Resilience in the Face of Tragedy: Diana's Journey Through Parenting and Loss

What if the journey through life's most heart-wrenching challenges could lead to profound healing and resilience? Join us for a poignant conversation with Diana, author of "Behind the Smile," as she shares the deeply personal story of her son Cody's life. Through candid discussions, we unravel the therapeutic process of writing and embracing authenticity amidst adversity. Diana's reflections on her own life experiences, from moving cities as a teenager to navigating the 2008 financial crash, offer a rich tapestry of insight and shared generational experiences that resonate with many of us.

Parenting sensitive children is a complex journey that Diana knows all too well. In our episode, she opens up about the emotional roller coaster of raising Cody, a young man whose sensitivity and authenticity left a lasting impact. We explore the challenges she faced as a single mother, making tough decisions to support Cody through mental health struggles and substance abuse. Diana's narrative is a testament to the unpredictable nature of parenting, the courage in pursuing dreams, and the power of friendship and support systems in times of turmoil.

Cody's story is both inspiring and heart-wrenching, illustrating the highs and lows of his life. From his passion for EDM and DJing to his brave high school pep rally dance, Cody's life was marked by moments of extraordinary courage. Yet, his struggles with mental health and eventual tragic passing remind us of the profound challenges many young people face today. Through Diana’s eyes, we see a journey of resilience, love, and the enduring impact Cody left on those around him, emphasizing the importance of understanding and support for those facing similar battles.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
Welcome to Real People, real Life, where
everyday conversations lead toextraordinary insights.
We're all about digging intothe lives of regular people
who've achieved success on theirown terms, from business and
entrepreneurship to fitness,politics, education and beyond

(00:23):
we cover it all.
This is Real People, real Life.
Politics, education and beyondwe cover it all.
This is Real People, real Life.
And now your host, ryan.

Speaker 2 (00:33):
Sherow.
Well welcome Diana.
Thank you so much for joiningme.
On Real People, real Life, mypodcast is about having
conversations with everydaypeople who have achieved success
through failure, disappointment, but kept moving on.
Podcasts are full a greatpodcast, by the way are full of

(00:57):
very well-known, famous people.
It's entertaining, but I'vebeen in business for 32 years
years and I've met thousands ofpeople with amazing stories and
I just thought what a great ideato let common people, everyday
people out there hear how otherpeople have struggled through

(01:17):
life and came out on the otherside in one piece for the most
part.
You know I read your bookBehind the Smile about your son
Cody Intense, intense book.
It's a really good read.
You did a fantastic job.
I do appreciate you writing thestory.

(01:41):
That must have been difficult,but I think it can help a lot of
people.

Speaker 3 (01:47):
Yeah, that's my goal.
Um, believe it or not, writingit wasn't difficult, it was
actually healing for me.
But I mean, the story itself isdifficult, obviously.
Um, you know it's unfortunate.
I didn't want to have to writethe book, but I'm glad I had the
outlet, which really helped meheal, you know, to a certain
degree.
So thank you.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
Absolutely so.
You and I have some things incommon.
I'm going to make a guess,based on your email, that you
were born in 1972.
Yes, so was.

Speaker 3 (02:19):
I December.

Speaker 2 (02:21):
Okay, so I'm June.

Speaker 3 (02:23):
Oh 1972.

Speaker 2 (02:24):
A couple of Gen xers talking here, on this technology
that we're trying to figure outexactly.
I think we're getting it we'redoing good.
I think we're doing really goodno, you sound great, it's a
video.
It's coming in great.
Uh, so you, you were born insan diego.
I live in san diego.
I wasn't born here but movedhere about 20 years ago.

Speaker 3 (02:47):
When did you leave San?

Speaker 2 (02:47):
Diego.

Speaker 3 (02:49):
So I moved away.
I was only 16.
So in 88, I actually have anidentical twin sister.
But we were the last two babies.
The other two had left.
My older sisters and my parentswere just like kind of sick of
the traffic and the populationand the cost of living out there

(03:10):
and they used to go to Vegasall the time just on little
weekend getaways and they lovedVegas.
So yeah, we moved there and Iwasn't happy about it I was in
high school, which is, you know,you don't ever want to leave
your friends.
That's your whole world at thatage.
But we did, we moved and Ihated it at first and then we

(03:30):
adjusted and now I have lifelongfriends that I'm still in
contact with out there.
My parents still live in Vegasbut I'm actually out in Florida
now.
But yeah, it was a big move.
But I ended up staying in Vegasover 30 something years.

Speaker 2 (03:44):
Yeah, I was trying to figure out what happened in
1988.
Something happened because thewhole town went downhill after
you left.

Speaker 3 (03:50):
So you might as well, come back, because I wasn't
there.

Speaker 2 (03:52):
I know you left and you took all the good with it.
It's just gotten more expensive.
It's gotten more congested.
Unfortunately, we have a reallybad homeless problem now and
drug problem, which is justdevastating what you see
downtown.
Then you move to 16 years old.

(04:15):
That's a tough move for ateenager.

Speaker 3 (04:17):
Yeah, absolutely it was.
It was devastating and hugeculture shock.
Vegas very different than SanDiego, um, I mean the main thing
, though even I look back now in88, vegas was a whole different
city as well, as compared tonow.
Um, and I look back now I'mlike, oh, I miss the days in the

(04:38):
early, early eighties, earlynineties.
Um, vegas was a fun city once Iadjusted, adjusted, um, and
it's so different now too.
I mean similar to san diego.
It's kind of gone downhillhomeless, drugs, crime, um, but
back in the you know, early 90sI had a blast, I really did yeah
it, uh, it's changed.

Speaker 2 (04:59):
We made trips.
I've been here for 20 some oddyears in san diego and, of
course, vegas is a quick,wonderful trip for about two
days.
I can handle all of that forabout two days and I got to come
back.
So you grow up.
You grow up, become an adult inVegas.
And what was your career path?

Speaker 3 (05:30):
So I started out in property management managing
apartments for quite a few years, kind of went up the ranks in
that industry and then gotmarried, started having kids and
we went to go buy our actuallyour second home and doing
property management is reallysimilar to real estate sales.
And we went to buy our secondhome and doing property
management is really similar toreal estate sales.
And we went to buy our secondhome and I was just like, wow,
like this is something I coulddo and the money is crazy and

(05:53):
even if we were to just use mylicense to just purchase homes,
the amount of money you save.
So I was like, hey, I'm goingto get my real estate license,
to get my real estate license.
And then I started selling newhomes for a builder out in Vegas
.
It was fun, it was a lot ofmoney, very, very busy time.
But then again, everybodyprobably recalls the real estate

(06:25):
market and financial crash of08.
I lived through that and thatcompletely changed my whole
world.
But yeah, it was propertymanagement, real estate for the
most part.

Speaker 2 (06:31):
Yeah, that's another thing we have in common.
So my business was aresidential HVAC business in the
nicest weathered city in theworld, so that's why I started
that business weathered city inthe world.
So that's why I started thatbusiness.
But again, just like you, up to2008, it was easy, right,

(06:52):
people were coming in, peoplewere spending money, and it
overstated me as well.
In your book you talk abouthitting that wall and the
financial devastation which hita lot of people.

Speaker 3 (07:07):
Right, yeah, vegas was a huge one.
It almost.
It was creepy and weird.
Like if you drive around duringthat time, you know homes were
boarded up, they wereforeclosing on many, many homes
and then the ripple effect intobusinesses as well.
So for a few years it became aweird, a little bit of a ghost

(07:27):
town.
I mean, if you didn't work inthe casino industry, but even
you know in that, you know whenthe economy takes a dive like
that, it really affectseverything.
So, yeah, it was not fun.
But you know, I look back nowand I lost everything my home,
my car.
You know I look back now and Ilost everything my home, my car,
my life savings, you knowliterally everything.

(07:52):
But then, you know, thetrajectory took me down the road
of going back to school,getting degrees and going into
the mental health field.
So you know, although it washard going through it, I can
look back now and say, oh, itwas kind of meant to be that way
.
I feel anyways.

Speaker 2 (08:03):
Yeah, what I've learned is that the best lessons
I've ever learned in life isthrough, uh, difficult
situations.
Um, it's necessary for, I think, humans to do that.
If everything went smooth, uh,we would be shocked when
something happened and wouldn'tbe able to cope with it.
What I, what was great about2008, is to look back on it.

