October 30, 2023 • 22 mins
Growing up, joy was elusive to me. It was a misunderstood feeling, one I unconsciously mistook as a reward from external sources rather than a state of being. My strained relationship with joy saw me board a plane to Mexico with a one-way ticket, uncertain but hopeful. I was guided towards an ayahuasca ceremony, an event that reshaped my perception and gave me an opportunity to unlearn my conditioning and reclaim my joy.
My journey didn't stop in Mexico. Back home in the US, I embarked on a self-reflective odyssey, confronting my own shadows and traumas. It was through this process of self-discovery that I mastered the art of re-parenting myself, realizing the power of compassion and understanding. I learned how to tap into a core wound in my Human Design and Gene Keys, and unlocked an energetic passion that I now use to serve others.
Trust me, the journey to joy is challenging yet fulfilling. Through my story, I hope to inspire you to embark on your own journey of self-discovery, to recognize your potential, and to become a source of joyous light for others.
Look up your free Gene Keys profile: https://myhumandesign.com/
Look up your free Human Design Chart: https://genekeys.com/free-profile/
More on Gate 58: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWvf9mjCh4c
Human Design Reading & Blueprint: https://nina-elise.com/offerings/
About Nina
Nina is an author, artist, musician, Human Design Specialist, and podcast host of Receptive Impact. Open & curious to adventure and change, Nina Elise navigates the path of self-discovery, inviting you to explore the boundless opportunities that arise when we step out of our comfort zones.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast.
I'm your host, nina Elise.
Hello friends, I am so excitedthat you are joining me for yet
another podcast episode.
I am currently sitting in mypajamas it is 11 pm at night.
I am such a night owl and I feltthis need to record a podcast
(00:26):
about joy, which may besomething that you experience or
don't experience in your life,and I just really wanted to
share my journey with joy, or myjourney back to joy.
It's something that has feltvery elusive to me for a very
long time for most of my lifeactually and it's something that
(00:47):
I have really journeyed backinto the last few years and I'm
going to say I fought for my joy, but I was definitely a big
seeker of my joy and let me tellyou, it was quite a trek to
remember the joy that has alwayslived inside of me, and it
required peeling back many, manylayers.
(01:09):
And I really want to share mystory because I feel like this
is something that many peoplereally struggle with and it can
really manifest as shadows ofdissatisfaction in our lives and
just a lack of energy, andthese can be very unconscious,
sabotaging patterns withinourselves that we're just not
(01:32):
aware of, and a lot of this cancome from conditioning and
childhood and traumas and notbeing kind to ourselves or
speaking kindly to ourselves,and there's a lot of things that
can help along this journey ofre-finding your joy within
yourself.
And it's probably way easierthan the path that I went on,
(01:56):
but we all go through differentlife lessons in order to really
deeply embody different thingsand this has been one of my
favorite, most challengingjourneys that I have really ever
been on.
So I'm just going to kind ofstart from the beginning and
kind of just go through myprocess of why joy was so
(02:16):
elusive to me and the adventuresand the experiences that I went
on or what I experienced, inorder to really come back to and
rediscover this place of joywithin myself and how it has
shifted and changed, and thedifferent tools and the
modalities that I have used onthat journey.
(02:37):
So, to get started, I would saythis begins in childhood,
obviously, because that is wheremost of our conditioning and
our trauma happens and thingsthat kind of just we're taking
in.
We're just like a sponge at ayoung age and it was definitely
the environment and the peoplethat I was around that it was
(02:57):
really difficult for me toexperience true happiness or joy
.
That was sustained becausethere was so much shame and
anger and hate in theenvironments that I was in
growing up.
Not that it's like a bad thing,this is just part of my journey
.
I'm not angry about it, I'm notupset about it.
(03:17):
It's just the experiences thatI had from a child growing up
into adulthood and how it kindof just stuck with me because
there was so much conditioningaround like, oh, you can't be
happy or there's something wrongwith you, and I basically
learned how to create I createdthis like internal dialogue that
(03:40):
was meant to obviously keep mesafe from being hurt or by other
people or external things, orto protect myself, because if I
was happy, then something badwould happen and then I would be
punished.
And so I learned how to nottrust that inner joy or that
inner light within myself and Ibegan to place it on external
(04:02):
things so that could be like oh,something good happened, okay,
then I feel really joyful and itfelt really good, but then
something bad would happen and Iwould get caught up in that and
I didn't know how to manage theroller coaster of emotions and
I didn't have like a reallygreat role model for
understanding that joy actuallycomes from the inside and that
(04:23):
it's something stable that canbe accessed at any time and it's
not dependent on anythingexternal.
And so from my childhoodleading up into like middle
school and high school andcollege, it was like there's
this dullness and this lack ofvitality and energy within
myself because I was soprotective of myself and so
(04:44):
absorbed in like myself and mypain and that fear of the ball
constantly dropping and justalways placing, you know, my
happiness on these externalthings outside of myself and I
just I felt like I wasconstantly trying to please
others and it was just like thiswhole part of myself that
(05:05):
became almost like this identityand it was like I almost felt
like I was like Eeyore in asense.
