August 24, 2025 • 67 mins
What if your strongest triggers were actually gateways to profound healing? Dr. Nima Rahmani takes us on a powerful journey from his days as a successful chiropractor to becoming a specialist in shadow work and relationship transformation – but not before experiencing his own painful wake-up call.
After finding himself trapped in toxic relationship patterns that culminated in a physically abusive incident, Dr. Nima was forced to confront the attachment wounds and self-abandonment cycles driving his behavior. The insights from this personal reckoning now form the foundation of his revolutionary approach to becoming "trigger-proof."
Through vivid storytelling and practical wisdom, Dr. Nima explains how our childhood conditioning teaches us to abandon ourselves for connection, creating unconscious patterns that follow us into adulthood. He challenges common misconceptions about trauma healing, warning that diagnoses can become prisons and that many spiritual practices actually help us avoid feeling difficult emotions rather than processing them.
The conversation explores shadow work – the integration of disowned parts of ourselves – and how our strongest triggers reveal where we're still fragmented. Dr. Nima shares how healing isn't about never getting triggered, but developing the capacity to recognize self-abandonment in the moment and respond from our adult self rather than our wounded inner child.
Whether you're struggling with codependency, finding yourself in repetitive relationship patterns, or simply wanting more emotional freedom, this episode offers a compassionate roadmap toward secure attachment and authentic self-expression. Dr. Nima's forthcoming book "Becoming Trigger-Proof" promises to expand on these transformative concepts when it releases next year.
Dr. Nima Rahmany is a leading expert in shadow work, emotional regulation, and healing attachment wounds. After a successful career as a chiropractor, he left the profession to dive deep into the realm of trauma healing and relationship transformation. Driven by his own journey of overcoming toxic patterns and becoming "trigger-proof," Dr. Nima now helps high achievers, parents, and professionals break free from the cycles of codependency and self-abandonment.
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Episode Transcript
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Speaker 2 (00:21):
This is Ready Set Reiki, a podcast about Reiki and
all energy work, from thecurious beginner to the seasoned
master teacher, welcoming allsystems, all lineages and all
levels.
Reiki is a journey and not adestination, and on this Ready
Set Reiki journey, I refer tomyself as a guide rather than a
host, as I, too, am traveling,helping, supporting others and
(00:42):
learning on this Reiki journeyas well.
And with that said, I am yourguide, tracy C Wright.
And this is Ready Set Reiki.
Hello, beautiful listeners,tracy C Wright, ready Set Reiki.
So today on our journey, soexcited to connect with this
(01:04):
wonderful, amazing guest.
Dr Nima Rambani Now is a leadingexpert in shadow work,
something that you know many ofus healers definitely have to
deal with Emotional regulation,healing attachment wounds and,
after a successful career as achiropractor, he left the
profession to dive deep into therealm of trauma healing and
relationship transformation.
Now he was driven by his ownjourney of overcoming toxic
(01:27):
patterns and becomingtrigger-proof.
Can't wait to hear about this.
Dr Nima now helps highachievers, parents,
professionals, break free fromthe cycles of codependency and
self-abandonment.
So let's give a warm, ready setReiki.
Welcome to Dr Nima, welcome.
It's so good to be here.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Tracy Reiki.
Welcome to Dr Nima.
Welcome, it's so good to behere, Tracy.
Can't wait to dive into thistopic.
Wonderful, so let's begin ourjourney together.
So I gave the listeners a tinybit about you, but I know
there's a whole lot more tolearn.
When I was younger, I had my, Iwas dealing with headaches, and
(02:09):
I went to a chiropractor and Ihad my first chiropractic
adjustment and I was like, wow,I want to do that.
And so, you know, at the age of13, I was set, you know, got
all the courses, the university,what university I wanted to go
to, what chiropractic school?
And I just had my path reallyclearly set.
(02:29):
And after I graduated fromchiropractic school, I went.
I saw this man in my first yearof chiropractic excuse me, in my
first year of chiropracticschool.
Before I graduated, there was akind of like an assembly where
a speaker was teaching His nameis Dr John Demartini and he just
blew my mind and I justfinished, you know, the session
(02:52):
in tears and I turned to myfriend next to me sitting next
to me, Yvette, one of myclassmates.
I said I want to learn to dowhat he just did, which was
really to inspire and to helpconnect me to myself, which was
really to inspire and to helpconnect me to myself with a
greater possibility.
So when I graduatedchiropractic, I went and I was
(03:19):
always interested in learningabout that intricate kind of
reframe our thoughts andperceptions and stories, the
narratives that we create tohelp us align our reality with
who we would love to become,with an identity of who we'd
love to become.
And so I just kept studyingthat John Demartini's work,
(03:43):
Byron Katie's work and I justbecame hungry to learn how can I
learn, how to shift my thoughtsand perceptions to help me deal
with my childhood anxiety?
This was really the big issuethat I was working on resolving,
and so, as I learned more, Iwould integrate more into my
(04:17):
practice and slowly I just feltinspired.
After about six, seven years ofpractice 10 years of practice
you start to see patterns inpatients.
As for chiropractic care, wereactually dealing with
stress-related disorders,problems that, if you go
upstream, had to do with stress,with attachments that were
ruptured in their lives, withdivorce, grief, loss, past
(04:39):
trauma.
They're still carrying it and Iwas seeing on the table the
result of unresolved wounding.
So I started to put two and twotogether and create these
little workshops in my officecalled Life Skills for a
Stressful World, where I startedthe process back in 2009 of
teaching patients how to becometheir own medicine.
(05:02):
But it wasn't until I got into,you know.
I was married and then divorced,and then going through a series
of failed relationships, oneafter another, about eight or
nine, until I finally met thisone that really woke me up to a
deeper awareness that I wasn'twhat I wasn't aware of.
(05:24):
I started realizing after thisrelationship became abusive that
I was caught in a trauma bond.
Now abusive was happening bothways.
There was emotional abuse,psychological abuse, and then I
became physically abusive inreaction to the dynamic between
(05:46):
us.
And March 11th 2018 was amoment, a night, that I will
never forget.
It just became so volatile thatI actually physically, with an
open hand, slapped her as aresult of push and pull and huge
volatility.
(06:06):
So I had to wake up.
It was a huge wake-up call forme to go all right.
How did I end up here?
How do I make sure that thisnever happens again?
And number three, why is it thatevery relationship that I've
ever had has been kind of inthis toxic push and pull dynamic
?
It had never been physicallyviolent, ever, but it was always
(06:29):
.
You know, I was more kind oflike avoiding, running away,
hiding Chase, you know, is thiscat and mouse game of push and
pull.
Can I have a securerelationship?
That was my question.
Number three is it possible forme to break free from this
really toxic push and pull,distance or pursuer dynamic and
(06:51):
have what I never had before,which was a secure relationship?
And so, check, I figured thatone out.
Number two, number three andonce I figured that out, now I'm
happily married with abeautiful four-year-old son.
At the recording of this it'sgoing to start kindergarten in
about a month.
I thought, okay, number four mykarma has to become my dharma,
(07:13):
my sacred purpose, my duty toteach people what I most needed.
And this was where the world ofmy path to, to getting there
from you, avoidant, toxic,trauma-bonded relationship
that's codependent to healthy,secure attachment that journey
was understanding, somaticexperiencing, the polyvagal
(07:36):
theory, intense, deep shadowwork, somatic work getting out
of my head, getting into my body.
I realized that all of thepersonal development work that I
was doing was mainly more of acognitive type of a bypass,
rather than to help me avoidfeeling, and so I had to learn
how to expand my capacitysomatically for the sensations
(07:59):
of all of the emotions that Iwas avoiding by using personal
development work.
And I realize now that mostpeople doing personal
development, most people doingtherapy, most people in the
spiritual kind of realm, areactually either spiritually
bypassing or cognitivelybypassing, using the work to
(08:20):
actually avoid pain.
And it was what I discovered.
It was only through expandingmy capacity for sensation,
moving through the pain, that Iwas able to heal and I say heal
not as a past tense but as aongoing lifestyle and practice,
and the concept of becomingtrigger-proof was born.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Right.
And sadly, through all thedifferent things, I've learned
as well that you have to gothrough it and if not, you keep
repeating those same cycles,which you did as well through
your experiences.
But in your journey you hadenough sense, you know, to stop
and say wait a minute, I'm tiredof this, I'm tired of the
(09:02):
merry-go-round, I want to getoff.
What can I do to change, whatcan I do to shift?
And and you know one of thethings, as a very young teacher,
the best advice I ever got forteaching children was if it
doesn't work, stop and redirect,and you can really bring that
into your own journey that ifit's not working, what can you
do?
It's okay, change directions.
(09:24):
So kudos for you for continuingon.
And and what a blessing youknow now married and have a
child, I mean, and that showsyou right there, that's the
proof, that's the prize, right?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
And it wouldn't have happened unless I experienced an
epic wake up call of thoseproportions.
I mean, I'm a chiropractor,here I am.
I mean I could sit here and sayI was reacting and all this
there, I was being pushed and Iwas being mentally,
psychologically abused all ofwhich is true, but the truth of
(09:56):
the matter is, how did I getthere?
I had to really look at myselfand take responsibility for how
I got there, and when you dothat, it's not about blaming
them, you.
The word blame, and and andfault has to get thrown out the
window.
And we got to go back andunderstand the runway that led
(10:17):
us to the point where we becamethe perfect person in that
dynamic to heal.
And once I did that, I'm like,wow, uh.
I love guiding people who areready to heal, let go of that
victim narrative and to actuallyheal so that they can have
healthy relationships.
Because you can't have ahealthy relationship yet, still
(10:38):
be entrenched and ensnared andconstrained by an identity of
your past that you keepreferring back to.
You've got to be able to get asense of completion with it.
So I love guiding people whoare ready to heal through that
same path and process.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Beautiful and I loved how you phrased it the realm of
trauma healing, and so thisrealm of trauma healing and
energy work would you say thatthis energy work found you, or
(11:21):
you know you found it.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
The experience that I went through and what I, how I
reacted and what I became that'snot I always say I was like
that's not what I signed up for.
Um, you know, my partner and I,we were both doing a lot of
personal development.
We were running a community.
You know she was working in mybusiness and we were both stuck
in our heads with our kind oflike cognitive work that we had
(11:46):
done.
We hadn't really gone to thedepths of it, but what happened
as a result of ourunconsciousness I mean the first
and foremost, the shame of itwas just overwhelming.
Like to the point where Ididn't think I could even move
on.
Like I remember I had tookselfie videos of myself back in
it was around April of 2018saying I don't think I can ever
(12:11):
teach again when people find outhow I reacted, how I responded,
who I was.
Nobody's ever going to hire meagain because I had really
worked hard to put on thispersona of like healer.
You know I'm entertaining, Iwould do rap songs, and so for
me to react that way was like anego death, like I had to
(12:34):
realize that I had a mask, I wasperforming this, this character
of Dr Nima.
And so, in the journey of like,putting down this tendency to
want to be the hero and rescuerof other people, now that I'm
publicly being perceived as likethe villain, I had to actually
stop.
(12:54):
I had to drop the mask and findout who the heck I really was.
And it wasn't in that, it wasin that journey of finding who I
was beneath the character thatI created to gain external
validation, that I realized that, hey wait, I'm not alone.
We all have stuff that we feelashamed about.
We all have.
When we look back, there'sregrets and there's shame of how
(13:19):
we reacted to things, how weresponded to things, how we've
abandoned ourselves for the sakeof connection.
And so, in my journey of like,transparently sharing exactly
where I went through, not as akind of like a guru, as like
somebody who's up on amountaintop, but as a human
being who, who you know, had tointegrate a lot of shame that
(13:43):
we're all like, we're all one inthe same, and so so I didn't
sign up for the exact form thatI'm speaking about.
You know, talking about assault.
You know I had to plead guiltyin court to that experience.
I had to go through the entirething.
It was me kind of surrenderingthat, okay, this isn't what I
(14:04):
had in mind universalintelligence but I'm going to
surrender and I'd like to beused to help others.
And so now when people hear mystory, they message me saying
men and women saying you know,I've you know, I've you know,
thank you for your honesty.
I've actually been there too,on the receiving end.
(14:24):
So I really want to work withyou because, you know, I want to
help, understand and actuallyheal.
And then on the other one, onthe other side, where men and
women are reaching out to mesaying, yeah, I've become
abusive too.
I'm so ashamed.
And you give me hope that thereis a path to healing, that I
can go from that toxic dynamicto something healthy, a path to
(14:48):
healing that I can go from thattoxic dynamic to something
healthy.
