Episode Transcript
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(00:00):
Welcome to real beauty with AF Dseason six.
Episode two.
So we're back with Nina and wecontinue to speak about.
Body piece, getting to a waymore detail, which I found so
fascinating.
And since this conversation, andhopefully you felt the same
(00:23):
after episode one, it's made youthink a little bit differently
on how we treat.
Ourselves.
And some of the thoughts that wehave when it comes to.
Eating certain foods are the waywe look ourselves that certainly
since this conversation.
Um, and I mentioned it lasttime.
(00:44):
One of my resolutions is trulytrying to be kinder to myself
and talking to myself better.
And one of the things I lovedhearing from Nina is the fact
that she refers to herself as acouples therapist.
And that's the couple I'mrelationship between yourself
(01:06):
and your body.
And I think that that is so.
Uh, important.
Um, Especially as you know,we're coming into new year.
I know I've mentioned this anumber of times in the pod that
I'm very conscious of.
How I represent myself in frontof my daughter.
(01:30):
And I feel that this has justbeen such a great learning for
me to kind of view thingsdifferently.
So I hope.
This conversation.
Has been as beneficial.
Do you all, as it has been tome.
Um, and I will continue to tryand find individuals.
(01:52):
Inspiring individuals such asNina to join me on this podcast
as.
Hopefully you can tell.
I just love it.
And I feel very honored to beable to speak to people such as
Nina.
So anyway, without further ado,I will stop talking.
And please enjoy episode two.
nina (02:34):
claim the wisdom that's within her, that's getting,
truly getting my body.
Oh my god, I
franky (02:43):
That change.
Yeah.
I love that mindset, like shiftof like just taking that phrase
that we use so negatively to Iam reclaiming it.
I love
nina (02:54):
that.
Yes.
Yes, I am gonna take my bodyback because who's taken it away
from us?
Our diet culture that tells usit's not okay.
The way it's right.
The post mommy, the post-babyculture.
Oh, you are right.
It's brutal.
Oh, get your body back to what?
Yeah.
So before you had a baby, no.
(03:15):
You actually had a baby.
Yeah.
And that actually changes yourbody.
Yeah.
And changes who you are.
Right.
And just to go down a littletangent there, I really think
it's something we don't talkabout in terms of psychological,
um, stages of development.
We talk about, you know,childhood, we talk about
adolescents, we talk about, um,Different stages of development
(03:38):
as human beings, but one of themwe don't talk about is how
developmentally we shift as weshift into motherhood.
Yeah.
Our priorities are different.
Yeah.
And so this get my body back isNo, no.
Your priorities should be thesame as before, which is let me
be the most culturally.
In the box of cultural idealizedbeauty, let me fit back into
(04:00):
that box because then I stillhave the power that comes with
that small body, that ultrafitbody, right?
I still get to have that thinprivilege and be able to
maneuver through life with thatkind of currency.
Yeah.
(04:21):
Instead of going, wait a second,do I really wanna value my body
on that kind of currency, thatmy worth is my size?
Yeah.
That my worth is my, the, thesix pack of, you know, or the
tone of my underarms, like thatis not worthiness.
(04:41):
right?
And as we shift into motherhoodand we shift into, wait a
second, we have a kid, and wego, wait, your worthiness is who
you are as a whole being.
Why am I still holding myself tothis standard of who I am is
only as valuable as my bodylooks.
franky (05:03):
Oh my God, I feel like you're like speaking to my soul
right now.
makes me like a little bitemotional, but it is, it's true.
We're just so hard on ourselvesand, um, you know, anyone
listening that like has had ababy, um, or, you know, I've
mentioned this on kinda otherpodcasts, like I unfortunately
(05:25):
had a miscarriage and then a, aquite pregnancy, like a couple
months ago.
and I'm immediately hard onmyself that mm-hmm.
that like, I, I've like blankedout the fact that my body was
starting to prepare for, okay,we're gonna be, you know,
growing a baby and then it'slike, wait, no I'm not.
(05:45):
And then it's like, wait, I amagain.
And of course I, upon weight andI don't feel the best, but I'm
really trying to change mymindset.
You know that okay, well mybody's been through a lot this
year, but my body survived andwow.
Like good for it, right?
And I have my health and I'mhappy and you know, everything
(06:06):
else is great, but.
It's still so sad how we're sohard on ourselves.
Yes.
Through each of these steps andstages that we can't just be
like, wow, my body did pray.
Well this year,
nina (06:19):
let's continue.
Well, you know?
Right.
Or even, even not going, youknow, oh, my body did pretty
well, but wow.
My body's been through a lot.
Yeah.
Right.
So many women go throughfertility issues of many, many
different kinds that, first ofall, do not get spoken enough in
our culture.
Wow.
(06:39):
Second of all, we don'tacknowledge the impact that it
has on our body and ourrelationship with our body.
Yeah.
Right?
Because what we're trying to doin body pieces is actually
create a trusting relationshipwith my, with your body.
Then what do you do?
My body's supposed to havegotten pregnant and then grown a
(07:00):
baby to term, and that didn'twork.
So now I don't, do I trust mybody?
Yeah.
Is this gonna work again?
Yeah.
Right.
And then all the anxiety thatcomes with that and the fear
that comes with that.
And we're holding that in ourbody and then we're still
expecting our body to look likewhatever we, what weird ideal we
have of it.
Like, wait, hold up a secondhere.
(07:22):
There's something going on,which is that there's a rupture
in the relationship with ourbodies.
Mm-hmm.
right?
I'm trusting you because Iwanna, you know, get pregnant
and I'm trusting that you can dothis.
And then your body goes,actually, this isn't working the
way, but it needs to, so this isnot gonna work out.
And then we're like, right, it'ssaying time out.
(07:44):
And we're like, okay, well I'msupposed.
Pull my boots up, you know,like, you know, bootstrap it and
keep it rolling.
Well, wait, wait, wait.
There's a bunch of thingsmissing in there.
One is acknowledging somethingbig happened.
This was a RUP rupture in therelationship with my body.
(08:04):
My body has a recovery periodand so does my mental health
right.
and so then me putting on allthe expectations of having a
small body, having a fit body,having a body that can bounce
right back and get pregnantagain.
Yeah, too darn much.
(08:26):
Not realistic, not okay for ourwellbeing.
Right.
And plus a lot of these, andwhat I love Francine, that
you're doing is speaking aboutit because a lot of these topics
are not spoken about.
Yeah.
franky (08:39):
Yeah.
At all.
Or enough.
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah.
So how, like, how do you managethese types of conversations
with, with like your friends?
I feel you can be on a goodjourney with yourself and you
can get to a good point whereyou really are truly trusting
(09:02):
and feeling good and promotingthis outwardly.
But unfortunately, you stillhave people, and in some cases
close to you that.
Aren't there yet and are stillvery critical of, oh, did you
see how much weight, blah, blah,blah, put on and oh my God, they
let themselves go and oh, theywere wearing sweatpants.
(09:24):
And for me, especially theselast couple of years, I found it
really difficult to accept thoseconversations now.
But it's like, what is the
nina (09:34):
thing say
franky (09:36):
or do you in that situation and is.
You know, sometimes for me I'mlike, you know, I kind of need
to take a break from thoseindividuals that I just don't
need that in my life right now.
And I'll come back to when I'mstrong enough to, you know, say
something articulately, polite,But how, like, how have you
(09:57):
dealt with that through theyears?
Yeah.
Because you got to that pointyears ago, a lot of people
weren't, industries weren'tthere yet.
We're getting to it now.
Yeah.
How have you
nina (10:06):
dealt with that?
Yeah.
So first of all, one, onestrategy that you said that was.
Powerful is a boundary.
Yeah.
If that's comfortable for you.
I need space from thisrelationship.
This is just toxic.
I just need space.
But not everybody can do it.
Sometimes it's their mothers,sometimes it's our sisters who
are saying it.
Right.
Like, so it's not like, youknow, I think I'd like to just
(10:27):
take a break from you.
That doesn't work so well.
