February 27, 2025 • 44 mins
Sairan Aqrawi is an engineer and business strategist, reframing midlife crisis to midlife PRICELESS! She believes that turning 40 or 50 (or really any age!) marks the ideal time to reinvent oneself, rediscover passions, and take bold steps two enjoying life. And it all happens by overcoming self-doubt, embracing change, and taking action, because confidence is built by doing, not just thinking about doing.
Sairan also talks about common struggles among successful women who feel “stuck” despite achieving career milestones, or raising a family. She's giving us some strategies for breaking free from routine, handling rejection with resilience, and transforming hidden talents into fulfilling side businesses. No matter what age you are, if you’ve ever felt like you’re just going through the motions, this episode is a must-listen. You'll feel motivated to take charge of your future, start something new, and redefine what’s possible at any stage of your life.
Want to connect with Sairan? She’s offering a complimentary one-hour consultation for Redefining Us listeners! Mention this episode when reaching out:
LinkedIn: Sairan Aqrawi
Instagram: @sairan_aqrawi
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Would you like to chat more about this episode's topic? I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @wellmindedcounseling
I wrote a book! Becoming Mommy: Aligning with yourself and finding your voice during pregnancy and motherhood, available at all major retailers - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DZT9P3RB?ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&social_share=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&bestFormat=true
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:01):
Don't think that your job is just your job making
money.
Your purpose in life is waydeeper than that.
If you sit down alone and youthink deep inside and ask good
questions yourself, you willfind out that you have so much
to offer.
And if you don't do it now, thenwhen?
(00:21):
You've got to start now.
SPEAKER_00 (00:26):
This is Redefining Us, and I'm your host, Stephanie
Contrera, licensed professionalcounselor.
And I'm so glad that you joinedus today so we can dive into
what it means to be a woman intoday's society, figuring out
how we balance everything, howwe grow, how we be more
authentically us and figuringout who we are through the
(00:48):
transitions of life, whetherthat be motherhood, success,
relationships, and all thingsthat have happened in women's
lives, because it's definitelynot a linear journey.
And I think by talking about itand normalizing it and
validating, we can all risetogether and be the women that
we were meant to be.
(01:09):
So keep tuning in.
and I am so excited aboutjoining the conversation and
being in your ears each week.
Let's get into it.
Hi, welcome back to RedefiningUs.
I'm your host, StephanieControhera, Licensed
Professional Counselor.
And today I have with me SeyranOkrawi, who is an engineer and
(01:33):
business strategist dedicated tohelping individuals and
organizations unlock their fullpotential through a powerful
blend of technical expertise andstrategic business insight.
She empowers her clients to gaincrystal clear clarity Take bold,
decisive action and achievemeaningful, measurable results
that last.
Her unique approach combines theprecision of engineering with
(01:55):
the foresight of businessstrategy, equipping individuals
and organizations with the toolsto future-proof their careers in
a rapid, evolving world byseamlessly aligning technical
capabilities with strategicplanning.
Sayrun enabled leaders to makesmarter, data-driven decisions
that drive operationalefficiencies, fosters
(02:17):
innovations, and ensuressustainable growth.
Sayrun...
works with clients to createtailored solutions that address
today's challenges whilepositioning them for long-term
success.
Whether individuals arenavigating a career transition
or organizations are seeking tooptimize their business
(02:37):
operations, Seyran's guidanceensures they take purposeful,
well-informed steps towardstheir desired outcomes.
Through her strategic coachingand hands-on expertise, Sayrun
transforms challenges intoopportunities, empowering her
clients to thrive at theintersection of STEM and
strategy.
(02:57):
Her focus on integratingtechnical expertise with
strategic foresight helpsindividuals and businesses stay
ahead in today's fast-changingprofessional landscape.
Sayrun's clients don't justachieve their goals, they gain
their confidence, direction, andtools to continually elevate
their performance and reach newheights in their career and
business.
So thank you so much for joiningus today.
SPEAKER_01 (03:18):
Thank you, Stephanie.
I'm very glad to be here on yourlovely platform.
Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (03:26):
Yeah.
So I guess like, let's just diveright into it.
What do you think isparticularly important for the
women that are listening to hearabout your message?
SPEAKER_01 (03:37):
I think my message is very important now for all
the midlife women, becausewomen, we tend to undervalue
ourselves, professional andpersonal life.
We think that we have to beperfect.
We have to figure out all and wehave to have a black belt in
everything we do.
You cannot get that mastery andblack belt unless you take
(03:57):
action as you go.
So aging, it's something that wecannot jump.
We cannot pass.
We cannot say, I'm going to skipthe 50 or I'm going to skip the
40.
Guess what?
It's coming.
If you are 30, you're going tobe 40.
If you are 40, you're going tobe 50.
So it's better to thrive andlove and adapt those stages of
(04:18):
your life.
And my message is important nowfor all women, professional
women, especially in the techand STEM and engineering,
because we tend to put so mucheffort and time just to get
degree.
and seek validation from outsideat work, getting a degree, which
is nothing wrong with that, andgetting certification, thinking
(04:39):
that's all.
When you hit your 50 and youturn around and you see that
your kid's already almosthalfway in the school, they are
independent.
Some of them may be in their 20or late 18 or 19, they start
driving, so they don't need youto drive them to places.
So they become independent.
And you're going to look backand you said, okay, now what?
(05:02):
Am I done?
And the society telling us, oh,you are 50, you are done.
Or workforce saying, oh, you are50, you are too old to start a
new job.
My message here is that yourmidlife is not a midlife crisis.
It's a midlife priceless.
It's the time that you canthrive, reinvent and start again
(05:24):
and finding your hidden gem andactually live again your best
version.
SPEAKER_00 (05:31):
Yeah, I really love that reframing of midlife crisis
is actually midlife priceless.
I think that's really importantfor people to hear because I do
think when people hit thismiddle age in their career or
just in their personal life,it's like, what do I do now?
And they might find themselvesfeeling a little empty or stuck.
(05:53):
And so reframing it as like,there's so much hope still and
so much opportunity to livetheir best life.
I think that's a really greatmessage.
I guess I'm kind of curious, doyou find that there's a lot of
specific barriers that women areexperiencing who come to you
that maybe are struggling to seethat priceless aspect of their
(06:16):
midlife?
And what are those like commonbarriers that women come to you
to talk about?
SPEAKER_01 (06:21):
Yes, I'm glad to ask that question.
It's very important because themajority of the women, most of
them, when they come to me, theyare already well established at
their career.
They make good money.
They are managers.
They are supervisors.
They are team lead.
And they come and they tell methat they have the perfect life.
They have a good husband.
Their kids are a student.
They have a million dollar houseand they make good money.
(06:44):
And I ask them then why you arehere seeking my, you know,
consultation or my coaching.
They said, we don't know.
We just go to work.
We come back.
It's like a daily routine.
Even when we take vacation withour family, we feel we are
muted.
We feel like we are numb.
We kind of like doing the samething on and on.
2024, same like 2023, same like2025.
(07:06):
I said, what do you think it is?
I always ask them the samequestion because as a coach, we
can tell them what is the rightsolution.
We have to make them think, asyou know, what is the right
things?
What is bringing value to them?
And most of them, they said,yeah, we see the money coming,
but we don't see the sense ofimpact.
There is no sense of belonging.
(07:27):
We feel like we are just makingmoney.
We're paying the bills.
We're taking vacation.
We take pictures with thefamily.
But at the end of the day, weare not feeling that we add
value.
And for every woman midlifeuntil we die, we tend to thrive
on love adding value.
Being a mother, being a sister,being a wife, being a
(07:48):
girlfriend, We always love to beneeded.
We love to be asked aboutadvices, asked about help.
Oh, don't worry, girlfriend, Igot you, right?
And same thing, sister who issame thing as a wife.
We always feel so good when wesay we found out a way how to
fix that problem because we tendto think that everything, we are
(08:12):
able to figure out everything ina good way because we are a mom.
Nature, we give away, right?
I feel like from my experience,the confidence, the courage, the
stuff that I'm doing now, Inever thought about I will do in
my 30 or 40.
Never.
(08:32):
I mean, I have a degree.
I was an engineer.
I'm still an engineer, full-timeengineer.
My business is a side business.
But I never had that courage andaudacity and confidence to start
something like this, which isvery competitive.
When I hit my 50, I knew that Ihave too much to give.
(08:54):
And I knew that just finishingmy master in engineering, that's
all what I, that's noteverything I got.
I keep asking myself, okay, nowwhat?
Okay, I got the degree.
Now what?
Is that all I can do?
So then my message to youraudience and all the women in
midlife, don't think that yourjob is that just your job making
money.
