August 15, 2024 • 31 mins
Changing the Narrative of Your Trauma into Your Off-Broadway Stage Script
When Kesha Brown decided to leave her abusive household at the tender age of nine, she could hardly foresee the profound ripple effect it would have on her life and the life of her mother. Join us in this emotionally charged episode of Real Talk, Real Women Breaking the Silence Around Abuse, where Kesha candidly recounts her childhood trauma and the pivotal moments that led her down a path of healing and empowerment. Through the comforting melodies of Mahalia Jackson and the cathartic process of writing her book, "Girl Get Your Power Back," Kesha navigated the treacherous waters of her past, underscoring the crucial role of therapy and continuous healing.
In our conversation, we also explore the liberating power of forgiveness and the importance of making conscious choices to break free from toxic cycles. Kesha shares heartfelt stories of forgiving her parents and ex-spouses, illustrating how choosing love, joy, and forgiveness can pave the way for a fulfilled and authentic life. We delve into her work with the Healing Exchange, where she uses her creative talents to inspire and heal others, emphasizing the importance of narrative and connection in overcoming trauma.
Keisha Brown's story as a previvor[note: We all know "survivor" when you live through hell and back, and you end up still being alive, and having to start over your life with a completely different perspective. A "previvor" is someone who chooses to go through proactive measures, such as mastectomy, to reduce the risk of developing breast cancer.]
Keisha M. Brown is an advocate, speaker, and writer dedicated to raising awareness about her experiences as a previvor. Having undergone proactive measures to reduce her risk of developing cancer, Keisha shares her inspiring journey and insights into navigating the challenges of being a previvor.
Her passion lies in empowering others facing similar circumstances, offering support, guidance, and a voice of understanding in the realm of cancer prevention and wellness.
Through her advocacy work and personal story, Keisha strives to foster a community of strength, resilience, and hope for individuals confronting the unknowns of genetic predispositions and their impact on health.
Keisha Brown, a beacon of strength and resilience, shares her journey as a previvor navigating the unknown path to wellness. Through her words, she brings a message of hope, healing, and community outreach, illuminating the way for others with warmth and courage.
Keisha's story is one of courage in the face of uncertainty, a reminder that strength can be found in vulnerability. As a previvor, she embodies resilience and determination, paving the way for others to embrace their own journeys with grace and fortitude.
Her experience serves as a guiding light, offering hope and inspiration to those who may be walking a similar path. With her words echoing a message of healing and unity, Keisha shines brightly, showing that even in the midst of challenges, we can find solace in the power of community and the unwavering spirit of the human heart.
Life as a previvor is a journey into the unknown. It is filled with uncertainties and fears, but also with resilience and strength. Facing the unknown is not easy, but with the right mindset and wellness practices, it can become a path to personal growth and self-discovery.
Keisha M Brown's book, "Facing the Unknown", is an honest and inspiring account of her journey as a previvor. Through her story, Brown hopes to inspire others to prioritize their own wellness and take steps towards a healthier, happier life. She believes that by making small changes and incorporating self-care into our daily routines, we can all experience the transformative power of wellness.
The weight of grief is heavy, many people think of grief as losing a loved
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Gemma (00:00):
Yeah, Welcome to Real Talk, Real Women
Breaking the Silence Around Abuse.
I am Gemma Serenity Gorokhoff, your host,
and today we have Keisha Brown joining us.
Such an honor to have you.
Thank you for joining us today.
Keisha (00:17):
Thank you for having me.
It's such a pleasure.
I'm so excited to be here and to share my
story with everyone.
That's amazing.
Gemma (00:25):
So, indeed, let's start with your story.
Can you please tell us a little bit about
your life story, with an emphasis on the
kind of abuse you overcame in your life.
Keisha (00:38):
Absolutely Well, I'm a product of childhood
abuse, of childhood abuse.
Mainly, I saw my father abuse my mother for
many years and the impact that it had on me
as a child grew with me as I became an
adult.
(00:59):
So the memories that I have was very
traumatic for me and I realized growing up
that I had to make a change, that I had to
change differently for my life.
I had to choose different for my life.
(01:25):
Go through what she went through day after
day.
You know coming home from school seeing the
bruises on her face.
You know the wounds, the scratches, all of
the signs of abuse and how that impacted me,
even at the age of nine.
I remember one particular time I was coming
home from school and my mom was.
She had shades on and I said what happened?
(01:50):
Like what happened?
What did he do to you?
And I remember telling her why don't you
just leave?
And you know her response was very vague,
very you know, sad and melancholy and it
(02:10):
was like here I am, at the age of eight or
nine.
I decided at that moment that I was going
to leave, that I was going to leave.
So I decided to get my little book bag and
(02:30):
whatever other bags and pack my clothes as
many as I can and push it in.
And, you know, I said I'm going to leave.
So I chose to go live with my grandmother,
who lived on the other side of town, and my
grandmother was my saving grace, her and my
grandfather.
And so when I got to my grandmother's house
I said I'm never going back there and she
(02:52):
said it's okay, baby, you don't have to.
You know, that was the moment that I
decided that enough was enough.
I could no longer watch my mom be in such
pain at the hands of my father.
