September 15, 2025 • 36 mins
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Have you ever caught yourself thinking, "I'm only as happy as my least happy child"? This seemingly loving sentiment actually reveals a profound codependent belief that makes us responsible for others' emotions while neglecting our own healing journey. As I discovered with my own family, no amount of fixing or controlling could make my unhappy child happy—that was his journey to walk. Only when I released my grip on controlling outcomes and turned inward did things begin to transform.
Perfectionism, helping behaviors, and our need to "fix" others often masquerade as positive traits—but they're actually sneaky forms of codependency that keep us trapped in cycles of control. When we obsess over making everything perfect or rush to save others from their emotions, we're not being helpful—we're attempting to manage our own discomfort and create safety through control.
The 9-Step Soul Recovery Process offers a spiritual path out of these patterns. Through this process, we replace the drive to fix others with self-compassion, embrace new beliefs about our inherent worthiness, and shift our lens from fear to love.
Join us on the 1st Monday of every month for the FREE Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom from 6-7PM Mountain Time. Register on the website, and if you have registered in the past, look for your reminder email in your promotions folder.
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison or guests. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul www.recoveryoursoul.net
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
Today we're talking about codependency in
disguise and you've heard me saythis before but it is sneaky,
sneaky thing control and thatsometimes we don't even realize
that we're using perfectionismor helping or fixing people and
it's really just an attempt forus to create safety within our
own lives, which we deserve tohave safety.
(00:21):
But there are ways to do itthat are healthier.
I'm going to walk you throughthe nine-step soul recovery
process as we learn how to letgo of codependency and step into
your sovereign self.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
(00:43):
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
(01:05):
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast.
I'm Rev Rachel.
Thank you so much for joiningme here today.
I continue just to be sohonored that this community is
(01:26):
growing, that this community iscoming together, that these
words that I speak from my ownsoul recovery journey, from my
own experience, touch you.
They speak to you, that mystories are your stories and
that there is some resonance,some alignment in how you see
things, how you see the worldand how things are coming
(01:49):
together in your own life.
That gives you the ability toremember.
In soul recovery you'reremembering your wholeness.
You're remembering the parts ofyourself that have been pushed
down or trying to keep you safe,or the beliefs and the systems
and the stories that we'vecreated to see and make sense of
(02:12):
the world around us.
That's really complicated, andtoday I wanted to talk about
codependency in disguise and Idid a little work on it before
we got started.
And codependency in disguise isinteresting because sometimes we
don't even know that it'scodependent behavior.
(02:33):
I remember interviewingsomebody who said, after she'd
had her life fall apart and shewas working on herself, her
therapist used the wordcodependent and started
describing codependency and shedidn't know what it was.
She'd kind of heard the wordbut she didn't think of herself
as codependent, she didn'tdepend on anybody, she was
(02:53):
dependent on herself, she wasgoing to make everything happen.
And yet in the end we arecodependent because we are
depending on others for ourhappiness.
We want things to be a certainway, for us to be okay and, on
some level of codependency,we're relying on somebody else
for our physical, spiritual,financial, emotional needs to be
(03:14):
met, and even if that meansthat we are in our element of
perfectionism, fixing and theillusion of control.
So that's what I wanted to talkabout today, because I think
that one of the things thathappens a lot when I work with
people is we start uncovering,through the nine steps of
recovery process, the beliefs,patterns and stories that we
(03:38):
have been experiencing, andperfectionism comes up a lot,
and it isn't about doing thingswell.
I did a Tony Robbins four-dayvirtual Unleash the Power Within
a couple times with him, andboth of those times he talked
about excellence that you canhave.
(03:59):
I think it's fair, poor, goodand then excellence.
You know most of us are tryingto go for good, but usually you
go for whatever the level is andthen you end up a level or two
under because it's hard tomaintain those levels.
But excellence is really thisdrive and this push to really
(04:22):
stand into your full self, toreally stand into your full self
, and I think that we can useexcellence and mindset and
success and goal oriented thingsto have some unrealistic
expectations of what that lookslike.
Excellence, you know I'm goingto be a certain weight.
I'm going to be perfect.
Everything in my house is goingto be perfect.
I'm going to be showy.
I'm going to.
(04:42):
All of that's ego is going tobe perfect.
I'm going to be showy, I'mgoing to all of that's ego.
All of that is ego stuff.
All of that is this drive andneed to look good for others on
the outside, for us to be okay.
Right.
There's that sneaky codependentbehavior.
Even if it isn't a person.
You're depending on somebodyelse to validate you, to give
(05:03):
you clarity and truth of who youare.
And so when we start lookingfrom this new soul recovery
angle and noticing how sneakycodependency is, people pleasing
that we're starting torecognize things that seemed
like go-to behaviors and be ableto manage them, look at them,
(05:24):
deal with them in a differentway.
So perfectionism is veryinteresting, because
perfectionism can be a level ofexcellence that things like to
be done well.
I just I'm thinking of Rich forsome reason right here, because
we just had our annual fallparty and I always joke that we
(05:45):
have to have one party a yearbecause it lights a fire under
his butt and he does a ton ofprojects around the house and
starts completing things thatwere started.
He wants it to look good.
He's got all these things thathe does and he's really, really
good at them and he has thislevel of excellence does and
(06:06):
he's really really good at themand he has this level of
excellence.
And I think in the past I gotcaught up in the what felt like
perfectionism from a non healthyperspective, and I was always
trying to save him from his owntrouble, because I didn't like
it when he was grumpy or feltfrustrated or was upset, and so
his kind of reactivity that hecan have, which is his own,
(06:28):
processing his own emotions, Icodependently took on as my own
and wanted to fix them for him.
And so I would say, oh, youdon't have to do it to this
level, why don't you just do itthis way, that's enough.
I'm down here on the like, goodto fair level and he's saying,
(06:49):
no, I want to do things reallywell and that's actually a
beautiful aspect of the workthat he does and the truth is
it's all done very, very, verywell.
If rich builds something wealways joke if one will do rich
ritual used to, you know it'severything that he builds is is
really well done, very good.
(07:09):
Well, there is a level of theperfectionism that he's finally
come around and started talkingabout in terms of wanting to
please people codependency,right, wanting people, maybe,
maybe clients that he had togive him praise, to give him
accolades, to give him theinformation about his value.
