February 12, 2024 • 32 mins
Send Rev Rachel a Text Message!!!! What do you love and what would you like to hear more about?
While I am on vacation for February 2024, I wanted to share some of the powerful episodes from our book study last year for subscribers of the Bonus Recover Your Soul podcast, and have chosen some of the favorites.
In this bonus episode we continue the book study of Paul Ferrini's "Crossing the Threshold from Fear to Love: 31 Days of Spiritual Awakening". I really enjoyed this chapter looking at detachment from his perspective as a spiritual value to add to our Soul Recovery tool box as we learn to let go of all that no longer serves us. Paul emphasizes the importance of learning from our experiences and seeing the choices we can make as we take charge of our own lives one step at a time.
Become a Patreon Member and listen to the full book study!
For more information about Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul- visit the website www.recoveryoursoul.net use the code TRYASESSION for 40% off your first Spiritual Coaching session when you book on the website. Visit the website for all events and groups to get involved in Soul Recovery and the community.
Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom -The 1st Monday of the Month, 6PM Mountain Time. This is a drop in support group where we can come together to explore, connect and support each other on our Soul Recovery journey. Visit the website to register and receive the meeting invite. Free to attend and donations appreciated.
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Make a one time donation to support the Recover Your Soul Podcast on the home page or become a monthly supporter from $3 to $10, follow us on Instagram, Insight Timer, TikTok, YouTube and Facebook and join the private Facebook group to be part of the RYS community. Support this podcast and have access to bonus content by becoming a Patreon Member or subscribing on Apple Podcasts and have access to an EXTRA episode each Friday. Episode Transcripts found here https://recoveryoursoul.buzzsprout.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
If you're listening to this at the date of its
airing, it is February 2024, andRich and I are in Indonesia for
a trip of a lifetimecelebrating our 30th wedding
anniversary, which isexclusively through the power of
doing soul recovery andcreating a new life.
So while I'm gone, I'm going tobe replaying some of the
(00:22):
content from the subscribers'bonus episodes that are listened
to through being an ApplePodcast subscriber or Patreon
number.
I like doing book studies asinspiration on the bonus
episodes and last year we workedwith Paul Ferini's book
Crossing the Threshold from Fearto Love.
It's around the spiritualvalues that can allow us to be
(00:45):
our whole, full self and we'regoing to be using some of those
values for you to put more toolsin your spiritual toolbox and
on your soul recovery journey.
And just a quick pitch that, ifyou like this episode and you
like the concept of book studiesor in-depth interviews, I hope
you'll also become a bonusepisode subscriber.
Enjoy.
(01:07):
Welcome to the Recovery yourSoul Podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recovery your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:27):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
We are doing this slow andsteady book study of Crossing
(01:52):
the Threshold from Fear to Loveby Paul Ferini.
It's 31 spiritual values.
We've been just slowly pickingup these spiritual values and
talking about them from the soulrecovery perspective, and I
love that.
Part of the soul recoveryjourney is a spiritual path to a
(02:12):
happy and healthy life.
Part of the journey is justopening us up to different
concepts and different thoughtsand different ways of seeing our
lives, seeing our healing,seeing new ways of thinking and
feeling, new perceptions andjust changing and shifting our
thought patterns, just a littlebit, just one little baby step
(02:35):
at a time.
And so, by using thesespiritual teachers and the
concepts around spiritualityfrom different voices, what I'm
giving you, I hope, is your ownvoice.
I'm not here to tell you whatspirit or higher power should
look like for you.
This is your own process offinding what that is in your own
(02:58):
being, your own connection towhat a higher power, something
greater still, that love, thatsupport that is indeed
surrounding you and loving youand beginning to give it voice,
because most of us came fromupbringings where we were given
(03:20):
the terminology, we were givenwhat the images were.
There was a lot of shame, a lotof guilt, a lot of believe this.
If you don't believe this, thenyou're going to be in trouble,
then you'll, oh my gosh, go tohell right, like the fear that
was installed in so many peoplearound religion.
And by taking a look at thesespiritual values, by taking a
(03:43):
look at this and other teachersthat were studying here, what
we're doing is we're helping youto decide what's right for you.
As I often say, I want you totake what works for you and to
leave the rest, because I'm notgrowing and developing my own
spiritual foundation and it'sproviding me with so much inner
(04:05):
peace and strength and justcontentment in my life.
That is so different from how Ifelt before and I've always
been kind of a spiritual person.
But it's this real attentionand real attending to myself and
this connection, and so my hopein us reading this book and the
(04:27):
other things that we'll bestudying along the way, and
other people that come in forinterviews is for you to be
gathering up and deciding foryourself what is right for you.
What do you feel in connection?
How do you feel the most trueto yourself and your higher self
(04:48):
?
These spiritual values are sogreat for me to be covering,
because today we're going to bedoing detachment.
And he's not talking aboutdetachment from the codependent
Al-Anon perspective as weusually use that word.
He's talking about detachmentas a spiritual principle, as a
spiritual value.
(05:08):
So we're just going to dig intothe book and we've read over so
many things now acceptance andforgiveness and humility and
patience and gentleness andhonesty, generosity and
compassion.
And here we are at detachment.
As usual, I will read from thebook and from the reading and
(05:29):
then reflect accordingly.
Just allow it to wash throughyou and over you and see where
there might be little snippetsof an aha moment, a little
snippet of truth.
That is about empowering you tolive from your highest self.
That's giving you your powerback.
(05:50):
So that's why we're studyingand reading these values.
Okay, detachment is a state ofconsciousness, he says.
