May 22, 2025 • 44 mins
What if your burnout wasn’t a personal failure, but a sign you’re operating by someone else’s rules?
In this bold and healing conversation, I'm joined by therapist and coach Brooke Jean to unpack what happens when women stop performing for approval and start living in alignment with who they really are. Brooke shares her deeply personal story of unraveling perfectionism, overcoming postpartum depression, and redefining power through the lens of feminine wisdom. From nervous system healing to the magic of receiving and creating, this episode is a reminder that your softness is strength—and your truth is enough.
About Brooke: Brooke Jean, MA, LPC is a Licensed Therapist, Coach, Speaker and the Host of The Unperfected Pod on a mission to normalize normal. She believes that life isn’t perfect, but it can be unperfected and using a blend of energy work, counseling, coaching & facilitation, she guides her audience to let go of who they think they are, in order to create the life they’ve been waiting for.
Connect with Brooke:
- Website: www.liveunperfected.com
- Instagram: @Brookejeanunperfected
- Masterclass: Audacity Masterclass - https://www.brookejeanllc.com/audacity
Learn more about the Redefining Us Monthly Community - https://wellmindedcounseling.com/redefining-us-community
Please leave us a review or rating! These help get the show out to more women like you wanting to have these conversations.
Would you like to chat more about this episode's topic? I would love to continue our conversation over on Instagram! @wellmindedcounseling
I wrote a book! Becoming Mommy: Aligning with yourself and finding your voice during pregnancy and motherhood, available at all major retailers - https://www.amazon.com/dp/B0DZT9P3RB?ref=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&ref_=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&social_share=cm_sw_r_ffobk_cp_ud_dp_KFT90ZBDS48FDGG6DH5X&bestFormat=true
Where to find more from Redefining Us:
Website: wellmindedcounseling.com/redefining-us-pod
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Instagram: @wellmindedcounseling
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_01 (00:00):
Welcome to Redefining Us, where we explore
sexuality, identity, motherhood,and mental health to help women
thrive authentically.
Let's break free from roles thatlimit us and create a life where
you can truly be yourself.
Welcome back to Redefining Us.
I'm your host, Stephanie ContraO'Hara.
(00:20):
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor.
And today I have with me BrookeJean, who's a master's level
therapist, an LPC in the stateof Colorado, coach, speaker, and
host of the Unperfected Pod on amission to normalize normal.
She believes that life isn'tperfect, but it can be
unperfected.
And using blend of energy work,counseling, coaching, and
(00:43):
facilitation, she guides heraudience to let of why they
think they are in order tocreate the life they've been
waiting for.
So welcome, Brooke.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad to be here.
Yes, I'm so happy that youdecided to come on.
I know you're very busy, so Iappreciate your time.
I wanted to just jump off rightinto the questions and...
(01:07):
I mean, as listeners know, thispodcast is called Redefining Us.
So I'd love to hear yourpersonal story of like
redefining who you are and yourjourney.
I know you've been throughpotentially a couple evolutions
of who Brooke Jean is.
So yeah, I'd love to hear that.
SPEAKER_00 (01:23):
Yeah.
I mean, first I want tonormalize how healthy it is to
be that work in progress, thatcontinual evolution of coming
home to yourself and redefiningwho you are minute by minute,
hour by hour, day by day.
It's not like we decide and thenwe're stuck with that identity.
(01:44):
And then we decide again when wehave a midlife crisis and we
stick with that identity.
It's like, I have a real pivotalmoment that I'll share the story
with you.
But I also want to normalizethat the Brooke Jean that I am
today is actually different thanthe Brooke Jean that I was last
week, last month, last year whenI rebranded and all the things.
And it gets to be that way.
(02:05):
And sometimes we box ourselvesin because we feel like we're
going to confuse people.
But a big thing in my story,which is really where my brand,
Unperfected, came from was wasthat I grew up with the good
girl complex, right?
Trying to, that was that highachieving, high performing,
(02:25):
perfectionistic type A, makeeverybody smile, bring home the
good grades type of child.
And I feel like I had doneeverything that I was supposed
to do.
I was like in the corporateworld, climbing the corporate
ladder was kind of at the top ofthat, the pinnacle of that.
(02:45):
I had a family.
I'd been with my partner foreight years.
We've been raising my son for10.
We owned a home.
We had a 529 college account formy kiddo.
We had the 401ks.
We had all of it.
And I was deeply unfulfilled andon the brink of burnout.
(03:05):
So I had this facade of who Ithought I was, which was this
badass corporate leader who wassuper successful and blah, blah,
blah.
And yet, in order to kind ofcope with the pressure that came
with being the perfect mom, theperfect leader, the perfect
wife, the perfect communitymember...
(03:26):
came a slew of coping mechanismsthat were super unhealthy.
