January 30, 2025 • 35 mins
Caitlin Morris, an Overcoming Overwhelm Coach and mother of three, shares her raw and honest journey of navigating motherhood, grief, and the pressure to “do it all.” Caitlin helps moms redefine overwhelm and discover rest and self-care in ways that work for them.
What You’ll Hear:
- Caitlin’s transition from fitness professional to redefining self-care as a mom of three
- The "ReRooted" framework: a simple, cyclical approach to growth and rest
- Balancing new life with loss and how grief shapes motherhood
- Why micro-moments of rest matter and how to release the guilt of prioritizing yourself
Motherhood isn’t about perfection, it’s about evolving through every phase. If you’re feeling stretched too thin, listen to this one.
Connect with Caitlin Morris:
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_withcaitlin/
Website: https://www.coachingwithcaitlin.com/
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/caitlin-morris-pcc-a-cfhc-10458520b/
Don’t forget to subscribe to Caitlin’s newsletter and book a free “Possibility Call” if you’re ready to break free from overwhelm to find the time and energy you need for the things that matter most.
Please leave us a review or rating! These help get the show out to more women like you wanting to have these conversations.
Would you like to chat more about this episode's topic? I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @wellmindedcounseling
I wrote a book! Becoming Mommy: Aligning with yourself and finding your voice during pregnancy and motherhood, available at all major retailers - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DZT9P3RB?ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&social_share=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&bestFormat=true
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
I'm seven and a half years deep now into my
motherhood journey.
And I think one of the thingsthat I have learned and
experienced for myself slowly,and I have to remind myself of
this too, is that we're capableof so much more than we think we
are.
There's actually so much thatwe're capable of.
And at the same time, a lot offear or a lot of insecurity and
(00:23):
think I'm not doing this right.
Or, oh yeah, I didn't show uphow I wanted to.
And I'm a terrible mom or Idon't pass.
This is Redefining Us, and I'myour host, Stephanie Contrera,
(00:49):
Licensed Professional Counselor,And I'm so glad that you joined
us today so we can dive intowhat it means to be a woman in
today's society, figuring outhow we balance everything, how
(01:10):
we grow, how we be moreauthentically us and figuring
out who we are through thetransitions of life, whether
that be motherhood, success,relationships, and all things
that have happened in women'slives, because it's definitely
not a linear journey.
And I think by talking about itand normalizing it and
(01:31):
validating, we can all risetogether and be the women that
we were meant to be.
So keep tuning in.
And I am so excited aboutjoining the conversation and
being in your ears each week.
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to Redefining Us.
I'm your host, Stephanie ContraO'Hara.
(01:52):
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor.
And today I have with me CaitlinMorris, who is an overcoming
overwhelm coach.
So thank you so much for joiningus today, Caitlin.
Oh, thank you, Stephanie.
I'm really excited to be herewith you.
Yeah.
So let's just dive right in.
I wanted to talk about yourtransition into motherhood and
(02:12):
what your journey has been like.
Oh yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
I have so many things andthoughts about this, but I'm
just going to trust that whatcomes forward is meant to be.
Maybe I'll start by saying mytransition to motherhood was so
much rougher than I thought itwas going to be.
I wasn't the type of girl orwoman who knew that they always
wanted to be a mom.
(02:34):
So I wouldn't say that I hadthese idealistic views of how
amazing and perfect andfantastic it was going to be.
But once I did find out that Iwas pregnant, you know, there's
so much planning into the baby.
There's so much planning of, youknow, what you put on the
registry and reading.
I remember reading, oh my gosh,what to expect when you're
(02:55):
expecting, right?
And there was just so much focusabout what to do with this small
little human.
And of course, that's important.
But you know, I'm seven and ahalf years deep now into my
motherhood journey.
And I think one of the thingsthat I have learned and
experienced for myself slowly,and I have to remind myself of
(03:16):
this too, is that we're capableof so much more than we think we
are, right?
There's actually so much thatwe're capable of.
And There's just at the sametime a lot of fear or a lot of
insecurity thanks to things likesocial media that we can get
caught in comparison traps andthink like, I'm not doing this
right or whatever.
(03:36):
oh, yeah, I didn't show up how Iwanted to and I'm a terrible mom
or I don't pack amazing luncheslike this person does over here
and think that we're doing itwrong and bad.
When in reality, when we canslow down, when we can check in,
when we can take care ofourselves, our intuition can
come forward.
We feel more centered, morebalanced, and there's so much
(03:56):
more that we're capable of, butI didn't know that at first.
So it took me a little while toget there.
I remember being one and a halfyears postpartum And I walked to
the top of my stairs in my houseand I was exhausted, had to stop
because I was out of breath.
And that was a pivotal momentfor me that I've talked a lot
about with friends in generaland as a part of my story.
(04:18):
Like, oh my gosh, I had thismoment where I want her to take
care of herself and I want herto know that.
that she's important and she'sspecial and she deserves
self-care and she's worthy of itwithout doing all of these
things.
But, oh, I am not modeling thatfor myself.
So that was the beginning.
(04:39):
That was the beginning of thejourney.
Redefine what it means to be amother for yourself, it sounds
like, and your journey offinding your footing.
Because I think a lot of peopleprobably start In the phase that
you talked about where they'rereading all the books and how to
do things, quote unquote, bestor right or according to
experts.
(05:00):
And when you're in the thick ofit, motherhood's not actually
like that really at all.
Yeah, absolutely.
And when you are in more of thatsurvival mode, it's hard to
think beyond the day, let alonethe hour that is in front of
you.
(05:20):
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It sounds like your first childtaught you a lot, but I imagine
your other two probably taughtyou things along the way too,
because no two people or no twobabies are alike.
Yes.
Which I had also heard, but havenow experienced.
Yeah.
So I have a seven and a halfyear old, a four and a half year
(05:41):
old.
They're both girls.
And then my two and a half yearold is a boy.
And they are definitely eachteaching me different things.
Yeah.
So I guess I'd like to talkabout how your work as an
individual has influenced yourwork as a overcoming overwhelm
coach, because I imagine thosetwo are probably pretty
(06:02):
integrated.
Yes, they definitely are.
So, you know, starting at thatmoment at the top of the stairs,
I actually, you know, I had alot of imposter syndrome at the
time then too, because I was afitness instructor.
I was working for a fitnesscompany and there was a lot that
I had done and learned and knewthe things that you're supposed
(06:22):
to do to take care of yourself,right?
And I was showing up everysingle week and leading
incredible women and otherhumans through workouts and
helping them step outside oftheir comfort zone and focusing
on self-care and that time thatthey were taking for themselves.
And I wasn't doing that formyself.
And the work that I startedgetting into at the same time at
that company was more of atraining realm.
(06:46):
And so I loved teaching classesand I started training other
instructors to do that and thenkind of started working my way
up their ladder.
And so I was traininginstructors, but I was also
training other trainers to traininstructors.
And the thing that I loved aboutthat work was that I got to see
somebody and see their potentialfor the kind of fitness
(07:10):
instructor they could be, thekind of person that they wanted
to be up in front of, you know,on the mic before they could.
and getting to support them inbeing uncomfortable.
