September 22, 2025 • 31 mins
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When the world feels overwhelming—whether it’s family struggles, the pain of watching a loved one in addiction, or the heaviness of our collective challenges—it’s easy to believe that peace will come once everything “out there” finally settles down. But in Soul Recovery, we learn that waiting for the outside world to change keeps us trapped in fear and frustration. The real transformation begins when we turn inward.
In this episode, I share how I’ve been navigating real-life challenges with my family, including my son’s addiction, and how the Soul Recovery process reminds us that we are powerless over others—but never powerless within ourselves. When we shift our focus from control to compassion, from fear to love, we begin to find clarity, strength, and the ability to show up with grace in even the most difficult circumstances.
Turning within isn’t an escape from life—it’s the way to live it more fully, with peace and sovereignty.
Join us on the 1st Monday of every month for the FREE Soul Recovery Support Group on Zoom from 6-7PM Mountain Time. Register on the website, and if you have registered in the past, look for your reminder email in your promotions folder.
This podcast is for educational purposes only and is not allied or representative of any organizations or religions, but is based on the opinions and experience of Rev. Rachel Harrison or guests. The host claims no responsibility to any person or entity for any liability, loss, or damage caused or alleged to be caused directly or indirectly as a result of the use, application, or interpretation of the information presented herein. Take what you need and leave the rest.
Rev. Rachel Harrison and Recover Your Soul www.recoveryoursoul.net
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Episode Transcript
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Rev Rachel Harrison (00:00):
When the world feels really out of
control, or things in yourfamily or in your life feel out
of control, it seems strangethat the answer is to let go of
them and turn the attention toyourself.
We want so much to find thesolution, the answer, the thing
that is going to fix it for them, for the world, but ultimately
(00:37):
in soul recovery we learn thatwe're powerless over everything
else, not in a way of be okay.
We actually see that there's somuch that comes from that that
we can counterbalance what feelsout of control or fearful by
choosing to be light in love, byseeing our wholeness, by
(00:57):
turning the attention toourselves and our own well-being
.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
(01:20):
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
(01:44):
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast.
I'm Rev Rachel.
Thank you so much for spendingyour time with me today, for
being part of this amazing soulrecovery community.
You know you probably came herebecause you've got something in
your life that feelsunmanageable.
I know I still have things inmy life that feel unmanageable,
but they are definitelydifferent as I've learned how to
(02:05):
turn the attention to myself.
And it's complicated becausethere's so much going on out in
the world.
There's so much going onprobably in your own family
there's a lot going on in my ownfamily too but I feel the heavy
weight of the complex nature ofour political system, of how we
(02:27):
are so divisive in our ownfamilies and on social media,
and it just feels more and morelike there's just this divide
and it really lends itself tothe soul recovery process
because, ultimately, what we'relearning in soul recovery is
that if we need them to be okay,for us to be okay, we're giving
(02:47):
our power away.
We're giving away the part ofus that can determine that we
can be sovereign in our ownbeing, that it can be
complicated out there, that itcan be harmful, even in what's
actually happening.
It doesn't dismiss the veryreal feelings, the very real
experiences that we're having.
But we're learning more andmore and more how to let go of
(03:10):
control from that grasping,clinging, wanting way and moving
into the place within ourselveswhere we touch into how it
feels for us, what is going onfor us.
And you know, I was thinkingabout what to say about in this
podcast because there's just somuch swimming around in my own
life and in my own head that Ican get back into that old
(03:33):
system, that old controllingsystem that wants to find a
solution, that wants some solidground, that wants it to just
settle down.
And then I remember that theanswer is to turn within, that
when we turn the attention toourselves and we work on how we
feel in our own bodies, we getclarity about what are we
(03:55):
actually upset about, what isactually hurting, what feels
unsafe, what feels like we, weneed or want a solution.
In that then we can work on thepart that wants to find a way
to control it right.
So it's interesting, as I'mworking on the manuscript for
(04:15):
the first soul recovery bookwith Maddie, who's my
collaborator, my mentor on thisjourney, of being willing to
express myself so openly andshare all the stories.
You know I've been sharing thestories in podcasts, but they're
in little bits and then I cankind of talk around it and
through it and explain it in inthat moment and that feeling,
(04:39):
that experience that I'm sharingwith you.
But, man, when you write it alldown in chronological order,
even walking through the soulrecovery process, it just is a
reminder of how complex ourlives are, and on a regular
basis.
It isn't about getting out ofthe complexity, it's about, as I
say, on a regular basis, assoul recovery teaches us, it's
(05:03):
about having a new perception,it's a new way to see it, it's a
new way to live in it andthrough it.
But I think it's even moreimportant right now because
there's just so much going on.
So in my own life I feel likeI'm just swimming in the sea of
real life situations, real lifeproblems.
I just had a situation where mymom who every time she has
(05:27):
dental surgery she has some sortof pretty substantial allergic
or neurological reaction to thedental procedure.
And it was especially bad thistime, which included that she
was in the hospital for a weekand the entire time that I was
in Asheville for the retreat andluckily we felt like she was
safe in that environment.
(05:49):
So being away felt a littleeasier for me, since she wasn't
at home by herself.
And then my dad's girlfriend isgoing through her own cancer
journey and just had surgery.
And then while I was inAsheville with the retreat, I
actually picked that weekendbecause Bodie was going to be
having a one-wheel event it'sthe big annual float fest
(06:12):
one-wheel event and so I thoughtit'd be really fun to go meet
up with him, because I don't getto see him that much and see
him in his own element.
And of course, what's back inhis element partying is back in
his element and I just felt thattug in my my chest and my gut.
You know in my heart of thatpart that we get so excited when
(06:33):
our children choose sobriety,and you can see the timeline and
the evolution that's going tohappen from that.
