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This week, I’m sharing something special with the whole Recover Your Soul community — an episode that originally aired on the Bonus Podcast back in June. The Bonus Podcast is where we take a deeper dive into Soul Recovery, with spiritual book studies, guest conversations, and real-life reflections inspired by Al-Anon, metaphysics, and the healing journey within. If you’ve never tuned in, I wanted you to experience the richness of these episodes for yourself — and if you love it, you can join us as a free or paid member on Patreon, or as an Apple Podcast subscriber, where there are over 200 bonus episodes waiting for you.
In this episode, we explore “Love and Surrender” — a powerful Al-Anon reading that speaks to the moment we finally release the day-to-day pain and guilt of trying to fix someone else’s life. Through the lens of Soul Recovery, we talk about letting go of the illusion of control, setting healthy boundaries, and choosing our own healing over managing another person’s journey. Whether it’s with a child, spouse, or someone else you love, this is about opening our hearts to unconditional love — the kind that allows others to have their own experiences, while we stay grounded in our own spiritual connection and well-being.
This is the work of Soul Recovery: moving from enmeshment and exhaustion into compassion, clarity, and freedom. I hope you’ll listen, let it sink in, and f
The Soul Recovery FREE Zoom Support Group will meet on September 8th due to Labor Day, and there is still time to register for the upcoming in-person retreat in Asheville NC September 13-14th. Visit the website to learn more and register!
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison or guests. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
Today's episode is another one of our
looking at Al-Anon through thelens of soul recovery, and this
one is called Love and Surrenderand it starts by saying I've
replaced the day-to-day pain andguilt I experienced while my
son drank himself into the worldof alcohol by letting go in
Al-Anon.
And we can say that in the samewith soul recovery, that we
(00:21):
replace the day-to-day pain andsuffering that we experience by
learning that we are powerlessover their choices.
We're powerless over theiraddiction, and not powerless in
a way that just throws it allaway but really opens our heart.
To give them the opportunity,permission, acceptance to have
(00:42):
the experience that they'regoing to have and to choose
ourselves and our own healingand to step into our connection
with our higher self and ourhigher power and see things from
a new, healthier perspectiveand not try to fix, control,
change, manipulate or save themfrom what they need to learn and
(01:04):
grow.
This episode was originallyaired on the Recovery Soul Bonus
Podcast on June 20th 2025.
I wanted to share with you theamazing episodes that we share
on that bonus podcast that dealwith Al-Anon, soul recovery,
incredible inspirationalinterviews and the opportunity
to take a deeper dive into yoursoul recovery.
Enjoy the episode.
(01:26):
Welcome to the Recovery SoulBonus Podcast a spiritual path
to a happy and healthy life.
My name is Rev Rachel Harrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
This bonus podcast offers adeeper dive into the soul
recovery process With expandedteaching, spiritual book studies
(01:49):
, interviews and reflectionsinspired by Al-Anon metaphysics
and healing from within.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our lifewill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulBonus Podcast.
(02:10):
It's Rev Rachel and I amexcited to be together today
Again.
I just always sit here with myeyes closed and my heart open
and just am filled withgratitude that we're on this
journey together.
I'm humbled and honored thatyou're on the soul recovery path
with me.
It has so transformed my lifeand I feel like I am an entirely
(02:31):
different person.
In the metaphysics world theysay you actually are an entirely
different person, which isamazing, and we're working on
how to let go, how to not try tocontrol the world when it feels
really difficult or painful, orwe're watching people that we
love make difficult choices, andmany of you came here because
(02:54):
of Al-Anon and you're on thisdeeper dive in the bonus podcast
because you want more of that,along with the metaphysics that
goes with it, seeing it throughthis eyes of spirituality,
seeing it through the eyes ofsoul recovery, seeing it through
the eyes of love.
And so we continue this journeywhere we're reading from In All
(03:14):
of Our Affairs Making CrisisWork for you by Al-Anon Family
Groups, and we're in the sectionpart two on acceptance,
particularly on surrender, andwe're page 111, which is
fabulous because that's my angelnumber, so anytime I see 111, I
know that I'm exactly in theright place.
And today we're continuing thisbook study that we're doing on
(03:38):
individual sections and reallylooking at them from this new
lens and taking that deeper lookinto the spiritual concepts
that come from it.
And this one's called Love andSurrender, and I thought this
one was really powerful because,again, it's really having
family members, especially ourkids, who are in difficult
situations.
(03:59):
And I just have so many peoplethat are coming and working with
me who are in this situationwhere they have adult children
who are no longer children theyare now adults but we feel like
there are children and it'sincredibly painful to watch them
go through whatever it is thattheir soul's here to go through
and to have that experience.
