October 30, 2025 • 50 mins
In this episode of the REAL MONEY Podcast, Melissa Blynn and I explore the deep emotional connection women have with money — and how understanding our nervous system, generational patterns, and sisterhood can lead to real financial empowerment.
🔗 Relevant *L I N K S:*
- Download the Guide: From Survival to Safety: https://programs.epicluv.com/survival-to-safety
- The Capacity Lab: Live free event November 12! https://www.epicluv.com/event/free-capacity-lab-wealth-emotion-energy-workshop-11122025/#rsvp-now
- Unleash Your Capacity Retreat in San Clemente California: https://lisachastain.com/uyc/
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
They went down into some dark, deep stuff and worked through
some stuff and they witnessed each other.
So a a level of trust is built, a level of compassion and
celebrating each other along theway.
It's it's a beautiful journey towatch unfold because sisterhood,
it's so vital. What's different about us and
the community that we're building is that the women in
the room, we're oscillating energetically forward together,
(00:22):
We're cheering each other on. We're like, you fucking rock
that. Absolutely.
You're amazing. And I'm attracting more and more
women like that in in my my life.
Hey, I'm Lisa. This is real money.
Forget the spreadsheets for a minute.
Money is emotional 1st. And that's where real change
begins. Today we're talking about the
emotions of money. We're in a new studio testing it
(00:45):
out for the first time. Hey, girl.
Hey. Girl.
This is my dear friend and sister, Melissa Blinn.
And Melissa, your last episode from last year, maybe 2 year.
It was actually two years ago, Ithink that we did.
It was. It was October of last year.
Actually, it was. Literally a year ago.
Your episode is one of our most listened to and shared episodes.
(01:05):
It is. Yeah, it is.
It's that powerful. The work that we're doing is
that powerful. We've got a great episode in
store for you. Melissa's here live with me in
my new studio. Yes, High 5.
And we're, we're going to talk about emotions and money today.
We have some great events and collaborations that we've been
doing. Our whole vision is to give
(01:27):
women permission to feel, give women permission to enjoy their
bodies. And what we realized, it really
clicked for me in our last retreat that it's about
expanding our capacity and that when we give women permission to
expand their capacity. And you and I have been doing
this on our own, in our own way and doing our own work.
(01:48):
We thrive, we allow more, we hold on to more.
We attract the love, we attract the money, we attract everything
that it is that we want in our lives.
So we're here to talk to you specifically about why that's so
important. So buckle up.
You ready to get started? Let's jump in.
OK, so we've got some segments for you this this episode 1.
(02:09):
We're going to talk about the female paradigm when it comes to
money and how we need to break out of the male paradigm of
money. The second thing we're going to
talk about is the nervous system, Our nervous system as it
relates to attracting wealth andbecoming wealthy.
The next thing we're going to talk about is vulnerability as
our superpower. Bernie Brown talks about that,
(02:31):
but what does that really mean and how do we embody
vulnerability then breaking generational patterns.
This is huge work that we're alldoing those women today.
So we're going to talk about that.
There's so many things in this episode for you here, and it's
built in segments so you can come back and forth into these
different segments. And we want you to do that and
we want you to. I want you to think about right
now a woman in your life, a sister, a friend, your mom,
(02:56):
whoever it is, I want you to think about that person right
now. And then I want you to share
this episode with them. I want you to consider listening
to this episode with them pausing it where you need to
pause it, so then you can reflect and have intentional
conversation together. Because it's in the sisterhood
and in the community of life. Absolutely.
(03:16):
That we heal, 1000. Percent.
And we have some incredible women in our world.
They listen to my podcast episode and then they send it
out to everybody. You have to listen to us.
And Sherry's caring, especially when it comes to this topic,
Women and money, because money is so triggering.
It's so triggering. So Melissa's amazing.
She's we're going to, you know, you can go back and rewatch the
(03:37):
last episode that we had together.
You can learn all about her, herinformations in the show notes.
And so let's just get to it. Let's drive them.
All right, we just are on the heels of Take the Lead, which
was a powerful day, full day yesterday.
You brought so much to that. That is the the first time
(03:57):
anyone it from the Take Lead experience has experienced you
and they were all like wow. I can be a little much in all
the right ways. Yeah, I just, I think you're
exactly you're that wake up call.
Yeah. For me, bringing the Take the
Lead essence talking about moneyis that it's time for us to do
things differently when it comesto money.
What are what are your takeawaysfrom the events and why is that
(04:19):
so important? Well, I think one of the
beautiful things about Take the Lead is one thing is, is we had
a wide variety of demographic inthe room age, right?
Women as young as in their 20s and women all the way up until
their late 50s and 60s. So I think one of the beautiful
thing is, is that it was a wide variety of of different
demographics and different age groups in the room.
(04:42):
And what I loved about that is that, you know, we had, you
know, elders speaking, wise women speaking.
And, you know, we had obviously,I believe her name was Camilla.
Camilla, who, you know, was one of our last speakers who
stripped down into her underwearand bra and talked a lot about
vulnerability. I think it was beautiful because
(05:02):
not only was the room a very wide variety, so were the
speakers. And I think whether you were 25
or whether you were 65 in that room, I believe that it was
powerful because each speaker resonated with each demographic
that was in that room. And that was really powerful, I
think for me seeing that becauseit was relatable for a lot of
(05:25):
women that were there. For all women, women of all
backgrounds, women of all cultures, women of all financial
statuses, bringing them together.
And your message yesterday, which is exactly what this
episode is about, is that the world that we want to live in
and the world that we're designing doesn't exist in our
heads. It doesn't exist in the logical
(05:46):
way. And when I say money is
emotional before mathematical, it's triggering a lot of guys in
the world. I'm getting messages on
LinkedIn, and guys are feeling really challenged by that
because they're like, what do you mean it can't be emotional?
You can't make emotional decisions with money.
And I'm saying there's no way not to.
Exactly. There's no way not to, and the
feminine way of doing things fill us in.
(06:07):
What are the feminine ways of doing things?
Well, you know, I talked, we've talked about this on many
podcasts we've done, I think this is our third now.
But you know, feminine qualities, mature feminine
qualities is we are, we have a 6th sense.
We have this intuition, have a capacity to be the nurturer, the
capacity to be the giver, the caretaker.
(06:28):
We love, we nurture, we care. And when it comes to money, and
particularly for women, it is emotional decision.
You know, some women that's, youknow, this like, and you've done
a really good job of debunking shame around like, you know,
whether if women are shopping for filling that emotional gap.
I mean, in my 20s, I was drivingcars I shouldn't have been
(06:50):
driving and buying clothes that I was didn't financially have
the money to. And it was because on the
outside I was trying to portray somebody that I wasn't because
on the inside I was dying. And so for women, we are very
deeply, deeply felt sense. And when we're disconnected from
that, we can make choices and decisions out of survival, our
(07:12):
logic thinking survival, and it can actually disconnect us even
more from our authentic selves, our hearts.
And so it's definitely deeply connected.
And for women who are really empowered, and we talked a
little bit about this yesterday,is that when we are in touch
with ourselves, not our logic thinking, and we're connected
(07:33):
and we're aligned with our values, what is important, What
is my vision for my life? What do I want for my life?
And what's ultimately important?We can make so much more
aligned, informed decisions fromthat when we're really clear on
that and we feel confident in that.
Can't we say that men benefit from the same work 1000%?
(07:55):
Here's what I think when it comes to more of the same and
that we can't afford to have more of the same, is that we
have a whole lot of men walking around with dysregulated nervous
systems. Calling it logical, but what it
really is is egotistical. Yeah, absolutely.
And massive egos connected to money.
And that we have to work with money from that place.
(08:16):
Unhealed statistical. More is better.
Yep, bigger is better. Yep, it's hurting all of us.
1000% I'm very fortunate and we we have a very large network of
friends that share Rhiannon fromSteelhead, owner of Steelhead,
this company here in Las Vegas. I've known her for a good 15
years now. And I was telling my fiance last
(08:36):
night, what I love about her is that she's very humble and she's
very generous. And I love that about her.
And not to negate men or to talkdown about men, but when we talk
about a lot of men, there's kindof what I talked about earlier
is, is men use money for power. If I have, you know, all these
material things or I'm flashy and I'm very presentable and
(09:00):
I'm, you know, buying a new Rolex a month or whatever,
right? A lot of that is from their ego
attempting to live up to a falseidentity to get like loved and
attention. When I think of old paradigm
masculinity when it comes to money is the 50 year old man
driving a Corvette with the top down positioning himself and
(09:22):
Jimmy and I watch a lot of nature shows and it's kind of
like that bird that's doing everything it can do to get the
woman let's. Lick our feathers.
The world has changed so much and women, we, it's not our
fault. And if you look back 7
generations, 7 generations of women and decisions for so long,
up until not even 100 years ago,women couldn't do anything with
(09:44):
money but spend it. We couldn't invest, we couldn't
buy businesses and and grow. And women still, there's such a
big disparity financially with what women own and what men own
is we have to create a new identity as women, which is more
than just spending money, which is more than just budgeting,
which is more than just taking care of the kids.
(10:05):
It is this mature woman who doesn't need all that song and
dance. And guys are like, I don't know
what to do here because that worked 50 years ago.
Totally. I used to buy the car and have
the Rolex and the nice clothes and women.
We still want some of those things.
True story here. I want a guy who has this shit
together that's very attractive that my husband is.
(10:26):
That's not what's getting the woman and keeping the woman
anymore. It's more than just that
superficial set. That's right.
Security means something totallydifferent today than it did 100
years ago. Very different.
Very. For women and security was
interchanged with the word control.
Yes, and it still is. Yes, for so many women and men.
(10:47):
Yeah, that was a big part of whyI was in a relate in most I was.
I mean, we've talked about this on past podcasts.
I mean, I witnessed so much control in my family dynamic
between my mom and my stepdad with money.
And I remember even after I got married very young, 18, divorced
at 20. And I remember my ex-husband
looking at me and he was like, you will never amount to
(11:10):
anything. I paid for everything.
Now, granted, I worked, I contributed to the household,
but I remember when I got divorced, I had this innate like
fuck you inside and I hypermasculated up and I was
like, I don't need a man. And then I went out and bought
my first house at 21 all by myself.
And I remember like I was just Iwould not let men come close to
(11:32):
me. I was, I was hustling and
working and I was like, I had this like I have to prove kind
of mentality for all that, that reason of control.
And even still to this day, it'sa visceral reaction for me, even
in my body, if that is ever presented to me, from which I'm
(11:53):
very fortunate. My partner's not like that.