(09:14):
Your purpose in life is waydeeper than that.
If you sit down alone and youthink deep inside and ask good
questions yourself, you willfind out that you have so much
to offer.
And if you don't do it now, thenwhen?
You've got to start now.
SPEAKER_00 (09:33):
Yeah, two of the things you said that really
stuck out to me were the wordsaudacity and courage, because I
do think it takes a lot ofaudacity and courage to
challenge what you're so used todoing and Most women, like you
mentioned, are kind of trainedto be these like caregivers or
these people that feel like theyneed to do something for others
(09:54):
in order to add value.
And it sounds like you're reallyhaving these conversations with
women to take a step back andpause and ask themselves, like,
I can do more than just likegive value by helping other
people or supporting otherpeople.
Like I have other skills thatcan be highlighted and really
(10:16):
used for my own purpose andfulfillment and not just to
fulfill another person's needsor desires or goals.
SPEAKER_01 (10:25):
Yeah, totally, totally.
Because life taking us in everyday, you know, paying bills and
taking care of the kids andschool and doing daily job.
And when we hit over 50, we turnaround, we said, now is my time.
So I tell women, this is not theend.
Actually, this is the start.
And they said, how comes?
It's I feel old.
I'm 50.
I said, I haven't seen that bookwhich is say 50 is old.
(10:49):
I think you are old when youstop dreaming.
That's when you are really oldbecause you have lost the
ability to dream about your bestversion.
You are not old in 40.
You are not old in 50.
You are not old in any age.
If you keep progressing, thesuccess is going those small
bite that's go every day.
(11:10):
If you see yourself a betterversion than last year, that's
success.
That's not old.
But if you're stagnant andyou're just staying comfortable,
we said, I'm making money.
I'm paying the bills.
Life is good.
Guess what?
Life is not good.
There's a lot of problem aroundus.
If you just take initiative andyou start thinking about the
humanity and say, okay, there isone issue I can solve here.
(11:33):
I have the ability.
I have the skills to talk withwomen who's going through the
same thing.
So I'm helping myself and otherwomen.
Because I was able to reach thatlevel that I'm able to start a
business while I'm working andhaving kids in college.
While I'm doing it myself, I'mhelping other women in their
midlife to do the same thing.
(11:54):
And I'm trying to tell them,hey, it's doable.
I was able to do it coming tothis country when I was 26,
starting with a couple ofhundred dollars and starting a
career, a family, raising kids,then going back to school and
earning my master.
What is stopping you?
What's stopping us is the fearfrom failing and also from the
(12:15):
judgment.
Well, when you hit your 50,don't worry about the judgment.
Those judgment statement willnot help you later in life.
Those people who think you arenot too skinny or you are not
too pretty or there's so muchwrinkles or you are not a chief
or your LinkedIn doesn't lookright, they will not help you
when you are really in a badsituation and thinking about
(12:39):
your life when you look back inyour life.
So it's better to pick up yoursoul and reinvent the wheel and
say, hey, my 50 is the start.
I'm going to start stronger andbounce back higher and stronger
than ever.
And that's come with this wisdomcome with age.
My daughter just turned 21 twodays ago and my son's turning 23
(13:02):
next month.
I'm not expecting my kids tofigure out everything in their
20s.
So don't expect everything willcome ready in your 20 or 30, not
even in the 40.
You just have to add up theskills and the wisdom as you go.
Don't hate the age, love it,welcome it.
It will come with a lot offulfillment, a lot.
SPEAKER_00 (13:23):
Yeah, I feel like another part of your message is
really like leaning into thecuriosity of like what can
happen next?
What other opportunities arethere for me?
Rather than feeling like it hasto, Be filled with fear or
judgment or perfectionism.
Like just lean into thatcuriosity that you might have
(13:43):
about what is possible.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
Yes, that's a very important word, Stephanie.
Curiosity is very important.
It's like equal to innovation.
Because if you are not curiousabout what's coming, I mean,
what else in life?
If I lost the sense ofinnovation and curiosity and
just seeking, that's what we'reall doing in life.
You and me and everyone, we keepsearching.
for the best version ofourselves.
(14:06):
We keep learning.
We are student of life, right?
If I lose that ability to becurious and to be innovate in my
ideas and stop dreaming, thenwhat's left is just a numb life.
Every day is the same likeyesterday.
And I don't call that a life.
That's not a life.
SPEAKER_00 (14:25):
Yeah, it's definitely not a life.
That's very exciting or veryfulfilling, I imagine, if you're
in that place where you're justkind of in a circle and doing
the same thing every single day.
SPEAKER_01 (14:36):
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
And action breeds the confidencelike they say.
Like when my client come andsaid, I'm an engineer, but I
love to ride.
I'm an engineer, I love topaint.
I'm an engineer, but I love tocook.
I said, what do you have donetowards that dream?
Well, I just love it.
Well, without action, You're notgonna gain the confidence to
(14:58):
move on in your business.
You're not gonna figure outeverything, Stephanie, the first
year or the first even fiveyears.
I changed my niche two yearsago.
I used to be internationaltransition expert, only guiding
women who came to United Statesinternationally, legally with
engineering degree.
I was helping them withfulfilling their American dream.
(15:20):
I changed that niche.
I become a business coachbecause I felt like I fulfilled
that niche It's time for me tothrive and challenge myself as
well.
And changing niche, it's not asimple thing.
So as we go, as we age, andgoing back to your curiosity
point, we learn as we go.
(15:40):
Don't expect you're going tofigure out everything at one
time.
You have to fail.
You have to get a lot of norejection.
I can write a book about therejection letter and email I got
in my life.
but it's shape who I am.
Don't expect everybody willcheer for you and clap for you.
(16:02):
Actually, that clapping doesn'thelp at all because you're not
going to evolve.
You're not going to gain moreskills.
But the rejection, if they arereally honest with you, if they
reject you at work, if theyreject you in a book session,
they reject you in a speakinggigs, they will tell you what is
missing and you take what'smissing and you work on it.
(16:25):
and you're gonna become a betterversion of yourself.
So you're not gonna figure itout all at once.
You gotta go through the processand the phases.
SPEAKER_00 (16:35):
Yeah, I heard something in there that I wanna
really highlight for thelistener of like, even if you're
rejection, maybe there's, or youreceive rejection, there's this
way to reframe it of thinkingabout it as like just an
opportunity to grow and tochallenge yourself and see it as
feedback to continue growing toevolve rather than like a
(16:56):
stopping point where you justneed to like give up.
SPEAKER_01 (17:01):
Totally.
And this is funny what I'msaying, but I had a couple of
rejection and, you know, inbusiness and work-wise.
The people who reject me forthat particular project, they
are best friends with me now.
We are best friends.
We learn from each other.
I was not fit for that place.
(17:24):
And it was for my own benefit.
You get upset in the beginningand you start questioning your
abilities.
Like, okay, I apply to be partof that speaking gigs.
What does he or she mean that Idon't fit that platform?
Well, you are not.
Not everything is personal.
When we are younger, we tend totake everything personal.
(17:44):
I was when I was in my 20s and30s.
I thought the whole universeagainst me.
Why?
Nobody has time to think aboutus, right?
Everybody's busy talking.
building their own life.
When you hit your 40 and 50 andyou start thinking, this is not
personal, but even if it'spersonal, let's look at the
positive side of it.
(18:05):
If they reject you on a speakinggigs or they reject to be part
of the book project or theyreject you in a promotion, let's
think about it deeply.
What is it there for me?
And when you really sit down Andlook at it by yourself.
You will see that it's happenedfor your own benefit.
And you're going to bounce backin a better opportunity.
(18:26):
Those people I told you that,like I still remember, they are
a good friend of me now.
We keep talking and we meet forlunch and dinner.
But back then, a couple of yearsago, when I approached them for
certain project, they were partof it.
I was rejected.
But I learned.
I learned a lot from that.
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
Yeah, I'm curious in that example, what do you think
really allowed you to like letgo of they've rejected me and
create this relationship withthem that is ongoing?
Because I think that could bereally helpful for maybe people
to consider when they receive arejection.
SPEAKER_01 (19:02):
Yes, yeah.
When you get the rejectionletter or email or job or
business, both is the same.
You have a business, you have ajob like me.
At the moment when you receivethe rejection, I'm not expecting
you to dance and sing.
Say, yay, I got rejected.
That's abnormal.
We are human beings, right?
(19:23):
You put your effort, you sweatabout it, you surge, you put
money, training, skills,everything.
You put your soul on it.
And here it is, the email sayingyou are not qualified.
Well, go through it.
