lovethe warm weather.
I'm originally from Canada, and I don't reallylike the cold that much.
So, I left in the early nineties and never wentback.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
When I left Northern Minnesota right next tothe Canadian border, took me three years to
(01:52):
thaw out.
What's that's
what everybody said.
Yeah.
Oh,
don't say you're cold anymore.
Right.
But, yeah, I hear you there.
Wow.
That's quite a journey, and I wanna talk moreabout what you do later, but tell us a little
bit about the book.
What is the title and when will it be launched?
(02:12):
Sure.
It is called Deceptive Liaisons, and it will beavailable to preorder for anyone that signs up
with their name and email address, at theDecember.
And 100% of the sales from the, presales willgo to feedingamerica.org.
(02:36):
So we're excited about that.
That's wonderful.
And like we were talking about earlier, I'vegot my book, the giving book.
I have have three volumes.
We're in volume four now.
All three are on Amazon, but everything fromAmazon, everything from my personal sales go
directly to a nonprofit.
And I love having books that do that.
It's it's just an incredible feeling to havesomething that's gonna do so much good to other
(03:00):
entities.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to know quite compelled sorry.
I didn't mean to cut you off.
You can just No.
No.
Me too.
What compelled you to write this book?
Oh, that's a great question.
So about five years ago, I lived in Hawaii, andI've been there for about three years already
and was absolutely loving life, enjoying, youknow, the tropical climate, the palm trees.
(03:29):
And, I was working there as well and, had made,you know, quite a few friends over that time
period and just was enjoying life and andpretty much happy and content.
And then one day, I found out that my husbandwas having what I thought was one affair, and
(03:49):
it turned into over a year's time of truth thatwould trickle in when I uncovered more
information, into multiple affairs with sugarbabies, escorts, prostitutes, and spending, you
know, almost our entire retirement savings onthem for elaborate trips, sex, and, you know,
(04:13):
designer shopping sprees, you name it.
So it was, you know, not only the physicalinfidelity, the financial infidelity, which was
just such a stock and, you know, everythingmixed together was was really difficult.
And it put me in a dark place for a long time.
And, I, you know, there were so many days thatwere foggy that I didn't remember things, but I
(04:39):
started journaling because it was kind of a wayto release my anger, my frustration, and put
everything down, the things that I did, thethings that I didn't do.
And, I realized that it was also when I lookedback, tracking my progress, which was kind of
delayed.
Like, I was doing much of the same things overand over again, which hindered and delayed me
(05:05):
from moving forward, kind of like in a stucksituation.
And, so journaling, it was through that when Ilook back almost three years later, I'm like,
oh my gosh.
I did so many things wrong.
I wish I knew this, this, and this when I firstfound out about the betrayal.
(05:26):
And I'm like, I'm gonna help anyone else thathas experienced this.
Give them options and let them know the thingsthat I did wrong that delayed my healing so
that they can move forward to their path ofhealing.
And it really, sparked, you know, when Irealized that I had a purpose.
(05:47):
You know, I've always had titles.
I'm a mom.
I'm a mom and a and a grandmother.
I'm a employee.
I'm a friend.
And Right.
And but I didn't really have, like, a purposeper se.
If you'd asked me, I I wouldn't have known howto answer that.
But when I found the purpose, and that wasoffer hope for healing, was like, a light bulb
(06:12):
went on my head and a fire sparked in my heart,and it was like this renewed sense of joy
knowing that this is what I wanna do.
And, that's kinda what led to the book.
Wow.
That's incredible.
What a wonderful spark to have.
Help others and and because that is tough.
You've got so much going on inside of yourhead, and you're trying to deal with it all.
(06:38):
And why didn't I see it or did I see it?
And it just so many things going on.
And then how do you deal with it?
You know, you've got you've got to deal withthe situation, but then you've got to deal with
we worked all of our lives to have this, andnow it's gone.
What are we gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
How am I gonna keep going?
(07:00):
And and it's just an incredible amount that'sgoing on.
So, yes, you're talking about days you couldn'tremember what was going on because there's
there's such an amount of stress that's put onyou that it's one way your body's protecting
you.
It's like I just can't handle them more, sowe're not gonna remember these things.
And and it's kind of tough.
(07:22):
I love that you wrote a book about it.
And and but it's not just a book to tell yourstory.
It's a book to give hope and give, instructionto give wisdom that you've gained through all
this time to help those who might be goingthrough something like this or have just
(07:43):
started their journey, or maybe they're in themiddle of it, or they're towards the end of it,
but there's still things that they need to knowto do.
So I'm gonna ask you, how did you get how didyou handle that situation?
Has that's just that's
I well, I mean, I went into total shock.
(08:04):
My body, you know, physically, emotionally,mentally.
And when I first knew that what I had uncoveredwas true, it was almost like an out of body
experience because I was I could see myselfcrumbling to the floor and just weeping and,
you know, asking over and over again, how couldhe?
(08:27):
How could he?
How could he?
Because, then there there were no signs.
I thought we had a great relationship andmarriage.
I mean, not perfect, but I was just in completeshock.
Like, I would never have expected it, neversuspected.
