April 12, 2025 • 46 mins
Wait, how did that happen? These Reddit posts are the top of the week, and it makes sense why they are. Be amazed with how people can mess up stuff so....simple.
Whether you're a fan of call her daddy, two hot takes podcast, or smosh, you'll love this epic collection of reddit stories. Let's dive in and find out who's the real villain in these crazy family tales!Watch with video on youtube!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
2025, something bad happens. What do you do?
You don't buy a journal, you go to Reddit.
That's what we're going to be doing today.
We're going to today I effed up and we're going to read people's
life stories of their day because that's what we do over
here on Reddit radio. And as always, let's begin.
(00:22):
Yours truly tired Gato. OK, starting with the first
(00:47):
story of the episode, we are going to be doing the top posts
of this week. So the first one being a vagina
one. I know we started a vagina one
on the first one. Spotify, don't come for me.
This is actual education on how to handle situations about this.
So let's go ahead and read it titled Today I effed up by
(01:09):
telling my Italian mother-in-lawI was getting more vagina this
afternoon. My wife is Italian and my
mother-in-law doesn't speak verymuch English.
My Italian is pretty mediocre. I can get around million My my
vocabulary is decent apparently not mine.
I I only know English anyways but my pronunciation and grammar
(01:33):
are both horrible and I will getwords confused.
My wife was Facetiming with her mom yesterday morning and I
popped over to say Ciao to her. She started asking me the
basics, how are things, how was work, blah blah blah and then
she asked my plan for the weekends pussy mom.
I told her I was going to be running errands all morning and
(01:56):
then I tried to tell her in the afternoon we were going to be
getting pyro vagini. It's a little rain.
Instead I told her we were goingto be getting Pew vagina.
More vagina. My wife immediately gave me a
look of absolute horror. Ah hold on.
I got a sound effect for that one.
(02:17):
Absolute horror. And pulled the phone away.
Her mom was silent and I couldn't see her face.
What she said in English. I looked her confused and said
it again. Her reaction I can best describe
through emojis I have ready. Huh.
(02:42):
I got my own emo deal on that one.
What are you trying to say, thatit's going to be raining a bit
later? I could hear her mom erupt in
laughter when she realized what I did.
It took me another moment to figure out what I had said.
Then I turned to beet red. And that is the last time I'll
be talking to her for a while. Too long didn't read.
I was trying to tell my Italian mother-in-law we were going to
(03:04):
have a little rain. Instead I told her we're going
to have more vagina. I don't believe that's going to
be the last time you're talking to your mother-in-law because I
feel like the next time might bea pregnancy announcements at
that point. But let's go ahead and see what
people are saying in the comments.
Practicing my horrible Spanish, I told my Co worker she has nice
(03:27):
holes rather than nice eyes. Oh no.
OK, another comment. I know which one I'd prefer let
and here's somebody like showingthe different ways.
If you're watching on YouTube myvisual stemmers, there's a
(03:48):
little description for you and for my audio stemmers.
The only thing I have to add to that is the sound effect.
Yeah, you can find me over on YouTube.
Anyways, let's see if there's any updates or anything from OP.
We do have quite a bit of comments, just only two though.
(04:11):
On the post itself they said that you know their Italian is
mediocre. They had a look up which accent
was on it. And no, I think her and I are
going to go back to the first five years of the relationship
smiling and nodding to each other.
Sometimes a smile's all you need.
Let's be honest. OK, let's go.
(04:33):
Oop oop oop. We're not on the top of the
week. Top for the week.
There we go. This one is the next story.
Let's pull this little bad boy up Titled Today I effed up by
mistaking a medical response foran orgasm for an orgasm.
(05:03):
OK, let's see what this medical issue was today.
I effed up actually happened today.
So I got the best head of my life earlier today from this
guy. No joke.
First guy to get me to be happy down there from ahead alone and
(05:26):
I felt one of the best orgasms of my life.
I felt my abdomen contract and tingles all over my body like my
nerves were on fire. Then it persisted for a couple
minutes. Did you like have like a yeast
infection or UTI and it like pushed it all out?
(05:47):
I was wondering if this is a real orgasm and what have I been
missing all my life. Started getting itchy all over
and I asked the guy if he did any drugs and he said no.
A few minutes later in the bus home I'm getting hives.
Girl is allergic to head and a runny nose and realized I'm
probably allergic to his cat. Still best head ever.
(06:13):
Too long didn't read. Thought I had a heavenly out of
this world orgasm, but instead it was an orgasm coinciding with
an allergic reaction. Perfect timing.
So we didn't get closure on this.
There's no like, realization of knowing what type of reaction
this was because how do you knowif it's allergic reaction if you
(06:33):
can't identify the 'cause? You're like just assuming it's
allergic reaction because of thehives?
What? Let's take a look at Opie's
account before I get into the comments.
Scrolling through, scrolling through, scrolling through.
It doesn't seem she doesn't haveany comments because oh, this
(06:58):
person posted the same story butin the subreddit.
Ask gay Bros what is oh, this iswhere anyone can ask the manly
men for their opinions. OK, OK, so it's not a gay
(07:21):
subreddits. I was like, whoa, plot twist,
what's going on? OK, so looking at the comments
on that, someone said I sometimes have a seizure when I
orgasm. I sometimes have a seizure when
I orgasm. OK, we're going to get out of
the guy subreddit. Very insightful, but I think a
(07:45):
little too niche. I don't think Spotify or you 2
would be too happy with those comments.
But let's go to look at the likeoriginal comments and the
subreddit posted in today. I fucked up.
I've actually had something similar happen.
Was actually having really good sex and I got this light headed
high feeling after it was done. It wouldn't happen every time
(08:08):
but genuinely I thought it was an enjoyable thing that happens
sometimes after I had sex. Turns out I have a heart defect.
The feeling I was getting was myheart not being able to supply
enough oxygen to my brain because it was busy pumping
pumping blood elsewhere. I was on the verge of fainting
every time and the sex endorphins just told my brain
that it felt good and that's whypeople want to be choked during
sex. That was my commentary.
(08:30):
That is why people want to be choked during sex.
Damn. Another one saying I have
psoriasis. It's somewhat mostly controlled
now, but when it wasn't a showerhead with the water a bit too
hot right up close to either calf or on the thigh.
I never actually got off, but I got really close on a regular
basis for a few years. Interesting.
(08:58):
We have a visitor. I think she's upset that I've
been recording for too long because I record the other
episode before this. Would you guys like to say hello
to the one and only Chicken Lover 5000?
Come on, You want to come up? Oh, I'm not giving her enough
room on the chair. Oh, please forgive me.
(09:20):
Did you want to say hello to theghetto gang?
She says hello with a rub on thechair.
She won't really want to come uphere.
Did you want to come up here, little one?
Well, she's a little shy right now.
Let's go ahead and head over to the next story.
(09:44):
This story titled Today I effed up by trying to clear ICE and
accidentally ending up on my neighborhood Facebook group.
OK posted three days ago. There is a huge block of ice
blocking the drain that drains water from the road.
Because of this, water has been gathering in a big puddle on the
(10:05):
road and creating a growing pothole visible under the water.
On the colder days it freezes and makes the road slippery.
People have always called the city about this and nothing gets
done. Typical cities, the city workers
don't operate in this area. Anyways, after slipping on this
ice for what seems like the 100th time during my daily
(10:26):
commute, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
As you should. When I made it home, I grabbed a
snow shovel and started breakingthe ice to free the drain.
Wait, this was posted three daysago.
It's April, where is it snowing still?
What the hell? OK, the ice was really stubborn
and I couldn't see the drain, but I knew it was there after a
(10:49):
few hours. I called it a day.
The next day I used a saw to cutthe ice.
Still I did it, didn't budget. Then I used a pix axe on the
ice. It worked better than the
shovel. Still I couldn't completely
breakthrough the meter of ice. Damn how big is this ice thing?
And they said that but like OK. I decided to put more Rd. salt
(11:13):
on it in a last attempt after that and went back inside.
Very smart. I'm very smart.
I checked my Facebook and there was a post on the community
group that said whoever is the parent of that kid breaking the
ice, please get your kid. They are blocking the road.
Fucking Karens. Where I live nobody wants to
(11:34):
splash a kid with Rd. water because it is like the bare
minimum of what you can get suedfor.
So nobody wanted to drive by toofast.
They all drove slowly to avoid splashing what they thought was
somebody's kid. I told the original poster that
it was my kid and asked them to take the picture down.
