Ep. 53 with Katherine Gyolai | Founder, Find Love Safely - Reclaiming Your Hue

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 1 (00:01):
Good morning Catherine.

Speaker 2 (00:02):
Good morning Kelly.

Speaker 1 (00:03):
How are you?

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I am doing very well, thank you.
How are you?

Speaker 1 (00:06):
I'm good.
I just have to say I am sothrilled that you're here.
And then we get to meet inperson 5050, the individuals
that I have on the podcast.
50% of the time.
I've already met them, maybeone or two times.
Some of them it's you know,maybe there's a little bit more
of a longstanding relationship,but it's always so fun when I

(00:28):
get connected to a guest.
We have a zoom conversationabout how the flow of the
podcast interview will be, andthen we finally get to meet in
person.
And I'm just having this momentof like how incredible is it.

Speaker 2 (00:41):
It's so fun.
It's so fun and thank you forhaving me.

Speaker 1 (00:44):
You're so welcome.
I'm really excited to dive inand hear more of your story,
because I got just a briefing ofit and I'm thrilled for you to
share all of what you are doingand achieving with our listeners
.
So let's go ahead and dive in.
Okay, Sounds great.
I would love to first have youshare with our listeners how it

(01:07):
is that we got connected.
I always think it's fun theconnection points of how
friendships and connections youknow stem from, so would you
mind sharing that?

Speaker 2 (01:19):
Absolutely.
So we have a mutual friend,angie Herter.
So we have a mutual friend,angie Herter.
I was connected with her as Iwas looking into insurance
options for the business that Ijust recently founded, and as I
was sharing my story with herand describing the business a
little bit, she said I think youneed to meet my friend Kelly,

(01:41):
and so then we were introducedthrough Angie.

Speaker 1 (01:43):
Oh, she's so wonderful and she is an
incredible connector.

Speaker 2 (01:48):
Yes, it's funny.

Speaker 1 (01:50):
We've kind of done this back and forth, like, no,
you, you're a better connect,you're a better connector, I'm
like you just are, you'reknocking it out of the park
Angie and she's like I justreally enjoy like knowing what
people's stories are and thengoing, how could I not connect
you with this person or thatperson and I, I feel that to my

(02:12):
core, I understand that to mycore.

Speaker 2 (02:14):
She's great at that and I'm so grateful that she
introduced us.

Speaker 1 (02:17):
Yeah, so did you know , angie?

Speaker 2 (02:21):
prior to exploring insurance options know Angie
prior to exploring insuranceoptions?
No, no, so I was.
As I was building my business,I was thinking about starting,
of course, first with a lawyerto help me develop it and make
sure it was developed properly.
And all the paperwork was, wasin order, because the business

(02:43):
that I've started is very I needto make sure that, legally and
liability wise, my I's aredotted and my T's are crossed.
So I started with somebody Iknew and I was mentioning
insurance, and he said I happento have an insurance person that
I work with, and so then heintroduced me to Angie, and then
Angie invited me into hernetworking group and introduced

(03:05):
me to you.
So she's a wonderful connector.

Speaker 1 (03:08):
Yeah, yeah, so beautiful.
So, with that being said,you've kind of dropped little
hints about what's happeningwith your business.
But before we dive into that,can you share what came first
for you?
Was it motherhood or was itentrepreneurship in this venture
with your business?

Speaker 2 (03:24):
Yeah, it was motherhood for sure.
So I graduated with a degree injournalism, advertising, from
St Thomas, but really,ultimately, what I knew I wanted
to be was a mother, and thatwas that was my end goal, and so
I worked a little bit aftergetting my degree, but it was

(03:45):
all just biding time until Icould become a mother, and so I
was married when I was 24.
And actually that's the yearthat my oldest was born.
We adopted him.
He is my ex-husband's sister'sbiological son, and so he is.

(04:08):
I was 24 when he was born andalso 24 when I got married.
Then we had three.
We went on to have three morechildren of our own, and so I
stayed at home with them for 10years.
When my youngest was four.
I decided so in 2011,.
I decided, we decided it wastime for me to go back to work.

(04:28):
I was excited to do that.
I always had creative venturesthat I did while I was a
stay-at-home mom.
I always needed an outlet, butnothing career or officially
professional-wise until 2011when I went back to work as a
copywriter and sort of reenteredthe workforce in the marketing

(04:52):
field.

Speaker 1 (04:53):
So motherhood definitely came first, Okay,
wonderful, and I do just want totouch on a couple things.
One that stay at home mom, likeexperience that you had.
I've had many guests on whoactually have had this period of
time where they stayed at homewith the kids and I do think

(05:16):
it's it's interesting.
So let me back up a second.
I'm re listening to the nextepisode that's going to drop and
we're talking about this shiftthat happens when you become a
mom and it's this shift ofidentifying like I've got this

(05:37):
bigger purpose now.
That's either it's coming orit's here, and I realize there's
just this shift that's happened, Like life is so much more than
what it had been before, kindof pulling through some of the
creativeness that you had.
But there is most definitelyand I've had confirmation of
this from an individual who willbe on the podcast in the future

(05:58):
there's something that shiftswith your brain, that creativity
kicks in and it's.
there's so much that stems fromthat, right, yeah, and so it's
of no surprise that I hear yousaying like I've.
I had this kind of creative,like creativeness that was
pulling through when I wasstaying at home.
That's right, but staying athome with the children is also a

(06:22):
full time job.
Let's with the children is alsoa full-time job.

Speaker 2 (06:25):
Let's, let's be very clear.

Speaker 1 (06:27):
I like to say it's like there's there's usually a a
natural or maybe um,undiscussed division of
conquering things betweenhusband, wife or a significant
others, and like usually there'ssomebody who kind of takes on
the CEO of the household, right,right, well, as a stay at home,

(06:47):
mom, you're really like takingthat full on, that's right.
Yeah, schedules like dependingon how old each like child is,
what their needs are, I mean,it's just a whole thing.
So could you speak to thatexperience of being at home with

(07:07):
your children?

Speaker 2 (07:08):
Yeah, yes, it was so gratifying and wonderful and
necessary and difficult andpainful and and frustrating and
all of the things.
Um, so my three oldest childrenall have a disability of some

(07:28):
kind and and it's bothintellectual and developmental
disabilities.
I'm happy to go into that as wehave our conversation.
Um, but my, my job, not only inin being home with them before
they were school age, was alsovery much to get them into
therapies to take them to theirtherapy appointments to work on

(07:50):
what they worked on in therapyat home and to continue to
practice those.
I took that really seriously.
I was probably too intenseabout it I I look back now and

(08:13):
think that I embrace thismentality of I need to fix them
and that is hard for me torealize now because they don't
need to be fixed.
But I felt very much like it ismy job as the stay at home mom
to set them up as best I can inlife and I feel really proud.
I think I did that.
I did a good job of that, butin the meantime I lost some of

(08:35):
the enjoyment that could havecome with in just enjoying my
kids who they are at that age.

Speaker 1 (08:43):
Yeah, enjoying my kids who they are at that age
yeah, so I remember us talkingabout this when we had first
connected and that in sharingthat, how powerful it was to
have the recognition of whatthat looks like Right, but um.
But then also understandinglike you can't go back and and

(09:04):
reverse time and um, how can youprovide some grace for yourself
?
And that so like.
Let's talk about grace yeah, inthis circumstance, because you,
you do have children withdisabilities and that presents
challenges, obvious challengesfor them in how they are growing

(09:26):
and thriving in this world.
But then, as the caretaker to,as mom, like that, providing
some grace for yourself throughall of that, how how has that
looked for you?

Speaker 2 (09:40):
Yeah, as I've.
As I've grown older, I'verealized that I I looked at my
children at the time as anextension of me and so when they
were not acting quote unquotenormal in society, I felt that
that was a reflection on myability to parent and that was

(10:07):
deeply difficult for me.
And that's, I think, when Italk about wishing that I could
have just enjoyed them more forwho they were and their quirks
and their uniqueness.
That's a little bit of what I'mtalking about.
But I made it about theirbehavior being a reflection on

(10:29):
me and that I was not doing anadequate job parenting.
And that's not true and it'snot a reflection of me.
Of course.
See them as now.
They've gone off, they all aredoing their different things,
they're at different stages oftheir lives and they're all
doing really well and they arenot extensions of me, they are

(10:53):
their own people.
And to be able to come to peace,come.
You know, I look.
I think about grace.
Grace is a great word.
I've had to do a lot in myjourney of self-reflection and
introspection and healing.
Quite honestly, um, I've had todo a lot to give myself grace

(11:14):
and forgiveness over not showingup as a mother the way that I
would today as a 48 year oldwoman.
But how can you do that?
How can you show up at 30 theway that you would show up at 40
?
You just can't.

Speaker 1 (11:27):
So it takes an evolution.
That's right, it takes growingand having the failures truth be
told in motherhood and life toreally be able to reflect, to
actually have the reflection onit, like when you think about
reflecting, it's in in both thepeaks and the valleys of life.

(11:52):
But more oftentimes than notthat reflection is happening as
we're coming out of the valley.

