August 20, 2025 • 19 mins
What happens when grief becomes not just an event but a lifelong journey that shapes your entire mission? Chris opens his heart in this deeply personal episode, revealing the profound losses that have defined his path.
From the moment his mother was diagnosed with breast cancer in 1994 to becoming her caregiver through Alzheimer's, Chris takes listeners through the raw reality of watching both parents decline and ultimately pass away within months of each other. With unflinching honesty, he details the financial burdens he shouldered as a young adult – from managing a $5,000 monthly nursing home bill to making gut-wrenching medical decisions that put him at odds with his surviving parent.
The story grows even more poignant as Chris shares his rock bottom moments after these losses – the anxiety, depression, and turning to alcohol before finding healing through grief counseling, a medical mission to Ghana, and reconnecting with his faith. But perhaps most heart-wrenching is his account of losing one of his twin sons, an experience that finally taught him the true meaning of "life after grief" as his surviving twin and later-born son became living embodiments of finding purpose through pain.
This episode illuminates why Chris is uniquely qualified to help others navigate both the emotional and financial complexities of grief. His journey from repeated trauma to becoming a CERTIFIED FINANCIAL PLANNER™ and Certified Financial Transitionist® demonstrates how personal suffering can transform into professional purpose. Whether you're currently walking through grief or supporting someone who is, Chris's story offers both validation and hope that there is indeed life waiting on the other side of profound loss.
Did you know you can now Help Us Continue Making Awesome Content for Listeners Affected by Grief!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:06):
Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris,
where we talk about relevantissues as it relates to
individuals in grief as theynavigate finances and the
advisors who help them.
We help clients in griefnavigate financial matters.
We also teach advisors how toemotionally and financially work
with clients in grief throughan unparalleled process.
(00:27):
This week's podcast issponsored by Life After Grief
Financial Planning and LifeAfter Grief Consulting.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I've alluded to earlier in the season that I am
going to be disclosing some verypersonal information and I
thought it would be pertinent tokind of begin that process with
laying out my initialintroductory episode.
That I did a couple years agowhen I started the podcast, to
(01:00):
kind of give you anunderstanding about my
background and some things thatI didn't necessarily disclose at
the time.
But things have kind of comeyou an understanding about my
background and some things thatI didn't necessarily disclose at
the time.
But things have kind of comefull circle and I've learned a
lot about life and just a lot ofthings in life that have
happened.
This is my introductory episodeto the podcast as a whole and
(01:23):
take it from there.
Hello and welcome to Real Talkwith Life After Grief, chris.
What is Real Talk with LifeAfter Grief, chris?
It is a blog to give folks hopeand support for life after
grief and hopefully a littleeducation along the way.
Let me go into some of mybackground and real life
experience and some of this willmake sense.
(01:44):
I've been a griever since 1994.
I've been a caregiver since2000.
I've been a financial plannersince 2003.
I have been a certifiedfinancial planner since 2011.
I've been a life after grieversince 2013.
I've been a hospice volunteersince 2017, and I have been a
certified financialtransitionist since 2021.
(02:06):
A certified financialtransitionist basically, I'm
trained to help clients navigatethrough major life events and
the financial transitions thataccompany them, and I formally
got my bachelor's in education,with a minor in business, at the
University of Florida and Ispecialized in psychology at the
University of Florida and Ispecialized in psychology.
Now for the meat of theinaugural episode.
(02:27):
So many folks know some thingsabout me and I'd like to kind of
go into detail of what makesChris Chris.
So in 1994, my mother wasformally diagnosed with breast
cancer.
My father was the one to giveme the news and my father was a
very calming force in my lifeand he downplayed the
(02:48):
significance of the diagnosis.
I would later find out that mymother's cancer was very
significant and it would havelife altering changes on me, my
brother, my dad and my mom.
So in 1994, after I graduatedfrom high school, I went off to
college and shortly thereaftermy mother and father separated.
(03:09):
They didn't separate becausethey wanted to.
