October 14, 2025 • 20 mins
You know that voice in your head that says, “You should be doing more,” or “You’ll never stick with it”?
Yeah, that one.
This week, I’m diving into one of the sneakiest energy drains of all: self-judgment.
It might not seem like a big deal, but those subtle “not enough” thoughts take a real toll on your mental and emotional energy. They keep you in a loop of guilt, comparison, and frustration — instead of helping you move forward.
In this episode, I share:
✨ What I’ve been noticing about my own energy leaks lately (and how mental clutter plays a part)
✨ How self-judgment quietly drains your energy and motivation
✨ Why being hard on yourself doesn’t create change — it keeps you stuck
✨ Simple ways to respond differently to that inner critic so you can reclaim your energy and focus
If you’ve been feeling tired, stuck, or just over it — this one’s for you.
Mentioned in this episode:
- My Freedom Project (monthly experiment in exploring what creates more happiness, energy, and aliveness)
- Practical ways to shift from self-judgment to self-compassion
Tune in and learn how to seal up one of the biggest energy leaks of all — so you can feel more free, focused, and alive.
--- LINKS: ---
Download the free e-book, How to Create a Life You Love
Take the FREE Habit Hangups Quiz
Read about this topic on my blog HERE
-- connect with me on social media --
Want more?
For more information about the podcast, visit www.realbraveunstoppable.com. To learn more about your host, Kortney Rivard, visit www.kortneyrivard.com
Follow Kortney on Social media:
Instagram
Facebook
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Hello friends and welcome backto Real, Brave and Unstoppable.
Thank you for being here with metoday.
Look at me.
I've got another episode foryou, and it's only been a couple
weeks.
What is going on here?
Well, I really am having funwith my project, the one I
mentioned to you all last time,and in case you didn't catch the
(00:20):
last episode, today marks oneweek, well one week and a day of
my Freedom and Alivenessproject.
This month's focus is energy andI'm focusing on noticing what
fuels energy, what drains it,and also how I can cultivate
more of it.
(00:40):
So, as I have started dipping mytoe into this fun project, I've
noticed physically my energy hasbeen pretty good, but I've been
feeling kind of mentallydrained.
So I was not sure why that waslike, why do I feel this way?
I am really focusing on tryingto feel more energetic.
(01:02):
But what I discovered was a fewlike energy leaks, we'll call
them, that were zapping my senseof happiness and freedom and
aliveness.
And when we notice these likeenergy leaks we wanna find ways
to plug them.
That's important because like Isaid, energy is everything.
(01:22):
If too many things are suckingmy energy, I won't have enough
of it to pursue things that areimportant to me.
Energy is that foundationalpiece.
So in today's episode, I'm gonnashare a little bit about how the
project is going.
Like what's working, what's notworking, in my quest to improve
energy and also to bring somefreedom and a sense of aliveness
(01:46):
into these, you know, areas ofmy life.
I'll also share what I learnedabout my energy leaks.
I think it will be surprising.
I also invite you to get in tunewith your own energy leaks.
So in my last episode, I shareda little bit about what I'd be
focusing on this month relatedto the energy area of life.
(02:09):
Those things are eating better,moving my body, hydration,
sleep, really going to bedearlier, self-care and clutter.
Both physical and mentalclutter.
So a little bit about how thisis going.
August was a busy month for me.
I took two trips, one to Spainand Portugal.
(02:30):
That was a solo trip that I hada lot of fun with.
And then my kids and I visitedSeattle for a week.
And as you probably know,vacations tend to pull us out of
our routine.
And, sometimes it's hard to findour way back.
And then at the very tail end ofAugust, beginning of September.
I got really sick.
I had sepsis.
I was in the hospital for almostfour days, and recovery has been
(02:55):
harder than I thought.
I was just very zapped ofenergy.
I lost a lot of muscle tone fromnot maintaining my strength
training routine.
But since starting my project,since really the middle of
September, I've been able to getback on track nutrition wise.
