May 19, 2025 • 32 mins
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I’m so happy to share this special episode with you—a full-length sneak peek into the Recover Your Soul Bonus Podcast.
I’ve been recording these bonus episodes since 2022, and there are now over 200 episodes available for Apple Podcasts subscribers and Patreon Members. These deeper teachings, book studies, impactful interviews, and heartfelt reflections have been such a meaningful part of my own Soul Recovery journey, and I know they’ve touched many of you as well.
In this episode, I read from the Al-Anon book In All Our Affairs and talk about the fine line between helping and enabling—something so many of us struggle with. Through the lens of Soul Recovery, I share how detaching with love and turning our attention inward can bring profound healing. This episode is usually available to subscribers only, but I’m offering it here so you can get a sense of the kind of content we explore together. If it resonates, I hope you’ll consider becoming a subscriber to go even deeper on your Soul Recovery journey.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
Today's episode is a sneak peek into the
Recover your Soul bonus podcast, which is available for Apple
podcast subscribers and Patreonmembers, and since I started in
2022, it's been an incredibleplace to deepen your soul
recovery process and helpsupport soul recovery.
Over the last couple years,I've had some amazing interviews
and done spiritual book studies, but, per the request of the
(00:20):
community, we're now taking alook at Al-Anon literature
through the lens of soulrecovery.
So if that appeals to you, Iinvite you to jump onto Apple
Podcasts or become a Patreonmember.
Free Patreon members can haveaccess to those episodes for
free for the first week, becauseit's important to me that you
have access to every episode.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
(00:42):
Today's episode is a reflectionof soul recovery, reading from
Al-Anon.
We're reading In All OurAffairs, making Crisis Work For
you.
I'm the section on reflectionson responsibility and detachment
choosing not to enable.
It can be hard to decipherbetween enabling and supporting,
and it can also be easy to seethe people in our lives as being
broken, but in soul recovery,we're learning that we're
(01:04):
choosing love and not fear.
We're choosing to see the goodin them and to support them, but
not to enable them, not toencourage their brokenness, but
also not to discount theirjourney.
They are on their own journeyand we are on ours.
How can we detach with love?
Enjoy the episode hours.
How can we detach with love?
Enjoy the episode.
(01:25):
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Rev Rachel Harrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:46):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulBonus Podcast.
(02:07):
I'm Rev Rachel and I am just soexcited to be here today
because, in the way that spiritworks, which I think is so
beautiful and profound, I'mstill rolling around in my mind
the parts of me that are workingso hard to be my soul recovered
self and the parts of me thatstill fall into old patterns,
(02:28):
old fears, really old fears, andI was journaling this morning
and really reflecting and usingthe tools to work with my
current situation with my son,alex, and I also knew that it
was a podcast recording day andthat we're using the Al-Anon
concepts, as requested by thecommunity, to really do this
(02:51):
reflection between Al-Anon andsoul recovery.
And so I pulled out the book InAll Our Affairs Making Crisis
Work for you by Al-Anon FamilyGroups and I flipped it open to,
of course, the detachmentsection.
Of course, spirit gave me thedetachment section and so,
beautifully, the reading isexactly right on for what's
(03:13):
going on in my life right nowand it's such a beautiful
opportunity for us to share thesoul recovery concepts and tools
as supported by Al-Anon.
And again, I am not Al-Anon, Iam inspired by Al-Anon.
It has been incredibly,incredibly impactful for me.
But I'm not speaking for I'musing it as a way to take these
(03:35):
concepts and the movement to thesoul recovery process.
So I'm always encouraging you tocontinue to attend Al-Anon if
that's what you're doing in yourlife and if you've never gone
and this somewhere, you'relistening to this because you
found soul recovery in anotherway and you're thinking, hmm,
those rooms might be really nice.
I encourage you to go check itout, to go do that.
It's not an either, or it's a.
(03:56):
What sparks you, what fills youup, what is your soul recovery
journey, what is your healingjourney?
And the more that you lean intoyour spiritual center, the more
you lean into that knowing andthe still small voice that is
whispering in your ear, the moreclarity you have for what is
right for you.
None of us quote unquote shouldor have to be doing anything.
(04:18):
The more that we're ledintuitively to what our soul is
calling, the more that we'reactually getting the words and
the information and the guidance.
That is our personal, ourpersonal journey, our personal
quote unquote prescription fromthe source, from universe, for
our highest good, for our soul'sawakening.
I opened up to page 76.
(04:40):
And it's the section onreflection on responsibility and
detachment, and I think whatI'm going to do over the next
episodes, that we're doing theAl-Anon every other week.
I'm just going to keep readingfrom this, because we know that
detachment is so essential inthe soul recovery process.
It is our freedom offorgiveness, of letting go, of
(05:04):
lovingly, lovingly handingsomebody over their life and
taking our power back.
So I love that this is thereading for today and I just in
all of our fairs, if you don'thave this one.
It's individual little clips ofdifferent people's stories.
So it's kind of like how in thebig book and also in Al-Anon's
(05:24):
main blue book, that they havethe content in the front and
then they have stories in theback, but the stories are
multiple pages and tend to belonger.
These are just a coupleparagraphs that are reflected in
each person's sharing and theirexperience.
So I think it's really coolbecause they're nice and short.
But when I opened this up and Iread it, I said oh yes, oh yes,
(05:45):
spirit is here for me, guidingme all along the way, so we'll
talk about it, okay.
So it says choosing not toenable.
The other day my husband and Iwere faced our alcoholic son to
tell him that we could no longerenable him to continue as he
was.
