January 22, 2025 • 25 mins
Dr. Karen Kramer shares her personal story and insights into unprocessed grief and its physical effects. She discusses the inspiration behind her work and shares examples from clients dealing with grief. The episode explores different types of grief and methods for processing it. Dr. Kramer reads a passage from her book "Healthy Grief" and emphasizes the significance of national mourning and allowing others to grieve. Listeners are directed to where they can find "Healthy Grief" and additional resources. The episode concludes with closing remarks.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Welcome to another episode of reading betweenthe words with doctor Karen Kramer who is here.
I thank you.
She's my special guest today, and we're justgonna jump right into it.
Tell us the name of your book, and then I wouldlike you just read a little bit from it if you
can.
Wonderful.
Well, the book is Healthy Grief, and thesubtitle is Normalizing and Navigating Loss in
(00:28):
a Culture of toxic positivity.
K?
So I can read a little bit here maybe before Ido because people have asked me, well, one, why
healthy grief as well as the splash and whyit's on the cover there.
So let me jump into that first, LS, before Ido.
(00:48):
Sounds good.
So I just wanna apologize to everybody.
I've got this horrible cold, flu, whatever youwanna call it, but we're just gonna let doctor
Kramer go.
And I give you such credit for just being atrooper and working through this.
So thank you.
Thank you for that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So before we jump into this, it's helpfulbecause I usually get the question, like, why
(01:11):
healthy grief, and how did it start for me?
So I had one of those moments, LS, where it wasactually 13 years ago where I had one of those
moments where I just lost it, where most peopledon't know I'm normally not that way, but I
completely lost it.
I was yelling and screaming at my kids, cussingat my brothers, hanging up my phone, not my
(01:35):
norm, by the way.
Again, 13 years ago, I just lost it.
And I looked at the aftermath, you know, theaftermath where your kids are afraid to talk to
you, and my husband's like, I don't know whatjust happened and what just exploded, but let's
do the best.
So I did what and, again, this is 13 years agoas an as I'm sharing this brief story is
(01:56):
looking at the medical professionals and thetherapeutic professionals are there to support
us.
This is my story.
This is what I went through.
So here I went to see a therapist who I have tosay was probably newly minted, a very new
therapist.
Give her a lot of credit for that.
And she looked at me and she looked at mycredentials, looked at my background, and I can
(02:20):
sense that energy.
And she goes, I shared with her everything thatled up to that day.
And she goes, well, I think you havesituational anxiety.
I'm like, I don't even know what situationalanxiety is, but okay.
So I walked out of that session being labeledand sent to an anxiety group.
So realizing that wasn't really helping me andbeing in my early forties at the time, I
(02:44):
thought, well, maybe it was hormonal.
So I went to see my doctor and mind you,doctors are educated to within a short period
of time to identify what is going on with ourpatients and based upon their experience and
the resources they have to be able to quicklyidentify and quickly ratify whatever the
(03:06):
challenge is.
So within 2 minutes of sharing with the doctorwhat happened and led up to that day, she cut
me off and prescribed me drugs.
I'm the kind of person, LS, who basically like,I take over like, vitamin c and multivitamins,
but I barely take anything for, like, likeIbuprofen.
(03:29):
Yeah.
Especially talking about going through a coldand things like there are times going through a
cold, if I can't naturally process through itwith like water and other things, we're taking
medications, right?
Because we need that to be able to processthrough.
That's me.
I was not a normal type to take medication, soI avoided that.
Then my my husband's like, well, maybe youwanna go to that destination spa.
(03:52):
You know, that place where you get away, and bythe way, it was wonderful.
7 days away, LS.
I was I woke up in the morning.
I had all the meals were freshly made meals bya special chef.
We did exercises in the morning.
The afternoon was like massages and facials andin spa treatments.
(04:16):
It was amazing.
But within 2 hours of being back after that 7days away, I was bickering with my loving
husband again.
Right?
So all this to say, and this was 13 years ago,I walked out being labeled by a therapist,
prescribed drugs by a doctor, and only hadtemporary relief from being away for 7 days.
(04:40):
But what really led up to that day was that Ihad just put my 18 year old beloved cat to
sleep.
But what really happened was a month prior tothat, my 90 year old father had passed away and
I had not gone through the grief process.
So on that day when I put my my cat to sleep, Istarted to go through the process and then some
(05:05):
situation, you know, that proverbial straw thatbreaks the camel's back, one minor thing that
probably would have been just a blip on thescreen, irritated me, move on, it happened, and
it kicked off that grief cycle, but I went intoit very, very angrily.
So I say this to say, and again, 13 years ago,that those loving professionals who were there
(05:30):
to help me didn't acknowledge and see andsupport me to say that I'm going through a
normal natural process called grief, which, bythe way, now, different from 13 years ago, more
medical professionals, more therapeuticprofessionals are really seeing the value of
grief.