They separated because mymother's cancer was progressing
at a rapid pace.
She went to MD Anderson inHouston because it was
recommended that she have a bonemarrow transplant along with
the radiation and chemotherapy.
And you can imagine what I feltlike and what my father felt
(03:31):
like and my brother, who was inthe Midwest.
He felt completely helpless andI had feelings of despair, I
was crying, I was depressed.
My dad's feelings he was verydepressed and he felt very alone
.
And there was one time hecalled me and it was out of his
(03:55):
character and he asked me tocome home and he was crying on
the phone and he just felt.
I felt that he was in a momentof despair and didn't know we
know where to turn.
So he turned to me.
You know, I felt that he was ina moment of despair and didn't
know where to turn, so he turnedto me.
You know I went home and wewalked through a lot of things.
You know.
Shortly thereafter my mothercame back and things seemed to
(04:16):
get back on track.
You know things that I visuallysaw of my mother she lost all
of her hair and she was veryweak, but she seemed to gather
her strength for the next coupleof years.
And shortly after I graduated,before 2000, I had started
noticing some odd behavior frommy mother.
My mother seemed to, you know,either forget things or she
(04:41):
would seem to really exaggerateon things that are transpiring.
I remember very distinctly onetime that she said that her and
my father were going to get adivorce.
My parents were married for 40years and that was the furthest
thing from my mind, and reallymy father's mind.
But I also realized my fatherwas becoming increasingly
agitated with my mother.
(05:02):
My father was a very patientperson, agitated with my mother.
My father was a very patientperson.
So in the year 2000, I was wellinto my career and I was a
manager at a local Bank ofAmerica here in Orlando and I
got a call from my father.
And what transpired from thatphone call wouldn't forever
change the trajectory of all ofour lives.
The cancer was one thing, butthis next event really changed
(05:26):
things.
My mother was at a medicalprovider and was having a what I
would call a psychotic episode.
My father called the ambulanceand the fire department came and
they attempted to get my motherout of my parents' car and no
one could get her out of the carand my father asked me to come
(05:49):
and I got there and my motherwas just speaking.
Basically, in tongues is bestway I could describe it.
I was the only one that wasable to get her out of the car,
to convince her to get out ofthe car, and she went to the
hospital and after a couple ofdays in the hospital, they Baker
acted my mother, and so, if youdon't know what that means,
it's, basically they hold youunder supervision and they
(06:11):
medicate you while they evaluateyour psychiatric wherewithal.
Over the next eight years or so,we would be dealing with my
mother and her Alzheimer's,which we came to ultimately find
out.
I would become the secondarycaregiver.
My father was my mother'sprimary caregiver, but I was
(06:33):
overseeing the entire operation.
Basically and you know thingsthat I would go through I had to
learn about their finances, Ihad to go to a lot of doctor's
appointments and I was nowacting as a parent for both of
my folks.
My mother was in and out of thehospital.
My father was also in and outof the hospital during this time
due to, you know, his variousailments and the overwhelming
(06:56):
stress that happened with my mom, and then also during this
period, I had a lot of badadvice from professionals,
specifically elder careattorneys.
I learned a lot by fire.
I also became my mother's powerof attorney.
My wife and I purchased theirhome.
You know we did that inanticipation of my parents
(07:16):
running out of money and toavoid any conflict with my
brother, you know, in regards toany assets that were left over.
And then we also had to dealwith respite caregivers.
My father ultimately needed abreak, a lot, and we needed
someone to be with my mother 24,seven, and my father was
attempting to work and earn aliving at this time.
(07:37):
And you know, fast forward, youknow, getting through a lot of
that.
I learned a tremendous amount.
One of the things that I tookaway was, ultimately, how to
recharge, how to separate myselffrom situations and then how to
be extremely efficient at timemanagement.
(07:59):
Extremely efficient at timemanagement, you can imagine.
All of those things were wrappedup into one, and so, in May of
2008, my mother went to thehospital.
We could no longer care for herat home.
