April 27, 2025 • 42 mins
Get ready for some epic disasters! In today’s episode, I’m diving into true stories from Reddit’s Today I F**ed Up* community r/TIFU— from hilarious mistakes to jaw-dropping regrets. These real-life moments will make you laugh, cringe, and maybe feel a little better about your own bad days. Grab a snack, settle in, and let's get into it!
Whether you're a fan of call her daddy, two hot takes podcast, or smosh, you'll love this epic collection of reddit stories. Let's dive in and find out who's the real villain in these crazy family tales! Watch with video visuals on youtube!
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
(00:00):
Regret, shame, public humiliation.
Welcome to today. I effed up with me tired gotto.
(00:27):
All right, welcome back to another episode of Reddit Radio. 00:00:33,530 Today, obviously the theme is
people in the community. Today I fucked up.
Also, I would like to apologize for the last two episodes with
the massive jump scare sound effects.
I have been working all day to make sure that everything's
(00:47):
equalized. No scary jump scares, and if
there is, I will make a different apology on the next
episode. Anyways, let's read a couple
stories of this week that are really talked about during the
subreddit. So let's go ahead and get to our
(01:10):
first story. The first story is today.
I fucked up by asking what a guywho hates me said about me in a
group chat. OK, we got an NSFW content like
warning, so let's go ahead and read it.
I-20 female was hanging out withsome of my friends.
(01:32):
Namely, one of my friends brought her boyfriend with her.
I like the guy, but he definitely doesn't run in the
same circles as the rest of us. He was telling us a story
involving one of his friends whoI happen to have a class with.
Let's call this friend Eric. I really don't know the guy,
just like I really don't know any of his friends.
(01:52):
OK that's a little weird but I have noticed whenever I was in
class with Eric he seemed to go out of his way to not interact
with me. Like not even look at me, though
I sat relatively in his Direct Line of sight.
OP are you self-conscious or whyare you paying attention to so
many people? Or is it that obvious?
Or do you have a crush on Eric? Anyways, even in Group
(02:15):
discussions he seemed to ignore me or vaguely glare at me.
So naturally I said something like Oh my God dude Eric hates
me for some reason. Is there anything I did to upset
him? And suddenly the boyfriend gets
super uncomfortable and the girlfriend, my friend, kind of
starts laughing a bit. She suddenly goes oh come on
(02:36):
tell her what he said in the group chat.
The guy seemed really hesitant to tell me so I started pressing
him a bit because I was worried I had actually screwed up and
had something to apologize for as it seemed to me this random
person hated me. I'm also kind of having fun with
it. I was kind of thinking well
what's the worst it could be? I've literally barely spoken to
(02:58):
him. Eventually he goes, well I just
don't think he hates you at all.He actually really likes you.
Oh, oh, that's oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that's I forget that
people that don't know how to communicate really don't know
how to communicate. OK, now I was even more
confused. So I press again and he wow, if
(03:22):
I can even read, and he comes out with it.
Well, he said Eric kind of has some strange turn ONS.
Excuse me, strange turn ONS. OK, I obviously immediately
(03:43):
started pressing again because literally what the fuck?
And he goes, let's see what theysay.
Eric has mentioned a few times how you have a huge forehead,
oop, you got a, you got A5 head.He probably likes to take his
like palm of his hands and like put it on someone's.
(04:06):
Anyways, it's it Also, it's a good it's a good extra room of a
canvas. I guess.
I, I don't know. I don't know.
Is this kink shaming? Who knows?
Let's see what else they have tosay.
Eric has mentioned a few times how you've had a huge forehead.
You're a part of like a lot of his fantasies because of how big
yours is. He says he wants to come all
(04:28):
over it. I literally just said it's a
bigger canvas. I didn't lie.
Oh, we, we have a friend. We have an early visitor.
We got our Lucy's here to say hello, but she's a little camera
shy. To all my audio stemmers, there
is a there might be a Kitty Kitty moment.
(04:50):
Oh, oh, are we gonna get it up now?
She's gonna sit on the keyboard and make everything mess up.
Hold on, hold on. Come here, little one.
Come here, little one. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. All righty.
Here is Lucy. Sorry.
Like I said to my audio stemmers, just come over here on
YouTube real quick. At the five minute mark, 5
(05:12):
minute, 12 seconds, you can see the baby.
All right, I'm going to let her sit on my lap.
If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.
If not, we'll continue. But we need to figure out about
this whole canvas thing. OK, continuing.
This man I barely know was talking in a group chat with
(05:34):
literally dozens of his friends about his fucking forehead kink
and my huge fucking forehead. I stopped pressing after that
shit, but apparently that wasn'teven the worst of it.
Learned my lesson. FM Li want to see how they how
(05:54):
did they phrase the too long? Didn't read, too long didn't
read. Friend's boyfriend was in a
group chat with a guy I thought hated me.
It made clear some shit went down in it when I pressed the
issue. It turns out he just wants to
fuck me because of my huge ass forehead.
Edit Please stop asking for forehead pics.
(06:19):
OK let's go ahead and take a look at the comments.
Top comment being time to get bang so he can't see your huge
ass forehead anymore. You just pulled me so far out of
my bad mood I may never be in a bad mood again.
I am not laughing at your pain, but I am laughing.
This is a story for the ages. You should be proud of your five
(06:41):
head. Shine on, shine on.
OK let's take a look to see if OP.
My mouth sounds like it's farting.
Sorry about that. Let's go and look at O PS
profile see if she has any comments.
She has a few. One says I definitely wouldn't
(07:03):
tell my friend about something like that but then again guys
are usually more vulgar and I definitely get the interest
people have. But I fear you all are still not
getting that picture. I def say it's smaller than
Rihanna, a bit smaller than LilyRose Depths.
OK I'm sorry but if he has a forehead fetish, I don't think
(07:30):
it's smaller than Rihanna's but that's OK.
That's OK. You don't have to come to terms
with your forehead yet OP. OK, OK, let's go ahead and get
into the story. Today I fucked up by telling my
(07:50):
kids they had a crack in their butts.
OK, was not expecting this body thing.
I'm literally just scrolling down past the ads because Reddit
for some reason is now just covered in ads.
They're probably getting ready to push that whole ad free
purchase you can do for your account.
Typical, typical. But anyways, let's get into it.
(08:12):
Titled Today I fucked up by telling my kids they had a crack
in their butts so I forgot the age-old lesson.
Kids repeat everything you say. I male 28 have three kids, 7,
four and two. That's a wild age cluster bro.
(08:34):
Have you thought of a vasectomy?OK anyways while making dinner
was just laughing and joking with them about anything that
could pop up in my head. I decided to play the long con,
stopped everything I was doing and looked at my 4 year old and
started to panic. I picked up.
I picked her up looking at her up and down.
(08:54):
Oh my God it finally happened. How are you?
How are we going to fix it My 4 year old.
What? What's going on dad?
Me, you got a crack in your buttand she immediately breaks into
tears and then her set. His seven-year old says really,
everyone has one. I got her calmed down and had a
(09:16):
good laugh about it, thinking that that was the end of it
until this morning. With a very angry call from her
teacher, she proceeded to go to school and tell all of her
friends about the cracks in their butts, creating a
classroom of 34 year olds all inhysterical tears because their
butts have cracks in them too long.
(09:37):
Didn't read Keep your cracks to yourself.
That has a lot that. That sentence alone is a really
good moral story for many different phases of your life.
OK, let's take a look at the comments real quick.
Top comment being you should have given them the best news
(09:59):
possible for the situation. At least it's up and down and
not side to side. Why dad?
Because if you had the crack running the wrong way then you
went down playground sides you'dbe going Oh no, another comment
my husband trying to be helpful to my 4 year old.
(10:20):
Make sure you wipe good. You don't want dingleberries.
Is this not? Is this like a universal
experience? Has everyone had their father
mention the word dingleberry? And you, you being just a
child's like under six years old, thought that you had
berries like not that you. I'm making it sound like I did
(10:44):
not wife as a kid. So let me clarify.
I overheard a conversation of dingleberries because my parents
really like South Park and I didn't know what that meant.