They did take the picture down. I knew I was short, but I didn't
(11:56):
know I was that short. I mean to be fair man, that's a
compliment that a lot of people spend a lot of money to try to
get to still be called a kid. That Hollywood.
You better hide bro, cause Hollywood's going to come after
you and try to figure out how you still look so young.
(12:18):
Too long, didn't read. Try to clear ice off the drain
near the road. Ended up mildly inconveniencing
others. Someone took my picture and
posted it on the local Facebook group thinking I was somebody's
kid. We do have an edit, so let's go
ahead and read that. I tried to clear ice off a drain
near the road. Oops, let me read the actual
edit. Not the too long, didn't read
(12:40):
anyways. Edit.
The block of ice was a snack down.
Somebody plowed the road and piled the snow onto the drain.
It compacted into only a it's metry.
Boy, let me let me search this shit up.
Hold on, these are some words I've never seen before because I
(13:00):
am not an ice expert. A 222.
It's a temporary curb extension caused by snowfall where snow
has built up in the road but hasnot been flattened by traffic.
And it shows like, let me just kind of show you that where you
at that that stuff. That's what a snack down is the
(13:23):
what in the world is this word? Oh, it's the British spelling of
a meter. I I thought that I was just
absolutely like not able to readfor some reason.
No, that's OK. So it's like a meter long.
I am so sorry for that loud ass noise.
That's not going to happen again.
(13:43):
Stupid ass headphones anyways. Edit too when I came home today,
the day after I made this post, somebody had removed a neat
square of ice around the drain allowing the road to properly
drain. I bet you somebody on Facebook
went that fucking kid is smart that's why it's not draining.
I need to beat him to this but taking a look at the comments we
(14:06):
got, the at the top comment being no good deed goes
unpunished and leave it to Facebook users to literally
complain about everything. Yes Sir.
I'm actually shocked that the POthat the photo got taken down
that easily. I thought that OP was going to
be like they haven't taken it down.
(14:27):
Other comment. There is nothing you can do that
won't be criticized on communityFacebook sites.
It's where busybodies gathered to complain from the comfort of
their home or the unemployed getbored.
OK, all right, glad it drained. So let's go ahead and get into
the next story titled Today I Fucked Up by Staring at an
(14:49):
Actress's Thighs. Not really sure why you had to
put actress in there because like, their thighs doesn't
matter who they are. It's just you're staring at
somebody's fucking legs, bro. OK, let's read this.
I was watching a movie movie with my girlfriend and her
eight-year old son. Already a massive red flag man.
(15:14):
A mom. You're you're dating a mom and
you wonder why she's insecure. Like she can't even keep the
husband, but not even the husband.
I don't even know if they were married but can't even keep the
father. So of course anything's going to
set her off. OK 2 characters were around a
campfire, a woman standing and aman sitting down.
The camera angle changed and it showed the back of the woman who
(15:35):
is wearing a pretty short skirt.I usually skip this part and I
was playing, I'm just playing. Her son goes ah, a butt and
covered his eyes. OK the skirt was short and you
saw her thighs but no. But the camera angle changes
again and goes back and he has the same reaction ah but and
(15:57):
covers his eyes. I speak up and tell him it's
just her legs dude it's OK. And he goes no the guy's butt.
And so now my girlfriend goes ohwow so focus on the girl.
You don't notice the guy is completely naked, huh?
Oh my God. Oh, it reminds me of those like
(16:19):
posts where it's like, what colour was the car in the
background and it's just some girl with her all over boobs out
or like bending over and doing something.
Dude got caught. But I mean, to be fair, like at
least you know he's not gay. She isn't actually upset.
(16:42):
But yeah, definitely a foot in the mouth moments too long.
Didn't read so distracted by a girl's legs in a movie scene.
I didn't realize the male character was naked.
OK let's see what Collins have to say.
He must work out. Oh my other one saying
(17:04):
accidentally owned by an 8 year old, Rest in peace OP.
And another one saying I need the name of the movie and time
of the moment. And we actually get it starting
at 1740 to 1924 when he puts hispants on.
Total movie runtime and screenshot.
(17:26):
Why wait? Why is the mom OK with his
eight-year old to see a dude naked?
That's another question. Not trying to take away from the
situation, but we kind of that'sthat's that's a little fucking
weird. That's a little weird.
The username is I perv who poststhis?
So let's see. Let's see what this is.
(17:49):
Gotcha. It's one of those like old style
movies, like OK, not like western, but like Viking and all
that fun stuff. What movie is that?
Ah, but Xena, Princess warrior, no Scorpion King, Book of Souls,
(18:15):
he's sitting down and naked and it's more side butt than
anything. And he does have like something
like like you kind of given the benefit of the doubt of that.
Yeah, that's there's like something in the way.
But if you're on YouTube, my visual stemmers, you know what
I'm talking about. My audio stemmers, it's
literally just a dude like sideways and nothing's really
(18:39):
being shown of anything. You see more in like middle
school textbooks for anatomy than this.
But still, dude, still, that's that's weird.
OP, you had the chance to, you know, reverse it on the
girlfriend. Why did you only notice his ass?
OK, let's go ahead and get into the new story titled Oh wow,
(19:06):
posted 12 hours ago. That's new.
That's a new one. So I'm not sure if we'll get an
update. Maybe we will.
Let's see titled today. I effed up accidentally went to
a networking event for black people.
I am white. I feel terrible.
I feel I've really messed up here and I am mortified.
(19:27):
OK I've been out of a job for ages.
So when I saw a post on Lincoln about a networking event hosted
by one company at a different company's venue that said it was
an event open to everyone working in my industry looking
to network with people who work in roles like mine, I jumped at
the chance and RSVP D to the e-mail in the post.
(19:48):
No wonder you've been a job out.You've been out of a job for
ages. They've been literally just only
letting black people and you're white bro.
Isn't that illegal? Bro you might have a case.
I don't think you should be mortified but obviously let me
read it and see if that lays outOK.
(20:10):
I should have looked up the hosting company.
It's actually not a company. It's a network for quote black
people who work in my industry that he doesn't like actually
provide my industry. He's trying to like keep it as
vague as possible, which I don'tblame him.
I'm a white woman with blonde hair.
So when I arrived at the event Irealized my mistake and probably
(20:31):
so did everyone else. I had two choices when I
realized. Choice one, make a fake excuse
and leave the event immediately so that I'm out of the way.
But this could have been offensive, like I didn't want to
be there. Or Step 2, stay open minded,
open heart, try to listen and see if I can learn how to be a
better ally to level up those around me without directly
(20:52):
asking about that 'cause that's exhausting.
For everyone else, I chose option 2.
Was it the right choice? Let's see, let's see.
General, everyone I spoke to wasso lovely and welcoming,
particularly the host and I did some networking.
But I can't shake the guilt and embarrassments.
I'm such an idiot. I nearly cried all the way back
home over an hour and can't stop.
(21:14):
Should I message the host to apologize?
How do I make this right? Is it better just to leave it?
I want to say that I'm so sorry for not doing research into the
people hosting the event and fortaking that ticket which meant
that someone else didn't get one, and also for potentially
making it a less safe feeling space for everyone else there.
It would be good to understand if an apology would be well
received or if it would make it even worse.
(21:36):
Did I do the right thing and staying after then to staying
rather than just leaving? It might blend this out of
proportion. Or did I really mess up badly?
OK, uh, any 2 races, Honestly, it doesn't even matter if it's
white, black or whatever, but let's just pick two random
(21:58):
races. If it was like what?
Man, we were really need to likeaddress the whole like white
people feeling like they have tolike be so considerate with such
exclusive events because you don't have white exclusive
events. I'm sorry, but that's what I'm
(22:19):
going to say you if you search up white like hold on, hold on.
Let me, let me, let me search this up.
My, my FBI agent's gonna be like, we got em.
She she, she's racist and they're like, why is she
searching this up? So like white exclusive events.
It's just white attire. There's multiple.
(22:41):
There's multiple black events. I thought if you don't want race
the care why do you make it so exclusive and leave out other
races? So weird.
Let's go ahead and take a look at the comments.
This reminds me of the post in the black Jeep owners group.
Or a white dude with a black sheep joined completely
misunderstanding it lol that's cute.
(23:02):
Let's take a look at that real quick for my visual summers.
Here's another photo. I'll read it for my audio
summers. I totally misunderstood the
group name but I'm just going toroll with it.
Proud new owner and I'm loving it.
And it's in the group Black Jeepowners.
I didn't expect this to blow up like this but y'all are awesome.