And that's really what I'm hereto do is to share my journey.
That's quite embarrassing tohelp other people realize that
who you've been in the past doesnot necessarily have to be who
you are in the future.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Right, right.
And here's the part of yourhealing journey is taking
accountability, and that's whatyou've done.
You know you're helping andthen taking it a step further by
helping others, I mean what doyou?
Think that right, I alwayslooked at it as every you know
saint has a past, every centerhas a future.
So I know they're doing gooddeeds.
(15:22):
I mean something.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
And when.
When I did research on this,the people who shine the
greatest light have the darkestshadows.
Right, they came to that lightfrom this really dark, checkered
past, you know so you look atyou, look at anyone, you examine
their biographies and it'll bevery similar.
So my mess is my message.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Sure, sure.
I mean you probably think backin time of individuals who
walked the surf maybe with theexception of Jesus right that
had some kind of thing going onand act like they're this guru,
and then, behind the scenes, youhear different stories as well.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
So but you know, I live that.
Yeah, I live that.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
And you move forward and you're helping and being of
service to others, so well donefor that 100%.
As you're going through yourjourney helping others, you have
this trigger-proof method.
What is some of themisconceptions about your work?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
The biggest misconception about my work?
Great question, wow, I lovethat you asked that.
The biggest misconception,which is a distortion of the
work, is that the work that Iteach is all about blaming
victims, right, when you knowthis is a very sensitive topic
where we have in the traumaworld, where there are stages of
(16:43):
healing, and that first stageis, you know, you become
victimized in a moment, right,and there is pain, there's
emotional pain, there is thisexperience of shame that can
happen.
It's like at first, you'resitting there, you're blaming
yourself, right, and whathappens is when we start to do
(17:07):
therapy, we find groups, supportgroups, chat rooms, you know
forums that then help us createlanguage, create some language
that helps us make sense of thesituation.
We use the term survivor, weuse the, you know, especially
within the health field, people,would you know, come to me with
(17:30):
back pain and say, oh, thedoctor says I have
osteoarthritis, and so thebiggest misconception is the
dualistic nature of labels anddiagnosis.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yes, I do so when you get adiagnosis like PTSD or trauma
survivor oh no, first andforemost, it's super helpful
(17:57):
because you have all thesesymptoms, you're in a lot of
pain and you're in so much shamethat you think something's
wrong with me.
It was my fault, I'm to blame.
And when you see a therapist ora content creator or some sort
of book or something that helpsbring language to your situation
, no, I'm a survivor, I am aPTSD.
I remember I was in amastermind this one time and
(18:24):
this guy was going through alegal battle with one of his
clients that sued him for racism.
And it wasn't racism, he was.
Clearly he was an opportunist.
He was trying to use that totry to gain resources from him,
and it was like a two-yearbattle.
And so, as we were in themastermind, he was talking about
(18:45):
it, he was going through thelegal process and he was just
down and he was spinning andruminating over it.
I turned to him and I said dude, you have PTSD.
And in that moment, when Ibrought language to what he was
going through, it was like aweight was lifted.
That happened in February.
In June we did anothermastermind.
(19:08):
He was there.
He turned to me.
He said when you told me thatday that I have PTSD and brought
a language and understanding tomy experience, it was the most
liberating thing ever.
Yeah, that's great, right,because what happens is when
we're in a state of despair andwe're in that rumination, we're
(19:30):
so overwhelmed with shame thatit's almost like we we feel
validated when somebody says youhave osteoarthritis, you have
PTSD, you have OCD and now youhave a label for it.
So initially, there is thisincredible moment of oh, I'm not
(19:50):
a bad person, it's the thing.
Now it's a double-edged sword,isn't it?
Because what happens now is nowthat I have it, especially in
2025, where we have now gottento a place where we are I don't
know how, to.
Something weird has happenedover the last five years I don't
(20:12):
know if you've seen it where weare now pedestalizing these
diagnoses and labels as like abadge of something to be super
duper proud of.
Let me state all of mydisabilities.
I wanna state all of my.
I have this, this, this, this,this and this.
And what happens is the shadowpart of these diagnoses in
labels is it becomes an identitythat we keep ruminating on.
(20:37):
And then we start to view theentire world through this lens
and we start to gain validationfrom it.
We start to meet up with otherpeople and go, oh, you have this
too, me too.
Oh, wow, and one of the thingsthat I noticed was when I was a
chiropractor, my office wasright above a medical clinic and
(21:00):
this guy who was a specialistmedical doctor, who specialized
in creating a support group forpeople who had fibromyalgia-
have you ever seen patients withthat?
Talk to any practitioner who hasdealt with patients who have
been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
(21:21):
And so these people would gointo these support groups and
say, oh, these are my symptoms,oh, you too, me too.
And it becomes this littleswamp of comparative victimhood
where it's like people arecompeting over who's the
victimist.
It's like it becomes youridentity and now they're trapped
(21:42):
by it.
So it's this initial release oflike oh, I feel validated by it
.
So it's this initial release oflike, oh, I feel validated by
this.
But now the label becomes aprison.
The label becomes a prisonwhere you get PTSD and now
you're keeping a symptom diaryto help validate the story of
the diagnosis that you have.
(22:03):
And so there's this thing thatI've noticed as a chiropractor
working in the health field forabout 20 years ask any doctor
who's been in practice for morethan 10 years.
They will validate and confirm.
What I'm saying is that there'sa hidden agenda, and it's
hidden and it's unconscious,where, if you're a child and you
(22:26):
, the only time that youreceived validation from parents
that were out to lunch, thatwere completely like,
dysregulated, disconnected, theonly time was when you got sick
or hurt then you've now rewired.
You've wired in an unconscious,hidden agenda to use the
(22:48):
diagnosis and label for what'scalled secondary gain.
And so when I help people, thepeople that I help aren't those
that are at that kind of likebottom level of despair that are
just diagnosed that feelvalidated by it.
The people that I work withhave been trapped by the
(23:11):
diagnosis for years.
Five years later, you're stillcalling yourself a survivor.
I have fibromyalgia, I havePTSD.
They wear their disorder like abadge.
I have I'm gluten sensitive, Ihave celiac, Like it becomes the
(23:34):
identity.
And once you get to the levelwhere you are sick and tired of
being sick and tired, those arethe people that I'm ready to
work with, that I'm prepared towork with nobody before that.
And when I'm helping thosepeople, my job is to help them
see the secondary, hidden,unconscious motives of being
(23:59):
stuck in the first place.
And when I present them thispathway of looking at the
illness, the disorder, the labelas an unconscious strategy,
what am I gaining from this?
I get, I get accused of victimblaming.
So that's the, that's thebiggest misconception, which is
that that I have with my work,is that that I'm blaming victims
(24:26):
, that I'm saying it's theirfault and so it's a total
distortion of the work.
But part of the job Does thatmake?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
sense?
It does make sense.
I actually and it's interesting, you use the example
osteoarthritis, because justlast month I got diagnosed with
that in my hip and it's sointeresting.
Um, and before you know, beforewe, we started our journey
today.
You know, I told you about mysister passing and in the last
five years I had my sister pass,my dad pass, my best friend
(24:53):
pass, a dog pass and then, ontop of all that, having to move
to El Paso, texas, and I reallywasn't ready to go.
And this is when the injuryhappened to the hip.
Like I am a yoga teacher andReiki master, and I came out
here within a month, boom, I hadan injury and it was everything
(25:14):
became about the hip and I'mlike what did I?
And I started beating myself.
What did I do?
Like, no one else in my familyhas this problem and it's like
you need a new hip.
He, the doctor, said, likeyou're too young to be in here.
Why are you here, like, and I'mlike, and then it was this
understanding that maybe and itclicked, maybe it's because I've
been so hesitant to moveforward into my purpose, like I
(25:37):
wasn't ready to go here, Iwasn't ready to do this here.
You need to go teach this anddo that.
And everything that happened,from the loss of my sister,
broke my confidence down and Iwas resisting.
So it would make sense.
Right foot forward, right legwas my right side of the body.
So it's been trying differentmodalities sacral work, massages
(25:58):
, going to the chiropractor, andI'm not feeling any pain, even
though the last month shows, hey, this is exactly what I would.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
That's what I would say to people.
That's exactly what I would sayto people.
People would come in and they'dbe like oh doctor says it's
osteoarthritis and there'snothing that they can do.
And I said, oh, really, laydown on the table.
I do an adjustment and they getup.
They're like oh, my God thatfeels so much better.
I said, well, if it wasosteoarthritis, that adjustment
didn't get rid of yourosteoarthritis.
(26:29):
How come you're feeling better?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
So there's an energetic I mean you know, at
different levels there's so manylevels.
Right At the medical levelthey're looking at matter, but
we're not just matter.
We're, you know, yourself andmyself are very concerned with
is what's going on in the spacebetween the matter.
That's where the work is, yeah,and what showed on the x-ray.
He said you shouldn't even beable to go down and touch your
toes, but I could Do.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I was able to move, like Iwalked in.
fine, it wasn't like stumblingor needing a cane and he said
are you feeling any like?
I wouldn't know, my bodywouldn't know I have it.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Totally yeah, and that's the that's.
The thing is that patientswould come in and you know
they'd come in for appointments.
I would do x-rays and thex-rays are just decrepit.
And I'm like, are you okay?
They're like, yeah, I'm fine.
And then patients are likeexcruciating pain.
I do their x-ray and theirx-rays were like pristine and
I'm like, there's, it's not.
It's not about the x-ray, it'snot about the diagnosis, right?
(27:38):
And so this is the double, thedouble kind of sorted, a double
edged sword of the diagnosis.
On one hand, it helps us to helpmake sense of it, yet on the
other shadow side of thediagnosis is it becomes to the
person who has an unconsciousmotive, it becomes the excuse,
(28:05):
it becomes the constraint, itbecomes the prison that they're
stuck in, right.
And then, especially if there'ssome sort of a financial gain
with it, with insurance orwhatever, that's why it's a huge
red flag whenever.
That's why I stopped workingwith compensation insurance,
(28:26):
because I only want to work withpeople that are concerned with
healing, not with those thathave an unconscious strategy to
stay in the story of thesymptoms and the pain and it
sounds, sounds very invalidating.
Like who would ever?
Everybody wants to heal on aconscious level, yes, but there
(28:51):
are unconscious parts within ourshadow that has a hidden agenda
to be sick, and that's a fact.
To ask any doctors and you know, you can see it happening and
this is where the uh, this iswhere the.
This is where I get criticizedthe most.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Right, right.
So, chiropractor, coming intothis energy work, what has been
the biggest challenge you havefaced in your now profession?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
The biggest challenge that I face, just with other
people or within myself, wouldyou or?
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Either one either one would be a great topic.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
The biggest challenge that I see is that the very
thing that people are reachingout to me to heal will be the
very thing that stops them.
Let me give you an example.
Yeah, somebody, somebody comes.
Oh, somebody comes in and saysyou know, I'm a leader, I run a
business.
I, you know, my leadership isstuck, my business is stuck.
(29:53):
At this level I'm not reallyable to communicate effectively.
I fight, I freeze.
You know, I go into this freezeresponse and that's impacting
my leadership.
So we start digging in and wesee that there's an unhealed
relationship with mother, who'shighly narcissistic, and there's
enmeshment with his mother andso he has to kind of the only.
(30:17):
He doesn't know how to haveboundaries with her.
There's unclear boundaries, sothe only boundaries that he has
is through avoidance or hiding,and so what will happen is he'll
sign up to work with us and allof a sudden, when he gets
triggered, the very thing he'ssigning up to get triggered by
gets triggered and he's not ableto communicate directly because
(30:42):
his nervous system is in afreeze, and the very thing that
he's signing up to to healbecomes the very thing that
stops him from proceedingforward.
He then gets activated and thenhe has to retreat.
Some, some stories come up andall of a sudden he's like whoa,
whoa, whoa, that's too much.
I feel overwhelmed, and then Igot to run away or I hide where
(31:03):
I ghost.
So the very thing that stopsthat, that's stopping them, that
they're wanting to heal, is thething that will stop them.
Another great example, gentleman, is like I'm tired of this
codependency, I want to healthis, I'm ready to break this
cycle.
And so I say, okay, great, Ihave this event coming up.
(31:24):
It's called the OverviewExperience.
We're going to help you healthis codependency, which is this
constant, constant experienceof orienting to what your
partner's doing, seeing yourvalidation and approval is based
on her, her experience, ratherthan, you know, finding it from
(31:46):
within.
And I'm ready to heal that.