He had lost another job, hiswife was taking their new baby
(06:05):
to her parents' home in anotherstate, and yet he was not any
closer to reaching for help.
This time he would have to helphimself.
Probably the hardest thing I'veever done was to turn away from
this young person to whom Igave life, to see the sad, lost
look in his beautiful eyes andthe sag of his broad shoulders,
(06:27):
to stand by and watch him walkaway with that slow, shuffling
gait was like tearing out a partof me.
We realized that the help wewere giving him was actually
only giving him the means tocontinue his addiction.
I said Thy will be done, god,even though I knew in my heart I
did not necessarily want hiswill done.
(06:50):
I wanted my son back, healthyand strong.
Al-anon's first step reminds methat, regardless of what I want
or don't want, I'm powerlessover my son.
(07:19):
If I must turn loose to holdhim, if is a direct response to
what's going on in my life rightnow.
And it's that, that reality,that truth that when you're
connected in a spiritual way oftrusting that something higher,
something greater still, isindeed holding you, that when
you ask, you shall receive.
When you ask for guidance, itwill come.
And for those of you who arehere on the bonus podcast,
(07:42):
you're here because you arededicated to your soul recovery.
You're supporting this extrapodcast and in it you're saying
I want more, I want more answers, I want more connection,
because this resonates with you.
And that is a sign of the samesort of thing.
It's like when you open up theapp and you look for something
(08:02):
or you listen to the latestpodcast.
I hope that it is speaking toyou in the same way that I feel
like I'm getting supported byspirit that speaks to me.
What's really crazy about thisparticular reading is it's
talking about a son who just hada baby.
If you've been listening to mystory so far of what's been
happening in my personal life onthe regular podcast, I've been
(08:24):
sharing that Alex and hisgirlfriend had a baby just over
three weeks ago now and it'sbeen a little bit of a rocky
ride, which is interesting.
His name is Rocky.
It hasn't been asstraightforward or as simple or
as fantasy as I had set it up tobe, and the reason why is
because I still have a son whois working on his own stuff.
(08:48):
I have a son who is in his ownjourney about whether he's going
to choose to heal or not, andit's not about the alcohol and
the drugs, it's about his ownheart and it's about his way of
being in the world and whetherhe's going to choose to love
himself enough, whether he'sgoing to choose to see himself
from wholeness instead of from abroken place.
(09:11):
This morning, when I was sittingin my meditation and I journal
every day and it's just such abeautiful practice and it has a
couple different layers to it.
The first layer is if I havesomething that's heavy on my
heart, if I can get it down onpaper, it slows my mind down
enough to actually have clarityof what am I feeling.
(09:32):
We generally don't giveourselves space to really feel
what we feel.
We're often as codependents andas people pleasers and as
people who have been in adysfunctional situation, we're
so consumed with what otherpeople's feelings are we
actually don't know what ourfeelings are.
So by journaling and being inthis place where I'm actually
recognizing what do I feel, ithelps me to be able to
(09:54):
understand and navigate whatthose feelings are trying to
show me, because we havefeelings on purpose.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
(10:16):
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support youto work at your own pace and on
your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(10:39):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode, and so Iwas journaling about this
(11:03):
concern that I have for Alex,and you know the truth is I
haven't had a lot of interaction, besides some FaceTimes and
some pictures and a couple textsand some phone calls, since I
left California right afterRocky was born and it was pretty
intense.
Right after he was born, theyhad a very, very difficult
delivery.
(11:23):
They were a week in thehospital.
They're not getting any sleep.
It's a complete change ineverything.
I mean.
I remember being completelywrecked when I had my baby and
it was just a complete shift inlife and I didn't have all the
trauma that they had and Iwanted this life so much Like I
(11:45):
was a little bit one stepfurther in terms of the way that
it had come about and how muchI wanted it, whereas for them
they discovered that they werepregnant and then they really
wanted it right Not that theydidn't want it, they really got,
really invested and they wereso cute in their pregnancy and
they had the reveals and thebaby showers.
(12:05):
And you know, you kind of gointo this place where you have a
fantasy about what it's goingto be like and then the shock
really of what it actually meansis different and if you don't
have the tools, then it can putyou in a place where you fall
back into old patterns and oldbehaviors.
And that's what I witnessed inmy son and I can catch myself
(12:28):
wanting to see him as broken.
I catch myself going back tothose old places when he was a
drug addict, or when we hadkicked him out of the house and
he was living in his car, orwhen he didn't have a job, or
when I had put him into rehabyou know, residential rehab for
five months when he was 16 or 17years old.
(12:48):
All of that came back and itwas interesting how it was
almost like a post-traumaticstress of the part of me that
really wants him to pop up intothis next place, and she
mentions that in this reading.
She said I don't want God's will, I want my will.
I have a vision, I have a way,I have a fantasy, I have a
(13:11):
preference, I have anexpectation of what I want it to
look like.
Well, you know why I want it tolook like that, and I've said
this in the main podcast as well.
I want it to look like thatbecause it'll be easier on me.
It'll absolutely be easier onme because I want certainty, I
want safety, I want to be ableto have the stories that you
(13:31):
have other people tell about oh,my son had a baby and they're
doing so good and they're doingthis and they're doing that.
You know, mostly they are doingthat, but there is this
underlying belly of it that'skind of complicated and hard and
it has a lot of layers to it.
So if I go back and I'mattached to his brokenness, I'm
attached to the part of him thatcan't do it, then I'm actually
(13:55):
feeding into fear and worry.
So in my journaling, in thatfirst part of the journaling, I
allow myself to state what isand to talk about what's going
on in my life, not from a victimplace, but for a curiosity of
what is actually happening.
What is actually happening?
