September 17, 2025 • 50 mins
What happens when life goes sideways in recovery? When carefully laid plans crumble and unexpected tragedy strikes? Jason returns to Recovery Unfiltered to share a raw, emotional story that tests the limits of "living life on life's terms."
The journey begins with Jason's excitement about attending the International AA Convention in Vancouver—his first since getting sober. But as his departure approaches, warning signs appear: canceled accommodations, vanishing flights, and transportation nightmares. Despite these obstacles, Jason presses forward, feeling obligated to the friends he'd encouraged to join him.
Then comes the devastating midnight call: Rooster, Jason's beloved "sobriety dog" who had been with him since early recovery, has escaped during Fourth of July fireworks. Hours later, they learn he's been struck by a car and killed. The loss plunges Jason into what he describes as "the darkest place I've felt in six years of sobriety."
Through tears and vulnerable conversation, the guys explore critical recovery concepts: recognizing when God is closing doors in our lives, understanding the true meaning of group conscience, and examining our motives. "If you make a decision based on fear, guilt, or shame," one host observes, "if your motives are wrong, the decision is wrong."
Jason's story powerfully illustrates that recovery doesn't shield us from life's heartbreaks, but it does give us tools to navigate them without returning to addiction. His willingness to share such profound grief demonstrates the healing power of honest connection with others who understand the journey.
Listen in as the Recovery Unfiltered crew demonstrates once again that authentic, unguarded conversation creates space for both laughter and tears—and might just offer exactly what you need to hear today. Have you experienced moments when life's detours revealed unexpected wisdom? Share your story with us and discover you're not alone on this path.
Thank You for Joining Us.. Please share with friends. If you or anyone you know is struggling with alcoholism please reach out to us. We can get you help. recoveryunfilteredpodcast@gmail.com
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Ready.
Heavenly Father, we thank youfor bringing Jason with us today
.
Father, we ask that you comeand you sit with us.
Father, let us open the book,let us talk about the past, let
us talk about what's coming on.
We want to talk about Jason andhow he's been doing.
Father, we ask that you sitwith each one of us, father, and
you give us truth and you giveus light.
Father, and everything we say,or anything we say, may help
that one soul.
(00:20):
Helped that one soul.
Father, we ask that you sitwith us In Jesus' name.
Let's go to work.
Amen, amen.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
That's better music actually.
Hold on, come on, come on.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I'm going to let it play for a minute and I'll tell
you why here in just a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Your neighbor put this together.
Yeah, good job.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
This is going to be his voice for a minute here, in
just a minute.
I gave my all but you couldn'tdo it.
Told the truth, but you neverknew this will destroy me Living
without you.
I played my part, but youchanged the cue.
I took the blame, but you neverknew this is all me.
But, baby, I'm mostly with you.
But baby, it won't stay.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That's a long intro.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well, I know, but he sent that to me today.
The good part's coming, but itwas going just a little bit long
.
Yeah, so he sent that.
He got invited to go into astudio to record and that was a
rough cut too.
That's not even completelymixed.
That's not even completelymixed.
Yet he sent that to me todayand I'm like dude, this is
(01:53):
fucking good.
I can't even get the song outof my head.
I said can I play that?
He goes?
Yeah, go ahead.
So that's harbor drive.
They got their, they're putting, they're putting some stuff
together.
They want to battle of the theBands here a while back.
So he's the one that helped meget this podcast up and running.
Yeah, he's the one that reallylike, he's the one that pulled
up out front and helped me getgoing and he's not even doing
(02:14):
his podcast anymore.
Oh yeah, yeah, I think he hadto soak up a lot putting his
band back together.
He did it for a long time.
He had a band that he did for along time and his wife was a
drummer That'd be cool huh.
Yeah, hey, do you know who thatis?
Anybody?
He just heard his voice.
I know who that is.
Bring it in.
Who is that?
(02:35):
Ask him, bring it in.
Guess what is your name.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
What's up, fellas?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Watch this Reunited and it feels so.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Jason's back, jason R Jason R is back, yeah so if you
haven't heard the Jason and Kimepisode, well, jason's been on
also a little bit.
The Jason and Kim, that's theone to go back and listen to.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Jason's been on a couple times haven't you Jason
yes hey, don't be clamming up onus.
I'm not clammed up, brother,I'm here.
Jason's that one guy that wedon't get to see very often, and
when I do, he I just brightensmy day to see you, man, it
brightens my day to see you andhe, you're working.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Every other I'm just the lesser knockoff.
When they get to see me, I justlike keep, I just like keep up,
I just keep them just enough,holding on till they get to see
you, yeah and now I get my feelthat's great.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yeah, we get jason every other week now, yeah
that's right pretty pumped yeahso what's been going on with you
not a whole lot, it's great.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Uh, you know, just living life, living life on
life's terms did you?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
uh, you got into a your own group over there in
monterey area, so I did yeah,yep, uh, it's the happy hour
group at 5 30 monterey, downtownmonterey.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Um, pretty good group people.
There's lots of sobriety there.
A lot of you know 30 40 yearpeople there um, and then
there's some newbies too, butfor the most part it's an older
group.
Um, yeah, been been, you know,two to three times a week over
there, nice, nice.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I got to go into that with him one time.
It's just hard for me to getover there and you know I'm six,
three and it's yeah, we knowit's not in a basement.
Right, it's not in a basement,but it's the ceiling is not an
eight foot ceiling?
Yeah, it's tiny.
Yeah, you would feel tall inthere no shit, let's go, let's
go that's funny.
(04:29):
That's funny, hey.
So last time I felt tall.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Was at that that midget conference?
I saw I towered over thefuckers were they scared of you?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
no, not really, but they're nice hey, I want to talk
about something because it'sbeen brought up a couple times
in the last I don't know, lastcouple days.
Is group conscience right?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Group conscience.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I mean one of the things that I went into our
tradition to and just try to getin there and see if I can find
something, but so many times,you know, because Jim called me
Hart from Denver, the last guywe had on here the guy we tarred
and feathered.
Yes.
And he started his own men'sgroup.
Right, he started his own men'sgroup and he calls me up.
(05:11):
He says, hey, larry, he goes,how do we get this going?
He goes.
He had four guys in there, buthe goes.
I got several people that Idon't even want in here and I
said, hey, jim, don't worryabout it in here.
And I said, hey, jim, don'tworry about it.
If you just go in there, behonest with them, them guys will
weed themselves out.
Right, because if you got abrad luke in yours in your
meeting, I promise you he willweed them out, because some of
(05:32):
them guys.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Well, but here's the thing if it's, if it is a a, a
meeting, you know in on the appright what?
What does it say to be a member?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
oh, you gotta stop drinking.
You can't gotta be an alcoholicand do you have to?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
have a desire and you're you say you're a member.
You can show up now.
Our monday night group?
No, it's not a sanctioned aameeting, it's just us, so we can
police how we see fit right,well, that's, that's what I told
.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
That's what I was telling jim.
I said you know the good thingabout it, it's your house and if
somebody is in there you don'tlike, you can kick them out.
Yep, right.
But that's the good thing thatwe've had with our men's group
is we haven't really ran intothat.
No, but the ones that have camein there, they pretty much take
themselves out because theydon't like to hear it.
They don't like to hear it.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Well, and then, yeah, they go out and they do their
thing, they do their drinking.
They're welcome to come back ifyou want to stay sober.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Well, it's not even that they don't like the fact
that we're honest with them.
Oh yeah, you know what I'msaying.
I mean, especially with Bradand me and Aaron's pretty good
at it we're not going to put upwith any bullshit.
I mean we're going to call youon your bullshit Right and
you're bullshit Right.
And a lot of AA meetings youcan't.
A lot of people are don't,won't really do that.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
No, I mean they won't , right, and there's been and
they shouldn't know Now if youwant to take it, if you want to
take a younger person.
I say younger, I mean youngerand sobriety.
After the meeting if meetingafterwards, pull them aside and
(07:06):
kind of help them out, right butour group.
That's not a meeting, we'llpull your pants down right now,
right in the middle of it.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
But that's love, isn't it?
Rob, you said you're gonna pulltheir pants down.
Well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
That's, that's kind of a meeting.
That's a metaphor.
Hey, them little midgets pullmy pants down.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I didn't say nothing.
They were probably bigger thanyou not admit a bit.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Oh, I drank, you mother fucker, I just drank.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
God damn it Water.
So the reason why Groupconscience.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Why'd you bring up group conscience?
Well, okay, read Tradition 2.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Well, Tradition 2 is for our group purpose.
There is but one ultimateauthority, a loving God as we
may express, as he may expresshimself in our group conscience,
as leaders are but trustedservants they do not govern
right, so that's okay.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Now that's every individual fellowship.
What, what may be good atprimary purpose.
What they may vote in is theirgroup conscience.
Yes, oakdale may disagree andthey may have their own thing.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So each group is different right, but I, you know
, I go back once again.
I look at our group and Ialways because this is part of
that that my um, oh shit, whatam I trying to say?
My loss, right, because I, wheneverything's going good,
something's going to fuckinghappen.
Right, that's in, that's my wayof thinking, right?
(08:16):
Murphy's law, murphy's law or,you know, my.
That's what I was trying to getto Rejection abandonment.
That's that rejection,abandonment issues that I have
every once in a while.
Everything's going so good.
Oh fuck, what's going to happen?
Right?
So I don't want anything tohappen to our Monday night group
, right?
So that's why, when I sent outthe group text last night you
(08:36):
know, because we've gotten toobig just to be on an iPhone
texting chat, you know, hey guys, what do you think about going
to a group chat?
Right, it is, but we have a lotof people in there that you
know, we're not just it's notfour or five guys sitting around
, you know.
You know somebody's tableanymore.
Right, we're we're, we got agroup.
Yeah, that's why it's hard forme when we take off to Knights
(08:59):
Ferrys.
You know, some guys can't makethat, you know, and we leave a
bunch of guys behind that can't.
And all of a sudden now, ourMonday meeting.
You know, some guys don't makethe meeting, some guys only go
to Monday night meetings.
Our meeting, yeah we could getbetter at that.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I mean, that's as simple as putting a note on the
door saying hey guys, if youhaven't heard Right?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You know we're going up to Knightsville Right, going
up to night's, yeah, right, butyeah, we do need to do that,
because daniel called me about20 minutes before.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Hey, is anything I said no, we're up at night's
fair so he drove, he had time tomake it, but right, yeah, he's
not.
He's not a part of our groupchat.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Well, that's the thing.
If we go to a different, if wego to something different to
broadcast that text out.
I mean it makes a little bitdifferent but and so does that
work anyway.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Is that something that you get alerted just like a
regular?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, it would come across the same, do you do?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Teams or do anything like that.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
It would be the same thing.
It's a Teams app, basically onyour phone, and it comes across
as an alert Gotcha.
So if there's changes, if we'redoing anything different or if
we try to do something, we canadd as many people as we want,
right?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I mean, that makes it where we can make an
announcement and it's donenothing but gross.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Me, jason, doug and Aaron yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, I mean that's just the first time I met.
Jason was at Brad's house thefirst time and I mean I was
fairly green.
You were still shitting green.
You're brand new.
I didn't even show up thesecond group the second time
because I was like I don't wantto go back to that.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Them fuckers are too serious.
I'm not ready for that shit yet.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
But the reason why I wanted to bring it up another
reason is because you hear, likeyou know, the one in modesto.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I don't really want to say names, the one in modesto
one opposite of south side yes,that split up because they you
know the old california soberthing and the stuff I know.
The first, the first split wasover after covid.
Um, a bunch of them wanted tomeet.
They said we need to meet.
And there was a big anothergroup that said no, there was
(10:59):
two things going on.
They were they were trying toget rid.
There was like they want to dosome more.
They just be honest, uh, god,um, atheist type meanings, you
know, but remove the god part ofit, right, that kind of rub
people the wrong way.
Then covid was going on, thenpeople want to get back together
, you know, face to face andthere was kind of pushback.
So, uh, I won't mention hisname, but he went, started up
(11:20):
new beginnings, you know that'show is that where that one yeah
that's kind of.
That was kind of the two waywhat was going on there.
That's when new beginningsstarted up.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
So there's another one that just Gordon did that
one, sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
There's another one, then the California, then after
that, you know, earlier thisyear, late last year, the
California sober, you know we'resober you're not sober whatever
you know.