I call it the trifecta, my wine,brie cheese, and Amazon Prime.
So I was, you know, waking up ina shame spiral because I'd eaten
a bunch and drank a bunch andwas short with my family the
night before.
So then I would be in the shamespiral.
So then I would double down onthe efforting and showing that I
(03:50):
was worthy and proving my valuethrough what I could do to like
basically sprint through my dayand at the end of the night do
it again.
And I did that for a decadeuntil I couldn't do it anymore.
And I was running a super targetin Aurora, Colorado.
It was a$45 million business.
(04:11):
I had 250 employees.
It was a second assignment.
It was a broken store that Itook over and had to fix in six
months because we were going topilot a remodel.
And we were doing the damnthing.
And I had an extraordinary team.
And then the Aurora Theatershooting happened.
And that was across the streetfrom my store.
And most of my early morninglogistics team was in the
(04:33):
theater that night.
And that collective communitytrauma split me wide open in
every way you can imagine.
Not at first.
At first, I went into helpingmode and repair mode and healing
mode for my team and theirfamilies and our communities and
(04:54):
rebuilding, really.
And then nine months later, Iwent and got married, which is a
major life transition, whichwill also kick you in the tits
if you didn't know that.
And I went and sat on a beach inMaui for 10 days and I regulated
my nervous system for what I nowunderstand as a therapist for
the first time probably ever.
(05:14):
And it was in that relaxationthat all of a sudden all these
childhood memories startedflooding in.
And I was like, shit.
Shit.
And so I knew stuff.
I knew that like who I'd becomethis like hard, intense leader
(05:34):
doing it all.
But then having this dirtylittle secret where I would
drink and eat and spend likethat, who I'd become like wasn't
actually who I am.
Yeah.
And I knew I was going to reallyneed a process of coming home to
myself to redefine who I am.
And so my poor husband on ourhoneymoon, I was the
breadwinner.
I was like, I'm going to have toquit my job.
(05:56):
Like, I can't do the work I canfeel is bubbling up inside of
me, which is going to get me onmy literal life purpose path.
UNKNOWN (06:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (06:05):
I can't do that while working 60 hours a week in
this high pressure retailmanagement while raising a kid
like I won't.
I'll just keep grinding toprovide for our family because
that's what I know how to do.
So I left Target.
They took such good care of meon the way out.
I took six months off to shedthe corporate skin, to heal, to
get into therapy, to do yoga, tohike, to remember who the fuck I
(06:27):
was like.
I didn't know I was a mom and aTarget queen.
That's it.
I had no real identity.
Like who is Brooke Jean?
That little girl that loves tolaugh and dance and is
passionate and silly and fun andloves playing in the ocean.
I'd forgotten who she was.
I'd been responsible since I waseight years old.
And so for me, it was thatmassive pivot of like, oh, I am
(06:51):
not my work.
My work is not my identity.
My role as a mother is not myidentity.
What else is here?
And then I decided to go back toschool and get my master's in
counseling psychology andlaunched a coaching and
counseling practice and beendoing that successfully for nine
years.
(07:11):
But a few years in, I had mysecond baby, which was 14 years
later after having my first.
And I was knee deep inpostpartum depression and
anxiety.
And I was like nursing Chloe inthe middle of the night.
And I'll never forget, like allI was pumped with all this fluid
during the delivery and it hadall like settled down to my
(07:32):
ankles.
And so I was in excruciatingphysical pain.
Plus I hadn't slept in days upondays.
And I was looking out thewindow, nursing her, crying.
And I just had this thoughtlike, what have I done?
Why did I have another baby?
Can I even do this?
Am I even made for this?
(07:54):
And my brain went to some reallyscary places.
And because I'm a therapist, Iknew that those thoughts
weren't...
That wasn't me.
That was the depression talking.
But I zoomed out, Steph, and Isaw this parallel where there
was this rise in expectation ofthe modern mom.
Since I'd had Camden, now we'renot just working.
(08:16):
We're the breadwinners.
Now we're not just...
cooking meals.
They have to be soy free, dairyfree, dye free, nut free,
fucking everything free.
We're not just taking care ofour children.
We're breaking generationalcycles of trauma and building
sensory play games like bro.
And then we're just posting itall online in our size two body
(08:37):
like, hey, look how happy I am.
I'm so grateful.
And I'm like, I'm not grateful.
I don't know that I like this.
But I saw that that rise in theexpectation of the modern mom
paralleled a rise in our mentalhealth issues.
We are drinking more than we'veever drank.
We have more PTSD.
We have more suicide.
(08:57):
We have more everything in someof these categories.
We've surpassed men.
And that's when I went throughanother awakening of redefining
myself.
I am unsubscribing from theseideals of perfection, this mom
I'm supposed to be, this wifeI'm supposed to be, this body
I'm supposed to have, this voiceI'm supposed to use.
