May 5, 2025 • 37 mins
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In this episode, we take a deep and compassionate look at the hidden emotion of resentment—the bitterness, hurt, and injustice we carry long after a moment has passed. Resentment can quietly shape our relationships, thoughts, and inner peace without us even realizing it. Through the lens of Soul Recovery, I explore how this emotion often masks deeper wounds like grief, abandonment, and unmet expectations. Together, we uncover how to recognize resentment not as a flaw, but as a sacred invitation to healing. I share personal stories, psychological insights, and spiritual practices to help you shift the narrative, release what no longer serves you, and reclaim your power with compassion and grace. You are not your pain—and you don’t have to carry it any longer.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
In today's episode we're diving into the
emotion that many of us carryquietly resentment, whether it's
from a relationship, a betrayalor just feeling like life
hasn't treated us fairly.
Resentment can keep us stuck inpain long after the moment has
actually passed.
But there is another way.
In Soul Recovery we learn howto turn the attention to
(00:21):
ourselves, to bring compassionto the places that still hurt
and to gently release what nolonger serves us.
This episode is an invitationto let go, not for them but for
you, to open our hearts and bewilling to be free.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
(00:43):
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life, from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
(01:04):
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast.
I'm Rev Rachel and I'm so gladthat you're here joining me, not
(01:26):
only for this podcast, but,being part of this really
incredible community, we areindeed stepping onto a spiritual
path to find a happy andhealthy life, one that we get to
choose for ourselves.
We're learning how to take ourpower back, let go of control
and to come with compassion andgrace in all aspects of our
lives, but learning that we getto choose to be okay even if the
(01:50):
people and circumstances aroundus don't feel okay, and that
isn't always easy.
But it is this opportunity thatwe have to choose what we need
and want in our own lives, andthe topic that I wanted to talk
about today is resentment.
This is something that I'vetalked about in other podcasts
(02:10):
in a variety of ways, but Idon't know if I've done an
entire podcast specifically onresentment in the way that I've
been wanting to share it withyou.
Resentment is a word that'skicked around a lot, but it is
that.
It's that sticky heaviness thatwe carry without even realizing
it.
It's the way that we think thatsomeone wronged us.
(02:31):
It's the replay that we have,the tape that plays over and
over again that says I waswronged or it's not fair.
And you know what?
It might have not been fair andyou might have been wronged and
someone may have harmed you inyour heart, but we choose to
hold on to that sticky emotionand that's the part that we want
(02:53):
to use the soul recoveryprocess to release.
I did a little research inpreparation for today's topic
because I wanted to have moreclarity on giving you some real
tools and information, and I didsome research on different
definitions of resentment usingpsychology, metaphysics and soul
recovery.
(03:13):
From a psychological view,resentment is a chronic form of
anger or bitterness, oftenrooted in perceived injustice,
unmet expectations, betrayal orunprocessed grief.
Perceived injustice, unmetexpectations, betrayal or
unprocessed grief and again,this is real, this is how you
(03:33):
experienced something in yourlife.
So it's the bitterness, theanger, the unmet needs right
Like this is so real.
These are the things thathappen in our relationships.
It's not that they didn'thappen, they absolutely happened
.
And then, from a metaphysicallens, resentment is an energetic
stagnation, a vibration held inthe body and mind that ties us
to the past and blocks ourconnection to our true self and
(03:55):
source and the ability to bepresent here, now and not be
tied energetically to this pastenergy.
And then, from the soulrecovery perspective, soul
recovery shares that everythingthat's going on with us can be a
tool to be used to learn moreabout ourselves.
So resentment can be a signpost.
It shows us where we're stilltrying to control something
(04:18):
outside of ourselves, wherewe're withholding compassion
from others or with ourself.
And so this idea thateverything that's happening in
our life gives us a chance tounderstand ourselves more and to
deeply, deeply, deeply connectto the healing that is way
beyond, way beyond ourintellectual mind and into our
(04:41):
soul's being.
And resentment has a cost.
It absolutely has a cost, right.
So the cost of holding it froma psychological perspective is
that studies show thatresentment contributes to
chronic stress, depression,substance use, relationship
dysfunction and even physicalillness, such as heart disease,
lowered immunity.
(05:01):
There is a physical way thatresentment can harm you, and
stress, chronic stress, is oneof those things that makes it so
that a part of your brain isturned on and it's keeping you
from being able to access yourhigher processing brain.
So we're really seeing thatresentment can keep us locked in
(05:24):
our fight or flight mindset,right, it's an actual way that
our brains work, and I've oftensaid that holding onto
resentment is like drinkingpoison and expecting another
person to die.
This is a quote from 12 Stepthat I've said time and time
again, it is fascinating howholding onto resentment being
upset, pissed, irritated, bitter, angry at somebody else and we
(05:48):
are holding onto it and then wefeel like it's doing something
but it's really harming us whenwe want it to be about the other
person.
And in soul recovery, what wetalk about is that resentment
keeps your energy entangled withpeople in situations that we
need to release and it's a formof self-abandonment and that's a
(06:11):
pretty profound thing to reallyrealize that you're losing
yourself when you are resentingsomebody else.
So we're going to look at whatresentment really is, why we
cling on to so tightly and howwe can use soul recovery to
release it and take our powerback.
You know, resentment's often anemotion that's covering another
(06:31):
emotion.
It can feel like anger, it canbe under the surface, but it's
really often grief, betrayal andabandonment and hurt.
And it comes when we feelunseen and disrespected and
dismissed.
And these are real situationsthat happen in our life and when
we come from this place wherewe recognize that life is
(06:54):
complicated and we begin toreally touch in with how we've
been showing up and we're takingour power back by recognizing
that we can be responsible.
This is step one in soulrecovery is the ready for
awakening.
It's seeing that you get torecognize that the way that your
(07:17):
life is showing up for you ispartially because of the way
you're choosing to see it.
And the way you're choosing tosee it comes from these parts of
you that are in yoursubconscious, these repetitive
patterns and beliefs and storiesthat, of course, you have been
living through because they weregiven to you as a child.
We grew them even more in ouradulthood and now they've gotten
(07:41):
even more more intense.
And this part of us that iscontinually trying to make other
people fit into the mold ofwhat we need, what we expect,
what we want, and they're, intheir own experience, bumping up
against their own stuff.
And every time that we havethat unmet, unseen feeling, it
(08:04):
is touching in on some reallybase core wounds and of course,
of course they are.
So that's the part about thesoul recovery process is being
so gentle and compassionate toyourself, really allowing
yourself to recognize that we'reseeing it in a new way, we're
witnessing it in a new way,we're awakening to it.
