All Episodes

February 14, 2025 • 19 mins
Terry Bean presents an overview of her new book, sharing the motivation and personal story that inspired its creation. She discusses the role of vulnerability in conflict resolution and how her book addresses this theme. The episode delves into various tools and techniques for resolving conflicts and the importance of setting intentions in the process. Terry provides information on where listeners can purchase the book and how they can contact her for coaching services.
Mark as Played
Transcript

Episode Transcript

Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:10):
Welcome to another episode of reading betweenwords.
What does that really mean?
It means that the author themselves
will tell you their story.
They'll tell you why they wrote it, what theywant you to get out of it, and all the other
little details and secrets that
you wouldn't normally get to know.
So let's join in on

(00:30):
a lesson.
Hi, and welcome to another episode of ReadingBetween the Words.
And today, we have Teri Bean with us.
And her book is called Bridging the Divide.
I'm gonna have take this out to look at it.
It's okay.
Bridging the Divide, the Art and Science ofConflict Resolution, 10 tools and techniques

(00:55):
for peaceful solutions.
And the reason I have it printed here isbecause she just released it.
She doesn't even have her author copies yet,but I am going to share my screen and show you
that you can get it on Amazon right now.
And it says a Kindle book.

(01:17):
Oh, it looks like you also have the paper bookavailable.
Is that right?
I sure do.
I sure do.
It's in both.
It's in paperback as well as Google.
Oh, that's good.
Good.
Yes.
Okay.
So let's get to know you, the author.
What made you decide to write this book?

(01:37):
Well, first of all, I wanna thank you.
This is a very exciting time for me, and thisbook is a long time coming, actually.
Probably, well, since everything first tookplace in my life as a catalyst to get to this
point, that was over ten years ago.
Yeah.

(01:57):
Yet, once again, thank you, Ellis, for havingme and for having me on the podcast.
Bridging the divide, it it was a soul searchingproject.
The olive branch that's in the middle of thatdivided road right now is something that I put

(02:19):
out and have put out to people in my life andto family in my life, and I'm sure many of our
listeners can understand that.
You know?
When you have a conflict with someone, who'sgonna really make that move, that next first
move?
And for me, this is a passion project becausemy family and I were estranged for three years

(02:43):
of my life.
So I was not speaking with my sister and mymom.
And it was a tough time in my life.
You know?
I was down in Florida, and they were up in NewYork.
And there was just absolutely no communicationin that constant make wrong and staying in that
place of I'm not gonna be the one.

(03:04):
Finally, I, through the soul searching, came tothe conclusion that this is not really what I
want.
My mom was becoming older and older and older,and, you know, I had lost my dad.
And I was literally grieving her death whileshe was living, and that is a horrible feeling.

(03:26):
And I decided this is not the way I wanna endthings with her.
You know?
She's a pretty extraordinary lady.
I mean, she's mom.
So many of us have mom issues.
No doubt, male or female.
Yet that's not the way I wanted to end it.
So I did, hand out that olive branch, andthat's kind of the cover of the book and the

(03:50):
way everything manifested itself, or as I liketo say, fem fested
itself.
Wow.
Yeah.
It's and it's hard to be vulnerable, especiallyto people you don't know.
You have the readers out there.
So you went through this experience yourself.

(04:13):
I'm going to assume everything is betterbetween your mom and your sister and you.
So this is what's so interesting.
You brought up a very key word in what you justsaid, which is vulnerability.
And for me, when I decided to come back up toNew York, I wrote my sister an email and said,
hey.

(04:33):
We need to get together, but I know based onour personalities, and this doesn't always
happen, but based on our personalities, wewould just explode in a room, and I needed that
mediator.
So I found a mediator actually in New York, afabulous five zero one c three.
It's called the Peace Institute, interestinglyenough.

(04:55):
And, they spent some time with me one day, sometime with her one day, and then we both came
together.
And guess what?
At that table, pure vulnerability.
So once we got super vulnerable together and wespoke our truths yet mediated it, right, the

(05:15):
tears shed.
We were able to come together because that'sreally all we want as humans is peace and love.
That's really what we're seeing.
And through this book, I've been able to createsome tools and techniques that people can
navigate through.
You know?

(05:36):
And sometimes it's tougher for them, so they'llcall on me for, you know, for that kind of
coaching or being able to communicate, with,you know, two individuals and walk them
through, you know, the process together.
Because, again, that's what we're looking forto come to that end result of peace in our

(05:57):
lives, and that's really what we want.
So, yes, excuse me, to your question.
Things are much better.
They've been since I'm now, I guess, you know,for about seven years, eight years, and now I'm
the one back in New York caretaking my momwho's nice.