And shortly after she decided maybe I think
(03:14):
it was about two months she decided to
leave because I was no longer there
Gemma (03:32):
so in your case, um, and in the case of
your mom, she was also staying for the kids,
meaning for you.
So if you were not here anymore, there was
no more compelling reason to stay together.
Because in such, in one interesting and
peculiar train of thought, parents have to
stay together for the kids?
When, truth be told, if it is a situation
(03:53):
of domestic violence, of abuse, of constant
picking on each other and really toxic
environment, much better off to sleep.
Keisha (04:09):
Yes.
Gemma (04:10):
This is a protagonist who protects the
children from that toxic relationship and
not necessarily from each relationship with
each other.
That is not exactly the same thing, right.
It may or may not not depend the case, so
okay, so your mom actually escaped two
months after you because you actually
(04:31):
opened the way.
So you were the saving grace of your mom's
Keisha (04:36):
well, you could say that.
Um, you know, if you ask her today, I don't
think she really recall all the details.
Um, I actually wrote a book about it and
it's called Girl Get your Power Back, do
you want to be healed?
And as I began to write the book, that's
when I realized that there still was a
(04:57):
level of residue of trauma that I needed to
address.
As I was writing the book, I decided to go
back to therapy, because it brought up a
bunch of stuff, because I was going back in
my memory and stuff that I chose not to
(05:17):
remember came up.
The many times my father would shit me down
south, every time my mom threatened to
leave, I would wake up and be in somebody
else's house.
You know, all of those things really left
me traumatized.
So therapy was the best decision that I
(05:37):
could ever make, because even as I was
writing the book get your power back, I was
getting my power back at the same time.
Gemma (05:50):
There is something magical I noticed that
as well when you actually teach or write or
convey your past to healing.
And you're here, whoa, I should actually
swallow my own medicine, right?
Keisha (06:06):
yes, yes, and that's exactly what it was,
because the funny thing is I write about.
There's one part of the book where I write
about I don't know if you know the artist,
Mahalia Jackson.
She's like an old school gospel singer and
I remember at nine years old, my mom said
what do you want for your birthday?
(06:26):
And I said I want Mahalia Jackson tapes,
cause back then it was tapes and she said,
really.
I said, yeah, I want that, and so I didn't
know why I wanted it.
I just knew that Mahalia had a voice that
was soothing to me and so at night I would
(06:47):
have it on replay and it would just play,
so as the hits and the impact of the abuse
was happening, I would tune it out and I
would just listen to Mahalia, and her voice
was actually soothing and healing for me.
It was something that even today, if I was
(07:07):
to listen to her song one of her songs I
would instantly cry, because it brought me
back to my childhood and the scars that it
left on me.
It's an emotional connection.
Yes, yes, yes.
But I'm able to get through it now.
(07:30):
Before therapy, I was stuck.
You know, I think sometimes we think we go
to therapy and that's just a one-time deal,
but it's really not.
It's a progression of healing.
It's a progression of healing, you know.
You have to unpack the layers and really
get to the root, because sometimes we don't
(07:50):
know why we're choosing things in our adult
life.
It's because of the things that impacted us
as kids, you know.
So it had an impact on even my
relationships and how I chose men, how I
chose to be with the father of my children.
(08:12):
You know, I said I would never have someone
abuse me, I would never let that happen.
But I ended up in a domestic violence
marriage.
My ex-husband wasn't physically abusive,
but he was mentally and emotionally abusive,
and so it was just I don't know.
I think that's worse.
To be honest, you know, the scars can heal,
(08:34):
but the emotional impact you lose.
I lost myself, I lost my self-worth, I lost
my self-esteem.
I didn't know who I was.
I was much heavier than I am now.
You know I really just lost me.
But I can tell you, the power of
(08:54):
forgiveness was actually healing for me,
because I went through that process of okay,
this happened through that process of okay,
this happened, but I'm no longer a victim.
(09:15):
I can also become the victor if I choose to
do the healing, and that takes work.
Gemma (09:18):
Thank you so much for speaking into that
because, first of all, I must agree from
experience as well being hit, being bruised,
being even like bloodied in some way or
another, sure it hurts, it does hurt, sure,
sometimes it is even disabling, and
sometimes it actually gets to your mental
(09:43):
health as well.
However, yes, you do.
Indeed, most of the cases not all, most of
the you heal your physical because the body
naturally heals itself.
We are, we are created to constantly heal
and improve, yes, all the cells of our body.
(10:03):
The other part, which is a much different
game, in a much different environment, is
our emotional wellness, mental wellness,
integrity, identity, belief system.
All that that is not seen at first, that is
(10:24):
not provable.
So you cannot just go to the emergency room.
Yeah, I'm, I'm you?
What well?
He told me I was a bitch, okay and okay.
So I need help.
Yeah, so at least, and don't plug that.
(10:45):
It's like it's serious, okay, right.
And they just like, yeah, go to the
therapist, that's fine.
It's like, okay, right, you did right.
You did really, really the right thing to
find and to attract to you a therapist that
resonated with you, that allowed you to do
(11:05):
your inner work and to and to really dive
into your shadow work.
And I remember that I had to actually
specify what inner work and shadow work is,
because not 100 of the people understand
what it actually means, and maybe you want
to, uh, to precise that, because that is a
question that came a few times.