(07:31):
This is where soul recoverycomes in, because it can be a
fine sticky line between thoseparts of us that are looking at
perfection that is, aroundsafety and reinforcement from
the outside and looking good onthe outside and having it all
together on the outside, andthat part of us that should be
(07:55):
the best that you can be, notfor everybody else, but for you.
That if you have pride in highquality like Rich does,
shouldn't he do high qualitywork?
Yeah, he totally should.
And when I finally understoodthat he's dancing around in his
own head right around the partsthat are the sort of the shadow
(08:19):
part of it, and then that partof him that really does
extraordinary work, and how muchhe feels good on the inside
that when it's done, whether Iremember he was finishing a
project for somebody in ourneighborhood and it really was
at like 99% and I said you know,they probably won't even notice
(08:40):
if you put this extra littletrim piece on it.
And he said I'll know, I'llnotice.
It's important to me that it'sdone right and this is the work
that I'm doing and letting go ofcontrol, which is I don't know
why I care whether he puts thetrim piece on or not.
I'm trying to save him fromwhatever feelings he's having
(09:03):
and that's not fair.
So the sneaky part aboutcodependency is that behavior
that I was doing to try to saveand fix him from whatever
uncomfortable feelings he mightbe having.
That's actually not fair to him, because he's having those
(09:24):
feelings.
He's working things out forhimself and we had a real came
to a real head on this and Ithink I talked about this in
another podcast.
But there was an emergencysituation that happened at my
mom's house.
She had a she has a renter whorents a room from her downstairs
a little casita kind of thingand it was this guy who was
(09:45):
there for a couple of years andwhen he moved out he noticed
that there was some funky stuffhappening behind the sink and
then he opened up the wall andthere was black mold and so then
we had to bring in mitigationand they had to tear out a whole
bunch of the bathroom and thenwe had somebody moving in and so
it was like sort of this uproar.
(10:06):
And Rich is down there doingthings and he's finishing up
working his company that he'shad for the last 30 years and
then he's working in his new jobthat is a county job which is
for tens plus travel and gettingup and everything, and so he
was in the mix of all thesethings and he was really kind of
at his limit of stuff.
(10:29):
And then we're adding in mymom's bathroom which of course
lands on him because he's MrFix-It in our family and I'm
trying to bypass his work, I'mtrying to save him from his work
.
And he said to my mother, hesaid I don't understand why
Rachel is trying to keep me fromdoing what makes me feel good.
(10:51):
And that was like a huge momentbecause my interpretation is
that it doesn't feel good.
I'm trying to fix it for himbecause I have a projection or I
have an interpretation.
I have a view of what I thinkhe's thinking, but I can
definitely have clarity aroundthe reactions that he may have
(11:17):
around his stress.
That I take on, because my oldlimiting belief is it's my job
to fix what's going on with youthat you're being uncomfortable
is my job to take care of.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
(11:38):
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom zoom, where we
learn more about soul recoveryand connect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
(12:01):
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(12:22):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
So this control piece right.
So then, I'm controlling.
I'm trying to say, well, whydon't you not do that?
Or why don't you do it this way, so that you don't have to work
so hard?
And and it's complicated right,because ultimately, in the end,
(12:46):
we're all just trying to itreally comes down to safety.
We're just trying to feel safein our bodies and in our skin.
And I think about how, for Richand I, drinking was a way to
relax.
For him, it was drinking was away to relax.
(13:08):
For him, it was.
You know, it was everything.
It was a way to celebrate if hedid something good.
It was a way to check out if hewasn't feeling happy.
It was.
It was the solution toeverything.
And when you quit using asubstance or a behavior and
you're moving into a new way ofbeing in your life, everything
shifts and changes and you haveto be in your feelings a lot
(13:28):
more than you ever had to be inyour feelings.
So, part of me, I'm learninghow to have my feelings, all of
them.
And yet when my family ishaving their feelings, I want to
save them from their feelings.
So that's part of it.
But I want to really take alook at perfectionism from this
other perspective, and I did alittle bit of the nine steps on
(13:53):
perfectionism.
So I'm just going to look on myother screen and go through the
nine steps recovery processwith how we can look at
perfectionism from the soulrecovery perspective and the
journey.
On understanding the steps so instep one is called ready for
awakening.
On understanding the steps soin step one is called ready for
awakening.
And that's really recognizingthat your dissatisfaction, your
(14:15):
suffering, is from your internalbelief system and of course we
all have one and sometimes we'renot even aware that we have
that belief system.
So recognize that perfectionismand fixing are signals of your
suffering, that you'reuncomfortable, because something
is making you feeluncomfortable.
So what are you going to do?
You're going to go to an oldpattern.
(14:35):
I'm going to fix it, I'm goingto take care of it, it's going
to be perfect, I'm going to makesure everything's just good,
and then you start to recognizethat isn't working for you
anymore.
So awareness is the first step.
I'm trying to make everythingperfect so that I feel safe.
I want you to really thinkabout how much you do in your
(14:56):
life to create safety and, forthose of you who did not have
the need met when you wereyounger, to feel safe.
I want you to feel thatunderlying, constant part of you
that has to be aware, attentive, hypersensitive, hyperconscious
(15:21):
about trying to maintain orcreate safety.
And just give that some grace,because that is actually the
case for more people than youwould think, that safety isn't
just a natural way of being.
And then step two is letting goof control.
We're powerless over everysingle thing outside of ourself
(15:42):
and you want to see howperfectionism is an attempt to
control outcomes and how fixingothers and his attempt to manage
what is not yours to manage.
So perfectionism is interestingbecause there's people who have
perfectionism in the sense of,like their house has to be a
certain way and everything needsto be lined up, tidy and the
(16:06):
counters need to be wiped andthe dishwasher needs to be
loaded in a certain way, or theywant all the pillows, you know,
poofed in just the right way.
Everything, all the clothes,have to be hung up a certain way
.
Feel how that has a bunch ofdifferent levels to it.
One is it's nice to have thingslook nice, but there's a level
(16:28):
of like real irritation anddiscomfort that can come
sometimes when people are tryingto create an environment that
feels so perfect that they'regoing to be okay.