So they were pushing that andthat and there was another
schism and then upstarted uh,cheers on rose at rose avenue.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
That cheers, that's a resummit and a pot of coffee,
jason.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Start a fellowship well, and you know, the other
thing that you we were talkingabout before we started
recording is, you know, oursaturday morning meeting.
I mean, I don't know howdetailed you guys want to really
talk about that, but I don'tcare, I've been very vocal,
unfiltered.
I've been very vocal about it,right?
So 9 o'clock Saturday morning,my shit, I got shit to do yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Right.
That's why, at 10 o'clock,we're Right.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
That's why at 10 o'clock I get up and I bounce
because I'm going to give it anhour I want.
I got Saturday morning andMondays right.
That's my meetings and it'shard for me to sit there.
It's hard enough to just go tothe 9 o'clock right, because
normally I got shit going onaround here I've started
something.
Then go to the meeting you gotto stop and go do it and then at
(12:36):
10 o'clock I'm watching thetemperature go higher and higher
and higher and I know I stillgot shit.
I need to get done before itgets to 105 degrees outside.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
We're going to do something on air, rob.
I'm going to do something onair.
We're going to put God to thetest.
Here we go Ready, hit me.
Heavenly Father, you know thatthere are a group of men that
have struggled with the 9 am.
We would love an earliermeeting.
Yes, we know there's there at 7am.
(13:07):
That sucks.
We would love an oakdalemeeting 6 to7 am.
Open a door for us and that wecan kick it in and start
something.
I ask this in the name ofchrist, amen, amen.
We'll see how long it takes.
We'll see doors gonna open.
Door.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
We gotta walk through it.
We've talked about, we'vetalked about your church.
Letting us use that basementI'll talk to new boom yeah so I
mean, you know we've had severalpeople talk about it.
Listen, nothing wrong with anine o'clock meeting nothing.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
No, it's a great.
It's a great, just a bad timeit has to that.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
That has to continue because a lot of those guys
probably enjoy that time slotright?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
no, there's a lot of those old birds in there.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
That's nine o'clock is early for them, yeah and
maybe yeah yeah, well, it worksand it's comfortable and it's
part of their plan and all that.
But I mean there's no, there'snobody saying nothing about not
just being at that facility atan earlier hour.
I don't know that we need tochange, because it almost feels
like to me.
If we do that, then we'retrying to be well, the problem
with that, jay, is pulled awayfrom that fellowship.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
The women have the 7 am on Saturdays.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Oh gotcha.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Okay, well, that makes sense.
Yeah, the ladies are in therebetween 7 and 8.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And here's—I don't want to say who proposed it.
I might have at one time, but Iredacted it for a bunch of us
to show up to the businessmeeting and put in a motion.
The women go to 9, we go to 7,to seven and outload them has it
always been that way, yeah hasit always been that way.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Well, I mean if they're at seven and and we got
a group, I mean again we got totalk about it, see what
everybody wants to do.
But if we want to be there atsix, that is very true.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I mean, I'm I'm that guy.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
yeah I'll, I'd be there 100%.
If we go 6 to 7, I'm happybecause I get home my day can
start.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah, I think yours is 7.30 to 8.30.
It is 7.30 to 8.30.
7.30 to 8.30.
It's not 7 to 8.30?
.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
No, it's 7.30, 8.30.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, so that would be even better if we could still
use the fellowship and get intothere.
That way we're not splitting.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Well then we got to go down there and put it on.
You got to go to a businessmeeting which sucks Unless
there's chair throwing and shirtpulling, then it's fun.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Then it's fun.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I've seen Pillow fight.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I've been to one that's gotten that way.
I've seen one.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I went to church business meetings before and it
turned me against churchespretty hard.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Go to AA business meetings.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
This is bad.
Oh yeah, some of them.
Some of them can be the churchmeeting.
I went to the church.
The church business meetingthat I went to was I I would
literally saw the side of peoplethat I did not even realize how
they had that part of them wellyou go to, you go to enough a
business meetings.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You realize you see how humans, one and alcoholics
too like, while god is so much apart of us.
How do this fucking people, notsorry about the f word, how do
these people not fall apart anddestroy this thing 90 years ago?
It's all god.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
It's all god right, because they, it's like cats
herding cats right kind of wantto go through, you know again,
learning how to live life onlife's terms.
And what I mean by that is, umfourth of july this year we were
in vancouver at theinternational convention.
(16:16):
This one's gone yeah and uh, youknow, doing all the right
things and just leading up to it.
Well, I'll just start with it.
Start with it, you know, when Ifirst got sober in the Tracy
Fellowship they have pictures,which I have, one now, my own
but they have the panoramicpictures of the international
(16:38):
convention.
We all know that they're onlyevery five years and my first
international convention whatwould have been was canceled due
to COVID.
So this is the firstinternational convention that's
been available since I've beensober.
And so you know, from day oneI'm like I want to do that.
(17:00):
I just it was something that Iwanted to do and I brought it.
I kept hearing it and no onewas really talking about it in
our fellowship and I kind ofbrought it up to our group and
said, hey guys, what's going on?
Let's do it, cause I'm going.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I was all down.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yeah, I'm going, I mean duh, we're down from the
very beginning, from the verybeginning.
Yeah, which which plays intothis story, right.
So you know, everybody doestheir thing.
Um, I think we started talkingabout it I don't know quite a
bit of time eight, maybe 10months in advance, something
easily and uh, we kind ofdecided kim was going to go and
(17:37):
uh, so that kind of, put kim andI together and you and doug
together, and we really didn'ttalk about, you know, getting
our accommodations together.
it was just kind of like webetter, we better pull the
trigger, right, all of us doingour own thing yeah, pretty much
and so, um, you know, kim and Igot an Airbnb and we were pumped
(17:58):
, we were going to make this, wewere going to be there three
days early and stay two dayslate and we're going to make a
trip out of it.
And I think we got about 30days to the to the convention
date and we got an email andsome phone calls saying, hey,
sorry, but your Airbnb is nolonger available.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I'm going to correct you on that one, jason, because
ours canceled first, which wasabout 15 days prior.
Yours came after.
Yours was only about 10 days.
Okay, yeah, yours was wayshorter than than Doug and I,
okay.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
So we had everything lined out right.
We had our our plane tickets,we had our our Airbnb, we had a
car set up.
So, anyway, back, okay, back tothe airbnb 10 days before the
convention yeah we don't have it.
So I'm like what do you mean?
What?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
does that even mean don't have it?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
so they canceled it they canceled it and they would
not give us a reason why.
They just said it's it's inyour best interest, like, not
really because we got ascreaming deal on that place.
You know it was real nice place.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I firmly believe they canceled them because they
realized they could get.
So we 100.
We booked ours way early, yeahI did, and so so did jason.
Ours was only going to be like650 bucks for the four days that
we were there and it was prettyfreaking cheap.
Yeah, yours and kim's was evencheaper, I think.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Yeah, we had a little condo, it was, it was going to
be real nice.
So, anyway, long story short,they cancel.
They don't want to give us areason behind it.
Um.
So we start looking around, wefind a hotel, um, and, and you
know, things are really bookingup at this point in time and uh,
(19:49):
so we're struggling findingsomething.
We did find something.
It was about two and a halftimes the amount we were going
to pay on the other one.
But we're like, listen, we'repot committed and this is what I
was saying it plays into.
Yeah, we were we were rightbecause because I came into the
rooms waving my flag, going heyguys, who's going?
(20:09):
Right, let's go.
Then I get these guys to go.
I can't back out now no right.
So I baby, it don't matter,let's get it Right.
So we we end up booking it andit's like $2,500 or something
like that, and we get a uh uhconfirmation in the email and
it's like 3,500.
We're like wait a minute, what?
(20:30):
I'm all bullshit, we'recanceling that.
So I ended up canceling it andafter looking through it, it was
the exchange rate.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
It was the.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Canadian exchange rate.
So we were actually going topay the 2,500, but it didn't
come through like that.
So now I'm scrambling to getanother place.
So we ended up getting anotherplace.
Turns out it was the same placethat I got the second place
that I got, um.
So that worked out, but againquite a bit more.
Uh, I, okay, now here's.
(21:02):
Here's the good one.
We're 72 hours prior to ourflight.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
You could check in something like that right 24
hours 72 hours, something likethat.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
72 hours we go to check in our flight.
Our flight to canada is nowhereto be seen.
It was, it was canceled, theydidn't send you, we got we got a
returning flight gotta getthere first.
Yeah, you gotta swim there, soso kim spends hours on the phone
figuring all this out.
Right, I mean hours, like Ithink she ended up I can't
(21:32):
remember exactly.
I think she ended up going intowork late, just so we can get
this dialed in, and I said I gotto go, I got to go for a run,
so I took off and I stopped andI texted Doug and Larry and said
, hey guys, I don't know if thisis God telling me probably
shouldn't be going and Larryjumps in and goes no, that's the
(21:53):
devil trying to keep you from agood time, that's right so.
I'm like, okay, well said, I'llgo with that, Right?
Speaker 1 (22:00):
So I'm going to go with that.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
So we end up, uh, getting to the airport, we get
it all figured out.
They, they compass first class.
We're up front with nice meal,everything was great.
We get there, um, also have acar booked and Kim and I went on
this journey since I've beensober um, dave Ramsey, right, so
we're a hundred percent debtfree.
(22:22):
We don't have a credit card.
We don't have a single creditcard, right?
So we get there to check in.
By the way, at this airport,the I think it was Hertz, we
were with hertz, and hertz isthe very last one on a mile long
road, right, and we're walking,we're dragging our luggage.
(22:43):
It's the last freaking spot tocheck in for a car.
So we get there.
We go up to the counter.
We're like we're here.
He pulls it up.
He's all, okay, I need a creditcard to throw it up there.
He goes oh, that's a debit cardright that ain't gonna work.
I said, okay, well, let me goget some cash.
He goes no, that ain't gonnawork either.
I need a credit card.
And I'm like well, I don't havea credit card.
(23:05):
He goes well, I can't, I can'tdo nothing for it, right?
So I was tripping this.
It was late.
It was late.
It was 10 o'clock at this pointin time.
I think we left Modesto like 8o'clock that morning.
It was 10 o'clock, it was along day.
Yeah, it was a long day and so,anyway, I was burnt.
(23:25):
So Kim starts going down theline checking if anybody will do
it without a credit card andnobody would.
Finally we get to like thefourth guy and he goes hey, this
guy leans over the counter andhe kind of looks both directions
.
He goes, he literally says Igot a guy.
I'm like wait a minute,seriously, that's usually good
(23:48):
news.
Yeah, I said okay, well, let'sgive it a shot.
So he calls the guy guy and Imean he's.
He's literally talking quiet,like whispering in the phone.
He goes I got, I got one forfive days, like he's literally
keeping it on the down low.
And uh, so the guy goes someastronomical amount.
I want to say it was uh, $500 aday or something like that.
(24:13):
And absolutely raping youbecause you don't a day or
something like that andabsolutely raping you because
you don't.
Yeah, yeah, again pot committedright, what am I going to do at
this point?
Well, come to find out.
We probably could have got awaywithout having it, but I didn't
know.
I didn't know the routes, Ididn't know we had to cross the
river, we had all kinds of stuffwe didn't know, even though we
really investigated it and sawroutes, we didn't know what the,
(24:36):
the transit was we were allreally confused about it, right?
Speaker 1 (24:40):
yeah, it was not real , it was hard, it was hard to
see it on maps and on, you knowright, google or anything like
that.
It was very hard to see it so.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
So so we're like yeah , whatever it is, man, let's get
it.
So he, he tells the guy, yeah,it's good, he goes.
And then, you know, he hangs upthe phone, he goes, he's on the
other side of town, he'll behere in about 15 minutes.
So 15 minutes goes by.
The guy was good about it.
He leans over the counter, goes, hey, he's using some traffic,
he's going to be here in about10.
So even know what to think?
(25:19):
Right?
So the dude shows up uh, he'sgot a brand new car.
Brand brand new car.
Right, he goes, we're gonnahave to go back to my office and
we'll do the paperwork there.
So we get there.
And he's got a kiosk inside thehyatt regency.
Oh, so no, instantly I'm likeall right this dude's legit yeah
so we do the paperwork.