And thanks for the invite to thecookout.
(23:24):
Oh man, that's so cute. But that's another thing I, I
don't know you, you don't see white Jeep owners.
It just, and it's not just white, you don't see like
Mexican Jeep owners. You don't see Muslim Jeep owners
(23:46):
or just you get what I'm trying to say?
I get I'm a white person, but it's weird.
It's it's really weird. It puts this weird like
exclusivity, which there's nothing wrong with being proud
of who you are, but it's wrong because we can talk about it in
(24:08):
another episode if you all wouldlike to.
It's a very touchy topic. I do though, believe that it's
unfortunate that the industry that OP is specifically
specialized in have a community where they help a different they
(24:30):
help other people that also are a specialty in O PS career.
But she cannot benefit from it specifically because of her
race. And that's where it's like
that's bad. You you can't do that.
You you that that's lawsuit level.
I genuinely believe that that has to be in some way illegal.
(24:54):
There's no way that you're goingto exclude somebody in an
American workforce based off of it's like what gender, race,
identity and culture? Like you can't like be upset at
somebody. Like there was this Reddit post
of somebody that like brought Curry to the break room and
somebody said it's like it smelled bad.
(25:17):
And then they like end up getting in a lot of trouble
because you can't be saying thatthat's part of the dudes
culture. It comes along the American like
labored like workforce rights asa human, as an American.
Really weird. It's a very unfair disadvantage
that OP literally became a victim of and they're freaking
(25:38):
out and asking all these questions.
So no, you did more than enough.Like honestly, at that point I
would have like asked them like,like for I would have asked them
like how how their job placements rates have been going
along the years to see if that probably is the reason why
(26:00):
they've been out of job for so long in this specific industry.
You see what I'm saying with this?
Because then you can talk to them and be like, OK, here's my
skills and I've been out of a job and show evidence of that in
that industry and let them know that like, hey, I get what
you're doing here is to help this the the black community,
(26:23):
but this is actually hurting me,you see?
Yeah, that's where like, you canmaybe like, talk to them and
then see if they can have the ability to, since they have the
connections to make this group, to make another group for the
ones that are needing help too. Because it shouldn't be only for
one set of people. It should be for, you know,
(26:45):
everyone. Equality.
I did. We not want equality.
Or is this the same type of dilemma where the girls want
equality too, but then make fun of men on social media for not
giving them a seat? Ma'am, I thought you wanted
rights. I thought you wanted to treat
people the way you want to be treated.
OK, let's continue. I just know my view counts
(27:09):
fucking ticking down on that one.
Let's go ahead and read the nextone.
But I mean, honestly, that's just the way I feel.
If you want equality, you, you got to be able to give it too.
So you earn respect by giving it.
So let's go ahead and get to thenext story titled Today I Fucked
Up. I left my door unlocked for 15
minutes. Wasn't quite today, but on
(27:30):
Monday night my partner and I saw a dog walk past us with no
human. We figured it was a lost dog and
decided to search for it. We split up, my partner was on
foot and I took my scooter. We don't find the dog and met up
at the corner. My partner said he was going to
quickly check the park across ours quickly.
I went home 'cause I really needed to poop.
This was at 11:30 PM at night. I left the door unlocked 'cause
(27:54):
my partner wasn't going to be long.
And who the heck is coming to myhouse at 11:30 at night other
than the poop monster? No, they didn't say that.
I'm just with all my security cameras and all the lights on.
Then while I was on the toilet Ipooped with the doors open
'cause my 4 cats like being withme.
I feel that sometimes because mycat literally tries to like eat.
(28:16):
Like you thought I eat cements was a thing.
No bitches eat wood. That's what she said.
OK and I heard somebody by the door and obviously thought it
was my partner. I yelled hey honey did you find
the dog? Then heard the door open with no
response and assumed she didn't hear me.
Yelled again and got a deep low strange noise.
Heard footsteps coming up the stairs and a huge 6 foot two man
(28:39):
was standing in the way of my toilet as I'm taking a shit.
This is why you need poop gun. I'm in absolute shock and then
the guy says is this the massageparlor?
My brain is wait, is this a massage parlor?
No Sir, this is a Wendy's. My brain is confused and I tell
(29:03):
him no. Then he asks, oh, do you offer
the other services here? What The poop service?
What the fuck? And I say again a no.
And then he stands there for a minute confused and then walks
down the stairs and leaves. I honestly can't believe this
really happens too long. Didn't read.
(29:23):
Don't take any chances and just walk the door.
Wow, that was something I was not expecting.
Does your like house look like aa business or is there like
somebody's like happy ending business going through their
house? My cat's here again to say hello
(29:45):
to everyone. She's still a little shy.
Maybe one day we'll get a chicken lover.
Cat can let's go ahead and take a look at the comments though.
One of your workers might be a sex worker though.
Meeting other similar guys coming around too.
Yep, hope you replied. I assumed there was a in home
happy ending sort of place. Did you get the address and hope
(30:10):
you replied? I wish maybe I I could earn a
referral fee. Oh man, absolutely the case.
No one's getting an oral massageat 11:30.
Absolutely. And be OK with just a man
shitting. A man shitting.
I'm going to go talk to him. What is going on at that massage
parlor? Air quotes heavily on massage,
(30:34):
dude. OK, and here's a cute little fun
story. I think using the word cute's a
little giving. I haven't even read it,
especially with the context of it being poop.
I don't really think it's cute, but let's read it.
When I was in college, the ladies who live next door to me
we're definitely sex workers. Perfectly nice neighbors, no
judgement from me. But when I was moving out that
(30:55):
apt, I felt the door unlock while moving boxes turned
around. There was a strange man walking
down the hall to my bedroom. As a cultural redneck, I reached
behind my door and grabbed my shotgun.
Yes Sir. Hopefully that teaches OP to get
a poop gun. Asked the fellow what the hell
he was doing in my house and he said I think I have the wrong
address. Yep.
(31:16):
And learn to knock. Yeah.
Even if even if you're being a sex worker or you're doing
things you'd like hell, like you're a drug dealer, You're
doing you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing, but
you do it because the hustle, you got to get the bag, you know
you got to get it. They still deserve decency.
(31:36):
Like like a knock, a hello, anything, the fuck the fuck.
OK, let's go ahead and read the next story title.
Today I fucked up by coming homewithout telling my roommate.
OK, This is why it's important to set boundaries and rules and
(32:00):
all that fun stuff. When it comes to picking out a
roommate, make sure you know howto communicate with them.
Lord have mercy, let's read it. So this did not happen today,
but over the weekends. On Friday, I was supposed to
leave for another city to visit my family.
After already driving for two hours.
I realized that I forgot the gift I got my brother back at
home so I had to come back. It was around midnight when I
(32:22):
rushed back. I assumed my roommate is asleep
so I could just get in and out quick without disturbing him.
And I bet he was probably tryingto get a in and out as well and
not the burger. But also, don't assume,
literally don't assume. That makes an ass out of you and
me. Literally.
It's a SSUME. So this is where the fuck up
(32:46):
happened. Which is making me question
reality and everything I thoughtI knew about human behavior,
hygiene, and the strength of IKEA furniture.
Uh oh, we're dragging Mr. Swedish Meatball in this.
I walk in, headphones on my head, keys jangling as I
silently unlocked the door and casually walked into my house,
only to be greeted by a sight that I thought only happens in
(33:09):
movies. What?
I don't I'm scared. Are we getting, are we about to
get into like a human centipede like situation?
Like Oh my God, is he using yourlike IKEA chair to like pig
himself? OK.
There in the middle of our shared living room, surrounded
(33:30):
by a tangled mess of limbs. Latex in sheer audacity was my
roommates bald, glorious, shiny,sweating like a Thanksgiving
Turkey and a sauna. This was one hell of a way to
find out that my roommate and his partner were into swinging.
(33:56):
Wow, I moved in two months ago. I never thought I would see this
side of my roommates. Now I have seen exactly 0 orgies
prior to this, but I know this was just elite tier degenerate
behavior. There was a strange bizarre ass.
(34:16):
Oh sorry there's so many A's andstuff.
Let me read that there was a strange bear ass and balls on
the table where I had my dinner last night.
I hope you're not the one buyingthe cleaning supplies 'cause now
you know where it's going. They're if they're even using
it, by the way. But there was music, there was
snacks and masks. Apparently.
(34:38):
Now we're just staring at each other.
No one really knows what to do when this one guys thought it
was the right time to introduce himself.