And again, it's different thanliking nice things and having
this level of excellence thatthat enjoys having things nice.
(16:50):
It's the perfectionism thatwants and forces and needs
everybody around you to do thesame thing so that it all looks
the same, because then you'llfeel safe, you'll feel okay and
it's embracing the fact thatwe're powerless over everybody.
We're powerless over theoutside world, and it's okay.
Can we have requests of what wewant and how it would be nice
(17:14):
for things to be and at the sametime not lose ourself, not lose
our stuff, you know, and gokind of crazy and ballistic on
the people around us becausethey're not meeting up to some
criteria?
We're all so different and Iknow for me that I like things
(17:43):
nice but I'm also not thatfastidious about things when you
look at how powerless we arenot powerless in our sovereignty
, because we are ooh, there's somuch strength in there but that
part of us that wants tocontrol and fix and make
everything around us be acertain way, and how we're just
making ourselves miserable.
We're making ourselves crazyabout it.
Step three discover unhealthypatterns, beliefs and stories.
(18:05):
Identify the belief underneaththe perfectionism.
There might be a belief inthere that says if I do
everything right, I'll finallybe loved.
If I do everything right, I'llfeel okay.
If I fix everything, I can makeit better, and if they're
better, I can be better.
Remember the saying that startedso much of this for me I'm only
(18:27):
as happy as my least happychild.
That started so much of thisfor me.
I'm only as happy as my leasthappy child.
And I had a very unhappy childand then one day you realize he
may never be happy.
He may never be happy, andthat's how I'm going to be.
I'm going to not be happybecause he's not happy.
I've done every single thing Ican to make him happy.
And as soon as I let that goand I really started doing this
(18:50):
work, really started doing thiswork and my kids moved to
California and I was not on topof them constantly or seeing
every single thing that theywere doing, every choice that
they were making.
They started being responsiblefor their own consequences and I
didn't have to live with thoseconsequences and I did a lot of
tough love, loving, detachment.
(19:12):
Oh my goodness, it's been ajourney over the last five years
and guess what?
My least happy child is happierthan he's ever been.
Is it completely happy?
No, but he's figuring it out.
It's 29 years old tomorrow andhe's in his own life now.
I was powerless over making itperfect for him.
(19:36):
I was powerless over making himhappy.
I was powerless over hisrelationship with his dad and
all the complexity that they had.
And the more that I let go andrecognize that there was no
perfect, there was no perfectfamily, there was no perfect
thing that I could do, and thatfixing them was not anything
that I could do, no matter howhard I tried, it began to shift
(19:59):
and change because I turned theattention to myself.
And then step four is open tocreating with a higher power.
Invite spirit into the spaceswhere control used to rule.
Invite spirit in.
Recover your soul is aspiritual path to a happy and
healthy life, a spiritual pathof your understanding.
(20:21):
So, in those places whereyou're trying to hold on so
tight, so tight and you releaseand let that go, you release and
let it go, you trust that thereis something greater still,
that there is source, light, god, jesus, divine spirit, whatever
(20:44):
you call it, energy, universe,that that can be in the space
that we're holding on so tightlyto that.
What if we let it go?
Practice surrender.
I hand the situation back tosource.
I choose peace.
All the steps I mean I alwayssay this like all the steps each
(21:05):
have their own profoundopportunities.
I mean, I've learned so muchabout myself.
I've learned so much about myspiritual journey, about my
soul's journey through the ninestep soul recovery process,
through AA, through Al-Anon,through all the things that I've
been through, and they all leadto the same top of the mountain
, which is being connected tosomething greater still that
(21:29):
spirituality of whatever youdecide.
It is when you leave the partof you that thinks that you're
all alone and there's no onethere for you, and you recognize
you are surrounded by help, byhelp when I think about Recover
your Soul and how it'stransformed since I started it
(21:57):
in 2020.
I'm stunned.
I'm stunned by the growth ofthe community.
I'm stunned by how I've beenled along the way, each step,
learning something new all thetime, doing everything myself,
going around and speaking atcommunities, starting to coach,
starting to really think of thisas a not just a podcast, but
like a community, and supportingthis community, doing retreats,
(22:18):
traveling all over the countrynow to do retreats.
I could have never guessed that, but I didn't do it by myself
and I certainly don't continueto do it by myself, not only in
the spiritual realm, but bybeing willing to ask for help,
being willing to ask so you canreceive, being willing to start
(22:38):
to think in different ways.
I think about the book that I'mwriting, my memoir, and how,
when Maddie came in to start tocollaborate with me, it was, you
know, the first ideas we woulddo the nine step soul recovery
process book.
And then we started talking.
She said you've got a memoirfirst and I'm not a fantastic
writer, I'm a decent writer.
(22:59):
And so we've gone through allthese iterations of her helping
guide me to be a better writerand then helping to move the
words around just enough thatit's a book that is going to
really be compelling foreveryone who reads it.
Collaboration I just brought onsomeone for social media to
(23:22):
trust and ask and receive.
It turns out to be somebodythat I had met, that worked at
the Unity Church that I spoke ata lot in Denver, who is also
studying to be somebody that Ihad met, that worked at the
Unity Church, that I spoke at alot in Denver, who is also
studying to be a therapist whois into new age metaphysical
stuff and is a fabulousmarketing person To trust that
there is something besidesyourself that you can lean on in
(23:46):
a healthy way to let go of theperfectionism.
Lean on in a healthy way to letgo of the perfectionism.
Part of that perfectionism forme is holding on tightly to you
know, I don't want anyone elseto do it because I want it to be
done this way is part of it,and that's a piece that's
interesting to look at formyself.
But more than that, I don'twant to let it go because
(24:08):
there's some belief that I'vehad that I have to do it alone,
that it's mine to carry, thatonly I can do it.
And asking for help feels scarybecause I didn't feel like I
had a lot of help when I wasgrowing up.
So to lean into your higherpower and trust that there is
always help available to you ifyou ask for it, both on the
(24:31):
physical realm of having peoplecome into your life and on the
spiritual realm that at everymoment you can ask, you can ask
and receive.
And then we're stepping intostep five, which is release old
patterns that no longer serve.