You know, the first time you puta mic on and talk into it, it's
like, that's my voice, that'show I sound.
And standing in front of a roomof 20 people and it's so
different.
It's a totally different thingto know what you want to say and
(07:31):
to have it in your head and forall of it to come out.
And...
to try to do that all at thesame time.
Like, you know, the pat yourbelly, rub your head.
No, the other way around.
And so anyways, it was reallyfun.
It was really cool to supportpeople in that journey.
The training process was eightweeks long and seeing them and
supporting them and steppingoutside of their comfort zone.
And then by the time their mockcame around, kind of their final
(07:52):
interview after training wasover, realizing that they did it
and they could do it andcelebrate that and continue
holding them through eachevolution of their practice.
And- As a part of my own healthjourney, I had found functional
health, the idea of, you know,more, what's the word that I'm
looking for?
Preventative care and full foodsand all of the important things
(08:14):
that we know.
And there was a guy, his name isChris Kresser.
If you've heard of him, he's afunctional practitioner and he
was developing a health coachingcertification.
And I was like, oh, this isinteresting.
What's health coaching?
And sort of looking at that.
And then a friend of mine said,you should look at this life
coaching program that I'm in.
I think you'd be a really goodlife coach.
And I was like, yeah, whatever.
(08:34):
Like, thanks, but no, that's notfor me.
I really what I'm doing andblah, blah.
Well, then COVID came and I hadmy second daughter in February
of 2020.
She was three weeks old wheneverything shut down.
And, you know, everybody knowsit was a it was a different time
then and got laid off by thefitness company that I was
working for.
The studios that I was teachingat here in the Colorado area
(08:57):
didn't make it through COVID.
And so I started looking atother things and was like, wait
a second, actually, there's alot of different pieces of
coaching that are what I love todo already.
You know, it's not tellingsomebody what to do.
Some people think that's whatcoaching is.
It's not telling people what todo.
It's support.
It's accountability.
It's somebody that's a thirdparty, but still in your corner.
(09:17):
And you get to see things thatthey can't see yet, right?
When you're in it, when you'rein that survival mode, it's
harder to see what else ispossible and what else there is.
And so went down the rabbit holeof coaching.
I did a functional healthcoaching program and a life
coaching program at the sametime.
Now I am going through that.
I get pregnant with my thirdchild and I am asked by the
(09:42):
universe to put all of thesethings that I've been learning
and teaching into practice on awhole new level when I am
pregnant with my I lost myfather-in-law and my
brother-in-law within threemonths of each other when I was
in my first trimester.
And I was trying to get mycoaching business off the ground
and trying to do all of thesethings.
And I just couldn't.
(10:02):
And it was a...
Another big kind of generativemoment for me, I guess, when I
realized, okay, this is the timeto slow down.
This is the time to go inwardthat first trimester of
pregnancy when it doesn't looklike there's a lot happening,
but you're growing human bonesand all of the things.
(10:24):
It's okay to rest right now.
And it's okay to just be.
And so that was kind of the, Idon't know, I don't want to say
the...
The end of that journey, but itwas all coming together of me
learning these different tools,learning the importance of
well-being on a whole new level,being in it for a few different
(10:50):
iterations of that, that Ireally, after that pregnancy and
postpartum, we can talk moreabout this.
But that fourth trimester wasreally, really tough for me
after I finally was able to sitwith the grief and loss of my
father-in-law and my brother andanxiety and postpartum
depression and all of thosethings.
It was like real time getting toexperience those things and be
(11:11):
able to put into practice what Inow get to support my clients
going through.
Yeah, it sounds like it's beenquite a transformational
journey, both one that you choseand maybe the universe chose for
you in some ways or kind ofthrusted you in that direction.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess how do you personallyconceptualize your journey with
(11:36):
children and the grief at thesame time?
Because you're introducing lifeand bringing new family members
into your world and then alsogrieving the loss of family
members and having those twothings happening simultaneously.
exactly at the same time, it wasprobably really challenging to
(11:56):
cope with.
Yeah, no, I mean, a thousandpercent.
I just got goosebumps, wholebody goosebumps when you were
saying that.
To be honest with you, I don'tknow if I've ever thought about
it that way specifically.
At the time, I was definitelyvery aware being at my brother's
funeral pregnant, like, oh, thisis a really interesting moment.
But I love the way that you justverbalized that.
(12:17):
So thank you.
You know, I think Another pieceof motherhood that I didn't see
coming is the grief of mourningwho I was and how I thought I
was going to show up andhonoring my journey, honoring
all of those different piecesand also really struggling with
(12:39):
what I used to be able to do andwho I was.
It's that kind of grief anddeath and rebirth cycle that I
now, I mean, I bring it into mypractice.
We can talk about my reroutedparadigm too.
But I think it's that life,death, rebirth, everything being
(12:59):
a phase and a cycle that maybewe don't actually talk about.
enough about in terms ofmotherhood and caregiving and
all of those things.
Because even part of the anxietyand depression I experienced in
my third postpartum experienceafter having my son, like, I
thought I had it in the bag.
(13:20):
You know, I thought that it wasgoing to, like, I've done this
before.
I've done this twice.
I know what's up and I knowwhat's coming.
But there was this sense ofsurrender and grieving, like,
no, I'm I am different.
I have been through differentthings.
I am a different person than thelast time I did this and the
time before that.
And what is it like to be withit all and see what to do and
(13:46):
how to move forward from thatplace instead of how you thought
it would be?
Yeah, the place that it is.
Yeah.
It reminds me of another womanthat I met at a mother
conference.
It was a motherhood conference.
And she talked about how whenshe had her first child, her
life was really set up to haveher first child.
She had everything that she,quote unquote, needed.
(14:08):
She had the relief set up.
And then she had her secondchild, which was also planned.
But then in the midst ofeverything, she also had a job
change.
And her husband lost his job.
And then she ended up Yes.
So well said.
(14:29):
It's so true.
So yeah, I think motherhood andlife can knock us on our ass
(14:52):
when we maybe don't anticipateit to.
Those are the types of things Ihad a coach once say.
If I, and not that I believethis to the letter, but it is an
interesting thing I had a coachonce say to me, you know, if
you're doing your job as a coachand a human kind of going
through life, Mm-hmm.
(15:14):
Mm-hmm.
(15:42):
I mean, a lot of differentpieces in motherhood.
There's a lot of shame.
There's a lot of guilt.
There is a lot of grief that'snot necessarily discussed.
And I think we can get reallyisolated in that shame and grief
and guilt and think that there'ssomething wrong with us or we're
doing it wrong or we're notenough.
And so I love when I'm workingwith my clients to be one of the
first people to say like, noway, mama, you're not alone.
(16:02):
You're doing a fantastic job andlet's keep going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's something that Imaybe have already talked about
on this podcast, but definitelyI've talked about with other
people.
You are not the same person youwere pre baby.
You are now a new person or atleast a different version of
yourself.