We cultivate detachment when werelease our attachment to
someone or something that ispreventing us from growing and
moving forward in our lives.
Detachment helps free us fromunhealthy relationships,
(06:13):
delusional beliefs anddysfunctional behavior patterns.
While emotional attachment ispart of the process of learning
and growing, there comes a timewhen we must let go to free up
our energy to create somethingnew and better in our life.
I loved that line.
There comes a time when we mustlet go to free up our energy to
(06:40):
create something new and betterin our life.
You know, in soul recovery,what we're just beginning to
learn, in a way, is that we canco-create with this higher power
the life of our decision making, of what we want, that we
actually can step aside from thepeople around us and start to
(07:03):
realize what is new and betterfor us, and that that often
means that we need to let go ofthoughts, people, beliefs,
patterns so that we can have theenergy to really move forward
in our lives.
So I love that.
He said that.
He goes on to say oppositestates of consciousness are
(07:25):
attachment, dependence orco-dependence, fixation,
identification, merging,submission, obsession with
people or ideas and giving upour power to others.
And you know, in soul recoverythat's what we're learning is to
not give up our power to others.
He goes on to say his teaching.
(07:48):
Both attachment and detachmentare necessary aspects of life.
As a baby we're attached to ourmother or caregivers.
We depend on her for nurturing,love and protection.
But when we get older we mustlearn to do things for ourselves
.
Our father encourages us tomove out into life and take
greater responsibility forourselves.
(08:09):
Gradually we detach from bothour mother and father and claim
our independence.
This is a natural phenomenon.
Without detachment, growth andindividuation cannot take place.
But detachment from parentalsupport and authority can lead
to forming of new attachments.
Perhaps we attach to agirlfriend, a boyfriend, a
(08:32):
teacher, a coach or a mentor.
Our attachment enables us toreceive additional support in
nurturing and that's a goodthing.
There will be a time when wehave to detach from that person
to continue to grow.
That's really interesting,because I think that's sometimes
.
What happens to us is that weattach to that next place.
(08:54):
You know, once we move from onesituation to another and we
have a lot of trouble letting goso that we can continue to grow
.
He says our mentor may help uslearn a skill, but once the
skill is learned we may be readyto move on to another challenge
.
Our apprenticeship must end forus to learn to stand on our own
(09:17):
and become a master in our ownright.
What I love about these alreadystarting to talk about which, to
me, really reflects in soulrecovery is the concept that we
are here to grow and learn ourown journey.
We're here to grow and learnand expand and have our own
experience.
And, yes, we connect withothers, we have this
(09:40):
apprenticeship or we have theseconnections and relationship,
but ultimately, what we're hereto do is to have as much
development of our own souls andour own learning and our own
experience as we can.
So I love that.
He's really saying we need tolearn to stand on our own and
(10:01):
become a master in our own rightof our own lives.
He says we might fall in lovewith someone and learn to open
our heart, and that's awonderful thing.
But sometimes what we can learnfrom each other reaches its
limits and we feel ready to moveon.
We realize that we will bothlearn more with others than we
(10:23):
will learn by staying together.
Of course, this recognitiontakes on many forms.
In other cases there are deeperties that bind us, but we need
to take some time apart to growbefore we can come back together
.
You know, there's this conceptof marriage that comes up to me
right around this, and there arevows that we take when we get
(10:47):
married that we're going tostick together through
everything.
And when we stand there on thealtar, most of us totally
believe and think that therecould not possibly be anything
that would pull us apart, thatwe will be there through thick
and thin.
And this journey of soulrecovery is really around us,
(11:08):
attending to ourselves.
And what I think about is myparents, who divorced in a very
loving way because they had thisrecognition that they couldn't
grow and live their best livestogether, that, even though they
cared about each other, thatthey really needed to separate
for them to live their bestselves.
And that was how I grew up.
(11:30):
That's what I learned, that'swhat I thought.
Now, that's different than justrunning away when it gets hard.
And, as Rich and I were one ofthose people that had a
separation for a year and didsome time apart to reflect, to
take a look, to say do we needto separate to be our happiest
(11:52):
selves or can we work on thistogether?
And in our case, we came backtogether and I think that
there's the importance ofrealizing that the vow is real
but truly recognizing when it isbest to not be together so that
(12:12):
you can move forward in yourlife or the other person can
move forward in their life totheir healthiest benefit.
That is much stronger than avow made.
That is really around societyand social binds and I know
that's a really tough thing totalk about and some people may
have differing views around thatand again, take what you need
(12:34):
and leave the rest.
But I really love that.
He really talks about how it'simportant that we realize, about
learning and growing, thatsometimes we need to let go to
be able to be our best self.
If you're ready for soulrecovery, as a spiritual coach I
can support your healing tohelp make real changes that will
(12:56):
bring you a life of peace,happiness, connection and
abundance.
You can also work in smallergroups by taking a deep dive in
a Zoom workshop or with me inperson at a retreat or an event.
Join others on the SoulRecovery Path, once a month for
the free Zoom support group ordaily on the private Facebook
page.
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to book
(13:18):
coaching sessions with me orfind all the information you
need about soul recovery datesthat are coming up and how to
register for those groups andworkshops To support the podcast
and the community.
Check the links in the shownotes to make a small monthly
donation or a one-time donationof your choice.
That will make a huge impact tosupport this community and the
(13:39):
Soul Recovery mission.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
He goes on to say embracing andletting go are two sides of the
same coin.
If we get stuck in theembracing stage and we don't let
go, we won't grow andindividuate.
(13:59):
On the other hand, if we getstuck in the letting go stage,
we can't experience thenurturing and support that we
need.
