Episode #51 - Finding Purpose and Empathy by Mastering Your Mind (Get Out of MY Head) - REBOOTED MINDSET

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Hi, welcome to Rebooted Mindset, formerly
Rebooted the Podcast.
I'm your host, elita Hernandez.
Come join me every Wednesdayand Sunday afternoon at 2.30 pm
Eastern time to hear real lifeconversations with experts
around the world on how we canheal our body, mind, soul and
spirit.
So let's get talking.

(00:22):
Hi everybody, elita Hernandez,rebooted Mindset.
I'm back again.
Episode 51.
I can't believe it.
51.
Today I'm with Andrew McConnellLee, right?
How do you say your name?

Speaker 2 (00:38):
McConnell.

Speaker 1 (00:39):
McConnell sorry, andrew McConnell and he wrote a
fabulous book called Get Out ofyour Head Creating Modern
Clarity and Stoic Wisdom.
So we're going to deep diveinto that and exactly what that
means.
So tell us a little bit aboutyourself, andrew.

Speaker 2 (00:55):
Yeah, so I background was a swimmer all through
school and everything.
Went to law school, decidedthat wasn't for me, tried
banking, tried consulting,practiced law a little bit and
then just started doing my ownthing.
So I started a series ofcompanies, sold my most recent
company last year back in 2022,which was Rentedcom.

(01:17):
And, yeah, in the same year,published Get Out of my Head
Creating Modern Clarity withStoic Wisdom.
It's just something, aphilosophy that I don't think
Stoicism has a monopoly on,because I think there's a lot of
just human truth to it.
Taoism, buddhism, a lot ofJudeo-Christian thoughts around
prayer and other things all cometo very similar conclusions on

(01:41):
this stuff.
But it was something thatreally, really helped me.
And as I looked around duringCOVID, we used to talk with
Rentedcom about we worked in thevacation rental space, right,
right, and we say these homesare people's most expensive
asset, most valuable asset orsecond most valuable asset.

(02:04):
And as I started looking around,I was saying, well, actually,
our most valuable asset is notanything that we buy with money,
because it can be taken awayfrom us, it could break, it can
go down.
That's not all that valuable.
Our most valuable asset issomething we're actually born
with and it's our mindset, andyet we live our lives as tenants

(02:26):
, not owners of that.
We give it away, and when itputs us in a bad mood, the
person cuts us off in trafficand we're angry, we're worried.
We can't fall asleep at nightbecause we're worried what
someone might do or say tomorrowand we thought, well, that's
kind of crazy.
Why is this so common?
Why are we all struggling withthis?
And send me down this path ofresearching the biology behind

(02:49):
it and then how other culturesand times have dealt with this,
and so that led to thepublication to get out of my
head.

Speaker 1 (02:58):
Yeah, that's awesome because what you said is so true
.
I spend most of my life likethat.
I didn't learn about mindset sojust recently, and it's changed
my life completely, I mean Imanifested my whole studio, my
business.
I mean it's just been amazingwhat the power within us that we

(03:21):
don't understand, and what Ifind is that we're so
disconnected, like society wasso disconnected.
We have religion, we havedifferent types of religions.
They teach you morals and theyteach you a story.
But now, since I was raisedCatholic and I was in the church

(03:41):
all my life, catholic schools,I read the Bible and I was still
disconnected.
That was something missing.
And now that I understand thepower within us and the control
of your mind, now it makes moresense, like I was missing that
piece to make it complete.
So now it's a bigger thing.

(04:01):
It's bigger than us.

Speaker 2 (04:04):
I mean it's truly, in the most serious sense of the
word, universal.
And they have these quotes thatwe know about ChatGPT, the CEO
of the company that createdOpenAI, back in 2019, he was
tweeting don't let jerks liverent-free in your head.

(04:26):
Taylor Swift sings abouteverybody.
No matter how much money youhave, no matter how much quote
success you have, everybodystruggles with this, which means
it's not something wrong withyou.
It's the human condition.
But just because that's thedefault human condition doesn't
mean we have to stay in that.

(04:47):
The default human condition isto get sick.
We didn't have antibiotics.
The default was we didn't haveantibiotics.
You get a scratch, it getsinfected, you die.
Just because something is thenatural default doesn't mean we
have to stick with it.
So once we know what's going on, to your point, you say, oh,
this is what's going on.
Okay, my mindset is naturallygoing to jump ahead to this

(05:09):
thing, but I can start noticingwhen it's doing that and say you
know what I don't want to do,that that's not a good news.
That's not going to make mehappy.
That's not going to make mesuccessful.
Let me step it back and takemore proactive control, more
agency and deciding the mindsetI want to take into this
situation.
We don't have to default to ourlizard brain the fear, the

(05:31):
fight, the flight.
We don't have to do that.
We have enough in ourprefrontal cortex to be able to
pause, step back and take thatcontrol back.

Speaker 1 (05:41):
Exactly and that's what we're hoping here at Reboot
and Mindset.
Right, I had changed it.
My podcast was Reboot of thepodcast and then I changed the
Reboot at Mindset because itmade more sense, because one I
said I got rebooted because I'ma techie, so because I had a
stroke six and a half years ago.
So I kept saying I got rebooted, my mind got rebooted, my RAM

(06:04):
got clear.
You know like I would jokearound about it, right?
So people like what I go?
Yeah, I got rebooted and Iliterally did, because six and a
half years ago, when thathappened to me, I had to change
my thought process of my life,because I got to a point in my
life I was physically unhealthy.
I wasn't taking care of myselfat all.