And what I thought at the time, there were nosigns, which later when I started my healing
(08:50):
journey, there were plenty.
But when you love someone completely, you'renot looking for signs and you trust them at
their word.
So, you know, it was one of those things that,you know, I loved him unconditionally, but, you
know, with the exception of doing what he did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
(09:10):
And then you have to deal with, well, now whatdo I do?
K.
You've gone through the morning because this isa morning process.
But then what do I do?
How do I handle this situation?
Do I you know?
And and for some, they confront the the personand the person, oh, no.
(09:33):
That's not true.
I don't know which other song.
Yeah.
I've been doing it.
You know?
So what?
And it's and it's still all of that.
It's you've gotta go through.
So that's piling on top of that.
And then it's trying to figure out what is thesmartest thing to do.
How am I gonna take care of myself?
How am I if you've got kids, how am I gonnatake care of my kids?
What what's happening?
(09:53):
And and, yeah, where do I find the resources?
Do I have to go get a job?
What's available out there?
How much is a lawyer gonna cost?
What if I can't afford one?
So many things.
And I don't wanna put words in your mouth or inyour book.
What does your book cover?
Does it cover these things?
Or or
(10:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it it uncovers it starts when I the veryday and the moment, the first chapter is called
d day on my b day.
And it's about, you know, understanding what dday was before was a World War two, you know,
(10:37):
term that signified the, the the day ofNormandy.
Sorry.
I know.
No.
That's okay.
And and so I didn't know what the other d daymeant, but that was when I discovered that my
husband was indeed having an affair.
But, he was the enemy this time, and he threw agrenade into my heart and just shattered it to
(11:02):
the depths of my soul.
And then I go on to the next day, about justwanting not to be in my reality.
I'm like, what can I do to just sleep, sleep,sleep?
And, I won't go into detail about that, but,I'm glad I'm here to say and write that book
(11:26):
because I was in a very dark place and not nothappy at all.
But, came through that and so grateful.
And, and then day three and so on, but I writeit kinda reads like a suspense novel.
There's a suspense novel.
There's a time where we do a a hotel walk, andI don't remember whose idea it was, if it was
(11:50):
his or mine.
If it was mine, call me crazy.
Don't recommend this.
But he wanted to go to the different hotels inWaikiki where he'd slept with each woman and
say a forgiveness prayer.
And so I'm thinking, like, you know, two, maybethree hotels.
It was 25 hotels that took us three over threedays to walk in Waikiki and go in each one.
(12:17):
And I'm pretty sure I wept at each location,because he not only would tell me yeah.
I was here.
He would tell me who he was with and how manytimes he was with them.
So it was kinda like pouring salt on the wound.
Later, I understand that it was almost like anera of narcissism because there's a little bit
(12:41):
of bragging.
Look how many women I've had.
And, it it just devastated me.
And then I I write about, the signs, what Ithought I didn't see.
But when I started to grow and heal, I waslike, oh, wow.
(13:03):
There was this sign, this sign, this sign.
And I write that in one of my chapters and andwhat to do with your sign those signs.
And you can have the best marriage.
I thought I had the best marriage.
It's okay to just double check somethingsometimes just for, you know, your own sense of
security and well-being.
(13:25):
And then, there's a whole chapter on triggers.
Of course, I had multiple triggers because notonly did he wanna take me to the hotel, the
hotels, he took me to all the parking garagesand parking lots that he'd had sex in his car
with different women and wanted to say theforgiveness prayer there.
(13:46):
So, I write about that, and I write about, acouple of really powerful chapters on
forgiveness and how that was, like, amiraculous change in my life, forgiving not
only my husband, but the affair partners, whichwas a whole ritual and a ceremony in and of
itself that I write about.
(14:08):
And, I also offer, you know, things that theycan do and go to.
And healing is not a linear line.
What works for one might be different for theother.
It's almost like if you're takingantidepressants, for example, not everyone
(14:33):
takes the same because everyone's differentwith what they're feeling, you know, depression
wise and whatnot.
So, obviously, I'm not a doctor, but that's theonly thing that came to mind to compare it
with.
But you just offering different options,different places to go.
And I've also included them on my website.
There's, several different links that theyclick on.
(14:57):
I don't get anything from them just by addingthem.
I just wanted those resources there that werereally helpful for me when I started, you know,
going to the path of light, so to speak.
Yeah.
And and I would like to say that to the womenwho thought they had a perfect marriage, don't
(15:19):
be hard on yourself.
That is really more common than you realize.
I have a friend of mine who actually has afoundation.
She didn't know her husband had a whole anotherfamily until he passed away.
And you talk about a shock.
She had grown boys almost ready to get out ofschool, and it's like nobody knew, not even the
(15:43):
kids.
I mean, usually, some people say, well, thekids, oh, I knew all the time.
You know?
Why didn't you tell me?
But that's something else.
It's not worth talking about.
So I don't want you to be hard on yourself ifyou didn't know, whether you feel like a
perfect marriage or not.
I mean, if you think something's going on, youdon't wanna be the one accusing somebody of
something unless you know for sure.
(16:05):
I mean, that can destroy a marriage too.
Have you got doubt in there if there isn'tanything going on?