After a time alone and apart,it will be time to embrace again
.
This is a cyclical process andit doesn't mean with the same
people.
It just means that thisembracing, this getting what you
(14:21):
need, this connection, thisallowing resources, and then the
moving away.
It doesn't have to necessarilybe in and out of relationships.
Sometimes it's in arelationship where you really
allow space and you come into itand then you release a little
(14:42):
bit.
The whole concept is around ourown individuated growth and our
own awareness of who we areseparate from somebody else,
detaching from their person,their needs, their systems,
their beliefs, their own stuffand really attending to
(15:03):
ourselves so that we can dohours and letting them take care
of theirs.
He says some people havedifficulty with one extreme or
the other.
Those who are wounded andafraid of intimacy are not good
at the embracing stage.
If they embrace at all, it'sonly briefly and then it's off
to the races.
So right.
(15:23):
So if we've been hurt as wewere growing up and we find it
difficult to believe that wedeserve love or can be loved,
that sometimes we can't even dothe embracing stage or really
can't touch on it because itbrings pain for us, they may
leave a trail of tears behindthem.
Others have difficulty with thedetachment stage.
(15:46):
They embrace easily, but thenthey try to hold on, even when
it's clear that it's time topart.
They are often feeling hurt andbetrayed.
Clearly, either extreme is nothealthy.
Unfortunately, most people arenot extreme in their behavior.
However, their lessons may liein one stage more than the other
(16:08):
.
If you're someone who attachesand holds on, you need to learn
detachment skills.
If you're someone who istrouble connecting, committing,
your lessons may lie in thedetachment stage.
You probably know which oneapplies to you and you may
choose a partner who exhibitsthe other tendency, so that you
can learn from him or her.
(16:29):
Sometimes I wouldn't even knowthat we're doing this
subconsciously, that we'rechoosing people who are going to
help us in our attachmentstyles and be able to heal.
If you see those relationshipsas learning opportunities
instead of as something that'sharming you, then you really can
lean in and see them as yourteacher instead of your armor.
(16:50):
He says the practice Today.
Practice recognizing anyunhealthy attachments you have.
These attachments may be topeople, substances, addictions
or ideas.
See how these dependencies holdyou back from moving forward in
your life and be prepared tostart letting them go.
(17:15):
The first step is usually tounderstand what the payoff is
from each attachment.
I think this is reallyfascinating because this is
something that I talk to peoplea lot about.
What is the payoff?
I'm going to start again.
The first step is usually tounderstand what payoffs come
from each attachment.
For example, you may beattached to your job, even
(17:38):
though you don't like it,because it pays the bills we
have to.
The payoff is I'm going to beable to support myself.
You may be attached to yourrelationship even though there's
no intimacy there, because youdon't want to be lonely or you
don't want to have to go to workand support yourself.
But being honest with yourself,this is really an honesty time
(17:59):
to say why am I in thissituation?
That isn't something thatbrings me joy, isn't pushing me
forward to my higher self.
What is the payoff?
What is this that's keeping methere?
He says you might be attached todrinking or smoking because it
helps you deal with anxiety,even though you know it's taking
a toll on your health.
(18:20):
He says if there was no payoff,you probably wouldn't have a
difficulty in letting it go.
So you have to look carefullyat the payoff and the cost of
the attachment.
What is the cost of staying ina job you don't like or a
marriage that offers no love orintimacy?
What is the cost of anaddiction that is undermining
(18:42):
your health?
What is the cost of ignoringyour own guidance and giving
your power away to others?
This is huge.
What is the cost of youignoring your own inner guidance
and giving your power away toothers?
What does that cost you in yourlife, when you really think
(19:07):
about it?
Are you living from your truestself, from your highest self?
What is the cost of continuingto stay in situations that are
not healthy for you, he says.
When you understand the cost isgreater than the payoff, you
realize that you must take stepsto free yourself from the
(19:30):
attachment.
Sometimes you can do this bystanding up for yourself,
speaking to your boss or to yourspouse, going cold turkey, off
booze or addictive substances,and other times it becomes clear
to you that you need help fromothers to overcome the
attachment and take the firststep by asking for the help that
(19:51):
you need.
These are such powerfulconcepts to really look at.
What is the payoff?
What do I actually get fromthis, or at least, what am I
telling myself that I get fromthis?
Or sometimes it's even what isthe unhealthy part of my brain
telling me that I need this forthat?
This is why I'm here Versus,really, what is the cost?
(20:15):
What is really happening in mylife?
Am I happy, am I unhappy?
Am I healthy or unhealthy?
Does this bring me joy or doesthis make me feel sad and
detached?
And it is also so important torealize that sometimes we need
help.
You're here listening to thispodcast because at some point
(20:37):
you reached out and typedsomething into a search engine
and here you are.
And how amazing is that?
Maybe it's.
Sometimes it's just listeningto a podcast or to a book or
some sort of resource.
That gives you what you need.
And sometimes it's deeper thanthat.
For me in recovery it was goingto 12 step.
(20:58):
It was committing to a 12 stepprogram to stop drinking and
also for Alenan, that that waspart of the beginning of my
deeper healing.
That opened me up in a way.
For some people it is reallyleaning out to friends and
really letting them know what'sgoing on and stop hiding what is
(21:19):
really happening in your life.
So many of us try to pretendlike everything's okay when
really underneath it's not okayand sometimes just saying it out
loud and hearing yourself sharewith somebody what the real
cost is in staying in asituation or a relationship or a
job that isn't benefiting you,that isn't healthy for you
(21:42):
anymore Just saying it out loudreally lets you feel and know
the truth of what that is.
