From Advisor to Advocate: The Unexpected Side of Client Care

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What happens when financial planning unexpectedly transforms into caregiving? This deeply personal episode explores the real-life experience of navigating the sandwich generation from a financial advisor's perspective.

When my 20-year client—a man my father's age—was involved in a serious car accident, our carefully established estate planning documents became the foundation for maintaining his dignity and autonomy during a vulnerable time. The foresight to complete these legal frameworks just months before proved invaluable, allowing me to help him financially while respecting professional boundaries.

The accident's aftermath created a delicate balancing act: respecting my client's wishes to remain in his home, collaborating with his attorney and neighbor to ensure proper care, and expanding my role to include regular home visits for bill payments and financial management. Throughout this process, I discovered the importance of maintaining clear boundaries while still providing compassionate support beyond traditional financial services.

This experience highlights the profound importance of proactive planning for cognitive decline or physical incapacity, especially for aging clients without family support systems. It also demonstrates how comprehensive financial planning extends far beyond investment management into deeply human territory—territory that requires both professional expertise and emotional intelligence.

For advisors navigating similar situations, remember that self-care isn't optional; it's essential for providing sustained support to clients in need. And for clients, this story underscores why establishing clear legal frameworks before crises occur can preserve your autonomy when unexpected challenges arise.

Have you prepared your estate planning documents? Or if you're an advisor, are you prepared to support clients through life transitions that extend beyond financial decisions? Connect with us to learn more about navigating these complex situations with dignity and expertise.

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:04):
Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris,
where we talk about relevantissues as it relates to
individuals in grief as theynavigate finances and the
advisors who help them.
We help clients in griefnavigate financial matters.
We also teach advisors how toemotionally and financially work
with clients in grief throughan unparalleled process to

(00:24):
emotionally and financially workwith clients in grief through
an unparalleled process.
This week's podcast issponsored by Life After Grief
Financial Planning and LifeAfter Grief Consulting.

Speaker 2 (00:35):
Hello and welcome back to another episode of Real
Talk with Life After Grief,chris.
In this episode I am going totalk about something that
recently happened to me and itpertains to the sandwich
generation.
I have previously written aboutbeing part of the sandwich
generation and I've also done apodcast on the sandwich

(00:58):
generation, but I want to bringa real life example here,
outside of talking about thescope in which I was involved
with my parents before theirpassing.
So recently I had a client andthis gentleman is a 20 year
client, known very well and Ihave seen him pre-retirement,

(01:20):
into retirement and, you know,living the good life in
retirement and he is of the agethat would be very similar to my
father.
You know he's getting up therein age and you know as life
would take it.
You know things happen andmemory starts to slip here and

(01:42):
there and nothing out of theordinary.
The reality of the situationkind of came to light where I
kind of saw a little bit intothe future, where I wanted to
make sure that this particularclient had funding in the event
that he needed it and if he werenot in a situation where he
could say, hey, chris, I need,you know, 10 bucks or I need you

(02:05):
know, 100 bucks or somethinglike that.
I couldn't give this money tohim based on what somebody else
is asking me.
So I was very adamant about theestate planning piece, which
wasn't done prior to November of2024.
I was very, very adamant and Isaid to my client I really,
really want you to get this done, because I want to be in a

(02:28):
situation to where, if you needhelp, I can still give it to you
at someone else's askingmeaning an attorney and then you
know, beyond that, I wanted tomake sure that there was
somebody in place that could acton his behalf in a capacity to
make whether it was financialdecisions or whether it was to

(02:51):
make medical decisions based onhis wants that he has written
down.
So we got the estate planningdone and we couldn't have done
that at a better time.
So fast forward several months.
He was in a pretty significantcar accident and this is kind of
where my experience kicked inand the experience of my parents

(03:12):
.
I'm kind of outside of afinancial planner, but the
financial planning will comeinto play here as well.
So when he got in this accident, it was a pretty dramatic
accident and he was very luckythat he wasn't seriously hurt.
He had a, you know, somebruising, I think, on his head.
He was kind of in a fog, as youcould probably imagine after

(03:33):
being in an accident, being inyou know, some sort of a fog
practice.
What I've written about and whatI've read about and what I've
kind of recommended is I wantedto help maintain his dignity and
I didn't want to take away, youknow, or be in a position to
make recommendations here thatwere giving the impression that

