October 6, 2025 • 42 mins
Send one way text to Rev Rachel
In this week’s episode of the Recover Your Soul Podcast, I’m joined by a true spiritual sister — Ester Nicholson, coach, teacher, and author of Soul Recovery: The 12 Keys to Healing Dependence. From the moment we met, I knew our paths were divinely aligned. We both use the language of Soul Recovery to describe the journey of returning to our authentic selves — the place of peace, power, and divine wholeness that lives within us all.
In this heartfelt and deeply inspiring conversation, Ester shares her powerful story of transformation — from addiction and trauma to awakening and spiritual purpose. With honesty and grace, she reminds us that recovery isn’t just about overcoming substances or behaviors — it’s about healing the deeper wounds that separate us from our soul. Together, we explore how compassion, surrender, and spiritual practice can free us from the illusion of brokenness and guide us back to the light of who we really are.
Ester also shares her 21-Day Journey to the Authentic Self — a beautifully designed self-paced program that includes 21 days of teachings, meditations, and somatic healing practices to help you reconnect with your true essence. It’s a wonderful complement to the Soul Recovery process and an invitation to step more fully into your wholeness. You can learn more
Join us on the 1st Monday of every month for the FREE Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom from 6-7PM Mountain Time. Register on the website, and if you have registered in the past, look for your reminder email in your promotions folder.
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison or guests. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul www.recoveryoursoul.net
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
RevRachelHarrison (00:00):
Have you ever met somebody and instantly felt
like you were speaking the samelanguage, like your souls knew
each other already?
That's exactly how I felt whenI connected with Esther
Nicholson earlier this year.
Today I'm beyond excited tointroduce this beautiful
spiritual sister whose work thatshe also called Soul Recovery
mirrors much of what we talkabout here.
Esther's story istransformational from addiction
(00:22):
and trauma to awakening andbecoming a spiritual teacher,
author, and coach.
It's powerful, authentic, anddeeply inspiring.
Together we explore how ourindividual paths to soul
recovery may look a littledifferent, but they led us both
to the same truth that we werenever broken.
We were only remembering ourlight.
Enjoy the episode.
(00:43):
Welcome to the Recover YourSoul Podcast, a spiritual path
to a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover Your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency, and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:06):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our interchange and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast.
(01:27):
I'm Rev Rachel, and I am superexcited about today's episode
because I'm sitting across onZoom from Esther Nicholson, who
is another practitioner,spiritual teacher, incredible
woman sharing soul recovery.
And I'm so honored to have herhere today because we are so
(01:47):
aligned.
And I think we're the only twopeople that talk about soul
recovery in the way that we do.
And I really am excited to haveyou here to talk about what
you're doing, how you're usingit, and how our community can
access your take on soulrecovery.
So welcome, Esther.
Thank you so much.
EsterNicholson (02:06):
It's my honor to be here.
RevRachelHarrison (02:12):
A couple times you came into the Denver
area and spoke at a couple unitychurches.
And I'd had your book in mybookshelf.
And I can't remember if I foundit before or after, because I'd
never when I came up withrecover your soul, that's what
Spirit gave to me.
Rachel, recover your soul.
And then I started talkingabout soul recovery.
(02:33):
And then when I had you signthe book at our meeting, I was
like, she signed it before.
I've actually met her before.
And then I remembered long ago,years and years ago, you had
come to Columbine and given atalk.
And it was like as if itflooded in.
I remember that talk was soempowering and so beautiful to
(02:54):
me.
So you've been this whisper allalong the way around recovery
and spirituality and seeing the12 steps in a different way.
And so I just am, I'm justelated to talk to you today.
So much.
EsterNicholson (03:08):
I get excited.
So trust me, I'll getpassionate up in here because
this is my jam.
RevRachelHarrison (03:14):
This is this is why I'm here.
So give people who don't knowjust a quick story.
I'd always rather talk aboutthe solution, the growth, the
expansion that's happening thanthe hard story.
But you like me went throughyour own addiction, and that's
what's brought you to where youare today.
EsterNicholson (03:33):
And I think that without that story, that soul
recovery to a lot of peoplewouldn't make sense.
And I think without that story,I wouldn't be in this place of
continuously rediscovering andbeing restored to my soul.
So I've been sober, recoveringuh from drugs and alcohol and
(03:57):
those other typically knownaddictions for 40 years.
I'll be 40 years in recovery onNovember 1st.
I know it's right.
I can't believe it.
RevRachelHarrison (04:09):
That seems impossible, by the way, because
that would make you have gottensober when you were about five
years old, because you are sobeautiful and look so young.
So anyway, go ahead.
EsterNicholson (04:19):
Thank you so much.
That's what soul recovery does,because the soul is ageless,
birthless and deathless.
And when we connect to it uhenergetically, then that human
construct, that human concept ofaging is diminished, it
dissolves, it it does is doesn'thold weight, it's not reality,
(04:40):
right?
I remember uh before I was fiveyears old, that I thought I was
the center of the universebecause I was so in conscious
contact with my soul, and Ibelieve that children are,
because they haven't beenconditioned yet, they haven't
been quite trained yet in thebelief that they're not worthy
(05:02):
or that something's wrong withthem, or that they're not
enough, or maybe they haven'texperienced I hadn't experienced
enough trauma by that time, butI was still purely connected to
my beingness.
And I thought I was the lightof the world, and I was, and I
was free, and I was happy, and Iwas spoiled, and I wanted what
(05:23):
I wanted, and I didn't care, andyou know, just and I danced and
I laughed and I trustedeverybody and I loved everybody
and I felt good.
I was like I was my authenticself.
And then my first day ofkindergarten, I'm so excited to
be around other little kids, andI'm bullied immediately on the
(05:45):
playground, where some littlekid drags me by my ponytail
around the playground, and I wasfragmented and shocked and
betrayed by life and abused andsad and confused.
And and I think when I wenthome and told my parents about
(06:08):
it, that no one stood for me.
Like it wasn't like a big deal.
It's like, oh, kind of get overit, you know, you're a big girl
now, you're in school.
And then I had a mother thatwhen you reached a certain age
where you could actually talkback and have your own opinion,
but she wasn't spirituallymature or emotionally or
(06:28):
emotionally mature mature enoughto handle that.
Her growth was stunted becauseof her own abuse at 12 years
old.
And so she was a 12-year-old,40-something year old mother,
and she was very abusive to me.
And um, so then morefragmentation, more
scatteredness, more nervous, uh,nervous center scatteredness
(06:53):
and trauma and all of that.
And and then I was bullied inin school.
And I like to tell people thattrauma is creative if it's not
healed.
And that's where the 12 stepsin the law of attraction comes
in, right?
That it is done unto you as youbelieve.
So the first time I wastraumatized when there was no
(07:17):
one there to heal, help me healand process through that trauma
in a way that that trauma didn'tbecome a part of my identity
and my belief system.
So I continued to create itunconsciously in other areas of
my life.
So little by little I lostcontact with my soul.
(07:39):
Right.
Little by little I becamedisconnected from my soul, my
freedom, my peace, my joy, mygrace, my greatness, right?
And so in my being disconnectedfrom my soul, I share with
people that my first addiction,which is when you are so
(08:02):
attached to a belief system, athought pattern or behavior
pattern that you become enslavedor in bondage to that pattern
energetically, that no matterhow deeply you want to heal it,
you're powerless.
You just can't.
And my first addiction was toanxiety and fear.
Remember a time after fiveyears old that I I was not
(08:22):
afraid.
I can't remember a time when Iwas not afraid.
When I was not internallywalking on eggshells, even if I
looked cool, calm, andcollected.
And untreated fear an untreatedtrauma.
It has to be comforted in somekind of way.
(08:44):
You're all you know, I wasalways looking to get back home,
but I didn't know to get backhome through a a a healthier
avenue.