(06:20):
So that comes with a lot of its own conflictsand issues as well, which I address in the book
a bit.
It's not an easy time.
I'm not the sandwich generation.
You know?
There there are no children, and I'm not thatgeneration anyway.
But, I am, you know, that generation at thispoint in my life and many of my, you know,

(06:43):
associates and friends are where, you know,they have elderly parents that they need to
caretake now, and that's where I'm at.
Yeah.
So but there's beautiful love and and andconnection and friendship that I cherish right
now.
I mean, it's you know, you you realize howprecious time is.
Yeah.

(07:04):
Oh, that's really beautiful.
So, essentially, your book really has becomethe mediator between people who are having a
conflict.
Yeah.
Most definitely.
And that could be touched upon whether it'sbetween two people in a personal relationship,
married or partnership, or even, people whoare, you know, having difficulties in an office

(07:32):
setting because that's very important.
You know, there's some division that happensthere between teams.
There's division sometimes within the officesetting, etcetera.
And there are, of course, family conflicts thatcome up quite often.
So I touch upon every single one of them,pretty much in the book that that, I think will

(07:52):
be very, very helpful for people.
Mhmm.
Alright.
So you have there's 10 tools and techniques.
Can you kinda just mention what the 10 arequick?
No.
I want people to read my book.
What I can do is touch upon a couple of thingsthat that I think are really, really important.

(08:18):
Okay.
And and, also, if you'd like me to read a bitof a passage in the book as
well.
Fantastic.
Yes.
But I I I can definitely give some insightthere.
You know, communication is is is the key toeverything.
Right?
Because some people literally shut down as wedid, as my family did.

(08:42):
We shut down.
So I'll touch upon the 10 techniques in a bit,you know, as I as I go through my conversation
with you.
But communication and active listening isextremely important, but what is it, and how do
we actively listen to to someone?
That's something I very much touch upon.

(09:02):
I touch upon, a technique that's very, veryimportant that some people have even learned in
in school as children.
I've spoken with a couple of teachers in mylife, and people do, teach their kids.
Don't point and say you.

(09:22):
Turn that finger around and say I.
Right?
Well, that's a you knew
I'm sorry?
I was gonna say one thing that I've learned,through the different speaking events that I
do.
And in fact, when I talk about this, it's likeyou may have one finger pointing at them.

(09:43):
You've got three more pointing right back atyou.
Exactly right.
That's exactly right.
Yet in our conversations, we're typicallypointing them out in what they've done wrong
and what they need to do differently to make usfeel better.
Okay.
And so
recommend?

(10:04):
Yeah.
So there's a couple of there are a couple ofkey elements in there, and one of them is
responsibility.
Right?
So taking responsibility for our own actionsand our own reactions is very, very important.
The other one is, when we when we speak tosomeone, instead of pointing out what they did

(10:26):
wrong, pointing out how you're feeling, I'mfeeling, how I am feeling will trigger
something that's very different.
You know?
There's a sense of com there's more compassionthat comes into that conversation when you
start talking about yourself and your ownfeelings and not saying I feel when you do.

(10:52):
Mm-mm.
That pattern doesn't work.
It's more like, I feel this way.
Can you do or would you do this?
Right?
So you're setting up a bit of a boundary,number one, which is very, very important.
And you're also you're you're sharing withsomeone what's important to you in

(11:15):
communicating to you and how you can cometogether in conversation.
So that's, that IU piece is extremelyimportant.
Yeah.
Yeah.
That's interesting where you said that becauseusually we're we're taught to say, when you did

(11:37):
this, this is how I felt from it.
And you're saying not to do that.
You're saying, I'm feeling this, and this issomething I would like you to do to This it
would
be it would feel better to me if when wecommunicate, we can communicate like this and

(12:00):
then share it.
And then they'll share as well because they maynot be in that same place.
It may not feel right for them to communicatein the same way yet to open up that dialogue.
Right?
You'll both be able to understand the needs ofeach other in your communication, and they'll

(12:22):
just be you'll be able to speak at a differentlevel, just at a very, very different level and
understanding and connection.
And I think, you know, that's what we're losinga lot of is the connection with each other.
The connection is going south for a lot ofreasons.
We're bombarded every day by technology and byour to do list and everything else, and we're

(12:47):
losing that present moment.
And those present moments are very, veryimportant to have these kind of important
conversations.
You know?
So I have a question about that.
It's, you know, a lot of husbands and wivespartners have conflict over something.
And instead of saying, you know, if you're whenyou do this, it makes me feel this way.