(04:19):
And you know that I get youbecause I've got Alex and Bodie,
who are 28 and 25 years old,and that they're on their own
journeys and thankfully theyhave found a way to be in the
world right now that isn't incrisis.
It's not like there's magicfairy dust that we sprinkle on
(04:42):
the people around us that makesthem be better, because that
isn't our job to make them bebetter.
But I do feel like it'simportant for us to take credit
that when we truly step into ourown healing, when we really
recognize that this work thatwe're doing to heal ourselves is
the number one priority, itwill positively affect the
(05:05):
people around us.
So it'd be interesting to knowif I hadn't got sober, if I
hadn't done soul recovery, if Ihadn't done this work, if we
could have a crystal ball andlook at what it would have
looked like or go into someother potential dimension that
shows that outcome.
I have a feeling that theywouldn't be doing as well.
(05:28):
I have a feeling that this workthat I've done has created a
ripple effect within their ownlives to give them some
resources, some strength, someplace where they can be
themselves and make changes,some place where they can be
(05:48):
themselves and make changes.
And yet, at the same time, I amnot responsible for those
changes and we shouldn't bringit back on ourselves saying if I
had done this good enough, thenthey would be better.
That's not the point either.
So I know many of you areworking very, very hard on your
stuff and you still have kidswho are in really difficult
situations.
So I think that it's importantfor us just to hold space for
all of it without judgment, butto really come back to our own
(06:10):
experience.
So this particular reading Ithought was really good.
It's called Love and Surrenderand it says I have replaced the
day-to-day pain and guilt Iexperienced while my son sank
into a world of alcohol, drugs,suicide attempts, crime and
finally prison by letting go inAl-Anon.
Looking back, it seems as if itall happened to someone else.
(06:31):
When my son came home fromprison, the atmosphere in our
home had deteriorated into anugly, black silence between his
parents.
An alcoholic daughter and herbaby were back with us.
My son could never stand herfor very long.
She cried a lot.
He raged a lot.
I cried a lot.
One day, as they yelled at oneanother more and more savagely,
(06:53):
I threw up my hands in despairand said I give up, I give up.
I can't make anyone in myfamily love one another and I
need help.
It was the greatest moment ofmy life.
It makes me cry, actually,because I think we've all been
there.
I resonate really deeply withthat experience of just being in
(07:16):
a place where it's so painfuland so hard and you're watching
the people around you screamingand yelling.
That's how I felt with myhusband and my son.
They just would be so horribleto each other.
And you get to this place whereyou've done everything you know
(07:37):
you've tried.
She says I give up.
I give up, I can't make anyonein my family love one another
and I need help.
She says it was the greatestmoment of my life and I went to
my first Al-Anon meeting acouple of days later.
It was never easy, but it wasalways better than that.
My tools were willingness tolisten and change, no matter how
(08:02):
long it took, no matter howgreat the pain.
I could get better, they said,and I did, hour by hour, day by
day, in letting go, with loveand with the help of the Al-Anon
program, seeing to my ownrecovery.
My son finally found recoveryin AA, at least for today.
Tomorrow, who knows?
(08:24):
That's what's tomorrow, notmine All I have to do is keep my
hands off and turn my heart on.
There's so many beautiful thingsabout this and I'm still really
feeling a lot of emotionbecause I think, on some level,
that part of us that never wantsto experience that pain again.
(08:49):
Or if you're in the midst of it.
It's so intense and we many ofus I know I was were in it for
so long that it had been rampingup for such a long period of
time, and many of us actuallycame from dysfunctional families
or from alcoholic homes, and soit just felt so natural.
(09:11):
And yet at some moment, this isa step one in soul recovery,
ready for awakening.
That says recognize suffering,become aware that your
dissatisfaction and suffering iscaused by your current
perceptions, beliefs, patternsand stories, and that story may
be.
I have to fix this, it's myresponsibility to take care of
this.
And that's the suffering thatyou continue to want something
(09:36):
that isn't there, to try to makeit be something different than
what it actually is.
And when you throw your handsup and you say I have to do
something different, I have tosave myself.
That is literally one of thegreatest gifts that comes,
because it means you're ready todo the work and she says it.
(09:56):
She says, no matter how long ittook, no matter how great the
pain, I could get better.
They said, and I did, hour byhour, day by day.
When we let go when we love andlet go when we love
unconditionally enough to letthem be in, whatever their
experience is, we shift andchange the behaviors and the
(10:20):
patterns that have been runningfor a long time around
enmeshment and codependency andenabling and these things that
we've done to try to save themfrom the experience they're in.
And ultimately, what'sfascinating is, we hit the wall,
we hit our bottom and we'rewondering when are they gonna
(10:41):
hit bottom?
Well, that doesn't matter,because the only thing that you
can control is you.
This is step two in soulrecovery.