I have never met Greg before andI would have preferred to meet
him in a setting where his face was not between someone's
thighs. And then me and my roommate made
eye contact and the man just said hey man you are back early,
I did not expect you until Monday.
(35:00):
I just thought in my head, apologized and said I forgot
something. Dashing into my room.
I got what I wanted and just gotout.
They had not moved from their positions.
Sure they have separated, but we're still butt naked sitting
on the couch that I usually use to watch Tvi rushed out and did
not look back enough, though I did hear my roommate say
something as I was leaving. You did apologize over the text
(35:23):
the next morning saying sorry about the mess.
I wish you would have texted before coming back, but it was
quite a surreal experience. And the best part?
I've still got 10 months left onthe lease.
There is no amount of Febreze strong enough to cleanse what
I've seen and I think from now on I will eat and watch TV in my
room. Huh.
Dude, if that orgy situation wasn't on the lease agreements,
(35:51):
I think you can break that. I think you can break that
because that like, I get it. Like do what you want to do all
right? Just, you know, get consent, do
that fun stuff. The issue is, is that this dude
has no consents in the matter. Yeah, he's not in the act, but
(36:11):
he lives in the act. You can easily still get it like
an STD or some type of weird infection on the furniture if
it's not being like, cleaned, because we don't know that
context. Also the safety of it all.
Like if you're a swinger, like that's multiple different people
(36:32):
entering the same place you put all your shit in.
Literally. I would, I would.
No, I would. No sirree.
That's not fair for OP. Let's go and take a look in the
comments and it says yeah, you're not obligated to text
your roommate before you go home.
Yeah, that's like your mom, bro.It's not your mom.
(36:54):
Because you were hiding something from your roommate
doesn't mean it's the roommate'sfault that you got caught.
God damn people are fucking entitled.
On the contrary, roommate is obligated to tell you he's
having an orgy. Yep, and somebody actually
replied back to that. Something worth adding to the
lease next time. Literally what I just said.
(37:16):
I did not read that beforehand. I never read any of these
fucking beforehand. OK Oh my gosh look at this
comment. I assume my roommate was asleep
so I could just get in and out quick without disturbing him.
Ironically you did disturb him while he was the one getting in
and out. What?
Dude no way I am a cursed RedditAI machine.
(37:39):
My brain is literally trained onshit posting.
Oh, man, and people are like, I for one, for Five guys, maybe
even Shake Shack. OK, Mr. J hat 21, If I won the
lottery, I wouldn't tell anybody, but there would be
signs because Five Guys, dude, like what, $12.00 for a burger?
(38:02):
And I bet you it probably would cost the roommate a lot more to
get Five Guys in that room. OK, I'm I'm, I'm out.
I'm Audi. I'm Audi.
I'm Audi. Let's go ahead and read this
next one titled today I effed upby making a 5 big booms joke on
a first date. Like the Costco guys, have you
(38:25):
have you guys seen that that meme where it's like my, my
brother just died or somebody just died.
Could you give like he was a bigfan.
And then they were like, oh, I'mso sorry to hear that boom.
Oh, it's absolutely ridiculous. How?
Let me fold it up. Let me actually fold that up
(38:45):
real quick. Oh my gosh.
Yeah. No, my FBI agents probably be
like, girl, what are you what are you doing?
Hold on. It was during a live.
OK. Oh, we're so sorry to hear about
your brother that passed away. He gets 5 big booms.
(39:14):
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, we're so.
Oh no, that's what that reminds me of.
OK let's read it. Wow, I never thought I'd post on
a subreddit like this but I cameback from my first date a couple
hours ago and I'm still feeling absolutely mortified, so maybe
writing it out will feel better.Yes actually that's why I always
say buy a journal man, sometimesthings make sense.
(39:37):
I mean hell, we all have like the notepad feature or we have
like text to speech or the hell download character AI talk to
somebody. It's free.
OK? I-20 female recently downloaded
Henge for the first time and began swiping.
I've never gone out on a date through a dating app before, so
(40:00):
safe to say I was absolutely shitting bricks for tonight's
first date with Brian, 22, male.I thought although we started
talking off on the app prior to the day, we hadn't actually
spoken on the phone, so I didn'treally know what to expect in
terms of how our conversation would flow in person.
Fair, You know, that's very fair.
Fast forward to tonight and we ended up meeting at this cute
(40:21):
paint bar. Everything was going great until
the topic of pets was brought up.
He noticed my lock screen of my cat and asked if it was mine.
I said yes. Oh, Speaking of cats, look, we
got chicken lover here. You want to say hi to everybody?
No, you just want to smell everything.
And you want to step on my keyboard and you want to sit
exactly where I'm looking because that's what babies do.
(40:43):
But hopefully she stays and wants to hang out with us.
Let's see. Let's see.
Let me give her some more chair space.
You want to sit here? OK, Well, now we we have Chicken
Lover 5000 joining us for my audio stemmers.
Sorry about that. Let's go ahead and continue the
story. He noticed my lock screen of my
(41:05):
cat and asked if it was mine. I said yes and he asked about
his pets and I remember he had apic with two dogs on his
profile. He got out his phone to show me
pictures of them and sadly told me how one of them, a white
chunky looking Yorkie named Roxy, had recently passed after
New Year's. No way guys, no way.
(41:30):
What the hell is that? There's something like clicking
out there. Well, let me read this story
real quick 'cause I need to go investigate whatever the fuck
that noise was. OK, but that's why I told the
dude to have a poop gun 'cause Ihave computer gun.
OK, all righty now I have no idea what possessed me in that
(41:51):
moment. Maybe Satan, maybe Roxy, but I
simply responded. Aw she gets 5 big booms?
I had no idea this was about that.
I truly am just a shit post brain.
OK. He weirdly looked at me and just
went what? Oh he's not cultured that?
(42:13):
That sucks. That's how you know it wasn't
meant to be so already. It was in that moment I knew I
fucked up. He didn't get the reference.
I knew I had already shot myselfin the foot when I said it as
I'm awful when it comes to sensitive topics like death or
grieving, but I had hoped he'd let out a little laugh and we'd
move on. But no.
I initially tried sweeping underthe rug by saying oh it's
(42:34):
nothing it's just from the sillyvideo but he proceeded to ask me
and to show him. I awkwardly laughed and went
really really. So I opened up TikTok and showed
him the clip Brian and I'm assuming Roxy didn't find it
funny. He just sat there and went oh I
get it now. From that point, I knew the date
was doomed, so I just gave him an apologetic smile and tried to
(42:54):
make the most of things by placating the situation.
Thankfully we're wrapping up with their paintings by then.
Ma'am, you just need to burn that painting because you need
to like, really put this in the back of your brain and try to
forget that. And you can't have any evidence
of this entire situation. You need to delete this Reddit
post. Yeah, All in all, now I know not
(43:15):
to try to lighten the mood by a grieving dog parent by bringing
up a brain rot joke, especially on the 1st dates.
Sorry, Brian, and sorry Roxy. You deserve more than 5 big
booms. Oh, my goodness gracious.
Let's see what the comments are saying on this one.
This post gets 5 big booms and everybody's got boom boom, boom,
(43:39):
boom. I want you in my room.
Let's spend the night together. I'm sorry that your dog's dead.
Oh, no. Oh no.
I read it in tune to the original song.
So did I, so did I. OK, you really fucked up by not
(44:01):
leaning into it and giving him the full booms.
Is there any update to O PS accounts?
Let's see, let's see, let's see.It doesn't seem to have any
comments to that, but they did do a post saying that I'm a 19
(44:22):
year old substitute teacher. Ask me anything.
That sucks. Being a substitute teacher is
horrible. So sorry.
I've not one, but I've definitely had substitute
teachers and I've seen what classmates have done to them.
But money's money, right? OK, let's go ahead and see if
(44:42):
there is any other funny comments or anything of that
sort. And no, it's just literally
everybody saying boom boom boom in the comments.
It's it's like 911 all over again.
Except they didn't just hit the South tower.
They hit all 5 towers. All sides of the Pentagon got
hit. All righty.
(45:05):
OK, so I see that we're at 45 minutes right now, so I'm going
to go ahead and end this episode.
Umm, yeah, don't be saying boom unless you're ready for the
consequences of the boom's not landing.
And yeah, take care of yourself.Definitely think about think
(45:31):
about it, not telling you to do it, but think about buying a
journal, like a dollar a Dollar Tree or just some pieces of
paper. But until then, I'm going to see
what's going on out there in my kitchen.