And then you know they go backto an old solution and again, is
he out of control?
Is he unmanageable?
No, you know, it's just the waythat he handles stress in his
life sometimes, as so many ofthe population do.
And then on top of all of thatthere's all of this stuff
(06:56):
happening in the world and Ihave a husband who is pretty
immersed in it.
You know that I don't watch thenews.
I really try to stay away fromas much as I can all that
information.
Not that I want to put my hatin the sand, because that is
certainly not at all what I wantto be doing, but when we really
see from step two in soulrecovery that we're powerless
(07:18):
over every single thing outsideof ourself, and you begin to see
how attached we are For thoseof you that are on the bonus
episodes through Apple podcastsor on Patreon, I did a series on
the five levels of attachmentby Don Miguel Ruiz Jr and it
speaks to that part where youknow the lowest level of
(07:38):
attachment is you know, I don'tcare, you know whatever.
And then you move up into apreference where, yeah, I'd like
something to be a certain way.
And then you move up into thisplace where you identify which
we talked about in a recentpodcast identifying with a cause
or a belief or a way thingsshould be.
And that level of attachmentcan really create division.
(08:00):
It makes you think that theothers are who they are and
you're pointing fingers andthere's blame, and I feel like
there's so much of that rightnow and there's literally just
so much divide and it's breakingmy husband's heart.
And you know what happens whenhe's in that space he gets
really edgy.
He gets really edgy in everycapacity and it's because he
(08:24):
feels overwhelmed.
He feels overwhelmed, he feelshopeless, and so the tools that
he pulls out are sort of theseaggressive tools and he wants me
to be in it with him, he wantsme to have these conversations,
he wants to talk about sort ofthese intense reactions that
he's having and how he's havingthese conversations with people,
(08:44):
and he wants me to support himin that.
And it makes me feel very, very,very uncomfortable.
It makes me feel really.
I mean, I really get to a placewhere I feel like I have to
kind of put a boundary up andjust say I love you, I see you,
I know this is hard for you, butI can't engage in that.
(09:05):
I can't engage in that becauseit's not good for me, it doesn't
help me.
And in the same light, it'sthis piece where you start
realizing there is always goingto be these challenges, there's
always going to be thiscomplexity of life.
And I hope if one thing thatI've given you in soul recovery
and in this process that you'relearning with me is not to
(09:27):
continue wanting there to besome magic fairy dust that
sprinkles over the situation sothat there doesn't have any
challenge, so that there isn'tany hardship.
It's about our ability to turnwithin and connect with
ourselves and see it in our ownway of knowing that we are held
and loved by something evengreater still that can give us
(09:49):
the guidance that can releasethat energy.
Because ultimately, in the end,we're talking about love or
fear, and it doesn't mean thatwhen you choose love it gets
smooth sailing.
It just changes energy.
And what I think is sofascinating about the soul
recovery process and reallylooking at these real life
(10:11):
situations is that when I turnto myself and I really look at
you know, like my mom being inthe hospital, for example, I
love my mom so much and one ofthe things that I appreciate
about her and I was sharing inthe retreat with the amazing
women that were at the retreatwith me is that I could be at
the retreat and I could stepinto my Rev Rachel self and
(10:35):
really be present and put thatover to the side, not that it's
not in my heart and that I'm notholding space for it, but that
constant worry, that constantcontrol, that part of us that
thinks that we personally haveto manage it, fix it, take care
of it, make it better.
That it's our responsibility.
What will happen?
What will happen?
What will happen?
That muscle that I've beenworking over the last seven
(10:57):
years is working and that's whatwe're working on here.
It's not about switching ourlives.
It's about giving us a new toolto use, a new mindset, that
we're literally rewiring ourbrain so that I can hold space
and love for her, that I canhave attention and a desire for
(11:18):
her to be well, but it's notcompletely railroading my mind
so that all I can think about iswhat's going on with my mom?
What's going on with my mom?
What's going on with my mom?
That we're going throughcertain situations, or their own
(11:46):
family situations, or their ownawakening and dealing with
their own pain of a difficultand painful experiences in life,
their memories, right, andthose are the pieces that we're
processing with love andcompassion through the nine-step
soul recovery process.
And when we're in turning ourattention to ourselves, and when
we're in turning our attentionto ourselves, which is the only
place we have control of anyway,we're recognizing that that
(12:10):
healing process is thefoundational piece of us being
able to have a solid place tostand in what feels very erratic
or disjointed, or untethered.
And so what I was working onwith myself when I got to
(12:37):
Asheville and I and I finallymet up with Bodhi and saw that
he was, you know, smoking weedagain, and the disappointment
that came because he said wordslike I'm never going to smoke
pot again, I realized it doesn'tbenefit me, it's not good for
me and I, that heartbreak thatcomes, that moment of just like,
oh God, I just want the answerfor him because if he's better
than I can be better.
(12:57):
And it just flooded into me howmuch of my life I've spent
thinking this is the answer forthem.
This is the answer for them,this is the answer for the world
, this is the answer for myhusband, this is the answer for
my other son, this is the answerfor my mom, this is the answer
that if I can just have thatanswer, then everything can kind
(13:19):
of calm down.
But it really is around my ownsafety, my own peace within my
heart, and I continue, even withall the work that I've done, to
have some part of me thatwishes that it was smoother on
the outside so that it could beeasier and smoother on the
inside.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
(13:39):
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
(14:01):
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join.
Join us for the Recover yourSoul bonus podcast for Patreon
members and Apple podcastsubscribers, where I interview
amazing people sharing soulrecovery tips for us and also do
(14:22):
spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
But what I love about what'shappening in the ability for me
to have more clarity with my ownmind is almost immediately I go
(14:46):
right to step two.
I'm powerless over them.