She had another episode and shewas in a situation to where she
may have been harmful toherself and, as a result of
(08:21):
going to the hospital, she wasplaced in a nursing home.
So we also had to figure thatout very quickly.
And then the expense that camealong with the nursing home.
The nursing home that weselected was $5,000 a month and
the $5,000 a month was at myexpense and you can imagine how
daunting that was for a 20something year old.
(08:43):
But again, I learned by fire andthere were some things that I
did in advance of that, to youknow, make sure that my mother
could have the best possiblecare, and in May of 2008, when
she went to the hospital, shehad a couple of lesions on her
spine.
Her cancer came back.
It came back roughly 14 yearsafter it was in remission and in
(09:03):
August of 2008, she hadprobably 12 to 15 lesions on her
spine.
I very distinctly remember thedoctor when my mother entered
the hospital this final time,saying that her cancer was going
to be slow moving and itultimately was not.
It was very fast moving andthey could put her on
medications and things like thatto slow the progression.
(09:26):
Ultimately, the doctor waswrong.
In August my mother passed awayand some of the other decisions
and the information that I foundout was my mother didn't want
to be on life support.
We had a family meeting todiscover that, nor did my father
, and there was a situation towhere my mother stopped eating
(09:48):
and my father wanted to put afeeding tube in my mother and I
had to be the one to come to myfather and say that we need to
honor her wishes.
You can imagine that was a verydifficult conversation between
my father and I.
Ultimately, you know, I madethat decision and I have no
regrets, because it was what mymother wanted, but I did have to
(10:09):
.
You know, the nurse called methe hospice nurse and let me
know first that my mother hadpassed and then I had to give
that information to my fatherand that was disseminated to the
rest of my family.
So over the next couple ofmonths, you know, I was trying
to help my dad progress in life.
But I also had to remember that, you know, he just lost his
(10:31):
spouse at 40 years and my fatherwas still living in the house
and the house was becoming afinancial burden for me and my
wife.
My father had no income at thispoint and I was going to have
to move my father out of hishome.
Even though my wife and Ipurchased it, it was still my
mother and father's home and Iwas in the discovery phase of
(10:53):
finding someplace close to us.
And then my father ended uppassing away in November of 2008
.
He passed away, ultimately,from an infection that he had
and the infection, you know, ledto ultimately a heart attack.
And I had some guilt aroundthat situation because while he
was in the hospital, the doctorssaid that they needed to change
(11:16):
a port in his arm and I gavehim the go ahead and his body
couldn't it couldn't reboundfrom the surgery.
I had a lot of guilt because Imade that decision, but it was
ultimately in the best interestfor my father.
His infection, the doctors thatsaid to me he probably would
have passed away shortlythereafter.
Anyways, then after you knowyou can imagine, after that
(11:39):
situation I had to deal with thehouse.
I had to renovate the house, Ihad to make the decision to rent
it or sell it, and that was atthe bottom of the housing market
.
So I decided to rent the houseFast forward.
A year and a half later, mypaternal grandmother passed away
and she had a stroke, kind ofhad to go through the dynamics
(12:01):
of vetting a nursing home andfinding a nursing home.
However, she was in a differentstate and my brother was kind
of managing that situation whileI was managing it from afar.
That was a very difficultsituation, as you can imagine.
It was so soon after my parentspassed, and the day that I came
back from my grandmother'sfuneral I got several phone
(12:23):
calls and text messages from myneighbor saying that the police
are raiding your parents' house.
You can imagine the thoughtsand the emotion that was going
through my mind.
I asked my neighbor to give thepolice officer my phone number.
The police officer called meand said that we suspect that
(12:43):
one of the tenants in the homewere housing large amounts of
marijuana.
And that was news to me.
If anyone knows me or knowsabout me, I've never done any
drugs, any kind of drugs at all,and had no idea how this
situation kind of evolved, and Ijust asked the police officers
please don't damage the house.
(13:03):
Luckily, I had surroundedmyself prior to that point by
good friends and professionals,one of which was a defense
attorney who helped me throughthe situation, and one was a
real estate attorney.