Speaker 2 (11:57):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (11:58):
Yes, yes, yes and that means that it may not be
the like a ultimate failure byany stretch of the imagination,
but there's something that justdidn't quite go the way that we
anticipated it to, and how canwe then reflect on it?
And so, that's right, differentways, but this is just the way

(12:21):
my heart is compelling us to gois talk through what the journey
of like that self reflectionlooked like for you.

Speaker 2 (12:33):
Gosh therapy, lots of therapy, which is whoever?
If somebody is not in there,you should be in therapy or you
should be go through a therapyjourney.
It's transformative, it'shealing.
I don't think it's a sign ofweakness.
In fact, I think it's a sign ofstrength If you can, if you can

(12:55):
look to others to say help me,help me think through this, help
me talk through this, help meprocess this, what happened?
So there's that.
There is the forgiveness thatour Lord gives us, that I've had
to.
If I ever struggle to forgivemyself, I always think who am I

(13:18):
to think that I don't?
God forgives me?
And I'm making it.
I just Kelly, I'm making itsound like I was.
I was not a terrible mother, Iwas a I'm a really good mother,
but it is.
But you, I, I am, and my kidsare.
I have a great relationship withmy children and they're in
really good places, and so I Ifeel really, really good about

(13:46):
my journey of motherhood, and Ithink there's this expectation
on us to get it right.
We're supposed to inherently begood at this, at being a mother.
We're supposed to just knowwhat to do, and we're supposed

(14:06):
to put our own baggage aside tobe able to show up for our kids
in the way that they need, and alot of times we get that right,
and sometimes we don't get thatright, and I'm somebody who has
a long history of being hard onmyself, and so when I talk
about this and forgiveness andI'm talking about forgiveness
for little things, just notshowing, I'm talking about
forgiveness for little thingsjust not showing I'm talking

(14:27):
about forgiveness for notshowing up perfectly, because I
wish I could have and I can't,and and so it's almost a journey
of embracing this idea that andand and I thought, you know, I
thought motherhood would be easy.
I was voted class mom, isn'tthat?
All you need is to what a badgeof honor right In my small

(14:50):
little Catholic school.
So, yeah, I just I took forgranted that it would be easy
and it wasn't, and that was areal wake up call for me.

Speaker 1 (15:01):
Yeah, I.
I feel it's an importantinjection into our conversation
right now that this quitepossibly this into motherhood
and talking like literally.
You are talking about thoseinvisible things that are going

(15:37):
on in our own heads.
Most of us as women not all,but most of us are are feeling
this obligation, this like we'vegot to do it all, and the mom
guilt that comes along with that, because the expectation of
what others or society or, youknow, significant others, feel

(16:02):
we should be doing, versus howwe are actually showing up, even
though we are showing up thebest that we can in those
moments.
And you know, sometimes it justtakes living those years and
going through the, the hiccups,the speed bumps, to realize the

(16:27):
speed bumps, to realize, well,one, how like silly is it to
have these expectations, thatlike, sometimes we're putting
the expectations on ourselves,and that in itself is not silly.
It's just what happens whenyou're working through the onion
layers of like how you canactually show up or how you feel
like you should be showing up,and then how others are

(16:48):
perceiving it too.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, you justunpacked a lot there, yeah.

Speaker 2 (16:53):
I just was.
I had a thought as you weretalking.
It's almost like in in thelabor, you know, in in the
hospital room after you've givenbirth to your baby.
I wish somebody would hand youa book or somebody would come in
and say to you hey, you'regoing to screw up, you have no
idea how many times.

(17:14):
It's a lot and just be okaywith that now.
Be okay with that right now,because there is this pressure's
.
Nobody talks about it andnobody says I mean, I guess
we're starting to now, but, um,there's pressure to do it right

(17:34):
and to raise these kids who arereally really well, well, um, uh
, adjusted and and set up tohandle everything.
And it just I don't know If wecould embrace more willingly

(17:55):
this idea that we're all goingto kind of mess it up, mm-hmm,
we're all going to mess it up alittle differently.
It might allow us to remove oralleviate some of the self
judgment that we mothers put onourselves.

Speaker 1 (18:27):
So good, yeah, it was more in a corporate setting so
to speak and can youcontextualize for us, like the
when that was and then how longyou were doing that until you
had?
You know what I like to callthe epiphany?

Speaker 2 (18:45):
Yeah, absolutely so went back into the workforce in
2011.
And tried to sort of figurethat out.
We thought, going back by we, Imean my ex husband and I
thought that going backfull-time would be doable.
That ended up being really hard.

(19:06):
I don't think.
Yeah, it was just too much.
It was too much to go from zeroto 40 for us, for our family
and what my children needed.
And then had, you know, moved,moved up in my career and in

(19:28):
different organizations, fromyou know, fortune five companies
to boutique agencies, andalways in this marketing sphere.
Yeah, I like marketing, but Ihave to feel like I can get
behind the mission of it.
That is crucial to my actualenjoyment or satisfaction at a

(19:50):
job.
So that was a journey ofdiscovery for me throughout my
career and so worked at lots ofreally, really great places, had
some wonderful jobs, and thenin 2024 was I tell people it was
the hardest, it was the mostdifficult year of my 48 years of

(20:12):
being on this planet and really, really a dark time for me.
And one of the dark things inmy life at that time led me to
leave corporate America and justsay this isn't for me anymore.
It has served its purpose in mylife in really great ways, and
I'm tired of being scared totake that leap into

(20:36):
entrepreneurship and I just feltthat's where you know the Lord
was leading me.
In that way, it was almost likehe shoved me out.
He almost needed to shove meout of corporate America in
order for me to listen and hedid that and I listened.
Finally, and I have beencertified as a coach and so I

(20:59):
had always thought about goingback and really jumping into
coaching full time, and so, inthe fall, I decided to do that,
to jump into coaching full timeas an individual and executive
and team coach.
And I was doing that and I waspursuing that and that was going
well, and I was getting thecertifications the International
Coaching Federationcertification, which is sort of
the gold standard in coaching.

(21:20):
And a few months before thatactually was probably about a
year ago now my son with Downsyndrome, who is now 21, asked
me if he could download Tinder.
So this is happening while I'mbuilding my business.
And I said, oh my gosh, no,please never ask me that again.
That's terrifying.
He's never asked me that again.

(21:41):
That's terrifying, no.
And so I began this quest tohelp him find a safe way to date
, and that's what leads us towhat I'm doing now, which is a
journey that you know it is.
It's not something I set out todo, it's not something I.
It really landed in my lap andit felt like this is the right

(22:02):
time to be pursuing this.
I have the ability, I havepursuing this.
I have the ability, I have theexpertise, I have the life
history, I have the time, I havethe business knowledge like
this, this.
I am set up to do this, and sothat's what I did.
Oh in January.
Yeah, I launched it in January.
I know we're really teasing,right, we're really teasing what
this is.

Speaker 1 (22:23):
We totally are and you haven't.
And I want to actually sorrylisteners.
We're going to just set thatdown for a second, because
Catherine just shared a lot ofinformation and I do want to.
I want to dive into some ofthose crevices of those dark
moments, if you're willing andable to share some of that.

(22:44):
You shared something sobeautiful before we hit record
about the dark moments thatyou've experienced.
And let's start there.
Yeah, do you remember what itwas?

Speaker 2 (22:57):
that you said yeah.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
Say it.

Speaker 2 (22:59):
Well I, it's so incredible.
Was it about the vulnerabilitypart, or was it about the so
many dark, dark moments?

Speaker 1 (23:05):
Yeah, okay, let's, let's try to, let's try to
unpack both of them.

Speaker 2 (23:08):
Okay, okay, well, yeah, so I had said to Kelly
before we record that I'm at mybest when I'm vulnerable and
transparent.
That is when you get the bestof me, it's when I'm the most
comfortable, it is how I preferto enter into every conversation
and every relationship, and sothat's, it's when I'm the most
comfortable, it is how I preferto enter into every conversation
and every relationship, and so,um, that's that's really in my

(23:30):
comfort zone, and where I'mactually most comfortable is
being vulnerable.
And then the other thing I saidbecause, um, for for we guests,
kelly sends over a list of justsort of prompts for us to be
thinking about in terms of theconversation and the direction
that it will go, and one of theprompts is to think about dark

(23:51):
moments in your life and whatthe darkest moment is.
And my thought was I've had alot of those and I don't know
which one to pick.
I mentioned 2024 as being thedarkest year of my life.
In many times changed mytrajectory.
I am a big believer in God anda follower of Jesus, and so you

(24:38):
can hear that in how I talk, andso I am a believer that every
twist and turn is a gift.
Truly, it's hard in the moment,but it's ultimately a gift, and
it is preparing you for thenext thing in your life, and so
I'm grateful for all of them.
But there's a lot of them, andthere's some dark times.

