April 7, 2025 • 37 mins
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As we move through life, many of us unconsciously carry mental scorecards—marking every unmet expectation, every imbalance, every moment we don’t feel seen or respected. In this episode, I share how that scorekeeping nearly unraveled my marriage and strained my connection with my children. What I discovered is that it was never really about who did the dishes or picked up the socks—it was about the deeper desire for respect, for energetic balance, for love.
Soul Recovery teaches us to turn inward, to ask what our reactions reveal about our own beliefs, needs, and wounds, so we can begin healing at the root. This doesn’t mean excusing harmful behavior or pretending everything is okay—it means reclaiming our power, seeing with spiritual eyes, and making choices aligned with our authentic selves. When I stopped keeping score and started focusing on energy exchang
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
When I was in those darkest years of my
marriage and with my kids andtheir addiction and everything
that was happening.
It was as if I had scorecardsfor everybody and I was just
ticking off.
Every single time there wassomething I didn't like.
And let me tell you, I had alot of things that I didn't like
and, ultimately, this piece ofkeeping such diligent track of
(00:22):
what I didn't like was keepingme stuck.
It was making me miserable.
I wasn't working on myself.
I wasn't actually seeing thesituations for what they were,
for the relationships for whatthey were, and I wasn't learning
what I needed to learn, becauseI was so consumed with what I
didn't like that was happeningand what I didn't like about
them that they were doing.
(00:42):
Soul recovery turns theattention back to ourselves.
It isn't that those thingsaren't happening.
It isn't that there isn't anuneven energy exchange.
It's about learning that wecan't control them.
It's about coming back toourselves, recognizing where we
can make a difference in our ownlives, how we can see it from a
different place, and from thatplace we can make choices in our
(01:06):
lives that are aligned with theauthentic nature and the truth
of who we are, and we can stopkeeping score.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
(01:27):
my life, from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
(01:49):
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast and Community.
I'm Rev Rachel.
Thank you so much for takingthe time to be here with me
today.
This is a inner journey.
It's an opportunity for us tostep away from the outside world
, connect to our inner selves,begin to look at what's going on
(02:14):
with us, how we feel, how wecan take our power back and
recognize that we're needingother people and circumstances
to be a certain way for us to beokay.
And the truth is we'repowerless over everything
outside of ourself, not from aplace of weakness, but from a
place of freedom.
To truly recognize that we areindeed powerless over everything
(02:34):
outside of ourself and we canstop looking for it to be
different and start recognizingwhat is and how we can step into
our own way of being and healthe parts of ourself that need
to be healed and be able to bein the midst of all of it with
what it is, with strength andcompassion and grace and the
ability to be our higher selvesthrough all of it.
(02:57):
It is soul recovery and I havebeen on this journey now for
well, for 55 years being yearsbeing that I'm 55, but solidly
on my soul recovery journey ofrecovery from alcoholism and
really stepping into the roomsof Al-Anon and learning that it
was okay for me to look at myfeelings, what was going on for
me, I could actually choosemyself and not try to attempt to
(03:20):
fix my family, and it wasreally the start of my own soul
recovery journey.
And I stand here today, sit heretoday, speaking into this
microphone from this place ofjust incredible gratitude, just
such deep, deep gratitude forthe transformation that's
happened within myself, for thepart of me that has begun to see
(03:41):
the world, see my relationships, see how I interact with every
single thing through the eyes oflove.
Really, I spent so much of mylife looking through the eyes of
fear and pain and and just thesuffering that comes from
wishing that it was different.
And the truth was there was alot going on.
I think the key that I hopethat you're always getting from
soul recovery is that I'm notsaying that it isn't hard or
(04:04):
strange or difficult or orreally challenging out there,
because those are happening.
Those things are happening, butI was so consumed with the
challenge and so consumed withwanting it to be different that
I actually wasn't even enjoyingthe parts as much as I could
have with what was, and in theend, I was keeping score.
(04:26):
And that's what I wanted totalk about today, as our focus
was this part of us being ableto let go of this really
destructive behavior where wekeep score, because when we're
keeping score with somebody, weare making a judgment about
whether something is good or badand we're toggling little tick
(04:48):
marks on each side and we'rebeginning to look at everything
through the lens of not enough,through the lens of pain,
through the lens of I need youto give me this for me to feel a
certain way.
And, ultimately, what I thinkis so interesting is, as I've
done this work for myself and asI've worked the nine step soul
(05:09):
recovery process in my own life.
I look around and I'm supercurious.
I think I've said this beforein podcasts.
I'm not exactly sure how muchhas changed in my life around me
.
I mean, my life around me hasdefinitely changed, but really I
couldn't tell you how much ofthat is real or how much of it
(05:33):
is just the fact that myperception has changed, my
interactions have changed, myway of viewing it has changed
that I am indeed looking throughthe eyes of love more Almost
every morning, though not allthe time kind of depends on the
day, but a good portion of thetime.
One of the rituals that Rich andI do when we're drinking our
(05:55):
coffee is that we'll listen to10 minutes of something
spiritual, and quite often it'sthe Course in Miracles.
The Course in Miracles is achanneled work of spiritual
direction and it has workbookexercises as part of it, and so
we've been listening to theseworkbook exercises ever since we
got back from Indonesia lastyear.
(06:16):
So it's been a slow and steadyprocess, and before that we did
Wayne Dyer's reading of the Tao,and then sometimes we'll just
do a guided meditation, orsometimes we'll find something
on YouTube that is inspiring.
But that concept of us startingthe day together, doing
something together that isinspiring and it gives us a
(06:36):
conversation piece to talk about, has been really beautiful in
our relationship.
That's one of the beautifulthings has changed in our
communication.
Today's message in the Course inMiracles was the idea that if
we can look through the eyes oflove at everything, everyone,
every situation and it isn'teasy to do that because there is
(06:59):
so much difficulty, becausethere is so much diverse
thoughts, division in what wethink, so much push and pull but
if we can remember to look uponevery soul through the light of
who they are and to begin toseparate that out from the pain
(07:21):
that we have around us and Iloved it because it really is
the perception that's changed inmy own life and it's what I
teach in soul recovery and Iwork with you when we do
coaching is this ability for usto step into a more spiritually
grounded place.
But what I remember when Iwasn't in that place was this
(07:42):
heavy laden irritation that Ihad all the time about keeping
score and I was keeping score ineverything.