(08:25):
Our consciousness is becomingmore aligned with recognizing
that of course we wish that itwas different or we wish that it
was not as painful.
I've had a lot of resentments inmy life that I've been working
on and what I wanted to sharetoday in my personal story is
around friendships and it's beena journey for me and
(08:45):
friendships and and I recognizethat those friendship journeys
have played out in my marriageas well in my ability to be
connected, to be loved, toaccept love, to give love, and
I've talked a lot about richover variety of episodes over
the seasons, but I find that thefriendship piece is something
(09:07):
that I come back to time andtime again and where resentment
has really come up and raisedits head in a way that's kept me
from deeper connections withpeople when I reflect on how
resentment has worked in my life.
The word resentment, it's theplace where I am repeating the
story from my side and I'mgetting really, really caught up
(09:28):
in my point of view and my side.
For those of you who've beenlistening to the podcast for a
long time and you hear some ofthe repeated stories, I
apologize because they're theonly stories I have, because
this is me and my core woundsare the same core wounds that
I've had since I was a littlegirl, but I've found that I've
always had a couple differentpatterns of relationships in my
(09:51):
life.
One is that I generally have abest friend.
I usually have one person who Ifeel finally safe with and
really put all my energy intothat one person.
And being an only child, maybethis is just a product of what
it's like as an only child thatit feels safer to be in just one
(10:13):
relationship.
But if I look at my history ofrelationships, I've had a best
friend that then it either, youknow, completely fell apart with
some sort of a situation, or itjust slowly started to fizzle
and we began to have differentinterests or whatever it was
that had pulled us together inthe first place has changed and
(10:36):
those relationships tend to kindof really fall away.
And then I've had relationshipswhere it feels like there's
some sort of karmic connectionwith them, that there's some
real pull for us to have afriendship and it isn't that
best friend but it's animportant friend.
And then there is somethingthat happens that really is a
(11:00):
betrayal and really hurts, andthose ones have been the
resentments that I've beencurious about in myself.
And then my third type ofrelationship that I recognize
that I've had in my life is Igenerally have found somebody
who is an adversary, and thathas been a very humbling,
(11:20):
humbling realization torecognize that in almost all of
my work environments or a lot ofmy relationships that there's
somebody in the friend group orsome situation where that person
in my mind is someone that I'mon competition with or somebody
that doesn't feel safe with andthat I'm creating a resentment
(11:43):
as them, as an adversary.
But generally those peopledidn't start out as an adversary
.
Generally those people didsomething to me that I perceived
as being an attack and thenthrough that attack I put up a
very distinct wall and then mydefense mechanism, which is
(12:03):
self-righteousness and judging,came up strong to protect myself
and I created a resentment.
So if I look at these threesort of styles of friendships
where there's somebody who youput all your trust into, you
feel like they get you, that youcan do everything together and
(12:25):
then and then there's some sortof betrayal, right.
So I've had a variety of thosein these best friend
relationships.
One was a friend that sometimeswe make these friends because
they live in close proximity andyou end up spending a whole
bunch of time together, and shewas a woman that lived down the
street and she's a lesbian andwas in a relationship when we
(12:47):
first met.
That broke up and we had someconnection over the fact that
she was in this breakup and Iprovided her some support and
she just lived down the streetand she was so funny and so fun
and didn't have kids and so shewas at a place in her life where
whatever was going on my lifewith my kids, she was at a place
in her life where whatever wasgoing on in my life with my kids
she just participated andjumped in with and we literally
(13:10):
just laughed and had like thebest time and I so, so, so, so,
so enjoyed this relationship andfriendship with her and we just
really gelled and had so muchrelaxed fun together.
And then at some point shestarted dating somebody who was
jealous of our relationship, andrightfully so.
(13:30):
You know, it's kind of like ina male or female relationship.
If it was had been the opposite, right, if it had been a guy
who had a best friend who was agirl, then that girlfriend might
have been jealous.
It's very normal to havejealousy and in the end this new
relationship that she was in,that person gave her an
(13:52):
ultimatum and said ultimately ifyou want to date me, you have
to.
In this relationship with Rachel, it doesn't feel safe or
comfortable to me and I feltreally, really, really
devastated by this situationbecause it took me a while to
realize why the because I justfelt really like left.
(14:14):
I felt really abandoned becauseit basically was cut
immediately.
It was cut immediately and Ithink the thing about resentment
is I created a whole storyaround being wronged and this is
the part that I really want totalk about, because it feels
that way.
It feels like you were wrongedand I would tell everybody about
(14:35):
how I felt wronged and I wouldshare with everybody like how
unfair it was, because it feltunfair to me.
And it isn't about the factthat you can't share these
experiences with people and beable to express how it's hurting
.
You Resent the fact that youcan't share these experiences
with people and be able toexpress how it's hurting you.
Resentment means that you'reputting the blame on them.
The storyline is they did thisto me, that this wasn't fair.
(14:57):
How dare they do this to me?
That's the storyline.
That's where the resentment isyou taking the poison and
thinking it's going to hurt them, when really you're the one
who's feeding, feeding, feedingthe story and going back and
back and back and back again.
They did this to me.
They did this to me If you pullout with just a little bit of
perspective.
(15:18):
First of all, my friend wasreally saddened by this
situation Because here she wasreally wanting and needing to be
in a loving, kind relationshipwith another partner who had
this jealousy issue and you knowwhat People are entitled to,
those feelings of their own andshe was stuck in a difficult,
(15:40):
precarious situation.
That was really hard for herand, if I'm really honest about
the energy exchange in thisrelationship, I think I was the
more needy one in terms of timeand attention and that we had
been slowly been drawing back alittle bit already and that this
was just another step in thatdrawback, if I'm honest with
(16:01):
what it was.
But it was really hard for meand I definitely at that time
didn't have the foresight or theability to really look cleanly
and clearly at what, when thebigger picture was happening on
all sides.
I just felt abandoned and leftand I was angry when I gave
(16:27):
myself some space and starteddoing this journey of soul
recovery.
This is one of the resentmentsthat I went back and looked at
because with this friend, wewere able to have some
conversations to attempt toreconcile our friendship, not to
go back to a best friendrelationship, but she moved and
actually moved across thecountry, found another partner
that was a perfect partner forher, ended up getting married
(16:50):
and we reconciled our friendship, but it never, never, never,
had that same flavor andintimacy that it had before.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
(17:14):
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support you,to work at your own pace and on
your own time.
(17:34):
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
Podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find DailyInspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(17:55):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
So what do I do?