So I think maybe that's part of why women donot say things because they don't want to bring
something in there that's that doesn't belong.
But if you think there's something going on,you can investigate things yourself.
(16:27):
You don't have to tell anybody else.
But if if you're you're being hurt, you need togo get help.
Don't don't delay.
Yeah.
There are three things that I do recommend whenthey first find out is is talk to someone.
Find a therapist.
(16:47):
Mhmm.
Someone who you know, if you can't find someoneright away that specializes in betrayal, then,
you know, I went to my pastor, clergyman at alocal church.
And a lot of times, they have a lot ofdifferent resources and can refer you, and you
can get in rather quickly.
Another thing is, I went and got an STD testright away.
(17:12):
I went to the doctor.
I was humiliated.
I broke down and cried, but she was veryreassuring.
I was just embarrassed.
You know, embarrassed for myself, for myhusband, and still questioning, you know, what
was going on in my life.
And so yeah.
But that is important to take care of that.
(17:32):
And and self care is is really important.
And that might mean only, you know, listeningto meditation music for a few minutes,
journaling.
You don't have to do all the above.
Find something that just spoke focuses on youfor that period of time and do your best to
(17:54):
block out, you know, what you can and focus onthat.
Yeah.
Really good advice.
Wow.
That's this went so fast.
Oh, no.
Really?
Yes.
Yeah.
We can keep talking.
That's okay.
Because there's more.
There's definitely more.
I'm sure you have.
Wow.
(18:14):
That is quite a journey.
So what is happening with your book?
It's it's not quite ready yet.
We're just doing a prelaunch here, gettingready for it.
But where do you see your book going?
Well, I'm I'm excited about that because thepublishing company next week, they're gonna go
(18:36):
to the heavy marketing, and they're doing, justlike when you get a trailer for a movie,
they're doing a trailer for my book.
So I'm excited about you know, to see they use,like, real actors and everything.
So I'm excited to, have that, and and they, youknow, take over social media.
They know all the ins and outs.
And, of course, I've been promoting it.
(18:59):
I've been a guest on a lot of podcasts.
It can I share my website?
Oh, definitely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So if you
want have your book come back.
Yeah.
If you wanna preorder, all you do is click onmy website.
It's helpforbetrayaltrauma.com.
It's help, the number four, not f 0ur.
(19:22):
Help for betrayal trauma Com.
Click on preorder, scroll down, and enter yourname and email, and you will be the first and
only group that'll be able to prepurchase itwhen it comes out in, like, December.
Oh my gosh.
It's just around the corner.
(19:42):
Before it goes it'll be a couple weeks beforeit goes on the shelves.
Oh, wow.
That's incredible.
That's incredible.
Yeah.
So I'm I'm just excited about it.
And and I just want to, you know, continue notonly to promote the book, but, you know, help
others through coaching and and speaking in inwomen's groups.
(20:06):
And, I'm looking at speaking at colleges aswell.
So I'm really excited about, you know, thingsthat are to come.
It's all new to me, but I'm excited about thedirection it's going in.
Oh, that's wonderful.
That's wonderful.
I'm so excited for you too.
I really thank you for being on the show here.
(20:28):
This is is great.
And definitely when the book is is printed andyou've got it in your hands, come back and
we'll show it again.
That way they
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, the website also, talks about the book, andit you'll see the cover and everything.
So
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's exciting.
(20:49):
Yeah.
That's really great.
Well, thanks so much for being here, Samantha.
Tell us the name of the book again.
Sure.
Deceptive Liaisons, and it'll be pretty muchanywhere and everywhere, hardcover, softcover,
and audio and ebook as well.
Okay.
So they
can preorder right now from the
They can preorder it, as as long as they signup for the email list.
(21:12):
And when it comes, I'll be doing, like, a threeday countdown, and then they'll be able to,
I'll send them the link, and they can order itbefore anyone else
gets it.
Oh, that's wonderful.
That's wonderful.
Thanks so much for being here, and thank you,my audience.
You have a great new book to go look at now andget.
And we'll see you next time on 104 new books.
(21:36):
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Well, this is really great, Samantha.
I've been yeah.
Wow.
That's a powerful book.
So you have a publisher who is promoting yourbook for you.
Yeah.
They, I I and I was I looked a lot, and there'sa lot of scammers out there.
(21:57):
Oh, yeah.
People that wanna, offer for free you know?
Anyway, I did a lot of research, and, they werethe ones that explained things the best.
They were high rated.
And I thought for what I got, they were thebest price, and they don't take any kind of
royalties or anything like that.
(22:17):
Well, they don't.
No.
None whatsoever.
Do they
put the book on Amazon under your name, or dothey put it
on theirs?
Yeah.
I mean, the publishing would be their publisherstep somewhere.
But, yeah, it'll go, you know, Barnes andNoble, Kindle, Amazon, every every, I don't
(22:38):
know how many different, and international aswell, but in English.
Oh, that's really cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can I ask the name?
Do you mind?
Yeah.
It's called
That's okay.
Spark spark ghostwriting.
So they don't just do ghostwriting.
(22:59):
They do everything like, say you wanted topitch your book to be a movie, they will
create, a movie, pitch for you exactly what
I have a producer.