So protein intake is somethingthat I've really been focusing
(03:17):
on for a little while now, butafter my crazy August, beginning
of September, I've managed toget back on track with that.
And I'm doing fairly well withhydrating and staying present
while eating food.
Those are some things I was, Iwas gonna pay attention to this
month.
And I definitely notice whenthese things are not in place.
(03:39):
I definitely notice it.
With protein...
I can't even tell you how big ofa difference that makes you
guys.
But I definitely notice whenthese things are not in place
like I want them to be.
Now that they're back on track,you know, I feel more awake,
usually, my body's not as stiffand I'm actually also a lot more
(03:59):
able to determine if I'm reallyhungry or not.
So I'm not mindlessly, snackingas much.
Wins all around, right.
I've also been walking my dogmore, which has like really
increased my step count and justthat, non-planned exercise sort
of thing.
It's more of a relaxing movementwithout the intention of working
(04:22):
out, which I think is a nicemental break.
I really enjoy working out for,you know, a really hard workout,
but it's also really nice justto not care about that.
And my 7-year-old crazy dog...
I'm trying to teach her how towalk on a loose leash after
seven years.
So we do lots of walking.
(04:42):
She's kind of a slow learner.
She's got deeply ingrainedhabits.
I don't know if this gives memore energy or not.
I am already really consistentwith working out five days a
week, but just knowing that Imove my body instead of sitting
around is just kind of mentallyit feels kind of good.
And this also applies to beingback on track workout wise, like
just, I, you know, I notice whenI don't workout I feel a lot
(05:06):
more sluggish and I am also kindof judgmental of myself when I
don't get a workout in, whichisn't necessarily helpful.
But, it is actually prettydraining, in and of itself.
But being consistent just feelsgood.
I've also been doing better atgoing to bed a little earlier.
This is helping me wake upfeeling more refreshed in the
morning.
I wake up at 5:30 in themorning, so, you know, I, I
(05:29):
gotta, gotta get that sleep in.
But one thing I've noticed isthat while my physical energy
feels pretty good, so far, I'vebeen, like I mentioned, I've
been feeling kind of mentallydepleted.
And when I noticed this, I had alittle bit of a like sinking
feeling like, oh, like what'sgoing on?
Like, what am I doing wrong?
(05:50):
So I did some reflecting to findthe culprit, and I was really
surprised to notice one energyleak that I hadn't anticipated.
Mental clutter.
People who know me well knowthat I tend to dive into a
project completely headfirst andall of you that know me well,
you're totally laughing rightnow at this.
(06:11):
I know.
I tend to just dive in headfirstinto the deep end, and I, I take
in all kinds of information.
I set these grand expectationsfor myself, and then, you know,
honestly, I make the projectinfinitely more complicated than
it actually needs to be.
And this time with this, I foundmyself doing the same thing
again.
(06:33):
It's what I do.
What I started noticing is thatI was feeling more physical
energy, but mentally, like Isaid, I felt depleted and I, I
was actually feeling prettyoverwhelmed because I decided to
jump in and track all thesethings and pay attention to all
these different things thatrelated to better energy.
(06:56):
And on top of that, to becompletely honest, I was feeling
this pressure, it wasself-inflicted, about showing up
here to talk about the project.
I noticed I was doing a lot ofthinking about doing it right,
quote unquote, or even worryinga little bit about like what you
all think of me sharing thisproject.
(07:17):
But my big aha moment was when Irealized that beneath the
surface, the real energy leakwasn't too many to-dos.
It was actually theself-judgment about not being
able to keep up, organizeeverything in my head, and also
kind of not being enough ordoing it right.
So let's talk about howself-judgment drains energy.
(07:41):
Self-judgment is sneaky,friends, it's common to have
judgmental thoughts aboutourselves without realizing we
have them.
The thing is though, judgmentalthoughts create feelings like
inadequacy, fear, worry,anxiety, and I don't know about
you, but while there isn'tanything wrong with having these
(08:01):
emotions.
I don't find them verymotivating or inspiring.