And we have many conversations about money because thanks to
you and the work that you have and I've done, I'm like, oh,
we're talking about it. We're talking about it because
it's like we're equal and I got to stay at the table and I'm
contributing and I have every right to say and I plan on it.
Yeah, and, and I know, I know your man is private, so I'm not
(12:16):
going to spill the beans on all the things, but that was
challenging for him. And.
Oh, yeah. Because he wasn't used to a
woman being like that with him. No.
And I think that that's what we're seeing in divorce rates
right now is women are standing up and stepping into our power,
and then we don't need the guy financially.
Exactly. And we're going.
Wait a minute. You suck and I don't like you.
(12:37):
Yeah. I don't like the way that you
treat me. I don't have to deal with this
anymore. Exactly.
And I've been dealing with it again generations.
I've been putting up with this shit.
My mom's been putting up with this shit.
My grandma had to put up with this shit.
No. Yeah, no.
And I do believe that that's oneof the reasons that we're seeing
divorce rates so dramatic right now is women are going fuck this
(12:58):
shit. I don't want to be treated like
this anymore, and I don't have to be.
Exactly. Exactly.
So back to this, the earlier segment on No More of the same.
This is all happening real time for all of us.
Yes, yes, Gen. Z is in a different conversation
about it, but millennial and older millennial and Gen.
(13:18):
X is like, yeah, we're changing things.
Absolutely. We're changing things.
Well, and even not to interrupt you, but even in a conversation
yesterday, like one of the things when you put a statistic,
I think it was what 3% of women own like.
There's only 3% of women are recipients of that venture
capitalism. Sorry, Venture Venture Capital.
That's wild to me. It's like wild to me.
(13:41):
I went last night after the after the take the lead and I,
and I was at dinner with my, my partner.
I was talking about it and I wassharing when he's like, what is
that vision for you? Like what is that bigger vision
for your life? And the biggest thing that came
out was I want to be so financially educated and secure
(14:02):
that when I'm older, I have the financial means to be taken care
of if something happens to me. Yeah, because I love my partner.
And I'm sure he would do anything to care for me, but
that's not his fucking job. He will.
But I also need to be very responsible.
And This is why I love what we do because it's like we talked
(14:23):
about our retreats. It's like, ladies, yes, great.
Having a great guy and a great partner, do you have a
responsibility? Yeah, absolutely.
Even in same sex partnerships this applies, yes, but because
of our patterning, we're going to talk about generational
patterns later in the show. But because of our patterning,
women even in same sex marriagesare one's relying or looking to
(14:45):
the other to take care of her orfinancially.
I see this happen all the time. One of them is doing the work of
taking on that masculine role and I see it in same sex
marriages with men or relationships with men.
So this doesn't just apply to the masculine feminine.
This is a across the board. How did we become who we became
(15:06):
exactly in relationship as it relates to money?
And then also to your point, whyis it now some why is it someone
else's job to take care of you? And this conversation has been
blown wide open with the assassination of Charlie Kirk
huge and the and the point of view and the beliefs of him
about women relying on men for financial security.
(15:29):
And and I know that my conversation, our conversation
with money is interruptive of some very traditional value.
That's right. And to your point, that's
exactly what we need to be talking about exactly.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, let's just be real color
outside the box. That's where you grow.
There you go. And I've seen just so many
(15:50):
examples and so many stories of women who have said, yeah, I've
been in an abusive relationship.I've been financially abused.
There is a such thing as financial abuse, by the way.
Absolutely doesn't have to be physical.
Just because of someone isn't verbally abusing you, that's
right, or just because someone isn't physically harming you
that's right, doesn't mean that there is dis ease and
(16:10):
disconnection and power play. That's right in the works.
Yep. Because if you don't own your
own money. And This is why I also believe
that Dave Ramsey is very damaging.
Yeah, totally. Because his whole entire tribe
talks about how the woman and the man should have joint
accounts and all of their money should be commingled and all of
that. And no.
(16:30):
No, thank you. See your face energetically.
Not happening. Not happening.
Not happening. It's OK to have your own.
Yes, please. It's more than OK.
Absolutely, which is why we're building the the empires that
we're building. OK, We're going to move on
though that. I think that that's clear on
where we stand and where we believe the future of money is
(16:51):
for women. And now we need to talk about
the work that gets to happen. Yes.
So if you're a woman listening to this or man, whoever, whoever
it is, whoever you are that's listening right now or watching
this right now, we have work to do, realizing that our old
paradigm of money has come from an unhealed space.
Yes. And when people's nervous
(17:12):
systems are unhealed and not grounded, think Wolf on Wall
Street when it comes to money. Someone asked me this question.
Well, what happens when you're when someone isn't healed or
someone isn't grounded and they make a lot of money?
I said the worst possible scenarios.
Hello, Epstein files. Absolutely.
Hello, Diddy. Oh, yeah.
(17:33):
Hello. What we're seeing on a front,
people like, Oh my God, how doesthis happen?
Because we got a whole lot of unhealed people walking around
with a whole lot of fucking money, making decisions that
just seem absolutely nuts. So let's talk about the nervous
system because we're calling youforward in this episode to Start
learning about the actual steps that you can take to start
(17:55):
healing yourself. First, It is your job.
In my book, I talk about radicalresponsibility.
It is your job to start. You can't go fix someone else if
you can't heal yourself. What is the intimate role that
our nervous system plays with money?
The easiest thing I can tell youis it's it's connected to your
choices and your beliefs. So from a nervous system
(18:16):
perspective, fight flight freezefawn, these are 4 survival
strategies that each and every one of us have.
Now we need these strategies. And the reason why we need these
strategies is because if this building were to catch on fire
right now, our brain is going toimmediately shuttle blood to the
(18:40):
amygdala saying yo get out in blood and cortisol are going to
go to our major extremities to get us out of the building
because we are in a legitimate threat, OK?
And so when we talk about fight,flight, freezer, fawn, rage or
anger, we talked about power andcontrol when an individual's
(19:02):
nervous system is in one of those four, four states.
OK, so when I talk about states,think of body downs.
This is a state when my state physiologically if it's
defaulting to one of those four and there's a lot and we'll get
to a couple of examples, my cognitive thinking becomes
(19:22):
distorted and I talked about this in the retreat yesterday,
is that when you are in a dysregulated state, fight,
flight, freeze or fawn, your ability to make a logic informed
aligned decision becomes. Hyperly distorted, meaning
(19:44):
you're not regulated, therefore you're not making decisions that
are sound, correct. And they are not in alignment
from your heart. They're not.
And the reason why that is is because the prefrontal cortex
part of our brain that is responsible for logic and reason
that can rationalize that could be open we think of.
(20:04):
So from a nervous system perspective, it's called ventral
vagal. And when your ventral vagal part
of your system, that means that you.
You are calm, you are open, you're curious, you have the
ability to discern and ask informative questions.
So you're connected in your present, really.
(20:26):
And so when you do that, I like to use the analogy of like, I
can go, my body is slow, I can think about it, I could take a
pause, I can reflect on it and I'm connected to it.
And I might have the ability to ask more curious questions.
But if you're in one of those four States and we see this with
money, and I could share my example of how I lived with
(20:48):
money for most of my life, definitely in in the fight and
flee, 100%. It's the prefrontal cortex.
Part of your brain goes temporarily offline.
And when it goes temporary offline, your memory
consolidation also goes offline.And all of that blood that's
responsible, that's normally shuttled to that part of the
(21:09):
brain, it's being redistributed to your arms and your legs, your
heart and your lungs for blood flow and oxygen.
Wild. People are living in a state of
fight or flight when it comes toyour money.
That also sounds a lot like scarcity and fear running the
show, yes? Or control and anger.
(21:32):
Control and anger. Which also feels very stressful.
It is stressful to the body. Which also feels like you're
waking up at 2:00 in the morningand you don't know why your
heart is racing exactly. And your mind can't quiet.
Which also means that even when you have money, you don't feel
safe. 1000%. Or when you have money, you feel
chaotic or overwhelmed or confused, which also means that
(21:55):
when you don't have money, it's exacerbated.
That all feels very stressful. You've talked.
About this on podcasts before and you've even worked with some
women financially, look at the spreadsheet and the numbers and
like cash flow and they're golden, right?
You're like, okay, they're goinggood, but like on the inside,
like on edge, they're fucking onedge.
(22:15):
So I don't know what the numbersare.
No matter what the numbers are. So what I love what we do
because it's so much deeper thanthe spreadsheet because there's
something underneath that state that is registering.
I am not safe. The shoes going to fall off the
other foot. Something catastrophic is going
to happen. Or we talk about freezer fawn,
(22:37):
right freeze. When we look at it from a money
perspective, this is where we have avoidance, never wanting to
look, don't want to talk about the numbers, don't want to look
at the number. This is pure full on shutdown
and avoidant. And so they never want to talk
about money and they don't even want to look at it.
So it's the nervous system is almost in a state of freeze and
they're completely disassociated.
(22:59):
This makes so much sense. This makes so much sense.
And these are the cues for you listening of when you say what
is going on because I can't, no matter what I do, I just keep
coming back to the state when itcomes to my money.
Yeah, right. So we're going to take a short
break. Yep.
And then we're going to come back and we're going to talk
(23:20):
about what we can do about it. We're going to talk about what
we can do about it. So just stick with us.
We're going to take a short break and we'll be back.
We're going to talk about when it comes to nervous system
regulation, what you can do to regulate your nervous system so
that you can feel better when itcomes to money, so that you can
have more and different when it comes to money.
Yeah. Baby.
We'll be right back. Hey, it's Lisa.
And I'm here with my sister and dear friend, Melissa Blinn, and
(23:43):
we want to talk to you about an opportunity for you to figure
out how to be with money in a feminine way.
So we have a retreat coming up, and it's actually July 2020,
sixth. There are ways out from it, but
we want you to know about it nowso that you can start thinking
about why you would be there. We want you there.
So Melissa, talk to me about Unleash Your Capacity.
(24:04):
Well, when we talk about the word capacity is we all have a
glass ceiling and in the work that you and I do glass ceiling
via nervous system glass ceilingwith the amount of financial
abundance that you can hold or receive or believe that you're
worthy of holding and receiving.That's so good.
We all have a threshold. We all have a threshold.
What's yours? We want you there.
(24:25):
Unleash your capacity. July 2026.
We want you there. Melissa and I will be there.
Join us. Join us.
All right? We're back.
We're back. We're back.
Let's do it. Fight, fight or fleet.
There's a lot of what fight, fight, fight, flight or freeze.
Or fawn. Or fawn, which is basically a
doormat. You're just done.
(24:45):
We all, we all have the tendencyto do this.