So there's three approaches, um,to when people are saying things
about commenting either aboutsomeone else's body, about their
own body.
or about your body.
Yeah, none of those kinds ofstatements feel good for
anybody.
(10:47):
they don't feel good for theperson who's receiving the
statement.
It's about them, and it doesn'tmake anybody in their sphere
feel good.
Right?
If someone is critic criticizingsomeone else's body, well now my
body's not safe because what?
I walk away and now you're gonnacriticize my body.
Yeah, right.
So fundamentally, we don't feelsafe.
So here are three ways that Ialways think about when it comes
(11:11):
to.
this is a horrible conversationand I need another way to deal
with this.
So it's the three Ds.
Deflect, defend, or deependeflect is someone's like, oh my
gosh, I think I'm gonna startketo again because really, you
know, my belly and the the fatand the this and the that.
(11:34):
Deflect is, gosh, I watched thisamazing things on thing on
Netflix last night.
Did you see it?
It's just classic diversiontechnique.
Yeah, that's totallyappropriate.
It's deflect is for somebody whoyou really don't actually wanna
have this conversation with.
You just don't wanna talk aboutit.
Yeah.
It's the person who's at thegrocery store holding up the box
(11:55):
of cookies that's like, oh no, Ireally shouldn't.
You're like, oh my gosh.
Did you see that movie?
you just don't need to talk tothem about it.
Just change this topic.
Right.
But not everybody is thatperson.
There are some people who youactually want to have a little
more of a boundary that'sdefending.
(12:15):
Yeah.
Right.
So with those people, you cansay, you know, I'm not
comfortable with these convers.
Can we talk about somethingelse?
It can also be, you know, I justfeel like, um, I'm really doing
work on my own relationship withbody and food, and I'm really
trying to work it out formyself.
(12:36):
I'd rather not have theseconversations with anybody else.
Yeah, it's just creating aboundary, right?
This is your issue.
This is my issue.
I'm not talking about it.
Simple boundary, which I thinkis a good thing too,
franky (12:50):
because I also wonder if, um, sometimes it's like not
conscious.
You know when something justcomes outta your mouth and
you're like, oh God, I reallyshouldn't have eaten that.
And if you acknowledge it, infront of someone, or, you know,
make a comment like that.
I feel like it's actually a goodway for them to reflect
themselves and be like, yeah,why did I even say that?
(13:12):
Like, why would I say that?
That's so ridiculous.
And why am I gonna diet and whyam I talking about it in this
manner?
And is this, I don't know.
I think it's a, it's a good wayto kind of make them look into
themselves and be like, why am Isaying that?
Yeah.
Like, how do I feel about.
you know?
Yeah.
nina (13:31):
And sometimes that boundary can just be like, when
someone's like, oh, I'm so fat,you go, ouch.
Yeah.
Right.
That can just break the bubble.
Yeah.
Like, ouch.
That's a painful, you know,that's a little we that's moving
a little more into the deepenedtechnique.
Yeah.
So deepen is, this is somebodywho I'm willing to kind of get
(13:52):
into this conversation with anddeepen can be.
Ouch.
That's a really painful thing tosay to yourself, or oof, that's
a bit rough, right?
It reflects back what's goingon, but it brings a little
emotional content to theconversation.
Yeah, and deepen can also beeducation.
It could be like, did you knowthat 53% of 13 year old American
(14:15):
girls are unhappy with theirbodies and by 17 year old, by 17
years old, the bodydissatisfaction grows to 78.
Right.
Can you imagine how much morepowerful women would be if we
weren't trained to hate andobsess over our bodies?
Right.
You can use that, the, this deepend conversation to educate or
(14:36):
to take them into an emotionalplace with it.
Yeah.
And then you're like, oh, maybeI don't actually wanna have this
conversation.
It, it invites questioning, itchanges the whole.
in your relationship.
Right.
Another deep end would be, don'tyou find that as a culture, we
(14:56):
focus too much on appearance?
I'm so ready for our culturalconversation to shift firmly
into how we feel.
Yeah.
And how we think.
Yeah, right.
Deepen is great, but it has tobe somebody who you think.
You know, can go there with youif they're not.
Also, is it
franky (15:17):
worth it?
Like, is it worth it to go therewith that person?
And I think it goes back to theboundary.
Totally.
There's some people that, yes, Iknow in my life, I'm like,
they're never gonna get it.
They're never gonna be there.
it will make me feel worse.
Like I'm
nina (15:33):
not gonna absolutely myself.
Absolutely.
Right.
It's a setup you're Yeah.
In when you know, oh, this is asetup and there's just gonna,
their fangs are gonna come outand it's gonna be full attack,
and it's just go, there's no,uh, emotional, intellectual int
inte emotional.
There's no emotionalintelligence over there.
(15:54):
Yeah.
To have the conversation thendeflect is your, So,
franky (16:01):
um, so then if I am, again, we're talking about like,
well try not to speak about likeresolutions or you're looking
at, okay.
If you're listening to this andyou think, well, what can I do
if I feel I also don't have thebest relationship with my body
and I am ready to tackle this,what would you say would be the
(16:26):
best first
nina (16:26):
steps?
Yeah.
So, um, first of all, I wannasay you're not alone.
People don't have a goodrelationship with their body.
Unfortunately, we were never,one of my clients said, oh my
gosh, I feel like I missed thisday at school where I was taught
how to listen to my own body andtune into my own wisdom and know
(16:48):
when I was hungry or full.
I like, I missed this day.
I was like, no, you didn't.
We were never taught this.
We were taught how to connect toeverybody else's body.
What do you feel?
What do you.
Right, so cultivating thisconnection with our own body,
starting to learn how to honorher, speak to her nicely, take
(17:11):
care of her deeply.
right, is a learnable skill, butit does take some commitment to
saying, yeah, this is arelationship that's important to
me.
Just like any relationship,right?
You have a relationship with akid, you have a relationship
with a partner, you have arelationship with a friend.
You say, you know what?
This is an importantrelationship.
(17:32):
This is an importantrelationship to me, and I wanna
invest time, space, energy.
And so that's what it.
that's the beginning is to say,yes, I want to create this
relationship.
I want to cultivate body peace.
And I'll give you sort of twoum, ways to start the
(17:55):
conversation.
One is very basic and, uh,Francine, if you'll let me guide
you into it, is, is to closeyour eyes, put your hand on your
heart and just say hello.
Hello body and feel into thatwhat happens when you turn all
(18:18):
of your fantastic energy towardsyour own body.
Not from a place of management,but from a place of, oh, hi.
What did you notice came up?
Um,
franky (18:30):
what I instantly thought was, I don't know, I just felt
like a little.
like tingly, like awake, like,Hey, Like it's the first time
probably ever said, Hey,
nina (18:44):
Right?
That's it.
Right?
Hey, you and me together, we'reallies.
We are not enemies.
Yeah, we are allies.
We are walking this lifetogether.
Our culture has set it up thatyou are walking as an adversary
to your body that is no fun andis just exhaust.
(19:06):
we wanna create allyship.
And what's the first Francine,you and I we're connecting over
text over when we got on here onZoom.
Hey, how are you?
Yeah, we start by connecting.
That's how we cultivaterelationships.
So that's one thing.
The other thing is, um, I have afree practicing body piece
journal, and it's available onmy site, body piece with
(19:29):
nina.com.
It's all one word.
And on there, 20.
20 questions to invite you intohow is my relationship with my
body?
How did this relationshiphappen?
What are the dynamics in thisrelationship?
Because the first thing we'redoing when we're creating body
(19:50):
peace is actually creating arelationship.
That's what's happening, right?
Um, I have a program called TheBody Piece Starter Kit.
And what are we doing?
We're starting a relationship.
That's what we're doing.
And so the practicing body piecejournal helps you and just start
(20:12):
to go, wait a second, what arethe qualities that I want in a
relationship with my body?
What are the qualities thatexist?
And in there also are some of mypoems to sort of inspire the
conversation.
And do you
franky (20:25):
think when.
individuals kinda start thisjourney.
Um, and I know I kinda mentionedthat you have like over 30 years
of ex experience, um, as atherapist and I did.