(05:50):
That's what started it for me.
However, did you know that unprocessed griefwill settle in the body leading to minor and
major aches and pains as well as lifethreatening diseases.
(06:12):
And this, to be honest, is really why I startedHealthy Grief.
So I shared a bit about my story, like,recognizing how grief can show up, like,
angrily.
Like, it's a normal natural process and moreprofessionals are recognizing it's a normal
natural process.
It's not something to be fixed.
But the thing is is about how do you do ithealthfully.
(06:34):
And 2 years ago, I ended up having clients cometo me.
So I use various different forms ofhypnotherapy to give some background over 30
years of leadership development coaching thatreally tying down into what's underneath that
subconscious and unconscious programming that'sunderneath.
So I had 3 clients who came to me 2 years ago.
(06:55):
All 3 of them had some minor or major ailmentas well to the reason why they came to me.
For example, a woman came to me significantlydepressed after a divorce and also had ovarian
cysts.
So when we release the energy associated withher depression, her her cyst disappeared.
(07:19):
Now, which is not uncommon, however, both sheand her doctor, because she was going in for
surgery, both she and her doctor were surprisedthat it completely healed over.
You couldn't even tell the cysts were there.
And I also had a client who came to me withstage 2 colon cancer 5 years after the the
(07:39):
tragic death of her husband, and she wascarrying around the guilt of not being able to
save him.
She actually is the poster child for healthygrief and her story is in here.
So when it comes to grief, there's differenttypes of grief, which I'll talk about it's a
significant loss.
When you have a deep sorrow over a significantloss, when what once was is was no longer.
(08:05):
Whether it is the passing of a loved one,whether it's a death or divorce, whether it is
a change in careers, whether it is a change inidentity because your first or last or only
child has gone off to college and you're anempty nester, and now you're wondering who am
I.
So all of those are actually different forms ofgrief.
(08:26):
However, there's ways that we can do ithealthfully.
And the question is, did you know, okay,unprocessed grief will settle in the body?
And according to the CDC, the two leadingcauses of death, both in 2023 and 2022, were
health diseases and cancers.
(08:48):
And there's more and more research coming outnow about cancers and health diseases relating
to grief.
So how can we do it healthfully?
So before I actually get into reading a portionof the introduction, LS, any questions or
thoughts you have?
No.
That was really good.
And I was gonna ask you about different typesof grief besides just the loss of a loved one,
(09:12):
and I'm glad you brought those up.
Because sometimes even traumatic events, a newjob, moving to a new place and a new house that
can people don't realize they have to saygoodbye to what was, and you've got this new
thing coming on.
And yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
There are even to the loss of hopes and dreams.
(09:35):
And even when I, I did my launch for the book,I talked about how I worked with a woman who in
her late forties ended up divorcing, had neverhad children.
It was a long term love of hers.
And she realized at that point in time, she'slike, oh my god.
I've I've always dreamed of being a mother, andI am now facing the fact that I may not be a
(09:58):
mother.
Now logistically, you can say, oh, there'sother ways.
You can still be a mother.
There But, no.
For her, she was truly settling in and grievingthe loss of that hope and dream of becoming a
mother at that point in time.
You have another story, like, somebody who isin middle school or high school, little Susie
(10:22):
is going for a certain part in the high schoolplay and doesn't get that part.
Right?
There is a grief over that hope and dream.
So so I say even on the back of my book, itsays grief is more than death and dying.
It's an everyday loss.
It's an everyday loss.
It's recognizing that that and you'll you'llhear as I read this, that we tend to live in a
(10:47):
grief avoidance society.
We don't wanna talk about death.
It's something to fix.
It's something wrong.
But truly, the more we have conversationsaround what loss is, how it impacts our life,
and how we can helpfully process through it, wecan normalize those conversations and navigate
(11:10):
it more healthfully.
Nice.
Nice.
Well, let's hear hear your reading from it.
I'm anxious now to see what
it's saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wanted to set that up first.
And why?
The splash on the front.
So this is a reading from the introduction ofthe book, and I mentioned, one of my one of my
(11:31):
clients who's the poster child for this, hername is Stephanie.
Her her story is also in the book about herloss of her husband and being diagnosed with
stage 2 colon cancer 5 years later.
So, really, some of this that I'm starting toread was inspired by a conversation she and I
had.
So here's the introduction slash it happened.
(11:53):
The world spins.
What once was is no longer, and there you arestill existing.
You're trained to shove everything down deep,which is exhausting.
So you release.
You let go.
You let go of the weight of the sorrow you'vecarried for so long.
Bubble to the surface, be free.
