122. Why Cooking Feels Like Such a Chore (and How to Learn to Love It)

Ever found yourself staring into the refrigerator, completely drained by the thought of cooking yet another meal? After decades of feeding others and managing everyone's food preferences, midlife often brings a peculiar relationship with cooking – what once felt like an act of love now feels like just another chore to check off your list.

This burnout is completely normal. The mental load of cooking isn't just about the physical tasks; it's about the constant decision-making, the pressure to "do it right," and the loss of purpose many of us feel when our cooking routines change. Whether your kids have left home or you're simply tired of the endless meal planning cycle, the kitchen can become a space of exhaustion rather than creativity.

But what if cooking could become an act of self-love rather than obligation? In this episode, I share five practical strategies to transform your relationship with food preparation. From shifting your mindset to embracing seasonal cooking, these approaches help release the pressure and perfectionism that drain the joy from feeding ourselves. You'll discover how simple meals can be deeply nourishing, why setting the scene matters even when cooking for one, and how letting go of "shoulds" creates space for genuine pleasure in the kitchen.

UPDATE: I had originally planned to kick off the Summer Inspired Recipe Club this week—but after sitting with it, I’ve decided to pause. The truth is, I'm in a season of reassessment and deeper listening. Sometimes the best next step is to step back, breathe, and reimagine what nourishment really means—for me and for you.

Thank you for being here. This journey is ongoing, and I’m so grateful we’re on it together.

I would love to hear from you! What did you think of the episode? Share it with me :)

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hey everybody, before we jump into today's episode, I
wanted to tell you aboutsomething I created that I think
you're going to love,especially if cooking has been
feeling like a chore lately.
It's called the Summer InspiredRecipe Club and it's all about
bringing back the fun to yourkitchen.
This was inspired by what Iknow so many of us are feeling

(00:24):
right now midlife burnout aroundfood decision, fatigue and just
wanting something that feelsdoable and delicious.
So I thought what if we madethis really easy, and what if we
let the season lead us?
What if we got back to enjoyingsimple meals, the kind that
actually taste amazing and makeyou feel good?

(00:46):
So that is what the SummerInspired Recipe Club is all
about.
Now here's a couple of details.
Starting on June 21st, you willget eight weeks of five fresh,
nourishing recipes each week,totally inspired by the summer
produce that is in season rightthen, so you can go to your

(01:08):
farmer's market, find thatproduce and cook with it all
week long.
You will also get real timewith me in my private community,
where I answer questions aboutfood cooking ingredients.
No question is off the table inthis community Simple steps
that support your energy, yourhormones and your health.

(01:29):
We'll definitely talk aboutthat when we're cooking our new
recipes.
Gentle reflection prompts, ifyou want them to help you
reconnect with your plate andget mindful about eating and
what you're eating and the joyof knowing.
You don't have to figure thisout alone.
So there's zero pressure.

(01:50):
It's just ideas, inspirationand a little weekly nudge to
remind you that cooking can feelgood again.
So come join us.
You can sign up.
The link will be in my shownotes and you can grab all the
details then up.
The link will be in my shownotes and you can grab all the
details then.
Okay, so welcome back to theReal Food Stories podcast.

(02:11):
As you know, I am Heather Carey,culinary nutritionist, healthy
food chef and midlife womanright there with you, and today
we are talking about somethingthat comes up all the time with
the women I work with, and thequestion is why does cooking
feel like such a chore and howdo we stop dreading it?

(02:32):
Now, if you're nodding alongwith me already, trust me, you
are not alone, especially inmidlife, because the truth is
many of us are carrying years,sometimes decades, of burnout
around food.
We've been cooking, shopping,we've been meal planning, we've
been serving and thinking abouteveryone else's food preferences

(02:55):
and making other people happyfor what feels like might be
forever.
And now we're here in midlife.
The kids might be gone orthey're just more independent.
I know that my kids aredefinitely out of the house and
maybe it's just you and yourpartner at the table, or maybe
it's just you and cookingsomething that used to feel like

(03:21):
love or creativity now mightfeel like one more thing that
you have to get through in theday.
Now listen, I love cooking.
Okay, cooking is what I do fora living.
But I have absolutely felt thatburnout too.
I mean, for years I cooked forfive people every single day.
I had a sense of purpose inthat.

