October 2, 2023 • 22 mins
Welcome to a courageous journey of overcoming the fear of being seen. I invite you to face and conquer this fear with me! Together, we'll delve into uncharted territories of self-discovery and growth, exploring the resonance our voices and conversations have on our alignment with others. My personal story begins with the nerve-racking start of my podcast, where I faced my anxieties and the fear of sharing my voice. This involved a lot of introspection, self-discovery, and working through limiting beliefs.
Embrace your potential as we unravel the ways this fear can influence our behavior and block our path to expansion. I share my personal growth story, and how I confronted and overcame this fear using a blend of techniques like the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT), contemplation, and Human Design.
Through this exploration, you'll understand how your unique Human Design and Gene Key elements can impact your life. I'll also share how journaling became my ally in this journey. Remember, this is a no-judgment zone. Trust in the process and your unique journey of becoming comfortable with being seen - the unfolding and expansion happens in its own beautiful time. Let's embark on this exploration together!
The Artists Way: https://www.amazon.com/Artists-Way-Spiritual-Higher-Creativity/dp/1585421472
Gene Keys: https://genekeys.com/
About Nina
Nina is an author, artist, musician, Human Design Specialist, and podcast host of Receptive Impact. Open & curious to adventure and change, Nina Elise navigates the path of self-discovery, inviting you to explore the boundless opportunities that arise when we step out of our comfort zones.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:02):
Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast.
I'm your host, nina Elise.
Hello, beautiful people, intoday's episode I am going to
talk about the fear of beingseen.
So I wanted to talk about thisbecause this is something that
came up when I started to workon my podcast, and even a couple
(00:25):
years ago when I really startedto post more videos on YouTube
and even just like posting onsocial media or even just like
work related things, you know,talking in meetings and giving
presentations, and basically thewhole thing is about using your
voice and being seen in acertain way that may feel
uncomfortable for you, and therecan be a lot of reasons why you
(00:49):
have a fear of being seen.
Maybe you've been ridiculed inthe past when you were younger,
or you know you have failed atsomething and you're afraid to
put yourself out there again.
Or maybe your heart has beenbroken and you are afraid to
show your authentic andvulnerable self when you're
around other people.
I mean, there are a multitudeof different ways of how this
(01:10):
fear might be showing up in yourlife.
So in today's episode I'm justgoing to go through my process
of what it was like for mestarting my podcast, because it
was like such a journey for meto get here and obviously my
podcast is live and I have allthese episodes and it's all cool
now.
But when I first started mypodcast and I had the idea to do
(01:32):
it, I was like, oh, this is anatural progression.
You know, I talk about humandesign and Jean Keys and
different things on YouTube andit's fun and I love it and it's
in flow and it's like thisincredibly fun experience for me
.
It became this incredibly funexperience for me and even
though it wasn't that at first,it turned into something more
natural the more that I did it.
And so when I thought aboutdoing a podcast, I was like,
(01:55):
okay, I'm going to be steppinginto this different identity,
this new version or a differentcharacter, and it requires me to
embody different belief systemsabout myself and to show up in
a different way.
And so when I started thepodcast, I still had these
feelings of like not havingvalue for myself, fear of being
seen, fear of people seeing likemore of me, like more of my
(02:20):
vulnerable self, and I wasafraid of like what people would
think of me and what they wouldsay, and I was afraid that they
would almost have like a leg upon me, because when I share
things or share more authenticor vulnerable parts of myself,
then there's the possibility ofthem being able to manipulate me
, because they see parts of methat I'm revealing and so they
(02:42):
can use that to their advantagein some way.
And obviously this is based onmy own personal journey of my
own trauma as a child or likescenarios that happened to me
when I was younger, when I feltlike I was betrayed or I
couldn't trust people and I hadto close off, and it's that's
why it's, you know, difficultfor me to share different parts
of myself.
And so I want to share the storyof how I, how I started the
(03:06):
podcast, because I look back onit and I just kind of laugh
because the whole, the irony ofthe whole thing is just, you
know, it doesn't leave me.
So, anyways, when I started thepodcast, I was like, yeah, this
is so exciting.
I enjoyed the creation of itand I enjoyed learning like the
process and putting together anentire plan and a strategy, and
I was having like just so muchfun like exploring how I'm going
(03:29):
to set this up, what's thisidentity that I'm going to step
in, what's this new level ofNina that I'm going to to reach
in having this podcast, becauseI feel like there is a certain
level of confidence or certaintyin yourself that you need to
have in order to have a podcast,because you're putting yourself
out there as like, oh, I'mworthy of being heard, I'm an
expert in this field, or I knowwhat I'm talking about, and
(03:51):
that's not something or that issomething that I have struggled
to embody in the past.
And so for me, this was aboutpushing past these limiting
belief systems or fears thatI've had about myself, and which
is why I chose to go down thisroute of having a podcast.
And so I went down this routeand I was creating the podcast
and hiring people to help mewith the editing and going to
(04:12):
this whole process, and I waslike, okay, yeah, I'm going to
get over a couple podcasts foryou to edit, I'm gonna record
those today, thinking like, oh,it'll just be super easy.