(08:25):
And I lost the business, I losteverything.
Is I survived?
Yeah, and people talk now todayoh, my goodness, what if the
real estate market crashes Causeit's on fire?
What are the?
And I just think I'm not asstressed about it.
You know, and it was interestingbecause I lost my house, um,

(08:47):
our business, my businessbasically went down to nothing.
It kind of trickled for a fewyears but, um, uh, I was happy,
I had no, I had no bills, I wasnot stressed, um, and my son and
I just kind of we went campingall the time because it was

(09:07):
cheap and trying to just surviveand it's some of the best times
in his life and it was a greatbonding.
So here's another thing we havein common.
So my first child and yourfirst child, cody, were born
less than a month apart.

Speaker 3 (09:22):
Oh wow, we're born less apart.
Oh wow, my son was born.

Speaker 2 (09:24):
December 30th 1998.
And Cody was born on January19th.

Speaker 3 (09:31):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (09:38):
Yes, wow, as a first mother you must have been like,
I mean, for me I was nervous,excited as a father.
I found out I was having a son.
So hey, you know I'm Italian.
I was like, all right, I got my, I got my boy.
You know my practice wife Idon't use ex-wife, my practice
wife at the time Better, now I'mmarried again, so I'm much,
much better.
I learned a lot, but we, youknow, it was stressful for her.

(10:01):
She was career, she was in thesciences, but uh, you know,
everything went smooth and wehad this beautiful baby boy.
Um, let's talk.
Talk about Cody and theexcitement.
You, you had the fears.
You know you're a new mom,you're in a, you're in Las Vegas
, correct?

Speaker 3 (10:19):
Yes, um, las Vegas, um, you know, married.
I think at that time it wasmaybe almost two years.
Yeah, I mean, of course you'reexcited, nervous.
I didn't have.
I was the youngest in my familyso I didn't have any little
brothers or sisters to kind of,you know, practice on, or I

(10:41):
wasn't, I wasn't around babiesvery much, you know, and I mean
not to say that I don't.
I feel like mothers kind ofhave a little bit of instinct,
but yeah, it was.
It was a little stressful, um,you know, adjusting to that
first baby, um, and then mylittle bit of OCD would kick
into.
Um, I think I changed that poorboy's clothes um 50 times a day

(11:04):
.
You know if he would spit up onsomething or so.
You know I was a littleneurotic during those times
cleaning everything.
I was just, you know, firstbaby.
I think you kind of gooverboard with everything, but
of course, um, you know, lovedhim dearly.
Uh, he was the cutest littlething.
Um, he came, I think it waslike two weeks early, but you
know, had a good pregnancy, gooddelivery.

(11:25):
Really, I couldn't have askedfor better because I mean,
compared to most women, I hearthese horror stories of you know
just being sick the full ninemonths, or a terrible delivery
or whatever.
Mine are all pretty good.

Speaker 2 (11:41):
So Cody's born and you write about the ride home
from the hospital and it's aconstant crying, the just.
You know the touch.
You know babies tend to want tobe touched actually have touch
therapy for premature babies,but he was very sensitive to all
of these things.
But as a new mother, you knowyou don't know Right Common

(12:07):
thing, which everybody's oh,your baby's colicky.
Yeah, you know it's colicky.
Yeah, what is colicky?
I had to look it up.
I mean, I heard it when my, myson was young.
It's like, well, maybe he'scolicky and I'm like, okay,
that's everyone's professionaldiagnosis.

Speaker 3 (12:26):
Right, right, yeah, you know the other.
I mean, the only word I canthink of is oh, colicky means
fussy, but yeah, he was ultrasensitive to his environment.
I mean, not your typical baby.
Now, you know, as I learned atthe time, I didn't know that and
I was just taking the doctorsand the family members, you know

(12:48):
word for it, but I still waslike this seems, you know,
excessive.
He was a very fussy baby, verysensitive to hot, cold, sound
light and again, being a naivefirst time mom, I was just like,
hey, maybe this is normal, buthe didn't seem like my friend's

(13:08):
babies that were kind of, youknow, having babies alongside me
.
But yeah, on the ride home fromthe hospital, he had his first
poop.
And you know, we're drivingdown the street and he's
screaming and I'm just like what?
Like screaming bloody murder,not, you know.
So I thought, oh, oh gosh, issomething wrong.
Is he hurt?
Um, I actually had my husbandpull over, let me check on the

(13:33):
baby, cause, you know he's inthe back in the car seat and I,
you know, I got him out and he'sscreaming and I'm just like, oh
, my gosh, what's wrong with him?
And come to find out he hadpooped his diaper, which again
shouldn't be.
That, you know, uh, thatresponse shouldn't be that um
drastic, but I was just tooknote of it.
I was like that's veryinteresting, okay, um, but that
was something that continued on.
If he, um, you know, uh, poopedin his diaper, or maybe he was

(13:58):
getting too hot in the clothes Ihad him in, um, if a phone
would ring and he was sleeping,he'd wake up screaming, just
taking him to like, let's justsay, a Walmart to go grocery
shopping, scream the whole time.
So I mean, this went on for hiswhole life, truly, but as a
baby, I just I was like, hey,maybe I'm not doing something

(14:19):
right, or is it me, is you knowit?
Just, he was not a very happybaby.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
And that's where you go to.
You know, I forgot the book atthe hospital.
Sounds like you forgot the bookon how to raise kids at the
hospital too.
They don't.
They don't give us those books.
You're always worried, butyou're such a trooper You're
like, hey, you know what?
This must be normal.
I can deal with this.
Let's just have another baby inthe same year, and that was
just right.

Speaker 3 (14:44):
Right, well, she wasn't planned at all.

Speaker 2 (14:48):
I've never heard to say an Irish baby.
I'm like, yeah, I've neverheard of that before.

Speaker 3 (14:54):
Irish twins is what they called them.
Yeah, cody was born January 19thof 99.
Jessica, my second born, wasborn December 3rd of 1999.
So not even a year apart.
Um wasn't planned, but ofcourse you know you're, you know
you're happy to have anotherbaby, but the way he was, how

(15:14):
fussy he was and how I wasstruggling as a new mom, um, you
know you pile that onto lack ofsleep.
You know, get trying to getthis routine.
Um, I actually cried when I sawthat I was pregnant again.
I couldn't believe it.
I mean, I wasn't super happybut of course, as I accepted it
and she came, she was a blessing.

(15:34):
Um, but yeah, that wasn'tplanned and that was a little
rough because I, um, I waspregnant with her and Cody was
barely just starting to crawl.
So picture that trying to takecare, you know, take care of a
little one that's fussy and thenhe's starting to go everywhere
and you're trying to contain himand you have this big belly.

(15:56):
And it was.
It was interesting.

Speaker 2 (15:59):
Yeah, I was mostly.
I have my one son, but what Ihear from a lot of people is you
know you have multiple kids.
My parents, I have threesiblings and it's oh, their
personalities are so different.
But one of the things youdescribed is how significantly
different all of a sudden you'restarting to see wow, this is.

(16:20):
They're diametrically opposed.
This, jessica's easy.
She's sleeping through thenights.
More quote-unquote, normalright at this point did you
start to think maybe there'sthere might be some behavioral
or some sort of issues with cody.

Speaker 3 (16:39):
Or at this point you were still um in the dark yeah,
I mean, I think, intuitively, Ialways thought there was
definitely something more to it.
But definitely when she camealong and I saw how, like, she
breastfed very easily where Codynever did, he never would so I

(17:00):
was like, okay, this is how it'ssupposed to go.
Cody would only take a bottle,and even then that was hard at
times he was so finicky aboutthe you know the formula.
But then Jessica immediatelybreastfed, no problems, um yeah,
and just everything went mucheasier.
She'd sleep better.
Her disposition was always justsuper easy.
Um, but it really was stillchallenging, because if she

(17:22):
would wake up and be hungry I'dneed to feed her, but her crying
would wake up Cody, and gettingCody to quiet down was
challenging.
So, yeah, it was, it was superchallenging, but it did show me
how, how, this is how it'ssupposed to be, I think.

Speaker 2 (17:38):
Yeah, that, yeah, that was a big contrast when you
described it Now when.
So Cody 1999, jessica 99, andthen you have Savannah, correct?

Speaker 3 (17:51):
Yes, Savannah came in 2003.
So Jessica was about three,Cody was about four roughly when
Savannah came along.

Speaker 2 (18:03):
Yeah, and by four you had, were you pretty aware
there was some issues, someperhaps behavioral or probably
not diagnosed, but somethingserious going wrong with Cody.