Self-judgment is exhausting andit really drains our energy
because it keeps our mindsspinning and stuck in criticism
and comparison.
We burn mental energy and we'renot solving anything at all.
(08:23):
When we're stuck here, we canhave even more judgment just
about being stuck.
So this becomes the cycle that'sreally hard to get out of.
self-judgment also createstension in the body.
You know, when we have feelingslike fear or worry or
inadequacy, anxiety, like thatcreates tension, which is,
that's part of our fight orflight response.
(08:43):
And when our body is full ofthat tension, we just don't
function as efficiently, andthat tension actually also
depletes our physical energy.
These lovely self judgmentalthoughts also disconnect us from
the present moment and thethings that really matter to us
instead of really being in themoment we're busy evaluating
(09:04):
what's wrong or what we shouldbe doing differently.
Here's an example.
When I kicked off this project,I did the usual gung-ho Kortney
thing and dove right in.
I created this special trackerin this new app that I've been
using called Notion for anyonewho knows what it is.
I completely love notion.
(09:25):
This is something that istotally outta scope for this
podcast episode, but it is verynice, very cool.
And might actually also be aproject where, or a thing where
I kind of dove in off the deepend now that I'm, I'm just
noticing this in real time here,but, I created this tracker in
there and I added all thesethings to track.
(09:45):
So after a couple days of this,I noticed that my physical
energy levels were pretty good,but like I said, I felt a little
mentally tired and I reallywasn't sure about the disconnect
there.
So, I mean, I just thought like,you know, if I have more
physical energy, that's gonnaset me up to be mentally more
clear.
(10:06):
So I reflected on this by doingwhat I always like to do when I
notice I'm feeling kind ofstuck.
I do a brain clean out.
I don't know if I really talkedabout brain clean outs before
here, but, but a brain clean outis kind of like when you carve a
pumpkin and you scoop out allthe guts.
(10:26):
Except your brain is the pumpkinand your thoughts are the guts.
So you're just scooping all ofthem out.
You're putting pen to paper andyou're listing off all the stuff
there.
To do items, but also thoughts.
So literally whatever's spewingout of there, you just write it
down.
(10:46):
What are you worried about?
What are you afraid of?
What judgements are coming upabout yourself or other people
like you?
Just get it all out.
So when I did my brain dump, Ilooked at what I had written and
here are some examples.
I'm doing it again.
I've made this too complicated.
Ugh, when will I ever learn howto just do things the simple
way?
(11:07):
How am I ever gonna followthrough?
I'll probably end up justletting this fade away.
Like everything else, I diveinto this hard.
Third day in a row.
I didn't drink enough water.
Damn, I suck at this.
I don't know what to write on myblog.
What if people don't think thisproject is interesting?
What if I look stupid?
So try those thoughts on foryourself.
(11:28):
Not super motivating, right?
Nope.
So it was here during my brainclean out that I realized a lot
of this drained energy feelingwas coming from being
judgemental of how I was showingup to this project.
So let's talk about sealing thislovely self-judgment leak.
(11:51):
I've been working on it and Iwanted to share some things that
I think are helpful.
First, mindfulness of thoughts.
This is so important.
When I notice judgmentalthoughts come up, I'm really
taking an effort to pause andname it, and that looks like
this.
"I notice I'm judging myself alot here", so simply noticing
(12:12):
and naming our feelings andthoughts is really powerful
because it just helps us createa little distance from those
things.
These are just thoughts I'mhaving, not who I actually am.
This is what's crossing my mindright now.
Curiosity is also a great tool.
Ask yourself, what's reallygoing on here?
(12:34):
What do I need right now?
Sometimes when we see like thismisguided logic that our brain
is using to create its thoughts,it's easier to let go of those
thoughts or shift them to morehelpful ones.
Reframing thoughts is alsoincredibly powerful.
In my case, I had to lookclosely at the expectations I
had for myself and reframe themas they really were a bit
(12:57):
unrealistic.
So I'm reminding myself thatthis project is an experiment
that I'm participating in on thefly.