When we recognize that our painand suffering comes from our
attachment to control and theillusion of power over others,
we think that we can fix them,we think that we can change it.
(11:02):
And this dark energy I love howshe describes this as like this
black silence I'm not entirelyexactly sure an alcoholic
daughter is that her daughterand baby?
I'm not entirely sure what thatmeant, or whether that's the
baby mama or what it is.
It doesn't even matter.
What matters is that we bringon a bunch of other people's
(11:24):
stuff in hopes that we can holdspace for them, we can love them
enough, we can do for themenough.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
(11:48):
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you, to workat your own pace and on your
own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(12:11):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
(12:32):
And I had that exact same moment, when the biggest last fight
actually wasn't the biggest.
It was one of many of the lastfights that Rich and Alex had.
It was right before Alex wentto move to California and he had
had other things in his lifethat were really falling apart,
and he had come home.
He had come home.
(12:53):
He hadn't been home since hewas 18 years old and here he was
like 25 or something at thetime, 24 at the time and he was
feeling like he was getting thekind of support that he wanted
and needed, was feeling like hewas getting the kind of support
that he wanted and needed, andhe felt really good about that,
and I felt really good aboutthat.
And then there they were in thestreet in front of a job,
(13:17):
screaming and yelling each otherand threatening each other and
all the things that used tohappen on such a regular basis.
And when he called me and hesaid I can't do this anymore,
that was such a beautiful momentbecause he, too, got to the
breaking point where he said Ihave to do something different,
and that's when he got anairplane ticket one way ticket
(13:38):
to California has never comeback the best thing that could
have happened.
So those moments that feel likethe worst thing, that feel like
the world is crashing down,sometimes it's just that
incredible storm that needs tohappen to actually force change,
because we can handle and dealwith pretty crappy, unpleasant,
(14:00):
unhappy for a long time, whichis really unfortunate.
Isn't it interesting that we'vedampened down our feelings for
so long that when it doesn'tfeel good, when we know in the
depths of our heart that there'ssomething not right, when we
know we've got to make change,we don't listen to those
(14:21):
intuitions, those guidances.
And so often there is a stillsmall voice that's whispering in
your ear what needs to happennext, but we have stopped
listening.
And so it takes some bigsomething to get to the place
where you are so fed up.
Well, interestingly enough,that's also what happens when
(14:45):
you're an addict.
Is you have to get to a placewhere you are so fed up, and how
that looks to somebody could bevery different than what it
looks like to somebody else,when we can be strong and in our
(15:11):
own sovereignty about what itis that we're prepared to do,
for ourselves first and foremostand that we are choosing our
own sanity, our own healing, ourown spiritual recovery over
anybody else's.
We're actually allowing them todo a couple things.
First and foremost, we'rehanding them back their
experience, their cause andeffect, and we can't possibly
(15:33):
know on a soul level what it isthat they're here to learn and
experience, and it might meanthat they have a hard life.
Not everything turns out withthe roses at the end, and I love
that.
She says that my son foundrecovery for today.
You've been on this journeywith me, you know.
You know my kids go in and outof sobriety and every time
(15:55):
they're in full sobriety I getso excited and I hope they'll
pick it.
And not once, not once so farhave they decided that that's
what they want.
Well, I didn't get sober till Iwas 48 either.
So, literally, who am I to saythat this is when they're
supposed to do it?
I hope they do it sooner than Idid.
I hope they don't have to gothrough as much dark night of
(16:19):
the soul as I did.
But it wasn't until I hit my ownwall, and really that wall for
me wasn't the decision to quitdrinking, because Rich had
decided that he wanted to quitdrinking for athletic reasons
and I knew I had to save my life.
It was actually in a fight inthe car with Rich and just
(16:41):
hearing him be who was somebodythat I didn't enjoy and thinking
to myself the only way out ofthis situation is for me to get
better.
This is not going to work forme anymore.
I threw my hands up and Ithought to myself I don't know
if my marriage is going to makeit.
I have no idea.
(17:03):
But at this point that is notwhat I have my focus on.
My focus is on I am going tosave myself, I'm going to heal
myself, I'm going to get clarityabout who I am and how I can be
in my life, and I'm going tostop dinking around and trying
to control everybody else'sstuff, because they're all nuts,
(17:25):
they're all in dysfunction,they're all making their own
choices.
I was at that point.
I was surrounded by addictionmy husband and my two kids,
massive addiction, and my hearthurt, and I know that your heart
hurts too.
But when we choose soulrecovery, when we step into the
(17:47):
place where we are actuallychoosing our spiritual journey,
we actually can learn how to seeit from a new perspective, our
perception changes how we chooseto see it and we start having
compassion for everyone aroundus that, wow, this is what
they're choosing.