Okay, great.
So the event is on Saturday andhere's what the times it's like
.
Oh wait, I planned a date withmy girlfriend.
It's like oh wait I planned adate with my girlfriend and I'm
(32:07):
afraid that she's going to getupset if I choose to do this
thing to heal myself.
And it's like, ah, the verything that you reached out to me
to sign up to heal.
You now get to confront it rightaway.
So, to answer your question,the biggest challenge with my
work is helping people see thatthe very thing that they're
(32:28):
signing up to heal will be atest that they get to confront
and they either choose to leanin or run away.
And the ones that run awaybecause I care so much about
people's transformation, becauseI've gone through it myself
when they get confronted andtriggered by the exact thing
that they signed up to heal,they run away.
(32:49):
And to see them not leaning inis probably one of the most
challenging parts of my job,because I really, as a coach,
I'm really rooting for people.
So it's like lean into thediscomfort, let her be upset
with you for doing somethingdifferent, which is choosing to
(33:09):
heal you, which is there's ahuge amount of guilt and shame
to choose yourself right, but todo so will involve having to
feel the very guilt that you'relooking to resolve.
So that's probably the mostchallenging part of my work.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
And that's another example of to go through it.
I often tell yoga students thatyou know it's that asana that
you hate the most that youprobably need right.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Isn't it like that?
Isn't that the truth?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I mean hiding, retreating.
It doesn't work because thelesson's gonna keep coming.
Just get through it right,learn what you need to learn and
then just ask the universe.
Listen, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Exactly you got it, that's 100%.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
So, as you're out navigating, doing such wonderful
work, what are some qualitiesyou look for in a trauma healer
or Reiki practitioner, energyworker?
Speaker 3 (34:10):
For a person that's on their on the path to healing.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Yeah, or even for yourself.
Maybe you're interested inhealing.
What are some qualities thatyou look for in individuals who
do?
Speaker 3 (34:22):
embodiment, uh, the first thing that I look for, um,
in any type of leadership now,because of the work that I'd
done, I used to follow, uh,practitioners, healers, that
(34:52):
were super successful.
That level of skill andembodiment is so requires such
nuance, such deep inner practiceand work and requires an
identity of such growth that I,those are, that's the new flex
right.
Is that do you have?
(35:13):
Are you in a healthyrelationship, as your competency
with your work is amazing.
That's the first step.
But do you have a partner thatreally still wants to be with
you?
Because you know trauma healers,you know there's a billion of
(35:36):
them out there and especiallythe ones that have, like, healed
from like toxic relationships,abuse they're, they're leading
others in healing from traumabonds and everything is.
The question is, are they inhealthy relationships themselves
?
And to get from that place ofof going you, of going from that
(35:58):
victim stance to overcoming andsurviving, is one stage.
But to go from that level to I,now have the capacity to
contain a healthy relationship.
That's a whole new level ofrarity, of deep inner work that
most people haven't achieved.
And so now I don't, I don't, um, I don't listen to people who
(36:23):
aren't themselves in a healthyrelationship.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, makes a lot of sense.
I mean, especially as healers,we're going out and we want to
help the world, right, we wantto put that cape on and let's go
save everyone.
But this was intended, you know, for you to begin to heal
yourself too.
And I mentioned about pausingand taking a moment.
I had a season where theabundance was flowing in clients
(36:49):
, students, you name it and itwas getting to that point where
I was, you know, edging towardsthat burnout and do you pause
and you have the stalling of theclients and the students,
because how long are they goingto wait around?
But it's taking that boldmovement to say, listen, I
really have to take my ownadvice here and stop and
(37:09):
redirect.
And I took, you know, a monthoff of things and said, no, I
got to really do some self-careand work on myself.
And you know, and then, asthings come up, I mean we're not
perfect, things will trigger,you know, trigger-proof, and
having the tools, like, okay, Ifeel the grief coming up, I feel
the anger coming up, oh, mygoodness, here's the worry, you
(37:30):
know, and then using those sametools on yourself to kind of get
you to a nice space as well.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
So yeah, there's nothing like an intimate
partnership that really mirrorsit.
I mean, anybody can get up onstage and put on a good show,
but you can't put on a show foryour child or your partner Like
they see right through the show,right.
And so I take a look and seedoes a partner, is their
(37:58):
connection magnetic?
Because you can't fake it withyour intimate partner.
And so because, you know, in thebeginning I was living an
outward life out there.
That was there was a gapbetween what I was putting out
there and what I was living inmy intimate life, because our
relationship was an absoluteshit show.
But I remember feeling that andgoing all right, I want to be
(38:22):
the person whose private lifeand public life are exactly the
same, and so the only way thatthat can be demonstrated if
there is a really solid, secure,intimate partnership and so
that's my biggest suggestion topeople when you're looking for
(38:43):
leaders guides is it reallyspeaks a lot.
If their partner still wants tobe with them, you know, is
there still that attraction withthem?
Because you can't fake it.
You can fake it out there, butyou can't fake it with that
person, and so that's where I,that's where I look, and I can
feel it when I see people withtheir partners.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, like looking at like celebrities, right?
I was told very young likedon't meet your heroes because
you'll be disappointed, right,because of behind the scenes
personal things going on.
They've been married how manytimes and not talking to their
kids, or have an alcohol problemand they're into drugs.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
The celebrities, yeah , the Hollywood movie industry.
It's all a mirage, right, andso that's why looking at
intimate partnerships is areally good reflection of the
truth of who that person is.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
Right.
So in the realm of traumahealing, what advice would you
give someone who's just enteringthis profession?
Speaker 3 (39:43):
As a profession, is to find a guide and keep going
with your own work, because youcan't lead people where you
haven't been.
And so, if you're entering thisprofession, you can't lead
(40:22):
people where you haven't been.
And so, if you're entering thisprofession, be prepared up a
mirror to your blind spots oflearning skills and tools, to be
able to use your triggers as aportal to find parts of you that
you haven't really made contactwith.
And your your work begins whenyou set out to, when you
graduate or whatever, and youset out to do the work that
(40:44):
you're doing.
So find a guide.
I'm constantly personallyenrolled in some form of
training within myself to refinemy methodologies, to keep
growing, really because I'mconfronted at new levels, and
every level that you ascend toyou know ascension.
(41:07):
There's kind of like aclimatization period to your new
height, so to really get readyfor massive growth and
discomfort at every level.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Right, right.
It makes me think of when,years ago, when I was divorcing
my husband, you know he wouldalways trigger me just some of
the things that he had put methrough, and I had decided you
know what I'm really tired ofconstantly being triggered when
the phone rings or the textmessages come.
And I actually changed his namein the phone to teacher because
(41:45):
I was looking at it, as thesetriggers are teaching something.
What is it about this that'striggering me so?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
it was tired of being the victim.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Exactly so.
It was the idea that when I sawit teacher breathe, what is he
teaching me was I read this textmessage and that really helped
me through that, not to be soangry, you know to reframe.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
It's a very powerful reframe.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
And even today, right before we connected, you know,
I was going through a bin and Ifound some things from the
custody and this is years agonow and I looked at it and I was
looking through calendars thatI had and I put these little
affirmations of positivity andprayers and things and I'm like,
(42:37):
wow, I went through all thatand I don't hate them today.
Do you know, I was just likejust grown and that was the
growth and this calendar wasfrom like 2013, you know, and it
was just all the prayers andthings.
So, yeah, definitely reframingand and and seeing how it is
(42:58):
with other people, you reallyhave to work on that.
It is a work in progress.
Many people come because theysee it on TV or that namaste,
we're all love and light, butit's that shadow work.
It's that deep that you do.
So what books do you recommend?
A book, Well, my book is comingout next year.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
So what books do you recommend?
Book, well, my book is comingout next year, so I'm going to
recommend that one.
It's called Becoming TriggerProof a guide to break free from
trauma bonds, heal codependencyand create secure love.
Start the process is by MichaelSinger the Untethered Soul.
(43:41):
That really helps to start tointroduce people to the concept
of separating you from thethoughts, that identity that we
have, that is constantly going,going, going and then
unconsciously living.
I'm all for it.
Any Eckhart Tolle book A NewEarth is fantastic.
(44:13):
Books are an amazing guidepostof where to look and the real
work is the day-to-day practice.
So making sure that you show up, you find a guide and a
community that can kind of guideyou in towards finding your own
knowing, rather than giving youthe answers.
That's, I'm all for that.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Beautiful, so do you.
What services do you offer?
Do you offer classes, events,trainings?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Yeah, it all begins with an event.
One of my signature events iscalled the overview experience
or the trigger proof experience,where I teach people how to
take the thing that'sconflicting you, triggering you
the most, and spread it out overa day and really understand the
(45:03):
mechanism of what's happeningin your nervous system and using
cognitive and somatic tools torewire that reaction so that you
can respond from a place ofadulthood, bringing your adult
self online.
And so all of my offerings arereally the teaching of the
mastery of becomingtrigger-proof, of using our
(45:25):
triggers not something to avoidbut as a thing to dive into, to
find parts of ourselves that wehaven't really loved, and using
that as the practice.
So all of my I have an academy,all of my trainings and events
are serving the purpose ofteaching people how to expand
their capacity for the mostchallenging triggers in our
(45:49):
lives as parents, as lovers, asleaders, and learning how to
expand that space betweenstimulus and response so that
you can respond rather thanreact.
Clearly, from my own history,that became an important message
for me, and so it's reallyabout the mastery of rupture and
(46:09):
repair.
Right, it's not aboutperfection my wife and I me as a
dad I'm not perfect.
It's about look, we're notperfect, but we have the skills
once we disconnect, how torepair.
So it's really it's an academyof cycle breakers learning how
to repair it's repair training.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Yeah, I mean I love that you put in the nervous
system.
People just don't realize howimportant that is to work on
that, especially since COVID Imean the last years.
I mean we're not realizing whatwe've endured.
I mean just to be like okay, wehave this, you know, pandemic,
and then all of a sudden, poof,you know, we're back to reality
(46:51):
and we're not even sure how thisis going to carry on in the
next 10 years, 20 years.
How is this going to carry onin the next 10 years, 20 years?
How is this going to affect ourchildren?
Speaker 3 (46:58):
I mean, yeah, the collective has gone through a
massive nervous systemdysregulation.
You know, during COVID youcan't fight, you can't flight,
can't run.
So, everybody just went intofreeze.
And so the collective nervoussystem has gone into
dysregulation, and so, withoutlearning how to operate that
(47:18):
machinery, unknowingly it'simpacting our relationships.
It's impacting our leadership.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Yeah, yeah, I did an event back last year at the
college, community college, andit was a chair yoga event and
there were so many 19 and 20year olds with sciatic.
They're like I was diagnosedwith sciatic, I got this, I got
that.
I'm just like blown away, likewhat I mean, and they were had
(47:46):
such limited mobility, sittingthere, you know, and then that
made me think like they withCOVID, you know, sitting right
in the chair and hunched forwardsitting right in the chair and
hunched forward, not, not andnot working.
So you're at home, so all ofyour relational issues bubbled
to the surface.
It was a great awakening forpeople.
Speaker 3 (48:06):
And yeah, military neck, yeah never been a um more
important time to uh, to reallyfocus on self-healing and so
this is what I'm all about.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
Yeah, so it's amazing .
I just was like, wow, 19 yearsold.
So where can we find youInterested in a service or
session?
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Yeah, at the show notes my team has provided a
link that the best place tobegin is to find out your
attachment style.
So when you fill out the,there's a quiz that really helps
you identify if you're ananxious attached, if you're
avoidant, if you're disorganizedor secure.
Getting that information ofwhere you are in the beginning
(48:50):
is the best place to begin.
So now you know exactly whereto put your focus and, uh, from
there, after you have thatattachment style quiz, you can
send me an email I'm easy tofind All of the links should be
on your show notes and send me aDM with any questions or an
email.
And I'm right there.
(49:12):
I'll be able to me and my teamwill be able to respond within
24 hours.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Perfect, all right.
Well, that ends the first partof our journey.
I'm going to guide you into thesecond part, which are
questions from listeners andenergy workers, students.
So, number one, in your ownwords, you talk about this, that
this is a specialty of yours.
What is shadow work?
Speaker 3 (49:37):
Yeah, what is shadow work?
Yeah, what is shadow work?
Shadow work saved my life, andCarl Jung labeled this term
where, when we grow up, we wereconditioned to believe that
certain parts of ourselves arereally acceptable.
(49:57):
You know you'd be a good girl.
You know.
You know you'd be a good girl.
You know, tracy, you'd be agood girl.