Can I write slow enough andwith enough mindfulness to
(14:21):
actually attend to what isactually happening?
And in that you can find thateverything is actually neutral.
Things just happen, things justare, and it's our perception,
our attachment to our story, ourbeliefs, our projections that
attach to what it feels like tous.
(14:43):
And that's where the power lies, because nobody makes us feel
any particular way.
We feel that way and thosefeelings are valid, but when we
realize that our power comes,because we can do something
about it, from ourselves.
I am powerless over my son.
I am powerless over hisaddiction.
(15:05):
I'm powerless over how hechooses to show up in his life.
I'm powerless about how hefeels about himself, but I can
remind him about how beautifulhe is, I can remind him how
strong he is, not from acontrolling place, not from that
place that wants to make him bea certain way for some place
(15:27):
where we are choosing love overfear in our own life.
So, as I was journaling andallowing myself to have clarity
about what are my fears and Iwas able to say as I just said,
I was like oh my gosh.
This so reminds me of myabsolute fear that he's going to
move into some place that goesback to where it was before,
(15:51):
because he's come so, so, so, soso far.
And that's my fear, that's mine.
It's actually not like that atall.
And then I realized I wasactually in a level of
catastrophizing.
I was in a level of movingforward and projecting out into
the future all the potentialthings, which include what it
(16:14):
says right here, that maybe theshit will hit the fan and
something horrendous will happen, total catastrophizing, and
they won't be together andshe'll take the baby and
something else will happen.
Oh, I've had those thoughts, Ihave absolutely had those
thoughts.
And then I think is that true?
Is that even remotely what'shappening?
(16:35):
And even if it was what'shappening, the fighting, what is
, is only causing us sufferingbecause we're wishing it was
something else.
We're in absolute misery.
That does not work.
That does not work in any form,ever for anyone, because we're
not actually in this moment forwhat it is.
(16:56):
And then I had the beauty thatcomes from soul recovery, that
comes from working these ninesteps in soul recovery.
That came from working thesenine steps in soul recovery.
That came from the incrediblegift that I got from Al-Anon in
the beginning, which is toremember that thy will be done,
that God's will is going to bedone here, spirit source
universe, and not from apunishment.
(17:17):
I believe so strongly thatsource energy love is not a
punishing energy.
It just is our choice and ourfree will of what we're going to
pick.
We all get to pick, we all getto choose whatever it is that we
want in our lives and he getsto choose.
And this piece where you areletting go and letting God let
(17:40):
go, let go and let them let goand trust that they're learning,
that they're growing right,that there's some possibility
for them, that the more that I'menabling, the more that I'm
telling him that he can't.
How is he supposed to know thathe can if I give him the
message all the time that youcan't, let me do it for you
(18:01):
because you can't?
So I immediately switched to myjournaling, to what I have
control of and that's me, and Istarted writing about how we all
have choice and I am going tochoose to see him as whole and
I'm going to choose to visionthings being beautiful and easy
(18:22):
for them and I'm going to choosehow I am going to be in my own
mind about what is happening intheir life, and this part of me
that is can get stuck and fallback into fear is mine.
Whatever happens is and he'snot actually falling into the
(18:44):
depths that I am catastrophizingand putting out there, as could
be it's not even remotely likethat, and when I show up again
in Sacramento in April, I'll getmore information about what is.
But this work that I'm doingright now about recognizing that
the enabling is so much deeperthan just giving somebody money.
(19:05):
It's so much deeper thanfinding their rehab for them or
offering the books or doing thethings.
It's about this belief that wehave that they can't, instead of
giving them the strength toknow that they can and they
actually have permission tocompletely fall apart if that's
part of their journey, withoutan expectation at the end that
(19:26):
the falling apart means thatthey will find their way.
We don't know if they'll findtheir way.
And she talks about how much sheloves this child that she gave
birth to, to see himdisappointed, and how hard that
is, and that is the mostdifficult part.
When we're looking at our ownchildren or people that we love
and we're walking away andsaying you get to be in your
(19:49):
choice, I'm not going to havethe consequences of your choices
anymore.
I can't save you from yourconsequences.
And that's the beauty ofdetachment with love that you're
not judging.
Soul Recovery's foundation ison no judgment and,
interestingly enough, as I'vesaid before, the judgment isn't
(20:12):
just not judging the bad, it'salso not getting attached to the
judgment of the good.
That, oh good.
Now they're doing this, oh good.
I have a strong belief that oursouls are here to to have this
wild journey, this wild ride,this wild experience.
(20:33):
And if we can just rise abovethe circumstances in our lives,
just enough to have compassionand grace and forgiveness and
tenderness of the situation andsee the complexity of what it is
to be a human being, it allowsus to release the part of us
that wants to control and fixand make.
(20:55):
But it doesn't mean that Idon't engage in their life.
It doesn't mean that I'm notpart of their support team,
because we all need support.
But support is very differentthan enabling.
Support means when hisgirlfriend asks me about raising
(21:15):
babies or what it was like, oreven sometimes I'll say, hey, I
had an idea of a suggestion, butplease just know you don't have
to listen to everything that Isay.
I want you to really make yourdiscernment for yourself and
she'll come back and say I'm upfor the advice.
I need it right now and it'sthe attachment to the enabling
that I'm doing this for youversus supporting you.
(21:38):
Here's some information that Ihave and now you choose.
Now you do what's right for you, knowing that I support you,
regardless of what you pick oneway or the other.
My hope and prayer was that Alexwould be in this hospital and
look at this newborn baby and,when he was sharing with me,
(22:00):
that he didn't want to raise hisson in the same kind of
alcoholic home that he grew upin.