I was just like reallydepressing and it was really
difficult for me to have likesustained happiness and this
feeling of like joy or lightnessand it was almost like I was
just like never satisfied and itcame to a point, like probably
in my late 20s, where I hadeverything that I wanted.
(05:28):
You know, I was living inFlorida, I loved where I lived,
I had like the best partner, butthere was always like something
wrong.
Like I always placed my joy onthe external and when it shifted
in the slightest I just becamethis complete mess and then my
joy like suddenly disappearedaround.
Like in my late 20s I reallystarted down this path of
exploring plant medicine andlike the self-development, and
(05:51):
actually I would say in my mid20s I kind of really started
exploring all of this.
And it wasn't until my early tomid 30s that I really began to
learn how to manage my emotionsand to start to slowly peel back
these layers of conditioningand these layers of dirt that
were really covering and likepreventing me from accessing and
(06:12):
tapping into this joy that Ihad within myself.
And so last year when I went toMexico, basically I got and let
go of my job, I was no longerin a relationship and I was like
what am I going to do with mylife?
What do I do with my life?
And still kind of feeling thatfeeling a dissatisfaction and
dullness of like what is mypurpose?
(06:32):
Like where do I go from here?
And so I bought a one wayticket to Mexico, being like
maybe if I travel aroundsomething will click or you know
, something will happen.
And I was kind of really shownthe process of this.
I ended up sitting in anayahuasca ceremony, something I
was not expecting at all.
Like all the years that I'vedone and worked with Playa
(06:53):
Medicine, I was like, all right,I'm good, I need to integrate
for a while and I don'tnecessarily need to go drink
medicine in order to like getanswers.
I wanted to find the answerswithin myself and I wanted to
not have to rely again onsomething external.
Obviously, it was very aware ofthis, like placing a lot of
things on my external, and Ireally wanted to figure it out
(07:13):
for myself.
So when I sat in this ayahuascaceremony it was definitely like
very divinely guided, withthese incredible shamans, and in
the ceremony I was basicallyshown the process of how to come
back to my place of joy and itwas my guiding light.
So when you sit in ceremony, youset an intention and you need
to create, or you want to create, some sort of anchor.
(07:34):
If you start to get caught into, like loops or like you know,
scary parts of your ceremony,you want to have that anchor
that you always come back to,and so for me, that was joy.
Joy was the word for me.
Like I want to find my joy,like where can I find my joy?
And that became kind of like myguiding light in the ceremony
and while I was in the ceremonyI was shown like my pathway back
(07:57):
to joy and it required my heartcracking open just several
times, and not just in theceremony but in the year
following.
So it's like I was shown what Iwas going to experience in the
following year in that ceremony.
I just didn't realize it at thetime.
So, coming out of that ceremony,coming back to the US,
basically experiencing like thespiritual awakening and where my
(08:20):
heart just cracked open and itwas just like constantly over
and over again, just where Ireally began to experience deep
attachments that needed to bereleased and it just helped
guide me to a deeper place ofself trust and a lot of things
began to shift internally and Ibegan to search for my joy or be
in to see like glimmers of myjoy there and I really had to
(08:43):
wade through a lot of my shadowsand go into, like my deepest
traumas and conditioning inorder to really scrape back the
layers of dirt that werecovering the purity of this joy
that just has always residedwithin me.
It was just difficult for me tosee or to accept or embrace,
because I had so many fearsaround allowing myself to feel
happier, to have joy.
(09:04):
And as I went down this pathover the past year, it became so
apparent to me how prominentthis was in my human design
chart and my Jean Quy's profile.
So if you're not familiar withthese, I will talk about this in
future episodes.
But basically your human designis based on the Aicheng and
(09:26):
astrology and the Kabbalah andthe Hindu chakra system and
quantum physics and if you haveyour exact birthday and time and
location, it'll basically spitout this chart for you and it
shows you different skills andstrengths and shadow aspects of
yourself.
So it's almost like thisblueprint of who you are and
(09:49):
like the highest gifts that youembody within that are coded
within your DNA and also whereyour poor shadows may lie.
And this actually goes hand inhand with Jean Quy's.
And as I went through the Venussequence last year and also this
year, my core wound, which ismy unconscious Mars, was
(10:12):
dissatisfaction in GeneKey 58,which is like the biggest joke
of all, because gate 58 in humandesign is called the gate of
joyous and discovering that thiswas like my core wound in my
gene keys.
It was just like, of course itis.
And when I say core wound, it'sbasically the end of the Venus
sequence that you go through inthe gene keys and it's basically
(10:37):
like this collective shadowthat you come to transcend in
this lifetime, something thatyou're imprinted with before
you're even born, and so this isactually something that you're
meant to really transcend inyour lifetime and that requires
going through difficultsituations and like going
through the journey in order touncover this.