So looking at what the cost andwhat the payoff is, what is
asking for help look like, howcan you empower yourself?
How can you stop giving yourpower away?
What do we need to let go of?
(22:04):
What do we need to embraceReally powerful concepts?
He says today see the cost ofyour attachment and take the
first step towards freedom fromthat entanglement Today.
Pick up the phone and call forhelp if you need it Today.
Communicate your desire forchange to the people who need to
(22:24):
hear it.
Don't remain in your victimhoodbecause you think you have no
choice.
This is one of my big thingsyou always have a choice.
Don't remain in your victimhoodbecause you don't think you
have a choice.
You believe that only becauseyou have been giving your power
away.
And then he says take yourpower back and take charge of
(22:47):
your life one step at a time.
This is such a huge commentbecause this is what I say all
the time Take your power back.
You absolutely have a choiceand it isn't easy.
It isn't easy to make bigchanges or to end relationships
or end jobs or go no contactwith people who aren't healthy
(23:10):
with you anymore.
But what we do when we do thatis we're taking our power back
and we're taking charge of ourlife.
And in soul recovery, whatwe're learning is to trust our
higher power, that we will beguided and led and resourced
with everything that we need tobe able to make those decisions
that benefit us.
(23:31):
I don't believe that spiritwants any of us to be in a
situation that is unhealthy,unhappy or unkind.
It is not easy to stop being avictim.
It's not easy to stand up forourselves.
There's a lot of fear ofsuccess.
There's a lot of fear aroundactually stepping out from
(23:52):
unhealthy thought patterns,beliefs, because we don't wanna
fail.
So this is about taking yourpower back and taking charge of
your life, one step at a time,and sometimes those steps are
teeny, tiny baby steps, and thatis just fine.
So, he says, those who give awaytheir freedom easily slip into
(24:13):
victim consciousness and gettrapped in a prison of their own
making.
The longer they stay, the moredocile and powerless they become
.
Darkness and depression set inand the light continues to
recede from them.
Today, check the door of yourprison cell.
It's not locked, even thoughyou might have believed it was.
(24:36):
When you decide to leave, thedoor will open.
Today, detach from all that isnot helpful or empowering for
you and open the door to abetter life.
You are a creator, not a victim.
The proof of that lies in thefact that you alone create the
(24:58):
prison and you alone can escapefrom it.
This is so powerful and it's sohard to see when you're in the
midst of pain.
I get it.
I get it.
I'm thinking of so many thingsright now.
I'm thinking about when I wasafraid to quit drinking, and I'm
(25:18):
thinking about the struggle ofwatching my adult kids and
learning to not oh my gosh goout and try to fix every single
one of their issues, and I'mthinking about how I see my
husband and my marriage and whatglasses I choose to look
through when I look at him atdifferent situations, that I get
(25:42):
to choose what my life feelslike.
That at any moment, in any ofthese situations, I can stand in
lack and I can stand in fear,and I can stand in victimhood,
or I can stand in strength and Ican stand in compassion, and I
can stand in awareness and I canlook at the world in the way
(26:05):
that I choose to see it.
And I can remember to empowermyself in this moment, right
here, right now, that I canchoose to leave the prison of my
own making.
That may mean leavingrelationships.
It may mean leaving jobs.
It may mean letting people thatwe love have their own
(26:28):
difficult experiences.
Detachment is not easy.
It is not easy, but ultimately,this spiritual journey that
we're on about, really, really,oh my gosh really loving
ourselves and really believingin ourselves and trusting.
(26:48):
Trusting that we deservesomething more, that we deserve
to be happy, that we deserve tobe loved, that we deserve to be
comfortable and contented, thatwe don't have to have everything
be major drama or stress or thetrauma that we grew up with,
(27:10):
the chaos that we may have grownup with, that we can choose
something different.
It's incredibly powerful torealize that you get to create
your life.
Your life is what you think andfeel and believe it is.
So choose what you believe andwhat you think and feel
(27:31):
carefully and co-create withspirit the life that is right
for you, that I believe.
Spirit is working throughtrying to provide for you, and
it's a lot harder, to be honest,to wake up and be aware than it
was to be asleep.
Sometimes, when it's hard, Ithink, man, I could just go back
(27:53):
to sleep, but once you'veawakened just a little, it's
pretty hard to go back.
It's pretty hard to go back.
So one of the ways that you cando this work is through
journaling.
So his journaling prompt forthis particular value is with
whom and in what situation am Ichallenged to detach so that I
(28:14):
can release myself fromlimitations that threaten my
safety, restrict my freedom orprevent me from growing as a
person.
We are here in soul recovery togrow as a soul, to recover our
souls, to realize that thereason why we're here is to
(28:37):
actually express as our fullest,most healthy, most vibrant self
, and that these experiencesthat we're having in our life
are opportunities for learning,even the hard stuff, especially
the hard stuff, and that we canstop seeing it as happening to
(28:57):
us and start seeing it ashappening for us, that we can
begin to really be connected tothe process and let go of
feeling like the world isattacking us, that people are
hurting us, and realize that ifwe are healthy, if we're whole,
if we are claiming our wholeness, no one can harm us.
(29:18):
Actually, we are completelyattached to this belief that
people hurt us and what we learnin soul recovery is it is as I
choose to see it.
So it doesn't mean that hardthings don't come.
It doesn't mean that thesearen't difficult situations, but
that I can detach from thebeliefs that have been harming
(29:42):
me.