(03:54):
I wanted to take away his rightsAgain.
I wanted to maintain hisdignity.
I was already thinking after hegot in this accident that he
shouldn't be driving anymore.
The physician assistant at thehospital made that
recommendation and I looked atmy client and I said I think I
probably agree for your sake andfor anybody else's sake, my
client agreed and fast forwardthat my client was in the

(04:16):
hospital for probably two weeksafter this accident and there
were a lot of things that weregoing on, you know, during this
process and the hospital wascontacting me.
The hospital was contacting aclose friend of my clients and
the hospital was contacting theattorney that could act in the

(04:38):
event of incapacity for, youknow, my client for my client
and my client had a very goodteam around him and the neighbor
, the attorney and then I'mgoing to include myself in that
mix and the hospital.
They were trying to force hishand to do some things.
And I had a conversation with myclient and I saw him a lot and

(05:00):
the attorney saw him a lot andthere was nothing that we deemed
that was cognitively off oranything that could deem my
client incapacitated.
And so we acted on his behalfin that regard because we
deferred to my client and said,well, he makes the decisions and
as long as he is cognitivelyaware, he's going to continue to

(05:21):
make the decisions.
I just kind of popped in atcertain points and asked some
questions of my client and ifthere was something that I saw I
would get with the attorney andthen maybe we would get with my
client and say is this thedirection that you would like to
take?
And from his estate planning,we had a conversation with my
client.
He said he wants to stay in hishome as long as possible.

(05:43):
Conversation with my client.
He said he wants to stay in hishome as long as possible.
He doesn't want any care otherthan folks coming into his home
if that need were to arise.
That's a very dynamicconversation to have.
It is very emotionally driven.
It can be, especially if you'veworked with someone for a long
time and if it's a parentspecifically.
But me bringing in this thirdparty because the dynamic

(06:05):
between my client and I we havesuch a very close relationship
she was just a kind of a thirdparty that saw some things and
you know we're looking at myclient's best interest long term
.
So that situation is ongoingand Not that I am my client's
caregiver, but he does rely onme for a lot.

(06:26):
What it's also kind ofdeveloped into is kind of the
normal realm of financialplanning, which would include
retirement planning, estateplanning, tax planning,
investment management, cash flowmanagement, liability
management and things of thatnature.
This blossomed into a lot morethan that.

(06:47):
This really blossomed into theestate planning category where I
really had to engage the estateplanning attorney a lot during
that process because there werethings that I were unsure of and
I wanted to make sure that myclient's best interest were
always adhered to and deferringto the attorney kind of at the
end of the day.

(07:08):
Sometimes when you're goingthrough a process and it's new
this process was new for me tokind of act in that capacity for
my client and really help him.
I actually picked him up fromthe hospital and brought him
home after he was ready to go.
Sometimes you just need asecond set of eyes to make sure
that you are on the right path.
And the attorney assured me andat the end of the day my client

(07:30):
said man, I'm glad that you'rehere in the mix because I knew
that you were going to make surethat everything was going to go
fine, and that really reassuredme that I was doing the right
thing by my client.
Again, I have the fiduciaryresponsibility due to my
licenses that I have to do.
But, man, this was a I'm notgoing to necessarily say it was

(07:51):
a gray area, but it was an areathat was unknown to me as a
financial planner.
And again, I wanted to makesure that my client was in the
best possible situation that hecould be in.
And you know his neighbor wasalso great in the process and

(08:13):
his neighbor kind of ensured allthe moving pieces were there on
a regular basis, cause myclient needed some extended care
afterwards, making sure thatthere were people coming in um
when they were supposed to andthey were doing the right thing
by my client and that he washappy ultimately and he was well

(08:35):
taken care of.
And again, this is kind ofoutside of the scope of the
normal financial planning butbecause I had the experience
with my folks and the sandwichgeneration, I look at this as no
different and I wanted tomaintain again his dignity and I
wanted to make sure that he wasultimately being taken care of

(08:55):
in the best light.
So the best thing that I did asa financial planner in this
situation was I was prettyadamant about him getting his
estate planning done and to giveyou an idea kind of of the
scope of this situation, so thisparticular client didn't have
any beneficiaries or anyone thathe really cared to give