So the shadow isdissatisfaction and as you
(10:58):
transcend that, you move into agift, the gift of vitality, and
the city or the higher vibrationor the higher frequency of this
.
This gene key is bliss or joy.
So this is since it's in yourunconscious Mars.
Your core wound is inunconscious Mars.
This is actually an energyresource that matures over time,
so there can be a lot ofimmaturity in your unconscious
(11:19):
Mars.
So really understanding thiswas incredibly helpful for me to
reflect back on my entirejourney, my relationship with
joy in general.
Whether you have this gate inyour, your gene keys or your
human design or not, this isactually something that already
resides within your DNA.
So these are things that youcan actually experience yourself
(11:40):
, and it doesn't necessarilyhave to be like something
prominent in your gene keys oryour human design, but it is
something like a theme for youthat you can explore as well.
This just happens to be moreprominent in my profile, and so
it's something that I'm justreflecting on and seeing just
the irony, like just how funnyit is that this has like showed
up in my life and the way thatit is, and this is how I've like
(12:03):
discovered it.
And so, coming out of that likereflection with human design and
gene keys, it was more of likeokay, instead of saying in that
dissatisfaction and saying I'mdissatisfied with myself, where
is this like shaming?
Where am I not being kind tomyself?
And instead of seeking thatexternally and trying to fix
(12:23):
things and like blaming thingsexternal for my dissatisfaction,
I decided to turn that inwardand that's where the seeking
went to like that's where I raninto my shadows and where I ran
into like all of the traumas andall the dirt and the crowd.
That was like covering up myjoy.
And as I started to scrape backthat, it was like I began to
(12:45):
see more and more and haveaccess to that joy and begin to
trust it.
So, alongside with like innerchild work and and really
learning how to sit with thoseparts of myself and not be
afraid of them and learn how tosay like okay, it is actually
really safe to feel happy, it issafe for me to feel joy and it
actually resides within me.
And I began to believe that inthis process, as I began to
(13:06):
honestly heal, but in my journeyof like really transcending
that shadow aspect, thatdissatisfaction.
So how could I actuallytransform that into vitality,
into energy?
Because I really began to seewhere I really lacked energy and
passion and wanting to be ofservice to others in my life and
I saw it was because I was soself absorbed in the
(13:28):
dissatisfaction of my externalreality and even my internal
reality, and so a common themefor me has been like low energy
over the years and as I'veshifted more from that shadow of
dissatisfaction and said howcan I shift this into more of
like a game?
How can I shift this into myneed for improvement, into
(13:50):
something that actually helpssomebody and helps other people?
And when I release the need toperfect everything, external and
internal, I can shift myattention to actually helping
others and this is where I willactually experience vitality and
energy and passion in my life.
And so this was like a reallybig turning point for me to
notice that, as I reflected backon that external journey and
(14:12):
then also my internal journey,and so I'm seeing how I'm
shifting.
It's not that like, oh, I'mgoing to have passion and I'm
going to go help somebody elsebecause I really want to.
It's more of like, no, I'mgoing to go help somebody else
and that is what's going tobring that vitality and that
energy into my life.
And so this is something thatI've really become more aware of
and really sat in contemplationwith.
(14:32):
It's like, ok, where can Iimplement more of this?
And the joy itself has become sonot dependent on anything.
And it's like there's more ofthis purity within myself that I
can say, oh my gosh, I can feeljoy in any moment, like in
really difficult moments thatother people would probably be
(14:53):
having like absolute breakdownsin.
I'm sitting there and I'm justchuckling at the hilariousness
of the situation and theperfection of every moment.
And I know I'm human and I'mnot perfect and I'm not like
that in every single moment.
But it's been a series of, likeyou know, awakenings and
softening for me to get to thisplace and I'm noticing more and
(15:17):
more where I'm just sitting inmeditation and I just have like
these bubbles of joy that justcome up and I'll just sit there
and I'll cry because I just feelhappy and I feel like so free
because I am now allowing myselfto feel that and because I have
done that work to feel thatwithin myself and to not allow
the external to dictate whetherI feel joy or have joy or
(15:38):
anything like that I've beenable to come back into myself
and to be able to connect withthat part of myself that was
always there, which is coveredup with dirt and all that old
stuff, and now that it's alittle bit more clear, I'm like,
oh, it's there and it feels sogood to like feel liberated in
that sense.
And so now it's like I'm havingall of this energy that's really
bubbling up and saying, okay,like where am I gonna put my
(16:01):
energy?
Where am I gonna put myattention and how can I like
really fully step into this joy?
And right now I'm in thatprocess of having all of this
energy come up and I'm wantingto do more work with nonprofits
and do more volunteer work withthese local organizations, and I
just feel this like deep energyand vitality and this joy to do
(16:21):
that work with them.