I can detach from the peoplewho are not making choices that
align with my desire of who Iwant to be and how I want to
live my life and I can detachfrom the belief that there isn't
enough and remember that it'sunlimited and I am part of this
amazing universe that wants thebest for me and feeling our
(30:06):
feelings in all of this, reallyallowing yourself to have the
process of uncovering andlooking at all of the layers
that come with all of theseawakenings and all these
awarenesses.
What a powerful chapter arounddetachment from Paul Ferrini, as
always.
If you have any desire to workthrough this with me, I
(30:29):
encourage you to schedule acoaching session with me and we
can look at detachment.
We can look at these beliefsand these patterns and the
people in our lives that we'reready to let go of Until next
time, namaste.
If you're listening to this at the date of its
airing, it is February 2024, andRich and I are in Indonesia for
a trip of a lifetimecelebrating our 30th wedding
anniversary, which isexclusively through the power of
doing soul recovery andcreating a new life.
So while I'm gone, I'm going tobe replaying some of the
(00:22):
content from the subscribers'bonus episodes that are listened
to through being an ApplePodcast subscriber or Patreon
number.
I like doing book studies asinspiration on the bonus
episodes and last year we workedwith Paul Ferini's book
Crossing the Threshold from Fearto Love.
It's around the spiritualvalues that can allow us to be
(00:45):
our whole, full self and we'regoing to be using some of those
values for you to put more toolsin your spiritual toolbox and
on your soul recovery journey.
And just a quick pitch that, ifyou like this episode and you
like the concept of book studiesor in-depth interviews, I hope
you'll also become a bonusepisode subscriber.
Enjoy.
(01:07):
Welcome to the Recovery yourSoul Podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recovery your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:27):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
We are doing this slow andsteady book study of Crossing
(01:52):
the Threshold from Fear to Loveby Paul Ferini.
It's 31 spiritual values.
We've been just slowly pickingup these spiritual values and
talking about them from the soulrecovery perspective, and I
love that.
Part of the soul recoveryjourney is a spiritual path to a
(02:12):
happy and healthy life.
Part of the journey is justopening us up to different
concepts and different thoughtsand different ways of seeing our
lives, seeing our healing,seeing new ways of thinking and
feeling, new perceptions andjust changing and shifting our
thought patterns, just a littlebit, just one little baby step
(02:35):
at a time.
And so, by using thesespiritual teachers and the
concepts around spiritualityfrom different voices, what I'm
giving you, I hope, is your ownvoice.
I'm not here to tell you whatspirit or higher power should
look like for you.
This is your own process offinding what that is in your own
(02:58):
being, your own connection towhat a higher power, something
greater still, that love, thatsupport that is indeed
surrounding you and loving youand beginning to give it voice,
because most of us came fromupbringings where we were given
(03:20):
the terminology, we were givenwhat the images were.
There was a lot of shame, a lotof guilt, a lot of believe this.
If you don't believe this, thenyou're going to be in trouble,
then you'll, oh my gosh, go tohell right, like the fear that
was installed in so many peoplearound religion.
And by taking a look at thesespiritual values, by taking a
(03:43):
look at this and other teachersthat were studying here, what
we're doing is we're helping youto decide what's right for you.
As I often say, I want you totake what works for you and to
leave the rest, because I'm notgrowing and developing my own
spiritual foundation and it'sproviding me with so much inner
(04:05):
peace and strength and justcontentment in my life.
That is so different from how Ifelt before and I've always
been kind of a spiritual person.
But it's this real attentionand real attending to myself and
this connection, and so my hopein us reading this book and the
(04:27):
other things that we'll bestudying along the way, and
other people that come in forinterviews is for you to be
gathering up and deciding foryourself what is right for you.
What do you feel in connection?
How do you feel the most trueto yourself and your higher self
(04:48):
?
These spiritual values are sogreat for me to be covering,
because today we're going to bedoing detachment.
And he's not talking aboutdetachment from the codependent
Al-Anon perspective as weusually use that word.
He's talking about detachmentas a spiritual principle, as a
spiritual value.
(05:08):
So we're just going to dig intothe book and we've read over so
many things now acceptance andforgiveness and humility and
patience and gentleness andhonesty, generosity and
compassion.
And here we are at detachment.
As usual, I will read from thebook and from the reading and
(05:29):
then reflect accordingly.
Just allow it to wash throughyou and over you and see where
there might be little snippetsof an aha moment, a little
snippet of truth.
That is about empowering you tolive from your highest self.
That's giving you your powerback.
(05:50):
So that's why we're studyingand reading these values.
Okay, detachment is a state ofconsciousness, he says.
We cultivate detachment when werelease our attachment to
someone or something that ispreventing us from growing and
moving forward in our lives.
Detachment helps free us fromunhealthy relationships,
(06:13):
delusional beliefs anddysfunctional behavior patterns.
While emotional attachment ispart of the process of learning
and growing, there comes a timewhen we must let go to free up
our energy to create somethingnew and better in our life.
I loved that line.
There comes a time when we mustlet go to free up our energy to
(06:40):
create something new and betterin our life.
You know, in soul recovery,what we're just beginning to
learn, in a way, is that we canco-create with this higher power
the life of our decision making, of what we want, that we
actually can step aside from thepeople around us and start to
(07:03):
realize what is new and betterfor us, and that that often
means that we need to let go ofthoughts, people, beliefs,
patterns so that we can have theenergy to really move forward
in our lives.
So I love that.
He said that.
He goes on to say oppositestates of consciousness are
(07:25):
attachment, dependence orco-dependence, fixation,
identification, merging,submission, obsession with
people or ideas and giving upour power to others.