Speaker 1 (24:59):
I took a shift with how I approached interviewing
the guests and it wasn't toolong after I started the podcast
.
Um, on a Sunday, when we wereat church and what was what was
being spoken to us was, you know, the I am totally drawing a

(25:20):
blank on the Bible verse I thinkit's a Psalms Bible verse of
like going through the valleysand I was like, oh, this is what
we're talking about.
Like, this is what I'm talkingabout is how we ebb and flow and
have like had these experiencesas moms and as entrepreneurs,

(25:41):
and the ups and downs, and I'mlike it's the peaks and it's the
valleys.
And then I had some epiphaniesfrom there.
But that's kind of how I'm.
I like tied it into asking,like, what has that deep, dark
valley looked like for you?
Because I know, and you knowthis too, and it is.
It's pretty crummy tounderstand that this is how life

(26:06):
is, but when you go throughthose valleys is when the
transformation happens.
That's right, it's so crummy tohave to think about it that way,
but for us, as believers andfollowers of God and Jesus, we
know we have the ultimatebacking, that's right To the

(26:29):
ultimate strength behind us, andthat is.
There's something so powerfulabout that in just going, I
don't have to draw all thestrength from myself.
I don't have to do it.
No.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
I can't do it.
I can't do it Right, if left tomy own devices, I will not do
it.

Speaker 1 (26:49):
Right, I won't do it.
Well, I won't do it, right, Iwill.
I would be a puddle, that'sright.

Speaker 2 (26:55):
That's right.
I mean, I can't do it.
And and Kelly, I'm going toshow you a tattoo.
Sorry, listeners, you're notable to see this but it says can
you read it?

Speaker 1 (27:04):
I'll read it.
Yeah, you turned my wailinginto dancing.

Speaker 2 (27:10):
Psalm 31, verse 11.
Yeah, because that's what hedoes.
He turns our wailing intodancing, and he's done it time
and time and time again.
I'm thankful for all the darkmoments in my life, because it
has taught me really to lean onhim and that there is hope and
light at the end of it.
So you asked about some of mydark moments.

(27:32):
You want me to kind of gothrough some of them.

Speaker 1 (27:34):
I, I think what would you like.
Because you shared that 2024?
So far.
Yeah has probably been the mostchallenging.
Why don't we dive into that,and would you be willing to
share a little bit more aboutwhat that's looked like?

Speaker 2 (27:51):
Yeah, absolutely.
So I had two things happen inmy life in 2024, that one of
them alone would have beentraumatic in itself and the two
of them together leveled me,just absolutely leveled me, to

(28:15):
give sort of high level, withoutgoing into a lot of detail.
I had a very difficult time andreally a falling out with my
youngest child and it wastraumatic.
It was deeply, deeply traumaticand I wanted to control the

(28:38):
outcome.
I wanted to fix it and I wantthe pain to go away and I want
the suffering to go away.
So I'm going to quick do what Ineed to do to fix it.
And I didn't do that.
I waited, I waited on God, Iwaited on.
I just allowed things to unfoldin their own timing.

(29:03):
It was absolutely excruciating.
I had panic, I had fear that itwould never be okay again, that
we would never heal that.
You go to the extremes of whatcould possibly come of such a
falling out and the shame goshyou talk about motherhood.

(29:26):
Shame, my goodness.
Right it's.
Am I doing the right thing?
It's a lot.
I am grateful to say thatalmost a year later, he and I
are probably better than we'veever been.
So praise God for that.
And it's not without a lot ofwork, it's not without a lot of

(29:48):
on everybody's part and notwithout a lot of difficult,
difficult times, but we are in agood place and I can look back
on it and say, whatever gifts Iwas, that we were all given as a
result of that, thank you.
Thank you, lord, for the growththat happened, for the, the

(30:14):
hard times, because I, who knowswhat that set him up to be able
to handle later on in life, whoknows what that set me up later
to be able to handle later onin life.
So that was one of them.
And then the other one I sort ofalluded to with corporate
America, that I was in a jobthat was really really great

(30:36):
until it wasn't, and the itwasn't part happened when my
experience of it was that I feltdeeply, deeply betrayed by
people I trusted and I realizedI'm a very trusting person by
nature.
That's just my default Good,bad, indifferent, right.

(30:58):
Sometimes it's lots of times itserves me, sometimes it doesn't
, and this was a time that itdidn't and I was betrayed in a
way that for me as an empath,was again traumatic, really,
really bad, and I won't.
Yeah, that's, I think, together, the two of them, which

(31:21):
happened around the same time.
It was amazing I could getdressed in the morning.
Honestly, it was really, reallyhard and I'm through it and
what has come of that deeptrauma and pain.
2025 so far has been the bestyear of my life.

Speaker 1 (31:47):
Love that.
Yeah that's incredible and whatan impactful share that you
just presented to the listeners.
I'm sure that they're craving alittle bit more, but I can tell
that this is something that is.
It really is one of those kindof deep wound like cuts.
And so what I am thinking about,as you had shared, that, is the

(32:12):
resilience that was built upthrough all that you had to
navigate through in thattimeframe, in conjunction to so
many other words that we coulduse through all of that.
But I love that you leaned into trusting God's will and
process through all of it,because that is challenging,

(32:37):
it's all I had.

Speaker 2 (32:39):
It's all I could do.
It's all I could do.
I couldn't change what washappening.
I wanted to get in there andfix both of them and change it,
and I wanted to scream from therooftops this is not who I am.
What you're saying about mecorporate.
This is not who I am.
You're not.
You know, I wanted to.
Just I wanted to do all of thatso badly and I couldn't, and it

(33:02):
wouldn't have mattered, and theonly thing I had truly was to
remember that I'm a daughter ofthe King.
That's all I had, and that he'sgoing to take care of me
Because I couldn't do it.
I was not in a situation ofbeing able to save myself.

Speaker 1 (33:46):
I was not in a situation of being able to save
myself.
All I had was was relying onthe fact that this is so hard.
Now I know he will use it forgood, I know he is refining me
in some way.
I trust that deeply.
And it sucks.
It sucks so so much.
It's really hard, yeah, yeah.
And again, all I keep thinkingabout is just the learning
process that we go through inmoments like that, and so I want
to beg the question, like, indoing this reflection backwards
on all of that, what had youlearned through all of it that

(34:08):
you then took and allowed you tobe able to move forward in the
direction that you are in now?

Speaker 2 (34:21):
oh, that's a really good question.
I don't know, know.
My first response is that Idon't know.
I guess I don't know yet whatI've learned, which sounds
really strange.
I think that when I say Godsort of shoved me out of

(34:43):
corporate America, saying like,um, you're not, this isn't for
you, this isn't, this isn'twhere I want you, this isn't
where you're, I need you anymore, I need you to go off and do
this other thing.
Um, that's that was.
That was a big part of it.
I just believe that he, hepicked me up and moved me where
he wants me.

(35:05):
In terms of what I learned, itwas probably, no, not probably.
It was the first time in mylife that I can remember where I
really relinquished everythingto God Like I really again, I
can't say it enough I had noother choice.

(35:27):
I couldn't fix it on my own.
I had nothing else but to lookto him and I don't know that I
had ever experienced.
I learned throughout all ofthis was I wonder if he didn't
have to get me to that place sothat I would truly learn to
resistance.
You go up against and in in themoment it doesn't feel that way

(35:48):
, but when you look back you go.
Oh, my word, there was so muchresistance.

Speaker 1 (36:26):
There was just so much, whether it was tension or
it was like there was resistancethere, and all you keep saying
is like God pushed me into adifferent direction.
And that is, I mean that, trulylike.
For some people their guidanceis not of God but it's of the
universe, right, and theuniverse kind of pushes them and

(36:48):
that energy shift happens forthem.
For us, we say God wasliterally like showing us the
little breadcrumbs over here.
It just took us having to see,you know, the forest through the
trees, as people like to say.

Speaker 2 (37:05):
That's right, that's right, yes, yes and go.

Speaker 1 (37:09):
Oh yeah, my word.

Speaker 2 (37:10):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:11):
Oh, my word.

Speaker 2 (37:11):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (37:12):
But it doesn't come without having to go through the
mud and the ick.

Speaker 2 (37:17):
It's so muddy, yeah, and you always want to think, oh
, maybe that's the last timeI'll have to go through
something.
Think, oh, maybe that's thelast time I'll have to go
through something, maybe I'vedone my time and we're good.
Now, right, we're good.
No, that's not how that works,and there will be more, and I'll
fight it again when there ismore.

(37:38):
That will be my default.
It always is.

Speaker 1 (37:44):
Yeah, it's you.
You're building up theresilience and you used a really
beautiful word, and that isrefinement.
Like there was a refining thatwas happening, whether it was
just to build that strongerfoundation for yourself or the
posture of your heart in how youmake decisions, moving forward
or handle circumstances whenthey come about.

(38:05):
That all plays such a vitalrole in motherhood and in
business.
I am curious.
So the coaching came about justthis past year and talk myself
and the listeners through howthat like came to your heart,

(38:26):
how you decided you know this isI want to be able to support
others in this endeavor of life.

Speaker 2 (38:35):
Yeah, like so many of us during COVID, I had sort of
an existential crisis of what amI doing?

Speaker 1 (38:41):
What am I?

Speaker 2 (38:42):
doing here on earth?
How am I making the world abetter place?
So I took what is what's calledthe StrengthsFinder assessment
Now it's called CliftonStrengths.
It's by Gallup, and I was ableto.
When I saw the results of that,it was just like you know,

(39:04):
Catherine, this is who you areLike.
You've got to face this.
This is who you are, and it wasall really good things.
I mean, of course, because it's34 strengths.
The strengths test is based on34 strengths.
They aren't weaknesses, and soI was able to see this is who I
am.
This is what energizes me.
This is what I'm good at.