Right.
So, you know, I started uhgetting high.
And and and I the first time Igot high off of marijuana, first
of all, I I always hatedmarijuana because it made me so
(09:05):
paranoid.
It took me an hour to cross thestreet one day.
I was trying to cross thestreet and the car looked like
it was right here when it waslike 20 blocks away.
Um, but the first time I smokedmarijuana, I didn't do it
because I wanted to get high.
I did it because I I wasaddicted to needing to belong,
(09:25):
right?
From being bullied and uhexcluded from the cool kids and
all of that.
It's like so one of the coolkids said, Hey, you want to hit
this joint?
And I'm like, Absolutely, I'lljump off of a bridge if you tell
me that you like me and that Ibelong.
So those are the addictions forme that really uh created those
(09:46):
other symptoms of becomingaddicted to crack cocaine,
becoming addicted to unhealthyrelationships, all of that, and
then finally hitting that bottomthat I needed to hit, where I
was either going to leave thisincarnation and die out of this
incarnation or choose to live.
(10:10):
Right.
And I was clearly given thatchoice in the backseat of a taxi
of this is the moment, and itwasn't threatening or scary.
It's like you're gonna eithercontinue to go to the drug
dealer's house or you're gonnaget out of this taxi and you're
going to fight for your life.
(10:31):
And I decided, my soul decided,because cognitively I wasn't
deciding anything.
Cognitively, I wasn't incontrol of anything.
But my soul is like, it's not,you know, there's something here
for you to do, there'ssomething here for you to be.
It's not time for you to dothat yet.
And so I got out of that taxiand I started to diligently and
(10:58):
faithfully and devotedly startedpracticing the 12 steps of
recovery.
And of course, the rooms ofrecovery were um uh an integral
part of my recovery because Ineeded love, I needed
fellowship, I needed community,all of that was great.
But for me, without practicingthe principles of admitting that
(11:21):
I was truly powerless, likethat step, the first step, I
remember the first time it camealive for me.
That I I really got that ofmyself, I could not not ever get
high again, that it could notnot be in unhealthy
(11:42):
relationships again, that Icould not not overeat on sugar
and do all of those things, thatI was that I had no power, that
I was completely powerless.
And it was the most powerfulmoment in my life to give up
trying to control my addictionsand trying to make recovery and
(12:06):
sobriety happen from my limited,disconnected self from my soul.
So that's how I startedpracticing the steps and doing
inventory and becoming justreally um aware of the
resentments and the fears andthe belief systems and the parts
(12:26):
that I have unknowingly andunconsciously played in my own
tragic tragedy, you know.
And it set me free.
RevRachelHarrison (12:38):
Yeah.
EsterNicholson (12:39):
It awakened me to God in a way that I never
knew was possible to know God.
I was having actually aspiritual experience.
It wasn't my daddy's God, whowas a Baptist minister, or
Michael Beckwith's God, youknow, who was my minister for a
little while.
And it wasn't anybody else'sGod.
(13:00):
I had this spiritual experiencejust by cleaning, I call it
getting your windows clean.
You know, just cleaning all thedust off of my soul that had
been buried.
But I still didn't know aboutsoul recovery because after
about 10 years of that, whathappened was the steps stopped
working for me.
But I want to be really clear,the steps never stop working,
(13:23):
those principles are immutable.
But they they were designed atthat particular time for me to
get me to a baseline of livingso that I could go deeper.
And because by 10, 15 years ofrecovery, I was losing my mind.
(13:46):
And not one step was workingfor me anymore because I was
working the steps or trying topractice the steps now from my
trauma base.
You know, if we look atvibrational frequencies, if I'm
if I'm trying to heal from thefrequency of the problem, I stay
(14:07):
in the problem.
Right.
You know, and I wasn't able tomake that connection to the
power greater than myself.
Um, so the 12 steps stoppedworking for me.
I got into metaphysics and umnew thought teachings, and that
was magic for a while becauseit's like, whoa, I can manifest
and speak my word and visualizeabout what I want.
(14:29):
And you know, then I became amanifest junkie.
And that stopped working.
My trait pre my my prayertreatments, they call it prayer
treatment in new thought andmaybe at also in Unity, stopped
working, became ineffective,became a dead experience.
And I was dying.
(14:50):
And I didn't want to commitsuicide, but I would like my
anxiety and my um emotionalroller coasters were they were
just killing me.
And I didn't want to live thatway anymore.
I couldn't live that way.
I hit another bottom.
And this bottom introduced meto the word trauma that I had
(15:14):
never even known before.
I didn't know that that's whatwas going on with me.
I thought I knew horriblethings had happened to me, but I
literally thought it wasbecause of those people or I was
unlucky or something.
I don't know what I thought,but I didn't know that oh wow,
(15:34):
your nervous system has is isconstantly living 24-7 in fight,
flight of freeze.
Right.
Your little girl is on thefetal position 24 hours a day,
seven days a week, and you'retrying to function.
And but I knew that the 12steps worked, I knew that
metaphysics worked, and then Iwent deeper into mysticism,
(15:56):
which is a step up from a hugestep up from metaphysics, even
and uh and then I started doingsome somatic healing to like
really get in there about whathad happened to me, and started
clearing that out, and it waslike, oh, so one aspect of this
(16:18):
process on its own doesn't work,but if I blend them together,
the structure of the steps, thesomatic healing that gets into
your nervous system, rewires andresets your brain, um, uh
resets your unconscious memoriesof trauma and all of that, and
(16:43):
blend those together withmysticism, the oneness and the
allness of God that I am.
I'm not recovering from thesethings in life or these
addictions or these patterns.
I'm actually recovering andrediscovering that little girl
before she was five years old,before she even came into this
(17:06):
incarnation.
My true and authentic self.
Oh, that's what recovery is.
RevRachelHarrison (17:12):
Yeah.
EsterNicholson (17:13):
Recovery is the recovery, rediscovery of me, the
I am that I am as me.
And it became my life's work.
RevRachelHarrison (17:26):
Are you ready to step into your soul
recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoul.net to learn
more about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
(17:47):
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you.
But you can also choose to workthe steps on your own with
individual modules intended tosupport you to work at your own
pace and on your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover Your Soul Bonus Podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
Podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
(18:08):
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links, and
registration for everything.
I love that journey.
It's so aligned, I think, youknow, in my journey and in so
(18:30):
many other people's journeys,about you find the next step and
then you think, oh, this is it.
This is going to be the thingthat solves it.
I'm good, you know.
And then as they say in 12step, you're back, you know,
you're sitting on your laurels.
You there's always more to berevealed.
There's new layers.
There's our souls are so richand so um, so much more
(18:51):
beautiful and complex than wegive us credit for.
And so it's always giving usthose next steps.
And it's not about getting tosome utopian, everything's
perfect.
It's about discoveringourselves even more fully, the
metaphysics, the mysticism, theawarenesses that come.
Your, I love how you talkedabout like your connection with
(19:11):
your higher power, not yourdaddy's, not somebody else's,
yours, right?
EsterNicholson (19:17):
Because that concept, that's their
experience.
Right.
But when I had my own spiritualexperience, it was no longer
debatable.
I knew what I knew.
I knew what I was experiencing.
It wasn't something I wasreading out of a book.
I cleaned house and Godrevealed itself as me.
RevRachelHarrison (19:38):
Soul recovery.
I love that we feel the sameway about it, which is the more
and more clarity that we'rewe're recovering the aspects of
ourselves that are ourwholeness, our fullness of our
nature, the truth of who we are.
There's nothing to fix, right?
We're shedding the limitingbeliefs and opening more fully
(19:59):
to our divine innate greatness.
Absolutely.
EsterNicholson (20:02):
And I would just like to speak to um uh that the
soul is complex.
I think that the soul iscomplete.
That is the ego that iscomplex, right?