You Begin letting go ofperfectionism as that protector
that's protecting your heart,that perfectionism that's
(24:54):
standing at the pain and thefear and thinking if I have
everything perfect, then we'regood.
We'll start finding someevidence of how it hasn't served
you or places where you don'tneed to be perfect and you have
been safe, you have been held.
Replace the drive to fix otherswith self-compassion and
(25:18):
forgiveness.
We're letting go of those partsof us, those beliefs that were
held from our growing up thatcreated the systems that kept us
safe.
We don't have to fix others.
We can replace it withcompassion and mostly
self-compassion andself-forgiveness, to really step
(25:40):
into that place where you'regiving yourself grace for
whatever beliefs, patterns andstories that you created to keep
you safe.
And then we're embracing newbeliefs.
In step six, claim a new beliefI am enough.
Even when I'm imperfect, I amenough and can be excellent, but
(26:00):
it doesn't have to be perfect.
I am enough, I am whole, I canlet things be as they are.
You start to really look atwhat is that belief system?
And another one is others arewhole and it's not my job to fix
them.
Man, when we can start seeingthe people in our lives as souls
(26:23):
that are, the souls are alwayswhole.
Our experiences are complicatedand we're here on purpose to
have those pretty wildexperiences so that we can grow
and shift and learn.
And often we don't learn untilthere's something pretty intense
that happens in our lives.
Some of the most difficultmoments in our lives create the
greatest change and then wealign with a new perception.
(26:47):
Step seven shift your lens fromfear.
I speak of this all the time,man, when you can see through
the eyes of love instead of fear.
And love, from a spiritualperspective, does not have any
codependence.
(27:07):
It has no people pleasing, ithas no perfectionism, it has no
competition, it has nothing thatneeds somebody else to give to.
It just is.
And it's an unconditional lovethat goes both ways
Unconditional to you.
You don't need to proveanything to be loved.
(27:31):
You don't have to do anythingto be loved.
And you recognize that lovingpeople does not mean that you
let people treat you poorly.
It does not mean that you don'thave an opinion.
It means that you just holdspace and you feel and are open
to this energy that we've put alot of definitions on, that
(28:01):
we've put a lot of definitionson and you allow love to come in
from that heart-centered placethat is connection to something
greater still.
And then C relationships, notas problems to fix but as
opportunities to grow.
Wow, I've also talked aboutthis so much that when you shift
the lens that the people inyour lives are supposed to do
for you so that you can be safe,so that you can have and you
switch it to, every relationshipthat I have is a lens and a
(28:32):
mirror and an opportunity tolearn more about myself and to,
incredibly oh my gosh, sovereigncontinues to be the word that
comes up to me sovereign selfthat is so, so rich in who you
are, individually, uniquely,uniquely special and beautiful.
(28:57):
And then step eight deepen yourspiritual practice.
Practice daily surrenderthrough meditation, prayer and
journaling.
Use a breath or mantra whenperfectionistic behaviors want
to come in or fixing wants tocome in.
I release control, I trust love, I release control, I trust
(29:18):
love.
I use all is well a lot when Iwant to control, when I want to
fix, when I'm feelingoverwhelmed, I release, I let go
, all is well, I release control, I trust love.
Sometimes those repeatedmantras, just you can use it in
(29:40):
a breath, you know, breathe infor part of it, breathe out with
part of it.
You can say I trust lovebreathing in, I release control,
breathing out.
I trust love breathing in, Irelease control, breathing out.
And then step nine in soulrecovery is shine your light,
the more you can step into yourauthentic self, which doesn't
(30:03):
mean that you have it alltogether, doesn't mean you have
it all figured out.
Doesn't mean you have all theanswers.
Doesn't mean you're cooked yet.
It means you're working on you,you're opening fully to
yourself, you're learning whothat is, but we're letting go of
all the masks and all of thoseneeds to be perfect, all of the
parts of us that are filled withthe doubt and the fear, and
(30:27):
we're stepping into our fullyauthentic self and we're
modeling that for others, whichisn't perfect, by the way, far
from it.
As a matter of fact, being ableto admit that we don't know, or
being able to admit that wemade a wrong turn although I
don't think there's any wrongturns but that we, you know,
chose something or did something, and you don't have to be right
(30:51):
, you don't have to have all theanswers.
I think one of the greatestswitches that happened in me, of
many, was I used to think thatI had to know the answers.
So if you asked me somethingand I didn't know it, I felt
like I had failed.
And now, right out of my mouth,the more I know, the less I
(31:15):
think.
The more spirituality that I do, the less I know, which is
totally true.
It's just so much so ifsomebody asks me something,
regardless of what it is, I feelso comfortable now saying I
don't know, I'm not sure.
I don't actually have to knowall the answers, and in that I'm
actually modeling that it'sokay to not know and in that I'm
(31:38):
actually modeling that it'sokay to not know.
I'm also modeling, hopefully foryou, this incredible
transformative journey ofletting go of the need to
control, letting go of the needto be perfect, letting go of the
need to fix, and loving andfeeling authentically and being
present for my family in waysthat are as unconditional as
(32:00):
possible, which means that a lotof things happen that in the
past I would have jumped allover and tried to do something
different about, and really justbeing as much of a light as I
can be, which means shining loveand compassion on the people in
my family and around me andaround the world.
(32:21):
Looking at this concept of howsneaky codependence can be and
that when we step into our mosthealed, authentic self, there's
so much opportunity for us tolearn about ourselves in ways
(32:41):
that will profoundly change therelationships around you.
And the nine step soul recoveryprocess is just one step that
you learn at a time, just likein 12 step, but it's actually a
it's almost like a spiral that'salways going.
I use these steps every singleday to work through, to
understand more, to deepen, toreally step into my spiritual
(33:05):
body, to continue to move evenfurther into my heart, letting
go of grievance, letting go ofcontrol, letting go of fear.
Grievance, letting go ofcontrol, letting go of fear, and
I'd say I'm probably 90% healedfrom my codependency,
perfectionism and peoplepleasing.
That's 10% is pretty hard tolet go of, but it's not nearly
(33:28):
as intense as it used to be.
So I encourage you to work onthese steps.