What I tell my client, neverbrush things away.
When things really botheringyou, and you know this way
(19:44):
better than me, you have togreen, you know, and that I'm
not going to compete with you onthat.
When the things really botheringyou, if you don't go through it
and digest it, learn from it,it's going to come back again in
an ugliest way, in way muchuglier, right?
But if you face it and said,okay, let me look at the email.
(20:09):
Let me see what was the reasonfor the rejection or what was
the reason for rejecting me andthe business opportunity.
And think about it alone.
Don't start listening to thenoise around you.
Not everybody giving you adviceare even qualified to give you
advice.
You have to make sure who'sreally giving you the advice,
right?
And when you go through it, youdon't brush it off and kind of
(20:33):
like sleep on it.
We say like sleep on it, right?
Sleep on that rejection.
Let it sit right there for acouple of days.
Then go back and read it.
Go back and analysis thesituation.
And within a month, maybe lessthan a month, you will find out
it's happened for your own good.
That was the best things happenbecause there is something else
(20:57):
better lineup for you.
That's not you.
It's not personal.
It doesn't suit your ability.
It doesn't suit your charisma.
It doesn't suit yourpersonality.
That's peace.
It's happened to be built forsomebody else.
But we think at the moment whenwe get the rejection, oh, I'm
not too good.
(21:17):
I'm old.
I'm ugly.
I'm not skinny.
I'm whatever.
We label ourselves.
We are guilty of labelingourselves the bad things.
Nobody say those things.
It's not on the rejection email,but we tend to only pick up the
bad things and label it toourselves.
But if we really think about itand let us sit and think about
(21:38):
it later, we find out that'shappened for our own good.
SPEAKER_02 (21:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:42):
And again, it's come with aging.
I was not that wise when I wasin my 20s.
It's come with so manyrejections.
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
Well, I want to highlight again, I feel like
this is kind of what you'rereally saying is like you are
talking about resilience, right?
Like receive a rejection, you...
look at it, you internalize someof it, you leave what doesn't
fit, you look at otheropportunities, you really
examine it rather than just kindof allow it to be this emotional
(22:12):
roller coaster and then justpush it aside.
You like really are encouragingnot just other people, but
yourself to like build thatinner resilience that I think is
so needed in today's world,especially for women.
I think as their careercontinues to evolve, like from,
you know, from 40 tillretirement.
SPEAKER_01 (22:35):
Yeah, those things, those call life, right?
Like, let's not always say it'scalled life.
I love when he say it.
It's life action.
It's life task.
It's life event.
Those things will shape you.
It's make you make who you arenow.
You wake up in the morning andif you, not just manifesting, if
(22:55):
you decide to make your day isthe best day It's going to
become a good day.
Even if you go to the first stopin your day, if you go to the
grocery shop and the cashier isreally rude to you, don't take
it in a way that he just haveproblem with you or he hate you.
The cashier don't know you.
The cashier at the grocerystore, maybe, maybe I'm just
(23:19):
making up a scenario.
He might receive a call from thedoctor saying that his son have
a rare disease.
He's stressed out.
So when he's rude to you, I'mnot suggesting that they should
be rude to you.
They receive a bad phone call.
But don't put it on yourself.
Don't say, oh, I wake up thismorning and I decided to be a
(23:40):
great.
And here you go.
The first stop I did, thecashier was rude to me.
He's racist.
He's bad.
He's rude.
Let me call the manager and letme complain about him.
Well, you ruin your day byyourself.
That person don't know you.
They were trying to work, but ithappened that you become in
front of their face in a verybad timing.
(24:00):
So again, Stephanie, like I saidearlier, those things come by
practicing life, by goingthrough up and down, the roller
coaster, like you said, thesuccess and the failure, the
excitement and thedisappointment.
Those things shape you.
If I wake up every day andeverything looks perfect, then
(24:22):
what is the lesson?
What I'm learning, I'm the sameversion of yesterday.
But when you get those slaps andblocks and obstacles and wall
that require you to climb, onthe other side, you'll be like,
whoa, I did it.
I cannot believe I did it.
(24:43):
You just have to go throughthem.
Don't brush them off becausethey're going to come back in a
very ugly way.
You just have to take themThat's another thing like
resilience.
Adapt it because things arechanging so dramatically, so
quick.
When I compare engineering worldor business world from 10 years
(25:07):
ago before AI and before JGPTand before all those smart
people who are inventing appsthat make your life easy,
imagine how much we have tolearn to keep up.
You don't have to be genius, butyou just have to cope.
You have to adopt the change soyou can move on.
Don't be scared from the changeand say, I'm an old school.
(25:30):
I graduated in the 90 or in the80.
Then I'm not learning thisartificial intelligence.
I'm avoiding.
That's not a good idea.
The best idea is to cope withthe change, learn it and move
on.
Live and learn.
SPEAKER_00 (25:48):
Yeah, this is making me think of a lot of things that
I talk about with clients whenthey find themselves feeling
like stuck or not willing tolike learn something or adapt.
And it's like, well, you've doneit before, right?
You didn't get here in this lifeposition that you're in now just
from like not learning anythingor staying the same.
Like you can learn, you canadapt.
(26:08):
Look how far you've come fromthe time that you were a
teenager to the time that youwere you know in your early 20s
or whatever like you have theskills to continue to evolve
let's tap into that becausesaying that you can't learn
something new or that you don'thave interest in trying
something different you're onlygetting in your own way
SPEAKER_01 (26:29):
yeah and you mentioned a word stuck and I'm
sure in your practice you hearthat a lot maybe more than me
because your nature of practicea little bit different than mine
SPEAKER_02 (26:40):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (26:41):
That word overused and people don't find a good
word.
They said, I'm stuck.
Okay, I'm stuck in my weight.
I can lose weight.
I done everything.
And when they said everything,it will be like, okay, what's
everything mean?
I'm stuck in my relationship.
I did everything.
He's still a bad person.
I'm stuck with a bad friend.
(27:02):
I did everything.
What does everything mean?
I don't know what's everythingmean.
Did you really did everything toget out of that stuck mode?
I don't think so.
When we feel stuck, what I tellmy client is, that's mean you
are not moving.
You are stagnant.
You feel stuck because you'redoing the same practice every
(27:23):
day.
This is why you feel stuck.
Like your foot in the mud.
You are not able to get out ofthat mud because you are in the
same spot.
To get out of that stuck, thefirst thing is just to jump out
of that situation.
Just do dramatic action.
You're stuck in a relationshipand you know that relationship
is not working well for you.
(27:44):
Just end it.
Then you are not going to bestuck anymore.
Just cut that toxic relationshipand start something new.
You are not stuck anymorebecause you jump out of that
situation.
You're stuck in a job that youdon't like.
Okay.
Do you know that you can findanother job?
Maybe.
Okay.
Take action.
If you find another job, guesswhat?
(28:05):
You are not stuck.
You're moving away from that badsituation.
You're only stuck if you'redoing the same thing every day.
And that's applied to losingweight as well.
People say, I've doneeverything.
I speak about myself.
I want to lose the last 10pounds because I used to be a
swimming coach and I always haveideal body.
(28:25):
But after having two kids andhitting my 50, it's a little bit
more challenging.
I'm not going to be...
saying hard, but it's morechallenging to lose that extra
pound like before.
But it's not impossible.
People have done it.
So when people come to you andsay, I've done everything, you
(28:47):
should just ask them, what doeseverything mean?
Can you list what's everything?
Because everything is endless,right?
And I don't think people havedone everything to reach what
they want.
They might have done one or two,but not everything.
We have to choose our words sowisely.
And they teach us in the ICF,you know, when we get certified
(29:10):
for the ACC for being a coach,they said, we tend to try when
we speak with our client totweak and change the connotation
of word, like making it fromnegative connotation to positive
connotation.
And sometimes with some client,it's hard.
(29:31):
As you know, you practice itevery day.
They just want to feel victimand they want you to believe
they are victimized and you haveto feel sorry for them and they
are not lucky and people aretreating them bad for whatever
reason.
They are comfortable in thatsituation.
And those are clients are hardto coach or, you know, treat in
(29:54):
your practice as well.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:58):
Yeah.
And I think sometimes There's aspace for like validation and
honoring.
Like, yeah, shit is hard andit's hard.
And like you do have someautonomy here and choice to do
something different, to thinkabout it differently, to see
life in a variety of colors, notjust in this like very black and
(30:21):
white way that you seem to belike feeling like it's
comfortable.
UNKNOWN (30:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:27):
or familiar maybe is a better word.
It's like familiar to be like inthis, everything is bad,
everything is hard, I can't doit place.