So we dealt with that situationappropriately.
And then I got on to the nextphase of life and, as you can
imagine, I had to put all of mygrief on hold to deal with the
(13:26):
financial implications of myparents passing and then
immediately move on to thesituation of grief with my
grandmother.
After the situation with mygrandmother, I hit rock bottom
bottom, as you can well imagine.
I had extreme bouts of anxiety,I had extreme bouts of
depression and I didn't knowwhere to go.
I utilized alcohol to numb thepain and I got to a point where
(13:50):
that was no longer effective.
So I sought out my personalpriest, who I've known since I
was a teenager, and herecommended that I go to group
grief counseling.
And in group grief counseling Irealized that I was very young
to have these experiences firstand foremost.
But the experiences that I wasgoing through were normal.
They normalized what I wasgoing through and they said that
(14:11):
ultimately, your experiencesare going to help other people
and their experiences in life.
What I also did was go on amedical missionary trip to Ghana
.
It was 10 days of healing andcompletely giving to others, one
of the best trips of my lifeand I would do it in a heartbeat
again.
My support system helped me.
I had a lot of people that Ineeded to say sorry to.
(14:34):
I affected a lot of peopleduring that time of my anger
pain negatively, and I also wenton a church retreat focusing on
men, and I was veryintrospective in my life and my
focus in life and what I need todo to help other people.
I also began journaling duringthis time, which was a relief
(14:57):
from some of the anxiety that Ifelt, and I still do that today
if I reach situations that Ineed help through.
So all of this set me up forwhat I would say was the hardest
grief situation in my life.
My wife and I were expectingtwins and in 2012, one of my
(15:18):
twins was born early and heultimately did not survive.
If you know anything abouttwins, once one twin is born,
the other twin normally follows,and it was a situation to where
my second son he didn't want toleave the womb he came.
(15:39):
I think he was about a weeklate and he was a medical
miracle.
That was my wife and I's firstexperience with life after grief
.
My son, eli, who was a twin whois living his name has biblical
significance and then we hadour third son two years later,
(16:00):
gideon, and he, you know further, exemplified our life after
grief, and my wife and I neverlooked back and you can imagine
there were several griefdecisions that I had to make,
and you know my wife had to make, and probably one of the
hardest situations, the mostheart-wrenching decisions my
(16:21):
wife and I had to ever make wasto tell our boys about their
brother, and their response wasso emblematic of everything that
we went through.
They simply said why didn't youtell us earlier?
My wife and I learned a lotabout ourselves and how each
other grieves at that moment andit brought us as a family a lot
(16:43):
closer together.
And we talk about my oldest son, who is no longer with us.
His name is Christopher Clorse.
It really brought things withgrief full circle, and you know
now I use my experiences, myknowledge and my education to
help grieving families and,frankly, their advisors overcome
obstacles so they, too, canexperience life after grief.
(17:03):
And ultimately, theseexperiences have led me to this
blog and you know I really wantto help other people to
experience what I've experienced.
I've had a long road and notevery day is rosy, but I
continue to fight through and Ihave a tremendous support system
God first and foremost, myfamily, my friends.
(17:25):
You may have pulled out somethings from this podcast, like
financial decisions and times ofgrief, support systems,
experience, recharging,self-help resources and tips and
, frankly, resiliency, and I'veutilized a lot of that
information for a future podcast.
Some of the ones in the futurethat you can expect to hear how
(17:47):
do I grieve, normalcy andtimelines, what to say and what
not to say to a griever, eldercare, helpful hints, family
dysfunction, vetting the DreadedNursing Home, the Sandwich
Generation, and then in each ofthe podcasts there are going to
be various links to specificinformation and where to get
them.
Those are just some of thepodcasts that you can look
(18:10):
forward to.
Hopefully my experience andeducation can go to help you
through your experience throughgrief and also, if you're an
advisor, you know and you havenowhere to go to help your
client.
You can start here.