And I'm laughing because it wasnot that way at all, because
when I actually sat down torecord my podcast, it was coming
from a very like mental, likestrategic place of my mind, and
(04:36):
so I was like, oh, I'll do apodcast about human design and
which is like a very naturalthing for me.
But when I started and tried toactually record the podcast on
human design, I could not getpast like the first one or two
sentences.
And when I say that I had tostop and record at least 100
(04:56):
times until I finally like justsaid, fuck it, I'm just going to
just record this whole thingand I can edit it, or I can not
even like I don't even have touse this, I just want to talk, I
just want to get this out.
And it was like so confusing tome because I was like why is
this so difficult for me to geton here and talk and share my
(05:16):
voice, when this is somethingthat has come naturally for me
on YouTube?
And you know, I sat incontemplation with this for a
few days.
I was feeling this likepressure in my chest and I was
feeling like almost like thisanxiety of like oh my gosh, like
I said, I'm gonna put out thispodcast and now I can't even
like record the first sentenceof it, and I was just like
(05:36):
totally freaking out about thewhole thing.
And so I sat in contemplationwith it.
I was doing EFT, tapping around, fears of being seen or
speaking, and I just felt likethere was something much deeper
there.
And then, finally, I sat down todo my morning pages, which is
basically I get up and I write acouple of pages of just like
free handwriting where I justallow my thoughts to flow, with
(05:57):
no judgment, and that's normallywhen, like, some good nuggets
come up for me to look at and toface.
So, if you're familiar with theartist way, it's a book that
helps ignite your creativity andexplore hidden parts of
yourself, and it's beenincredibly healing for me.
I will do probably anotherepisode on that and how it's
impacted my life.
And so, anyways, I was goingback to my morning pages and I
(06:22):
was just writing it, like, why,like, why am I feeling so scared
of, like, doing this podcast?
Like, why am I resisting thisso much?
Why is it so difficult for me?
And I just started writing and Irealized that, even though
speaking is, you know, the sameas doing a video on YouTube,
what's different is that thereis no video.
My face is not on it, so you'renot seeing the emotional
(06:43):
expressions of my face, you'renot having a background, there
isn't music with my voice whenI'm doing my YouTube videos and
there isn't something forsomeone to look at, there's no
distractions, it's just my voiceand I realize how incredibly
vulnerable that is to just haveyour voice be heard, with
nothing else.
And I realized that was such abig thing because when you think
(07:07):
about the voice the voice Ikind of view it as like the seed
of the soul, like it's thisplace where you can't lie, like
your voice holds so much of thetruth because of the frequency
that you're operating from andthat is what is being expressed
in your voice at all times.
So if you're lying, like peoplewill know something's off.
Something's off because you'relying about something or you're
(07:28):
not being honest with yourselfabout something, and that shows
up in the tone of your voice.
And you can pick up thenervousness of you know in
someone's voice of whetherthey're scared or how they truly
feel about something.
And I realize that it's like anincredibly vulnerable place to
put yourself in, to solely justhave your voice out there,
(07:50):
because there can be a lot ofprojections from other people
and at the end of the day, itdoesn't necessarily matter what
other people think of you,because how they view you is
just a reflection of themselves.
But at the same time, when youreally think about it, your
voice like it's you, it'sshowing you raw, like unfiltered
(08:10):
and just completely authentic.
And if you haven't like lookedat those parts of yourself or
like own those parts ofyourselves or acknowledged it,
like that is going to show up inyour voice.
And so I realized, as I waswriting there, there's just like
this very deep fear of like, ohmy gosh, I'm going to come off
as boring or people aren't goingto understand what I'm talking
(08:33):
about and it's going to be likemy podcast no-transcript, like
no one's gonna want to listen toit, like am I worthy enough to
be listened to?
What do I even have to say?
Like all these doubts were likecoming up and I was just
sitting with all of thosethoughts and holding space and
saying, okay, yes, I see you, Isee this, you know.
Like doing this inner childwork, basically, and just
acknowledging all of these fearsand these doubts coming up and
(08:56):
just breathing through it andbeing able to get to the core of
why I was afraid of being seen,it just clicked, it just made
so much sense to me of why therewas resistance.
And when I was able toacknowledge that and see that
within myself, it took away thepower that that fear had over me
.
(09:16):
And I also want to add that froma human design perspective or a
gene keys perspective, ifyou're familiar with this, this
is actually something that Ihave been exploring for the past
year or so when I did the Venussequence with the gene keys my
unconscious Venus is Gene Key 12with line 5, and this was
(09:38):
actually something that Iexplored very deeply last year,
and it's all about opening yourheart and being seen and not
closing yourself off becauseyou're afraid that other people
will be able to control you orhave some sort of hold over you,
and that is kind of like theshadow aspect of it.