Pleasant, nice, loves God,whatever it is.
In your family cultural systemyou were given the message that
these parts of you are good, butyour angry part, your needy
part, your emotional part, thesad part, the reactive parts,
(50:19):
the sexual parts, are bad.
And so, in order to fit in, wetake those parts of us and then
we dismiss them, we suppressthem, we hide them, we lock them
up in the basement.
But that energy of those partsof us doesn't go away.
It's there energetically.
And so, because it's locked inthe basement and that energy is
(50:41):
there, it creates a whole weirdsystem within our uh, our psyche
and our nervous system.
It causes us to fracture andfragment from ourselves.
It's called fragmentation.
So we break the, the, theseparts of us break free and they
go into what's called our shadow.
(51:01):
And throughout our lives welive kind of normally, but then
we encounter experiences wherethese shadows get triggered.
So if I have this needy part ofme when I was a child that was
told, oh, your emotions are toomuch, I'm like, oh my gosh, this
(51:22):
part of me is unacceptable.
I will suppress that needy partof me.
It goes into the basement, butit doesn't go away.
That energy is there and whatwill happen is I will be
unconsciously pulled towardspeople who display that aspect
of me that I'm denying.
(51:42):
So I will push away my needyparts and I will become avoidant
or detached emotionally Guesswhat kind of person that I will
be attracted to People who aresuper, duper needy, so that they
display the very thing that I'mdenying within myself and I'll
be triggered by them.
I go God, they're so needy I'mand I'm I'm become avoidant
(52:06):
because I'm avoiding those needyparts of myself and I can't, I
can't get rid of them.
So I will what's called projectthem outwards.
So projection is a mechanismthat our project what's denied
(52:30):
within ourselves so we see itout there.
So the things that really pissyou off the most about other
people, in a cosmic twist inwhich people hate, they can't
handle, when they become awareof this is parts of yourself and
they say no, no, and that iscalled the shadow.
The shadow is the unwanted,dismissed, denied, repressed,
(52:54):
disowned part of you that youdismissed or denied or disowned
for protecting yourself tobelong, and it shows up and it
gets triggered and it kind ofactivates to help us find those
parts to become whole, to what'scalled integrate them, to face
(53:17):
them, to feel them, to bringcompassion towards these younger
parts of ourselves that we'vehated all along, that cause us
to split and fracture fromourselves, that gives us anxiety
, that gives us feelings ofunworthiness.
Our shadow is meant to be seen,to be witnessed, to bring
(53:40):
compassion to so that we canthen become our whole selves.
And so, once we find theseparts of ourselves, we learn the
methodology.
What I call becomingtrigger-proof is the practice of
learning how to stop runningaway from these parts of
ourselves, to move towards them,to find them and to bring them
home safely, which then causesyou to become a more authentic
(54:03):
person.
You're then able to take offthe mask, not so concerned with
what other people think of you,because you're you're.
You know we're afraid of otherpeople's opinions of us because
we're afraid of them reflectingthe parts of us that we already
can't stand, which is in ourshadow.
So when you integrate yourshadow, other people's opinions
(54:25):
of you which colluded with yourhatred of those parts of you
don't bother you anymore.
Which colluded with your hatredof those parts of you don't
bother you anymore, so shadowwork is your ticket to emotional
freedom, safety in your ownskin, non-reactivity is really
developing an intimaterelationship energetically with
your shadow.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Right, and it can be start in childhood and you use
that example of being a goodgirl and that was one of the
things through my childhood.
Speaker 3 (54:52):
Girls, don't get angry.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
Right and you keep quiet and children are seen and
not heard.
And then, as a young adult, Ifound myself getting triggered.
But when I got triggered Iyelled you know, and that, as a
young parent, I'm like I hatehaving that was the go to Right
and blowing you, blow up, youlet everything happen, happen,
happen, happen.
(55:14):
And something that was so minorblow up and I just didn't like
that about myself.
And so, going to the healing,doing what I needed to do so I
could fix that part, so Iwouldn't be so reactionary that
I could go from zero to athousand and like, ah, I just
want to stop that.
And so, yeah, it takes work.
(55:35):
And are we human?
Yes, other times, okay, here itcomes, but you know what to do
to work on it.
And then, even when I have aslip, okay, I got to work on it.
I thought I was done with this,no way.
So, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:51):
And we're never done with it.
We're never done.
Speaker 2 (55:53):
Yeah, never done with it.
It's just a constant thing,because there's going to be
moments where your voice isn'theard again.
Right, here we go again.
And what am I learning?
You know teachable moments forsure.
So number two how does someoneknow if they have attachment
wounds?
Speaker 3 (56:12):
Yeah, know if they have attachment wounds?
Yeah, how do you know?
If that you have attachmentwounds?
Is your experience of how youexperience distress within a
relationship right?
The main attachment wounds?
There are two of them that arekind of competing with one
another.
You know there's a part of usthat is driven, that has a fear
of abandonment.
So that's one wound is a fearof abandonment and that fear of
(56:35):
abandonment drives our need toconnect.
And then there's another one onthis side called the fear of
engulfment, the fear of beingconsumed by love, by
responsibility, by the otherperson's emotions.
Because as a child, you know,you were maybe felt like you
were abandoned as a child,emotionally or physically, or
you felt like you were engulfedby your mother's overbearingness
(56:58):
or responsibility.
So this fear of engulfment heredrives our need for space.
So within us we have tension.
This presents a problem formost of us that we haven't
really identified is that wehave this fear of abandonment
that drives our need forconnection and this fear of
(57:20):
engulfment that drives our needfor space has that and
unconsciously we attractsomebody who triggers and
activates this fear ofabandonment.
(57:40):
How do you know that?
You have that writing?
You know running the show.
Well, you're constantlypreoccupied with what the other
person is thinking.
You're constantly wondering isthis person going to leave me?
You start thinking double,triple, thinking into oh my God,
what do they mean by their textmessage?
You're second guessing yourselfand every single, every
argument.
You don't have the awarenessthat I'm going to be okay.
(58:04):
It basically feels like death.
I'm going to be left by myself,right, and you know attachment
wounds when we go throughbreakups, they're every.
Their relational ruptures arepainful, but when you have a
fear of abandonment, youliterally will go into
experiences of deep, darkdepression, like grief, where
(58:25):
you know you are.
It's persisting for like sixmonths, one year, two years,
right.
And so when you're run by thefear of abandonment, you, you
know you're being mistreated,but being alone is worse than
staying in a shitty situation,right, so that's the fear of
(58:47):
abandonment.
Now fear of engulfment, whenhow you know is that you want
connection.
But the second that thingsbecome really intimate and
vulnerable, you're like, oh, getme the hell out of here.
Oh my gosh, you know, or youknow, you're chasing, chasing,
chasing.
But when the chase is over,this is the avoidant.
Now the responsibility beginsand you're like, oh, oh my gosh,
(59:09):
like I'm overwhelmed.
She's too needy, he's too needy, I need my space constantly.
So how do you know you haveattachment wounds if you're
finding yourself in the samepatterns of push and pull
dynamics, not necessarily withintimate partnerships, but also
even with friendships, and tothe point where the anxiety
(59:30):
within relationships,friendships, and to the point
where the anxiety withinrelationships overtakes your,
you know, your, your sense ofpeace of mind.
And so, because most of usweren't born with unicorn
parents, we have parents thathave their own attachment wounds
(59:56):
, codependency.
Most of us have some sort of arefinement, a place, a part of
us that can grow a little bitbetter, and so it's a work in
progress.
And if you're in business, ifyou have weaknesses in your
business, it's wise to delegatethem to other people who are
better at it than you, but inrelationships, we simply cannot
delegate these weaknesses toothers.
We must work on them if we areto have relationships that feel
(01:00:19):
secure.
Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
Thank you for that.
So your book is going to becoming out next year.
Trigger-proof but can you tellus a little bit?
What's the, what's the best waythat someone can be
trigger-proof?
Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
What I discovered and this is what the entire point
of the book is about is thesecond.
This is what I discovered, andnobody I hadn't learned this
anywhere, it came to me kind ofin a meditation is the moment
that you get triggered.
Your nervous systemunconsciously goes to a
childlike state where youabandon yourself Because, as a
(01:00:53):
child, in order for us to feelsafe, the kind of the balance of
do I choose my authentic self,or which could lead to me having
love removed, having lovewithdrawn, or do I choose
attachment?
(01:01:14):
Do I people, please?
Do I fawn?
Do I uh, kind of defer towhatever you know is wanted or
expected of me?
In that moment, there's a faceoff where you're choosing
attachment versus authenticity.
You are going to chooseattachment every time because
your survival depends on it.
(01:01:36):
So, what I discovered is that weare hardwired to abandon
ourself for the sake ofattachment, and every time we
get triggered we abandonourselves.
And what do I mean byabandoning ourselves?
It's, let's say, you show uplate to uh, you show up late for
(01:01:58):
an appointment, you and I areout for coffee, coffee meeting,
and you show up late and I gettriggered and I'm really angry,
and so there's like mildirritant versus there is like
severe anger and rage that Ihave.
So whenever there is a reactionin a moment that is kind of
(01:02:20):
like exaggerated beyond what themoment calls, then that means
there's something historicalthat's been triggered.
And in that moment, becauseyou're late, the question that I
get all of my students to askis what do I make that mean
about me, that Tracy is late?
Well, I make it mean that I'mnot important.
(01:02:44):
The thing is.
Is that Tracy is late for?
whatever reasons the car brokedown, is that Tracy is late.
For whatever reasons the carbroke down, she's got stuff on
her mind.
It's not because I'm notimportant, it's because Tracy
had stuff going on.
I'm the one that made it meanI'm not important.
So I'm the one that abandonedmyself, just like when I was a
(01:03:08):
child, to be able to connect, tomake sure that I was attached
and connected.
So becoming trigger-proof isthe art and neuroscience of
using the trigger to find thesource of your self-abandonment,
where you believed that you'renot enough, unworthy, unlovable,
(01:03:28):
and you resolve thatself-abandonment internally and
integrate with that shadow thatjust got activated before you
communicate to your partner, tothe other person, and when you
do that, when you take the timeto master that skill, the
conversation happens.
Hey, tracy, you know, thanksfor showing up.
(01:03:48):
You came a few minutes late.
I made up this story that I'mnot important.
You know what was going on withyou, what happened there, ah,
okay.
Well, here's the thing Onfuture meetings, I'm going to
have to make sure that you letme know in advance when
something came up, so that youknow both of our times can be
(01:04:10):
honored.
And see, now I'm talking to youas my adult self, rather than
had I not taken the time tointegrate.
You walk in, I'm like, am I notimportant to you?
And then now you're likegetting all defensive.
My childlike self has nowactivated your childlike self,
and now we have a conflict oftwo inner children, two shadows,
(01:04:31):
cl shadows one another ratherthan adults.
Because I took a moment to beable to integrate, and so that
is the process of becomingtrigger-proof is resolving the
self-abandonment thatautomatically happens because we
were conditioned since we werechildren, and I love teaching it
to people who are ready,because when you do this, you
(01:04:51):
become an adult in relationships, and this is how you can have
secure relationships.
Now happen out there, it happensin here.
Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Right, beautiful.
Well, that was our thirdquestion as we were talking.
Is there something that youhave forgotten or want to share
with listeners?
The floor is yours.
Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
Yeah, the only thing that I'd really want to leave
you with is this quote that kindof another came to me in a
dream was that the highest formof forgiveness is the authentic
recognition that everythingserved you and that there is
nothing to forgive.
And the goal of the inner workof becoming trigger-proof is
(01:05:31):
really about getting to thatplace.
You may not feel like that'strue for you right now, but just
know that what's possible onthe other side of the inner work
is a level of freedom where youdon't really get.
You get to a place where youhave such profound understanding
of yourself and the otherperson that you claimed or you
(01:05:54):
feel who has hurt you, that youdon't have to forgive yourself
or anyone else to get to a placeof understanding.
And the highest form offorgiveness, I believe, is the
authentic recognition thateverything served you and that
there is nothing to forgive.
Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Beautiful, beautiful you, and that there is nothing
to forgive.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Well, thank you for those verywise words and thank you for
taking time out of your verybusy schedule to join me on
Ready Set Reiki.
Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
Thank you, great to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Beautiful.
All right, my wonderfullisteners, if you'd like your
question featured on Ready SetReiki, reach out to
wwwreadysetreikicom.
Also, check me out on socialmedia as well.
So I hope everyone has anamazing and wonderful day and be
on the lookout for thetrigger-proof book.
