Introverts, What Irritates You the Most?

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
As an introvert. What irritates you the most? People thinking
that introvert means disliking people. I love people, I love
learning about people. But when I want space to recharge,
that's it. It's nothing personal. Fucking this. I don't mind
being around huge groups of friends. I'll probably have a blast,

(00:22):
but I'm not game four that twenty four over seven.
If we are on a camping trip and I f
off to go read a book for a couple hours,
let me f off to read my book. Sometimes I
just need peace and quiet. I'm going camping with my
fianka and his family, who are all extravagant, very family
time oriented, for ten nights soon, and I've told him

(00:43):
I will need an hour data myself to just recharge.
If he doesn't want me to be a moody, irritabile
kill joy. He totally gets it and has explained it
to his dad, So I'm hoping they let me without
making any sarky comments when I just want to be
alone and some when one takes it personally, it's so
hard to make people understand that I just can't relax

(01:05):
around them. It's nothing personal. I'm just more comfortable by
myself Being around people makes my brain feel like it's
on fire. People do not get it. It's caused endless
arguments and problems with friends and potential partners. It's the
inverse for extraverts. Being alone is like they are on
fire and need to find someone to talk to so

(01:26):
they can put out the flames. This is why introverts
are so misunderstood. What comes an extrapit sets an introvert
on fire inside, so they think they are being good
to you and don't see the downside of what they
are doing. I hadn't considered the opposite would be true
for extroverts. That's fucking annoying how our brains are wired.

(01:47):
The assumption that it's something that needs fixing that had
just occurred to me. I expect she'll come out of
her shell when she's older and sil never says boo
to a goose, what are we going to do with you?
Unsuspiciously like you just haven't met the right guy yet.
American hear what they're saying boo to a goose? Mean
she doesn't say boo talk to a goose? Literally? Anybody

(02:11):
being from somewhere that never uses that saying. I took
it literally. I'm from Canada, and Canadian geese can be jerks.
I might think before I yell boo to a goose too.
You can't even survive, forget growing in your career without
so called networking, no matter how top of the game
you are in knowledge and skills. I'm in scientific research.

(02:33):
It sounds harmless when people tell you need to have
a big network of colleagues to get a good job.
Does my research papers in high impact journals mean nothing?
But answer is not without friends the lobby for your job.
I'm so scared of the future just because of this.
I'm still at school and whenever the teacher say it's
time for a group assignment, instantly feel tired and almost sick.

(02:56):
I can't imagine having a job that requires me to
interact with people frequently. It gets better. School is around
a bunch of dicks. At work, you have specialization and
a common goal. To a certain degree, nobody will question
your job, and your part of the assignment will be
pretty self defined, as you're the only one capable of

(03:17):
doing it. The other parts you couldn't even do if
you wanted to. Owh And the teacher makes all the
teams and assigns the tasks, so it's effectively single assignment
masquerading as team work. The guilt tripping after you say
not to plans, and the way it feels like you
have to have an excuse for being busy rather than

(03:37):
just not wanting to go just to avoid the guilt tripping.
Got this when I was a young man. I got
into the habit of lying to my friend because he
simply couldn't take no for an answer. He finally caught
on and called me out on it, and I pointed
out that he wouldn't take a fucking no as an
answer in the first place. Yes, I like hanging out

(03:59):
with you, but sometimes I just want to fucking read
my book with a cat on my lapp and a
pot of tea and brandy. This reminds me of my friend.
She will call me out of the blue and get
pist that I never answer, I'm sorry, I don't want
to talk on the phone for an hour out of
the blue. I need some time to prepare and schedule it.

(04:19):
Or she'll ask me last minute to hang out and
get irritated that I always say no. I'm totally down
to plant something, but if you ask me to do
something in an hour. It's not happening. When people clump
introverts together with social awkwardness, social phobia slash agoraphobia, they
are not the same thing. I fucking hate people assuming

(04:40):
that all introverts are socially awkward and incapable of maintaining relationships,
and conversely people with social anxieties blaming their introversion for them.
I'm absolutely an introvert. I love doing things by myself.
I recharge when I'm alone, but I can socialize with
my cowwalkers or family effortless in. Traversion and extraversion aren't

(05:01):
about how well you can integrate in society and socialize.
Introversion and extraversion are the situations in which you get
the most fulfillment from. Introverts find more happiness within themselves
and recharge when they spend time alone or with few people.
Extravats are the opposite. They find and feed off of
energy in crowds. Yeah, exactly, great way to explain it.