(16:22):
And you will never be thatperson you were before because
you've been through thisincredible, entireing and
transformational journey.
And yeah, you, you, can't rewindand be that person that you were
prior to conception.
No matter how hard we try,right?
(16:46):
Yeah, I mean, you know, this isrelated, but I tried on a pair
of jeans a few weeks ago that Iwore, I think, after my second
daughter.
And I am essentially the sameweight, but they don't fit me.
And it's because my body haschanged, you know, and I had
this humbling moment, but reallygrateful moment as I was
(17:08):
standing there in my bathroom,like, why am I trying to fit
into a pair of jeans from threeyears ago?
Because I am in no way, shape,form, literally, figuratively,
emotionally, nothing, likenothing is the same.
So I think it's time to go buy anew pair of jeans.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It almost makes me think like,and Yeah.
(17:30):
Yeah.
(17:53):
And that's one of the thingsthat I love working with my
clients on in my one-on-onepractice.
Maybe I can talk about rerouteddata.
Yeah, I'd love to.
Yeah.
So is that idea of evolution,right?
Instead of trying to makesomething the way that it used
to be, the idea of being witheverything and using everything
(18:17):
that you have available now.
So as a part of my...
coaching journey, but also myjourney as a mom, I realized and
noticed and was picking up onthese different things like, oh,
these four seasons, these fourtrimesters, they show up
everywhere.
Four directions, you know,north, south, east, west, four
(18:37):
seasons.
And so I came up with what Icall the rerouted paradigm,
which has these different phasesof growth.
And the first one, just like thefirst trimester of pregnancy,
it's or winter is fallow.
It looks like there's not a lothappening.
There is obviously lotshappening underneath.
And so this is the time, thephase when maybe you want to
(19:00):
bring about change.
You're feeling reallyoverwhelmed.
You want to work out, but like,holy cow, where do I even start?
It's resting.
It's reflecting.
It's what do I need?
Why do I want this thing?
What is even like, what's thepurpose?
What's the goal?
Why do I want to feeldifferently than I do right now.
And again, allowing that andbeing with that.
(19:23):
And the next phase is calledreset, like the spring energy or
the second trimester ofpregnancy.
When you start to feel a littlebit better, you get some of that
energy.
energy back.
I've joked before, the energy ofthe morning before your kids
start screaming at you andeverything feels possible.
Like, okay, there is this thingthat I want to do.
I want to shift something in mylife.
(19:45):
And here is the thing that I'mgoing to do to make it happen.
This is the goal that I'mcommitting to.
This is how often, this is whatit looks like.
I'm ready to go for it.
The next phase is calledconnect.
I think one of the things thatwe don't I don't know if it's a
part of our culture or, again,just the shame and guilt that
(20:07):
can settle into isolation andmotherhood.
But I think that we don'tleverage the community and the
support enough.
So this connect phase, like thethird trimester, you're out
there.
It's the energy of ovulation inthe menstrual cycle.
When you feel the mostenergetic, you feel ready to be
seen.
It's the time to reconnect.
(20:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
(20:58):
And then the fourth season, likethe fourth trimester, when baby
comes is actually when all thethings happen, right?
Like when we actually, after allof this time and preparation
that we are able to, or have torather, get to work and do the
thing.
It's like the fall energy, theluteal phase where we turn
inward.
(21:18):
I've heard that they have donestudies now on women that the
size of their gray matterchanges in pregnancy.
And one of the Like reasons forthat is because it gives us the
ability to let go of anythingthat we don't need in order to
truly focus on that thing, thatbaby that's alive in front of us
(21:38):
and keeping them alive.
So we give less shits because weare focused on this thing,
right?
So releasing the leaves in thefall, releasing what we don't
need so that we can continuegrowing.
So three of those four phasesare preparing, resting or not
doing a lot or reaching out andconnecting before we actually do
anything.
the thing.
And even once we get throughthat fourth phase, we still go
(22:02):
back to the beginning in someway, shape or form.
You know, just when we finallyget the hang of, you know, baby
sleeping through the night andit's so magical and wonderful.
There's the four month sleepregression and then the eight
month or whatever the heck itis, right?
Just when we finally feel likewe're on our feet, they get
sick, something happens, they'reteething, whatever.
(22:23):
And it keeps going like that.
And so it's If we can relate tochange in a different way, and
this is something that I lovesupporting my clients with, if
we know that it's happening, ifwe know that it's a part of the
process, that everything is aphase, then how can we take care
of ourselves?
(22:44):
What is it?
You know, which phase are we in?
What do we need in order to getthrough the next phase?
phase.
And I call it rerouted becauseif we turn that circle on its
side, it changes, it shifts andgrows and we shift and grow.
And so we're never the sameperson that we were before,
maybe when we started thatthing.
But, you know, when we give,again, give ourselves that
permission to know that it's aphase, we know that what it
(23:07):
feels like to be up here andEven if we drop back down here,
we get sick, the whole familygets sick, it moves through
everything.
And we've been working outsuccessfully for three days a
week.
We know what it's like.
We have more tools to get backup here and to get back into
that thing a little bit faster.
And so I love, I offer thatparadigm to my clients.
(23:28):
We use that as a part of thetools when we get to work
together.
Like, hey, this is where you'reat.
Where do you want to be?
And what does it look like toshift, to bring in the support,
to rest, if that's what youneed?
I think rest is not celebratedand talked about.
Yeah, I think rest, what youjust mentioned, is really
(23:48):
interesting because people thinkthat rest looks like maybe going
on vacation or it might looklike a date night or whatever.
But I don't know, to me, and Iimagine to most people, all of
those things create a lot ofenergy to get to the point of
actually doing it.
And then when you're on thejourney of the date or a
(24:10):
vacation, especially if it's afamily vacation, I would argue
the thought's so restful.
So figuring out ways that youcould probably actually rest in
your day-to-day life.
Yes.
Like redefining what thatexperience is for you.
now in your new life, I think isreally important for people.
And it sounds like you focus onthat in your program.
(24:31):
Yeah, absolutely.
Because, you know, pre babies,yeah, going on a vacation and
sitting on a beach for four dayswas super restful.
So totally, even though therecan be a lot of energy involved
in the before and after, thereare a lot of pieces of that,
yes, that can be restful.
And a vacation with kids is,just a trip with kids.
(24:51):
You're just doing what you weredoing before, but somewhere
else.
It's still stressful.
You don't get to just hang outin a chair and drink a Bloody
Mary by the pool.
And so, yes, you're so right notto sound a broken record, but
instead of fighting the old, itis being with all of the things
right now and allowing thatredefinition of rest, allowing
(25:14):
new possibility to And also, youknow, the reality is as a mom,
we can't wait.
I mean, we do.
Moms are incredible and we canhandle anything and everything.
Like we do that every singleday.
That's, I know that, but.
What does it look like to waitsix months for that vacation or
that trip or that retreat orwhatever?
(25:34):
And how we're waiting andholding out for that thing
that's in the future.
We're neglecting, again, thenow.
We're neglecting the present.
We're neglecting us and ourneeds and what we need right
now.