(18:07):
That must be hard.
I'm not going to live in yourchoice anymore.
And so the fact that the boysmoved to California ended up
being one of the greatest gifts,because it gave enough space
for them to make their ownchoices Well, I was still in the
same house with Rich for themto make their own choices.
Well, I was still in the samehouse with Rich.
It's been a journey.
(18:28):
We just celebrated 31 years ofmarriage this week.
It's still a journey, myfriends.
I know that many of you hold alight that Rich and I have made
it and we have made it, but itis still a journey.
It is not perfect and he stillhas a lot of days where he gets
upset at the world or can beintense in a way that I wish
(18:52):
could be different.
But I've learned how to holdspace for him, how to have
clarity when there's somethinggoing on that I don't need to be
the place where you put all ofyour frustration.
I know that we are best friendsnow, but sometimes you got to
vent to somebody else.
(19:12):
I don't need or want to hearall of the venting, and that's
new.
That's me actually standing upfor myself and letting go of
control, which is the fact thatI'm powerless over how he's
feeling about all these things,but I'm not powerless over how I
choose to be with it.
I'm not powerless over how Irespond to it and I'm really not
(19:35):
powerless over how I let itinto my body, even if sometimes
it takes a little while for itto shake off.
But luckily it shakes off in acouple hours versus a couple
days or even weeks like it usedto.
And the truth is we aredifferent people.
She said that.
She says I feel like that wasan entirely different person.
(19:56):
And I said before we evenstarted I feel like I'm an
entirely different person.
And if you go way off into thespiritual woo-woo, what they say
is not only do our cellsregenerate and we are entirely
cellular structure, an entirelydifferent person every seven
years.
In the quantum.
(20:18):
It talks about how we'reconstantly shifting realities.
And that's that reality that ifI hadn't gotten sober and done
soul recovery somewhere in thereality, there has to be the
other way that it went and Ican't imagine that it's good.
But we are here and it remindsme the power of choice that we
(20:42):
have to choose the feelings, thethoughts.
We've been talking about thison the main podcast.
We've been talking about this onthe main podcast each thought
that you choose, each word thatyou choose to say has power and
that allows you to move moreinto, on the total woo end of it
(21:03):
, if there are other realitiesor other dimensions, and our
vibration, our ability to bepresent with, moves us into
those spaces.
Don't you want to be there?
I do.
I want to be there so badbecause it feels better to me,
because I feel at ease there, Ifeel contented there, I feel
myself there, I feel whole there, and so if that's the choice
(21:28):
that I have, if that's thecontrol that I have not about
the out there, no control of theout there, but complete control
of the inside of myself, mysovereign state then that's
where I'm going to put my energy.
And then in this day, you'relooking at what is and you see
(21:51):
it from your heart.
She says at the end, with anopen heart We've done so much
protection and closed our heart,but you can be of an open heart
that doesn't allow people toharm you, because you're in your
spiritual protection, whenyou're in that space of
(22:12):
wholeness, you can see thatpeople are inflicting what feels
like woundedness on you, butit's really them, right?
So when Rich is in one of thosestates where he's upset and he's
feeling aggravated or irritatedat things, it's really his own
experience of his pain and Idon't need to take it personally
(22:34):
, I don't need to makeassumptions about what it is for
him.
I can just allow it to be andnot try to fix it, change it,
manage it, mother it, all thosethings.
And then with the kids, I findthat, because they are far away,
so I feel for those of you thathave your complicated children
(22:54):
right in your world and I hearsomething like when Bodhi, who
was supposedly sober, turns outthat he actually wasn't, that he
was drinking, I attend to thepart of me that has the feeling.
That is a valid feeling for meto have, because this is never
about not feeling your feelings.
This is about you actuallyattending to that feeling
(23:18):
disappointment, sadness, fearand then you move into your
higher self, which remembersthat everyone's in their own
experience.
You release it.
You do not need to control it,I don't need to fix it, I don't
need to make it different forhim.
I need to see the light that heis.
I need to remember that he's onhis journey.
(23:39):
I need to remember hiswholeness.
I need to ask questions thatmight be open questions, where
he can actually share and bounceideas with me, where he feels
safe enough to actually reallydisclose what his choices are
and why he's making the choicesthat he is.
Ultimately, addiction is reallya protection and a cover of our
(24:01):
broken heart or it is the beliefsystem that this is the only
way I'll fit in or have fun, andfor some people they get to
have drinks and have fun.
Some people can do party drugsevery once in a while and it's
great.
Addiction is a whole otherjourney and addiction is really
(24:24):
a loss of their spiritual self.
It is a place where there's somuch darkness.