If you want to do them with me,I'm here as a coach to work out
a one on one with you and, asalways, you can go to the
website and there are modules todo the steps on your own.
There's even a secret code inthe show notes that have 50% off
.
(33:48):
I want everybody to have accessto these, and so I hope that
being part of this community hasgiven you tools, has given you
inspiration, has reminded you ofyour wholeness and that you
have everything that you needwithin you.
You are whole and I hope thatyou remember through my words
and my actions Until next time.
(34:09):
Namaste, thank you forlistening and I hope that that
helps support your soul recoveryprocess.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
(34:29):
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
(34:50):
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
Today we're talking about codependency in
disguise and you've heard me saythis before but it is sneaky,
sneaky thing control and thatsometimes we don't even realize
that we're using perfectionismor helping or fixing people and
it's really just an attempt forus to create safety within our
own lives, which we deserve tohave safety.
(00:21):
But there are ways to do itthat are healthier.
I'm going to walk you throughthe nine-step soul recovery
process as we learn how to letgo of codependency and step into
your sovereign self.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
(00:43):
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
(01:05):
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast.
I'm Rev Rachel.
Thank you so much for joiningme here today.
I continue just to be sohonored that this community is
(01:26):
growing, that this community iscoming together, that these
words that I speak from my ownsoul recovery journey, from my
own experience, touch you.
They speak to you, that mystories are your stories and
that there is some resonance,some alignment in how you see
things, how you see the worldand how things are coming
(01:49):
together in your own life.
That gives you the ability toremember.
In soul recovery you'reremembering your wholeness.
You're remembering the parts ofyourself that have been pushed
down or trying to keep you safe,or the beliefs and the systems
and the stories that we'vecreated to see and make sense of
(02:12):
the world around us.
That's really complicated, andtoday I wanted to talk about
codependency in disguise and Idid a little work on it before
we got started.
And codependency in disguise isinteresting because sometimes we
don't even know that it'scodependent behavior.
(02:33):
I remember interviewingsomebody who said, after she'd
had her life fall apart and shewas working on herself, her
therapist used the wordcodependent and started
describing codependency and shedidn't know what it was.
She'd kind of heard the wordbut she didn't think of herself
as codependent, she didn'tdepend on anybody, she was
(02:53):
dependent on herself, she wasgoing to make everything happen.
And yet in the end we arecodependent because we are
depending on others for ourhappiness.
We want things to be a certainway, for us to be okay and, on
some level of codependency,we're relying on somebody else
for our physical, spiritual,financial, emotional needs to be
(03:14):
met, and even if that meansthat we are in our element of
perfectionism, fixing and theillusion of control.
So that's what I wanted to talkabout today, because I think
that one of the things thathappens a lot when I work with
people is we start uncovering,through the nine steps of
recovery process, the beliefs,patterns and stories that we
(03:38):
have been experiencing, andperfectionism comes up a lot,
and it isn't about doing thingswell.
I did a Tony Robbins four-dayvirtual Unleash the Power Within
a couple times with him, andboth of those times he talked
about excellence that you canhave.
(03:59):
I think it's fair, poor, goodand then excellence.
You know most of us are tryingto go for good, but usually you
go for whatever the level is andthen you end up a level or two
under because it's hard tomaintain those levels.
But excellence is really thisdrive and this push to really
(04:22):
stand into your full self, toreally stand into your full self
, and I think that we can useexcellence and mindset and
success and goal oriented thingsto have some unrealistic
expectations of what that lookslike.
Excellence, you know I'm goingto be a certain weight.
I'm going to be perfect.
Everything in my house is goingto be perfect.
I'm going to be showy.
I'm going to.
(04:42):
All of that's ego is going tobe perfect.
I'm going to be showy, I'mgoing to all of that's ego.
All of that is ego stuff.
All of that is this drive andneed to look good for others on
the outside, for us to be okay.
Right.
There's that sneaky codependentbehavior.
Even if it isn't a person.
You're depending on somebodyelse to validate you, to give
(05:03):
you clarity and truth of who youare.
And so when we start lookingfrom this new soul recovery
angle and noticing how sneakycodependency is, people pleasing
that we're starting torecognize things that seemed
like go-to behaviors and be ableto manage them, look at them,
(05:24):
deal with them in a differentway.
So perfectionism is veryinteresting, because
perfectionism can be a level ofexcellence that things like to
be done well.
I just I'm thinking of Rich forsome reason right here, because
we just had our annual fallparty and I always joke that we
(05:45):
have to have one party a yearbecause it lights a fire under
his butt and he does a ton ofprojects around the house and
starts completing things thatwere started.
He wants it to look good.
He's got all these things thathe does and he's really, really
good at them and he has thislevel of excellence does and
(06:06):
he's really really good at themand he has this level of
excellence.
And I think in the past I gotcaught up in the what felt like
perfectionism from a non healthyperspective, and I was always
trying to save him from his owntrouble, because I didn't like
it when he was grumpy or feltfrustrated or was upset, and so
his kind of reactivity that hecan have, which is his own,
(06:28):
processing his own emotions, Icodependently took on as my own
and wanted to fix them for him.
And so I would say, oh, youdon't have to do it to this
level, why don't you just do itthis way, that's enough.
I'm down here on the like, goodto fair level and he's saying,
(06:49):
no, I want to do things reallywell and that's actually a
beautiful aspect of the workthat he does and the truth is
it's all done very, very, verywell.
If rich builds something wealways joke if one will do rich
ritual used to, you know it'severything that he builds is is
really well done, very good.
(07:09):
Well, there is a level of theperfectionism that he's finally
come around and started talkingabout in terms of wanting to
please people codependency,right, wanting people, maybe,
maybe clients that he had togive him praise, to give him
accolades, to give him theinformation about his value.
(07:31):
This is where soul recoverycomes in, because it can be a
fine sticky line between thoseparts of us that are looking at
perfection that is, aroundsafety and reinforcement from
the outside and looking good onthe outside and having it all
together on the outside, andthat part of us that should be
(07:55):
the best that you can be, notfor everybody else, but for you.
That if you have pride in highquality like Rich does,
shouldn't he do high qualitywork?
Yeah, he totally should.