And you know, in soul recoverythat's what we're learning is to
not give up our power to others.
He goes on to say his teaching.
(07:48):
Both attachment and detachmentare necessary aspects of life.
As a baby we're attached to ourmother or caregivers.
We depend on her for nurturing,love and protection.
But when we get older we mustlearn to do things for ourselves
.
Our father encourages us tomove out into life and take
greater responsibility forourselves.
(08:09):
Gradually we detach from bothour mother and father and claim
our independence.
This is a natural phenomenon.
Without detachment, growth andindividuation cannot take place.
But detachment from parentalsupport and authority can lead
to forming of new attachments.
Perhaps we attach to agirlfriend, a boyfriend, a
(08:32):
teacher, a coach or a mentor.
Our attachment enables us toreceive additional support in
nurturing and that's a goodthing.
There will be a time when wehave to detach from that person
to continue to grow.
That's really interesting,because I think that's sometimes
.
What happens to us is that weattach to that next place.
(08:54):
You know, once we move from onesituation to another and we
have a lot of trouble letting goso that we can continue to grow
.
He says our mentor may help uslearn a skill, but once the
skill is learned we may be readyto move on to another challenge
.
Our apprenticeship must end forus to learn to stand on our own
(09:17):
and become a master in our ownright.
What I love about these alreadystarting to talk about which, to
me, really reflects in soulrecovery is the concept that we
are here to grow and learn ourown journey.
We're here to grow and learnand expand and have our own
experience.
And, yes, we connect withothers, we have this
(09:40):
apprenticeship or we have theseconnections and relationship,
but ultimately, what we're hereto do is to have as much
development of our own souls andour own learning and our own
experience as we can.
So I love that.
He's really saying we need tolearn to stand on our own and
(10:01):
become a master in our own rightof our own lives.
He says we might fall in lovewith someone and learn to open
our heart, and that's awonderful thing.
But sometimes what we can learnfrom each other reaches its
limits and we feel ready to moveon.
We realize that we will bothlearn more with others than we
(10:23):
will learn by staying together.
Of course, this recognitiontakes on many forms.
In other cases there are deeperties that bind us, but we need
to take some time apart to growbefore we can come back together
.
You know, there's this conceptof marriage that comes up to me
right around this, and there arevows that we take when we get
(10:47):
married that we're going tostick together through
everything.
And when we stand there on thealtar, most of us totally
believe and think that therecould not possibly be anything
that would pull us apart, thatwe will be there through thick
and thin.
And this journey of soulrecovery is really around us,
(11:08):
attending to ourselves.
And what I think about is myparents, who divorced in a very
loving way because they had thisrecognition that they couldn't
grow and live their best livestogether, that, even though they
cared about each other, thatthey really needed to separate
for them to live their bestselves.
And that was how I grew up.
(11:30):
That's what I learned, that'swhat I thought.
Now, that's different than justrunning away when it gets hard.
And, as Rich and I were one ofthose people that had a
separation for a year and didsome time apart to reflect, to
take a look, to say do we needto separate to be our happiest
(11:52):
selves or can we work on thistogether?
And in our case, we came backtogether and I think that
there's the importance ofrealizing that the vow is real
but truly recognizing when it isbest to not be together so that
(12:12):
you can move forward in yourlife or the other person can
move forward in their life totheir healthiest benefit.
That is much stronger than avow made.
That is really around societyand social binds and I know
that's a really tough thing totalk about and some people may
have differing views around thatand again, take what you need
(12:34):
and leave the rest.
But I really love that.
He really talks about how it'simportant that we realize, about
learning and growing, thatsometimes we need to let go to
be able to be our best self.
If you're ready for soulrecovery, as a spiritual coach I
can support your healing tohelp make real changes that will
(12:56):
bring you a life of peace,happiness, connection and
abundance.
You can also work in smallergroups by taking a deep dive in
a Zoom workshop or with me inperson at a retreat or an event.
Join others on the SoulRecovery Path, once a month for
the free Zoom support group ordaily on the private Facebook
page.
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to book
(13:18):
coaching sessions with me orfind all the information you
need about soul recovery datesthat are coming up and how to
register for those groups andworkshops To support the podcast
and the community.
Check the links in the shownotes to make a small monthly
donation or a one-time donationof your choice.
That will make a huge impact tosupport this community and the
(13:39):
Soul Recovery mission.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
He goes on to say embracing andletting go are two sides of the
same coin.
If we get stuck in theembracing stage and we don't let
go, we won't grow andindividuate.
(13:59):
On the other hand, if we getstuck in the letting go stage,
we can't experience thenurturing and support that we
need.
After a time alone and apart,it will be time to embrace again
.
This is a cyclical process andit doesn't mean with the same
people.
It just means that thisembracing, this getting what you
(14:21):
need, this connection, thisallowing resources, and then the
moving away.
It doesn't have to necessarilybe in and out of relationships.
Sometimes it's in arelationship where you really
allow space and you come into itand then you release a little
(14:42):
bit.
The whole concept is around ourown individuated growth and our
own awareness of who we areseparate from somebody else,
detaching from their person,their needs, their systems,
their beliefs, their own stuffand really attending to
(15:03):
ourselves so that we can dohours and letting them take care
of theirs.
He says some people havedifficulty with one extreme or
the other.
Those who are wounded andafraid of intimacy are not good
at the embracing stage.
If they embrace at all, it'sonly briefly and then it's off
to the races.
So right.
(15:23):
So if we've been hurt as wewere growing up and we find it
difficult to believe that wedeserve love or can be loved,
that sometimes we can't even dothe embracing stage or really
can't touch on it because itbrings pain for us, they may
leave a trail of tears behindthem.