And so if we can bring that restinto really small pockets of our
day, week, month, it's so muchmore sustainable.
And What works for me probablyis not what you do, probably is
(25:59):
not what all of my clients do.
So that's something else that Ithink is really powerful and
important to touch on.
You know, I have clients whocome to me and they're like,
well, why can't I just do thisthing?
I know that I'm supposed to dothis thing, but why can't I do
this thing?
And it's because we, this issomething I used to say to the
instructors that I was training,and I don't know who came up
with this quote, so tell me ifyou know, but don't compare your
(26:21):
beginning to somebody else'smiddle.
UNKNOWN (26:23):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (26:24):
And a second half of that that I've found too is the
only reason that you're readingand seeing the middle of
somebody's story is because theykept writing.
And so...
the permission to just trysomething and see what happens
or experiment.
And again, move through thosedifferent phases of growth and
change, even if it's a failureat the end, right?
(26:46):
Even if you try to work outthree days a week and it doesn't
ultimately happen, but then youcome back and you start with
one.
You know, you take one smallstep, one little thing.
Like I say rest is important,but that can look very different
for everybody.
And so giving them the time andspace in a coaching session to
tune out the rest of the worldand say, okay, it's just me
(27:07):
right now.
Taking a few breaths, like whatdo I need?
What's important to me?
Actually, I really like readinga book or listening to an audio
book.
I don't care about baths, right?
And so why am I trying to thinkthat I need a bath when I don't
want that anyways?
And so letting all of the crapfall away of what you think you
(27:28):
should do and tapping into, whatyou love and what supports you
and what fills your cup is restto me.
Yeah, it's making me thinkabout, I recently had a therapy
session and she asked me, youknow, do you have mom guilt?
And I was like, I think the onlything I feel any sort of guilt
(27:49):
around is missing bedtime.
And she's like, girl, if that'sthe thing that you're worried
about, you have all the momguilts to have.
Like, you know, you're doingpretty good.
But I do think everyone hassomething that they find
themselves feeling like I needto do this.
So I'm going to negate resting.
I need to be available for everysingle pickup.
(28:12):
I need to be available for everysingle bedtime.
I need to be about like there'sthis feeling or desire maybe to
always be available for others.
when you're a mom, or even justin general, women, I feel like
have this mindset that they justneed to be available for
everyone all the time.
And what does it look like tosay to yourself, I can't be
(28:34):
available for everyone all thetime.
I need to rest.
So I need it for myself.
Yes, I relate to what you'resaying.
I have experienced highexpectations of myself, as I
assume, again, most moms andwomen do.
And for the most part, mypartner and I, my husband, we
(28:54):
have a pretty equal relationshipto take care of our kids.
We also, my mother-in-law iswith us in the same home, which
is amazing.
And I could nerd out about aninter or multi-generational
living, but that's a story foranother time.
But anyways, I'm saying thatbecause we split things, right?
And so in the mornings, And Iwas like, okay.
(29:34):
I had to say out loud to himjust last week, okay?
So like, I'm here to just, to bea human and to be honest about
how this stuff can go.
I looked at him last week and Iwas like, I am putting all of
this pressure on myself to doall of the things in the
afternoon in the same way thatI'm doing them in the morning.
And I'm realizing that that'sreally unfair to me.
And that's unfair to you becausehe's the one that is doing those
(29:56):
things.
Like he's already doing them,but I was putting pressure on
myself to do them too.
And for what?
UNKNOWN (30:02):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (30:02):
As soon as I said that out loud, he looked at me
and he was like, well, but why?
Why are you doing that?
I was like, I have no idea.
I have no idea, but I'macknowledging it.
I've noticed it in this moment.
I am releasing myself of thisguilt and shame to be there
because I'm already there in themorning.
You are a parent.
(30:23):
You love them.
They can also be taken care ofby you.
And I'm going to go in theoffice and work.
And he was like, okay, babe, seeya.
Really proud of you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's interesting.
I mean, I'm sure we all do it tosome extent.
My husband has my daughter allday on Wednesdays because that's
him and her time.
And my time with her is all dayon Sundays because he works on
(30:43):
Sundays.
I work on Wednesdays.
And I was putting this pressureon myself to still be available
on Wednesdays just in case theyneeded me.
And I'm like, what do theypossibly need me for?
He is a perfectly capable human.
He loves him to death.
Why do I also need to makemyself available?
Like, All right, maybe need totone that down, Stephanie.
(31:04):
You can do what you need to doin order to provide for the
family and to enjoy your workand feel fulfilled by working
with your clients.
Don't have to be alwaysavailable.
Yes, and I think that's soimportant.
What you're sharing is to seethe other side, right?
The mom guilt is only thenegative or the void of how
(31:25):
we're not there, what we're notdoing.
But what we do on the flip sideis, It's super, super important.
You're doing work that fulfillsyou, that makes you feel happy
and present when you get home.
And making money is another waythat you are caring for her,
even if you're not physicallythere, right?
And so all of those differentpieces that take care of you and
(31:46):
fill your cup so that it impactshow you're showing up when you
are there and when you're homewith them.
We don't celebrate all of thethings that we're doing enough.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, we all need to have minicelebrations for ourselves
probably every week.
We made it through another week.
Let's do happy dance.
(32:06):
Let's turn the music up and justsing along.
Whatever a celebration means toyou, I think we all need to be
doing that more.
Yes, and that's a part of restin Rerooted is reflection.
As a culture, I think there's somuch that is so fast-paced,
harder, better, faster,stronger, do better, work
faster, go, go, go, go, go.
(32:27):
There's not, and we're not usedto pausing.
After you are, for example,working out three days a week,
if that's what you want to do,like taking stock after a few
weeks to say, holy cannoli, I'vedone this thing, right?
I wanted to do this thing.
I said I was going to do thisthing.
I've done it.
What's working for me?
How is this making me feel?
(32:47):
And how am I going to celebratethe fact that I am choosing me,
the fact that I am taking careof myself?
And when we build in more ofthat rest and pause and
reflection and celebration, italso allows for more growth and
for that sustainable change tokeep going and continuing in
(33:07):
whatever way, shape or form thatneeds to take.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I want to encourage you toshare where can people find to
work with you, socials andwhatnot, so people can connect.
Yeah, thank you.
I'm on Instagram at underscorewith Caitlin and that's Caitlin
the Irish way.
C-A-I-T-L-I-N.
(33:28):
And my website iscoachingwithcaitlin.com.
I have lots of blog posts up.
I have lots of different thingson Instagram.
Everyone can book a free callwith me on the website if
they're interested in, I call ita possibility call, learning
more about coaching and what itcan do for them.
And I have a free weeklynewsletter as well.
(33:48):
So lots of different ways that Iam here and I would love to
support your listeners.
Awesome.
Yes.
And all that will be in the shownotes too.
So don't feel like you have towrite it all down.
So thank you so much for beingon with us today and hopefully
everyone learned something andwe'll connect with you.
I hope so too.
Thank you so much, Stephanie.