Uh, he gives us the keys.
We drive away.
We're happy as a clam, get tothe hotel, um, and start, start
(25:41):
in.
You know, we start, we startour journey.
We figure out uh, we've got aferry to get across the river,
so they got this.
Uh, it's a, but a boat, bus, orI can't remember what goes back
and forth, it goes back and sothere's like 150 people on this
boat.
It's a ferry, yeah, it goes backand forth.
Anyway, we get that dialed in,we start checking things out, um
(26:03):
, and then this is where so keepin mind we're struggling.
I was about ready to say thistrips off.
I was committed because Ididn't want to be that guy to
say hey, doug, larry, you guysare on your own.
I know I prompted this, but youguys are on your own.
So we ended up going.
(26:24):
I'm trying to make the best ofit.
Everything that's negative I'mtrying to turn positive.
We're going to make this workbecause I have wanted to do this
.
This is going to be great formy sobriety.
I'm going to see, you know,fireworks and explosions.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it,you know.
So that's what we were tryingto do.
We get over there and we start,you know, going through, uh,
(26:46):
the buildings, trying to figureout how this process is going to
work very confusing.
They got multiple buildings.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
They got multiple big buildings, not little ones yeah
, they got 24 7 meetings thatare at multiple locations off
the campus, right, um, anyway.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
So so we kind of we get our groove on, we start
figuring it out, we go throughday one and that's when that's
4th of July, which, um.
So to back up, kim and I werestruggling the whole time with
our two labs, right?
So we've got rooster, who isthe bloodline of Wayne.
(27:23):
Right, wayne was Jake's dog.
I wanted the bloodline, causehe was an astronomical duck dog.
Um, we ended up breeding waynewith one of our brothers in
recovery here and we got just anultimate stud.
We he had 386 retrieves in twoseasons that's crazy.
You know like I mean a stud, andit was the most important thing
(27:48):
was it was our bloodline, right.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
So kind of your sobriety dog too, and he was my
sobriety dog.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah, he was.
He was the one.
Yeah, he was my sobriety dog.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
So, um, anyway, um I don't think we've talked about
that part, that's yeah, it's,yeah, yeah, uh, so again.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Fourth of july.
We knew in the past that bothof the dogs struggled with the
fireworks.
It's not the fireworks, it'sthe illegal fireworks right in.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
And.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Oakdale in my mind it is, I know now.
It's just ridiculous, it'sridiculous.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
It starts.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
It starts two days before, three days before it
goes three days after, and itjust so happened that our
neighbor right behind us was theculprit, oh shit.
So anyway, we were strugglingalong the way.
I'm rambling here, but we'restruggling with what we're going
to do with the dogs.
Right in in hindsight it'sreally easy to look back and
(28:45):
kick yourself in the ass and go,oh my god, why didn't I do that
, why didn't I do this?
Why didn't you do that?
But um again, rooster was fouryears old.
He had been living in ourbackyard.
We have, you know, it's got amow strip around he can't dig
out.
The fence is six foot high.
He can't really jump out Prettycomfortable with it.
We know it's going to be astruggle for him, but we figure
(29:08):
he's going to hunker down andjust deal with it.
So we thought about taking themto a kennel.
We're like no, no, we didn't dothat.
We've had a bad experience withthat.
So we we opted not to do that.
We thought about putting theminside of their smaller kennel
in the backyard to lock them in.
That was my choice.
(29:29):
Kim was like no, I really don'twant to do that.
They're going to be in thereall day long.
It's going to be hot.
They need to be able to getaround, get to shake.
You know, I know I'm like youknow what.
You're right, we can't do that.
And then we just decided toleave him at home and Jake was
going to be watching them, whichhe would check on him in the
morning, check on him at night.
Well, it's 4th of July, youknow, he's got buddies there at
(30:01):
the lake and we get a call atmidnight, uh, saying rooster's
gone.
So, yeah, it gets.
It gets crazy call from jake.
Got a call from jake and he'sdistraught.
He goes.
Why didn't you guys just let mekeep him in the kennel?
You know I'm like hey, don'tworry about it.
I still don't know.
I still don't know.
I think he jumped the fence,son of them.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Yeah, I think he jumped the fence you know it's
funny, and this is not going ona duck hunting, but those black
labs, mine's the same way.
You shoot a gun around them andthey, they're perfectly fine
yeah you're perfectly fine.
Those big ones they can't see.
You know, I think it's becausethey can't see it and literally
my black lab.
We have to put him on.
We have to put him onmedication on Fourth of July.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah, that's another thing that came to mind.
So, anyway, we get the call.
You got to call at midnight, wegot to call at midnight.
Of course I'm just besidemyself.
I said, hey, jump on the bike,go up the tunnel, get on the
running trail, because I runwith this dog every single day
that I'm home.
Right, he's five days a week.
He's a by my side, he knows theroute, guaranteed he's going to
(31:05):
be up there somewhere.
Looks so bad.
Yeah, exactly.
Um.
So then you know everybody'slooking through the facebook
feeds and there's everything orall things Oakdale, I think, is
what it's called and they see apicture of Rooster and someone
took a picture and said, hey,this dog's scared for his, he's
running for his life.
(31:25):
This is as close as I can getOn Gregor heading towards Albers
.
So I'm like all right, well,head up there, see if you can
find something.
Then I get a call and he goeshey, riley found him, he's been
hit.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Who's Riley?
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Riley is Jake's girlfriend.
Okay, so they say he, now yougot to.
If you know, whoever'slistening knows Oakdale when
you're going down gray, that'sby the Hershey's plant, right,
skonza, now, yeah, skonza, nowyeah, skonza.
So now they've got another feed.
Black lab hit at 108 and clawsopposite, opposite side of town.
(32:06):
I'm like oh my gosh, this guywas running crazy, right.
So I'm going through all ofthese things just emotionally.
Just, you, you got tounderstand that this is I'm.
I'm his keeper, right, I'mresponsible for keeping him safe
.
He's a puppy, he's.
He's four years old, you know,he's just coming into his own,
he's an absolute stud, but he'sstill young, right.
(32:27):
So I uh jake's just besidehimself, because that's his dog
too and he goes, man, he's, he'sin rough shape.
Dad, I go, well, just leave himthere.
Let me see if I can call mybuddy, rob, to help me out,
which, you know, we've talkedabout this on the on here before
yeah so so, um.
(32:48):
Anyway, I I text because it'slate at this point in time I
think it's like two o'clock inthe morning.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
You text Aaron and me .
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Yeah, and I get a call from Aaron and I or I get a
text, hey, I'm available, youknow something like that First
thing in the morning.
So I call Rob and I tell himwhat's going on.
He goes over there, picks upthe dog.
We've got it set up to have himcremated.
Luckily the lab was, or the vetwas, open from eight to noon
(33:18):
From eight to noon, and so wehad it all set up to have.
Jake was there to sign off onit.
Rob picked him up, took himthere, kept him out of Jake's
sight, so we got kind of someclosure there.
At least we were able to pickhim up, get him home and and and
try to start grieving.
You know, start the process,and I think we went back to
(33:41):
meetings at the convention.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Well, you showed up that meeting.
You came late.
You showed up late.
You even texted Doug and I hey,we're going to be a little bit
late.
As soon as I saw you walking upI could tell you weren't right.
Yeah, when you came, yeah, youcame walking into the meeting a
little bit late and I could tellyou weren't right yeah, so,
yeah, so, um, but we got ithandled, yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
And then, I think after the first meeting, we were
kind of out, uh, waiting forthe next meeting, or waiting to
go get something to eat orsomething, and I get a, a phone
call.
It's some random guy, somerandom number, but I'm like, oh,
this is weird.
He goes.
Hey, man, I just want to letyou know.
I'm really sorry, but I've gotRooster.
What do you mean, man?
I've already got him, he'salready at the vet, he's all.
(34:27):
No, what are you talking about?
He's right here, I got him.
And so, on Rooster's collar, Ihad it embroidered.
Can we turn that down?
Speaker 1 (34:36):
The light.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
The fan.
Oh yeah, he says I have Roosterright here with me on his
collar.
It's embroidered with my number.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Well, how's his name?
Rooster.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Rooster and the number.
So, he said, yeah, he's righthere.
And again it was on the otherside of town, by sconza, where
we originally thought he wasgonna be.
So now I've got to call robback and see if he can go pick
up a second dog.
I've also got to get jake to gosign off on it and all said and
(35:09):
done, the vet was closed.
So now we've got to try to keepthe dog on ice until until
Monday and I'm still not home.
So I can't do it.
There's nothing I could do,just completely distraught with
the whole situation.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Luckily we have a.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
You have a friend like yeah no, I mean, I I'm so
grateful for that because it itit does give me a little bit of
peace and it's.
You know, I struggle with thisa little bit because we have
brothers in recoveries that havelost their children, and you
know, this is just a dog, it'sjust quote, unquote, just a dog.
But I'm going to tell you, ittook me to places that I, uh, I
(35:51):
really struggled and I don'tknow that my sobriety was ever
on the line.
But go ahead.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Jason, I just was in a deep dark place.
I remember us talking that day.
Quite, we talked quite a bitthat day.
You know what?
Here's the thing, for for meand I we may have even talked
about it that day it's neverabout us worrying about our
drinking, right, it's neverabout that.
For for me it's not.
What I don't like is I don'tlike when we get out of that.
(36:20):
It's not a pink cloud, we getaway from that.
And I I struggle with it lastweek and I talked about it.
Oh no, we didn't.
But I I struggled with it lastweek dealing with some other bs
stuff.
But you, you just dig.
You get out of that, that peace, that serenity that we like to
live in.
You're just serene, right, welearn how to deal with things.
And then you know the samething whenever you were getting
(36:45):
frustrated with the plane andthis.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
That is the whole buildup.
There is a whole buildup andthe what if.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
The what if.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
The what ifs will kill you.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Coulda, woulda shoulda.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
But, here's one thing I want to touch on and I don't
want to crack on larry, but I'mgonna crack on larry, just
kidding.
But and I'm because I'm dealingwith my daughter right now at
college and she's going away.
She did I mean, I'm proud ofher and but now things are
happening at this school becausewe're working on getting her
alone, you know.
But now things are closing withthis school because we're
working on getting her a loan.
But now things are closing withthis school, doors are closing.
(37:19):
The program she's in that theysaid was going to be available
is not so, and I was like, but alot of times that people in my
family I used to be guilty of itwill run head first into the
door and know this is what Iwant, instead of recognizing
when God does does close thedoor.
And okay, which one's open forme.
When you were on that run,kim's on the phone working for
hours trying to get that.
When you thought, man, god's,maybe god's closing the door, he
(37:41):
was closing the door.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Yeah, no, I know, I know you think so yeah yeah,
yeah, I know, I know, nowlooking back there's no doubt in
my mind so I think you shouldhave canceled that trip.
Yeah, really yeah there's atime we should, just when I'm
talking about okay, I meanlisten, listen, understand what
you're saying go hindsight iseverything right, and that's my
(38:03):
selfishness, saying, had I donethat right, I wouldn't be
telling this story and I'd havemy partner back yes, I mean we
could.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
We could say that about a lot of things, right,
but I've also said this a lot.
If it's, if it's kicking back,it probably ain't meant to be.
And just saying that, andlistening to my own self-talk
and listening to your story,you're probably right and Bonnie
and I have canceled some things.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
It's not right, just blessings for not doing it.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
There's times where I get and I talked Katie and I
got in a big old squabble withher last Friday.
I got into something that I hadjust dead set on my mind and,
god damn it.
Don't you know who the fuck Iam.
I'm going to get it fuckingdone.
And I yelled and screamed atsome guys on the phone and told
them how big of a, what Ithought of them, and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
And I never did get my way andcome to find out what we were
(38:57):
trying to do is showing up todayand it's just but, but going.
But there's been a lot of timeswhere I've kicked and screamed
about a trip or doing somethinglike that and probably you're
probably right or bought a house, or bought a car or bought
something that we forced our waythrough it, that we God was
trying to protect us.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
And yeah, no, just really quick on that.
There's been many times in mylife where I've been at that
juncture and I've acknowledgedit and and I know that when
things like that come up, I knowwhen to say, okay, this is not
right.