But if you actually like want tobe out of that place, you need
to get a little uncomfortableand like push the ways that you
think about your life and yourplace in it.
SPEAKER_01 (30:47):
Yeah, and avoid too much analysis and too much going
back to the same point on and onand analysis the way how people
did it, I did it, and givingfacts and bullet and make the
small events such a huge event.
We tend to like not onlyexaggerate things, but we tend
(31:11):
to give bigger size to thingsthat's really small.
Like the same example I saidabout the cashier.
I mean, it's just a badincident.
Just move on, just move on.
Don't talk about that incident.
I went to the cashier.
The guy was very rude.
I end up calling the manager.
He was racist.
(31:31):
He hates me.
He talked to me down.
It's not.
It's just a bad incident.
And it's happened 10 o'clock inthe morning.
You're dragging that until yousleep.
That's wasting time and energy.
And you lost that energy andthat positive aura that you
carried in the morning for oneincident.
(31:53):
which is not personal.
It's hard, Stephanie.
What I'm saying is not easy tobe done because, again, when I
was younger, just like a lot ofyounger people, we feel like
everything should be perfect.
I should not get that rudecashier in front of me.
I should not get rejectionletter.
I should not get denied by a jobopportunity.
(32:16):
I should not be denied about anyrelationship.
But life, the reality is theopposite.
You're going to be up and downuntil you die.
It's the key is how to find thejoy in your daily activity and
just take the best out of it andfind something that's really
(32:37):
excite you.
That's what I tell my midlifeclient.
I said, don't talk about the joball the time.
Tell me what's really exciteyou.
What is that one hobby that youreally love to do in the
weekend?
Are you writing, reading,gardening, knitting, painting?
What do you really enjoy?
(32:57):
And do that more.
And when I asked them, theysaid, yeah, when we do those
hobbies, we don't feel the timeand effort.
We feel like the clock, is thisthree hours I've been just
writing or just reading a book?
Just find those stuff that'shidden, that is sleep inside you
and bring them up and enjoy themand make them like books I call
(33:20):
it in my business, your hiddengem.
Make it your core genius andthrive on them and make them a
side business and enjoy them.
So when you have something in aside that you really look
forward to it in the weekend,you're going to stop complaining
about your boss or stopcomplaining about daily things
happen to you because you cannotwait that what will be done at
(33:42):
five o'clock or the weekend orthe holidays coming that you're
going to practice your businessmore and more.
because it's something that youreally thrive on.
Don't push it away.
It's in you.
Each one of us had that hiddengem.
And what is the better than amidlife woman to start thriving
(34:02):
in their hidden gem when theyare in their midlife?
When they see that their kid'smore independent, they can have
more time alone with theirpartner, you travel more, you
read more, you spend morequality time.
Just pick up what's reallyexcite you and make it a
business and life will bedifferent.
SPEAKER_00 (34:25):
Yeah, it sounds like you really encourage people to
like lean in to what theirpassions are and figure out how
they can make that intosomething that is maybe like
more prominent in their liferather than focusing on all the
things that maybe they wouldidentify as make their life like
monotonous or unexciting orunfulfilling.
SPEAKER_01 (34:45):
Yeah, because life, it's messy.
People are messy.
Human, we are messy, right?
I mean, there is no manual.
There is no book I can give youand I say, Stephanie, if you
come to the engineering world,read this manual and you are
good to go.
Well, you are not.
There is no manual for people.
You know that.
You have a degree about, youknow, dealing with this.
(35:08):
And you might even speak aboutthis part way better than me.
People are different.
People are way different.
You see them outside for lunchor happy hours.
They are totally different thanat work.
At work, they wear differentmasks.
We all wear different masks.
I can be exactly the same as amom or as an engineer.
(35:32):
As a mom, I give love andattention and support to my
kids.
Same face you see at work, Idon't blink.
I have to give that tough facelike she know her numbers.
Don't mess with me.
The design is wrong, right?
Because I'm not giving love andattention to the co-worker.
I'm here to make the job donecorrectly and precisely, right?
(35:56):
I have to be precise and concisein my statement and my
calculation.
I'm an engineer.
There is no mistake here.
But at home, it's different.
You argue with your kids.
You have disagreement with yourpartner.
That's personal life.
So...
The more we learn, the more welisten.
I feel like communication, it'sthe best.
(36:20):
I think I have it even as a postin my Instagram last year.
Communication, it's the besttrade.
It's the best skills that youneed to learn in order to start
a business.
You can have a PhD degree.
You can have a 10 PhD degree.
But if you lack of communicationskills, you cannot go anywhere.
(36:43):
And communication, the firstone-on-one communication rule is
be a better listener.
Sometimes your client come.
I'm sure you're going to agreewith this.
My client, your client, theycome.
All they need just to listen tothem.
They have nobody that listen tothem.
So they have needs is not beingmet.
(37:05):
They have gap of loves that'snot being given when they were
younger or when they were, youknow, in teenage, whatever.
So they have those needs thatnobody met those needs and they
want you to listen to them.
I have some client, all theyneed that I listened to their
bad day and I remind them after10 minutes, I said, this is not
(37:27):
a venting event, right?
You're not here to just to vent,I'm your coach.
Can you tell me what is the goalfor the session?
And just after I listened 10minutes to them, their face,
even their energy to speak withme is totally different because
I was able to listen to them.
So communication is veryimportant.
(37:48):
And I'm sure you know thatduring your practice every day.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:53):
Yeah, I think people undervalue what listening to
other people does forthemselves, as well as like for
the person that they'relistening to.
And that like mutual exchange, Ithink can really help people.
Yeah, like, Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
It's
SPEAKER_00 (38:35):
not rocket science to listen to another
SPEAKER_01 (38:38):
person.
Well, basic are importantbecause as we go and become a
better communicator and betterlistener, you get that skills
that you can read between thelines.
In the beginning, when I startedmy business, I thought listening
is just saying, okay, let metake notes.
It's not.
Sometimes actually what they aresaying is not exactly what they
are really bothered about.
(39:00):
That's not exactly why they areabsent or they want you to
listen to them.
But when you surprise them,telling them that I read between
the lines and I think you'rehaving a bad day because such,
oh, how do you know?
I didn't even say it.
Well, the more you listen, themore your communication skill
(39:20):
level up, you will have theability to really understand and
translate what's between thelines.
And again, that's come withaging.
So look for aging.
It has a lot of benefits.
A lot of things will get betterwith aging.
So don't learn from aging.
SPEAKER_00 (39:41):
So I just wanted to wrap up here and have you share
where people can find you orconnect with you to work with
you.
SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
Yes.
So in general, I feel like Itaught all my life.
I taught swimming.
I taught engineering,communication, leadership, team
leading.
I love teaching.
I love to teach women and menBoth need help to take them from
A to B.
(40:10):
If you look at my skills, thereason why my coaching style is
a little bit different, I mergemy IQ and EQ.
I use my strategy thinking andsolving equation and designing a
building on a bridge.
All my numbers should add up.
Same thing with my consultationand my coaching.
When you come to me, if I am notcapable to take you from A to B,
(40:35):
I'm going to tell you, you arenot a best fit for me.
So if you want any, for the sakeof your audience, if they want
any technology, engineeringguidance or consultation, they
can reach me at my LinkedIn,Seyran Akrawi.
If they mention your name,Stephanie, and if they are a
regular listener to yourpodcast, they will get a
(40:55):
complimentary one hourconsultation with me and
LinkedIn.
And, but if they want, if on theother side, they want to start a
business, And they are clearabout what's really their hidden
gem or what is that one talentthat they want to thrive and
make it a side business.
Also, they can mention your nameand your platform and they get
one hour consultationcomplimentary with me by an
(41:20):
Instagram, say Rana Krawi.
And those are complimentary, nocharge, which I normally charge.
They can even search.
I charge good money about it.
SPEAKER_00 (41:29):
Well, that's very nice of you.
Hopefully a lot of people takeyou up on that.
SPEAKER_01 (41:33):
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you again for having me atyour platform.
SPEAKER_00 (41:37):
Yes, thank you.
And I just want to share witheveryone all this information
will be in the show notes aswell.
So you can find it there.
So hopefully you will connectwith her.
And yeah, thank you so much forbeing on.
It's been a pleasure talkingwith you.
Thank you.
Thank you all for listening.
I hope you found someinspiration, validation, had
some questions answered, or justenjoyed listening to this week's
(42:00):
episode.
I encourage you to check out ourwebsite, well-minded
counseling.com backslashredefining us pod for any
resources that were mentioned intoday's episode, check out my
new program on our website aswell for first-time moms, where
you can join other womenentering into motherhood.