And that and that there's somany layers to our and the ego
has gotten a bad rap.
I love the ego.
(20:23):
The ego is just the part of usthat that has been traumatized
into out of the garden of Eden,you know.
So Adam and Eve, they were oncein the Garden of Eden, and then
they took the bite of theillusion and started tripping
out, right?
So the the ego has so manylayers of not feeling safe that
(20:50):
creates resistance, that thisparticular time that you're
practicing particular processesthat can get to that, then that
layer of resistance can relaxand you can have the
transformation, uh, the contactwith the soul that is already
complete.
And then the ego is like, okay,we're here.
(21:12):
Now here's another reason tohave fear.
Here's another reason to holdon.
And then, you know, and whatyou did last time for that last
thing isn't gonna work for thisone.
Right.
So it's time to go, it's timeto go deeper.
RevRachelHarrison (21:28):
I was gonna respond to in the ego part.
I love that you say thatbecause that's how I feel about
the ego too.
I think I think the ego gets abad rap and that we do this
thing where we're we're againstourselves as if there's a piece,
as if we're battling ourselvesversus opening up fully to all
aspects of ourselves andunderstanding the roles that
each of them plays so that wecan integrate more to our
(21:52):
wholeness and use what theconcepts of the ego to to our
benefit versus something thatwe're trying to get rid of.
EsterNicholson (22:00):
I think if we look at the ego as something
separate from ourselves, thenwe're still in duality.
RevRachelHarrison (22:07):
Right.
EsterNicholson (22:08):
You know, um, if God is everything or nothing,
if God is omnipotence, allpower, then there can't be
anything other than it.
So the ego is still Godexpressing through you at your
stage of development.
So if your stage ofdevelopment, your frequency is
(22:31):
very low, then you're still onewith God.
You may not be able to enjoythe grace of God because you're
so blocked from it, right?
Right.
This is the level that you aremanifesting God.
RevRachelHarrison (22:46):
That's what I believe.
The levels I think areinteresting because we do this
competition comparison thingversus being curious about where
we are.
You know, if you look at yourlife as what you think and feel
and believe it is, you said thatearlier, you get the reflection
of, you know, what you get onthe outside is a reflection of
how you feel on the inside.
(23:06):
It's not a judgment, it'sactually freedom and power to be
able to say, ah, if I don'tlike how this is feeling,
there's something I can do aboutit.
EsterNicholson (23:15):
Yeah, and it's information.
It's information for you to godeeper into the perceptions that
you've taken on about yourself.
Right.
And what happened.
You know, you've heard me sharein my talk that when people are
disconnected from their souls,they create patterns that they
(23:36):
recycle and loops over and overand over again that are
destructive, that might have yousaying to yourself, What's
wrong with me?
I'm hopeless.
Why can't I get it right?
But I've invited us to reframethat question from what's wrong
with me to what happened to me.
Right.
Something happened to split youoff from your conscious contact
(24:00):
with your soul, and not to saywhat happened to me from a place
of being pulling over andvictim consciousness, but from a
place of such deepself-compassion that we very
rarely give ourselves.
And it was a huge revelationfor me when I could come out of
practitioner mode, and you know,I have what it was 15 years of
(24:25):
recovery at that time, and youknow, I should be over this by
now, and all of that stuff, andreally look at that little girl
who was so emotionally torturedand scared, and really see
myself for the first time fromsuch a place of compassion, even
sadness, like really allowingmyself to feel sadness for
(24:47):
myself.
That's not feeling sorry foryourself, right?
That's feeling sadness foryourself.
And now we can, whateverprocess, whether it's the steps,
whether it's somatic healing,uh, whether it's tapping,
whether it's brain rewiring,that we can laser in on those
particular experiences and theperceptions that you've taken on
(25:11):
about yourself and start toexpose them to the light so they
can be dissolved instead oftrying to do these spiritual
bypasses and just never like youcompletely, you know.
I don't even know what theanalogy of that would be.
Like uh, I don't know, tryingto get to the store and you go
to the gas station instead.
(25:31):
I don't know.
I don't know.
RevRachelHarrison (25:33):
I'm trying to be clever here, but yeah, I
think what I love about what Ithink you and I both embody is
we took the 12 steps and therewas such greatness in them.
And when I really had claritythat the 12 steps had similar
growth that came from what alsonew thought was from, it was as
(25:54):
if everything, all the puzzlepieces started coming in.
And I read the big book from ametaphysical standpoint, and it
was as if it was an entirely newbook.
And then I took the 12 stepsand I looked at it from the
spiritual lens, and that's how Icreated the nine-step soul
recovery process, which thefoundational piece is exactly
what you're talking about, whichis not looking at the inventory
(26:17):
from a condemnation of yourselfspace, but from this incredible
deep compassion of what werethe experiences that you had?
How did that form what yourpatterns and beliefs and stories
are?
How can you come to yourselfwith love and compassion?
What are you learning fromthat?
What are the gifts that youtake from that?
And then how are you going tochoose?
(26:38):
What decision will you make inyour life around how you're
going to take this informationand what perception do you want
to see through?
Absolutely.
EsterNicholson (26:48):
So it's the so the steps unified with
metaphysics and mysticism areawareness, uh, awareness,
acceptance, no, awareness,acknowledgement, acceptance,
admitting personal powerlessnessover everything that you've
just become aware of,acknowledged, and have accepted.
And then that brings you toaccountability.
(27:10):
So recovery is compassion.
When I take people throughinventory, I'm like, this is
compassionate accountability.
Yes, we're going to takeresponsibility for our side of
the street where our woundednesshas caused harm, but we're also
doing it from a place ofcompassion of why did you cause
harm?
Right.
Who did you think you were?
(27:32):
Or what did you think you weregoing to lose?
Or what were you protectingwhen you were in that fourth
column when you were beingselfish, self-centered,
dishonest, and afraid?
Because that's a wounded childacting out, trying to survive,
you know?
Yeah, girls on the same page.
I know.
RevRachelHarrison (27:49):
I love it.
I mean, I love that you stilluse the 12 steps in the way that
you have created them.
I mean, that's what your wholebook is about is like, here's
the 12 steps, here's here's howyou can use them.
It's the 12 steps for the restof us, the path to wholeness,
serenity, and success, right?
12 keys to healing, dependence.
It's around this idea that thatwe can continue to grow the
(28:13):
energy, the space that is spiritspeaking to us through us as us
to remember who we are, torecover our souls.
And that there isn't anyone,there's so much, you know, right
now that's being dislikedisassembled in terms of
religion and thought structuresand even politics.
And we're breaking apart, Ithink, to come back in to
(28:37):
recover as in wholeness.
EsterNicholson (28:40):
Well, just like in um in any addiction, and you
know, I teach this thataddiction isn't just about those
external addictions, but theaddiction to the belief that
you're unworthy.
That's an addictive belief.
Addiction to beinghyper-vigilant and and and being
anxious, addiction to thebelief that you're not
(29:02):
deserving, right?
Addiction to the belief um uhthat you're not enough, that
that what we're seeing the worldwhat ha what's happening in the
world right now is the world ishitting a bottom.
And what do you do with thatbottom?
You know, there are some peoplein addiction that have hit a
bottom and it's like I can't doanything else in this lifetime
(29:24):
and I have to leave because Ican't get it here.
Right.
And then there are some peoplethat hit a bottom, it's like I'm
supposed to be here at thistime, at this incarnation.
So now I'm you know, there'snothing like repeated pain that
can bring you to a place ofhumility.
Yes, there's something likehitting a bottom that can bring
(29:46):
you into a place of beingwilling to do something that you
were not willing to do before.
RevRachelHarrison (29:51):
And it's required on some level to
whatever that is for eachperson.
I don't know a single personwho is not.
On a really strong personalpath that didn't hit their own
version of whatever that bottomis.