(39:24):
Empathy is my number one, sodeeply empathetic.
That is a difficult one to have, because you are constantly
absorbing the emotions of thepeople around you, whether you
want to or not, whether you needto or not, whether it's
valuable to you or not, and itmakes me a really great listener

(39:53):
.
And and, and you know when,when people are talking to me,
they feel like I.
They can feel I'm listeningbecause I am.
I am.
And so then there were other.
You know four other strengths.
One of them is belief, andbelief tells me that I've got to
do work that is meaningful forme, that being content with my
life and doing work that alignswith my values is more important
than money.
So I'm looking at these thingsthat really define me and who I

(40:14):
am, and I'm now able to see, atthis time, these this is who I
am, I'm, I'm, I'm playing inthis other space of marketing
that I is fine and has been goodto me, but is ultimately not
where I I get my energy.

(40:36):
So how can I, if I'm going tomake a pivot and I'm going to do
something different with mylife, how can I do something
that more closely aligns withreally who I am?
I'd always thought about beinga therapist.
I love going to therapy, I lovetalking about therapy.
I would go to therapy everyweek if I could.
I just like I, just I loveeverything about it.
It's part of that vulnerability, that transparency that I

(40:57):
really enjoy, and so I thoughtabout that.
But that didn't quite feelright, and so, in 2022, I
actually went through a programto become certified as a coach.

Speaker 1 (41:11):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 2 (41:11):
Yeah, so actually 2020 back further it does it
does further than recent.
So 2022, I was, I was, uh, I hadbecome, I'd gone through a
program, became certified as acoach, was building my coaching
business at that time when I gota call from a company and it

(41:32):
was a great opportunity.
It was supposed to be acontract gig.
I liked it so much that it iswhere I begged them to let me
stay.
It was a really great gig.
It was great to say I led ateam at this well-known company
in Minnesota.
It's also the place that I talkabout as being difficult with

(41:54):
my 2024.
So I'm a little bit sensitiveabout saying the name because I
don't want to be disparaging.
And it was really, reallywonderful for the time that I
was there and up until it wasn't.
But so I it was great, I wasreally enjoying life, thought I
would retire there.

(42:15):
I took the job I at that time,in 2022, I stopped pursuing the
coaching full time and took therole because my husband was
between jobs and so between thetwo of us we were depleting our
savings and so we said, okay,this is an opportunity that,
again, I felt God dropped in mylap.

(42:37):
I was not looking for, but ithappened and we needed it and it
was perfect and it was saving,it was life-giving for us in
lots and lots of ways.
So I had paused the coaching inpursuit of that job.
So then, when I had decided toleave that job this fall, I said

(42:58):
I think you know, I'm tired ofbeing afraid to pursue this, I'm
tired of being afraid of beingan entrepreneur.
It's clear to me that thiscompany is not where I belong
anymore, and so is this the timeto take that leap and go and
pursue that journey.
And so I did that.
I have coaching clients.

(43:19):
I love, love, love coaching.
I love it.
If this other thing that we'lltalk about didn't drop into my
lap, I would still be pursuingthat full time and I am still
doing lots of coaching andpursuing coaching.
I enjoy it tremendously.
I love working with teams.
I love working with individuals.

(43:40):
My heart is really for womenwho are in some kind of shift in
their life, whether they arecurrently staying home with
their children and they'rethinking about going back to
work.
I love to dive deep and peelback some layers of where is
that coming from?
How do we find your voice inall of this?

(44:06):
I love to help women find theirown voice and their own desires
.
I think that men certainly havetheir own set of narratives and
messages that they've receivedright.
It's not just women Men get ittoo right.
I'm supposed to provide.
Received right.
It's not just women men get ittoo right.
I'm supposed to provide, I'msupposed to be this, I'm

(44:30):
supposed to be that.
And we, because we are womenand so we can identify with the
messages women receive and thenarratives women experience, and
so I can identify with thoseand I love helping women unpack
that.
And imposter syndrome is anexample.
I hear it all the time in thewomen that I coach.
All you know all the time.
And so what's behind that?
Where's that coming from?

(44:51):
And you can't just say, oh,don't have imposter syndrome,
you're awesome, look how greatyou are.
Okay, but that's, that's notgonna, that's not how we deal
with that?

Speaker 1 (44:59):
No, it's usually, we unpack it.
Yeah, we unpack it and find outwhat's behind it Out of
curiosity does it like in doingthat unpacking with these women,
Are you finding that it stemslike from childhood, or is it
like one given experience thatall of a sudden changed

(45:21):
something Like talk, talk methrough that.

Speaker 2 (45:24):
I find that it is a long series of sometimes
subliminal and sometimes veryobvious messages that we receive
as women.
So often that's in childhood.
My messages that I received inchildhood were you're probably

(45:45):
wrong in the other person'sright, especially if they're a
man.
You should defer to that.
I also received some messagesaround you're too much, you're
too dramatic, you're toosensitive, you are, you take
things too personally.
And actually those things aretrue.
This is part of the strengths,this is part of that strengths

(46:07):
assessment.
Why it was so liberating for me?
Because, yes, those things aretrue.
They are closely tied to, theyare connect.
They are actually connected tothe thing that I love about
myself, which is that I'mempathetic.
So, yes, I'm I, I can takethings personally.
Yeah that's a shadow side ofsomething I love about myself,

(46:30):
which is I care deeply, I'm anurturer, I'm a caretaker, I'm a
natural caretaker.

Speaker 1 (46:35):
We have a lot of parallels.

Speaker 2 (46:36):
Do we?

Speaker 1 (46:36):
I'm very, very confident that that is a
strength of mine.
Okay, which empath?
yeah, I do like I.
I notice that when I'm havingthe interviews with my guests,
like when they go into theirmoments of the darkness, right,
like sharing those moments, I amlike right there with you, but

(47:00):
I'm also reliving it through thelens of my deepest, darkest
moments, and so I have to remindmyself you're the host, stay
right here.
And so it's a learned thing forme to go.
It's wonderful to be able to dothat, because you can empathize

(47:23):
or sympathize, whatever reallyis being called to in that
specific moment.
Right, but right, how can youlike encourage yourself to not
go and overhear so much more offof the railroad tracks?

Speaker 2 (47:39):
with it, right?

Speaker 1 (47:39):
yes, so I'm sure that those are the conversations
you're having, yes, which islikely very challenging.

Speaker 2 (47:46):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (47:47):
The individual you know, who's receiving that?
But then those aha moments andthe breakthroughs of like I mean
, yeah, like people have told methat I'm a lot but like how can
I hone in on that and kind ofpull through the greatness of
who I am and that shining likestar?

Speaker 2 (48:09):
that's right, you are , that's right, right, right,
right.
And how can I recognize that?
That it is?
It's not an isolated feature orcharacteristic about myself.
It is connected, it is tied tosomething that, again, that I
love about myself and that Idon't want to change.

(48:32):
And so, really, it's aboutmitigating the times that I take
things personally or being ableto say, oh, I'm taking that
personally right now.
Okay, that's tied to my empathy, that's okay, it's not bad.
I'm not a bad person for takingit personally.
How do I manage that?
Or what do I need to noticethat's happening for me right
now, that I am taking thatpersonally, and do I?

(48:53):
Should I really be taking thatpersonally?

Speaker 1 (48:56):
You spoke it so much more eloquently than I did.

Speaker 2 (49:00):
That's what I was getting.

Speaker 1 (49:02):
Okay, good, good, good oh my gosh, I love it,
though I think it's soincredible that to be able to
sit down and have theseconversations with women
especially, you know, being thatyou're a mom and you're an
entrepreneur a a mompreneur, asI like to say and perhaps having

(49:25):
those conversations with othermompreneurs too, you're like,
hey, I got it.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
Yeah, for sure, I totally get it.

Speaker 1 (49:32):
I'm right there with you, um and and let me talk
through this with you so thatyou can it I can help you.
Have the tools in your toolboxto be able to work through some
of those narratives, peel backthe onion layers and have those
breakthrough moments.

Speaker 2 (49:50):
That's so cool yeah.

Speaker 1 (49:52):
So you're still doing the coaching still doing the
coaching.
However, our highly anticipatedmoment of sharing the other
business venture that you have,which is, which is it's called
Find Love Safely.

Speaker 2 (50:08):
It is a personalized matchmaking service for adults
with intellectual anddevelopmental disabilities.
So it is not an app, it is notan online service.
Lots of people when I talk tothem about it, they think, oh,
are you going to create an appfor it and and how do we get to
this app?
And I'm I say nope, nope, nope.

(50:29):
So again, you know, my sonasked if he could download
tinder and that was off thetable for lots of reasons.
And you know, people withdisabilities are are really,
really susceptible to onlinescamming.
I mean, the most of us are, allof us are.

Speaker 1 (50:52):
Yeah.
And so much more clever to.
That's right.
That's right.

Speaker 2 (50:57):
And yeah, and if you, it's easy to prey on a
19-year-old boy with photos thatlook a certain way right and
say I really think you're cuteand to draw them in.
That I mean, it's just, it's aneasy, it's too easy and it
makes me really sad.