(06:27):
I was abusing my body,basically with alcohol and
things right and food and reallynot living to my potential.
I was so unhappy, which made mesicker, and then I had diabetes
.
So that was all totallyuncontrolled and when I had the
stroke thank goodness that itwasn't a bleeding stroke that I

(06:49):
was able to recover.
I did have a long trek ahead ofme because I did lose 50% of my
left side.
So I had to, I had to do pooltherapy and just constantly.
But my will, my strength in mymind right and my will and my
spirit to live was so big that Ipushed forward.

(07:10):
Because I have two children andI was not.
I was going to make sure I wasgoing to see my kids get married
, maybe have children Like Iwanted to see them grow up.
I didn't want to, I wasn'tready to die yet.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
Yeah, so I told everybody.

Speaker 1 (07:22):
I made a decision.
I made a decision either liveor die.
So I decided to live andcontinue and I went through
acupuncture and detoxing my bodyand just learning, and until
now that I have, I'm in a greatgroup of women, a sisterhood,
and we're all in the samemindset.
We help each other, we holdeach other up, we do sound

(07:45):
healing, we do meditation.
We do different things, rakey,we do all these different things
that I didn't understand and Iwas fighting against it because
of my religion.
You know what I mean.
So, because of the thought andI have to talk about it because
I think it's important that,unfortunately, faith you can

(08:05):
have faith and that's wonderful,but religion itself the
institution okay can change theway you think.

Speaker 2 (08:14):
Well, it's intended to right, Change it.

Speaker 1 (08:16):
It's designed to Right and if you're wondering
about the, but you don't realizehow much you don't think about.
You go to church and you're notthinking they're gonna change
your mind, right.
I mean, you think it's a spirit.
It's more like oh, I'm gonnachange my spirit, I'm gonna help
my soul, right, but you don'trealize that it's conditioning
your mind.
So now you think a differentway.
But you're still missing thatpiece about mindset, about how

(08:40):
you think that you have and youcan explain more about how we
have control over our lives.

Speaker 2 (08:48):
Yeah, and honestly, it's not just religion, it's
anything that we're conditionedto is shaping our mind and our
mindset.
So you think about learnedhelplessness, right, the dogs
that they put in this, and youcan't really do these studies
anymore, but they did them inthe 70s and they'd put them in

(09:10):
this container where they wereshocking the floor.
But they would make it the wallso high the dog couldn't jump
and get out, just stuck in it,stuck in it, stuck in it, and
they'd do it long enough.
And then they'd go put the dogin the same situation with a low
wall and they'd shock the floorand the dog would just not even

(09:31):
try to because they'd learn hey, I can't do anything to escape
this.
This is the same thing they dowith elephants, right?
They tie up the baby elephantwhen it's really really little
to this post and so it learns Ican't get away so that by the
time it's a big adult, it couldjust rip up the whole tent and
do everything, but it's learning.
No, I can't move If I'm tied upto this, I'm stuck, it doesn't
even try, and so it's not reallyabout religion, it's about the

(09:56):
environment that we getconditioned to and that becomes
our default mindset and it takesat times something traumatic,
like a stroke, like a reboot, tosay wait, okay, that way of
thinking isn't the only way ofthinking.
There's a whole world ofpossibility out there.

(10:18):
I get to actually I have theability to choose how I think,
not just to think what I'vealways thought.
I can choose how to think andthat's where the book it's
really resonate.
It's more kind of 35 to 55 yearold.
It's people.
They're kind of where they arein their career, they're
rethinking what they're doingand that's where it clicks.

(10:40):
But people say, hey, who isthis meant for?
Say you know, where it mighthave the most impact Is with
middle schoolers, is with 14year olds.
Because if you set thisbaseline before you start
getting in the cliques and highschool and college and jobs and
everything, think about how muchmore agency you could exercise

(11:01):
in your life if you knew thatfrom that young and age.
But it takes us so long to evendiscover we have that
possibility.
The rest of the time we're just, we get baked in whatever
environment we are.
We say, okay, well, we're stuckhere this is what it is, this is
what life is, and it takes us awhile, some people, they never
get it, but it takes us a whileto look up and say wait a minute

(11:21):
.
There are a whole lot of otherways of thinking, of being, of
living, and those possibilitieswere always there.
We just weren't able to seethem because of the environment.

Speaker 1 (11:32):
Right and it's unfortunate that our school
system there's a whole nothersubject Right, I'm happy my kids
are grown now, but that oursocial like what you said is so
true it should start in theschool.
It should start when they'reyoung.
If you can show these youngchildren, especially now I've

(11:53):
had some interviews with someother people that our children
are really in danger now becausesince 2020, the suicide rate
has gone up dramatically to thepoint which I'm still in shock.
Even saying it, this one womanshe told me she works out of
school and these kids young, 10years old, nine years old have

(12:15):
suicide plans from ridding downfrom start to finish, like what
I'm gonna do, what time,everything.
I can't even fathom that in myhead.
How why a child so young wouldthink that that's okay and have
a plan to kill themselves.
Because society and the internet.

(12:36):
There's too much informationout there and I don't think as
parents, parents don't monitorthe time on the computer, on the
phone.
It's become now something thatchildren live on the phone
constantly and we're notwatching.
They're not watching whatinformation is coming out here,
because you know everything's onthe cell, on the internet.

(12:58):
So it's just really sad.
It breaks my heart to eventhink that they're showing out
there like that that aresuffering with depression.

Speaker 2 (13:08):
You bring up a good point.
It's too much information.
So let's just put this incontext right, the human brain
has evolved to bring in 11million bits of information
every second.
Every second, 11 million bits.
All our senses, what we see,all the colors, our sounds, the
smells, the taste, everything ispouring into our brain, but

(13:32):
we're only able to process,right, like that's all kind of
thing, but we're only able toprocess.
What percent of that?
11 million?
What do you think we'reprocessing?

Speaker 1 (13:43):
Like 2%, I don't know ?