Speaker 3 (18:17):
Yes.
So you know, I can't recallexactly what age I mean I want
to say it was around five, but Icould be off but I mean I had
to start putting Jessica andCody into daycare, um, cause I
did go back to work, um, andthat's where the daycare brought

(18:38):
it to our attention.
Like something's going on.
He cannot be around kids.
I mean he's he's havingcomplete meltdowns.
Um, anytime he would be aroundother kids.
You know, whether I take him toa McDonald's to play or a park
or whatever, he would um bite orscratch another kid.
Um, he just could not be innormal like playful settings.

(19:00):
And daycare really brought itto our attention, like it's a
huge problem, like I kind ofknew, but I thought, well, you
know, you don't know until theyget into school and and, and you
know, try to um fit into thatenvironment.
So, um, that's when we kind ofwere like, okay, something is
seriously wrong.
If the daycare is bringing it toour attention, it's not just us
, you know, um and uh, I thinkthat's when we did start seeking

(19:23):
some sort of formal diagnosis,um, although we went to a couple
of doctors and they would justgive it a like a blanket.
You know ADHD, and I'm like, no, I started doing my own
research because I'm always acurious person and I try to
figure stuff out on my own.
Um, this is before I even gotany of my degrees in psychology,
but I started um Googling.
You know his symptoms, like youknow, sensitive to light,

(19:46):
sensitive to sound, you know allthese things and I kind of made
up my own mind that he hadAsperger's, which now falls
under the, you know, autisticautism spectrum disorder
umbrella.
Now they don't have theselittle diagnosis, it's just one
big umbrella of different levelsof functioning.
But I had kind of figured thatout on my own and made up my

(20:09):
mind.
I'm like that's what it is Now,sadly to say 20, whatever five
years ago about there was no,you know, treatment per se,
there was really no help, therewas very little known.
And so you get you kind offigure this out and it's like
what do you do?
And there are no answers as towhat you do.

(20:30):
Um, so I was, although I felt alittle bit better, like you
know, I kind of understand him.
By the same time it's like,well, what do you do with that?
You know, I didn't know how tohelp him and, uh, neither did
anybody else for a very longtime, so school was rough yeah.

Speaker 2 (20:48):
So you've got three children.
You have one child that isexperiencing medical issues,
trying to diagnose it, notgetting much help.
Then 2008 comes around.
That's just more than mostpeople can handle.

Speaker 3 (21:07):
Right.
And then, to top it off, I wasrecently divorced, so I was a
single mom, do you have arighteous husband as?
well, yes, recently, divorcedreal estate market crashed.
I don't know what to do, careerwise.
I have a son that's not I don'thave answers for I don't know

(21:30):
how to help him.
Three young kids, yeah, and Ilost everything.
So I find myself trying tofigure out where to go, what to
do.
I actually decided to movebecause I couldn't find any work
in Vegas, not even likerestaurant serving jobs, because

(21:51):
, like I said, the whole cityjust got really weird with the
crash.
So I decided to move toSouthern Utah, where my
ex-husband was from, because wewere co-parenting and that's
where he's from and it's asmaller town and I thought I'm
willing to try anything I haveto, you know, have a living,
make a living and provide.
So, um, I moved to Cedar city,utah, and got a job, um, selling

(22:12):
manufactured homes.
So it kind of was a little bitlike real estate, a little bit
different, but I was like, hey,it's, it's an income and you
know, with anybody on the autismspectrum, change does not go
over.
Well, so I mean, I'm talkinglittle changes, just even like
um leaving the park from playingto go home, that's a transition

(22:34):
that would send Cody into abreakdown, um, so picture moving
houses, moving cities, changinghis routine, changing his
environment, mom's going to adifferent job, different school.
So it was truly devastating, Imean not only for him but for
all of us.

(22:55):
I found myself at that pointhaving to get on welfare, food
stamps because, like I said, Ilost car, house, any type of
401k or savings I had.
I literally moved there withsome money that my sister gave
me, like a hundred bucks in mypocket.
So, um, I had to get on welfare, which I'd never done.
I was making, you know, sixfigure high, six figure income

(23:15):
selling real estate.
So all of this was just very,very devastating for you know,
for all of us.
Um, but for Cody it was evenmore difficult.
So, um, yeah, that's, that's whyhow I ended up in Utah.
But the the bright side of thatis where I decided to go back
to school, cause I had nevergone to school.

(23:36):
Because you're in real estate,what do you need to go to school
for?
I mean, yeah, I went and got myreal estate license.
That was a little bit of someclasses, but nothing big.
But I had this like epiphany togo to college and thankfully,
cedar City is a college town.
It's small, but they hadSouthern Utah University there.
So at age 37, single mom, youknow, went back to school full

(23:58):
time.
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (24:00):
Three children divorced, yeah.
And then you go to SouthernUtah University, correct?
Yes.
And you decide, hey, I'm goingto.
You start taking your generaled, figure out what you want to
do.
And there's a psychology courseand it just hits you Something
about that.
How much of that was like wow,I may be able to learn more

(24:22):
about my son with thispsychology path.

Speaker 3 (24:26):
You know I can't say that I consciously thought that,
I just know it was sointriguing, it was just like
something inside of me, it waslike a burning fire, like this
is what I get excited about this.
I mean, such a simple class, Iwas enthralled.
I was just I mean, every time Igo to that class I just was

(24:47):
like I wanted to soak it all up.
So I don't know if that wassubconscious, you know, of
course, going to my psychologylingo, subconsciously maybe that
was it, but that really wasn'teven consciously my thought.
I was just like I like thisstuff, I want to learn more, and
so I changed my major.
I initially started because Iwanted to go into nursing, but I
changed my major to psychologyand continued down that path and

(25:11):
fell in love with it.
Truly, I really did.

Speaker 2 (25:14):
Yeah, I could tell the passion in your book, the
mindset of of how much that hithome as an amateur psychologist
who used to play one on TV.
Just kidding, I think that amother's intuition.
There was something thereBecause as parents, we want the
best for our kids, we want tofix things right.

(25:34):
As a father, I got to fix itright, I got to fix it.
Mothers, they're nurturing,they're trying to fix it.
They want the best for theirchildren.
Fix it, they want the best fortheir children.
I read between the lines sayingI just think there was something
that maybe hit home with thatand said you know,
subconsciously, as you say, itended up actually being quite

(25:57):
beneficial.
And it's interesting because wedo talk on the podcast about
education and college and thingslike this.
You took the psychology degreeand I do talk about psychology
degrees because a lot of peoplejust go get their bachelor's in.
It Might be an easy way to go,might be a little bit more

(26:18):
difficult with the science stuff, but you decided, hey, this was
my passion, this isn't just apiece of paper I'm getting, and
you jumped over to get yourmaster's not much, you know,

(26:45):
work here, regardless if it wasin the field of psychology or
otherwise.

Speaker 3 (26:46):
I was like I gotta go back to Vegas.
And you know, again, my parents, sisters, were still there.
So I did move back to Vegas.
Um, at that time um SouthernUtah university didn't offer a
master's in psychology, so Imoved back to Vegas, got a job,
believe it or not, in timeshare,weird Um.

(27:08):
But I?
Um did do an online course formy master's in psychology.
Um, you know, continuecontinued on that path.
Um, hoping to, after themaster's, get an actual job in
the field, cause, again, therewasn't much you could do with
those bachelors in psychology.
So, yeah, I was living in Vegas, got my master's degree and
immediately after I got mydegree, I?
Um my first job in the field ofpsychology was as a an

(27:30):
inpatient, um unlicensed socialworker at a psychiatric hospital
in Las Vegas.
So I went straight into.
You know this, these are thepeople that are in crisis mode
um being on a legal hold, beingum admitted against their will.
So I got to just go straightfor the.

(27:50):
I call it good stuff, but Imean, it's not.
You know, obviously it'scatching people at their worst
time, but that's kind of what Ithrived in.
I loved um, I loved being inthat environment.
I truly did.
It was weird I don't know howmany people can say that but I,
um, I did really well, I lovedit and I felt like at least I

(28:12):
could try to help them have somesort of um foundation and help
them, as they leave, to have umresources outside of the
hospital.
So, um, again, I wasn't, Ididn't have my background in
social work, but it's kind ofwhat I did and what they called
it.
So, yeah, I worked in inpatientpsychiatric hospital, which did

(28:34):
afford me to understand my sonas he became even more sick.

Speaker 2 (28:41):
Yeah, your informal education with your son kind,
kind of groundwork for you to becomfortable in a very difficult
environment.
And that social worker setting,you know.
As parents, you know our babies, our little kids.
You know their full agency isreliant upon us, right, so

(29:03):
there's still a lot of controlthat we can do.
And then we always hear thestories of you know their
teenage years and boys and girls, you know, have their own
difficulties.
Boys, since I have a son, youknow my concerns were, you know,
the acting out, the huge levelincrease in testosterone.