When I'm looking at theresentment for myself, what I
want to look at is I want tolook underneath the rock.
As I talk about you know, we'retrying to control on the top.
I want it to be a certain way.
I don't like what she did to me.
(18:16):
I'm going around telling peoplehow upset I am, how she hurt me
, what she did to me.
I'm creating this continuousstory.
But when I went and lookedunderneath at myself, I
recognized that she hit a buttonaround abandonment, that was
very, very, very wounding aroundmy dad, and that as a little
(18:42):
girl when my parents divorcedwhen I was eight, that I really
only would go see my dad maybeonce a month, maybe twice a
month at the most, and he alwayshad some girlfriend, some new
girlfriend, a differentgirlfriend, whatever the
situation was.
And as a little girl I feltlike I didn't ever have any time
(19:02):
alone with my dad or have anyattention alone with my dad, any
time alone with my dad or haveany attention alone with my dad,
and that I had I really hadn'tmy entire life, because not that
he didn't love me, because hedid love me.
And again, in soul recoverywe're really looking not at
judgment at the other person,but we're looking at how it felt
to me.
So what it felt like to me wasthat he was always busy, he was
always distracted, he was a, hewas a musician, he was in a band
(19:25):
, he was doing all of his things.
And so then when I had thistime with him, I knew that he
loved me, but I was just fitinto whatever his weekend was,
with whatever girlfriend he hadat the time.
And then, when I was 13 yearsold, he met his soon to be
second wife and she said verypoignantly that the relationship
(19:49):
that I had with my dad didn'tfeel comfortable to her.
And and now I can see it froman entirely different
perspective but I was thislittle girl that was 13.
And I still really wanted mydad's attention.
So I like to sit on his lap andI like to hold hands, and he
lived in a one bedroom apartmentand so when I would come to
visit him we would sleep in thesame bed, which was totally
(20:11):
normal and appropriate to me.
But she didn't feel like thatwas appropriate.
And so she basically set upboundaries and guidelines or
ultimatums that said, whenRachel's around these are my
expectations you won't holdhands with her, she can't sit on
your lap, you never sleeptogether again.
You, um, you, you're notallowed to.
(20:32):
I think, if I remember andagain this could be my own mind
you know you're not allowed tokiss, you're not like.
Whatever this touchy, feely waythat I grew up with my parents
was, she didn't feel what wasappropriate, and so it went from
like 100% of me being there onwhatever my weekends were and
whatever it was, to this instantcutoff.
(20:54):
Well, that's how I felt in thissituation with my friend is
that I was, I was cut off, andso, of course, it hit this
really deep wound for me to beabandoned, because it was
reminding me of this abandonmentthat I had from my dad and how
that had felt and how hard thathad been at that particular time
(21:15):
.
And that is the wound.
That abandonment wound from mydad is actually the same
abandonment wound that gotrepeated in my life that set up
these kinds of friendships thatI had.
So this thing about resentmentthat's so fascinating is
actually.
It's a way for you to see yourown story.
It's a way for you tounderstand how your mind works,
(21:39):
this perceived feelings, theseunderstandings of yourself.
When I'm in competition withsomebody, it's almost like I'm
in reaction to that person, likemy stepmother, who created who,
in my mind, is the reason formy upset, for my abandonment.
(21:59):
It took me a long time and a lotof soul recovery work to stop
putting all my energy on mystepmother recovery work, to
stop putting all my energy on mystepmother, who I did not have
a great relationship with, whowas complicated, and there were
a lot of painful, difficulttimes in addition to some lovely
times.
But there was a lot of reallydifficult situations in those
years that we were all togetheras a family on those weekends.
(22:22):
But it took me a long time toactually realize I was mad at my
dad.
I wasn't actually mad at mystepmom as much as I was
disappointed and sad at my dadthat he hadn't stood up for me,
that he hadn't chosen me, andwhen I look at it from that
higher perspective, that says ofcourse he didn't.
Because those relationships,those love relationships with a
(22:45):
partner, those relationships,those love relationships with a
partner adults need those andwant those more, just like my
friend, needed to choose thispotential romantic relationship
over her friendship with me,because that was appropriate and
right to her soul's journey,what she needed.
But as a little girl I didn'tknow how to process those
emotions yet and what it createdwas that adversary that I need
(23:10):
and want somebody else to blame,because that's easier than it
is for me to look at my ownstuff, my own insecurities.
And if I look at almost all myresentments that I've had with
friendships over the years thathave either fallen apart slowly
or had something more traumatichappen from them, they're all
(23:33):
pushing the same value button.
They're all pushing the samebutton that says I'm not enough,
I've done something wrong, thatI'm unlovable, I'm not valued,
I'll always be taken advantageof.
These are real wounds.
They're deep wounds and they'reshowing up to give us
(23:54):
information for our own healing.
They want to be healed.
So how do we go about healingresentments?
First, we have to acknowledgeit.
We have to stop just saying, oh, it's not important, or I'm
over it, or we're too spiritualto have those kinds of feelings.
If I think I'm too spiritual tohave resentment, then I'm not
being honest with myself.
(24:15):
We can't let it go unless wesee what it is.
Things I always recommend andhear me say this time and time
again is go to the journaling.
By writing it down, we areslowing our brain down enough to
actually get it on paper andwe're stopping the loop.
(24:36):
So in your journaling, askyourself what am I still holding
on to that isn't serving meanymore?
What am I holding on to that iscontinuing to harm me?
Am I holding on to that iscontinuing to harm me?
Let your heart speak withoutcensoring and sometimes this is
(24:58):
a really raw truth, but it'syours and it's interesting how
much we've actually tried toprotect ourselves from what
these deep core beliefs are.
So we're looking for thatbelief.
This is step three in soulrecovery, which is we're looking
for.
What is my belief pattern orstory?
So what is it so underneath?
The resentment might be one ofmine's not being valued, not
being I'm always taken advantageof.
(25:20):
The belief is your real corewound and when you bring
compassion to the wound, theresentment starts to dissolve
wound.
And when you bring compassionto the wound, the resentment
starts to dissolve.
And then you can use meditationor visualization, and I love
the meditations around reallyself-compassion.
I think it's so important tolook at our protectors and parts
(25:41):
that I've talked about inprevious episodes, that these
resentments are really actuallyprotectors, trying to keep our
wounded, tender selves safe.