That.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they do pretty much anything and everything,and there's a team that works.
(23:19):
They, you know, they find out about your book,and then they have a team that works with you.
And, you know, you're in touch with them a fewtimes a week.
There's a manager.
You can ask them any questions.
And and they were good because, you know, therewas a few things that I'm like, well, I don't
know.
And then they reached out when they had, youknow, discounts on and whatnot.
(23:43):
And I was able to even negotiate a little bitless than what their discount was.
So, and they were fair.
I mean, there was some times that because I wasmaking payments, and I'm coming up where it's
completely paid, thankfully.
Right.
But it, I I was expecting a bonus that they hada a blackout period before it could go into our
(24:07):
account.
So it delayed me from making the payments.
Well, they weren't upset.
They were like, understandable, and, you know,we'll work with you.
It wasn't like, we're gonna see you.
We have a contract and, you know, it's justthey were just good people to work with.
Really good.
And it's called Spark Publishing?
Spark ghost writing dot com.
(24:27):
Ghost writing.
Okay.
But there's Spark publishing too, but I don'tknow if they're the same as if you click on
Spark.
And if you if you ask for Simon Okay.
He gives like, he'll give me a discount as wellas probably offer you.
He's the one that I've spoken to the most who'salways worked with me well and and
(24:51):
Oh, that's really good to know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I
And he explains things five different ways.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
At first, it was like, but I like, it sticksbecause he's, like, kinda repetitive in a
different way.
I'm like, oh, okay.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was good.
And he'll send you links and samples.
(25:11):
Oh, wonderful.
Yeah.
I've worked with some other publishers, andthat's why I became a publisher.
It's like I wasn't real thrilled with witheverything that was going on.
And so, you know, I do my own books, but I'mlooking to get further with my personal books.
Like I said, I've got one that I would love tosee put into a movie or something like that.
(25:35):
And
Yeah.
They they do all of that, and they'll they'llput you with the right person that's
experienced and and, you know, the scene andand just everything for for pitching.
Cool.
Cool.
Well, I will let you know as soon as this isavailable and, tag you on all the social medias
and and everything.
(25:56):
So, yeah, I'm sure and tag me back, you know,that
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Keep it going.
Yeah.
I really appreciate
it was really great.
Yeah.
And I'll let you know once I get my book.
Unless you sign up for the preorder, thenyou'll know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that's good.
Yeah.
Alrighty.
Well, thank you, Samantha.
Thank you.
And and I would like to say I have Wisdom onthe Front Porch as another podcast, and it's
(26:21):
about the entrepreneurial journey, how you gotstarted, the the ups and downs you have with it
because I really want it to provide I've got amagazine of the same name and they both are to
provide tools to the entrepreneur to to helpthem go on.
So if you'd like to be on there and talk aboutyour business, you know, as I'll Yeah.
(26:42):
Give the
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Because I'm I'm still transitioning.
I have I'm doing all of this, and I still havemy nine to five on top of all of it.
Yeah.
But as soon as I'm at a place where I canmatch, then I wanna do this, like, completely
because I love this.
(27:03):
And it doesn't feel like work because it'ssomething that like I'm passionate about.
Yeah.
So Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's right now it's a lot of it's work, youknow?
It is.
It's a
little bit of time and effort and you can'tjust go, I'm gonna be an entrepreneur and let
it happen.
It's gonna rain down money.
It doesn't happen that way.
You can do.
I'm gonna be an entrepreneur, but you gottawork.
(27:25):
Right.
Right.
Right.
But you you really have to put in the time andthe effort
I do.
And not give up and understand that there'sgonna be.
It's kinda like the tree.
You have it's gonna grow.
You're gonna grow, and and there's gonna betimes when it needs to be fertilized in water
in order to grow, so you're learning more.
(27:45):
But there's times when it needs to be pruned.
And to me, I I kind of equal that to, like,being told no or, you know, that won't work for
you and just not giving up when you get to thatpoint because, you know, sometimes those no's
are growing experiences too.
So it's really good to, like, well, maybe Ishould do it differently and and I'll grow
(28:10):
better.
You know?
Yep.
Yep.
That's very good.
Very good wisdom.
I love that.
Alright.
Well, I'll send you the link, and hopefully,we'll send you on the next part.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Take care.
You too.
Bye bye.
Bye bye.
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next time on Reading Between theWords.
So we're gonna talk about your book.
Do you have your book available?
Alright.
It's actually gonna be released at theDecember.
That's okay.
It'll be presales, and that's just for thegroup who signed up for, to buy it early before
it hits the shelves.
(00:24):
And a % will go to of the profit will go tofeedingamerica.org.
So
Oh, nice.
Sorry about that.
That's my book here.
The giving book is all all of it.
All three of them.
Three volumes.
I've got a fourth volume in process right now,and all three of them, everything from Amazon,
everything from my personal sales goes to anonprofit.
(00:46):
The the co authors can still, you know, selltheirs and keep the profit from it if they
want.
That's fine.
That's, you know, part of the gift too.
But, yeah, I love having a book that goes tononprofit.
So welcome to another episode of ReadingBetween the Words.