(34:08):
I really appreciate the time tobe with you.
Thank you for tuning in toRedefining Us once again and
share with other people so otherpeople can continue to listen to
Redefining Us and we can getinto more listeners ears.
If you follow us or subscribe orleave a comment or review,
that'd be greatly helpful forother people to find us and also
(34:32):
just for me to get somefeedback.
What do you guys want to hear mesay?
What do you women care abouthearing?
I'm totally open to Thank you somuch for joining us.
(35:11):
So you can be in the know withall the things that are
happening in the Redefining Uscommunity.
Once again, thank you so muchfor listening and keep being
awesome.
I'm seven and a half years deep now into my
motherhood journey.
And I think one of the thingsthat I have learned and
experienced for myself slowly,and I have to remind myself of
this too, is that we're capableof so much more than we think we
are.
There's actually so much thatwe're capable of.
And at the same time, a lot offear or a lot of insecurity and
(00:23):
think I'm not doing this right.
Or, oh yeah, I didn't show uphow I wanted to.
And I'm a terrible mom or Idon't pass.
This is Redefining Us, and I'myour host, Stephanie Contrera,
(00:49):
Licensed Professional Counselor,And I'm so glad that you joined
us today so we can dive intowhat it means to be a woman in
today's society, figuring outhow we balance everything, how
(01:10):
we grow, how we be moreauthentically us and figuring
out who we are through thetransitions of life, whether
that be motherhood, success,relationships, and all things
that have happened in women'slives, because it's definitely
not a linear journey.
And I think by talking about itand normalizing it and
(01:31):
validating, we can all risetogether and be the women that
we were meant to be.
So keep tuning in.
And I am so excited aboutjoining the conversation and
being in your ears each week.
Let's get into it.
Welcome back to Redefining Us.
I'm your host, Stephanie ContraO'Hara.
(01:52):
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor.
And today I have with me CaitlinMorris, who is an overcoming
overwhelm coach.
So thank you so much for joiningus today, Caitlin.
Oh, thank you, Stephanie.
I'm really excited to be herewith you.
Yeah.
So let's just dive right in.
I wanted to talk about yourtransition into motherhood and
(02:12):
what your journey has been like.
Oh yeah.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
I have so many things andthoughts about this, but I'm
just going to trust that whatcomes forward is meant to be.
Maybe I'll start by saying mytransition to motherhood was so
much rougher than I thought itwas going to be.
I wasn't the type of girl orwoman who knew that they always
wanted to be a mom.
(02:34):
So I wouldn't say that I hadthese idealistic views of how
amazing and perfect andfantastic it was going to be.
But once I did find out that Iwas pregnant, you know, there's
so much planning into the baby.
There's so much planning of, youknow, what you put on the
registry and reading.
I remember reading, oh my gosh,what to expect when you're
(02:55):
expecting, right?
And there was just so much focusabout what to do with this small
little human.
And of course, that's important.
But you know, I'm seven and ahalf years deep now into my
motherhood journey.
And I think one of the thingsthat I have learned and
experienced for myself slowly,and I have to remind myself of
(03:16):
this too, is that we're capableof so much more than we think we
are, right?
There's actually so much thatwe're capable of.
And There's just at the sametime a lot of fear or a lot of
insecurity thanks to things likesocial media that we can get
caught in comparison traps andthink like, I'm not doing this
right or whatever.
(03:36):
oh, yeah, I didn't show up how Iwanted to and I'm a terrible mom
or I don't pack amazing luncheslike this person does over here
and think that we're doing itwrong and bad.
When in reality, when we canslow down, when we can check in,
when we can take care ofourselves, our intuition can
come forward.
We feel more centered, morebalanced, and there's so much
(03:56):
more that we're capable of, butI didn't know that at first.
So it took me a little while toget there.
I remember being one and a halfyears postpartum And I walked to
the top of my stairs in my houseand I was exhausted, had to stop
because I was out of breath.
And that was a pivotal momentfor me that I've talked a lot
about with friends in generaland as a part of my story.
(04:18):
Like, oh my gosh, I had thismoment where I want her to take
care of herself and I want herto know that.
that she's important and she'sspecial and she deserves
self-care and she's worthy of itwithout doing all of these
things.
But, oh, I am not modeling thatfor myself.
So that was the beginning.
(04:39):
That was the beginning of thejourney.
Redefine what it means to be amother for yourself, it sounds
like, and your journey offinding your footing.
Because I think a lot of peopleprobably start In the phase that
you talked about where they'rereading all the books and how to
do things, quote unquote, bestor right or according to
experts.
(05:00):
And when you're in the thick ofit, motherhood's not actually
like that really at all.
Yeah, absolutely.
And when you are in more of thatsurvival mode, it's hard to
think beyond the day, let alonethe hour that is in front of
you.
(05:20):
Yeah.
For sure.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It sounds like your first childtaught you a lot, but I imagine
your other two probably taughtyou things along the way too,
because no two people or no twobabies are alike.
Yes.
Which I had also heard, but havenow experienced.
Yeah.
So I have a seven and a halfyear old, a four and a half year
(05:41):
old.
They're both girls.
And then my two and a half yearold is a boy.
And they are definitely eachteaching me different things.
Yeah.
So I guess I'd like to talkabout how your work as an
individual has influenced yourwork as a overcoming overwhelm
coach, because I imagine thosetwo are probably pretty
(06:02):
integrated.
Yes, they definitely are.
So, you know, starting at thatmoment at the top of the stairs,
I actually, you know, I had alot of imposter syndrome at the
time then too, because I was afitness instructor.
I was working for a fitnesscompany and there was a lot that
I had done and learned and knewthe things that you're supposed
(06:22):
to do to take care of yourself,right?
And I was showing up everysingle week and leading
incredible women and otherhumans through workouts and
helping them step outside oftheir comfort zone and focusing
on self-care and that time thatthey were taking for themselves.
And I wasn't doing that formyself.
And the work that I startedgetting into at the same time at
that company was more of atraining realm.
(06:46):
And so I loved teaching classesand I started training other
instructors to do that and thenkind of started working my way
up their ladder.
And so I was traininginstructors, but I was also
training other trainers to traininstructors.
And the thing that I loved aboutthat work was that I got to see
somebody and see their potentialfor the kind of fitness
(07:10):
instructor they could be, thekind of person that they wanted
to be up in front of, you know,on the mic before they could.
and getting to support them inbeing uncomfortable.
You know, the first time you puta mic on and talk into it, it's
like, that's my voice, that'show I sound.
And standing in front of a roomof 20 people and it's so
different.
It's a totally different thingto know what you want to say and
(07:31):
to have it in your head and forall of it to come out.
And...
to try to do that all at thesame time.
Like, you know, the pat yourbelly, rub your head.
No, the other way around.
And so anyways, it was reallyfun.
It was really cool to supportpeople in that journey.
The training process was eightweeks long and seeing them and
supporting them and steppingoutside of their comfort zone.
And then by the time their mockcame around, kind of their final
(07:52):
interview after training wasover, realizing that they did it
and they could do it andcelebrate that and continue
holding them through eachevolution of their practice.