My hope is that he would quitdrinking and that it would be
the thing that not onlypropelled him to not drink but
propelled him to maybe do somehealing, some soul recovery, and
I think that that is going tobe the case, that he will find
(22:22):
his way.
But it's not going to look atall like what I think it should
look like, and it may or may notinclude using drugs or alcohol
as part of his solution.
It's been his solution for areally long time, for his own
discomfort and it's the solutionthat we taught him.
So it's not fair for me tothink that at 28 years old, that
(22:47):
he's supposed to be where I amat 55 years old.
But if I give him the grace andI stand in this place that says
I'm going to choose love overfear, I'm going to choose love
over fear.
I'm going to choose how I'mgoing to be in it.
I'm going to choose how I'mgoing to see it.
I'm going to choose how I talkto him.
(23:08):
I'm going to choose how Ivision their lives, how I vision
my son, their lives, how Ivision my son.
And then I started writing aboutwhat a strong human being he is
and how much he's been throughand how he's found his way and
and how much success he's had inhis life.
It shifted almost immediately.
It shifted from this placewhere I was, back in the, when
(23:30):
he lived in his car, when he wasat the worst of his addiction.
I get to pick which one ofthose views of him I'm going to
interact with when I'm havingthose conversations with him and
it doesn't mean that I don'tsometimes want to, you know,
poke out.
I sent him a suggestion for abook, for example to listen to
that had been suggested to me,and then I went and listened to
(23:53):
the audible sample of it andimmediately could tell that it
was like, not a good fit.
It wasn't even a book that I.
The way that the person readand the content about what they
were talking about beginningdidn't appeal even to me and I
knew it wouldn't appeal to him.
To the sample, I can tell thatit may or may not be something
(24:18):
that you'd be interested in, andI'm not trying to push these
books on you.
I just want to give you thesupport to remind yourself that
there's all kinds of greatinformation out there podcasts,
audibles and I think you'dreally find them helpful.
Right, that feels very differentthan me constantly sending him
stuff, and it doesn't mean thatI don't watch myself wanting to
(24:39):
send him stuff.
That's the enabling on somelevel.
That is the.
I think I know better.
This will be the fix.
This is how you're going to doit, and he needs to want it.
I didn't get sober until I wasready and I didn't get soul
recovered until I had had enoughpain that I wasn't willing to
(25:03):
have this level of pain in mylife anymore.
And you're here because of thesame thing.
Thing in you hit a marker, aplace where you could have
enough leverage in your own lifeto say this is enough.
I will not.
I will not choose to bemiserable.
(25:24):
I will not choose to be in pain.
I will not choose to be harmedby other people's actions.
I'm going to learn how todetach with love.
I'm going to learn how to takemy power back, and that was my
journey that I had.
So where am I not letting himhave that journey for himself?
And I do not know what that'sgoing to look like, but I'm not
going to roll around in mycatastrophizing and choose fear
(25:48):
and worry, and choose fear andworry.
I am going to stand on theplatform that says I know that
he is whole, stand on theplatform that says I know that
he is whole and I choose loveand light in everything that I
do and that I see, and I'm goingto attend to my feelings and
I'm going to recognize thatspirit's will is not a
punishment.
It's a co-creation that my sonhas on his own soul's journey,
(26:13):
with his higher power of hisunderstanding, and I can't
possibly know what that is, butI can love him enough, so
unconditionally, that he gets tochoose what that looks like,
and that is freedom.
That is freedom.
Let go and let source, let goand let source.
(26:35):
So, as I do these practices, theability for me to be in
feelings and discomfort thatused to just completely throw me
off, put me into a spiral ofcontrol, put me into a place
where I just felt like Icouldn't breathe.
I have more and more ability tojust be with what is from that
(26:57):
neutral space that says this isan actual thing, that is
happening, and I get to decidehow I'm going to respond to it.
I get to decide how I'm goingto interact with it and I am not
responsible for them.
I am powerless over theirreactions, their responses,
their choices, and in that I canbe happy and healthy.
(27:22):
I choose a spiritual path to ahappy and healthy life.
So we will continue to readfrom this book, because I think
this is going to be really good,and notice that when you ask,
you receive.
So if you're asking for guidance, if you're asking for a
solution, when we really checkin with ourselves and allow the
(27:45):
universe to bring it to us, itmight come in a song, it might
come in.
Sometimes.
I'll open a book and just seewhat it provides for me, or I'll
open up YouTube and it'll bringme a video that's really
helpful for me.
Or I'll ask a friend to go havecoffee and get some support up
(28:12):
and listen to those guidances,those messages that are coming
through, because you are notalone.
You are supported and held bysomething even greater Still.
You are in co-creation withyour own connection to your
higher power and it is holdingyou, and that's what reminds me
that it's holding my son too.
I can stop trying to be the oneto fix and enable him to do
(28:37):
what I think I see fit, but Ican let him go to something
greater still.
I'm not letting him go tonothing.
I'm letting him go to theuniverse.
That I believe is love, and Iam to choose love over fear.
I choose love and I chooselight.
Choose love over fear.
(28:59):
I choose love and I chooselight.
If you need help with any ofthis, go to the website.
Book a session with me.
Let's work on it together.
The nine step soul recoveryprocess.
Or do the nine step modules,the individual modules on the
website.
This process is about youhealing you and finding your own
freedom.
We can indeed detach with loveand choose love over fear.
(29:20):
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening and I hope
that that helps support yoursoul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
(29:40):
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
(30:01):
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
Today's episode is a sneak peek into the
Recover your Soul bonus podcast, which is available for Apple
podcast subscribers and Patreonmembers, and since I started in
2022, it's been an incredibleplace to deepen your soul
recovery process and helpsupport soul recovery.