(29:24):
You know what am I going to dowith all you know?
With the girls, what am I goingto do?
You know, just all thesequestions.
Reading about Cody and hisentry into you know his teenage
years, he and it seemed evenyounger he was taking a lot of

(29:45):
agency in his own life His way,he wanted it his way, and I can
only imagine how that increasedwith puberty and with his
teenage years.

Speaker 3 (29:56):
Yeah, yeah, I never felt like I could control I
don't like to use that wordbecause you know but in a sense,
yeah, he, um, he had his ownway of doing things, thinking he
never conformed to um societalnorms.
Um, in school he was constantlyum being suspended, kicked out,

(30:20):
um brought up to theprincipal's office.
I mean, and you know, I set theexpectations and with all three
of my kids, you know, withdisciplinary, you know type
actions, I mean it was allpretty much the same.
And so I knew that with my twodaughters things were working,

(30:42):
you know, like, you know, oh,you're grounded or I'm taking
away your phone, or whatever.
It would work, but with him,nothing ever worked.
So, um, you know, I was at atotal loss when it came to him.
I I mean many nights laying inbed just crying because I don't
know what to do.
I really don't know what to do.
Um, he was really smart, sothat didn't help because, you

(31:06):
know, I mean again, he was, youknow, almost genius on certain
levels.
Um, you know, especially whenit came to like computers and
all that Um, so he was, he wasvery challenging to try to um
guide into the right directionor try to help him conform.
You know, not that I wanted himto necessarily be like

(31:26):
everybody else, because I lovedthat he was unique.
However, to be able to, youknow, survive in society, you
sometimes do have to conform tocertain things and expectations,
such as, you know, school andwork and whatnot, but he just
never did.

Speaker 2 (31:42):
Yeah, we have this innate need to be accepted, even
through some of Cody's in yourwritings and some of Cody's
social interactions where hewould push back in such he still
had that need.
There was a story, I believe itwas, from the, the after school

(32:03):
coach or the after school.
Let me see that was James.
I like this guy yeah.
I mean, one of the great thingsis that life brought some
pretty amazing people intoCody's life.
That is so true, obviously hismom, oh, yeah and yeah.
A lot of times, unfortunately,kids that don't fit in are just

(32:30):
completely shunned, and there'speople that will do that, but
his tenacity.
There was a lot of sadness inthis book, diana, but it was
very uplifting too, and therewas things that I was reading
that told me, man, a lot ofpeople need to live their life

(32:52):
like Cody did.
I'll give you an example ofthat.
What I absolutely loved was theschool prep rally.

Speaker 3 (33:03):
Oh yes.

Speaker 2 (33:06):
Now you take somebody that's on the autism scale,
right Introverted, they tend tobe locked in, right Right, In
some way.
He was right, he was locked inand the outside world would just
bug him and give him thisanxiety.
But then he gets out in frontof 2,500 people.

Speaker 3 (33:25):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (33:26):
And he comes alive.

Speaker 3 (33:28):
Yeah, oh, that's one of my favorite stories too, and
and I still, to this day, I havea video of it and that's such a
cherished video for me ThankGod for modern technology, cause
I have such beautiful memoriesbut, yeah, what an inspiration
he was and still is to many,many people, including myself.
Because, yeah, was and still isto many, many people, including

(33:50):
myself.
Because, yeah, you know, he wasmade fun of a lot because he
was different, but he, just so,he so lived his authenticity.
He, he never, um, apologizedfor how different he was and how
outgoing he was and how loud hewas.
And, just, you know, he didn'thave a filter, which embarrassed
me many, many times.
But, um, but, yeah, he went um,he would always dance in school

(34:12):
and you'd get in trouble for it,um, because he would create
such a distraction.
And and so, uh, the principalsaid, okay, I'm going to make
you a deal Cause, of course, hewouldn't listen or follow any
rules.
He's like I'm gonna make you adeal, you can go out and dance
in front of this prep uh, peprally that we have, um, you know
, before a game or whatever on acertain day, I'm going to let

(34:33):
you go out there for like fiveminutes and go dance, and then
you can get all the attentionyou want and show everybody how
good of a dancer you are.
Um, he would shuffle a certaintype of dance, um, and so, yeah,
the the principal let him dothat and I have a video of it
and the crowd just goes wild.
It was a huge high school inVegas so it was big, a lot of
kids.
But yeah, he did that and Iknow he was a little scared but

(34:57):
he would stay up all night likekind of practicing and he did it
and I mean it's just I don'tknow how many kids at that age
would go out and put, putthemselves in that position, you
know, being so vulnerable byyourself it's not like he was on
a dance team or something justliterally by himself, um, and go
out and dance in front of thewhole entire school.

Speaker 2 (35:15):
That's how brave he was and he just he always had to
do what he wanted to do what Ithink people could get from that
story, and what I get from thestory is people are people get
so bound down by fear.
It's, you know, it's, it's anevolutionary thing.
We, it protects us, it keeps usalive, but it also holds us

(35:39):
back.
And you made a comment which isvery true.
You know he was nervous.
Yeah, what he did and whatpeople need to do when facing
fear is just do it and go afterit, practice, practice, practice
.
Um, and yeah, you're going tofail, and a lot of people take

(36:00):
failure as opposite of success.
Well, I say it's, it'snecessary.
Yeah, you have to fall down.
You have to understand wherethe limits are so you can break
through them.
He practiced all night.
He goes out there and he killsit, and then a new person comes
into his life Jessica, hisfriend.

Speaker 3 (36:18):
Oh yeah, oh, she's so beautiful, I mean inside and
out.
Yeah, that was one of his onetrue, true friend, you know, of
course, um, you know you havethese people that come and go,
but she's one that's, you know,stuck around through the good
and the bad.
Um, that was later in highschool.
They became friends and I thinkhe kind of felt a little bit

(36:40):
stronger about her than she didabout him.
I mean, she was definitely agood friend but he kind of had a
little bit of a crush on her.
But regardless, um, you know,when, uh, he moved out on his
own his first apartment, she wasthere.
She, you know, brought in allthis stuff, like from the dollar
tree or whatever to decorate,or you know, cups and towels and
stuff, and she would show upthere and help him decorate his

(37:02):
first apartment.
Um, and then, you know, lateron, when he was struggling, um,
with addiction and all and allthat, I would call her and I'd
be like where is he?
Is he okay?
Can you come help me?
She would.
She's been a very good, goodfriend to him and really, truly
to our whole family.
I consider her part of ourfamily now.

Speaker 2 (37:23):
Yeah, from what I read about her, she was a
special person.
She sounds to be is a specialperson.
She saw through and into hissoul, yeah, and looked at him
for who he was.
Yeah, you know, again, there'sa lot of tragedy in the book,
but I wish I knew Cody, becausethe attributes that this kid had

(37:47):
people need to do in their ownlives.
It's, you know, I'm going to doit my way.
I'm going to get out there, I'mgoing to make you know.
You know, one of the things hewas doing which I found
interesting is it wasn't hey,I'm just going to go out there
and dance.
It's, I'm going to be the bestdancer in the world.
Out there and dance, it's, I'mgonna be the best dancer in the

(38:11):
world.
Yeah, he spoke there.
He would, he would express hisdreams in what most people would
say is hyperbole.
Yeah, we go after it and becomelike, wow, he could actually
compete doing this.
Yeah, with the programming.

Speaker 3 (38:22):
I guess his friend brian, I believe it was yeah, um
, brian was another one thatstood by him too.
Again, he wasn't easy to getalong with because he, again, he
was very different, he wasobsessive at times he was.
He would fly off the handlevery easily, get mad very easily
.
So you know he really couldn'tkeep friends very long.

(38:46):
Or you know he'd make thempretty good but they wouldn't
stick around Because, again, hewas a little bit of a roller
coaster as far as emotions andactions and behaviors.
But Brian was another one thatremained his friend through it
all and long into his adulthood.
But one of the things as far assetting your mind to something

(39:08):
and becoming number one wasDJing.
He also was an amazing DJ, yeah, which I have on your wrist
Probably.
So do your sisters correct yes?
Yes.

Speaker 2 (39:21):
Aunt Danielle.

Speaker 3 (39:22):
Yeah, my twin sister, I definitely want to talk about
her I like that.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
I like her.
She, she's, she.
She sounds like an amazingwoman and to have a connection
with Cody.