(11:26):
I was like whoa, I have to say that okay,
let's say it.
What is it?
Keisha (11:31):
shadow work?
That's a good question.
I really can't answer that.
Um, I know the work that my therapist do
with me.
It's more, I would say.
She's always saying she's helping me heal
my inner child.
So I would presume that's part of it and I
(11:53):
didn't understand what she said.
When she said it I was like inner child,
what does she mean by that?
But she had me, because I'm a creative
writer.
She said let's write a book and I said OK.
And she said name your chapters, name your
trauma.
And I said okay, this is different.
So it was like father hit mom, next chapter,
(12:20):
ex-husband manipulation, third chapter.
You know, ex-husband cheating, you know.
So it was as I was naming my chapters one
by one.
We will go through what happened.
(12:40):
How did I feel the impact that it left on
me?
How did I feel the impact that it left on
me and how can I heal and truly heal, so I
don't become, I don't leave, you know,
leave and live in that trauma.
Because now sometimes I think if we don't
address it, if we don't deal with the
(13:01):
trauma, the trauma will deal with that.
And so I got to a place where I was like
I'm no longer carrying this.
Yes, it happened.
Yes, it hurt.
Yes, I went through hell.
Yes, it broke me.
Yes, I lost who I was, but I can get it
(13:24):
back.
I can get it back.
I don't have to live back there on domestic
violence street.
I don't have to live on that street anymore.
My address has changed.
I am now healed.
I am now free.
(13:44):
I am now allowed to be the person that I
know I can be at my highest self, and so
affirmations helped me.
I began to speak, the person I wanted to be,
even though I couldn't see her in the
mirror.
I couldn't identify what that was, but the
(14:06):
more I spoke, the more I visualized and
used my imagination.
And then I got a journal and I was specific
in what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do
it, what I wanted to be, how I wanted to
become a better person.
(14:27):
And slowly but surely, the layers of the
trauma begin to just pull back.
The layers of the trauma begins to just
pull back and I'm not saying I'm 100%, you
know whole, because I believe we still get
(14:47):
triggered.
We still get triggered.
But the thing about it, because I did the
work, I'm able to identify what triggers me,
what would bring me back there to my
childhood and instantly I could just say,
nope, we're not doing that, we're not going
there again, we don't live there anymore.
And that is what has really and truly spoke
(15:11):
to my being, spoke to who I am as a person
and all my friends would say oh my God, you
are not the same person.
And I would say you're right, I'm not, I'm
not and I thank God that I'm not.
Gemma (15:28):
I see you, I recognize you and I absolutely
confirm as well that you are coming from a
place of self-empowerment based on complete
forgiveness of them, of you, because we
also have a huge part of self-forgiveness
to do just because we stay there.
(15:50):
Yeah, that is it forgive ourselves, right?
So you?
You just spoke into the inner child healing
and one of the methods to imagine, to write
a book of your life and to name the
chapters and by choosing which chapter you
actually are choosing which trauma and
(16:11):
which specific experiences that you want to
have in that book, because it's too heavy
to carry alone.
Basically, right, if I complete the picture
for the audience with the shadow work, the
shadow work is a little bit the same, with
(16:34):
an emphasis on I was so bad.
I was an awful person.
So I am going into my own shadow, my own
places where I'm hiding all the time, where
I messed up because I am responsible for
all the abuse I got.
(16:55):
It really comes more into that place and
from there the work is similar.
Now the methodology can change.
Everybody has a different methodology, but
the methodology can change.
But what is really spoken into is okay.
What is your belief system and when did you
(17:18):
get started on it?
What was that first memory that comes back
that may explain why you misbehaved that
much, why you behaved that much, misaligned
with your true loving self, with your true
(17:39):
love and light self nature?
Yes, and when you're able to find the
origin from there, it is the domino effect.
Oh, as a toddler, I made that decision
because when I was seven, I made that
comment, because I promised that when I was
(18:01):
five years old.
Yeah, it does continue your entire life
until you say no more yes, and that no more
is okay.
Stop, I'm going to do my shadow work.
What is it that actually lives in me and
make me a point of attraction for even more
things to be ungrateful for?
(18:23):
and get mad about and be so reactive, and
so with reactive abuse and all kinds of
behaviors that you actually blame yourself
for having, Right actually blame yourself
for having right is a part of the shadow
work to make a difference, and that is
really addressed to the audience, because I
got that question a few, a few times and I
realized it may not be that good for
(18:44):
everyone.
Okay, so let's explain that right that.
Keisha (18:48):
That is a good question, and thank you for
clarifying it for me, because I've heard of
it but I never really understood exactly
what it meant in detail.
So that's a great question.
Gemma (19:02):
The number of modalities to help address
and heal our inner trauma, our memories our
lifetime, as well as our past lives,
because oftentimes we also do carry the
burden of other lifetimes prior and
(19:25):
oftentimes we also carry our ancestral
defect, meaning everything from our
ancestors, when in human form, when they
messed up so much, but they actually
transmit through the dna this entire um
burden until now.
(19:46):
We know it, we put an end to it and we say
okay, no more.
And by choosing to empower ourselves to put
an end to that toxic behavior and toxic
belief system.