Speaker 2 (13:45):
Wait, wait, listen.
50 bits out of 11 million.
Wow, that's all we're able toprocess.
Now let's think what we wouldhave evolved to process.
So humans, around 300,000 years, for 295,000 of those years

(14:05):
we're hunting and gathering.
We're going to the wateringhole.
We're trying to stay alive.
We get to the water.
Well, it's beautiful.
We're looking out there.
There's zebras, there'sgiraffes.
It's a great sight.
And we hear a little rustlingon the side.
And we have an ancestor who isa stop and smell the roses kind
of person.
She hears the rustling andshe's like I'm going to enjoy

(14:27):
this beautiful sight in front ofme, but that's all well and
good, except those times thatthat rustling was a lion and
that lion jumps and eats her.
Those genes didn't come to us.
The stop and smell the roses,the person that chose the beauty
of the 50 bits out of the 11million.
That person didn't live, sotheir genes didn't come down to
modern people.

(14:47):
What if we had someone who wasan optimist?
They hear the rustling and theysay you know what?
There are 100 times moremeerkats than there are lions.
I hear the rustling, but I'mgoing to be an optimist and
assume it's a meerkat.
That person's rate 99 times outof 100, that's great, but all
it takes is one time and thatperson's dead Lion eats.

(15:09):
At first the optimist genesdidn't come to us.
The person who sees the 50 bitsand sees the rosiest picture
the 50 bits that kept ourancestors alive were to imagine
the worst thing that possiblycould be coming to them and to
always be on edge, becausethat's what kept them alive.
But now we are not constantlyin physical danger.

(15:34):
We have climate controlledenvironments that we're living
and we know where food's comingfrom.
So that 50 bits is making usunhappy.
There's a separate problem thattoday, every single day, we
produce more information thanall of human history prior to

(15:55):
the year 1900.
So this was a problem 50 yearsago, this was a problem 10 years
ago, but the problem is gettingworse.
Every TikTok video, everypodcast, every book, all the
information constantly beingpoured onto our children, onto
ourselves, makes it impossibleto filter down to make it the

(16:17):
good 50.
We go, we see all of this, wecan ingest it and we jump to the
50 worst things, the 50 bitsout of that 11 million we're
bringing in.
And again, it's not the kid'sfault, it's the biology their
brain evolved for a world thatthey're not being raised in, and
you have to override thebiology, otherwise you end up in

(16:40):
these situations.

Speaker 1 (16:45):
Yeah, it's society.
I mean, our lives are easy and,like I said, if I knew this 20
years ago, wow, who knows whereI would be right now?

Speaker 2 (16:58):
Yeah, I mean, the best time to learn it right is
20 years ago.
The second best time is today.

Speaker 1 (17:02):
Exactly that's why I say because I go, I'm here for a
reason I survived and I'vesurvived some other things too
in my life that I go.
It's not meant for me to leaveyet until I give a message out
there for other people.
So that's how I feel that Ifinally came to my purpose in my
life just to give back and tohelp other people change their

(17:24):
mindset and live a better life,a fulfilled life, a happy life,
a life that they can help theirchildren and their grandchildren
, especially if you can affectyour children as much as you can
.
But if you can't make sure thatyou can affect your
grandchildren, especially beforeI don't have any yet, so forget

(17:44):
it.
Well, my grandchildren are born.

Speaker 2 (17:46):
I'm gonna be honest, yeah and the best way to do that
is by example, right, exactly,it's just showing what living
like that can look like, whatthinking like that can look like
.
That's the best you can do foranyone is be that model.
We could say the words all wewant, but, as they always say,

(18:08):
children won't always do as yousay, but they will do as you do.

Speaker 1 (18:12):
And yeah, that's true , yeah, that's very true.
And I mean my kids are in their20s.
I mean they see the differenceon me, my transformation, my
more peaceful and all the stuffthat I've accomplished in a year
.
They're like you know, theydon't even question me like mom
how'd you do that?
Because they know I have driveand even through my worst times,

(18:35):
that they've seen me, they knowthat I've changed my life for
the better and they appreciatethat, you know.
And they've done the same thing.
I mean my younger one, he's 23,he's, he's transformed his body
.
He was overweight, Now he'scompletely fit, bodybuilding,
you know, going to a competition.
And my other son is a dataanalyst and very, very smart,

(19:00):
and he's 27.
And so they're doing, they'reboth doing good.
They're both doing good, and soI'm really grateful and
thankful for that, that's forsure.
It's wonderful.
So in your book, so in yourbook.
Explains a little bit about thebook and how helpful that is
for other people out there.

Speaker 2 (19:21):
Yeah, so the book.
It takes this premise of realestate that the real real estate
we don't rate.
You talked about all the thingsyou went through with your
stroke.
Our body we don't have fullcontrol over it.
A virus gets in, a bacteria canmake us sick and kill it.
Our body we don't fully, fullycontrol.
We can influence, we can'tcontrol it.

(19:42):
Our physical items, right, theycan be broken, they can be
stolen.
Russian billionaires have shownno matter how much money you
have, they can be taken awayfrom you.
The government can come,confiscate, take it away, but
our mindset is the one thing noone else can actually change.
We decide if we want to takecontrol or give it away and

(20:03):
despite that, our default stateis to rent instead of home.
So it says okay, why is that?
What are the biological reasonsfor it?
And then what are the solutionsto it?
How do we stop renting to otherpeople?
How do we stop renting toevents and circumstances
entirely outside our control?
How do we stop renting to themost difficult, these different

(20:24):
and imagined versions ofourselves?
Oh, my parents really wanted meto do this.
Oh, future me is going to belike this.
How do we stop that?
And so the book goes through allthese solutions for different
manifestations of that problemand not just hey, here's the aha
, right, because plenty of books, right, you've read.