You hide behind the vanity, youhide behind the stars and the
(09:59):
shiny things, and in my case, Iwas looking at it as like I was
hiding behind my face and myappearance in the YouTube video,
and then when I started thepodcast or when I started
recording for the podcast, Ididn't have any of that to hide
behind and it became much morelike deeper, more vulnerable
place for me to be.
And when I realized that andconnected that to the shadow
(10:19):
aspect of that specific gene keyand how that resided within me
on a cellular level, I was ableto move into the actual gift of
it, where I realized, likenobody can take anything from me
because nobody has power orcontrol over me.
And so when I was able to lookat it from that perspective of
like oh like, it's just thesefears coming up that I'm not
(10:40):
good enough or I'm not worthyenough or, you know, whatever
the case may be, I was able tosee that the actual gift was
opening my heart in these timesand being vulnerable in the
times that are the hardest, andthat this was just another point
in my life where I was kind ofup leveling and I was shifting
into a place that was much more,that was deeply uncomfortable
(11:02):
for me, because I hadn't allowedmyself to step into that
version of myself, because I hadstuffed it down so deeply and I
had forgotten that this was apart of me to be open.
And the actual gift and the cityof this jean key or the skate
is the literal frequency of yourvoice and being able to have
profound impact and mutation onothers through your voice, and
(11:26):
that can be through song orspeaking or your words or art or
poetry, and even in silence,and the frequency of the silence
that you're sitting in, and sothis is a very, very powerful
jean key or gate to have in yourdesign.
So when you're able to movepast the shadow and the fears of
that, you can actually stepinto the gift and it's
incredibly empowering and veryliberating because you release
(11:50):
those judgments and those fearsof not being good enough or
feeling like people can controlyou when they really can't,
because no one has control overyou.
That's not being in a place ofseverance to you when you're
like, oh, I'm going to be aroundthis person and they have an
effect on me, like no, you standin your power and you own who
you are.
And even if it's like the ickyparts of yourself and for me
(12:11):
that's like the emotional partof it, the feelings of the highs
and the lows and the feelingsof being judged for being an
emotional person that was a very, very difficult part for me to
be seen and to have thesevulnerable parts of saying, oh,
this is my shadow, this issomething that I'm afraid of,
and like being afraid to sharethat and to be seen in that
light.
So as I explored all of that,it just made so much more sense.
(12:34):
And then, when I looked at myhuman design chart, I realized
that this gate was actually inmy conscious mercury, which is
all about communication and whatI'm here to share with the
world, and so I could see whereI've been operating from the
shadow in different aspects, andthis was just another level for
me to become aware of and toacknowledge and say, oh, I can
(12:55):
step more into this place whereI'm embodying this gift within
me and that I actually do havethe ability to impact others.
Because one of the fears ofthis gate is the fear of what I
have to say falls on deaf ears,and that can be very devastating
, especially as a manifestor inhuman design to not have an
impact on people and, I think,just for anybody in general.
(13:18):
Because we want to come intothis life with purpose, we want
to have an effect on otherpeople, we want to know that
we've done something that'sworthwhile in this lifetime and
I know a lot of this is rootedin ego and our minds are just
constantly trying to make senseof things and, at the end of the
day, even if we did nothing,we're still worthy and we're
(13:39):
incredible and amazing becausewe just are.
We're source, we're connectedto God.
We are God, depending on whatyou believe.
We are these very, we are veryconnected to something much more
powerful than we realized andwe are that power.
But we forget because we'rebogged down by all of this
conditioning from ourenvironment and people around us
and what we're seeing on theinternet and social media and
(14:01):
advertisements, and that's beingabsorbed unconsciously, like
constantly, and so it's almostlike we're in this constant trap
of forgetting who we are andlike our power.
And so to just kind of like,reign this back in whether you
have gate 12 or not in your JeanKeys or your human design, it
doesn't matter because, honestly, all of those reside within us.
(14:24):
All of those 64 gates in JeanKeys reside in the 64 DNA that
resides within us, and so it'sjust maybe not as prominent or
as a lesson that you're here toexperience in your lifetime, but
that doesn't mean that itdoesn't reside in you.
So when I'm speaking about this,you can actually take that and
reflect on it in your own lifeand say, okay, like, where do I
(14:45):
have a fear of being seen?
Where am I not opening my heartor being more vulnerable?
And it doesn't have to beliteral, it can literally be
something that you take pausesand you sit in contemplation
with.
And when I say contemplate, youjust sit with the idea of that
and you kind of explore and saywhere in my life am I not being
open?
And you don't have to have ananswer right away, it could be
weeks before you have arealization about this.
(15:05):
And I say that because almost ayear ago, I was embarking on
the Venus sequence with JeanKeys and that is when I
initially started exploring thisidea of like oh my gosh of like
seeing where I actually closemyself off and I'm afraid of
being vulnerable and afraid ofbeing seen.
And a year later, I'm havingmore of these profound shifts as
(15:26):
I'm revisiting it, because Ihave grown and evolved a lot
over the past year because of alot of the work that I have done
, and so I'm able to see thisfrom another perspective,
another light, and I was able togo up or go and unlock, almost
like this other level withinmyself because I was ready and
able to handle.