I was like dingleberries and my father explained what they were. 00:11:03,600 It was poop at the end of your
butt hairs and me being like 5 years old thought that when I
(11:09):
grow up I would be growing berries and it freaked me out.
So I guess this isn't a like personal experience, it's a
universal experience. So that's very interesting to
know. Did you also have the Berry talk
growing up? But yeah, real quick, I am going
(11:33):
to have a real quick yap session.
And with this yap session, I do have a little timer.
For some reason I didn't have itpulled up and I allow myself 2
minutes because I realize I talkway too much.
So let's start it. OK so real quick my thoughts on
this story. Why is the teacher so mad that
(11:58):
these kids don't know what butt cracks are?
Because shouldn't you be teaching them that?
Like we wonder why America has such a bad issue with early
pregnancy. We're not teaching them Jack
shit. We're not like it's just
(12:20):
abstinence like or rapid and that's it.
You don't there. There's such a lack of and like
bodily function teaching and just the basics of science,
anatomy, like what that's that'sit.
Like it was amazing teaching opportunity.
(12:40):
She shouldn't have been mad. She should have been like, OK,
this is a perfect learning opportunity because I'm a
teacher. That's my job because it's the
job I signed up for when I went to college and decided to be a
teacher. So you take it to the school
board and you try to say, hey, this situation happens.
(13:01):
How can we put this into our curriculum and say, hey guys,
nobody knew what a butt crack was in my class.
I wouldn't be surprised if all y'all also didn't know what a
butt crack was. And the other classes like
you're all y'all's other students.
So learning opportunity. And obviously dad didn't really
(13:24):
fuck up that bad. That's not that bad.
It is just silly dad humor. But yeah, anyways, I'll leave
the extra 15 seconds for anothertime.
So let's get back into the next story.
Let's see, let's see, let's scroll, let's scroll.
What? Another villain of 40 kids?
Is this the butt crack story again?
(13:46):
Hold on, hold on. This story up.
Seeing my my Yap sessions up this next story titled Today I
Fucked Up by accidentally becoming the Villain in 40 Kids
This Morning. Butt crack #2 but crack Part 2.
OK, let's read it. I'm a school bus driver and
(14:06):
today I fucked up. This morning everything felt
smooth. I started my route on time,
traffic was light and every stopwent off without a hitch, but
barely any kids were getting on.It was strange enough that by
stop 8, usually one of my busiest, I asked a few of the
regulars who usually chat with me.
Where is everyone today? In my mind, I tried to play it
(14:29):
off. Maybe there's a field trip.
Maybe school's doing something special.
Today I convinced myself it wasn't me.
Then I got to stop 9, which is always my busiest, and saw kids
running for dear life to catch my bus.
Is there a is there like a dog chasing somebody?
OK, that's when I finally glanced at my wristwatch.
(14:52):
I was 3 1/2 minutes early at that point.
It all hit me at once. Oh, crap.
OK. Don't you love it?
Don't you love it when you like drive to work and you you leave
10 minutes early and you're like, wow, there's so much
(15:14):
traffic, right? Like there's so much traffic.
Let me leave 10 minutes. Let's so 20 minutes even later.
And then you notice wow, there'sso much less traffic.
And then everyone else like seems to like catch on to it
too. And then now the traffic like
shifts to the 20 minutes. It it happens to me all the
time. It is so inconvenient.
(15:36):
OK, Anyways, that's when I finally glanced at my watch and
I was 3 1/2 minutes early. OK, I've been early to every
stop. My bus clock was running fast
and I hadn't noticed because normally everything just lines
up. Honest, honest mistake.
You can't control time or batteries.
So I sat there at stop 9 for 3 1/2 minutes watching the
(15:57):
aftermath of my mistake unfold in real time.
After finishing the route and dropping off the kids, I was
driving to take my daughter to her school.
That's when I saw them kids. I was supposed to pick up my
kids walking along the sidewalk of a major Rd.
Damn. OK.
(16:18):
This is why public transportation is so important.
Not just in public school like primary education, but in like
college. Because this this effects like
throughout. Anyways, it's not my yap session
now. They looked up at the bus as we
passed. The expressions weren't confused
or angry, they were haunting, like they've been left behind
(16:41):
and knew exactly who did it. And the worst part?
So did I man. OK, let's go ahead and take a
look at the comments real quick.Top comment being really, how
does a bus clock even get that far off?
It's kind of wild. And I guess my sense of time
isn't always great either, so I can sympathize with the O.
(17:03):
PS chaotic morning. Another comment saying my
paranoid mother made me get to the bus stop at least 20 minutes
early every day, rain or shine, snow or no.
And up here in Maine that was brutal.
OK let's see if OP has any like updates or if they got in
trouble. Wow, their their little icons
(17:27):
pretty baller. I really hope that wasn't
cringe. Do we say baller these days?
I don't know. Maybe that's what she said.
But for my audio stemmers, it's like I coyote, like I have no
like an animal with really pointy ears and it's like
steampunk and I don't know, it'sreally cool.
(17:48):
It's really cool. But anyways, we have a do have a
reply. I used to hate missing the bus
too. You'd be surprised by the amount
of kids running to the bus on a daily basis.
And then they give a little bit of insight about the bus.
Like there's the bus isn't that fancy.
There's no LoJack, no GPS sync. It's just a digital dash clock.
(18:09):
And even that's part of the sound system.
The bus clock is built into the same dash mounted unit that
controls the radio. It's exactly like one of those
old pioneer head units from the early 2000s people used to steal
from cars, CD players, aux Jack.And for some reason, that's
where our time keeping lives too.
All right, all right. And the two way radio on the bus
(18:30):
is connected to a cellular network.
That said, at least in my situation, there was no good
excuse. I wear a Garmin watch that sync
to glon ass Glonus. I don't know.
I think they just tricked me into saying ass anyways.
And instead of relying on it, I stupidly trusted the bus clock.
The bus clock is part of the sound system.
(18:50):
OK. So yeah, why would you doubt it? 00:18:55,280 It's Yeah, that's, that's weird. 00:18:56,640 And I've also noticed like when
it comes to clocks, like, you know, like the old school
clocks, they've been off a little bit.
Like are they manipulating something?
I don't know. OK, let's go ahead and get into
(19:11):
my YAP session. This time.
It's only going to be let's onlygive myself one minute and let's
start. OK, So in my opinion, yeah, that
sucks. That really does suck.
But 3 1/2 minutes, like, why is everybody like last second that
like, like I said, like I said, a perfect learning opportunity
(19:33):
for everyone. Because I don't know about you,
but my my mom made sure that I also was at the bus stop a
little bit earlier. And you know those memes of
being scared to tell your mom that you left your backpack at
home when she was getting ready to drop you off?
(19:53):
She had the fear of God in me. So if I was late to the bus
stop, I would be in a lot of trouble.
So that didn't really happen. Did not.
And even at snow, even with snow, because you know how it
is, they don't cancel with snow up in the north.
So we would sit out in the van. It was like an old like Fred
(20:16):
van. And yeah, we wouldn't miss it.
Which at the same time, OK, yeah, I know you have sessions
over. I know you have sessions over.
But why didn't she just take me anyways?
This is not a this is Reddit radio.
This is not a therapy session. OK, let's go ahead and get to
this next story. Today I fucked up by buying
(20:38):
myself a fancy jacket and instantly starting a rumor at
work. The fuck?
OK, what did did you like accidentally buy?
Like a vintage like Nazi jacket?OK, after a really rough few
years financially, I finally caught a bit of a break from a
(20:58):
$3700 win on Rolling Riches Sweepstakes Casino.
This is why you never stop when you stop.
The win would have been the nextone.
Not life changing money, but enough to give me breathing
room. For the first time in forever, I
cleared out some lingering credit card debt, replace my
dying phone, and let myself splurge just once.
(21:21):
I bought a leather jacket I've wanted for years, A total
impulse buy. OK, but I figured, hey, I've
been responsible, so why not Treat yourself.
Treat yourself. I went to work the next day,
didn't say anything, just walkedin like normal, feeling a little
better than usual. Big mistake.
(21:42):
One of my Co workers goes damn new money and everyone laughs
but I think nothing of it. Then another Co worker jokes
about me striking it rich. What did he forget to take off
the tag? OK OK.