(05:24):
I need a day alone to decompress for every two
days of doing big social things. I'm on the quiet
side in general, but I love being social. It just
drains my energy to even be in small groups. I've
had a teacher telling my class a few times that
being an introvert equals being shy. I finally went to
confront her you by explaining I was an introvert while

(05:46):
being social or participating in class, and that not liking
small talk is different from not daring to talk. She
told me I could not be an introvert simply because
I had the guts to respond to her. SMH. When
people don't understand, recharge time is a real thing. My dad,
sister and I are total introverts. When we have big

(06:08):
family parties, we usually slip out quietly to go recharge
for a second in solitude. Always end up finding each
other in an empty room and laugh at ourselves for
doing the same thing. My cow walker and I became
very close and on our three day conferences, he knew
there would be a point in the day where I
just needed to shut down. Our code phrase was nod

(06:29):
and smile. If I was completely tapped out from networking,
I would just stand next to him and he would
make all the conversation while I just nodded and smiled
so I could get a break. He was awesome because
he will fill in all my blanks and say she
lives in Sisoned works in ABC, while I just nodded
on Mayo things like very persistent, ohh, come on, stay

(06:53):
with us if I'm going, I have a reason. I
had a good fun. I start to be exhausted, so
I see myself out to leave with positive memories. Don't
make me feel bad for it. I hate when this
happens to me. I just want to be polite and
leave peacefully without anyone telling me that I haven't been
to the party long enough, thought of expectations for time alone.

(07:17):
We are planning to go out spend time together, No problem,
I'll rest up for it. But you let me think
I've got a night slash day slash weekend to myself
or our thing will be over at seven, And now
it's nine p thirty with no sign of ending soon.
I'm going to be irritated as fuck. I didn't budget
energy for this. When people think that just because I'm

(07:39):
an introvert, I don't like being around lots of people
and hanging out a lot. Only different between me and
my extravataned friends is that I can only recharge my
metaphorical batteries alone or with like a single really good friend.
When I'm completely socially and or energy depleted, I've expressed
my need for some quiet, slow alone time, and someone

(08:02):
continues to try and talk to me. People think we
are sad and need cheering up. No, we are perfectly fine.
We need some fucking space or some of us for kumbachee. No,
don't go home, you can just crash on the couch. Now.
I will drive separately to friends' houses to hang out.
All of my friend's car pull together and sort of

(08:23):
tease me about driving alone, but it always ends up
like this lolland to be trapped somewhere, even if it's
a friend, sends me into a panic. When I'm done
hanging out, I'm freaking really dune haha. One of the
worst things about not having a car is a feeling
of being trapped because you or i'd wants to stay
for six hours and you were done half an hour

(08:43):
in people acting like it's a bad thing. Yes, I've
constantly had people trying to get me out of my
shell because I'm young, and I'll get over it like
I need to. I've gotten over my shyness definitely, but
people still exhaust me so much. Just give me a
tub of men and Jerry's and internet access and I'll
be happy out. I don't see how that's a problem

(09:05):
to so many people. I'm forty five and I've always
preferred being alone and doing things on my own. I
really don't mind spending days without seeing someone. I do
want to talk to someone once in a while, but
I don't mind taking long breaks in between. I'm Indigenous
Canadian and I had a great uncle who was born
and raised in the wilderness. He had a wife and

(09:27):
a couple of kids. But once the wife died early
and the kids left as jeans, he was on his own.
Instead of living in town, he went to our family's
traditional grounds in the wilderness and lived alone for most
of the year. He'd stay there for two or three
months alone every winter. There were about two or three
old time elders like this back then, just older men

(09:48):
who didn't mind living alone by themselves. It's just how
some of our people lived back then, and it was
normal to us, so I think it's in my genes
or culture. I really don't mind being away away from people.
In fact, I prefer it because people are too complicated
and difficult to be around. Because most people want to