For some person, it'shomelessness on the street.
For another person, it's justhaving one person look at them
(30:14):
and say, I don't like who youare.
EsterNicholson (30:17):
It's all relative.
So we don't need to comparetraumas.
Right.
It's a very individual thing.
Whatever has you feelingfractured and disconnected and
scared and self-doubtingyourself constantly.
That's it it could be somethingthat wouldn't mean anything to
(30:39):
me.
But if it affected you, it'sbecause there's something there
that hasn't been addressed.
Right.
It's information.
Not a place for you to judgeyourself of, oh, this isn't a
big deal.
I shouldn't be feeling thisway.
Stop shooting on yourself andlike look at, okay, I am really
bothered by this.
(30:59):
Something's going on with me.
My nervous system, my my soulis giving me information.
RevRachelHarrison (31:11):
Our feelings are teaching us so much at each
moment.
When did you make the leap fromworking the steps and doing and
doing this work to this placewhere you're you're guiding
people, where you're leadingpeople, where you're you're
you're really, you know, in theforefront of holding space and
(31:33):
healing others?
When did that come in for you?
EsterNicholson (31:36):
That was not a conscious choice.
It chose me.
I wanted to be with theHouston.
RevRachelHarrison (31:43):
Which, by the way, if you've heard her sing,
she is.
EsterNicholson (31:47):
I had, you know, it's like I I was a licensed
practitioner, spiritualpractitioner, um for 10 years.
And so I was holdingconsciousness for people and
praying, but I had no idea thatI was going to be um a healer,
an influencer, an author, or allof that.
(32:07):
That just was not my plan untilI had to hit a bottom and got
fired from Rod Stewart.
Right.
Which which forced me.
And I tried to get on tour withso many people after that in my
desperation, tried to get ontour with Sting and Paul
McCartney.
Doors closed.
RevRachelHarrison (32:28):
Interesting.
EsterNicholson (32:30):
And I'm on the floor, and my manager said, Your
soul recovery.
You need to write a book.
I yelled and I screamed and Iresisted and I was scared and
all of that.
It's like, I don't know how todo that.
I don't know how to, and mysoul was saying, You're a
healer, you're a teacher.
Hold consciousness or theplanet.
(32:51):
People come to you for help.
And I'm like, I don't know howto do that.
So I usually tell people whoare looking for their purpose,
and when they tap into whattheir highest vision is, but
they think that that's no way isthat possible for them.
I share with them that the verything that I was terrified of
doing and so resistant to doingis what I do now, you know.
(33:13):
So there's a power within youthat can support you in stepping
into that transformationaljourney for you to live your
divine destiny.
It was at that time, you know,after I wrote the book, and then
I started speaking.
And then I started, it's like,well, I need to put this
workshop together on you know,the healing code of forgiveness,
(33:37):
because I just did a wholehealing code of forgiveness in
my own life.
So everything that I startedteaching was because I I was
walking through that process.
And it's like, oh, this is aworkshop, right?
And um, and then just fromthose talks and from the
workshops and the healings andthe transformations that people
were experiencing, they werelike, Can we see you one-on-one?
(33:59):
Can can you help us?
And so that's when my uh when Istarted seeing people um as
clients and being their recoveryand rediscovery coach and
trauma healer.
So my test has truly become mytestimony.
RevRachelHarrison (34:17):
I think that one of the truths is when you
are recovering from addiction,you need somebody who gets it.
You know, you can't havesomebody who's never been in the
clutches of addiction try totell you how to get sober.
But once you have somebody thathas what you want and you see
them that they've come out theother side, it gives you hope to
go one day at a time.
(34:38):
And I think the same is for us,you know, that here you are in
these abilities to touch peoplewho want what you have and and
the peace that I've always, Imean, now I've you know been in
your your presence.
You also had an online 12-stepchurch for a while that didn't
end up um shaking out,unfortunately.
But your presence is sobeautiful and so open and so
(35:01):
kind and so wise.
And and I often think it'sinteresting.
We we who sit here today arenot the ones who were in those
despondent places because we'reour souls are aligned to who we
are in our truth today.
It's called transformation.
EsterNicholson (35:19):
Yeah.
People read my book, or when Ijust tell my story, and they're
like, you were not a crackaddict, or you are not a
16-year-old mother, or you arenot, you know, addicted to these
unhealthy relationships.
And I'm like, you shouldn't beable to look at me and tell
that.
Transformation is real.
(35:40):
Transformation means turnedinside out, it means completely
changed.
That's what that means.
So thank you, because youshouldn't be able to tell that.
Then I would then that wouldn'tthen I wouldn't have a
testimony if you could look atme and tell that I've had those
experiences.
The hope is is that you canlook at me and see where I am
today and say that if she wentthrough what she went through
(36:04):
and she is where she is today,then there's hope for me.
Yes.
RevRachelHarrison (36:08):
Yeah, absolutely.
So tell us how to find Esther.
Tell us what's what's going onin your world, and you've got
some really great programsavailable too.
EsterNicholson (36:16):
Absolutely.
So you can find Esther atEstherNicholson.com and it's
Esther without the H E S T E R.
And you know, I used to hatethat name Esther.
You know, it was a name that Iwas teased about when I was a
kid because it wasn't one ofthose cool names, you know, and
I always wanted to be cool whenI was a kid because I was
(36:37):
excluded from the cool kid.
And so it took me a long time,like through the steps, to like
really start acknowledging thatEsther is a really powerful name
and that my journey hassupported me in stepping into
that name with such pride.
So EstherNicholson.com is whereyou can find me and find out
(36:58):
about everything that I'm doing.
I also have a digital programcalled the 21-day journey to the
authentic self that has 21 daysof daily teachings, prayers,
meditations, you get audiomeditations for 21 days, you get
eight days of tapping, doingsome somatic healing, and it's a
(37:20):
self-paced program.
You'll you'll own the programfor life.
It's only $97.
You'll own the program forlife.
And so it's like if I can'tstart the program now, then I
can start it next month, or Ican, you know, I can create uh a
space when I can actually focuson this.
Um, so that's the 21-day, andI'm in the process of creating
(37:41):
some really amazing um programsfor executives who are crushing
it in the boardroom but aredying on the inside.
And I know of three executivesin the behavioral health care
industry on the past two yearswho've committed suicide because
they carry so much and theyhave to be on all the time and
(38:03):
they think they have to lookgood with while they are so
disconnected from their souls.
So I've created a program justfor executives called Executive
Soul Coherence and also aclinician, a clinician soul
coherence for um clinicians andtherapists who are just showing
up every day, like with barelyanything to give, because
(38:27):
they've become so depleted andburned out and disconnected.
So all of those are on thehorizon.
RevRachelHarrison (38:32):
I love it.
I love it.
And I think that we were beforewe started recording, we're
talking about the value and theimportance of us filling
ourselves up and making surethat that depletion doesn't
happen.
And it and it takes consciouseffort and spiritual awareness,
whether you're an executive or aout there in the world taking
(38:54):
care of people, or whetheryou're just in your family
feeling like you're holding thespace for everyone.
That's what soul recovery isall about on both of our both of
our fields, is that coming backto yourself and holding your
own resonance.
EsterNicholson (39:08):
Absolutely.
And I do my work because when Idon't do my spiritual practice,
as Maya Angela said, when I'mnot connected, I'm danger and in
danger.
I'm I'm in I'm in danger andI'm dangerous.
And I don't hold this downperfectly.
I hold it down perfectlyimperfectly.
(39:30):
And I'm so tapped in, I knowwhen I'm off, and I get off, I
get scared, I get triggered.
I'm just so grateful that Ihave a comprehensive path to get
back home.
Just get back home to know howto allow God to take care of me.
RevRachelHarrison (39:52):
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for comingand sharing your soul recovery
with my soul recovery communityand recover your soul.