You know you can really findways to help your client
(18:30):
navigate grief.
I really hope you learn a lotalong the way and I hope you
enjoy the ride and please feelfree to share this podcast or
any ones to come, with yourfamily, friends or colleagues.
See you on the next episode.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Thanks for listening to our podcast.
If you are a client and arelooking to work directly with
Chris and or our firm, head onover to Life After Grief FP.
That is Life After Grief FP.
The FP is for financialplanning.
If you are an advisor lookingto emotionally and financially
work with your client in grief,or if you are a client looking
(19:11):
to get your advisor's head inthe game, head on over to
lifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
That islifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
Any related informationreferenced in this week's
podcast will be located here inthe podcast section.
Welcome to Real Talk with Life After Grief Chris,
where we talk about relevantissues as it relates to
individuals in grief as theynavigate finances and the
advisors who help them.
We help clients in griefnavigate financial matters.
We also teach advisors how toemotionally and financially work
with clients in grief throughan unparalleled process.
(00:27):
This week's podcast issponsored by Life After Grief
Financial Planning and LifeAfter Grief Consulting.
Speaker 2 (00:38):
I've alluded to earlier in the season that I am
going to be disclosing some verypersonal information and I
thought it would be pertinent tokind of begin that process with
laying out my initialintroductory episode.
That I did a couple years agowhen I started the podcast, to
(01:00):
kind of give you anunderstanding about my
background and some things thatI didn't necessarily disclose at
the time.
But things have kind of comeyou an understanding about my
background and some things thatI didn't necessarily disclose at
the time.
But things have kind of comefull circle and I've learned a
lot about life and just a lot ofthings in life that have
happened.
This is my introductory episodeto the podcast as a whole and
(01:23):
take it from there.
Hello and welcome to Real Talkwith Life After Grief, chris.
What is Real Talk with LifeAfter Grief, chris?
It is a blog to give folks hopeand support for life after
grief and hopefully a littleeducation along the way.
Let me go into some of mybackground and real life
experience and some of this willmake sense.
(01:44):
I've been a griever since 1994.
I've been a caregiver since2000.
I've been a financial plannersince 2003.
I have been a certifiedfinancial planner since 2011.
I've been a life after grieversince 2013.
I've been a hospice volunteersince 2017, and I have been a
certified financialtransitionist since 2021.
(02:06):
A certified financialtransitionist basically, I'm
trained to help clients navigatethrough major life events and
the financial transitions thataccompany them, and I formally
got my bachelor's in education,with a minor in business, at the
University of Florida and Ispecialized in psychology at the
University of Florida and Ispecialized in psychology.
Now for the meat of theinaugural episode.
(02:27):
So many folks know some thingsabout me and I'd like to kind of
go into detail of what makesChris Chris.
So in 1994, my mother wasformally diagnosed with breast
cancer.
My father was the one to giveme the news and my father was a
very calming force in my lifeand he downplayed the
(02:48):
significance of the diagnosis.
I would later find out that mymother's cancer was very
significant and it would havelife altering changes on me, my
brother, my dad and my mom.
So in 1994, after I graduatedfrom high school, I went off to
college and shortly thereaftermy mother and father separated.
(03:09):
They didn't separate becausethey wanted to.
They separated because mymother's cancer was progressing
at a rapid pace.
She went to MD Anderson inHouston because it was
recommended that she have a bonemarrow transplant along with
the radiation and chemotherapy.
And you can imagine what I feltlike and what my father felt
(03:31):
like and my brother, who was inthe Midwest.
He felt completely helpless andI had feelings of despair, I
was crying, I was depressed.
My dad's feelings he was verydepressed and he felt very alone
.
And there was one time hecalled me and it was out of his
(03:55):
character and he asked me tocome home and he was crying on
the phone and he just felt.
I felt that he was in a momentof despair and didn't know we
know where to turn.
So he turned to me.
You know, I felt that he was ina moment of despair and didn't
know where to turn, so he turnedto me.
You know I went home and wewalked through a lot of things.