And I'm learning how tobasically channel that energy,
that passion that's coming upthrough me because my body has
kept it like dormant for so long.
And it's almost like this veryintense experience where I'm
like, oh my gosh, I only wannasleep three hours every single
night because there's so manythings that I wanna do.
And it's like this, really like.
(16:43):
It feels like this mysticalexperience when you really start
to move out of you know, thatshadow aspect of dissatisfaction
and come into that vitality andeven getting glimpses of that
higher frequency of the city,which is bliss, and so it's like
moving in between all of thesedifferent frequencies.
It's just showing me how like,how simple it is and all of the
(17:04):
blocks just reside within us.
And when we have that courageto go within and say, oh, okay,
this is what's blocking me, andbeing able to have that courage
to sit with whatever is comingup and be so radically honest
with yourself and say this iswhere you know I'm blocking
myself, or this is where I'mbeing tripped up, or this is
(17:27):
where I need to takeresponsibility for my own
unhappiness, and so itdefinitely is a journey for
every single person and it'sgonna be different for every
single person, but I would saythat my journey back to joy has
been like the most, like thebiggest roller coaster ever, but
it has been literally like themost joyous experience to look
(17:49):
back and reflect on like theperfection of it and like the
lessons and how I actually, youknow, got to this point in my
life where I'm able to accessthis within myself and not allow
my mind or those old thoughtsor anything to consume me
anymore, and I've shifted to aplace of thoughts that are more
(18:09):
kinder and more gentle and I'mnot so hard on myself, and it's
almost like I learned how tocome back to my joy through a
series of like constantlyre-parenting myself and doing
that inner child work and sayingit's actually safe to feel
happy and it's safe for you tobe kind to yourself, and so
anytime I have these thoughtswhere I'm like doubting myself
(18:31):
or having these like meanthoughts towards myself, or
saying I'm a failure, likewhatever may come up throughout
the day, I'm like, no, this isnot acceptable, like everything
is okay, you're perfect how youare, who you are and where
you're at, and there's no needto judge or be hard on yourself.
And being able to shift thatnarrative over the past year,
(18:51):
it's like it's a lot of workbecause you're becoming aware of
these unconscious patterns thatare constantly repeating over
and over again.
So you're having to reprogramthose neural pathways within
your mind to access these higherstates or these higher
frequencies that reside withinyou, but they just need to be
shifted and unlocked when wehave that expanded
self-awareness.
So that has been my journey,with joy.
(19:15):
I hope that it has been helpfulin some way to you to know that
it is possible to make thisjourney and to come out on the
other side, and to know thatit's okay to be human and it's
okay that we go through thesedark periods of time.
I mean, I'm in my mid-30s andI'm just now really starting to
(19:35):
shift and move into these otherstates that I hadn't allowed
myself to for most of my life,and so whether you're 15 or 20
or 25 years old or you're 60years old, it doesn't matter.
Like your journey is so uniqueand once you move past that
heaviness or the shadow aspectsthat are preventing you from
stepping into your joy, it'sjust going to make that contrast
like that much more satisfyingand helpful and also like so
(20:00):
potent, in order for you to helpguide other people and to be
this joyous light to them aswell.
And your journey is just soimportant and so needed for
every single person on thisplanet to transcend these shadow
aspects, because it's likeyou're not just doing it for
yourself, you're doing it forthe collective, because as you
shift and change, your externalreality shifts and change, and
(20:22):
the way that you interact withother people changes, because
your frequency has risen up andhas shifted and changed, and so
you're able to impact otherpeople because of that work and
that journey that you have goneon for yourself.
And it's so incrediblybeautiful and it's so divinely
perfect when you really look atit from that perspective.
So I think that is all that Ihave to say about joy and my
(20:46):
journey to joy.
If you liked this episode, ifthere was something that was
really potent for you, it reallystood out or stuck with you, I
would love to hear your thoughtson that.
So feel free to reach out to me, share this episode with a
friend or a family member, orshare on social media.
Your support just means theworld to me.
And if you haven't already,don't forget to leave a review
(21:09):
about what you loved about thisepisode or what you love about
the show, or an insight thatreally stuck with you after
listening.
This really helps my podcast beseen and heard by so many more
people.
And if you'd like to stay inloop where the new episodes go
live, click on the link in thedescription to sign up for my
mailing list On my website,nina-alisacom.
(21:32):
I send out newsletters once ortwice a month, just letting you
know when a new episode goeslive.
There's, I think, I'm postingevery two weeks.
That's the cadence that I'mtrying to stick to, and so, yeah
, and all that I discussed todayin human design and gene keys,
I will actually post notes inthe description as well, so that
if you're interested in thatand you want to explore your own
(21:53):
gene keys and your human design, it's completely free to look
it up.
So I will post the links in thedescription.