The program offers three phases,phase one, exploring where you
(42:23):
are on your journey towardsmotherhood and connecting with
this new identity.
Phase two, preparing your mind,body, and spirit for giving
birth.
And phase three, reconnecting toyourself while caring for your
baby.
I truly appreciate if you leavea review and rating so other
women can find us as well.
Thank you all for listeningagain and keep on connecting
(42:45):
with yourself and with others inthe community and redefining us.
Don't think that your job is just your job making
money.
Your purpose in life is waydeeper than that.
If you sit down alone and youthink deep inside and ask good
questions yourself, you willfind out that you have so much
to offer.
And if you don't do it now, thenwhen?
(00:21):
You've got to start now.
SPEAKER_00 (00:26):
This is Redefining Us, and I'm your host, Stephanie
Contrera, licensed professionalcounselor.
And I'm so glad that you joinedus today so we can dive into
what it means to be a woman intoday's society, figuring out
how we balance everything, howwe grow, how we be more
authentically us and figuringout who we are through the
(00:48):
transitions of life, whetherthat be motherhood, success,
relationships, and all thingsthat have happened in women's
lives, because it's definitelynot a linear journey.
And I think by talking about itand normalizing it and
validating, we can all risetogether and be the women that
we were meant to be.
(01:09):
So keep tuning in.
and I am so excited aboutjoining the conversation and
being in your ears each week.
Let's get into it.
Hi, welcome back to RedefiningUs.
I'm your host, StephanieControhera, Licensed
Professional Counselor.
And today I have with me SeyranOkrawi, who is an engineer and
(01:33):
business strategist dedicated tohelping individuals and
organizations unlock their fullpotential through a powerful
blend of technical expertise andstrategic business insight.
She empowers her clients to gaincrystal clear clarity Take bold,
decisive action and achievemeaningful, measurable results
that last.
Her unique approach combines theprecision of engineering with
(01:55):
the foresight of businessstrategy, equipping individuals
and organizations with the toolsto future-proof their careers in
a rapid, evolving world byseamlessly aligning technical
capabilities with strategicplanning.
Sayrun enabled leaders to makesmarter, data-driven decisions
that drive operationalefficiencies, fosters
(02:17):
innovations, and ensuressustainable growth.
Sayrun...
works with clients to createtailored solutions that address
today's challenges whilepositioning them for long-term
success.
Whether individuals arenavigating a career transition
or organizations are seeking tooptimize their business
(02:37):
operations, Seyran's guidanceensures they take purposeful,
well-informed steps towardstheir desired outcomes.
Through her strategic coachingand hands-on expertise, Sayrun
transforms challenges intoopportunities, empowering her
clients to thrive at theintersection of STEM and
strategy.
(02:57):
Her focus on integratingtechnical expertise with
strategic foresight helpsindividuals and businesses stay
ahead in today's fast-changingprofessional landscape.
Sayrun's clients don't justachieve their goals, they gain
their confidence, direction, andtools to continually elevate
their performance and reach newheights in their career and
business.
So thank you so much for joiningus today.
SPEAKER_01 (03:18):
Thank you, Stephanie.
I'm very glad to be here on yourlovely platform.
Thank you.
Yes.
Thank you.
SPEAKER_00 (03:26):
Yeah.
So I guess like, let's just diveright into it.
What do you think isparticularly important for the
women that are listening to hearabout your message?
SPEAKER_01 (03:37):
I think my message is very important now for all
the midlife women, becausewomen, we tend to undervalue
ourselves, professional andpersonal life.
We think that we have to beperfect.
We have to figure out all and wehave to have a black belt in
everything we do.
You cannot get that mastery andblack belt unless you take
(03:57):
action as you go.
So aging, it's something that wecannot jump.
We cannot pass.
We cannot say, I'm going to skipthe 50 or I'm going to skip the
40.
Guess what?
It's coming.
If you are 30, you're going tobe 40.
If you are 40, you're going tobe 50.
So it's better to thrive andlove and adapt those stages of
(04:18):
your life.
And my message is important nowfor all women, professional
women, especially in the techand STEM and engineering,
because we tend to put so mucheffort and time just to get
degree.
and seek validation from outsideat work, getting a degree, which
is nothing wrong with that, andgetting certification, thinking
(04:39):
that's all.
When you hit your 50 and youturn around and you see that
your kid's already almosthalfway in the school, they are
independent.
Some of them may be in their 20or late 18 or 19, they start
driving, so they don't need youto drive them to places.
So they become independent.
And you're going to look backand you said, okay, now what?
(05:02):
Am I done?
And the society telling us, oh,you are 50, you are done.
Or workforce saying, oh, you are50, you are too old to start a
new job.
My message here is that yourmidlife is not a midlife crisis.
It's a midlife priceless.
It's the time that you canthrive, reinvent and start again
(05:24):
and finding your hidden gem andactually live again your best
version.
SPEAKER_00 (05:31):
Yeah, I really love that reframing of midlife crisis
is actually midlife priceless.
I think that's really importantfor people to hear because I do
think when people hit thismiddle age in their career or
just in their personal life,it's like, what do I do now?
And they might find themselvesfeeling a little empty or stuck.
(05:53):
And so reframing it as like,there's so much hope still and
so much opportunity to livetheir best life.
I think that's a really greatmessage.
I guess I'm kind of curious, doyou find that there's a lot of
specific barriers that women areexperiencing who come to you
that maybe are struggling to seethat priceless aspect of their
(06:16):
midlife?
And what are those like commonbarriers that women come to you
to talk about?
SPEAKER_01 (06:21):
Yes, I'm glad to ask that question.
It's very important because themajority of the women, most of
them, when they come to me, theyare already well established at
their career.
They make good money.
They are managers.
They are supervisors.
They are team lead.
And they come and they tell methat they have the perfect life.
They have a good husband.
Their kids are a student.
They have a million dollar houseand they make good money.
(06:44):
And I ask them then why you arehere seeking my, you know,
consultation or my coaching.
They said, we don't know.
We just go to work.
We come back.
It's like a daily routine.
Even when we take vacation withour family, we feel we are
muted.
We feel like we are numb.
We kind of like doing the samething on and on.
2024, same like 2023, same like2025.
(07:06):
I said, what do you think it is?
I always ask them the samequestion because as a coach, we
can tell them what is the rightsolution.
We have to make them think, asyou know, what is the right
things?
What is bringing value to them?
And most of them, they said,yeah, we see the money coming,
but we don't see the sense ofimpact.
There is no sense of belonging.
(07:27):
We feel like we are just makingmoney.
We're paying the bills.
We're taking vacation.
We take pictures with thefamily.
But at the end of the day, weare not feeling that we add
value.
And for every woman midlifeuntil we die, we tend to thrive
on love adding value.
Being a mother, being a sister,being a wife, being a
(07:48):
girlfriend, We always love to beneeded.
We love to be asked aboutadvices, asked about help.
Oh, don't worry, girlfriend, Igot you, right?
And same thing, sister who issame thing as a wife.
We always feel so good when wesay we found out a way how to
fix that problem because we tendto think that everything, we are
(08:12):
able to figure out everything ina good way because we are a mom.
Nature, we give away, right?
I feel like from my experience,the confidence, the courage, the
stuff that I'm doing now, Inever thought about I will do in
my 30 or 40.
Never.
(08:32):
I mean, I have a degree.
I was an engineer.
I'm still an engineer, full-timeengineer.
My business is a side business.
But I never had that courage andaudacity and confidence to start
something like this, which isvery competitive.
When I hit my 50, I knew that Ihave too much to give.
(08:54):
And I knew that just finishingmy master in engineering, that's
all what I, that's noteverything I got.
I keep asking myself, okay, nowwhat?
Okay, I got the degree.
Now what?
Is that all I can do?
So then my message to youraudience and all the women in
midlife, don't think that yourjob is that just your job making
money.
(09:14):
Your purpose in life is waydeeper than that.
If you sit down alone and youthink deep inside and ask good
questions yourself, you willfind out that you have so much
to offer.
And if you don't do it now, thenwhen?
You've got to start now.
SPEAKER_00 (09:33):
Yeah, two of the things you said that really
stuck out to me were the wordsaudacity and courage, because I
do think it takes a lot ofaudacity and courage to
challenge what you're so used todoing and Most women, like you
mentioned, are kind of trainedto be these like caregivers or
these people that feel like theyneed to do something for others
(09:54):
in order to add value.
And it sounds like you're reallyhaving these conversations with
women to take a step back andpause and ask themselves, like,
I can do more than just likegive value by helping other
people or supporting otherpeople.