It also because you believe that like your
(20:08):
mom believe that, whatever I'm too weak to
live, I must stay for the children
something like that until suddenly she
opens up her eyes and realizes well, my
daughter is not here, therefore, I'm not
here either.
Let me go back to her Because, at the end
(20:28):
of the day, what I want is at least a
little bit good, because it doesn't feel
good to be hit and abused all the time.
It doesn't feel good at be hit and abused
all the time.
It doesn't feel good at all.
So then there is a choice, and when you
make that choice and you know it better
than anybody else when you make that choice,
(20:48):
you choose love, you choose joy, you choose
happiness you choose to experience all of
that and you give yourself permission, and
that is a good one.
You choose to experience all of that and
you give yourself permission.
You give yourself permission to enjoy life
and to be your best self and to serve your
own love Right?
Keisha (21:09):
Yes, but you gotta forgive.
Gemma (21:12):
Oh yeah, that is a path it goes through
that you have to forgive.
Yeah, forgiveness is one of the.
I discovered one thing pretty recently
Forgiveness, that concept is embedded in
all world religions of any kind.
(21:33):
You go through all the religions all around
the earth, all around the times.
Forgiveness is embedded in one way or
another.
So that concept of stop holding on to the
hurt, release it, let it be and accept only
(21:57):
what you choose to experience being whole
and being fine and being okay and being
healed.
Keisha (22:04):
Yes, you have to forgive because, even with
me and my story, it got to the point where,
before my father was actually killed by his
so-called friend, was actually killed by
his so-called friend, he actually got to
the house and poured gasoline on the
building and lit the match and by the time,
(22:26):
you know, they discovered my father.
He you know he had already perished.
But the forgiveness piece was definitely
really for me, it was vital that I got to a
place where I could forgive the guy that
(22:49):
did it, that committed that horrible crime,
and also forgive my father for the level of
abuse that my mom had to suffer for and
what it did to me, how it scarred.
It scarred me.
(23:11):
So forgiveness was definitely vital and I
had to forgive my ex-husband.
You know, prior to after our separation, he
ended up getting sick, he had a stem stroke
and he ended up in a coma for nine months.
Now I'm the ex-wife.
(23:33):
I don't have to be there.
Now I'm the ex-wife, I don't have to be
there.
But I chose to be there because I felt like
that was the right thing to do and I was no
(23:56):
longer holding on to the things he did to
me or the impact it had on our relationship.
That was no longer an issue.
This man was fighting for his life, you
know.
So you put things into the right
perspective.
At that moment he can no longer hurt me.
You know.
Everything that was done is done.
All we have is now, and so at this moment
(24:16):
he needs support.
He needs that positive energy and, you know,
unfortunately we ended up taking him off of
life support.
But I learned a viable lesson in all of
that If I didn't forgive him for all the
stuff that me and him went through, there's
(24:39):
no way I could have been there for him up
until his last days.
There's no way and I really just thank God
that I was able to do that and really show
my kids like, hey, that didn't always get
it right, I didn't always get it right,
didn't always get it right.
We both made some mistakes, but at the end
(25:01):
of the day we have to do the right thing
for each other, and sometimes doing the
right thing hurts.
Gemma (25:13):
So yes, it's true, it is absolutely true.
But sometimes doing the right thing even
though it hurts, it's actually freeing yes
conviction and you know in the deepest of
your core that you are doing the right
thing, meaning that you have nothing to
(25:34):
guilt yourself about, you are clean and you
can look at yourself in the mirror.
Keisha (25:47):
look straight into your eyes and say I know
it hurts, but girl good Right, absolutely.
Gemma (25:52):
Beautiful.
Last question for you, just before you wrap
Tell us how you are, how you have brought
into your professional life such a life
experience.
How are you making the world a better place
and serving people around you?
Keisha (26:09):
Well, I do that many ways.
I'm a playwright, so I take in my trauma
and all my pain and turned it into
something beautiful.
So I create scripts that are geared towards
domestic violence, um, whether it be grief,
(26:30):
you know real life situations that we go
through on a day-to-day basis, and I take
that, those stories and I create a script.
And I've been producing my own off-Broadway
productions and it has been so rewarding
for me, also another healing tool, because
(26:52):
now I get to change the narrative, I get to
change the story, how the story ends.
So I use the stage as my platform to do it
(27:21):
and I love it.
And then I write books.
I've written my first book and I wrote a
second book which is on a whole different
topic.
So, you know, I just use my creative arts.
(27:42):
So, you know, I just use my creative arts,
my creative energy and to change the
narrative.
And, you know, allow people.
And I also have a platform called the
Healing Exchange where I interview those
who've been in domestic violence, who've
been through any type of trauma, who've
been sick, who've also healed from that
sickness, because we want to not just talk
about what we've been through, but we want
(28:04):
to share how we got through it and where we
are now, because people need to see there
is a way out.
It doesn't always always in in a bad way.
So, yeah, I have that and I love it.
I love, I love, just storytelling.
I love storytelling.
So I use whatever I can to allow people to
(28:26):
change their narrative how amazing, keisha.
Gemma (28:32):
Thank you so much for creating a space for
people to connect, to watch other people's
stories, to feel acknowledged in their own
secret pain.