This isn't like there, There is not one person on the planet
that's walking around completelyhealed.
No, this is a journey. And there's not really one
perfect archetype of someone where you can look at them and
go, Oh my God, they are whole and complete.
When it comes to money. I don't know one person.
I don't either. I've talked to hundreds and
thousands of people. But there are some people who
(25:07):
have complete or more healed nervous systems, therefore their
relationship with money is different, therefore they
operate differently about their lives.
And when women come to us, they say, I want freedom.
Yep, I want peace. Yep, I want security.
News flash to all of you, none of that exists in your bank
(25:28):
account. No, never.
Broke is not a number. Rich is not a number.
What you really want, it's not $10 million in the bank.
What you really want is to feel safe.
Yes. And so doing the nervous system
work that you do, first explain the ways that you do that with
(25:50):
your clients and then give us some tips on where someone can
start. Yeah.
So one of the biggest things is,is, you know, our nervous system
has familiarity and patterning in all different areas of our
life, our relationship to money,our relationship to friends or
other women, our relationship tomen or women, our relationship
(26:13):
and business. And so what's important is that
our nervous system has differentpatterning in different areas of
our lives. And one of the things is that a
lot of women, when they start tocome to me, for the most part,
I'm starting to get a lot of women that are, you know, in the
perimenopausal, menopausal journey.
And we kind of talked about thisin our last episode is no women
(26:35):
in their early 40s, they're coming.
And all of a sudden it's like, shit, I'm not.
I'm not happy. I'm not in my truth.
I have anxiety. I have no idea how to manage my
money. It's almost as if they are in
this quickening like quicksand and a lot of things are
happening quickly and their bodies are not as resilient as
(26:57):
they were in their 20s and 30s because of they are not.
The hormones are shifting. And So what I'm seeing is that
women when that's happening, a lot more anxiety, a lot more
panic attack, a lot more hyper dysregulation all the time.
And so what's important is for any woman that's watching this,
(27:18):
I always tell women whether theywork with me or not, like just
be aware of like, what are your sensations when you go to sit to
do your bills? What do you notice in your body
when you maybe go to have a conversation with your spouse or
your husband about money? What do you notice?
Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel like almost like you
have a frog in your throat and it almost feels like it's a
(27:40):
little challenging to get it outand you feel stuck almost again,
That's like that Free State and you can't communicate about it
or for women, are you overworking or over hustling and
scheduling back-to-back meetingsand then overloading your
schedule? That was me because it was I was
always an anxious mode, always an anxious.
Are you when you go to do your bills, are you hyper analyzing
(28:03):
your numbers for hours and you're scratching your head?
Right. Or do you have to have to have a
glass of wine before you look atthe numbers?
Totally to even just do that to.Even Yeah, exactly.
So the first thing is, is, is just be curious of how your body
is system is operating. And for those of you that are
(28:24):
like, I never look at my checkbook or I never look at my
money, afraid to or like it's this elephant in the room and I
never want to look at it. Let's, let's have compassion for
you because there's a lot of shame and guilt that's
associated with there, which is why the nervous system collapses
and doesn't want to go there. Be aware of where your state, as
we talked about in the last segment, where are you
(28:46):
oscillating from? That's the first place to lean
into. Curiosity is where do you
predominantly find your body when it comes to your
relationship with your money? That's the first thing.
OK, so check in. Check in the.
Sensations, the physical sensations that you have are are
there for a reason. Yes, I learned about in the
(29:06):
medical system. I was outraged by this.
There was an interview with Katie Couric and a doctor.
What was it? What's the doctor's name?
I sent it to you. It was what was the topic.
It was about the WWS. In medicine.
Oh yeah, I believe it was. I think it was Doctor Marie.
Claire I believe Doctor Marie Claire and that there are are
women and they're they're calleddifferent things across the
(29:27):
country depending on the different medical system you're
in. They call them WWS, which is a
whiny white woman. And that hit me and I know women
of color are definitely even less lessens to less than white
women in the medical system. But the fact that you don't feel
good, your heart's beating fast.You're you're you have anxiety.
(29:47):
Yeah. It's because your your body has
been working overtime to manage all of these emotions.
Yeah. And all of this backlog and it's
not regulated. And then we go to the doctor and
we say we don't feel good. And then they're like, oh, it's
just perimenopause. Yeah.
Oh, it's just menopause. Yeah.
Oh, it's just the change. Oh, you're just, you're just
being whiny. Yeah, talking about it actually
(30:09):
today is 10:10. So this is is World Mental
Health Day. And in a recent study this year,
40% of women in perimenopausal are diagnosed with depression,
40% are diagnosed with depression.
When So again, your internal state is a huge alarm.
(30:32):
Something is not right. And it's so crucial that we
educate women and give them tools and strategies.
That's what we're doing. It's so vital because they're
going into doctors and doctors are like, hey, you're depressed,
here's a pill. Here's a yeah, here's a pill.
Here's a pill. Lots of pills too.
A lot of them. Horror stories of women who have
(30:53):
just been over prescribed medications.
And I know you're working on themore plant medicine side of
things with women. OK, so first is state high
cricket. Hi cricket first is state get a
dog they Co regulate you. Perfect timing, perfect timing.
Are you here to regulate us, Kirkie?
My dogs, if you're listening to this, my dog's in the studio and
she just can't get enough of Melissa.
(31:14):
She loves Auntie, you love Auntie Missy.
OK, so and then you have this beautiful handout and also
Melissa and I have a gift for you.
So we have we have some workshops coming up.
Called the capacity lab doing 4 of them.
We're doing 4 capacity labs, building up to the Unleash Your
Capacity retreat. And in the capacity lab, we want
to teach you these things real time.
(31:35):
Yeah, we have a gift for you. Look for in the show notes.
It's a mini training. Yeah, it's a step in that
direction. So if you want to know more
about how you can get to work onyour own nervous system, have
grace and compassion with yourself, and find other women
who are doing this too. Find other women in our world.
That has been a game changer. You and I get to do what we get
(31:55):
to do, and we love what we do somuch.
And then getting back into your own life, you're going to need
sisters and you're going to needsupport and you're going to need
sisters who get it and they wantto do this work with you.
The Capacity Lab is a perfect place for you to come learn from
us real time. We want to teach you the steps.
Awareness is the first step. Yes.
But then Melissa teaches about somatically how to drop into
your body, which may or may not feel safe for you right now, how
(32:18):
to get enough sleep, how to makesure make sure you're not crazy.
Yeah. And then and then maybe take the
next step with us and come to the retreat and spend 4 days.
There are lots. There's lots of ways for you to
start this work in our world, and we want you to do.
That and the gift that we have for you, it's it's a basically
it's called survival to safety. And Lisa and I curated together
(32:38):
and when we talk about survival,survival is again back to if my
state is in a state of survival,which is either fight, flight,
freeze or fawn, no matter what, how much money I have in my bank
account, if I don't feel safe inmy system first, by all means,
money is is it's the next step. But we're teaching feel safe so
(33:04):
you can take the next step into feeling safe with your money,
with your money, which ultimately leads to a bigger
capacity to hold more and so vital.
So vital, $10 is more, $100 is more, $1000 is more.
I've learned a lot with that with you.
You've taught me a lot. Yeah, more, more, incrementally,
more. You have to build your nervous
(33:24):
system into safety first in order to have more.
So if you have big, big dreams, and speaking to my dreamers
specifically, you have these really big dreams, you'll
sabotage yourself every step along the way if you don't have
the capacity to hold more. That's right.
Because if you can't hold $1000 in your bank account or in your
business checking account, whichhas been me, yeah, totally
(33:45):
journey before, then how are youever going to receive and hold
on to 1,000,000? Yep.
So that's the question for you is let's do this work together
and let's check in on your nervous system because if you
have internal safety, you have everything.
That's right. That's right.
And then when it comes to external safety, when you are
the one to provide for yourself financially, no one's coming to
(34:08):
save you. And you have your own money, you
have your own resources, you have your own savings, you have
your own retirement account. To your point, yes your
significant other will be there for you, but financially they
don't have to lift the load so heavy and men are tired.
Totally, totally. Men have been and men have been
burned too. You know, absolutely.
Men have been burned too. Oh, I just heard a Horror Story
(34:29):
about this from someone that I know.
Who The guy married someone and she took him for everything he
was worth. So this does.
Guys, we hear you. We know this happens.
Oh, yeah, for you too. We're just starting with where
we're experts right now, which it is with women.
But we get it. We hear you.
We see, you know, this is happening for men too.
We're going to talk about breaking generational patterns.
(34:50):
Here we go. I'm so passionate about this.
Me too. OK, first thing my book, Stop
Budgeting, Start living. We do a deep dive into this.
So if you're looking for somewhere to start there, start
there with looking at what is your financial set points.
Generational patterns with moneyis one thing.
What are generational patterns that show up in our nervous
system? Oh wow, scarcity fear for sure.
(35:11):
So easily one the first thing that comes to my mind is is if I
had if I had a mother, which is real time, who didn't trust men,
which is real time and had me her daughter didn't trust men
imprinting zero to seven literally told me don't ever
trust men. They all lie adolescent teenage
(35:33):
years, which we talked about anddeal with Make sure you hide
your bills from a man hide it, tuck it away.
I laugh about it because it's it's, it's wild.
It's wild. It's not funny when you're going
through it. No, no.
It's not, you know, and it's just I, I can, I can laugh about
it now because I've done a lot of work around it, a lot of
(35:56):
healing and a lot of breaking that story and breaking that
nervous system patterning. And so from a nervous system
patterning, if that's was how mymother felt.
Which is was. Which it was.
Which it was that feeling contributed to the stories and
her beliefs mind that she would tell me and so if those two
(36:20):
imprinting and an adolescent. I was choosing men that I wasn't
safe with and I would hide money.
It's unhide credit cards. It sounds like a self fulfilling
prophecy. 1000% was legitimatelywas.
I believe this. My mom taught me how to believe
this. Now, first of all, we're not
(36:41):
blaming anybody here. We're not blaming your mom.
She did the best that she could do with the resources that she
had available to her. Totally.
But she then passed this on to you generationally.
Yep. And it was a fact.
Yes, because kids believe what we're told.
Yes. And then we behave in a way.
Yes. That makes that true, yes.
(37:02):
So we're just trying to make be right.
Yes, which led to married and divorced real like young, as I
mentioned 420 yeah, and I've worked for like I can look back.
I work probably 3 to 4 jobs eversince I was 18 years old.
I would work at the time I remember I shows publicly.
I worked at a bank, but on the weekends I was a stripper and it
(37:23):
was like, I need to do more. I need to do more.