Later that day someone asked if I got a new side hustle or
secret inheritance. It starts spreading, jokingly at
(22:03):
first, that I must have come across some serious cash.
By the end of the week someone asked if I was doing crypto or
if I sold a kidney Dude, why arethey buttering him up?
I tried to play it down and saidNah, just treating myself after
getting ahead a little. But now I've got people
whispering about promotions I didn't get, speculating that I
(22:23):
must be making way more than them or worse, hiding something
shady. I even had a manager pull me
aside and say I seem to be enjoying a lifestyle shift and
that is important to keep appearances consistent.
OK yo dude what do you mean the manager said that to you?
(22:43):
Where's HRI? Hope it's not the HR manager.
I never thought one jacket wouldlead to this.
Today I fucked up by underestimating how people react
when you stop looking broke at work.
Wait, we don't get no closure? We don't get no closure.
Too long didn't rain up on a nice jacket after finally
getting ahead financially. Now my Co workers think I'm red. 00:23:04,440 Shady or hiding what?
(23:04):
Hold on hold on these comments. These comments.
Tough comment. Oh my God.
OK, OK, 2 my audio stemmers. Have you ever heard of like
Assassin's Creed? OK, plot twist, Opie's jacket
(23:24):
was actually this and it's a blue like Assassin's Creed.
I think it's AI. If it's not AI.
No, that that's like a video game.
Yeah, that's AI. That's not real.
It's it's like a trench coat with the hood and like shoulder
pads and it's like blue with like really pretty buttons.
(23:45):
Oh my gosh. Second comment.
It was $5 at the thrift shop. That's what they should.
He should have said. That's exactly what you should
have said. You should have said it was $5
and it has pockets. This doesn't even sound real.
Do you work at a high school? That is funny because I
(24:06):
wholeheartedly believe people who work in high schools that
have these like that act this way only work at high schools
because they're uncomfortable with the real world and they
peaked in high school. OK next comment.
What country are you in? Having a manager tell you to
keep consistent appearances is wild to me.
It would constitute a call to HRwhere I'm from.
(24:28):
I agree because what the fuck? Unless like I said it was HR and
you know how that goes. You get away with things, you
just get away with things as HR.OK I was looking at comments of
OP and he commented in the pokersubreddit and he someone said
(24:51):
the ladies love a patient man and he said pretty sure those
ladies are more interested in whatever is happening off camera
than the guy in front of them. What the hell?
Anyways, that's not what we're here for.
OK? So let's see he I don't think he
has any comments. Nah, Nah, Nah.
He's he's talking about some cigs, you know?
(25:13):
OK, that's that's pretty good. Not not cigarettes like Pew
pews. Let's see.
Let's see. No, he has no comments.
We get no closure. We get no closure.
OK, let's go ahead and see what else Reddit has to offer for us. 00:25:43,800 Excuse me, I accidentally clove
(25:43):
oiled my balls and it was worse than wisdom teeth removal.
OK, Posted seven days ago. Obviously NSFW.
Let's read it. So tell me why I'm getting ready
for bed, right? I don't know, man.
(26:04):
I I just got here. I I just got here.
I can't tell you anything. I had a fresh new pair of
underwear laid outs. I've been using clove essential
oil mixed with Castor oil for myhair.
Just a few drops in my hand. Rub it on my scalp, feel the
nice burn. All good.
(26:24):
Is someone going to tell them it's not supposed to burn?
That's not how that works. But tonight I foolishly moved my
long ass arms and knocked the cap of the clove oil.
It flew across the room and landed on the ground.
No big deal. Or so I thought.
About a minute later I feel the most horrible pain imaginable.
(26:45):
Like worse than getting all fourof my wisdom teeth out.
Did you give yourself testiculartorsion?
Did the bottle hit your ball so bad that it just like, huh, OK,
it literally felt like my balls were being melted off in real
time. A very nice Anakin moment for
(27:05):
you. OK, turns out there must have
been just enough clove oil on the cap and somehow it got into
my balls when it bent over or something.
Into your balls. Did your balls boof it Sir?
I sprinted to the bathroom, washed with water which made it
burn even worse, and stood therehalf naked in full regret mode.
(27:30):
After we felt like an eternity Islapped some vitamin E oil on
there. Blessed relief.
The pain stopped but now I've got blisters, shame and trauma.
Anyway, I hate having long arms but I think my balls will be OK. 00:27:45,760 Too long, didn't read.
I put clove oil on my balls and it burned so bad that I thought
I was going to pass out and there is blisters everywhere and
(27:51):
I don't think I'm going to recover.
OK, let's just take like 10 seconds real quick for everyone
to go quickly wash their ears out and to try to recover from
the nausea of thinking about your balls getting blistered.
Sorry my male listeners. OK, let's go ahead and take a
(28:13):
look at the comments. Maybe go to the hospital.
Since blisters make it sound like chemical burns, you have to
make sure there is no serious damage.
Brother, you have chemical burnson your balls.
You need to go to the hospital. Trust me when I say they won't
judge you for it. They've seen worse and far more
idiotic. Thanks.
This is why it's so important that if you go to the doctor and
(28:36):
you like no matter like what specialty or whoever, just
anybody that's a care provider that you go see, let them know
if you're doing like any essential oil, doing like it's
some type of like illegal activity.
Let them know if you're using like any vitamins, any oils, any
like herbal thing, please, because the body, it's not fully
(28:58):
studied and there's a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of
interactions. You see how this little mixture
of the Castro oil and the all this fun stuff most likely
caused a chemical reaction. Yeah.
Also, let's see if he has an update.
Hopefully there's not a photo. Let's see.
Let's see. Checking, taking a look, taking
(29:19):
a look, taking a look. Looks like he, he is active.
He is active. He's very active in the wicked
community and perfumes TikTok. Here we go here we go.
We have an update. We have a ball update.
(29:41):
Update. I went to the doctor about my
balls. OK, let's see if it's a photo.
Oh thank God it's not OK strapping.
So as you know it. If you don't know click on my
profile. But I accidentally put clove oil
on my balls and they burnt and got blistered up.
I was just going to stay home and chill but then the comments
(30:03):
urged me to go to the doctor. I go to the doctor and tell me
why. As I told a nice Indian male
doctor my issue, he left in my face for a whole 5 minutes.
That was so embarrassing I wanted to sink into the void.
He then asked me why I was actually here and I told him no
(30:23):
I'm I'm serious. He didn't put on a stern face
and he ended up checking me out.Sorry about that bud, that's a
shitty doctor. Anyways I had to retell the
story to him. Bro had to squeeze the balls to
make sure everything was OK. He ended up prescribing me a
(30:44):
steroid and told me to not wear any jeans and wear loose
underwear. The reddening of the skin is
still there and I hope there won't be scars.
Only time will tell. But yeah, I'll never make that
dumb mistake again. I still haven't told my parents. 00:31:00,960 I ended up just taking a lift
because I didn't want my parentsto have another reason to be
disappointed in me. You don't want to have your
(31:06):
parents freak out and thinking that you're not going to give
them grandkids. You did not want that
conversation Sir, I know you didn't.
And for everything saying that this is AAI story, I would never
lie about my balls burning. That was the worst pain ever.
Like it literally brought tears to my eyes.
And yeah also there is minor blisters.
(31:26):
They look God awful scary and I don't want to see them anymore.
He said so it should go away with the help of the cream and
too long didn't rain. I burnt my balls and was going
to stay home until people told me to go to the doctors.
Man. Dude, Reddit humiliated you.
No, just kidding, you humiliatedyourself.
That's why you keep weird oils and weird prostitutes away from
(31:46):
your balls, because the same story would happen.
OK yeah, somebody in the Commonsdoes say that's a doctor with a
bad bedside manner. Sorry, but at least you had a
fun story out of it. And yeah, you just have some
like, scarring. You can always have a good
origin story saying, you want toknow how I got these scars?
My father was a drinker and a fiend.
(32:10):
Oh, no. Accidentally got Tiger Balm on
mine. I won't use that stuff when it's
hot out. OK.
Oh, man, there's a lot of peoplein the comments talking about
their own medical horror storiesthat they give to themselves.