You know what emotions may mayarise when I look at more of the
(15:48):
deeper truth of what this means.
So, with all of that being said, obviously and I have my
podcasts up and running, and Iwas able to work through all of
that.
After I journaled and had thoserealizations, I did some EFT
tapping on that and was justvery emotional because I was
like, oh my gosh, I'm likehiding myself, I'm hiding my
true self, and was able to cometo a place of being like yeah,
(16:11):
like what I have to say is worthsomething, like what I am, what
I am speaking, like it doesn'talways necessarily matter what
the words are, it's the tone andthe frequency and the vibration
that is, you know, beingemanated from my actual voice.
And so I think it's so funnybecause I think on another level
(16:32):
, like a deeper level, thereason that why why we attract
certain people and we havedifferent conversations with
different people is becausewe're all on similar vibrations.
And so if I'm going to attractone person, they're going to be
on a certain vibration and I'mgoing to be on a certain
vibration and we're going totalk and it's going to make
sense, and but I don't believethat we are truly communicating
(16:53):
with words.
I truly feel that we are justconstantly commuting,
communicating from a vibrationalplace.
And so sometimes when I'msitting in a conversation with
other people or like co-workersor you know people who are have
a completely different lifestylethan me.
It can feel like cringy or thisdoesn't feel good and it's not
(17:14):
necessarily the words thatthey're saying, but it's just
from the place that they areoperating and the vibration that
they're speaking from.
And then also people who are,you know, talking about things
that I'm not necessarilyfamiliar with and they are
operating on a differentvibration and it sounds like
they are talking in anotherlanguage to me sometimes and
it's so wild to me that I canobserve this and say, okay, like
(17:36):
that's my indicator that I'mout of vibrational alignment
with that person doesn'tnecessarily mean that I need to
be around them or that I need tonot be around them.
It's just something that I'mobserving and then I can also
just laugh about because youknow, you know, you know who
you're in alignment with and youknow who you feel comfortable
with based on the vibration ofthe person that you're you're
(17:57):
with, and so kind of went off ona little bit of a tangent there
, but it definitely ties intothe frequency of your voice and
I feel like there is a constantpurification of the frequency of
our voice and just like ouroverall vibration, the more that
we go in and we're honest withourselves about these hidden
shadow aspects or fears that wemay have, and I think it's just
(18:19):
a really good reminder to notnecessarily be afraid of these
things but just to approach themwith this curiosity of like
okay, where does this reside inme and is this serving me?
Is this serving the greaterwhole?
And if it's not, then that'ssomething that you can begin to
explore, and you can do thatwith a wide variety of tools.
(18:40):
I just happen to explore thisthrough journaling and EFT
tapping and going into the genekey sequence and human design
and therapy might work forsomebody else talk therapy or
somatic therapy, or even justlike purifying yourself through
the art of expression, of art,or in a state of meditation
(19:01):
where you're sitting and you'regardening and you're working
with your hands, or you'repicking up a paintbrush and
you're painting, like it's allvery healing and contributes to
the purification process of yourfrequency and is very
transmutive.
And so I think there's notnecessarily that specific way to
go about doing this.
I think the biggest thing isjust having the awareness of it,
(19:22):
without judgment of it, andtrusting that the unfoldment and
the expansion of that willhappen over time without you
trying to force it, because Ithink that can be a route that
our mind goes down, and I knowthat from just personal
experience that we go down thisroute of trying to like, force
things or fixings because wethink there's something wrong
with us and that's just ego orour mind just kind of like
(19:43):
trying to do all of that.
So just to kind of wrap this up, the fear of being seen like it
can control us if we areconstantly shying away from the
fear, or like the sensation thathappens in our body when we're
afraid of something.
If we're afraid, you know likeour bodies get nervous or they
shake or our voice shakes whenwe're standing in front of a
(20:04):
crowd of people and then we haveto talk and you're like, oh my
God, like can I trust what'scoming out of me?
And there are so many differentlayers to this fear and it's
not necessarily like, oh, I'mgoing to work on this fear and
be completely done with it.
It's just another layer andthen more and more layers will
continue to unfold as youcontinue to progress in your
life and you start to pushthrough belief, systems and
(20:27):
limitations that you were notnecessarily aware of before.
Yeah, with all of that beingsaid, I feel like I feel
complete about sharing all ofthis with you, and I wanted to
share all of this with youbecause it is a vulnerable thing
.
But I feel like this issomething that people struggle
with a lot and, at the end ofthe day, like it's something
(20:48):
just to be laughed about,because, like when I had that
realization about, you know,having gate 12 in my mercury, in
my human design chart, it waslike this is all about
communication and this is whereI'm freezing up, and it was just
like so obvious to me that theuniverse was like hey, it's been
(21:08):
right in front of you all alongand it was something that I
just had to sit and explore andbe open to exploring.
And so I hope that my story andmy journey has impacted you in
some way or has opened you up tosome sort of possibility to
explore something withinyourself.
Maybe you have the same fear, ormaybe this is something that
(21:30):
your partner or friend is, youknow, struggling with, and, if
so, please share this with them.