I was I was like hustle was my middle name and it was just that
constant like I need more, I need to grind, I need more.
So I, I learned 3 or 4 jobs and then that was success.
So how that showed up in my nervous system as I was always
anxious, always anxious, hardly slept, drank a lot of Red Bull,
(37:46):
drank a lot of caffeine, would sit down with the 2-3 glasses of
wine to do my bills, hyper analyzing those bills, thinking
of all the things. I mean, it was just this whole
snowball effect. And when I look back and zoom
out of that, my nervous system and my ancestral patterning, the
women that came before me, I believe I had no idea how to
(38:09):
manage money. And I believed to be true that
the women that came before me did not have a voice and they
didn't feel safe in that voice. And so I'm so passionate about
this work is because when women start to advocate and for
themselves in financial arenas and other arenas, like it's the
(38:30):
most liberating thing for me because it's so important.
So it does. It is definitely ancestral and
for me the breaking point was like, my parents aren't the
problem, I'm the fucking problem.
I filed bankruptcy at 25 years old. 26 years old because I
chose a man hypermasculine who needed me to rescue him.
(38:52):
I paid all the bills. I took a second out on the
House. He won't leave me, I'll take
care of him. Six years in resentment like a
mofo. I had an affair and then there
was bankruptcy and it was at that point it was like I'm the
problem and that was a real big part of my journey of, of when I
started to get real about money and money journey.
(39:12):
I was having this conversation with someone last night after
the event about how everything changes when we take radical
responsibility, which isn't the same as blame.
Exactly. When we can recognize the
pattern, and I have a money coaching certification, I'm
teaching this real time to my students.
When we can recognize the pattern, we can honor that about
(39:34):
our history. We can realize it wasn't our
fault and then also work actively to interrupt the
pattern. And when we heal our
generational history, whether wehave children or not, we heal
that part of that pattern and that generational history and we
heal it for the generations. Absolutely, Absolutely.
(39:54):
And we heal our ancestors. So I don't know how woo woo you
are, but I'm super woo woo. And I believe that our ancestors
just didn't go anywhere. They're right here cheering us
on. How I I choose to believe how
beautiful is it that they're my great grandmother and my
grandmother are cheering me on saying hell yeah, yes, you are
the one. Yeah, yes, you are the.
One. That's right.
(40:15):
That's right. To feel this, you were the
strong one. That's right.
You get to do this work for my son and for his children and for
generations before. So this work matters in so many
ways, not just for yourself, butI'll start with you.
Yeah. And I think we you've talked
about this before, even if you were raised in a in a family
environment where there was a lot of money and there was
(40:39):
resources financially, right? It's a very different yeah.
Whether you came from, in my example, stories about men, men
and money don't go together, old, outdated, no or a lot of
wealth or so forth. Like each generational line is
designed to break and shift and change because this is
(41:00):
evolution. Yes, and that we're evolving
into a new world. We are evolving into a new.
World and what worked 30 years ago, regardless of where you
came from isn't going to work the same moving forward no,
because we've changed that's right.
And AI is changing us and the world is changing.
And so it's time for us to step up and level up.
And instead of saying this is the way it's always been done,
(41:21):
challenge who you're being. Recognize and realize who you've
become and why you've become that person and do the work,
yes, so that you elevate and evolve.
Yes, financially, women, we get to do that.
Yes, we do. We're gonna talk about
sisterhood and community. Yeah.
When women are together we Co regulate or we Co dysregulate.
(41:43):
Let's be honest. Let's keep it real, Lisa.
Just shirt. It's the shirt that says that's
a horrible idea. What time?
Yeah, wow. It's so good.
We can be dysregulated together.And my husband and I were
listening to a sermon or over the weekend, last weekend, which
(42:05):
was beautiful, which was basically choose who you're
going to be in relationship withmen and women and find women.
So this is what we're doing is find women where it's not the
only thing that you do is sit around and complain about your
husbands or complain about otherpeople or bitch about your life
or bitch about your boss or bitch about your career.
That's lower level energetics and play.
(42:28):
You learn that from someone. You learn that from somewhere in
my house, in my household growing up, that happened.
And I just said I don't want to be like that anymore.
Yeah. And so what's different, and I
noticed this since at the Take the Lead event yesterday, what's
different about us and the community that we're building is
that the women in the in the room, we're oscillating
energetically forward together. We're cheering each other on.
(42:49):
We're like you fucking you can rock.
That, yeah, absolutely. You're amazing and I'm
attracting more and more women like that in in my life.
Why is that so important when itcomes to our nervous systems?
It's huge. The word that's coming to me
right now is energy leaks. So here's why it's important,
right? So again, when we think of a
faucet leaking right when we talk about energy, our bodies,
(43:12):
our energy, right capacity, whatwe're talking about, if I were
to hold your cup of water right now, and if that was
metaphorically like my physical body and if I have girlfriends
or friends that are always calling me and emotionally
dumping their skank got the visual my water cup is going to
go fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller
(43:35):
and fuller. So if outside sources are
emotionally dumping, again, think of a visible line.
My mentor on a hot and Sedona. It's been it's like ingrained in
me is like this is an invisible line.
And if you don't ask for permission to, hey, do you have
space to talk about this or, andit's, it's negative or gossipy
(43:57):
about other women that water cupyour body, you're filling it up
full of someone else's stank. And how can you hold more
wealth? How can you hold more love and
intimacy? How in the hell can you go out
and advocate more of what you want when you ain't got no room
because you're holding everybodyelse's stank, right?
So I love that you're bringing this up because it's so it's so,
(44:19):
so important because your energyhas a value.
And when we hold space, it's a value and it's it's important.
And when we are in sisterhood, how we use our energy in those
environments matter. And one of the things that's
important, it's a lot of work that I do with women.
(44:40):
Leslie, who's in particular, youmet her yesterday.
She was my client of mine, I believe going to come to
capacity lab. Like she's been like really
doing a really good job of like,I'm no longer responding.
And yesterday at Take the Lead, she was like, I had 26 text
messages from girls just dumping.
I'm like, are you kidding? And she's like, I didn't even
(45:01):
respond. So she's learning, but it was a
learned behavior. Her value, she believed, was if
I am there for everybody else and I give them feedback and I
listen to their shhank, I'm worthy and I'm valuable.
Which stems from a belief of I'mnot worthy. 1000% And so in
(45:23):
sisterhood, we believe that bothcan coexist because perfect
doesn't exist. But when we're in the work, we
have mentors, we have paid mentors, we have paid therapists
and coaches of our own, and we make sure that we have space for
each other. And if we know that a sister is
(45:46):
overwhelmed or has a lot going on, we are very respectful not
to just dump and we're mindful of that.
And so that's why I love sisterhood because as we evolve
and as we elevate, that's the consciousness is we need to
support women that hold a lot, but we don't need to be adding
on to that. Does that make sense?
(46:07):
Which also speaks into the fact that we are responsible and
totally capable of managing our own shit.
Which leads to self trust. Trust.
Absolutely. Yep.
When you trust yourself, it takes time.
I've. It's a journey.
I'm going to be 46 next month. It's a journey.
Yeah, it takes time. And I trust myself.
(46:28):
Yeah. Where?
If I'm having a day, I don't call my girlfriend to dump on
her. Yeah.
Or my mom. Yep.
Or my sister. Yep.
I take a day. That's right.
And actually, I don't even dump on my husband anymore.
Yeah, I just take a day. Yeah.
And I rest and I meditate and I walk.
And if after a couple of days I still feel it.
Yep, that's what we call self sourcing.
(46:49):
That's right. And as coaches, we're we're
teaching our clients how to selfsource.
They don't always like it. They really.
Don't. Not always.
Fun. But also, as coaches, we're
teaching our clients don't come and dump on me.
Yeah. Let's teach you how to self
source. Yep.
And self soothe. Yep.
And do some healing on your own.That's right.
And take care of yourself and drink some water and take your
(47:09):
vitamin and say no. Yep.
And build a sisterhood of women who get that and honor it and
love that about you. Yes.
And it will be the sisterhood that heals the world.
I have no doubt about it. I agree.
And it's a healed sisterhood. I agree.
A healed sisterhood. And I I think this is a perfect
way to end the show. Yeah, to be in gratitude to you
(47:33):
and your sisterhood and the amazing women that we are
surrounding ourselves by. Totally.
We get this too. Yeah.
And that and it's really fun. It's been the most fun for me
is, is experiencing the women who came to unleash your
capacity 2 years ago or Big Magic.
It was Big Magic. And that they are becoming their
own sister. Oh, it's fantastic.
(47:54):
Like I'm going to Stevie Nicks tomorrow and like Kim Michelle.
Yeah, I'm like, there are four of them and they're becoming
like lifelong friends. Yeah.
And so we get to give it away. Yes.
And we want you to be a part of this.
We want you to be a part of thiscommunity, this conversation.
So we want you at Unleash Your. Capacity we do.
We want you. We want you there and to get you
(48:16):
there. We have the capacity lap that's
coming up. We have 4 dates.
The information's in the show notes.
From there, we want to talk to you and support you and making a
decision to join us. The retreat is in July of next
year. They'll let the websites live.
It's in the show notes. You can go and read more about
it. It's in San Clemente, CA, which
is absolutely beautiful, which is at Christina Hands Studio
(48:37):
Hands to Wellness Collective, which is absolutely gorgeous.
There's no place like it in Southern California.
This is work that you get to do with us, you get to do with
yourself, you get to do with other women.
I think the other. Thing is, is it kind of circling
back to how we heal in sisterhood?
A lot of women, when we start towitness each other and we're
witnessed in some of the toughest or darkest places, and
(49:00):
then by day 2, day three, we're shifting it.
And if the energy's changing, they see what's possible, and
then that's where possibility starts to come in.
And then that's what really binds them and locks them into
it is they went down into some dark, deep stuff and worked
through some stuff and they witnessed each other.
So a, a level of trust is built,a level of compassion and
(49:23):
celebrating each other along theway.
So it's it's a beautiful journeyto watch unfold because
sisterhood, it's so. Vital it is.
It's vital to love. Love is the universal language,
and we see this with children. When they are not loved, many of
them die. Yeah, it is the most universal
language and it is one of our most basic needs.
(49:44):
So come and learn with us in a safe environment, in a loving
environment. Heal.
Heal yourself. Heal in sisterhood.
We want you on this journey withus.
So thank you for being here today, Melissa, always.
I love you. I love you too.
We're doing it again. I'm so excited.
Again, we're doing it again, andwe'll be doing it again and
again and again. Sold out.
(50:05):
Last year, let's do it again. Yeah, we sure did.
Thanks for being here on the Real Money Podcast today.