And This is why it's really important not to be dumb.
Yeah. Keep things away from your
(32:31):
balls. Let's go ahead and take a look
at another another story. I think we have enough time for
one more. You feeling it, friends?
You feeling it? OK today I fucked up by eating
mixed up Greek yogurt and endingup in the ER.
(32:51):
Why are there so many medical issues this week?
Reddit, what are y'all doing? Was there a full moon?
OK, I used to be deathly allergic to milk and milk
products. Well that's called being
allergic to dairy. Anyways, I decided that the
dairy free lifestyle was not forme, so I started DIYOIT oral
(33:13):
immunotherapy. Basically I dosed myself with
small amounts of dairy and increase the dosage until I
could eat dairy freely. I did it with Greek yogurt.
Very fantastic way to decide that.
No, I will eat dairy. I don't care if I shit, I will
just shit slowly until it's not much shit.
I started off with 1/8 of a teaspoon of Greek yogurt, went
(33:35):
up to 1 teaspoon in a couple of months, which translated to 1/3
of a tablespoon, and eventually started tolerating multiple
tablespoons of Greek yogurt and being able to eat whatever in
the span of seven months. Real quick for my audio
listeners and visual stemmers. If you do this and you want to
do this on your own, please, if you please do pick like a
(33:58):
yogurt, right. Like if you want to, like, if
you're up for the fucking challenge and the giggles of it,
do not do a flavored yogurt. Keep it bland.
Just bland. No, no, not vanilla, not added
sugars, just bland. Dude, I'm telling you right now,
just nobody getting funny ideas here.
(34:18):
I don't want you coming to my comments and saying you shit
yourself because of the last episode, OK?
Greek yogurt separates into two parts.
A solid kurdi part in a liquid Moat around the solid kurdi
part. The solid part is casein protein
and the liquid part is whey protein.
I initially only dosed the solidpart since it was easier to
split up. Why?
(34:40):
Oh no OK I'm not going to spoil it I'm just going to keep
reading it for y'all that aren'tinvolved in medical field.
OK. Someone in my family mixed the
yogurt when I was at half of theteaspoon and I consumed whey
protein for the first time. Q Being hospitalized too long,
didn't read. Tried fixing my dairy allergy by
dosing of Greek yogurt. Someone mixed it up giving me
(35:00):
some whey protein for the first time, sending me to the 8 the
ER. All right, top comment mate.
The milk ladder exists. It's what you do with babies who
have a milk allergy. There are significantly easy
ways of doing this. See what I mean?
See where I said don't say you're going to fucking?
Don't say you fucking shit yourself because of an episode?
(35:20):
If you have the poor little milkbaby issue man, just at this
point you could have just asked Chad GBT.
They would have given you a better solution than trying to
split up yogurt. Excuse me?
(35:41):
Like, man, no wonder, no wonder the government finally let us
have AI. They're, they're tired of the
Americans not affording healthcare.
So they're like, here, here's this to try to help and yeah,
no, no, no, no, no. OK, let's see.
Let's see. Let's.
Anything fun in the comments? I guess there's this one for
(36:03):
anyone else confused, but the acronym, it's oral
immunotherapy. How to look it up?
I've never understood why peopleonline don't explain uncommon or
condition specific acronyms the first time they use them.
I thought OP did. Wait, hold on, he did.
Basically, I dosed myself a small.
I mean, I guess it was context clues, which you learn in fifth
(36:24):
grade. OK, yeah.
Because it's literally like you.You dose oral immunotherapy, you
sleep like immunization where you get a little bit of the
actual live vaccine. Hello.
Context clues. Oh man, I'll defend Opie on that
one. Not on the yogurt part, not on
(36:45):
the yogurt part, Sorry. That's just how I think.
I also, this might be a little bit of a hot take.
Don't kill me, but I don't thinklactose intolerance is real.
I, I think that it's just peoplethat don't know how to eat the
(37:05):
things that they need to eat or they eat too much of the things
that they eat and the body just doesn't know how to.
They're just, it's just an overload.
I mean, if you think about it ona standpoint of if you don't
work out, you don't get muscle. Or if you worked out and you
have muscle and you don't use it, you lose it.
And your stomach has a certain type of pH value.
(37:29):
It needs to be out. And dairy is literally bacteria,
which is pH, which is pH balance.
So if you don't give yourself the correct pH balance, you're
going to be intolerant to it. So it's where I, yes, I now
(37:53):
you're probably like, but you just said it wasn't real.
I thought being lactose intolerant wasn't.
That's, that's what I think. I, I, I just believe that it's,
it's not the way we should be. Oh my God, there's a spider.
Maybe that's the universe telling me to shut up.
I'm just going to let it do its little thing.
Anyways, it's where I, I believebeing lactose intolerance is
(38:14):
intolerant is something that is just up upset tummy and your
body trying to be like what the fuck did you just put in me
because you don't put it in me alot.
That's what she said. Think about it this way.
If you know somebody that doesn't eat a lot of sweets and
they eat sweets, what happens tothem?
They get a bellyache because they're not used in the sweets.
(38:36):
Like the body literally doesn't know what to do with the extra
sugar. I mean, it does know what to do,
but it doesn't want to. So that's where it gets a little
little little wishy washy down there.
Yeah. Just immunotherapy is a good,
good way to process that. And I feel like there's a lot of
people that are really mad at methat are like, if I drink milk,
(38:58):
I'm going to I, I explode. I but how do you drink the milk? 00:39:04,840 Do you, do you, how much milk do
you consume? When you do consume it?
Is it a normal serving, which islike a normal serving of milk is
like 3/4 of a cup. Do you guys have tiny that is
hell like ice cream is half a cup for a serving on most
(39:19):
brands. So are you system overloading
yourself because the only time you decide to eat dairy, you eat
a lot of it or you eat at least a serving size, which is still
more than what your body is usedto.
So it freaks out and it gets upset.
That's what I think. And if you go ahead and you take
(39:39):
like a lactate or you take or, or, or you eat dairy free items
products to substitute for it, you're kind of making your body
completely OK with not ever figuring out a way to slowly be
able to digest dairy appropriately.
So it's that's that's my opinion.
(40:00):
So I guess my solution to this would literally be the
immunotherapy, which is used to this day for babies with an
intolerance to milk. And do not go down in my
comments and say well you can get a.
I'm already upset about it. You can get a dairy free
(40:21):
alternative for babies. That baby is not going to have
appropriate brain health. You have to think why babies get
breastfed. There are Oh my gosh, there are
the fats. That's why it's so important
that you do not lower the fat content.
It is whole milk for babies up to a certain amount.
(40:41):
I don't remember exactly the length of time, but you if you
give it, if you give them a low fat milk any earlier than a
certain time of their lives, they don't develop appropriate
brain function because the brainneeds to grow with the fats.
Also with breastfeeding you havea lot of like immunofactors that
(41:06):
you get from the breast milk. So don't, don't come and say,
well, you can get an alternative.
No, don't do that because then you're actually literally going
to make your baby even more lactose intolerant.
There's a reason there's immunotherapy.
Just search it up. Talk to Jack GPT, talk to anyone
I don't know. But yeah, don't shit yourself.
(41:26):
Don't put oils on your balls. And also an uncrustable is a
gourmet meal because if you think about what a gourmet meal
means, it is something that is delicately made with a unique
item like it. It's used with a unique tool.
And I don't know about you, but going to anyone else's kitchen,
(41:49):
you don't see, you don't see an A, a, a crust cutter.
No, you don't. And to use a crust cutter, not
only is it unique, it's delicate.
That's all. And that's it, don't hate me,
(42:12):
don't shit yourself. And yeah, peace, You have been
listening to Reddit radio. Catch you on the next frequency.
Regret, shame, public humiliation.
Welcome to today. I effed up with me tired gotto.
(00:27):
All right, welcome back to another episode of Reddit Radio. 00:00:33,530 Today, obviously the theme is
people in the community. Today I fucked up.
Also, I would like to apologize for the last two episodes with
the massive jump scare sound effects.
I have been working all day to make sure that everything's
(00:47):
equalized. No scary jump scares, and if
there is, I will make a different apology on the next
episode. Anyways, let's read a couple
stories of this week that are really talked about during the
subreddit. So let's go ahead and get to our
(01:10):
first story. The first story is today.