And- As a part of my own healthjourney, I had found functional
health, the idea of, you know,more, what's the word that I'm
looking for?
Preventative care and full foodsand all of the important things
(08:14):
that we know.
And there was a guy, his name isChris Kresser.
If you've heard of him, he's afunctional practitioner and he
was developing a health coachingcertification.
And I was like, oh, this isinteresting.
What's health coaching?
And sort of looking at that.
And then a friend of mine said,you should look at this life
coaching program that I'm in.
I think you'd be a really goodlife coach.
And I was like, yeah, whatever.
(08:34):
Like, thanks, but no, that's notfor me.
I really what I'm doing andblah, blah.
Well, then COVID came and I hadmy second daughter in February
of 2020.
She was three weeks old wheneverything shut down.
And, you know, everybody knowsit was a it was a different time
then and got laid off by thefitness company that I was
working for.
The studios that I was teachingat here in the Colorado area
(08:57):
didn't make it through COVID.
And so I started looking atother things and was like, wait
a second, actually, there's alot of different pieces of
coaching that are what I love todo already.
You know, it's not tellingsomebody what to do.
Some people think that's whatcoaching is.
It's not telling people what todo.
It's support.
It's accountability.
It's somebody that's a thirdparty, but still in your corner.
(09:17):
And you get to see things thatthey can't see yet, right?
When you're in it, when you'rein that survival mode, it's
harder to see what else ispossible and what else there is.
And so went down the rabbit holeof coaching.
I did a functional healthcoaching program and a life
coaching program at the sametime.
Now I am going through that.
I get pregnant with my thirdchild and I am asked by the
(09:42):
universe to put all of thesethings that I've been learning
and teaching into practice on awhole new level when I am
pregnant with my I lost myfather-in-law and my
brother-in-law within threemonths of each other when I was
in my first trimester.
And I was trying to get mycoaching business off the ground
and trying to do all of thesethings.
And I just couldn't.
(10:02):
And it was a...
Another big kind of generativemoment for me, I guess, when I
realized, okay, this is the timeto slow down.
This is the time to go inwardthat first trimester of
pregnancy when it doesn't looklike there's a lot happening,
but you're growing human bonesand all of the things.
(10:24):
It's okay to rest right now.
And it's okay to just be.
And so that was kind of the, Idon't know, I don't want to say
the...
The end of that journey, but itwas all coming together of me
learning these different tools,learning the importance of
well-being on a whole new level,being in it for a few different
(10:50):
iterations of that, that Ireally, after that pregnancy and
postpartum, we can talk moreabout this.
But that fourth trimester wasreally, really tough for me
after I finally was able to sitwith the grief and loss of my
father-in-law and my brother andanxiety and postpartum
depression and all of thosethings.
It was like real time getting toexperience those things and be
(11:11):
able to put into practice what Inow get to support my clients
going through.
Yeah, it sounds like it's beenquite a transformational
journey, both one that you choseand maybe the universe chose for
you in some ways or kind ofthrusted you in that direction.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I guess how do you personallyconceptualize your journey with
(11:36):
children and the grief at thesame time?
Because you're introducing lifeand bringing new family members
into your world and then alsogrieving the loss of family
members and having those twothings happening simultaneously.
exactly at the same time, it wasprobably really challenging to
(11:56):
cope with.
Yeah, no, I mean, a thousandpercent.
I just got goosebumps, wholebody goosebumps when you were
saying that.
To be honest with you, I don'tknow if I've ever thought about
it that way specifically.
At the time, I was definitelyvery aware being at my brother's
funeral pregnant, like, oh, thisis a really interesting moment.
But I love the way that you justverbalized that.
(12:17):
So thank you.
You know, I think Another pieceof motherhood that I didn't see
coming is the grief of mourningwho I was and how I thought I
was going to show up andhonoring my journey, honoring
all of those different piecesand also really struggling with
(12:39):
what I used to be able to do andwho I was.
It's that kind of grief anddeath and rebirth cycle that I
now, I mean, I bring it into mypractice.
We can talk about my reroutedparadigm too.
But I think it's that life,death, rebirth, everything being
(12:59):
a phase and a cycle that maybewe don't actually talk about.
enough about in terms ofmotherhood and caregiving and
all of those things.
Because even part of the anxietyand depression I experienced in
my third postpartum experienceafter having my son, like, I
thought I had it in the bag.
(13:20):
You know, I thought that it wasgoing to, like, I've done this
before.
I've done this twice.
I know what's up and I knowwhat's coming.
But there was this sense ofsurrender and grieving, like,
no, I'm I am different.
I have been through differentthings.
I am a different person than thelast time I did this and the
time before that.
And what is it like to be withit all and see what to do and
(13:46):
how to move forward from thatplace instead of how you thought
it would be?
Yeah, the place that it is.
Yeah.
It reminds me of another womanthat I met at a mother
conference.
It was a motherhood conference.
And she talked about how whenshe had her first child, her
life was really set up to haveher first child.
She had everything that she,quote unquote, needed.
(14:08):
She had the relief set up.
And then she had her secondchild, which was also planned.
But then in the midst ofeverything, she also had a job
change.
And her husband lost his job.
And then she ended up Yes.
So well said.
(14:29):
It's so true.
So yeah, I think motherhood andlife can knock us on our ass
(14:52):
when we maybe don't anticipateit to.
Those are the types of things Ihad a coach once say.
If I, and not that I believethis to the letter, but it is an
interesting thing I had a coachonce say to me, you know, if
you're doing your job as a coachand a human kind of going
through life, Mm-hmm.
(15:14):
Mm-hmm.
(15:42):
I mean, a lot of differentpieces in motherhood.
There's a lot of shame.
There's a lot of guilt.
There is a lot of grief that'snot necessarily discussed.
And I think we can get reallyisolated in that shame and grief
and guilt and think that there'ssomething wrong with us or we're
doing it wrong or we're notenough.
And so I love when I'm workingwith my clients to be one of the
first people to say like, noway, mama, you're not alone.
(16:02):
You're doing a fantastic job andlet's keep going.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think that's something that Imaybe have already talked about
on this podcast, but definitelyI've talked about with other
people.
You are not the same person youwere pre baby.
You are now a new person or atleast a different version of
yourself.
(16:22):
And you will never be thatperson you were before because
you've been through thisincredible, entireing and
transformational journey.
And yeah, you, you, can't rewindand be that person that you were
prior to conception.
No matter how hard we try,right?
(16:46):
Yeah, I mean, you know, this isrelated, but I tried on a pair
of jeans a few weeks ago that Iwore, I think, after my second
daughter.
And I am essentially the sameweight, but they don't fit me.
And it's because my body haschanged, you know, and I had
this humbling moment, but reallygrateful moment as I was
(17:08):
standing there in my bathroom,like, why am I trying to fit
into a pair of jeans from threeyears ago?
Because I am in no way, shape,form, literally, figuratively,
emotionally, nothing, likenothing is the same.
So I think it's time to go buy anew pair of jeans.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
It almost makes me think like,and Yeah.