And it's just, I love thatwe've connected and I feel like
you're such a heart sister, andI'm just grateful for your time.
EsterNicholson (40:10):
I'm just so grateful to find a sister.
RevRachelHarrison (40:12):
Yeah.
EsterNicholson (40:14):
Not many people are speaking our language.
And yeah, but the world needsus.
RevRachelHarrison (40:19):
Thank you.
Until next time, Namaste.
Thank you for listening, and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover Your Soul
Bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple Podcast
subscribers.
And not only do you get anincredible interview or book
(40:41):
study that comes with being partof that community, but your
subscribing helps support thispodcast and the Recover Your
Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoul.net or check out
(41:02):
the show links below forcoupons and information for
upcoming events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
Have you ever met somebody and instantly felt
like you were speaking the samelanguage, like your souls knew
each other already?
That's exactly how I felt whenI connected with Esther
Nicholson earlier this year.
Today I'm beyond excited tointroduce this beautiful
spiritual sister whose work thatshe also called Soul Recovery
mirrors much of what we talkabout here.
Esther's story istransformational from addiction
(00:22):
and trauma to awakening andbecoming a spiritual teacher,
author, and coach.
It's powerful, authentic, anddeeply inspiring.
Together we explore how ourindividual paths to soul
recovery may look a littledifferent, but they led us both
to the same truth that we werenever broken.
We were only remembering ourlight.
Enjoy the episode.
(00:43):
Welcome to the Recover YourSoul Podcast, a spiritual path
to a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover Your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency, and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:06):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our interchange and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast.
(01:27):
I'm Rev Rachel, and I am superexcited about today's episode
because I'm sitting across onZoom from Esther Nicholson, who
is another practitioner,spiritual teacher, incredible
woman sharing soul recovery.
And I'm so honored to have herhere today because we are so
(01:47):
aligned.
And I think we're the only twopeople that talk about soul
recovery in the way that we do.
And I really am excited to haveyou here to talk about what
you're doing, how you're usingit, and how our community can
access your take on soulrecovery.
So welcome, Esther.
Thank you so much.
EsterNicholson (02:06):
It's my honor to be here.
RevRachelHarrison (02:12):
A couple times you came into the Denver
area and spoke at a couple unitychurches.
And I'd had your book in mybookshelf.
And I can't remember if I foundit before or after, because I'd
never when I came up withrecover your soul, that's what
Spirit gave to me.
Rachel, recover your soul.
And then I started talkingabout soul recovery.
(02:33):
And then when I had you signthe book at our meeting, I was
like, she signed it before.
I've actually met her before.
And then I remembered long ago,years and years ago, you had
come to Columbine and given atalk.
And it was like as if itflooded in.
I remember that talk was soempowering and so beautiful to
(02:54):
me.
So you've been this whisper allalong the way around recovery
and spirituality and seeing the12 steps in a different way.
And so I just am, I'm justelated to talk to you today.
So much.
EsterNicholson (03:08):
I get excited.
So trust me, I'll getpassionate up in here because
this is my jam.
RevRachelHarrison (03:14):
This is this is why I'm here.
So give people who don't knowjust a quick story.
I'd always rather talk aboutthe solution, the growth, the
expansion that's happening thanthe hard story.
But you like me went throughyour own addiction, and that's
what's brought you to where youare today.
EsterNicholson (03:33):
And I think that without that story, that soul
recovery to a lot of peoplewouldn't make sense.
And I think without that story,I wouldn't be in this place of
continuously rediscovering andbeing restored to my soul.
So I've been sober, recoveringuh from drugs and alcohol and
(03:57):
those other typically knownaddictions for 40 years.
I'll be 40 years in recovery onNovember 1st.
I know it's right.
I can't believe it.
RevRachelHarrison (04:09):
That seems impossible, by the way, because
that would make you have gottensober when you were about five
years old, because you are sobeautiful and look so young.
So anyway, go ahead.
EsterNicholson (04:19):
Thank you so much.
That's what soul recovery does,because the soul is ageless,
birthless and deathless.
And when we connect to it uhenergetically, then that human
construct, that human concept ofaging is diminished, it
dissolves, it it does is doesn'thold weight, it's not reality,
(04:40):
right?
I remember uh before I was fiveyears old, that I thought I was
the center of the universebecause I was so in conscious
contact with my soul, and Ibelieve that children are,
because they haven't beenconditioned yet, they haven't
been quite trained yet in thebelief that they're not worthy
(05:02):
or that something's wrong withthem, or that they're not
enough, or maybe they haven'texperienced I hadn't experienced
enough trauma by that time, butI was still purely connected to
my beingness.
And I thought I was the lightof the world, and I was, and I
was free, and I was happy, and Iwas spoiled, and I wanted what
(05:23):
I wanted, and I didn't care, andyou know, just and I danced and
I laughed and I trustedeverybody and I loved everybody
and I felt good.
I was like I was my authenticself.
And then my first day ofkindergarten, I'm so excited to
be around other little kids, andI'm bullied immediately on the
(05:45):
playground, where some littlekid drags me by my ponytail
around the playground, and I wasfragmented and shocked and
betrayed by life and abused andsad and confused.
And and I think when I wenthome and told my parents about
(06:08):
it, that no one stood for me.
Like it wasn't like a big deal.
It's like, oh, kind of get overit, you know, you're a big girl
now, you're in school.
And then I had a mother thatwhen you reached a certain age
where you could actually talkback and have your own opinion,
but she wasn't spirituallymature or emotionally or
(06:28):
emotionally mature mature enoughto handle that.
Her growth was stunted becauseof her own abuse at 12 years
old.
And so she was a 12-year-old,40-something year old mother,
and she was very abusive to me.
And um, so then morefragmentation, more
scatteredness, more nervous, uh,nervous center scatteredness
(06:53):
and trauma and all of that.
And and then I was bullied inin school.
And I like to tell people thattrauma is creative if it's not
healed.
And that's where the 12 stepsin the law of attraction comes
in, right?
That it is done unto you as youbelieve.
So the first time I wastraumatized when there was no
(07:17):
one there to heal, help me healand process through that trauma
in a way that that trauma didn'tbecome a part of my identity
and my belief system.
So I continued to create itunconsciously in other areas of
my life.
So little by little I lostcontact with my soul.
(07:39):
Right.
Little by little I becamedisconnected from my soul, my
freedom, my peace, my joy, mygrace, my greatness, right?
And so in my being disconnectedfrom my soul, I share with
people that my first addiction,which is when you are so
(08:02):
attached to a belief system, athought pattern or behavior
pattern that you become enslavedor in bondage to that pattern
energetically, that no matterhow deeply you want to heal it,
you're powerless.
You just can't.
And my first addiction was toanxiety and fear.
Remember a time after fiveyears old that I I was not
(08:22):
afraid.
I can't remember a time when Iwas not afraid.
When I was not internallywalking on eggshells, even if I
looked cool, calm, andcollected.
And untreated fear an untreatedtrauma.
It has to be comforted in somekind of way.
(08:44):
You're all you know, I wasalways looking to get back home,
but I didn't know to get backhome through a a a healthier
avenue.
Right.
So, you know, I started uhgetting high.
And and and I the first time Igot high off of marijuana, first
of all, I I always hatedmarijuana because it made me so
(09:05):
paranoid.
It took me an hour to cross thestreet one day.
I was trying to cross thestreet and the car looked like
it was right here when it waslike 20 blocks away.
Um, but the first time I smokedmarijuana, I didn't do it
because I wanted to get high.
I did it because I I wasaddicted to needing to belong,
(09:25):
right?
From being bullied and uhexcluded from the cool kids and
all of that.
It's like so one of the coolkids said, Hey, you want to hit
this joint?
And I'm like, Absolutely, I'lljump off of a bridge if you tell
me that you like me and that Ibelong.