If you have any questions or youwant to go a little bit deeper,
you can go to my website atnina-alisacom and I create
something called a human designblueprint that goes a little bit
more depth in depth and teachesyou how to look at your chart
(22:13):
and embody those aspects andlook into your shadows and kind
of go down that rabbit hole ofgetting to know yourself and
expanding your self-awareness.
And then I also do one-on-onesessions with people to go more
in depth into your chart andthen also do monthly mentorships
with people if you want to go alittle bit deeper.
If there's something thatyou're struggling with or you're
(22:33):
going through crisis and youjust need a little bit of
support along the way, I'm alsohere to help you with that and
I'm here to help and support inall of the ways.
And I just again want to thankyou all for tuning in and, yeah,
I will talk to you all in thenext episode.
Bye, guys.
Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast.
I'm your host, nina Elise.
Hello friends, I am so excitedthat you are joining me for yet
another podcast episode.
I am currently sitting in mypajamas it is 11 pm at night.
I am such a night owl and I feltthis need to record a podcast
(00:26):
about joy, which may besomething that you experience or
don't experience in your life,and I just really wanted to
share my journey with joy, or myjourney back to joy.
It's something that has feltvery elusive to me for a very
long time for most of my lifeactually and it's something that
(00:47):
I have really journeyed backinto the last few years and I'm
going to say I fought for my joy, but I was definitely a big
seeker of my joy and let me tellyou, it was quite a trek to
remember the joy that has alwayslived inside of me, and it
required peeling back many, manylayers.
(01:09):
And I really want to share mystory because I feel like this
is something that many peoplereally struggle with and it can
really manifest as shadows ofdissatisfaction in our lives and
just a lack of energy, andthese can be very unconscious,
sabotaging patterns withinourselves that we're just not
(01:32):
aware of, and a lot of this cancome from conditioning and
childhood and traumas and notbeing kind to ourselves or
speaking kindly to ourselves,and there's a lot of things that
can help along this journey ofre-finding your joy within
yourself.
And it's probably way easierthan the path that I went on,
(01:56):
but we all go through differentlife lessons in order to really
deeply embody different thingsand this has been one of my
favorite, most challengingjourneys that I have really ever
been on.
So I'm just going to kind ofstart from the beginning and
kind of just go through myprocess of why joy was so
(02:16):
elusive to me and the adventuresand the experiences that I went
on or what I experienced, inorder to really come back to and
rediscover this place of joywithin myself and how it has
shifted and changed, and thedifferent tools and the
modalities that I have used onthat journey.
(02:37):
So, to get started, I would saythis begins in childhood,
obviously, because that is wheremost of our conditioning and
our trauma happens and thingsthat kind of just we're taking
in.
We're just like a sponge at ayoung age and it was definitely
the environment and the peoplethat I was around that it was
(02:57):
really difficult for me toexperience true happiness or joy
.
That was sustained becausethere was so much shame and
anger and hate in theenvironments that I was in
growing up.
Not that it's like a bad thing,this is just part of my journey
.
I'm not angry about it, I'm notupset about it.
(03:17):
It's just the experiences thatI had from a child growing up
into adulthood and how it kindof just stuck with me because
there was so much conditioningaround like, oh, you can't be
happy or there's something wrongwith you, and I basically
learned how to create I createdthis like internal dialogue that
(03:40):
was meant to obviously keep mesafe from being hurt or by other
people or external things, orto protect myself, because if I
was happy, then something badwould happen and then I would be
punished.
And so I learned how to nottrust that inner joy or that
inner light within myself and Ibegan to place it on external
(04:02):
things so that could be like oh,something good happened, okay,
then I feel really joyful and itfelt really good, but then
something bad would happen and Iwould get caught up in that and
I didn't know how to manage theroller coaster of emotions and
I didn't have like a reallygreat role model for
understanding that joy actuallycomes from the inside and that
(04:23):
it's something stable that canbe accessed at any time and it's
not dependent on anythingexternal.
And so from my childhoodleading up into like middle
school and high school andcollege, it was like there's
this dullness and this lack ofvitality and energy within
myself because I was soprotective of myself and so
(04:44):
absorbed in like myself and mypain and that fear of the ball
constantly dropping and justalways placing, you know, my
happiness on these externalthings outside of myself and I
just I felt like I wasconstantly trying to please
others and it was just like thiswhole part of myself that
(05:05):
became almost like this identityand it was like I almost felt
like I was like Eeyore in asense.
I was just like reallydepressing and it was really
difficult for me to have likesustained happiness and this
feeling of like joy or lightnessand it was almost like I was
just like never satisfied and itcame to a point, like probably
in my late 20s, where I hadeverything that I wanted.
(05:28):
You know, I was living inFlorida, I loved where I lived,
I had like the best partner, butthere was always like something
wrong.
Like I always placed my joy onthe external and when it shifted
in the slightest I just becamethis complete mess and then my
joy like suddenly disappearedaround.