Thank you so much and have aLtd.
All Rights Reserved.
This is Ready Set Reiki, a podcast about Reiki and
all energy work, from thecurious beginner to the seasoned
master teacher, welcoming allsystems, all lineages and all
levels.
Reiki is a journey and not adestination, and on this Ready
Set Reiki journey, I refer tomyself as a guide rather than a
host, as I, too, am traveling,helping, supporting others and
(00:42):
learning on this Reiki journeyas well.
And with that said, I am yourguide, tracy C Wright.
And this is Ready Set Reiki.
Hello, beautiful listeners,tracy C Wright, ready Set Reiki.
So today on our journey, soexcited to connect with this
(01:04):
wonderful, amazing guest.
Dr Nima Rambani Now is a leadingexpert in shadow work,
something that you know many ofus healers definitely have to
deal with Emotional regulation,healing attachment wounds and,
after a successful career as achiropractor, he left the
profession to dive deep into therealm of trauma healing and
relationship transformation.
Now he was driven by his ownjourney of overcoming toxic
(01:27):
patterns and becomingtrigger-proof.
Can't wait to hear about this.
Dr Nima now helps highachievers, parents,
professionals, break free fromthe cycles of codependency and
self-abandonment.
So let's give a warm, ready setReiki.
Welcome to Dr Nima, welcome.
It's so good to be here.
Speaker 3 (01:45):
Tracy Reiki.
Welcome to Dr Nima.
Welcome, it's so good to behere, Tracy.
Can't wait to dive into thistopic.
Wonderful, so let's begin ourjourney together.
So I gave the listeners a tinybit about you, but I know
there's a whole lot more tolearn.
When I was younger, I had my, Iwas dealing with headaches, and
(02:09):
I went to a chiropractor and Ihad my first chiropractic
adjustment and I was like, wow,I want to do that.
And so, you know, at the age of13, I was set, you know, got
all the courses, the university,what university I wanted to go
to, what chiropractic school?
And I just had my path reallyclearly set.
(02:29):
And after I graduated fromchiropractic school, I went.
I saw this man in my first yearof chiropractic excuse me, in my
first year of chiropracticschool.
Before I graduated, there was akind of like an assembly where
a speaker was teaching His nameis Dr John Demartini and he just
blew my mind and I justfinished, you know, the session
(02:52):
in tears and I turned to myfriend next to me sitting next
to me, Yvette, one of myclassmates.
I said I want to learn to dowhat he just did, which was
really to inspire and to helpconnect me to myself, which was
really to inspire and to helpconnect me to myself with a
greater possibility.
So when I graduatedchiropractic, I went and I was
(03:19):
always interested in learningabout that intricate kind of
reframe our thoughts andperceptions and stories, the
narratives that we create tohelp us align our reality with
who we would love to become,with an identity of who we'd
love to become.
And so I just kept studyingthat John Demartini's work,
(03:43):
Byron Katie's work and I justbecame hungry to learn how can I
learn, how to shift my thoughtsand perceptions to help me deal
with my childhood anxiety?
This was really the big issuethat I was working on resolving,
and so, as I learned more, Iwould integrate more into my
(04:17):
practice and slowly I just feltinspired.
After about six, seven years ofpractice 10 years of practice
you start to see patterns inpatients.
As for chiropractic care, wereactually dealing with
stress-related disorders,problems that, if you go
upstream, had to do with stress,with attachments that were
ruptured in their lives, withdivorce, grief, loss, past
(04:39):
trauma.
They're still carrying it and Iwas seeing on the table the
result of unresolved wounding.
So I started to put two and twotogether and create these
little workshops in my officecalled Life Skills for a
Stressful World, where I startedthe process back in 2009 of
teaching patients how to becometheir own medicine.
(05:02):
But it wasn't until I got into,you know.
I was married and then divorced,and then going through a series
of failed relationships, oneafter another, about eight or
nine, until I finally met thisone that really woke me up to a
deeper awareness that I wasn'twhat I wasn't aware of.
(05:24):
I started realizing after thisrelationship became abusive that
I was caught in a trauma bond.
Now abusive was happening bothways.
There was emotional abuse,psychological abuse, and then I
became physically abusive inreaction to the dynamic between
(05:46):
us.
And March 11th 2018 was amoment, a night, that I will
never forget.
It just became so volatile thatI actually physically, with an
open hand, slapped her as aresult of push and pull and huge
volatility.
(06:06):
So I had to wake up.
It was a huge wake-up call forme to go all right.
How did I end up here?
How do I make sure that thisnever happens again?
And number three, why is it thatevery relationship that I've
ever had has been kind of inthis toxic push and pull dynamic
?
It had never been physicallyviolent, ever, but it was always
(06:29):
.
You know, I was more kind oflike avoiding, running away,
hiding Chase, you know, is thiscat and mouse game of push and
pull.
Can I have a securerelationship?
That was my question.
Number three is it possible forme to break free from this
really toxic push and pull,distance or pursuer dynamic and
(06:51):
have what I never had before,which was a secure relationship?
And so, check, I figured thatone out.
Number two, number three andonce I figured that out, now I'm
happily married with abeautiful four-year-old son.
At the recording of this it'sgoing to start kindergarten in
about a month.
I thought, okay, number four mykarma has to become my dharma,
(07:13):
my sacred purpose, my duty toteach people what I most needed.
And this was where the world ofmy path to, to getting there
from you, avoidant, toxic,trauma-bonded relationship
that's codependent to healthy,secure attachment that journey
was understanding, somaticexperiencing, the polyvagal
(07:36):
theory, intense, deep shadowwork, somatic work getting out
of my head, getting into my body.
I realized that all of thepersonal development work that I
was doing was mainly more of acognitive type of a bypass,
rather than to help me avoidfeeling, and so I had to learn
how to expand my capacitysomatically for the sensations
(07:59):
of all of the emotions that Iwas avoiding by using personal
development work.
And I realize now that mostpeople doing personal
development, most people doingtherapy, most people in the
spiritual kind of realm, areactually either spiritually
bypassing or cognitivelybypassing, using the work to
(08:20):
actually avoid pain.
And it was what I discovered.
It was only through expandingmy capacity for sensation,
moving through the pain, that Iwas able to heal and I say heal
not as a past tense but as aongoing lifestyle and practice,
and the concept of becomingtrigger-proof was born.
Speaker 2 (08:42):
Right.
And sadly, through all thedifferent things, I've learned
as well that you have to gothrough it and if not, you keep
repeating those same cycles,which you did as well through
your experiences.
But in your journey you hadenough sense, you know, to stop
and say wait a minute, I'm tiredof this, I'm tired of the
(09:02):
merry-go-round, I want to getoff.
What can I do to change, whatcan I do to shift?
And and you know one of thethings, as a very young teacher,
the best advice I ever got forteaching children was if it
doesn't work, stop and redirect,and you can really bring that
into your own journey that ifit's not working, what can you
do?
It's okay, change directions.
(09:24):
So kudos for you for continuingon.
And and what a blessing youknow now married and have a
child, I mean, and that showsyou right there, that's the
proof, that's the prize, right?
Speaker 3 (09:36):
And it wouldn't have happened unless I experienced an
epic wake up call of thoseproportions.
I mean, I'm a chiropractor,here I am.
I mean I could sit here and sayI was reacting and all this
there, I was being pushed and Iwas being mentally,
psychologically abused all ofwhich is true, but the truth of
(09:56):
the matter is, how did I getthere?
I had to really look at myselfand take responsibility for how
I got there, and when you dothat, it's not about blaming
them, you.
The word blame, and and andfault has to get thrown out the
window.
And we got to go back andunderstand the runway that led
(10:17):
us to the point where we becamethe perfect person in that
dynamic to heal.
And once I did that, I'm like,wow, uh.
I love guiding people who areready to heal, let go of that
victim narrative and to actuallyheal so that they can have
healthy relationships.
Because you can't have ahealthy relationship yet, still
(10:38):
be entrenched and ensnared andconstrained by an identity of
your past that you keepreferring back to.
You've got to be able to get asense of completion with it.
So I love guiding people whoare ready to heal through that
same path and process.
Speaker 2 (10:57):
Beautiful and I loved how you phrased it the realm of
trauma healing, and so thisrealm of trauma healing and
energy work would you say thatthis energy work found you, or
(11:21):
you know you found it.
Speaker 3 (11:23):
The experience that I went through and what I, how I
reacted and what I became that'snot I always say I was like
that's not what I signed up for.
Um, you know, my partner and I,we were both doing a lot of
personal development.
We were running a community.
You know she was working in mybusiness and we were both stuck
in our heads with our kind oflike cognitive work that we had
(11:46):
done.
We hadn't really gone to thedepths of it, but what happened
as a result of ourunconsciousness I mean the first
and foremost, the shame of itwas just overwhelming.
Like to the point where Ididn't think I could even move
on.
Like I remember I had tookselfie videos of myself back in
it was around April of 2018saying I don't think I can ever
(12:11):
teach again when people find outhow I reacted, how I responded,
who I was.
Nobody's ever going to hire meagain because I had really
worked hard to put on thispersona of like healer.
You know I'm entertaining, Iwould do rap songs, and so for
me to react that way was like anego death, like I had to
(12:34):
realize that I had a mask, I wasperforming this, this character
of Dr Nima.
And so, in the journey of like,putting down this tendency to
want to be the hero and rescuerof other people, now that I'm
publicly being perceived as likethe villain, I had to actually
stop.
(12:54):
I had to drop the mask and findout who the heck I really was.
And it wasn't in that, it wasin that journey of finding who I
was beneath the character thatI created to gain external
validation, that I realized that, hey wait, I'm not alone.
We all have stuff that we feelashamed about.
We all have.
When we look back, there'sregrets and there's shame of how
(13:19):
we reacted to things, how weresponded to things, how we've
abandoned ourselves for the sakeof connection.
And so, in my journey of like,transparently sharing exactly
where I went through, not as akind of like a guru, as like
somebody who's up on amountaintop, but as a human
being who, who you know, had tointegrate a lot of shame that
(13:43):
we're all like, we're all one inthe same, and so so I didn't
sign up for the exact form thatI'm speaking about.
You know, talking about assault.
You know I had to plead guiltyin court to that experience.
I had to go through the entirething.
It was me kind of surrenderingthat, okay, this isn't what I
(14:04):
had in mind universalintelligence but I'm going to
surrender and I'd like to beused to help others.
And so now when people hear mystory, they message me saying
men and women saying you know,I've you know, I've you know,
thank you for your honesty.
I've actually been there too,on the receiving end.
(14:24):
So I really want to work withyou because, you know, I want to
help, understand and actuallyheal.
And then on the other one, onthe other side, where men and
women are reaching out to mesaying, yeah, I've become
abusive too.
I'm so ashamed.
And you give me hope that thereis a path to healing, that I
can go from that toxic dynamicto something healthy, a path to
(14:48):
healing that I can go from thattoxic dynamic to something
healthy.
And that's really what I'm hereto do is to share my journey.
That's quite embarrassing tohelp other people realize that
who you've been in the past doesnot necessarily have to be who
you are in the future.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Right, right.
And here's the part of yourhealing journey is taking
accountability, and that's whatyou've done.
You know you're helping andthen taking it a step further by
helping others, I mean what doyou?
Think that right, I alwayslooked at it as every you know
saint has a past, every centerhas a future.
So I know they're doing gooddeeds.
(15:22):
I mean something.
Speaker 3 (15:26):
And when.
When I did research on this,the people who shine the
greatest light have the darkestshadows.
Right, they came to that lightfrom this really dark, checkered
past, you know so you look atyou, look at anyone, you examine
their biographies and it'll bevery similar.
So my mess is my message.
Speaker 2 (15:47):
Sure, sure.
I mean you probably think backin time of individuals who
walked the surf maybe with theexception of Jesus right that
had some kind of thing going onand act like they're this guru,
and then, behind the scenes, youhear different stories as well.
Speaker 3 (16:01):
So but you know, I live that.
Yeah, I live that.
Speaker 2 (16:05):
And you move forward and you're helping and being of
service to others, so well donefor that 100%.
As you're going through yourjourney helping others, you have
this trigger-proof method.
What is some of themisconceptions about your work?
Speaker 3 (16:22):
The biggest misconception about my work?
Great question, wow, I lovethat you asked that.
The biggest misconception,which is a distortion of the
work, is that the work that Iteach is all about blaming
victims, right, when you knowthis is a very sensitive topic
where we have in the traumaworld, where there are stages of
(16:43):
healing, and that first stageis, you know, you become
victimized in a moment, right,and there is pain, there's
emotional pain, there is thisexperience of shame that can
happen.