Hopefully it's just a bug and not somebody trying to break
into the window. So yeah, I will see y'all later.
(45:56):
Goodbye. You have been listening to
Reddit radio. Catch you on the next frequency.
2025, something bad happens. What do you do?
You don't buy a journal, you go to Reddit.
That's what we're going to be doing today.
We're going to today I effed up and we're going to read people's
life stories of their day because that's what we do over
here on Reddit radio. And as always, let's begin.
(00:22):
Yours truly tired Gato. OK, starting with the first
(00:47):
story of the episode, we are going to be doing the top posts
of this week. So the first one being a vagina
one. I know we started a vagina one
on the first one. Spotify, don't come for me.
This is actual education on how to handle situations about this.
So let's go ahead and read it titled Today I effed up by
(01:09):
telling my Italian mother-in-lawI was getting more vagina this
afternoon. My wife is Italian and my
mother-in-law doesn't speak verymuch English.
My Italian is pretty mediocre. I can get around million My my
vocabulary is decent apparently not mine.
I I only know English anyways but my pronunciation and grammar
(01:33):
are both horrible and I will getwords confused.
My wife was Facetiming with her mom yesterday morning and I
popped over to say Ciao to her. She started asking me the
basics, how are things, how was work, blah blah blah and then
she asked my plan for the weekends pussy mom.
I told her I was going to be running errands all morning and
(01:56):
then I tried to tell her in the afternoon we were going to be
getting pyro vagini. It's a little rain.
Instead I told her we were goingto be getting Pew vagina.
More vagina. My wife immediately gave me a
look of absolute horror. Ah hold on.
I got a sound effect for that one.
(02:17):
Absolute horror. And pulled the phone away.
Her mom was silent and I couldn't see her face.
What she said in English. I looked her confused and said
it again. Her reaction I can best describe
through emojis I have ready. Huh.
(02:42):
I got my own emo deal on that one.
What are you trying to say, thatit's going to be raining a bit
later? I could hear her mom erupt in
laughter when she realized what I did.
It took me another moment to figure out what I had said.
Then I turned to beet red. And that is the last time I'll
be talking to her for a while. Too long didn't read.
I was trying to tell my Italian mother-in-law we were going to
(03:04):
have a little rain. Instead I told her we're going
to have more vagina. I don't believe that's going to
be the last time you're talking to your mother-in-law because I
feel like the next time might bea pregnancy announcements at
that point. But let's go ahead and see what
people are saying in the comments.
Practicing my horrible Spanish, I told my Co worker she has nice
(03:27):
holes rather than nice eyes. Oh no.
OK, another comment. I know which one I'd prefer let
and here's somebody like showingthe different ways.
If you're watching on YouTube myvisual stemmers, there's a
(03:48):
little description for you and for my audio stemmers.
The only thing I have to add to that is the sound effect.
Yeah, you can find me over on YouTube.
Anyways, let's see if there's any updates or anything from OP.
We do have quite a bit of comments, just only two though.
(04:11):
On the post itself they said that you know their Italian is
mediocre. They had a look up which accent
was on it. And no, I think her and I are
going to go back to the first five years of the relationship
smiling and nodding to each other.
Sometimes a smile's all you need.
Let's be honest. OK, let's go.
(04:33):
Oop oop oop. We're not on the top of the
week. Top for the week.
There we go. This one is the next story.
Let's pull this little bad boy up Titled Today I effed up by
mistaking a medical response foran orgasm for an orgasm.
(05:03):
OK, let's see what this medical issue was today.
I effed up actually happened today.
So I got the best head of my life earlier today from this
guy. No joke.
First guy to get me to be happy down there from ahead alone and
(05:26):
I felt one of the best orgasms of my life.
I felt my abdomen contract and tingles all over my body like my
nerves were on fire. Then it persisted for a couple
minutes. Did you like have like a yeast
infection or UTI and it like pushed it all out?
(05:47):
I was wondering if this is a real orgasm and what have I been
missing all my life. Started getting itchy all over
and I asked the guy if he did any drugs and he said no.
A few minutes later in the bus home I'm getting hives.
Girl is allergic to head and a runny nose and realized I'm
probably allergic to his cat. Still best head ever.
(06:13):
Too long didn't read. Thought I had a heavenly out of
this world orgasm, but instead it was an orgasm coinciding with
an allergic reaction. Perfect timing.
So we didn't get closure on this.
There's no like, realization of knowing what type of reaction
this was because how do you knowif it's allergic reaction if you
(06:33):
can't identify the 'cause? You're like just assuming it's
allergic reaction because of thehives?
What? Let's take a look at Opie's
account before I get into the comments.
Scrolling through, scrolling through, scrolling through.
It doesn't seem she doesn't haveany comments because oh, this
(06:58):
person posted the same story butin the subreddit.
Ask gay Bros what is oh, this iswhere anyone can ask the manly
men for their opinions. OK, OK, so it's not a gay
(07:21):
subreddits. I was like, whoa, plot twist,
what's going on? OK, so looking at the comments
on that, someone said I sometimes have a seizure when I
orgasm. I sometimes have a seizure when
I orgasm. OK, we're going to get out of
the guy subreddit. Very insightful, but I think a
(07:45):
little too niche. I don't think Spotify or you 2
would be too happy with those comments.
But let's go to look at the likeoriginal comments and the
subreddit posted in today. I fucked up.
I've actually had something similar happen.
Was actually having really good sex and I got this light headed
high feeling after it was done. It wouldn't happen every time
(08:08):
but genuinely I thought it was an enjoyable thing that happens
sometimes after I had sex. Turns out I have a heart defect.
The feeling I was getting was myheart not being able to supply
enough oxygen to my brain because it was busy pumping
pumping blood elsewhere. I was on the verge of fainting
every time and the sex endorphins just told my brain
that it felt good and that's whypeople want to be choked during
sex. That was my commentary.
(08:30):
That is why people want to be choked during sex.
Damn. Another one saying I have
psoriasis. It's somewhat mostly controlled
now, but when it wasn't a showerhead with the water a bit too
hot right up close to either calf or on the thigh.
I never actually got off, but I got really close on a regular
basis for a few years. Interesting.
(08:58):
We have a visitor. I think she's upset that I've
been recording for too long because I record the other
episode before this. Would you guys like to say hello
to the one and only Chicken Lover 5000?
Come on, You want to come up? Oh, I'm not giving her enough
room on the chair. Oh, please forgive me.
(09:20):
Did you want to say hello to theghetto gang?
She says hello with a rub on thechair.
She won't really want to come uphere.
Did you want to come up here, little one?
Well, she's a little shy right now.
Let's go ahead and head over to the next story.
(09:44):
This story titled Today I effed up by trying to clear ICE and
accidentally ending up on my neighborhood Facebook group.
OK posted three days ago. There is a huge block of ice
blocking the drain that drains water from the road.
Because of this, water has been gathering in a big puddle on the
(10:05):
road and creating a growing pothole visible under the water.
On the colder days it freezes and makes the road slippery.
People have always called the city about this and nothing gets
done. Typical cities, the city workers
don't operate in this area. Anyways, after slipping on this
ice for what seems like the 100th time during my daily
(10:26):
commute, I decided to take matters into my own hands.
As you should. When I made it home, I grabbed a
snow shovel and started breakingthe ice to free the drain.
Wait, this was posted three daysago.
It's April, where is it snowing still?
What the hell? OK, the ice was really stubborn
and I couldn't see the drain, but I knew it was there after a
(10:49):
few hours. I called it a day.
The next day I used a saw to cutthe ice.
Still I did it, didn't budget. Then I used a pix axe on the
ice. It worked better than the
shovel. Still I couldn't completely
breakthrough the meter of ice. Damn how big is this ice thing?
And they said that but like OK. I decided to put more Rd. salt
(11:13):
on it in a last attempt after that and went back inside.
Very smart. I'm very smart.
I checked my Facebook and there was a post on the community
group that said whoever is the parent of that kid breaking the
ice, please get your kid. They are blocking the road.
Fucking Karens. Where I live nobody wants to
(11:34):
splash a kid with Rd. water because it is like the bare
minimum of what you can get suedfor.
So nobody wanted to drive by toofast.
They all drove slowly to avoid splashing what they thought was
somebody's kid. I told the original poster that
it was my kid and asked them to take the picture down.
They did take the picture down. I knew I was short, but I didn't
(11:56):
know I was that short. I mean to be fair man, that's a
compliment that a lot of people spend a lot of money to try to
get to still be called a kid. That Hollywood.