I started it for myself.
Not to publicize it, so I'mdoing it live in real time.
This is not a performance I'mhoping to get applause for.
Besides, it's important for meto project that to you.
(13:18):
I help people with this kind ofstuff, but I'm far from perfect
and I definitely do not have itall figured out.
Just like every other human onthe planet.
I mentioned the brain clean out.
I like to mentally declutter mybrain and decide what truly
matters right now.
So I choose being betweenreacting to judgmental thoughts
(13:38):
or following the path towardswhat's really important.
So if I had chosen the path mythoughts wanted me to take, I
might have just scrapped theproject because it feels a
little edgy to me to show uphere to, to tell you all about
it.
But it's important for me to dothis work for myself as well as
to share it with you because itis important work.
we all really deserve to livelives that feel free and
(14:00):
meaningful.
We all deserve to feel like weare living our life, not letting
it live us.
Finally, it's important to leaninto self-compassion when we
notice self-judgment.
Not really helpful to stay stuckin thoughts that are focused on
how we're not being or doingenough.
But what is helpful is to swapout those thoughts with more
compassionate ones so you knowyou'll feel better.
(14:23):
And when we feel better, we takevery different action than we
when we feel crappy.
Plus research shows that beingself-compassionate is way more
effective when it comes tomotivation and productivity than
being self-deprecating.
Also too, just offering that,you know, think about choosing
gentleness over, gritting itout.
There's a time for gritting itout, but sometimes conserving
(14:45):
energy means letting go of thepush to do more.
In my case, I let go of some ofthe things that I was like
focusing on and tracking.
I simplified and it feels reallygood.
So those are some things that Ihave found helpful in sealing
this energy leak ofself-judgment, and I'm already
(15:06):
feeling less drained.
I'm not saying completely, butI'm feeling a lot less drained.
And to also share a couple ofother things I noticed that have
been really helping, energywise, like mental energy wise
are two things that I thinkmight be quick, easy, helpful
things.
The first one is following theone minute rule.
(15:30):
I got this from the, theHappiness Project book that I
mentioned in my last episode.
The one minute rule is basicallyif a task will take one minute
or less, just do it now.
Don't wait.
It's so simple, But for me, it'sbeen a huge, huge game changer.
I tend to be somebody who'slike, I don't wanna do that now.
I'll do it later.
(15:51):
And then things get clutteredand like there's dishes on the
counter.
It just, yeah.
Or like my clothes.
I'm like, oh, I'll hang that uplater.
And just doing it now has been.
Oh my gosh.
It, it feels good first of all.
I'm so proud of myself.
But also just too, it is helpingwith the clutter, physical
(16:13):
clutter.
The other thing is watching the"shoulds" when, and what I mean
by that is if you noticeyourself saying things like.
I should really be drinking morewater, or I shouldn't have drank
last night...
but what I've found, what I'vebeen doing is substituting or
saying it differently.
So instead of the should, I'vebeen saying, I feel better when
(16:35):
I drink more water.
Or I feel better when I don'tdrink during the week.
That just feels more empowering,like I am highlighting that I
have a choice and I'm making achoice.
Remember thoughts createfeelings and feelings can
influence our behavior.
So if I feel empowered, I'mgonna take actions that align
(16:58):
with those feelings ofempowerment.
If I feel defeated and criticalof myself, I will take actions
that align with feeling thosefeelings.
Very different.
So friends, the big takeawayhere is that if you're in the
market for more energy, which Imean, aren't we all remember, it
isn't just about physical energyand energy leaks aren't just
(17:23):
about physical habits.
They're often about how we treatourselves.
So I invite you to reflect onyour own experience with
self-judgment.
Where might self-judgment bequietly draining your energy?
I'd love to hear, so leave me acomment or drop me an email.
(17:45):
You can always go to my websiteand send me a message, too.
If you want more or you know,you wanna follow along with this
fun project that I'm doing, youcan do that by connecting with
me on Instagram or Facebook.
I'll put those links in the shownotes.