(03:43):
I was nourishing other peopleand I loved it.
I felt needed, I wasappreciated mostly.
But now it's just me and myhusband most nights.
And, I'll be honest, there aredays when I stare at the
refrigerator and think, whybother?
Or I'm too tired or I'm justnot feeling inspired.

(04:06):
But here's what I've come tobelieve and what I want to talk
to you about today Cooking foryourself in midlife isn't a
chore.
It's an act of self-love andself-care.
It's an act of self-respect andkind of a reclaiming.
Now let's talk about why cookingsometimes just feels so hard.

(04:30):
So let's name it and say it outloud we are burned out, not
just from cooking itself, butfrom the mental load, the
pressure to do it right, thePinterest boards, the health
trends, the overwhelm ofinformation.
There are too many ideas outthere right now.
You don't need to know 500 waysto blend and bake cottage

(04:55):
cheese.
You don't need to learn how tomake a viral butter board or a
three-hour meal prep system.
That makes you feel like afailure if you don't follow it.
Our meal prep system that makesyou feel like a failure if you
don't follow it.
What we need right now inmidlife are healthy, simple
meals that taste really good,food that feels like it fits

(05:15):
into your life, not someoneelse's Instagram grid.
But most of us are stuck inkind of a weird place.
We've lost the routine ofcooking for a busy family.
We feel very out of ideas,we're tired of making decisions
about what to eat for dinnerevery single night, and we don't
feel the same sense of purposearound food anymore.

(05:36):
So instead of cooking being anexpression of love for others,
as most women are hardwired todo now, it needs to become an
expression of love for yourself.
And that shift takes a lot ofpractice, right to practice the
self-care that we need to giveourselves.
So let's talk about five waysthat we can fall back in love

(06:01):
with cooking.
And maybe it's not going to bein love for many of you, maybe
it'd just be like how about that?
So let's talk about how toactually do this.
No fluff, no guilt, noperfection.
Here's five ways to rekindleyour relationship with cooking
in midlife.
Number one let's shift the story.
Instead of thinking, what do Ihave to make for dinner tonight,

(06:26):
ask yourself, how can I carefor myself with food today?
How do I want to feel with foodtoday?
Those questions can changeeverything, because cooking
isn't about performance anymore.
It's about nourishment foryourself.
And nourishment isn't justnutrients, right.

(06:47):
It's not just making sure youget enough of your protein
allotment every single day, oryour fiber, I mean.
Those things obviously are veryimportant, but it's also about
comfort, it's about connection,pleasure, it's about
self-respect and self-care.
So give that some thoughts.
When you're thinking I don'thave anything to make for dinner

(07:07):
tonight, think about how can Icare for myself with my food
today, all right.
Number two on the five ways tofall back in love with cooking.
Keep it so simple that it'salmost ridiculous.
Okay, you do not need to cook agourmet meal every single night

(07:27):
.
A big salad with roastedchickpeas and a really good
homemade dressing would be justgreat.
How about a piece of salmonwith some roasted vegetables I
do that often Scrambled eggswith kale and a piece of
sourdough bread?
That would be amazing.
That's dinner, that'snourishment.

(07:48):
It does not have to beInstagram worthy.
It can just be nutritious andgood for you and comforting.
So start giving yourselfpermission to make food that is
simple, satisfying and justenough.
Okay.
Number three on how to fall backin love with cooking.

(08:11):
Again, let's set the scene.
Light a candle, turn on somemusic, pour a mocktail or a
sparkling water with lime.
Set the vibe, even if it's justfor you.
Think of cooking as ameditative process, sometimes
while you're sitting therechopping carrots or stirring a

(08:32):
soup or making your scrambledeggs.
So when you romanticize yourown meal, when you treat
yourself the way you would treata guest, it can change wildly
how you experience it that youare cooking for the act of
self-care for yourself.
Number four on how to fall backin love with cooking let's let

(08:55):
go of the shoulds.
You do not need to follow aperfect plan.
You do not need to batch cookevery Sunday.
If that doesn't work for you,you might only cook two to three
nights a week and eat leftovers.
For the rest, you might have arotation of five go-to meals and

(09:18):
you just riff on them.
There is no set rules for whenit comes to meal planning and
having a perfect plan.
It's really what works best foryou, knowing that the priority
is nourishing yourselfphysically, mentally and
emotionally.
Now I don't have a perfect plan.