I was keeping score ineverything.
I was keeping score in ourconversations about if I said
something but he didn't say it.
I was keeping score aboutchores.
I was keeping score about howwe were with the kids.
I was keeping score aboutwhether I thought I knew better
(08:03):
than he did in some situation.
I was keeping score aboutwhether I thought I knew better
than he did in some situation.
I was keeping score about howoften he was pissed off.
I was keeping score about howwe spent our money.
There was some checkbox beingmarked everywhere about whether
this was good or bad oracceptable or not.
Acceptable to me, and I'll tellyou what it took a lot of
(08:23):
negative energy.
Acceptable to me, and I'll tellyou what it took a lot of
negative energy.
It took a lot of energy for meto continue to keep score
because I had to be vigilantabout this level of intensity
that I was keeping, aboutwhether he was meeting some
criteria that I was keeping.
And I kept score with the kidstoo.
Ultimately, we're keeping scoreabout whether they're doing a
(08:44):
good job or whether they'redoing a bad job, or whether
they're meeting the needs ofwhat I think my friend's kids
are doing, or whether they'rekeeping up with some supposed to
be that they're supposed to bedoing.
Was I meeting up to whatpeople's expectations were, all
these scorecards.
(09:05):
And when we do that, we'reactually doing what I speak so
often about in step two of soulrecovery, in terms of admitting
that we're powerless.
We are thinking that we havepower, we're thinking that we
can control that if we stand inthis place where we think we
know, then maybe it will bedifferent.
(09:26):
Well, ultimately, all of thatis a lot of wasted energy, and
what it brought to me was itmade me separate from.
It made me separate from Richin every single way possible,
from my friends if their kidswere doing better than my kids.
(09:47):
It made me feel separate fromthe people at work, because I
was trying to keep score aboutwhat was happening and whether I
was being good or, oh my gosh,at work.
I was just always trying toprove myself right, whether
somebody was taking away from mein some way.
And when we do that, we'reactually giving our power away
again and again and again andagain to somebody else.
We're saying that they need tolive up to some standard for us
(10:11):
to be okay.
Are You're forgetting where youare?
Because when we look outside,when we're constantly needing
the outside to fill our inside,we're going to forever be
(10:32):
disappointed.
The spiritual teachings that Iread and listen to so often talk
about that part of us that saysyou have to give, to receive,
but not give.
From the codependent place thatsays I'm going to take care of
you and I'm going to be incharge of everything, I'm going
to make sure everyone has whatthey need and I'm going to over
over over give and then maybeyou'll give me something back.
(10:54):
It's not that at all.
It's about recognizing energyexchange.
One of the things aboutspirituality that's so awesome
that matches science is thatwe're talking about energy.
We are energy beings.
We are these incredible atoms,these incredible little bits of
energy that have become our form.
(11:16):
And when you go into quantummechanics and I was about to say
quantum spirituality when yougo into quantum mechanics and
quantum physics, the wild thingis that we're nothing anyway at
all.
The moving of the energy.
It's really nothing and it getspretty far out there and pretty
wild to think about.
And when we are in this placeof like, just holding so tightly
(11:37):
to what we think it is supposedto be, we're actually not in a
place of energy where we cangive and receive energy in a
healthy way.
And so when you look about whatkeeping score is.
It's really our innate knowingthat there's a difference in the
energy levels that are beinggiven and there's some real
(11:59):
truth to it.
So I always hope that you hearme saying that it's not
airy-fairy, that if you justchange your perception that
somehow miraculously yourhusband will start to load the
dishwasher, because good luckwith that right.
He will not start loading thedishwasher out of some miracle.
However, however, when weswitch it from this fight, when
(12:21):
we switch it from this intenseblaming keeping score and Rich
used to say to me on a regularbasis he would say I feel like
we are on opposite sides and Iwould think to myself yeah, we
are Well, who wants to be on theopposite side with your spouse?
And we are on opposite sidesbecause we are in such
opposition to how we saw ourkids and how we wanted to raise
(12:44):
them, and there was a lot ofpain in that and there was some
real differences in our valuesthat we hadn't ever discussed or
had clarity on.
When we first started thisprocess together, all starry
eyed and in love with each otherand drinking drinks and having
a great time, we had those kidsand we didn't even begin to know
how to communicate about whatit was to have children, what
(13:08):
were our values?
What did we think?
And then I had shown up in thisway?
That was that I'm going to takecare of you and love you and be
the one that takes care ofeverything, because that's my
belief system, that I think I'msupposed to take care of
everyone, until all of a sudden,I was raging with resentment
that I was the one that dideverything.
Well, guess who set that up?
(13:29):
Guess, who created that energyfield?
Guess, who was the one that dideverything?
Well, guess who set that up?
Guess, who created that energyfield?
Guess, who was the one who wasalways giving the energy and
there wasn't a reciprocationbecause it wasn't set up in the
first place.
And does it mean that you can'teventually switch and align
those energies?
No, of course not.
It means that you have to takeresponsibility first and
(13:50):
foremost for how you created theconstruct of the communication
and the systems that are in yourfamily.
So, as I worked on my beliefsystems, as I worked on those
core elements of myself that wework on in soul recovery, step
three in soul recovery beingthat we are looking at our
(14:11):
underlying patterns and stories.
What are my underlying patternsand stories?
And somewhere in it, mine wastake care of everybody.
Be the one that gives the mostenergy.
Be the one that is the giver,giver, giver.
Take care of people, please.
Are codependent, and thatleaves you with nothing in the
end.
It's depleting, Because you'regiving love in hopes to receive
(14:36):
love, but the kind of love thatyou're going to get back isn't
the true love that's within you,which is the truth of you
knowing who you are, knowingyour own value, having clarity
of what you need, allowingpeople to be uncomfortable,
allowing situations to beuncomfortable.
Allowing situations to beuncomfortable.
So the keeping score was thisattempt for me to try to get the
(14:59):
energy, this energy exchangethat I was actually needing,
because it wasn't about who wasdoing the dishes, who was doing
the dishes in our house.
Still to this day, I do 80% ofthe household stuff.
(15:19):
And now the way that Richexchanges that in his energy
exchanges, he pays for a housecleaner to come every four to
six weeks and do a deep clean onthe house.
That's his way.
That he said I recognize I'mnot going to show up and be a
cleaner with you.
I don't want you to clean.
