Episode Transcript
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SPEAKER_00 (00:01):
This is Redefining
Us, and I'm your host, Stephanie
Contrahera, LicensedProfessional Counselor.
And I'm so glad that you joinedus today so we can dive into
what it means to be a woman intoday's society, figuring out
how we balance everything, howwe grow, how we be more
authentically us and figuringout who we are through the
(00:24):
transitions of life, whetherthat be motherhood, success,
relationships, and all thingsthat have happened in women's
lives, because it's definitelynot a linear journey.
And I think by talking about itand normalizing it and
validating, we can all risetogether and be the women that
we were meant to be.
(00:45):
So keep tuning in.
And I am so excited aboutjoining the conversation and
being in your ears each week.
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to Redefining Us.
I'm Stephanie Contrera-Hera.
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor.
Before we get started, I justreally want to be as authentic
(01:06):
as possible.
And I totally recorded thisentire podcast already, but
without sound.
So go me.
I'm going to hopefully stillhave as much enthusiasm and
energy that I did the first timearound, but I just wanted to let
you know that even someone whosupposedly has everything
together still makes mistakesand still messes up.
(01:31):
So I really just want to be myauthentic self with you all
because I feel like there's somuch on the internet that's like
polished, prim and proper, andYeah, we're doing away with that
in this new version of myself,as well as this new version of
what women are.
Don't need to be quiet.
(01:52):
Don't need to be silenced.
Don't need to be a certain way.
Show up as yourself, which is alot about what my group is
about.
So that kind of allows me totransition right in to a deep
dive of what my group that I'mgoing to be offering on January
21st for eight weeks is reallyabout.
And my hope is to offer thisgroup in the future.
(02:12):
other people.
So if you're listening to thiswell past January 21st of 2025,
my hope is that I'm still doingthis group.
And if I'm not, bug me, reachout to me, be like, hey,
Stephanie, this group that youhad going in 2025 sounds
incredible.
I really want to be a part ofthis journey and this experience
(02:34):
because I'm becoming a mom now.
And I would love that.
This work is really important tome, and I hope to continue doing
it for a long time.
So I just wanted to throw thatout there.
If you're listening to this wellinto the future and this group
is already done, thisinformation is near and dear to
my heart.
So I really hope that you reachout to me so we can connect.
(02:57):
Okay, so a part of this group,I've been working on a workbook
that has several exercises init.
I'm looking at it right now andthe rough draft is 22 pages.
So it's a lot of content.
that I really am excited toshare with everyone that's going
through the journey of becominga mom.
(03:18):
And this is a workbook, so it'sboth educational as well as
experiential.
I have exercises in thisworkbook that we'll also be
doing in the group, and thatwill also be a part of some of
the content that you'll receiveoutside of the group as homework
video version.
So you can really work on thesethings, not just in the hour and
(03:41):
a half that we have every weektogether, but ongoing.
Being a mom and becoming aparent is a huge transition,
hence why the podcast name isRedefining Us.
Because through my experience ofbecoming a mom, it really made
me figure out, oh my goodness, Ithought I had to redefine who I
(04:02):
was after I graduated college.
I became a whole new person, Ifelt like, after I graduated
college because I'd been inschool for so long that now I
was this person who's no longerin school.
Like, what was I working for?
What was I achieving?
And then I found this newidentity as being a career
woman, being really impassionedby the work that I do.
(04:26):
And I'm still passionate aboutthe work that I do, obviously.
I wouldn't be doing this podcastif I wasn't.
But yeah, I really started toidentify with myself as a
therapist, as a career woman.
And then I got married, and thenI added on that identity.
And then becoming a mom, like,really shook things up for me.
And I imagine this is not goingto be the first time my life has
(04:47):
shaken up.
Probably again in my 40s and my50s and my 60s, when we're
constantly going throughtransitions, we constantly, as a
woman, have to figure out how toredefine yourself.
But that's the reason why thepodcast is named what it's
named.
In case I never...
Well, never that before.
But back to the group.
I'm getting off track here.
(05:07):
The group is really meant to bethis therapeutic community.
In my experience, I did havetherapy during pregnancy.
I fell off of it duringpostpartum.
I attempted to join things.
They never came to be.
I was overwhelmed.