I fucked up by asking what a guywho hates me said about me in a
group chat. OK, we got an NSFW content like
warning, so let's go ahead and read it.
I-20 female was hanging out withsome of my friends.
(01:32):
Namely, one of my friends brought her boyfriend with her.
I like the guy, but he definitely doesn't run in the
same circles as the rest of us. He was telling us a story
involving one of his friends whoI happen to have a class with.
Let's call this friend Eric. I really don't know the guy,
just like I really don't know any of his friends.
(01:52):
OK that's a little weird but I have noticed whenever I was in
class with Eric he seemed to go out of his way to not interact
with me. Like not even look at me, though
I sat relatively in his Direct Line of sight.
OP are you self-conscious or whyare you paying attention to so
many people? Or is it that obvious?
Or do you have a crush on Eric? Anyways, even in Group
(02:15):
discussions he seemed to ignore me or vaguely glare at me.
So naturally I said something like Oh my God dude Eric hates
me for some reason. Is there anything I did to upset
him? And suddenly the boyfriend gets
super uncomfortable and the girlfriend, my friend, kind of
starts laughing a bit. She suddenly goes oh come on
(02:36):
tell her what he said in the group chat.
The guy seemed really hesitant to tell me so I started pressing
him a bit because I was worried I had actually screwed up and
had something to apologize for as it seemed to me this random
person hated me. I'm also kind of having fun with
it. I was kind of thinking well
what's the worst it could be? I've literally barely spoken to
(02:58):
him. Eventually he goes, well I just
don't think he hates you at all.He actually really likes you.
Oh, oh, that's oh, yeah, oh, yeah, that's I forget that
people that don't know how to communicate really don't know
how to communicate. OK, now I was even more
confused. So I press again and he wow, if
(03:22):
I can even read, and he comes out with it.
Well, he said Eric kind of has some strange turn ONS.
Excuse me, strange turn ONS. OK, I obviously immediately
(03:43):
started pressing again because literally what the fuck?
And he goes, let's see what theysay.
Eric has mentioned a few times how you have a huge forehead,
oop, you got a, you got A5 head.He probably likes to take his
like palm of his hands and like put it on someone's.
(04:06):
Anyways, it's it Also, it's a good it's a good extra room of a
canvas. I guess.
I, I don't know. I don't know.
Is this kink shaming? Who knows?
Let's see what else they have tosay.
Eric has mentioned a few times how you've had a huge forehead.
You're a part of like a lot of his fantasies because of how big
yours is. He says he wants to come all
(04:28):
over it. I literally just said it's a
bigger canvas. I didn't lie.
Oh, we, we have a friend. We have an early visitor.
We got our Lucy's here to say hello, but she's a little camera
shy. To all my audio stemmers, there
is a there might be a Kitty Kitty moment.
(04:50):
Oh, oh, are we gonna get it up now?
She's gonna sit on the keyboard and make everything mess up.
Hold on, hold on. Come here, little one.
Come here, little one. Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh. All righty.
Here is Lucy. Sorry.
Like I said to my audio stemmers, just come over here on
YouTube real quick. At the five minute mark, 5
(05:12):
minute, 12 seconds, you can see the baby.
All right, I'm going to let her sit on my lap.
If she doesn't like it, she doesn't like it.
If not, we'll continue. But we need to figure out about
this whole canvas thing. OK, continuing.
This man I barely know was talking in a group chat with
(05:34):
literally dozens of his friends about his fucking forehead kink
and my huge fucking forehead. I stopped pressing after that
shit, but apparently that wasn'teven the worst of it.
Learned my lesson. FM Li want to see how they how
(05:54):
did they phrase the too long? Didn't read, too long didn't
read. Friend's boyfriend was in a
group chat with a guy I thought hated me.
It made clear some shit went down in it when I pressed the
issue. It turns out he just wants to
fuck me because of my huge ass forehead.
Edit Please stop asking for forehead pics.
(06:19):
OK let's go ahead and take a look at the comments.
Top comment being time to get bang so he can't see your huge
ass forehead anymore. You just pulled me so far out of
my bad mood I may never be in a bad mood again.
I am not laughing at your pain, but I am laughing.
This is a story for the ages. You should be proud of your five
(06:41):
head. Shine on, shine on.
OK let's take a look to see if OP.
My mouth sounds like it's farting.
Sorry about that. Let's go and look at O PS
profile see if she has any comments.
She has a few. One says I definitely wouldn't
(07:03):
tell my friend about something like that but then again guys
are usually more vulgar and I definitely get the interest
people have. But I fear you all are still not
getting that picture. I def say it's smaller than
Rihanna, a bit smaller than LilyRose Depths.
OK I'm sorry but if he has a forehead fetish, I don't think
(07:30):
it's smaller than Rihanna's but that's OK.
That's OK. You don't have to come to terms
with your forehead yet OP. OK, OK, let's go ahead and get
into the story. Today I fucked up by telling my
(07:50):
kids they had a crack in their butts.
OK, was not expecting this body thing.
I'm literally just scrolling down past the ads because Reddit
for some reason is now just covered in ads.
They're probably getting ready to push that whole ad free
purchase you can do for your account.
Typical, typical. But anyways, let's get into it.
(08:12):
Titled Today I fucked up by telling my kids they had a crack
in their butts so I forgot the age-old lesson.
Kids repeat everything you say. I male 28 have three kids, 7,
four and two. That's a wild age cluster bro.
(08:34):
Have you thought of a vasectomy?OK anyways while making dinner
was just laughing and joking with them about anything that
could pop up in my head. I decided to play the long con,
stopped everything I was doing and looked at my 4 year old and
started to panic. I picked up.
I picked her up looking at her up and down.
(08:54):
Oh my God it finally happened. How are you?
How are we going to fix it My 4 year old.
What? What's going on dad?
Me, you got a crack in your buttand she immediately breaks into
tears and then her set. His seven-year old says really,
everyone has one. I got her calmed down and had a
(09:16):
good laugh about it, thinking that that was the end of it
until this morning. With a very angry call from her
teacher, she proceeded to go to school and tell all of her
friends about the cracks in their butts, creating a
classroom of 34 year olds all inhysterical tears because their
butts have cracks in them too long.
(09:37):
Didn't read Keep your cracks to yourself.
That has a lot that. That sentence alone is a really
good moral story for many different phases of your life.
OK, let's take a look at the comments real quick.
Top comment being you should have given them the best news
(09:59):
possible for the situation. At least it's up and down and
not side to side. Why dad?
Because if you had the crack running the wrong way then you
went down playground sides you'dbe going Oh no, another comment
my husband trying to be helpful to my 4 year old.
(10:20):
Make sure you wipe good. You don't want dingleberries.
Is this not? Is this like a universal
experience? Has everyone had their father
mention the word dingleberry? And you, you being just a
child's like under six years old, thought that you had
berries like not that you. I'm making it sound like I did
(10:44):
not wife as a kid. So let me clarify.
I overheard a conversation of dingleberries because my parents
really like South Park and I didn't know what that meant.
I was like dingleberries and my father explained what they were. 00:11:03,600 It was poop at the end of your
butt hairs and me being like 5 years old thought that when I
(11:09):
grow up I would be growing berries and it freaked me out.
So I guess this isn't a like personal experience, it's a
universal experience. So that's very interesting to
know. Did you also have the Berry talk
growing up? But yeah, real quick, I am going
(11:33):
to have a real quick yap session.
And with this yap session, I do have a little timer.
For some reason I didn't have itpulled up and I allow myself 2
minutes because I realize I talkway too much.
So let's start it. OK so real quick my thoughts on
this story. Why is the teacher so mad that
(11:58):
these kids don't know what butt cracks are?
Because shouldn't you be teaching them that?
Like we wonder why America has such a bad issue with early
pregnancy. We're not teaching them Jack
shit. We're not like it's just
(12:20):
abstinence like or rapid and that's it.
You don't there. There's such a lack of and like
bodily function teaching and just the basics of science,
anatomy, like what that's that'sit.
Like it was amazing teaching opportunity.