And we have a really new book here.
You can't even buy it yet.
(01:07):
Samantha, tell us a little bit about yourselffirst before we talk about the book.
Sure.
I am a mother of six adult children, and I havefour grandchildren.
And I am an author, a speaker, and a PBT coachthat's a post betrayal transformation coach.
(01:28):
And I just I love what I do.
My kids are close to where I live, and, I lovethe warm weather.
I'm originally from Canada, and I don't reallylike the cold that much.
So, I left in the early nineties and never wentback.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
When I left Northern Minnesota right next tothe Canadian border, took me three years to
(01:52):
thaw out.
What's that's
what everybody said.
Yeah.
Oh,
don't say you're cold anymore.
Right.
But, yeah, I hear you there.
Wow.
That's quite a journey, and I wanna talk moreabout what you do later, but tell us a little
bit about the book.
What is the title and when will it be launched?
(02:12):
Sure.
It is called Deceptive Liaisons, and it will beavailable to preorder for anyone that signs up
with their name and email address, at theDecember.
And 100% of the sales from the, presales willgo to feedingamerica.org.
(02:36):
So we're excited about that.
That's wonderful.
And like we were talking about earlier, I'vegot my book, the giving book.
I have have three volumes.
We're in volume four now.
All three are on Amazon, but everything fromAmazon, everything from my personal sales go
directly to a nonprofit.
And I love having books that do that.
It's it's just an incredible feeling to havesomething that's gonna do so much good to other
(03:00):
entities.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I want to know quite compelled sorry.
I didn't mean to cut you off.
You can just No.
No.
Me too.
What compelled you to write this book?
Oh, that's a great question.
So about five years ago, I lived in Hawaii, andI've been there for about three years already
and was absolutely loving life, enjoying, youknow, the tropical climate, the palm trees.
(03:29):
And, I was working there as well and, had made,you know, quite a few friends over that time
period and just was enjoying life and andpretty much happy and content.
And then one day, I found out that my husbandwas having what I thought was one affair, and
(03:49):
it turned into over a year's time of truth thatwould trickle in when I uncovered more
information, into multiple affairs with sugarbabies, escorts, prostitutes, and spending, you
know, almost our entire retirement savings onthem for elaborate trips, sex, and, you know,
(04:13):
designer shopping sprees, you name it.
So it was, you know, not only the physicalinfidelity, the financial infidelity, which was
just such a stock and, you know, everythingmixed together was was really difficult.
And it put me in a dark place for a long time.
And, I, you know, there were so many days thatwere foggy that I didn't remember things, but I
(04:39):
started journaling because it was kind of a wayto release my anger, my frustration, and put
everything down, the things that I did, thethings that I didn't do.
And, I realized that it was also when I lookedback, tracking my progress, which was kind of
delayed.
Like, I was doing much of the same things overand over again, which hindered and delayed me
(05:05):
from moving forward, kind of like in a stucksituation.
And, so journaling, it was through that when Ilook back almost three years later, I'm like,
oh my gosh.
I did so many things wrong.
I wish I knew this, this, and this when I firstfound out about the betrayal.
(05:26):
And I'm like, I'm gonna help anyone else thathas experienced this.
Give them options and let them know the thingsthat I did wrong that delayed my healing so
that they can move forward to their path ofhealing.
And it really, sparked, you know, when Irealized that I had a purpose.
(05:47):
You know, I've always had titles.
I'm a mom.
I'm a mom and a and a grandmother.
I'm a employee.
I'm a friend.
And Right.
And but I didn't really have, like, a purposeper se.
If you'd asked me, I I wouldn't have known howto answer that.
But when I found the purpose, and that wasoffer hope for healing, was like, a light bulb
(06:12):
went on my head and a fire sparked in my heart,and it was like this renewed sense of joy
knowing that this is what I wanna do.
And, that's kinda what led to the book.
Wow.
That's incredible.
What a wonderful spark to have.
Help others and and because that is tough.
You've got so much going on inside of yourhead, and you're trying to deal with it all.
(06:38):
And why didn't I see it or did I see it?
And it just so many things going on.
And then how do you deal with it?
You know, you've got you've got to deal withthe situation, but then you've got to deal with
we worked all of our lives to have this, andnow it's gone.
What are we gonna do?
What am I gonna do?
How am I gonna keep going?
(07:00):
And and it's just an incredible amount that'sgoing on.
So, yes, you're talking about days you couldn'tremember what was going on because there's
there's such an amount of stress that's put onyou that it's one way your body's protecting
you.
It's like I just can't handle them more, sowe're not gonna remember these things.
And and it's kind of tough.
(07:22):
I love that you wrote a book about it.
And and but it's not just a book to tell yourstory.
It's a book to give hope and give, instructionto give wisdom that you've gained through all
this time to help those who might be goingthrough something like this or have just
(07:43):
started their journey, or maybe they're in themiddle of it, or they're towards the end of it,
but there's still things that they need to knowto do.
So I'm gonna ask you, how did you get how didyou handle that situation?
Has that's just that's
I well, I mean, I went into total shock.
(08:04):
My body, you know, physically, emotionally,mentally.