Speaker 1 (51:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 2 (51:16):
So my mission in life is to get this the disabled
population off the internet, offof them trying off those dating
sites to try to meet somebodyand actually have them connect
with real people and createthose friendships and those
relationships.
So we, you know, just just togive you some, I think it helps

(51:40):
to talk through the process ofhow it works so that you can
kind of understand what makes itdifferent.
So people submit an intake form.
That's just the first step forbecoming a Find Love Safely
member.
It just gets me on your radaror gets you on my radar, and
then we have a meeting where Imeet every single member and

(52:02):
their parent or guardian on azoom call.
So I am meeting with everysingle person who becomes part
of the database.
So it's really like old schoolmatch making.
It's like a matchmaking serviceand I'm meeting with the member
and I'm meeting with theirparent or guardian, and so I'm
able to make sure that they arewho they say they are, I'm able

(52:25):
to learn more about what they'relooking for, I'm able to make
sure they have their parent orguardian support and it also
gives them a chance to ask meany questions.
And nobody is eligible formatches in my service until I've
had that conversation with youand your support person, and
then, once I learn a little bitmore about you, I'm able to

(52:45):
match you with other people inmy database based on age, based
on the ability, the level offunctioning and the level of
ability that each person has,and what I've seen is that there
have been relationships thathave been formed, romantic

(53:07):
relationships.
My son is the first successstory.

Speaker 1 (53:11):
I was going to ask.
I mean, he was the guinea pig.
He's the guinea pig.

Speaker 2 (53:16):
And he is completely in love.
Yeah, oh, my word, completelyin love.
She's darling.
She is a wonderful fit for him.
She's darling, she is awonderful fit for him.
They have FaceTime dates everynight where they sing worship
songs to each other.
Kelly Get out, you know.
They.
They cook meals together, theyhave push up contests together

(53:47):
All of the sun face time.
So they sort of date every day,ok.
And then when it works with ourschedules, her family and her
family is wonderful and herparents are very supportive and
we, you know, we'll get themtogether.
So they have a date coming upthis Saturday.
It'll be like their fifth date,fifth or sixth date, I think,
and they are just, it's just sobeautiful.

(54:11):
It's just so beautiful.
There've been others who havemet friends.
I, you know, I get, I getemails from parents who just say
you have, you have no idea whatyou're doing for this community
.
It's beyond this matchmaking.
You are creating connection ina way.
Our children were isolated, ourchildren were on their devices

(54:32):
all the time and looking forconnection online, and what's
happening now is they aremeeting new people and they're
practicing those skills.
So you can go to years andyears of speech therapy, but
until you're practicing, sittingacross the table from somebody
who you don't know and you haveto try to make conversation with

(54:52):
, until you have to practicethat it doesn't really become
real right.
I mean, you can go to speechtherapy every week for 10 years
and what we're doing is puttingthem in situations of meeting
new people and talking to newpeople and learning how to have
that conversation and learningto be an active listener and
learning to be a good friend andhow to identify when somebody

(55:12):
is not a healthy person for you,and so that's what the new
business is, and it just reallyfell in my lap.
I launched in January.
It's been so successful thatI'm actually actually we have
two new locations.
One is Myrtle Beach and one isSan Francisco.

Speaker 1 (55:31):
Wow yeah.

Speaker 2 (55:32):
Yeah, and I'm speaking in Oklahoma City next
week, and so I imagine, and havealready set it up, that that
will be the fourth location isthe Oklahoma City area.

Speaker 1 (55:44):
I've got a couple different directions that I want
to go to.
Okay, so two follow upquestions.
Sure, this the first that I wasconsciously thinking about.
After you shared what you aredoing in coaching right, and
then starting this business, itfell in your lap.
How incredible and thank theLord for that.

(56:05):
Because this is, it's socompletely evident, Like you lit
up when you were talking aboutserving women in the capacity
that you are coaching, but youare shining and it's so evident
that, like this is a beautifulmission that God has put on you
to continue to grow and servethat community.

(56:29):
So the question that is, thatwas a very long winded way of me
getting to this question of,like, what have you pulled
through from the skills ofcoaching into this business?
It's I, it's like glaringlyevident to me.
But let's talk the listeners tothis, because I think that this
is kind of important.
Okay in how these businesses cantie together.

Speaker 2 (56:51):
Yeah, yeah.
Well, I think again empathycomes to mind.
I also have relator.
For those of you out there whoon who, who know strengths in
the strengths world, mystrengths are empathy, relator,
individualization, connectednessand belief.
So you know empathy.

(57:14):
I really can empathize withthese members and their
guardians, their parents.
I, you know, have four children, four stepchildren, and four of
those have a developmental orintellectual disability, and so
I really really can empathizewith this.
Why isn't there anything outthere that can help my kid?

(57:36):
My kid is saying that he wantsto date or she wants to date or
she's looking for friends, andwhy is nothing out there that is
specific for this?
And so I have.
You know, somebody asked me theother day what's your favorite
moment in, what's the best partof what you do?
I was actually speaking atBethel University at their BUILD
program it is a program forstudents with intellectual and

(57:58):
developmental disabilities andone of the students asked me
what's your favorite part ofwhat you do?
And one of the students askedme what's your favorite part of
what you do?
And I said my favorite part iswhen I see the relief on both
the member and the guardian orthe parent's face when they know
that their son or daughter isabout to have their world opened

(58:19):
up to them in a way that theydidn't know was possible before.
That's my favorite moment whenI can see that relief.
And so certainly you know thecoaching how it relates is I can
enter their journeys prettyeasily, that's that's the range
of functioning and the range ofabilities in my own children, in

(58:44):
my own family is pretty wide,and so I'm able to meet them
where they are, to understandthem, to draw out of them, to
make them comfortable, to reallyget their story, and it's
wonderfully gratifying.
Yeah, so you, but you said youcould see the connection between

(59:06):
coaching and find love safelyin the matchmaking.

Speaker 1 (59:09):
You literally just.

Speaker 2 (59:11):
Is that what it was?
What you're thinking?

Speaker 1 (59:12):
Well, the empath part the empathy.
Part of it was like that wasgoing to be.
One of my questions is likebeing an empath, how do you see
that fitting in all that you'redoing with this new business and
I just it's incredible.
It's so incredible.
Also, it's so neat to see andhear this convergence of who you

(59:39):
are at the core, which is amother and being able to serve
your child and children right.

Speaker 2 (59:48):
That's right.

Speaker 1 (59:49):
It's all of them.
That's right and you get to dothat through a business model
that is.
It's evident that it is seeingsuccess, because you can see
that it's starting to like, it'sstarting to spread, and that's
so cool.
This like being able to mergethem.

(01:00:11):
I love it.

Speaker 2 (01:00:12):
It's amazing.
I always tell people that findlove safely.
Checks all the boxes for me,all of them, all of them.
It's an untapped market.
Nobody's doing this.
There's nothing like this thatexists anywhere.
And you know, love on theSpectrum just came out with
season three.
If you don't watch it yet, Ihighly encourage you to watch it

(01:00:33):
.
It's the most uplifting showthat is on television right now.
It's beautiful, it's just so.
It's beautiful.
This is an untapped market.
This is a need.
We think that because somebodyhas an extra chromosome or they
have a disability of some kind,that love and friendship and
relationship isn't on theirradar?

(01:00:55):
Of course it is.
Of course it is.
They're human.
They're human beings like therest of us.
They want that, that connection.
We're made to be connected,we're made to be in relationship
with each other, and so that'sno different for people with
disabilities.
And yet it's hard enough, kelly, for you and I to know how to

(01:01:21):
be in relationships.
Sometimes, right, that's hardenough for you and I to figure
out right.
It's hard.
It's a tough thing, and so ifyou have a disability on top of
that, especially something likeautism, where you may not read
social cues the way that otherpeople do, and so you're not
picking up on things or you'renot understanding, maybe I'm

(01:01:42):
talking too much, maybe I'mtalking too little, or maybe I'm
making too much eye contact ornot enough eye contact.
Right, there's these nuances ofit just being difficult to be a
human in a relationship, andyet it's what we all crave, and
so part of my service also iscreating these videos for
members, and where I talk to themembers in the videos about

(01:02:03):
things like how to choose whatto wear on our first date.
So for you and I, we might justwhat we feel good in, but for
somebody with autism, forexample, they may have some
sensory issues, and so there maybe a shirt or something that
feels really uncomfortable tothem and is going to distract
them throughout the entire date,and they should not wear that

(01:02:25):
shirt on that date.
So that's actually rule numberone is what I say in my videos
is make sure it's something thatyou can be comfortable in.
Don't wear high heels if you'reused to wearing sneakers.
So there's things like that.
There's what do you say tosomebody on a first?
What's the first thing you sayto them?
Well, first, smile, give them abig smile.
These are things you and Ilearn just by sort of being in

(01:02:49):
society sometimes, but they'rethey're not givens for everybody
, and so that's a lot of wheremy coaching comes into play too.

Speaker 1 (01:02:58):
I'm speechless.
I'm speechless and it's so coolto hear the varying aspects of
above and beyond that and then,in the support of them being

(01:03:28):
able to go and successfully havethis, you know, sit down date
with somebody else, like there'sall of these things, that kind
of the lead up to that amazing,like story.