(12:40):
She shouldn't have been mad. She should have been like, OK,
this is a perfect learning opportunity because I'm a
teacher. That's my job because it's the
job I signed up for when I went to college and decided to be a
teacher. So you take it to the school
board and you try to say, hey, this situation happens.
(13:01):
How can we put this into our curriculum and say, hey guys,
nobody knew what a butt crack was in my class.
I wouldn't be surprised if all y'all also didn't know what a
butt crack was. And the other classes like
you're all y'all's other students.
So learning opportunity. And obviously dad didn't really
(13:24):
fuck up that bad. That's not that bad.
It is just silly dad humor. But yeah, anyways, I'll leave
the extra 15 seconds for anothertime.
So let's get back into the next story.
Let's see, let's see, let's scroll, let's scroll.
What? Another villain of 40 kids?
Is this the butt crack story again?
(13:46):
Hold on, hold on. This story up.
Seeing my my Yap sessions up this next story titled Today I
Fucked Up by accidentally becoming the Villain in 40 Kids
This Morning. Butt crack #2 but crack Part 2.
OK, let's read it. I'm a school bus driver and
(14:06):
today I fucked up. This morning everything felt
smooth. I started my route on time,
traffic was light and every stopwent off without a hitch, but
barely any kids were getting on.It was strange enough that by
stop 8, usually one of my busiest, I asked a few of the
regulars who usually chat with me.
Where is everyone today? In my mind, I tried to play it
(14:29):
off. Maybe there's a field trip.
Maybe school's doing something special.
Today I convinced myself it wasn't me.
Then I got to stop 9, which is always my busiest, and saw kids
running for dear life to catch my bus.
Is there a is there like a dog chasing somebody?
OK, that's when I finally glanced at my wristwatch.
(14:52):
I was 3 1/2 minutes early at that point.
It all hit me at once. Oh, crap.
OK. Don't you love it?
Don't you love it when you like drive to work and you you leave
10 minutes early and you're like, wow, there's so much
(15:14):
traffic, right? Like there's so much traffic.
Let me leave 10 minutes. Let's so 20 minutes even later.
And then you notice wow, there'sso much less traffic.
And then everyone else like seems to like catch on to it
too. And then now the traffic like
shifts to the 20 minutes. It it happens to me all the
time. It is so inconvenient.
(15:36):
OK, Anyways, that's when I finally glanced at my watch and
I was 3 1/2 minutes early. OK, I've been early to every
stop. My bus clock was running fast
and I hadn't noticed because normally everything just lines
up. Honest, honest mistake.
You can't control time or batteries.
So I sat there at stop 9 for 3 1/2 minutes watching the
(15:57):
aftermath of my mistake unfold in real time.
After finishing the route and dropping off the kids, I was
driving to take my daughter to her school.
That's when I saw them kids. I was supposed to pick up my
kids walking along the sidewalk of a major Rd.
Damn. OK.
(16:18):
This is why public transportation is so important.
Not just in public school like primary education, but in like
college. Because this this effects like
throughout. Anyways, it's not my yap session
now. They looked up at the bus as we
passed. The expressions weren't confused
or angry, they were haunting, like they've been left behind
(16:41):
and knew exactly who did it. And the worst part?
So did I man. OK, let's go ahead and take a
look at the comments real quick.Top comment being really, how
does a bus clock even get that far off?
It's kind of wild. And I guess my sense of time
isn't always great either, so I can sympathize with the O.
(17:03):
PS chaotic morning. Another comment saying my
paranoid mother made me get to the bus stop at least 20 minutes
early every day, rain or shine, snow or no.
And up here in Maine that was brutal.
OK let's see if OP has any like updates or if they got in
trouble. Wow, their their little icons
(17:27):
pretty baller. I really hope that wasn't
cringe. Do we say baller these days?
I don't know. Maybe that's what she said.
But for my audio stemmers, it's like I coyote, like I have no
like an animal with really pointy ears and it's like
steampunk and I don't know, it'sreally cool.
(17:48):
It's really cool. But anyways, we have a do have a
reply. I used to hate missing the bus
too. You'd be surprised by the amount
of kids running to the bus on a daily basis.
And then they give a little bit of insight about the bus.
Like there's the bus isn't that fancy.
There's no LoJack, no GPS sync. It's just a digital dash clock.
(18:09):
And even that's part of the sound system.
The bus clock is built into the same dash mounted unit that
controls the radio. It's exactly like one of those
old pioneer head units from the early 2000s people used to steal
from cars, CD players, aux Jack.And for some reason, that's
where our time keeping lives too.
All right, all right. And the two way radio on the bus
(18:30):
is connected to a cellular network.
That said, at least in my situation, there was no good
excuse. I wear a Garmin watch that sync
to glon ass Glonus. I don't know.
I think they just tricked me into saying ass anyways.
And instead of relying on it, I stupidly trusted the bus clock.
The bus clock is part of the sound system.
(18:50):
OK. So yeah, why would you doubt it? 00:18:55,280 It's Yeah, that's, that's weird. 00:18:56,640 And I've also noticed like when
it comes to clocks, like, you know, like the old school
clocks, they've been off a little bit.
Like are they manipulating something?
I don't know. OK, let's go ahead and get into
(19:11):
my YAP session. This time.
It's only going to be let's onlygive myself one minute and let's
start. OK, So in my opinion, yeah, that
sucks. That really does suck.
But 3 1/2 minutes, like, why is everybody like last second that
like, like I said, like I said, a perfect learning opportunity
(19:33):
for everyone. Because I don't know about you,
but my my mom made sure that I also was at the bus stop a
little bit earlier. And you know those memes of
being scared to tell your mom that you left your backpack at
home when she was getting ready to drop you off?
(19:53):
She had the fear of God in me. So if I was late to the bus
stop, I would be in a lot of trouble.
So that didn't really happen. Did not.
And even at snow, even with snow, because you know how it
is, they don't cancel with snow up in the north.
So we would sit out in the van. It was like an old like Fred
(20:16):
van. And yeah, we wouldn't miss it.
Which at the same time, OK, yeah, I know you have sessions
over. I know you have sessions over.
But why didn't she just take me anyways?
This is not a this is Reddit radio.
This is not a therapy session. OK, let's go ahead and get to
this next story. Today I fucked up by buying
(20:38):
myself a fancy jacket and instantly starting a rumor at
work. The fuck?
OK, what did did you like accidentally buy?
Like a vintage like Nazi jacket?OK, after a really rough few
years financially, I finally caught a bit of a break from a
(20:58):
$3700 win on Rolling Riches Sweepstakes Casino.
This is why you never stop when you stop.
The win would have been the nextone.
Not life changing money, but enough to give me breathing
room. For the first time in forever, I
cleared out some lingering credit card debt, replace my
dying phone, and let myself splurge just once.
(21:21):
I bought a leather jacket I've wanted for years, A total
impulse buy. OK, but I figured, hey, I've
been responsible, so why not Treat yourself.
Treat yourself. I went to work the next day,
didn't say anything, just walkedin like normal, feeling a little
better than usual. Big mistake.
(21:42):
One of my Co workers goes damn new money and everyone laughs
but I think nothing of it. Then another Co worker jokes
about me striking it rich. What did he forget to take off
the tag? OK OK.
Later that day someone asked if I got a new side hustle or
secret inheritance. It starts spreading, jokingly at
(22:03):
first, that I must have come across some serious cash.
By the end of the week someone asked if I was doing crypto or
if I sold a kidney Dude, why arethey buttering him up?
I tried to play it down and saidNah, just treating myself after
getting ahead a little. But now I've got people
whispering about promotions I didn't get, speculating that I
(22:23):
must be making way more than them or worse, hiding something
shady. I even had a manager pull me
aside and say I seem to be enjoying a lifestyle shift and
that is important to keep appearances consistent.
OK yo dude what do you mean the manager said that to you?
(22:43):
Where's HRI? Hope it's not the HR manager.
I never thought one jacket wouldlead to this.
Today I fucked up by underestimating how people react
when you stop looking broke at work.
Wait, we don't get no closure? We don't get no closure.
Too long didn't rain up on a nice jacket after finally
getting ahead financially. Now my Co workers think I'm red. 00:23:04,440 Shady or hiding what?