(20:45):
You're like this is amazing,I'm so inspired.
You put it down.
You go live life the exact sameway you always did and nothing
changes, and for me that wasn'tgood enough.
So each chapter has exercisesand tools that you put in
practice in your life toactually change.

(21:06):
Because you talk about beinghealthy, you don't go eat
healthy food for a week and say,right, I'm fixed I mean,
cheeseburgers are not only thegym for one year and say, okay,
I got to my ideal weight, Idon't ever need to worry about
physical fitness again.
No, it's an ongoing process.
This is a process for life andit's the same with our mindset

(21:28):
and with mental health that ourbiology is going to be working
against us, and so this is anongoing process.
People ask all the time okay,so how do you fix this?
Maybe the Dalai Lama is setLike he's fixed it, he's all
good, but for the rest of usit's an ongoing process.
You can just get better atnoticing when it starts going

(21:51):
off the rails sooner so you cancourse correct, but it's never
going to be snap.
Okay, great, I haveenlightenment and I'm all set
that that's not a realistictarget for any of us.

Speaker 1 (22:03):
Yeah, that's true.
That is true Because, I mean,every day you kind of struggle
with something you know.
And we talked about driving.
I mean I'm in, I'm in SouthFlorida.
Okay, the traffic here isunbelievable.
The drivers don't know how todrive because we have a lot of
cultures.
I really believe it's due to allthe different cultures that we

(22:23):
have different styles of drivingand they think they're in their
country and maybe in theircountry they do certain things
that we don't hear or whatever,and and it's frustrating.
So I get in the car and it'slike I'm peaceful when I get in.
I don't say I'm peaceful when Iget out, but you know, every
day you have those challenges.

(22:44):
So it's learning how how toreact to things.
That's what I've learned how to.
When a situation comes up,before I would scream and you
know curves, and they can't evenhear you.
I used to laugh.
I go, they can't hear you.
Why are you screaming?
So before that would bereaction.
Now my reaction is you knowwhat?
I'm just staying on my lane andI'm driving and they have,

(23:06):
they're in the rush, they can goaround, and I just crank the
radio on and I just zone.
You know, keep myself in thatstate and I just keep driving,
you know.
So it has to do with how youreact to things, right and again
, changing your mindset,understanding that you have the
control not to be angry, not tobe fearful.

(23:27):
You know all these differentemotions that come up, that you
can control the emotion BecauseI've learned, I've been learning
to do that.
I was having some.
I used to have panic attacksand and I learned that that's
fear, it's a fear, right, it'syour body reacting to a physical
.
You have emotional fear and itbe physically manifest in your

(23:49):
body.
So the other day I had somethoughts and I was getting
fearful and I could feel theanxiety literally coming up,
like it was coming up from theground like this up.
And I know, and I just said no,and I like squished it and I
said no, I have no fear, becauseI'm in control of my mind and

(24:09):
I'm not going to get that littlefear to creep in to get me to
change my mindset, to change, tohelp to think.
I'm going to think a differentway, right?
And the minute I did that andwent away, I was like wow, I
can't believe I did that.
Like that was like amazing, thatwas a huge thing, like a huge
breakthrough, to actually stopthe anxiety and panic attack and

(24:33):
realized that I was causing itmyself in my own mind because
from past things that I've done,from the past of being fearful,
I would have panic attacksbecause I was lost.
I didn't know what to do, so itwas just automatic.

Speaker 2 (24:46):
Yeah, it's.
I mean you talk about the notjust reacting, right, getting in
the car and other people.
Marcus Aurelius was the Romanemperor and he he kept this
personal journal that's beenpublished for thousands of years
now and it's called Meditations, and it's his journal to
himself with a lot of thesethings and I'm not going to get
the exact wording right.

(25:06):
But he has this one reminderone morning said today you're
going to meet with selfishpeople, you're going to meet
with jerks with you, right, allthese things.
This is what today is going tolook like, and so you can kind
of inoculate yourself before youput yourself in those
situations.
Hey, I'm not going to wake upand expect everyone to go out of

(25:29):
their way, to be nice to me anddo everything for me, right,
I'm going to come across allthese different kinds of people
today and I need to know thatgoing in.
So if my expectationseverything's going to be perfect
for me and it doesn't meet that, I'm going to be frustrated.
I'm going to be sad If I go inand say you know what?
Everybody's facing?
A thousand invisible battlesthat I have no idea about.

(25:53):
That person racing around.
You know, sometimes I'm lateand I may race around.
And I know why I'm doing that.
My, my child, just got checkedinto the ER.
I'm trying to get there.
I want to be there for it.
Right.
That person's zooming around.
They may have the samesituation.
I have no idea.
Maybe they're just trying to goget tacos, maybe I don't know,
but maybe they have somethingelse going on.

(26:14):
I don't know what invisiblebattles they're fighting today.

Speaker 1 (26:17):
Right, that's true.

Speaker 2 (26:18):
And so it just inoculating, helps, helps make
it a little easier to give thatgrace to others too.
Uh, as you go through it.
And then that that point ofnoticing what are the triggers,
what are the signals, what arethe symptoms.
When it starts happening I knowmine my chest starts to tighten

(26:40):
up, right, my blood, my heartrate starts to go up, and so
when I start noticing thesethings happening, the one thing
I know to start do is to stoptalking.
I need to stop talkingimmediately and you to start
listening better.
I need to start breathingdeeper breaths.
I need to come back down sothat I am the person I want to

(27:02):
be in this situation, not theperson in my fear or anger or
whatever is triggering me to be.
Let me, let me pull it back.
Maybe I'm not hearing fully,right?
I'm.
I'm focused on this one mouthas opposed to these two ears.
I'm focused on all these things, these stories I'm telling
myself, versus what may actuallybe happening in this situation.
And so your example of the, thefear, feeling it coming up right

(27:27):
, like you know the symptoms,the triggers of oh, I know where
this is going helps you to takeback that control.
You always had it.
You just didn't realize you hadit till you start recognizing
the triggers and the symptoms.