I'm Lisa Chastain, your host. And remember that money is
emotional before it's mathematical.
Have the courage to dig into theemotions, Have the courage
chilling in and have important conversations.
Have the courage to heal. And Melissa and I will see you
in the Capacity Lab and at Unleash Your Capacity.
They went down into some dark, deep stuff and worked through
some stuff and they witnessed each other.
So a a level of trust is built, a level of compassion and
celebrating each other along theway.
It's it's a beautiful journey towatch unfold because sisterhood,
it's so vital. What's different about us and
the community that we're building is that the women in
the room, we're oscillating energetically forward together,
(00:22):
We're cheering each other on. We're like, you fucking rock
that. Absolutely.
You're amazing. And I'm attracting more and more
women like that in in my my life.
Hey, I'm Lisa. This is real money.
Forget the spreadsheets for a minute.
Money is emotional 1st. And that's where real change
begins. Today we're talking about the
emotions of money. We're in a new studio testing it
(00:45):
out for the first time. Hey, girl.
Hey. Girl.
This is my dear friend and sister, Melissa Blinn.
And Melissa, your last episode from last year, maybe 2 year.
It was actually two years ago, Ithink that we did.
It was. It was October of last year.
Actually, it was. Literally a year ago.
Your episode is one of our most listened to and shared episodes.
(01:05):
It is. Yeah, it is.
It's that powerful. The work that we're doing is
that powerful. We've got a great episode in
store for you. Melissa's here live with me in
my new studio. Yes, High 5.
And we're, we're going to talk about emotions and money today.
We have some great events and collaborations that we've been
doing. Our whole vision is to give
(01:27):
women permission to feel, give women permission to enjoy their
bodies. And what we realized, it really
clicked for me in our last retreat that it's about
expanding our capacity and that when we give women permission to
expand their capacity. And you and I have been doing
this on our own, in our own way and doing our own work.
(01:48):
We thrive, we allow more, we hold on to more.
We attract the love, we attract the money, we attract everything
that it is that we want in our lives.
So we're here to talk to you specifically about why that's so
important. So buckle up.
You ready to get started? Let's jump in.
OK, so we've got some segments for you this this episode 1.
(02:09):
We're going to talk about the female paradigm when it comes to
money and how we need to break out of the male paradigm of
money. The second thing we're going to
talk about is the nervous system, Our nervous system as it
relates to attracting wealth andbecoming wealthy.
The next thing we're going to talk about is vulnerability as
our superpower. Bernie Brown talks about that,
(02:31):
but what does that really mean and how do we embody
vulnerability then breaking generational patterns.
This is huge work that we're alldoing those women today.
So we're going to talk about that.
There's so many things in this episode for you here, and it's
built in segments so you can come back and forth into these
different segments. And we want you to do that and
we want you to. I want you to think about right
now a woman in your life, a sister, a friend, your mom,
(02:56):
whoever it is, I want you to think about that person right
now. And then I want you to share
this episode with them. I want you to consider listening
to this episode with them pausing it where you need to
pause it, so then you can reflect and have intentional
conversation together. Because it's in the sisterhood
and in the community of life. Absolutely.
(03:16):
That we heal, 1000. Percent.
And we have some incredible women in our world.
They listen to my podcast episode and then they send it
out to everybody. You have to listen to us.
And Sherry's caring, especially when it comes to this topic,
Women and money, because money is so triggering.
It's so triggering. So Melissa's amazing.
She's we're going to, you know, you can go back and rewatch the
(03:37):
last episode that we had together.
You can learn all about her, herinformations in the show notes.
And so let's just get to it. Let's drive them.
All right, we just are on the heels of Take the Lead, which
was a powerful day, full day yesterday.
You brought so much to that. That is the the first time
(03:57):
anyone it from the Take Lead experience has experienced you
and they were all like wow. I can be a little much in all
the right ways. Yeah, I just, I think you're
exactly you're that wake up call.
Yeah. For me, bringing the Take the
Lead essence talking about moneyis that it's time for us to do
things differently when it comesto money.
What are what are your takeawaysfrom the events and why is that
(04:19):
so important? Well, I think one of the
beautiful things about Take the Lead is one thing is, is we had
a wide variety of demographic inthe room age, right?
Women as young as in their 20s and women all the way up until
their late 50s and 60s. So I think one of the beautiful
thing is, is that it was a wide variety of of different
demographics and different age groups in the room.
(04:42):
And what I loved about that is that, you know, we had, you
know, elders speaking, wise women speaking.
And, you know, we had obviously,I believe her name was Camilla.
Camilla, who, you know, was one of our last speakers who
stripped down into her underwearand bra and talked a lot about
vulnerability. I think it was beautiful because
(05:02):
not only was the room a very wide variety, so were the
speakers. And I think whether you were 25
or whether you were 65 in that room, I believe that it was
powerful because each speaker resonated with each demographic
that was in that room. And that was really powerful, I
think for me seeing that becauseit was relatable for a lot of
(05:25):
women that were there. For all women, women of all
backgrounds, women of all cultures, women of all financial
statuses, bringing them together.
And your message yesterday, which is exactly what this
episode is about, is that the world that we want to live in
and the world that we're designing doesn't exist in our
heads. It doesn't exist in the logical
(05:46):
way. And when I say money is
emotional before mathematical, it's triggering a lot of guys in
the world. I'm getting messages on
LinkedIn, and guys are feeling really challenged by that
because they're like, what do you mean it can't be emotional?
You can't make emotional decisions with money.
And I'm saying there's no way not to.
Exactly. There's no way not to, and the
feminine way of doing things fill us in.
(06:07):
What are the feminine ways of doing things?
Well, you know, I talked, we've talked about this on many
podcasts we've done, I think this is our third now.
But you know, feminine qualities, mature feminine
qualities is we are, we have a 6th sense.
We have this intuition, have a capacity to be the nurturer, the
capacity to be the giver, the caretaker.
(06:28):
We love, we nurture, we care. And when it comes to money, and
particularly for women, it is emotional decision.
You know, some women that's, youknow, this like, and you've done
a really good job of debunking shame around like, you know,
whether if women are shopping for filling that emotional gap.
I mean, in my 20s, I was drivingcars I shouldn't have been
(06:50):
driving and buying clothes that I was didn't financially have
the money to. And it was because on the
outside I was trying to portray somebody that I wasn't because
on the inside I was dying. And so for women, we are very
deeply, deeply felt sense. And when we're disconnected from
that, we can make choices and decisions out of survival, our
(07:12):
logic thinking survival, and it can actually disconnect us even
more from our authentic selves, our hearts.
And so it's definitely deeply connected.
And for women who are really empowered, and we talked a
little bit about this yesterday,is that when we are in touch
with ourselves, not our logic thinking, and we're connected
(07:33):
and we're aligned with our values, what is important, What
is my vision for my life? What do I want for my life?
And what's ultimately important?We can make so much more
aligned, informed decisions fromthat when we're really clear on
that and we feel confident in that.
Can't we say that men benefit from the same work 1000%?
(07:55):
Here's what I think when it comes to more of the same and
that we can't afford to have more of the same, is that we
have a whole lot of men walking around with dysregulated nervous
systems. Calling it logical, but what it
really is is egotistical. Yeah, absolutely.
And massive egos connected to money.
And that we have to work with money from that place.
(08:16):
Unhealed statistical. More is better.
Yep, bigger is better. Yep, it's hurting all of us.
1000% I'm very fortunate and we we have a very large network of
friends that share Rhiannon fromSteelhead, owner of Steelhead,
this company here in Las Vegas. I've known her for a good 15
years now. And I was telling my fiance last
(08:36):
night, what I love about her is that she's very humble and she's
very generous. And I love that about her.
And not to negate men or to talkdown about men, but when we talk
about a lot of men, there's kindof what I talked about earlier
is, is men use money for power. If I have, you know, all these
material things or I'm flashy and I'm very presentable and
(09:00):
I'm, you know, buying a new Rolex a month or whatever,
right? A lot of that is from their ego
attempting to live up to a falseidentity to get like loved and
attention. When I think of old paradigm
masculinity when it comes to money is the 50 year old man
driving a Corvette with the top down positioning himself and
(09:22):
Jimmy and I watch a lot of nature shows and it's kind of
like that bird that's doing everything it can do to get the
woman let's. Lick our feathers.
The world has changed so much and women, we, it's not our
fault. And if you look back 7
generations, 7 generations of women and decisions for so long,
up until not even 100 years ago,women couldn't do anything with
(09:44):
money but spend it. We couldn't invest, we couldn't
buy businesses and and grow. And women still, there's such a
big disparity financially with what women own and what men own
is we have to create a new identity as women, which is more
than just spending money, which is more than just budgeting,
which is more than just taking care of the kids.
(10:05):
It is this mature woman who doesn't need all that song and
dance. And guys are like, I don't know
what to do here because that worked 50 years ago.
Totally. I used to buy the car and have
the Rolex and the nice clothes and women.
We still want some of those things.
True story here. I want a guy who has this shit
together that's very attractive that my husband is.
(10:26):
That's not what's getting the woman and keeping the woman
anymore. It's more than just that
superficial set. That's right.
Security means something totallydifferent today than it did 100
years ago. Very different.
Very. For women and security was
interchanged with the word control.
Yes, and it still is. Yes, for so many women and men.
(10:47):
Yeah, that was a big part of whyI was in a relate in most I was.
I mean, we've talked about this on past podcasts.
I mean, I witnessed so much control in my family dynamic
between my mom and my stepdad with money.
And I remember even after I got married very young, 18, divorced
at 20. And I remember my ex-husband
looking at me and he was like, you will never amount to
(11:10):
anything. I paid for everything.
Now, granted, I worked, I contributed to the household,
but I remember when I got divorced, I had this innate like
fuck you inside and I hypermasculated up and I was
like, I don't need a man. And then I went out and bought
my first house at 21 all by myself.
And I remember like I was just Iwould not let men come close to
(11:32):
me. I was, I was hustling and
working and I was like, I had this like I have to prove kind
of mentality for all that, that reason of control.
And even still to this day, it'sa visceral reaction for me, even
in my body, if that is ever presented to me, from which I'm
(11:53):
very fortunate. My partner's not like that.
And we have many conversations about money because thanks to
you and the work that you have and I've done, I'm like, oh,
we're talking about it. We're talking about it because
it's like we're equal and I got to stay at the table and I'm
contributing and I have every right to say and I plan on it.
Yeah, and, and I know, I know your man is private, so I'm not
(12:16):
going to spill the beans on all the things, but that was
challenging for him. And.