It is a place where there's somuch darkness and if we can have
some compassion for thatdarkness and infuse them with
light and love, while letting goof outcomes, while letting go
of control, while letting go ofexpectations and then holding
(24:46):
those boundaries, I would assumethat this woman no longer has
any of these people living inher house.
That would be my assumption.
It definitely has real worldimplications of people in our
lives that are complicated.
But soul recovery is thisopportunity for us to step into
(25:09):
our spiritually grounded,resourced self, into our
spiritually grounded, resourcedself, into our higher self in
the inner sanctuary of our heart, and to see everything from
this step back, from a place ofconnectedness and boundaries at
the same time, while we let goand surrender with love Until
(25:31):
next time.
Namaste, thank you for listeningand I hope that that helps
support your soul recoveryprocess.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
(25:54):
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
(26:16):
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
Today's episode is another one of our
looking at Al-Anon through thelens of soul recovery, and this
one is called Love and Surrenderand it starts by saying I've
replaced the day-to-day pain andguilt I experienced while my
son drank himself into the worldof alcohol by letting go in
Al-Anon.
And we can say that in the samewith soul recovery, that we
(00:21):
replace the day-to-day pain andsuffering that we experience by
learning that we are powerlessover their choices.
We're powerless over theiraddiction, and not powerless in
a way that just throws it allaway but really opens our heart.
To give them the opportunity,permission, acceptance to have
(00:42):
the experience that they'regoing to have and to choose
ourselves and our own healingand to step into our connection
with our higher self and ourhigher power and see things from
a new, healthier perspectiveand not try to fix, control,
change, manipulate or save themfrom what they need to learn and
(01:04):
grow.
This episode was originallyaired on the Recovery Soul Bonus
Podcast on June 20th 2025.
I wanted to share with you theamazing episodes that we share
on that bonus podcast that dealwith Al-Anon, soul recovery,
incredible inspirationalinterviews and the opportunity
to take a deeper dive into yoursoul recovery.
Enjoy the episode.
(01:26):
Welcome to the Recovery SoulBonus Podcast a spiritual path
to a happy and healthy life.
My name is Rev Rachel Harrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
This bonus podcast offers adeeper dive into the soul
recovery process With expandedteaching, spiritual book studies
(01:49):
, interviews and reflectionsinspired by Al-Anon metaphysics
and healing from within.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our lifewill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulBonus Podcast.
(02:10):
It's Rev Rachel and I amexcited to be together today
Again.
I just always sit here with myeyes closed and my heart open
and just am filled withgratitude that we're on this
journey together.
I'm humbled and honored thatyou're on the soul recovery path
with me.
It has so transformed my lifeand I feel like I am an entirely
(02:31):
different person.
In the metaphysics world theysay you actually are an entirely
different person, which isamazing, and we're working on
how to let go, how to not try tocontrol the world when it feels
really difficult or painful, orwe're watching people that we
love make difficult choices, andmany of you came here because
(02:54):
of Al-Anon and you're on thisdeeper dive in the bonus podcast
because you want more of that,along with the metaphysics that
goes with it, seeing it throughthis eyes of spirituality,
seeing it through the eyes ofsoul recovery, seeing it through
the eyes of love.
And so we continue this journeywhere we're reading from In All
(03:14):
of Our Affairs Making CrisisWork for you by Al-Anon Family
Groups, and we're in the sectionpart two on acceptance,
particularly on surrender, andwe're page 111, which is
fabulous because that's my angelnumber, so anytime I see 111, I
know that I'm exactly in theright place.
And today we're continuing thisbook study that we're doing on
(03:38):
individual sections and reallylooking at them from this new
lens and taking that deeper lookinto the spiritual concepts
that come from it.
And this one's called Love andSurrender, and I thought this
one was really powerful because,again, it's really having
family members, especially ourkids, who are in difficult
situations.
(03:59):
And I just have so many peoplethat are coming and working with
me who are in this situationwhere they have adult children
who are no longer children theyare now adults but we feel like
there are children and it'sincredibly painful to watch them
go through whatever it is thattheir soul's here to go through
and to have that experience.
(04:19):
And you know that I get youbecause I've got Alex and Bodie,
who are 28 and 25 years old,and that they're on their own
journeys and thankfully theyhave found a way to be in the
world right now that isn't incrisis.
It's not like there's magicfairy dust that we sprinkle on
(04:42):
the people around us that makesthem be better, because that
isn't our job to make them bebetter.
But I do feel like it'simportant for us to take credit
that when we truly step into ourown healing, when we really
recognize that this work thatwe're doing to heal ourselves is
the number one priority, itwill positively affect the
(05:05):
people around us.
So it'd be interesting to knowif I hadn't got sober, if I
hadn't done soul recovery, if Ihadn't done this work, if we
could have a crystal ball andlook at what it would have
looked like or go into someother potential dimension that
shows that outcome.