Over the last couple years,I've had some amazing interviews
and done spiritual book studies, but, per the request of the
(00:20):
community, we're now taking alook at Al-Anon literature
through the lens of soulrecovery.
So if that appeals to you, Iinvite you to jump onto Apple
Podcasts or become a Patreonmember.
Free Patreon members can haveaccess to those episodes for
free for the first week, becauseit's important to me that you
have access to every episode.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
(00:42):
Today's episode is a reflectionof soul recovery, reading from
Al-Anon.
We're reading In All OurAffairs, making Crisis Work For
you.
I'm the section on reflectionson responsibility and detachment
choosing not to enable.
It can be hard to decipherbetween enabling and supporting,
and it can also be easy to seethe people in our lives as being
broken, but in soul recovery,we're learning that we're
(01:04):
choosing love and not fear.
We're choosing to see the goodin them and to support them, but
not to enable them, not toencourage their brokenness, but
also not to discount theirjourney.
They are on their own journeyand we are on ours.
How can we detach with love?
Enjoy the episode hours.
How can we detach with love?
Enjoy the episode.
(01:25):
Welcome to the Recover your Soulpodcast a spiritual path to a
happy and healthy life.
My name is Rev Rachel Harrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
(01:46):
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
Welcome to the Recovery SoulBonus Podcast.
(02:07):
I'm Rev Rachel and I am just soexcited to be here today
because, in the way that spiritworks, which I think is so
beautiful and profound, I'mstill rolling around in my mind
the parts of me that are workingso hard to be my soul recovered
self and the parts of me thatstill fall into old patterns,
(02:28):
old fears, really old fears, andI was journaling this morning
and really reflecting and usingthe tools to work with my
current situation with my son,alex, and I also knew that it
was a podcast recording day andthat we're using the Al-Anon
concepts, as requested by thecommunity, to really do this
(02:51):
reflection between Al-Anon andsoul recovery.
And so I pulled out the book InAll Our Affairs Making Crisis
Work for you by Al-Anon FamilyGroups and I flipped it open to,
of course, the detachmentsection.
Of course, spirit gave me thedetachment section and so,
beautifully, the reading isexactly right on for what's
(03:13):
going on in my life right nowand it's such a beautiful
opportunity for us to share thesoul recovery concepts and tools
as supported by Al-Anon.
And again, I am not Al-Anon, Iam inspired by Al-Anon.
It has been incredibly,incredibly impactful for me.
But I'm not speaking for I'musing it as a way to take these
(03:35):
concepts and the movement to thesoul recovery process.
So I'm always encouraging you tocontinue to attend Al-Anon if
that's what you're doing in yourlife and if you've never gone
and this somewhere, you'relistening to this because you
found soul recovery in anotherway and you're thinking, hmm,
those rooms might be really nice.
I encourage you to go check itout, to go do that.
It's not an either, or it's a.
(03:56):
What sparks you, what fills youup, what is your soul recovery
journey, what is your healingjourney?
And the more that you lean intoyour spiritual center, the more
you lean into that knowing andthe still small voice that is
whispering in your ear, the moreclarity you have for what is
right for you.
None of us quote unquote shouldor have to be doing anything.
(04:18):
The more that we're ledintuitively to what our soul is
calling, the more that we'reactually getting the words and
the information and the guidance.
That is our personal, ourpersonal journey, our personal
quote unquote prescription fromthe source, from universe, for
our highest good, for our soul'sawakening.
I opened up to page 76.
(04:40):
And it's the section onreflection on responsibility and
detachment, and I think whatI'm going to do over the next
episodes, that we're doing theAl-Anon every other week.
I'm just going to keep readingfrom this, because we know that
detachment is so essential inthe soul recovery process.
It is our freedom offorgiveness, of letting go, of
(05:04):
lovingly, lovingly handingsomebody over their life and
taking our power back.
So I love that this is thereading for today and I just in
all of our fairs, if you don'thave this one.
It's individual little clips ofdifferent people's stories.
So it's kind of like how in thebig book and also in Al-Anon's
(05:24):
main blue book, that they havethe content in the front and
then they have stories in theback, but the stories are
multiple pages and tend to belonger.
These are just a coupleparagraphs that are reflected in
each person's sharing and theirexperience.
So I think it's really coolbecause they're nice and short.
But when I opened this up and Iread it, I said oh yes, oh yes,
(05:45):
spirit is here for me, guidingme all along the way, so we'll
talk about it, okay.
So it says choosing not toenable.
The other day my husband and Iwere faced our alcoholic son to
tell him that we could no longerenable him to continue as he
was.
He had lost another job, hiswife was taking their new baby
(06:05):
to her parents' home in anotherstate, and yet he was not any
closer to reaching for help.
This time he would have to helphimself.
Probably the hardest thing I'veever done was to turn away from
this young person to whom Igave life, to see the sad, lost
look in his beautiful eyes andthe sag of his broad shoulders,
(06:27):
to stand by and watch him walkaway with that slow, shuffling
gait was like tearing out a partof me.
We realized that the help wewere giving him was actually
only giving him the means tocontinue his addiction.
I said Thy will be done, god,even though I knew in my heart I
did not necessarily want hiswill done.
(06:50):
I wanted my son back, healthyand strong.
Al-anon's first step reminds methat, regardless of what I want
or don't want, I'm powerlessover my son.
(07:19):
If I must turn loose to holdhim, if is a direct response to
what's going on in my life rightnow.