Speaker 2 (01:03:41):
That's right.
That's about to unfold, yeah,yeah impactful.
Thank you yeah, I also have aguardian blog for those who are
the caretakers and how they cansupport their members.
And then I also do events inthe Twin Cities area.
Um, we have one coming up.
I think it will be it'llactually have occurred before
this airs, but um, we have.

(01:04:01):
Our next event is on settingboundaries consent.
That's a big passion for me.
How do you say no?
How do you learn to say nocomfortably and confidently as
women?
That can be really hard for us,and so I just want, I really
want this community to becomfortable saying no, thank you

(01:04:24):
, I don't want to do that.
I don't want to give you myphone number or that makes me
uncomfortable.
No, right, I just.
That's such.
An important piece of this is,as you're entering relationship,
in being able to set yourboundaries and let the other
person know what you'recomfortable with and what you're

(01:04:45):
not, and then also being ableand willing to walk away.

Speaker 1 (01:04:48):
Wow, it's so.
I am going to be carefullywatching this journey with the
business and seeing theevolution of it, because I just
think it's so.
One like the easiest word touse is how sweet is it?
But it goes so much deeper.
It really is, and you hit thenail on the head that this is

(01:05:11):
about human connection and thatwe all deserve a fighting chance
of having human connection insome way, shape or form, or
capacity, yeah, capacity, yeah,and that doesn't stop with this
community or in population ofvulnerable children slash adults
, that's right right, I mean inthis case it's adults it's

(01:05:32):
adults.

Speaker 2 (01:05:32):
Yep, right, right, right yeah it's so impactful
well, and if there's that void,right, if we're craving
connection and we're cravingrelationship and friendship and
and all of those things, andwe're craving relationship and
friendship and and all of thosethings and we don't have it,
there's a void there and thatvoid is going to be very easily
filled by, uh, someone who doesnot have good intentions online

(01:05:54):
is what I'm thinkingspecifically about.

Speaker 1 (01:05:56):
Right, there's a void and somebody online can come
fill it and, um, easily like Imean, it's just so like that is
you think about how, um, eventhe younger and younger that
kids are exposed to, like havinga cell phone and being able to
tap into social media settingsUm, it's, it's starting at such

(01:06:22):
a young age and, yeah, I, I'mglad that there's you're
shifting the narrative on whatthat can look like, because it's
really important and yeah, yeah, two of my children were
scammed online, um, before Istarted.

Speaker 2 (01:06:40):
Find love safely, um, so, so this is really it's.
It's a business born out of,out of.
I care so deeply about fixingthis problem.
Right, I'm a fixer.
We talked about that with mykids and I see a problem and I
want to.
I want to fix it and this isthis is the right time in my

(01:07:04):
life to be doing that, andthat's where I think God
patiently set me up and put methrough these things, to be able
to set me up really beautifullyfor this time in my life.
It's like Esther for such atime as this.
Yes, yeah, so I hope that I wantthere to be a find love safely

(01:07:27):
in every major city in theUnited States.
I don't know why there can't be.
There can be.
That is my goal, that's whatI'm working toward and I just
want to fill this void that thiscommunity has.
It's hard to get out.
It's hard, you know, many ofthem don't drive right, so
they're relying on their, theircaregiver, their parents to take

(01:07:51):
them places and have so you andI can get in the car and go
have a social opportunity if wewant.
They can't always do that Right, so it's even more isolating
for them.
The world is an even moreisolating place for them, and so
online is their outlet, and Iwant to change that.

Speaker 1 (01:08:09):
Again, I'm going to be carefully following along
with this to see how itcontinues to evolve, and I love
that you've set that intentionto let God allow his will to
work through all of this rightand like to have everything
unfold.
I almost use the wordmanifesting, but we know better
than that.

Speaker 2 (01:08:30):
That's right, that's right yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:08:32):
We know better than that Out of curiosity, because
you are such an empathetic,empath person.
It's a major skill of yoursright.
But on the on the flip side ofthat coin is taking on those
emotions that that others aregoing through right, and so

(01:08:57):
where I'm going with this istalk me through what.
What has self care looked likefor you?
I see that you're wearing anaura ring.

Speaker 2 (01:09:05):
I am.

Speaker 1 (01:09:06):
That's cool.
We can talk off air a littlebit more about that and the
experience, but talk thelisteners through that self-care
especially for you and I asempaths, it's really important
that we are taking care ofourselves and I think, just
generally speaking as as momsand taking on business

(01:09:30):
adventures, there has to be aself care component to it and
sort of the that are and are.
So what does that look like forCatherine?

Speaker 2 (01:09:41):
I would say when I was home with my children and I
talk about those creativeoutlets, like I made and sold
handbags for a while, and then Ilike right now I make candles
and I have made jewelry and soldjewelry before.
So I what I love to do is issee something that I want to buy
and then think about how I canmake it for cheaper than that.

(01:10:02):
So, that's truly, that's.
That's my model.
That's my model for how Ichoose, how I select creative
endeavors.
So when I was a, when I washome with my children, that was
my outlet is the creative I tobe creating something.
I always had some sort ofentrepreneurial business
associated with it.
I was always trying to monetizeit nothing crazy by any means,

(01:10:25):
but enough that it made me feelgood about what I was doing and
loved it Today.
So today, my creative outlet isbuilding the business.
I love, love, love buildingbusiness, love building business
.
That's been such a joyful thingfor me and I can get so wrapped

(01:10:49):
up into it.
I don't have achiever as superhigh.
That is one of the strengthswhere you work, work, work and
you need to be productive andyou need to be busy and
achievement feels good andbusyness feels good and every
day starts at zero when you wantto be productive.
I don't have that.
I don't do busy for busy sake,but I do, uh, get very sucked in
to the creativity that comeswith build, the solving of the

(01:11:13):
problems.
That is exhilarating for me.
Um, so what I do for self-care,um, I do yoga, hot yoga.
I'm kind of a hot yoga snob.
I do not want room temp yoga.
It needs to be hot.
Sweat it out.
That's right.
Yeah, I need to feel like Ihave sweat in order for me to

(01:11:36):
call it a workout.
I am really good about shuttingoff when I shut off, and so if
that's at 5.30, I find that mymost brain active time is about
1 to 6 pm.

(01:11:56):
I'm slow to get ramped up inthe morning.
It takes me a while.
I'm kind of I'll dilly dally,I'll find things to do to
procrastinate.
My brain's not very active inthe morning, very active in the
afternoon, and I have to workhard to be able to shut it off
around dinnertime.
And I do shut it off arounddinnertime and then I'm done.

(01:12:20):
The evenings are for my husbandand I, period, full stop, end of
story.
That's what my evenings are,and so we really come together
at the end of the day.
And there's no phones.
There's no.
You know, if I'm working, it isa.
It's the exception, not therule, and it's something that
it's because he's doingsomething and we've decided,

(01:12:41):
okay, this might be a good timefor me to work, but otherwise
our evenings are for each other.
We do our devotional together,we talk about our days, we
connect, and so that is reallycrucial to my self care Because
it gives me a moment to reallyshut off what happens in my day
and be present for him and bethe wife that I want to be for

(01:13:02):
him and have the marriage that Iwant to be for him and have the
marriage that I want to have.
That, you know, above everythingelse, my marriage is my
priority and so I make that.
You know, my kids are out ofthe house and we have his kids
in the house two of his kids andso we spend time with them.
But you know, at the end of theday, my marriage and my

(01:13:24):
relationship with my husband ismy priority, no matter what
happens with the business.
All of that is fleeting, but myhusband is not, and so we that
is that's where I, the eveningsare for us and for him to build
our marriage, to strengthen ourmarriage, to connect, to come
together in our marriage, toconnect, to come together.
When I don't have that time, weboth miss it.

Speaker 1 (01:13:53):
We feel it, it starts to erode our relationship a
little bit.
So we're really intentionalabout that time.
I love it because you'retouching on, without actually
saying it, how you've createdborders and boundaries for
yourself.
Now my follow up question tothat is is that something that
you always innately had as askill set, or was it built over
time?

Speaker 2 (01:14:13):
It was built over time and it was built
specifically with my husband now.
So I would not say I had thatin my first marriage at all.
That was not something that wenecessarily prioritized in the
same way that we do now.
I think again.
That's wisdom, that's age,that's growth, that's realizing

(01:14:37):
that you're not infallible andrealizing that you're not.
If you don't for the garden,it's going to die right.
If you don't, if you don't, ifyou don't, if you don't water it
, if you don't fertilize it,it's not going to be what you
want it to be, it's not going tobe fruitful.
So I did not always have that.

(01:14:57):
By any means.
It is something that I'velearned over time in this
marriage.
It was very it was important tomy husband that we feel we
connect in that way and that wecontinue to make each other feel
like priorities in our livesbecause we are, and so that's

(01:15:19):
something I've learned over timeand I'm so grateful for that.

Speaker 1 (01:15:24):
Your statement about gardening like and watering the
garden is hitting so hard for me.
I'm giggling because Iunderstand it fully.
Like this is so true aboutnearly everything we do in life.
Yeah, nearly everything we doin life Nearly everything we do

(01:15:46):
in life and because this podcastis all about motherhood and
entrepreneurship, I mean, wow,are you knocking out of the park
with that?
It's so I'm giggling becauseit's just.
There could not be somethingmore true than that statement,
so thank you for sharing that.
That was quite a nice littlelike drop of ray of sunshine in

(01:16:11):
the bucket for people to hear.
This is your second marriage.