And when I finally understoodthat he's dancing around in his
own head right around the partsthat are the sort of the shadow
(08:19):
part of it, and then that partof him that really does
extraordinary work, and how muchhe feels good on the inside
that when it's done, whether Iremember he was finishing a
project for somebody in ourneighborhood and it really was
at like 99% and I said you know,they probably won't even notice
(08:40):
if you put this extra littletrim piece on it.
And he said I'll know, I'llnotice.
It's important to me that it'sdone right and this is the work
that I'm doing and letting go ofcontrol, which is I don't know
why I care whether he puts thetrim piece on or not.
I'm trying to save him fromwhatever feelings he's having
(09:03):
and that's not fair.
So the sneaky part aboutcodependency is that behavior
that I was doing to try to saveand fix him from whatever
uncomfortable feelings he mightbe having.
That's actually not fair to him, because he's having those
(09:24):
feelings.
He's working things out forhimself and we had a real came
to a real head on this and Ithink I talked about this in
another podcast.
But there was an emergencysituation that happened at my
mom's house.
She had a she has a renter whorents a room from her downstairs
a little casita kind of thingand it was this guy who was
(09:45):
there for a couple of years andwhen he moved out he noticed
that there was some funky stuffhappening behind the sink and
then he opened up the wall andthere was black mold and so then
we had to bring in mitigationand they had to tear out a whole
bunch of the bathroom and thenwe had somebody moving in and so
it was like sort of this uproar.
(10:06):
And Rich is down there doingthings and he's finishing up
working his company that he'shad for the last 30 years and
then he's working in his new jobthat is a county job which is
for tens plus travel and gettingup and everything, and so he
was in the mix of all thesethings and he was really kind of
at his limit of stuff.
(10:29):
And then we're adding in mymom's bathroom which of course
lands on him because he's MrFix-It in our family and I'm
trying to bypass his work, I'mtrying to save him from his work
.
And he said to my mother, hesaid I don't understand why
Rachel is trying to keep me fromdoing what makes me feel good.
(10:51):
And that was like a huge momentbecause my interpretation is
that it doesn't feel good.
I'm trying to fix it for himbecause I have a projection or I
have an interpretation.
I have a view of what I thinkhe's thinking, but I can
definitely have clarity aroundthe reactions that he may have
(11:17):
around his stress.
That I take on, because my oldlimiting belief is it's my job
to fix what's going on with youthat you're being uncomfortable
is my job to take care of.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
(11:38):
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom zoom, where we
learn more about soul recoveryand connect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
(12:01):
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(12:22):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
So this control piece right.
So then, I'm controlling.
I'm trying to say, well, whydon't you not do that?
Or why don't you do it this way, so that you don't have to work
so hard?
And and it's complicated right,because ultimately, in the end,
(12:46):
we're all just trying to itreally comes down to safety.
We're just trying to feel safein our bodies and in our skin.
And I think about how, for Richand I, drinking was a way to
relax.
For him, it was drinking was away to relax.
(13:08):
For him, it was.
You know, it was everything.
It was a way to celebrate if hedid something good.
It was a way to check out if hewasn't feeling happy.
It was.
It was the solution toeverything.
And when you quit using asubstance or a behavior and
you're moving into a new way ofbeing in your life, everything
shifts and changes and you haveto be in your feelings a lot
(13:28):
more than you ever had to be inyour feelings.
So, part of me, I'm learninghow to have my feelings, all of
them.
And yet when my family ishaving their feelings, I want to
save them from their feelings.
So that's part of it.
But I want to really take alook at perfectionism from this
other perspective, and I did alittle bit of the nine steps on
(13:53):
perfectionism.
So I'm just going to look on myother screen and go through the
nine steps recovery processwith how we can look at
perfectionism from the soulrecovery perspective and the
journey.
On understanding the steps so instep one is called ready for
awakening.
On understanding the steps soin step one is called ready for
awakening.
And that's really recognizingthat your dissatisfaction, your
(14:15):
suffering, is from your internalbelief system and of course we
all have one and sometimes we'renot even aware that we have
that belief system.
So recognize that perfectionismand fixing are signals of your
suffering, that you'reuncomfortable, because something
is making you feeluncomfortable.
So what are you going to do?
You're going to go to an oldpattern.
(14:35):
I'm going to fix it, I'm goingto take care of it, it's going
to be perfect, I'm going to makesure everything's just good,
and then you start to recognizethat isn't working for you
anymore.
So awareness is the first step.
I'm trying to make everythingperfect so that I feel safe.
I want you to really thinkabout how much you do in your
(14:56):
life to create safety and, forthose of you who did not have
the need met when you wereyounger, to feel safe.
I want you to feel thatunderlying, constant part of you
that has to be aware, attentive, hypersensitive, hyperconscious
(15:21):
about trying to maintain orcreate safety.
And just give that some grace,because that is actually the
case for more people than youwould think, that safety isn't
just a natural way of being.
And then step two is letting goof control.
We're powerless over everysingle thing outside of ourself
(15:42):
and you want to see howperfectionism is an attempt to
control outcomes and how fixingothers and his attempt to manage
what is not yours to manage.
So perfectionism is interestingbecause there's people who have
perfectionism in the sense of,like their house has to be a
certain way and everything needsto be lined up, tidy and the
(16:06):
counters need to be wiped andthe dishwasher needs to be
loaded in a certain way, or theywant all the pillows, you know,
poofed in just the right way.
Everything, all the clothes,have to be hung up a certain way
.
Feel how that has a bunch ofdifferent levels to it.
One is it's nice to have thingslook nice, but there's a level
(16:28):
of like real irritation anddiscomfort that can come
sometimes when people are tryingto create an environment that
feels so perfect that they'regoing to be okay.
And again, it's different thanliking nice things and having
this level of excellence thatthat enjoys having things nice.
(16:50):
It's the perfectionism thatwants and forces and needs
everybody around you to do thesame thing so that it all looks
the same, because then you'llfeel safe, you'll feel okay and
it's embracing the fact thatwe're powerless over everybody.
We're powerless over theoutside world, and it's okay.
Can we have requests of what wewant and how it would be nice
(17:14):
for things to be and at the sametime not lose ourself, not lose
our stuff, you know, and gokind of crazy and ballistic on
the people around us becausethey're not meeting up to some
criteria?