And that was one of those times, but no fault of anybody's,
(39:35):
it's just the the way that itworked out.
I felt obligated to be therewith my brothers who were, who
stepped up and said, heck, yeah,I'll go, Jay, I'll, I'll go
with you.
And the fact that this issomething that I really wanted
since day one.
Yeah, that's the you know andand so when Larry said what he
(39:55):
said, I was like I wanted tograb onto that.
You know in hindsight the doorwas closed, right, but anyway,
what?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
never listen that fucker larry right, I trust me.
I learned that too, that's.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
That's a definitely so last time I listened to that
right anyway, that was just whatabout how god works?
Speaker 2 (40:18):
and even though god was closing doors, god knows the
beginning from the end, thankgrace.
Brad's wife started a littleflower business, so Brad had to
buy our little refrigerator, hadto get rid of a little mini.
You know a little freezer, rob,you want it just a little pure.
I had it in my backyard.
We didn't have any space to putin it yet, so it just sat in my
(40:39):
garage for a minute that's whatrooster went in got some ice
and that's what was winning nicehadn't used it yet yeah, but
you go back to your original.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
One was living, living life on life's terms, so
that's what you're talking about, right?
Speaker 3 (40:53):
yeah, I just I wanted to share that because, like you
said, the pink cloud wasn'tthere, right?
Speaker 1 (40:59):
it got taken out from under me and I think for even
me, as I was trying so hard toenjoy that trip.
Now it was awesome being aroundthat, but I was trying so hard
to enjoy that trip that I wasn'tenjoying it.
Yeah, does that make sense?
yeah, for sure I was just yeah,you were working too hard I was
working too hard to enjoy thattrip because I had scheduled
this and scheduled that and I'mgoing to be here, and I'm going
(41:20):
to be here, and I'm going to bethere.
We're going to do this, we'regoing to do that and nothing I
planned worked out there.
If you want to make God laugh,what do you do?
Tell him what you're going todo.
Tell him your plans.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Tell him your plan.
Let's look at what I'm going todo.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
You know what, though , jason, you and I are so, so
much alike when, right, but I'mgonna do this, I'm gonna do that
, I'm gonna do this, check,check, check, check, check,
check, right.
So then we go to execute it.
Right, we go to execute ourplan, and that plan don't go as
we check.
You know that we intended itfor it to go.
I I get, you know, I getdistraught, I I don't know how
(41:55):
to recover, and I think a littlebit of that is just some adhd
or whatever, because when I goto bed at night, you can ask my,
my wife, this I have to havefour cookies, not three, not two
, it has to be four.
Exactly, that's Doug.
He spent the night with me.
This numb nut spent the nightwith me.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
He tried to spook me all night.
We were fishing in a motor home.
You were there, that's right.
He's got to have noise.
My brain doesn't.
My farting wasn't enough.
It's quiet.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Have to have for.
But that's just.
I'm just weird that way that Ihave to have things go my way,
because it's just that's theselfishness in me and when I set
my Well, that's, that's comfort.
I don't know it is on certainthings, but on other things it's
pure selfishness.
Right Me wanting to go to mewanting to go to Canada, that
was.
There was a lot of selfishnessthere.
We had a wedding coming on thismonth.
This year I didn't have any.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Extra funds to go.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I didn't have the extra funds to go, right.
And when, when those thingsstarted going sideways on Doug
and I, right, but ours was justthe Airbnb, that was the only
thing that ended up costing us$1,500 for us to stay, instead
of the 700.
Right, but that was extra fundsthat I didn't need to be
spending, but by God, we weregoing to go anyways.
That could have been Doug andI's first response is hey, let's
(43:09):
back out of this.
Yeah, but I mean, we didn't.
But we do that with a lot ofthings.
I do it with a lot of things inmy own life.
Whether it's like I dealt withon Friday because I had it, when
they told me no, I was like theno, I'm gonna do it right, and
I just took myself down an alleythat I got, my anger got up.
I was calling names to people Ididn't need to be calling names
(43:30):
to, but it was once I stoppedand katie and it went on for
like two hours and katie was madat me because I was doing it
and once I, once I calmed backdown, I'm like that was just
fucking stupid.
That's stupid, it's dumb.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Well, and I'm not saying that everything in life
is going to go smooth If itdoesn't go perfectly smooth back
out, because that's God's wayof saying it, Right?
That's not right, no, but whenyou start to question and here
it is this is You're right yeah.
You're right when you are a man,because a lot of guys early in
sobriety they'll come up to acrossroads.
Probably they'll call theirsponsor.
(44:06):
Do I go left or do I go right?
Was God going to bless right?
Am I going to do God's will andI say well, you've had a
spiritual awakening, results insteps.
You're a believer in God.
You're walking God's path asbest you can.
No one's perfect.
Which way do you want to go?
Go right, Right, God's going tobless right.
(44:26):
He's not going to.
The road's not blessed.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Yeah, because God's the road's blessed, because
God's blessing you and you're onthat road Right.
You want to go left?
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Go left.
Then you got those guys that'llask 20 people but don't stay.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
But do something.
Don't stand still.
You know I want to do God'swill.
God's will is going to blessyou.
You're his son.
He's going to bless the roadbecause his son's on it.
Right go, left, right.
You know now, if you're kickingthe neighbor and fucking the
dog, don't, don't, don't, don'texpect to hear from the voice of
God.
But if you're doing your bestto live right, yeah, you should
clearly hear the voice of yourfather.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
But if you're fucking the neighbor and kicking the
dog, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
That's all right If she's hot, Hot midget Anyway.
But Jason, you are, I meanyou're doing the deal.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
Right.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
You got spoken to.
Yeah, I mean many times, yeah,and in that instance say a
prayer Lord, right, I need onemore.
You, lord, I need one more.
You know, it's just likegetting in the fleece.
God gave him the fleece.
Okay, now, lord, tomorrow thefleece is going to be dry and
the ground is going to be wet.
He questioned God and God didit.
Every time I'm with you, I gotyou.
He'll do the same for us Allright.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
If we listen, if we listen and put our will out of
the way you said obligationbecause you were, I mean
jason's- nothing but a man, ifhe says he's going to kick your
ass tomorrow 5 30 he'll do it.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
5 25 you better be looking looking over your
shoulder he's coming, jason,he's on his way I get it, but
here, but this is this is whereI fall.
Because what do I say?
Uh, if you make a decisionbased on fear, guilt, shame, no
matter what it is, I'm gonna gowalk this old lady across the
street.
If your motives are wrong, thedecision is wrong, right, right.
So we've always got to.
Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Speaker 1 (46:06):
yeah, I mean, you know which again hindsight yeah,
I tell you the hardest dog topick up was not rooster oh yeah,
I cried my fucking sorry again.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
I cried my damn eyes out going to get that first dog
I think you think it was, but Iknew this was was Jason's
sobriety dog.
My brother he's in Canada.
His family was running scaredJake's upset.
I cried the whole time justrunning for him.
I bawled my eyes out going topick it.
(46:36):
Then the dog was.
Last time I saw Rooster, he wasa lot bigger than this dog.
The dog was in bad shape.
Last time I saw Rooster, he wasa lot bigger than this dog.
The dog was in bad shape.
So I just grabbed him by thefeet.
Grabbed him by the feet, puthim in the back.
When I got to Rooster, he waswhole, whole, I mean beautiful,
beautiful, sleeping.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
Yeah sad, sad.
So yeah, living life on life'sterms we just ate.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
What did Brandon send us?
Sad?
So yeah, living life on life'sterms.
Well, you say you're probably.
What a brand of citizen youknow that little picture, and no
matter what we don't drink, nomatter what club.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
No, and that's what I said already, because if you'll
drink over one thing, you'lldrink over anything, anything,
and you're just waiting for thatreason, right?
Speaker 3 (47:14):
well, what?
What got me on this whole dealand why I went into so much
depth?
Is it that little incidentcrushed me?
What's not little, though.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
It's not like.
Well, I, I, I understand butyou're, we're weighing it to
Matt and Mary and their six yearold son, yeah.
We're all fat, we're allfathers.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
There's a couple other people too.
No, you're right, you know, Ican't even imagine.
I love, I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
We love our animals, but there's not your child.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Exactly right, and so you know, but it took me to
such a dark place where I didn'twant to be a part of society.
Weird, Just weird.
Like for two months I struggledthe first two weeks I couldn't
even think.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
You even told um doug and I that you weren't going to
come until later.
Right, you said, I'm not goingto come until later.
Then, all of a sudden, youshowed up and yeah, I can't
remember all the little ins andouts.
You told doug and I, you said,hey, we're not going to make it
till later.
And you told us what.
It kind of told us what hadhappened.
And then all of a sudden youappeared and you'd look, beat up
, and you said I, I had to getout of there, I couldn't sit
(48:21):
there.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Yeah it's just sitting fake right.
That's the worst thing for us.
Speaker 3 (48:24):
Oh no, it was, it was , it was every second of right,
every, I mean it was and then itconsumed me, it consumed me
then I had to go home to it andI and I relate it to you know,
when I was early in sobriety,you have to go through all of
those steps.
You have to go through all thebirthday parties, all the
(48:45):
graduation parties, all thechristmas, you know all the
seasons.
All that dog was with meeverywhere I went.
And then I had to drive bywhere he got ran over for the
first time and remember now thisis, I'm supposed to be his
keeper, I'm supposed to be hiskeeper, I'm supposed to be
taking care of this guy, right,and he's running, scared, all I
(49:05):
could picture him is him runningwith his head looking over his
shoulder, trying to get awayfrom these fireworks and looking
for dad.
Yeah, and just bam Sucks.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Yeah, anyway, it is not a kid but man, we get
attached to our animals.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
Holy crap, it was rough.
It took me to a place that Ihaven't felt for six years, for
sure.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
Yeah that's too bad.
All right, guys.
Jason, I never see you enough,rob.
I see you way too fuckingfucking anybody, I need your
help oh no I need your help.
I can't tell you what it is.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
You can never ask me about it later and we're going
to hurt some people thanks forjoining us today we hope you
learned something today thatwill help you if you did not
come back next week and we'lltry again if you like what we
heard, give us a 5 star review.
If you don't like what youheard, kiss my ass.
I can't say that, can you?
Anyway, if you don't like whatyou heard, go ahead and tell us
that too.
We'll see what we can improve.
(50:01):
We probably won't changenothing, but do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Hey, thanks, Rob.
Come back next week andhopefully something will be
different and something willsink in.
Take care, this has been.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
Recovery Unfiltered.
Ready.
Heavenly Father, we thank youfor bringing Jason with us today
.
Father, we ask that you comeand you sit with us.
Father, let us open the book,let us talk about the past, let
us talk about what's coming on.
We want to talk about Jason andhow he's been doing.
Father, we ask that you sitwith each one of us, father, and
you give us truth and you giveus light.
Father, and everything we say,or anything we say, may help
that one soul.
(00:20):
Helped that one soul.
Father, we ask that you sitwith us In Jesus' name.
Let's go to work.
Amen, amen.
Speaker 2 (00:30):
That's better music actually.
Hold on, come on, come on.
Speaker 1 (00:42):
I'm going to let it play for a minute and I'll tell
you why here in just a minute.
Speaker 2 (00:53):
Your neighbor put this together.
Yeah, good job.
Speaker 1 (01:07):
This is going to be his voice for a minute here, in
just a minute.
I gave my all but you couldn'tdo it.
Told the truth, but you neverknew this will destroy me Living
without you.
I played my part, but youchanged the cue.
I took the blame, but you neverknew this is all me.
But, baby, I'm mostly with you.
But baby, it won't stay.
Speaker 2 (01:23):
That's a long intro.
Speaker 1 (01:31):
Well, I know, but he sent that to me today.
The good part's coming, but itwas going just a little bit long
.
Yeah, so he sent that.
He got invited to go into astudio to record and that was a
rough cut too.
That's not even completelymixed.
That's not even completelymixed.
Yet he sent that to me todayand I'm like dude, this is
(01:53):
fucking good.
I can't even get the song outof my head.
I said can I play that?
He goes?
Yeah, go ahead.
So that's harbor drive.
They got their, they're putting, they're putting some stuff
together.
They want to battle of the theBands here a while back.
So he's the one that helped meget this podcast up and running.