(12:16):
And there you lay, floating above the water'sedge easily and effortlessly, feeling the
warmth of the sun, penetrate and nurture andhold your precious heart.
In the vast ocean of human experience, grief isan unrelenting wave that crashes into our lives
(12:36):
when we least expect it.
It startles us like a sudden splash, leaving ussoaked in sorrow, disoriented, and struggling
to find our foot in the turbulent water ofloss.
Grief is an intrinsic part of human condition,a universal emotion that transcends the
boundaries of time, culture, and circumstance.
(13:00):
It doesn't discriminate.
It visits us in moments of profound personalloss such as the death of a loved one, the end
of a cherished relationship, or the shatteringof our dreams.
Grief is also the silent companion of broadersocietal and global losses, manifesting in
(13:21):
times of collective trauma, upheaval, orchange.
However, I'm gonna let you in on a littlesecret.
The key to healthy grief isn't just one thing.
It's not about following a specific process ortimeline.
It's not about bearing your feelings or tryingto fix your emotions.
(13:42):
It's about embracing all the things.
It's the waves of emotions such as unique andraw crashing against the shores of your own
heart.
It's a quiet moments of reflection like thestillness of a forest after a gentle rain.
It's the support and connection you find inunexpected places just like discovering that
(14:05):
treasure chest that's nestled deep within thelayers of your own experience.
There's no one size fits all solution to grief.
Just like in gardening where the perfect plantwon't magically transform your landscape, the
perfect solution won't instantly heal yourpain.
(14:25):
It's a journey of gradual growth andtransformation where you work on different
areas of your emotional landscape to createsomething uniquely beautiful.
The wonderful thing is there are so manydifferent ways to process grief.
The challenge is there are so many differentways to process grief.
(14:47):
What then is the right way?
In this book, Healthy Grief, it's it is nothere to give you the right answer on processing
grief because it's different for every singleperson.
You are unique and so is your grief.
But this isn't merely a book about loss andsadness.
(15:09):
We dive into the heart of heart wrenchingstories of individuals, there are 30 by the
way, 30 stories in here, of individuals whohave confronted loss head on and emerge
transformed.
It is a testament to the resilience of thehuman spirit, a roadmap to navigating the
uncharted waters of grief and a guiding lightfor those who feel lost and alone in their
(15:33):
mourning, which by the way at the time of thisrecording, today is actually the national
morning day for Jimmy Carter who passed awaylast month at the age of 100.
So just acknowledging that as we're recordingit.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So whether you're picking up this book whilenavigating aloft, assisting someone through
(15:55):
their grieving process, or simply seeking tounderstand the concept of toxic positivity.
It's crucial to recognize that each of us willencounter various forms of grief in our
lifetime.
This book is your guide to help you find yourspecial path through loss.
Our society offers abundant resources andencouragement for loss for success, excuse me,
(16:19):
success, acquisition, winning, and the pursuitof happiness, which by the way is actually
written into the declaration of independence.
Okay?
The pursuit of happiness.
We have educational systems, books, seminars,podcasts, and YouTube channels, which are
overflowing with how to guides for dating,career development, personal finance, and
(16:41):
optimal health and beauty.
Yet there is a noticeable void when it comes topreparing and guiding us through the inevitable
experience of loss, letting go, and grieving.
There's a scarcity of resources on how to copewith a breakup or divorce, release long
standing friendships, manage job loss orfinancial setback, face foreclosure or
(17:06):
bankruptcy, accept and move through aging andhealth issues, let go of loss or failed
expectations, handle the necessities todownsize or relocate or healthfully grieve the
loss of a loved one.
This book is intended to help you developbetter resilience when faced with life's
(17:27):
adversities and losses, focusing on the mostcommon throughout our lives.
As you journey through these pages, you maythey provide you guidance to engage in rather
than avoid meaningful conversations about griefand loss, avoid the biggest mistakes grievers
make that can lead to life threateningdiseases, discover the negative impact of toxic
(17:53):
positivity on healthy grieving and what you cando instead, learn the 5 stages to unlock your
unique path to healing even if you've beengrieving for decades, and find hope through
inspiring and powerful stories.
There are 30 in here.
So the last paragraph I'll read, in the contextof this book, we define grief as a deep
(18:17):
emotional sorrow experienced after asignificant loss when what once was is no
longer.
While grief is often associated with death anddying, our definition encompasses a category
also known as disenfranchised grief, whichbriefly, and I talk about more of them, can be
(18:38):
things like pets passing away or as we'vealready talked about things like like right
now, there are some major fires that are goingon in Southern California and Los Angeles.
Many people are losing their homes.
So there's various different forms of griefthat can show up, and this is a way in which we
can healthfully process through it.
(19:01):
Wow.
That's really impactful.
That covers so much.