I'm powerless over thesituation.
I'm powerless over hisaddiction.
I'm powerless over hisheartache.
I'm powerless over the stresshe feels.
I'm powerless over my mom'sphysical reactions.
I'm powerless over how her bodydeals with this.
I'm powerless over the factthat the medical system could
not find an answer for any of it.
(15:07):
I'm powerless over my dad's,girlfriend's cancer.
I'm powerless over the country.
I'm powerless over what'shappening in people's fear.
But when I say it, I don't justsay it and I and I hope that
you've gotten from listening tomy voice for however long you've
(15:29):
been here one episode, 500episodes that knowing that
there's so much that's withinyou when you turn the attention
to yourself, that when you saythe words, I'm powerless, it
isn't a weakness, it isn't abeing in denial, it's not a
putting your head in the sand.
It's actually a releasing it tosomething greater still, to the
(15:53):
higher power of yourunderstanding to source god,
light, love, good, whatever youcall it, from like the depth of
your being, knowing that thereis the potential of releasing
what you cannot carry, thatthere is more in the flow, there
is this ability to trust thatthere's so much more that we can
(16:17):
possibly understand, happeningin ways that we, we've never
even learned how to see, and sowhen I, when I say those words
and I say I'm powerless over I,use my imagination to believe
like that, there's sparkles.
You know that there's some sortof energy that's breaking up
(16:39):
and releasing the heavinessthat's holding in my heart and
that when I release that, whatI'm doing is I'm turning back to
myself and I'm giving myselfthe grace to feel the feelings
that I'm feeling, that are soimportant to be able to
recognize that it's perfectlynatural and understandable and
(17:01):
actually appropriate to have thefeelings of being scared, that
this might be a slippery slopefor Bodhi Bodhi, who I love,
that we can talk.
This is the benefit of gettingclarity within your own self and
letting go of control so that Ican ask him questions out of
(17:21):
curiosity and talk to him from aplace that just says you know,
tell me more about what's goingon with you right now.
Why are you making this choice,you know, and he's like oh,
it's just, it's temporary, mom,don't worry about it, I really
don't feel out of control and Ireally am just in a lot of a lot
of stress right now and this isthe solution for that.
And you know, being an addictand having chosen those
(17:45):
solutions for myself in my ownway, I get it.
And I think that's the part thatif we all could just step back
and stop thinking that there'sthis one single solution that's
going to fix and see the soul'sjourney that we're all on,
including ourselves, thiscomplex and wild experience that
(18:05):
we're having aroundunderstanding more about
ourselves, which generally has alot of pain, and you know, step
three, discovering yourpatterns, beliefs and stories,
this underbelly piece of us thatis feeling like we're not
enough or that we have to meetup to some expectations, or
(18:30):
really just gets overwhelmed.
It just doesn't have the toolssort of deal with everything
that's happening.
And in Bodhi's experience and Ishould have him on the podcast
again soon because he's sogracious and sharing his journey
with us he has ADHD along with,along with Alex.
They both do.
You know I'm not a big fan ofclaiming diagnosis.
(18:51):
Their brains work in this veryparticular way and the overwhelm
is real and I can't discountthat the overwhelm is real.
And if you're so busy in yourlife because he's doing all the
things that he's supposed to do,which is like back to back to
back to back to back, thereisn't really space to do some of
the things that we talk aboutfor self-care or giving yourself
(19:11):
grace or, you know, doingmeditations.
I mean, he's literally on theroad and doing a million things,
and so it only makes sense thathe leans into this particular
form.
That gives him a sense ofrelease.
And can I fault him for that?
No, but what I can give himgrace for and gratitude for is
(19:33):
he's awake in it.
He's not doing it in a waythat's around to like not
understanding what's going onfor him, and that's all I can do
for myself too.
So when I'm in this process ofmy own healing, I'm bouncing off
of, like a mirror.
I'm bouncing off of and seeingwhat, in the reflection, feels
(19:56):
difficult or painful or hard,and it's giving me information
about more, about where I canbuild up my reserves, where I
can attend to myself more.
Aren't I lucky that I have thissituation in my life right now
where I can wake up as early asI want, have an hour or three
hours, depending on how early Iwant to wake up to attend to my
(20:20):
heart, to do my spiritualpractice?
And I can tell you for surethat when I turn the attention
to myself and what's happeningfor me within me, and allow all
of these life situations to beplaces where I deepen my
connection with source.
I deepen my connection with myhigher self, with my soul self
(20:42):
that has so much more wisdomthan my fearful self, my small
self, and I come back to thatbeautiful releasing and letting
go and coming into thatwholeness.
That is the truth, that says.
You know, it is complicated, itis hard.
Rich is irritated with what'shappening in the world, and
(21:06):
rightfully so.
But when I try to take it fromhim, or I try to take Bodhi's
pain for him, or even mymother's situation from them,
I'm dismissing their soul'sjourney and their opportunity to
look more deeply at themselves.
And then I get more clarityaround.
What are my boundaries?
(21:27):
How can I come to both Bodhi orto Rich from a clear mind, from
a clear heart, without all thisprojection, without all this?
You know you're doing this to meand be able to say, hey, I
wanted to talk a little bitabout you know, rich's situation
.
I wanted to talk a little bitabout this edge that I'm feeling
(21:48):
from you and I don't want totake away what's going on in
your mind, that you are indeedreally upset about it, but I
can't interact in the way that Ithink that you're asking me to,
because it makes me feeluncomfortable in my body and I
(22:08):
don't know how to support youand how you're feeling and
support myself.
So can we talk about that?
And that's an entirelydifferent level of conversation
than what we used to havebecause you know, I will be
honest some of my old patternsbecause I'm pretty busy with all
the stuff that's going on in mylife my old pattern wants to
(22:29):
just shut down, it just wants toput the wall up.