So those are the addictions forme that really uh created those
(09:46):
other symptoms of becomingaddicted to crack cocaine,
becoming addicted to unhealthyrelationships, all of that, and
then finally hitting that bottomthat I needed to hit, where I
was either going to leave thisincarnation and die out of this
incarnation or choose to live.
(10:10):
Right.
And I was clearly given thatchoice in the backseat of a taxi
of this is the moment, and itwasn't threatening or scary.
It's like you're gonna eithercontinue to go to the drug
dealer's house or you're gonnaget out of this taxi and you're
going to fight for your life.
(10:31):
And I decided, my soul decided,because cognitively I wasn't
deciding anything.
Cognitively, I wasn't incontrol of anything.
But my soul is like, it's not,you know, there's something here
for you to do, there'ssomething here for you to be.
It's not time for you to dothat yet.
And so I got out of that taxiand I started to diligently and
(10:58):
faithfully and devotedly startedpracticing the 12 steps of
recovery.
And of course, the rooms ofrecovery were um uh an integral
part of my recovery because Ineeded love, I needed
fellowship, I needed community,all of that was great.
But for me, without practicingthe principles of admitting that
(11:21):
I was truly powerless, likethat step, the first step, I
remember the first time it camealive for me.
That I I really got that ofmyself, I could not not ever get
high again, that it could notnot be in unhealthy
(11:42):
relationships again, that Icould not not overeat on sugar
and do all of those things, thatI was that I had no power, that
I was completely powerless.
And it was the most powerfulmoment in my life to give up
trying to control my addictionsand trying to make recovery and
(12:06):
sobriety happen from my limited,disconnected self from my soul.
So that's how I startedpracticing the steps and doing
inventory and becoming justreally um aware of the
resentments and the fears andthe belief systems and the parts
(12:26):
that I have unknowingly andunconsciously played in my own
tragic tragedy, you know.
And it set me free.
RevRachelHarrison (12:38):
Yeah.
EsterNicholson (12:39):
It awakened me to God in a way that I never
knew was possible to know God.
I was having actually aspiritual experience.
It wasn't my daddy's God, whowas a Baptist minister, or
Michael Beckwith's God, youknow, who was my minister for a
little while.
And it wasn't anybody else'sGod.
(13:00):
I had this spiritual experiencejust by cleaning, I call it
getting your windows clean.
You know, just cleaning all thedust off of my soul that had
been buried.
But I still didn't know aboutsoul recovery because after
about 10 years of that, whathappened was the steps stopped
working for me.
But I want to be really clear,the steps never stop working,
(13:23):
those principles are immutable.
But they they were designed atthat particular time for me to
get me to a baseline of livingso that I could go deeper.
And because by 10, 15 years ofrecovery, I was losing my mind.
(13:46):
And not one step was workingfor me anymore because I was
working the steps or trying topractice the steps now from my
trauma base.
You know, if we look atvibrational frequencies, if I'm
if I'm trying to heal from thefrequency of the problem, I stay
(14:07):
in the problem.
Right.
You know, and I wasn't able tomake that connection to the
power greater than myself.
Um, so the 12 steps stoppedworking for me.
I got into metaphysics and umnew thought teachings, and that
was magic for a while becauseit's like, whoa, I can manifest
and speak my word and visualizeabout what I want.
(14:29):
And you know, then I became amanifest junkie.
And that stopped working.
My trait pre my my prayertreatments, they call it prayer
treatment in new thought andmaybe at also in Unity, stopped
working, became ineffective,became a dead experience.
And I was dying.
(14:50):
And I didn't want to commitsuicide, but I would like my
anxiety and my um emotionalroller coasters were they were
just killing me.
And I didn't want to live thatway anymore.
I couldn't live that way.
I hit another bottom.
And this bottom introduced meto the word trauma that I had
(15:14):
never even known before.
I didn't know that that's whatwas going on with me.
I thought I knew horriblethings had happened to me, but I
literally thought it wasbecause of those people or I was
unlucky or something.
I don't know what I thought,but I didn't know that oh wow,
(15:34):
your nervous system has is isconstantly living 24-7 in fight,
flight of freeze.
Right.
Your little girl is on thefetal position 24 hours a day,
seven days a week, and you'retrying to function.
And but I knew that the 12steps worked, I knew that
metaphysics worked, and then Iwent deeper into mysticism,
(15:56):
which is a step up from a hugestep up from metaphysics, even
and uh and then I started doingsome somatic healing to like
really get in there about whathad happened to me, and started
clearing that out, and it waslike, oh, so one aspect of this
(16:18):
process on its own doesn't work,but if I blend them together,
the structure of the steps, thesomatic healing that gets into
your nervous system, rewires andresets your brain, um, uh
resets your unconscious memoriesof trauma and all of that, and
(16:43):
blend those together withmysticism, the oneness and the
allness of God that I am.
I'm not recovering from thesethings in life or these
addictions or these patterns.
I'm actually recovering andrediscovering that little girl
before she was five years old,before she even came into this
(17:06):
incarnation.
My true and authentic self.
Oh, that's what recovery is.
RevRachelHarrison (17:12):
Yeah.
EsterNicholson (17:13):
Recovery is the recovery, rediscovery of me, the
I am that I am as me.
And it became my life's work.
RevRachelHarrison (17:26):
Are you ready to step into your soul
recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoul.net to learn
more about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
(17:47):
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you.
But you can also choose to workthe steps on your own with
individual modules intended tosupport you to work at your own
pace and on your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover Your Soul Bonus Podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
Podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
(18:08):
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links, and
registration for everything.
I love that journey.
It's so aligned, I think, youknow, in my journey and in so
(18:30):
many other people's journeys,about you find the next step and
then you think, oh, this is it.
This is going to be the thingthat solves it.
I'm good, you know.
And then as they say in 12step, you're back, you know,
you're sitting on your laurels.
You there's always more to berevealed.
There's new layers.
There's our souls are so richand so um, so much more
(18:51):
beautiful and complex than wegive us credit for.
And so it's always giving usthose next steps.
And it's not about getting tosome utopian, everything's
perfect.
It's about discoveringourselves even more fully, the
metaphysics, the mysticism, theawarenesses that come.
Your, I love how you talkedabout like your connection with
(19:11):
your higher power, not yourdaddy's, not somebody else's,
yours, right?
EsterNicholson (19:17):
Because that concept, that's their
experience.
Right.
But when I had my own spiritualexperience, it was no longer
debatable.
I knew what I knew.
I knew what I was experiencing.
It wasn't something I wasreading out of a book.
I cleaned house and Godrevealed itself as me.
RevRachelHarrison (19:38):
Soul recovery.
I love that we feel the sameway about it, which is the more
and more clarity that we'rewe're recovering the aspects of
ourselves that are ourwholeness, our fullness of our
nature, the truth of who we are.
There's nothing to fix, right?
We're shedding the limitingbeliefs and opening more fully
(19:59):
to our divine innate greatness.
Absolutely.
EsterNicholson (20:02):
And I would just like to speak to um uh that the
soul is complex.
I think that the soul iscomplete.
That is the ego that iscomplex, right?
And that and that there's somany layers to our and the ego
has gotten a bad rap.
I love the ego.
(20:23):
The ego is just the part of usthat that has been traumatized
into out of the garden of Eden,you know.
So Adam and Eve, they were oncein the Garden of Eden, and then
they took the bite of theillusion and started tripping
out, right?
So the the ego has so manylayers of not feeling safe that
(20:50):
creates resistance, that thisparticular time that you're
practicing particular processesthat can get to that, then that
layer of resistance can relaxand you can have the
transformation, uh, the contactwith the soul that is already
complete.
And then the ego is like, okay,we're here.
(21:12):
Now here's another reason tohave fear.
Here's another reason to holdon.
And then, you know, and whatyou did last time for that last
thing isn't gonna work for thisone.