So that actually is nice, because too many
people go through that.
So we better actually talk about it and
(28:54):
heal from it and forgive and really let go
and choose differently.
And you are doing exactly that through your
script writing of broadway, all of that.
Those play, those books, oh my gosh.
So I would love to actually be a part of
your uh healing hub, of course, because
(29:15):
with such a story it's like, of course,
yeah, we're going to play.
So I mean, I'm also victorious.
Over 15 years of domestic violence, with
two different stories and um 11 years ago
it all ended and uh, now I'm 11 years into
all those wonderful rising after abuse
(29:39):
stories you know, you come back to yourself,
you find yourself, you forgive, you
understand and really search deep.
What is that?
And I had a lot of shadow work to do
because I was blaming myself so much for
what was going on that it was extremely
hard to actually release that own
(30:00):
self-belief.
And once I did it, it's like, wow, you know,
that's something I need to give to the
audience.
And then we're going to wrap up, One of the
key things I decided.
I decided to feel happy, so that happiness
is a much bigger overarching feeling,
(30:24):
rather than that negative, heavy emotional
pain, because emotional pain I know it to
the point of feeling it physically.
So this is how much I know emotional pain
and I decided to say let me bring up the
volume of emotional happiness, joy and
(30:46):
beautiful feelings so that that actually
prevail over that emotional pain.
And one of the way I go about that is that
at any moment in time I stop in my track,
and I remind myself smile with all your
heart, yeah and just the fact of smiling.
(31:09):
It changes your chemistry, and you are
happier.
Yeah, Welcome to Real Talk, Real Women
Breaking the Silence Around Abuse.
I am Gemma Serenity Gorokhoff, your host,
and today we have Keisha Brown joining us.
Such an honor to have you.
Thank you for joining us today.
Keisha (00:17):
Thank you for having me.
It's such a pleasure.
I'm so excited to be here and to share my
story with everyone.
That's amazing.
Gemma (00:25):
So, indeed, let's start with your story.
Can you please tell us a little bit about
your life story, with an emphasis on the
kind of abuse you overcame in your life.
Keisha (00:38):
Absolutely Well, I'm a product of childhood
abuse, of childhood abuse.
Mainly, I saw my father abuse my mother for
many years and the impact that it had on me
as a child grew with me as I became an
adult.
(00:59):
So the memories that I have was very
traumatic for me and I realized growing up
that I had to make a change, that I had to
change differently for my life.
I had to choose different for my life.
(01:25):
Go through what she went through day after
day.
You know coming home from school seeing the
bruises on her face.
You know the wounds, the scratches, all of
the signs of abuse and how that impacted me,
even at the age of nine.
I remember one particular time I was coming
home from school and my mom was.
She had shades on and I said what happened?
(01:50):
Like what happened?
What did he do to you?
And I remember telling her why don't you
just leave?
And you know her response was very vague,
very you know, sad and melancholy and it
(02:10):
was like here I am, at the age of eight or
nine.
I decided at that moment that I was going
to leave, that I was going to leave.
So I decided to get my little book bag and
(02:30):
whatever other bags and pack my clothes as
many as I can and push it in.
And, you know, I said I'm going to leave.
So I chose to go live with my grandmother,
who lived on the other side of town, and my
grandmother was my saving grace, her and my
grandfather.
And so when I got to my grandmother's house
I said I'm never going back there and she
(02:52):
said it's okay, baby, you don't have to.
You know, that was the moment that I
decided that enough was enough.
I could no longer watch my mom be in such
pain at the hands of my father.
And shortly after she decided maybe I think
(03:14):
it was about two months she decided to
leave because I was no longer there
Gemma (03:32):
so in your case, um, and in the case of
your mom, she was also staying for the kids,
meaning for you.
So if you were not here anymore, there was
no more compelling reason to stay together.
Because in such, in one interesting and
peculiar train of thought, parents have to
stay together for the kids?
When, truth be told, if it is a situation
(03:53):
of domestic violence, of abuse, of constant
picking on each other and really toxic
environment, much better off to sleep.
Keisha (04:09):
Yes.
Gemma (04:10):
This is a protagonist who protects the
children from that toxic relationship and
not necessarily from each relationship with
each other.
That is not exactly the same thing, right.
It may or may not not depend the case, so
okay, so your mom actually escaped two
months after you because you actually
(04:31):
opened the way.
So you were the saving grace of your mom's
Keisha (04:36):
well, you could say that.
Um, you know, if you ask her today, I don't
think she really recall all the details.
Um, I actually wrote a book about it and
it's called Girl Get your Power Back, do
you want to be healed?
And as I began to write the book, that's
when I realized that there still was a
(04:57):
level of residue of trauma that I needed to
address.
As I was writing the book, I decided to go
back to therapy, because it brought up a
bunch of stuff, because I was going back in
my memory and stuff that I chose not to
(05:17):
remember came up.
The many times my father would shit me down
south, every time my mom threatened to
leave, I would wake up and be in somebody
else's house.
You know, all of those things really left
me traumatized.
So therapy was the best decision that I
(05:37):
could ever make, because even as I was
writing the book get your power back, I was
getting my power back at the same time.