And it's that, that reality,that truth that when you're
connected in a spiritual way oftrusting that something higher,
something greater still, isindeed holding you, that when
you ask, you shall receive.
When you ask for guidance, itwill come.
And for those of you who arehere on the bonus podcast,
(07:42):
you're here because you arededicated to your soul recovery.
You're supporting this extrapodcast and in it you're saying
I want more, I want more answers, I want more connection,
because this resonates with you.
And that is a sign of the samesort of thing.
It's like when you open up theapp and you look for something
(08:02):
or you listen to the latestpodcast.
I hope that it is speaking toyou in the same way that I feel
like I'm getting supported byspirit that speaks to me.
What's really crazy about thisparticular reading is it's
talking about a son who just hada baby.
If you've been listening to mystory so far of what's been
happening in my personal life onthe regular podcast, I've been
(08:24):
sharing that Alex and hisgirlfriend had a baby just over
three weeks ago now and it'sbeen a little bit of a rocky
ride, which is interesting.
His name is Rocky.
It hasn't been asstraightforward or as simple or
as fantasy as I had set it up tobe, and the reason why is
because I still have a son whois working on his own stuff.
(08:48):
I have a son who is in his ownjourney about whether he's going
to choose to heal or not, andit's not about the alcohol and
the drugs, it's about his ownheart and it's about his way of
being in the world and whetherhe's going to choose to love
himself enough, whether he'sgoing to choose to see himself
from wholeness instead of from abroken place.
(09:11):
This morning, when I was sittingin my meditation and I journal
every day and it's just such abeautiful practice and it has a
couple different layers to it.
The first layer is if I havesomething that's heavy on my
heart, if I can get it down onpaper, it slows my mind down
enough to actually have clarityof what am I feeling.
(09:32):
We generally don't giveourselves space to really feel
what we feel.
We're often as codependents andas people pleasers and as
people who have been in adysfunctional situation, we're
so consumed with what otherpeople's feelings are we
actually don't know what ourfeelings are.
So by journaling and being inthis place where I'm actually
recognizing what do I feel, ithelps me to be able to
(09:54):
understand and navigate whatthose feelings are trying to
show me, because we havefeelings on purpose.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet to learn more
about the nine-step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on Zoom, where we learn
(10:16):
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the
nine-step soul recovery process,I'm here for you, but you can
also choose to work the steps onyour own, with individual
modules intended to support youto work at your own pace and on
your own time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join us for the
Recover your Soul bonus podcastfor Patreon members and Apple
(10:39):
podcast subscribers, where Iinterview amazing people sharing
soul recovery tips for us andalso do spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode, and so Iwas journaling about this
(11:03):
concern that I have for Alex,and you know the truth is I
haven't had a lot of interaction, besides some FaceTimes and
some pictures and a couple textsand some phone calls, since I
left California right afterRocky was born and it was pretty
intense.
Right after he was born, theyhad a very, very difficult
delivery.
(11:23):
They were a week in thehospital.
They're not getting any sleep.
It's a complete change ineverything.
I mean.
I remember being completelywrecked when I had my baby and
it was just a complete shift inlife and I didn't have all the
trauma that they had and Iwanted this life so much Like I
(11:45):
was a little bit one stepfurther in terms of the way that
it had come about and how muchI wanted it, whereas for them
they discovered that they werepregnant and then they really
wanted it right Not that theydidn't want it, they really got,
really invested and they wereso cute in their pregnancy and
they had the reveals and thebaby showers.
(12:05):
And you know, you kind of gointo this place where you have a
fantasy about what it's goingto be like and then the shock
really of what it actually meansis different and if you don't
have the tools, then it can putyou in a place where you fall
back into old patterns and oldbehaviors.
And that's what I witnessed inmy son and I can catch myself
(12:28):
wanting to see him as broken.
I catch myself going back tothose old places when he was a
drug addict, or when we hadkicked him out of the house and
he was living in his car, orwhen he didn't have a job, or
when I had put him into rehabyou know, residential rehab for
five months when he was 16 or 17years old.
(12:48):
All of that came back and itwas interesting how it was
almost like a post-traumaticstress of the part of me that
really wants him to pop up intothis next place, and she
mentions that in this reading.
She said I don't want God's will, I want my will.
I have a vision, I have a way,I have a fantasy, I have a
(13:11):
preference, I have anexpectation of what I want it to
look like.
Well, you know why I want it tolook like that, and I've said
this in the main podcast as well.
I want it to look like thatbecause it'll be easier on me.
It'll absolutely be easier onme because I want certainty, I
want safety, I want to be ableto have the stories that you
(13:31):
have other people tell about oh,my son had a baby and they're
doing so good and they're doingthis and they're doing that.
You know, mostly they are doingthat, but there is this
underlying belly of it that'skind of complicated and hard and
it has a lot of layers to it.
So if I go back and I'mattached to his brokenness, I'm
attached to the part of him thatcan't do it, then I'm actually
(13:55):
feeding into fear and worry.
So in my journaling, in thatfirst part of the journaling, I
allow myself to state what isand to talk about what's going
on in my life, not from a victimplace, but for a curiosity of
what is actually happening.
What is actually happening?
Can I write slow enough andwith enough mindfulness to
(14:21):
actually attend to what isactually happening?
And in that you can find thateverything is actually neutral.
Things just happen, things justare, and it's our perception,
our attachment to our story, ourbeliefs, our projections that
attach to what it feels like tous.
(14:43):
And that's where the power lies, because nobody makes us feel
any particular way.
We feel that way and thosefeelings are valid, but when we
realize that our power comes,because we can do something
about it, from ourselves.
I am powerless over my son.