You know, we moved down here recently, and mostof our items were packed away in storage.
And we were able to move some to a differentstorage unit.
And during that time, there were rats that camein there.
And so they got into things that they shouldn'thave, finally got the stuff clean, moved into
(19:25):
the house, and then somehow a mouse was in thehouse, started chewing on the family history
things that are irreplaceable.
Fortunately, it just caught the edges when Ifound it, but that can be a huge loss too
because once those things are gone, they'regone forever.
You can't pass them on.
(19:45):
You can't get them back.
They're one of a time things.
You know, it's like a photograph.
And sometimes it'll seem like the littlestthing will just set us off and we'll just start
bawling or, like you said, just get angry.
And and we need to go through that process.
And I hope this is okay if I say this.
(20:06):
If you see someone going through a griefprocess, you need to let them go through it.
Don't try to tell them, no.
Nope.
That's enough.
You've been grieving long enough.
If if it's going on longer than than what onewould think would be typical, Talk to them
about it, find out why they're still grieving,and maybe suggest they go see someone if it's,
(20:28):
you know, for an extended period of time.
But otherwise, let them be because we all gothrough it differently.
We all experience it for longer or shorterperiods of time.
And sometimes if you know what's coming, youactually grieve before it happened.
So you can't
get very grieve.
Yeah.
So where can we get this amazing book and learnmore from you?
(20:50):
Yes.
And I'll get to that in just a moment.
And I wanna emphasize what you just mentioned.
Healthy grief is not only for what I call thegriever, somebody who has gone through a
significant loss.
It is also for the supporter.
So this is what I call it's not just a book.
It's a life long companion.
If you need it, then it's too late.
Get it before you need it type thing.
(21:12):
Very good.
So in here, there's it does.
It it it how do you hold space for somebody whois grieving?
So that is a process.
What can you say that can support them, versusturn them off?
So this is much more than that.
So just to support what you said.
Thank you so much.
And, LS, thank you for that.
Sometimes
(21:33):
we don't know what to say.
So I'm glad you put that in your book.
Right.
In fact, even in here, one of the pages, it'slike, what can you say to somebody when you
just find that they have had gone through someform of a loss?
And it's just short phrases.
You really don't need to say something that isis a big and profound because it could be
(21:53):
triggering for them.
For example, to say, I had a gentleman Iinterviewed who had lost his son, death by
suicide, and somebody said, oh, he's in abetter place, which I'm sure in that person's
mind was a good thing to say, but it really itirritate no.
The the best place for my son would be to beback here online.
(22:14):
So it's it is another form of toxic positivity.
So, yes, I can do some of those.
So to answer your question yeah.
To answer your question, yes, you can findHealthy Grief on Amazon.
You can also find the trailer for the book.
You can also find the interview with JackCanfield and other resources that are there by
(22:37):
going to the actual trailer page associatedwith the site.
And the easiest way to get there is to go to myactual website, my main website, which is
doctorkarenkramer.com.
So think about my profile name as you see ithere without the dot in the middle,
doctorkarenkramer.com.
And right up there, one of the first ribbonsyou're going to see is new book, discover
(23:02):
healthy grief.
Click on that, and it'll go to the trailerpage.
You can also click on that to go to Amazonsites.
There's also quick links for internationalAmazon sites for other countries.
So make it easy there.
And also another piece that's empoweringbecause I've asked, gee, Karen, do you have it
(23:22):
in Audible yet?
Is it on Audible?
I will let you know.
No.
It's the hard copy.
It is the paperback.
It is the ebook that's there.
However, the resource section that is here, itactually will take you to, it'll actually take
you to a resource page.
Oh, no.
30 grief survivor case studies that are inthere.
(23:44):
One includes my own.
Every one of them read their story.
So you get to hear them.
I actually told them it's not audible ready.
I said, imagine you were sitting on the couchand you are sitting across the table from that
Starbucks person there, and you were sharingyour story from your heart.
(24:06):
So they, as well as myself, stumbled overwords, broke down crying.
I mean, it's one of those if you really wantsome heartfelt and truly hear it from them
that's not the audible ready audios, that alsois available by buying any one of the the
versions of Healthy Grief that are out therenow.
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
(24:27):
Thank you so much, and thank you for sharingyour book with us.
I really appreciate that.
I think you and I need to have a furtherconversation with my wisdom on the front porch.
We'll have to talk about that.
I'd love to, Alice.
I would love to.
Yeah.
So thank you so much for being here.
The name is Healthy Grief, and the website isdoctorkarenkramer.com.
(24:52):
And, go out and get the book.
Get it before you need it, like she said.
And and I think we need it all the time becausewe always know someone who's gonna go through
some type of grief.
If it isn't ourselves, we're gonna definitelyknow somebody who does that.