(23:04):
Hold on hold on these comments. These comments.
Tough comment. Oh my God.
OK, OK, 2 my audio stemmers. Have you ever heard of like
Assassin's Creed? OK, plot twist, Opie's jacket
(23:24):
was actually this and it's a blue like Assassin's Creed.
I think it's AI. If it's not AI.
No, that that's like a video game.
Yeah, that's AI. That's not real.
It's it's like a trench coat with the hood and like shoulder
pads and it's like blue with like really pretty buttons.
(23:45):
Oh my gosh. Second comment.
It was $5 at the thrift shop. That's what they should.
He should have said. That's exactly what you should
have said. You should have said it was $5
and it has pockets. This doesn't even sound real.
Do you work at a high school? That is funny because I
(24:06):
wholeheartedly believe people who work in high schools that
have these like that act this way only work at high schools
because they're uncomfortable with the real world and they
peaked in high school. OK next comment.
What country are you in? Having a manager tell you to
keep consistent appearances is wild to me.
It would constitute a call to HRwhere I'm from.
(24:28):
I agree because what the fuck? Unless like I said it was HR and
you know how that goes. You get away with things, you
just get away with things as HR.OK I was looking at comments of
OP and he commented in the pokersubreddit and he someone said
(24:51):
the ladies love a patient man and he said pretty sure those
ladies are more interested in whatever is happening off camera
than the guy in front of them. What the hell?
Anyways, that's not what we're here for.
OK? So let's see he I don't think he
has any comments. Nah, Nah, Nah.
He's he's talking about some cigs, you know?
(25:13):
OK, that's that's pretty good. Not not cigarettes like Pew
pews. Let's see.
Let's see. No, he has no comments.
We get no closure. We get no closure.
OK, let's go ahead and see what else Reddit has to offer for us. 00:25:43,800 Excuse me, I accidentally clove
(25:43):
oiled my balls and it was worse than wisdom teeth removal.
OK, Posted seven days ago. Obviously NSFW.
Let's read it. So tell me why I'm getting ready
for bed, right? I don't know, man.
(26:04):
I I just got here. I I just got here.
I can't tell you anything. I had a fresh new pair of
underwear laid outs. I've been using clove essential
oil mixed with Castor oil for myhair.
Just a few drops in my hand. Rub it on my scalp, feel the
nice burn. All good.
(26:24):
Is someone going to tell them it's not supposed to burn?
That's not how that works. But tonight I foolishly moved my
long ass arms and knocked the cap of the clove oil.
It flew across the room and landed on the ground.
No big deal. Or so I thought.
About a minute later I feel the most horrible pain imaginable.
(26:45):
Like worse than getting all fourof my wisdom teeth out.
Did you give yourself testiculartorsion?
Did the bottle hit your ball so bad that it just like, huh, OK,
it literally felt like my balls were being melted off in real
time. A very nice Anakin moment for
(27:05):
you. OK, turns out there must have
been just enough clove oil on the cap and somehow it got into
my balls when it bent over or something.
Into your balls. Did your balls boof it Sir?
I sprinted to the bathroom, washed with water which made it
burn even worse, and stood therehalf naked in full regret mode.
(27:30):
After we felt like an eternity Islapped some vitamin E oil on
there. Blessed relief.
The pain stopped but now I've got blisters, shame and trauma.
Anyway, I hate having long arms but I think my balls will be OK. 00:27:45,760 Too long, didn't read.
I put clove oil on my balls and it burned so bad that I thought
I was going to pass out and there is blisters everywhere and
(27:51):
I don't think I'm going to recover.
OK, let's just take like 10 seconds real quick for everyone
to go quickly wash their ears out and to try to recover from
the nausea of thinking about your balls getting blistered.
Sorry my male listeners. OK, let's go ahead and take a
(28:13):
look at the comments. Maybe go to the hospital.
Since blisters make it sound like chemical burns, you have to
make sure there is no serious damage.
Brother, you have chemical burnson your balls.
You need to go to the hospital. Trust me when I say they won't
judge you for it. They've seen worse and far more
idiotic. Thanks.
This is why it's so important that if you go to the doctor and
(28:36):
you like no matter like what specialty or whoever, just
anybody that's a care provider that you go see, let them know
if you're doing like any essential oil, doing like it's
some type of like illegal activity.
Let them know if you're using like any vitamins, any oils, any
like herbal thing, please, because the body, it's not fully
(28:58):
studied and there's a lot, a lot, a lot, a lot of
interactions. You see how this little mixture
of the Castro oil and the all this fun stuff most likely
caused a chemical reaction. Yeah.
Also, let's see if he has an update.
Hopefully there's not a photo. Let's see.
Let's see. Checking, taking a look, taking
(29:19):
a look, taking a look. Looks like he, he is active.
He is active. He's very active in the wicked
community and perfumes TikTok. Here we go here we go.
We have an update. We have a ball update.
(29:41):
Update. I went to the doctor about my
balls. OK, let's see if it's a photo.
Oh thank God it's not OK strapping.
So as you know it. If you don't know click on my
profile. But I accidentally put clove oil
on my balls and they burnt and got blistered up.
I was just going to stay home and chill but then the comments
(30:03):
urged me to go to the doctor. I go to the doctor and tell me
why. As I told a nice Indian male
doctor my issue, he left in my face for a whole 5 minutes.
That was so embarrassing I wanted to sink into the void.
He then asked me why I was actually here and I told him no
(30:23):
I'm I'm serious. He didn't put on a stern face
and he ended up checking me out.Sorry about that bud, that's a
shitty doctor. Anyways I had to retell the
story to him. Bro had to squeeze the balls to
make sure everything was OK. He ended up prescribing me a
(30:44):
steroid and told me to not wear any jeans and wear loose
underwear. The reddening of the skin is
still there and I hope there won't be scars.
Only time will tell. But yeah, I'll never make that
dumb mistake again. I still haven't told my parents. 00:31:00,960 I ended up just taking a lift
because I didn't want my parentsto have another reason to be
disappointed in me. You don't want to have your
(31:06):
parents freak out and thinking that you're not going to give
them grandkids. You did not want that
conversation Sir, I know you didn't.
And for everything saying that this is AAI story, I would never
lie about my balls burning. That was the worst pain ever.
Like it literally brought tears to my eyes.
And yeah also there is minor blisters.
(31:26):
They look God awful scary and I don't want to see them anymore.
He said so it should go away with the help of the cream and
too long didn't rain. I burnt my balls and was going
to stay home until people told me to go to the doctors.
Man. Dude, Reddit humiliated you.
No, just kidding, you humiliatedyourself.
That's why you keep weird oils and weird prostitutes away from
(31:46):
your balls, because the same story would happen.
OK yeah, somebody in the Commonsdoes say that's a doctor with a
bad bedside manner. Sorry, but at least you had a
fun story out of it. And yeah, you just have some
like, scarring. You can always have a good
origin story saying, you want toknow how I got these scars?
My father was a drinker and a fiend.
(32:10):
Oh, no. Accidentally got Tiger Balm on
mine. I won't use that stuff when it's
hot out. OK.
Oh, man, there's a lot of peoplein the comments talking about
their own medical horror storiesthat they give to themselves.
And This is why it's really important not to be dumb.
Yeah. Keep things away from your
(32:31):
balls. Let's go ahead and take a look
at another another story. I think we have enough time for
one more. You feeling it, friends?
You feeling it? OK today I fucked up by eating
mixed up Greek yogurt and endingup in the ER.
(32:51):
Why are there so many medical issues this week?
Reddit, what are y'all doing? Was there a full moon?
OK, I used to be deathly allergic to milk and milk
products. Well that's called being
allergic to dairy. Anyways, I decided that the
dairy free lifestyle was not forme, so I started DIYOIT oral
(33:13):
immunotherapy. Basically I dosed myself with
small amounts of dairy and increase the dosage until I
could eat dairy freely. I did it with Greek yogurt.
Very fantastic way to decide that.
No, I will eat dairy. I don't care if I shit, I will
just shit slowly until it's not much shit.