Others have difficulty with thedetachment stage.
(15:46):
They embrace easily, but thenthey try to hold on, even when
it's clear that it's time topart.
They are often feeling hurt andbetrayed.
Clearly, either extreme is nothealthy.
Unfortunately, most people arenot extreme in their behavior.
However, their lessons may liein one stage more than the other
(16:08):
.
If you're someone who attachesand holds on, you need to learn
detachment skills.
If you're someone who istrouble connecting, committing,
your lessons may lie in thedetachment stage.
You probably know which oneapplies to you and you may
choose a partner who exhibitsthe other tendency, so that you
can learn from him or her.
(16:29):
Sometimes I wouldn't even knowthat we're doing this
subconsciously, that we'rechoosing people who are going to
help us in our attachmentstyles and be able to heal.
If you see those relationshipsas learning opportunities
instead of as something that'sharming you, then you really can
lean in and see them as yourteacher instead of your armor.
(16:50):
He says the practice Today.
Practice recognizing anyunhealthy attachments you have.
These attachments may be topeople, substances, addictions
or ideas.
See how these dependencies holdyou back from moving forward in
your life and be prepared tostart letting them go.
(17:15):
The first step is usually tounderstand what the payoff is
from each attachment.
I think this is reallyfascinating because this is
something that I talk to peoplea lot about.
What is the payoff?
I'm going to start again.
The first step is usually tounderstand what payoffs come
from each attachment.
For example, you may beattached to your job, even
(17:38):
though you don't like it,because it pays the bills we
have to.
The payoff is I'm going to beable to support myself.
You may be attached to yourrelationship even though there's
no intimacy there, because youdon't want to be lonely or you
don't want to have to go to workand support yourself.
But being honest with yourself,this is really an honesty time
(17:59):
to say why am I in thissituation?
That isn't something thatbrings me joy, isn't pushing me
forward to my higher self.
What is the payoff?
What is this that's keeping methere?
He says you might be attached todrinking or smoking because it
helps you deal with anxiety,even though you know it's taking
a toll on your health.
(18:20):
He says if there was no payoff,you probably wouldn't have a
difficulty in letting it go.
So you have to look carefullyat the payoff and the cost of
the attachment.
What is the cost of staying ina job you don't like or a
marriage that offers no love orintimacy?
What is the cost of anaddiction that is undermining
(18:42):
your health?
What is the cost of ignoringyour own guidance and giving
your power away to others?
This is huge.
What is the cost of youignoring your own inner guidance
and giving your power away toothers?
What does that cost you in yourlife, when you really think
(19:07):
about it?
Are you living from your truestself, from your highest self?
What is the cost of continuingto stay in situations that are
not healthy for you, he says.
When you understand the cost isgreater than the payoff, you
realize that you must take stepsto free yourself from the
(19:30):
attachment.
Sometimes you can do this bystanding up for yourself,
speaking to your boss or to yourspouse, going cold turkey, off
booze or addictive substances,and other times it becomes clear
to you that you need help fromothers to overcome the
attachment and take the firststep by asking for the help that
(19:51):
you need.
These are such powerfulconcepts to really look at.
What is the payoff?
What do I actually get fromthis, or at least, what am I
telling myself that I get fromthis?
Or sometimes it's even what isthe unhealthy part of my brain
telling me that I need this forthat?
This is why I'm here Versus,really, what is the cost?
(20:15):
What is really happening in mylife?
Am I happy, am I unhappy?
Am I healthy or unhealthy?
Does this bring me joy or doesthis make me feel sad and
detached?
And it is also so important torealize that sometimes we need
help.
You're here listening to thispodcast because at some point
(20:37):
you reached out and typedsomething into a search engine
and here you are.
And how amazing is that?
Maybe it's.
Sometimes it's just listeningto a podcast or to a book or
some sort of resource.
That gives you what you need.
And sometimes it's deeper thanthat.
For me in recovery it was goingto 12 step.
(20:58):
It was committing to a 12 stepprogram to stop drinking and
also for Alenan, that that waspart of the beginning of my
deeper healing.
That opened me up in a way.
For some people it is reallyleaning out to friends and
really letting them know what'sgoing on and stop hiding what is
(21:19):
really happening in your life.
So many of us try to pretendlike everything's okay when
really underneath it's not okayand sometimes just saying it out
loud and hearing yourself sharewith somebody what the real
cost is in staying in asituation or a relationship or a
job that isn't benefiting you,that isn't healthy for you
(21:42):
anymore Just saying it out loudreally lets you feel and know
the truth of what that is.
So looking at what the cost andwhat the payoff is, what is
asking for help look like, howcan you empower yourself?
How can you stop giving yourpower away?
What do we need to let go of?
(22:04):
What do we need to embraceReally powerful concepts?
He says today see the cost ofyour attachment and take the
first step towards freedom fromthat entanglement Today.
Pick up the phone and call forhelp if you need it Today.
Communicate your desire forchange to the people who need to
(22:24):
hear it.
Don't remain in your victimhoodbecause you think you have no
choice.
This is one of my big thingsyou always have a choice.
Don't remain in your victimhoodbecause you don't think you
have a choice.
You believe that only becauseyou have been giving your power
away.
And then he says take yourpower back and take charge of
(22:47):
your life one step at a time.
This is such a huge commentbecause this is what I say all
the time Take your power back.
You absolutely have a choiceand it isn't easy.
It isn't easy to make bigchanges or to end relationships
or end jobs or go no contactwith people who aren't healthy
(23:10):
with you anymore.