So be prepared.
Be prepared.
(25:13):
Yeah.
Thank you and we'll see you next time and we'llhear from the new new author on reading between
the words.
Wonderful.
Thank you.
Welcome to another episode of reading betweenthe words with doctor Karen Kramer who is here.
I thank you.
She's my special guest today, and we're justgonna jump right into it.
Tell us the name of your book, and then I wouldlike you just read a little bit from it if you
can.
Wonderful.
Well, the book is Healthy Grief, and thesubtitle is Normalizing and Navigating Loss in
(00:28):
a Culture of toxic positivity.
K?
So I can read a little bit here maybe before Ido because people have asked me, well, one, why
healthy grief as well as the splash and whyit's on the cover there.
So let me jump into that first, LS, before Ido.
(00:48):
Sounds good.
So I just wanna apologize to everybody.
I've got this horrible cold, flu, whatever youwanna call it, but we're just gonna let doctor
Kramer go.
And I give you such credit for just being atrooper and working through this.
So thank you.
Thank you for that.
Thank you.
Thank you.
So before we jump into this, it's helpfulbecause I usually get the question, like, why
(01:11):
healthy grief, and how did it start for me?
So I had one of those moments, LS, where it wasactually 13 years ago where I had one of those
moments where I just lost it, where most peopledon't know I'm normally not that way, but I
completely lost it.
I was yelling and screaming at my kids, cussingat my brothers, hanging up my phone, not my
(01:35):
norm, by the way.
Again, 13 years ago, I just lost it.
And I looked at the aftermath, you know, theaftermath where your kids are afraid to talk to
you, and my husband's like, I don't know whatjust happened and what just exploded, but let's
do the best.
So I did what and, again, this is 13 years agoas an as I'm sharing this brief story is
(01:56):
looking at the medical professionals and thetherapeutic professionals are there to support
us.
This is my story.
This is what I went through.
So here I went to see a therapist who I have tosay was probably newly minted, a very new
therapist.
Give her a lot of credit for that.
And she looked at me and she looked at mycredentials, looked at my background, and I can
(02:20):
sense that energy.
And she goes, I shared with her everything thatled up to that day.
And she goes, well, I think you havesituational anxiety.
I'm like, I don't even know what situationalanxiety is, but okay.
So I walked out of that session being labeledand sent to an anxiety group.
So realizing that wasn't really helping me andbeing in my early forties at the time, I
(02:44):
thought, well, maybe it was hormonal.
So I went to see my doctor and mind you,doctors are educated to within a short period
of time to identify what is going on with ourpatients and based upon their experience and
the resources they have to be able to quicklyidentify and quickly ratify whatever the
(03:06):
challenge is.
So within 2 minutes of sharing with the doctorwhat happened and led up to that day, she cut
me off and prescribed me drugs.
I'm the kind of person, LS, who basically like,I take over like, vitamin c and multivitamins,
but I barely take anything for, like, likeIbuprofen.
(03:29):
Yeah.
Especially talking about going through a coldand things like there are times going through a
cold, if I can't naturally process through itwith like water and other things, we're taking
medications, right?
Because we need that to be able to processthrough.
That's me.
I was not a normal type to take medication, soI avoided that.
Then my my husband's like, well, maybe youwanna go to that destination spa.
(03:52):
You know, that place where you get away, and bythe way, it was wonderful.
7 days away, LS.
I was I woke up in the morning.
I had all the meals were freshly made meals bya special chef.
We did exercises in the morning.
The afternoon was like massages and facials andin spa treatments.
(04:16):
It was amazing.
But within 2 hours of being back after that 7days away, I was bickering with my loving
husband again.
Right?
So all this to say, and this was 13 years ago,I walked out being labeled by a therapist,
prescribed drugs by a doctor, and only hadtemporary relief from being away for 7 days.
(04:40):
But what really led up to that day was that Ihad just put my 18 year old beloved cat to
sleep.
But what really happened was a month prior tothat, my 90 year old father had passed away and
I had not gone through the grief process.
So on that day when I put my my cat to sleep, Istarted to go through the process and then some
(05:05):
situation, you know, that proverbial straw thatbreaks the camel's back, one minor thing that
probably would have been just a blip on thescreen, irritated me, move on, it happened, and
it kicked off that grief cycle, but I went intoit very, very angrily.
So I say this to say, and again, 13 years ago,that those loving professionals who were there
(05:30):
to help me didn't acknowledge and see andsupport me to say that I'm going through a
normal natural process called grief, which, bythe way, now, different from 13 years ago, more
medical professionals, more therapeuticprofessionals are really seeing the value of
grief.
(05:50):
That's what started it for me.
However, did you know that unprocessed griefwill settle in the body leading to minor and
major aches and pains as well as lifethreatening diseases.