So if we give ourselves thatcompassion and that ability to
really recognize that each ofour feelings are acceptable,
they're important, they'revaluable, and to allow those
(26:05):
stories, those stories of for mewhen I was a little girl and
those uncomfortable weekends andthe difficult years with my
stepmother, or the pain thatthat little girl felt, instead
of saying, oh, it's ridiculousthat you felt that way, it's not
that big of a deal to actuallyfeel those feelings in a space
of meditation where I'mconnected to my higher self, to
(26:27):
something even greater still, touse sometimes visualizations
such as cutting energetic cords,to allow myself to see that I
want sometimes to hold on tothose old storylines, to repeat
it as if I'm a victim, as ifsomething horrible happened,
(26:49):
that if it had been different,then it would be different.
Well, it happened, it is.
But if I can look at what wasin this space, but if I can look
at what was in this space, inthis meditative, sacred space,
and see it for what it was andgive myself permission to feel
the feelings that I felt andthen let go of the control, that
(27:11):
belief that I could dosomething about it or it should
have been different.
It actually is energy thatdissipates and and we're not
erasing the past, but we'rechoosing to take your energy
back.
We're not letting those oldstories be on a loop of what
they did to me versus.
This is what happened, and youknow, I recently had a
(27:34):
conversation with my stepmotherthis is going back to the story
with my dad.
She and my dad divorced whenAlex was born, shortly after
Alex was born, and when my daddivorced, I divorced too.
So I wrote a letter that saidthat I didn't want contact.
And so this is 28 years ago andthis was a time when no contact
(27:59):
, I think, wasn't so popular oreasy to understand.
But I knew that it was going tobe incredibly painful for her
because I knew that she loved meand run its course and was its
own situation.
And for me to choose at thattime to let go of that
(28:25):
relationship and not have tocontinue something that didn't
feel good to me was a pretty bigdeal at that time and I had
resentment for a while.
I actually had some prettymajor resentments for a while.
That I the stories that I toldabout.
You know what she had done andhow it had been and, like I said
, as I did the work and reallyrecognize so much of my own
(28:46):
feelings around my, my ownfather stuff, which we all have
mother, father wounds my heartopened more and more and more
over time and so over these last20 something years there's been
a couple moments and times ofemails.
She has a son who's the sameage as me, who has a lot of
mental health issues, and andthere's still been contact
(29:07):
between my dad and my oncestepbrother and my stepmother.
A couple years ago, when I wasgoing to be in Santa Fe, I
scheduled to have have coffeewith her go.
When I was going to be in SantaFe, I scheduled to have coffee
with her and what was reallyinteresting is that there was no
energy left.
There was no upset left in meat all.
(29:28):
I had only compassion, and whatit didn't mean is it didn't
mean that I want to invite thisperson fully into my life again.
I think that's the reallyimportant thing to understand is
that when we do this work, whenyou let go of resentment, it
doesn't mean that you all of asudden just let everything
(29:51):
happen and come into you thatwas once harmful or hurtful and
it actually means that you don'tlet people walk all over you.
You know, forgiveness is notthe same as reconciliation.
You have to have boundaries.
It's okay to say no, it's okayto walk away, and that sometimes
can be the greatest gift intruly releasing the resentment
(30:13):
is to make that choice.
So when I met back up with thiswoman, we didn't have a lot of
deep conversations, but she didsay that letter and the choice
that she made was really harmfuland hurtful to me and I was
able to say I'm sorry for that.
It does not mean that I'm sorryin the sense of I shouldn't
(30:33):
have done it.
It means from the depth of myheart in my releasing of my own
resentment, it means from thedepth of my heart in my
releasing of my own resentment,I can see that that was hurtful
and harmful to her and I trulyam sad that that was the
experience that she had.
But I knew that it was theright choice for me.
And if I look at all of theserelationships that have all this
(30:55):
sort of same energy around theresentments and the being harmed
and hurt, it's this constantquestion of.
Can I choose myself and how doI choose myself in these
situations, without all theblame and all of the upset and
the somebody's at fault here,and switch it to.
This is how I feel.
(31:16):
This is what's going on for me,and to begin to even see what's
going on for them.
We learn that freedom comesfrom letting go, not from
needing someone else toapologize or change, but it's
the connection to yourself andyour higher power.
It's that observation that weare complicated, relationships
(31:37):
are complicated that I did feelhurt in all the times when
someone pushed my value buttonor my not enough button.
Of course it hurt, but I'm notgoing to continue the story that
says here's what they did to me.
And, just as an aside, what Ithink is interesting about
friendships now is it getscomplex when you start doing the
(31:58):
spiritual work, because wegenerally sit around with people
and discuss our resentments.
We sit around and talk abouthow somebody else is at fault.
It gets more and moreinteresting to be with people
(32:20):
where you can truly share howyou feel, but a resentment isn't
tied to it, because how youfeel is important.
What is really going on withyou is your opportunity to heal.
That's why the resentment is asignpost that if there's
something that is tagging as aresentment, if you find yourself
wanting to tell the story aboutthat person who did something
(32:41):
to you, it's actually giving youinformation about where you can
be healed parts of you that arestill enlivened with pain and
that pain is something that isvaluable to talk about.
But when we talk about it froman empowered perspective, when
we talk about it from our wholeself instead of from our wounded
(33:02):
, attacked part of ourself,you're opening up to true depth
of healing and then you'reallowed to have compassion for
yourself and you can offercompassion to the other In each
of these situations.
I have so much tenderness nowfor each of these people and
I've only discussed a couple ofthe many, many friendship
(33:23):
resentments that I've had overthe years that have given me
information about who I am andto remind me that I am valuable,
I am lovable, I am enough thateach of these situations wasn't
actually pointing to my beingfaulted.
It was me experiencing that formyself and that I get to choose
(33:48):
how I'm going to show up, howI'm going to see it.
I invite you to notice whereresentment might be continuing
to linger in your life not withthe judgment, but with curiosity
.
Can you soften around it?
Can you ask what is this partof me that?
What do I need here?
What does this part of me need?
And you don't have to carrythis pain around forever.
(34:12):
You can release it and you cancome back to yourself.
And releasing it doesn't meanthat you're saying that it
didn't happen or it wasn'tdifficult or it wasn't hurtful.
It means that you're going tostop reliving the story and
pressing play on the loop.
If you want to work with this,if you want to continue to
(34:33):
understand more about this, I'mhere for you.
This is what our coaching is,and soul recovery is to work
through the nine step soulrecovery process that uncovers
some of these resentments andbeliefs and pains.
You can work the nine steps onyour own through modules on the
website.
This process of healingyourself through your connection
to a higher power is alwaysabout letting go of the story,
(35:01):
is always about letting go ofthe story.