Please share this on socialmedia or send it to your friends
or your family.
There's something that youreally loved about it or
something that really hit homefor you.
If it did, feel free to send mean email.
You can contact me on mywebsite at nina-elisecom, and if
(21:52):
you again felt like thispodcast resonated with you, if
you haven't already, leave areview.
It is so helpful for me in thewhole podcasting world and for
more people to be able to see meand to see what my podcast is
about.
So thank you all so much fortuning in and I appreciate your
time and for you just showing upand listening to the words that
(22:13):
I have to share and sharing myexperiences.
So I will talk to you guys onthe next podcast.
Bye.
Welcome to the Receptive Impact Podcast.
I'm your host, nina Elise.
Hello, beautiful people, intoday's episode I am going to
talk about the fear of beingseen.
So I wanted to talk about thisbecause this is something that
came up when I started to workon my podcast, and even a couple
(00:25):
years ago when I really startedto post more videos on YouTube
and even just like posting onsocial media or even just like
work related things, you know,talking in meetings and giving
presentations, and basically thewhole thing is about using your
voice and being seen in acertain way that may feel
uncomfortable for you, and therecan be a lot of reasons why you
(00:49):
have a fear of being seen.
Maybe you've been ridiculed inthe past when you were younger,
or you know you have failed atsomething and you're afraid to
put yourself out there again.
Or maybe your heart has beenbroken and you are afraid to
show your authentic andvulnerable self when you're
around other people.
I mean, there are a multitudeof different ways of how this
(01:10):
fear might be showing up in yourlife.
So in today's episode I'm justgoing to go through my process
of what it was like for mestarting my podcast, because it
was like such a journey for meto get here and obviously my
podcast is live and I have allthese episodes and it's all cool
now.
But when I first started mypodcast and I had the idea to do
(01:32):
it, I was like, oh, this is anatural progression.
You know, I talk about humandesign and Jean Keys and
different things on YouTube andit's fun and I love it and it's
in flow and it's like thisincredibly fun experience for me
.
It became this incredibly funexperience for me and even
though it wasn't that at first,it turned into something more
natural the more that I did it.
And so when I thought aboutdoing a podcast, I was like,
(01:55):
okay, I'm going to be steppinginto this different identity,
this new version or a differentcharacter, and it requires me to
embody different belief systemsabout myself and to show up in
a different way.
And so when I started thepodcast, I still had these
feelings of like not havingvalue for myself, fear of being
seen, fear of people seeing likemore of me, like more of my
(02:20):
vulnerable self, and I wasafraid of like what people would
think of me and what they wouldsay, and I was afraid that they
would almost have like a leg upon me, because when I share
things or share more authenticor vulnerable parts of myself,
then there's the possibility ofthem being able to manipulate me
, because they see parts of methat I'm revealing and so they
(02:42):
can use that to their advantagein some way.
And obviously this is based onmy own personal journey of my
own trauma as a child or likescenarios that happened to me
when I was younger, when I feltlike I was betrayed or I
couldn't trust people and I hadto close off, and it's that's
why it's, you know, difficultfor me to share different parts
of myself.
And so I want to share the storyof how I, how I started the
(03:06):
podcast, because I look back onit and I just kind of laugh
because the whole, the irony ofthe whole thing is just, you
know, it doesn't leave me.
So, anyways, when I started thepodcast, I was like, yeah, this
is so exciting.
I enjoyed the creation of itand I enjoyed learning like the
process and putting together anentire plan and a strategy, and
I was having like just so muchfun like exploring how I'm going
(03:29):
to set this up, what's thisidentity that I'm going to step
in, what's this new level ofNina that I'm going to to reach
in having this podcast, becauseI feel like there is a certain
level of confidence or certaintyin yourself that you need to
have in order to have a podcast,because you're putting yourself
out there as like, oh, I'mworthy of being heard, I'm an
expert in this field, or I knowwhat I'm talking about, and
(03:51):
that's not something or that issomething that I have struggled
to embody in the past.
And so for me, this was aboutpushing past these limiting
belief systems or fears thatI've had about myself, and which
is why I chose to go down thisroute of having a podcast.
And so I went down this routeand I was creating the podcast
and hiring people to help mewith the editing and going to
(04:12):
this whole process, and I waslike, okay, yeah, I'm going to
get over a couple podcasts foryou to edit, I'm gonna record
those today, thinking like, oh,it'll just be super easy.
And I'm laughing because it wasnot that way at all, because
when I actually sat down torecord my podcast, it was coming
from a very like mental, likestrategic place of my mind, and
(04:36):
so I was like, oh, I'll do apodcast about human design and
which is like a very naturalthing for me.
But when I started and tried toactually record the podcast on
human design, I could not getpast like the first one or two
sentences.
And when I say that I had tostop and record at least 100
(04:56):
times until I finally like justsaid, fuck it, I'm just going to
just record this whole thingand I can edit it, or I can not
even like I don't even have touse this, I just want to talk, I
just want to get this out.