(09:16):
anything to and that kind of setthe direction for him not
necessarily having a highinterest in doing the estate
planning.
But I came at it at a differentangle because I had concerns,
again, like I said, about notbeing able to give him his own
money and if something happenedto him without an intermediary

(09:37):
meaning in this particularsituation, an estate planning
attorney that's drafted all thedocuments, who has ensured that
he will have someone acting onhis behalf, which is not me,
because it would be a conflictof interest and I was very
forthright that I cannot do that.
You can check in with me,whoever that individual is or

(09:59):
whoever that company is, and wecan have a conversation with
that, but I cannot givedirection and I cannot make
decisions on behalf of my client.
That has to be totally separate.
But it all kind of works, youknow, like a well-oiled machine

(10:23):
ongoing.
But this was very successful,if you will, kind of at the
highest level of financialplanning and really doing the
right thing for an individual ordoing the right thing for a
family.
And I really felt good aboutwhat transpired.
I felt terrible about theaccident.
I'm glad, and my client'sfortunate, that it was not
anything life threatening and itwasn't anything that my client

(10:44):
couldn't recover from.
We were very fortunate.
But it's kind of the aftereffect of taking care of things
and making sure that things arebuttoned up.
And my level of being myclients financial person is kind
of taking it to another leveland it has involved me kind of

(11:11):
going to his house, you knowevery at least every month or
every couple of weeks, and wekind of go through his finances.
There are things that he needsto pay or people that he needs
to pay, and we sit down and wehash that out at his house.
And that's a little bitdifferent kind of than the scope
that I normally have with mostclients, but he needed that and

(11:32):
he asked me to help him in thatcapacity.
So and it's it's, it's veryeasy and we've set up things to
make it a little bit easier topay some of those individuals
and or companies, whether it'sautomation through his bill pay
or whether it is a simpletransfer from his bill pay or

(11:53):
otherwise, just making thingseasy from that client's
perspective and really justcatering to him.
And where he is in life, all hewants is to be able to kind of
sit home, chill out and read.
He sometimes looks at me, he'slike you do all the hard work
and I'm like I'm happy to dothat for you.
Again, we've had such a longterm relationship.
I won't get into kind of theaspect, the business aspect, of

(12:18):
how that our initial arrangementkind of worked out to, kind of
how it's changed, but it'schanged just a little bit.
My client was happy that I washere and he was happy to have
any kind of iterations orchanges to our business
relationship.
Again, it was making things inhis best interest.

(12:40):
So I am going to leave you witha couple of links that I left on
a previous podcast, but I'mgoing to kind of go into them
here.
So caregivercom I'm not sure ifI've actually recommended that
specific site.
I've recommended some articles.
There is one about handling theguilt and, as you can imagine,

(13:02):
going through a process that'sunknown.
You want to make sure that youare doing things and again the
estate planning attorneyreassured me, from an outside
perspective and an objectiveperspective, that I was doing
the right thing by my client andthat was very, very reassuring,
reassuring.
The other article it is by theMental Health America website,

(13:25):
so it is mhanationalorg, and inthis particular article it
really just talks aboutcaregiving in the San Luis
generation and there's a lot offacts and it talks about
stressors, getting organizedfamily dynamics, dealing with

(13:50):
emotions, feeling like a failureor the guilt that I talked
about, and navigating certaincultural expectations.
That's one to be powerful andknow about, and then also taking
care of yourself.
One of the things that I havedone in this particular
situation with my client is Ihad to separate myself.
I had to be in a situation towhere I could take care of
myself and I could still be veryobjective in this situation,

(14:10):
and I had this conversation withthe neighbor that was involved
that I do have to separatemyself and it's more important
for me to be in that place whereI can take care of myself so I
can continue to help take careof my clients.
His neighbor really respectedthat.
So I hope you like theinformation in this article.

(14:32):
Cheers, be well and see you onthe next episode.

Speaker 1 (14:39):
Thanks for listening to our podcast.
If you are a client and arelooking to work directly with
Chris and or our firm, head onover to Life After Grief FP.
That is Life After Grief FP.
The FP is for financialplanning.
If you are an advisor lookingto emotionally and financially
work with your client in grief,or if you are a client looking

(14:59):
to get your advisor's head inthe game, head on over to
lifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
That islifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
Any related informationreferenced in this week's
podcast will be located here inthe podcast section.

(15:21):
Thank you.