It's about recognizing that thestory is giving you information
, but you are not your pain.
You do not have to live fromyour pain and you do not have to
live from resentment.
You can indeed let go of whatno longer serves you and be free
Until next time.
Namaste, thank you for listeningand I hope that that helps
support your soul recoveryprocess.
(35:21):
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bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
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your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
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(35:42):
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Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
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I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(36:02):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
In today's episode we're diving into the
emotion that many of us carryquietly resentment, whether it's
from a relationship, a betrayalor just feeling like life
hasn't treated us fairly.
Resentment can keep us stuck inpain long after the moment has
actually passed.
But there is another way.
In Soul Recovery we learn howto turn the attention to
(00:21):
ourselves, to bring compassionto the places that still hurt
and to gently release what nolonger serves us.
This episode is an invitationto let go, not for them but for
you, to open our hearts and bewilling to be free.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
(00:43):
happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life, from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
(01:04):
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast.
I'm Rev Rachel and I'm so gladthat you're here joining me, not
(01:26):
only for this podcast, but,being part of this really
incredible community, we areindeed stepping onto a spiritual
path to find a happy andhealthy life, one that we get to
choose for ourselves.
We're learning how to take ourpower back, let go of control
and to come with compassion andgrace in all aspects of our
lives, but learning that we getto choose to be okay even if the
(01:50):
people and circumstances aroundus don't feel okay, and that
isn't always easy.
But it is this opportunity thatwe have to choose what we need
and want in our own lives, andthe topic that I wanted to talk
about today is resentment.
This is something that I'vetalked about in other podcasts
(02:10):
in a variety of ways, but Idon't know if I've done an
entire podcast specifically onresentment in the way that I've
been wanting to share it withyou.
Resentment is a word that'skicked around a lot, but it is
that.
It's that sticky heaviness thatwe carry without even realizing
it.
It's the way that we think thatsomeone wronged us.
(02:31):
It's the replay that we have,the tape that plays over and
over again that says I waswronged or it's not fair.
And you know what?
It might have not been fair andyou might have been wronged and
someone may have harmed you inyour heart, but we choose to
hold on to that sticky emotionand that's the part that we want
(02:53):
to use the soul recoveryprocess to release.
I did a little research inpreparation for today's topic
because I wanted to have moreclarity on giving you some real
tools and information, and I didsome research on different
definitions of resentment usingpsychology, metaphysics and soul
recovery.
(03:13):
From a psychological view,resentment is a chronic form of
anger or bitterness, oftenrooted in perceived injustice,
unmet expectations, betrayal orunprocessed grief.
Perceived injustice, unmetexpectations, betrayal or
unprocessed grief and again,this is real, this is how you
(03:33):
experienced something in yourlife.
So it's the bitterness, theanger, the unmet needs right
Like this is so real.
These are the things thathappen in our relationships.
It's not that they didn'thappen, they absolutely happened
.
And then, from a metaphysicallens, resentment is an energetic
stagnation, a vibration held inthe body and mind that ties us
to the past and blocks ourconnection to our true self and
(03:55):
source and the ability to bepresent here, now and not be
tied energetically to this pastenergy.
And then, from the soulrecovery perspective, soul
recovery shares that everythingthat's going on with us can be a
tool to be used to learn moreabout ourselves.
So resentment can be a signpost.
It shows us where we're stilltrying to control something
(04:18):
outside of ourselves, wherewe're withholding compassion
from others or with ourself.
And so this idea thateverything that's happening in
our life gives us a chance tounderstand ourselves more and to
deeply, deeply, deeply connectto the healing that is way
beyond, way beyond ourintellectual mind and into our
(04:41):
soul's being.
And resentment has a cost.
It absolutely has a cost, right.
So the cost of holding it froma psychological perspective is
that studies show thatresentment contributes to
chronic stress, depression,substance use, relationship
dysfunction and even physicalillness, such as heart disease,
lowered immunity.
(05:01):
There is a physical way thatresentment can harm you, and
stress, chronic stress, is oneof those things that makes it so
that a part of your brain isturned on and it's keeping you
from being able to access yourhigher processing brain.
So we're really seeing thatresentment can keep us locked in
(05:24):
our fight or flight mindset,right, it's an actual way that
our brains work, and I've oftensaid that holding onto
resentment is like drinkingpoison and expecting another
person to die.
This is a quote from 12 Stepthat I've said time and time
again, it is fascinating howholding onto resentment being
upset, pissed, irritated, bitter, angry at somebody else and we
(05:48):
are holding onto it and then wefeel like it's doing something
but it's really harming us whenwe want it to be about the other
person.
And in soul recovery, what wetalk about is that resentment
keeps your energy entangled withpeople in situations that we
need to release and it's a formof self-abandonment and that's a
(06:11):
pretty profound thing to reallyrealize that you're losing
yourself when you are resentingsomebody else.
So we're going to look at whatresentment really is, why we
cling on to so tightly and howwe can use soul recovery to
release it and take our powerback.
You know, resentment's often anemotion that's covering another
(06:31):
emotion.
It can feel like anger, it canbe under the surface, but it's
really often grief, betrayal andabandonment and hurt.
And it comes when we feelunseen and disrespected and
dismissed.
And these are real situationsthat happen in our life and when
we come from this place wherewe recognize that life is
(06:54):
complicated and we begin toreally touch in with how we've
been showing up and we're takingour power back by recognizing
that we can be responsible.
This is step one in soulrecovery is the ready for
awakening.
It's seeing that you get torecognize that the way that your
(07:17):
life is showing up for you ispartially because of the way
you're choosing to see it.
And the way you're choosing tosee it comes from these parts of
you that are in yoursubconscious, these repetitive
patterns and beliefs and storiesthat, of course, you have been
living through because they weregiven to you as a child.
We grew them even more in ouradulthood and now they've gotten
(07:41):
even more more intense.
And this part of us that iscontinually trying to make other
people fit into the mold ofwhat we need, what we expect,
what we want, and they're, intheir own experience, bumping up
against their own stuff.
And every time that we havethat unmet, unseen feeling, it
(08:04):
is touching in on some reallybase core wounds and of course,
of course they are.
So that's the part about thesoul recovery process is being
so gentle and compassionate toyourself, really allowing
yourself to recognize that we'reseeing it in a new way, we're
witnessing it in a new way,we're awakening to it.
(08:25):
Our consciousness is becomingmore aligned with recognizing
that of course we wish that itwas different or we wish that it
was not as painful.