And it was like so confusing tome because I was like why is
this so difficult for me to geton here and talk and share my
(05:16):
voice, when this is somethingthat has come naturally for me
on YouTube?
And you know, I sat incontemplation with this for a
few days.
I was feeling this likepressure in my chest and I was
feeling like almost like thisanxiety of like oh my gosh, like
I said, I'm gonna put out thispodcast and now I can't even
like record the first sentenceof it, and I was just like
(05:36):
totally freaking out about thewhole thing.
And so I sat in contemplationwith it.
I was doing EFT, tapping around, fears of being seen or
speaking, and I just felt likethere was something much deeper
there.
And then, finally, I sat down todo my morning pages, which is
basically I get up and I write acouple of pages of just like
free handwriting where I justallow my thoughts to flow, with
(05:57):
no judgment, and that's normallywhen, like, some good nuggets
come up for me to look at and toface.
So, if you're familiar with theartist way, it's a book that
helps ignite your creativity andexplore hidden parts of
yourself, and it's beenincredibly healing for me.
I will do probably anotherepisode on that and how it's
impacted my life.
And so, anyways, I was goingback to my morning pages and I
(06:22):
was just writing it, like, why,like, why am I feeling so scared
of, like, doing this podcast?
Like, why am I resisting thisso much?
Why is it so difficult for me?
And I just started writing and Irealized that, even though
speaking is, you know, the sameas doing a video on YouTube,
what's different is that thereis no video.
My face is not on it, so you'renot seeing the emotional
(06:43):
expressions of my face, you'renot having a background, there
isn't music with my voice whenI'm doing my YouTube videos and
there isn't something forsomeone to look at, there's no
distractions, it's just my voiceand I realize how incredibly
vulnerable that is to just haveyour voice be heard, with
nothing else.
And I realized that was such abig thing because when you think
(07:07):
about the voice the voice Ikind of view it as like the seed
of the soul, like it's thisplace where you can't lie, like
your voice holds so much of thetruth because of the frequency
that you're operating from andthat is what is being expressed
in your voice at all times.
So if you're lying, like peoplewill know something's off.
Something's off because you'relying about something or you're
(07:28):
not being honest with yourselfabout something, and that shows
up in the tone of your voice.
And you can pick up thenervousness of you know in
someone's voice of whetherthey're scared or how they truly
feel about something.
And I realize that it's like anincredibly vulnerable place to
put yourself in, to solely justhave your voice out there,
(07:50):
because there can be a lot ofprojections from other people
and at the end of the day, itdoesn't necessarily matter what
other people think of you,because how they view you is
just a reflection of themselves.
But at the same time, when youreally think about it, your
voice like it's you, it'sshowing you raw, like unfiltered
(08:10):
and just completely authentic.
And if you haven't like lookedat those parts of yourself or
like own those parts ofyourselves or acknowledged it,
like that is going to show up inyour voice.
And so I realized, as I waswriting there, there's just like
this very deep fear of like, ohmy gosh, I'm going to come off
as boring or people aren't goingto understand what I'm talking
(08:33):
about and it's going to be likemy podcast no-transcript, like
no one's gonna want to listen toit, like am I worthy enough to
be listened to?
What do I even have to say?
Like all these doubts were likecoming up and I was just
sitting with all of thosethoughts and holding space and
saying, okay, yes, I see you, Isee this, you know.
Like doing this inner childwork, basically, and just
acknowledging all of these fearsand these doubts coming up and
(08:56):
just breathing through it andbeing able to get to the core of
why I was afraid of being seen,it just clicked, it just made
so much sense to me of why therewas resistance.
And when I was able toacknowledge that and see that
within myself, it took away thepower that that fear had over me
.
(09:16):
And I also want to add that froma human design perspective or a
gene keys perspective, ifyou're familiar with this, this
is actually something that Ihave been exploring for the past
year or so when I did the Venussequence with the gene keys my
unconscious Venus is Gene Key 12with line 5, and this was
(09:38):
actually something that Iexplored very deeply last year,
and it's all about opening yourheart and being seen and not
closing yourself off becauseyou're afraid that other people
will be able to control you orhave some sort of hold over you,
and that is kind of like theshadow aspect of it.
You hide behind the vanity, youhide behind the stars and the
(09:59):
shiny things, and in my case, Iwas looking at it as like I was
hiding behind my face and myappearance in the YouTube video,
and then when I started thepodcast or when I started
recording for the podcast, Ididn't have any of that to hide
behind and it became much morelike deeper, more vulnerable
place for me to be.
And when I realized that andconnected that to the shadow
(10:19):
aspect of that specific gene keyand how that resided within me
on a cellular level, I was ableto move into the actual gift of
it, where I realized, likenobody can take anything from me
because nobody has power orcontrol over me.