Oh, yeah. Because he wasn't used to a
woman being like that with him. No.
And I think that that's what we're seeing in divorce rates
right now is women are standing up and stepping into our power,
and then we don't need the guy financially.
Exactly. And we're going.
Wait a minute. You suck and I don't like you.
(12:37):
Yeah. I don't like the way that you
treat me. I don't have to deal with this
anymore. Exactly.
And I've been dealing with it again generations.
I've been putting up with this shit.
My mom's been putting up with this shit.
My grandma had to put up with this shit.
No. Yeah, no.
And I do believe that that's oneof the reasons that we're seeing
divorce rates so dramatic right now is women are going fuck this
(12:58):
shit. I don't want to be treated like
this anymore, and I don't have to be.
Exactly. Exactly.
So back to this, the earlier segment on No More of the same.
This is all happening real time for all of us.
Yes, yes, Gen. Z is in a different conversation
about it, but millennial and older millennial and Gen.
(13:18):
X is like, yeah, we're changing things.
Absolutely. We're changing things.
Well, and even not to interrupt you, but even in a conversation
yesterday, like one of the things when you put a statistic,
I think it was what 3% of women own like.
There's only 3% of women are recipients of that venture
capitalism. Sorry, Venture Venture Capital.
That's wild to me. It's like wild to me.
(13:41):
I went last night after the after the take the lead and I,
and I was at dinner with my, my partner.
I was talking about it and I wassharing when he's like, what is
that vision for you? Like what is that bigger vision
for your life? And the biggest thing that came
out was I want to be so financially educated and secure
(14:02):
that when I'm older, I have the financial means to be taken care
of if something happens to me. Yeah, because I love my partner.
And I'm sure he would do anything to care for me, but
that's not his fucking job. He will.
But I also need to be very responsible.
And This is why I love what we do because it's like we talked
(14:23):
about our retreats. It's like, ladies, yes, great.
Having a great guy and a great partner, do you have a
responsibility? Yeah, absolutely.
Even in same sex partnerships this applies, yes, but because
of our patterning, we're going to talk about generational
patterns later in the show. But because of our patterning,
women even in same sex marriagesare one's relying or looking to
(14:45):
the other to take care of her orfinancially.
I see this happen all the time. One of them is doing the work of
taking on that masculine role and I see it in same sex
marriages with men or relationships with men.
So this doesn't just apply to the masculine feminine.
This is a across the board. How did we become who we became
(15:06):
exactly in relationship as it relates to money?
And then also to your point, whyis it now some why is it someone
else's job to take care of you? And this conversation has been
blown wide open with the assassination of Charlie Kirk
huge and the and the point of view and the beliefs of him
about women relying on men for financial security.
(15:29):
And and I know that my conversation, our conversation
with money is interruptive of some very traditional value.
That's right. And to your point, that's
exactly what we need to be talking about exactly.
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, let's just be real color
outside the box. That's where you grow.
There you go. And I've seen just so many
(15:50):
examples and so many stories of women who have said, yeah, I've
been in an abusive relationship.I've been financially abused.
There is a such thing as financial abuse, by the way.
Absolutely doesn't have to be physical.
Just because of someone isn't verbally abusing you, that's
right, or just because someone isn't physically harming you
that's right, doesn't mean that there is dis ease and
(16:10):
disconnection and power play. That's right in the works.
Yep. Because if you don't own your
own money. And This is why I also believe
that Dave Ramsey is very damaging.
Yeah, totally. Because his whole entire tribe
talks about how the woman and the man should have joint
accounts and all of their money should be commingled and all of
that. And no.
(16:30):
No, thank you. See your face energetically.
Not happening. Not happening.
Not happening. It's OK to have your own.
Yes, please. It's more than OK.
Absolutely, which is why we're building the the empires that
we're building. OK, We're going to move on
though that. I think that that's clear on
where we stand and where we believe the future of money is
(16:51):
for women. And now we need to talk about
the work that gets to happen. Yes.
So if you're a woman listening to this or man, whoever, whoever
it is, whoever you are that's listening right now or watching
this right now, we have work to do, realizing that our old
paradigm of money has come from an unhealed space.
Yes. And when people's nervous
(17:12):
systems are unhealed and not grounded, think Wolf on Wall
Street when it comes to money. Someone asked me this question.
Well, what happens when you're when someone isn't healed or
someone isn't grounded and they make a lot of money?
I said the worst possible scenarios.
Hello, Epstein files. Absolutely.
Hello, Diddy. Oh, yeah.
(17:33):
Hello. What we're seeing on a front,
people like, Oh my God, how doesthis happen?
Because we got a whole lot of unhealed people walking around
with a whole lot of fucking money, making decisions that
just seem absolutely nuts. So let's talk about the nervous
system because we're calling youforward in this episode to Start
learning about the actual steps that you can take to start
(17:55):
healing yourself. First, It is your job.
In my book, I talk about radicalresponsibility.
It is your job to start. You can't go fix someone else if
you can't heal yourself. What is the intimate role that
our nervous system plays with money?
The easiest thing I can tell youis it's it's connected to your
choices and your beliefs. So from a nervous system
(18:16):
perspective, fight flight freezefawn, these are 4 survival
strategies that each and every one of us have.
Now we need these strategies. And the reason why we need these
strategies is because if this building were to catch on fire
right now, our brain is going toimmediately shuttle blood to the
(18:40):
amygdala saying yo get out in blood and cortisol are going to
go to our major extremities to get us out of the building
because we are in a legitimate threat, OK?
And so when we talk about fight,flight, freezer, fawn, rage or
anger, we talked about power andcontrol when an individual's
(19:02):
nervous system is in one of those four, four states.
OK, so when I talk about states,think of body downs.
This is a state when my state physiologically if it's
defaulting to one of those four and there's a lot and we'll get
to a couple of examples, my cognitive thinking becomes
(19:22):
distorted and I talked about this in the retreat yesterday,
is that when you are in a dysregulated state, fight,
flight, freeze or fawn, your ability to make a logic informed
aligned decision becomes. Hyperly distorted, meaning
(19:44):
you're not regulated, therefore you're not making decisions that
are sound, correct. And they are not in alignment
from your heart. They're not.
And the reason why that is is because the prefrontal cortex
part of our brain that is responsible for logic and reason
that can rationalize that could be open we think of.
(20:04):
So from a nervous system perspective, it's called ventral
vagal. And when your ventral vagal part
of your system, that means that you.
You are calm, you are open, you're curious, you have the
ability to discern and ask informative questions.
So you're connected in your present, really.
(20:26):
And so when you do that, I like to use the analogy of like, I
can go, my body is slow, I can think about it, I could take a
pause, I can reflect on it and I'm connected to it.
And I might have the ability to ask more curious questions.
But if you're in one of those four States and we see this with
money, and I could share my example of how I lived with
(20:48):
money for most of my life, definitely in in the fight and
flee, 100%. It's the prefrontal cortex.
Part of your brain goes temporarily offline.
And when it goes temporary offline, your memory
consolidation also goes offline.And all of that blood that's
responsible, that's normally shuttled to that part of the
(21:09):
brain, it's being redistributed to your arms and your legs, your
heart and your lungs for blood flow and oxygen.
Wild. People are living in a state of
fight or flight when it comes toyour money.
That also sounds a lot like scarcity and fear running the
show, yes? Or control and anger.
(21:32):
Control and anger. Which also feels very stressful.
It is stressful to the body. Which also feels like you're
waking up at 2:00 in the morningand you don't know why your
heart is racing exactly. And your mind can't quiet.
Which also means that even when you have money, you don't feel
safe. 1000%. Or when you have money, you feel
chaotic or overwhelmed or confused, which also means that
(21:55):
when you don't have money, it's exacerbated.
That all feels very stressful. You've talked.
About this on podcasts before and you've even worked with some
women financially, look at the spreadsheet and the numbers and
like cash flow and they're golden, right?
You're like, okay, they're goinggood, but like on the inside,
like on edge, they're fucking onedge.
(22:15):
So I don't know what the numbersare.
No matter what the numbers are. So what I love what we do
because it's so much deeper thanthe spreadsheet because there's
something underneath that state that is registering.
I am not safe. The shoes going to fall off the
other foot. Something catastrophic is going
to happen. Or we talk about freezer fawn,
(22:37):
right freeze. When we look at it from a money
perspective, this is where we have avoidance, never wanting to
look, don't want to talk about the numbers, don't want to look
at the number. This is pure full on shutdown
and avoidant. And so they never want to talk
about money and they don't even want to look at it.
So it's the nervous system is almost in a state of freeze and
they're completely disassociated.
(22:59):
This makes so much sense. This makes so much sense.
And these are the cues for you listening of when you say what
is going on because I can't, no matter what I do, I just keep
coming back to the state when itcomes to my money.
Yeah, right. So we're going to take a short
break. Yep.
And then we're going to come back and we're going to talk
(23:20):
about what we can do about it. We're going to talk about what
we can do about it. So just stick with us.
We're going to take a short break and we'll be back.
We're going to talk about when it comes to nervous system
regulation, what you can do to regulate your nervous system so
that you can feel better when itcomes to money, so that you can
have more and different when it comes to money.
Yeah. Baby.
We'll be right back. Hey, it's Lisa.
And I'm here with my sister and dear friend, Melissa Blinn, and
(23:43):
we want to talk to you about an opportunity for you to figure
out how to be with money in a feminine way.
So we have a retreat coming up, and it's actually July 2020,
sixth. There are ways out from it, but
we want you to know about it nowso that you can start thinking
about why you would be there. We want you there.
So Melissa, talk to me about Unleash Your Capacity.
(24:04):
Well, when we talk about the word capacity is we all have a
glass ceiling and in the work that you and I do glass ceiling
via nervous system glass ceilingwith the amount of financial
abundance that you can hold or receive or believe that you're
worthy of holding and receiving.That's so good.
We all have a threshold. We all have a threshold.
What's yours? We want you there.
(24:25):
Unleash your capacity. July 2026.
We want you there. Melissa and I will be there.
Join us. Join us.
All right? We're back.
We're back. We're back.
Let's do it. Fight, fight or fleet.
There's a lot of what fight, fight, fight, flight or freeze.
Or fawn. Or fawn, which is basically a
doormat. You're just done.
(24:45):
We all, we all have the tendencyto do this.
This isn't like there, There is not one person on the planet
that's walking around completelyhealed.
No, this is a journey. And there's not really one
perfect archetype of someone where you can look at them and
go, Oh my God, they are whole and complete.
When it comes to money. I don't know one person.
I don't either. I've talked to hundreds and
thousands of people. But there are some people who
(25:07):
have complete or more healed nervous systems, therefore their
relationship with money is different, therefore they
operate differently about their lives.