I have a feeling that theywouldn't be doing as well.
(05:28):
I have a feeling that this workthat I've done has created a
ripple effect within their ownlives to give them some
resources, some strength, someplace where they can be
themselves and make changes,some place where they can be
(05:48):
themselves and make changes.
And yet, at the same time, I amnot responsible for those
changes and we shouldn't bringit back on ourselves saying if I
had done this good enough, thenthey would be better.
That's not the point either.
So I know many of you areworking very, very hard on your
stuff and you still have kidswho are in really difficult
situations.
So I think that it's importantfor us just to hold space for
all of it without judgment, butto really come back to our own
(06:10):
experience.
So this particular reading Ithought was really good.
It's called Love and Surrenderand it says I have replaced the
day-to-day pain and guilt Iexperienced while my son sank
into a world of alcohol, drugs,suicide attempts, crime and
finally prison by letting go inAl-Anon.
Looking back, it seems as if itall happened to someone else.
(06:31):
When my son came home fromprison, the atmosphere in our
home had deteriorated into anugly, black silence between his
parents.
An alcoholic daughter and herbaby were back with us.
My son could never stand herfor very long.
She cried a lot.
He raged a lot.
I cried a lot.
One day, as they yelled at oneanother more and more savagely,
(06:53):
I threw up my hands in despairand said I give up, I give up.
I can't make anyone in myfamily love one another and I
need help.
It was the greatest moment ofmy life.
It makes me cry, actually,because I think we've all been
there.
I resonate really deeply withthat experience of just being in
(07:16):
a place where it's so painfuland so hard and you're watching
the people around you screamingand yelling.
That's how I felt with myhusband and my son.
They just would be so horribleto each other.
And you get to this place whereyou've done everything you know
(07:37):
you've tried.
She says I give up.
I give up, I can't make anyonein my family love one another
and I need help.
She says it was the greatestmoment of my life and I went to
my first Al-Anon meeting acouple of days later.
It was never easy, but it wasalways better than that.
My tools were willingness tolisten and change, no matter how
(08:02):
long it took, no matter howgreat the pain.
I could get better, they said,and I did, hour by hour, day by
day, in letting go, with loveand with the help of the Al-Anon
program, seeing to my ownrecovery.
My son finally found recoveryin AA, at least for today.
Tomorrow, who knows?
(08:24):
That's what's tomorrow, notmine All I have to do is keep my
hands off and turn my heart on.
There's so many beautiful thingsabout this and I'm still really
feeling a lot of emotionbecause I think, on some level,
that part of us that never wantsto experience that pain again.
(08:49):
Or if you're in the midst of it.
It's so intense and we many ofus I know I was were in it for
so long that it had been rampingup for such a long period of
time, and many of us actuallycame from dysfunctional families
or from alcoholic homes, and soit just felt so natural.
(09:11):
And yet at some moment, this isa step one in soul recovery,
ready for awakening.
That says recognize suffering,become aware that your
dissatisfaction and suffering iscaused by your current
perceptions, beliefs, patternsand stories, and that story may
be.
I have to fix this, it's myresponsibility to take care of
this.
And that's the suffering thatyou continue to want something
(09:36):
that isn't there, to try to makeit be something different than
what it actually is.
And when you throw your handsup and you say I have to do
something different, I have tosave myself.
That is literally one of thegreatest gifts that comes,
because it means you're ready todo the work and she says it.
(09:56):
She says, no matter how long ittook, no matter how great the
pain, I could get better.
They said, and I did, hour byhour, day by day.
When we let go when we love andlet go when we love
unconditionally enough to letthem be in, whatever their
experience is, we shift andchange the behaviors and the
(10:20):
patterns that have been runningfor a long time around
enmeshment and codependency andenabling and these things that
we've done to try to save themfrom the experience they're in.
And ultimately, what'sfascinating is, we hit the wall,
we hit our bottom and we'rewondering when are they gonna
(10:41):
hit bottom?
Well, that doesn't matter,because the only thing that you
can control is you.
This is step two in soulrecovery.
When we recognize that our painand suffering comes from our
attachment to control and theillusion of power over others,
we think that we can fix them,we think that we can change it.
(11:02):
And this dark energy I love howshe describes this as like this
black silence I'm not entirelyexactly sure an alcoholic
daughter is that her daughterand baby?
I'm not entirely sure what thatmeant, or whether that's the
baby mama or what it is.
It doesn't even matter.
What matters is that we bringon a bunch of other people's
(11:24):
stuff in hopes that we can holdspace for them, we can love them
enough, we can do for themenough.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
(11:48):
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you, to workat your own pace and on your
own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(12:11):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
(12:32):
And I had that exact same moment, when the biggest last fight
actually wasn't the biggest.