Speaker 1 (27:40):
Yeah, that's true, that's true.
And once you start getting, Imean, I've, I've been, how did I
would say intuitive about mybody, about certain things, like
you know, and I tell I don'tunderstand how other people
don't even realize that theyhave a problem physically, just
at a you know say like say, youhave a pain in your leg or

(28:01):
whatever.
Like you know after a while,like if it's still going on, you
need to check it.
You know what I mean.
Like some people are just like,oh, it's fine, and they just
keep going on and and somepeople might have cancer.
Some of them people have youknow what I mean?
That they don't even realizethese symptoms and I always
boggles my mind when a persongoes in and they go I have stage
four cancer and you didn't haveone.

(28:23):
You can't tell me you didn'thave any symptoms, Like people
are not even aware of theirbodies.

Speaker 2 (28:29):
Well, because it can happen so slowly over time.
This is back to we're allfighting the thousand invisible
battles, right?
That if you woke up one day andit went from zero to that, it'd
be very clear to you, like,okay, no, something is not right
.
But it doesn't happen like that.
It's one day it's this littleniggle and then, okay, it's a

(28:51):
little more.
It's a little more, but ithappens so slowly you become
acclimatized to it.
It becomes the water you'reswimming in.
You think this is just what itis.
It gets back to the mindset,right?
Like if you're raised in thisenvironment, whether it's the
church or the school or whateverit is, that is the only world
you know.
And so if it's every day, itjust feels like, oh, this is

(29:13):
just what life is, this is justwhat it feels like.
I can have some empathy withthem on that because it's you
know, you go break an arm,people go to the hospital for
that.
Like it feels very right.
From 10 seconds ago to rightnow it's very clear Something's
wrong.
I need to go fix this.
But if it's something, thisslow build is very hard for a

(29:34):
lot of people to recognizebecause it's just half a percent
different each day.
It steps it into it.

Speaker 1 (29:42):
And it goes back to get how we were trained right,
our mind has been trained sincewe were, since we were born.
So you have, you know, a wholelifetime of of the how do you
call it?
You have to reprogram yoursubconscious, your brain, and
it's really amazing.
I was just listening yesterdayto about getting to the fifth

(30:05):
dimension.
I don't know.
I was listening to somethingyesterday.
I was so confused, but it'sjust the levels of consciousness
and things like that.
I'm, you know, I'm alwaysreading and learning and and
trying to absorb information.
I'm, I'm a, I'm a how do youcall it?
I love information, right?
So, being that, I was atechnical person, all my life

(30:26):
fixing computers and systems.
I used to run, I used to be a,an IT manager for big data
center.
So, I've always been analyticalright, so I'm always like
looking for cause and effectkind of thing.
And but I was so into the world, into my job, right Into my job
, that I didn't fix me, like Iwas trying to fix me but I

(30:50):
really wasn't, because I wasn'tpaying attention.
I really wasn't payingattention to certain things.
And, and now that I've startedto to take control of my
thoughts and my habits, it'slike wow, I just sell people.
Wow, and I'm an example, likeyou're saying, we have to be an
example so people can see, by mylife and whatever I've

(31:11):
accomplished, and people whoreally know me for a long time,
they're you know, they see itthey go wow, alita, you really
change your life, you knoweverything.

Speaker 2 (31:24):
And that you're talking about is you thought
you're taking care of you but itreally wasn't, and that's.
Very few people go through thework and the exercise of
understanding what it is theywant, right, they just kind of
defaulted.
They do whatever the groupthey're around does.

(31:44):
Okay, you know, I get this kindof car and move to this kind of
neighborhood or whatever it is.
My kids go to this kind ofschool and they don't think do
they really want that, they justsee that this is the normal
thing to do.
But even the people that thinkabout what, what is it that I
want?
Almost no one goes to the nextstep of saying why do I want

(32:07):
that?
Do I want that Because I thinkit'll impress my parents, I
think it'll impress the kids Igrew up with that I haven't
talked to in 20 years.
Like, why is it that I wantthis particular thing?
Very, very few people dig intothat and so almost no one knows
what they, their core self,really wants.

(32:29):
Right, because they say, okay,I want this, but the why may be
something that actually isn'tthem that wants it.
It's someone else wanted it forthem.
Right, that becomes what theypursue and it just it takes a
lot of of unpacking andunpeeling to get under all those
layers of conditioning from ourenvironment, from the people

(32:54):
we've been around, to get to thekernel that is us.
That's in there, we've alwaysbeen in there, but we just get
layered and layered on allthrough life.
You got to peel it back, getback to us.
Yeah, the onion, the onion.

Speaker 1 (33:10):
So you get the little center right, the little right
in the middle.
Yeah, because that's how we are.
I feel like that's how we are.
We're like this big onion,right.
So we got all those layers, yougot the childhood stuff and
whatever your parents they wantyou to do this right.
Many children, you hear them oh, I'm going to be a doctor
because my parents want to.
I mean, you see it in me, yousee it everywhere.
You hear about people, or justthat you were, we were raised to

(33:34):
just go to school, get a job,get married, have children and
do the cycle all over again,right, and then have our
children do the same thing andwe just go kind of follow along.
We're like the herd, we're theherd of the horses.
We just kind of move around andnot realizing what did you do
all your life?
Are you happy?
Are you?
Are you?
You know what is your purposeand it's taken me a long time.

(33:57):
I never understood that.
I always just ask God what ismy purpose in life?
What am I?
Why am I here?
I don't even know.
Why am I here, you know?
And and then, going throughstruggles, you start getting
even more disconnected from fromGod, from faith, because you
get discouraged.
You get discouraged fromdisappointments or things that
have happened, and then youblame right, you blame other

(34:19):
people, you blame God, you doyou constantly doing that, and
then you don't realize that it'snot even.
It's not even that it's you.