Like in my late 20s I reallystarted down this path of
exploring plant medicine andlike the self-development, and
(05:51):
actually I would say in my mid20s I kind of really started
exploring all of this.
And it wasn't until my early tomid 30s that I really began to
learn how to manage my emotionsand to start to slowly peel back
these layers of conditioningand these layers of dirt that
were really covering and likepreventing me from accessing and
(06:12):
tapping into this joy that Ihad within myself.
And so last year when I went toMexico, basically I got and let
go of my job, I was no longerin a relationship and I was like
what am I going to do with mylife?
What do I do with my life?
And still kind of feeling thatfeeling a dissatisfaction and
dullness of like what is mypurpose?
(06:32):
Like where do I go from here?
And so I bought a one wayticket to Mexico, being like
maybe if I travel aroundsomething will click or you know
, something will happen.
And I was kind of really shownthe process of this.
I ended up sitting in anayahuasca ceremony, something I
was not expecting at all.
Like all the years that I'vedone and worked with Playa
(06:53):
Medicine, I was like, all right,I'm good, I need to integrate
for a while and I don'tnecessarily need to go drink
medicine in order to like getanswers.
I wanted to find the answerswithin myself and I wanted to
not have to rely again onsomething external.
Obviously, it was very aware ofthis, like placing a lot of
things on my external, and Ireally wanted to figure it out
(07:13):
for myself.
So when I sat in this ayahuascaceremony it was definitely like
very divinely guided, withthese incredible shamans, and in
the ceremony I was basicallyshown the process of how to come
back to my place of joy and itwas my guiding light.
So when you sit in ceremony, youset an intention and you need
to create, or you want to create, some sort of anchor.
(07:34):
If you start to get caught into, like loops or like you know,
scary parts of your ceremony,you want to have that anchor
that you always come back to,and so for me, that was joy.
Joy was the word for me.
Like I want to find my joy,like where can I find my joy?
And that became kind of like myguiding light in the ceremony
and while I was in the ceremonyI was shown like my pathway back
(07:57):
to joy and it required my heartcracking open just several
times, and not just in theceremony but in the year
following.
So it's like I was shown what Iwas going to experience in the
following year in that ceremony.
I just didn't realize it at thetime.
So, coming out of that ceremony,coming back to the US,
basically experiencing like thespiritual awakening and where my
(08:20):
heart just cracked open and itwas just like constantly over
and over again, just where Ireally began to experience deep
attachments that needed to bereleased and it just helped
guide me to a deeper place ofself trust and a lot of things
began to shift internally and Ibegan to search for my joy or be
in to see like glimmers of myjoy there and I really had to
(08:43):
wade through a lot of my shadowsand go into, like my deepest
traumas and conditioning inorder to really scrape back the
layers of dirt that werecovering the purity of this joy
that just has always residedwithin me.
It was just difficult for me tosee or to accept or embrace,
because I had so many fearsaround allowing myself to feel
happier, to have joy.
(09:04):
And as I went down this pathover the past year, it became so
apparent to me how prominentthis was in my human design
chart and my Jean Quy's profile.
So if you're not familiar withthese, I will talk about this in
future episodes.
But basically your human designis based on the Aicheng and
(09:26):
astrology and the Kabbalah andthe Hindu chakra system and
quantum physics and if you haveyour exact birthday and time and
location, it'll basically spitout this chart for you and it
shows you different skills andstrengths and shadow aspects of
yourself.
So it's almost like thisblueprint of who you are and
(09:49):
like the highest gifts that youembody within that are coded
within your DNA and also whereyour poor shadows may lie.
And this actually goes hand inhand with Jean Quy's.
And as I went through the Venussequence last year and also this
year, my core wound, which ismy unconscious Mars, was
(10:12):
dissatisfaction in GeneKey 58,which is like the biggest joke
of all, because gate 58 in humandesign is called the gate of
joyous and discovering that thiswas like my core wound in my
gene keys.
It was just like, of course itis.
And when I say core wound, it'sbasically the end of the Venus
sequence that you go through inthe gene keys and it's basically
(10:37):
like this collective shadowthat you come to transcend in
this lifetime, something thatyou're imprinted with before
you're even born, and so this isactually something that you're
meant to really transcend inyour lifetime and that requires
going through difficultsituations and like going
through the journey in order touncover this.
So the shadow isdissatisfaction and as you
(10:58):
transcend that, you move into agift, the gift of vitality, and
the city or the higher vibrationor the higher frequency of this
.
This gene key is bliss or joy.
So this is since it's in yourunconscious Mars.
Your core wound is inunconscious Mars.
This is actually an energyresource that matures over time,
so there can be a lot ofimmaturity in your unconscious
(11:19):
Mars.
So really understanding thiswas incredibly helpful for me to
reflect back on my entirejourney, my relationship with
joy in general.
Whether you have this gate inyour, your gene keys or your
human design or not, this isactually something that already
resides within your DNA.