Yeah, he's the one that reallylike, he's the one that pulled
up out front and helped me getgoing and he's not even doing
(02:14):
his podcast anymore.
Oh yeah, yeah, I think he hadto soak up a lot putting his
band back together.
He did it for a long time.
He had a band that he did for along time and his wife was a
drummer That'd be cool huh.
Yeah, hey, do you know who thatis?
Anybody?
He just heard his voice.
I know who that is.
Bring it in.
Who is that?
(02:35):
Ask him, bring it in.
Guess what is your name.
Speaker 3 (02:38):
What's up, fellas?
Speaker 1 (02:39):
Watch this Reunited and it feels so.
Speaker 2 (02:47):
Jason's back, jason R Jason R is back, yeah so if you
haven't heard the Jason and Kimepisode, well, jason's been on
also a little bit.
The Jason and Kim, that's theone to go back and listen to.
Speaker 1 (02:55):
Jason's been on a couple times haven't you Jason
yes hey, don't be clamming up onus.
I'm not clammed up, brother,I'm here.
Jason's that one guy that wedon't get to see very often, and
when I do, he I just brightensmy day to see you, man, it
brightens my day to see you andhe, you're working.
Speaker 2 (03:13):
Every other I'm just the lesser knockoff.
When they get to see me, I justlike keep, I just like keep up,
I just keep them just enough,holding on till they get to see
you, yeah and now I get my feelthat's great.
Speaker 1 (03:23):
Yeah, we get jason every other week now, yeah
that's right pretty pumped yeahso what's been going on with you
not a whole lot, it's great.
Speaker 3 (03:33):
Uh, you know, just living life, living life on
life's terms did you?
Speaker 1 (03:37):
uh, you got into a your own group over there in
monterey area, so I did yeah,yep, uh, it's the happy hour
group at 5 30 monterey, downtownmonterey.
Speaker 3 (03:49):
Um, pretty good group people.
There's lots of sobriety there.
A lot of you know 30 40 yearpeople there um, and then
there's some newbies too, butfor the most part it's an older
group.
Um, yeah, been been, you know,two to three times a week over
there, nice, nice.
Speaker 1 (04:08):
I got to go into that with him one time.
It's just hard for me to getover there and you know I'm six,
three and it's yeah, we knowit's not in a basement.
Right, it's not in a basement,but it's the ceiling is not an
eight foot ceiling?
Yeah, it's tiny.
Yeah, you would feel tall inthere no shit, let's go, let's
go that's funny.
(04:29):
That's funny, hey.
So last time I felt tall.
Speaker 2 (04:31):
Was at that that midget conference?
I saw I towered over thefuckers were they scared of you?
Speaker 1 (04:38):
no, not really, but they're nice hey, I want to talk
about something because it'sbeen brought up a couple times
in the last I don't know, lastcouple days.
Is group conscience right?
Speaker 2 (04:47):
Group conscience.
Speaker 1 (04:49):
I mean one of the things that I went into our
tradition to and just try to getin there and see if I can find
something, but so many times,you know, because Jim called me
Hart from Denver, the last guywe had on here the guy we tarred
and feathered.
Yes.
And he started his own men'sgroup.
Right, he started his own men'sgroup and he calls me up.
(05:11):
He says, hey, larry, he goes,how do we get this going?
He goes.
He had four guys in there, buthe goes.
I got several people that Idon't even want in here and I
said, hey, jim, don't worryabout it in here.
And I said, hey, jim, don'tworry about it.
If you just go in there, behonest with them, them guys will
weed themselves out.
Right, because if you got abrad luke in yours in your
meeting, I promise you he willweed them out, because some of
(05:32):
them guys.
Speaker 2 (05:32):
Well, but here's the thing if it's, if it is a a, a
meeting, you know in on the appright what?
What does it say to be a member?
Speaker 1 (05:43):
oh, you gotta stop drinking.
You can't gotta be an alcoholicand do you have to?
Speaker 2 (05:46):
have a desire and you're you say you're a member.
You can show up now.
Our monday night group?
No, it's not a sanctioned aameeting, it's just us, so we can
police how we see fit right,well, that's, that's what I told
.
Speaker 1 (05:59):
That's what I was telling jim.
I said you know the good thingabout it, it's your house and if
somebody is in there you don'tlike, you can kick them out.
Yep, right.
But that's the good thing thatwe've had with our men's group
is we haven't really ran intothat.
No, but the ones that have camein there, they pretty much take
themselves out because theydon't like to hear it.
They don't like to hear it.
Speaker 2 (06:19):
Well, and then, yeah, they go out and they do their
thing, they do their drinking.
They're welcome to come back ifyou want to stay sober.
Speaker 1 (06:26):
Well, it's not even that they don't like the fact
that we're honest with them.
Oh yeah, you know what I'msaying.
I mean, especially with Bradand me and Aaron's pretty good
at it we're not going to put upwith any bullshit.
I mean we're going to call youon your bullshit Right and
you're bullshit Right.
And a lot of AA meetings youcan't.
A lot of people are don't,won't really do that.
Speaker 2 (06:45):
No, I mean they won't , right, and there's been and
they shouldn't know Now if youwant to take it, if you want to
take a younger person.
I say younger, I mean youngerand sobriety.
After the meeting if meetingafterwards, pull them aside and
(07:06):
kind of help them out, right butour group.
That's not a meeting, we'llpull your pants down right now,
right in the middle of it.
Speaker 1 (07:09):
But that's love, isn't it?
Rob, you said you're gonna pulltheir pants down.
Well, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2 (07:12):
That's, that's kind of a meeting.
That's a metaphor.
Hey, them little midgets pullmy pants down.
Speaker 1 (07:16):
I didn't say nothing.
They were probably bigger thanyou not admit a bit.
Speaker 2 (07:23):
Oh, I drank, you mother fucker, I just drank.
Speaker 1 (07:26):
God damn it Water.
So the reason why Groupconscience.
Speaker 2 (07:29):
Why'd you bring up group conscience?
Well, okay, read Tradition 2.
Speaker 1 (07:32):
Well, Tradition 2 is for our group purpose.
There is but one ultimateauthority, a loving God as we
may express, as he may expresshimself in our group conscience,
as leaders are but trustedservants they do not govern
right, so that's okay.
Speaker 2 (07:47):
Now that's every individual fellowship.
What, what may be good atprimary purpose.
What they may vote in is theirgroup conscience.
Yes, oakdale may disagree andthey may have their own thing.
Speaker 1 (07:56):
So each group is different right, but I, you know
, I go back once again.
I look at our group and Ialways because this is part of
that that my um, oh shit, whatam I trying to say?
My loss, right, because I, wheneverything's going good,
something's going to fuckinghappen.
Right, that's in, that's my wayof thinking, right?
(08:16):
Murphy's law, murphy's law or,you know, my.
That's what I was trying to getto Rejection abandonment.
That's that rejection,abandonment issues that I have
every once in a while.
Everything's going so good.
Oh fuck, what's going to happen?
Right?
So I don't want anything tohappen to our Monday night group
, right?
So that's why, when I sent outthe group text last night you
(08:36):
know, because we've gotten toobig just to be on an iPhone
texting chat, you know, hey guys, what do you think about going
to a group chat?
Right, it is, but we have a lotof people in there that you
know, we're not just it's notfour or five guys sitting around
, you know.
You know somebody's tableanymore.
Right, we're we're, we got agroup.
Yeah, that's why it's hard forme when we take off to Knights
(08:59):
Ferrys.
You know, some guys can't makethat, you know, and we leave a
bunch of guys behind that can't.
And all of a sudden now, ourMonday meeting.
You know, some guys don't makethe meeting, some guys only go
to Monday night meetings.
Our meeting, yeah we could getbetter at that.
Speaker 3 (09:12):
I mean, that's as simple as putting a note on the
door saying hey guys, if youhaven't heard Right?
Speaker 1 (09:19):
You know we're going up to Knightsville Right, going
up to night's, yeah, right, butyeah, we do need to do that,
because daniel called me about20 minutes before.
Speaker 2 (09:26):
Hey, is anything I said no, we're up at night's
fair so he drove, he had time tomake it, but right, yeah, he's
not.
He's not a part of our groupchat.
Speaker 1 (09:34):
Well, that's the thing.
If we go to a different, if wego to something different to
broadcast that text out.
I mean it makes a little bitdifferent but and so does that
work anyway.
Speaker 3 (09:44):
Is that something that you get alerted just like a
regular?
Speaker 1 (09:48):
Yeah, it would come across the same, do you do?
Speaker 3 (09:51):
Teams or do anything like that.
Speaker 1 (09:52):
It would be the same thing.
It's a Teams app, basically onyour phone, and it comes across
as an alert Gotcha.
So if there's changes, if we'redoing anything different or if
we try to do something, we canadd as many people as we want,
right?
Speaker 2 (10:05):
I mean, that makes it where we can make an
announcement and it's donenothing but gross.
Speaker 1 (10:08):
Right.
Speaker 2 (10:09):
Me, jason, doug and Aaron yeah.
Speaker 1 (10:11):
Yeah, I mean that's just the first time I met.
Jason was at Brad's house thefirst time and I mean I was
fairly green.
You were still shitting green.
You're brand new.
I didn't even show up thesecond group the second time
because I was like I don't wantto go back to that.
Speaker 3 (10:31):
Them fuckers are too serious.
I'm not ready for that shit yet.
Speaker 1 (10:33):
But the reason why I wanted to bring it up another
reason is because you hear, likeyou know, the one in modesto.
Speaker 2 (10:38):
I don't really want to say names, the one in modesto
one opposite of south side yes,that split up because they you
know the old california soberthing and the stuff I know.
The first, the first split wasover after covid.
Um, a bunch of them wanted tomeet.
They said we need to meet.
And there was a big anothergroup that said no, there was
(10:59):
two things going on.
They were they were trying toget rid.
There was like they want to dosome more.
They just be honest, uh, god,um, atheist type meanings, you
know, but remove the god part ofit, right, that kind of rub
people the wrong way.
Then covid was going on, thenpeople want to get back together
, you know, face to face andthere was kind of pushback.
So, uh, I won't mention hisname, but he went, started up
(11:20):
new beginnings, you know that'show is that where that one yeah
that's kind of.
That was kind of the two waywhat was going on there.
That's when new beginningsstarted up.
Speaker 1 (11:27):
So there's another one that just Gordon did that
one, sorry.
Speaker 2 (11:30):
There's another one, then the California, then after
that, you know, earlier thisyear, late last year, the
California sober, you know we'resober you're not sober whatever
you know.
So they were pushing that andthat and there was another
schism and then upstarted uh,cheers on rose at rose avenue.
Speaker 1 (11:50):
That's it.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
That cheers, that's a resummit and a pot of coffee,
jason.
That's it.
Speaker 1 (11:54):
Start a fellowship well, and you know, the other
thing that you we were talkingabout before we started
recording is, you know, oursaturday morning meeting.
I mean, I don't know howdetailed you guys want to really
talk about that, but I don'tcare, I've been very vocal,
unfiltered.
I've been very vocal about it,right?
So 9 o'clock Saturday morning,my shit, I got shit to do yeah.
Speaker 2 (12:11):
Right.
That's why, at 10 o'clock,we're Right.
Speaker 1 (12:13):
That's why at 10 o'clock I get up and I bounce
because I'm going to give it anhour I want.
I got Saturday morning andMondays right.
That's my meetings and it'shard for me to sit there.
It's hard enough to just go tothe 9 o'clock right, because
normally I got shit going onaround here I've started
something.
Then go to the meeting you gotto stop and go do it and then at
(12:36):
10 o'clock I'm watching thetemperature go higher and higher
and higher and I know I stillgot shit.
I need to get done before itgets to 105 degrees outside.
Speaker 2 (12:45):
We're going to do something on air, rob.
I'm going to do something onair.
We're going to put God to thetest.
Here we go Ready, hit me.
Heavenly Father, you know thatthere are a group of men that
have struggled with the 9 am.
We would love an earliermeeting.
Yes, we know there's there at 7am.
(13:07):
That sucks.
We would love an oakdalemeeting 6 to7 am.
Open a door for us and that wecan kick it in and start
something.
I ask this in the name ofchrist, amen, amen.
We'll see how long it takes.
We'll see doors gonna open.
Door.