Well, when I say I did, I knowyou don't just do it and then
you finish.
Uh, but I did do about sixmonths of therapy last year and
(20:49):
it was honestly the best thingI've ever done for myself and.
The individual gave me the toolsto help navigate certain
conversations or start kind ofmaking me feel more.
Comfortable within myself andthrough that process, it, you
(21:09):
know, I've mentioned boundaries.
It made me kind of question, youknow, why, why am my friends
with these individuals, why am Ispending my time with these
people that I, I, I don'tbenefit from this, I don't feel
good.
Um, so it really has made mecontinue to question situations.
Um, do you find when peoplestart this journey, it might be
(21:33):
the first time that they'vereally looked into how they
feel.
Yes.
What they want for themselves.
Yes.
That they probably go throughthat similar journey where
they're like, wow, thatindividual doesn't treat me that
good, and why I never noticedit.
nina (21:49):
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
And in that, you know, Vein ofthis work being very
therapeutic.
Often when I'm sitting like on aplane and somebody says, what do
you do?
And if I said, body Peace coach,I would mean absolutely zero to
them.
Um, I say I'm a therapist, butins I'm a couple's therapist,
(22:12):
but instead of working withwomen in their partners, I work
with women in their bodies.
I love that.
because we're trying to create arelationship that works and as
we work with the parts of usthat just, it doesn't feel like
a working relationship.
What, what happens like in anyrelationship?
(22:32):
Oh, this reminds me of when Iwas in fifth grade and somebody
bullied me.
right?
Or this reminds me, and this istotally, this is what I used to
do.
This reminds me of when I wouldgo to parties when I was 16
years old and it would feel solike a social mind feel that I
would come home and just eatcheese and crackers, cheese and
(22:53):
crackers, cheese and crackers,cheese and crackers.
I pa practically passed out frombinging on cheese and crackers
because I was so emotionallyactivated that I was looking for
a way to.
Yeah.
Right.
So we need to look at where areour unwanted eating behaviors
showing up?
Why are they showing up, andwhat is it connected to?
(23:16):
Because this work with our foodand our body, this healing work
in the relationship with ourbody and our food is a doorway
into our life.
Mm-hmm.
into unresolved issue.
So yes.
Are we creating a relationshipwith our food and body?
Yes.
And are we healing our whole.
(23:38):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Just like if you've gone intorelationship with a, into
therapy with a partner, whatcomes up?
All of our old stuff.
Yeah, it's true.
franky (23:49):
Yeah.
I felt like you need to go back.
You need to go back andunderstand those.
Moments that you haven't thoughtabout for such a long time, and
then you think, oh, mm-hmm maybethat's why my eating habits are
X.
Or maybe this is why I don'tfeel good about my body, was
because someone said this when Iwas like 12.
Yes.
Which when you go through thatand you think, oh my God, I
(24:10):
can't believe that capped withme, that little boy.
Made that one comment and it'scontinuing.
Mm-hmm.
Um, yeah, that was one of mykinda eye openers was I really
thought a lot of it would becurrent and it really, none of
it was, to be honest.
It just stayed with me.
Um, so we've mentioned, um, youknow, kinda with friends kind of
(24:38):
starting this journey.
Um, you've touched on.
the aging process too.
And you know, the industry thatwe kinda live in, I don't think
it leans itself well enough topeople that are aging,
especially women.
Um, I've spoken to a couple ofpeople.
(25:00):
One in particular, she started askincare brand specifically for
women.
Going through menopause becausethere was nothing on the market.
And it was so interestingbecause I've, no one's ever
spoken about it.
I didn't even necessarily knowmenopause was.
It continues.
And again, when I hearindividuals of that age speaking
(25:24):
about it, it's um, You know,from like a doctor perspective,
they're like, Hey, you just needto take this drug and mm-hmm.
you know, there, there's justnot a lot of education around
it.
So how do you kinda deal with orwork with people with body
peace?
Connecting to aging, which I'msure it's not just the body,
(25:46):
it's, oh my God, I'm gettingolder and mm-hmm.
I feel my body's getting olderand look at my wrinkles and oh
my gosh, and you've got Botoxand fillers and plastic surgery
and all this other stuff.
But it's like, that's not gonnaheal what's in here.
It's not, you know, Can't alllook like Simon Cow or whoever
else with their money
nina (26:08):
So, but it's interesting cause as soon as you talk, start
talking about the fillers andthe Botox and the facelifts.
Right.
It's basically a war.
Yeah.
On a natural process.
Yeah.
Right.
So my mom is 91, and this iswhat she says about aging.
You're lucky if you're aging.
(26:28):
Yeah.
Right.
Because how many friends doesshe have?
that didn't make it right, thatdidn't get to age, that didn't
get to have the experience of,you know, watching a whole full
life unfold with them.
Right.
So fundamentally underneath allthese issues of the Botox, of
(26:52):
the fillers, of the facelifts,of the, you know, look 10 years
younger in this outfit and dothis thing to, and Oh, you don't
even look your age.
Those kind of compliments.
Yeah.
Underneath all of that,fundamentally is it's not okay
specifically for women.
To get older.
(27:13):
Yeah.
Why?
Right?
Why So?
It's really important to look atthat because why is because
historically women have hadpower when they've had youth and
beauty.
That's the only way women can bepowerful in our world.
You are young and you are thin,and you are beautiful and you're
(27:36):
white.
Mm-hmm.
then ta-da.
You get the gold star and youget to be successful.
But as soon as you're, anythingbesides that, You lose
visibility, you lose socialcurrency, you lose power and
influence.
So if we're gonna start changingthis conversation, we have to
(27:57):
go, wait a second.
I am valuable in the body that Iexist in right now at the age
that I exist in right now.
Right?
And I am not letting the culturedictate my sense of.
impact, right?
I am not gonna let the culturedecide if I'm relevant or not,
(28:23):
right?
We get to create that narrativeand part of creating that
narrative, I believe some peopleare gonna be like, no, no.
I need to stick with theanti-aging and I need to fit
into that box, right?
Of young and cute, right?
Mm-hmm.
There's some huge power when westep away from that because we
(28:47):
get to create a narrative that'smuch deeper.
Yeah, much more impactful, andthat doesn't buy into our
cultural, narrow, narrow view ofwhat is a powerful, impactful
woman.
Yeah.
And part of that is saying, yes,we age and we all age
(29:08):
differently.
Wow.
And we all look different.
And we can age with bright hair,dyed red hair, or we could age
with silver hair, or we couldage with however we want, but
it's up to us.
Mm-hmm.
and we don't have to buy into amovement that is absolutely
impossible.
Nobody anti-age.
(29:30):
We age if we're lucky.
franky (29:31):
Yeah, it's true.
Um, I don't know if you are asex and say fan, are you?
nina (29:40):
I am not, but tell me, what do you, what's the, what's
the connection that you'remaking?
franky (29:45):
Oh, I mean, I've loved sex and say ever since I was a
little girl.
Um, well age, semi appropriateto be able to watch it.
But anyway.
Mm-hmm.
um, you know, one of the thingsI loved about, they recently
brought it back after, oh mygosh, like 20 years maybe.
Mm-hmm.
and.
You know, Sarah Jessica Parker,she doesn't, you know, use Botox
(30:08):
fillers like again.
She has, um, you know, managedto kind of blend the gray into
her hair.
The other girls were kind ofsimilar and.
It was actually the first timethat you have a kind of TV
series with women in theirfifties.
Mm-hmm.
talking about things likemenopause, like aging, not dye
(30:31):
their hair.
Mm-hmm.
and I actually really.
Appreciate it because now when Iwatch sex and they, they were my
age at the beginning and Iappreciate that they're
continuing it and I know thatthey receive so much backlash,
of course in the press with, ohmy God, look at their wrinkles.
They look so old, blah, blah,blah.
(30:52):
And you're like, well, yeah,it's 20 years on and they're
not, you know, covering up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I reference it becauseit's, it's rare that you see
those types of honestdiscussions about life older and
(31:12):
Yes, not doing all those thingsto try and appeal, especially on
the screen.