And when women come to us, they say, I want freedom.
Yep, I want peace. Yep, I want security.
News flash to all of you, none of that exists in your bank
(25:28):
account. No, never.
Broke is not a number. Rich is not a number.
What you really want, it's not $10 million in the bank.
What you really want is to feel safe.
Yes. And so doing the nervous system
work that you do, first explain the ways that you do that with
(25:50):
your clients and then give us some tips on where someone can
start. Yeah.
So one of the biggest things is,is, you know, our nervous system
has familiarity and patterning in all different areas of our
life, our relationship to money,our relationship to friends or
other women, our relationship tomen or women, our relationship
(26:13):
and business. And so what's important is that
our nervous system has differentpatterning in different areas of
our lives. And one of the things is that a
lot of women, when they start tocome to me, for the most part,
I'm starting to get a lot of women that are, you know, in the
perimenopausal, menopausal journey.
And we kind of talked about thisin our last episode is no women
(26:35):
in their early 40s, they're coming.
And all of a sudden it's like, shit, I'm not.
I'm not happy. I'm not in my truth.
I have anxiety. I have no idea how to manage my
money. It's almost as if they are in
this quickening like quicksand and a lot of things are
happening quickly and their bodies are not as resilient as
(26:57):
they were in their 20s and 30s because of they are not.
The hormones are shifting. And So what I'm seeing is that
women when that's happening, a lot more anxiety, a lot more
panic attack, a lot more hyper dysregulation all the time.
And so what's important is for any woman that's watching this,
(27:18):
I always tell women whether theywork with me or not, like just
be aware of like, what are your sensations when you go to sit to
do your bills? What do you notice in your body
when you maybe go to have a conversation with your spouse or
your husband about money? What do you notice?
Do you feel comfortable? Do you feel like almost like you
have a frog in your throat and it almost feels like it's a
(27:40):
little challenging to get it outand you feel stuck almost again,
That's like that Free State and you can't communicate about it
or for women, are you overworking or over hustling and
scheduling back-to-back meetingsand then overloading your
schedule? That was me because it was I was
always an anxious mode, always an anxious.
Are you when you go to do your bills, are you hyper analyzing
(28:03):
your numbers for hours and you're scratching your head?
Right. Or do you have to have to have a
glass of wine before you look atthe numbers?
Totally to even just do that to.Even Yeah, exactly.
So the first thing is, is, is just be curious of how your body
is system is operating. And for those of you that are
(28:24):
like, I never look at my checkbook or I never look at my
money, afraid to or like it's this elephant in the room and I
never want to look at it. Let's, let's have compassion for
you because there's a lot of shame and guilt that's
associated with there, which is why the nervous system collapses
and doesn't want to go there. Be aware of where your state, as
we talked about in the last segment, where are you
(28:46):
oscillating from? That's the first place to lean
into. Curiosity is where do you
predominantly find your body when it comes to your
relationship with your money? That's the first thing.
OK, so check in. Check in the.
Sensations, the physical sensations that you have are are
there for a reason. Yes, I learned about in the
(29:06):
medical system. I was outraged by this.
There was an interview with Katie Couric and a doctor.
What was it? What's the doctor's name?
I sent it to you. It was what was the topic.
It was about the WWS. In medicine.
Oh yeah, I believe it was. I think it was Doctor Marie.
Claire I believe Doctor Marie Claire and that there are are
women and they're they're calleddifferent things across the
(29:27):
country depending on the different medical system you're
in. They call them WWS, which is a
whiny white woman. And that hit me and I know women
of color are definitely even less lessens to less than white
women in the medical system. But the fact that you don't feel
good, your heart's beating fast.You're you're you have anxiety.
(29:47):
Yeah. It's because your your body has
been working overtime to manage all of these emotions.
Yeah. And all of this backlog and it's
not regulated. And then we go to the doctor and
we say we don't feel good. And then they're like, oh, it's
just perimenopause. Yeah.
Oh, it's just menopause. Yeah.
Oh, it's just the change. Oh, you're just, you're just
being whiny. Yeah, talking about it actually
(30:09):
today is 10:10. So this is is World Mental
Health Day. And in a recent study this year,
40% of women in perimenopausal are diagnosed with depression,
40% are diagnosed with depression.
When So again, your internal state is a huge alarm.
(30:32):
Something is not right. And it's so crucial that we
educate women and give them tools and strategies.
That's what we're doing. It's so vital because they're
going into doctors and doctors are like, hey, you're depressed,
here's a pill. Here's a yeah, here's a pill.
Here's a pill. Lots of pills too.
A lot of them. Horror stories of women who have
(30:53):
just been over prescribed medications.
And I know you're working on themore plant medicine side of
things with women. OK, so first is state high
cricket. Hi cricket first is state get a
dog they Co regulate you. Perfect timing, perfect timing.
Are you here to regulate us, Kirkie?
My dogs, if you're listening to this, my dog's in the studio and
she just can't get enough of Melissa.
(31:14):
She loves Auntie, you love Auntie Missy.
OK, so and then you have this beautiful handout and also
Melissa and I have a gift for you.
So we have we have some workshops coming up.
Called the capacity lab doing 4 of them.
We're doing 4 capacity labs, building up to the Unleash Your
Capacity retreat. And in the capacity lab, we want
to teach you these things real time.
(31:35):
Yeah, we have a gift for you. Look for in the show notes.
It's a mini training. Yeah, it's a step in that
direction. So if you want to know more
about how you can get to work onyour own nervous system, have
grace and compassion with yourself, and find other women
who are doing this too. Find other women in our world.
That has been a game changer. You and I get to do what we get
(31:55):
to do, and we love what we do somuch.
And then getting back into your own life, you're going to need
sisters and you're going to needsupport and you're going to need
sisters who get it and they wantto do this work with you.
The Capacity Lab is a perfect place for you to come learn from
us real time. We want to teach you the steps.
Awareness is the first step. Yes.
But then Melissa teaches about somatically how to drop into
your body, which may or may not feel safe for you right now, how
(32:18):
to get enough sleep, how to makesure make sure you're not crazy.
Yeah. And then and then maybe take the
next step with us and come to the retreat and spend 4 days.
There are lots. There's lots of ways for you to
start this work in our world, and we want you to do.
That and the gift that we have for you, it's it's a basically
it's called survival to safety. And Lisa and I curated together
(32:38):
and when we talk about survival,survival is again back to if my
state is in a state of survival,which is either fight, flight,
freeze or fawn, no matter what, how much money I have in my bank
account, if I don't feel safe inmy system first, by all means,
money is is it's the next step. But we're teaching feel safe so
(33:04):
you can take the next step into feeling safe with your money,
with your money, which ultimately leads to a bigger
capacity to hold more and so vital.
So vital, $10 is more, $100 is more, $1000 is more.
I've learned a lot with that with you.
You've taught me a lot. Yeah, more, more, incrementally,
more. You have to build your nervous
(33:24):
system into safety first in order to have more.
So if you have big, big dreams, and speaking to my dreamers
specifically, you have these really big dreams, you'll
sabotage yourself every step along the way if you don't have
the capacity to hold more. That's right.
Because if you can't hold $1000 in your bank account or in your
business checking account, whichhas been me, yeah, totally
(33:45):
journey before, then how are youever going to receive and hold
on to 1,000,000? Yep.
So that's the question for you is let's do this work together
and let's check in on your nervous system because if you
have internal safety, you have everything.
That's right. That's right.
And then when it comes to external safety, when you are
the one to provide for yourself financially, no one's coming to
(34:08):
save you. And you have your own money, you
have your own resources, you have your own savings, you have
your own retirement account. To your point, yes your
significant other will be there for you, but financially they
don't have to lift the load so heavy and men are tired.
Totally, totally. Men have been and men have been
burned too. You know, absolutely.
Men have been burned too. Oh, I just heard a Horror Story
(34:29):
about this from someone that I know.
Who The guy married someone and she took him for everything he
was worth. So this does.
Guys, we hear you. We know this happens.
Oh, yeah, for you too. We're just starting with where
we're experts right now, which it is with women.
But we get it. We hear you.
We see, you know, this is happening for men too.
We're going to talk about breaking generational patterns.
(34:50):
Here we go. I'm so passionate about this.
Me too. OK, first thing my book, Stop
Budgeting, Start living. We do a deep dive into this.
So if you're looking for somewhere to start there, start
there with looking at what is your financial set points.
Generational patterns with moneyis one thing.
What are generational patterns that show up in our nervous
system? Oh wow, scarcity fear for sure.
(35:11):
So easily one the first thing that comes to my mind is is if I
had if I had a mother, which is real time, who didn't trust men,
which is real time and had me her daughter didn't trust men
imprinting zero to seven literally told me don't ever
trust men. They all lie adolescent teenage
(35:33):
years, which we talked about anddeal with Make sure you hide
your bills from a man hide it, tuck it away.
I laugh about it because it's it's, it's wild.
It's wild. It's not funny when you're going
through it. No, no.
It's not, you know, and it's just I, I can, I can laugh about
it now because I've done a lot of work around it, a lot of
(35:56):
healing and a lot of breaking that story and breaking that
nervous system patterning. And so from a nervous system
patterning, if that's was how mymother felt.
Which is was. Which it was.
Which it was that feeling contributed to the stories and
her beliefs mind that she would tell me and so if those two
(36:20):
imprinting and an adolescent. I was choosing men that I wasn't
safe with and I would hide money.
It's unhide credit cards. It sounds like a self fulfilling
prophecy. 1000% was legitimatelywas.
I believe this. My mom taught me how to believe
this. Now, first of all, we're not
(36:41):
blaming anybody here. We're not blaming your mom.
She did the best that she could do with the resources that she
had available to her. Totally.
But she then passed this on to you generationally.
Yep. And it was a fact.
Yes, because kids believe what we're told.
Yes. And then we behave in a way.
Yes. That makes that true, yes.
(37:02):
So we're just trying to make be right.
Yes, which led to married and divorced real like young, as I
mentioned 420 yeah, and I've worked for like I can look back.
I work probably 3 to 4 jobs eversince I was 18 years old.
I would work at the time I remember I shows publicly.
I worked at a bank, but on the weekends I was a stripper and it
(37:23):
was like, I need to do more. I need to do more.
I was I was like hustle was my middle name and it was just that
constant like I need more, I need to grind, I need more.
So I, I learned 3 or 4 jobs and then that was success.