Speaker 2 (34:27):
It always has been, always will be.
It was you yeah.

Speaker 1 (34:31):
And it's about taking that responsibility.
I mean, I'm 58 years old andI'm learning this, like the last
few years.
I'm going into this and I feel,I mean, I feel so much better
now.
I feel like I've left this hugeweight, you know of, of past
guilt, of all this guilt that Iwas accumulating.

(34:52):
You know that you do things.
Oh, it's your fault.
You're a sinner.
You know you like constantlysomebody pointing your finger at
you because of decisions that I, that I made in my life and
then I realized finally that thedecisions I made, I made them.
I had to take responsibility forwhat I went through because it
was my fault, it wasn't anybodyelse's fault.

(35:13):
You know I chose to drink andget drunk or I chose to do drugs
or whatever.
It is right, you choose itbecause of whatever is lacking
in your mind, you know.
I mean it's, it's just, it'sreally amazing and I, like you
said, the only way you can canbe there for people is to is to
show and prove how you you liveyour life and be an example to

(35:36):
others.
And and I find just being kindto people right now I feel I'm
very at peace and and and mymission in life is just to help
others to reach this, this goal,that they have a better mindset
and they can change your lifeand make society better.
I mean, I think that's the onlything our goal is is to make
the world we live in better andhelp one person at a time.

Speaker 2 (36:00):
Yeah, I can't.
You can't overstate thatkindness, point enough.
This is a conversation I havewith my daughter all the time,
right, she, she's seven, she hasall sorts of frustrations and
can have a tantrum, all this andsaid look, you need to feel
whatever you're feeling.
Feel it If you're angry, ifyou're sad, whatever it is, feel

(36:21):
it, but that never gives youthe license to be unkind to
someone else.
That's right.
Right, so you can feel whateveryou want.
If you know you're going to saysomething unkind, do something
unkind.
Take yourself out of thesituation, because the feeling
is not the problem, it's whatyou do with that feeling to
others.
It can be the problem.

(36:42):
Yeah, we, in every situation,every interaction we have, we
have the choice to be kind.
We can choose to be kind and inevery single one of those
instances, that's the rightanswer.
We always have that option andwe need to choose it.
No one's great at it.
No, there are people that aregreat at it.

(37:02):
No one's perfect at it, right,and so you got to have a grease
with yourself as well, but knowthat you can keep getting better
, because that is always achoice we have and it's always
the right choice.

Speaker 1 (37:15):
Yeah, exactly, I watch.
There's a few people on YouTubethat do acts of kindness and
there's one guy that he reallyjust randomly goes up to
homeless people and he'll askthem what is your biggest regret
in life?
You know, he'll ask them andthey'll tell them.
They'll say something like Ileft my, the mother of my

(37:39):
daughter, or I left my child,you know, and they talk about it
and they have the emotion andhe comes and just gives them a
note saying like don't give up,You're going to be good, You'll
be fine, Just focus on this.
And he gives them a little likea little sentence like just
change, just to change theirmindset just for a moment there.
And it always, it always gets tome because, you know, this one

(38:02):
man said something like he saysare you having a good day?
He says I am now, becauseyou're talking to me, and he
goes.
He goes.
Why do you say that?
Because nobody will talk to me,because he's homeless.
So they don't see him, youdon't see them and our society,
unfortunately, whatever, wedon't know, we fear, right,

(38:22):
People are, I think it's justfear ignorance on things.
And I have, where my studio is,there's, you know this,
homeless people in the streetand I say, hi, how are you?
And you know things like that.
And let me tell you, it makes abig difference.
It makes a huge difference withknowledge of person that they
exist.
They feel like they don't exist, they feel like they're

(38:44):
completely like nothing, Becausethey want it.

Speaker 2 (38:50):
It's more conditioning, it's more
conditioning.
I remember going out the park,two or three, with my daughter
and they're homeless peoplesleeping.
And you said, daddy, why arepeople sleeping out here?
So they don't have a home, theydon't have a bed.
So well, can they come back andsleep in our home?
They have our bed right.
Like we're getting from themouths of babes, the children.

(39:13):
They see them, they see them.
They wonder wait, we have a bed.
We're not in that bed right now.
Why couldn't they be sleepingin our bed?
It's only the default is oh, no, no, no.
We just ignore that.
They're sitting there, we moveon, we step past this.
That over time you learnbecause you see how all the
adults around you are acting inthis situation.
Oh, this is how we treat thesepeople.

(39:35):
Because that, I would say,that's actually not the default
human state.
The default human state, fromwhat I've seen with children, is
a little different than thedefault for society we can
mention ourselves to startacting like that.

Speaker 1 (39:48):
Yeah, that's so true.
That is so true.
And I remember when I was, Ilived in California and I used
to drive through like a backstreet, like to get to downtown
LA, and so I would go throughsome parts that weren't too
great, right.
So I would see there was onehomeless man I would see every

(40:09):
day in the same spot and it waslike I was drawn to him and I
had never done anything.
This was a long time ago, like30 years ago.
I had never done anything tohelp somebody in the street.
I was a little afraid.
I was really I was truthfullyafraid because I just didn't
know.
So I went and I made.
When I was home, I made a plateof food and everything the next

(40:30):
day and I brought like a littlebag and I put, I went out and I
made a little pamphlet withlike all the main, all the 800
numbers he can call for help,like all this stuff.
I put like $5 and I put a mealand I went out and I got.
I was so scared, right, I gotout of the car and I said I'm
gonna do this, I'm gonna do this.