You better hide bro, cause Hollywood's going to come after
you and try to figure out how you still look so young.
(12:18):
Too long, didn't read. Try to clear ice off the drain
near the road. Ended up mildly inconveniencing
others. Someone took my picture and
posted it on the local Facebook group thinking I was somebody's
kid. We do have an edit, so let's go
ahead and read that. I tried to clear ice off a drain
near the road. Oops, let me read the actual
edit. Not the too long, didn't read
(12:40):
anyways. Edit.
The block of ice was a snack down.
Somebody plowed the road and piled the snow onto the drain.
It compacted into only a it's metry.
Boy, let me let me search this shit up.
Hold on, these are some words I've never seen before because I
(13:00):
am not an ice expert. A 222.
It's a temporary curb extension caused by snowfall where snow
has built up in the road but hasnot been flattened by traffic.
And it shows like, let me just kind of show you that where you
at that that stuff. That's what a snack down is the
(13:23):
what in the world is this word? Oh, it's the British spelling of
a meter. I I thought that I was just
absolutely like not able to readfor some reason.
No, that's OK. So it's like a meter long.
I am so sorry for that loud ass noise.
That's not going to happen again.
(13:43):
Stupid ass headphones anyways. Edit too when I came home today,
the day after I made this post, somebody had removed a neat
square of ice around the drain allowing the road to properly
drain. I bet you somebody on Facebook
went that fucking kid is smart that's why it's not draining.
I need to beat him to this but taking a look at the comments we
(14:06):
got, the at the top comment being no good deed goes
unpunished and leave it to Facebook users to literally
complain about everything. Yes Sir.
I'm actually shocked that the POthat the photo got taken down
that easily. I thought that OP was going to
be like they haven't taken it down.
(14:27):
Other comment. There is nothing you can do that
won't be criticized on communityFacebook sites.
It's where busybodies gathered to complain from the comfort of
their home or the unemployed getbored.
OK, all right, glad it drained. So let's go ahead and get into
the next story titled Today I Fucked Up by Staring at an
(14:49):
Actress's Thighs. Not really sure why you had to
put actress in there because like, their thighs doesn't
matter who they are. It's just you're staring at
somebody's fucking legs, bro. OK, let's read this.
I was watching a movie movie with my girlfriend and her
eight-year old son. Already a massive red flag man.
(15:14):
A mom. You're you're dating a mom and
you wonder why she's insecure. Like she can't even keep the
husband, but not even the husband.
I don't even know if they were married but can't even keep the
father. So of course anything's going to
set her off. OK 2 characters were around a
campfire, a woman standing and aman sitting down.
The camera angle changed and it showed the back of the woman who
(15:35):
is wearing a pretty short skirt.I usually skip this part and I
was playing, I'm just playing. Her son goes ah, a butt and
covered his eyes. OK the skirt was short and you
saw her thighs but no. But the camera angle changes
again and goes back and he has the same reaction ah but and
(15:57):
covers his eyes. I speak up and tell him it's
just her legs dude it's OK. And he goes no the guy's butt.
And so now my girlfriend goes ohwow so focus on the girl.
You don't notice the guy is completely naked, huh?
Oh my God. Oh, it reminds me of those like
(16:19):
posts where it's like, what colour was the car in the
background and it's just some girl with her all over boobs out
or like bending over and doing something.
Dude got caught. But I mean, to be fair, like at
least you know he's not gay. She isn't actually upset.
(16:42):
But yeah, definitely a foot in the mouth moments too long.
Didn't read so distracted by a girl's legs in a movie scene.
I didn't realize the male character was naked.
OK let's see what Collins have to say.
He must work out. Oh my other one saying
(17:04):
accidentally owned by an 8 year old, Rest in peace OP.
And another one saying I need the name of the movie and time
of the moment. And we actually get it starting
at 1740 to 1924 when he puts hispants on.
Total movie runtime and screenshot.
(17:26):
Why wait? Why is the mom OK with his
eight-year old to see a dude naked?
That's another question. Not trying to take away from the
situation, but we kind of that'sthat's that's a little fucking
weird. That's a little weird.
The username is I perv who poststhis?
So let's see. Let's see what this is.
(17:49):
Gotcha. It's one of those like old style
movies, like OK, not like western, but like Viking and all
that fun stuff. What movie is that?
Ah, but Xena, Princess warrior, no Scorpion King, Book of Souls,
(18:15):
he's sitting down and naked and it's more side butt than
anything. And he does have like something
like like you kind of given the benefit of the doubt of that.
Yeah, that's there's like something in the way.
But if you're on YouTube, my visual stemmers, you know what
I'm talking about. My audio stemmers, it's
literally just a dude like sideways and nothing's really
(18:39):
being shown of anything. You see more in like middle
school textbooks for anatomy than this.
But still, dude, still, that's that's weird.
OP, you had the chance to, you know, reverse it on the
girlfriend. Why did you only notice his ass?
OK, let's go ahead and get into the new story titled Oh wow,
(19:06):
posted 12 hours ago. That's new.
That's a new one. So I'm not sure if we'll get an
update. Maybe we will.
Let's see titled today. I effed up accidentally went to
a networking event for black people.
I am white. I feel terrible.
I feel I've really messed up here and I am mortified.
(19:27):
OK I've been out of a job for ages.
So when I saw a post on Lincoln about a networking event hosted
by one company at a different company's venue that said it was
an event open to everyone working in my industry looking
to network with people who work in roles like mine, I jumped at
the chance and RSVP D to the e-mail in the post.
(19:48):
No wonder you've been a job out.You've been out of a job for
ages. They've been literally just only
letting black people and you're white bro.
Isn't that illegal? Bro you might have a case.
I don't think you should be mortified but obviously let me
read it and see if that lays outOK.
(20:10):
I should have looked up the hosting company.
It's actually not a company. It's a network for quote black
people who work in my industry that he doesn't like actually
provide my industry. He's trying to like keep it as
vague as possible, which I don'tblame him.
I'm a white woman with blonde hair.
So when I arrived at the event Irealized my mistake and probably
(20:31):
so did everyone else. I had two choices when I
realized. Choice one, make a fake excuse
and leave the event immediately so that I'm out of the way.
But this could have been offensive, like I didn't want to
be there. Or Step 2, stay open minded,
open heart, try to listen and see if I can learn how to be a
better ally to level up those around me without directly
(20:52):
asking about that 'cause that's exhausting.
For everyone else, I chose option 2.
Was it the right choice? Let's see, let's see.
General, everyone I spoke to wasso lovely and welcoming,
particularly the host and I did some networking.
But I can't shake the guilt and embarrassments.
I'm such an idiot. I nearly cried all the way back
home over an hour and can't stop.
(21:14):
Should I message the host to apologize?
How do I make this right? Is it better just to leave it?
I want to say that I'm so sorry for not doing research into the
people hosting the event and fortaking that ticket which meant
that someone else didn't get one, and also for potentially
making it a less safe feeling space for everyone else there.
It would be good to understand if an apology would be well
received or if it would make it even worse.
(21:36):
Did I do the right thing and staying after then to staying
rather than just leaving? It might blend this out of
proportion. Or did I really mess up badly?
OK, uh, any 2 races, Honestly, it doesn't even matter if it's
white, black or whatever, but let's just pick two random
(21:58):
races. If it was like what?
Man, we were really need to likeaddress the whole like white
people feeling like they have tolike be so considerate with such
exclusive events because you don't have white exclusive
events. I'm sorry, but that's what I'm
(22:19):
going to say you if you search up white like hold on, hold on.
Let me, let me, let me search this up.
My, my FBI agent's gonna be like, we got em.
She she, she's racist and they're like, why is she
searching this up? So like white exclusive events.
It's just white attire. There's multiple.
(22:41):
There's multiple black events. I thought if you don't want race
the care why do you make it so exclusive and leave out other
races? So weird.
Let's go ahead and take a look at the comments.
This reminds me of the post in the black Jeep owners group.
Or a white dude with a black sheep joined completely
misunderstanding it lol that's cute.
(23:02):
Let's take a look at that real quick for my visual summers.
Here's another photo. I'll read it for my audio
summers. I totally misunderstood the
group name but I'm just going toroll with it.
Proud new owner and I'm loving it.
And it's in the group Black Jeepowners.
I didn't expect this to blow up like this but y'all are awesome.
And thanks for the invite to thecookout.
(23:24):
Oh man, that's so cute. But that's another thing I, I
don't know you, you don't see white Jeep owners.