You know.
Shortly thereafter my mothercame back and things seemed to
(04:16):
get back on track.
You know things that I visuallysaw of my mother she lost all
of her hair and she was veryweak, but she seemed to gather
her strength for the next coupleof years.
And shortly after I graduated,before 2000, I had started
noticing some odd behavior frommy mother.
My mother seemed to, you know,either forget things or she
(04:41):
would seem to really exaggerateon things that are transpiring.
I remember very distinctly onetime that she said that her and
my father were going to get adivorce.
My parents were married for 40years and that was the furthest
thing from my mind, and reallymy father's mind.
But I also realized my fatherwas becoming increasingly
agitated with my mother.
(05:02):
My father was a very patientperson, agitated with my mother.
My father was a very patientperson.
So in the year 2000, I was wellinto my career and I was a
manager at a local Bank ofAmerica here in Orlando and I
got a call from my father.
And what transpired from thatphone call wouldn't forever
change the trajectory of all ofour lives.
The cancer was one thing, butthis next event really changed
(05:26):
things.
My mother was at a medicalprovider and was having a what I
would call a psychotic episode.
My father called the ambulanceand the fire department came and
they attempted to get my motherout of my parents' car and no
one could get her out of the carand my father asked me to come
(05:49):
and I got there and my motherwas just speaking.
Basically, in tongues is bestway I could describe it.
I was the only one that wasable to get her out of the car,
to convince her to get out ofthe car, and she went to the
hospital and after a couple ofdays in the hospital, they Baker
acted my mother, and so, if youdon't know what that means,
it's, basically they hold youunder supervision and they
(06:11):
medicate you while they evaluateyour psychiatric wherewithal.
Over the next eight years or so,we would be dealing with my
mother and her Alzheimer's,which we came to ultimately find
out.
I would become the secondarycaregiver.
My father was my mother'sprimary caregiver, but I was
(06:33):
overseeing the entire operation.
Basically and you know thingsthat I would go through I had to
learn about their finances, Ihad to go to a lot of doctor's
appointments and I was nowacting as a parent for both of
my folks.
My mother was in and out of thehospital.
My father was also in and outof the hospital during this time
due to, you know, his variousailments and the overwhelming
(06:56):
stress that happened with my mom, and then also during this
period, I had a lot of badadvice from professionals,
specifically elder careattorneys.
I learned a lot by fire.
I also became my mother's powerof attorney.
My wife and I purchased theirhome.
You know we did that inanticipation of my parents
(07:16):
running out of money and toavoid any conflict with my
brother, you know, in regards toany assets that were left over.
And then we also had to dealwith respite caregivers.
My father ultimately needed abreak, a lot, and we needed
someone to be with my mother 24,seven, and my father was
attempting to work and earn aliving at this time.
(07:37):
And you know, fast forward, youknow, getting through a lot of
that.
I learned a tremendous amount.
One of the things that I tookaway was, ultimately, how to
recharge, how to separate myselffrom situations and then how to
be extremely efficient at timemanagement.
(07:59):
Extremely efficient at timemanagement, you can imagine.
All of those things were wrappedup into one, and so, in May of
2008, my mother went to thehospital.
We could no longer care for herat home.
She had another episode and shewas in a situation to where she
may have been harmful toherself and, as a result of
(08:21):
going to the hospital, she wasplaced in a nursing home.
So we also had to figure thatout very quickly.
And then the expense that camealong with the nursing home.
The nursing home that weselected was $5,000 a month and
the $5,000 a month was at myexpense and you can imagine how
daunting that was for a 20something year old.
(08:43):
But again, I learned by fire andthere were some things that I
did in advance of that, to youknow, make sure that my mother
could have the best possiblecare, and in May of 2008, when
she went to the hospital, shehad a couple of lesions on her
spine.
Her cancer came back.
It came back roughly 14 yearsafter it was in remission and in
(09:03):
August of 2008, she hadprobably 12 to 15 lesions on her
spine.