I've had a lot of resentments inmy life that I've been working
on and what I wanted to sharetoday in my personal story is
around friendships and it's beena journey for me and
(08:45):
friendships and and I recognizethat those friendship journeys
have played out in my marriageas well in my ability to be
connected, to be loved, toaccept love, to give love, and
I've talked a lot about richover variety of episodes over
the seasons, but I find that thefriendship piece is something
(09:07):
that I come back to time andtime again and where resentment
has really come up and raisedits head in a way that's kept me
from deeper connections withpeople when I reflect on how
resentment has worked in my life.
The word resentment, it's theplace where I am repeating the
story from my side and I'mgetting really, really caught up
(09:28):
in my point of view and my side.
For those of you who've beenlistening to the podcast for a
long time and you hear some ofthe repeated stories, I
apologize because they're theonly stories I have, because
this is me and my core woundsare the same core wounds that
I've had since I was a littlegirl, but I've found that I've
always had a couple differentpatterns of relationships in my
(09:51):
life.
One is that I generally have abest friend.
I usually have one person who Ifeel finally safe with and
really put all my energy intothat one person.
And being an only child, maybethis is just a product of what
it's like as an only child thatit feels safer to be in just one
(10:13):
relationship.
But if I look at my history ofrelationships, I've had a best
friend that then it either, youknow, completely fell apart with
some sort of a situation, or itjust slowly started to fizzle
and we began to have differentinterests or whatever it was
that had pulled us together inthe first place has changed and
(10:36):
those relationships tend to kindof really fall away.
And then I've had relationshipswhere it feels like there's
some sort of karmic connectionwith them, that there's some
real pull for us to have afriendship and it isn't that
best friend but it's animportant friend.
And then there is somethingthat happens that really is a
(11:00):
betrayal and really hurts, andthose ones have been the
resentments that I've beencurious about in myself.
And then my third type ofrelationship that I recognize
that I've had in my life is Igenerally have found somebody
who is an adversary, and thathas been a very humbling,
(11:20):
humbling realization torecognize that in almost all of
my work environments or a lot ofmy relationships that there's
somebody in the friend group orsome situation where that person
in my mind is someone that I'mon competition with or somebody
that doesn't feel safe with andthat I'm creating a resentment
(11:43):
as them, as an adversary.
But generally those peopledidn't start out as an adversary
.
Generally those people didsomething to me that I perceived
as being an attack and thenthrough that attack I put up a
very distinct wall and then mydefense mechanism, which is
(12:03):
self-righteousness and judging,came up strong to protect myself
and I created a resentment.
So if I look at these threesort of styles of friendships
where there's somebody who youput all your trust into, you
feel like they get you, that youcan do everything together and
(12:25):
then and then there's some sortof betrayal, right.
So I've had a variety of thosein these best friend
relationships.
One was a friend that sometimeswe make these friends because
they live in close proximity andyou end up spending a whole
bunch of time together, and shewas a woman that lived down the
street and she's a lesbian andwas in a relationship when we
(12:47):
first met.
That broke up and we had someconnection over the fact that
she was in this breakup and Iprovided her some support and
she just lived down the streetand she was so funny and so fun
and didn't have kids and so shewas at a place in her life where
whatever was going on my lifewith my kids, she was at a place
in her life where whatever wasgoing on in my life with my kids
she just participated andjumped in with and we literally
(13:10):
just laughed and had like thebest time and I so, so, so, so,
so enjoyed this relationship andfriendship with her and we just
really gelled and had so muchrelaxed fun together.
And then at some point shestarted dating somebody who was
jealous of our relationship, andrightfully so.
(13:30):
You know, it's kind of like ina male or female relationship.
If it was had been the opposite, right, if it had been a guy
who had a best friend who was agirl, then that girlfriend might
have been jealous.
It's very normal to havejealousy and in the end this new
relationship that she was in,that person gave her an
(13:52):
ultimatum and said ultimately ifyou want to date me, you have
to.
In this relationship with Rachel, it doesn't feel safe or
comfortable to me and I feltreally, really, really
devastated by this situationbecause it took me a while to
realize why the because I justfelt really like left.
(14:14):
I felt really abandoned becauseit basically was cut
immediately.
It was cut immediately and Ithink the thing about resentment
is I created a whole storyaround being wronged and this is
the part that I really want totalk about, because it feels
that way.
It feels like you were wrongedand I would tell everybody about
(14:35):
how I felt wronged and I wouldshare with everybody like how
unfair it was, because it feltunfair to me.
And it isn't about the factthat you can't share these
experiences with people and beable to express how it's hurting
.
You Resent the fact that youcan't share these experiences
with people and be able toexpress how it's hurting you.
Resentment means that you'reputting the blame on them.
The storyline is they did thisto me, that this wasn't fair.
(14:57):
How dare they do this to me?
That's the storyline.
That's where the resentment isyou taking the poison and
thinking it's going to hurt them, when really you're the one
who's feeding, feeding, feedingthe story and going back and
back and back and back again.
They did this to me.
They did this to me If you pullout with just a little bit of
perspective.
(15:18):
First of all, my friend wasreally saddened by this
situation Because here she wasreally wanting and needing to be
in a loving, kind relationshipwith another partner who had
this jealousy issue and you knowwhat People are entitled to,
those feelings of their own andshe was stuck in a difficult,
(15:40):
precarious situation.
That was really hard for herand, if I'm really honest about
the energy exchange in thisrelationship, I think I was the
more needy one in terms of timeand attention and that we had
been slowly been drawing back alittle bit already and that this
was just another step in thatdrawback, if I'm honest with
(16:01):
what it was.
But it was really hard for meand I definitely at that time
didn't have the foresight or theability to really look cleanly
and clearly at what, when thebigger picture was happening on
all sides.
I just felt abandoned and leftand I was angry when I gave
(16:27):
myself some space and starteddoing this journey of soul
recovery.
This is one of the resentmentsthat I went back and looked at
because with this friend, wewere able to have some
conversations to attempt toreconcile our friendship, not to
go back to a best friendrelationship, but she moved and
actually moved across thecountry, found another partner
that was a perfect partner forher, ended up getting married
(16:50):
and we reconciled our friendship, but it never, never, never,
had that same flavor andintimacy that it had before.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
(17:14):
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support you,to work at your own pace and on
your own time.
(17:34):
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
Podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find DailyInspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
(17:55):
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
So what do I do?
When I'm looking at theresentment for myself, what I
want to look at is I want tolook underneath the rock.
As I talk about you know, we'retrying to control on the top.
I want it to be a certain way.
I don't like what she did to me.
(18:16):
I'm going around telling peoplehow upset I am, how she hurt me
, what she did to me.