And when I first knew that what I had uncoveredwas true, it was almost like an out of body
experience because I was I could see myselfcrumbling to the floor and just weeping and,
you know, asking over and over again, how couldhe?
(08:27):
How could he?
How could he?
Because, then there there were no signs.
I thought we had a great relationship andmarriage.
I mean, not perfect, but I was just in completeshock.
Like, I would never have expected it, neversuspected.
And what I thought at the time, there were nosigns, which later when I started my healing
(08:50):
journey, there were plenty.
But when you love someone completely, you'renot looking for signs and you trust them at
their word.
So, you know, it was one of those things that,you know, I loved him unconditionally, but, you
know, with the exception of doing what he did.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Definitely.
(09:10):
And then you have to deal with, well, now whatdo I do?
K.
You've gone through the morning because this isa morning process.
But then what do I do?
How do I handle this situation?
Do I you know?
And and for some, they confront the the personand the person, oh, no.
(09:33):
That's not true.
I don't know which other song.
Yeah.
I've been doing it.
You know?
So what?
And it's and it's still all of that.
It's you've gotta go through.
So that's piling on top of that.
And then it's trying to figure out what is thesmartest thing to do.
How am I gonna take care of myself?
How am I if you've got kids, how am I gonnatake care of my kids?
What what's happening?
(09:53):
And and, yeah, where do I find the resources?
Do I have to go get a job?
What's available out there?
How much is a lawyer gonna cost?
What if I can't afford one?
So many things.
And I don't wanna put words in your mouth or inyour book.
What does your book cover?
Does it cover these things?
Or or
(10:14):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Well, it it uncovers it starts when I the veryday and the moment, the first chapter is called
d day on my b day.
And it's about, you know, understanding what dday was before was a World War two, you know,
(10:37):
term that signified the, the the day ofNormandy.
Sorry.
I know.
No.
That's okay.
And and so I didn't know what the other d daymeant, but that was when I discovered that my
husband was indeed having an affair.
But, he was the enemy this time, and he threw agrenade into my heart and just shattered it to
(11:02):
the depths of my soul.
And then I go on to the next day, about justwanting not to be in my reality.
I'm like, what can I do to just sleep, sleep,sleep?
And, I won't go into detail about that, but,I'm glad I'm here to say and write that book
(11:26):
because I was in a very dark place and not nothappy at all.
But, came through that and so grateful.
And, and then day three and so on, but I writeit kinda reads like a suspense novel.
There's a suspense novel.
There's a time where we do a a hotel walk, andI don't remember whose idea it was, if it was
(11:50):
his or mine.
If it was mine, call me crazy.
Don't recommend this.
But he wanted to go to the different hotels inWaikiki where he'd slept with each woman and
say a forgiveness prayer.
And so I'm thinking, like, you know, two, maybethree hotels.
It was 25 hotels that took us three over threedays to walk in Waikiki and go in each one.
(12:17):
And I'm pretty sure I wept at each location,because he not only would tell me yeah.
I was here.
He would tell me who he was with and how manytimes he was with them.
So it was kinda like pouring salt on the wound.
Later, I understand that it was almost like anera of narcissism because there's a little bit
(12:41):
of bragging.
Look how many women I've had.
And, it it just devastated me.
And then I I write about, the signs, what Ithought I didn't see.
But when I started to grow and heal, I waslike, oh, wow.
(13:03):
There was this sign, this sign, this sign.
And I write that in one of my chapters and andwhat to do with your sign those signs.
And you can have the best marriage.
I thought I had the best marriage.
It's okay to just double check somethingsometimes just for, you know, your own sense of
security and well-being.
(13:25):
And then, there's a whole chapter on triggers.
Of course, I had multiple triggers because notonly did he wanna take me to the hotel, the
hotels, he took me to all the parking garagesand parking lots that he'd had sex in his car
with different women and wanted to say theforgiveness prayer there.
(13:46):
So, I write about that, and I write about, acouple of really powerful chapters on
forgiveness and how that was, like, amiraculous change in my life, forgiving not
only my husband, but the affair partners, whichwas a whole ritual and a ceremony in and of
itself that I write about.
(14:08):
And, I also offer, you know, things that theycan do and go to.
And healing is not a linear line.
What works for one might be different for theother.
It's almost like if you're takingantidepressants, for example, not everyone
(14:33):
takes the same because everyone's differentwith what they're feeling, you know, depression
wise and whatnot.
So, obviously, I'm not a doctor, but that's theonly thing that came to mind to compare it
with.
But you just offering different options,different places to go.
And I've also included them on my website.
There's, several different links that theyclick on.
(14:57):
I don't get anything from them just by addingthem.
I just wanted those resources there that werereally helpful for me when I started, you know,
going to the path of light, so to speak.
Yeah.
And and I would like to say that to the womenwho thought they had a perfect marriage, don't
(15:19):
be hard on yourself.
That is really more common than you realize.
I have a friend of mine who actually has afoundation.
She didn't know her husband had a whole anotherfamily until he passed away.
And you talk about a shock.
She had grown boys almost ready to get out ofschool, and it's like nobody knew, not even the
(15:43):
kids.