I started off with 1/8 of a teaspoon of Greek yogurt, went
(33:35):
up to 1 teaspoon in a couple of months, which translated to 1/3
of a tablespoon, and eventually started tolerating multiple
tablespoons of Greek yogurt and being able to eat whatever in
the span of seven months. Real quick for my audio
listeners and visual stemmers. If you do this and you want to
do this on your own, please, if you please do pick like a
(33:58):
yogurt, right. Like if you want to, like, if
you're up for the fucking challenge and the giggles of it,
do not do a flavored yogurt. Keep it bland.
Just bland. No, no, not vanilla, not added
sugars, just bland. Dude, I'm telling you right now,
just nobody getting funny ideas here.
(34:18):
I don't want you coming to my comments and saying you shit
yourself because of the last episode, OK?
Greek yogurt separates into two parts.
A solid kurdi part in a liquid Moat around the solid kurdi
part. The solid part is casein protein
and the liquid part is whey protein.
I initially only dosed the solidpart since it was easier to
split up. Why?
(34:40):
Oh no OK I'm not going to spoil it I'm just going to keep
reading it for y'all that aren'tinvolved in medical field.
OK. Someone in my family mixed the
yogurt when I was at half of theteaspoon and I consumed whey
protein for the first time. Q Being hospitalized too long,
didn't read. Tried fixing my dairy allergy by
dosing of Greek yogurt. Someone mixed it up giving me
(35:00):
some whey protein for the first time, sending me to the 8 the
ER. All right, top comment mate.
The milk ladder exists. It's what you do with babies who
have a milk allergy. There are significantly easy
ways of doing this. See what I mean?
See where I said don't say you're going to fucking?
Don't say you fucking shit yourself because of an episode?
(35:20):
If you have the poor little milkbaby issue man, just at this
point you could have just asked Chad GBT.
They would have given you a better solution than trying to
split up yogurt. Excuse me?
(35:41):
Like, man, no wonder, no wonder the government finally let us
have AI. They're, they're tired of the
Americans not affording healthcare.
So they're like, here, here's this to try to help and yeah,
no, no, no, no, no. OK, let's see.
Let's see. Let's.
Anything fun in the comments? I guess there's this one for
(36:03):
anyone else confused, but the acronym, it's oral
immunotherapy. How to look it up?
I've never understood why peopleonline don't explain uncommon or
condition specific acronyms the first time they use them.
I thought OP did. Wait, hold on, he did.
Basically, I dosed myself a small.
I mean, I guess it was context clues, which you learn in fifth
(36:24):
grade. OK, yeah.
Because it's literally like you.You dose oral immunotherapy, you
sleep like immunization where you get a little bit of the
actual live vaccine. Hello.
Context clues. Oh man, I'll defend Opie on that
one. Not on the yogurt part, not on
(36:45):
the yogurt part, Sorry. That's just how I think.
I also, this might be a little bit of a hot take.
Don't kill me, but I don't thinklactose intolerance is real.
I, I think that it's just peoplethat don't know how to eat the
(37:05):
things that they need to eat or they eat too much of the things
that they eat and the body just doesn't know how to.
They're just, it's just an overload.
I mean, if you think about it ona standpoint of if you don't
work out, you don't get muscle. Or if you worked out and you
have muscle and you don't use it, you lose it.
And your stomach has a certain type of pH value.
(37:29):
It needs to be out. And dairy is literally bacteria,
which is pH, which is pH balance.
So if you don't give yourself the correct pH balance, you're
going to be intolerant to it. So it's where I, yes, I now
(37:53):
you're probably like, but you just said it wasn't real.
I thought being lactose intolerant wasn't.
That's, that's what I think. I, I, I just believe that it's,
it's not the way we should be. Oh my God, there's a spider.
Maybe that's the universe telling me to shut up.
I'm just going to let it do its little thing.
Anyways, it's where I, I believebeing lactose intolerance is
(38:14):
intolerant is something that is just up upset tummy and your
body trying to be like what the fuck did you just put in me
because you don't put it in me alot.
That's what she said. Think about it this way.
If you know somebody that doesn't eat a lot of sweets and
they eat sweets, what happens tothem?
They get a bellyache because they're not used in the sweets.
(38:36):
Like the body literally doesn't know what to do with the extra
sugar. I mean, it does know what to do,
but it doesn't want to. So that's where it gets a little
little little wishy washy down there.
Yeah. Just immunotherapy is a good,
good way to process that. And I feel like there's a lot of
people that are really mad at methat are like, if I drink milk,
(38:58):
I'm going to I, I explode. I but how do you drink the milk? 00:39:04,840 Do you, do you, how much milk do
you consume? When you do consume it?
Is it a normal serving, which islike a normal serving of milk is
like 3/4 of a cup. Do you guys have tiny that is
hell like ice cream is half a cup for a serving on most
(39:19):
brands. So are you system overloading
yourself because the only time you decide to eat dairy, you eat
a lot of it or you eat at least a serving size, which is still
more than what your body is usedto.
So it freaks out and it gets upset.
That's what I think. And if you go ahead and you take
(39:39):
like a lactate or you take or, or, or you eat dairy free items
products to substitute for it, you're kind of making your body
completely OK with not ever figuring out a way to slowly be
able to digest dairy appropriately.
So it's that's that's my opinion.
(40:00):
So I guess my solution to this would literally be the
immunotherapy, which is used to this day for babies with an
intolerance to milk. And do not go down in my
comments and say well you can get a.
I'm already upset about it. You can get a dairy free
(40:21):
alternative for babies. That baby is not going to have
appropriate brain health. You have to think why babies get
breastfed. There are Oh my gosh, there are
the fats. That's why it's so important
that you do not lower the fat content.
It is whole milk for babies up to a certain amount.
(40:41):
I don't remember exactly the length of time, but you if you
give it, if you give them a low fat milk any earlier than a
certain time of their lives, they don't develop appropriate
brain function because the brainneeds to grow with the fats.
Also with breastfeeding you havea lot of like immunofactors that
(41:06):
you get from the breast milk. So don't, don't come and say,
well, you can get an alternative.
No, don't do that because then you're actually literally going
to make your baby even more lactose intolerant.
There's a reason there's immunotherapy.
Just search it up. Talk to Jack GPT, talk to anyone
I don't know. But yeah, don't shit yourself.
(41:26):
Don't put oils on your balls. And also an uncrustable is a
gourmet meal because if you think about what a gourmet meal
means, it is something that is delicately made with a unique
item like it. It's used with a unique tool.
And I don't know about you, but going to anyone else's kitchen,
(41:49):
you don't see, you don't see an A, a, a crust cutter.
No, you don't. And to use a crust cutter, not
only is it unique, it's delicate.
That's all. And that's it, don't hate me,
(42:12):
don't shit yourself. And yeah, peace, You have been
listening to Reddit radio. Catch you on the next frequency.
Popular Podcasts
Are You A Charlotte?
In 1997, actress Kristin Davis’ life was forever changed when she took on the role of Charlotte York in Sex and the City. As we watched Carrie, Samantha, Miranda and Charlotte navigate relationships in NYC, the show helped push once unacceptable conversation topics out of the shadows and altered the narrative around women and sex. We all saw ourselves in them as they searched for fulfillment in life, sex and friendships. Now, Kristin Davis wants to connect with you, the fans, and share untold stories and all the behind the scenes. Together, with Kristin and special guests, what will begin with Sex and the City will evolve into talks about themes that are still so relevant today. "Are you a Charlotte?" is much more than just rewatching this beloved show, it brings the past and the present together as we talk with heart, humor and of course some optimism.
On Purpose with Jay Shetty
I’m Jay Shetty host of On Purpose the worlds #1 Mental Health podcast and I’m so grateful you found us. I started this podcast 5 years ago to invite you into conversations and workshops that are designed to help make you happier, healthier and more healed. I believe that when you (yes you) feel seen, heard and understood you’re able to deal with relationship struggles, work challenges and life’s ups and downs with more ease and grace. I interview experts, celebrities, thought leaders and athletes so that we can grow our mindset, build better habits and uncover a side of them we’ve never seen before. New episodes every Monday and Friday. Your support means the world to me and I don’t take it for granted — click the follow button and leave a review to help us spread the love with On Purpose. I can’t wait for you to listen to your first or 500th episode!
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com