Speaker 3 (39:40):
Yeah, so that's where the kind of the DJing comes in,
the electronic dance music, edm.
So he, you know, I was alwaystrying to find ways to calm him
or have him focus his energy,because he had so much energy,
and one of them was music and hedid come upon the EDM style
music and that's where my twinsister in the nineties she was

(40:02):
into that music.
She'd go to raves out inHollywood.
She was very, very, you know,almost fanatical about DJs and
that music and whatnot.
So she did connect with him onthat and so they would always
talk about music and going to,you know, see these DJs which of
course, going to raves you hadto be at least 18, sometimes 21.

(40:24):
So she did finally take him tohis first big music festival out
in California and you know,thankfully again we have
pictures of that and but he fellin love with DJing and music
and so I really pushed him tobecome a DJ because I was like
you know, push your energytowards something, you know,
that could become not onlywonderful for everybody to be

(40:46):
able to listen to, just for himto be able to just focus.
And I did put him in DJ schoolout in Vegas for quite a while.
He did end up producing a littlebit of music, which I still
have, thankfully.
Actually, one of his friendsgave it to me because we went
through all his belongings and Icame across some flash drives

(41:06):
and I didn't really know forsure what was on them at the
time.
But one of his friends wasthere and she was really big
into music too and she's likecan I have one of them?
And I'm like sure I didn't know.
I gave her the one with themusic on it, which kind of made
me sad.
But I did reach out to herlater and said, hey, you know
the one I gave you to have musicon it, and she did send it to
me.
So yeah, he produced the musiche was DJing.

(41:28):
He absolutely loved it and yeah, he was always said I'm going
to be the number one DJ.
And you know, unfortunatelythat didn't happen, but in my
heart and his friends and familyhe was.

Speaker 2 (41:41):
Yeah, jessica says he is.
Yeah, definitely says he's thenumber one.
Do you happen to have your bookwith you?

Speaker 3 (41:48):
Yeah, I sure do.

Speaker 2 (41:50):
There's a couple of passages.
If you don't mind reading, I'dlove it.
I want to start with JamesJordan.
The reason why I like James isthat he was a good male figure
in Cody's life, and boys need amale figure who's strong but
also who's willing to take thetime, and you know he's an

(42:10):
after-schools guy.
He really, you know, reallydoesn't need to, but he seemed
to be connected with Cody and onpage 80, he writes something
really, really nice and I thinkpeople should you know to get a
better idea of the outsidelooking in on Cody.

Speaker 3 (42:26):
Yes, I love it too.
James is a phenomenal humanbeing.
So memories from James Jordan,the afterschool program director
.
Cody felt everything so deeplyfor a kid when he laughed, he
laughed loudly, he smiled wide.
He was compassionate, loyal andloved deeply His frustration,
his pain and his anger.

(42:47):
He felt just as deeply when hisanger would get the better of
him.
It could last for hours.
Cody was a complex kid whosuffered mentally more than I
can imagine.
When Cody was frustrated andangry he was hard to be around,
but when he was in a good placehe was so giving, so funny,
creative and loving.

Speaker 2 (43:05):
Yeah, to take the time when you're dealing with
all these after school kids toactually get to know somebody
like that it's it's most peoplejust walk away and to have
somebody like James to actuallyembrace it and deal with it,

(43:34):
embrace it and deal with it, Ithink from my point of view that
would be huge.
I had men figures in my life asa teenager who, when I was
going through my troubles andyou know they talked to me
strong.
But you know, to this day Ilook back and say I'm glad they
did, I'm glad they were therefor me.
And it just shows you that Codytakes everything to the extreme
, from his emotions to his anger, to his DJing, to his dancing,

(43:57):
his programming, you know, andthey aren't just dreams, they're
actions, their actions.
See, a lot of people, I, I do,I do a um.
I used to have a.
Well, we, I've always for along time I have a board that I
put all my goals.
A few years ago I changed itfrom goals goal board to action

(44:17):
board and cody took action onthe things that he did.
It wasn't oh, I like djing.
Well, I'm going to do it 100, Ilike.
I like dancing, I'm going to doit 100.
So many people can learn fromthat.
Uh, and you know the?
The secret to success peoplepeople look at oh, maybe, maybe

(44:40):
they're just natural.
Well, cody had all of thesedifficult challenges and what
separated him from the peoplenot doing it is that he just
worked his butt off.
Yeah, yeah, trying all night,working on stuff excessively and
that's really the secret to besuccessful at anything.

(45:00):
Look at you at 37, you go tocollege.
Yeah, that doesn't happen toooften.
No, not only do that, you goand get your psychology degree.
Oh, I think I'm going tocontinue.
Get your master's.
And then I caught somethingthat I didn't catch in the book,
but I caught it.
You got your certified dementiapractitioner, or CDP.

(45:22):
Is that correct?

Speaker 3 (45:24):
Yeah, so that's something recent.
I did.
I actually work at a memorycare community here in Florida
and that was just an additionalcertification that helps you
specialize in helping andworking with those that live
with the different types ofdementia.
So, yeah, I'm kind of, eventhough I'm actually in sales and
marketing for the community.

(45:45):
I, I'm hands-on, I actuallywork in the community with the
residents, um, help feed them,help, you know, do activities
with them, um.
So, yeah, that's an additionalcertification I just did in the
last year.

Speaker 2 (45:58):
And that's all hard work, that's, and you know
there's no rules and this iswhat people need to understand.
Well, you got to 18, get yourdo, oh well.

Speaker 1 (46:22):
I'm 30.
It's over for me.
No, there's no, just get outthey're set by society.

Speaker 2 (46:24):
If you put your mind to it, you're going to do it,
you're going to succeed.
Is it going to be easy?
Absolutely not.
It's not going to be easy.
You know.
They excuse Well, have becauseit is hard.
Um, anything worth doing isdifficult, yeah.
So raising my son it I I hadthe opposite experience, had a
great son real well behaved.
My practice wife and I, we hadjoint custody.
We got along just fine.
Um, and, of course, fear right,teenage.

(46:46):
When I hit teenage I was goodat, uh, misdemeanor mayhem from
my parents, uh, you know,stealing a bottle of beer or uh,
you know my best friends.
His older brother, I think, was13,.
We were 13, 14.
He tried to get us stoned.
Didn't like marijuana at all tothis day I got so paranoid.

Speaker 1 (47:09):
So that was a good thing for me, because I'm like I
don't get it.

Speaker 2 (47:12):
Uh, I'm not interested uh but, all was our.
You know, that was the thingthat in the, the gen xers, you
know, smoking, I didn't smoke, Icouldn't figure that yeah, you
know, we, we go to parties andhave some drinks.

Speaker 3 (47:26):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (47:27):
That was a fear for my son.
Well, cody dived into this,just like he did everything,
okay.
He did something.
It wasn't to have a beer, itwas to get as much as he could
get into his system.
Right, I can't imagine, as amom, seeing that deterioration.

(47:50):
I mean it's a normal fear,right To think, okay, keep your
kids away from drugs and thisand that, but all of a sudden
you just see it going to theextreme.

Speaker 3 (47:59):
Right.
Well, of course, he did have totake things to the extreme,
like he did in everything inlife, but he was very intrigued
by the like hallucinogenics, thetrue like mind altering drugs,
drugs that you and I didn't growup with, such as DMT ketamine.

Speaker 2 (48:24):
I had no ketamine.
Yeah, matthew Perryunfortunately Right Passed from
a ketamine overdose.
But was DMT explain that one?
I've never even heard of that.

Speaker 3 (48:37):
So I'm not even going to try to pronounce the real
name DMT it's a weird long word,but basically I mean it's
something that we already havein our brain word, but basically
I mean it's something that wealready have in our brain and
that that substance, um,actually uh, is floods into your
brain when you die.
But it really um, it's verystrange.

(49:04):
I don't even I can't evenexplain it that well, but it
does fall under hallucinogenics.
So, um, you know he would seethings, hear things that aren't
there.
Um, you know.
So he liked that.
Though, like that, thinkingabout that to me like scares me.
I don't want to be like that.
I mean, do I like to get alittle buzzed and relaxed, like
with alcohol?
Sure, but that level of drugscares the crap out of me and

(49:29):
you know, not very many umpeople use it.
So when he would go um like tothe psych hospital eventually,
um, they would test for drugsand it would always say he
didn't do any.
And I'm just like, hey, I know,that's not true.
Um, he was prettystraightforward with me.
He did hide it in the earlystages of it, but then, once I

(49:49):
kind of figured out he was doingdrugs, he would just tell me
straight up Mom, I'm going to dodrugs and there's nothing you
can do to stop me.
And in his mind he actuallysaid those drugs helped him.
You know, there's two thingsthat come to mind when he says
stuff like that he believed thatdoing those types of drugs
which you can see out therethere's a certain group of

(50:12):
spiritualists that believe indoing those type of
hallucinogenics, such asayahuasca and things like that.
You kind of go on thisspiritual journey.
They're kind of from, you know,the Native American beings.
I mean, they do it fordifferent reasons than just to
get high.
But so you know, he wouldalways say it's a spiritual
journey that I'm on and it helpsme, and it helps me see things

(50:35):
differently and whatnot.
So it's kind of hard.
Like, what do you say to that?
When you're a mom?
You know it's like he thinks inhis mind they're helping him.
It wasn't the normal responsefrom a teenager like, oh, I like
to get messed up, I like to behigh, it's fun, he would do
these things by himself.
So again, how do you approachthat?