(06:12):
And this, to be honest, is really why I startedHealthy Grief.
So I shared a bit about my story, like,recognizing how grief can show up, like,
angrily.
Like, it's a normal natural process and moreprofessionals are recognizing it's a normal
natural process.
It's not something to be fixed.
But the thing is is about how do you do ithealthfully.
(06:34):
And 2 years ago, I ended up having clients cometo me.
So I use various different forms ofhypnotherapy to give some background over 30
years of leadership development coaching thatreally tying down into what's underneath that
subconscious and unconscious programming that'sunderneath.
So I had 3 clients who came to me 2 years ago.
(06:55):
All 3 of them had some minor or major ailmentas well to the reason why they came to me.
For example, a woman came to me significantlydepressed after a divorce and also had ovarian
cysts.
So when we release the energy associated withher depression, her her cyst disappeared.
(07:19):
Now, which is not uncommon, however, both sheand her doctor, because she was going in for
surgery, both she and her doctor were surprisedthat it completely healed over.
You couldn't even tell the cysts were there.
And I also had a client who came to me withstage 2 colon cancer 5 years after the the
(07:39):
tragic death of her husband, and she wascarrying around the guilt of not being able to
save him.
She actually is the poster child for healthygrief and her story is in here.
So when it comes to grief, there's differenttypes of grief, which I'll talk about it's a
significant loss.
When you have a deep sorrow over a significantloss, when what once was is was no longer.
(08:05):
Whether it is the passing of a loved one,whether it's a death or divorce, whether it is
a change in careers, whether it is a change inidentity because your first or last or only
child has gone off to college and you're anempty nester, and now you're wondering who am
I.
So all of those are actually different forms ofgrief.
(08:26):
However, there's ways that we can do ithealthfully.
And the question is, did you know, okay,unprocessed grief will settle in the body?
And according to the CDC, the two leadingcauses of death, both in 2023 and 2022, were
health diseases and cancers.
(08:48):
And there's more and more research coming outnow about cancers and health diseases relating
to grief.
So how can we do it healthfully?
So before I actually get into reading a portionof the introduction, LS, any questions or
thoughts you have?
No.
That was really good.
And I was gonna ask you about different typesof grief besides just the loss of a loved one,
(09:12):
and I'm glad you brought those up.
Because sometimes even traumatic events, a newjob, moving to a new place and a new house that
can people don't realize they have to saygoodbye to what was, and you've got this new
thing coming on.
And yeah.
Yes.
Yes.
There are even to the loss of hopes and dreams.
(09:35):
And even when I, I did my launch for the book,I talked about how I worked with a woman who in
her late forties ended up divorcing, had neverhad children.
It was a long term love of hers.
And she realized at that point in time, she'slike, oh my god.
I've I've always dreamed of being a mother, andI am now facing the fact that I may not be a
(09:58):
mother.
Now logistically, you can say, oh, there'sother ways.
You can still be a mother.
There But, no.
For her, she was truly settling in and grievingthe loss of that hope and dream of becoming a
mother at that point in time.
You have another story, like, somebody who isin middle school or high school, little Susie
(10:22):
is going for a certain part in the high schoolplay and doesn't get that part.
Right?
There is a grief over that hope and dream.
So so I say even on the back of my book, itsays grief is more than death and dying.
It's an everyday loss.
It's an everyday loss.
It's recognizing that that and you'll you'llhear as I read this, that we tend to live in a
(10:47):
grief avoidance society.
We don't wanna talk about death.
It's something to fix.
It's something wrong.
But truly, the more we have conversationsaround what loss is, how it impacts our life,
and how we can helpfully process through it, wecan normalize those conversations and navigate
(11:10):
it more healthfully.
Nice.
Nice.
Well, let's hear hear your reading from it.
I'm anxious now to see what
it's saying.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I wanted to set that up first.
And why?
The splash on the front.
So this is a reading from the introduction ofthe book, and I mentioned, one of my one of my
(11:31):
clients who's the poster child for this, hername is Stephanie.
Her her story is also in the book about herloss of her husband and being diagnosed with
stage 2 colon cancer 5 years later.
So, really, some of this that I'm starting toread was inspired by a conversation she and I
had.
So here's the introduction slash it happened.
(11:53):
The world spins.
What once was is no longer, and there you arestill existing.
You're trained to shove everything down deep,which is exhausting.
So you release.
You let go.
You let go of the weight of the sorrow you'vecarried for so long.
Bubble to the surface, be free.
(12:16):
And there you lay, floating above the water'sedge easily and effortlessly, feeling the
warmth of the sun, penetrate and nurture andhold your precious heart.
In the vast ocean of human experience, grief isan unrelenting wave that crashes into our lives
(12:36):
when we least expect it.