(13:11):
So instead of saying that, saying, I'd like tohave a conversation with you, but I'd like you
to, not shut me down when I speak.
Somehow, I still feel like that's not quiteright.

(13:32):
You know why?
Because it's so hard to take the you out of theout of the dialogue.
It's pretty amazing, isn't it?
Right?
To to be able to to to discontinue pointing thefinger and saying you need to do this to,

(13:54):
again, make me feel better.
First of all, no one can really make up make usdo anything.
Right?
It's our choice to do what we're gonna do andhow we're gonna feel.
That's bless you.
That's that's very, very important, to know.

(14:17):
Now the when you're getting into a conflict toshare with someone, when we get into this
particular conflict, I I feel this way, and itwould be extremely helpful to be able to
communicate like this.

(14:41):
Is that something that's possible?
So, again, in talking, it's it's literally andit takes work, Ellis.
It's not it's not easy to take that u out totake the u out.
It's really, really interesting as we go on,but like anything else, it's a muscle memory

(15:04):
that will continue and and it will build.
And it will again, it will truly, truly open updialogue to a lot more peace in people's lives.
And they'll get to an understanding how eachone of them is is is communicating to each

(15:24):
other what their needs are, you know, in thatdialogue and how to dialogue when a conflict
comes up.
One one one thing, and I can read from from mybook right now.
It's very important, and it's a great segueinto this is, you know, we talk about and we
hear a lot about setting intentions.
Right?

(15:45):
But a lot of people, when they go into aconflict or they know that there it's gonna be
a tough conversation that they're gonna have,and it could be with their child, you know,
their teenager.
I've had a few of those in my life.
So it could be with their teenager.
It could be with whomever it is, you know, thatit's a tough conversation walking into an

(16:08):
environment.
There are intentions that can be setbeforehand.
So instead of coming from that anger, right, orthat hostility when you're walking into the
situation, what is the outcome that you trulywant?
Well, you don't want that anger to persist.
Right?
Many people stand in their self righteousness.

(16:30):
Right?
Yet that's not gonna bring up that's not gonnabring on those peaceful solutions.
So this is a particular, chapter that I have.
It's 1.6.
And on page 16, would you like me to start?
You tell me.
Yeah.
Go ahead.

(16:52):
Setting intentions for peaceful outcomes.
So setting intentions is a powerful yet oftenoverlooked aspect of conflict resolution.
Setting intentions involves having clear goalsand a positive focus when a conflict occurs.
This means knowing what outcome you want toachieve and aiming for a resolution that is

(17:12):
both peaceful and constructive.
When you set intentions, you create a mentalframework that guides your behavior and
responses, helping you stay focused on thedesired outcome rather than being sidetracked
by emotions or distractions.
So a lot of my book, Alice, is is reallykeeping mindful, you know, and present in the

(17:37):
moment during these conflicts so you cannavigate that com that conversations
conversation to that peaceful solution.
That's awesome.
Thank you.
I can read some more, but, you know, I guessthat's Mhmm.
Yeah.
So we can get it on Amazon right now.

(17:58):
Correct?
Yes.
Absolutely.
Yeah.
And if people wanna get a hold of you forcoaching, how would they do that?
Right now, my it's thewisebeanthewisebeancoaching.com.
It hasn't come out yet, but that's gonna be thewisebeancoaching.com is one.

(18:19):
I've been called wise probably my entire life,so I'm taking that on.
And, they, of course, can get in touch with me,through Facebook.
I'm on Facebook, Terry Bean.
I've got one of those fun names to go throughlife with, so that's always it always fun.
I don't know that I'd give my phone number outhere, though, though I can.

(18:44):
I mean
They contact you through social media.
They can they can contact me really throughsocial media.
I'm also, wise bean coaching, at Gmail for now.
So they can they can contact me that way aswell.
Yes, please.
Great.
Well, thank you so much, and thank you for yourbook.

(19:06):
That sounds really amazing.
Yes.
It's a I think it's a, like I said, a specialproject that I'm determined to help a lot of
people out there, Alice.
So thank you thank you again for giving me thisplatform.
I appreciate it very much.
Oh, well, thank you, and thank you for being onReading Between the Words.

(19:27):
You know?
Thank you for being here on Reading Between theWords.
You can find more information atshinewithls.com and at www.lscirkpatrick.com.
Thank you.
We'll see you next time on Reading Between theWords.
Advertise With Us

Popular Podcasts

Dateline NBC

Dateline NBC

Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com

24/7 News: The Latest

24/7 News: The Latest

The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.

Therapy Gecko

Therapy Gecko

An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.

Music, radio and podcasts, all free. Listen online or download the iHeart App.

Connect

© 2025 iHeartMedia, Inc.