Gemma (05:50):
There is something magical I noticed that
as well when you actually teach or write or
convey your past to healing.
And you're here, whoa, I should actually
swallow my own medicine, right?
Keisha (06:06):
yes, yes, and that's exactly what it was,
because the funny thing is I write about.
There's one part of the book where I write
about I don't know if you know the artist,
Mahalia Jackson.
She's like an old school gospel singer and
I remember at nine years old, my mom said
what do you want for your birthday?
(06:26):
And I said I want Mahalia Jackson tapes,
cause back then it was tapes and she said,
really.
I said, yeah, I want that, and so I didn't
know why I wanted it.
I just knew that Mahalia had a voice that
was soothing to me and so at night I would
(06:47):
have it on replay and it would just play,
so as the hits and the impact of the abuse
was happening, I would tune it out and I
would just listen to Mahalia, and her voice
was actually soothing and healing for me.
It was something that even today, if I was
(07:07):
to listen to her song one of her songs I
would instantly cry, because it brought me
back to my childhood and the scars that it
left on me.
It's an emotional connection.
Yes, yes, yes.
But I'm able to get through it now.
(07:30):
Before therapy, I was stuck.
You know, I think sometimes we think we go
to therapy and that's just a one-time deal,
but it's really not.
It's a progression of healing.
It's a progression of healing, you know.
You have to unpack the layers and really
get to the root, because sometimes we don't
(07:50):
know why we're choosing things in our adult
life.
It's because of the things that impacted us
as kids, you know.
So it had an impact on even my
relationships and how I chose men, how I
chose to be with the father of my children.
(08:12):
You know, I said I would never have someone
abuse me, I would never let that happen.
But I ended up in a domestic violence
marriage.
My ex-husband wasn't physically abusive,
but he was mentally and emotionally abusive,
and so it was just I don't know.
I think that's worse.
To be honest, you know, the scars can heal,
(08:34):
but the emotional impact you lose.
I lost myself, I lost my self-worth, I lost
my self-esteem.
I didn't know who I was.
I was much heavier than I am now.
You know I really just lost me.
But I can tell you, the power of
(08:54):
forgiveness was actually healing for me,
because I went through that process of okay,
this happened through that process of okay,
this happened, but I'm no longer a victim.
(09:15):
I can also become the victor if I choose to
do the healing, and that takes work.
Gemma (09:18):
Thank you so much for speaking into that
because, first of all, I must agree from
experience as well being hit, being bruised,
being even like bloodied in some way or
another, sure it hurts, it does hurt, sure,
sometimes it is even disabling, and
sometimes it actually gets to your mental
(09:43):
health as well.
However, yes, you do.
Indeed, most of the cases not all, most of
the you heal your physical because the body
naturally heals itself.
We are, we are created to constantly heal
and improve, yes, all the cells of our body.
(10:03):
The other part, which is a much different
game, in a much different environment, is
our emotional wellness, mental wellness,
integrity, identity, belief system.
All that that is not seen at first, that is
(10:24):
not provable.
So you cannot just go to the emergency room.
Yeah, I'm, I'm you?
What well?
He told me I was a bitch, okay and okay.
So I need help.
Yeah, so at least, and don't plug that.
(10:45):
It's like it's serious, okay, right.
And they just like, yeah, go to the
therapist, that's fine.
It's like, okay, right, you did right.
You did really, really the right thing to
find and to attract to you a therapist that
resonated with you, that allowed you to do
(11:05):
your inner work and to and to really dive
into your shadow work.
And I remember that I had to actually
specify what inner work and shadow work is,
because not 100 of the people understand
what it actually means, and maybe you want
to, uh, to precise that, because that is a
question that came a few times.
(11:26):
I was like whoa, I have to say that okay,
let's say it.
What is it?
Keisha (11:31):
shadow work?
That's a good question.
I really can't answer that.
Um, I know the work that my therapist do
with me.
It's more, I would say.
She's always saying she's helping me heal
my inner child.
So I would presume that's part of it and I
(11:53):
didn't understand what she said.
When she said it I was like inner child,
what does she mean by that?
But she had me, because I'm a creative
writer.
She said let's write a book and I said OK.
And she said name your chapters, name your
trauma.
And I said okay, this is different.
So it was like father hit mom, next chapter,
(12:20):
ex-husband manipulation, third chapter.
You know, ex-husband cheating, you know.
So it was as I was naming my chapters one
by one.
We will go through what happened.
(12:40):
How did I feel the impact that it left on
me?
How did I feel the impact that it left on
me and how can I heal and truly heal, so I
don't become, I don't leave, you know,
leave and live in that trauma.
Because now sometimes I think if we don't
address it, if we don't deal with the
(13:01):
trauma, the trauma will deal with that.
And so I got to a place where I was like
I'm no longer carrying this.
Yes, it happened.
Yes, it hurt.
Yes, I went through hell.
Yes, it broke me.
Yes, I lost who I was, but I can get it
(13:24):
back.
I can get it back.
I don't have to live back there on domestic
violence street.
I don't have to live on that street anymore.
My address has changed.
I am now healed.
I am now free.
(13:44):
I am now allowed to be the person that I
know I can be at my highest self, and so
affirmations helped me.