It just, and it's not just white, you don't see like
Mexican Jeep owners. You don't see Muslim Jeep owners
(23:46):
or just you get what I'm trying to say?
I get I'm a white person, but it's weird.
It's it's really weird. It puts this weird like
exclusivity, which there's nothing wrong with being proud
of who you are, but it's wrong because we can talk about it in
(24:08):
another episode if you all wouldlike to.
It's a very touchy topic. I do though, believe that it's
unfortunate that the industry that OP is specifically
specialized in have a community where they help a different they
(24:30):
help other people that also are a specialty in O PS career.
But she cannot benefit from it specifically because of her
race. And that's where it's like
that's bad. You you can't do that.
You you that that's lawsuit level.
I genuinely believe that that has to be in some way illegal.
(24:54):
There's no way that you're goingto exclude somebody in an
American workforce based off of it's like what gender, race,
identity and culture? Like you can't like be upset at
somebody. Like there was this Reddit post
of somebody that like brought Curry to the break room and
somebody said it's like it smelled bad.
(25:17):
And then they like end up getting in a lot of trouble
because you can't be saying thatthat's part of the dudes
culture. It comes along the American like
labored like workforce rights asa human, as an American.
Really weird. It's a very unfair disadvantage
that OP literally became a victim of and they're freaking
(25:38):
out and asking all these questions.
So no, you did more than enough.Like honestly, at that point I
would have like asked them like,like for I would have asked them
like how how their job placements rates have been going
along the years to see if that probably is the reason why
(26:00):
they've been out of job for so long in this specific industry.
You see what I'm saying with this?
Because then you can talk to them and be like, OK, here's my
skills and I've been out of a job and show evidence of that in
that industry and let them know that like, hey, I get what
you're doing here is to help this the the black community,
(26:23):
but this is actually hurting me,you see?
Yeah, that's where like, you canmaybe like, talk to them and
then see if they can have the ability to, since they have the
connections to make this group, to make another group for the
ones that are needing help too. Because it shouldn't be only for
one set of people. It should be for, you know,
(26:45):
everyone. Equality.
I did. We not want equality.
Or is this the same type of dilemma where the girls want
equality too, but then make fun of men on social media for not
giving them a seat? Ma'am, I thought you wanted
rights. I thought you wanted to treat
people the way you want to be treated.
OK, let's continue. I just know my view counts
(27:09):
fucking ticking down on that one.
Let's go ahead and read the nextone.
But I mean, honestly, that's just the way I feel.
If you want equality, you, you got to be able to give it too.
So you earn respect by giving it.
So let's go ahead and get to thenext story titled Today I Fucked
Up. I left my door unlocked for 15
minutes. Wasn't quite today, but on
(27:30):
Monday night my partner and I saw a dog walk past us with no
human. We figured it was a lost dog and
decided to search for it. We split up, my partner was on
foot and I took my scooter. We don't find the dog and met up
at the corner. My partner said he was going to
quickly check the park across ours quickly.
I went home 'cause I really needed to poop.
This was at 11:30 PM at night. I left the door unlocked 'cause
(27:54):
my partner wasn't going to be long.
And who the heck is coming to myhouse at 11:30 at night other
than the poop monster? No, they didn't say that.
I'm just with all my security cameras and all the lights on.
Then while I was on the toilet Ipooped with the doors open
'cause my 4 cats like being withme.
I feel that sometimes because mycat literally tries to like eat.
(28:16):
Like you thought I eat cements was a thing.
No bitches eat wood. That's what she said.
OK and I heard somebody by the door and obviously thought it
was my partner. I yelled hey honey did you find
the dog? Then heard the door open with no
response and assumed she didn't hear me.
Yelled again and got a deep low strange noise.
Heard footsteps coming up the stairs and a huge 6 foot two man
(28:39):
was standing in the way of my toilet as I'm taking a shit.
This is why you need poop gun. I'm in absolute shock and then
the guy says is this the massageparlor?
My brain is wait, is this a massage parlor?
No Sir, this is a Wendy's. My brain is confused and I tell
(29:03):
him no. Then he asks, oh, do you offer
the other services here? What The poop service?
What the fuck? And I say again a no.
And then he stands there for a minute confused and then walks
down the stairs and leaves. I honestly can't believe this
really happens too long. Didn't read.
(29:23):
Don't take any chances and just walk the door.
Wow, that was something I was not expecting.
Does your like house look like aa business or is there like
somebody's like happy ending business going through their
house? My cat's here again to say hello
(29:45):
to everyone. She's still a little shy.
Maybe one day we'll get a chicken lover.
Cat can let's go ahead and take a look at the comments though.
One of your workers might be a sex worker though.
Meeting other similar guys coming around too.
Yep, hope you replied. I assumed there was a in home
happy ending sort of place. Did you get the address and hope
(30:10):
you replied? I wish maybe I I could earn a
referral fee. Oh man, absolutely the case.
No one's getting an oral massageat 11:30.
Absolutely. And be OK with just a man
shitting. A man shitting.
I'm going to go talk to him. What is going on at that massage
parlor? Air quotes heavily on massage,
(30:34):
dude. OK, and here's a cute little fun
story. I think using the word cute's a
little giving. I haven't even read it,
especially with the context of it being poop.
I don't really think it's cute, but let's read it.
When I was in college, the ladies who live next door to me
we're definitely sex workers. Perfectly nice neighbors, no
judgement from me. But when I was moving out that
(30:55):
apt, I felt the door unlock while moving boxes turned
around. There was a strange man walking
down the hall to my bedroom. As a cultural redneck, I reached
behind my door and grabbed my shotgun.
Yes Sir. Hopefully that teaches OP to get
a poop gun. Asked the fellow what the hell
he was doing in my house and he said I think I have the wrong
address. Yep.
(31:16):
And learn to knock. Yeah.
Even if even if you're being a sex worker or you're doing
things you'd like hell, like you're a drug dealer, You're
doing you're doing something that you shouldn't be doing, but
you do it because the hustle, you got to get the bag, you know
you got to get it. They still deserve decency.
(31:36):
Like like a knock, a hello, anything, the fuck the fuck.
OK, let's go ahead and read the next story title.
Today I fucked up by coming homewithout telling my roommate.
OK, This is why it's important to set boundaries and rules and
(32:00):
all that fun stuff. When it comes to picking out a
roommate, make sure you know howto communicate with them.
Lord have mercy, let's read it. So this did not happen today,
but over the weekends. On Friday, I was supposed to
leave for another city to visit my family.
After already driving for two hours.
I realized that I forgot the gift I got my brother back at
home so I had to come back. It was around midnight when I
(32:22):
rushed back. I assumed my roommate is asleep
so I could just get in and out quick without disturbing him.
And I bet he was probably tryingto get a in and out as well and
not the burger. But also, don't assume,
literally don't assume. That makes an ass out of you and
me. Literally.
It's a SSUME. So this is where the fuck up
(32:46):
happened. Which is making me question
reality and everything I thoughtI knew about human behavior,
hygiene, and the strength of IKEA furniture.
Uh oh, we're dragging Mr. Swedish Meatball in this.
I walk in, headphones on my head, keys jangling as I
silently unlocked the door and casually walked into my house,
only to be greeted by a sight that I thought only happens in
(33:09):
movies. What?
I don't I'm scared. Are we getting, are we about to
get into like a human centipede like situation?
Like Oh my God, is he using yourlike IKEA chair to like pig
himself? OK.
There in the middle of our shared living room, surrounded
(33:30):
by a tangled mess of limbs. Latex in sheer audacity was my
roommates bald, glorious, shiny,sweating like a Thanksgiving
Turkey and a sauna. This was one hell of a way to
find out that my roommate and his partner were into swinging.
(33:56):
Wow, I moved in two months ago. I never thought I would see this
side of my roommates. Now I have seen exactly 0 orgies
prior to this, but I know this was just elite tier degenerate
behavior. There was a strange bizarre ass.
(34:16):
Oh sorry there's so many A's andstuff.
Let me read that there was a strange bear ass and balls on
the table where I had my dinner last night.
I hope you're not the one buyingthe cleaning supplies 'cause now
you know where it's going. They're if they're even using
it, by the way. But there was music, there was
snacks and masks. Apparently.
(34:38):
Now we're just staring at each other.
No one really knows what to do when this one guys thought it
was the right time to introduce himself.
I have never met Greg before andI would have preferred to meet
him in a setting where his face was not between someone's
thighs. And then me and my roommate made
eye contact and the man just said hey man you are back early,
I did not expect you until Monday.