I am powerless over hisaddiction.
(15:05):
I'm powerless over how hechooses to show up in his life.
I'm powerless about how hefeels about himself, but I can
remind him about how beautifulhe is, I can remind him how
strong he is, not from acontrolling place, not from that
place that wants to make him bea certain way for some place
(15:27):
where we are choosing love overfear in our own life.
So, as I was journaling andallowing myself to have clarity
about what are my fears and Iwas able to say as I just said,
I was like oh my gosh.
This so reminds me of myabsolute fear that he's going to
move into some place that goesback to where it was before,
(15:51):
because he's come so, so, so, soso far.
And that's my fear, that's mine.
It's actually not like that atall.
And then I realized I wasactually in a level of
catastrophizing.
I was in a level of movingforward and projecting out into
the future all the potentialthings, which include what it
(16:14):
says right here, that maybe theshit will hit the fan and
something horrendous will happen, total catastrophizing, and
they won't be together andshe'll take the baby and
something else will happen.
Oh, I've had those thoughts, Ihave absolutely had those
thoughts.
And then I think is that true?
Is that even remotely what'shappening?
(16:35):
And even if it was what'shappening, the fighting, what is
, is only causing us sufferingbecause we're wishing it was
something else.
We're in absolute misery.
That does not work.
That does not work in any form,ever for anyone, because we're
not actually in this moment forwhat it is.
(16:56):
And then I had the beauty thatcomes from soul recovery, that
comes from working these ninesteps in soul recovery.
That came from working thesenine steps in soul recovery.
That came from the incrediblegift that I got from Al-Anon in
the beginning, which is toremember that thy will be done,
that God's will is going to bedone here, spirit source
universe, and not from apunishment.
(17:17):
I believe so strongly thatsource energy love is not a
punishing energy.
It just is our choice and ourfree will of what we're going to
pick.
We all get to pick, we all getto choose whatever it is that we
want in our lives and he getsto choose.
And this piece where you areletting go and letting God let
(17:40):
go, let go and let them let goand trust that they're learning,
that they're growing right,that there's some possibility
for them, that the more that I'menabling, the more that I'm
telling him that he can't.
How is he supposed to know thathe can if I give him the
message all the time that youcan't, let me do it for you
(18:01):
because you can't?
So I immediately switched to myjournaling, to what I have
control of and that's me, and Istarted writing about how we all
have choice and I am going tochoose to see him as whole and
I'm going to choose to visionthings being beautiful and easy
(18:22):
for them and I'm going to choosehow I am going to be in my own
mind about what is happening intheir life, and this part of me
that is can get stuck and fallback into fear is mine.
Whatever happens is and he'snot actually falling into the
(18:44):
depths that I am catastrophizingand putting out there, as could
be it's not even remotely likethat, and when I show up again
in Sacramento in April, I'll getmore information about what is.
But this work that I'm doingright now about recognizing that
the enabling is so much deeperthan just giving somebody money.
(19:05):
It's so much deeper thanfinding their rehab for them or
offering the books or doing thethings.
It's about this belief that wehave that they can't, instead of
giving them the strength toknow that they can and they
actually have permission tocompletely fall apart if that's
part of their journey, withoutan expectation at the end that
(19:26):
the falling apart means thatthey will find their way.
We don't know if they'll findtheir way.
And she talks about how much sheloves this child that she gave
birth to, to see himdisappointed, and how hard that
is, and that is the mostdifficult part.
When we're looking at our ownchildren or people that we love
and we're walking away andsaying you get to be in your
(19:49):
choice, I'm not going to havethe consequences of your choices
anymore.
I can't save you from yourconsequences.
And that's the beauty ofdetachment with love that you're
not judging.
Soul Recovery's foundation ison no judgment and,
interestingly enough, as I'vesaid before, the judgment isn't
(20:12):
just not judging the bad, it'salso not getting attached to the
judgment of the good.
That, oh good.
Now they're doing this, oh good.
I have a strong belief that oursouls are here to to have this
wild journey, this wild ride,this wild experience.
(20:33):
And if we can just rise abovethe circumstances in our lives,
just enough to have compassionand grace and forgiveness and
tenderness of the situation andsee the complexity of what it is
to be a human being, it allowsus to release the part of us
that wants to control and fixand make.
(20:55):
But it doesn't mean that Idon't engage in their life.
It doesn't mean that I'm notpart of their support team,
because we all need support.
But support is very differentthan enabling.
Support means when hisgirlfriend asks me about raising
(21:15):
babies or what it was like, oreven sometimes I'll say, hey, I
had an idea of a suggestion, butplease just know you don't have
to listen to everything that Isay.
I want you to really make yourdiscernment for yourself and
she'll come back and say I'm upfor the advice.
I need it right now and it'sthe attachment to the enabling
that I'm doing this for youversus supporting you.
(21:38):
Here's some information that Ihave and now you choose.
Now you do what's right for you, knowing that I support you,
regardless of what you pick oneway or the other.
My hope and prayer was that Alexwould be in this hospital and
look at this newborn baby and,when he was sharing with me,
(22:00):
that he didn't want to raise hisson in the same kind of
alcoholic home that he grew upin.
My hope is that he would quitdrinking and that it would be
the thing that not onlypropelled him to not drink but
propelled him to maybe do somehealing, some soul recovery, and
I think that that is going tobe the case, that he will find
(22:22):
his way.
But it's not going to look atall like what I think it should
look like, and it may or may notinclude using drugs or alcohol
as part of his solution.
It's been his solution for areally long time, for his own
discomfort and it's the solutionthat we taught him.