It startles us like a sudden splash, leaving ussoaked in sorrow, disoriented, and struggling
to find our foot in the turbulent water ofloss.
Grief is an intrinsic part of human condition,a universal emotion that transcends the
boundaries of time, culture, and circumstance.
(13:00):
It doesn't discriminate.
It visits us in moments of profound personalloss such as the death of a loved one, the end
of a cherished relationship, or the shatteringof our dreams.
Grief is also the silent companion of broadersocietal and global losses, manifesting in
(13:21):
times of collective trauma, upheaval, orchange.
However, I'm gonna let you in on a littlesecret.
The key to healthy grief isn't just one thing.
It's not about following a specific process ortimeline.
It's not about bearing your feelings or tryingto fix your emotions.
(13:42):
It's about embracing all the things.
It's the waves of emotions such as unique andraw crashing against the shores of your own
heart.
It's a quiet moments of reflection like thestillness of a forest after a gentle rain.
It's the support and connection you find inunexpected places just like discovering that
(14:05):
treasure chest that's nestled deep within thelayers of your own experience.
There's no one size fits all solution to grief.
Just like in gardening where the perfect plantwon't magically transform your landscape, the
perfect solution won't instantly heal yourpain.
(14:25):
It's a journey of gradual growth andtransformation where you work on different
areas of your emotional landscape to createsomething uniquely beautiful.
The wonderful thing is there are so manydifferent ways to process grief.
The challenge is there are so many differentways to process grief.
(14:47):
What then is the right way?
In this book, Healthy Grief, it's it is nothere to give you the right answer on processing
grief because it's different for every singleperson.
You are unique and so is your grief.
But this isn't merely a book about loss andsadness.
(15:09):
We dive into the heart of heart wrenchingstories of individuals, there are 30 by the
way, 30 stories in here, of individuals whohave confronted loss head on and emerge
transformed.
It is a testament to the resilience of thehuman spirit, a roadmap to navigating the
uncharted waters of grief and a guiding lightfor those who feel lost and alone in their
(15:33):
mourning, which by the way at the time of thisrecording, today is actually the national
morning day for Jimmy Carter who passed awaylast month at the age of 100.
So just acknowledging that as we're recordingit.
Thank you.
Yeah.
So whether you're picking up this book whilenavigating aloft, assisting someone through
(15:55):
their grieving process, or simply seeking tounderstand the concept of toxic positivity.
It's crucial to recognize that each of us willencounter various forms of grief in our
lifetime.
This book is your guide to help you find yourspecial path through loss.
Our society offers abundant resources andencouragement for loss for success, excuse me,
(16:19):
success, acquisition, winning, and the pursuitof happiness, which by the way is actually
written into the declaration of independence.
Okay?
The pursuit of happiness.
We have educational systems, books, seminars,podcasts, and YouTube channels, which are
overflowing with how to guides for dating,career development, personal finance, and
(16:41):
optimal health and beauty.
Yet there is a noticeable void when it comes topreparing and guiding us through the inevitable
experience of loss, letting go, and grieving.
There's a scarcity of resources on how to copewith a breakup or divorce, release long
standing friendships, manage job loss orfinancial setback, face foreclosure or
(17:06):
bankruptcy, accept and move through aging andhealth issues, let go of loss or failed
expectations, handle the necessities todownsize or relocate or healthfully grieve the
loss of a loved one.
This book is intended to help you developbetter resilience when faced with life's
(17:27):
adversities and losses, focusing on the mostcommon throughout our lives.
As you journey through these pages, you maythey provide you guidance to engage in rather
than avoid meaningful conversations about griefand loss, avoid the biggest mistakes grievers
make that can lead to life threateningdiseases, discover the negative impact of toxic
(17:53):
positivity on healthy grieving and what you cando instead, learn the 5 stages to unlock your
unique path to healing even if you've beengrieving for decades, and find hope through
inspiring and powerful stories.
There are 30 in here.
So the last paragraph I'll read, in the contextof this book, we define grief as a deep
(18:17):
emotional sorrow experienced after asignificant loss when what once was is no
longer.
While grief is often associated with death anddying, our definition encompasses a category
also known as disenfranchised grief, whichbriefly, and I talk about more of them, can be
(18:38):
things like pets passing away or as we'vealready talked about things like like right
now, there are some major fires that are goingon in Southern California and Los Angeles.
Many people are losing their homes.
So there's various different forms of griefthat can show up, and this is a way in which we
can healthfully process through it.
(19:01):
Wow.
That's really impactful.
That covers so much.
You know, we moved down here recently, and mostof our items were packed away in storage.
And we were able to move some to a differentstorage unit.
And during that time, there were rats that camein there.