But what we do when we do thatis we're taking our power back
and we're taking charge of ourlife.
And in soul recovery, whatwe're learning is to trust our
higher power, that we will beguided and led and resourced
with everything that we need tobe able to make those decisions
that benefit us.
(23:31):
I don't believe that spiritwants any of us to be in a
situation that is unhealthy,unhappy or unkind.
It is not easy to stop being avictim.
It's not easy to stand up forourselves.
There's a lot of fear ofsuccess.
There's a lot of fear aroundactually stepping out from
(23:52):
unhealthy thought patterns,beliefs, because we don't wanna
fail.
So this is about taking yourpower back and taking charge of
your life, one step at a time,and sometimes those steps are
teeny, tiny baby steps, and thatis just fine.
So, he says, those who give awaytheir freedom easily slip into
(24:13):
victim consciousness and gettrapped in a prison of their own
making.
The longer they stay, the moredocile and powerless they become
.
Darkness and depression set inand the light continues to
recede from them.
Today, check the door of yourprison cell.
It's not locked, even thoughyou might have believed it was.
(24:36):
When you decide to leave, thedoor will open.
Today, detach from all that isnot helpful or empowering for
you and open the door to abetter life.
You are a creator, not a victim.
The proof of that lies in thefact that you alone create the
(24:58):
prison and you alone can escapefrom it.
This is so powerful and it's sohard to see when you're in the
midst of pain.
I get it.
I get it.
I'm thinking of so many thingsright now.
I'm thinking about when I wasafraid to quit drinking, and I'm
(25:18):
thinking about the struggle ofwatching my adult kids and
learning to not oh my gosh goout and try to fix every single
one of their issues, and I'mthinking about how I see my
husband and my marriage and whatglasses I choose to look
through when I look at him atdifferent situations, that I get
(25:42):
to choose what my life feelslike.
That at any moment, in any ofthese situations, I can stand in
lack and I can stand in fear,and I can stand in victimhood,
or I can stand in strength and Ican stand in compassion, and I
can stand in awareness and I canlook at the world in the way
(26:05):
that I choose to see it.
And I can remember to empowermyself in this moment, right
here, right now, that I canchoose to leave the prison of my
own making.
That may mean leavingrelationships.
It may mean leaving jobs.
It may mean letting people thatwe love have their own
(26:28):
difficult experiences.
Detachment is not easy.
It is not easy, but ultimately,this spiritual journey that
we're on about, really, really,oh my gosh really loving
ourselves and really believingin ourselves and trusting.
(26:48):
Trusting that we deservesomething more, that we deserve
to be happy, that we deserve tobe loved, that we deserve to be
comfortable and contented, thatwe don't have to have everything
be major drama or stress or thetrauma that we grew up with,
(27:10):
the chaos that we may have grownup with, that we can choose
something different.
It's incredibly powerful torealize that you get to create
your life.
Your life is what you think andfeel and believe it is.
So choose what you believe andwhat you think and feel
(27:31):
carefully and co-create withspirit the life that is right
for you, that I believe.
Spirit is working throughtrying to provide for you, and
it's a lot harder, to be honest,to wake up and be aware than it
was to be asleep.
Sometimes, when it's hard, Ithink, man, I could just go back
(27:53):
to sleep, but once you'veawakened just a little, it's
pretty hard to go back.
It's pretty hard to go back.
So one of the ways that you cando this work is through
journaling.
So his journaling prompt forthis particular value is with
whom and in what situation am Ichallenged to detach so that I
(28:14):
can release myself fromlimitations that threaten my
safety, restrict my freedom orprevent me from growing as a
person.
We are here in soul recovery togrow as a soul, to recover our
souls, to realize that thereason why we're here is to
(28:37):
actually express as our fullest,most healthy, most vibrant self
, and that these experiencesthat we're having in our life
are opportunities for learning,even the hard stuff, especially
the hard stuff, and that we canstop seeing it as happening to
(28:57):
us and start seeing it ashappening for us, that we can
begin to really be connected tothe process and let go of
feeling like the world isattacking us, that people are
hurting us, and realize that ifwe are healthy, if we're whole,
if we are claiming our wholeness, no one can harm us.
(29:18):
Actually, we are completelyattached to this belief that
people hurt us and what we learnin soul recovery is it is as I
choose to see it.
So it doesn't mean that hardthings don't come.
It doesn't mean that thesearen't difficult situations, but
that I can detach from thebeliefs that have been harming
(29:42):
me.
I can detach from the peoplewho are not making choices that
align with my desire of who Iwant to be and how I want to
live my life and I can detachfrom the belief that there isn't
enough and remember that it'sunlimited and I am part of this
amazing universe that wants thebest for me and feeling our
(30:06):
feelings in all of this, reallyallowing yourself to have the
process of uncovering andlooking at all of the layers
that come with all of theseawakenings and all these
awarenesses.
What a powerful chapter arounddetachment from Paul Ferrini, as
always.
If you have any desire to workthrough this with me, I
(30:29):
encourage you to schedule acoaching session with me and we
can look at detachment.
We can look at these beliefsand these patterns and the
people in our lives that we'reready to let go of Until next
time, namaste.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations.
Stuff You Should Know
If you've ever wanted to know about champagne, satanism, the Stonewall Uprising, chaos theory, LSD, El Nino, true crime and Rosa Parks, then look no further. Josh and Chuck have you covered.
The Nikki Glaser Podcast
Every week comedian and infamous roaster Nikki Glaser provides a fun, fast-paced, and brutally honest look into current pop-culture and her own personal life.