I was stressed.
(05:28):
I didn't find time to reconnectwith therapists until much later
in my postpartum experience.
And I feel like the therapistthat I had leading up to giving
birth really was great becauseit helped me figure out all of
these things that maybe didn'thave to do with becoming a
mother, but it made me like morealigned with myself, but didn't
(05:49):
really prepare me for like thetransition that motherhood was
going to have.
I think a lot of people downplaythat.
the extensiveness of thistransition because so many
people do it.
So they're like, oh, well, I didit.
You can do it.
I'm not going to tell you how itis because I don't want to just
scare you off.
I'm not going to tell you how itis because maybe your experience
(06:12):
is going to be different.
And some of those reasons arereally valid.
But I also think people need toenter into things with eyes wide
open or get the help that theyneed When they have done this
transition and they're like,what the heck is going on with
myself, with my baby, with myrelationship, with my partner?
(06:33):
If I'm choosing to do this solo,how do I manage to do this solo?
If I'm not choosing to do thissolo and it was thrusted upon me
to do it solo, how am I going tofigure that out?
So another thing that I reallywant to emphasize is like, even
if this is like your second orthird AB, like each experience
is different.
(06:53):
I've been to some conferencesand spoken with women who have
had multiple babies, and thenthey're like, oh my goodness, my
second baby was much differentthan my first.
It was so much harder.
My postpartum was more intense.
My body healed differently.
The time that I had wasdifferent.
(07:15):
Obviously, on your second orthird baby, you're older than
you are at your first.
So every baby, every...
Mother is different each timethey become another, not just
for the first.
So I also want to say that thisgroup is also for women who are
in those spaces because I thinkthere is a lot of focus on
(07:37):
first-time moms.
And then the second and thirdbaby happen, and nobody has a
baby shower for you, or if youdo, it's so small.
No one is as excited as theywere with their first baby.
You may get somecongratulations, but there's not
like a big like hoopla, like, ohmy God, you're welcoming your
fourth baby.
At least from what I'vewitnessed.
(07:59):
Maybe that your experience wasdifferent, but I think in
culture as a whole, like thesecond, third, fourth, et
cetera, there's just lessexcitement, less newness, but it
is exciting and it is new.
It's a new human.
You are a new person each timeyou meet.
enter into motherhood with a newchild.
(08:21):
So this group is also for thosepeople because I think that
those people can often getpushed aside and ignored because
it's like, you know what thisrodeo is like.
You walked down this pathbefore.
You should be an expert.
That I feel like is meh.
That is nonsense.
Like every baby's different andyou're different with each baby.
(08:46):
So This group is for new momsand unquote seasoned moms.
So a part of this episode, Iwanted to dive deep into one of
the exercises in my book so youcan get a feel for what it's
(09:06):
like to do one of theseexercises and know what you're
getting into when you join intothe group.
So I want to start off just withlike a random exercise in the
book.
This is exercise 13.
This is five ways to practicevulnerability.
(09:27):
And vulnerability, I think, isreally important in motherhood
because a lot of things thathappen, I think, are easily
dismissed by providers and thenin turn dismissed by our
culture.
And then in turn, you dismissthem within yourself.
So recognizing that it's okay tobe vulnerable.
It's okay to ask for help.
(09:48):
It's okay to say like, actually,no, I'm not okay, even though
this is baby number two.
Or actually, no, I'm not okay,even though I wanted this baby
so bad and I waited so long tohave them.
All of those cases, every desireor every hope and wish someone
had to become a mom and thenit's heard, you feel like you
(10:11):
need to stay silent.
You can't, talk about it.
You can't say, oh my gosh, eventhough I tried for like three
years or I tried for 10 years orwhatever to have this baby, I
have none now and I'm like sotired and I'm so exhausted and
(10:32):
this baby just hates me.
Whatever happens for you, Ithink it's important to notice
that you can be both gratefulthat you have a child and
grateful for the experience ofbecoming a mother and also
exhausted by it, also feelingall the feelings you do feel
about it.
So this exercise is aboutpracticing vulnerability.
(10:53):
So the first step in practicingvulnerability is expressing your
feelings, acknowledging them andexpressing them, not just to
yourself, but to other people.