I'm creating this continuousstory.
But when I went and lookedunderneath at myself, I
recognized that she hit a buttonaround abandonment, that was
very, very, very wounding aroundmy dad, and that as a little
(18:42):
girl when my parents divorcedwhen I was eight, that I really
only would go see my dad maybeonce a month, maybe twice a
month at the most, and he alwayshad some girlfriend, some new
girlfriend, a differentgirlfriend, whatever the
situation was.
And as a little girl I feltlike I didn't ever have any time
(19:02):
alone with my dad or have anyattention alone with my dad, any
time alone with my dad or haveany attention alone with my dad,
and that I had I really hadn'tmy entire life, because not that
he didn't love me, because hedid love me.
And again, in soul recoverywe're really looking not at
judgment at the other person,but we're looking at how it felt
to me.
So what it felt like to me wasthat he was always busy, he was
always distracted, he was a, hewas a musician, he was in a band
(19:25):
, he was doing all of his things.
And so then when I had thistime with him, I knew that he
loved me, but I was just fitinto whatever his weekend was,
with whatever girlfriend he hadat the time.
And then, when I was 13 yearsold, he met his soon to be
second wife and she said verypoignantly that the relationship
(19:49):
that I had with my dad didn'tfeel comfortable to her.
And and now I can see it froman entirely different
perspective but I was thislittle girl that was 13.
And I still really wanted mydad's attention.
So I like to sit on his lap andI like to hold hands, and he
lived in a one bedroom apartmentand so when I would come to
visit him we would sleep in thesame bed, which was totally
(20:11):
normal and appropriate to me.
But she didn't feel like thatwas appropriate.
And so she basically set upboundaries and guidelines or
ultimatums that said, whenRachel's around these are my
expectations you won't holdhands with her, she can't sit on
your lap, you never sleeptogether again.
You, um, you, you're notallowed to.
(20:32):
I think, if I remember andagain this could be my own mind
you know you're not allowed tokiss, you're not like.
Whatever this touchy, feely waythat I grew up with my parents
was, she didn't feel what wasappropriate, and so it went from
like 100% of me being there onwhatever my weekends were and
whatever it was, to this instantcutoff.
(20:54):
Well, that's how I felt in thissituation with my friend is
that I was, I was cut off, andso, of course, it hit this
really deep wound for me to beabandoned, because it was
reminding me of this abandonmentthat I had from my dad and how
that had felt and how hard thathad been at that particular time
(21:15):
.
And that is the wound.
That abandonment wound from mydad is actually the same
abandonment wound that gotrepeated in my life that set up
these kinds of friendships thatI had.
So this thing about resentmentthat's so fascinating is
actually.
It's a way for you to see yourown story.
It's a way for you tounderstand how your mind works,
(21:39):
this perceived feelings, theseunderstandings of yourself.
When I'm in competition withsomebody, it's almost like I'm
in reaction to that person, likemy stepmother, who created who,
in my mind, is the reason formy upset, for my abandonment.
(21:59):
It took me a long time and a lotof soul recovery work to stop
putting all my energy on mystepmother recovery work, to
stop putting all my energy on mystepmother, who I did not have
a great relationship with, whowas complicated, and there were
a lot of painful, difficulttimes in addition to some lovely
times.
But there was a lot of reallydifficult situations in those
years that we were all togetheras a family on those weekends.
(22:22):
But it took me a long time toactually realize I was mad at my
dad.
I wasn't actually mad at mystepmom as much as I was
disappointed and sad at my dadthat he hadn't stood up for me,
that he hadn't chosen me, andwhen I look at it from that
higher perspective, that says ofcourse he didn't.
Because those relationships,those love relationships with a
(22:45):
partner, those relationships,those love relationships with a
partner adults need those andwant those more, just like my
friend, needed to choose thispotential romantic relationship
over her friendship with me,because that was appropriate and
right to her soul's journey,what she needed.
But as a little girl I didn'tknow how to process those
emotions yet and what it createdwas that adversary that I need
(23:10):
and want somebody else to blame,because that's easier than it
is for me to look at my ownstuff, my own insecurities.
And if I look at almost all myresentments that I've had with
friendships over the years thathave either fallen apart slowly
or had something more traumatichappen from them, they're all
(23:33):
pushing the same value button.
They're all pushing the samebutton that says I'm not enough,
I've done something wrong, thatI'm unlovable, I'm not valued,
I'll always be taken advantageof.
These are real wounds.
They're deep wounds and they'reshowing up to give us
(23:54):
information for our own healing.
They want to be healed.
So how do we go about healingresentments?
First, we have to acknowledgeit.
We have to stop just saying, oh, it's not important, or I'm
over it, or we're too spiritualto have those kinds of feelings.
If I think I'm too spiritual tohave resentment, then I'm not
being honest with myself.
(24:15):
We can't let it go unless wesee what it is.
Things I always recommend andhear me say this time and time
again is go to the journaling.
By writing it down, we areslowing our brain down enough to
actually get it on paper andwe're stopping the loop.
(24:36):
So in your journaling, askyourself what am I still holding
on to that isn't serving meanymore?
What am I holding on to that iscontinuing to harm me?
Am I holding on to that iscontinuing to harm me?
Let your heart speak withoutcensoring and sometimes this is
(24:58):
a really raw truth, but it'syours and it's interesting how
much we've actually tried toprotect ourselves from what
these deep core beliefs are.
So we're looking for thatbelief.
This is step three in soulrecovery, which is we're looking
for.
What is my belief pattern orstory?
So what is it so underneath?
The resentment might be one ofmine's not being valued, not
being I'm always taken advantageof.
(25:20):
The belief is your real corewound and when you bring
compassion to the wound, theresentment starts to dissolve
wound.
And when you bring compassionto the wound, the resentment
starts to dissolve.
And then you can use meditationor visualization, and I love
the meditations around reallyself-compassion.
I think it's so important tolook at our protectors and parts
(25:41):
that I've talked about inprevious episodes, that these
resentments are really actuallyprotectors, trying to keep our
wounded, tender selves safe.
So if we give ourselves thatcompassion and that ability to
really recognize that each ofour feelings are acceptable,
they're important, they'revaluable, and to allow those
(26:05):
stories, those stories of for mewhen I was a little girl and
those uncomfortable weekends andthe difficult years with my
stepmother, or the pain thatthat little girl felt, instead
of saying, oh, it's ridiculousthat you felt that way, it's not
that big of a deal to actuallyfeel those feelings in a space
of meditation where I'mconnected to my higher self, to
(26:27):
something even greater still, touse sometimes visualizations
such as cutting energetic cords,to allow myself to see that I
want sometimes to hold on tothose old storylines, to repeat
it as if I'm a victim, as ifsomething horrible happened,
(26:49):
that if it had been different,then it would be different.