(18:05):
You can follow along here, oryou can also join my email
community if you're not alreadya member.
There are three ways to do that.
One, you can go to my websiteand go to the contact link and
send me a message, you can justgo to my website,
kortneyrivard.com and take thefree habit hangups quiz.
(18:29):
That will just pop up right awayfor you to click on it and take
that.
Or you can also download thefree ebook called How to Create
a Life you love atkortneyrivard.com slash
lovelife.
Any of those three things willget you added to my email
community.
So, all right, well go do one ofthose things.
Connect with me.
(18:50):
Reach out, send me yourcomments, let me know how things
are going.
If you enjoyed this episode,leave me a rating and a review.
I always appreciate that somuch.
And thanks for being here withme today.
I'll see you next time.
Hello friends and welcome backto Real, Brave and Unstoppable.
Thank you for being here with metoday.
Look at me.
I've got another episode foryou, and it's only been a couple
weeks.
What is going on here?
Well, I really am having funwith my project, the one I
mentioned to you all last time,and in case you didn't catch the
(00:20):
last episode, today marks oneweek, well one week and a day of
my Freedom and Alivenessproject.
This month's focus is energy andI'm focusing on noticing what
fuels energy, what drains it,and also how I can cultivate
more of it.
(00:40):
So, as I have started dipping mytoe into this fun project, I've
noticed physically my energy hasbeen pretty good, but I've been
feeling kind of mentallydrained.
So I was not sure why that waslike, why do I feel this way?
I am really focusing on tryingto feel more energetic.
(01:02):
But what I discovered was a fewlike energy leaks, we'll call
them, that were zapping my senseof happiness and freedom and
aliveness.
And when we notice these likeenergy leaks we wanna find ways
to plug them.
That's important because like Isaid, energy is everything.
(01:22):
If too many things are suckingmy energy, I won't have enough
of it to pursue things that areimportant to me.
Energy is that foundationalpiece.
So in today's episode, I'm gonnashare a little bit about how the
project is going.
Like what's working, what's notworking, in my quest to improve
energy and also to bring somefreedom and a sense of aliveness
(01:46):
into these, you know, areas ofmy life.
I'll also share what I learnedabout my energy leaks.
I think it will be surprising.
I also invite you to get in tunewith your own energy leaks.
So in my last episode, I shareda little bit about what I'd be
focusing on this month relatedto the energy area of life.
(02:09):
Those things are eating better,moving my body, hydration,
sleep, really going to bedearlier, self-care and clutter.
Both physical and mentalclutter.
So a little bit about how thisis going.
August was a busy month for me.
I took two trips, one to Spainand Portugal.
(02:30):
That was a solo trip that I hada lot of fun with.
And then my kids and I visitedSeattle for a week.
And as you probably know,vacations tend to pull us out of
our routine.
And, sometimes it's hard to findour way back.
And then at the very tail end ofAugust, beginning of September.
I got really sick.
I had sepsis.
I was in the hospital for almostfour days, and recovery has been
(02:55):
harder than I thought.
I was just very zapped ofenergy.
I lost a lot of muscle tone fromnot maintaining my strength
training routine.
But since starting my project,since really the middle of
September, I've been able to getback on track nutrition wise.
So protein intake is somethingthat I've really been focusing
(03:17):
on for a little while now, butafter my crazy August, beginning
of September, I've managed toget back on track with that.
And I'm doing fairly well withhydrating and staying present
while eating food.
Those are some things I was, Iwas gonna pay attention to this
month.
And I definitely notice whenthese things are not in place.
(03:39):
I definitely notice it.
With protein...
I can't even tell you how big ofa difference that makes you
guys.
But I definitely notice whenthese things are not in place
like I want them to be.
Now that they're back on track,you know, I feel more awake,
usually, my body's not as stiffand I'm actually also a lot more
(03:59):
able to determine if I'm reallyhungry or not.
So I'm not mindlessly, snackingas much.
Wins all around, right.
I've also been walking my dogmore, which has like really
increased my step count and justthat, non-planned exercise sort
of thing.