And I feel very familiarprotections that I have felt
over his intensity over the last33 years.
And that's mine to work on, formyself to understand that those
are valid feelings, thatturning the attention to myself
(22:52):
is to like actually recognizehow uncomfortable and how real
these feelings are for me.
But instead of trying to forcehim to be something else, to get
clarity first for how it feelsto me, so that when I go speak
to him, I'm speaking to him froma nonviolent communication
style, from I statements, frommore awareness within myself
(23:13):
that doesn't make him feel likehe's being attacked or being
blamed.
And what I know about him andthis is, you know something that
in each of your relationships,only you know.
This is why whatever happens insomeone else's relationship,
including mine, doesn't matter,because you're in your own
unique relationship.
(23:34):
And what I know about Rich isthat when I approach him in that
way, he softens and there's atenderness that comes to him
because he is willing to be onthe spiritual journey.
It just looks entirelydifferent than what mine does
and his interest in how deep itgoes or how deep he wants to
(23:55):
look into himself is verydifferent than mine.
But the reason why I continueto be in this relationship and
be willing to hit these scratchyplaces is because it is safe
for me here that he's notattacking me, that this energy
that he has is really his owndefense mechanisms, and
(24:15):
sometimes he's very, veryunaware of it, to be honest.
But when I bring it to hisattention in a kind and loving
way, I'm grateful that in ourrelationship he's always
interested and open and willingto see it.
And the more that we've steppedout of me blaming, blaming,
blaming, blaming him like I didfor so many years he will lean
(24:39):
in and that's the part that isimportant in my relationship.
He will lean in and that's thepart that is important in my
relationship Now.
Each of you are in your ownwith your own kids, with your
own partners, with your friends,with your family, and I think
there's more clarity on aregular basis about where it's
safe to lean in and where it isactually okay to put up
(24:59):
boundaries around healthycommunication.
So if Rich really was going toyou know, not be able to have
these kinds of conversationswith me and was berating and I'm
totally making up a person thathe isn't right now, but like if
he was like really on thiswhole attacking and pissed off
at the world, you know, itwouldn't work for me.
(25:20):
Not a judgment, not that he's abad person, it's.
It really is around alignmentof us constantly coming back to
ourself and checking in withourselves and living in a more
sovereign state than acodependent state and taking our
power back and saying I can see, in places where I'm powerless
(25:42):
over you, I'm not going todetermine whether your happiness
or your ease or your irritationor your addiction.
You know, if all of thosethings are actually happening
and there's no movement ordesire on those parts to make
change, we can't make themchange.
We can't make them be better.
We can't make them want to heal.
(26:03):
We can't make them be sober, wecan't make them change.
We can't make them be better.
We can't make them want to heal.
We can't make them be sober, wecan't make them.
But you can unconditionally lovesomebody enough to let them be
fully in their experience, toallow the experience, which
seems crazy, right, but toalmost as if you're sending them
away to have their journey.
But we have clarity about whenand where we can attend to
(26:25):
ourselves, to keep ourselvessafe and to be able to move
forward in our lives to our bestability.
So, in the situation in my lifewith my kids, because I can
have these conversations withthem and I see them so
beautifully as these wholeglorious, smart, loving, amazing
(26:48):
men who make some kooky choicesstill to this day, who are
going to do things that it'sgoing to make their journey be,
whatever their journey is.
But I let go more and more andmore because I'm turning the
attention to myself, I'mchecking in with me, I'm being
clear of my words, I'm being asunconditionally loving as I can,
(27:11):
I'm clear about where I canstep in, where it's not mine,
and sometimes it's really fuzzy,like I've said, and then in the
world there's so much you knowthat we're just really powerless
over, but I believe so stronglythat our choice for compassion
and love and gracecounterbalances the anger and
(27:34):
the destruction and the hurt andthe aggression so much I was
telling somebody in the retreatthat I think it was Wayne Dyer,
dr Wayne Dyer.
In one of his books it saidsomeone who can hold compassion
and grace and lovecounterbalances 60,000 souls who
(27:57):
are asleep and in pain and infear.
That's a lot of weight that youcan hold.
You don't have to fix them, youjust need to be present in
yourself.
And so it's understandable thatwe feel unbalanced.
But when we put the attentionback on ourselves to regulate,
to bring ourselves to balance,to be able to have clarity of
(28:18):
voice, to feel our feelings, weare on the soul recovery process
and we're moving past ourlimiting beliefs that keep us
stuck in old ways of being.
We're turning the attention toour higher power.
We're recognizing we're notalone in this.
We're moving into a new way ofseeing, into a new perception,
(28:39):
and we're living in that light.
We're on that timeline, we'rein that way of being and
everything around us will feeldifferent.
Even if it still feels painful,we don't suffer in the wanting
it to be different.
So there is so much value andso much strength.
(29:05):
And it doesn't feel like it atfirst, but when we turn the
attention to ourselves, when wetake responsibility for our own
well-being and how we choose tosee it and how we choose to
interact with it, there's somuch more power.
There we are taking our powerback, and so it's crazy right
now.
It's difficult in so many ways,but you have everything that you
need within you to stand inyour strong, sovereign, whole,
(29:27):
awakened self, and the soulrecovery process is giving you
the tools to get there, and I'mnot giving you anything that you
don't have within you already.
You are whole, you are enough,you are beautiful.
Until next time, namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
(29:50):
your soul recovery process.
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links below for coupons andinformation for upcoming events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(30:32):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
When the world feels really out of
control, or things in yourfamily or in your life feel out
of control, it seems strangethat the answer is to let go of
them and turn the attention toyourself.
We want so much to find thesolution, the answer, the thing
that is going to fix it for them, for the world, but ultimately
(00:37):
in soul recovery we learn thatwe're powerless over everything
else, not in a way of be okay.