I recognize this is importantto you to have a have fairness
in this.
I'm just not that kind of a guyI'm going to pay for it.
I love that.
That is.
That has been working great forme, but I've stopped keeping
(15:41):
score around.
What it felt like in terms ofhousehold chores?
Because it wasn't about thehousehold chores.
It felt like in terms ofhousehold chores because it
wasn't about the householdchores.
The score wasn't about whetherhe was picking up his clothes or
wiping the counter.
It was about the energy that Ifelt, about respect.
(16:01):
It was about being seen.
It was the part of me that feltlike it was taken for granted.
When the energy starts to shiftand when you start doing this
work and you start being able toconnect, and when you start
doing this work and you startbeing able to connect and
communicate with the people inyour lives, without this
constant score card, you alsochange your gameplay and we stop
having gameplay that's winner,loser.
I'm right, you're wrong.
(16:22):
Somebody's going to win andsomeone's going to lose, and you
know what this is society.
Society teaches this level ofintense gameplay.
Only one person wins themillion dollars.
Use them until you kick themall out of the island Survivor
is one of my favorite shows.
They'll watch it every singleseason and I watch people create
(16:43):
these relationships that areeither based on trust and
integrity or they're based ondeception and fear and control.
And underneath, one person winsand some people end up being
willing to sacrifice themselvesbecause their integrity is more
valuable and more important thanpushing for the money.
(17:03):
And some people will doanything, anything to anyone, in
any way, to get the money.
And in the end, it doesn'tmatter if you have the money or
not.
It matters about how you showedup for yourself, how you were
with people, who are youunderneath, and that's the same
(17:23):
with our families, too.
Is this tit for tat?
This very, very painfulscorekeeping, is actually our
way of marking our pain, becausewe're not actually saying click
, you didn't do that.
What you're saying is I don'tfeel respected, I don't feel
like we're in connection, Idon't feel like we're a team
(17:43):
here, I don't feel like we'reworking on this journey together
.
And it's important that we haveclarity about what actually is
it that we're feeling, becauseonce we understand what we're
actually feeling, then we get toconnect with ourselves and
understand what those feelingsare trying to tell us, because
(18:04):
when something doesn't feel good, it's actually giving you
information.
Because when something doesn'tfeel good, it's actually giving
you information, and it isn'tthat we're supposed to feel good
and be in perfect, perfectharmony and bliss all the time
either.
There has to be a light and adark, there has to be the good
and the bad, there has to be thepolarity, there has to be the
(18:32):
intensity of fear and love forus to be able to move closer and
closer to love, if that's whatwe're willing to do to look
through the eyes of love.
And so over the last seven years, the transition for me has been
slow, and there's definitelydays where I find myself wanting
to pull my little scorecard outand lick my little pencil and
do a check mark.
Oh, you didn't do this for me.
And you know last fall, whenRich and I had our sort of
(18:55):
surprising situation where allof a sudden he's like well, if
you aren't happy, you can leave.
I pulled all my scorecards out.
I pulled my scorecards out.
That went back 30 years andthere is a lot of check marks on
the side of hurt, angry,resentful.
A lot of them, a lot of them.
(19:17):
But when we're living off of thescorecard, we're not actually
doing the work to look at whatis in a way that is healthy
enough for us to say does thisalign with me?
Because if there's a constantneed to scorecard people, that
they're not showing up for you,that they're not exchanging
(19:38):
energy in a healthy way, thereis a reason why you're feeling
that way and there might be animportant part of looking at
your life and saying thisactually doesn't line up and
it's not about trying to evenout the scorecard or fix or
change them.
It just is and what is is notgoing to work for me.
What is doesn't feel good to me.
(20:00):
I can't be my full expressionof self.
I have to lose myself.
I have to be something that I'mnot to be in this and that's
why it keeps hurting and hurtingand hurting and hurting.
And that desire to pull out thescorecard is actually an
indication that there'ssomething else going on.
(20:20):
But if you are in a relationshipwhere there's an opportunity
for growth and there's anopportunity to continue to work
together, spirituality isrelationship.
We are in relationship withevery single thing, whether it's
a person or an animal or nature.
The more awake you are, themore conscious you are.
In each of those relationshipsyou recognize that each one is
(20:43):
an opportunity for you to growand learn about yourself and be
your full expression of self.
I believe that the will ofspirit, the will of the universe
, is for you to be magnificent,to be your full expression of
self, to stand in these giftsthat are given to you, to be
this incredible human being.
(21:06):
But most of us play small, mostof us are afraid, most of us are
playing from our old beliefsand our old stories and our old
victim mentality.
And it comes from scorecards,because we were scored when we
were younger.
Somebody was telling us on aregular basis nope, not good, oh
(21:26):
good girl.
Nope, not good, oh good boy.
Scored again, and again andagain.
So not keeping score does notmean that you lay down like a
doormat.
What it means is that you startto look from your higher self
at what is and you recognize theenergy exchange and where are
(21:47):
you putting out energy that isnot being reciprocated back
relationship is that 80% of thestuff that I do the dishes, the
cooking, the cleaning, thegrocery store same same same 80%
(22:09):
always.
The energy exchange is totallydifferent in our relationship
now because his energy exchangeto me is increased by 80% in our
relationship, and I can I canhardly really describe to you
what it is, because if I was inthe scorecard of saying, you
know, does he pick up hisclothes?
No, he doesn't pick up hisclothes, but he's awake and he's
interested and he's willing tohave conversations and he shows
(22:32):
up with an intention in ourrelationship.
Is he awake all the time?
No, does he need to be?
No, and it's not that I'mdemanding and sucking the energy
from him.
It's that we both have morepresence of who we want to be
and how we want to show up foreach other.
(22:52):
And I'm as interested inproviding energy, but not giving
energy, as if I'm a we justbought an electric car, so it's
not as if I'm plugging my pluginto his battery.
It's more like we're bothshowing up having plugged our
(23:13):
batteries into the universe,into the cosmic love and
energetic force of the universe,where we feel more attended to
ourselves from our own way ofbeing, that we're locked in on
that space.
And then, when we show up,there's energy to give each
other.
The energy exchange is, and soyou know there's more.
(23:35):
Oh, I was going to pick updinner.
Can I get you know what are youinterested in instead of?
Are you making us dinner, kindof a thing.
You know there's more?
Oh, I was going to pick updinner.