Speaker 1 (13:16):
We gotta walk through it.
We've talked about, we'vetalked about your church.
Letting us use that basementI'll talk to new boom yeah so I
mean, you know we've had severalpeople talk about it.
Listen, nothing wrong with anine o'clock meeting nothing.
Speaker 2 (13:29):
No, it's a great.
It's a great, just a bad timeit has to that.
Speaker 3 (13:33):
That has to continue because a lot of those guys
probably enjoy that time slotright?
Speaker 1 (13:38):
no, there's a lot of those old birds in there.
Speaker 3 (13:40):
That's nine o'clock is early for them, yeah and
maybe yeah yeah, well, it worksand it's comfortable and it's
part of their plan and all that.
But I mean there's no, there'snobody saying nothing about not
just being at that facility atan earlier hour.
I don't know that we need tochange, because it almost feels
like to me.
If we do that, then we'retrying to be well, the problem
with that, jay, is pulled awayfrom that fellowship.
Speaker 2 (14:02):
The women have the 7 am on Saturdays.
Speaker 3 (14:04):
Oh gotcha.
Speaker 1 (14:05):
Okay, well, that makes sense.
Yeah, the ladies are in therebetween 7 and 8.
Speaker 2 (14:10):
And here's—I don't want to say who proposed it.
I might have at one time, but Iredacted it for a bunch of us
to show up to the businessmeeting and put in a motion.
The women go to 9, we go to 7,to seven and outload them has it
always been that way, yeah hasit always been that way.
Speaker 3 (14:29):
Well, I mean if they're at seven and and we got
a group, I mean again we got totalk about it, see what
everybody wants to do.
But if we want to be there atsix, that is very true.
Speaker 1 (14:40):
I mean, I'm I'm that guy.
Speaker 3 (14:41):
yeah I'll, I'd be there 100%.
If we go 6 to 7, I'm happybecause I get home my day can
start.
Speaker 1 (14:48):
Yeah, I think yours is 7.30 to 8.30.
It is 7.30 to 8.30.
7.30 to 8.30.
It's not 7 to 8.30?
.
Speaker 2 (14:54):
No, it's 7.30, 8.30.
Speaker 1 (14:56):
Yeah, so that would be even better if we could still
use the fellowship and get intothere.
That way we're not splitting.
Speaker 2 (15:01):
Well then we got to go down there and put it on.
You got to go to a businessmeeting which sucks Unless
there's chair throwing and shirtpulling, then it's fun.
Speaker 1 (15:10):
Then it's fun.
Speaker 3 (15:11):
I've seen Pillow fight.
Speaker 2 (15:12):
I've been to one that's gotten that way.
I've seen one.
Speaker 1 (15:15):
I went to church business meetings before and it
turned me against churchespretty hard.
Speaker 2 (15:20):
Go to AA business meetings.
Speaker 1 (15:30):
This is bad.
Oh yeah, some of them.
Some of them can be the churchmeeting.
I went to the church.
The church business meetingthat I went to was I I would
literally saw the side of peoplethat I did not even realize how
they had that part of them wellyou go to, you go to enough a
business meetings.
Speaker 2 (15:39):
You realize you see how humans, one and alcoholics
too like, while god is so much apart of us.
How do this fucking people, notsorry about the f word, how do
these people not fall apart anddestroy this thing 90 years ago?
It's all god.
Speaker 3 (15:53):
It's all god right, because they, it's like cats
herding cats right kind of wantto go through, you know again,
learning how to live life onlife's terms.
And what I mean by that is, umfourth of july this year we were
in vancouver at theinternational convention.
(16:16):
This one's gone yeah and uh, youknow, doing all the right
things and just leading up to it.
Well, I'll just start with it.
Start with it, you know, when Ifirst got sober in the Tracy
Fellowship they have pictures,which I have, one now, my own
but they have the panoramicpictures of the international
(16:38):
convention.
We all know that they're onlyevery five years and my first
international convention whatwould have been was canceled due
to COVID.
So this is the firstinternational convention that's
been available since I've beensober.
And so you know, from day oneI'm like I want to do that.
(17:00):
I just it was something that Iwanted to do and I brought it.
I kept hearing it and no onewas really talking about it in
our fellowship and I kind ofbrought it up to our group and
said, hey guys, what's going on?
Let's do it, cause I'm going.
Speaker 1 (17:12):
I was all down.
Speaker 3 (17:13):
Yeah, I'm going, I mean duh, we're down from the
very beginning, from the verybeginning.
Yeah, which which plays intothis story, right.
So you know, everybody doestheir thing.
Um, I think we started talkingabout it I don't know quite a
bit of time eight, maybe 10months in advance, something
easily and uh, we kind ofdecided kim was going to go and
(17:37):
uh, so that kind of, put kim andI together and you and doug
together, and we really didn'ttalk about, you know, getting
our accommodations together.
it was just kind of like webetter, we better pull the
trigger, right, all of us doingour own thing yeah, pretty much
and so, um, you know, kim and Igot an Airbnb and we were pumped
(17:58):
, we were going to make this, wewere going to be there three
days early and stay two dayslate and we're going to make a
trip out of it.
And I think we got about 30days to the to the convention
date and we got an email andsome phone calls saying, hey,
sorry, but your Airbnb is nolonger available.
Speaker 1 (18:22):
I'm going to correct you on that one, jason, because
ours canceled first, which wasabout 15 days prior.
Yours came after.
Yours was only about 10 days.
Okay, yeah, yours was wayshorter than than Doug and I,
okay.
Speaker 3 (18:33):
So we had everything lined out right.
We had our our plane tickets,we had our our Airbnb, we had a
car set up.
So, anyway, back, okay, back tothe airbnb 10 days before the
convention yeah we don't have it.
So I'm like what do you mean?
What?
Speaker 2 (18:53):
does that even mean don't have it?
Speaker 3 (18:55):
so they canceled it they canceled it and they would
not give us a reason why.
They just said it's it's inyour best interest, like, not
really because we got ascreaming deal on that place.
You know it was real nice place.
Speaker 1 (19:07):
I firmly believe they canceled them because they
realized they could get.
So we 100.
We booked ours way early, yeahI did, and so so did jason.
Ours was only going to be like650 bucks for the four days that
we were there and it was prettyfreaking cheap.
Yeah, yours and kim's was evencheaper, I think.
Speaker 3 (19:27):
Yeah, we had a little condo, it was, it was going to
be real nice.
So, anyway, long story short,they cancel.
They don't want to give us areason behind it.
Um.
So we start looking around, wefind a hotel, um, and, and you
know, things are really bookingup at this point in time and uh,
(19:49):
so we're struggling findingsomething.
We did find something.
It was about two and a halftimes the amount we were going
to pay on the other one.
But we're like, listen, we'repot committed and this is what I
was saying it plays into.
Yeah, we were we were rightbecause because I came into the
rooms waving my flag, going heyguys, who's going?
(20:09):
Right, let's go.
Then I get these guys to go.
I can't back out now no right.
So I baby, it don't matter,let's get it Right.
So we we end up booking it andit's like $2,500 or something
like that, and we get a uh uhconfirmation in the email and
it's like 3,500.
We're like wait a minute, what?
(20:30):
I'm all bullshit, we'recanceling that.
So I ended up canceling it andafter looking through it, it was
the exchange rate.
Speaker 1 (20:39):
It was the.
Speaker 3 (20:39):
Canadian exchange rate.
So we were actually going topay the 2,500, but it didn't
come through like that.
So now I'm scrambling to getanother place.
So we ended up getting anotherplace.
Turns out it was the same placethat I got the second place
that I got, um.
So that worked out, but againquite a bit more.
Uh, I, okay, now here's.
(21:02):
Here's the good one.
We're 72 hours prior to ourflight.
Speaker 2 (21:06):
You could check in something like that right 24
hours 72 hours, something likethat.
Speaker 3 (21:09):
72 hours we go to check in our flight.
Our flight to canada is nowhereto be seen.
It was, it was canceled, theydidn't send you, we got we got a
returning flight gotta getthere first.
Yeah, you gotta swim there, soso kim spends hours on the phone
figuring all this out.
Right, I mean hours, like Ithink she ended up I can't
(21:32):
remember exactly.
I think she ended up going intowork late, just so we can get
this dialed in, and I said I gotto go, I got to go for a run,
so I took off and I stopped andI texted Doug and Larry and said
, hey guys, I don't know if thisis God telling me probably
shouldn't be going and Larryjumps in and goes no, that's the
(21:53):
devil trying to keep you from agood time, that's right so.
I'm like, okay, well said, I'llgo with that, Right?
Speaker 1 (22:00):
So I'm going to go with that.
Speaker 3 (22:02):
So we end up, uh, getting to the airport, we get
it all figured out.
They, they compass first class.
We're up front with nice meal,everything was great.
We get there, um, also have acar booked and Kim and I went on
this journey since I've beensober um, dave Ramsey, right, so
we're a hundred percent debtfree.
(22:22):
We don't have a credit card.
We don't have a single creditcard, right?
So we get there to check in.
By the way, at this airport,the I think it was Hertz, we
were with hertz, and hertz isthe very last one on a mile long
road, right, and we're walking,we're dragging our luggage.
(22:43):
It's the last freaking spot tocheck in for a car.
So we get there.
We go up to the counter.
We're like we're here.
He pulls it up.
He's all, okay, I need a creditcard to throw it up there.
He goes oh, that's a debit cardright that ain't gonna work.
I said, okay, well, let me goget some cash.
He goes no, that ain't gonnawork either.
I need a credit card.
And I'm like well, I don't havea credit card.
(23:05):
He goes well, I can't, I can'tdo nothing for it, right?
So I was tripping this.
It was late.
It was late.
It was 10 o'clock at this pointin time.
I think we left Modesto like 8o'clock that morning.
It was 10 o'clock, it was along day.
Yeah, it was a long day and so,anyway, I was burnt.
(23:25):
So Kim starts going down theline checking if anybody will do
it without a credit card andnobody would.
Finally we get to like thefourth guy and he goes hey, this
guy leans over the counter andhe kind of looks both directions
.
He goes, he literally says Igot a guy.
I'm like wait a minute,seriously, that's usually good
(23:48):
news.
Yeah, I said okay, well, let'sgive it a shot.
So he calls the guy guy and Imean he's.
He's literally talking quiet,like whispering in the phone.
He goes I got, I got one forfive days, like he's literally
keeping it on the down low.
And uh, so the guy goes someastronomical amount.
I want to say it was uh, $500 aday or something like that.
(24:13):
And absolutely raping youbecause you don't a day or
something like that andabsolutely raping you because
you don't.
Yeah, yeah, again pot committedright, what am I going to do at
this point?
Well, come to find out.
We probably could have got awaywithout having it, but I didn't
know.
I didn't know the routes, Ididn't know we had to cross the
river, we had all kinds of stuffwe didn't know, even though we
really investigated it and sawroutes, we didn't know what the,
(24:36):
the transit was we were allreally confused about it, right?
Speaker 1 (24:40):
yeah, it was not real , it was hard, it was hard to
see it on maps and on, you knowright, google or anything like
that.
It was very hard to see it so.
Speaker 3 (24:51):
So so we're like yeah , whatever it is, man, let's get
it.
So he, he tells the guy, yeah,it's good, he goes.
And then, you know, he hangs upthe phone, he goes, he's on the
other side of town, he'll behere in about 15 minutes.
So 15 minutes goes by.
The guy was good about it.
He leans over the counter, goes, hey, he's using some traffic,
he's going to be here in about10.
So even know what to think?
(25:19):
Right?
So the dude shows up uh, he'sgot a brand new car.
Brand brand new car.
Right, he goes, we're gonnahave to go back to my office and
we'll do the paperwork there.
So we get there.
And he's got a kiosk inside thehyatt regency.
Oh, so no, instantly I'm likeall right this dude's legit yeah
so we do the paperwork.
Uh, he gives us the keys.
We drive away.
We're happy as a clam, get tothe hotel, um, and start, start
(25:41):
in.
You know, we start, we startour journey.
We figure out uh, we've got aferry to get across the river,
so they got this.
Uh, it's a, but a boat, bus, orI can't remember what goes back
and forth, it goes back and sothere's like 150 people on this
boat.
It's a ferry, yeah, it goes backand forth.