Right.
So it's time to go, it's timeto go deeper.
RevRachelHarrison (21:28):
I was gonna respond to in the ego part.
I love that you say thatbecause that's how I feel about
the ego too.
I think I think the ego gets abad rap and that we do this
thing where we're we're againstourselves as if there's a piece,
as if we're battling ourselvesversus opening up fully to all
aspects of ourselves andunderstanding the roles that
each of them plays so that wecan integrate more to our
(21:52):
wholeness and use what theconcepts of the ego to to our
benefit versus something thatwe're trying to get rid of.
EsterNicholson (22:00):
I think if we look at the ego as something
separate from ourselves, thenwe're still in duality.
RevRachelHarrison (22:07):
Right.
EsterNicholson (22:08):
You know, um, if God is everything or nothing,
if God is omnipotence, allpower, then there can't be
anything other than it.
So the ego is still Godexpressing through you at your
stage of development.
So if your stage ofdevelopment, your frequency is
(22:31):
very low, then you're still onewith God.
You may not be able to enjoythe grace of God because you're
so blocked from it, right?
Right.
This is the level that you aremanifesting God.
RevRachelHarrison (22:46):
That's what I believe.
The levels I think areinteresting because we do this
competition comparison thingversus being curious about where
we are.
You know, if you look at yourlife as what you think and feel
and believe it is, you said thatearlier, you get the reflection
of, you know, what you get onthe outside is a reflection of
how you feel on the inside.
(23:06):
It's not a judgment, it'sactually freedom and power to be
able to say, ah, if I don'tlike how this is feeling,
there's something I can do aboutit.
EsterNicholson (23:15):
Yeah, and it's information.
It's information for you to godeeper into the perceptions that
you've taken on about yourself.
Right.
And what happened.
You know, you've heard me sharein my talk that when people are
disconnected from their souls,they create patterns that they
(23:36):
recycle and loops over and overand over again that are
destructive, that might have yousaying to yourself, What's
wrong with me?
I'm hopeless.
Why can't I get it right?
But I've invited us to reframethat question from what's wrong
with me to what happened to me.
Right.
Something happened to split youoff from your conscious contact
(24:00):
with your soul, and not to saywhat happened to me from a place
of being pulling over andvictim consciousness, but from a
place of such deepself-compassion that we very
rarely give ourselves.
And it was a huge revelationfor me when I could come out of
practitioner mode, and you know,I have what it was 15 years of
(24:25):
recovery at that time, and youknow, I should be over this by
now, and all of that stuff, andreally look at that little girl
who was so emotionally torturedand scared, and really see
myself for the first time fromsuch a place of compassion, even
sadness, like really allowingmyself to feel sadness for
(24:47):
myself.
That's not feeling sorry foryourself, right?
That's feeling sadness foryourself.
And now we can, whateverprocess, whether it's the steps,
whether it's somatic healing,uh, whether it's tapping,
whether it's brain rewiring,that we can laser in on those
particular experiences and theperceptions that you've taken on
(25:11):
about yourself and start toexpose them to the light so they
can be dissolved instead oftrying to do these spiritual
bypasses and just never like youcompletely, you know.
I don't even know what theanalogy of that would be.
Like uh, I don't know, tryingto get to the store and you go
to the gas station instead.
(25:31):
I don't know.
I don't know.
RevRachelHarrison (25:33):
I'm trying to be clever here, but yeah, I
think what I love about what Ithink you and I both embody is
we took the 12 steps and therewas such greatness in them.
And when I really had claritythat the 12 steps had similar
growth that came from what alsonew thought was from, it was as
(25:54):
if everything, all the puzzlepieces started coming in.
And I read the big book from ametaphysical standpoint, and it
was as if it was an entirely newbook.
And then I took the 12 stepsand I looked at it from the
spiritual lens, and that's how Icreated the nine-step soul
recovery process, which thefoundational piece is exactly
what you're talking about, whichis not looking at the inventory
(26:17):
from a condemnation of yourselfspace, but from this incredible
deep compassion of what werethe experiences that you had?
How did that form what yourpatterns and beliefs and stories
are?
How can you come to yourselfwith love and compassion?
What are you learning fromthat?
What are the gifts that youtake from that?
And then how are you going tochoose?
(26:38):
What decision will you make inyour life around how you're
going to take this informationand what perception do you want
to see through?
Absolutely.
EsterNicholson (26:48):
So it's the so the steps unified with
metaphysics and mysticism areawareness, uh, awareness,
acceptance, no, awareness,acknowledgement, acceptance,
admitting personal powerlessnessover everything that you've
just become aware of,acknowledged, and have accepted.
And then that brings you toaccountability.
(27:10):
So recovery is compassion.
When I take people throughinventory, I'm like, this is
compassionate accountability.
Yes, we're going to takeresponsibility for our side of
the street where our woundednesshas caused harm, but we're also
doing it from a place ofcompassion of why did you cause
harm?
Right.
Who did you think you were?
(27:32):
Or what did you think you weregoing to lose?
Or what were you protectingwhen you were in that fourth
column when you were beingselfish, self-centered,
dishonest, and afraid?
Because that's a wounded childacting out, trying to survive,
you know?
Yeah, girls on the same page.
I know.
RevRachelHarrison (27:49):
I love it.
I mean, I love that you stilluse the 12 steps in the way that
you have created them.
I mean, that's what your wholebook is about is like, here's
the 12 steps, here's here's howyou can use them.
It's the 12 steps for the restof us, the path to wholeness,
serenity, and success, right?
12 keys to healing, dependence.
It's around this idea that thatwe can continue to grow the
(28:13):
energy, the space that is spiritspeaking to us through us as us
to remember who we are, torecover our souls.
And that there isn't anyone,there's so much, you know, right
now that's being dislikedisassembled in terms of
religion and thought structuresand even politics.
And we're breaking apart, Ithink, to come back in to
(28:37):
recover as in wholeness.
EsterNicholson (28:40):
Well, just like in um in any addiction, and you
know, I teach this thataddiction isn't just about those
external addictions, but theaddiction to the belief that
you're unworthy.
That's an addictive belief.
Addiction to beinghyper-vigilant and and and being
anxious, addiction to thebelief that you're not
(29:02):
deserving, right?
Addiction to the belief um uhthat you're not enough, that
that what we're seeing the worldwhat ha what's happening in the
world right now is the world ishitting a bottom.
And what do you do with thatbottom?
You know, there are some peoplein addiction that have hit a
bottom and it's like I can't doanything else in this lifetime
(29:24):
and I have to leave because Ican't get it here.
Right.
And then there are some peoplethat hit a bottom, it's like I'm
supposed to be here at thistime, at this incarnation.
So now I'm you know, there'snothing like repeated pain that
can bring you to a place ofhumility.
Yes, there's something likehitting a bottom that can bring
(29:46):
you into a place of beingwilling to do something that you
were not willing to do before.
RevRachelHarrison (29:51):
And it's required on some level to
whatever that is for eachperson.
I don't know a single personwho is not.
On a really strong personalpath that didn't hit their own
version of whatever that bottomis.
For some person, it'shomelessness on the street.
For another person, it's justhaving one person look at them
(30:14):
and say, I don't like who youare.
EsterNicholson (30:17):
It's all relative.
So we don't need to comparetraumas.
Right.
It's a very individual thing.
Whatever has you feelingfractured and disconnected and
scared and self-doubtingyourself constantly.
That's it it could be somethingthat wouldn't mean anything to
(30:39):
me.
But if it affected you, it'sbecause there's something there
that hasn't been addressed.
Right.
It's information.
Not a place for you to judgeyourself of, oh, this isn't a
big deal.
I shouldn't be feeling thisway.
Stop shooting on yourself andlike look at, okay, I am really
bothered by this.
(30:59):
Something's going on with me.