We're all so different and Iknow for me that I like things
(17:43):
nice but I'm also not thatfastidious about things when you
look at how powerless we arenot powerless in our sovereignty
, because we are ooh, there's somuch strength in there but that
part of us that wants tocontrol and fix and make
everything around us be acertain way, and how we're just
making ourselves miserable.
We're making ourselves crazyabout it.
Step three discover unhealthypatterns, beliefs and stories.
(18:05):
Identify the belief underneaththe perfectionism.
There might be a belief inthere that says if I do
everything right, I'll finallybe loved.
If I do everything right, I'llfeel okay.
If I fix everything, I can makeit better, and if they're
better, I can be better.
Remember the saying that startedso much of this for me I'm only
(18:27):
as happy as my least happychild.
That started so much of thisfor me.
I'm only as happy as my leasthappy child.
And I had a very unhappy childand then one day you realize he
may never be happy.
He may never be happy, andthat's how I'm going to be.
I'm going to not be happybecause he's not happy.
I've done every single thing Ican to make him happy.
And as soon as I let that goand I really started doing this
(18:50):
work, really started doing thiswork and my kids moved to
California and I was not on topof them constantly or seeing
every single thing that theywere doing, every choice that
they were making.
They started being responsiblefor their own consequences and I
didn't have to live with thoseconsequences and I did a lot of
tough love, loving, detachment.
(19:12):
Oh my goodness, it's been ajourney over the last five years
and guess what?
My least happy child is happierthan he's ever been.
Is it completely happy?
No, but he's figuring it out.
It's 29 years old tomorrow andhe's in his own life now.
I was powerless over making itperfect for him.
(19:36):
I was powerless over making himhappy.
I was powerless over hisrelationship with his dad and
all the complexity that they had.
And the more that I let go andrecognize that there was no
perfect, there was no perfectfamily, there was no perfect
thing that I could do, and thatfixing them was not anything
that I could do, no matter howhard I tried, it began to shift
(19:59):
and change because I turned theattention to myself.
And then step four is open tocreating with a higher power.
Invite spirit into the spaceswhere control used to rule.
Invite spirit in.
Recover your soul is aspiritual path to a happy and
healthy life, a spiritual pathof your understanding.
(20:21):
So, in those places whereyou're trying to hold on so
tight, so tight and you releaseand let that go, you release and
let it go, you trust that thereis something greater still,
that there is source, light, god, jesus, divine spirit, whatever
(20:44):
you call it, energy, universe,that that can be in the space
that we're holding on so tightlyto that.
What if we let it go?
Practice surrender.
I hand the situation back tosource.
I choose peace.
All the steps I mean I alwayssay this like all the steps each
(21:05):
have their own profoundopportunities.
I mean, I've learned so muchabout myself.
I've learned so much about myspiritual journey, about my
soul's journey through the ninestep soul recovery process,
through AA, through Al-Anon,through all the things that I've
been through, and they all leadto the same top of the mountain
, which is being connected tosomething greater still that
(21:29):
spirituality of whatever youdecide.
It is when you leave the partof you that thinks that you're
all alone and there's no onethere for you, and you recognize
you are surrounded by help, byhelp when I think about Recover
your Soul and how it'stransformed since I started it
(21:57):
in 2020.
I'm stunned.
I'm stunned by the growth ofthe community.
I'm stunned by how I've beenled along the way, each step,
learning something new all thetime, doing everything myself,
going around and speaking atcommunities, starting to coach,
starting to really think of thisas a not just a podcast, but
like a community, and supportingthis community, doing retreats,
(22:18):
traveling all over the countrynow to do retreats.
I could have never guessed that, but I didn't do it by myself
and I certainly don't continueto do it by myself, not only in
the spiritual realm, but bybeing willing to ask for help,
being willing to ask so you canreceive, being willing to start
(22:38):
to think in different ways.
I think about the book that I'mwriting, my memoir, and how,
when Maddie came in to start tocollaborate with me, it was, you
know, the first ideas we woulddo the nine step soul recovery
process book.
And then we started talking.
She said you've got a memoirfirst and I'm not a fantastic
writer, I'm a decent writer.
(22:59):
And so we've gone through allthese iterations of her helping
guide me to be a better writerand then helping to move the
words around just enough thatit's a book that is going to
really be compelling foreveryone who reads it.
Collaboration I just brought onsomeone for social media to
(23:22):
trust and ask and receive.
It turns out to be somebodythat I had met, that worked at
the Unity Church that I spoke ata lot in Denver, who is also
studying to be somebody that Ihad met, that worked at the
Unity Church, that I spoke at alot in Denver, who is also
studying to be a therapist whois into new age metaphysical
stuff and is a fabulousmarketing person To trust that
there is something besidesyourself that you can lean on in
(23:46):
a healthy way to let go of theperfectionism.
Lean on in a healthy way to letgo of the perfectionism.
Part of that perfectionism forme is holding on tightly to you
know, I don't want anyone elseto do it because I want it to be
done this way is part of it,and that's a piece that's
interesting to look at formyself.
But more than that, I don'twant to let it go because
(24:08):
there's some belief that I'vehad that I have to do it alone,
that it's mine to carry, thatonly I can do it.
And asking for help feels scarybecause I didn't feel like I
had a lot of help when I wasgrowing up.
So to lean into your higherpower and trust that there is
always help available to you ifyou ask for it, both on the
(24:31):
physical realm of having peoplecome into your life and on the
spiritual realm that at everymoment you can ask, you can ask
and receive.
And then we're stepping intostep five, which is release old
patterns that no longer serve.
You Begin letting go ofperfectionism as that protector
that's protecting your heart,that perfectionism that's
(24:54):
standing at the pain and thefear and thinking if I have
everything perfect, then we'regood.
We'll start finding someevidence of how it hasn't served
you or places where you don'tneed to be perfect and you have
been safe, you have been held.
Replace the drive to fix otherswith self-compassion and
(25:18):
forgiveness.
We're letting go of those partsof us, those beliefs that were
held from our growing up thatcreated the systems that kept us
safe.
We don't have to fix others.