(40:51):
I got out there and I said,excuse me, sir, and he's like no
, he didn't want to talk to me.
I go, I'm sorry, so I justwanted to give you some food.
He's like no, no, no.
And I said well, I hope youhave a good day and I'll just
leave it on the floor.
So I left the bag on the floorand as I got back into my car
and I drove away, I looked inthe mirror and I could see him
going to get it and you knowthat I never saw him after that

(41:12):
day.
I never saw him again.
It was like, and I had chillswhen I talk about it because I
feel like it was like was thatan angel?
Was that a test?
You know what I mean?
Or did he find his way and getto his family?
I was just like I mean, youknow what it is to see a person
every day for months and I meanyears, like a whole year would

(41:33):
go by and I would see him theday I gave him the food.
The next day he was gone.
I was like I go, I pray thatthat means that he went and got
somewhere.

Speaker 2 (41:43):
You know, like or- that triggered like hey, you
know, I am still a person,People do care, Let me yeah.

Speaker 1 (41:51):
Yeah, you know, I don't know, but it was just.
It was it just stayed to melike I felt like God, was that a
sign, was that like an angel indisguise to see if I would, if
I would listen?
You know what I mean, becauseit was so heavy on my heart.
Every time I passed by it waslike you need to stop, literally
, like I would hear like a voice, you need to stop, and I'm like
what is going on?

(42:11):
And every day I would go by andI'm like, oh, this is really,
it was weighing on me now.
Now I was like every day I'mlike, no, I have to do something
.
So you know, and I did and I didand I prayed that he found his
way.
I mean, it's been so many yearshe's probably passed by now
he's an older man but you know,I tried to do what I can.

(42:32):
My husband always tells meplease stop picking up strays,
because, between animals andpeople, if I could bring them
home, I would okay.
Yeah, oh yeah, because he'slike he sees me.
I said what are you doing?
He said, oh, I'm feeding thishomeless guy and he just looks
at me.
He knows, and he does the samething too, but he knows how I am
, that my heart is.

(42:52):
I want to bring him home.
You know, like I want him totake a shower, I want him to.
You know, and we talk aboutthat If we ever won a lot of
money, then I know what I'mgonna do, because that's my
heart is, in that that I wouldgive back.
I would definitely give back.

Speaker 2 (43:09):
You wanna do good by other people?

Speaker 1 (43:11):
yeah, yes oh, definitely I always.
I already have a thought thatI'm gonna build a tiny house
village for homeless people.

Speaker 2 (43:18):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (43:19):
Okay, and then have it that they go for, like, say,
three to five, six months untilthey get themselves their own
job.
And they got themselves goodyou know, and then they get
moved out, and then somebodyelse can move into that tiny
house so they can start gettingout of the street.
That's my goal.

Speaker 2 (43:42):
It's a beautiful dream.

Speaker 1 (43:44):
You know, I just I don't believe.
I believe that nobody should behomeless in the United States.
I don't think anybody should behomeless anywhere.

Speaker 2 (43:51):
Yeah, and mathematically I think they've
actually done pretty goodstudies of it is cheaper for
society to just give them homes,right, because of everything
that comes like.
Once you have a stable home,then people are able to get jobs
and then they can stabilizethem and then they're not a
burden on the system andeverything that comes Exactly
exactly, Even if all you caredabout was economics and you just

(44:14):
say, hey, I don't even careabout doing right by people, but
I just care about the rightmoney answer.
I believe the data shows theright money answer is to just
give people homes.

Speaker 1 (44:26):
And I mean I mean and you know, and I'm not sure
where you live, but you know,right now there's a crisis
everywhere.
I mean LA.
I used to work in skid row inLA.
I used to.
I used to volunteer at the.
I used to go by the unionrescue mission and I used to go
to the Chrysler Center thatthere was downtown when they
first started and I used to doComputer stuff for them for free

(44:47):
, database and things like that.
So they used to have a littlecenter right in the hardest skid
row that they would help peoplewith clothing Like you needed a
suit for for a job that wouldhelp your resume.
They would give you likeguidance.
They gave you an address so youcan.
You can have mail there.
You can get an ID, you know,because you need an address for
an ID.
So a lot of these homelesspeople don't even have IDs

(45:08):
because they don't have a home,they don't have an address.
So how does both it's getanything?
Yeah you know you can't evenapply for food stamps or
anything.
You can't fly for government aidif you don't have an address,
so they used to do things likethat.
And back then there werehomeless people and I remember I
used to be so scared Because Iwas my first time, I was in my
20s, right, and I will walk downthe street and I would be like

(45:31):
I know these people here, youknow and I know.
Now LA is insane.
Now now it's like thousands andthousands of people, which is
really sad.
It's just really sad, you know.
So I, you know, I'm happy thatyou wrote this book and that
you're on.
You're on our, on our side, asthey say, right.

Speaker 2 (45:53):
Yeah, well, I mean, that's the thing.
We're all on the same side.
No one, no one, intentionallydoes something they think is
wrong.
Right, they.
They have the reason back towe're fighting a thousand
invisible battles.
They have the reason they thinkwhat they're doing is right.
No one intentionally like goesout of their way to do something
.
They think this is bad, likeI'm a bad person doing it.

(46:16):
People don't do that.
It's from the outside.
We say, man, that's a reallybad person.
They did that, but they havesome story Going on that tells
them that this is the rightthing for them to do.
And so we're, we're all on thesame team.
We're just Working fromdifferent fact bases.
Somehow, right now that, nowthat we have alternative facts

(46:36):
and all this, we're working offof different, different stories,
different narratives.
But you know the the point youwere talking about before when
it is truly universal, right,like we all are from the same
substance, we all go back to thesame substance.
We are all One.