My nervous system, my my soulis giving me information.
RevRachelHarrison (31:11):
Our feelings are teaching us so much at each
moment.
When did you make the leap fromworking the steps and doing and
doing this work to this placewhere you're you're guiding
people, where you're leadingpeople, where you're you're
you're really, you know, in theforefront of holding space and
(31:33):
healing others?
When did that come in for you?
EsterNicholson (31:36):
That was not a conscious choice.
It chose me.
I wanted to be with theHouston.
RevRachelHarrison (31:43):
Which, by the way, if you've heard her sing,
she is.
EsterNicholson (31:47):
I had, you know, it's like I I was a licensed
practitioner, spiritualpractitioner, um for 10 years.
And so I was holdingconsciousness for people and
praying, but I had no idea thatI was going to be um a healer,
an influencer, an author, or allof that.
(32:07):
That just was not my plan untilI had to hit a bottom and got
fired from Rod Stewart.
Right.
Which which forced me.
And I tried to get on tour withso many people after that in my
desperation, tried to get ontour with Sting and Paul
McCartney.
Doors closed.
RevRachelHarrison (32:28):
Interesting.
EsterNicholson (32:30):
And I'm on the floor, and my manager said, Your
soul recovery.
You need to write a book.
I yelled and I screamed and Iresisted and I was scared and
all of that.
It's like, I don't know how todo that.
I don't know how to, and mysoul was saying, You're a
healer, you're a teacher.
Hold consciousness or theplanet.
(32:51):
People come to you for help.
And I'm like, I don't know howto do that.
So I usually tell people whoare looking for their purpose,
and when they tap into whattheir highest vision is, but
they think that that's no way isthat possible for them.
I share with them that the verything that I was terrified of
doing and so resistant to doingis what I do now, you know.
(33:13):
So there's a power within youthat can support you in stepping
into that transformationaljourney for you to live your
divine destiny.
It was at that time, you know,after I wrote the book, and then
I started speaking.
And then I started, it's like,well, I need to put this
workshop together on you know,the healing code of forgiveness,
(33:37):
because I just did a wholehealing code of forgiveness in
my own life.
So everything that I startedteaching was because I I was
walking through that process.
And it's like, oh, this is aworkshop, right?
And um, and then just fromthose talks and from the
workshops and the healings andthe transformations that people
were experiencing, they werelike, Can we see you one-on-one?
(33:59):
Can can you help us?
And so that's when my uh when Istarted seeing people um as
clients and being their recoveryand rediscovery coach and
trauma healer.
So my test has truly become mytestimony.
RevRachelHarrison (34:17):
I think that one of the truths is when you
are recovering from addiction,you need somebody who gets it.
You know, you can't havesomebody who's never been in the
clutches of addiction try totell you how to get sober.
But once you have somebody thathas what you want and you see
them that they've come out theother side, it gives you hope to
go one day at a time.
(34:38):
And I think the same is for us,you know, that here you are in
these abilities to touch peoplewho want what you have and and
the peace that I've always, Imean, now I've you know been in
your your presence.
You also had an online 12-stepchurch for a while that didn't
end up um shaking out,unfortunately.
But your presence is sobeautiful and so open and so
(35:01):
kind and so wise.
And and I often think it'sinteresting.
We we who sit here today arenot the ones who were in those
despondent places because we'reour souls are aligned to who we
are in our truth today.
It's called transformation.
EsterNicholson (35:19):
Yeah.
People read my book, or when Ijust tell my story, and they're
like, you were not a crackaddict, or you are not a
16-year-old mother, or you arenot, you know, addicted to these
unhealthy relationships.
And I'm like, you shouldn't beable to look at me and tell
that.
Transformation is real.
(35:40):
Transformation means turnedinside out, it means completely
changed.
That's what that means.
So thank you, because youshouldn't be able to tell that.
Then I would then that wouldn'tthen I wouldn't have a
testimony if you could look atme and tell that I've had those
experiences.
The hope is is that you canlook at me and see where I am
today and say that if she wentthrough what she went through
(36:04):
and she is where she is today,then there's hope for me.
Yes.
RevRachelHarrison (36:08):
Yeah, absolutely.
So tell us how to find Esther.
Tell us what's what's going onin your world, and you've got
some really great programsavailable too.
EsterNicholson (36:16):
Absolutely.
So you can find Esther atEstherNicholson.com and it's
Esther without the H E S T E R.
And you know, I used to hatethat name Esther.
You know, it was a name that Iwas teased about when I was a
kid because it wasn't one ofthose cool names, you know, and
I always wanted to be cool whenI was a kid because I was
(36:37):
excluded from the cool kid.
And so it took me a long time,like through the steps, to like
really start acknowledging thatEsther is a really powerful name
and that my journey hassupported me in stepping into
that name with such pride.
So EstherNicholson.com is whereyou can find me and find out
(36:58):
about everything that I'm doing.
I also have a digital programcalled the 21-day journey to the
authentic self that has 21 daysof daily teachings, prayers,
meditations, you get audiomeditations for 21 days, you get
eight days of tapping, doingsome somatic healing, and it's a
(37:20):
self-paced program.
You'll you'll own the programfor life.
It's only $97.
You'll own the program forlife.
And so it's like if I can'tstart the program now, then I
can start it next month, or Ican, you know, I can create uh a
space when I can actually focuson this.
Um, so that's the 21-day, andI'm in the process of creating
(37:41):
some really amazing um programsfor executives who are crushing
it in the boardroom but aredying on the inside.
And I know of three executivesin the behavioral health care
industry on the past two yearswho've committed suicide because
they carry so much and theyhave to be on all the time and
(38:03):
they think they have to lookgood with while they are so
disconnected from their souls.
So I've created a program justfor executives called Executive
Soul Coherence and also aclinician, a clinician soul
coherence for um clinicians andtherapists who are just showing
up every day, like with barelyanything to give, because
(38:27):
they've become so depleted andburned out and disconnected.
So all of those are on thehorizon.
RevRachelHarrison (38:32):
I love it.
I love it.
And I think that we were beforewe started recording, we're
talking about the value and theimportance of us filling
ourselves up and making surethat that depletion doesn't
happen.
And it and it takes consciouseffort and spiritual awareness,
whether you're an executive or aout there in the world taking
(38:54):
care of people, or whetheryou're just in your family
feeling like you're holding thespace for everyone.
That's what soul recovery isall about on both of our both of
our fields, is that coming backto yourself and holding your
own resonance.
EsterNicholson (39:08):
Absolutely.
And I do my work because when Idon't do my spiritual practice,
as Maya Angela said, when I'mnot connected, I'm danger and in
danger.
I'm I'm in I'm in danger andI'm dangerous.
And I don't hold this downperfectly.
I hold it down perfectlyimperfectly.
(39:30):
And I'm so tapped in, I knowwhen I'm off, and I get off, I
get scared, I get triggered.
I'm just so grateful that Ihave a comprehensive path to get
back home.
Just get back home to know howto allow God to take care of me.
RevRachelHarrison (39:52):
Beautiful.
Yeah.
Thank you so much for comingand sharing your soul recovery
with my soul recovery communityand recover your soul.
And it's just, I love thatwe've connected and I feel like
you're such a heart sister, andI'm just grateful for your time.
EsterNicholson (40:10):
I'm just so grateful to find a sister.
RevRachelHarrison (40:12):
Yeah.
EsterNicholson (40:14):
Not many people are speaking our language.
And yeah, but the world needsus.
RevRachelHarrison (40:19):
Thank you.
Until next time, Namaste.
Thank you for listening, and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover Your Soul
Bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple Podcast
subscribers.
And not only do you get anincredible interview or book
(40:41):
study that comes with being partof that community, but your
subscribing helps support thispodcast and the Recover Your
Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoul.net or check out
(41:02):
the show links below forcoupons and information for
upcoming events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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