Council Rock Class of '96: When Thunder Ruled Before WiFi + Budget Bloat & Cherry Coke

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DJ ESG drops the mic with a blazing, nostalgic rant celebrating the Class of 1996 – the last generation to experience life before WiFi took over. This raw, unfiltered monologue transports listeners back to a time when downloading one Limp Bizkit track took six hours on Napster, cars rumbled with subwoofers "strong enough to cause an earthquake in Langhorne," and house parties warranted FEMA disaster warnings.

Through vivid cultural touchstones – from Trapper Keepers adorned with Snoopy stickers to the attitude era of wrestling when "Stone Cold was our therapist" – DJ ESG crafts a powerful contrast between analog adolescence and today's digital-native experience. "We weren't influenced," he declares proudly, "we were bad influences." The monologue paints the Class of '96 as thunder compared to today's silent electric cars and therapy cats, a generation that developed character through technological growing pains and less supervision.

The episode isn't just nostalgic reminiscing though – it evolves into a scathing critique of current school administration and budget management. With colorful metaphors and direct callouts, DJ ESG voices frustrations shared by many parents about educational bureaucracy and fiscal responsibility. The closing message serves as both warning and promise: the Class of '96 now has children in the school system. These former rebels have become parents, taxpayers, and community leaders whose influence continues to shape educational environments. If you're feeling nostalgic for simpler times or frustrated with today's educational landscape, this passionate time capsule will resonate deeply. Subscribe now to catch more unfiltered takes from the generation that "blew on cartridges, not budgets."

#ClassOf96
#90sKidsUnite
#PreWifiWarriors
#AnalogAdolescence
#LimpBizkitLoading
#TrapperKeeperEnergy
#StoneColdTherapy
#DialUpDisciples
#BeKindRewindRebels

 #WeBlewOnCartridges
 #BudgetBleeders
 #RebelParentsRise
 #SilentElectricCarsSuck
 #TherapyCatsCantFight
 #OldSchoolStillCool
 #FiscallyFeral
 #FromRageToPTA

 #SchoolBoardSmackdown
 #AdministrativeOverload
 #TaxpayerTantrum
 #BudgetBunglers
 #EducationRewind
 #CRSDClownShow
 #RockBottomEducation
 #1996StrikesBack

 #RockBottomPodcast
 #DJESGUnfiltered
 #SubscribeOrCry
 #MicDropMemoirs
 #UnfilteredAF
 #RageThenParentNow

Peace, Love & God Above! :-)

Episode Transcript

Speaker 0 (00:00):
Yo, yo yo.
Class of 96, the goats, theglory, the gas-powered days.
A flaming flashback mic drop toburn Andy's budget and Al's
halitosis into the ashes ofhistory.
Dial up that 56k modem, shovein a Blockbuster membership card
and grab a frickin' cherry coke, because we're bootin' up the
Wayback Machine to the golden,glorious, goosebump-inducing

(00:21):
greatness of the class of 1990.
Freaking six, that's right.
The class that had more rawpower than a super soaker,
filled with surge, and lessparental supervision than a
riddled and fueled recess fight.
We weren't influenced, we werebad influences.
Hey, back then we didn't havewi-fi.
We had.
Why try?
Because if mom picked up thephone you were booted from aol

(00:42):
faster than al fucking ducks.
Accountability at a policymeeting and TikTok.
Nah, we had actual tics fromsitting in the woods making out
with somebody behind thebleachers or behind Mr Ward's
house over there on CherryBlossom.
You want cloud storage?
We had trapper keepers andevery damn one had Snoopy doing
karate stickers and a badlydrawn Stussy S.
We burned CDs like they weretrying to summon Satan.

(01:03):
We didn't need playlists.
We needed patience, becausedownloading one Limp Bizkit
track on Napster took six hours,seven retries and one parental
meltdown when the computercaught a virus stronger than
whatever was in the schooldistrict's water budget.
Cars, man, you could hear uscome in Neon, underglow,
spinning rims and enoughsubwoofer to cause an earthquake
in Langhorne.
Today's kids have electric carsthat purr like a fucking
therapy cat.