It's like at first, you'resitting there, you're blaming
yourself, right, and whathappens is when we start to do
(17:07):
therapy, we find groups, supportgroups, chat rooms, you know
forums that then help us createlanguage, create some language
that helps us make sense of thesituation.
We use the term survivor, weuse the, you know, especially
within the health field, people,would you know, come to me with
(17:30):
back pain and say, oh, thedoctor says I have
osteoarthritis, and so thebiggest misconception is the
dualistic nature of labels anddiagnosis.
You know what I'm talking about.
Yes, I do so when you get adiagnosis like PTSD or trauma
survivor oh no, first andforemost, it's super helpful
(17:57):
because you have all thesesymptoms, you're in a lot of
pain and you're in so much shamethat you think something's
wrong with me.
It was my fault, I'm to blame.
And when you see a therapist ora content creator or some sort
of book or something that helpsbring language to your situation
, no, I'm a survivor, I am aPTSD.
I remember I was in amastermind this one time and
(18:24):
this guy was going through alegal battle with one of his
clients that sued him for racism.
And it wasn't racism, he was.
Clearly he was an opportunist.
He was trying to use that totry to gain resources from him,
and it was like a two-yearbattle.
And so, as we were in themastermind, he was talking about
(18:45):
it, he was going through thelegal process and he was just
down and he was spinning andruminating over it.
I turned to him and I said dude, you have PTSD.
And in that moment, when Ibrought language to what he was
going through, it was like aweight was lifted.
That happened in February.
In June we did anothermastermind.
(19:08):
He was there.
He turned to me.
He said when you told me thatday that I have PTSD and brought
a language and understanding tomy experience, it was the most
liberating thing ever.
Yeah, that's great, right,because what happens is when
we're in a state of despair andwe're in that rumination, we're
(19:30):
so overwhelmed with shame thatit's almost like we we feel
validated when somebody says youhave osteoarthritis, you have
PTSD, you have OCD and now youhave a label for it.
So initially, there is thisincredible moment of oh, I'm not
(19:50):
a bad person, it's the thing.
Now it's a double-edged sword,isn't it?
Because what happens now is nowthat I have it, especially in
2025, where we have now gottento a place where we are I don't
know how, to.
Something weird has happenedover the last five years I don't
(20:12):
know if you've seen it where weare now pedestalizing these
diagnoses and labels as like abadge of something to be super
duper proud of.
Let me state all of mydisabilities.
I wanna state all of my.
I have this, this, this, this,this and this.
And what happens is the shadowpart of these diagnoses in
labels is it becomes an identitythat we keep ruminating on.
(20:37):
And then we start to view theentire world through this lens
and we start to gain validationfrom it.
We start to meet up with otherpeople and go, oh, you have this
too, me too.
Oh, wow, and one of the thingsthat I noticed was when I was a
chiropractor, my office wasright above a medical clinic and
(21:00):
this guy who was a specialistmedical doctor, who specialized
in creating a support group forpeople who had fibromyalgia-
have you ever seen patients withthat?
Talk to any practitioner who hasdealt with patients who have
been diagnosed with fibromyalgia.
(21:21):
And so these people would gointo these support groups and
say, oh, these are my symptoms,oh, you too, me too.
And it becomes this littleswamp of comparative victimhood
where it's like people arecompeting over who's the
victimist.
It's like it becomes youridentity and now they're trapped
(21:42):
by it.
So it's this initial release oflike oh, I feel validated by it
.
So it's this initial release oflike, oh, I feel validated by
this.
But now the label becomes aprison.
The label becomes a prisonwhere you get PTSD and now
you're keeping a symptom diaryto help validate the story of
the diagnosis that you have.
(22:03):
And so there's this thing thatI've noticed as a chiropractor
working in the health field forabout 20 years ask any doctor
who's been in practice for morethan 10 years.
They will validate and confirm.
What I'm saying is that there'sa hidden agenda, and it's
hidden and it's unconscious,where, if you're a child and you
(22:26):
, the only time that youreceived validation from parents
that were out to lunch, thatwere completely like,
dysregulated, disconnected, theonly time was when you got sick
or hurt then you've now rewired.
You've wired in an unconscious,hidden agenda to use the
(22:48):
diagnosis and label for what'scalled secondary gain.
And so when I help people, thepeople that I help aren't those
that are at that kind of likebottom level of despair that are
just diagnosed that feelvalidated by it.
The people that I work withhave been trapped by the
(23:11):
diagnosis for years.
Five years later, you're stillcalling yourself a survivor.
I have fibromyalgia, I havePTSD.
They wear their disorder like abadge.
I have I'm gluten sensitive, Ihave celiac, Like it becomes the
(23:34):
identity.
And once you get to the levelwhere you are sick and tired of
being sick and tired, those arethe people that I'm ready to
work with, that I'm prepared towork with nobody before that.
And when I'm helping thosepeople, my job is to help them
see the secondary, hidden,unconscious motives of being
(23:59):
stuck in the first place.
And when I present them thispathway of looking at the
illness, the disorder, the labelas an unconscious strategy,
what am I gaining from this?
I get, I get accused of victimblaming.
So that's the, that's thebiggest misconception, which is
that that I have with my work,is that that I'm blaming victims
(24:26):
, that I'm saying it's theirfault and so it's a total
distortion of the work.
But part of the job Does thatmake?
Speaker 2 (24:29):
sense?
It does make sense.
I actually and it's interesting, you use the example
osteoarthritis, because justlast month I got diagnosed with
that in my hip and it's sointeresting.
Um, and before you know, beforewe, we started our journey
today.
You know, I told you about mysister passing and in the last
five years I had my sister pass,my dad pass, my best friend
(24:53):
pass, a dog pass and then, ontop of all that, having to move
to El Paso, texas, and I reallywasn't ready to go.
And this is when the injuryhappened to the hip.
Like I am a yoga teacher andReiki master, and I came out
here within a month, boom, I hadan injury and it was everything
(25:14):
became about the hip and I'mlike what did I?
And I started beating myself.
What did I do?
Like, no one else in my familyhas this problem and it's like
you need a new hip.
He, the doctor, said, likeyou're too young to be in here.
Why are you here, like, and I'mlike, and then it was this
understanding that maybe and itclicked, maybe it's because I've
been so hesitant to moveforward into my purpose, like I
(25:37):
wasn't ready to go here, Iwasn't ready to do this here.
You need to go teach this anddo that.
And everything that happened,from the loss of my sister,
broke my confidence down and Iwas resisting.
So it would make sense.
Right foot forward, right legwas my right side of the body.
So it's been trying differentmodalities sacral work, massages
(25:58):
, going to the chiropractor, andI'm not feeling any pain, even
though the last month shows, hey, this is exactly what I would.
Speaker 3 (26:08):
That's what I would say to people.
That's exactly what I would sayto people.
People would come in and they'dbe like oh doctor says it's
osteoarthritis and there'snothing that they can do.
And I said, oh, really, laydown on the table.
I do an adjustment and they getup.
They're like oh, my God thatfeels so much better.
I said, well, if it wasosteoarthritis, that adjustment
didn't get rid of yourosteoarthritis.
(26:29):
How come you're feeling better?
Speaker 2 (26:50):
So there's an energetic I mean you know, at
different levels there's so manylevels.
Right At the medical levelthey're looking at matter, but
we're not just matter.
We're, you know, yourself andmyself are very concerned with
is what's going on in the spacebetween the matter.
That's where the work is, yeah,and what showed on the x-ray.
He said you shouldn't even beable to go down and touch your
toes, but I could Do.
You know what I'm saying.
Like I was able to move, like Iwalked in.
fine, it wasn't like stumblingor needing a cane and he said
are you feeling any like?
I wouldn't know, my bodywouldn't know I have it.
Speaker 3 (27:16):
Totally yeah, and that's the that's.
The thing is that patientswould come in and you know
they'd come in for appointments.
I would do x-rays and thex-rays are just decrepit.
And I'm like, are you okay?
They're like, yeah, I'm fine.
And then patients are likeexcruciating pain.
I do their x-ray and theirx-rays were like pristine and
I'm like, there's, it's not.
It's not about the x-ray, it'snot about the diagnosis, right?
(27:38):
And so this is the double, thedouble kind of sorted, a double
edged sword of the diagnosis.
On one hand, it helps us to helpmake sense of it, yet on the
other shadow side of thediagnosis is it becomes to the
person who has an unconsciousmotive, it becomes the excuse,
(28:05):
it becomes the constraint, itbecomes the prison that they're
stuck in, right.
And then, especially if there'ssome sort of a financial gain
with it, with insurance orwhatever, that's why it's a huge
red flag whenever.
That's why I stopped workingwith compensation insurance,
(28:26):
because I only want to work withpeople that are concerned with
healing, not with those thathave an unconscious strategy to
stay in the story of thesymptoms and the pain and it
sounds, sounds very invalidating.
Like who would ever?
Everybody wants to heal on aconscious level, yes, but there
(28:51):
are unconscious parts within ourshadow that has a hidden agenda
to be sick, and that's a fact.
To ask any doctors and you know, you can see it happening and
this is where the uh, this iswhere the.
This is where I get criticizedthe most.
Speaker 2 (29:07):
Right, right.
So, chiropractor, coming intothis energy work, what has been
the biggest challenge you havefaced in your now profession?
Speaker 3 (29:18):
The biggest challenge that I face, just with other
people or within myself, wouldyou or?
Speaker 2 (29:25):
Either one either one would be a great topic.
Speaker 3 (29:28):
The biggest challenge that I see is that the very
thing that people are reachingout to me to heal will be the
very thing that stops them.
Let me give you an example.
Yeah, somebody, somebody comes.
Oh, somebody comes in and saysyou know, I'm a leader, I run a
business.
I, you know, my leadership isstuck, my business is stuck.
(29:53):
At this level I'm not reallyable to communicate effectively.
I fight, I freeze.
You know, I go into this freezeresponse and that's impacting
my leadership.
So we start digging in and wesee that there's an unhealed
relationship with mother, who'shighly narcissistic, and there's
enmeshment with his mother andso he has to kind of the only.
(30:17):
He doesn't know how to haveboundaries with her.
There's unclear boundaries, sothe only boundaries that he has
is through avoidance or hiding,and so what will happen is he'll
sign up to work with us and allof a sudden, when he gets
triggered, the very thing he'ssigning up to get triggered by
gets triggered and he's not ableto communicate directly because
(30:42):
his nervous system is in afreeze, and the very thing that
he's signing up to to healbecomes the very thing that
stops him from proceedingforward.
He then gets activated and thenhe has to retreat.
Some, some stories come up andall of a sudden he's like whoa,
whoa, whoa, that's too much.
I feel overwhelmed, and then Igot to run away or I hide where
(31:03):
I ghost.
So the very thing that stopsthat, that's stopping them, that
they're wanting to heal, is thething that will stop them.
Another great example, gentleman, is like I'm tired of this
codependency, I want to healthis, I'm ready to break this
cycle.
And so I say, okay, great, Ihave this event coming up.
(31:24):
It's called the OverviewExperience.
We're going to help you healthis codependency, which is this
constant, constant experienceof orienting to what your
partner's doing, seeing yourvalidation and approval is based
on her, her experience, ratherthan, you know, finding it from
(31:46):
within.
And I'm ready to heal that.
Okay, great.
So the event is on Saturday andhere's what the times it's like
.
Oh wait, I planned a date withmy girlfriend.
It's like oh wait I planned adate with my girlfriend and I'm
(32:07):
afraid that she's going to getupset if I choose to do this
thing to heal myself.
And it's like, ah, the verything that you reached out to me
to sign up to heal.
You now get to confront it rightaway.
So, to answer your question,the biggest challenge with my
work is helping people see thatthe very thing that they're
(32:28):
signing up to heal will be atest that they get to confront
and they either choose to leanin or run away.
And the ones that run awaybecause I care so much about
people's transformation, becauseI've gone through it myself
when they get confronted andtriggered by the exact thing
that they signed up to heal,they run away.
(32:49):
And to see them not leaning inis probably one of the most
challenging parts of my job,because I really, as a coach,
I'm really rooting for people.
So it's like lean into thediscomfort, let her be upset
with you for doing somethingdifferent, which is choosing to
(33:09):
heal you, which is there's ahuge amount of guilt and shame
to choose yourself right, but todo so will involve having to
feel the very guilt that you'relooking to resolve.
So that's probably the mostchallenging part of my work.
Speaker 2 (33:26):
And that's another example of to go through it.