Speaker 2 (01:16:17):
It is.

Speaker 1 (01:16:18):
And are you willing and open to talking about, like,
when that divorce happened and,um, you know how you got to the
place where you're at now withthe blending families four kids
of your own, four kids of hisown.
Let's uh, let's talk throughthat timeline.

Speaker 2 (01:16:40):
Yeah, um, so I got divorced in 2013.
Um, um, I can look back now andyou know, at the time when I
got divorced, I would say it wasreally important to me to come
out looking like a victim.
That was a very pivotal, thatwas a crucial part of my story

(01:17:04):
at that time.
I look back on that and regretthat I could have divorced much
more gracefully than I did.
So I can look back on mymarriage and realize I certainly
was not a victim.
I contributed to the demise ofour marriage and I didn't
realize that quite as clearly aswhen I got married again and

(01:17:28):
married to my current husband.
I started to see, or started tobehave in ways that I would,
that I behaved before justthinking well, this is just what
people do and this is my wayand my husband, you know, one of
the things I used to do a lotis tantrum, and so I would, you
know, not like a two year old,but essentially it would be look

(01:17:49):
like stonewalling or it wouldlook like I'm going to give you
the silent treatment and andcertainly did that plenty in my
first marriage.
And then, when I started tryingto do that in my second
marriage, my husband looked atme and he's like, yeah, that's
not, this isn't going to workfor me, you're not going to do
that and I really had this.
It's almost like lots of thoselittle moments were revelations
for me to look back and say, oh,I've been doing that my whole

(01:18:12):
life.
Look back and say, oh, I'vebeen doing that my whole life.
That has contributed to thedemise of lots of relationships
in my life.
Is that stonewalling, or thattantruming, or that needing to
have my way or partaking,whatever name it?
So, yeah, I digress.
See, this is what I'm saying.
I love to go right to the deepstuff and you're just asking for
a timeline and I'm getting intoall the things that I like this

(01:18:36):
full therapy.
Disclosure.

Speaker 1 (01:18:38):
Um so can I just say I do just want to interject here
for just a second.
I apologize that I'minterrupting, but I think it's
important for the listeners tounderstand that, like this is
life, this is real life, andwhen we can have these aha

(01:18:58):
moments and realizations,whether we get to that point
ourselves or somebody in ourlives has to allow the
recognition to come to us, umand through their communication,
while their communication lines.
This is real life, and I'm sothankful that you are going

(01:19:20):
there, because that's where thelearning can happen through the
listener's lens.
Right, yeah?

Speaker 2 (01:19:28):
thank you, you're welcome, thank you.

Speaker 1 (01:19:30):
So go ahead.

Speaker 2 (01:19:31):
Okay, so 2013, got divorced.
Thank you, so go ahead.
Okay, so 2013 got divorced,dated from 2013 to 2016.
My husband now his name isKevin, and he and I had been
friends for many years.
We were family friends and whenhis marriage fell apart, we

(01:19:52):
were very quick to come togetherbecause we had known each other
.
We'd family friends, and whenhis marriage fell apart, we were
very quick to come togetherbecause we had known each other,
we'd been friends, and so ithappened really quickly when we
did come together in 2016.
We got married in 2017.
You know, everybody wants sobadly for our story to be like
the Brady Bunch and for it to bea coming together of two

(01:20:17):
families and sibling.
You know, all of a sudden, thefour are like eight siblings and
it's just love and it's a andthat's not our story.
That's some of our story, butit's not it's.
People want to just think andjump to this idea that, oh,
holidays must be so great.

(01:20:37):
There's pain that comes withdivorce.
There is a lot of pain thatcomes with divorce, and there is
figuring out.
Wait a minute, I didn't ask forfour more siblings, I didn't
ask for this.
Um, there's, there's, you knowit's.
It's difficult.
Blending families is difficult,and if anybody glorifies it or

(01:21:01):
makes you know, then they'reeither not telling the truth or
they had a much differentexperience than I did.
It can be, it can be beautifuland it can be really difficult,
and that, I would say, was the.
The most growing pain aspect ofmy, of my marriage to Kevin,
has been around this, theblending of the families.

(01:21:22):
It's not about, you know, wedon't ever run into issues about
do we have different beliefs onthings or do we parent
differently or do it?
It's not that.
It's about the blending of thefamilies and it's about making
sure I'm not keeping score andthinking well, you did that with
your kid, but you don't do thatwith my kid.
Right these things that we do tokeep score and that we don't

(01:21:45):
even know that we're doing untilit's happening.
Married since 2017.
So it'll be our eight yearanniversary.
Everybody is doing really wellright now and someday they may
be dear, dear friends.
Some different periods ofdifferent combinations of them

(01:22:06):
are friends and spend timetogether and enjoy being
together, and I am so proud.
One of the most proud things ofmy entire life has been how my
husband and I have workedthrough the difficult times and
the difficult aspects ofblending family.

Speaker 1 (01:22:23):
Mm, I parallel with us.
I mean, this was something thatwe had um communicated about in
our initial conversation andperhaps bonded over, as well as
the blending of the families.
And, um, while it certainlywasn't four and four, I mean, I

(01:22:47):
came in and I had two bonus boys, you know, right out the gate,
and the blending was more so inum the dogs.
It's silly, as it sounds likethere was that, but um, you know
, and then when Maddie arrived,our daughter, it was like how,

(01:23:07):
how does the oldest fit in allof this now?
Like, what's his part, what'sthe now you?
know, the youngest who was?
He was always the youngest of,you know, between him and his
brother, but then also withinall of the cousins too.
He was the baby of the entirefamily, and now that's not him
anymore.
Right and so like what does theblending of all of that look

(01:23:29):
like?
And, dynamically, the shifts inwho they are Right.

Speaker 2 (01:23:36):
That's right, that's right.

Speaker 1 (01:23:37):
It is.
It's an evolution, it's achange, it's.
It's sorrowful, it's amazing,it's it's incredible, it's
challenging and I mean Iwouldn't have it any other way,
catherine.
I really wouldn't.
Yeah, yeah, but I love that youstate like anybody who's
glorifying it either isn'ttelling the full truth, or

(01:24:02):
perhaps there's like, maybetheir story is is as so, but
like there is challenges.
There's never not challenges inlife.

Speaker 2 (01:24:12):
Yeah, that's right.
So, yep, yeah, it's, it's, um,it's yeah, you said it really
well it's, it's, uh, it'sdifficult and it is gratifying
and it is rewarding and it ispainful and it is frustrating.
It's all those things, it's alllike everything in life.

(01:24:33):
I mean, you know, we, we loveto think that we get to go
through life avoiding suffering,right?
Oh, it's such a naturaltendency.
How do I avoid suffering?
That is so ingrained in us andthat is not anybody's story.
And yet we fight sufferingevery time it comes yet we fight

(01:24:56):
suffering every time it comes.

Speaker 1 (01:24:57):
Yeah, I think, instead to embrace the suffering
, because it is just alwaysgoing to be a part of our life
in the suffering itself, maybejust a little bit and maybe it's
a lot of it, and that's wherethe traumatic experiences come
into place, right, but then it'sthe evolution of self through
all of that to go kind of comefull circle to the business.

(01:25:19):
The beginning of ourconversation was this right, the
more that you can embrace theick and the suffering that's
going to come along with havingthose, those dark moments, the
valleys that you're going to gothrough, the more you embrace it
, work to grow through it, workto understand and seek the

(01:25:43):
understanding of why this stuffhas happened, like I'm thinking
about how you did the reflectionfrom your first marriage into
the second marriage and therecognition piece of like how
you handled circumstances right,how it had it had worked for

(01:26:03):
some time over here until itdidn't work yeah, right, that's
right and then how recognizingthat over here, in this
different circumstance, hasallowed you to grow as a wife
and in partnership with yourhusband and being able to serve
one another in the best waypossible.

(01:26:26):
It isn't going to be perfect,but the things like having that
dedicated time together isfilling both of your cups right
and then, as husband and wife,being able to come back to the
family and model that for themso that they can see that and

(01:26:47):
how they then seek their partnerRight.

Speaker 2 (01:26:52):
Right, and I think it's been a really important
turning point for my husband andI to realize and really insist
upon God being the center of ourmarriage.
At the center of our marriage,he is at the core, he is the
third person in our marriage.
Without that, life is hard,right, it's just hard, and with

(01:27:12):
that and with that life is hard.
But when you know that he isthere, walking alongside you and
cheering for you, that thatmakes all the difference and
that's been a really big,important part of my of my
marriage.

Speaker 1 (01:27:29):
Yeah, it's.
It's an aha moment that I hadjust recently in starting
discipleship with a.
I would consider her a mentor.
Now she's you know, she's twicemy age, just about and she

(01:27:50):
shared with me sort of this likelike the flow chart of what it
looks like to live your lifethrough God, and it's like God
is always first, yeah, and thenwhat comes next is your husband
or wife, and then what's next isthe family, and then what's
next is the community.
And that's what the flow chartshould look like.

(01:28:11):
That's right.
How are you making decisionsthrough that?

Speaker 2 (01:28:15):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:15):
How are you having conversations in that flow?