And so they got into things that they shouldn'thave, finally got the stuff clean, moved into
(19:25):
the house, and then somehow a mouse was in thehouse, started chewing on the family history
things that are irreplaceable.
Fortunately, it just caught the edges when Ifound it, but that can be a huge loss too
because once those things are gone, they'regone forever.
You can't pass them on.
(19:45):
You can't get them back.
They're one of a time things.
You know, it's like a photograph.
And sometimes it'll seem like the littlestthing will just set us off and we'll just start
bawling or, like you said, just get angry.
And and we need to go through that process.
And I hope this is okay if I say this.
(20:06):
If you see someone going through a griefprocess, you need to let them go through it.
Don't try to tell them, no.
Nope.
That's enough.
You've been grieving long enough.
If if it's going on longer than than what onewould think would be typical, Talk to them
about it, find out why they're still grieving,and maybe suggest they go see someone if it's,
(20:28):
you know, for an extended period of time.
But otherwise, let them be because we all gothrough it differently.
We all experience it for longer or shorterperiods of time.
And sometimes if you know what's coming, youactually grieve before it happened.
So you can't
get very grieve.
Yeah.
So where can we get this amazing book and learnmore from you?
(20:50):
Yes.
And I'll get to that in just a moment.
And I wanna emphasize what you just mentioned.
Healthy grief is not only for what I call thegriever, somebody who has gone through a
significant loss.
It is also for the supporter.
So this is what I call it's not just a book.
It's a life long companion.
If you need it, then it's too late.
Get it before you need it type thing.
(21:12):
Very good.
So in here, there's it does.
It it it how do you hold space for somebody whois grieving?
So that is a process.
What can you say that can support them, versusturn them off?
So this is much more than that.
So just to support what you said.
Thank you so much.
And, LS, thank you for that.
Sometimes
(21:33):
we don't know what to say.
So I'm glad you put that in your book.
Right.
In fact, even in here, one of the pages, it'slike, what can you say to somebody when you
just find that they have had gone through someform of a loss?
And it's just short phrases.
You really don't need to say something that isis a big and profound because it could be
(21:53):
triggering for them.
For example, to say, I had a gentleman Iinterviewed who had lost his son, death by
suicide, and somebody said, oh, he's in abetter place, which I'm sure in that person's
mind was a good thing to say, but it really itirritate no.
The the best place for my son would be to beback here online.
(22:14):
So it's it is another form of toxic positivity.
So, yes, I can do some of those.
So to answer your question yeah.
To answer your question, yes, you can findHealthy Grief on Amazon.
You can also find the trailer for the book.
You can also find the interview with JackCanfield and other resources that are there by
(22:37):
going to the actual trailer page associatedwith the site.
And the easiest way to get there is to go to myactual website, my main website, which is
doctorkarenkramer.com.
So think about my profile name as you see ithere without the dot in the middle,
doctorkarenkramer.com.
And right up there, one of the first ribbonsyou're going to see is new book, discover
(23:02):
healthy grief.
Click on that, and it'll go to the trailerpage.
You can also click on that to go to Amazonsites.
There's also quick links for internationalAmazon sites for other countries.
So make it easy there.
And also another piece that's empoweringbecause I've asked, gee, Karen, do you have it
(23:22):
in Audible yet?
Is it on Audible?
I will let you know.
No.
It's the hard copy.
It is the paperback.
It is the ebook that's there.
However, the resource section that is here, itactually will take you to, it'll actually take
you to a resource page.
Oh, no.
30 grief survivor case studies that are inthere.
(23:44):
One includes my own.
Every one of them read their story.
So you get to hear them.
I actually told them it's not audible ready.
I said, imagine you were sitting on the couchand you are sitting across the table from that
Starbucks person there, and you were sharingyour story from your heart.
(24:06):
So they, as well as myself, stumbled overwords, broke down crying.
I mean, it's one of those if you really wantsome heartfelt and truly hear it from them
that's not the audible ready audios, that alsois available by buying any one of the the
versions of Healthy Grief that are out therenow.
Oh, that sounds wonderful.
(24:27):
Thank you so much, and thank you for sharingyour book with us.
I really appreciate that.
I think you and I need to have a furtherconversation with my wisdom on the front porch.
We'll have to talk about that.
I'd love to, Alice.
I would love to.
Yeah.
So thank you so much for being here.
The name is Healthy Grief, and the website isdoctorkarenkramer.com.
(24:52):
And, go out and get the book.
Get it before you need it, like she said.
And and I think we need it all the time becausewe always know someone who's gonna go through
some type of grief.
If it isn't ourselves, we're gonna definitelyknow somebody who does that.
So be prepared.
Be prepared.
(25:13):
Yeah.
Thank you and we'll see you next time and we'llhear from the new new author on reading between
the words.
Wonderful.
Thank you.
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