(50:56):
Like he was just so differentfrom my normal parenting skills.
I'm just like, what do you sayto that?
What do you say?

Speaker 2 (51:04):
And so, yeah, it goes against everything, right, it's
like, yeah, he's just tellingyou he's doing it and you're
like, you know, drugs areinteresting.
Society has put a blanket ondrugs, right.
Everything's drugs are bad intothings that may I'm not a

(51:27):
professional or anything, butmay actually have some medical
purposes.
One of the things that you knowI would enjoy drinking alcohol.
That was my drug of choice,which we don't even call it a
drug, even though it's one ofthe most deadly out there when
abused.
But it's because I have a stormin my brain.

(51:47):
But it's because I have a stormin my brain.
And, cody, I guarantee you hada storm way bigger than my storm
in my brain.
Mine was much more organized,but you know, alcohol helped
calm the storm.
Perhaps the psychedelics helpedorganize in his mind some of
these things he just couldn'tunderstand.
You know there's a lot ofresearch on cybicillin and maybe

(52:13):
they'll, maybe they'll startdoing some more research.
The unfortunate thing aboutpsychedelics is that for people
that have the propensity forpsychotic episodes, they can
lock them in.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
Right, right, exactly , and that's kind of what
happened to Cody.
You know, in my book I kind ofgo over it like what came first?
The chicken or the egg, youknow.
You know, I know he had mentalhealth issues and did that.
You know, I know he'sself-medicated with drugs and
alcohol.
But again, was the psychosisgoing to come no matter what, or

(52:46):
was the drugs just the catalystor I don't know, I guess it
doesn't matter.
But yeah, he actually had hisfirst psychotic um episode at
age 20, um, you know, afterdoing all these drugs, um, and
that was his firsthospitalization, um actually
went to the hospital I wasworking at in Las Vegas, um and

(53:09):
uh, you know, and then he, hegot on some medications and went
home and he became a little bitmore stable, um, and had his
21st birthday, which was soscary to me Cause I'm like, okay
, before at least there was alittle bit of a challenge for
him to get access to, you know,going into these, you know raves
, and going into the storebuying alcohol or whatever.

(53:32):
So I was, it was fearful, butum, um, and he was living with
me at the time.
But then he met this girl, um,kind of his first real serious
girlfriend and she was into therave scene and they did drugs
together.
And so of course she persuadedhim oh, don't take those
medications.
You know there are sexual sideeffects with a lot of those meds

(53:54):
.
And so he did stop taking themand slowly I noticed I was like
you're not taking them anymore,are you?
Because I could see the oldways coming back.
And again he just said nope,and I'm not going to and I'm
going to do whatever I want.
So I had to kick him out of myhouse once again, um, and that's
when he um became actuallyhomeless and lived in his car

(54:18):
for quite a while.
And again, you know, you'rekicking your son out.
It was just.
It goes against everything.
As a parent like you don't everwant to do that, but I can't
let you stay here using drugs.
I definitely can't condone allthat and support all that.
So you know, I take him out andin the back of my mind I'm like
I'm just sending him to hisdeath sentence, because that

(54:38):
gives him the opportunity toliterally do whatever the hell
he wants, with nobody, you know,looking over him or anything,
you know looking over him oranything.
Um, and he spiraled again, um,fat, like couple instances he
became psychotic again and hewas standing on top of his car
in an intersection in Las Vegas,just standing on top of it uh,

(55:00):
you know, dancing, blaring hismusic, um, and I had to go get
him and I got many phone callslike that in the middle of the
night of people saying you needto come get your son, or it's a
cop saying, yeah, you need tocome get your son.
And so he just spiraled andbrought him back home with me
again in hopes of getting him tostabilize, go get some meds, go

(55:24):
get help in any way that hecould, and again that maybe
lasted a few weeks that he sortof agreed to all of that, um,
but um yeah, I even I thought,okay, well, I'm going to write
down every all my expectations,make it very clear.
So there's no way he can say youdidn't say that, mom.

(55:44):
You know and keep in mind he's21.
So you know.
So I wrote down all myexpectations that you will get a
job.
You know you'll go see apsychiatrist, you'll stay on
your meds, you'll get some somesort of counseling for addiction
.
You know, blah, blah, blah,just a long list of expectations
.
And he was very reluctant tosign it.
I mean, it took a while.
I had to it.

(56:05):
It wasn't just like, okay, I'llsign it.
You know, I was like you, thisis the only way you're going to
live here.
And I mean, I think it took medays to get him to sign it, but
he finally did.
And I don't, I don't honestlybelieve that he ever had
intentions of following any ofit, because he didn't.

Speaker 2 (56:23):
I think the approach, I think the approach was wise.
And here's why when I, when Iread that, I thought to myself
okay, perhaps this is a turningpoint, because when he commits
to something, he has a trackrecord of sticking to it to the
T, yeah, and you do go into that.

(56:44):
It took him a while to sign itbecause in his mind he's going
through it.
So I think, ok, maybe this is aturning point.
This might be something that heholds himself accountable to,
because that's kind of hishistory when he commits to
something.
Unfortunately, that's not theway it went.

Speaker 3 (57:02):
No, and yeah, you would think you're right, but
you know I can't.
I can't remember exactly howlong it was Um and he, he did
okay, but um, uh, eventually hedid move out on his own again
and it wasn't a point where Ikicked him out, it was just kind
of agreed upon.
You know, it was time for youto to live on your own.

(57:23):
You know, um and I don't, Idon't think he blatantly used or
anything, I couldn't tell toomuch, but he did move out on his
own again.
And then that's when I, a fewmonths later, moved away out of
Vegas down to Florida.
He was living on his own, youknow, again, managing pretty
good.
I mean, he was very dedicatedto you know, like you said,

(57:48):
whatever he does, he does.

Speaker 2 (57:50):
So working for him he's very functional out there
when he was out there.
I mean he he's out there withthe Krispy Kreme, he goes to
Amazon, he works for DoorNet andyou even point out that,
regardless of what he does thenight before, he was always
shown up to work on time.

Speaker 3 (58:08):
Right, he worked very hard.

Speaker 2 (58:10):
That's why I was thinking maybe that contract's
going to work, because you know,when he commits to something,
it's like don't get in his way,he's going to do it Right.
Here's the thing that was goingthrough my head as a parent how
the hell did you stay saneyourself?
I mean, I mean literally not,not in the.
I mean right, how did you nothave a nervous breakdown the

(58:34):
nights?
The worry him driving on drugs?
I mean we always worry.
Hey, here's your driver'slicense, and what you're worried
about are other drivers andthings.
I mean you have all these otherfactors that, as a mom, you
have to sit there and try tosleep and be productive.
Yeah, I see how you did it.

Speaker 3 (58:53):
Well, I, you know, it's not like I can say I did
one thing and that worked.
I, I really do feel like that.
I mean, I have some strangebeliefs that him and I had a
contract when we came down tothis earth and I he chose me to
be his mom for a reason, and Idefinitely chose him to be my

(59:16):
son and agreed to come down tothis earth and do this because I
had a lot to learn and I didlearn a lot from him.
I think going into psychology,like you said, definitely helped
me understand mental health,understand human behaviors,
understand myself more.
You know, I definitely have,you know, some of his tenacity

(59:38):
and resiliency in me.
You know, again, I can't say Idid one thing and that's what
got me through.
It.
There wasn't.
But I definitely have a lot ofsupport in my family and friends
as well.
Knowing that I'm loved andsupported through all of that
definitely helped me.
But I, you know, I look backand I don't.

(59:59):
I don't know it was a lot ofheartbreak, a lot of heartbreak.

Speaker 2 (01:00:03):
Yeah, it's undescribed.
People have to read this book.
It's, it's, it's undescribable.
You'll have to read this book.
It's unmanageable, unimaginable, and you have to be strong.
Perhaps you were chosen to gothrough this struggle with this
particular boy who turned into aman, so that perhaps you can

(01:00:27):
help other people, which you'redoing now, which is a positive
spin on something that is sotragic.
So you go out to Las Vegas.
It was scary for you.
You talk about that.
It's the first time you drovealong that significant distance
by yourself.
I think your sisters were outthere.