So how that showed up in my nervous system as I was always
anxious, always anxious, hardly slept, drank a lot of Red Bull,
(37:46):
drank a lot of caffeine, would sit down with the 2-3 glasses of
wine to do my bills, hyper analyzing those bills, thinking
of all the things. I mean, it was just this whole
snowball effect. And when I look back and zoom
out of that, my nervous system and my ancestral patterning, the
women that came before me, I believe I had no idea how to
(38:09):
manage money. And I believed to be true that
the women that came before me did not have a voice and they
didn't feel safe in that voice. And so I'm so passionate about
this work is because when women start to advocate and for
themselves in financial arenas and other arenas, like it's the
(38:30):
most liberating thing for me because it's so important.
So it does. It is definitely ancestral and
for me the breaking point was like, my parents aren't the
problem, I'm the fucking problem.
I filed bankruptcy at 25 years old. 26 years old because I
chose a man hypermasculine who needed me to rescue him.
(38:52):
I paid all the bills. I took a second out on the
House. He won't leave me, I'll take
care of him. Six years in resentment like a
mofo. I had an affair and then there
was bankruptcy and it was at that point it was like I'm the
problem and that was a real big part of my journey of, of when I
started to get real about money and money journey.
(39:12):
I was having this conversation with someone last night after
the event about how everything changes when we take radical
responsibility, which isn't the same as blame.
Exactly. When we can recognize the
pattern, and I have a money coaching certification, I'm
teaching this real time to my students.
When we can recognize the pattern, we can honor that about
(39:34):
our history. We can realize it wasn't our
fault and then also work actively to interrupt the
pattern. And when we heal our
generational history, whether wehave children or not, we heal
that part of that pattern and that generational history and we
heal it for the generations. Absolutely, Absolutely.
(39:54):
And we heal our ancestors. So I don't know how woo woo you
are, but I'm super woo woo. And I believe that our ancestors
just didn't go anywhere. They're right here cheering us
on. How I I choose to believe how
beautiful is it that they're my great grandmother and my
grandmother are cheering me on saying hell yeah, yes, you are
the one. Yeah, yes, you are the.
One. That's right.
(40:15):
That's right. To feel this, you were the
strong one. That's right.
You get to do this work for my son and for his children and for
generations before. So this work matters in so many
ways, not just for yourself, butI'll start with you.
Yeah. And I think we you've talked
about this before, even if you were raised in a in a family
environment where there was a lot of money and there was
(40:39):
resources financially, right? It's a very different yeah.
Whether you came from, in my example, stories about men, men
and money don't go together, old, outdated, no or a lot of
wealth or so forth. Like each generational line is
designed to break and shift and change because this is
(41:00):
evolution. Yes, and that we're evolving
into a new world. We are evolving into a new.
World and what worked 30 years ago, regardless of where you
came from isn't going to work the same moving forward no,
because we've changed that's right.
And AI is changing us and the world is changing.
And so it's time for us to step up and level up.
And instead of saying this is the way it's always been done,
(41:21):
challenge who you're being. Recognize and realize who you've
become and why you've become that person and do the work,
yes, so that you elevate and evolve.
Yes, financially, women, we get to do that.
Yes, we do. We're gonna talk about
sisterhood and community. Yeah.
When women are together we Co regulate or we Co dysregulate.
(41:43):
Let's be honest. Let's keep it real, Lisa.
Just shirt. It's the shirt that says that's
a horrible idea. What time?
Yeah, wow. It's so good.
We can be dysregulated together.And my husband and I were
listening to a sermon or over the weekend, last weekend, which
(42:05):
was beautiful, which was basically choose who you're
going to be in relationship withmen and women and find women.
So this is what we're doing is find women where it's not the
only thing that you do is sit around and complain about your
husbands or complain about otherpeople or bitch about your life
or bitch about your boss or bitch about your career.
That's lower level energetics and play.
(42:28):
You learn that from someone. You learn that from somewhere in
my house, in my household growing up, that happened.
And I just said I don't want to be like that anymore.
Yeah. And so what's different, and I
noticed this since at the Take the Lead event yesterday, what's
different about us and the community that we're building is
that the women in the in the room, we're oscillating
energetically forward together. We're cheering each other on.
(42:49):
We're like you fucking you can rock.
That, yeah, absolutely. You're amazing and I'm
attracting more and more women like that in in my life.
Why is that so important when itcomes to our nervous systems?
It's huge. The word that's coming to me
right now is energy leaks. So here's why it's important,
right? So again, when we think of a
faucet leaking right when we talk about energy, our bodies,
(43:12):
our energy, right capacity, whatwe're talking about, if I were
to hold your cup of water right now, and if that was
metaphorically like my physical body and if I have girlfriends
or friends that are always calling me and emotionally
dumping their skank got the visual my water cup is going to
go fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller and fuller
(43:35):
and fuller. So if outside sources are
emotionally dumping, again, think of a visible line.
My mentor on a hot and Sedona. It's been it's like ingrained in
me is like this is an invisible line.
And if you don't ask for permission to, hey, do you have
space to talk about this or, andit's, it's negative or gossipy
(43:57):
about other women that water cupyour body, you're filling it up
full of someone else's stank. And how can you hold more
wealth? How can you hold more love and
intimacy? How in the hell can you go out
and advocate more of what you want when you ain't got no room
because you're holding everybodyelse's stank, right?
So I love that you're bringing this up because it's so it's so,
(44:19):
so important because your energyhas a value.
And when we hold space, it's a value and it's it's important.
And when we are in sisterhood, how we use our energy in those
environments matter. And one of the things that's
important, it's a lot of work that I do with women.
(44:40):
Leslie, who's in particular, youmet her yesterday.
She was my client of mine, I believe going to come to
capacity lab. Like she's been like really
doing a really good job of like,I'm no longer responding.
And yesterday at Take the Lead, she was like, I had 26 text
messages from girls just dumping.
I'm like, are you kidding? And she's like, I didn't even
(45:01):
respond. So she's learning, but it was a
learned behavior. Her value, she believed, was if
I am there for everybody else and I give them feedback and I
listen to their shhank, I'm worthy and I'm valuable.
Which stems from a belief of I'mnot worthy. 1000% And so in
(45:23):
sisterhood, we believe that bothcan coexist because perfect
doesn't exist. But when we're in the work, we
have mentors, we have paid mentors, we have paid therapists
and coaches of our own, and we make sure that we have space for
each other. And if we know that a sister is
(45:46):
overwhelmed or has a lot going on, we are very respectful not
to just dump and we're mindful of that.
And so that's why I love sisterhood because as we evolve
and as we elevate, that's the consciousness is we need to
support women that hold a lot, but we don't need to be adding
on to that. Does that make sense?
(46:07):
Which also speaks into the fact that we are responsible and
totally capable of managing our own shit.
Which leads to self trust. Trust.
Absolutely. Yep.
When you trust yourself, it takes time.
I've. It's a journey.
I'm going to be 46 next month. It's a journey.
Yeah, it takes time. And I trust myself.
(46:28):
Yeah. Where?
If I'm having a day, I don't call my girlfriend to dump on
her. Yeah.
Or my mom. Yep.
Or my sister. Yep.
I take a day. That's right.
And actually, I don't even dump on my husband anymore.
Yeah, I just take a day. Yeah.
And I rest and I meditate and I walk.
And if after a couple of days I still feel it.
Yep, that's what we call self sourcing.
(46:49):
That's right. And as coaches, we're we're
teaching our clients how to selfsource.
They don't always like it. They really.
Don't. Not always.
Fun. But also, as coaches, we're
teaching our clients don't come and dump on me.
Yeah. Let's teach you how to self
source. Yep.
And self soothe. Yep.
And do some healing on your own.That's right.
And take care of yourself and drink some water and take your
(47:09):
vitamin and say no. Yep.
And build a sisterhood of women who get that and honor it and
love that about you. Yes.
And it will be the sisterhood that heals the world.
I have no doubt about it. I agree.
And it's a healed sisterhood. I agree.
A healed sisterhood. And I I think this is a perfect
way to end the show. Yeah, to be in gratitude to you
(47:33):
and your sisterhood and the amazing women that we are
surrounding ourselves by. Totally.
We get this too. Yeah.
And that and it's really fun. It's been the most fun for me
is, is experiencing the women who came to unleash your
capacity 2 years ago or Big Magic.
It was Big Magic. And that they are becoming their
own sister. Oh, it's fantastic.
(47:54):
Like I'm going to Stevie Nicks tomorrow and like Kim Michelle.
Yeah, I'm like, there are four of them and they're becoming
like lifelong friends. Yeah.
And so we get to give it away. Yes.
And we want you to be a part of this.
We want you to be a part of thiscommunity, this conversation.
So we want you at Unleash Your. Capacity we do.
We want you. We want you there and to get you
(48:16):
there. We have the capacity lap that's
coming up. We have 4 dates.
The information's in the show notes.
From there, we want to talk to you and support you and making a
decision to join us. The retreat is in July of next
year. They'll let the websites live.
It's in the show notes. You can go and read more about
it. It's in San Clemente, CA, which
is absolutely beautiful, which is at Christina Hands Studio
(48:37):
Hands to Wellness Collective, which is absolutely gorgeous.
There's no place like it in Southern California.
This is work that you get to do with us, you get to do with
yourself, you get to do with other women.
I think the other. Thing is, is it kind of circling
back to how we heal in sisterhood?
A lot of women, when we start towitness each other and we're
witnessed in some of the toughest or darkest places, and
(49:00):
then by day 2, day three, we're shifting it.
And if the energy's changing, they see what's possible, and
then that's where possibility starts to come in.
And then that's what really binds them and locks them into
it is they went down into some dark, deep stuff and worked
through some stuff and they witnessed each other.
So a, a level of trust is built,a level of compassion and
(49:23):
celebrating each other along theway.
So it's it's a beautiful journeyto watch unfold because
sisterhood, it's so. Vital it is.
It's vital to love. Love is the universal language,
and we see this with children. When they are not loved, many of
them die. Yeah, it is the most universal
language and it is one of our most basic needs.
(49:44):
So come and learn with us in a safe environment, in a loving
environment. Heal.
Heal yourself. Heal in sisterhood.
We want you on this journey withus.
So thank you for being here today, Melissa, always.
I love you. I love you too.
We're doing it again. I'm so excited.
Again, we're doing it again, andwe'll be doing it again and
again and again. Sold out.
(50:05):
Last year, let's do it again. Yeah, we sure did.
Thanks for being here on the Real Money Podcast today.
I'm Lisa Chastain, your host. And remember that money is
emotional before it's mathematical.
Have the courage to dig into theemotions, Have the courage
chilling in and have important conversations.
Have the courage to heal. And Melissa and I will see you
in the Capacity Lab and at Unleash Your Capacity.
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