And so when I was able to lookat it from that perspective of
like oh like, it's just thesefears coming up that I'm not
(10:40):
good enough or I'm not worthyenough or, you know, whatever
the case may be, I was able tosee that the actual gift was
opening my heart in these timesand being vulnerable in the
times that are the hardest, andthat this was just another point
in my life where I was kind ofup leveling and I was shifting
into a place that was much more,that was deeply uncomfortable
(11:02):
for me, because I hadn't allowedmyself to step into that
version of myself, because I hadstuffed it down so deeply and I
had forgotten that this was apart of me to be open.
And the actual gift and the cityof this jean key or the skate
is the literal frequency of yourvoice and being able to have
profound impact and mutation onothers through your voice, and
(11:26):
that can be through song orspeaking or your words or art or
poetry, and even in silence,and the frequency of the silence
that you're sitting in, and sothis is a very, very powerful
jean key or gate to have in yourdesign.
So when you're able to movepast the shadow and the fears of
that, you can actually stepinto the gift and it's
incredibly empowering and veryliberating because you release
(11:50):
those judgments and those fearsof not being good enough or
feeling like people can controlyou when they really can't,
because no one has control overyou.
That's not being in a place ofseverance to you when you're
like, oh, I'm going to be aroundthis person and they have an
effect on me, like no, you standin your power and you own who
you are.
And even if it's like the ickyparts of yourself and for me
(12:11):
that's like the emotional partof it, the feelings of the highs
and the lows and the feelingsof being judged for being an
emotional person that was a very, very difficult part for me to
be seen and to have thesevulnerable parts of saying, oh,
this is my shadow, this issomething that I'm afraid of,
and like being afraid to sharethat and to be seen in that
light.
So as I explored all of that,it just made so much more sense.
(12:34):
And then, when I looked at myhuman design chart, I realized
that this gate was actually inmy conscious mercury, which is
all about communication and whatI'm here to share with the
world, and so I could see whereI've been operating from the
shadow in different aspects, andthis was just another level for
me to become aware of and toacknowledge and say, oh, I can
(12:55):
step more into this place whereI'm embodying this gift within
me and that I actually do havethe ability to impact others.
Because one of the fears ofthis gate is the fear of what I
have to say falls on deaf ears,and that can be very devastating
, especially as a manifestor inhuman design to not have an
impact on people and, I think,just for anybody in general.
(13:18):
Because we want to come intothis life with purpose, we want
to have an effect on otherpeople, we want to know that
we've done something that'sworthwhile in this lifetime and
I know a lot of this is rootedin ego and our minds are just
constantly trying to make senseof things and, at the end of the
day, even if we did nothing,we're still worthy and we're
(13:39):
incredible and amazing becausewe just are.
We're source, we're connectedto God.
We are God, depending on whatyou believe.
We are these very, we are veryconnected to something much more
powerful than we realized andwe are that power.
But we forget because we'rebogged down by all of this
conditioning from ourenvironment and people around us
and what we're seeing on theinternet and social media and
(14:01):
advertisements, and that's beingabsorbed unconsciously, like
constantly, and so it's almostlike we're in this constant trap
of forgetting who we are andlike our power.
And so to just kind of like,reign this back in whether you
have gate 12 or not in your JeanKeys or your human design, it
doesn't matter because, honestly, all of those reside within us.
(14:24):
All of those 64 gates in JeanKeys reside in the 64 DNA that
resides within us, and so it'sjust maybe not as prominent or
as a lesson that you're here toexperience in your lifetime, but
that doesn't mean that itdoesn't reside in you.
So when I'm speaking about this,you can actually take that and
reflect on it in your own lifeand say, okay, like, where do I
(14:45):
have a fear of being seen?
Where am I not opening my heartor being more vulnerable?
And it doesn't have to beliteral, it can literally be
something that you take pausesand you sit in contemplation
with.
And when I say contemplate, youjust sit with the idea of that
and you kind of explore and saywhere in my life am I not being
open?
And you don't have to have ananswer right away, it could be
weeks before you have arealization about this.
(15:05):
And I say that because almost ayear ago, I was embarking on
the Venus sequence with JeanKeys and that is when I
initially started exploring thisidea of like oh my gosh of like
seeing where I actually closemyself off and I'm afraid of
being vulnerable and afraid ofbeing seen.
And a year later, I'm havingmore of these profound shifts as
(15:26):
I'm revisiting it, because Ihave grown and evolved a lot
over the past year because of alot of the work that I have done
, and so I'm able to see thisfrom another perspective,
another light, and I was able togo up or go and unlock, almost
like this other level withinmyself because I was ready and
able to handle.
You know what emotions may mayarise when I look at more of the
(15:48):
deeper truth of what this means.
So, with all of that being said, obviously and I have my
podcasts up and running, and Iwas able to work through all of
that.
After I journaled and had thoserealizations, I did some EFT
tapping on that and was justvery emotional because I was
like, oh my gosh, I'm likehiding myself, I'm hiding my
true self, and was able to cometo a place of being like yeah,
(16:11):
like what I have to say is worthsomething, like what I am, what
I am speaking, like it doesn'talways necessarily matter what
the words are, it's the tone andthe frequency and the vibration
that is, you know, beingemanated from my actual voice.