It's more of a relaxing movementwithout the intention of working
(04:22):
out, which I think is a nicemental break.
I really enjoy working out for,you know, a really hard workout,
but it's also really nice justto not care about that.
And my 7-year-old crazy dog...
I'm trying to teach her how towalk on a loose leash after
seven years.
So we do lots of walking.
(04:42):
She's kind of a slow learner.
She's got deeply ingrainedhabits.
I don't know if this gives memore energy or not.
I am already really consistentwith working out five days a
week, but just knowing that Imove my body instead of sitting
around is just kind of mentallyit feels kind of good.
And this also applies to beingback on track workout wise, like
just, I, you know, I notice whenI don't workout I feel a lot
(05:06):
more sluggish and I am also kindof judgmental of myself when I
don't get a workout in, whichisn't necessarily helpful.
But, it is actually prettydraining, in and of itself.
But being consistent just feelsgood.
I've also been doing better atgoing to bed a little earlier.
This is helping me wake upfeeling more refreshed in the
morning.
I wake up at 5:30 in themorning, so, you know, I, I
(05:29):
gotta, gotta get that sleep in.
But one thing I've noticed isthat while my physical energy
feels pretty good, so far, I'vebeen, like I mentioned, I've
been feeling kind of mentallydepleted.
And when I noticed this, I had alittle bit of a like sinking
feeling like, oh, like what'sgoing on?
Like, what am I doing wrong?
(05:50):
So I did some reflecting to findthe culprit, and I was really
surprised to notice one energyleak that I hadn't anticipated.
Mental clutter.
People who know me well knowthat I tend to dive into a
project completely headfirst andall of you that know me well,
you're totally laughing rightnow at this.
(06:11):
I know.
I tend to just dive in headfirstinto the deep end, and I, I take
in all kinds of information.
I set these grand expectationsfor myself, and then, you know,
honestly, I make the projectinfinitely more complicated than
it actually needs to be.
And this time with this, I foundmyself doing the same thing
again.
(06:33):
It's what I do.
What I started noticing is thatI was feeling more physical
energy, but mentally, like Isaid, I felt depleted and I, I
was actually feeling prettyoverwhelmed because I decided to
jump in and track all thesethings and pay attention to all
these different things thatrelated to better energy.
(06:56):
And on top of that, to becompletely honest, I was feeling
this pressure, it wasself-inflicted, about showing up
here to talk about the project.
I noticed I was doing a lot ofthinking about doing it right,
quote unquote, or even worryinga little bit about like what you
all think of me sharing thisproject.
(07:17):
But my big aha moment was when Irealized that beneath the
surface, the real energy leakwasn't too many to-dos.
It was actually theself-judgment about not being
able to keep up, organizeeverything in my head, and also
kind of not being enough ordoing it right.
So let's talk about howself-judgment drains energy.
(07:41):
Self-judgment is sneaky,friends, it's common to have
judgmental thoughts aboutourselves without realizing we
have them.
The thing is though, judgmentalthoughts create feelings like
inadequacy, fear, worry,anxiety, and I don't know about
you, but while there isn'tanything wrong with having these
(08:01):
emotions.
I don't find them verymotivating or inspiring.
Self-judgment is exhausting andit really drains our energy
because it keeps our mindsspinning and stuck in criticism
and comparison.
We burn mental energy and we'renot solving anything at all.
(08:23):
When we're stuck here, we canhave even more judgment just
about being stuck.
So this becomes the cycle that'sreally hard to get out of.
self-judgment also createstension in the body.
You know, when we have feelingslike fear or worry or
inadequacy, anxiety, like thatcreates tension, which is,
that's part of our fight orflight response.
(08:43):
And when our body is full ofthat tension, we just don't
function as efficiently, andthat tension actually also
depletes our physical energy.
These lovely self judgmentalthoughts also disconnect us from
the present moment and thethings that really matter to us
instead of really being in themoment we're busy evaluating
(09:04):
what's wrong or what we shouldbe doing differently.