(17:30):
Yeah.
(17:53):
And that's one of the thingsthat I love working with my
clients on in my one-on-onepractice.
Maybe I can talk about rerouteddata.
Yeah, I'd love to.
Yeah.
So is that idea of evolution,right?
Instead of trying to makesomething the way that it used
to be, the idea of being witheverything and using everything
(18:17):
that you have available now.
So as a part of my...
coaching journey, but also myjourney as a mom, I realized and
noticed and was picking up onthese different things like, oh,
these four seasons, these fourtrimesters, they show up
everywhere.
Four directions, you know,north, south, east, west, four
(18:37):
seasons.
And so I came up with what Icall the rerouted paradigm,
which has these different phasesof growth.
And the first one, just like thefirst trimester of pregnancy,
it's or winter is fallow.
It looks like there's not a lothappening.
There is obviously lotshappening underneath.
And so this is the time, thephase when maybe you want to
(19:00):
bring about change.
You're feeling reallyoverwhelmed.
You want to work out, but like,holy cow, where do I even start?
It's resting.
It's reflecting.
It's what do I need?
Why do I want this thing?
What is even like, what's thepurpose?
What's the goal?
Why do I want to feeldifferently than I do right now.
And again, allowing that andbeing with that.
(19:23):
And the next phase is calledreset, like the spring energy or
the second trimester ofpregnancy.
When you start to feel a littlebit better, you get some of that
energy.
energy back.
I've joked before, the energy ofthe morning before your kids
start screaming at you andeverything feels possible.
Like, okay, there is this thingthat I want to do.
I want to shift something in mylife.
(19:45):
And here is the thing that I'mgoing to do to make it happen.
This is the goal that I'mcommitting to.
This is how often, this is whatit looks like.
I'm ready to go for it.
The next phase is calledconnect.
I think one of the things thatwe don't I don't know if it's a
part of our culture or, again,just the shame and guilt that
(20:07):
can settle into isolation andmotherhood.
But I think that we don'tleverage the community and the
support enough.
So this connect phase, like thethird trimester, you're out
there.
It's the energy of ovulation inthe menstrual cycle.
When you feel the mostenergetic, you feel ready to be
seen.
It's the time to reconnect.
(20:29):
Yeah.
Yeah.
(20:58):
And then the fourth season, likethe fourth trimester, when baby
comes is actually when all thethings happen, right?
Like when we actually, after allof this time and preparation
that we are able to, or have torather, get to work and do the
thing.
It's like the fall energy, theluteal phase where we turn
inward.
(21:18):
I've heard that they have donestudies now on women that the
size of their gray matterchanges in pregnancy.
And one of the Like reasons forthat is because it gives us the
ability to let go of anythingthat we don't need in order to
truly focus on that thing, thatbaby that's alive in front of us
(21:38):
and keeping them alive.
So we give less shits because weare focused on this thing,
right?
So releasing the leaves in thefall, releasing what we don't
need so that we can continuegrowing.
So three of those four phasesare preparing, resting or not
doing a lot or reaching out andconnecting before we actually do
anything.
the thing.
And even once we get throughthat fourth phase, we still go
(22:02):
back to the beginning in someway, shape or form.
You know, just when we finallyget the hang of, you know, baby
sleeping through the night andit's so magical and wonderful.
There's the four month sleepregression and then the eight
month or whatever the heck itis, right?
Just when we finally feel likewe're on our feet, they get
sick, something happens, they'reteething, whatever.
(22:23):
And it keeps going like that.
And so it's If we can relate tochange in a different way, and
this is something that I lovesupporting my clients with, if
we know that it's happening, ifwe know that it's a part of the
process, that everything is aphase, then how can we take care
of ourselves?
(22:44):
What is it?
You know, which phase are we in?
What do we need in order to getthrough the next phase?
phase.
And I call it rerouted becauseif we turn that circle on its
side, it changes, it shifts andgrows and we shift and grow.
And so we're never the sameperson that we were before,
maybe when we started thatthing.
But, you know, when we give,again, give ourselves that
permission to know that it's aphase, we know that what it
(23:07):
feels like to be up here andEven if we drop back down here,
we get sick, the whole familygets sick, it moves through
everything.
And we've been working outsuccessfully for three days a
week.
We know what it's like.
We have more tools to get backup here and to get back into
that thing a little bit faster.
And so I love, I offer thatparadigm to my clients.
(23:28):
We use that as a part of thetools when we get to work
together.
Like, hey, this is where you'reat.
Where do you want to be?
And what does it look like toshift, to bring in the support,
to rest, if that's what youneed?
I think rest is not celebratedand talked about.
Yeah, I think rest, what youjust mentioned, is really
(23:48):
interesting because people thinkthat rest looks like maybe going
on vacation or it might looklike a date night or whatever.
But I don't know, to me, and Iimagine to most people, all of
those things create a lot ofenergy to get to the point of
actually doing it.
And then when you're on thejourney of the date or a
(24:10):
vacation, especially if it's afamily vacation, I would argue
the thought's so restful.
So figuring out ways that youcould probably actually rest in
your day-to-day life.
Yes.
Like redefining what thatexperience is for you.
now in your new life, I think isreally important for people.
And it sounds like you focus onthat in your program.
(24:31):
Yeah, absolutely.
Because, you know, pre babies,yeah, going on a vacation and
sitting on a beach for four dayswas super restful.
So totally, even though therecan be a lot of energy involved
in the before and after, thereare a lot of pieces of that,
yes, that can be restful.
And a vacation with kids is,just a trip with kids.
(24:51):
You're just doing what you weredoing before, but somewhere
else.
It's still stressful.
You don't get to just hang outin a chair and drink a Bloody
Mary by the pool.
And so, yes, you're so right notto sound a broken record, but
instead of fighting the old, itis being with all of the things
right now and allowing thatredefinition of rest, allowing
(25:14):
new possibility to And also, youknow, the reality is as a mom,
we can't wait.
I mean, we do.
Moms are incredible and we canhandle anything and everything.
Like we do that every singleday.
That's, I know that, but.
What does it look like to waitsix months for that vacation or
that trip or that retreat orwhatever?
(25:34):
And how we're waiting andholding out for that thing
that's in the future.
We're neglecting, again, thenow.
We're neglecting the present.
We're neglecting us and ourneeds and what we need right
now.
And so if we can bring that restinto really small pockets of our
day, week, month, it's so muchmore sustainable.
And What works for me probablyis not what you do, probably is
(25:59):
not what all of my clients do.
So that's something else that Ithink is really powerful and
important to touch on.
You know, I have clients whocome to me and they're like,
well, why can't I just do thisthing?
I know that I'm supposed to dothis thing, but why can't I do
this thing?
And it's because we, this issomething I used to say to the
instructors that I was training,and I don't know who came up
with this quote, so tell me ifyou know, but don't compare your
(26:21):
beginning to somebody else'smiddle.
UNKNOWN (26:23):
Mm-hmm.