Well, it happened, it is.
But if I can look at what wasin this space, but if I can look
at what was in this space, inthis meditative, sacred space,
and see it for what it was andgive myself permission to feel
the feelings that I felt andthen let go of the control, that
(27:11):
belief that I could dosomething about it or it should
have been different.
It actually is energy thatdissipates and and we're not
erasing the past, but we'rechoosing to take your energy
back.
We're not letting those oldstories be on a loop of what
they did to me versus.
This is what happened, and youknow, I recently had a
(27:34):
conversation with my stepmotherthis is going back to the story
with my dad.
She and my dad divorced whenAlex was born, shortly after
Alex was born, and when my daddivorced, I divorced too.
So I wrote a letter that saidthat I didn't want contact.
And so this is 28 years ago andthis was a time when no contact
(27:59):
, I think, wasn't so popular oreasy to understand.
But I knew that it was going tobe incredibly painful for her
because I knew that she loved meand run its course and was its
own situation.
And for me to choose at thattime to let go of that
(28:25):
relationship and not have tocontinue something that didn't
feel good to me was a pretty bigdeal at that time and I had
resentment for a while.
I actually had some prettymajor resentments for a while.
That I the stories that I toldabout.
You know what she had done andhow it had been and, like I said
, as I did the work and reallyrecognize so much of my own
(28:46):
feelings around my, my ownfather stuff, which we all have
mother, father wounds my heartopened more and more and more
over time and so over these last20 something years there's been
a couple moments and times ofemails.
She has a son who's the sameage as me, who has a lot of
mental health issues, and andthere's still been contact
(29:07):
between my dad and my oncestepbrother and my stepmother.
A couple years ago, when I wasgoing to be in Santa Fe, I
scheduled to have have coffeewith her go.
When I was going to be in SantaFe, I scheduled to have coffee
with her and what was reallyinteresting is that there was no
energy left.
There was no upset left in meat all.
(29:28):
I had only compassion, and whatit didn't mean is it didn't
mean that I want to invite thisperson fully into my life again.
I think that's the reallyimportant thing to understand is
that when we do this work, whenyou let go of resentment, it
doesn't mean that you all of asudden just let everything
(29:51):
happen and come into you thatwas once harmful or hurtful and
it actually means that you don'tlet people walk all over you.
You know, forgiveness is notthe same as reconciliation.
You have to have boundaries.
It's okay to say no, it's okayto walk away, and that sometimes
can be the greatest gift intruly releasing the resentment
(30:13):
is to make that choice.
So when I met back up with thiswoman, we didn't have a lot of
deep conversations, but she didsay that letter and the choice
that she made was really harmfuland hurtful to me and I was
able to say I'm sorry for that.
It does not mean that I'm sorryin the sense of I shouldn't
(30:33):
have done it.
It means from the depth of myheart in my releasing of my own
resentment, it means from thedepth of my heart in my
releasing of my own resentment,I can see that that was hurtful
and harmful to her and I trulyam sad that that was the
experience that she had.
But I knew that it was theright choice for me.
And if I look at all of theserelationships that have all this
(30:55):
sort of same energy around theresentments and the being harmed
and hurt, it's this constantquestion of.
Can I choose myself and how doI choose myself in these
situations, without all theblame and all of the upset and
the somebody's at fault here,and switch it to.
This is how I feel.
(31:16):
This is what's going on for me,and to begin to even see what's
going on for them.
We learn that freedom comesfrom letting go, not from
needing someone else toapologize or change, but it's
the connection to yourself andyour higher power.
It's that observation that weare complicated, relationships
(31:37):
are complicated that I did feelhurt in all the times when
someone pushed my value buttonor my not enough button.
Of course it hurt, but I'm notgoing to continue the story that
says here's what they did to me.
And, just as an aside, what Ithink is interesting about
friendships now is it getscomplex when you start doing the
(31:58):
spiritual work, because wegenerally sit around with people
and discuss our resentments.
We sit around and talk abouthow somebody else is at fault.
It gets more and moreinteresting to be with people
(32:20):
where you can truly share howyou feel, but a resentment isn't
tied to it, because how youfeel is important.
What is really going on withyou is your opportunity to heal.
That's why the resentment is asignpost that if there's
something that is tagging as aresentment, if you find yourself
wanting to tell the story aboutthat person who did something
(32:41):
to you, it's actually giving youinformation about where you can
be healed parts of you that arestill enlivened with pain and
that pain is something that isvaluable to talk about.
But when we talk about it froman empowered perspective, when
we talk about it from our wholeself instead of from our wounded
(33:02):
, attacked part of ourself,you're opening up to true depth
of healing and then you'reallowed to have compassion for
yourself and you can offercompassion to the other In each
of these situations.
I have so much tenderness nowfor each of these people and
I've only discussed a couple ofthe many, many friendship
(33:23):
resentments that I've had overthe years that have given me
information about who I am andto remind me that I am valuable,
I am lovable, I am enough thateach of these situations wasn't
actually pointing to my beingfaulted.
It was me experiencing that formyself and that I get to choose
(33:48):
how I'm going to show up, howI'm going to see it.
I invite you to notice whereresentment might be continuing
to linger in your life not withthe judgment, but with curiosity
.
Can you soften around it?
Can you ask what is this partof me that?
What do I need here?
What does this part of me need?
And you don't have to carrythis pain around forever.
(34:12):
You can release it and you cancome back to yourself.
And releasing it doesn't meanthat you're saying that it
didn't happen or it wasn'tdifficult or it wasn't hurtful.
It means that you're going tostop reliving the story and
pressing play on the loop.
If you want to work with this,if you want to continue to
(34:33):
understand more about this, I'mhere for you.
This is what our coaching is,and soul recovery is to work
through the nine step soulrecovery process that uncovers
some of these resentments andbeliefs and pains.
You can work the nine steps onyour own through modules on the
website.
This process of healingyourself through your connection
to a higher power is alwaysabout letting go of the story,
(35:01):
is always about letting go ofthe story.
It's about recognizing that thestory is giving you information
, but you are not your pain.
You do not have to live fromyour pain and you do not have to
live from resentment.
You can indeed let go of whatno longer serves you and be free
Until next time.
Namaste, thank you for listeningand I hope that that helps
support your soul recoveryprocess.
(35:21):
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
(35:42):
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time, to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(36:02):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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