Can I get you know what are youinterested in Instead of?
Are you making us dinner, kindof a thing, you know.
I wish that I could describe itmore clearly, because it is so
not tit for tat anymore I can'teven pull out of my head what it
is, except that such a bigpiece of it that I want to give
(23:56):
you is I've decided to spendmore time and energy seeing the
good, seeing what is working,seeing the beauty of the human
being that is my partner, seeingthe beauty of my children, and
it's not like life doesn'tcontinue to be lifey.
If you listen to the podcast,you know that I am still having
(24:21):
very real life stuff.
This whole thing with Alex andhim having a new baby is is uh
Ooh.
There's some stuff going oninside of me of all of my
control mechanisms of arefreaking out about wanting it to
be a certain way, because Ihave a lot of fear and I'm
working on those things.
(24:41):
I just talked about that in thelast bonus podcast.
This piece of us doing our workis constant.
It's this constant reflectionof ourselves.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the website.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
(25:03):
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
(25:26):
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(25:47):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode and insteadof having the gameplay where
there's one winner, we switch tothe gameplay, that is,
everybody wins.
And you know why everybody winsBecause we're just one energy
(26:08):
anyway.
We are all these incrediblecreations out of the mind of
source.
We are all just love anyway.
So if we can look through theeyes of love and the guidance
that's coming to me is for us toremember to do this not just in
our relationships but in theworld.
And this is hard and I'mfeeling a lot of emotion because
(26:35):
there's so much fear.
Because there's so much fear, Ifeel the fear, I feel your fear
.
I respond to the fear that Isee in social media.
I respond to the fear that Ihave with my clients and in the
congregations that I speak at.
This is very real and ourdesire to separate and our
desire to be of an opposite team, to take score that they're the
(27:00):
good ones, they're the bad ones, we're the good ones, they're
the bad ones.
This piece that is around veryreal situations that are
affecting people's lives in veryreal ways, and I think this is
the piece in Soul Recovery thatI hope that you get something
that gives you strength from methere is a different way of
(27:24):
being within yourself.
There is a way that you can sitin very complex and difficult
situations and still see itthrough gratitude and through
the eyes of love.
And it doesn't mean that youhave to like it and it doesn't
mean that it has to align withyour every value.
(27:44):
It means that you look past.
It looks past that sticky,messy stuff on the outside and
it never diminishes the lightthat is within each soul side
and it never diminishes thelight that is within each soul,
(28:05):
no matter how cloaked it may bewith pain or fear, dysfunction
or anger.
People do some really horriblethings to each other and they do
those things because they'reafraid.
And when we're in this placewhere we're keeping score, it's
because we're afraid.
And opening with love does notmake you weak and it doesn't
(28:26):
mean that you let people takeadvantage.
It actually means that youstand even more firmly in the
knowing who you are and how toshow up in each situation and
how to handle whatever is.
And in that the energy exchangethat happens can be one that
(28:48):
provides love and energy outward.
Imagine light radiating out.
There's so much in all thespirituality that talks about
light because we're energy.
And again, all this stuff that Isay on a spiritual level, take
what you like and leave the rest.
I'm not trying to push anythingon you.
(29:08):
I'm sharing with you how I seeit, we are indeed light and we
are indeed love, and we areindeed love, but it's masked
with all of this competition andall this fear and all of this
greed and power that reallycomes from a place of trying to
keep ourselves safe, ultimately.
And so whether we're looking atthe larger world, where we need
(29:33):
to have more compassion foreach other, more willingness to
understand that everyone is justdoing the best they can with
what they know, and what we knowis getting more and more skewed
and more and more complicated Iknow I just had an interaction
with a family member that wasincredibly painful around
politics, and there's no pointin fighting it, there's no point
(29:56):
in trying to force your side,because, ultimately, what we all
hear, what we're bringing intoourselves, feels very real over
(30:19):
fear, that these concepts, thesemetaphysical concepts, they
feel real to me and they'reproviding me with this enormous
amount of peace in a world thatis very complicated and in a
family dynamics in which I'vebeen, that have been very
complicated and a marriage thatwas not happy or healthy at all
for a long time.
But it is now and my life ishappy and healthy now and I do
(30:39):
live in my world in a verydifferent way.
So even if what I've beentaking into myself who knows
what's true or right, but itsure feels right and true to me
and that's the most importantthing, that I can lean into that
for myself and I hope that Ioffer that, that you can lean
into that for you and I hopethat I offer that, that you can
lean into that for you.
And I don't want to keep score.
(31:01):
I don't want to keep score inmy family.
I don't want somebody else tokeep score on me.
That's what really hurt me withmy family member was I felt
like I was being judged and thatwas very painful to me.
But I'm powerless over that Steptwo in soul recovery.
I'm powerless over what peoplethink of me, but I am not
(31:21):
powerless about how I show upand I want to live from we all
win game theory that there isenough for everyone, that in our
families.
The more that I can do thisenergy exchange of being light
in love, offering light in love,seeing light in love and then
being more clear about what isand the complexity of what is,
(31:45):
without all the layers ofjudgment and fear and upset,
then I can attend to it from myhighest self, and some of that
means that I make strongboundaries, that I cut off some
relationships or that I havehard conversations but it's
(32:08):
never from a place that is angryor in hatred or in the darkness
to my best ability.
So my offer to you is to becareful where you're keeping
score and to notice that thosescorecards are actually trying
to give you information aboutsomething deeper in how you feel
(32:32):
and maybe what beliefs arecoming up for you, maybe where
you're keeping yourself insituations that aren't healthy
for you.
The scorecard is giving youinformation.
So, instead of thinking thatit's about them, ask yourself
what is this telling me about,what I actually think and what I
actually need, and how I canapproach that from a different
(32:55):
way.
How can I look and be in mylife from a healthier, more
spiritually centered, groundedplace?
So I hope that this podcastgives you some insight into how
to look through the eyes of lovein all of your relationships,
and the eyes of love really meanunconditional acceptance of who
(33:18):
people are, that you don'talways have to like what that is
and you don't have to have itin your life.
It means that we stop trying tomake it be different and we
stop scoring it on the side ofnot enough, not good, not okay,
and we hand it back to them withcompassion and we say this is
(33:39):
yours and I'm energeticallygoing to keep what's mine and
the energy exchange getsregulated.
If you need help with any ofthis, I encourage you to do the
steps on your own.