It's, it's, you just don'treally get characters like that,
and I appreciate the fact thatthey were willing to do that.
But yeah, it's,
nina (31:27):
um, yeah, it's so important.
I, in, uh, April, 2023, I'mleading a retreat in Italy
called Body Peace and Aging, andit's for women, um, who are over
40 who are really in this placeof, wait a second, how do I do
this life in an aging changingbody?
Because if there's anything thatis a consistent in our life, it
(31:51):
is that we change.
right?
When I walk women through, uh,exercise, where we go through
their life in five yearincrements, what happened to
your body between zero and five,five and 10, 10 and 15, 15, 20?
Their whole, the whole, theirwhole life.
And I go, what's the one thingthat you notice?
(32:13):
They're like, their, my body wasalways changing.
Yeah.
And yet our culture says, no.
No.
Oh, you're at 18.
Hold tight.
Right.
franky (32:23):
I know it's so true.
Um, so tell me more about thisretreat and how can individuals
sign up?
nina (32:31):
Yes.
So the retreat in Italy, um, isat the end of April, 2023.
And it is gonna be a phenomenalweek of really diving into our
relationship with our.
And how do we want to create arelationship for the duration
(32:55):
and what do we need to.
To really be able to step intothat next chapter of
relationship in our body.
Um, and all the information ison my website, body piece with
Nina under work with me.
Um, there's a body piece andaging retreat link there.
(33:16):
Um, and you know, if a retreatisn't necessarily your thing and
getting off to Italy for weekisn't, doesn't fit in your life.
There's other ways on my websiteto get really deeply connected
to this body piece work becauseit makes the difference.
It's the antidote to our culturethat is constantly telling us to
(33:40):
be at war.
With our body and that is givingus literally ammunition daily,
oh, did you get enough grams ofthis?
And did you, how many pounds ofthat?
And are you eating enough superfoods of this?
Right?
There's like constantly we'rebeing fed ammunition to feel bad
about ourselves.
Yeah.
(34:01):
And if that is you, I wanna sayit can be a different way.
You can, and I say that from twoplaces.
I say that both from havingworked with hundreds of women
who, you know, came to me andbe, were like, I can't.
It just feels bad.
I just feel frustrated and, youknow, ev getting dressed every
(34:22):
day makes me feel bad aboutmyself.
to really being that person.
I was that person who was likeon the next diet and
self-conscious walking into aroom and deep in the despair of
compar and despair every timeI'd, you know, go swimming and
in a bathing suit, right?
(34:43):
And not feeling that way, Al.
Now I feel like, you know what?
This is my body.
This is where I live, and thisis a good place to.
right.
I grew up in Montreal.
I live in Boston now, but I grewup in Montreal and there's a
French saying it means I feelgood in my own skin.
And growing up I was like, Idon't even understand what the
(35:05):
heck that means because Icouldn't imagine it.
Yeah.
I was like, what do you meanfeeling good?
I was trained.
It was so foreign.
Exactly.
And you know, I feel good in myskin.
You know, I feel
franky (35:19):
we should all be won.
Listen, we all need to do thisretreat cause I know.
that regardless of like, Ireally try, I've really tried
over the last couple of years tolike change my like mental
relationship.
Um, but you just mentioned that,you know, you're getting dressed
(35:40):
in the morning.
It is so crazy how much that canthrow you off the day.
Like you're getting dressed,something doesn't fit, that's
what you wanted to wear, andyou're like, Ugh, that's it.
Like, I feel terrible.
You go into work, you don't feelgood, you're slouching.
It's.
But it's when you feel good,it's like you set up.
And, um, you know, I talkedabout this before in my pod with
(36:00):
um, Others, but it's so crazyhow much that confidence just
resonates out.
Um, so I think we all shouldsign up to your retreat, It's
nina (36:12):
amazing.
Yeah, we're gonna be in Tuscany.
There's already, um, 10 womensigned up.
It's gonna be phenomenal.
Um, and, you know, people havequestions.
How, you know, email me minanina mandelson.com for sure.
Um, but really, Important issaying yes, this is an important
relationship to me and I reallywant to make.
(36:37):
A difference.
I wanna make a start.
Whether it's the body piece,starter kit, whether it's the
Italy retreat, whether it's thejournal, just claiming this is
the relationship that's mostimportant because we all know
when we feel good in our ownskin, everything else is
different.
The way we talk to people isdifferent.
Our confidence is different.
(36:57):
Our sense of just feelingcreative, right?
So much of our energy gets freedup when we're like, This is, I'm
good in this skin.
It's like
franky (37:08):
you can take on the whole world.
Yes.
Energy, everything.
It's just so much better.
Um, well, Nina, I know I've forsure gone over my time
commitment, so I very muchappreciate it.
Um, and I do have just one morequestion.
What is your life motto orphrase that you live by?
nina (37:33):
Hmm, that's a great one.
I think that might be a betterquestion to ask my kids.
So I think one of the things,cuz they, they, they would be
like, oh, you always say this,So one of the things I always
say is, um, uh, 80% of life isshowing up.
Yeah.
Just keep showing up.
Um, and another thing I alwayssay is, you know, it's a, it's a
(37:55):
process and it's a practice.
It's not a destination.
Yeah.
Right.
Life is a process.
Life is a practice of being withourselves, being with other
people.
It's not a destination.
There's not like a tadda.
And now I have landed.
Right.
And the other thingfundamentally is you.
(38:16):
Being kind to ourselves is, youknow, sometimes the thing that I
say most to myself is not inwords, but it's literally just
putting my hand on my heart andgoing, oh, oh, yeah.
Like just feeling myself.
Yeah, just being in that senseof compassion and caring and.
(38:39):
And that lets us deepen into themoment and check in with
ourselves and find out what dowe need, what, where, what kind
of support?
What would nourish me most?
Yeah, what do I need today?
what will make me feel?
Yeah, what do I need?
Yeah.
What would nourish me most, Ithink that's what my daughter
(39:00):
would say.
That's probably the thing I saymost and ask peoples What would
most, what would most deeplynourish you right now and what
would most deeply nourish me?
I'll leave you with one funnyanecdote.
We were, my, uh, brother is aextreme athlete and we were rock
climbing, crazy, crazy rockclimbing over on a giant cliff
over water.
It was terrifying And, um, andhe overestimated.
(39:24):
Climbing skills.
So I was with my daughter and wewere literally like hanging on
like, you know, fingertiphanging onto this cliff.
My god, 600 feet below us iswater.
And I'm like, I don't think Ican.
I don't know where my nexthandhold is.
I don't know how to get up thisthing.
And I looked down who mydaughter's like six feet below
me also hanging on a rope.
(39:46):
And I looked at her and I waslike, this.
Is not nourishing And she justbroke into laughter.
And when we were safe at the topof the mountain, she said, you
know, mom, most people will justbe swearing at that moment.
but not you, not you.
You were like, this is notnourishing to me.
(40:07):
So, I think fundamentally forme, really looking at what is
nourishing, what deeplynourishes our body, our soul,
our mental health, ourwellbeing, um, because that's
what creates a positive, caringrelationship with our whole
being.
Yeah.
franky (40:25):
I love that so much.
Nina.
I, I feel I could probably speakto you for hours, and I feel so,
well, let me just say I feel somuch more.
I don't know of writer afterspeaking with you.
And not that I felt like downbefore, but I just, I feel like
I get a lot of like good energyfrom you.
(40:47):
So I really appreciate theconversation and touching on
different topics and um, I willcertainly be downloading the
free journal, um, cuz I alsowant to kinda do.
With that body piece and reallytry and, um, kinda make this
part of my daily life, as yousaid, it's not, it's not just
(41:08):
gonna be a week or a month.
It's, this is the practice thatwe all should be doing daily.
Um, so thank you so much forspeaking with me.
I really, really appreciate it.
nina (41:19):
Oh, Francine.
Really my delight.
Really, really a pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thank
franky (41:24):
you.
Welcome to real beauty with AF Dseason six.
Episode two.