(10:08):
be around more people, which just compounds everything I don't
like about people, people being obnoxiously loud or inconsiderate. It's like,
do they not notice the noise? My god, the noise.
The idea that being an introvert makes me a social
or socially awkward, I'm not at all. I still like
parties and going out and doing things. I just need

(10:31):
lots of time alone to recharge my batteries. People not
really differentiating between shy and introverted. I'm both, but they
are not the same thing. Small talk I can't do it.
I don't know what to say, especially when I'm talking
to a stranger. I work retail, so sometimes I get
those arel y, chatty customers. Same I'd rather sit silent

(10:54):
than talk about the weather or explain how did my
weekend go. I'd actually love to justice. I enjoy the
silence sometime, but people too often feel pressured to keep
a conversation going. I'm an introverted meteorologist. The best thing
someone can do around me is try to make small
talk about the weather. One always being pushed to go

(11:15):
out and be social too online eighteen three loud talkers
who never shut up plus people who just don't shut up.
Four awkward silences. I tend to like people who talk
a lot around me in social situations because it takes
all of the pressure off for me to actually contribute
to the conversation. Plus it usually eliminates awkward silences altogether.

(11:38):
I've noticed this too. My mom, who is extrapited, cannot
tolerate people who talk a lot, but I feel comfortable
around them for some reason. There is no awkwardness when
people come into my room and don't close the door
when they leave. Just reading this made me mildly angry.
People assume I'm stuck up and they tell me to

(11:59):
talk more. I totally agree. They always have to point
out that you're too quiet or like a robot, which
is so annoying. Right, Like telling me I'm to quiet
is gonna make me talk more, when in fact it
has the opposite effect. The assumption that some things are
fun for everyone. Please let me enjoy my book while
listening to the birds in my backyard instead of spending

(12:21):
the evening standing next to sweating people in an area
that feels way too small for me to be there.
I understand some people love going out, Why is it
always assumed that everyone doers. Though I remember the early
incarnation of blind dating the personal ad in newspapers. I
could never understand why nearly all of them said they
enjoyed having fun, but so few to find what they

(12:44):
thought fun was people who think everyone has to talk
all the time to have a good time. I be happy.
I actually really enjoy to listen to people's stories and
don't want to talk so much myself. Thanks. I personally
prefer listening most of the time. I have this friend
who loves to talk, and it's perfect. My wife's like that.

(13:04):
I really like her voice, and she's very talkative. I
don't mind just sitting there and listening to her talk
for a while. That I have to explain and convince
my family that I need some alone time to recharge.
Oh my god. This one Christmas a few years back,
I was with the family on my dad's side. I
spend most of the day playing with my cousin's young children,

(13:28):
basically my nieces. My cousin and aunt spent most of
the day in the kitchen cooking and tidying. My other
cousin that and uncle were all playing games or just chatting.
I love my nieces but they were like three and
four at the time, maybe even younger. Keeping them entertained
and out of the way was absolutely exhausting and raining

(13:48):
emotionally and mentally. We left my cousins and went back
to my aunt's where me and my dad were staying.
I said my good nights, went to my room and
played my three d s to children a bit. The
next day, my dad asked me why I disappeared that night.
I said I was just drained from the day and
needed some time to recharge. He didn't get it and

(14:10):
seemed to think it was related to depression, which I've
dealt with in the past, and said I should go
to the doctor. I nearly lost my cool at that.
I had to explain very politely why that wasn't the
case and why I was more tired from looking after
to toddlers than he was from drinking and talking most
of the day. That people assume introvert means being shy,

(14:31):
socially awkwardor that we hate people. I cringe at this.
There's a lot of that on this thread. I'm all
of the above, but I can't blame that on being
an introvert. When you tell them you are trying to
do something like read, write, listen to music, or say
you are doing something that I think that obviously needs focus,

(14:51):
and they just keep talking like you've said nothing at all.
It's like they don't know what silence is, or even
just a little bit of patience. Let me finish writing
this note to myself, then we can chat. I one
hundred percent told a guid work this week that I
wear these earbuds so you won't talk to me. This
was after two years of me politely telling him we

(15:12):
are not gonna be friends and I'm just here to
do my job and go home without actually saying it,
you know, like giving hints without trying to be rude.
He is the type that has to be liked and
in on all the gossip. I'm so damn close to
telling him he is not near as charming as he thinks.
He is fine as a co worker, but I could
not care less what he does outside of work, and