I began to speak, the person I wanted to be,
even though I couldn't see her in the
mirror.
I couldn't identify what that was, but the
(14:06):
more I spoke, the more I visualized and
used my imagination.
And then I got a journal and I was specific
in what I wanted to do, how I wanted to do
it, what I wanted to be, how I wanted to
become a better person.
(14:27):
And slowly but surely, the layers of the
trauma begin to just pull back.
The layers of the trauma begins to just
pull back and I'm not saying I'm 100%, you
know whole, because I believe we still get
(14:47):
triggered.
We still get triggered.
But the thing about it, because I did the
work, I'm able to identify what triggers me,
what would bring me back there to my
childhood and instantly I could just say,
nope, we're not doing that, we're not going
there again, we don't live there anymore.
And that is what has really and truly spoke
(15:11):
to my being, spoke to who I am as a person
and all my friends would say oh my God, you
are not the same person.
And I would say you're right, I'm not, I'm
not and I thank God that I'm not.
Gemma (15:28):
I see you, I recognize you and I absolutely
confirm as well that you are coming from a
place of self-empowerment based on complete
forgiveness of them, of you, because we
also have a huge part of self-forgiveness
to do just because we stay there.
(15:50):
Yeah, that is it forgive ourselves, right?
So you?
You just spoke into the inner child healing
and one of the methods to imagine, to write
a book of your life and to name the
chapters and by choosing which chapter you
actually are choosing which trauma and
(16:11):
which specific experiences that you want to
have in that book, because it's too heavy
to carry alone.
Basically, right, if I complete the picture
for the audience with the shadow work, the
shadow work is a little bit the same, with
(16:34):
an emphasis on I was so bad.
I was an awful person.
So I am going into my own shadow, my own
places where I'm hiding all the time, where
I messed up because I am responsible for
all the abuse I got.
(16:55):
It really comes more into that place and
from there the work is similar.
Now the methodology can change.
Everybody has a different methodology, but
the methodology can change.
But what is really spoken into is okay.
What is your belief system and when did you
(17:18):
get started on it?
What was that first memory that comes back
that may explain why you misbehaved that
much, why you behaved that much, misaligned
with your true loving self, with your true
(17:39):
love and light self nature?
Yes, and when you're able to find the
origin from there, it is the domino effect.
Oh, as a toddler, I made that decision
because when I was seven, I made that
comment, because I promised that when I was
(18:01):
five years old.
Yeah, it does continue your entire life
until you say no more yes, and that no more
is okay.
Stop, I'm going to do my shadow work.
What is it that actually lives in me and
make me a point of attraction for even more
things to be ungrateful for?
(18:23):
and get mad about and be so reactive, and
so with reactive abuse and all kinds of
behaviors that you actually blame yourself
for having, Right actually blame yourself
for having right is a part of the shadow
work to make a difference, and that is
really addressed to the audience, because I
got that question a few, a few times and I
realized it may not be that good for
(18:44):
everyone.
Okay, so let's explain that right that.
Keisha (18:48):
That is a good question, and thank you for
clarifying it for me, because I've heard of
it but I never really understood exactly
what it meant in detail.
So that's a great question.
Gemma (19:02):
The number of modalities to help address
and heal our inner trauma, our memories our
lifetime, as well as our past lives,
because oftentimes we also do carry the
burden of other lifetimes prior and
(19:25):
oftentimes we also carry our ancestral
defect, meaning everything from our
ancestors, when in human form, when they
messed up so much, but they actually
transmit through the dna this entire um
burden until now.
(19:46):
We know it, we put an end to it and we say
okay, no more.
And by choosing to empower ourselves to put
an end to that toxic behavior and toxic
belief system.
It also because you believe that like your
(20:08):
mom believe that, whatever I'm too weak to
live, I must stay for the children
something like that until suddenly she
opens up her eyes and realizes well, my
daughter is not here, therefore, I'm not
here either.
Let me go back to her Because, at the end
(20:28):
of the day, what I want is at least a
little bit good, because it doesn't feel
good to be hit and abused all the time.
It doesn't feel good at be hit and abused
all the time.
It doesn't feel good at all.
So then there is a choice, and when you
make that choice and you know it better
than anybody else when you make that choice,
(20:48):
you choose love, you choose joy, you choose
happiness you choose to experience all of
that and you give yourself permission, and
that is a good one.
You choose to experience all of that and
you give yourself permission.
You give yourself permission to enjoy life
and to be your best self and to serve your
own love Right?
Keisha (21:09):
Yes, but you gotta forgive.
Gemma (21:12):
Oh yeah, that is a path it goes through
that you have to forgive.
Yeah, forgiveness is one of the.
I discovered one thing pretty recently
Forgiveness, that concept is embedded in
all world religions of any kind.
(21:33):
You go through all the religions all around
the earth, all around the times.
Forgiveness is embedded in one way or
another.
So that concept of stop holding on to the
hurt, release it, let it be and accept only
(21:57):
what you choose to experience being whole
and being fine and being okay and being
healed.
Keisha (22:04):
Yes, you have to forgive because, even with
me and my story, it got to the point where,
before my father was actually killed by his
so-called friend, was actually killed by
his so-called friend, he actually got to
the house and poured gasoline on the
building and lit the match and by the time,
(22:26):
you know, they discovered my father.