(09:39):
I try to sit down on Sundaysmost weeks and plan out what I'm
going to be cooking for dinner,and then I will make a grocery
list on that and then I will goshopping.
And sometimes it doesn't alwayswork according to plan.
Or sometimes we have friendswho want to go out to dinner
spontaneously.
It's all okay.

(10:01):
But as long as the priority ismy nourishment on a physical,
mental and emotional level, thenI feel really okay.
And it's not about perfection.
You have a chance to start overthe next week.
So do what works, not whatshould work.
All right.
And number five, about fallingback in love with cooking get

(10:26):
inspired by the seasons.
Now, sometimes, when the newseason happens, we've already
been used to doing something theold way, right, we were kind of
in winter and colder weatherand we got used to making a lot
of slow cooker meals and soupsand stews.
And all of a sudden it's 80degrees out and sunny and things

(10:50):
are growing in our gardens orat the farmer's market and we
have to shift, we have to pivot,and that can get a little
overwhelming sometimes becausesuddenly now we're cooking with
tomatoes and cucumbers andzucchini where, as before, we
were in winter squash and sweetpotatoes, tomatoes, peaches,

(11:24):
corn, berries.
It actually takes the guessworkout of what to make and what
brings joy back into your meals,right?
Suddenly, wow, the FreshFarmer's Market tomatoes taste
amazing.
How can we plan a meal aroundthose?
How can we plan a meal aroundsummer squash those?
How can we plan a meal aroundsummer squash?
And that is exactly why Icreated my Summer Inspired

(11:45):
Recipe Club, because we're goingto be doing exactly that
highlighting a fruit, vegetableor herb every single week and
then getting inspired by thefive recipes that you will have.
So let's review our five ways tofall back in love with cooking,
if cooking is just feeling likean absolute chore right now.
Number one we wanna shift ourstory instead of thinking what

(12:11):
do I have to make tonight,asking yourself how can I care
for myself with food today?
Number two we wanna keep it sosimple.
You do not need to cook gourmetmeal every single night.
Number three we want to keep itso simple.
You do not need to cook agourmet meal every single night.
Number three we want to set thescene.
Make your kitchen a relaxing,almost meditative space.
Turn on music, pour a mocktailwhatever you need to do to set

(12:34):
the scene to make it a relaxingexperience.
Number four we want to let goof the shoulds.
You do not need to follow aperfect plan.
This is not about perfectionand Instagram-worthy photos,
right?
This is just about nourishingyourself.
And number five we definitelywant to get inspired by the

(12:55):
seasons.
It helps with meal planning, ithelps to decide what we're
going going to cook and it makesit a lot more fun.
So again, I have my SummerInspired Recipe Club coming up.
It's an eight week experience,no pressure.
Every week in your inbox, youget a new packet of recipes to
try, and it's a lot of fun.

(13:17):
All right, I wanna leave youwith this.
If cooking has started to feellike a chore.
That doesn't mean you're doinganything wrong.
It means that you are human,you have done a lot in life,
you're probably tired and you'rein a new phase of life.
Right, we have to shift how wecook now.
Like I said, I went fromcooking for five to just cooking

(13:40):
for two.
That felt very big for me.
But midlife is also a time toreclaim things and cooking can
be one of them in a differentway, not as a burden, but as a
way to care for you, foryourself, like you have cared
for everyone else.
You're worth the effort, even ifit's just a 15-minute meal and

(14:04):
even if it's just for you.
So again, join me this summerin my Summer Inspired Recipe
Club and let's make the summerthe season that we bring joy
back to our plates, one simple,delicious meal at a time.
Because if cooking has beenfeeling like a chore, I hope
today's episode gives you alittle bit of permission to

(14:28):
exhale and maybe even start tosee things a little differently,
because this phase of life,this phase of our life midlife,
40s and beyond it's like a reset, and how we feed ourselves with
food, care and intention reallymatters.
So if you want simple,supportive ways to bring some

(14:50):
inspiration back to your kitchenthis summer.
Don't forget to join me in theRecipe Club.
Link is in the show notes andwe start June 21st.
Cooking does not have to becomplicated to be meaningful.
All right, until next time,stay well nourished and hope to
see you in the recipe club.