(01:00:48):
Is that correct?

Speaker 3 (01:00:49):
Right, I had an older sister and her husband move out
here it's the Southwest Floridaarea and then my twin sister
moved out here Again, we're fromSan Diego but we're like we
can't really move out there.
It's too expensive to survive.
So what's the next best thing?
Florida beaches, perfect, youknow, less expensive.
Um, and then at that point um,my youngest had she was like

(01:01:14):
just graduating high school.
So I thought, perfectopportunities, just go and do
what I want to do, go somewhereelse, you know, kind of start
over no little kids to raise.
So, yeah, I just um pick up,picked up and moved um sold all
my belongings or gave them away,mostly um furniture, everything
.
And I just um pick up, pickedup and moved um sold all my
belongings or gave them away,mostly um furniture, everything.
And I just packed my little carand drove.
It was a three and a halfalmost four day trip by myself

(01:01:36):
in a car from Las Vegas toSouthwest Florida.
Um, and, yeah, that's uh, thatwas the last time basically I
got to actually see my son, holdhim, hug him.
Um, you know, I was excited todo it.
Um, of course, a little nervous, cause I'd never really been
away from my kids that that muchyou know.

(01:01:56):
Um, they would go back andforth to Utah, sometimes
throughout their lives.

Speaker 2 (01:02:00):
They grow up and get their own lives, don't they?

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
Yeah.
So yeah, I just moved out hereto Florida and had only been out
here three months and I get thehorrible phone call.

Speaker 2 (01:02:15):
So three months you're getting your new life.
You're with your sisters.
Things are going smooth inFlorida for the most part.

Speaker 3 (01:02:24):
Yeah, yeah, I started a job out here at a psychiatric
hospital, kind of similar towhat I was doing in Vegas.
Yeah, it was, it was, you know,it felt good, it was going
really well.

Speaker 2 (01:02:36):
And then the phone call.

Speaker 3 (01:02:38):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 2 (01:02:41):
Again.
I've said this a few times.
I can't imagine, so walk methrough that day if you don't
mind.

Speaker 3 (01:02:47):
Yeah, sure.
Well, what led up to it?
So, right, when I first movedout here, cody was always very
challenging, especially when hewas using drugs.
I mean, he didn't have a filterto begin with, but when he
started using drugs he would sayand do very strange things.
Have a filter to begin with,but when he started using drugs

(01:03:08):
he would say and do very strangethings.
Um.
And so when I moved out here, um, he had made a weird comment to
his sister.
Um, and I, you know I'd had it.
I mean, by that time I'm justlike I am so over your drug use
and your, you know just what yousay and do and it affects
people, you know.
So I, you know, kind of wentoff on him and um stopped

(01:03:28):
talking to him, and so did hissisters, because they were kind
of in the same boat as me.
They're kind of fed up with,you know, the weird comments he
makes and his drug abuse and um,so we all kind of had stepped
away at that point, not reallytalking to him, at least on a
daily basis, and so, um, youknow it'd been a couple months I
hadn't heard from him.
I mean, I would send him umlittle texts here and there but

(01:03:51):
he wouldn't respond.
So I believe he had blocked me.
Actually he blocked all of usbecause he didn't want to hear
what we had to say.
So a couple months had gone bythat I hadn't really any contact
.
My older sister did reach outto him at one point.
I asked her to because I waslike I haven't heard from him in
a while and in the back of mymind I was always fearful that
he would overdose or hurthimself because he had made

(01:04:13):
those comments before.
Um, so in the back of my mindit was always a possibility.
But of course you never hopethat, you that it actually
happens.
But, um, I was actually at workone day and I was just looking
through some old pictures in myphone, just you know, randomly,
and I just started crying and Ireally couldn't even stop crying
.
It was, it was kind of weirdand out of the blue, but my
heart was just so broken.

(01:04:33):
Um, you know, of course youdon't want to not talk to your
son, but at the same time it'slike you can't deal with it
anymore, and you had to protectyour other kids too.
Right, right.
So, and at that point he's 22years old.
You can't, I couldn't controlhim anymore.
Grown adult I'm, I'm in Florida, he's in Vegas.
So I kind of just, almostemotionally kind of let go at

(01:04:54):
that point.
And I just had a weird feelingone day at work um, looking at
pictures and just crying.
I just was so worried about him.
And then, um, you know, uh, Idon't know how long after that,
but I was at work and I saw acall coming in from him and
again, I hadn't talked to him intwo months and I was so, you
know, taken aback and part of mewas like do I answer this?

(01:05:14):
Because you don't know whatdrama lies on the other side.
You know, is he going to bescreaming at me?
Is he going to, you know, is hegoing to be high and psychotic?
You know, you just never know.
But I was like no, I want to, Iwant to answer this.
So I did, and um, it was him.
And I was like hi, and he'slike hi, mom, and um, and he's
like how are you doing?

(01:05:38):
I'm like I'm pretty good, andhe's like good, you like it out
there.
I was like, yeah, I like it outhere.
And he's like, oh, I'm at workon my desk and in my house and
trying to get me framed, and itkind of went on a little bit
more than that.
But basically he was paranoidand in like having delusions and

(01:06:01):
something I'm kind of used towith him, and so I knew right
off the bat I was like he'sstill using you know, and he
kind of went on and on and Ijust said, well, why don't you
call the police?
You know, not kind of justgoing with him on that journey
of a delusion, but also thinkingin the back of my mind, well,
maybe the cops will see howpsychotic he is and take him to
the hospital again and get himsome help.

Speaker 2 (01:06:20):
An indirect way to try to get him some help.

Speaker 3 (01:06:23):
Yeah, so, yeah.
So that's kind of where I wasgoing with that and it was.
It was a brief conversation,but you know, I told him I loved
him and he said he loved me andI said you know I'm at work, I
can't stay on the phone and Ilet him go.
Later that night I, um, you know, I turn off my ringer when I go
to bed because I don't sleepvery good as it is, so I don't
want to have phone calls orwhatever wake me up.
I woke up to missed phone callsand it was him, and and I was

(01:06:45):
like oh crap.
So I called him back.
He didn't answer and sent him acouple of texts like hey, sorry
, I missed your call, I wassleeping, you know how are you,
or whatever, didn't ever respond.
And then, you know, a few daysgo by, which again wasn't
abnormal, so, but I tried tocall him again and didn't answer
, it went straight to voicemailand I'm just like something's
not right.
And then, um, at that time myyoungest daughter, savannah, was

(01:07:06):
out here living with me and meand my twin sister we lived
together and um, um, I get aphone call and it's from a
blocked number and I'm just like, well, that's weird, and
usually blocked numbers, in myexperience, are police officers
because they don't want you tohave their number.
Are police officers becausethey don't want you to have

(01:07:30):
their number.
And, um, and knowing Cody, whowas always in trouble and
getting picked up, or whatever,I was like crap, you know,
that's where I thought I thoughtit had something to do with him
.
And this gentleman left me avoicemail.
Um, you know, it was a policeofficer in Vegas.
Um, you know, please give me acall.
And so I was like, oh, you know, again, thinking that something
, cody did something wrong.
So I called him back and hesaid um, you know, are you the

(01:07:51):
mother of Cody Ward?
And I said yeah, I'm his mom.
And he said, well, you know, doyou know where he is?
And I said, no, you know, sorry, I've been trying to get ahold
of him.
He's not answering and he doeshave a history of drug abuse and
history of mental illness.
So you know, it could beanything.
You know, um, he's like well, wefound his car up in the
mountains outside of Vegas,mount Charleston.

(01:08:11):
He did go there a lot to.
Um, he loved being in the woodsCause, you know, um his dad
growing up in Southern Utah,they always go out hunting and
stuff and he would go up thereand meditate or whatever.
So I was like well, that's notvery surprising.
You found his car up there.
Yeah, it makes sense, you know.
I was like, yeah, he goes upthere sometimes and they're like
well, his car's here, but he'snot here.
And I said, oh, okay, he saidwe're going to keep looking for

(01:08:42):
him, you know, um, we'll let youknow.
I said, well, you know, missingperson report, but let us do
some more investigating.
I said, okay, please call meback, you know.
So it was a Saturday evening andof course, after that kind of
phone call, I'm sick, you know,I'm sick to my stomach and start
kind of going down, spiralingof thoughts and um, and hours
and hours go by.
He never did return my call.