They're on the website.
There's modules for the firststeps are available now.
I'm working on the finishingthe rest of the steps, or work
(34:00):
with me with individual coaching.
You are here on this journey torecover your soul.
Until next time, namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
(34:22):
subscribers and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
(34:45):
Visit the website recover yoursoulnet or check out the show
links below for coupons andinformation for upcoming events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
When I was in those darkest years of my
marriage and with my kids andtheir addiction and everything
that was happening.
It was as if I had scorecardsfor everybody and I was just
ticking off.
Every single time there wassomething I didn't like.
And let me tell you, I had alot of things that I didn't like
and, ultimately, this piece ofkeeping such diligent track of
(00:22):
what I didn't like was keepingme stuck.
It was making me miserable.
I wasn't working on myself.
I wasn't actually seeing thesituations for what they were,
for the relationships for whatthey were, and I wasn't learning
what I needed to learn, becauseI was so consumed with what I
didn't like that was happeningand what I didn't like about
them that they were doing.
(00:42):
Soul recovery turns theattention back to ourselves.
It isn't that those thingsaren't happening.
It isn't that there isn't anuneven energy exchange.
It's about learning that wecan't control them.
It's about coming back toourselves, recognizing where we
can make a difference in our ownlives, how we can see it from a
different place, and from thatplace we can make choices in our
(01:06):
lives that are aligned with theauthentic nature and the truth
of who we are, and we can stopkeeping score.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
(01:27):
my life, from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
(01:49):
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast and Community.
I'm Rev Rachel.
Thank you so much for takingthe time to be here with me
today.
This is a inner journey.
It's an opportunity for us tostep away from the outside world
, connect to our inner selves,begin to look at what's going on
(02:14):
with us, how we feel, how wecan take our power back and
recognize that we're needingother people and circumstances
to be a certain way for us to beokay.
And the truth is we'repowerless over everything
outside of ourself, not from aplace of weakness, but from a
place of freedom.
To truly recognize that we areindeed powerless over everything
(02:34):
outside of ourself and we canstop looking for it to be
different and start recognizingwhat is and how we can step into
our own way of being and healthe parts of ourself that need
to be healed and be able to bein the midst of all of it with
what it is, with strength andcompassion and grace and the
ability to be our higher selvesthrough all of it.
(02:57):
It is soul recovery and I havebeen on this journey now for
well, for 55 years being yearsbeing that I'm 55, but solidly
on my soul recovery journey ofrecovery from alcoholism and
really stepping into the roomsof Al-Anon and learning that it
was okay for me to look at myfeelings, what was going on for
me, I could actually choosemyself and not try to attempt to
(03:20):
fix my family, and it wasreally the start of my own soul
recovery journey.
And I stand here today, sit heretoday, speaking into this
microphone from this place ofjust incredible gratitude, just
such deep, deep gratitude forthe transformation that's
happened within myself, for thepart of me that has begun to see
(03:41):
the world, see my relationships, see how I interact with every
single thing through the eyes oflove.
Really, I spent so much of mylife looking through the eyes of
fear and pain and and just thesuffering that comes from
wishing that it was different.
And the truth was there was alot going on.
I think the key that I hopethat you're always getting from
soul recovery is that I'm notsaying that it isn't hard or
(04:04):
strange or difficult or orreally challenging out there,
because those are happening.
Those things are happening, butI was so consumed with the
challenge and so consumed withwanting it to be different that
I actually wasn't even enjoyingthe parts as much as I could
have with what was, and in theend, I was keeping score.
(04:26):
And that's what I wanted totalk about today, as our focus
was this part of us being ableto let go of this really
destructive behavior where wekeep score, because when we're
keeping score with somebody, weare making a judgment about
whether something is good or badand we're toggling little tick
(04:48):
marks on each side and we'rebeginning to look at everything
through the lens of not enough,through the lens of pain,
through the lens of I need youto give me this for me to feel a
certain way.
And, ultimately, what I thinkis so interesting is, as I've
done this work for myself and asI've worked the nine step soul
(05:09):
recovery process in my own life.
I look around and I'm supercurious.
I think I've said this beforein podcasts.
I'm not exactly sure how muchhas changed in my life around me
.
I mean, my life around me hasdefinitely changed, but really I
couldn't tell you how much ofthat is real or how much of it
(05:33):
is just the fact that myperception has changed, my
interactions have changed, myway of viewing it has changed
that I am indeed looking throughthe eyes of love more Almost
every morning, though not allthe time kind of depends on the
day, but a good portion of thetime.
One of the rituals that Rich andI do when we're drinking our
(05:55):
coffee is that we'll listen to10 minutes of something
spiritual, and quite often it'sthe Course in Miracles.
The Course in Miracles is achanneled work of spiritual
direction and it has workbookexercises as part of it, and so
we've been listening to theseworkbook exercises ever since we
got back from Indonesia lastyear.
(06:16):
So it's been a slow and steadyprocess, and before that we did
Wayne Dyer's reading of the Tao,and then sometimes we'll just
do a guided meditation, orsometimes we'll find something
on YouTube that is inspiring.
But that concept of us startingthe day together, doing
something together that isinspiring and it gives us a
(06:36):
conversation piece to talk about, has been really beautiful in
our relationship.
That's one of the beautifulthings has changed in our
communication.
Today's message in the Course inMiracles was the idea that if
we can look through the eyes oflove at everything, everyone,
every situation and it isn'teasy to do that because there is
(06:59):
so much difficulty, becausethere is so much diverse
thoughts, division in what wethink, so much push and pull but
if we can remember to look uponevery soul through the light of
who they are and to begin toseparate that out from the pain
(07:21):
that we have around us and Iloved it because it really is
the perception that's changed inmy own life and it's what I
teach in soul recovery and Iwork with you when we do
coaching is this ability for usto step into a more spiritually
grounded place.
But what I remember when Iwasn't in that place was this
(07:42):
heavy laden irritation that Ihad all the time about keeping
score and I was keeping score ineverything.
I was keeping score ineverything.
I was keeping score in ourconversations about if I said
something but he didn't say it.
I was keeping score aboutchores.
I was keeping score about howwe were with the kids.
I was keeping score aboutwhether I thought I knew better
(08:03):
than he did in some situation.
I was keeping score aboutwhether I thought I knew better
than he did in some situation.