We actually see that there's somuch that comes from that that
we can counterbalance what feelsout of control or fearful by
choosing to be light in love, byseeing our wholeness, by
(00:57):
turning the attention toourselves and our own well-being
.
Enjoy the episode.
Welcome to the Recover yourSoul podcast a spiritual path to
a happy and healthy life.
My name is Reverend RachelHarrison.
I started Recover your Soulafter having profound changes in
my life from my recovery ofalcoholism, codependency and
(01:20):
control addiction.
I was guided to share the toolsand principles of spirituality
and soul recovery to help otherstransform their lives, as mine
was transformed.
For us to overcome externalcircumstances, we need to turn
the attention to ourselves,focusing on our inner change and
healing.
Positive results in our liveswill follow.
(01:44):
Welcome to the Recovery SoulPodcast.
I'm Rev Rachel.
Thank you so much for spendingyour time with me today, for
being part of this amazing soulrecovery community.
You know you probably came herebecause you've got something in
your life that feelsunmanageable.
I know I still have things inmy life that feel unmanageable,
but they are definitelydifferent as I've learned how to
(02:05):
turn the attention to myself.
And it's complicated becausethere's so much going on out in
the world.
There's so much going onprobably in your own family
there's a lot going on in my ownfamily too but I feel the heavy
weight of the complex nature ofour political system, of how we
(02:27):
are so divisive in our ownfamilies and on social media,
and it just feels more and morelike there's just this divide
and it really lends itself tothe soul recovery process
because, ultimately, what we'relearning in soul recovery is
that if we need them to be okay,for us to be okay, we're giving
(02:47):
our power away.
We're giving away the part ofus that can determine that we
can be sovereign in our ownbeing, that it can be
complicated out there, that itcan be harmful, even in what's
actually happening.
It doesn't dismiss the veryreal feelings, the very real
experiences that we're having.
But we're learning more andmore and more how to let go of
(03:10):
control from that grasping,clinging, wanting way and moving
into the place within ourselveswhere we touch into how it
feels for us, what is going onfor us.
And you know, I was thinkingabout what to say about in this
podcast because there's just somuch swimming around in my own
life and in my own head that Ican get back into that old
(03:33):
system, that old controllingsystem that wants to find a
solution, that wants some solidground, that wants it to just
settle down.
And then I remember that theanswer is to turn within, that
when we turn the attention toourselves and we work on how we
feel in our own bodies, we getclarity about what are we
(03:55):
actually upset about, what isactually hurting, what feels
unsafe, what feels like we, weneed or want a solution.
In that then we can work on thepart that wants to find a way
to control it right.
So it's interesting, as I'mworking on the manuscript for
(04:15):
the first soul recovery bookwith Maddie, who's my
collaborator, my mentor on thisjourney, of being willing to
express myself so openly andshare all the stories.
You know I've been sharing thestories in podcasts, but they're
in little bits and then I cankind of talk around it and
through it and explain it in inthat moment and that feeling,
(04:39):
that experience that I'm sharingwith you.
But, man, when you write it alldown in chronological order,
even walking through the soulrecovery process, it just is a
reminder of how complex ourlives are, and on a regular
basis.
It isn't about getting out ofthe complexity, it's about, as I
say, on a regular basis, assoul recovery teaches us, it's
(05:03):
about having a new perception,it's a new way to see it, it's a
new way to live in it andthrough it.
But I think it's even moreimportant right now because
there's just so much going on.
So in my own life I feel likeI'm just swimming in the sea of
real life situations, real lifeproblems.
I just had a situation where mymom who every time she has
(05:27):
dental surgery she has some sortof pretty substantial allergic
or neurological reaction to thedental procedure.
And it was especially bad thistime, which included that she
was in the hospital for a weekand the entire time that I was
in Asheville for the retreat andluckily we felt like she was
safe in that environment.
(05:49):
So being away felt a littleeasier for me, since she wasn't
at home by herself.
And then my dad's girlfriend isgoing through her own cancer
journey and just had surgery.
And then while I was inAsheville with the retreat, I
actually picked that weekendbecause Bodie was going to be
having a one-wheel event it'sthe big annual float fest
(06:12):
one-wheel event and so I thoughtit'd be really fun to go meet
up with him, because I don't getto see him that much and see
him in his own element.
And of course, what's back inhis element partying is back in
his element and I just felt thattug in my my chest and my gut.
You know in my heart of thatpart that we get so excited when
(06:33):
our children choose sobriety,and you can see the timeline and
the evolution that's going tohappen from that.
And then you know they go backto an old solution and again, is
he out of control?
Is he unmanageable?
No, you know, it's just the waythat he handles stress in his
life sometimes, as so many ofthe population do.
And then on top of all of thatthere's all of this stuff
(06:56):
happening in the world and Ihave a husband who is pretty
immersed in it.
You know that I don't watch thenews.
I really try to stay away fromas much as I can all that
information.
Not that I want to put my hatin the sand, because that is
certainly not at all what I wantto be doing, but when we really
see from step two in soulrecovery that we're powerless
(07:18):
over every single thing outsideof ourself, and you begin to see
how attached we are For thoseof you that are on the bonus
episodes through Apple podcastsor on Patreon, I did a series on
the five levels of attachmentby Don Miguel Ruiz Jr and it
speaks to that part where youknow the lowest level of
(07:38):
attachment is you know, I don'tcare, you know whatever.
And then you move up into apreference where, yeah, I'd like
something to be a certain way.
And then you move up into thisplace where you identify which
we talked about in a recentpodcast identifying with a cause
or a belief or a way thingsshould be.
And that level of attachmentcan really create division.