I mean, usually, some people say, well, thekids, oh, I knew all the time.
You know?
Why didn't you tell me?
But that's something else.
It's not worth talking about.
So I don't want you to be hard on yourself ifyou didn't know, whether you feel like a
perfect marriage or not.
I mean, if you think something's going on, youdon't wanna be the one accusing somebody of
something unless you know for sure.
(16:05):
I mean, that can destroy a marriage too.
Have you got doubt in there if there isn'tanything going on?
So I think maybe that's part of why women donot say things because they don't want to bring
something in there that's that doesn't belong.
But if you think there's something going on,you can investigate things yourself.
(16:27):
You don't have to tell anybody else.
But if if you're you're being hurt, you need togo get help.
Don't don't delay.
Yeah.
There are three things that I do recommend whenthey first find out is is talk to someone.
Find a therapist.
(16:47):
Mhmm.
Someone who you know, if you can't find someoneright away that specializes in betrayal, then,
you know, I went to my pastor, clergyman at alocal church.
And a lot of times, they have a lot ofdifferent resources and can refer you, and you
can get in rather quickly.
Another thing is, I went and got an STD testright away.
(17:12):
I went to the doctor.
I was humiliated.
I broke down and cried, but she was veryreassuring.
I was just embarrassed.
You know, embarrassed for myself, for myhusband, and still questioning, you know, what
was going on in my life.
And so yeah.
But that is important to take care of that.
(17:32):
And and self care is is really important.
And that might mean only, you know, listeningto meditation music for a few minutes,
journaling.
You don't have to do all the above.
Find something that just spoke focuses on youfor that period of time and do your best to
(17:54):
block out, you know, what you can and focus onthat.
Yeah.
Really good advice.
Wow.
That's this went so fast.
Oh, no.
Really?
Yes.
Yeah.
We can keep talking.
That's okay.
Because there's more.
There's definitely more.
I'm sure you have.
Wow.
(18:14):
That is quite a journey.
So what is happening with your book?
It's it's not quite ready yet.
We're just doing a prelaunch here, gettingready for it.
But where do you see your book going?
Well, I'm I'm excited about that because thepublishing company next week, they're gonna go
(18:36):
to the heavy marketing, and they're doing, justlike when you get a trailer for a movie,
they're doing a trailer for my book.
So I'm excited about you know, to see they use,like, real actors and everything.
So I'm excited to, have that, and and they, youknow, take over social media.
They know all the ins and outs.
And, of course, I've been promoting it.
(18:59):
I've been a guest on a lot of podcasts.
It can I share my website?
Oh, definitely.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So if you
want have your book come back.
Yeah.
If you wanna preorder, all you do is click onmy website.
It's helpforbetrayaltrauma.com.
It's help, the number four, not f 0ur.
(19:22):
Help for betrayal trauma Com.
Click on preorder, scroll down, and enter yourname and email, and you will be the first and
only group that'll be able to prepurchase itwhen it comes out in, like, December.
Oh my gosh.
It's just around the corner.
(19:42):
Before it goes it'll be a couple weeks beforeit goes on the shelves.
Oh, wow.
That's incredible.
That's incredible.
Yeah.
So I'm I'm just excited about it.
And and I just want to, you know, continue notonly to promote the book, but, you know, help
others through coaching and and speaking in inwomen's groups.
(20:06):
And, I'm looking at speaking at colleges aswell.
So I'm really excited about, you know, thingsthat are to come.
It's all new to me, but I'm excited about thedirection it's going in.
Oh, that's wonderful.
That's wonderful.
I'm so excited for you too.
I really thank you for being on the show here.
(20:28):
This is is great.
And definitely when the book is is printed andyou've got it in your hands, come back and
we'll show it again.
That way they
Yeah.
Yeah.
Oh, the website also, talks about the book, andit you'll see the cover and everything.
So
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's exciting.
(20:49):
Yeah.
That's really great.
Well, thanks so much for being here, Samantha.
Tell us the name of the book again.
Sure.
Deceptive Liaisons, and it'll be pretty muchanywhere and everywhere, hardcover, softcover,
and audio and ebook as well.
Okay.
So they
can preorder right now from the
They can preorder it, as as long as they signup for the email list.
(21:12):
And when it comes, I'll be doing, like, a threeday countdown, and then they'll be able to,
I'll send them the link, and they can order itbefore anyone else
gets it.
Oh, that's wonderful.
That's wonderful.
Thanks so much for being here, and thank you,my audience.
You have a great new book to go look at now andget.
And we'll see you next time on 104 new books.
(21:36):
Thank you.
Yeah.
Thanks.
Well, this is really great, Samantha.
I've been yeah.
Wow.
That's a powerful book.
So you have a publisher who is promoting yourbook for you.
Yeah.
They, I I and I was I looked a lot, and there'sa lot of scammers out there.
(21:57):
Oh, yeah.
People that wanna, offer for free you know?
Anyway, I did a lot of research, and, they werethe ones that explained things the best.
They were high rated.
And I thought for what I got, they were thebest price, and they don't take any kind of
royalties or anything like that.
(22:17):
Well, they don't.
No.
None whatsoever.