Like I have other skills thatcan be highlighted and really
(10:16):
used for my own purpose andfulfillment and not just to
fulfill another person's needsor desires or goals.
SPEAKER_01 (10:25):
Yeah, totally, totally.
Because life taking us in everyday, you know, paying bills and
taking care of the kids andschool and doing daily job.
And when we hit over 50, we turnaround, we said, now is my time.
So I tell women, this is not theend.
Actually, this is the start.
And they said, how comes?
It's I feel old.
I'm 50.
I said, I haven't seen that bookwhich is say 50 is old.
(10:49):
I think you are old when youstop dreaming.
That's when you are really oldbecause you have lost the
ability to dream about your bestversion.
You are not old in 40.
You are not old in 50.
You are not old in any age.
If you keep progressing, thesuccess is going those small
bite that's go every day.
(11:10):
If you see yourself a betterversion than last year, that's
success.
That's not old.
But if you're stagnant andyou're just staying comfortable,
we said, I'm making money.
I'm paying the bills.
Life is good.
Guess what?
Life is not good.
There's a lot of problem aroundus.
If you just take initiative andyou start thinking about the
humanity and say, okay, there isone issue I can solve here.
(11:33):
I have the ability.
I have the skills to talk withwomen who's going through the
same thing.
So I'm helping myself and otherwomen.
Because I was able to reach thatlevel that I'm able to start a
business while I'm working andhaving kids in college.
While I'm doing it myself, I'mhelping other women in their
midlife to do the same thing.
(11:54):
And I'm trying to tell them,hey, it's doable.
I was able to do it coming tothis country when I was 26,
starting with a couple ofhundred dollars and starting a
career, a family, raising kids,then going back to school and
earning my master.
What is stopping you?
What's stopping us is the fearfrom failing and also from the
(12:15):
judgment.
Well, when you hit your 50,don't worry about the judgment.
Those judgment statement willnot help you later in life.
Those people who think you arenot too skinny or you are not
too pretty or there's so muchwrinkles or you are not a chief
or your LinkedIn doesn't lookright, they will not help you
when you are really in a badsituation and thinking about
(12:39):
your life when you look back inyour life.
So it's better to pick up yoursoul and reinvent the wheel and
say, hey, my 50 is the start.
I'm going to start stronger andbounce back higher and stronger
than ever.
And that's come with this wisdomcome with age.
My daughter just turned 21 twodays ago and my son's turning 23
(13:02):
next month.
I'm not expecting my kids tofigure out everything in their
20s.
So don't expect everything willcome ready in your 20 or 30, not
even in the 40.
You just have to add up theskills and the wisdom as you go.
Don't hate the age, love it,welcome it.
It will come with a lot offulfillment, a lot.
SPEAKER_00 (13:23):
Yeah, I feel like another part of your message is
really like leaning into thecuriosity of like what can
happen next?
What other opportunities arethere for me?
Rather than feeling like it hasto, Be filled with fear or
judgment or perfectionism.
Like just lean into thatcuriosity that you might have
(13:43):
about what is possible.
SPEAKER_01 (13:45):
Yes, that's a very important word, Stephanie.
Curiosity is very important.
It's like equal to innovation.
Because if you are not curiousabout what's coming, I mean,
what else in life?
If I lost the sense ofinnovation and curiosity and
just seeking, that's what we'reall doing in life.
You and me and everyone, we keepsearching.
for the best version ofourselves.
(14:06):
We keep learning.
We are student of life, right?
If I lose that ability to becurious and to be innovate in my
ideas and stop dreaming, thenwhat's left is just a numb life.
Every day is the same likeyesterday.
And I don't call that a life.
That's not a life.
SPEAKER_00 (14:25):
Yeah, it's definitely not a life.
That's very exciting or veryfulfilling, I imagine, if you're
in that place where you're justkind of in a circle and doing
the same thing every single day.
SPEAKER_01 (14:36):
Yeah, definitely, definitely.
And action breeds the confidencelike they say.
Like when my client come andsaid, I'm an engineer, but I
love to ride.
I'm an engineer, I love topaint.
I'm an engineer, but I love tocook.
I said, what do you have donetowards that dream?
Well, I just love it.
Well, without action, You're notgonna gain the confidence to
(14:58):
move on in your business.
You're not gonna figure outeverything, Stephanie, the first
year or the first even fiveyears.
I changed my niche two yearsago.
I used to be internationaltransition expert, only guiding
women who came to United Statesinternationally, legally with
engineering degree.
I was helping them withfulfilling their American dream.
(15:20):
I changed that niche.
I become a business coachbecause I felt like I fulfilled
that niche It's time for me tothrive and challenge myself as
well.
And changing niche, it's not asimple thing.
So as we go, as we age, andgoing back to your curiosity
point, we learn as we go.
(15:40):
Don't expect you're going tofigure out everything at one
time.
You have to fail.
You have to get a lot of norejection.
I can write a book about therejection letter and email I got
in my life.
but it's shape who I am.
Don't expect everybody willcheer for you and clap for you.
(16:02):
Actually, that clapping doesn'thelp at all because you're not
going to evolve.
You're not going to gain moreskills.
But the rejection, if they arereally honest with you, if they
reject you at work, if theyreject you in a book session,
they reject you in a speakinggigs, they will tell you what is
missing and you take what'smissing and you work on it.
(16:25):
and you're gonna become a betterversion of yourself.
So you're not gonna figure itout all at once.
You gotta go through the processand the phases.
SPEAKER_00 (16:35):
Yeah, I heard something in there that I wanna
really highlight for thelistener of like, even if you're
rejection, maybe there's, or youreceive rejection, there's this
way to reframe it of thinkingabout it as like just an
opportunity to grow and tochallenge yourself and see it as
feedback to continue growing toevolve rather than like a
(16:56):
stopping point where you justneed to like give up.
SPEAKER_01 (17:01):
Totally.
And this is funny what I'msaying, but I had a couple of
rejection and, you know, inbusiness and work-wise.
The people who reject me forthat particular project, they
are best friends with me now.
We are best friends.
We learn from each other.
I was not fit for that place.
(17:24):
And it was for my own benefit.
You get upset in the beginningand you start questioning your
abilities.
Like, okay, I apply to be partof that speaking gigs.
What does he or she mean that Idon't fit that platform?
Well, you are not.
Not everything is personal.
When we are younger, we tend totake everything personal.
(17:44):
I was when I was in my 20s and30s.
I thought the whole universeagainst me.
Why?
Nobody has time to think aboutus, right?
Everybody's busy talking.
building their own life.
When you hit your 40 and 50 andyou start thinking, this is not
personal, but even if it'spersonal, let's look at the
positive side of it.
(18:05):
If they reject you on a speakinggigs or they reject to be part
of the book project or theyreject you in a promotion, let's
think about it deeply.
What is it there for me?
And when you really sit down Andlook at it by yourself.
You will see that it's happenedfor your own benefit.
And you're going to bounce backin a better opportunity.
(18:26):
Those people I told you that,like I still remember, they are
a good friend of me now.
We keep talking and we meet forlunch and dinner.
But back then, a couple of yearsago, when I approached them for
certain project, they were partof it.
I was rejected.
But I learned.
I learned a lot from that.
SPEAKER_00 (18:46):
Yeah, I'm curious in that example, what do you think
really allowed you to like letgo of they've rejected me and
create this relationship withthem that is ongoing?
Because I think that could bereally helpful for maybe people
to consider when they receive arejection.
SPEAKER_01 (19:02):
Yes, yeah.
When you get the rejectionletter or email or job or
business, both is the same.
You have a business, you have ajob like me.
At the moment when you receivethe rejection, I'm not expecting
you to dance and sing.
Say, yay, I got rejected.
That's abnormal.
We are human beings, right?
(19:23):
You put your effort, you sweatabout it, you surge, you put
money, training, skills,everything.
You put your soul on it.
And here it is, the email sayingyou are not qualified.
Well, go through it.
What I tell my client, neverbrush things away.
When things really botheringyou, and you know this way
(19:44):
better than me, you have togreen, you know, and that I'm
not going to compete with you onthat.
When the things really botheringyou, if you don't go through it
and digest it, learn from it,it's going to come back again in
an ugliest way, in way muchuglier, right?
But if you face it and said,okay, let me look at the email.
(20:09):
Let me see what was the reasonfor the rejection or what was
the reason for rejecting me andthe business opportunity.
And think about it alone.
Don't start listening to thenoise around you.
Not everybody giving you adviceare even qualified to give you
advice.
You have to make sure who'sreally giving you the advice,
right?
And when you go through it, youdon't brush it off and kind of
(20:33):
like sleep on it.