(08:00):
It makes you think that theothers are who they are and
you're pointing fingers andthere's blame, and I feel like
there's so much of that rightnow and there's literally just
so much divide and it's breakingmy husband's heart.
And you know what happens whenhe's in that space he gets
really edgy.
He gets really edgy in everycapacity and it's because he
(08:24):
feels overwhelmed.
He feels overwhelmed, he feelshopeless, and so the tools that
he pulls out are sort of theseaggressive tools and he wants me
to be in it with him, he wantsme to have these conversations,
he wants to talk about sort ofthese intense reactions that
he's having and how he's havingthese conversations with people,
(08:44):
and he wants me to support himin that.
And it makes me feel very, very,very uncomfortable.
It makes me feel really.
I mean, I really get to a placewhere I feel like I have to
kind of put a boundary up andjust say I love you, I see you,
I know this is hard for you, butI can't engage in that.
(09:05):
I can't engage in that becauseit's not good for me, it doesn't
help me.
And in the same light, it'sthis piece where you start
realizing there is always goingto be these challenges, there's
always going to be thiscomplexity of life.
And I hope if one thing thatI've given you in soul recovery
and in this process that you'relearning with me is not to
(09:27):
continue wanting there to besome magic fairy dust that
sprinkles over the situation sothat there doesn't have any
challenge, so that there isn'tany hardship.
It's about our ability to turnwithin and connect with
ourselves and see it in our ownway of knowing that we are held
and loved by something evengreater still that can give us
(09:49):
the guidance that can releasethat energy.
Because ultimately, in the end,we're talking about love or
fear, and it doesn't mean thatwhen you choose love it gets
smooth sailing.
It just changes energy.
And what I think is sofascinating about the soul
recovery process and reallylooking at these real life
(10:11):
situations is that when I turnto myself and I really look at
you know, like my mom being inthe hospital, for example, I
love my mom so much and one ofthe things that I appreciate
about her and I was sharing inthe retreat with the amazing
women that were at the retreatwith me is that I could be at
the retreat and I could stepinto my Rev Rachel self and
(10:35):
really be present and put thatover to the side, not that it's
not in my heart and that I'm notholding space for it, but that
constant worry, that constantcontrol, that part of us that
thinks that we personally haveto manage it, fix it, take care
of it, make it better.
That it's our responsibility.
What will happen?
What will happen?
What will happen?
That muscle that I've beenworking over the last seven
(10:57):
years is working and that's whatwe're working on here.
It's not about switching ourlives.
It's about giving us a new toolto use, a new mindset, that
we're literally rewiring ourbrain so that I can hold space
and love for her, that I canhave attention and a desire for
(11:18):
her to be well, but it's notcompletely railroading my mind
so that all I can think about iswhat's going on with my mom?
What's going on with my mom?
What's going on with my mom?
That we're going throughcertain situations, or their own
(11:46):
family situations, or their ownawakening and dealing with
their own pain of a difficultand painful experiences in life,
their memories, right, andthose are the pieces that we're
processing with love andcompassion through the nine-step
soul recovery process.
And when we're in turning ourattention to ourselves, and when
we're in turning our attentionto ourselves, which is the only
place we have control of anyway,we're recognizing that that
(12:10):
healing process is thefoundational piece of us being
able to have a solid place tostand in what feels very erratic
or disjointed, or untethered.
And so what I was working onwith myself when I got to
(12:37):
Asheville and I and I finallymet up with Bodhi and saw that
he was, you know, smoking weedagain, and the disappointment
that came because he said wordslike I'm never going to smoke
pot again, I realized it doesn'tbenefit me, it's not good for
me and I, that heartbreak thatcomes, that moment of just like,
oh God, I just want the answerfor him because if he's better
than I can be better.
(12:57):
And it just flooded into me howmuch of my life I've spent
thinking this is the answer forthem.
This is the answer for them,this is the answer for the world
, this is the answer for myhusband, this is the answer for
my other son, this is the answerfor my mom, this is the answer
that if I can just have thatanswer, then everything can kind
(13:19):
of calm down.
But it really is around my ownsafety, my own peace within my
heart, and I continue, even withall the work that I've done, to
have some part of me thatwishes that it was smoother on
the outside so that it could beeasier and smoother on the
inside.
Are you ready to step into yoursoul recovery?
(13:39):
Visit the websiterecoveryoursoulnet to learn more
about the nine step soulrecovery process.
I hope that you'll join us thefirst Monday of every month for
the free soul recovery supportgroup on zoom, where we learn
more about soul recovery andconnect with each other.
If you'd like to work directlywith me to move through the nine
step soul recovery process, I'mhere for you, but you can also
(14:01):
choose to work the steps on yourown, with individual modules
intended to support you to workat your own pace and on your own
time.
And if you want even more soulrecovery, join.
Join us for the Recover yourSoul bonus podcast for Patreon
members and Apple podcastsubscribers, where I interview
amazing people sharing soulrecovery tips for us and also do
(14:22):
spiritual book studies.
You can also find dailyinspiration on Facebook and
Instagram and join our privateFacebook community.
Visit the website for moreinformation, links and
registration for everything.
Back to the episode.
But what I love about what'shappening in the ability for me
to have more clarity with my ownmind is almost immediately I go
(14:46):
right to step two.
I'm powerless over them.
I'm powerless over thesituation.
I'm powerless over hisaddiction.
I'm powerless over hisheartache.
I'm powerless over the stresshe feels.
I'm powerless over my mom'sphysical reactions.
I'm powerless over how her bodydeals with this.
I'm powerless over the factthat the medical system could
not find an answer for any of it.
(15:07):
I'm powerless over my dad's,girlfriend's cancer.
I'm powerless over the country.
I'm powerless over what'shappening in people's fear.