Anyway, we get that dialed in,we start checking things out, um
(26:03):
, and then this is where so keepin mind we're struggling.
I was about ready to say thistrips off.
I was committed because Ididn't want to be that guy to
say hey, doug, larry, you guysare on your own.
I know I prompted this, but youguys are on your own.
So we ended up going.
(26:24):
I'm trying to make the best ofit.
Everything that's negative I'mtrying to turn positive.
We're going to make this workbecause I have wanted to do this
.
This is going to be great formy sobriety.
I'm going to see, you know,fireworks and explosions.
I'm gonna, I'm gonna get it,you know.
So that's what we were tryingto do.
We get over there and we start,you know, going through, uh,
(26:46):
the buildings, trying to figureout how this process is going to
work very confusing.
They got multiple buildings.
Speaker 1 (26:52):
They got multiple big buildings, not little ones yeah
, they got 24 7 meetings thatare at multiple locations off
the campus, right, um, anyway.
Speaker 3 (27:03):
So so we kind of we get our groove on, we start
figuring it out, we go throughday one and that's when that's
4th of July, which, um.
So to back up, kim and I werestruggling the whole time with
our two labs, right?
So we've got rooster, who isthe bloodline of Wayne.
(27:23):
Right, wayne was Jake's dog.
I wanted the bloodline, causehe was an astronomical duck dog.
Um, we ended up breeding waynewith one of our brothers in
recovery here and we got just anultimate stud.
We he had 386 retrieves in twoseasons that's crazy.
You know like I mean a stud, andit was the most important thing
(27:48):
was it was our bloodline, right.
Speaker 2 (27:50):
So kind of your sobriety dog too, and he was my
sobriety dog.
Speaker 3 (27:54):
Yeah, he was.
He was the one.
Yeah, he was my sobriety dog.
Speaker 1 (27:57):
So, um, anyway, um I don't think we've talked about
that part, that's yeah, it's,yeah, yeah, uh, so again.
Speaker 3 (28:07):
Fourth of july.
We knew in the past that bothof the dogs struggled with the
fireworks.
It's not the fireworks, it'sthe illegal fireworks right in.
Speaker 2 (28:15):
And.
Speaker 3 (28:15):
Oakdale in my mind it is, I know now.
It's just ridiculous, it'sridiculous.
Speaker 2 (28:21):
It starts.
Speaker 3 (28:22):
It starts two days before, three days before it
goes three days after, and itjust so happened that our
neighbor right behind us was theculprit, oh shit.
So anyway, we were strugglingalong the way.
I'm rambling here, but we'restruggling with what we're going
to do with the dogs.
Right in in hindsight it'sreally easy to look back and
(28:45):
kick yourself in the ass and go,oh my god, why didn't I do that
, why didn't I do this?
Why didn't you do that?
But um again, rooster was fouryears old.
He had been living in ourbackyard.
We have, you know, it's got amow strip around he can't dig
out.
The fence is six foot high.
He can't really jump out Prettycomfortable with it.
We know it's going to be astruggle for him, but we figure
(29:08):
he's going to hunker down andjust deal with it.
So we thought about taking themto a kennel.
We're like no, no, we didn't dothat.
We've had a bad experience withthat.
So we we opted not to do that.
We thought about putting theminside of their smaller kennel
in the backyard to lock them in.
That was my choice.
(29:29):
Kim was like no, I really don'twant to do that.
They're going to be in thereall day long.
It's going to be hot.
They need to be able to getaround, get to shake.
You know, I know I'm like youknow what.
You're right, we can't do that.
And then we just decided toleave him at home and Jake was
going to be watching them, whichhe would check on him in the
morning, check on him at night.
Well, it's 4th of July, youknow, he's got buddies there at
(30:01):
the lake and we get a call atmidnight, uh, saying rooster's
gone.
So, yeah, it gets.
It gets crazy call from jake.
Got a call from jake and he'sdistraught.
He goes.
Why didn't you guys just let mekeep him in the kennel?
You know I'm like hey, don'tworry about it.
I still don't know.
I still don't know.
I think he jumped the fence,son of them.
Speaker 1 (30:15):
Yeah, I think he jumped the fence you know it's
funny, and this is not going ona duck hunting, but those black
labs, mine's the same way.
You shoot a gun around them andthey, they're perfectly fine
yeah you're perfectly fine.
Those big ones they can't see.
You know, I think it's becausethey can't see it and literally
my black lab.
We have to put him on.
We have to put him onmedication on Fourth of July.
Speaker 3 (30:41):
Yeah, that's another thing that came to mind.
So, anyway, we get the call.
You got to call at midnight, wegot to call at midnight.
Of course I'm just besidemyself.
I said, hey, jump on the bike,go up the tunnel, get on the
running trail, because I runwith this dog every single day
that I'm home.
Right, he's five days a week.
He's a by my side, he knows theroute, guaranteed he's going to
(31:05):
be up there somewhere.
Looks so bad.
Yeah, exactly.
Um.
So then you know everybody'slooking through the facebook
feeds and there's everything orall things Oakdale, I think, is
what it's called and they see apicture of Rooster and someone
took a picture and said, hey,this dog's scared for his, he's
running for his life.
(31:25):
This is as close as I can getOn Gregor heading towards Albers
.
So I'm like all right, well,head up there, see if you can
find something.
Then I get a call and he goeshey, riley found him, he's been
hit.
Speaker 2 (31:40):
Who's Riley?
Speaker 3 (31:40):
Riley is Jake's girlfriend.
Okay, so they say he, now yougot to.
If you know, whoever'slistening knows Oakdale when
you're going down gray, that'sby the Hershey's plant, right,
skonza, now, yeah, skonza, nowyeah, skonza.
So now they've got another feed.
Black lab hit at 108 and clawsopposite, opposite side of town.
(32:06):
I'm like oh my gosh, this guywas running crazy, right.
So I'm going through all ofthese things just emotionally.
Just, you, you got tounderstand that this is I'm.
I'm his keeper, right, I'mresponsible for keeping him safe
.
He's a puppy, he's.
He's four years old, you know,he's just coming into his own,
he's an absolute stud, but he'sstill young, right.
(32:27):
So I uh jake's just besidehimself, because that's his dog
too and he goes, man, he's, he'sin rough shape.
Dad, I go, well, just leave himthere.
Let me see if I can call mybuddy, rob, to help me out,
which, you know, we've talkedabout this on the on here before
yeah so so, um.
(32:48):
Anyway, I I text because it'slate at this point in time I
think it's like two o'clock inthe morning.
Speaker 2 (32:53):
You text Aaron and me .
Speaker 3 (32:54):
Yeah, and I get a call from Aaron and I or I get a
text, hey, I'm available, youknow something like that First
thing in the morning.
So I call Rob and I tell himwhat's going on.
He goes over there, picks upthe dog.
We've got it set up to have himcremated.
Luckily the lab was, or the vetwas, open from eight to noon
(33:18):
From eight to noon, and so wehad it all set up to have.
Jake was there to sign off onit.
Rob picked him up, took himthere, kept him out of Jake's
sight, so we got kind of someclosure there.
At least we were able to pickhim up, get him home and and and
try to start grieving.
You know, start the process,and I think we went back to
(33:41):
meetings at the convention.
Speaker 1 (33:43):
Well, you showed up that meeting.
You came late.
You showed up late.
You even texted Doug and I hey,we're going to be a little bit
late.
As soon as I saw you walking upI could tell you weren't right.
Yeah, when you came, yeah, youcame walking into the meeting a
little bit late and I could tellyou weren't right yeah, so,
yeah, so, um, but we got ithandled, yeah, right.
Speaker 3 (34:05):
And then, I think after the first meeting, we were
kind of out, uh, waiting forthe next meeting, or waiting to
go get something to eat orsomething, and I get a, a phone
call.
It's some random guy, somerandom number, but I'm like, oh,
this is weird.
He goes.
Hey, man, I just want to letyou know.
I'm really sorry, but I've gotRooster.
What do you mean, man?
I've already got him, he'salready at the vet, he's all.
(34:27):
No, what are you talking about?
He's right here, I got him.
And so, on Rooster's collar, Ihad it embroidered.
Can we turn that down?
Speaker 1 (34:36):
The light.
Speaker 3 (34:36):
The fan.
Oh yeah, he says I have Roosterright here with me on his
collar.
It's embroidered with my number.
Speaker 2 (34:46):
Well, how's his name?
Rooster.
Speaker 3 (34:47):
Rooster and the number.
So, he said, yeah, he's righthere.
And again it was on the otherside of town, by sconza, where
we originally thought he wasgonna be.
So now I've got to call robback and see if he can go pick
up a second dog.
I've also got to get jake to gosign off on it and all said and
(35:09):
done, the vet was closed.
So now we've got to try to keepthe dog on ice until until
Monday and I'm still not home.
So I can't do it.
There's nothing I could do,just completely distraught with
the whole situation.
Speaker 1 (35:25):
Luckily we have a.
Speaker 3 (35:26):
You have a friend like yeah no, I mean, I I'm so
grateful for that because it itit does give me a little bit of
peace and it's.
You know, I struggle with thisa little bit because we have
brothers in recoveries that havelost their children, and you
know, this is just a dog, it'sjust quote, unquote, just a dog.
But I'm going to tell you, ittook me to places that I, uh, I
(35:51):
really struggled and I don'tknow that my sobriety was ever
on the line.
But go ahead.
Speaker 1 (36:00):
Jason, I just was in a deep dark place.
I remember us talking that day.
Quite, we talked quite a bitthat day.
You know what?
Here's the thing, for for meand I we may have even talked
about it that day it's neverabout us worrying about our
drinking, right, it's neverabout that.
For for me it's not.
What I don't like is I don'tlike when we get out of that.
(36:20):
It's not a pink cloud, we getaway from that.
And I I struggle with it lastweek and I talked about it.
Oh no, we didn't.
But I I struggled with it lastweek dealing with some other bs
stuff.
But you, you just dig.
You get out of that, that peace, that serenity that we like to
live in.
You're just serene, right, welearn how to deal with things.
And then you know the samething whenever you were getting
(36:45):
frustrated with the plane andthis.
Speaker 2 (36:48):
That is the whole buildup.
There is a whole buildup andthe what if.
Speaker 1 (36:52):
The what if.
Speaker 2 (36:53):
The what ifs will kill you.
Speaker 1 (36:54):
Coulda, woulda shoulda.
Speaker 2 (36:55):
But, here's one thing I want to touch on and I don't
want to crack on larry, but I'mgonna crack on larry, just
kidding.
But and I'm because I'm dealingwith my daughter right now at
college and she's going away.
She did I mean, I'm proud ofher and but now things are
happening at this school becausewe're working on getting her
alone, you know.
But now things are closing withthis school because we're
working on getting her a loan.
But now things are closing withthis school, doors are closing.
(37:19):
The program she's in that theysaid was going to be available
is not so, and I was like, but alot of times that people in my
family I used to be guilty of itwill run head first into the
door and know this is what Iwant, instead of recognizing
when God does does close thedoor.
And okay, which one's open forme.
When you were on that run,kim's on the phone working for
hours trying to get that.
When you thought, man, god's,maybe god's closing the door, he
(37:41):
was closing the door.
Speaker 3 (37:41):
Yeah, no, I know, I know you think so yeah yeah,
yeah, I know, I know, nowlooking back there's no doubt in
my mind so I think you shouldhave canceled that trip.
Yeah, really yeah there's atime we should, just when I'm
talking about okay, I meanlisten, listen, understand what
you're saying go hindsight iseverything right, and that's my
(38:03):
selfishness, saying, had I donethat right, I wouldn't be
telling this story and I'd havemy partner back yes, I mean we
could.
Speaker 1 (38:11):
We could say that about a lot of things, right,
but I've also said this a lot.
If it's, if it's kicking back,it probably ain't meant to be.
And just saying that, andlistening to my own self-talk
and listening to your story,you're probably right and Bonnie
and I have canceled some things.
Speaker 2 (38:27):
It's not right, just blessings for not doing it.
Speaker 1 (38:34):
There's times where I get and I talked Katie and I
got in a big old squabble withher last Friday.
I got into something that I hadjust dead set on my mind and,
god damn it.
Don't you know who the fuck Iam.
I'm going to get it fuckingdone.