(46:57):
This is just this one very,very minuscule manifestation of
this material that makes us.
But we all come from, we all goback, we're all of the same,
and we forget that in thisreally, really short time period
we forget and become.
Oh, it's all about this onemanifestation.
But it's not right that theamount of time before us and the

(47:17):
infinite time after us and thislittle manifestation Is Far,
far longer than us in this formand the rest of the time, well,
we're all part of each other andso recognize it.
Even during this time we'repart of each other.
We've got to care about eachother.

Speaker 1 (47:33):
Exactly doesn't matter how you look, what color
you are, we're all the same, andthat's so important, it's so
important to understand and andwe have, you know, society has
divided us and and it's a lot ofnonsense out there, you know.
No, we just have to help andagain, help our children.
I hope that you.
I know you wrote this book foradults, I'm guessing but I hope
it challenges you.

(47:54):
I don't know why I just gotthis thought to write a book for
children, since you have aseven-year-old.
Yeah, something.
I come back and back and forthto like, is it children.
How young is it a?

Speaker 2 (48:07):
young adult thing.
It is very much so I want to do, because the more I have these
conversations, the more Ibelieve and feel and seem to see
that Getting to people earlierin life Just you get all the
benefit of what.
Why wait 20 years to learn thisstuff?
Why not get it sooner, right?

Speaker 1 (48:31):
Yeah, you need it soon like your daughter or seven
, she's, she's, she's, she's,she's understanding, she's, you
know, processing, she's learning.
I mean that's they say, what isit the age?
I forgot what the age cutoff iswhen you really learn like
language, and I don't have itseven or eight years Like the
first seven years or somethingthey say is good to learn like
languages and certain things.
So they should.

(48:54):
That's what we should doincorporate it.
I don't know.
I have a vision that you'regonna write a book for children.
Okay, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, yeah, I've read somechildren's books, not on this
and so I think it's time to doit for this, yeah and do it and
like a more of a Cartoon base,you know, like a child,

(49:18):
children's book.
You know that they can seeexample and and what it is about
your thought process and howthey can control their mind.
I don't know.
I just got this vision.
Now You're gonna do it.
I'm gonna come back to you andask you that was a great idea.
Thank you, I'm happy.

Speaker 2 (49:36):
Hey, why not I, not you?

Speaker 1 (49:37):
want you want to make sure your daughter gets the
right path and all these otherchildren.
I'm just, I'm really just Wantto help the children.
We I have a An event space inFort Lauderdale so we put on
different events and I work withspecial needs children.
Which they?

(49:59):
They got my heart now since Istarted working with them.
Oh my gosh, I just love thosechildren and and exactly that.
We're all.
We're all one and and just apoint I want to make about that
that when you see a Special needchild or somebody in a
wheelchair or somebody that'sjust different from you, they
don't know the difference.
They don't know we know, we seethe difference, but those

(50:22):
children they, they don't.
They think we're weird, howcome you're different Really?

Speaker 2 (50:25):
they think their default is their world right, so
we're not like their world.
Yeah, of course exactly.

Speaker 1 (50:35):
So they think that you're different and then they
don't understand how to process,why people look at them bad or
or say things bad to them.
I mean it's really sad, youknow the the, the way society
treats somebody, that'sdifferent.
And so I'm making, I do asocial so that way they can come
to my studio and they can enjoymusic and they can dance, and

(50:58):
there's room for the wheelchairsand and I don't, we don't judge
, they just come in and theylove it.
You know.
So it's just, it's a, it's anopen space for anybody who wants
to come.
That's it, and we accepteverybody, you know.
Yeah, so just a little bit morelove.
Let's spread more love andkindness out there.
That's how I want to end thisone.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
This is always a choice and it's always a right
choice.
Exactly, exactly.
So where do we find your bookBooks?
On Amazon, it's Barnes, noble,anywhere, anywhere you want to
buy the book that it's hard copy.
It's Kendall.
It's audio book you can find onaudible.
It's on all formats in thelibrary.
You know you.
If you don't want to buy it,you can get it there and then on

(51:39):
my website in Andrew McConnellcalm, there's free preview of it
.
If you want to download that,there's the workbook with
exercises for free, so thatthere are a bunch of free
resources that are accessible aswell for those interested in
learning more perfect, perfect.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
I'm going to check everything out and and then see,
maybe incorporated into one ofmy events that I do to help
people with their mindset.
Who knows?
Yeah, hopefully always doing,kind of doing different things.
We're going to have, like, awellness there and have
different people there.
So you know, it's one of thosethings anything.

(52:18):
I'm always looking fordifferent books like that, and
that's how I find you.
I got your press release and Isaw this looks very interesting.
So I really appreciate yourtime today.
This was an awesomeconversation and I hope you have
a great rest of the year andholidays everything that's
coming up.

Speaker 2 (52:37):
Thank you so much this been great.

Speaker 1 (52:40):
And we'll keep in touch and I'm waiting for that
child book.

Speaker 2 (52:44):
Yeah, I'll let you know you get the credit.
Say thank you for theinspiration.

Speaker 1 (52:48):
All right, no problem , have a great one All right,
you as well.
Everybody, hi everybody.
So that was our last episode 51, and it was awesome, but our
guests today and I hope that youwill check out his book.

(53:10):
I'll have all the informationhere when I publish this podcast
and you're able to get his linkand check out some samples of
the book and see if it resonateswith you.
We're just trying to make abetter world for everybody out
there, so I appreciate youviewing us and don't forget to
subscribe to our YouTube channeland all our platforms.

(53:30):
Rebooted the podcast.
It's still on the rebooted thepodcast and the website as well,
and I hope you have a great dayeverybody.
So until next week, bye.

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Episode #51 - Finding Purpose and Empathy by Mastering Your Mind (Get Out of MY Head)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Episode #51 - Finding Purpose and Empathy by Mastering Your Mind (Get Out of MY Head)