It was one of many of the lastfights that Rich and Alex had.
It was right before Alex wentto move to California and he had
had other things in his lifethat were really falling apart,
and he had come home.
He had come home.
(12:53):
He hadn't been home since hewas 18 years old and here he was
like 25 or something at thetime, 24 at the time and he was
feeling like he was getting thekind of support that he wanted
and needed, was feeling like hewas getting the kind of support
that he wanted and needed, andhe felt really good about that,
and I felt really good aboutthat.
And then there they were in thestreet in front of a job,
(13:17):
screaming and yelling each otherand threatening each other and
all the things that used tohappen on such a regular basis.
And when he called me and hesaid I can't do this anymore,
that was such a beautiful momentbecause he, too, got to the
breaking point where he said Ihave to do something different,
and that's when he got anairplane ticket one way ticket
(13:38):
to California has never comeback the best thing that could
have happened.
So those moments that feel likethe worst thing, that feel like
the world is crashing down,sometimes it's just that
incredible storm that needs tohappen to actually force change,
because we can handle and dealwith pretty crappy, unpleasant,
(14:00):
unhappy for a long time, whichis really unfortunate.
Isn't it interesting that we'vedampened down our feelings for
so long that when it doesn'tfeel good, when we know in the
depths of our heart that there'ssomething not right, when we
know we've got to make change,we don't listen to those
(14:21):
intuitions, those guidances.
And so often there is a stillsmall voice that's whispering in
your ear what needs to happennext, but we have stopped
listening.
And so it takes some bigsomething to get to the place
where you are so fed up.
Well, interestingly enough,that's also what happens when
(14:45):
you're an addict.
Is you have to get to a placewhere you are so fed up, and how
that looks to somebody could bevery different than what it
looks like to somebody else,when we can be strong and in our
(15:11):
own sovereignty about what itis that we're prepared to do,
for ourselves first and foremostand that we are choosing our
own sanity, our own healing, ourown spiritual recovery over
anybody else's.
We're actually allowing them todo a couple things.
First and foremost, we'rehanding them back their
experience, their cause andeffect, and we can't possibly
(15:33):
know on a soul level what it isthat they're here to learn and
experience, and it might meanthat they have a hard life.
Not everything turns out withthe roses at the end, and I love
that.
She says that my son foundrecovery for today.
You've been on this journeywith me, you know.
You know my kids go in and outof sobriety and every time
(15:55):
they're in full sobriety I getso excited and I hope they'll
pick it.
And not once, not once so farhave they decided that that's
what they want.
Well, I didn't get sober till Iwas 48 either.
So, literally, who am I to saythat this is when they're
supposed to do it?
I hope they do it sooner than Idid.
I hope they don't have to gothrough as much dark night of
(16:19):
the soul as I did.
But it wasn't until I hit my ownwall, and really that wall for
me wasn't the decision to quitdrinking, because Rich had
decided that he wanted to quitdrinking for athletic reasons
and I knew I had to save my life.
It was actually in a fight inthe car with Rich and just
(16:41):
hearing him be who was somebodythat I didn't enjoy and thinking
to myself the only way out ofthis situation is for me to get
better.
This is not going to work forme anymore.
I threw my hands up and Ithought to myself I don't know
if my marriage is going to makeit.
I have no idea.
(17:03):
But at this point that is notwhat I have my focus on.
My focus is on I am going tosave myself, I'm going to heal
myself, I'm going to get clarityabout who I am and how I can be
in my life, and I'm going tostop dinking around and trying
to control everybody else'sstuff, because they're all nuts,
(17:25):
they're all in dysfunction,they're all making their own
choices.
I was at that point.
I was surrounded by addictionmy husband and my two kids,
massive addiction, and my hearthurt, and I know that your heart
hurts too.
But when we choose soulrecovery, when we step into the
(17:47):
place where we are actuallychoosing our spiritual journey,
we actually can learn how to seeit from a new perspective, our
perception changes how we chooseto see it and we start having
compassion for everyone aroundus that, wow, this is what
they're choosing.
(18:07):
That must be hard.
I'm not going to live in yourchoice anymore.
And so the fact that the boysmoved to California ended up
being one of the greatest gifts,because it gave enough space
for them to make their ownchoices Well, I was still in the
same house with Rich for themto make their own choices.
Well, I was still in the samehouse with Rich.
It's been a journey.
(18:28):
We just celebrated 31 years ofmarriage this week.
It's still a journey, myfriends.
I know that many of you hold alight that Rich and I have made
it and we have made it, but itis still a journey.
It is not perfect and he stillhas a lot of days where he gets
upset at the world or can beintense in a way that I wish
(18:52):
could be different.