I was keeping score about howoften he was pissed off.
I was keeping score about howwe spent our money.
There was some checkbox beingmarked everywhere about whether
this was good or bad oracceptable or not.
Acceptable to me, and I'll tellyou what it took a lot of
(08:23):
negative energy.
Acceptable to me, and I'll tellyou what it took a lot of
negative energy.
It took a lot of energy for meto continue to keep score
because I had to be vigilantabout this level of intensity
that I was keeping, aboutwhether he was meeting some
criteria that I was keeping.
And I kept score with the kidstoo.
Ultimately, we're keeping scoreabout whether they're doing a
(08:44):
good job or whether they'redoing a bad job, or whether
they're meeting the needs ofwhat I think my friend's kids
are doing, or whether they'rekeeping up with some supposed to
be that they're supposed to bedoing.
Was I meeting up to whatpeople's expectations were, all
these scorecards.
(09:05):
And when we do that, we'reactually doing what I speak so
often about in step two of soulrecovery, in terms of admitting
that we're powerless.
We are thinking that we havepower, we're thinking that we
can control that if we stand inthis place where we think we
know, then maybe it will bedifferent.
(09:26):
Well, ultimately, all of thatis a lot of wasted energy, and
what it brought to me was itmade me separate from.
It made me separate from Richin every single way possible,
from my friends if their kidswere doing better than my kids.
(09:47):
It made me feel separate fromthe people at work, because I
was trying to keep score aboutwhat was happening and whether I
was being good or, oh my gosh,at work.
I was just always trying toprove myself right, whether
somebody was taking away from mein some way.
And when we do that, we'reactually giving our power away
again and again and again andagain to somebody else.
We're saying that they need tolive up to some standard for us
(10:11):
to be okay.
Are You're forgetting where youare?
Because when we look outside,when we're constantly needing
the outside to fill our inside,we're going to forever be
(10:32):
disappointed.
The spiritual teachings that Iread and listen to so often talk
about that part of us that saysyou have to give, to receive,
but not give.
From the codependent place thatsays I'm going to take care of
you and I'm going to be incharge of everything, I'm going
to make sure everyone has whatthey need and I'm going to over
over over give and then maybeyou'll give me something back.
(10:54):
It's not that at all.
It's about recognizing energyexchange.
One of the things aboutspirituality that's so awesome
that matches science is thatwe're talking about energy.
We are energy beings.
We are these incredible atoms,these incredible little bits of
energy that have become our form.
(11:16):
And when you go into quantummechanics and I was about to say
quantum spirituality when yougo into quantum mechanics and
quantum physics, the wild thingis that we're nothing anyway at
all.
The moving of the energy.
It's really nothing and it getspretty far out there and pretty
wild to think about.
And when we are in this placeof like, just holding so tightly
(11:37):
to what we think it is supposedto be, we're actually not in a
place of energy where we cangive and receive energy in a
healthy way.
And so when you look about whatkeeping score is.
It's really our innate knowingthat there's a difference in the
energy levels that are beinggiven and there's some real
(11:59):
truth to it.
So I always hope that you hearme saying that it's not
airy-fairy, that if you justchange your perception that
somehow miraculously yourhusband will start to load the
dishwasher, because good luckwith that right.
He will not start loading thedishwasher out of some miracle.
However, however, when weswitch it from this fight, when
(12:21):
we switch it from this intenseblaming keeping score and Rich
used to say to me on a regularbasis he would say I feel like
we are on opposite sides and Iwould think to myself yeah, we
are Well, who wants to be on theopposite side with your spouse?
And we are on opposite sidesbecause we are in such
opposition to how we saw ourkids and how we wanted to raise
(12:44):
them, and there was a lot ofpain in that and there was some
real differences in our valuesthat we hadn't ever discussed or
had clarity on.
When we first started thisprocess together, all starry
eyed and in love with each otherand drinking drinks and having
a great time, we had those kidsand we didn't even begin to know
how to communicate about whatit was to have children, what
(13:08):
were our values?
What did we think?
And then I had shown up in thisway?
That was that I'm going to takecare of you and love you and be
the one that takes care ofeverything, because that's my
belief system, that I think I'msupposed to take care of
everyone, until all of a sudden,I was raging with resentment
that I was the one that dideverything.
Well, guess who set that up?
(13:29):
Guess, who created that energyfield?
Guess, who was the one that dideverything?
Well, guess who set that up?
Guess, who created that energyfield?
Guess, who was the one who wasalways giving the energy and
there wasn't a reciprocationbecause it wasn't set up in the
first place.
And does it mean that you can'teventually switch and align
those energies?
No, of course not.
It means that you have to takeresponsibility first and
(13:50):
foremost for how you created theconstruct of the communication
and the systems that are in yourfamily.
So, as I worked on my beliefsystems, as I worked on those
core elements of myself that wework on in soul recovery, step
three in soul recovery beingthat we are looking at our
(14:11):
underlying patterns and stories.
What are my underlying patternsand stories?
And somewhere in it, mine wastake care of everybody.
Be the one that gives the mostenergy.
Be the one that is the giver,giver, giver.
Take care of people, please.
Are codependent, and thatleaves you with nothing in the
end.
It's depleting, Because you'regiving love in hopes to receive
(14:36):
love, but the kind of love thatyou're going to get back isn't
the true love that's within you,which is the truth of you
knowing who you are, knowingyour own value, having clarity
of what you need, allowingpeople to be uncomfortable,
allowing situations to beuncomfortable.
Allowing situations to beuncomfortable.
So the keeping score was thisattempt for me to try to get the
(14:59):
energy, this energy exchangethat I was actually needing,
because it wasn't about who wasdoing the dishes, who was doing
the dishes in our house.
Still to this day, I do 80% ofthe household stuff.
(15:19):
And now the way that Richexchanges that in his energy
exchanges, he pays for a housecleaner to come every four to
six weeks and do a deep clean onthe house.
That's his way.
That he said I recognize I'mnot going to show up and be a
cleaner with you.
I don't want you to clean.
I recognize this is importantto you to have a have fairness
in this.
I'm just not that kind of a guyI'm going to pay for it.
I love that.
That is.
That has been working great forme, but I've stopped keeping
(15:41):
score around.
What it felt like in terms ofhousehold chores?
Because it wasn't about thehousehold chores.
It felt like in terms ofhousehold chores because it
wasn't about the householdchores.