So these are things that youcan actually experience yourself
(11:40):
, and it doesn't necessarilyhave to be like something
prominent in your gene keys oryour human design, but it is
something like a theme for youthat you can explore as well.
This just happens to be moreprominent in my profile, and so
it's something that I'm justreflecting on and seeing just
the irony, like just how funnyit is that this has like showed
up in my life and the way thatit is, and this is how I've like
(12:03):
discovered it.
And so, coming out of that likereflection with human design and
gene keys, it was more of likeokay, instead of saying in that
dissatisfaction and saying I'mdissatisfied with myself, where
is this like shaming?
Where am I not being kind tomyself?
And instead of seeking thatexternally and trying to fix
(12:23):
things and like blaming thingsexternal for my dissatisfaction,
I decided to turn that inwardand that's where the seeking
went to like that's where I raninto my shadows and where I ran
into like all of the traumas andall the dirt and the crowd.
That was like covering up myjoy.
And as I started to scrape backthat, it was like I began to
(12:45):
see more and more and haveaccess to that joy and begin to
trust it.
So, alongside with like innerchild work and and really
learning how to sit with thoseparts of myself and not be
afraid of them and learn how tosay like okay, it is actually
really safe to feel happy, it issafe for me to feel joy and it
actually resides within me.
And I began to believe that inthis process, as I began to
(13:06):
honestly heal, but in my journeyof like really transcending
that shadow aspect, thatdissatisfaction.
So how could I actuallytransform that into vitality,
into energy?
Because I really began to seewhere I really lacked energy and
passion and wanting to be ofservice to others in my life and
I saw it was because I was soself absorbed in the
(13:28):
dissatisfaction of my externalreality and even my internal
reality, and so a common themefor me has been like low energy
over the years and as I'veshifted more from that shadow of
dissatisfaction and said howcan I shift this into more of
like a game?
How can I shift this into myneed for improvement, into
(13:50):
something that actually helpssomebody and helps other people?
And when I release the need toperfect everything, external and
internal, I can shift myattention to actually helping
others and this is where I willactually experience vitality and
energy and passion in my life.
And so this was like a reallybig turning point for me to
notice that, as I reflected backon that external journey and
(14:12):
then also my internal journey,and so I'm seeing how I'm
shifting.
It's not that like, oh, I'mgoing to have passion and I'm
going to go help somebody elsebecause I really want to.
It's more of like, no, I'mgoing to go help somebody else
and that is what's going tobring that vitality and that
energy into my life.
And so this is something thatI've really become more aware of
and really sat in contemplationwith.
(14:32):
It's like, ok, where can Iimplement more of this?
And the joy itself has become sonot dependent on anything.
And it's like there's more ofthis purity within myself that I
can say, oh my gosh, I can feeljoy in any moment, like in
really difficult moments thatother people would probably be
(14:53):
having like absolute breakdownsin.
I'm sitting there and I'm justchuckling at the hilariousness
of the situation and theperfection of every moment.
And I know I'm human and I'mnot perfect and I'm not like
that in every single moment.
But it's been a series of, likeyou know, awakenings and
softening for me to get to thisplace and I'm noticing more and
(15:17):
more where I'm just sitting inmeditation and I just have like
these bubbles of joy that justcome up and I'll just sit there
and I'll cry because I just feelhappy and I feel like so free
because I am now allowing myselfto feel that and because I have
done that work to feel thatwithin myself and to not allow
the external to dictate whetherI feel joy or have joy or
(15:38):
anything like that I've beenable to come back into myself
and to be able to connect withthat part of myself that was
always there, which is coveredup with dirt and all that old
stuff, and now that it's alittle bit more clear, I'm like,
oh, it's there and it feels sogood to like feel liberated in
that sense.
And so now it's like I'm havingall of this energy that's really
bubbling up and saying, okay,like where am I gonna put my
(16:01):
energy?
Where am I gonna put myattention and how can I like
really fully step into this joy?
And right now I'm in thatprocess of having all of this
energy come up and I'm wantingto do more work with nonprofits
and do more volunteer work withthese local organizations, and I
just feel this like deep energyand vitality and this joy to do
(16:21):
that work with them.
And I'm learning how tobasically channel that energy,
that passion that's coming upthrough me because my body has
kept it like dormant for so long.
And it's almost like this veryintense experience where I'm
like, oh my gosh, I only wannasleep three hours every single
night because there's so manythings that I wanna do.
And it's like this, really like.
(16:43):
It feels like this mysticalexperience when you really start
to move out of you know, thatshadow aspect of dissatisfaction
and come into that vitality andeven getting glimpses of that
higher frequency of the city,which is bliss, and so it's like
moving in between all of thesedifferent frequencies.
It's just showing me how like,how simple it is and all of the
(17:04):
blocks just reside within us.