(35:00):
I just thought in my head, apologized and said I forgot
something. Dashing into my room.
I got what I wanted and just gotout.
They had not moved from their positions.
Sure they have separated, but we're still butt naked sitting
on the couch that I usually use to watch Tvi rushed out and did
not look back enough, though I did hear my roommate say
something as I was leaving. You did apologize over the text
(35:23):
the next morning saying sorry about the mess.
I wish you would have texted before coming back, but it was
quite a surreal experience. And the best part?
I've still got 10 months left onthe lease.
There is no amount of Febreze strong enough to cleanse what
I've seen and I think from now on I will eat and watch TV in my
room. Huh.
Dude, if that orgy situation wasn't on the lease agreements,
(35:51):
I think you can break that. I think you can break that
because that like, I get it. Like do what you want to do all
right? Just, you know, get consent, do
that fun stuff. The issue is, is that this dude
has no consents in the matter. Yeah, he's not in the act, but
(36:11):
he lives in the act. You can easily still get it like
an STD or some type of weird infection on the furniture if
it's not being like, cleaned, because we don't know that
context. Also the safety of it all.
Like if you're a swinger, like that's multiple different people
(36:32):
entering the same place you put all your shit in.
Literally. I would, I would.
No, I would. No sirree.
That's not fair for OP. Let's go and take a look in the
comments and it says yeah, you're not obligated to text
your roommate before you go home.
Yeah, that's like your mom, bro.It's not your mom.
(36:54):
Because you were hiding something from your roommate
doesn't mean it's the roommate'sfault that you got caught.
God damn people are fucking entitled.
On the contrary, roommate is obligated to tell you he's
having an orgy. Yep, and somebody actually
replied back to that. Something worth adding to the
lease next time. Literally what I just said.
(37:16):
I did not read that beforehand. I never read any of these
fucking beforehand. OK Oh my gosh look at this
comment. I assume my roommate was asleep
so I could just get in and out quick without disturbing him.
Ironically you did disturb him while he was the one getting in
and out. What?
Dude no way I am a cursed RedditAI machine.
(37:39):
My brain is literally trained onshit posting.
Oh, man, and people are like, I for one, for Five guys, maybe
even Shake Shack. OK, Mr. J hat 21, If I won the
lottery, I wouldn't tell anybody, but there would be
signs because Five Guys, dude, like what, $12.00 for a burger?
(38:02):
And I bet you it probably would cost the roommate a lot more to
get Five Guys in that room. OK, I'm I'm, I'm out.
I'm Audi. I'm Audi.
I'm Audi. Let's go ahead and read this
next one titled today I effed upby making a 5 big booms joke on
a first date. Like the Costco guys, have you
(38:25):
have you guys seen that that meme where it's like my, my
brother just died or somebody just died.
Could you give like he was a bigfan.
And then they were like, oh, I'mso sorry to hear that boom.
Oh, it's absolutely ridiculous. How?
Let me fold it up. Let me actually fold that up
(38:45):
real quick. Oh my gosh.
Yeah. No, my FBI agents probably be
like, girl, what are you what are you doing?
Hold on. It was during a live.
OK. Oh, we're so sorry to hear about
your brother that passed away. He gets 5 big booms.
(39:14):
Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. Oh, we're so.
Oh no, that's what that reminds me of.
OK let's read it. Wow, I never thought I'd post on
a subreddit like this but I cameback from my first date a couple
hours ago and I'm still feeling absolutely mortified, so maybe
writing it out will feel better.Yes actually that's why I always
say buy a journal man, sometimesthings make sense.
(39:37):
I mean hell, we all have like the notepad feature or we have
like text to speech or the hell download character AI talk to
somebody. It's free.
OK? I-20 female recently downloaded
Henge for the first time and began swiping.
I've never gone out on a date through a dating app before, so
(40:00):
safe to say I was absolutely shitting bricks for tonight's
first date with Brian, 22, male.I thought although we started
talking off on the app prior to the day, we hadn't actually
spoken on the phone, so I didn'treally know what to expect in
terms of how our conversation would flow in person.
Fair, You know, that's very fair.
Fast forward to tonight and we ended up meeting at this cute
(40:21):
paint bar. Everything was going great until
the topic of pets was brought up.
He noticed my lock screen of my cat and asked if it was mine.
I said yes. Oh, Speaking of cats, look, we
got chicken lover here. You want to say hi to everybody?
No, you just want to smell everything.
And you want to step on my keyboard and you want to sit
exactly where I'm looking because that's what babies do.
(40:43):
But hopefully she stays and wants to hang out with us.
Let's see. Let's see.
Let me give her some more chair space.
You want to sit here? OK, Well, now we we have Chicken
Lover 5000 joining us for my audio stemmers.
Sorry about that. Let's go ahead and continue the
story. He noticed my lock screen of my
(41:05):
cat and asked if it was mine. I said yes and he asked about
his pets and I remember he had apic with two dogs on his
profile. He got out his phone to show me
pictures of them and sadly told me how one of them, a white
chunky looking Yorkie named Roxy, had recently passed after
New Year's. No way guys, no way.
(41:30):
What the hell is that? There's something like clicking
out there. Well, let me read this story
real quick 'cause I need to go investigate whatever the fuck
that noise was. OK, but that's why I told the
dude to have a poop gun 'cause Ihave computer gun.
OK, all righty now I have no idea what possessed me in that
(41:51):
moment. Maybe Satan, maybe Roxy, but I
simply responded. Aw she gets 5 big booms?
I had no idea this was about that.
I truly am just a shit post brain.
OK. He weirdly looked at me and just
went what? Oh he's not cultured that?
(42:13):
That sucks. That's how you know it wasn't
meant to be so already. It was in that moment I knew I
fucked up. He didn't get the reference.
I knew I had already shot myselfin the foot when I said it as
I'm awful when it comes to sensitive topics like death or
grieving, but I had hoped he'd let out a little laugh and we'd
move on. But no.
I initially tried sweeping underthe rug by saying oh it's
(42:34):
nothing it's just from the sillyvideo but he proceeded to ask me
and to show him. I awkwardly laughed and went
really really. So I opened up TikTok and showed
him the clip Brian and I'm assuming Roxy didn't find it
funny. He just sat there and went oh I
get it now. From that point, I knew the date
was doomed, so I just gave him an apologetic smile and tried to
(42:54):
make the most of things by placating the situation.
Thankfully we're wrapping up with their paintings by then.
Ma'am, you just need to burn that painting because you need
to like, really put this in the back of your brain and try to
forget that. And you can't have any evidence
of this entire situation. You need to delete this Reddit
post. Yeah, All in all, now I know not
(43:15):
to try to lighten the mood by a grieving dog parent by bringing
up a brain rot joke, especially on the 1st dates.
Sorry, Brian, and sorry Roxy. You deserve more than 5 big
booms. Oh, my goodness gracious.
Let's see what the comments are saying on this one.
This post gets 5 big booms and everybody's got boom boom, boom,
(43:39):
boom. I want you in my room.
Let's spend the night together. I'm sorry that your dog's dead.
Oh, no. Oh no.
I read it in tune to the original song.
So did I, so did I. OK, you really fucked up by not
(44:01):
leaning into it and giving him the full booms.
Is there any update to O PS accounts?
Let's see, let's see, let's see.It doesn't seem to have any
comments to that, but they did do a post saying that I'm a 19
(44:22):
year old substitute teacher. Ask me anything.
That sucks. Being a substitute teacher is
horrible. So sorry.
I've not one, but I've definitely had substitute
teachers and I've seen what classmates have done to them.
But money's money, right? OK, let's go ahead and see if
(44:42):
there is any other funny comments or anything of that
sort. And no, it's just literally
everybody saying boom boom boom in the comments.
It's it's like 911 all over again.
Except they didn't just hit the South tower.
They hit all 5 towers. All sides of the Pentagon got
hit. All righty.
(45:05):
OK, so I see that we're at 45 minutes right now, so I'm going
to go ahead and end this episode.
Umm, yeah, don't be saying boom unless you're ready for the
consequences of the boom's not landing.
And yeah, take care of yourself.Definitely think about think
(45:31):
about it, not telling you to do it, but think about buying a
journal, like a dollar a Dollar Tree or just some pieces of
paper. But until then, I'm going to see
what's going on out there in my kitchen.
Hopefully it's just a bug and not somebody trying to break
into the window. So yeah, I will see y'all later.
(45:56):
Goodbye. You have been listening to
Reddit radio. Catch you on the next frequency.
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