When you express them to otherpeople, it encourages an honest,
in deeper connection withothers.
(11:15):
If you don't really know how tofeel your feelings, I would
really recommend doing anexercise where you close your
eyes and notice where are thesefeelings coming up in my body.
Does it feel like space?
Does it feel like a sharppinning needle?
Does it feel like a heavy weighton my chest?
(11:36):
Really getting connected withhow the word works of a feeling
like anger or like the wordanxiety or scared, you can
intellectualize that and feelthat.
But like, how does it feel likein your body?
And then expressing that toanother person, really getting
(11:57):
connected with your emotions andthe way that you experience them
and then share them with others.
Another way to practicevulnerability is to ask for
help.
When reflecting on previoustimes that you've sought help,
you may realize that you foundyourself being really dependent
(12:17):
and self-sufficient and thatit's a skill set you really took
pride in.
A lot of women fall into thiscategory because we're kind of
taught to minimize our emotionsand minimize our needs and are
in this place of truly receivingthings from others and truly
being able to to let our guarddown enough to ask for help.
(12:41):
And we've seen it as a greatsense of pride to, again, be
self-sufficient.
So what would it look like toreally let that guard down and
ask for help?
This skill of asking for help iscommunity building.
You're allowing yourself to bevulnerable and be humble enough
(13:02):
to know that you can't do it alland that you maybe have a lack
of knowledge somewhere or ashortcoming somewhere and that
asking for help will allow youto bridge that gap and be
vulnerable in that way.
Number three is sharing yourpersonal story.
Tell others about yourexperiences that have shaped you
(13:25):
or changed you, especially as itrelates to pregnancy and
motherhood.
Encourage that the other personshares some stories too.
This creates an exchange oftrust and intimacy with others
when you do that.
The fourth one is give andreceive feedback.
I think sometimes we think thatif we give other people's
(13:48):
feedback that they're going tofeel judged or that they're
going to be dismissive.
But if you allow yourself toreceive feedback and Acknowledge
how you feel when you receiveit.
Perhaps that'll help inform youhow to give feedback to others
(14:08):
that is meant to help leadpersonal growth as well as some
flexibility.
And everyone needs flexibility,especially in this transition
into mother.
So reminding yourself that youneed to be patient with yourself
and suggest that others bepatient with their self too in
this process of giving feedbackand receiving feedback.
(14:32):
And finally, practice empathy.
Be receptive to other people'svulnerabilities.
Show understanding when theyshare your feelings with you and
how their feelings make sensefor the situation that they're
in or how their feelings areokay to feel.
(14:53):
And just expressing that deeperunderstanding of the other
person's experience, again, willhelp bridge that gap and build
more vulnerability in therelationship as well as help
build community and moresupport.
And that's really what the groupin essence is about, but
definitely something that isgood to foster in your life, not
(15:17):
just during pregnancy andpostpartum, but in general.
Well, I hope that that washelpful, that exercise.
Again, that was just, one of theexercises in my workbook.
And I really hope that you'll beable to join the group.
And if you have any questionsabout the group, feel free to
reach out.
You can email me or contact menumber at Well-Minded
(15:40):
Counseling.
And you can schedule a 10 to 15minute consultation with me to
have me answer any questions.
Or if you want to email me, I'mhappy to answer any questions
before the group starts.
It's eight weeks,$100 for agroup.
And I really hope to see youthere.
UNKNOWN (15:57):
you
SPEAKER_00 (15:59):
Thank you all for
listening.
I hope you found someinspiration, validation, had
some questions answered, or justenjoyed listening to this week's
episode.
I encourage you to check out ourwebsite, well-minded
counseling.com backslashredefining us pod for any
resources that were mentioned intoday's episode.
(16:19):
Check out my new program on ourwebsite as well for first-time
moms, where you can join otherwomen entering into motherhood.
The program offers three phases,phase one, exploring where you
are on your journey towardsmotherhood and connecting with
this new identity.
Phase two, preparing your mind,body, and spirit for giving
birth.
And phase three, reconnecting toyourself while caring for your
(16:41):
baby.
I truly appreciate if you leavea review and rating so other
women can find us as well.
Thank you all for listeningagain and keep on connecting
with yourself and with others inthe community and redefining us.