So we're back with Nina and wecontinue to speak about.
Body piece, getting to a waymore detail, which I found so
fascinating.
And since this conversation, andhopefully you felt the same
(00:23):
after episode one, it's made youthink a little bit differently
on how we treat.
Ourselves.
And some of the thoughts that wehave when it comes to.
Eating certain foods are the waywe look ourselves that certainly
since this conversation.
Um, and I mentioned it lasttime.
(00:44):
One of my resolutions is trulytrying to be kinder to myself
and talking to myself better.
And one of the things I lovedhearing from Nina is the fact
that she refers to herself as acouples therapist.
And that's the couple I'mrelationship between yourself
(01:06):
and your body.
And I think that that is so.
Uh, important.
Um, Especially as you know,we're coming into new year.
I know I've mentioned this anumber of times in the pod that
I'm very conscious of.
How I represent myself in frontof my daughter.
(01:30):
And I feel that this has justbeen such a great learning for
me to kind of view thingsdifferently.
So I hope.
This conversation.
Has been as beneficial.
Do you all, as it has been tome.
Um, and I will continue to tryand find individuals.
(01:52):
Inspiring individuals such asNina to join me on this podcast
as.
Hopefully you can tell.
I just love it.
And I feel very honored to beable to speak to people such as
Nina.
So anyway, without further ado,I will stop talking.
And please enjoy episode two.
nina (02:34):
claim the wisdom that's within her, that's getting,
truly getting my body.
Oh my god, I
franky (02:43):
That change.
Yeah.
I love that mindset, like shiftof like just taking that phrase
that we use so negatively to Iam reclaiming it.
I love
nina (02:54):
that.
Yes.
Yes, I am gonna take my bodyback because who's taken it away
from us?
Our diet culture that tells usit's not okay.
The way it's right.
The post mommy, the post-babyculture.
Oh, you are right.
It's brutal.
Oh, get your body back to what?
Yeah.
So before you had a baby, no.
(03:15):
You actually had a baby.
Yeah.
And that actually changes yourbody.
Yeah.
And changes who you are.
Right.
And just to go down a littletangent there, I really think
it's something we don't talkabout in terms of psychological,
um, stages of development.
We talk about, you know,childhood, we talk about
adolescents, we talk about, um,Different stages of development
(03:38):
as human beings, but one of themwe don't talk about is how
developmentally we shift as weshift into motherhood.
Yeah.
Our priorities are different.
Yeah.
And so this get my body back isNo, no.
Your priorities should be thesame as before, which is let me
be the most culturally.
In the box of cultural idealizedbeauty, let me fit back into
(04:00):
that box because then I stillhave the power that comes with
that small body, that ultrafitbody, right?
I still get to have that thinprivilege and be able to
maneuver through life with thatkind of currency.
Yeah.
(04:21):
Instead of going, wait a second,do I really wanna value my body
on that kind of currency, thatmy worth is my size?
Yeah.
That my worth is my, the, thesix pack of, you know, or the
tone of my underarms, like thatis not worthiness.
(04:41):
right?
And as we shift into motherhoodand we shift into, wait a
second, we have a kid, and wego, wait, your worthiness is who
you are as a whole being.
Why am I still holding myself tothis standard of who I am is
only as valuable as my bodylooks.
franky (05:03):
Oh my God, I feel like you're like speaking to my soul
right now.
makes me like a little bitemotional, but it is, it's true.
We're just so hard on ourselvesand, um, you know, anyone
listening that like has had ababy, um, or, you know, I've
mentioned this on kinda otherpodcasts, like I unfortunately
(05:25):
had a miscarriage and then a, aquite pregnancy, like a couple
months ago.
and I'm immediately hard onmyself that mm-hmm.
that like, I, I've like blankedout the fact that my body was
starting to prepare for, okay,we're gonna be, you know,
growing a baby and then it'slike, wait, no I'm not.
(05:45):
And then it's like, wait, I amagain.
And of course I, upon weight andI don't feel the best, but I'm
really trying to change mymindset.
You know that okay, well mybody's been through a lot this
year, but my body survived andwow.
Like good for it, right?
And I have my health and I'mhappy and you know, everything
(06:06):
else is great, but.
It's still so sad how we're sohard on ourselves.
Yes.
Through each of these steps andstages that we can't just be
like, wow, my body did pray.
Well this year,
nina (06:19):
let's continue.
Well, you know?
Right.
Or even, even not going, youknow, oh, my body did pretty
well, but wow.
My body's been through a lot.
Yeah.
Right.
So many women go throughfertility issues of many, many
different kinds that, first ofall, do not get spoken enough in
our culture.
Wow.
(06:39):
Second of all, we don'tacknowledge the impact that it
has on our body and ourrelationship with our body.
Yeah.
Right?
Because what we're trying to doin body pieces is actually
create a trusting relationshipwith my, with your body.
Then what do you do?
My body's supposed to havegotten pregnant and then grown a
(07:00):
baby to term, and that didn'twork.
So now I don't, do I trust mybody?
Yeah.
Is this gonna work again?
Yeah.
Right.
And then all the anxiety thatcomes with that and the fear
that comes with that.
And we're holding that in ourbody and then we're still
expecting our body to look likewhatever we, what weird ideal we
have of it.
Like, wait, hold up a secondhere.
(07:22):
There's something going on,which is that there's a rupture
in the relationship with ourbodies.
Mm-hmm.
right?
I'm trusting you because Iwanna, you know, get pregnant
and I'm trusting that you can dothis.
And then your body goes,actually, this isn't working the
way, but it needs to, so this isnot gonna work out.
And then we're like, right, it'ssaying time out.
(07:44):
And we're like, okay, well I'msupposed.
Pull my boots up, you know,like, you know, bootstrap it and
keep it rolling.
Well, wait, wait, wait.
There's a bunch of thingsmissing in there.
One is acknowledging somethingbig happened.
This was a RUP rupture in therelationship with my body.
(08:04):
My body has a recovery periodand so does my mental health
right.
and so then me putting on allthe expectations of having a
small body, having a fit body,having a body that can bounce
right back and get pregnantagain.
Yeah, too darn much.
(08:26):
Not realistic, not okay for ourwellbeing.
Right.
And plus a lot of these, andwhat I love Francine, that
you're doing is speaking aboutit because a lot of these topics
are not spoken about.
Yeah.
franky (08:39):
Yeah.
At all.
Or enough.
Yeah, I agree.
Yeah.
So how, like, how do you managethese types of conversations
with, with like your friends?
I feel you can be on a goodjourney with yourself and you
can get to a good point whereyou really are truly trusting
(09:02):
and feeling good and promotingthis outwardly.
But unfortunately, you stillhave people, and in some cases
close to you that.
Aren't there yet and are stillvery critical of, oh, did you
see how much weight, blah, blah,blah, put on and oh my God, they
let themselves go and oh, theywere wearing sweatpants.
(09:24):
And for me, especially theselast couple of years, I found it
really difficult to accept thoseconversations now.
But it's like, what is the
nina (09:34):
thing say
franky (09:36):
or do you in that situation and is.
You know, sometimes for me I'mlike, you know, I kind of need
to take a break from thoseindividuals that I just don't
need that in my life right now.
And I'll come back to when I'mstrong enough to, you know, say
something articulately, polite,But how, like, how have you
(09:57):
dealt with that through theyears?
Yeah.
Because you got to that pointyears ago, a lot of people
weren't, industries weren'tthere yet.
We're getting to it now.
Yeah.
How have you
nina (10:06):
dealt with that?
Yeah.
So first of all, one, onestrategy that you said that was.
Powerful is a boundary.
Yeah.
If that's comfortable for you.
I need space from thisrelationship.
This is just toxic.
I just need space.
But not everybody can do it.
Sometimes it's their mothers,sometimes it's our sisters who
are saying it.
Right.
Like, so it's not like, youknow, I think I'd like to just
(10:27):
take a break from you.
That doesn't work so well.
So there's three approaches, um,to when people are saying things
about commenting either aboutsomeone else's body, about their
own body.
or about your body.