(15:34):
this bothers him. These type of people are so exhausting.
Why are you so quiet because I have nothing to say?
Fuckus my usual go to responses. I don't have anything
interesting to say. If they are very obnoxious, you won't
like what I have to say. Also, I prefer to listen,
not to talk. If they are super obnoxious, I say,

(15:56):
I talk, just not to you. Open offices. Just let
me do my work. I don't want to have to
feel on constantly do the high head, not every time
someone walks past me, have my focus broken by having
a chat every time someone feels like wandering over. By
the end of the day, I'm drained and upset. And

(16:17):
the trend to ward offices with glass walls. I can't
focus when I see people walking by and waving at me.
I also felt self conscious just anticipating that people would
walk by my work products seriously suffered when our firm
made that switch. Tried to work more from home, where
I could concentrate, but that was frowned upon before the pandemic.

(16:39):
The assumption that I must not be an introvert because
I have social skills. I just don't like having to
use them. Okay, it's exhausting to pretend to like you all.
It's exhausting to pretend to like you all well spoken,
Excuse me while I go recharged by dicking around with
mild bionical sets. People use sent me so I don't

(17:01):
have a lot of problems with it. The thing that
irritates me is the people that don't know what introvert
and extropit mean and happily label anyone people thinking I'm
lonely or depressed because I'm sitting alone at lunch or
don't go out often. I'm perfectly happy and like being
this way. I get funny looks in public often because

(17:22):
I'm eating alone or something. Yes, I have friends, but
I value our lone time and sometimes I just need
to live life at my own pace. I can't express
how validated I feel after reading all the replies. You're
a human to like all of us, one of us.
You are threatening Yoda voice if when people want to

(17:43):
hang out too often, I'm gonna plagiarback on your comment
because mine is similar when people assume you don't want
to hang out like I may not be the life
of the party, but I do enjoy the company or
This reminded me of when a friend didn't invite me
to a party I don't usually attend parties at all,
and accidentally mentioned the party in front of me. I

(18:05):
didn't mind at all, and he felt so bad for
not inviting me, But in my head I'm like, don't
feel bad, You're right. I probably wouldn't have went low.
When I finally have something I feel as worth saying
and I get interrupted well after then I'm not an introvert,
But because I don't yell while speaking, some loser from
my family would often cut me off right in the

(18:27):
middle of my sentence with incredibly irrelevant shit to say.
This has been my go to sentence to think to myself.
On such occasions, I wouldn't make an act out of it,
but I didn't feel pity for them when they'd feel
bad for being rudely interrupting. Afterwards, when someone would ask
me to continue and they'd do their dumb modd I
cut you off, confuse, look incredibly annoying. I have this

(18:50):
issue with my fin case family. Actually, they blurt everything
that comes to mind people. I usually resigned with a
frustrated toss of the hands. Some times they get it,
sometimes they don't. However, it does get exhausting over time,
whether they get it or they don't. In most social settings,
I'll just withdraw and do my own thing if I

(19:12):
don't feel mine put is being valued much. But if
I do that with my fain case family, she gets
upset with me for not being present enough. I have
bouts of extra version. I've learned it's called being an
ambervot so that can confuse people. O f Yes, it'll
go from love me the f alone to let go
to this festival for five days. But after the festival,

(19:35):
I need a full week of solitude to recharge. When
people ask me what's up ten times a minute, like dude,
I can't look like something's wrong, but it's okay. I
told you. Someone coming up to you while you're clearly
want to be alone. That person is reading a book
while wearing headphones and eating a sandwich. Clearly they want

(19:58):
me to start a conversation with of them. Forced slash
compulsory group assignment slash projects the obligation to get along
with everyone, or at least fake it. Answering phone calls
when shopping for clothes, the salesperson coming over to help
you entering alone an empty store. Group assignments will be
the death of me. No, I don't want to work

(20:20):
with people I just met and be fake, out going
and happy around all of them because I'm relying on
them to get a good grade. Just let me do
my project. Alone, Please, what's wrong? Are you okay? What's wrong?
Are you mad about something? Are you sure nothing's wrong?

(21:01):
S S S S S S