SPEAKER_00 (26:24):
And a second half of that that I've found too is the
only reason that you're readingand seeing the middle of
somebody's story is because theykept writing.
And so...
the permission to just trysomething and see what happens
or experiment.
And again, move through thosedifferent phases of growth and
change, even if it's a failureat the end, right?
(26:46):
Even if you try to work outthree days a week and it doesn't
ultimately happen, but then youcome back and you start with
one.
You know, you take one smallstep, one little thing.
Like I say rest is important,but that can look very different
for everybody.
And so giving them the time andspace in a coaching session to
tune out the rest of the worldand say, okay, it's just me
(27:07):
right now.
Taking a few breaths, like whatdo I need?
What's important to me?
Actually, I really like readinga book or listening to an audio
book.
I don't care about baths, right?
And so why am I trying to thinkthat I need a bath when I don't
want that anyways?
And so letting all of the crapfall away of what you think you
(27:28):
should do and tapping into, whatyou love and what supports you
and what fills your cup is restto me.
Yeah, it's making me thinkabout, I recently had a therapy
session and she asked me, youknow, do you have mom guilt?
And I was like, I think the onlything I feel any sort of guilt
(27:49):
around is missing bedtime.
And she's like, girl, if that'sthe thing that you're worried
about, you have all the momguilts to have.
Like, you know, you're doingpretty good.
But I do think everyone hassomething that they find
themselves feeling like I needto do this.
So I'm going to negate resting.
I need to be available for everysingle pickup.
(28:12):
I need to be available for everysingle bedtime.
I need to be about like there'sthis feeling or desire maybe to
always be available for others.
when you're a mom, or even justin general, women, I feel like
have this mindset that they justneed to be available for
everyone all the time.
And what does it look like tosay to yourself, I can't be
(28:34):
available for everyone all thetime.
I need to rest.
So I need it for myself.
Yes, I relate to what you'resaying.
I have experienced highexpectations of myself, as I
assume, again, most moms andwomen do.
And for the most part, mypartner and I, my husband, we
(28:54):
have a pretty equal relationshipto take care of our kids.
We also, my mother-in-law iswith us in the same home, which
is amazing.
And I could nerd out about aninter or multi-generational
living, but that's a story foranother time.
But anyways, I'm saying thatbecause we split things, right?
And so in the mornings, And Iwas like, okay.
(29:34):
I had to say out loud to himjust last week, okay?
So like, I'm here to just, to bea human and to be honest about
how this stuff can go.
I looked at him last week and Iwas like, I am putting all of
this pressure on myself to doall of the things in the
afternoon in the same way thatI'm doing them in the morning.
And I'm realizing that that'sreally unfair to me.
And that's unfair to you becausehe's the one that is doing those
(29:56):
things.
Like he's already doing them,but I was putting pressure on
myself to do them too.
And for what?
UNKNOWN (30:02):
Right?
SPEAKER_00 (30:02):
As soon as I said that out loud, he looked at me
and he was like, well, but why?
Why are you doing that?
I was like, I have no idea.
I have no idea, but I'macknowledging it.
I've noticed it in this moment.
I am releasing myself of thisguilt and shame to be there
because I'm already there in themorning.
You are a parent.
(30:23):
You love them.
They can also be taken care ofby you.
And I'm going to go in theoffice and work.
And he was like, okay, babe, seeya.
Really proud of you.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I think it's interesting.
I mean, I'm sure we all do it tosome extent.
My husband has my daughter allday on Wednesdays because that's
him and her time.
And my time with her is all dayon Sundays because he works on
(30:43):
Sundays.
I work on Wednesdays.
And I was putting this pressureon myself to still be available
on Wednesdays just in case theyneeded me.
And I'm like, what do theypossibly need me for?
He is a perfectly capable human.
He loves him to death.
Why do I also need to makemyself available?
Like, All right, maybe need totone that down, Stephanie.
(31:04):
You can do what you need to doin order to provide for the
family and to enjoy your workand feel fulfilled by working
with your clients.
Don't have to be alwaysavailable.
Yes, and I think that's soimportant.
What you're sharing is to seethe other side, right?
The mom guilt is only thenegative or the void of how
(31:25):
we're not there, what we're notdoing.
But what we do on the flip sideis, It's super, super important.
You're doing work that fulfillsyou, that makes you feel happy
and present when you get home.
And making money is another waythat you are caring for her,
even if you're not physicallythere, right?
And so all of those differentpieces that take care of you and
(31:46):
fill your cup so that it impactshow you're showing up when you
are there and when you're homewith them.
We don't celebrate all of thethings that we're doing enough.
Mm-hmm.
Yeah.
Yeah, we all need to have minicelebrations for ourselves
probably every week.
We made it through another week.
Let's do happy dance.
(32:06):
Let's turn the music up and justsing along.
Whatever a celebration means toyou, I think we all need to be
doing that more.
Yes, and that's a part of restin Rerooted is reflection.
As a culture, I think there's somuch that is so fast-paced,
harder, better, faster,stronger, do better, work
faster, go, go, go, go, go.
(32:27):
There's not, and we're not usedto pausing.
After you are, for example,working out three days a week,
if that's what you want to do,like taking stock after a few
weeks to say, holy cannoli, I'vedone this thing, right?
I wanted to do this thing.
I said I was going to do thisthing.
I've done it.
What's working for me?
How is this making me feel?
(32:47):
And how am I going to celebratethe fact that I am choosing me,
the fact that I am taking careof myself?
And when we build in more ofthat rest and pause and
reflection and celebration, italso allows for more growth and
for that sustainable change tokeep going and continuing in
(33:07):
whatever way, shape or form thatneeds to take.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So I want to encourage you toshare where can people find to
work with you, socials andwhatnot, so people can connect.
Yeah, thank you.
I'm on Instagram at underscorewith Caitlin and that's Caitlin
the Irish way.
C-A-I-T-L-I-N.
(33:28):
And my website iscoachingwithcaitlin.com.
I have lots of blog posts up.
I have lots of different thingson Instagram.
Everyone can book a free callwith me on the website if
they're interested in, I call ita possibility call, learning
more about coaching and what itcan do for them.
And I have a free weeklynewsletter as well.
(33:48):
So lots of different ways that Iam here and I would love to
support your listeners.
Awesome.
Yes.
And all that will be in the shownotes too.
So don't feel like you have towrite it all down.
So thank you so much for beingon with us today and hopefully
everyone learned something andwe'll connect with you.
I hope so too.
Thank you so much, Stephanie.
(34:08):
I really appreciate the time tobe with you.
Thank you for tuning in toRedefining Us once again and
share with other people so otherpeople can continue to listen to
Redefining Us and we can getinto more listeners ears.
If you follow us or subscribe orleave a comment or review,
that'd be greatly helpful forother people to find us and also
(34:32):
just for me to get somefeedback.
What do you guys want to hear mesay?
What do you women care abouthearing?
I'm totally open to Thank you somuch for joining us.
(35:11):
So you can be in the know withall the things that are
happening in the Redefining Uscommunity.
Once again, thank you so muchfor listening and keep being
awesome.
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