Yeah, none of those kinds ofstatements feel good for
anybody.
(10:47):
they don't feel good for theperson who's receiving the
statement.
It's about them, and it doesn'tmake anybody in their sphere
feel good.
Right?
If someone is critic criticizingsomeone else's body, well now my
body's not safe because what?
I walk away and now you're gonnacriticize my body.
Yeah, right.
So fundamentally, we don't feelsafe.
So here are three ways that Ialways think about when it comes
(11:11):
to.
this is a horrible conversationand I need another way to deal
with this.
So it's the three Ds.
Deflect, defend, or deependeflect is someone's like, oh my
gosh, I think I'm gonna startketo again because really, you
know, my belly and the the fatand the this and the that.
(11:34):
Deflect is, gosh, I watched thisamazing things on thing on
Netflix last night.
Did you see it?
It's just classic diversiontechnique.
Yeah, that's totallyappropriate.
It's deflect is for somebody whoyou really don't actually wanna
have this conversation with.
You just don't wanna talk aboutit.
Yeah.
It's the person who's at thegrocery store holding up the box
(11:55):
of cookies that's like, oh no, Ireally shouldn't.
You're like, oh my gosh.
Did you see that movie?
you just don't need to talk tothem about it.
Just change this topic.
Right.
But not everybody is thatperson.
There are some people who youactually want to have a little
more of a boundary that'sdefending.
(12:15):
Yeah.
Right.
So with those people, you cansay, you know, I'm not
comfortable with these convers.
Can we talk about somethingelse?
It can also be, you know, I justfeel like, um, I'm really doing
work on my own relationship withbody and food, and I'm really
trying to work it out formyself.
(12:36):
I'd rather not have theseconversations with anybody else.
Yeah, it's just creating aboundary, right?
This is your issue.
This is my issue.
I'm not talking about it.
Simple boundary, which I thinkis a good thing too,
franky (12:50):
because I also wonder if, um, sometimes it's like not
conscious.
You know when something justcomes outta your mouth and
you're like, oh God, I reallyshouldn't have eaten that.
And if you acknowledge it, infront of someone, or, you know,
make a comment like that.
I feel like it's actually a goodway for them to reflect
themselves and be like, yeah,why did I even say that?
(13:12):
Like, why would I say that?
That's so ridiculous.
And why am I gonna diet and whyam I talking about it in this
manner?
And is this, I don't know.
I think it's a, it's a good wayto kind of make them look into
themselves and be like, why am Isaying that?
Yeah.
Like, how do I feel about.
you know?
Yeah.
nina (13:31):
And sometimes that boundary can just be like, when
someone's like, oh, I'm so fat,you go, ouch.
Yeah.
Right.
That can just break the bubble.
Yeah.
Like, ouch.
That's a painful, you know,that's a little we that's moving
a little more into the deepenedtechnique.
Yeah.
So deepen is, this is somebodywho I'm willing to kind of get
(13:52):
into this conversation with anddeepen can be.
Ouch.
That's a really painful thing tosay to yourself, or oof, that's
a bit rough, right?
It reflects back what's goingon, but it brings a little
emotional content to theconversation.
Yeah, and deepen can also beeducation.
It could be like, did you knowthat 53% of 13 year old American
(14:15):
girls are unhappy with theirbodies and by 17 year old, by 17
years old, the bodydissatisfaction grows to 78.
Right.
Can you imagine how much morepowerful women would be if we
weren't trained to hate andobsess over our bodies?
Right.
You can use that, the, this deepend conversation to educate or
(14:36):
to take them into an emotionalplace with it.
Yeah.
And then you're like, oh, maybeI don't actually wanna have this
conversation.
It, it invites questioning, itchanges the whole.
in your relationship.
Right.
Another deep end would be, don'tyou find that as a culture, we
(14:56):
focus too much on appearance?
I'm so ready for our culturalconversation to shift firmly
into how we feel.
Yeah.
And how we think.
Yeah, right.
Deepen is great, but it has tobe somebody who you think.
You know, can go there with youif they're not.
Also, is it
franky (15:17):
worth it?
Like, is it worth it to go therewith that person?
And I think it goes back to theboundary.
Totally.
There's some people that, yes, Iknow in my life, I'm like,
they're never gonna get it.
They're never gonna be there.
it will make me feel worse.
Like I'm
nina (15:33):
not gonna absolutely myself.
Absolutely.
Right.
It's a setup you're Yeah.
In when you know, oh, this is asetup and there's just gonna,
their fangs are gonna come outand it's gonna be full attack,
and it's just go, there's no,uh, emotional, intellectual int
inte emotional.
There's no emotionalintelligence over there.
(15:54):
Yeah.
To have the conversation thendeflect is your, So,
franky (16:01):
um, so then if I am, again, we're talking about like,
well try not to speak about likeresolutions or you're looking
at, okay.
If you're listening to this andyou think, well, what can I do
if I feel I also don't have thebest relationship with my body
and I am ready to tackle this,what would you say would be the
(16:26):
best first
nina (16:26):
steps?
Yeah.
So, um, first of all, I wannasay you're not alone.
People don't have a goodrelationship with their body.
Unfortunately, we were never,one of my clients said, oh my
gosh, I feel like I missed thisday at school where I was taught
how to listen to my own body andtune into my own wisdom and know
(16:48):
when I was hungry or full.
I like, I missed this day.
I was like, no, you didn't.
We were never taught this.
We were taught how to connect toeverybody else's body.
What do you feel?
What do you.
Right, so cultivating thisconnection with our own body,
starting to learn how to honorher, speak to her nicely, take
(17:11):
care of her deeply.
right, is a learnable skill, butit does take some commitment to
saying, yeah, this is arelationship that's important to
me.
Just like any relationship,right?
You have a relationship with akid, you have a relationship
with a partner, you have arelationship with a friend.
You say, you know what?
This is an importantrelationship.
(17:32):
This is an importantrelationship to me, and I wanna
invest time, space, energy.
And so that's what it.
that's the beginning is to say,yes, I want to create this
relationship.
I want to cultivate body peace.
And I'll give you sort of twoum, ways to start the
(17:55):
conversation.
One is very basic and, uh,Francine, if you'll let me guide
you into it, is, is to closeyour eyes, put your hand on your
heart and just say hello.
Hello body and feel into thatwhat happens when you turn all
(18:18):
of your fantastic energy towardsyour own body.
Not from a place of management,but from a place of, oh, hi.
What did you notice came up?
Um,
franky (18:30):
what I instantly thought was, I don't know, I just felt
like a little.
like tingly, like awake, like,Hey, Like it's the first time
probably ever said, Hey,
nina (18:44):
Right?
That's it.
Right?
Hey, you and me together, we'reallies.
We are not enemies.
Yeah, we are allies.
We are walking this lifetogether.
Our culture has set it up thatyou are walking as an adversary
to your body that is no fun andis just exhaust.
(19:06):
we wanna create allyship.
And what's the first Francine,you and I we're connecting over
text over when we got on here onZoom.
Hey, how are you?
Yeah, we start by connecting.
That's how we cultivaterelationships.
So that's one thing.
The other thing is, um, I have afree practicing body piece
journal, and it's available onmy site, body piece with
(19:29):
nina.com.
It's all one word.
And on there, 20.
20 questions to invite you intohow is my relationship with my
body?
How did this relationshiphappen?
What are the dynamics in thisrelationship?
Because the first thing we'redoing when we're creating body
(19:50):
peace is actually creating arelationship.
That's what's happening, right?
Um, I have a program called TheBody Piece Starter Kit.
And what are we doing?
We're starting a relationship.
That's what we're doing.
And so the practicing body piecejournal helps you and just start
(20:12):
to go, wait a second, what arethe qualities that I want in a
relationship with my body?
What are the qualities thatexist?
And in there also are some of mypoems to sort of inspire the
conversation.
And do you
franky (20:25):
think when.
individuals kinda start thisjourney.
Um, and I know I kinda mentionedthat you have like over 30 years
of ex experience, um, as atherapist and I did.
Well, when I say I did, I knowyou don't just do it and then
you finish.