Speaker 2 (01:28:19):
Yeah, yeah, that's right, that one hit hard for me,
yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:28:23):
I was like Ooh, very interesting.

Speaker 2 (01:28:26):
Very interesting and not popular.
No, it's not socially popularto elevate our spouse above our
children.
Right, correct?
We are supposed to.
You know our lives.
I think for many of us ourchildren become our lives, and

(01:28:49):
it's easy to take your partnerfor granted that they're just
always going to be there andthat you don't need to nurture
that relationship becausethey're not going anywhere and
they're in it too and they'retired at the end of the day too.
So it's not very popular to saymy husband is the priority in
my life.
God, god, is always thepriority.

(01:29:11):
Right, that's the assumed, andthen after that is my marriage.
My husband is a.
That's not super popular to say, but it is certainly biblical.

Speaker 1 (01:29:22):
It certainly is.
Like I said, I had this justlike whoa and I like I think I
said aha moment.
It was certainly an aha moment,but then there was this whoa
impact after the fact, like howdoes that actually look for you,
Kelly?
there's been a lot of backwardsin like how I seek um

(01:29:46):
understanding and circumstances,or like why did this happen and
I go to the community first,versus like seeking
understanding from God first andthen having the conversation
with my now husband and then youknow.
Then the rest of the communitycomes after the fact.

(01:30:08):
So fascinating.

Speaker 2 (01:30:09):
Yeah, how do you, how do you think you're doing on
that?

Speaker 1 (01:30:12):
Much better now in understanding what that
flowchart is than I had, andthis moment couldn't have
happened more than six monthsago, eight months ago, probably
about eight months ago.

Speaker 2 (01:30:29):
Good for you.

Speaker 1 (01:30:30):
It's a learning curve for me, and it isn't to say
that when I was having a toughtime, that I wasn't ever talking
to my husband or having thosemoments of prayer, it's just now
.
I'm actively thinking about howit does have to be.
How am I seeking understandingfrom God first, yeah, and then

(01:30:54):
how am I having thatconversation, that particular
like insight from what I'mexperiencing here, and then
talking through that with myhusband, and then, if I'm still
not finding clarity, which Inever have gotten to that point,
catherine, right, right rightand it may not be on your

(01:31:16):
timeline that you get theclarity that you desire.
Right, exactly.
So there you just had a littlebit of a.

Speaker 2 (01:31:24):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:31:26):
I had my like therapy .

Speaker 2 (01:31:28):
Right, we should come back and we can do a coaching
session and record it.

Speaker 1 (01:31:32):
I'm going to take you up on that, We'll record it.
Oh man, that would record it.
I'm going to take you up onthat, We'll record it.
Oh man, that would be juicy.
I'm sure, but anyways, this isnot about me, this is about you.
But I do want to start to landthe plane.
I think that we've had somereally great intentional
conversations.
We've talked through a lot ofvulnerable moments, and so I
thank you for that.
Vulnerable moments, and so Ithank you for that.

(01:31:53):
But as we start to land theplane here, one of my prevailing
questions is what is a piece of?
advice that you would give ayounger version of yourself,
knowing all that you know.
Now I feel like you've sharedsome really incredible,
incredible testaments, but inthis moment, what's coming to

(01:32:17):
mind?

Speaker 2 (01:32:17):
In this moment, what, what, the what, just the whole
the Spirit just gave me Lovethem, just love them, just just
love them.
Love them, my children, when Iwas, you know, just that's all
that you need to do Really.
You don't need to do really, uh, you don't need to fix them,
you don't need to uh worry, youdon't need to have fear for the

(01:32:44):
future, you don't need to, youknow, fill in the blank, you
just need to love them.
That's what I would tell myself.
Now I look back and I think Idon't know how 30 year old me
could have pulled that off.
You know, 48 year old me can.
Probably, maybe, maybe on agood day, right, but that's,

(01:33:06):
that's the, that's the advice Iwould give myself.

Speaker 1 (01:33:10):
It's good, it's so good.
I do feel like there's some ofthat that can pull through, just
in the grand context of life.
Yeah, just love.

Speaker 2 (01:33:21):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (01:33:21):
I mean, that's really what we learn as disciples of
Jesus, right?
That's right, it's like to leadwith love, and I think that
that is more powerful than youthink it is.
Catherine, catherine, yeah, soyeah, just like in what you are
sharing for advice.
What's advice that you wouldgive a woman that's listening

(01:33:42):
right now, who's nibbling on theedge of an idea or stepping
into entrepreneurship?

Speaker 2 (01:33:52):
What's the advice?

Speaker 1 (01:33:52):
that you would give that woman right now.

Speaker 2 (01:33:56):
Well, always, my advice is to first seek the Lord
and pray about it, and I wouldalso say that I would encourage
that person to not let fear holdthem back, that assume success,

(01:34:19):
but also know that failure is avery important part of the
story and of the journey andthat if that's ultimately what
were to happen, then that shapesyou for what's next, that
prepares you for what's next.
So, as far as women thinkingabout becoming entrepreneurs and

(01:34:41):
taking that leap, stop lettingfear of the unknown hold you
back is what I would say.

Speaker 1 (01:34:48):
Boom mic drop.
I love it.
What would?
Who would be a good connectionfor you right now.

Speaker 2 (01:34:58):
Like who would I like to meet or who would I like to
be connected?
I would love to be um connectedwith anybody who can help
spread the word about find lovesafely, in whatever way that
looks like, whether that's amedia connection, we find that
we get a boost in in memberswhen we have, you know, a spot

(01:35:21):
on a television segment or on apodcast.
If you can tell your friends,tell your family about this new
service, I want it to get to asmany people as possible and I
want to help as many people aspossible.
This feels much more like aministry to me than a business.

(01:35:44):
It feels like I.
It gives me such a wonderfullygratifying feeling of serving
the children that I think Godloves most.

Speaker 1 (01:35:57):
And.

Speaker 2 (01:35:57):
I know he loves all of us, but he has a special
place in his heart for thispopulation.
So I think, just spreading theword Again, I want this to go
nationally, so anybody that canhelp me make that happen it's
really just me right now.
I hire contractors for thecities that we're in, but I am

(01:36:20):
interested in growing it and so,however, somebody could help me
grow, find love safely.
I would be really grateful.

Speaker 1 (01:36:28):
What a wonderful ask, so specific too.
So it's good.
I am sure that there's somebodywho's listening right now.
That would be a key connectionfor you, so I just want to make
this connection.
The name of this podcast isReclaiming your Hue, and we

(01:36:50):
talked a little bit about that.
I believe we did.
So I just want to take thismoment.
How you share about yourbusiness and what you're doing

(01:37:19):
to allow this vulnerablecommunity, so to speak, and
being able to find love, andfind love safely, it's, it's
powerful, and so I commend youfor it.
I think it's so cool and I hadto make that tie, and so Thank
you.
I'm really excited to just seehow this continues to unfold,

(01:37:40):
how it spreads nationally.
I can feel it coming and I'msort of like, did I just have
the next like owner of Spanx onmy podcast.

Speaker 2 (01:37:52):
Like she doesn't even realize it, like so cool.
I had a friend call me a futurelove mogul, which I kind of
like the idea of love being alove mogul yeah, it's, it's
really cool, yeah it's amazing.

Speaker 1 (01:38:08):
I want to thank you for being on the podcast.
My last question for you is howcan people find you and get
connected to you?

Speaker 2 (01:38:18):
So if you're looking for coaching, I would love to
coach you, I'd love to coachyour teams that you can find me
just at CatherineJolaicom, soI'll spell that and I'm sure
you'll have notes right.
But it's a hard last name.

Speaker 1 (01:38:33):
So, catherinejolaicom , I'll spell that and.

Speaker 2 (01:38:34):
I'm sure you'll have notes right, but it's a hard
last name, so katherinejolaicom.
I'll let you read the notesthat Kelly adds to the podcast.
And then, for find love safely,it is just findlovesafelycom
and you can spread the word andshare that link out.
Everything is on there.
We have FAQs, we have eventdetails, we have the video

(01:38:56):
resources, we've got the blog,we've got the locations that
we're in signing up, and so thatwill be your, your source, your
resource for find love safely.
We're also find love safely isalso on Facebook, instagram
threads, linkedin and YouTube,so follow us there to get

(01:39:17):
updates, and we've quite anactive social social media
presence, so follow us there toget updates.

Speaker 1 (01:39:25):
I will be sure to drop all of that information
into the show notes so thatpeople can get connected to you
in one way, shape or form,whether it be through coaching
or to seek these services aswell, whether they're a
caretaker or they are thatperson that is seeking love.
So, catherine, thank you.

Speaker 2 (01:39:45):
Thank you for carving out time.

Speaker 1 (01:39:46):
I appreciate it.
You dropped so many great goldnuggets of information for
people who are listening, and sothank you so much and I hope
you have a great day.

Speaker 2 (01:39:57):
Thank you for having me, kelly.
This was really a pleasure.
I appreciate the invitation andI could talk to you all day, so
maybe we will.
Have a great day.
All right, thanks you too.
Bye.

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Ep. 53 with Katherine Gyolai | Founder, Find Love Safely

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Ep. 53 with Katherine Gyolai | Founder, Find Love Safely