I often tell yoga students thatyou know it's that asana that
you hate the most that youprobably need right.
Speaker 3 (33:38):
Isn't it like that?
Isn't that the truth?
Speaker 2 (33:41):
I mean hiding, retreating.
It doesn't work because thelesson's gonna keep coming.
Just get through it right,learn what you need to learn and
then just ask the universe.
Listen, I'm done.
Speaker 3 (33:54):
Exactly you got it, that's 100%.
Speaker 2 (33:58):
So, as you're out navigating, doing such wonderful
work, what are some qualitiesyou look for in a trauma healer
or Reiki practitioner, energyworker?
Speaker 3 (34:10):
For a person that's on their on the path to healing.
Speaker 2 (34:15):
Yeah, or even for yourself.
Maybe you're interested inhealing.
What are some qualities thatyou look for in individuals who
do?
Speaker 3 (34:22):
embodiment, uh, the first thing that I look for, um,
in any type of leadership now,because of the work that I'd
done, I used to follow, uh,practitioners, healers, that
(34:52):
were super successful.
That level of skill andembodiment is so requires such
nuance, such deep inner practiceand work and requires an
identity of such growth that I,those are, that's the new flex
right.
Is that do you have?
(35:13):
Are you in a healthyrelationship, as your competency
with your work is amazing.
That's the first step.
But do you have a partner thatreally still wants to be with
you?
Because you know trauma healers,you know there's a billion of
(35:36):
them out there and especiallythe ones that have, like, healed
from like toxic relationships,abuse they're, they're leading
others in healing from traumabonds and everything is.
The question is, are they inhealthy relationships themselves
?
And to get from that place ofof going you, of going from that
(35:58):
victim stance to overcoming andsurviving, is one stage.
But to go from that level to I,now have the capacity to
contain a healthy relationship.
That's a whole new level ofrarity, of deep inner work that
most people haven't achieved.
And so now I don't, I don't, um, I don't listen to people who
(36:23):
aren't themselves in a healthyrelationship.
Speaker 2 (36:26):
Yeah, makes a lot of sense.
I mean, especially as healers,we're going out and we want to
help the world, right, we wantto put that cape on and let's go
save everyone.
But this was intended, you know, for you to begin to heal
yourself too.
And I mentioned about pausingand taking a moment.
I had a season where theabundance was flowing in clients
(36:49):
, students, you name it and itwas getting to that point where
I was, you know, edging towardsthat burnout and do you pause
and you have the stalling of theclients and the students,
because how long are they goingto wait around?
But it's taking that boldmovement to say, listen, I
really have to take my ownadvice here and stop and
(37:09):
redirect.
And I took, you know, a monthoff of things and said, no, I
got to really do some self-careand work on myself.
And you know, and then, asthings come up, I mean we're not
perfect, things will trigger,you know, trigger-proof, and
having the tools, like, okay, Ifeel the grief coming up, I feel
the anger coming up, oh, mygoodness, here's the worry, you
(37:30):
know, and then using those sametools on yourself to kind of get
you to a nice space as well.
Speaker 3 (37:36):
So yeah, there's nothing like an intimate
partnership that really mirrorsit.
I mean, anybody can get up onstage and put on a good show,
but you can't put on a show foryour child or your partner Like
they see right through the show,right.
And so I take a look and seedoes a partner, is their
(37:58):
connection magnetic?
Because you can't fake it withyour intimate partner.
And so because, you know, in thebeginning I was living an
outward life out there.
That was there was a gapbetween what I was putting out
there and what I was living inmy intimate life, because our
relationship was an absoluteshit show.
But I remember feeling that andgoing all right, I want to be
(38:22):
the person whose private lifeand public life are exactly the
same, and so the only way thatthat can be demonstrated if
there is a really solid, secure,intimate partnership and so
that's my biggest suggestion topeople when you're looking for
(38:43):
leaders guides is it reallyspeaks a lot.
If their partner still wants tobe with them, you know, is
there still that attraction withthem?
Because you can't fake it.
You can fake it out there, butyou can't fake it with that
person, and so that's where I,that's where I look, and I can
feel it when I see people withtheir partners.
Speaker 2 (39:03):
Yeah, like looking at like celebrities, right?
I was told very young likedon't meet your heroes because
you'll be disappointed, right,because of behind the scenes
personal things going on.
They've been married how manytimes and not talking to their
kids, or have an alcohol problemand they're into drugs.
Yeah.
Speaker 3 (39:21):
The celebrities, yeah , the Hollywood movie industry.
It's all a mirage, right, andso that's why looking at
intimate partnerships is areally good reflection of the
truth of who that person is.
Speaker 2 (39:34):
Right.
So in the realm of traumahealing, what advice would you
give someone who's just enteringthis profession?
Speaker 3 (39:43):
As a profession, is to find a guide and keep going
with your own work, because youcan't lead people where you
haven't been.
And so, if you're entering thisprofession, you can't lead
(40:22):
people where you haven't been.
And so, if you're entering thisprofession, be prepared up a
mirror to your blind spots oflearning skills and tools, to be
able to use your triggers as aportal to find parts of you that
you haven't really made contactwith.
And your your work begins whenyou set out to, when you
graduate or whatever, and youset out to do the work that
(40:44):
you're doing.
So find a guide.
I'm constantly personallyenrolled in some form of
training within myself to refinemy methodologies, to keep
growing, really because I'mconfronted at new levels, and
every level that you ascend toyou know ascension.
(41:07):
There's kind of like aclimatization period to your new
height, so to really get readyfor massive growth and
discomfort at every level.
Speaker 2 (41:20):
Right, right.
It makes me think of when,years ago, when I was divorcing
my husband, you know he wouldalways trigger me just some of
the things that he had put methrough, and I had decided you
know what I'm really tired ofconstantly being triggered when
the phone rings or the textmessages come.
And I actually changed his namein the phone to teacher because
(41:45):
I was looking at it, as thesetriggers are teaching something.
What is it about this that'striggering me so?
Speaker 3 (41:53):
it was tired of being the victim.
Speaker 2 (41:55):
Exactly so.
It was the idea that when I sawit teacher breathe, what is he
teaching me was I read this textmessage and that really helped
me through that, not to be soangry, you know to reframe.
Speaker 3 (42:14):
It's a very powerful reframe.
Speaker 2 (42:16):
And even today, right before we connected, you know,
I was going through a bin and Ifound some things from the
custody and this is years agonow and I looked at it and I was
looking through calendars thatI had and I put these little
affirmations of positivity andprayers and things and I'm like,
(42:37):
wow, I went through all thatand I don't hate them today.
Do you know, I was just likejust grown and that was the
growth and this calendar wasfrom like 2013, you know, and it
was just all the prayers andthings.
So, yeah, definitely reframingand and and seeing how it is
(42:58):
with other people, you reallyhave to work on that.
It is a work in progress.
Many people come because theysee it on TV or that namaste,
we're all love and light, butit's that shadow work.
It's that deep that you do.
So what books do you recommend?
A book, Well, my book is comingout next year.
Speaker 3 (43:18):
So what books do you recommend?
Book, well, my book is comingout next year, so I'm going to
recommend that one.
It's called Becoming TriggerProof a guide to break free from
trauma bonds, heal codependencyand create secure love.
Start the process is by MichaelSinger the Untethered Soul.
(43:41):
That really helps to start tointroduce people to the concept
of separating you from thethoughts, that identity that we
have, that is constantly going,going, going and then
unconsciously living.
I'm all for it.
Any Eckhart Tolle book A NewEarth is fantastic.
(44:13):
Books are an amazing guidepostof where to look and the real
work is the day-to-day practice.
So making sure that you show up, you find a guide and a
community that can kind of guideyou in towards finding your own
knowing, rather than giving youthe answers.
That's, I'm all for that.
Speaker 2 (44:35):
Beautiful, so do you.
What services do you offer?
Do you offer classes, events,trainings?
Speaker 3 (44:41):
Yeah, it all begins with an event.
One of my signature events iscalled the overview experience
or the trigger proof experience,where I teach people how to
take the thing that'sconflicting you, triggering you
the most, and spread it out overa day and really understand the
(45:03):
mechanism of what's happeningin your nervous system and using
cognitive and somatic tools torewire that reaction so that you
can respond from a place ofadulthood, bringing your adult
self online.
And so all of my offerings arereally the teaching of the
mastery of becomingtrigger-proof, of using our
(45:25):
triggers not something to avoidbut as a thing to dive into, to
find parts of ourselves that wehaven't really loved, and using
that as the practice.
So all of my I have an academy,all of my trainings and events
are serving the purpose ofteaching people how to expand
their capacity for the mostchallenging triggers in our
(45:49):
lives as parents, as lovers, asleaders, and learning how to
expand that space betweenstimulus and response so that
you can respond rather thanreact.
Clearly, from my own history,that became an important message
for me, and so it's reallyabout the mastery of rupture and
(46:09):
repair.
Right, it's not aboutperfection my wife and I me as a
dad I'm not perfect.
It's about look, we're notperfect, but we have the skills
once we disconnect, how torepair.
So it's really it's an academyof cycle breakers learning how
to repair it's repair training.
Speaker 2 (46:29):
Yeah, I mean I love that you put in the nervous
system.
People just don't realize howimportant that is to work on
that, especially since COVID Imean the last years.
I mean we're not realizing whatwe've endured.
I mean just to be like okay, wehave this, you know, pandemic,
and then all of a sudden, poof,you know, we're back to reality
(46:51):
and we're not even sure how thisis going to carry on in the
next 10 years, 20 years.
How is this going to carry onin the next 10 years, 20 years?
How is this going to affect ourchildren?
Speaker 3 (46:58):
I mean, yeah, the collective has gone through a
massive nervous systemdysregulation.
You know, during COVID youcan't fight, you can't flight,
can't run.
So, everybody just went intofreeze.
And so the collective nervoussystem has gone into
dysregulation, and so, withoutlearning how to operate that
(47:18):
machinery, unknowingly it'simpacting our relationships.
It's impacting our leadership.
Speaker 2 (47:24):
Yeah, yeah, I did an event back last year at the
college, community college, andit was a chair yoga event and
there were so many 19 and 20year olds with sciatic.
They're like I was diagnosedwith sciatic, I got this, I got
that.
I'm just like blown away, likewhat I mean, and they were had
(47:46):
such limited mobility, sittingthere, you know, and then that
made me think like they withCOVID, you know, sitting right
in the chair and hunched forwardsitting right in the chair and
hunched forward, not, not andnot working.
So you're at home, so all ofyour relational issues bubbled
to the surface.
It was a great awakening forpeople.
Speaker 3 (48:06):
And yeah, military neck, yeah never been a um more
important time to uh, to reallyfocus on self-healing and so
this is what I'm all about.
Speaker 2 (48:19):
Yeah, so it's amazing .
I just was like, wow, 19 yearsold.
So where can we find youInterested in a service or
session?
Speaker 3 (48:27):
Yeah, at the show notes my team has provided a
link that the best place tobegin is to find out your
attachment style.
So when you fill out the,there's a quiz that really helps
you identify if you're ananxious attached, if you're
avoidant, if you're disorganizedor secure.
Getting that information ofwhere you are in the beginning
(48:50):
is the best place to begin.
So now you know exactly whereto put your focus and, uh, from
there, after you have thatattachment style quiz, you can
send me an email I'm easy tofind All of the links should be
on your show notes and send me aDM with any questions or an
email.
And I'm right there.
(49:12):
I'll be able to me and my teamwill be able to respond within
24 hours.
Speaker 2 (49:20):
Perfect, all right.
Well, that ends the first partof our journey.
I'm going to guide you into thesecond part, which are
questions from listeners andenergy workers, students.
So, number one, in your ownwords, you talk about this, that
this is a specialty of yours.
What is shadow work?
Speaker 3 (49:37):
Yeah, what is shadow work?
Yeah, what is shadow work?
Shadow work saved my life, andCarl Jung labeled this term
where, when we grow up, we wereconditioned to believe that
certain parts of ourselves arereally acceptable.
(49:57):
You know you'd be a good girl.
You know.
You know you'd be a good girl.
You know, tracy, you'd be agood girl.
Pleasant, nice, loves God,whatever it is.
In your family cultural systemyou were given the message that
these parts of you are good, butyour angry part, your needy
part, your emotional part, thesad part, the reactive parts,
(50:19):
the sexual parts, are bad.
And so, in order to fit in, wetake those parts of us and then
we dismiss them, we suppressthem, we hide them, we lock them
up in the basement.
But that energy of those partsof us doesn't go away.