Uh, but I did do about sixmonths of therapy last year and
(20:49):
it was honestly the best thingI've ever done for myself and.
The individual gave me the toolsto help navigate certain
conversations or start kind ofmaking me feel more.
Comfortable within myself andthrough that process, it, you
(21:09):
know, I've mentioned boundaries.
It made me kind of question, youknow, why, why am my friends
with these individuals, why am Ispending my time with these
people that I, I, I don'tbenefit from this, I don't feel
good.
Um, so it really has made mecontinue to question situations.
Um, do you find when peoplestart this journey, it might be
(21:33):
the first time that they'vereally looked into how they
feel.
Yes.
What they want for themselves.
Yes.
That they probably go throughthat similar journey where
they're like, wow, thatindividual doesn't treat me that
good, and why I never noticedit.
nina (21:49):
Yes, absolutely.
Absolutely.
And in that, you know, Vein ofthis work being very
therapeutic.
Often when I'm sitting like on aplane and somebody says, what do
you do?
And if I said, body Peace coach,I would mean absolutely zero to
them.
Um, I say I'm a therapist, butins I'm a couple's therapist,
(22:12):
but instead of working withwomen in their partners, I work
with women in their bodies.
I love that.
because we're trying to create arelationship that works and as
we work with the parts of usthat just, it doesn't feel like
a working relationship.
What, what happens like in anyrelationship?
(22:32):
Oh, this reminds me of when Iwas in fifth grade and somebody
bullied me.
right?
Or this reminds me, and this istotally, this is what I used to
do.
This reminds me of when I wouldgo to parties when I was 16
years old and it would feel solike a social mind feel that I
would come home and just eatcheese and crackers, cheese and
(22:53):
crackers, cheese and crackers,cheese and crackers.
I pa practically passed out frombinging on cheese and crackers
because I was so emotionallyactivated that I was looking for
a way to.
Yeah.
Right.
So we need to look at where areour unwanted eating behaviors
showing up?
Why are they showing up, andwhat is it connected to?
(23:16):
Because this work with our foodand our body, this healing work
in the relationship with ourbody and our food is a doorway
into our life.
Mm-hmm.
into unresolved issue.
So yes.
Are we creating a relationshipwith our food and body?
Yes.
And are we healing our whole.
(23:38):
Absolutely.
Yeah.
Yeah, right.
Just like if you've gone intorelationship with a, into
therapy with a partner, whatcomes up?
All of our old stuff.
Yeah, it's true.
franky (23:49):
Yeah.
I felt like you need to go back.
You need to go back andunderstand those.
Moments that you haven't thoughtabout for such a long time, and
then you think, oh, mm-hmm maybethat's why my eating habits are
X.
Or maybe this is why I don'tfeel good about my body, was
because someone said this when Iwas like 12.
Yes.
Which when you go through thatand you think, oh my God, I
(24:10):
can't believe that capped withme, that little boy.
Made that one comment and it'scontinuing.
Mm-hmm.
Um, yeah, that was one of mykinda eye openers was I really
thought a lot of it would becurrent and it really, none of
it was, to be honest.
It just stayed with me.
Um, so we've mentioned, um, youknow, kinda with friends kind of
(24:38):
starting this journey.
Um, you've touched on.
the aging process too.
And you know, the industry thatwe kinda live in, I don't think
it leans itself well enough topeople that are aging,
especially women.
Um, I've spoken to a couple ofpeople.
(25:00):
One in particular, she started askincare brand specifically for
women.
Going through menopause becausethere was nothing on the market.
And it was so interestingbecause I've, no one's ever
spoken about it.
I didn't even necessarily knowmenopause was.
It continues.
And again, when I hearindividuals of that age speaking
(25:24):
about it, it's um, You know,from like a doctor perspective,
they're like, Hey, you just needto take this drug and mm-hmm.
you know, there, there's justnot a lot of education around
it.
So how do you kinda deal with orwork with people with body
peace?
Connecting to aging, which I'msure it's not just the body,
(25:46):
it's, oh my God, I'm gettingolder and mm-hmm.
I feel my body's getting olderand look at my wrinkles and oh
my gosh, and you've got Botoxand fillers and plastic surgery
and all this other stuff.
But it's like, that's not gonnaheal what's in here.
It's not, you know, Can't alllook like Simon Cow or whoever
else with their money
nina (26:08):
So, but it's interesting cause as soon as you talk, start
talking about the fillers andthe Botox and the facelifts.
Right.
It's basically a war.
Yeah.
On a natural process.
Yeah.
Right.
So my mom is 91, and this iswhat she says about aging.
You're lucky if you're aging.
(26:28):
Yeah.
Right.
Because how many friends doesshe have?
that didn't make it right, thatdidn't get to age, that didn't
get to have the experience of,you know, watching a whole full
life unfold with them.
Right.
So fundamentally underneath allthese issues of the Botox, of
(26:52):
the fillers, of the facelifts,of the, you know, look 10 years
younger in this outfit and dothis thing to, and Oh, you don't
even look your age.
Those kind of compliments.
Yeah.
Underneath all of that,fundamentally is it's not okay
specifically for women.
To get older.
(27:13):
Yeah.
Why?
Right?
Why So?
It's really important to look atthat because why is because
historically women have hadpower when they've had youth and
beauty.
That's the only way women can bepowerful in our world.
You are young and you are thin,and you are beautiful and you're
(27:36):
white.
Mm-hmm.
then ta-da.
You get the gold star and youget to be successful.
But as soon as you're, anythingbesides that, You lose
visibility, you lose socialcurrency, you lose power and
influence.
So if we're gonna start changingthis conversation, we have to
(27:57):
go, wait a second.
I am valuable in the body that Iexist in right now at the age
that I exist in right now.
Right?
And I am not letting the culturedictate my sense of.
impact, right?
I am not gonna let the culturedecide if I'm relevant or not,
(28:23):
right?
We get to create that narrativeand part of creating that
narrative, I believe some peopleare gonna be like, no, no.
I need to stick with theanti-aging and I need to fit
into that box, right?
Of young and cute, right?
Mm-hmm.
There's some huge power when westep away from that because we
(28:47):
get to create a narrative that'smuch deeper.
Yeah, much more impactful, andthat doesn't buy into our
cultural, narrow, narrow view ofwhat is a powerful, impactful
woman.
Yeah.
And part of that is saying, yes,we age and we all age
(29:08):
differently.
Wow.
And we all look different.
And we can age with bright hair,dyed red hair, or we could age
with silver hair, or we couldage with however we want, but
it's up to us.
Mm-hmm.
and we don't have to buy into amovement that is absolutely
impossible.
Nobody anti-age.
(29:30):
We age if we're lucky.
franky (29:31):
Yeah, it's true.
Um, I don't know if you are asex and say fan, are you?
nina (29:40):
I am not, but tell me, what do you, what's the, what's
the connection that you'remaking?
franky (29:45):
Oh, I mean, I've loved sex and say ever since I was a
little girl.
Um, well age, semi appropriateto be able to watch it.
But anyway.
Mm-hmm.
um, you know, one of the thingsI loved about, they recently
brought it back after, oh mygosh, like 20 years maybe.
Mm-hmm.
and.
You know, Sarah Jessica Parker,she doesn't, you know, use Botox
(30:08):
fillers like again.
She has, um, you know, managedto kind of blend the gray into
her hair.
The other girls were kind ofsimilar and.
It was actually the first timethat you have a kind of TV
series with women in theirfifties.
Mm-hmm.
talking about things likemenopause, like aging, not dye
(30:31):
their hair.
Mm-hmm.
and I actually really.
Appreciate it because now when Iwatch sex and they, they were my
age at the beginning and Iappreciate that they're
continuing it and I know thatthey receive so much backlash,
of course in the press with, ohmy God, look at their wrinkles.
They look so old, blah, blah,blah.
(30:52):
And you're like, well, yeah,it's 20 years on and they're
not, you know, covering up.
Yeah.
Yeah, I reference it becauseit's, it's rare that you see
those types of honestdiscussions about life older and
(31:12):
Yes, not doing all those thingsto try and appeal, especially on
the screen.