Here's an example.
When I kicked off this project,I did the usual gung-ho Kortney
thing and dove right in.
I created this special trackerin this new app that I've been
using called Notion for anyonewho knows what it is.
I completely love notion.
(09:25):
This is something that istotally outta scope for this
podcast episode, but it is verynice, very cool.
And might actually also be aproject where, or a thing where
I kind of dove in off the deepend now that I'm, I'm just
noticing this in real time here,but, I created this tracker in
there and I added all thesethings to track.
(09:45):
So after a couple days of this,I noticed that my physical
energy levels were pretty good,but like I said, I felt a little
mentally tired and I reallywasn't sure about the disconnect
there.
So, I mean, I just thought like,you know, if I have more
physical energy, that's gonnaset me up to be mentally more
clear.
(10:06):
So I reflected on this by doingwhat I always like to do when I
notice I'm feeling kind ofstuck.
I do a brain clean out.
I don't know if I really talkedabout brain clean outs before
here, but, but a brain clean outis kind of like when you carve a
pumpkin and you scoop out allthe guts.
(10:26):
Except your brain is the pumpkinand your thoughts are the guts.
So you're just scooping all ofthem out.
You're putting pen to paper andyou're listing off all the stuff
there.
To do items, but also thoughts.
So literally whatever's spewingout of there, you just write it
down.
(10:46):
What are you worried about?
What are you afraid of?
What judgements are coming upabout yourself or other people
like you?
Just get it all out.
So when I did my brain dump, Ilooked at what I had written and
here are some examples.
I'm doing it again.
I've made this too complicated.
Ugh, when will I ever learn howto just do things the simple
way?
(11:07):
How am I ever gonna followthrough?
I'll probably end up justletting this fade away.
Like everything else, I diveinto this hard.
Third day in a row.
I didn't drink enough water.
Damn, I suck at this.
I don't know what to write on myblog.
What if people don't think thisproject is interesting?
What if I look stupid?
So try those thoughts on foryourself.
(11:28):
Not super motivating, right?
Nope.
So it was here during my brainclean out that I realized a lot
of this drained energy feelingwas coming from being
judgemental of how I was showingup to this project.
So let's talk about sealing thislovely self-judgment leak.
(11:51):
I've been working on it and Iwanted to share some things that
I think are helpful.
First, mindfulness of thoughts.
This is so important.
When I notice judgmentalthoughts come up, I'm really
taking an effort to pause andname it, and that looks like
this.
"I notice I'm judging myself alot here", so simply noticing
(12:12):
and naming our feelings andthoughts is really powerful
because it just helps us createa little distance from those
things.
These are just thoughts I'mhaving, not who I actually am.
This is what's crossing my mindright now.
Curiosity is also a great tool.
Ask yourself, what's reallygoing on here?
(12:34):
What do I need right now?
Sometimes when we see like thismisguided logic that our brain
is using to create its thoughts,it's easier to let go of those
thoughts or shift them to morehelpful ones.
Reframing thoughts is alsoincredibly powerful.
In my case, I had to lookclosely at the expectations I
had for myself and reframe themas they really were a bit
(12:57):
unrealistic.
So I'm reminding myself thatthis project is an experiment
that I'm participating in on thefly.
I started it for myself.
Not to publicize it, so I'mdoing it live in real time.
This is not a performance I'mhoping to get applause for.
Besides, it's important for meto project that to you.
(13:18):
I help people with this kind ofstuff, but I'm far from perfect
and I definitely do not have itall figured out.
Just like every other human onthe planet.
I mentioned the brain clean out.
I like to mentally declutter mybrain and decide what truly
matters right now.
So I choose being betweenreacting to judgmental thoughts
(13:38):
or following the path towardswhat's really important.
So if I had chosen the path mythoughts wanted me to take, I
might have just scrapped theproject because it feels a
little edgy to me to show uphere to, to tell you all about
it.