So it's not fair for me tothink that at 28 years old, that
(22:47):
he's supposed to be where I amat 55 years old.
But if I give him the grace andI stand in this place that says
I'm going to choose love overfear, I'm going to choose love
over fear.
I'm going to choose how I'mgoing to be in it.
I'm going to choose how I'mgoing to see it.
I'm going to choose how I talkto him.
(23:08):
I'm going to choose how Ivision their lives, how I vision
my son, their lives, how Ivision my son.
And then I started writing aboutwhat a strong human being he is
and how much he's been throughand how he's found his way and
and how much success he's had inhis life.
It shifted almost immediately.
It shifted from this placewhere I was, back in the, when
(23:30):
he lived in his car, when he wasat the worst of his addiction.
I get to pick which one ofthose views of him I'm going to
interact with when I'm havingthose conversations with him and
it doesn't mean that I don'tsometimes want to, you know,
poke out.
I sent him a suggestion for abook, for example to listen to
that had been suggested to me,and then I went and listened to
(23:53):
the audible sample of it andimmediately could tell that it
was like, not a good fit.
It wasn't even a book that I.
The way that the person readand the content about what they
were talking about beginningdidn't appeal even to me and I
knew it wouldn't appeal to him.
To the sample, I can tell thatit may or may not be something
(24:18):
that you'd be interested in, andI'm not trying to push these
books on you.
I just want to give you thesupport to remind yourself that
there's all kinds of greatinformation out there podcasts,
audibles and I think you'dreally find them helpful.
Right, that feels very differentthan me constantly sending him
stuff, and it doesn't mean thatI don't watch myself wanting to
(24:39):
send him stuff.
That's the enabling on somelevel.
That is the.
I think I know better.
This will be the fix.
This is how you're going to doit, and he needs to want it.
I didn't get sober until I wasready and I didn't get soul
recovered until I had had enoughpain that I wasn't willing to
(25:03):
have this level of pain in mylife anymore.
And you're here because of thesame thing.
Thing in you hit a marker, aplace where you could have
enough leverage in your own lifeto say this is enough.
I will not.
I will not choose to bemiserable.
(25:24):
I will not choose to be in pain.
I will not choose to be harmedby other people's actions.
I'm going to learn how todetach with love.
I'm going to learn how to takemy power back, and that was my
journey that I had.
So where am I not letting himhave that journey for himself?
And I do not know what that'sgoing to look like, but I'm not
going to roll around in mycatastrophizing and choose fear
(25:48):
and worry, and choose fear andworry.
I am going to stand on theplatform that says I know that
he is whole, stand on theplatform that says I know that
he is whole and I choose loveand light in everything that I
do and that I see, and I'm goingto attend to my feelings and
I'm going to recognize thatspirit's will is not a
punishment.
It's a co-creation that my sonhas on his own soul's journey,
(26:13):
with his higher power of hisunderstanding, and I can't
possibly know what that is, butI can love him enough, so
unconditionally, that he gets tochoose what that looks like,
and that is freedom.
That is freedom.
Let go and let source, let goand let source.
(26:35):
So, as I do these practices, theability for me to be in
feelings and discomfort thatused to just completely throw me
off, put me into a spiral ofcontrol, put me into a place
where I just felt like Icouldn't breathe.
I have more and more ability tojust be with what is from that
(26:57):
neutral space that says this isan actual thing, that is
happening, and I get to decidehow I'm going to respond to it.
I get to decide how I'm goingto interact with it and I am not
responsible for them.
I am powerless over theirreactions, their responses,
their choices, and in that I canbe happy and healthy.
(27:22):
I choose a spiritual path to ahappy and healthy life.
So we will continue to readfrom this book, because I think
this is going to be really good,and notice that when you ask,
you receive.
So if you're asking for guidance, if you're asking for a
solution, when we really checkin with ourselves and allow the
(27:45):
universe to bring it to us, itmight come in a song, it might
come in.
Sometimes.
I'll open a book and just seewhat it provides for me, or I'll
open up YouTube and it'll bringme a video that's really
helpful for me.
Or I'll ask a friend to go havecoffee and get some support up
(28:12):
and listen to those guidances,those messages that are coming
through, because you are notalone.
You are supported and held bysomething even greater Still.
You are in co-creation withyour own connection to your
higher power and it is holdingyou, and that's what reminds me
that it's holding my son too.
I can stop trying to be the oneto fix and enable him to do
(28:37):
what I think I see fit, but Ican let him go to something
greater still.
I'm not letting him go tonothing.
I'm letting him go to theuniverse.
That I believe is love, and Iam to choose love over fear.
I choose love and I chooselight.
Choose love over fear.
(28:59):
I choose love and I chooselight.
If you need help with any ofthis, go to the website.
Book a session with me.
Let's work on it together.
The nine step soul recoveryprocess.
Or do the nine step modules,the individual modules on the
website.
This process is about youhealing you and finding your own
freedom.
We can indeed detach with loveand choose love over fear.
(29:20):
Until next time, namaste, thankyou for listening and I hope
that that helps support yoursoul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the recover your soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
(29:40):
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the websiteRecoverYourSoulnet or check out
(30:01):
the show links below for couponsand information for upcoming
events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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Welcome to Bookmarked by Reese’s Book Club — the podcast where great stories, bold women, and irresistible conversations collide! Hosted by award-winning journalist Danielle Robay, each week new episodes balance thoughtful literary insight with the fervor of buzzy book trends, pop culture and more. Bookmarked brings together celebrities, tastemakers, influencers and authors from Reese's Book Club and beyond to share stories that transcend the page. Pull up a chair. You’re not just listening — you’re part of the conversation.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com