The score wasn't about whetherhe was picking up his clothes or
wiping the counter.
It was about the energy that Ifelt, about respect.
(16:01):
It was about being seen.
It was the part of me that feltlike it was taken for granted.
When the energy starts to shiftand when you start doing this
work and you start being able toconnect, and when you start
doing this work and you startbeing able to connect and
communicate with the people inyour lives, without this
constant score card, you alsochange your gameplay and we stop
having gameplay that's winner,loser.
I'm right, you're wrong.
(16:22):
Somebody's going to win andsomeone's going to lose, and you
know what this is society.
Society teaches this level ofintense gameplay.
Only one person wins themillion dollars.
Use them until you kick themall out of the island Survivor
is one of my favorite shows.
They'll watch it every singleseason and I watch people create
(16:43):
these relationships that areeither based on trust and
integrity or they're based ondeception and fear and control.
And underneath, one person winsand some people end up being
willing to sacrifice themselvesbecause their integrity is more
valuable and more important thanpushing for the money.
(17:03):
And some people will doanything, anything to anyone, in
any way, to get the money.
And in the end, it doesn'tmatter if you have the money or
not.
It matters about how you showedup for yourself, how you were
with people, who are youunderneath, and that's the same
(17:23):
with our families, too.
Is this tit for tat?
This very, very painfulscorekeeping, is actually our
way of marking our pain, becausewe're not actually saying click
, you didn't do that.
What you're saying is I don'tfeel respected, I don't feel
like we're in connection, Idon't feel like we're a team
(17:43):
here, I don't feel like we'reworking on this journey together
.
And it's important that we haveclarity about what actually is
it that we're feeling, becauseonce we understand what we're
actually feeling, then we get toconnect with ourselves and
understand what those feelingsare trying to tell us, because
(18:04):
when something doesn't feel good, it's actually giving you
information.
Because when something doesn'tfeel good, it's actually giving
you information, and it isn'tthat we're supposed to feel good
and be in perfect, perfectharmony and bliss all the time
either.
There has to be a light and adark, there has to be the good
and the bad, there has to be thepolarity, there has to be the
(18:32):
intensity of fear and love forus to be able to move closer and
closer to love, if that's whatwe're willing to do to look
through the eyes of love.
And so over the last seven years, the transition for me has been
slow, and there's definitelydays where I find myself wanting
to pull my little scorecard outand lick my little pencil and
do a check mark.
Oh, you didn't do this for me.
And you know last fall, whenRich and I had our sort of
(18:55):
surprising situation where allof a sudden he's like well, if
you aren't happy, you can leave.
I pulled all my scorecards out.
I pulled my scorecards out.
That went back 30 years andthere is a lot of check marks on
the side of hurt, angry,resentful.
A lot of them, a lot of them.
(19:17):
But when we're living off of thescorecard, we're not actually
doing the work to look at whatis in a way that is healthy
enough for us to say does thisalign with me?
Because if there's a constantneed to scorecard people, that
they're not showing up for you,that they're not exchanging
(19:38):
energy in a healthy way, thereis a reason why you're feeling
that way and there might be animportant part of looking at
your life and saying thisactually doesn't line up and
it's not about trying to evenout the scorecard or fix or
change them.
It just is and what is is notgoing to work for me.
What is doesn't feel good to me.
(20:00):
I can't be my full expressionof self.
I have to lose myself.
I have to be something that I'mnot to be in this and that's
why it keeps hurting and hurtingand hurting and hurting.
And that desire to pull out thescorecard is actually an
indication that there'ssomething else going on.
(20:20):
But if you are in a relationshipwhere there's an opportunity
for growth and there's anopportunity to continue to work
together, spirituality isrelationship.
We are in relationship withevery single thing, whether it's
a person or an animal or nature.
The more awake you are, themore conscious you are.
In each of those relationshipsyou recognize that each one is
(20:43):
an opportunity for you to growand learn about yourself and be
your full expression of self.
I believe that the will ofspirit, the will of the universe
, is for you to be magnificent,to be your full expression of
self, to stand in these giftsthat are given to you, to be
this incredible human being.
(21:06):
But most of us play small, mostof us are afraid, most of us are
playing from our old beliefsand our old stories and our old
victim mentality.
And it comes from scorecards,because we were scored when we
were younger.
Somebody was telling us on aregular basis nope, not good, oh
(21:26):
good girl.
Nope, not good, oh good boy.
Scored again, and again andagain.
So not keeping score does notmean that you lay down like a
doormat.
What it means is that you startto look from your higher self
at what is and you recognize theenergy exchange and where are
(21:47):
you putting out energy that isnot being reciprocated back
relationship is that 80% of thestuff that I do the dishes, the
cooking, the cleaning, thegrocery store same same same 80%
(22:09):
always.
The energy exchange is totallydifferent in our relationship
now because his energy exchangeto me is increased by 80% in our
relationship, and I can I canhardly really describe to you
what it is, because if I was inthe scorecard of saying, you
know, does he pick up hisclothes?
No, he doesn't pick up hisclothes, but he's awake and he's
interested and he's willing tohave conversations and he shows
(22:32):
up with an intention in ourrelationship.
Is he awake all the time?
No, does he need to be?
No, and it's not that I'mdemanding and sucking the energy
from him.
It's that we both have morepresence of who we want to be
and how we want to show up foreach other.
(22:52):
And I'm as interested inproviding energy, but not giving
energy, as if I'm a we justbought an electric car, so it's
not as if I'm plugging my pluginto his battery.
It's more like we're bothshowing up having plugged our
(23:13):
batteries into the universe,into the cosmic love and
energetic force of the universe,where we feel more attended to
ourselves from our own way ofbeing, that we're locked in on
that space.
And then, when we show up,there's energy to give each
other.
The energy exchange is, and soyou know there's more.
(23:35):
Oh, I was going to pick updinner.
Can I get you know what are youinterested in instead of?
Are you making us dinner, kindof a thing.
You know there's more?
Oh, I was going to pick updinner.
Can I get you know what are youinterested in Instead of?
Are you making us dinner, kindof a thing, you know.
I wish that I could describe itmore clearly, because it is so
not tit for tat anymore I can'teven pull out of my head what it
is, except that such a bigpiece of it that I want to give
(23:56):
you is I've decided to spendmore time and energy seeing the
good, seeing what is working,seeing the beauty of the human
being that is my partner, seeingthe beauty of my children, and
it's not like life doesn'tcontinue to be lifey.