It's, it's, you just don'treally get characters like that,
and I appreciate the fact thatthey were willing to do that.
But yeah, it's,
nina (31:27):
um, yeah, it's so important.
I, in, uh, April, 2023, I'mleading a retreat in Italy
called Body Peace and Aging, andit's for women, um, who are over
40 who are really in this placeof, wait a second, how do I do
this life in an aging changingbody?
Because if there's anything thatis a consistent in our life, it
(31:51):
is that we change.
right?
When I walk women through, uh,exercise, where we go through
their life in five yearincrements, what happened to
your body between zero and five,five and 10, 10 and 15, 15, 20?
Their whole, the whole, theirwhole life.
And I go, what's the one thingthat you notice?
(32:13):
They're like, their, my body wasalways changing.
Yeah.
And yet our culture says, no.
No.
Oh, you're at 18.
Hold tight.
Right.
franky (32:23):
I know it's so true.
Um, so tell me more about thisretreat and how can individuals
sign up?
nina (32:31):
Yes.
So the retreat in Italy, um, isat the end of April, 2023.
And it is gonna be a phenomenalweek of really diving into our
relationship with our.
And how do we want to create arelationship for the duration
(32:55):
and what do we need to.
To really be able to step intothat next chapter of
relationship in our body.
Um, and all the information ison my website, body piece with
Nina under work with me.
Um, there's a body piece andaging retreat link there.
(33:16):
Um, and you know, if a retreatisn't necessarily your thing and
getting off to Italy for weekisn't, doesn't fit in your life.
There's other ways on my websiteto get really deeply connected
to this body piece work becauseit makes the difference.
It's the antidote to our culturethat is constantly telling us to
(33:40):
be at war.
With our body and that is givingus literally ammunition daily,
oh, did you get enough grams ofthis?
And did you, how many pounds ofthat?
And are you eating enough superfoods of this?
Right?
There's like constantly we'rebeing fed ammunition to feel bad
about ourselves.
Yeah.
(34:01):
And if that is you, I wanna sayit can be a different way.
You can, and I say that from twoplaces.
I say that both from havingworked with hundreds of women
who, you know, came to me andbe, were like, I can't.
It just feels bad.
I just feel frustrated and, youknow, ev getting dressed every
(34:22):
day makes me feel bad aboutmyself.
to really being that person.
I was that person who was likeon the next diet and
self-conscious walking into aroom and deep in the despair of
compar and despair every timeI'd, you know, go swimming and
in a bathing suit, right?
(34:43):
And not feeling that way, Al.
Now I feel like, you know what?
This is my body.
This is where I live, and thisis a good place to.
right.
I grew up in Montreal.
I live in Boston now, but I grewup in Montreal and there's a
French saying it means I feelgood in my own skin.
And growing up I was like, Idon't even understand what the
(35:05):
heck that means because Icouldn't imagine it.
Yeah.
I was like, what do you meanfeeling good?
I was trained.
It was so foreign.
Exactly.
And you know, I feel good in myskin.
You know, I feel
franky (35:19):
we should all be won.
Listen, we all need to do thisretreat cause I know.
that regardless of like, Ireally try, I've really tried
over the last couple of years tolike change my like mental
relationship.
Um, but you just mentioned that,you know, you're getting dressed
(35:40):
in the morning.
It is so crazy how much that canthrow you off the day.
Like you're getting dressed,something doesn't fit, that's
what you wanted to wear, andyou're like, Ugh, that's it.
Like, I feel terrible.
You go into work, you don't feelgood, you're slouching.
It's.
But it's when you feel good,it's like you set up.
And, um, you know, I talkedabout this before in my pod with
(36:00):
um, Others, but it's so crazyhow much that confidence just
resonates out.
Um, so I think we all shouldsign up to your retreat, It's
nina (36:12):
amazing.
Yeah, we're gonna be in Tuscany.
There's already, um, 10 womensigned up.
It's gonna be phenomenal.
Um, and, you know, people havequestions.
How, you know, email me minanina mandelson.com for sure.
Um, but really, Important issaying yes, this is an important
relationship to me and I reallywant to make.
(36:37):
A difference.
I wanna make a start.
Whether it's the body piece,starter kit, whether it's the
Italy retreat, whether it's thejournal, just claiming this is
the relationship that's mostimportant because we all know
when we feel good in our ownskin, everything else is
different.
The way we talk to people isdifferent.
Our confidence is different.
(36:57):
Our sense of just feelingcreative, right?
So much of our energy gets freedup when we're like, This is, I'm
good in this skin.
It's like
franky (37:08):
you can take on the whole world.
Yes.
Energy, everything.
It's just so much better.
Um, well, Nina, I know I've forsure gone over my time
commitment, so I very muchappreciate it.
Um, and I do have just one morequestion.
What is your life motto orphrase that you live by?
nina (37:33):
Hmm, that's a great one.
I think that might be a betterquestion to ask my kids.
So I think one of the things,cuz they, they, they would be
like, oh, you always say this,So one of the things I always
say is, um, uh, 80% of life isshowing up.
Yeah.
Just keep showing up.
Um, and another thing I alwayssay is, you know, it's a, it's a
(37:55):
process and it's a practice.
It's not a destination.
Yeah.
Right.
Life is a process.
Life is a practice of being withourselves, being with other
people.
It's not a destination.
There's not like a tadda.
And now I have landed.
Right.
And the other thingfundamentally is you.
(38:16):
Being kind to ourselves is, youknow, sometimes the thing that I
say most to myself is not inwords, but it's literally just
putting my hand on my heart andgoing, oh, oh, yeah.
Like just feeling myself.
Yeah, just being in that senseof compassion and caring and.
(38:39):
And that lets us deepen into themoment and check in with
ourselves and find out what dowe need, what, where, what kind
of support?
What would nourish me most?
Yeah, what do I need today?
what will make me feel?
Yeah, what do I need?
Yeah.
What would nourish me most, Ithink that's what my daughter
(39:00):
would say.
That's probably the thing I saymost and ask peoples What would
most, what would most deeplynourish you right now and what
would most deeply nourish me?
I'll leave you with one funnyanecdote.
We were, my, uh, brother is aextreme athlete and we were rock
climbing, crazy, crazy rockclimbing over on a giant cliff
over water.
It was terrifying And, um, andhe overestimated.
(39:24):
Climbing skills.
So I was with my daughter and wewere literally like hanging on
like, you know, fingertiphanging onto this cliff.
My god, 600 feet below us iswater.
And I'm like, I don't think Ican.
I don't know where my nexthandhold is.
I don't know how to get up thisthing.
And I looked down who mydaughter's like six feet below
me also hanging on a rope.
(39:46):
And I looked at her and I waslike, this.
Is not nourishing And she justbroke into laughter.
And when we were safe at the topof the mountain, she said, you
know, mom, most people will justbe swearing at that moment.
but not you, not you.
You were like, this is notnourishing to me.
(40:07):
So, I think fundamentally forme, really looking at what is
nourishing, what deeplynourishes our body, our soul,
our mental health, ourwellbeing, um, because that's
what creates a positive, caringrelationship with our whole
being.
Yeah.
franky (40:25):
I love that so much.
Nina.
I, I feel I could probably speakto you for hours, and I feel so,
well, let me just say I feel somuch more.
I don't know of writer afterspeaking with you.
And not that I felt like downbefore, but I just, I feel like
I get a lot of like good energyfrom you.
(40:47):
So I really appreciate theconversation and touching on
different topics and um, I willcertainly be downloading the
free journal, um, cuz I alsowant to kinda do.
With that body piece and reallytry and, um, kinda make this
part of my daily life, as yousaid, it's not, it's not just
(41:08):
gonna be a week or a month.
It's, this is the practice thatwe all should be doing daily.
Um, so thank you so much forspeaking with me.
I really, really appreciate it.
nina (41:19):
Oh, Francine.
Really my delight.
Really, really a pleasure.
Thank you so much for having me.
Thank
franky (41:24):
you.
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