We say like sleep on it, right?
Sleep on that rejection.
Let it sit right there for acouple of days.
Then go back and read it.
Go back and analysis thesituation.
And within a month, maybe lessthan a month, you will find out
it's happened for your own good.
That was the best things happenbecause there is something else
(20:57):
better lineup for you.
That's not you.
It's not personal.
It doesn't suit your ability.
It doesn't suit your charisma.
It doesn't suit yourpersonality.
That's peace.
It's happened to be built forsomebody else.
But we think at the moment whenwe get the rejection, oh, I'm
not too good.
(21:17):
I'm old.
I'm ugly.
I'm not skinny.
I'm whatever.
We label ourselves.
We are guilty of labelingourselves the bad things.
Nobody say those things.
It's not on the rejection email,but we tend to only pick up the
bad things and label it toourselves.
But if we really think about itand let us sit and think about
(21:38):
it later, we find out that'shappened for our own good.
SPEAKER_02 (21:42):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (21:42):
And again, it's come with aging.
I was not that wise when I wasin my 20s.
It's come with so manyrejections.
SPEAKER_00 (21:51):
Well, I want to highlight again, I feel like
this is kind of what you'rereally saying is like you are
talking about resilience, right?
Like receive a rejection, you...
look at it, you internalize someof it, you leave what doesn't
fit, you look at otheropportunities, you really
examine it rather than just kindof allow it to be this emotional
(22:12):
roller coaster and then justpush it aside.
You like really are encouragingnot just other people, but
yourself to like build thatinner resilience that I think is
so needed in today's world,especially for women.
I think as their careercontinues to evolve, like from,
you know, from 40 tillretirement.
SPEAKER_01 (22:35):
Yeah, those things, those call life, right?
Like, let's not always say it'scalled life.
I love when he say it.
It's life action.
It's life task.
It's life event.
Those things will shape you.
It's make you make who you arenow.
You wake up in the morning andif you, not just manifesting, if
(22:55):
you decide to make your day isthe best day It's going to
become a good day.
Even if you go to the first stopin your day, if you go to the
grocery shop and the cashier isreally rude to you, don't take
it in a way that he just haveproblem with you or he hate you.
The cashier don't know you.
The cashier at the grocerystore, maybe, maybe I'm just
(23:19):
making up a scenario.
He might receive a call from thedoctor saying that his son have
a rare disease.
He's stressed out.
So when he's rude to you, I'mnot suggesting that they should
be rude to you.
They receive a bad phone call.
But don't put it on yourself.
Don't say, oh, I wake up thismorning and I decided to be a
(23:40):
great.
And here you go.
The first stop I did, thecashier was rude to me.
He's racist.
He's bad.
He's rude.
Let me call the manager and letme complain about him.
Well, you ruin your day byyourself.
That person don't know you.
They were trying to work, but ithappened that you become in
front of their face in a verybad timing.
(24:00):
So again, Stephanie, like I saidearlier, those things come by
practicing life, by goingthrough up and down, the roller
coaster, like you said, thesuccess and the failure, the
excitement and thedisappointment.
Those things shape you.
If I wake up every day andeverything looks perfect, then
(24:22):
what is the lesson?
What I'm learning, I'm the sameversion of yesterday.
But when you get those slaps andblocks and obstacles and wall
that require you to climb, onthe other side, you'll be like,
whoa, I did it.
I cannot believe I did it.
(24:43):
You just have to go throughthem.
Don't brush them off becausethey're going to come back in a
very ugly way.
You just have to take themThat's another thing like
resilience.
Adapt it because things arechanging so dramatically, so
quick.
When I compare engineering worldor business world from 10 years
(25:07):
ago before AI and before JGPTand before all those smart
people who are inventing appsthat make your life easy,
imagine how much we have tolearn to keep up.
You don't have to be genius, butyou just have to cope.
You have to adopt the change soyou can move on.
Don't be scared from the changeand say, I'm an old school.
(25:30):
I graduated in the 90 or in the80.
Then I'm not learning thisartificial intelligence.
I'm avoiding.
That's not a good idea.
The best idea is to cope withthe change, learn it and move
on.
Live and learn.
SPEAKER_00 (25:48):
Yeah, this is making me think of a lot of things that
I talk about with clients whenthey find themselves feeling
like stuck or not willing tolike learn something or adapt.
And it's like, well, you've doneit before, right?
You didn't get here in this lifeposition that you're in now just
from like not learning anythingor staying the same.
Like you can learn, you canadapt.
(26:08):
Look how far you've come fromthe time that you were a
teenager to the time that youwere you know in your early 20s
or whatever like you have theskills to continue to evolve
let's tap into that becausesaying that you can't learn
something new or that you don'thave interest in trying
something different you're onlygetting in your own way
SPEAKER_01 (26:29):
yeah and you mentioned a word stuck and I'm
sure in your practice you hearthat a lot maybe more than me
because your nature of practicea little bit different than mine
SPEAKER_02 (26:40):
yeah
SPEAKER_01 (26:41):
That word overused and people don't find a good
word.
They said, I'm stuck.
Okay, I'm stuck in my weight.
I can lose weight.
I done everything.
And when they said everything,it will be like, okay, what's
everything mean?
I'm stuck in my relationship.
I did everything.
He's still a bad person.
I'm stuck with a bad friend.
(27:02):
I did everything.
What does everything mean?
I don't know what's everythingmean.
Did you really did everything toget out of that stuck mode?
I don't think so.
When we feel stuck, what I tellmy client is, that's mean you
are not moving.
You are stagnant.
You feel stuck because you'redoing the same practice every
(27:23):
day.
This is why you feel stuck.
Like your foot in the mud.
You are not able to get out ofthat mud because you are in the
same spot.
To get out of that stuck, thefirst thing is just to jump out
of that situation.
Just do dramatic action.
You're stuck in a relationshipand you know that relationship
is not working well for you.
(27:44):
Just end it.
Then you are not going to bestuck anymore.
Just cut that toxic relationshipand start something new.
You are not stuck anymorebecause you jump out of that
situation.
You're stuck in a job that youdon't like.
Okay.
Do you know that you can findanother job?
Maybe.
Okay.
Take action.
If you find another job, guesswhat?
(28:05):
You are not stuck.
You're moving away from that badsituation.
You're only stuck if you'redoing the same thing every day.
And that's applied to losingweight as well.
People say, I've doneeverything.
I speak about myself.
I want to lose the last 10pounds because I used to be a
swimming coach and I always haveideal body.
(28:25):
But after having two kids andhitting my 50, it's a little bit
more challenging.
I'm not going to be...
saying hard, but it's morechallenging to lose that extra
pound like before.
But it's not impossible.
People have done it.
So when people come to you andsay, I've done everything, you
(28:47):
should just ask them, what doeseverything mean?
Can you list what's everything?
Because everything is endless,right?
And I don't think people havedone everything to reach what
they want.
They might have done one or two,but not everything.
We have to choose our words sowisely.
And they teach us in the ICF,you know, when we get certified
(29:10):
for the ACC for being a coach,they said, we tend to try when
we speak with our client totweak and change the connotation
of word, like making it fromnegative connotation to positive
connotation.
And sometimes with some client,it's hard.
(29:31):
As you know, you practice itevery day.
They just want to feel victimand they want you to believe
they are victimized and you haveto feel sorry for them and they
are not lucky and people aretreating them bad for whatever
reason.
They are comfortable in thatsituation.
And those are clients are hardto coach or, you know, treat in
(29:54):
your practice as well.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (29:58):
Yeah.
And I think sometimes There's aspace for like validation and
honoring.
Like, yeah, shit is hard andit's hard.
And like you do have someautonomy here and choice to do
something different, to thinkabout it differently, to see
life in a variety of colors, notjust in this like very black and
(30:21):
white way that you seem to belike feeling like it's
comfortable.
UNKNOWN (30:27):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (30:27):
or familiar maybe is a better word.
It's like familiar to be like inthis, everything is bad,
everything is hard, I can't doit place.
But if you actually like want tobe out of that place, you need
to get a little uncomfortableand like push the ways that you
think about your life and yourplace in it.
SPEAKER_01 (30:47):
Yeah, and avoid too much analysis and too much going
back to the same point on and onand analysis the way how people
did it, I did it, and givingfacts and bullet and make the
small events such a huge event.
We tend to like not onlyexaggerate things, but we tend
(31:11):
to give bigger size to thingsthat's really small.
Like the same example I saidabout the cashier.
I mean, it's just a badincident.
Just move on, just move on.
Don't talk about that incident.
I went to the cashier.