But when I say it, I don't justsay it and I and I hope that
you've gotten from listening tomy voice for however long you've
(15:29):
been here one episode, 500episodes that knowing that
there's so much that's withinyou when you turn the attention
to yourself, that when you saythe words, I'm powerless, it
isn't a weakness, it isn't abeing in denial, it's not a
putting your head in the sand.
It's actually a releasing it tosomething greater still, to the
(15:53):
higher power of yourunderstanding to source god,
light, love, good, whatever youcall it, from like the depth of
your being, knowing that thereis the potential of releasing
what you cannot carry, thatthere is more in the flow, there
is this ability to trust thatthere's so much more that we can
(16:17):
possibly understand, happeningin ways that we, we've never
even learned how to see, and sowhen I, when I say those words
and I say I'm powerless over I,use my imagination to believe
like that, there's sparkles.
You know that there's some sortof energy that's breaking up
(16:39):
and releasing the heavinessthat's holding in my heart and
that when I release that, whatI'm doing is I'm turning back to
myself and I'm giving myselfthe grace to feel the feelings
that I'm feeling, that are soimportant to be able to
recognize that it's perfectlynatural and understandable and
(17:01):
actually appropriate to have thefeelings of being scared, that
this might be a slippery slopefor Bodhi Bodhi, who I love,
that we can talk.
This is the benefit of gettingclarity within your own self and
letting go of control so that Ican ask him questions out of
(17:21):
curiosity and talk to him from aplace that just says you know,
tell me more about what's goingon with you right now.
Why are you making this choice,you know, and he's like oh,
it's just, it's temporary, mom,don't worry about it, I really
don't feel out of control and Ireally am just in a lot of a lot
of stress right now and this isthe solution for that.
And you know, being an addictand having chosen those
(17:45):
solutions for myself in my ownway, I get it.
And I think that's the part thatif we all could just step back
and stop thinking that there'sthis one single solution that's
going to fix and see the soul'sjourney that we're all on,
including ourselves, thiscomplex and wild experience that
(18:05):
we're having aroundunderstanding more about
ourselves, which generally has alot of pain, and you know, step
three, discovering yourpatterns, beliefs and stories,
this underbelly piece of us thatis feeling like we're not
enough or that we have to meetup to some expectations, or
(18:30):
really just gets overwhelmed.
It just doesn't have the toolssort of deal with everything
that's happening.
And in Bodhi's experience and Ishould have him on the podcast
again soon because he's sogracious and sharing his journey
with us he has ADHD along with,along with Alex.
They both do.
You know I'm not a big fan ofclaiming diagnosis.
(18:51):
Their brains work in this veryparticular way and the overwhelm
is real and I can't discountthat the overwhelm is real.
And if you're so busy in yourlife because he's doing all the
things that he's supposed to do,which is like back to back to
back to back to back, thereisn't really space to do some of
the things that we talk aboutfor self-care or giving yourself
(19:11):
grace or, you know, doingmeditations.
I mean, he's literally on theroad and doing a million things,
and so it only makes sense thathe leans into this particular
form.
That gives him a sense ofrelease.
And can I fault him for that?
No, but what I can give himgrace for and gratitude for is
(19:33):
he's awake in it.
He's not doing it in a waythat's around to like not
understanding what's going onfor him, and that's all I can do
for myself too.
So when I'm in this process ofmy own healing, I'm bouncing off
of, like a mirror.
I'm bouncing off of and seeingwhat, in the reflection, feels
(19:56):
difficult or painful or hard,and it's giving me information
about more, about where I canbuild up my reserves, where I
can attend to myself more.
Aren't I lucky that I have thissituation in my life right now
where I can wake up as early asI want, have an hour or three
hours, depending on how early Iwant to wake up to attend to my
(20:20):
heart, to do my spiritualpractice?
And I can tell you for surethat when I turn the attention
to myself and what's happeningfor me within me, and allow all
of these life situations to beplaces where I deepen my
connection with source.
I deepen my connection with myhigher self, with my soul self
(20:42):
that has so much more wisdomthan my fearful self, my small
self, and I come back to thatbeautiful releasing and letting
go and coming into thatwholeness.
That is the truth, that says.
You know, it is complicated, itis hard.
Rich is irritated with what'shappening in the world, and
(21:06):
rightfully so.
But when I try to take it fromhim, or I try to take Bodhi's
pain for him, or even mymother's situation from them,
I'm dismissing their soul'sjourney and their opportunity to
look more deeply at themselves.
And then I get more clarityaround.
What are my boundaries?
(21:27):
How can I come to both Bodhi orto Rich from a clear mind, from
a clear heart, without all thisprojection, without all this?
You know you're doing this to meand be able to say, hey, I
wanted to talk a little bitabout you know, rich's situation
.
I wanted to talk a little bitabout this edge that I'm feeling
(21:48):
from you and I don't want totake away what's going on in
your mind, that you are indeedreally upset about it, but I
can't interact in the way that Ithink that you're asking me to,
because it makes me feeluncomfortable in my body and I
(22:08):
don't know how to support youand how you're feeling and
support myself.
So can we talk about that?
And that's an entirelydifferent level of conversation
than what we used to havebecause you know, I will be
honest some of my old patternsbecause I'm pretty busy with all
the stuff that's going on in mylife my old pattern wants to
(22:29):
just shut down, it just wants toput the wall up.
And I feel very familiarprotections that I have felt
over his intensity over the last33 years.
And that's mine to work on, formyself to understand that those
are valid feelings, thatturning the attention to myself
(22:52):
is to like actually recognizehow uncomfortable and how real
these feelings are for me.
But instead of trying to forcehim to be something else, to get
clarity first for how it feelsto me, so that when I go speak
to him, I'm speaking to him froma nonviolent communication
style, from I statements, frommore awareness within myself
(23:13):
that doesn't make him feel likehe's being attacked or being
blamed.