We can replace it withcompassion and mostly
self-compassion andself-forgiveness, to really step
(25:40):
into that place where you'regiving yourself grace for
whatever beliefs, patterns andstories that you created to keep
you safe.
And then we're embracing newbeliefs.
In step six, claim a new beliefI am enough.
Even when I'm imperfect, I amenough and can be excellent, but
(26:00):
it doesn't have to be perfect.
I am enough, I am whole, I canlet things be as they are.
You start to really look atwhat is that belief system?
And another one is others arewhole and it's not my job to fix
them.
Man, when we can start seeingthe people in our lives as souls
(26:23):
that are, the souls are alwayswhole.
Our experiences are complicatedand we're here on purpose to
have those pretty wildexperiences so that we can grow
and shift and learn.
And often we don't learn untilthere's something pretty intense
that happens in our lives.
Some of the most difficultmoments in our lives create the
greatest change and then wealign with a new perception.
(26:47):
Step seven shift your lens fromfear.
I speak of this all the time,man, when you can see through
the eyes of love instead of fear.
And love, from a spiritualperspective, does not have any
codependence.
(27:07):
It has no people pleasing, ithas no perfectionism, it has no
competition, it has nothing thatneeds somebody else to give to.
It just is.
And it's an unconditional lovethat goes both ways
Unconditional to you.
You don't need to proveanything to be loved.
(27:31):
You don't have to do anythingto be loved.
And you recognize that lovingpeople does not mean that you
let people treat you poorly.
It does not mean that you don'thave an opinion.
It means that you just holdspace and you feel and are open
to this energy that we've put alot of definitions on, that
(28:01):
we've put a lot of definitionson and you allow love to come in
from that heart-centered placethat is connection to something
greater still.
And then C relationships, notas problems to fix but as
opportunities to grow.
Wow, I've also talked aboutthis so much that when you shift
the lens that the people inyour lives are supposed to do
for you so that you can be safe,so that you can have and you
switch it to, every relationshipthat I have is a lens and a
(28:32):
mirror and an opportunity tolearn more about myself and to,
incredibly oh my gosh, sovereigncontinues to be the word that
comes up to me sovereign selfthat is so, so rich in who you
are, individually, uniquely,uniquely special and beautiful.
(28:57):
And then step eight deepen yourspiritual practice.
Practice daily surrenderthrough meditation, prayer and
journaling.
Use a breath or mantra whenperfectionistic behaviors want
to come in or fixing wants tocome in.
I release control, I trust love, I release control, I trust
(29:18):
love.
I use all is well a lot when Iwant to control, when I want to
fix, when I'm feelingoverwhelmed, I release, I let go
, all is well, I release control, I trust love.
Sometimes those repeatedmantras, just you can use it in
(29:40):
a breath, you know, breathe infor part of it, breathe out with
part of it.
You can say I trust lovebreathing in, I release control,
breathing out.
I trust love breathing in, Irelease control, breathing out.
And then step nine in soulrecovery is shine your light,
the more you can step into yourauthentic self, which doesn't
(30:03):
mean that you have it alltogether, doesn't mean you have
it all figured out.
Doesn't mean you have all theanswers.
Doesn't mean you're cooked yet.
It means you're working on you,you're opening fully to
yourself, you're learning whothat is, but we're letting go of
all the masks and all of thoseneeds to be perfect, all of the
parts of us that are filled withthe doubt and the fear, and
(30:27):
we're stepping into our fullyauthentic self and we're
modeling that for others, whichisn't perfect, by the way, far
from it.
As a matter of fact, being ableto admit that we don't know, or
being able to admit that wemade a wrong turn although I
don't think there's any wrongturns but that we, you know,
chose something or did something, and you don't have to be right
(30:51):
, you don't have to have all theanswers.
I think one of the greatestswitches that happened in me, of
many, was I used to think thatI had to know the answers.
So if you asked me somethingand I didn't know it, I felt
like I had failed.
And now, right out of my mouth,the more I know, the less I
(31:15):
think.
The more spirituality that I do, the less I know, which is
totally true.
It's just so much so ifsomebody asks me something,
regardless of what it is, I feelso comfortable now saying I
don't know, I'm not sure.
I don't actually have to knowall the answers, and in that I'm
actually modeling that it'sokay to not know and in that I'm
(31:38):
actually modeling that it'sokay to not know.
I'm also modeling, hopefully foryou, this incredible
transformative journey ofletting go of the need to
control, letting go of the needto be perfect, letting go of the
need to fix, and loving andfeeling authentically and being
present for my family in waysthat are as unconditional as
(32:00):
possible, which means that a lotof things happen that in the
past I would have jumped allover and tried to do something
different about, and really justbeing as much of a light as I
can be, which means shining loveand compassion on the people in
my family and around me andaround the world.
(32:21):
Looking at this concept of howsneaky codependence can be and
that when we step into our mosthealed, authentic self, there's
so much opportunity for us tolearn about ourselves in ways
(32:41):
that will profoundly change therelationships around you.
And the nine step soul recoveryprocess is just one step that
you learn at a time, just likein 12 step, but it's actually a
it's almost like a spiral that'salways going.
I use these steps every singleday to work through, to
understand more, to deepen, toreally step into my spiritual
(33:05):
body, to continue to move evenfurther into my heart, letting
go of grievance, letting go ofcontrol, letting go of fear.
Grievance, letting go ofcontrol, letting go of fear, and
I'd say I'm probably 90% healedfrom my codependency,
perfectionism and peoplepleasing.
That's 10% is pretty hard tolet go of, but it's not nearly
(33:28):
as intense as it used to be.
So I encourage you to work onthese steps.
If you want to do them with me,I'm here as a coach to work out
a one on one with you and, asalways, you can go to the
website and there are modules todo the steps on your own.
There's even a secret code inthe show notes that have 50% off
.
(33:48):
I want everybody to have accessto these, and so I hope that
being part of this community hasgiven you tools, has given you
inspiration, has reminded you ofyour wholeness and that you
have everything that you needwithin you.
You are whole and I hope thatyou remember through my words
and my actions Until next time.
(34:09):
Namaste, thank you forlistening and I hope that that
helps support your soul recoveryprocess.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
(34:29):
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
(34:50):
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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