If you listen to the podcast,you know that I am still having
(24:21):
very real life stuff.
This whole thing with Alex andhim having a new baby is is uh
Ooh.
There's some stuff going oninside of me of all of my
control mechanisms of arefreaking out about wanting it to
be a certain way, because Ihave a lot of fear and I'm
working on those things.
(24:41):
I just talked about that in thelast bonus podcast.
This piece of us doing our workis constant.
It's this constant reflectionof ourselves.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the website.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
(25:03):
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
(25:26):
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(25:47):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode and insteadof having the gameplay where
there's one winner, we switch tothe gameplay, that is,
everybody wins.
And you know why everybody winsBecause we're just one energy
(26:08):
anyway.
We are all these incrediblecreations out of the mind of
source.
We are all just love anyway.
So if we can look through theeyes of love and the guidance
that's coming to me is for us toremember to do this not just in
our relationships but in theworld.
And this is hard and I'mfeeling a lot of emotion because
(26:35):
there's so much fear.
Because there's so much fear, Ifeel the fear, I feel your fear
.
I respond to the fear that Isee in social media.
I respond to the fear that Ihave with my clients and in the
congregations that I speak at.
This is very real and ourdesire to separate and our
desire to be of an opposite team, to take score that they're the
(27:00):
good ones, they're the bad ones, we're the good ones, they're
the bad ones.
This piece that is around veryreal situations that are
affecting people's lives in veryreal ways, and I think this is
the piece in Soul Recovery thatI hope that you get something
that gives you strength from methere is a different way of
(27:24):
being within yourself.
There is a way that you can sitin very complex and difficult
situations and still see itthrough gratitude and through
the eyes of love.
And it doesn't mean that youhave to like it and it doesn't
mean that it has to align withyour every value.
(27:44):
It means that you look past.
It looks past that sticky,messy stuff on the outside and
it never diminishes the lightthat is within each soul side
and it never diminishes thelight that is within each soul,
(28:05):
no matter how cloaked it may bewith pain or fear, dysfunction
or anger.
People do some really horriblethings to each other and they do
those things because they'reafraid.
And when we're in this placewhere we're keeping score, it's
because we're afraid.
And opening with love does notmake you weak and it doesn't
(28:26):
mean that you let people takeadvantage.
It actually means that youstand even more firmly in the
knowing who you are and how toshow up in each situation and
how to handle whatever is.
And in that the energy exchangethat happens can be one that
(28:48):
provides love and energy outward.
Imagine light radiating out.
There's so much in all thespirituality that talks about
light because we're energy.
And again, all this stuff that Isay on a spiritual level, take
what you like and leave the rest.
I'm not trying to push anythingon you.
(29:08):
I'm sharing with you how I seeit, we are indeed light and we
are indeed love, and we areindeed love, but it's masked
with all of this competition andall this fear and all of this
greed and power that reallycomes from a place of trying to
keep ourselves safe, ultimately.
And so whether we're looking atthe larger world, where we need
(29:33):
to have more compassion foreach other, more willingness to
understand that everyone is justdoing the best they can with
what they know, and what we knowis getting more and more skewed
and more and more complicated Iknow I just had an interaction
with a family member that wasincredibly painful around
politics, and there's no pointin fighting it, there's no point
(29:56):
in trying to force your side,because, ultimately, what we all
hear, what we're bringing intoourselves, feels very real over
(30:19):
fear, that these concepts, thesemetaphysical concepts, they
feel real to me and they'reproviding me with this enormous
amount of peace in a world thatis very complicated and in a
family dynamics in which I'vebeen, that have been very
complicated and a marriage thatwas not happy or healthy at all
for a long time.
But it is now and my life ishappy and healthy now and I do
(30:39):
live in my world in a verydifferent way.
So even if what I've beentaking into myself who knows
what's true or right, but itsure feels right and true to me
and that's the most importantthing, that I can lean into that
for myself and I hope that Ioffer that, that you can lean
into that for you and I hopethat I offer that, that you can
lean into that for you.
And I don't want to keep score.
(31:01):
I don't want to keep score inmy family.
I don't want somebody else tokeep score on me.
That's what really hurt me withmy family member was I felt
like I was being judged and thatwas very painful to me.
But I'm powerless over that Steptwo in soul recovery.
I'm powerless over what peoplethink of me, but I am not
(31:21):
powerless about how I show upand I want to live from we all
win game theory that there isenough for everyone, that in our
families.
The more that I can do thisenergy exchange of being light
in love, offering light in love,seeing light in love and then
being more clear about what isand the complexity of what is,
(31:45):
without all the layers ofjudgment and fear and upset,
then I can attend to it from myhighest self, and some of that
means that I make strongboundaries, that I cut off some
relationships or that I havehard conversations but it's
(32:08):
never from a place that is angryor in hatred or in the darkness
to my best ability.
So my offer to you is to becareful where you're keeping
score and to notice that thosescorecards are actually trying
to give you information aboutsomething deeper in how you feel
(32:32):
and maybe what beliefs arecoming up for you, maybe where
you're keeping yourself insituations that aren't healthy
for you.
The scorecard is giving youinformation.
So, instead of thinking thatit's about them, ask yourself
what is this telling me about,what I actually think and what I
actually need, and how I canapproach that from a different
(32:55):
way.
How can I look and be in mylife from a healthier, more
spiritually centered, groundedplace?
So I hope that this podcastgives you some insight into how
to look through the eyes of lovein all of your relationships,
and the eyes of love really meanunconditional acceptance of who
(33:18):
people are, that you don'talways have to like what that is
and you don't have to have itin your life.
It means that we stop trying tomake it be different and we
stop scoring it on the side ofnot enough, not good, not okay,
and we hand it back to them withcompassion and we say this is
(33:39):
yours and I'm energeticallygoing to keep what's mine and
the energy exchange getsregulated.
If you need help with any ofthis, I encourage you to do the
steps on your own.
They're on the website.
There's modules for the firststeps are available now.
I'm working on the finishingthe rest of the steps, or work
(34:00):
with me with individual coaching.
You are here on this journey torecover your soul.
Until next time, namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
(34:22):
subscribers and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
(34:45):
Visit the website recover yoursoulnet or check out the show
links below for coupons andinformation for upcoming events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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