And what I know about him andthis is, you know something that
in each of your relationships,only you know.
This is why whatever happens insomeone else's relationship,
including mine, doesn't matter,because you're in your own
unique relationship.
(23:34):
And what I know about Rich isthat when I approach him in that
way, he softens and there's atenderness that comes to him
because he is willing to be onthe spiritual journey.
It just looks entirelydifferent than what mine does
and his interest in how deep itgoes or how deep he wants to
(23:55):
look into himself is verydifferent than mine.
But the reason why I continueto be in this relationship and
be willing to hit these scratchyplaces is because it is safe
for me here that he's notattacking me, that this energy
that he has is really his owndefense mechanisms, and
(24:15):
sometimes he's very, veryunaware of it, to be honest.
But when I bring it to hisattention in a kind and loving
way, I'm grateful that in ourrelationship he's always
interested and open and willingto see it.
And the more that we've steppedout of me blaming, blaming,
blaming, blaming him like I didfor so many years he will lean
(24:39):
in and that's the part that isimportant in my relationship.
He will lean in and that's thepart that is important in my
relationship Now.
Each of you are in your ownwith your own kids, with your
own partners, with your friends,with your family, and I think
there's more clarity on aregular basis about where it's
safe to lean in and where it isactually okay to put up
(24:59):
boundaries around healthycommunication.
So if Rich really was going toyou know, not be able to have
these kinds of conversationswith me and was berating and I'm
totally making up a person thathe isn't right now, but like if
he was like really on thiswhole attacking and pissed off
at the world, you know, itwouldn't work for me.
(25:20):
Not a judgment, not that he's abad person, it's.
It really is around alignmentof us constantly coming back to
ourself and checking in withourselves and living in a more
sovereign state than acodependent state and taking our
power back and saying I can see, in places where I'm powerless
(25:42):
over you, I'm not going todetermine whether your happiness
or your ease or your irritationor your addiction.
You know, if all of thosethings are actually happening
and there's no movement ordesire on those parts to make
change, we can't make themchange.
We can't make them be better.
We can't make them want to heal.
(26:03):
We can't make them be sober, wecan't make them change.
We can't make them be better.
We can't make them want to heal.
We can't make them be sober, wecan't make them.
But you can unconditionally lovesomebody enough to let them be
fully in their experience, toallow the experience, which
seems crazy, right, but toalmost as if you're sending them
away to have their journey.
But we have clarity about whenand where we can attend to
(26:25):
ourselves, to keep ourselvessafe and to be able to move
forward in our lives to our bestability.
So, in the situation in my lifewith my kids, because I can
have these conversations withthem and I see them so
beautifully as these wholeglorious, smart, loving, amazing
(26:48):
men who make some kooky choicesstill to this day, who are
going to do things that it'sgoing to make their journey be,
whatever their journey is.
But I let go more and more andmore because I'm turning the
attention to myself, I'mchecking in with me, I'm being
clear of my words, I'm being asunconditionally loving as I can,
(27:11):
I'm clear about where I canstep in, where it's not mine,
and sometimes it's really fuzzy,like I've said, and then in the
world there's so much you knowthat we're just really powerless
over, but I believe so stronglythat our choice for compassion
and love and gracecounterbalances the anger and
(27:34):
the destruction and the hurt andthe aggression so much I was
telling somebody in the retreatthat I think it was Wayne Dyer,
dr Wayne Dyer.
In one of his books it saidsomeone who can hold compassion
and grace and lovecounterbalances 60,000 souls who
(27:57):
are asleep and in pain and infear.
That's a lot of weight that youcan hold.
You don't have to fix them, youjust need to be present in
yourself.
And so it's understandable thatwe feel unbalanced.
But when we put the attentionback on ourselves to regulate,
to bring ourselves to balance,to be able to have clarity of
(28:18):
voice, to feel our feelings, weare on the soul recovery process
and we're moving past ourlimiting beliefs that keep us
stuck in old ways of being.
We're turning the attention toour higher power.
We're recognizing we're notalone in this.
We're moving into a new way ofseeing, into a new perception,
(28:39):
and we're living in that light.
We're on that timeline, we'rein that way of being and
everything around us will feeldifferent.
Even if it still feels painful,we don't suffer in the wanting
it to be different.
So there is so much value andso much strength.
(29:05):
And it doesn't feel like it atfirst, but when we turn the
attention to ourselves, when wetake responsibility for our own
well-being and how we choose tosee it and how we choose to
interact with it, there's somuch more power.
There we are taking our powerback, and so it's crazy right
now.
It's difficult in so many ways,but you have everything that you
need within you to stand inyour strong, sovereign, whole,
(29:27):
awakened self, and the soulrecovery process is giving you
the tools to get there, and I'mnot giving you anything that you
don't have within you already.
You are whole, you are enough,you are beautiful.
Until next time, namaste.
Thank you for listening and Ihope that that helps support
(29:50):
your soul recovery process.
Just a reminder that everyFriday is the Recover your Soul
bonus podcast.
This podcast is for Patreonmembers and Apple podcast
subscribers, and not only do youget an incredible interview or
book study that comes with beingpart of that community, but
your subscribing helps supportthis podcast and the Recover
(30:11):
your Soul community.
If you want to listen to thosebonus episodes but can't
subscribe right now, do knowthat you can be a free Patreon
member and have access forlimited time to new episodes.
Visit the website recover yoursoulnet or check out the show
links below for coupons andinformation for upcoming events.
I thank you for sharing thispodcast with your friends and
(30:32):
family.
I thank you for giving it fivestars, and the reviews that are
left bring tears to my eyes.
I am honored to be part of yourlife.
Together, we can do the workthat will recover your soul.
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