He you know he had already perished.
But the forgiveness piece was definitely
really for me, it was vital that I got to a
place where I could forgive the guy that
(22:49):
did it, that committed that horrible crime,
and also forgive my father for the level of
abuse that my mom had to suffer for and
what it did to me, how it scarred.
It scarred me.
(23:11):
So forgiveness was definitely vital and I
had to forgive my ex-husband.
You know, prior to after our separation, he
ended up getting sick, he had a stem stroke
and he ended up in a coma for nine months.
Now I'm the ex-wife.
(23:33):
I don't have to be there.
Now I'm the ex-wife, I don't have to be
there.
But I chose to be there because I felt like
that was the right thing to do and I was no
(23:56):
longer holding on to the things he did to
me or the impact it had on our relationship.
That was no longer an issue.
This man was fighting for his life, you
know.
So you put things into the right
perspective.
At that moment he can no longer hurt me.
You know.
Everything that was done is done.
All we have is now, and so at this moment
(24:16):
he needs support.
He needs that positive energy and, you know,
unfortunately we ended up taking him off of
life support.
But I learned a viable lesson in all of
that If I didn't forgive him for all the
stuff that me and him went through, there's
(24:39):
no way I could have been there for him up
until his last days.
There's no way and I really just thank God
that I was able to do that and really show
my kids like, hey, that didn't always get
it right, I didn't always get it right,
didn't always get it right.
We both made some mistakes, but at the end
(25:01):
of the day we have to do the right thing
for each other, and sometimes doing the
right thing hurts.
Gemma (25:13):
So yes, it's true, it is absolutely true.
But sometimes doing the right thing even
though it hurts, it's actually freeing yes
conviction and you know in the deepest of
your core that you are doing the right
thing, meaning that you have nothing to
(25:34):
guilt yourself about, you are clean and you
can look at yourself in the mirror.
Keisha (25:47):
look straight into your eyes and say I know
it hurts, but girl good Right, absolutely.
Gemma (25:52):
Beautiful.
Last question for you, just before you wrap
Tell us how you are, how you have brought
into your professional life such a life
experience.
How are you making the world a better place
and serving people around you?
Keisha (26:09):
Well, I do that many ways.
I'm a playwright, so I take in my trauma
and all my pain and turned it into
something beautiful.
So I create scripts that are geared towards
domestic violence, um, whether it be grief,
(26:30):
you know real life situations that we go
through on a day-to-day basis, and I take
that, those stories and I create a script.
And I've been producing my own off-Broadway
productions and it has been so rewarding
for me, also another healing tool, because
(26:52):
now I get to change the narrative, I get to
change the story, how the story ends.
So I use the stage as my platform to do it
(27:21):
and I love it.
And then I write books.
I've written my first book and I wrote a
second book which is on a whole different
topic.
So, you know, I just use my creative arts.
(27:42):
So, you know, I just use my creative arts,
my creative energy and to change the
narrative.
And, you know, allow people.
And I also have a platform called the
Healing Exchange where I interview those
who've been in domestic violence, who've
been through any type of trauma, who've
been sick, who've also healed from that
sickness, because we want to not just talk
about what we've been through, but we want
(28:04):
to share how we got through it and where we
are now, because people need to see there
is a way out.
It doesn't always always in in a bad way.
So, yeah, I have that and I love it.
I love, I love, just storytelling.
I love storytelling.
So I use whatever I can to allow people to
(28:26):
change their narrative how amazing, keisha.
Gemma (28:32):
Thank you so much for creating a space for
people to connect, to watch other people's
stories, to feel acknowledged in their own
secret pain.
So that actually is nice, because too many
people go through that.
So we better actually talk about it and
(28:54):
heal from it and forgive and really let go
and choose differently.
And you are doing exactly that through your
script writing of broadway, all of that.
Those play, those books, oh my gosh.
So I would love to actually be a part of
your uh healing hub, of course, because
(29:15):
with such a story it's like, of course,
yeah, we're going to play.
So I mean, I'm also victorious.
Over 15 years of domestic violence, with
two different stories and um 11 years ago
it all ended and uh, now I'm 11 years into
all those wonderful rising after abuse
(29:39):
stories you know, you come back to yourself,
you find yourself, you forgive, you
understand and really search deep.
What is that?
And I had a lot of shadow work to do
because I was blaming myself so much for
what was going on that it was extremely
hard to actually release that own
(30:00):
self-belief.
And once I did it, it's like, wow, you know,
that's something I need to give to the
audience.
And then we're going to wrap up, One of the
key things I decided.
I decided to feel happy, so that happiness
is a much bigger overarching feeling,
(30:24):
rather than that negative, heavy emotional
pain, because emotional pain I know it to
the point of feeling it physically.
So this is how much I know emotional pain
and I decided to say let me bring up the
volume of emotional happiness, joy and
(30:46):
beautiful feelings so that that actually
prevail over that emotional pain.
And one of the way I go about that is that
at any moment in time I stop in my track,
and I remind myself smile with all your
heart, yeah and just the fact of smiling.
(31:09):
It changes your chemistry, and you are
happier.
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