I very distinctly remember thedoctor when my mother entered
the hospital this final time,saying that her cancer was going
to be slow moving and itultimately was not.
It was very fast moving andthey could put her on
medications and things like thatto slow the progression.
(09:26):
Ultimately, the doctor waswrong.
In August my mother passed awayand some of the other decisions
and the information that I foundout was my mother didn't want
to be on life support.
We had a family meeting todiscover that, nor did my father
, and there was a situation towhere my mother stopped eating
(09:48):
and my father wanted to put afeeding tube in my mother and I
had to be the one to come to myfather and say that we need to
honor her wishes.
You can imagine that was a verydifficult conversation between
my father and I.
Ultimately, you know, I madethat decision and I have no
regrets, because it was what mymother wanted, but I did have to
(10:09):
.
You know, the nurse called methe hospice nurse and let me
know first that my mother hadpassed and then I had to give
that information to my fatherand that was disseminated to the
rest of my family.
So over the next couple ofmonths, you know, I was trying
to help my dad progress in life.
But I also had to remember that, you know, he just lost his
(10:31):
spouse at 40 years and my fatherwas still living in the house
and the house was becoming afinancial burden for me and my
wife.
My father had no income at thispoint and I was going to have
to move my father out of hishome.
Even though my wife and Ipurchased it, it was still my
mother and father's home and Iwas in the discovery phase of
(10:53):
finding someplace close to us.
And then my father ended uppassing away in November of 2008
.
He passed away, ultimately,from an infection that he had
and the infection, you know, ledto ultimately a heart attack.
And I had some guilt aroundthat situation because while he
was in the hospital, the doctorssaid that they needed to change
(11:16):
a port in his arm and I gavehim the go ahead and his body
couldn't it couldn't reboundfrom the surgery.
I had a lot of guilt because Imade that decision, but it was
ultimately in the best interestfor my father.
His infection, the doctors thatsaid to me he probably would
have passed away shortlythereafter.
Anyways, then after you knowyou can imagine, after that
(11:39):
situation I had to deal with thehouse.
I had to renovate the house, Ihad to make the decision to rent
it or sell it, and that was atthe bottom of the housing market
.
So I decided to rent the houseFast forward.
A year and a half later, mypaternal grandmother passed away
and she had a stroke, kind ofhad to go through the dynamics
(12:01):
of vetting a nursing home andfinding a nursing home.
However, she was in a differentstate and my brother was kind
of managing that situation whileI was managing it from afar.
That was a very difficultsituation, as you can imagine.
It was so soon after my parentspassed, and the day that I came
back from my grandmother'sfuneral I got several phone
(12:23):
calls and text messages from myneighbor saying that the police
are raiding your parents' house.
You can imagine the thoughtsand the emotion that was going
through my mind.
I asked my neighbor to give thepolice officer my phone number.
The police officer called meand said that we suspect that
(12:43):
one of the tenants in the homewere housing large amounts of
marijuana.
And that was news to me.
If anyone knows me or knowsabout me, I've never done any
drugs, any kind of drugs at all,and had no idea how this
situation kind of evolved, and Ijust asked the police officers
please don't damage the house.
(13:03):
Luckily, I had surroundedmyself prior to that point by
good friends and professionals,one of which was a defense
attorney who helped me throughthe situation, and one was a
real estate attorney.
So we dealt with that situationappropriately.
And then I got on to the nextphase of life and, as you can
imagine, I had to put all of mygrief on hold to deal with the
(13:26):
financial implications of myparents passing and then
immediately move on to thesituation of grief with my
grandmother.
After the situation with mygrandmother, I hit rock bottom
bottom, as you can well imagine.
I had extreme bouts of anxiety,I had extreme bouts of
depression and I didn't knowwhere to go.
I utilized alcohol to numb thepain and I got to a point where
(13:50):
that was no longer effective.
So I sought out my personalpriest, who I've known since I
was a teenager, and herecommended that I go to group
grief counseling.
And in group grief counseling Irealized that I was very young
to have these experiences firstand foremost.