(01:23):
Back then we were thunder.
Now you're silent, like Andy,when someone asks why the
facility committee still can'tafford working HVAC Parties, man
, we had house parties, so wild.
Fema should have shut usfucking down with disaster
warnings.
Someone also passed out in thelaundry basket, someone also
puked in the fish tank, and thisgirl named Maya always left
someone with a hickey shape ofNew Jersey.
Now you show up to a party withalmond milk, a Spotify login

(01:45):
and a panic attack.
Your idea of rebellion is notscanning your friend's QR code
fast enough.
We had school spirit, and Idon't mean the TikTok kind.
We had pep rallies so loud youcan hear them in fucking Trenton
.
Yeah, the world takes.
That's why the light went outfor fucking so long.
Our principals feared.
Now, andy, the superintendentis basically sloth mcgoonies,

(02:06):
mashing budget buttons like he'strying to play street fighter
with oven mitts on me love taxincreases.
And then there's al, oh yes, al.
The director of secondaryeducation, the man who thinks
curriculum is a type ofbreakfast cereal, his breath
strong enough to strip paint offthe rich bar middle school
walls and probably has, which iswhy the damn school's condemned
.
He talks in circles longer thana dial-up loading screen and
still hasn't explained why thehell we need four committees to

(02:27):
not fix anything.
Music we had Tupac, biggie,nirvana, alanis, tlc, bone Thugs
no Doubt you.
You've got some SoundCloud kidrapping over a microwave beep.
We had Soul.
You've got Spotify.
Wrestling we bled the attitudeerror.
Stone Cold was our therapist.
Dx taught our math teacher tosuck it and somehow we still
passed algebra, which is uselessto this day anyway.

(02:48):
Now your version of conflictresolution is a Canvas Discuss
post and a 33-slide PowerPointwrapped up on Microsoft Paint.
Wait, no, that was us Adobe CS.
Soft, yeah, y'all are softS-A-W-F-T Like Andy's budget
strategy Non-existent, soft,like one of those pillows that
regains its shape after fiveminutes TV.

(03:09):
We watch Friends, fresh Prince,beavis and Butthead in the real
world.
You watch Euphoria and you callthat relatable, please.
We had teenage angst anddial-up.
That's character development.
But now Now we've got adistrict run like a Windows 95
startup disk.
Every committee feels likewatching a hamster die in real
time Andy's budget plan Morebloated than a beeper clipped to
a Janko pocket, and if you knowwhat that is, you're fucking

(03:31):
cool.
Al's educational insight Aboutas sharp as a melted Gak puddle.
So here's the deal.
We, the class of 1996, we werethe first generation who truly
lived it.
We blew on cartridges, notbudgets.
Who truly lived it?
We blew on cartridges, notbudgets.
We rebooted the Nintendo, notfinancial spreadsheets.
We passed notes in class, notthe buck.
We were the Zach Morrisgeneration in a Mr Belding world
.
And while you all cry overgluten and gas mileage, we were

(03:52):
out here still rocking mixtapesand middle fingers.
So, andy, enjoy Mother's Day.
I guess I'm sure you're marriedwith kids coffee kernel and
your email inbox overflow withparent complaints.
And al your breath justtriggered the fire alarm itself
that school's only 20 years old,so they should have much better
equipment.
I probably should have said,maureen, welch that thing was
fucking built when kennedy wasassassinated.

(04:14):
We're the class of 1996, theoriginal influences before your
platform even loaded, the lastgeneration to survive both
dial-up and dodgeball.
And guess what?
We ain't going nowhere.
All our kids are in yourfucking school Just getting
started.
And to the rest of you youcan't touch this motherfuckers
Hammer out.
I'm DJ ESG.
Peace, love and God above.
And somebody find us a realfootball coach.

(04:36):
Like I said, we ain't had awinning season in 10 years.
It's terrible.
We're like the Cleveland Brownsof Pennsylvania, and that's not
saying a whole lot.
Get these kids some fuckingscholarships already.
Figure out something to do withthe lunchrooms, figure out
something to do with thehallways and stop bleeding the
budget.
Y'all went up 50 milliondollars in five years.
That's ridiculous.
That's like shark tank inreverse.
Mr Wonderful would have alreadybought your entire production
and threw you out the door withminus 10%.

(04:59):
Dj ESG, eric Scott Gold.
Peace, love and God above.
And happy Mother's Day to allthe mothers out there that give
a shit and take care of theirkids and their good parents.
That's all the mothers outthere who are out there doing
other stuff like drinkingtequila and throwing up in the
bathrooms.
Hey, you only live once youknow peace, love and god above.
And I'm out bye.