But it's important for me to dothis work for myself as well as
to share it with you because itis important work.
we all really deserve to livelives that feel free and
(14:00):
meaningful.
We all deserve to feel like weare living our life, not letting
it live us.
Finally, it's important to leaninto self-compassion when we
notice self-judgment.
Not really helpful to stay stuckin thoughts that are focused on
how we're not being or doingenough.
But what is helpful is to swapout those thoughts with more
compassionate ones so you knowyou'll feel better.
(14:23):
And when we feel better, we takevery different action than we
when we feel crappy.
Plus research shows that beingself-compassionate is way more
effective when it comes tomotivation and productivity than
being self-deprecating.
Also too, just offering that,you know, think about choosing
gentleness over, gritting itout.
There's a time for gritting itout, but sometimes conserving
(14:45):
energy means letting go of thepush to do more.
In my case, I let go of some ofthe things that I was like
focusing on and tracking.
I simplified and it feels reallygood.
So those are some things that Ihave found helpful in sealing
this energy leak ofself-judgment, and I'm already
(15:06):
feeling less drained.
I'm not saying completely, butI'm feeling a lot less drained.
And to also share a couple ofother things I noticed that have
been really helping, energywise, like mental energy wise
are two things that I thinkmight be quick, easy, helpful
things.
The first one is following theone minute rule.
(15:30):
I got this from the, theHappiness Project book that I
mentioned in my last episode.
The one minute rule is basicallyif a task will take one minute
or less, just do it now.
Don't wait.
It's so simple, But for me, it'sbeen a huge, huge game changer.
I tend to be somebody who'slike, I don't wanna do that now.
I'll do it later.
(15:51):
And then things get clutteredand like there's dishes on the
counter.
It just, yeah.
Or like my clothes.
I'm like, oh, I'll hang that uplater.
And just doing it now has been.
Oh my gosh.
It, it feels good first of all.
I'm so proud of myself.
But also just too, it is helpingwith the clutter, physical
(16:13):
clutter.
The other thing is watching the"shoulds" when, and what I mean
by that is if you noticeyourself saying things like.
I should really be drinking morewater, or I shouldn't have drank
last night...
but what I've found, what I'vebeen doing is substituting or
saying it differently.
So instead of the should, I'vebeen saying, I feel better when
(16:35):
I drink more water.
Or I feel better when I don'tdrink during the week.
That just feels more empowering,like I am highlighting that I
have a choice and I'm making achoice.
Remember thoughts createfeelings and feelings can
influence our behavior.
So if I feel empowered, I'mgonna take actions that align
(16:58):
with those feelings ofempowerment.
If I feel defeated and criticalof myself, I will take actions
that align with feeling thosefeelings.
Very different.
So friends, the big takeawayhere is that if you're in the
market for more energy, which Imean, aren't we all remember, it
isn't just about physical energyand energy leaks aren't just
(17:23):
about physical habits.
They're often about how we treatourselves.
So I invite you to reflect onyour own experience with
self-judgment.
Where might self-judgment bequietly draining your energy?
I'd love to hear, so leave me acomment or drop me an email.
(17:45):
You can always go to my websiteand send me a message, too.
If you want more or you know,you wanna follow along with this
fun project that I'm doing, youcan do that by connecting with
me on Instagram or Facebook.
I'll put those links in the shownotes.
(18:05):
You can follow along here, oryou can also join my email
community if you're not alreadya member.
There are three ways to do that.
One, you can go to my websiteand go to the contact link and
send me a message, you can justgo to my website,
kortneyrivard.com and take thefree habit hangups quiz.
(18:29):
That will just pop up right awayfor you to click on it and take
that.
Or you can also download thefree ebook called How to Create
a Life you love atkortneyrivard.com slash
lovelife.
Any of those three things willget you added to my email
community.
So, all right, well go do one ofthose things.
Connect with me.
(18:50):
Reach out, send me yourcomments, let me know how things
are going.
If you enjoyed this episode,leave me a rating and a review.
I always appreciate that somuch.
And thanks for being here withme today.
I'll see you next time.
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