And so I think it's so funnybecause I think on another level
(16:32):
, like a deeper level, thereason that why why we attract
certain people and we havedifferent conversations with
different people is becausewe're all on similar vibrations.
And so if I'm going to attractone person, they're going to be
on a certain vibration and I'mgoing to be on a certain
vibration and we're going totalk and it's going to make
sense, and but I don't believethat we are truly communicating
(16:53):
with words.
I truly feel that we are justconstantly commuting,
communicating from a vibrationalplace.
And so sometimes when I'msitting in a conversation with
other people or like co-workersor you know people who are have
a completely different lifestylethan me.
It can feel like cringy or thisdoesn't feel good and it's not
(17:14):
necessarily the words thatthey're saying, but it's just
from the place that they areoperating and the vibration that
they're speaking from.
And then also people who are,you know, talking about things
that I'm not necessarilyfamiliar with and they are
operating on a differentvibration and it sounds like
they are talking in anotherlanguage to me sometimes and
it's so wild to me that I canobserve this and say, okay, like
(17:36):
that's my indicator that I'mout of vibrational alignment
with that person doesn'tnecessarily mean that I need to
be around them or that I need tonot be around them.
It's just something that I'mobserving and then I can also
just laugh about because youknow, you know, you know who
you're in alignment with and youknow who you feel comfortable
with based on the vibration ofthe person that you're you're
(17:57):
with, and so kind of went off ona little bit of a tangent there
, but it definitely ties intothe frequency of your voice and
I feel like there is a constantpurification of the frequency of
our voice and just like ouroverall vibration, the more that
we go in and we're honest withourselves about these hidden
shadow aspects or fears that wemay have, and I think it's just
(18:19):
a really good reminder to notnecessarily be afraid of these
things but just to approach themwith this curiosity of like
okay, where does this reside inme and is this serving me?
Is this serving the greaterwhole?
And if it's not, then that'ssomething that you can begin to
explore, and you can do thatwith a wide variety of tools.
(18:40):
I just happen to explore thisthrough journaling and EFT
tapping and going into the genekey sequence and human design
and therapy might work forsomebody else talk therapy or
somatic therapy, or even justlike purifying yourself through
the art of expression, of art,or in a state of meditation
(19:01):
where you're sitting and you'regardening and you're working
with your hands, or you'repicking up a paintbrush and
you're painting, like it's allvery healing and contributes to
the purification process of yourfrequency and is very
transmutive.
And so I think there's notnecessarily that specific way to
go about doing this.
I think the biggest thing isjust having the awareness of it,
(19:22):
without judgment of it, andtrusting that the unfoldment and
the expansion of that willhappen over time without you
trying to force it, because Ithink that can be a route that
our mind goes down, and I knowthat from just personal
experience that we go down thisroute of trying to like, force
things or fixings because wethink there's something wrong
with us and that's just ego orour mind just kind of like
(19:43):
trying to do all of that.
So just to kind of wrap this up, the fear of being seen like it
can control us if we areconstantly shying away from the
fear, or like the sensation thathappens in our body when we're
afraid of something.
If we're afraid, you know likeour bodies get nervous or they
shake or our voice shakes whenwe're standing in front of a
(20:04):
crowd of people and then we haveto talk and you're like, oh my
God, like can I trust what'scoming out of me?
And there are so many differentlayers to this fear and it's
not necessarily like, oh, I'mgoing to work on this fear and
be completely done with it.
It's just another layer andthen more and more layers will
continue to unfold as youcontinue to progress in your
life and you start to pushthrough belief, systems and
(20:27):
limitations that you were notnecessarily aware of before.
Yeah, with all of that beingsaid, I feel like I feel
complete about sharing all ofthis with you, and I wanted to
share all of this with youbecause it is a vulnerable thing
.
But I feel like this issomething that people struggle
with a lot and, at the end ofthe day, like it's something
(20:48):
just to be laughed about,because, like when I had that
realization about, you know,having gate 12 in my mercury, in
my human design chart, it waslike this is all about
communication and this is whereI'm freezing up, and it was just
like so obvious to me that theuniverse was like hey, it's been
(21:08):
right in front of you all alongand it was something that I
just had to sit and explore andbe open to exploring.
And so I hope that my story andmy journey has impacted you in
some way or has opened you up tosome sort of possibility to
explore something withinyourself.
Maybe you have the same fear, ormaybe this is something that
(21:30):
your partner or friend is, youknow, struggling with, and, if
so, please share this with them.
Please share this on socialmedia or send it to your friends
or your family.
There's something that youreally loved about it or
something that really hit homefor you.
If it did, feel free to send mean email.
You can contact me on mywebsite at nina-elisecom, and if
(21:52):
you again felt like thispodcast resonated with you, if
you haven't already, leave areview.
It is so helpful for me in thewhole podcasting world and for
more people to be able to see meand to see what my podcast is
about.
So thank you all so much fortuning in and I appreciate your
time and for you just showing upand listening to the words that
(22:13):
I have to share and sharing myexperiences.
So I will talk to you guys onthe next podcast.
Bye.
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