But I've learned how to holdspace for him, how to have
clarity when there's somethinggoing on that I don't need to be
the place where you put all ofyour frustration.
I know that we are best friendsnow, but sometimes you got to
vent to somebody else.
(19:12):
I don't need or want to hearall of the venting, and that's
new.
That's me actually standing upfor myself and letting go of
control, which is the fact thatI'm powerless over how he's
feeling about all these things,but I'm not powerless over how I
choose to be with it.
I'm not powerless over how Irespond to it and I'm really not
(19:35):
powerless over how I let itinto my body, even if sometimes
it takes a little while for itto shake off.
But luckily it shakes off in acouple hours versus a couple
days or even weeks like it usedto.
And the truth is we aredifferent people.
She said that.
She says I feel like that wasan entirely different person.
(19:56):
And I said before we evenstarted I feel like I'm an
entirely different person.
And if you go way off into thespiritual woo-woo, what they say
is not only do our cellsregenerate and we are entirely
cellular structure, an entirelydifferent person every seven
years.
In the quantum.
(20:18):
It talks about how we'reconstantly shifting realities.
And that's that reality that ifI hadn't gotten sober and done
soul recovery somewhere in thereality, there has to be the
other way that it went and Ican't imagine that it's good.
But we are here and it remindsme the power of choice that we
(20:42):
have to choose the feelings, thethoughts.
We've been talking about thison the main podcast.
We've been talking about this onthe main podcast each thought
that you choose, each word thatyou choose to say has power and
that allows you to move moreinto, on the total woo end of it
(21:03):
, if there are other realitiesor other dimensions, and our
vibration, our ability to bepresent with, moves us into
those spaces.
Don't you want to be there?
I do.
I want to be there so badbecause it feels better to me,
because I feel at ease there, Ifeel contented there, I feel
myself there, I feel whole there, and so if that's the choice
(21:28):
that I have, if that's thecontrol that I have not about
the out there, no control of theout there, but complete control
of the inside of myself, mysovereign state then that's
where I'm going to put my energy.
And then in this day, you'relooking at what is and you see
(21:51):
it from your heart.
She says at the end, with anopen heart We've done so much
protection and closed our heart,but you can be of an open heart
that doesn't allow people toharm you, because you're in your
spiritual protection, whenyou're in that space of
(22:12):
wholeness, you can see thatpeople are inflicting what feels
like woundedness on you, butit's really them, right?
So when Rich is in one of thosestates where he's upset and he's
feeling aggravated or irritatedat things, it's really his own
experience of his pain and Idon't need to take it personally
(22:34):
, I don't need to makeassumptions about what it is for
him.
I can just allow it to be andnot try to fix it, change it,
manage it, mother it, all thosethings.
And then with the kids, I findthat, because they are far away,
so I feel for those of you thathave your complicated children
(22:54):
right in your world and I hearsomething like when Bodhi, who
was supposedly sober, turns outthat he actually wasn't, that he
was drinking, I attend to thepart of me that has the feeling.
That is a valid feeling for meto have, because this is never
about not feeling your feelings.
This is about you actuallyattending to that feeling
(23:18):
disappointment, sadness, fearand then you move into your
higher self, which remembersthat everyone's in their own
experience.
You release it.
You do not need to control it,I don't need to fix it, I don't
need to make it different forhim.
I need to see the light that heis.
I need to remember that he's onhis journey.
(23:39):
I need to remember hiswholeness.
I need to ask questions thatmight be open questions, where
he can actually share and bounceideas with me, where he feels
safe enough to actually reallydisclose what his choices are
and why he's making the choicesthat he is.
Ultimately, addiction is reallya protection and a cover of our
(24:01):
broken heart or it is the beliefsystem that this is the only
way I'll fit in or have fun, andfor some people they get to
have drinks and have fun.
Some people can do party drugsevery once in a while and it's
great.
Addiction is a whole otherjourney and addiction is really
(24:24):
a loss of their spiritual self.
It is a place where there's somuch darkness.
It is a place where there's somuch darkness and if we can have
some compassion for thatdarkness and infuse them with
light and love, while letting goof outcomes, while letting go
of control, while letting go ofexpectations and then holding
(24:46):
those boundaries, I would assumethat this woman no longer has
any of these people living inher house.
That would be my assumption.
It definitely has real worldimplications of people in our
lives that are complicated.
But soul recovery is thisopportunity for us to step into
(25:09):
our spiritually grounded,resourced self, into our
spiritually grounded, resourcedself, into our higher self in
the inner sanctuary of our heart, and to see everything from
this step back, from a place ofconnectedness and boundaries at
the same time, while we let goand surrender with love Until
(25:31):
next time.
Namaste, thank you for listeningand I hope that that helps
support your soul recoveryprocess.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
(25:54):
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
(26:16):
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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