(01:09:03):
Um, I'm trying to call thatnumber back, even though it was
blocked, but I could, I think Icould call it.
I don't know, I don't rememberexactly, but I did call it like
15 times and he didn't answer.
And I'm just like, okay, what'sgoing on?
And then, it was a little aftermidnight, one or 1 30 AM, I
think, somewhere around there, Iget another phone call and it's

(01:09:24):
from a Las Vegas number and, um, and so at this point again,
I'm just, you know, I'm upset,hysterical, crying and not
knowing what's going on.
And on the other line was, um,somebody saying you know, is
this Mrs Ward?
And I said yes, and she saidher name, which I don't remember
to this day, but all I rememberis well, this is so-and-so from
the Las Vegas coroner's office.

(01:09:45):
That's all she had to say.
I knew and I just dropped thephone, started screaming and
crying, and my daughter wasactually sitting right next to
me because she knew too.
She knew what we were dealingwith and she heard it too.
And she lost it and justscreamed and cried for many,
many, many hours, don't evenknow.

(01:10:08):
Again.
I dropped the phone.
I don't even know what she wassaying, and she kept trying to
call me back because when you,when somebody dies, you have to
go over how to proceed.
You know his belongings, wherethe body's going, all that.
But I was like, are you kiddingme?
I don't really care right now,you know.
And then being so far away fromVegas, that just it made it all

(01:10:33):
worse, because I was just likeI need to get there.
I need to get there.
I don't know to do what, butthat was just a familiar place
for me.
That's where he died, that'swhere he lived.
So, yeah, a few hours later wewere on a flight to Vegas, all
of us what a nightmare flightyeah, absolute nightmare,
absolute nightmare, absolutenightmare.

Speaker 2 (01:10:47):
So they eventually ruled it a suicide, correct.

Speaker 3 (01:10:52):
Yeah.
So at that point I thoughtmaybe he had just overdosed
because he did do so many drugs.
And come to find out he had abig tub of his belongings in the
back of his car and he hadwritten on the tub please give
all these belongings to thegirlfriend at the time
ex-girlfriend.
They weren't really together atthe time, but they were talking
.
He was obsessed with her and sohe was leaving all these

(01:11:16):
belongings to her, which iscrazy because I never did give
those to her because she didn'tdeserve them.
But and then he also, during hisparanoia, had gotten a whole
bunch of phones.
I mean, I think it was likefive phones.
I still have them.
But he always thought likegovernment was hacking his phone
so he had to go buy a new phone.
So he had all these phones inthat tub.
And come to find out we weregoing through them while we were

(01:11:38):
out there and we found a videoof him basically saying goodbye
but saying he had to go to theother side to help guide this
girlfriend.
And um, you know which again is, although he took his own life,
um, it was almost in somewhatof a selfless way because he
thought he was going to go tothe other side to help her, um,

(01:12:03):
and you know so many otherthings.
But they also found in histoxicology report he had
overdosed on Tylenol, pm andBenadryl.
He did have some amphetaminesin his body and alcohol.

Speaker 2 (01:12:15):
Yeah, so many people that get to the point of suicide
.
You know they speak of pain,they speak of they can't handle
this life anymore and I was kindof expecting that and I was
taken aback by and I got thesame impression as you that, hey

(01:12:36):
, I want to go help people.
I really believe, based on howyou wrote it and what he said in
the video, that he trulybelieved that, that he was going
to be more effective Right,which just speaks to his
uniqueness.

Speaker 3 (01:12:57):
Right, exactly.

Speaker 2 (01:12:58):
Well, as we finish up here, diana, I do want you to
read one more passage, because Iwant people to see Cody through
the eyes of those that knew himbest, and I really love what
Jessica, your daughter, wrote.
Okay, and on page 72 and 114,there's two passages that, if

(01:13:26):
you don't mind, I would love foryou to read.

Speaker 3 (01:13:28):
Absolutely Okay.
One night, when I was havingrelationship issues with my
boyfriend, I asked Cody to comespend time with me because I was
lonely and sad.
He didn't hesitate and cameright over.
We got into a deep conversationof life and the things we had
been through growing up.
I told Cody about a girl whohad cerebral palsy and how so

(01:13:50):
many people were mean to her,and he started sobbing.
I grabbed his hand and held ittight and told him that she was
okay.
She was so happy and positiveand was living a great life
despite her past.
He sobbed and said to me buthow can people be so mean to a
beautiful person?
I hugged him and let him knowthat he is such a sympathetic

(01:14:12):
person.
That's.
That's what makes him sospecial, because you don't come
across such an empathetic personvery often, especially a man.
That was Cody, for sure.
And then what was the otherpage?

Speaker 2 (01:14:26):
114.
This, this, this is this isbeautiful okay, um, oh yes,
jessica.

Speaker 3 (01:14:34):
His sister read this at the candlelight vigil that we
had for him.
My angel, my twin, my dj, myhero, cody, you were an angel
without wings here on earth.
You truly didn't give a damnwhat people thought, and I
completely admire that about you.
These past two years were themost trying times for you and I

(01:14:55):
know the things you said and didweren't your true self.
You didn't mean anyone harm.
I know your beautiful soultruly was selfless, caring,
nonjudgmental and beautiful.
Caring, non-judgmental andbeautiful.
You would give the shirt offyour back literally to anyone
who needed it.
Your warm smile and infectiouslaugh could brighten anyone's
day.
You meant the world to me.

(01:15:15):
You do mean the world to me.
I know you are truly myguardian angel now.
Thank you for the 21 years yougave me.
Thank you for the hard timesand the good times.
Those memories will live on me,on in me, forever.
I know you're home in heavenwith granny now.
Your legacy will be carried onthrough us all.

Speaker 2 (01:15:38):
We miss you, dj codex the number one dj in the world
according according to Jessica.

Speaker 3 (01:15:45):
Yes, definitely.

Speaker 2 (01:15:49):
And then let's show that tattoo one more time.
There it is in his handwriting.

Speaker 3 (01:15:55):
Yep, that's his handwriting.
We took it off of a piece ofpaper that he made Me, my twin
sister and my two daughters gotit, and then I have another
tattoo that I got for him andit's the.
I don't know if you can see it,sorry, oh my gosh, it's the
symbol for suicide prevention.
It's a semi colon.

(01:16:15):
It just means you know, don'tlet your story end here.
Just take a pause if you'rehaving a rough life and don't
let it end here and just keepgoing.

Speaker 2 (01:16:25):
So parents that are dealing with similar issues
where could they go for help?
What can they do to get supportand see that there's other
people out there that understand?

Speaker 3 (01:16:41):
Yeah, there's a lot of good organizations out there
nonprofits, actually.
So NAMI is one of them, whichis N-A-M-I, which stands for
National Alliance for MentalIllness.
They have free services toeverybody, so they're one good
one.
Another one is the AmericanFoundation for Suicide
Prevention.

(01:17:01):
They're a good nonprofit too.
I'm actually working with ourlocal chapter here right now.
We're planning a motorcycleride fundraiser.
That'll be in March of 2025.
But those are two really goodorganizations.
I mean, there's a lot of themout there, but those are free at
least.
So it doesn't matter if youhave insurance or money or not.
They're all free.

Speaker 2 (01:17:22):
Fantastic, and where can people find more information
about you and anything elseyou're doing?

Speaker 3 (01:17:28):
My website is dianawardauthorcom my book.
There's a link to buy my bookthrough Amazon on there or you
can find the book on Amazon.
But yeah, I'm also on LinkedIn,instagram, all that.
My Instagram page isdianawordauthor as well.

Speaker 2 (01:17:48):
Excellent.
Well, listen, diana, you'vebeen very, very generous with
your time.
I do appreciate it.
I know this is a hard story,but from my perspective it was
uplifting.
I think people should read thebook.
I will try.
This is the book here, andeveryone should go to Amazon and
get this, even if you're notdealing with a child or a friend

(01:18:24):
who has mental illness.
There's a lot of lessons thatus normal people that we think
are so normal can learn fromsomeone like Cody, and I always
encourage everybody to get outthere, do their best, you know,
and don't give up and go after.
Make your dreams reality.
There's no rules.
You can do it.
Well, diana, thank you so much.
I wish the best for you andyour family.
You have a wonderful family,wonderful story, and thank you

(01:18:45):
for taking the time.

Speaker 3 (01:18:46):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:18:49):
You've been listening to Real People, Real Life.
Our passion is to have realconversations with real people
who've made it.
Real people who've made it whodid it on their own terms.
We'll be back soon, but in themeantime, catch us on Twitter or
X at RPRL Podcast and onYouTube at Real People Real Life

(01:19:13):
Podcast.