But the experiences that I wasgoing through were normal.
They normalized what I wasgoing through and they said that
(14:11):
ultimately, your experiencesare going to help other people
and their experiences in life.
What I also did was go on amedical missionary trip to Ghana
.
It was 10 days of healing andcompletely giving to others, one
of the best trips of my lifeand I would do it in a heartbeat
again.
My support system helped me.
I had a lot of people that Ineeded to say sorry to.
(14:34):
I affected a lot of peopleduring that time of my anger
pain negatively, and I also wenton a church retreat focusing on
men, and I was veryintrospective in my life and my
focus in life and what I need todo to help other people.
I also began journaling duringthis time, which was a relief
(14:57):
from some of the anxiety that Ifelt, and I still do that today
if I reach situations that Ineed help through.
So all of this set me up forwhat I would say was the hardest
grief situation in my life.
My wife and I were expectingtwins and in 2012, one of my
(15:18):
twins was born early and heultimately did not survive.
If you know anything abouttwins, once one twin is born,
the other twin normally follows,and it was a situation to where
my second son he didn't want toleave the womb he came.
(15:39):
I think he was about a weeklate and he was a medical
miracle.
That was my wife and I's firstexperience with life after grief
.
My son, eli, who was a twin whois living his name has biblical
significance and then we hadour third son two years later,
(16:00):
gideon, and he, you know further, exemplified our life after
grief, and my wife and I neverlooked back and you can imagine
there were several griefdecisions that I had to make,
and you know my wife had to make, and probably one of the
hardest situations, the mostheart-wrenching decisions my
(16:21):
wife and I had to ever make wasto tell our boys about their
brother, and their response wasso emblematic of everything that
we went through.
They simply said why didn't youtell us earlier?
My wife and I learned a lotabout ourselves and how each
other grieves at that moment andit brought us as a family a lot
(16:43):
closer together.
And we talk about my oldest son, who is no longer with us.
His name is Christopher Clorse.
It really brought things withgrief full circle, and you know
now I use my experiences, myknowledge and my education to
help grieving families and,frankly, their advisors overcome
obstacles so they, too, canexperience life after grief.
(17:03):
And ultimately, theseexperiences have led me to this
blog and you know I really wantto help other people to
experience what I've experienced.
I've had a long road and notevery day is rosy, but I
continue to fight through and Ihave a tremendous support system
God first and foremost, myfamily, my friends.
(17:25):
You may have pulled out somethings from this podcast, like
financial decisions and times ofgrief, support systems,
experience, recharging,self-help resources and tips and
, frankly, resiliency, and I'veutilized a lot of that
information for a future podcast.
Some of the ones in the futurethat you can expect to hear how
(17:47):
do I grieve, normalcy andtimelines, what to say and what
not to say to a griever, eldercare, helpful hints, family
dysfunction, vetting the DreadedNursing Home, the Sandwich
Generation, and then in each ofthe podcasts there are going to
be various links to specificinformation and where to get
them.
Those are just some of thepodcasts that you can look
(18:10):
forward to.
Hopefully my experience andeducation can go to help you
through your experience throughgrief and also, if you're an
advisor, you know and you havenowhere to go to help your
client.
You can start here.
You know you can really findways to help your client
(18:30):
navigate grief.
I really hope you learn a lotalong the way and I hope you
enjoy the ride and please feelfree to share this podcast or
any ones to come, with yourfamily, friends or colleagues.
See you on the next episode.
Speaker 1 (18:50):
Thanks for listening to our podcast.
If you are a client and arelooking to work directly with
Chris and or our firm, head onover to Life After Grief FP.
That is Life After Grief FP.
The FP is for financialplanning.
If you are an advisor lookingto emotionally and financially
work with your client in grief,or if you are a client looking
(19:11):
to get your advisor's head inthe game, head on over to
lifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
That islifeaftergriefconsultingcom.
Any related informationreferenced in this week's
podcast will be located here inthe podcast section.
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