The guy was very rude.
I end up calling the manager.
He was racist.
(31:31):
He hates me.
He talked to me down.
It's not.
It's just a bad incident.
And it's happened 10 o'clock inthe morning.
You're dragging that until yousleep.
That's wasting time and energy.
And you lost that energy andthat positive aura that you
carried in the morning for oneincident.
(31:53):
which is not personal.
It's hard, Stephanie.
What I'm saying is not easy tobe done because, again, when I
was younger, just like a lot ofyounger people, we feel like
everything should be perfect.
I should not get that rudecashier in front of me.
I should not get rejectionletter.
I should not get denied by a jobopportunity.
(32:16):
I should not be denied about anyrelationship.
But life, the reality is theopposite.
You're going to be up and downuntil you die.
It's the key is how to find thejoy in your daily activity and
just take the best out of it andfind something that's really
(32:37):
excite you.
That's what I tell my midlifeclient.
I said, don't talk about the joball the time.
Tell me what's really exciteyou.
What is that one hobby that youreally love to do in the
weekend?
Are you writing, reading,gardening, knitting, painting?
What do you really enjoy?
(32:57):
And do that more.
And when I asked them, theysaid, yeah, when we do those
hobbies, we don't feel the timeand effort.
We feel like the clock, is thisthree hours I've been just
writing or just reading a book?
Just find those stuff that'shidden, that is sleep inside you
and bring them up and enjoy themand make them like books I call
(33:20):
it in my business, your hiddengem.
Make it your core genius andthrive on them and make them a
side business and enjoy them.
So when you have something in aside that you really look
forward to it in the weekend,you're going to stop complaining
about your boss or stopcomplaining about daily things
happen to you because you cannotwait that what will be done at
(33:42):
five o'clock or the weekend orthe holidays coming that you're
going to practice your businessmore and more.
because it's something that youreally thrive on.
Don't push it away.
It's in you.
Each one of us had that hiddengem.
And what is the better than amidlife woman to start thriving
(34:02):
in their hidden gem when theyare in their midlife?
When they see that their kid'smore independent, they can have
more time alone with theirpartner, you travel more, you
read more, you spend morequality time.
Just pick up what's reallyexcite you and make it a
business and life will bedifferent.
SPEAKER_00 (34:25):
Yeah, it sounds like you really encourage people to
like lean in to what theirpassions are and figure out how
they can make that intosomething that is maybe like
more prominent in their liferather than focusing on all the
things that maybe they wouldidentify as make their life like
monotonous or unexciting orunfulfilling.
SPEAKER_01 (34:45):
Yeah, because life, it's messy.
People are messy.
Human, we are messy, right?
I mean, there is no manual.
There is no book I can give youand I say, Stephanie, if you
come to the engineering world,read this manual and you are
good to go.
Well, you are not.
There is no manual for people.
You know that.
You have a degree about, youknow, dealing with this.
(35:08):
And you might even speak aboutthis part way better than me.
People are different.
People are way different.
You see them outside for lunchor happy hours.
They are totally different thanat work.
At work, they wear differentmasks.
We all wear different masks.
I can be exactly the same as amom or as an engineer.
(35:32):
As a mom, I give love andattention and support to my
kids.
Same face you see at work, Idon't blink.
I have to give that tough facelike she know her numbers.
Don't mess with me.
The design is wrong, right?
Because I'm not giving love andattention to the co-worker.
I'm here to make the job donecorrectly and precisely, right?
(35:56):
I have to be precise and concisein my statement and my
calculation.
I'm an engineer.
There is no mistake here.
But at home, it's different.
You argue with your kids.
You have disagreement with yourpartner.
That's personal life.
So...
The more we learn, the more welisten.
I feel like communication, it'sthe best.
(36:20):
I think I have it even as a postin my Instagram last year.
Communication, it's the besttrade.
It's the best skills that youneed to learn in order to start
a business.
You can have a PhD degree.
You can have a 10 PhD degree.
But if you lack of communicationskills, you cannot go anywhere.
(36:43):
And communication, the firstone-on-one communication rule is
be a better listener.
Sometimes your client come.
I'm sure you're going to agreewith this.
My client, your client, theycome.
All they need just to listen tothem.
They have nobody that listen tothem.
So they have needs is not beingmet.
(37:05):
They have gap of loves that'snot being given when they were
younger or when they were, youknow, in teenage, whatever.
So they have those needs thatnobody met those needs and they
want you to listen to them.
I have some client, all theyneed that I listened to their
bad day and I remind them after10 minutes, I said, this is not
(37:27):
a venting event, right?
You're not here to just to vent,I'm your coach.
Can you tell me what is the goalfor the session?
And just after I listened 10minutes to them, their face,
even their energy to speak withme is totally different because
I was able to listen to them.
So communication is veryimportant.
(37:48):
And I'm sure you know thatduring your practice every day.
SPEAKER_02 (37:51):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (37:53):
Yeah, I think people undervalue what listening to
other people does forthemselves, as well as like for
the person that they'relistening to.
And that like mutual exchange, Ithink can really help people.
Yeah, like, Yeah.
Yeah.
SPEAKER_01 (38:35):
It's
SPEAKER_00 (38:35):
not rocket science to listen to another
SPEAKER_01 (38:38):
person.
Well, basic are importantbecause as we go and become a
better communicator and betterlistener, you get that skills
that you can read between thelines.
In the beginning, when I startedmy business, I thought listening
is just saying, okay, let metake notes.
It's not.
Sometimes actually what they aresaying is not exactly what they
are really bothered about.
(39:00):
That's not exactly why they areabsent or they want you to
listen to them.
But when you surprise them,telling them that I read between
the lines and I think you'rehaving a bad day because such,
oh, how do you know?
I didn't even say it.
Well, the more you listen, themore your communication skill
(39:20):
level up, you will have theability to really understand and
translate what's between thelines.
And again, that's come withaging.
So look for aging.
It has a lot of benefits.
A lot of things will get betterwith aging.
So don't learn from aging.
SPEAKER_00 (39:41):
So I just wanted to wrap up here and have you share
where people can find you orconnect with you to work with
you.
SPEAKER_01 (39:49):
Yes.
So in general, I feel like Itaught all my life.
I taught swimming.
I taught engineering,communication, leadership, team
leading.
I love teaching.
I love to teach women and menBoth need help to take them from
A to B.
(40:10):
If you look at my skills, thereason why my coaching style is
a little bit different, I mergemy IQ and EQ.
I use my strategy thinking andsolving equation and designing a
building on a bridge.
All my numbers should add up.
Same thing with my consultationand my coaching.
When you come to me, if I am notcapable to take you from A to B,
(40:35):
I'm going to tell you, you arenot a best fit for me.
So if you want any, for the sakeof your audience, if they want
any technology, engineeringguidance or consultation, they
can reach me at my LinkedIn,Seyran Akrawi.
If they mention your name,Stephanie, and if they are a
regular listener to yourpodcast, they will get a
(40:55):
complimentary one hourconsultation with me and
LinkedIn.
And, but if they want, if on theother side, they want to start a
business, And they are clearabout what's really their hidden
gem or what is that one talentthat they want to thrive and
make it a side business.
Also, they can mention your nameand your platform and they get
one hour consultationcomplimentary with me by an
(41:20):
Instagram, say Rana Krawi.
And those are complimentary, nocharge, which I normally charge.
They can even search.
I charge good money about it.
SPEAKER_00 (41:29):
Well, that's very nice of you.
Hopefully a lot of people takeyou up on that.
SPEAKER_01 (41:33):
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you again for having me atyour platform.
SPEAKER_00 (41:37):
Yes, thank you.
And I just want to share witheveryone all this information
will be in the show notes aswell.
So you can find it there.
So hopefully you will connectwith her.
And yeah, thank you so much forbeing on.
It's been a pleasure talkingwith you.
Thank you.
Thank you all for listening.
I hope you found someinspiration, validation, had
some questions answered, or justenjoyed listening to this week's
(42:00):
episode.
I encourage you to check out ourwebsite, well-minded
counseling.com backslashredefining us pod for any
resources that were mentioned intoday's episode, check out my
new program on our website aswell for first-time moms, where
you can join other womenentering into motherhood.
The program offers three phases,phase one, exploring where you
(42:23):
are on your journey towardsmotherhood and connecting with
this new identity.
Phase two, preparing your mind,body, and spirit for giving
birth.
And phase three, reconnecting toyourself while caring for your
baby.
I truly appreciate if you leavea review and rating so other
women can find us as well.
Thank you all for listeningagain and keep on connecting
(42:45):
with yourself and with others inthe community and redefining us.
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