And when we have that courageto go within and say, oh, okay,
this is what's blocking me, andbeing able to have that courage
to sit with whatever is comingup and be so radically honest
with yourself and say this iswhere you know I'm blocking
myself, or this is where I'mbeing tripped up, or this is
(17:27):
where I need to takeresponsibility for my own
unhappiness, and so itdefinitely is a journey for
every single person and it'sgonna be different for every
single person, but I would saythat my journey back to joy has
been like the most, like thebiggest roller coaster ever, but
it has been literally like themost joyous experience to look
(17:49):
back and reflect on like theperfection of it and like the
lessons and how I actually, youknow, got to this point in my
life where I'm able to accessthis within myself and not allow
my mind or those old thoughtsor anything to consume me
anymore, and I've shifted to aplace of thoughts that are more
(18:09):
kinder and more gentle and I'mnot so hard on myself, and it's
almost like I learned how tocome back to my joy through a
series of like constantlyre-parenting myself and doing
that inner child work and sayingit's actually safe to feel
happy and it's safe for you tobe kind to yourself, and so
anytime I have these thoughtswhere I'm like doubting myself
(18:31):
or having these like meanthoughts towards myself, or
saying I'm a failure, likewhatever may come up throughout
the day, I'm like, no, this isnot acceptable, like everything
is okay, you're perfect how youare, who you are and where
you're at, and there's no needto judge or be hard on yourself.
And being able to shift thatnarrative over the past year,
(18:51):
it's like it's a lot of workbecause you're becoming aware of
these unconscious patterns thatare constantly repeating over
and over again.
So you're having to reprogramthose neural pathways within
your mind to access these higherstates or these higher
frequencies that reside withinyou, but they just need to be
shifted and unlocked when wehave that expanded
self-awareness.
So that has been my journey,with joy.
(19:15):
I hope that it has been helpfulin some way to you to know that
it is possible to make thisjourney and to come out on the
other side, and to know thatit's okay to be human and it's
okay that we go through thesedark periods of time.
I mean, I'm in my mid-30s andI'm just now really starting to
(19:35):
shift and move into these otherstates that I hadn't allowed
myself to for most of my life,and so whether you're 15 or 20
or 25 years old or you're 60years old, it doesn't matter.
Like your journey is so uniqueand once you move past that
heaviness or the shadow aspectsthat are preventing you from
stepping into your joy, it'sjust going to make that contrast
like that much more satisfyingand helpful and also like so
(20:00):
potent, in order for you to helpguide other people and to be
this joyous light to them aswell.
And your journey is just soimportant and so needed for
every single person on thisplanet to transcend these shadow
aspects, because it's likeyou're not just doing it for
yourself, you're doing it forthe collective, because as you
shift and change, your externalreality shifts and change, and
(20:22):
the way that you interact withother people changes, because
your frequency has risen up andhas shifted and changed, and so
you're able to impact otherpeople because of that work and
that journey that you have goneon for yourself.
And it's so incrediblybeautiful and it's so divinely
perfect when you really look atit from that perspective.
So I think that is all that Ihave to say about joy and my
(20:46):
journey to joy.
If you liked this episode, ifthere was something that was
really potent for you, it reallystood out or stuck with you, I
would love to hear your thoughtson that.
So feel free to reach out to me, share this episode with a
friend or a family member, orshare on social media.
Your support just means theworld to me.
And if you haven't already,don't forget to leave a review
(21:09):
about what you loved about thisepisode or what you love about
the show, or an insight thatreally stuck with you after
listening.
This really helps my podcast beseen and heard by so many more
people.
And if you'd like to stay inloop where the new episodes go
live, click on the link in thedescription to sign up for my
mailing list On my website,nina-alisacom.
(21:32):
I send out newsletters once ortwice a month, just letting you
know when a new episode goeslive.
There's, I think, I'm postingevery two weeks.
That's the cadence that I'mtrying to stick to, and so, yeah
, and all that I discussed todayin human design and gene keys,
I will actually post notes inthe description as well, so that
if you're interested in thatand you want to explore your own
(21:53):
gene keys and your human design, it's completely free to look
it up.
So I will post the links in thedescription.
If you have any questions or youwant to go a little bit deeper,
you can go to my website atnina-alisacom and I create
something called a human designblueprint that goes a little bit
more depth in depth and teachesyou how to look at your chart
(22:13):
and embody those aspects andlook into your shadows and kind
of go down that rabbit hole ofgetting to know yourself and
expanding your self-awareness.
And then I also do one-on-onesessions with people to go more
in depth into your chart andthen also do monthly mentorships
with people if you want to go alittle bit deeper.
If there's something thatyou're struggling with or you're
(22:33):
going through crisis and youjust need a little bit of
support along the way, I'm alsohere to help you with that and
I'm here to help and support inall of the ways.
And I just again want to thankyou all for tuning in and, yeah,
I will talk to you all in thenext episode.
Bye, guys.
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