It's there energetically.
And so, because it's locked inthe basement and that energy is
(50:41):
there, it creates a whole weirdsystem within our uh, our psyche
and our nervous system.
It causes us to fracture andfragment from ourselves.
It's called fragmentation.
So we break the, the, theseparts of us break free and they
go into what's called our shadow.
(51:01):
And throughout our lives welive kind of normally, but then
we encounter experiences wherethese shadows get triggered.
So if I have this needy part ofme when I was a child that was
told, oh, your emotions are toomuch, I'm like, oh my gosh, this
(51:22):
part of me is unacceptable.
I will suppress that needy partof me.
It goes into the basement, butit doesn't go away.
That energy is there and whatwill happen is I will be
unconsciously pulled towardspeople who display that aspect
of me that I'm denying.
(51:42):
So I will push away my needyparts and I will become avoidant
or detached emotionally Guesswhat kind of person that I will
be attracted to People who aresuper, duper needy, so that they
display the very thing that I'mdenying within myself and I'll
be triggered by them.
I go God, they're so needy I'mand I'm I'm become avoidant
(52:06):
because I'm avoiding those needyparts of myself and I can't, I
can't get rid of them.
So I will what's called projectthem outwards.
So projection is a mechanismthat our project what's denied
(52:30):
within ourselves so we see itout there.
So the things that really pissyou off the most about other
people, in a cosmic twist inwhich people hate, they can't
handle, when they become awareof this is parts of yourself and
they say no, no, and that iscalled the shadow.
The shadow is the unwanted,dismissed, denied, repressed,
(52:54):
disowned part of you that youdismissed or denied or disowned
for protecting yourself tobelong, and it shows up and it
gets triggered and it kind ofactivates to help us find those
parts to become whole, to what'scalled integrate them, to face
(53:17):
them, to feel them, to bringcompassion towards these younger
parts of ourselves that we'vehated all along, that cause us
to split and fracture fromourselves, that gives us anxiety
, that gives us feelings ofunworthiness.
Our shadow is meant to be seen,to be witnessed, to bring
(53:40):
compassion to so that we canthen become our whole selves.
And so, once we find theseparts of ourselves, we learn the
methodology.
What I call becomingtrigger-proof is the practice of
learning how to stop runningaway from these parts of
ourselves, to move towards them,to find them and to bring them
home safely, which then causesyou to become a more authentic
(54:03):
person.
You're then able to take offthe mask, not so concerned with
what other people think of you,because you're you're.
You know we're afraid of otherpeople's opinions of us because
we're afraid of them reflectingthe parts of us that we already
can't stand, which is in ourshadow.
So when you integrate yourshadow, other people's opinions
(54:25):
of you which colluded with yourhatred of those parts of you
don't bother you anymore.
Which colluded with your hatredof those parts of you don't
bother you anymore, so shadowwork is your ticket to emotional
freedom, safety in your ownskin, non-reactivity is really
developing an intimaterelationship energetically with
your shadow.
Speaker 2 (54:43):
Right, and it can be start in childhood and you use
that example of being a goodgirl and that was one of the
things through my childhood.
Speaker 3 (54:52):
Girls, don't get angry.
Speaker 2 (54:53):
Right and you keep quiet and children are seen and
not heard.
And then, as a young adult, Ifound myself getting triggered.
But when I got triggered Iyelled you know, and that, as a
young parent, I'm like I hatehaving that was the go to Right
and blowing you, blow up, youlet everything happen, happen,
happen, happen.
(55:14):
And something that was so minorblow up and I just didn't like
that about myself.
And so, going to the healing,doing what I needed to do so I
could fix that part, so Iwouldn't be so reactionary that
I could go from zero to athousand and like, ah, I just
want to stop that.
And so, yeah, it takes work.
(55:35):
And are we human?
Yes, other times, okay, here itcomes, but you know what to do
to work on it.
And then, even when I have aslip, okay, I got to work on it.
I thought I was done with this,no way.
So, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 3 (55:51):
And we're never done with it.
We're never done.
Speaker 2 (55:53):
Yeah, never done with it.
It's just a constant thing,because there's going to be
moments where your voice isn'theard again.
Right, here we go again.
And what am I learning?
You know teachable moments forsure.
So number two how does someoneknow if they have attachment
wounds?
Speaker 3 (56:12):
Yeah, know if they have attachment wounds?
Yeah, how do you know?
If that you have attachmentwounds?
Is your experience of how youexperience distress within a
relationship right?
The main attachment wounds?
There are two of them that arekind of competing with one
another.
You know there's a part of usthat is driven, that has a fear
of abandonment.
So that's one wound is a fearof abandonment and that fear of
(56:35):
abandonment drives our need toconnect.
And then there's another one onthis side called the fear of
engulfment, the fear of beingconsumed by love, by
responsibility, by the otherperson's emotions.
Because as a child, you know,you were maybe felt like you
were abandoned as a child,emotionally or physically, or
you felt like you were engulfedby your mother's overbearingness
(56:58):
or responsibility.
So this fear of engulfment heredrives our need for space.
So within us we have tension.
This presents a problem formost of us that we haven't
really identified is that wehave this fear of abandonment
that drives our need forconnection and this fear of
(57:20):
engulfment that drives our needfor space has that and
unconsciously we attractsomebody who triggers and
activates this fear ofabandonment.
(57:40):
How do you know that?
You have that writing?
You know running the show.
Well, you're constantlypreoccupied with what the other
person is thinking.
You're constantly wondering isthis person going to leave me?
You start thinking double,triple, thinking into oh my God,
what do they mean by their textmessage?
You're second guessing yourselfand every single, every
argument.
You don't have the awarenessthat I'm going to be okay.
(58:04):
It basically feels like death.
I'm going to be left by myself,right, and you know attachment
wounds when we go throughbreakups, they're every.
Their relational ruptures arepainful, but when you have a
fear of abandonment, youliterally will go into
experiences of deep, darkdepression, like grief, where
(58:25):
you know you are.
It's persisting for like sixmonths, one year, two years,
right.
And so when you're run by thefear of abandonment, you, you
know you're being mistreated,but being alone is worse than
staying in a shitty situation,right, so that's the fear of
(58:47):
abandonment.
Now fear of engulfment, whenhow you know is that you want
connection.
But the second that thingsbecome really intimate and
vulnerable, you're like, oh, getme the hell out of here.
Oh my gosh, you know, or youknow, you're chasing, chasing,
chasing.
But when the chase is over,this is the avoidant.
Now the responsibility beginsand you're like, oh, oh my gosh,
(59:09):
like I'm overwhelmed.
She's too needy, he's too needy, I need my space constantly.
So how do you know you haveattachment wounds if you're
finding yourself in the samepatterns of push and pull
dynamics, not necessarily withintimate partnerships, but also
even with friendships, and tothe point where the anxiety
(59:30):
within relationships,friendships, and to the point
where the anxiety withinrelationships overtakes your,
you know, your, your sense ofpeace of mind.
And so, because most of usweren't born with unicorn
parents, we have parents thathave their own attachment wounds
(59:56):
, codependency.
Most of us have some sort of arefinement, a place, a part of
us that can grow a little bitbetter, and so it's a work in
progress.
And if you're in business, ifyou have weaknesses in your
business, it's wise to delegatethem to other people who are
better at it than you, but inrelationships, we simply cannot
delegate these weaknesses toothers.
We must work on them if we areto have relationships that feel
(01:00:19):
secure.
Speaker 2 (01:00:21):
Thank you for that.
So your book is going to becoming out next year.
Trigger-proof but can you tellus a little bit?
What's the, what's the best waythat someone can be
trigger-proof?
Speaker 3 (01:00:33):
What I discovered and this is what the entire point
of the book is about is thesecond.
This is what I discovered, andnobody I hadn't learned this
anywhere, it came to me kind ofin a meditation is the moment
that you get triggered.
Your nervous systemunconsciously goes to a
childlike state where youabandon yourself Because, as a
(01:00:53):
child, in order for us to feelsafe, the kind of the balance of
do I choose my authentic self,or which could lead to me having
love removed, having lovewithdrawn, or do I choose
attachment?
(01:01:14):
Do I people, please?
Do I fawn?
Do I uh, kind of defer towhatever you know is wanted or
expected of me?
In that moment, there's a faceoff where you're choosing
attachment versus authenticity.
You are going to chooseattachment every time because
your survival depends on it.
(01:01:36):
So, what I discovered is that weare hardwired to abandon
ourself for the sake ofattachment, and every time we
get triggered we abandonourselves.
And what do I mean byabandoning ourselves?
It's, let's say, you show uplate to uh, you show up late for
(01:01:58):
an appointment, you and I areout for coffee, coffee meeting,
and you show up late and I gettriggered and I'm really angry,
and so there's like mildirritant versus there is like
severe anger and rage that Ihave.
So whenever there is a reactionin a moment that is kind of
(01:02:20):
like exaggerated beyond what themoment calls, then that means
there's something historicalthat's been triggered.
And in that moment, becauseyou're late, the question that I
get all of my students to askis what do I make that mean
about me, that Tracy is late?
Well, I make it mean that I'mnot important.
(01:02:44):
The thing is.
Is that Tracy is late for?
whatever reasons the car brokedown, is that Tracy is late.
For whatever reasons the carbroke down, she's got stuff on
her mind.
It's not because I'm notimportant, it's because Tracy
had stuff going on.
I'm the one that made it meanI'm not important.
So I'm the one that abandonedmyself, just like when I was a
(01:03:08):
child, to be able to connect, tomake sure that I was attached
and connected.
So becoming trigger-proof isthe art and neuroscience of
using the trigger to find thesource of your self-abandonment,
where you believed that you'renot enough, unworthy, unlovable,
(01:03:28):
and you resolve thatself-abandonment internally and
integrate with that shadow thatjust got activated before you
communicate to your partner, tothe other person, and when you
do that, when you take the timeto master that skill, the
conversation happens.
Hey, tracy, you know, thanksfor showing up.
(01:03:48):
You came a few minutes late.
I made up this story that I'mnot important.
You know what was going on withyou, what happened there, ah,
okay.
Well, here's the thing Onfuture meetings, I'm going to
have to make sure that you letme know in advance when
something came up, so that youknow both of our times can be
(01:04:10):
honored.
And see, now I'm talking to youas my adult self, rather than
had I not taken the time tointegrate.
You walk in, I'm like, am I notimportant to you?
And then now you're likegetting all defensive.
My childlike self has nowactivated your childlike self,
and now we have a conflict oftwo inner children, two shadows,
(01:04:31):
cl shadows one another ratherthan adults.
Because I took a moment to beable to integrate, and so that
is the process of becomingtrigger-proof is resolving the
self-abandonment thatautomatically happens because we
were conditioned since we werechildren, and I love teaching it
to people who are ready,because when you do this, you
(01:04:51):
become an adult in relationships, and this is how you can have
secure relationships.
Now happen out there, it happensin here.
Speaker 2 (01:05:00):
Right, beautiful.
Well, that was our thirdquestion as we were talking.
Is there something that youhave forgotten or want to share
with listeners?
The floor is yours.
Speaker 3 (01:05:09):
Yeah, the only thing that I'd really want to leave
you with is this quote that kindof another came to me in a
dream was that the highest formof forgiveness is the authentic
recognition that everythingserved you and that there is
nothing to forgive.
And the goal of the inner workof becoming trigger-proof is
(01:05:31):
really about getting to thatplace.
You may not feel like that'strue for you right now, but just
know that what's possible onthe other side of the inner work
is a level of freedom where youdon't really get.
You get to a place where youhave such profound understanding
of yourself and the otherperson that you claimed or you
(01:05:54):
feel who has hurt you, that youdon't have to forgive yourself
or anyone else to get to a placeof understanding.
And the highest form offorgiveness, I believe, is the
authentic recognition thateverything served you and that
there is nothing to forgive.
Speaker 2 (01:06:09):
Beautiful, beautiful you, and that there is nothing
to forgive.
Beautiful, beautiful.
Well, thank you for those verywise words and thank you for
taking time out of your verybusy schedule to join me on
Ready Set Reiki.
Speaker 3 (01:06:20):
Thank you, great to be here.
Speaker 2 (01:06:22):
Beautiful.
All right, my wonderfullisteners, if you'd like your
question featured on Ready SetReiki, reach out to
wwwreadysetreikicom.
Also, check me out on socialmedia as well.
So I hope everyone has anamazing and wonderful day and be
on the lookout for thetrigger-proof book.
Thank you so much and have aLtd.
All Rights Reserved.
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