Do they
put the book on Amazon under your name, or dothey put it
on theirs?
Yeah.
I mean, the publishing would be their publisherstep somewhere.
But, yeah, it'll go, you know, Barnes andNoble, Kindle, Amazon, every every, I don't
(22:38):
know how many different, and international aswell, but in English.
Oh, that's really cool.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Can I ask the name?
Do you mind?
Yeah.
It's called
That's okay.
Spark spark ghostwriting.
So they don't just do ghostwriting.
(22:59):
They do everything like, say you wanted topitch your book to be a movie, they will
create, a movie, pitch for you exactly what
I have a producer.
That.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So they do pretty much anything and everything,and there's a team that works.
(23:19):
They, you know, they find out about your book,and then they have a team that works with you.
And, you know, you're in touch with them a fewtimes a week.
There's a manager.
You can ask them any questions.
And and they were good because, you know, therewas a few things that I'm like, well, I don't
know.
And then they reached out when they had, youknow, discounts on and whatnot.
(23:43):
And I was able to even negotiate a little bitless than what their discount was.
So, and they were fair.
I mean, there was some times that because I wasmaking payments, and I'm coming up where it's
completely paid, thankfully.
Right.
But it, I I was expecting a bonus that they hada a blackout period before it could go into our
(24:07):
account.
So it delayed me from making the payments.
Well, they weren't upset.
They were like, understandable, and, you know,we'll work with you.
It wasn't like, we're gonna see you.
We have a contract and, you know, it's justthey were just good people to work with.
Really good.
And it's called Spark Publishing?
Spark ghost writing dot com.
(24:27):
Ghost writing.
Okay.
But there's Spark publishing too, but I don'tknow if they're the same as if you click on
Spark.
And if you if you ask for Simon Okay.
He gives like, he'll give me a discount as wellas probably offer you.
He's the one that I've spoken to the most who'salways worked with me well and and
(24:51):
Oh, that's really good to know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Because I
And he explains things five different ways.
Oh, nice.
Yeah.
Nice.
At first, it was like, but I like, it sticksbecause he's, like, kinda repetitive in a
different way.
I'm like, oh, okay.
That makes sense.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It was good.
And he'll send you links and samples.
(25:11):
Oh, wonderful.
Yeah.
I've worked with some other publishers, andthat's why I became a publisher.
It's like I wasn't real thrilled with witheverything that was going on.
And so, you know, I do my own books, but I'mlooking to get further with my personal books.
Like I said, I've got one that I would love tosee put into a movie or something like that.
(25:35):
And
Yeah.
They they do all of that, and they'll they'llput you with the right person that's
experienced and and, you know, the scene andand just everything for for pitching.
Cool.
Cool.
Well, I will let you know as soon as this isavailable and, tag you on all the social medias
and and everything.
(25:56):
So, yeah, I'm sure and tag me back, you know,that
Yeah.
Oh, good.
Keep it going.
Yeah.
I really appreciate
it was really great.
Yeah.
And I'll let you know once I get my book.
Unless you sign up for the preorder, thenyou'll know.
Yeah.
Yeah.
But that's good.
Yeah.
Alrighty.
Well, thank you, Samantha.
Thank you.
And and I would like to say I have Wisdom onthe Front Porch as another podcast, and it's
(26:21):
about the entrepreneurial journey, how you gotstarted, the the ups and downs you have with it
because I really want it to provide I've got amagazine of the same name and they both are to
provide tools to the entrepreneur to to helpthem go on.
So if you'd like to be on there and talk aboutyour business, you know, as I'll Yeah.
(26:42):
Give the
Yeah.
Absolutely.
Because I'm I'm still transitioning.
I have I'm doing all of this, and I still havemy nine to five on top of all of it.
Yeah.
But as soon as I'm at a place where I canmatch, then I wanna do this, like, completely
because I love this.
(27:03):
And it doesn't feel like work because it'ssomething that like I'm passionate about.
Yeah.
So Yes.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It's right now it's a lot of it's work, youknow?
It is.
It's a
little bit of time and effort and you can'tjust go, I'm gonna be an entrepreneur and let
it happen.
It's gonna rain down money.
It doesn't happen that way.
You can do.
I'm gonna be an entrepreneur, but you gottawork.
(27:25):
Right.
Right.
Right.
But you you really have to put in the time andthe effort
I do.
And not give up and understand that there'sgonna be.
It's kinda like the tree.
You have it's gonna grow.
You're gonna grow, and and there's gonna betimes when it needs to be fertilized in water
in order to grow, so you're learning more.
(27:45):
But there's times when it needs to be pruned.
And to me, I I kind of equal that to, like,being told no or, you know, that won't work for
you and just not giving up when you get to thatpoint because, you know, sometimes those no's
are growing experiences too.
So it's really good to, like, well, maybe Ishould do it differently and and I'll grow
(28:10):
better.
You know?
Yep.
Yep.
That's very good.
Very good wisdom.
I love that.
Alright.
Well, I'll send you the link, and hopefully,we'll send you on the next part.
Awesome.
Thank you.
Take care.
You too.
Bye bye.
Bye bye.
Thank you for joining us.
We'll see you next time on Reading Between theWords.
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