Part Two Of Two - ESG's Graduation Speech (Kids Enthusiasm Level 9) - Recorded In Newtown Within The Council Rock School District, I Bring Truth That Hurts, Laughter That Heals, And No Superintendent Is Off Limits!

Episode Transcript
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Speaker 0 (00:00):
After hearing part one of the Rock Bottom Podcast,
the superintendent's grad speechto the kids, now you're going
to hear part two.
A 1996 grad who's been livingin the district all his life
actually talks to people outsideof school, goes places where
the public is, hangs out withthe kids, plays basketball,
skateboards, talks to theneighbors and truly knows what's
going on inside of the brain ofa teenager.

(00:21):
Now, because most of theparents out there are my age and
the ones who stayed aroundprobably graduated with me and
understand the fact that kidshave changed and they're not the
same as they used to be, I'mgoing to give the speech as it's
supposed to be given, not somebureaucratic buttwads version of
hey, let's have somebodyrewrite this, to rewrite this,
to rewrite this, to double checkthis, to chat, gpt this to then

(00:42):
.
Oh my God, my head's spinningright now.
But this is the way agraduation speech is supposed to
be told, because I'm DJ ESG,the people's champion of the
suburbs, sponsored by Wawa,adderall and Unpaid Internships.
Now, this is how it should comeout, because when I was in
school, this is the shit Iwanted to hear Grad speech one
Ugh Grad speech, two Ready set,go Yo.

(01:02):
Class of 2025,.
We made it Like Rocky on theart museum steps Like Gritty
charging the ice, like a Phillymom cutting someone in line at
Trader Joe's.
You did that, but before Icontinue, let me talk to you.
If you smell what the gold isfucking cooking, oh my God.
I have a dream that one daythis district won't blow the

(01:24):
entire budget on LED signs,equity consultants and emotional
support water fountains whileour classrooms have ceiling
tiles that look like they'vebeen through World War VI.
And that's the bottom line,because Eric Scott Gold said so.
Ask not what Council Rock can dofor you.
Ask why Andy, thesuperintendent, with the
charisma of an unsalted pretzel,still has a job.
Andy, my guy, you walk intoStampede and it's like it's
WrestleMania 38, and you're theheel nobody asked for.

(01:45):
Then there's your sidekick, al,the human smoke detector, with
breath hotter than Satan's gymsocks.
Al shows up smelling likeexpired Gatorade in desperation.
I got two words for youTransfer papers.
Now let me talk to you real.
You got through high schoolduring peak chaos.
You did it during quarantine,zoom classes with teachers who
thought unmute yourself wasrocket science.
You lived through Kahoot Wars,vsco Girls and the Skibbity Riz

(02:06):
Apocalypse.
Your generation has more dramathan a Royal Rumble.
And still the champ is here.
Snap into a Slim Jim.
Oh yeah, you've been roasted,ghosted, gaslit and soft-blocked

(02:27):
and somehow you came out theother side with a drip GPA and
skin clearer than Andy'sbudgeting plan.
You didn't just survive.
And now, as I stand here infront of this beautiful sea of
Gen Z greatness, I declare I amthe limo riding photo booth,
sliding TikTok, tribal chiefspeaker of the scholars, ruler
of the rock and the face thatruns this graduation place.
You have all the power, youhave the voice and, as of today,

(02:51):
you hold the pencil to writethe next chapter.
Just remember when life givesyou Andy and Al.
Hit them with a folding chairof self-respect, walk off stage
and go viral doing it.
Now, if you smell what thepeople's champ is cooking, throw
your caps in the air, storm thestage and tell your guidance
counselor Eric Scott Gold runsthis town.
Oh, and don't run all over inthe process.
I don't know what kind ofinsurance the school gives them.
God forbid if we have to sendthem to St Mary's.
You won't see him for about twomonths.

(03:12):
Listen guys, I'm DJ ESG Kids,kids.
These days they care about threethings Women and men, depending
upon who you are TikTok videosand how to go viral and when
they get to college, whatthey're going to do after
college, that's also going to beon TikTok or Instagram and go
viral.
That's what you need these days.
You need people that understandthese children, not
spreadsheets and PDFs and thisand that and the other thing,

(03:33):
because kids don't give a fuckabout that.
They care about college.
They care about getting out ofcollege.
Once they get out of college,they'll figure it out because
they're going to learneverything in college that they
need to know about real life Nothigh school in college and if
they don't go to college,they're going to learn it right
now because they're going to getstreet smarts, people that
actually understand them andactually talk to them and
actually can get down to theirlevel.

(03:54):
Okay, it ain't you Al, it ain'tyou Andy.
Like I said on another podcast,both you guys can suck my ass.

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Part Two Of Two - ESG's Graduation Speech (Kids Enthusiasm Level 9)

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.css-14f5ked{margin:0;word-break:break-word;display:-webkit-box;-webkit-box-orient:vertical;box-orient:vertical;-webkit-line-clamp:2;overflow:hidden;}Part Two Of Two - ESG's Graduation Speech (Kids Enthusiasm Level 9)