And I yelled and screamed atsome guys on the phone and told
them how big of a, what Ithought of them, and blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah.
And I never did get my way andcome to find out what we were
(38:57):
trying to do is showing up todayand it's just but, but going.
But there's been a lot of timeswhere I've kicked and screamed
about a trip or doing somethinglike that and probably you're
probably right or bought a house, or bought a car or bought
something that we forced our waythrough it, that we God was
trying to protect us.
Speaker 3 (39:14):
And yeah, no, just really quick on that.
There's been many times in mylife where I've been at that
juncture and I've acknowledgedit and and I know that when
things like that come up, I knowwhen to say, okay, this is not
right.
And that was one of those times, but no fault of anybody's,
(39:35):
it's just the the way that itworked out.
I felt obligated to be therewith my brothers who were, who
stepped up and said, heck, yeah,I'll go, Jay, I'll, I'll go
with you.
And the fact that this issomething that I really wanted
since day one.
Yeah, that's the you know andand so when Larry said what he
(39:55):
said, I was like I wanted tograb onto that.
You know in hindsight the doorwas closed, right, but anyway,
what?
Speaker 1 (40:05):
never listen that fucker larry right, I trust me.
I learned that too, that's.
Speaker 3 (40:08):
That's a definitely so last time I listened to that
right anyway, that was just whatabout how god works?
Speaker 2 (40:18):
and even though god was closing doors, god knows the
beginning from the end, thankgrace.
Brad's wife started a littleflower business, so Brad had to
buy our little refrigerator, hadto get rid of a little mini.
You know a little freezer, rob,you want it just a little pure.
I had it in my backyard.
We didn't have any space to putin it yet, so it just sat in my
(40:39):
garage for a minute that's whatrooster went in got some ice
and that's what was winning nicehadn't used it yet yeah, but
you go back to your original.
Speaker 1 (40:48):
One was living, living life on life's terms, so
that's what you're talking about, right?
Speaker 3 (40:53):
yeah, I just I wanted to share that because, like you
said, the pink cloud wasn'tthere, right?
Speaker 1 (40:59):
it got taken out from under me and I think for even
me, as I was trying so hard toenjoy that trip.
Now it was awesome being aroundthat, but I was trying so hard
to enjoy that trip that I wasn'tenjoying it.
Yeah, does that make sense?
yeah, for sure I was just yeah,you were working too hard I was
working too hard to enjoy thattrip because I had scheduled
this and scheduled that and I'mgoing to be here, and I'm going
(41:20):
to be here, and I'm going to bethere.
We're going to do this, we'regoing to do that and nothing I
planned worked out there.
If you want to make God laugh,what do you do?
Tell him what you're going todo.
Tell him your plans.
Speaker 2 (41:29):
Tell him your plan.
Let's look at what I'm going todo.
Speaker 1 (41:33):
You know what, though , jason, you and I are so, so
much alike when, right, but I'mgonna do this, I'm gonna do that
, I'm gonna do this, check,check, check, check, check,
check, right.
So then we go to execute it.
Right, we go to execute ourplan, and that plan don't go as
we check.
You know that we intended itfor it to go.
I I get, you know, I getdistraught, I I don't know how
(41:55):
to recover, and I think a littlebit of that is just some adhd
or whatever, because when I goto bed at night, you can ask my,
my wife, this I have to havefour cookies, not three, not two
, it has to be four.
Exactly, that's Doug.
He spent the night with me.
This numb nut spent the nightwith me.
Speaker 2 (42:09):
He tried to spook me all night.
We were fishing in a motor home.
You were there, that's right.
He's got to have noise.
My brain doesn't.
My farting wasn't enough.
It's quiet.
Speaker 1 (42:27):
Have to have for.
But that's just.
I'm just weird that way that Ihave to have things go my way,
because it's just that's theselfishness in me and when I set
my Well, that's, that's comfort.
I don't know it is on certainthings, but on other things it's
pure selfishness.
Right Me wanting to go to mewanting to go to Canada, that
was.
There was a lot of selfishnessthere.
We had a wedding coming on thismonth.
This year I didn't have any.
Speaker 2 (42:47):
Extra funds to go.
Speaker 1 (42:48):
I didn't have the extra funds to go, right.
And when, when those thingsstarted going sideways on Doug
and I, right, but ours was justthe Airbnb, that was the only
thing that ended up costing us$1,500 for us to stay, instead
of the 700.
Right, but that was extra fundsthat I didn't need to be
spending, but by God, we weregoing to go anyways.
That could have been Doug andI's first response is hey, let's
(43:09):
back out of this.
Yeah, but I mean, we didn't.
But we do that with a lot ofthings.
I do it with a lot of things inmy own life.
Whether it's like I dealt withon Friday because I had it, when
they told me no, I was like theno, I'm gonna do it right, and
I just took myself down an alleythat I got, my anger got up.
I was calling names to people Ididn't need to be calling names
(43:30):
to, but it was once I stoppedand katie and it went on for
like two hours and katie was madat me because I was doing it
and once I, once I calmed backdown, I'm like that was just
fucking stupid.
That's stupid, it's dumb.
Speaker 2 (43:45):
Well, and I'm not saying that everything in life
is going to go smooth If itdoesn't go perfectly smooth back
out, because that's God's wayof saying it, Right?
That's not right, no, but whenyou start to question and here
it is this is You're right yeah.
You're right when you are a man,because a lot of guys early in
sobriety they'll come up to acrossroads.
Probably they'll call theirsponsor.
(44:06):
Do I go left or do I go right?
Was God going to bless right?
Am I going to do God's will andI say well, you've had a
spiritual awakening, results insteps.
You're a believer in God.
You're walking God's path asbest you can.
No one's perfect.
Which way do you want to go?
Go right, Right, God's going tobless right.
(44:26):
He's not going to.
The road's not blessed.
Speaker 1 (44:27):
Right.
Speaker 2 (44:28):
Yeah, because God's the road's blessed, because
God's blessing you and you're onthat road Right.
You want to go left?
Speaker 1 (44:35):
Go left.
Then you got those guys that'llask 20 people but don't stay.
Speaker 2 (44:38):
But do something.
Don't stand still.
You know I want to do God'swill.
God's will is going to blessyou.
You're his son.
He's going to bless the roadbecause his son's on it.
Right go, left, right.
You know now, if you're kickingthe neighbor and fucking the
dog, don't, don't, don't, don'texpect to hear from the voice of
God.
But if you're doing your bestto live right, yeah, you should
clearly hear the voice of yourfather.
Speaker 1 (44:59):
But if you're fucking the neighbor and kicking the
dog, that's okay.
Speaker 2 (45:02):
That's all right If she's hot, Hot midget Anyway.
But Jason, you are, I meanyou're doing the deal.
Speaker 1 (45:10):
Right.
Speaker 2 (45:11):
You got spoken to.
Yeah, I mean many times, yeah,and in that instance say a
prayer Lord, right, I need onemore.
You, lord, I need one more.
You know, it's just likegetting in the fleece.
God gave him the fleece.
Okay, now, lord, tomorrow thefleece is going to be dry and
the ground is going to be wet.
He questioned God and God didit.
Every time I'm with you, I gotyou.
He'll do the same for us Allright.
Speaker 1 (45:32):
If we listen, if we listen and put our will out of
the way you said obligationbecause you were, I mean
jason's- nothing but a man, ifhe says he's going to kick your
ass tomorrow 5 30 he'll do it.
Speaker 2 (45:44):
5 25 you better be looking looking over your
shoulder he's coming, jason,he's on his way I get it, but
here, but this is this is whereI fall.
Because what do I say?
Uh, if you make a decisionbased on fear, guilt, shame, no
matter what it is, I'm gonna gowalk this old lady across the
street.
If your motives are wrong, thedecision is wrong, right, right.
So we've always got to.
Why am I doing what I'm doing?
Speaker 1 (46:06):
yeah, I mean, you know which again hindsight yeah,
I tell you the hardest dog topick up was not rooster oh yeah,
I cried my fucking sorry again.
Speaker 2 (46:16):
I cried my damn eyes out going to get that first dog
I think you think it was, but Iknew this was was Jason's
sobriety dog.
My brother he's in Canada.
His family was running scaredJake's upset.
I cried the whole time justrunning for him.
I bawled my eyes out going topick it.
(46:36):
Then the dog was.
Last time I saw Rooster, he wasa lot bigger than this dog.
The dog was in bad shape.
Last time I saw Rooster, he wasa lot bigger than this dog.
The dog was in bad shape.
So I just grabbed him by thefeet.
Grabbed him by the feet, puthim in the back.
When I got to Rooster, he waswhole, whole, I mean beautiful,
beautiful, sleeping.
Speaker 1 (46:54):
Yeah sad, sad.
So yeah, living life on life'sterms we just ate.
Speaker 2 (47:00):
What did Brandon send us?
Sad?
So yeah, living life on life'sterms.
Well, you say you're probably.
What a brand of citizen youknow that little picture, and no
matter what we don't drink, nomatter what club.
Speaker 1 (47:07):
No, and that's what I said already, because if you'll
drink over one thing, you'lldrink over anything, anything,
and you're just waiting for thatreason, right?
Speaker 3 (47:14):
well, what?
What got me on this whole dealand why I went into so much
depth?
Is it that little incidentcrushed me?
What's not little, though.
Speaker 2 (47:25):
It's not like.
Well, I, I, I understand butyou're, we're weighing it to
Matt and Mary and their six yearold son, yeah.
We're all fat, we're allfathers.
Speaker 3 (47:35):
There's a couple other people too.
No, you're right, you know, Ican't even imagine.
I love, I can't even imagine.
Speaker 2 (47:40):
We love our animals, but there's not your child.
Speaker 3 (47:43):
Exactly right, and so you know, but it took me to
such a dark place where I didn'twant to be a part of society.
Weird, Just weird.
Like for two months I struggledthe first two weeks I couldn't
even think.
Speaker 1 (47:59):
You even told um doug and I that you weren't going to
come until later.
Right, you said, I'm not goingto come until later.
Then, all of a sudden, youshowed up and yeah, I can't
remember all the little ins andouts.
You told doug and I, you said,hey, we're not going to make it
till later.
And you told us what.
It kind of told us what hadhappened.
And then all of a sudden youappeared and you'd look, beat up
, and you said I, I had to getout of there, I couldn't sit
(48:21):
there.
Speaker 2 (48:21):
Yeah it's just sitting fake right.
That's the worst thing for us.
Speaker 3 (48:24):
Oh no, it was, it was , it was every second of right,
every, I mean it was and then itconsumed me, it consumed me
then I had to go home to it andI and I relate it to you know,
when I was early in sobriety,you have to go through all of
those steps.
You have to go through all thebirthday parties, all the
(48:45):
graduation parties, all thechristmas, you know all the
seasons.
All that dog was with meeverywhere I went.
And then I had to drive bywhere he got ran over for the
first time and remember now thisis, I'm supposed to be his
keeper, I'm supposed to be hiskeeper, I'm supposed to be
taking care of this guy, right,and he's running, scared, all I
(49:05):
could picture him is him runningwith his head looking over his
shoulder, trying to get awayfrom these fireworks and looking
for dad.
Yeah, and just bam Sucks.
Speaker 1 (49:18):
Yeah, anyway, it is not a kid but man, we get
attached to our animals.
Speaker 3 (49:23):
Holy crap, it was rough.
It took me to a place that Ihaven't felt for six years, for
sure.
Speaker 1 (49:27):
Yeah that's too bad.
All right, guys.
Jason, I never see you enough,rob.
I see you way too fuckingfucking anybody, I need your
help oh no I need your help.
I can't tell you what it is.
Speaker 2 (49:41):
You can never ask me about it later and we're going
to hurt some people thanks forjoining us today we hope you
learned something today thatwill help you if you did not
come back next week and we'lltry again if you like what we
heard, give us a 5 star review.
If you don't like what youheard, kiss my ass.
I can't say that, can you?
Anyway, if you don't like whatyou heard, go ahead and tell us
that too.
We'll see what we can improve.
(50:01):
We probably won't changenothing, but do it anyway.
Speaker 1 (50:04):
Hey, thanks, Rob.
Come back next week andhopefully something will be
different and something willsink in.
Take care, this has been.
Speaker 2 (50:09):
Recovery Unfiltered.
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