(09:18):
I'm unsubscribing from all ofthat.
I'm creating my life in anunperfected way where I allow
myself to lead with my corevalues, whatever those might be.
And that was a big...
pivot moment in redefining me ofI'm not doing I'm not keeping up
with the Kardashians.
(09:39):
I'm like, what what matters tome today?
What's the one thing that Ivalue and how can I bring that
into my family and all of that?
And so that became a hugerebrand and a huge body of work
and an embodiment that I existin day in and day out where it's
like.
Let's embrace our messy.
Let's shed the shoulds and let'slive authentically.
(10:02):
And whether you're a mom orleader, a CEO, a grandmother,
the president of the UnitedStates, you are somebody
underneath all of those rolesand titles.
And it's really important tocome home to and reveal what
that is, because that usuallyhas our magic.
SPEAKER_01 (10:21):
Well, I'm going to say, if the listener's not
already inspired and hooked in,I'm not sure what's going on in
their brain.
SPEAKER_00 (10:27):
That was a long-ass answer.
That was a long answer.
I apologize.
But you asked, girl.
I'm going to give you the deets.
SPEAKER_01 (10:39):
I think what really stands out to me in your story
is both of the moments where oflike the lows or what people
would maybe like identify aslows, you really were able to
make both of those into wake upcalls or opportunities to do
something different rather thanresigning to this is just what
(11:00):
my life is now or here I am inmy stuckness.
And you're like, no, that's notwhat I want for myself and for
myself.
My family.
I need to do somethingdifferent.
Otherwise, I'm going to, I don'tknow, die on this hill like a
sad person.
But you're like, fuck no.
(11:22):
So I really admire that, Iguess.
A part of for you as well aslike in your story and kind of
really letting other people knowthat even if you're feeling
stuck and trapped, that doesn'thave to be your forever.
No,
SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
you can't let your trauma define you.
So part of redefining us isturning our pain into power.
And first of all, we all havehard things.
Some might be harder thanothers.
And we also all have thisincredible resilience and
(11:57):
strength to overcome.
Listener, you have it in youtoo.
It might be buried.
It might be a little drownedout, but you have it.
We all do.
It's not like I'm any strongerthan anybody else.
We just forget.
But it's about healing thethings that you've been through
and then writing an empoweringstory about it.
(12:22):
So, yeah, I was the oldest oftwo siblings, one who was born
with a brain tumor and almostdied and another with severe
mental health.
And that's why I becameresponsible at eight.
And that can either be a sadstory or that could be the
reason why I was aperfectionist, which led me to
this extraordinary body of workthat I get to live and breathe
every day.
Yeah, I got pregnant unplannedin college, but that also saved
(12:44):
my life.
Yeah, I didn't marry my babydaddy.
He cheated on me.
But that also brought me to myhusband.
It's like when I look at and Ido this life timeline exercise
with my clients where I havethem in a timeline style, put
their pivotal moments in theirlife, the hard stuff and the
beautiful stuff and to find athread.
(13:06):
A common thread of truth inthat, which is like.
I am strong.
I am resilient.
I was meant to overcome thesethings.
I have what it takes.
The universe is alwaysconspiring in my favor, even
when it really doesn't feel likeit is.
And having that empowering take,not in a spiritual bypass kind
(13:30):
of way, but in a I have thepower to choose my fucking story
and my narrative.
And I can either pull out ofthese hard things a victim story
or a victorious story.
And that doesn't mean I didn'tdo all the years of therapy and
personal development to heal mywounds.
And I still have wounds that Iwork on every day.
(13:51):
So I face the hard thing.
I feel the feelings.
I move them out of my body.
And then I get busy consciouslyfocusing on what I want to
create in my life.
And I do that dance back andforth, back and forth.
And you, listener, have thepower to do that too.
And you, Steph, you have thepower to do that too.
We can only let our pain defineus if we can turn it into an
(14:15):
empowerment story.
If you really think about it andyou think about the hardest
things you've ever been through,what did it teach you about
yourself?
What did it reveal to you aboutyou that if everything were just
comfy, cozy, easy, peasy, lemonsqueezy your whole life, you
would have never come intocontact with?
(14:36):
I wouldn't know what I'm made ofif I wouldn't have skated in the
depths of hell time after timeafter time again.
And I also wouldn't be ascompassionate of a human being
if I hadn't gone through thosedark nights so many nights.
So for me...
when we change our relationshipto pain, things can really shift
(14:58):
in how we redefine ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (15:00):
Yeah, I think oftentimes people identify their
feelings or their emotions orthoughts and, I don't know,
invest in them in a way that canbe unproductive to them, right?
Like if I were to lean into myanger and rage about X, let's
(15:22):
say, Not X the platform, butthat's a whole other thing.
Anyway.
SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
You
SPEAKER_01 (15:27):
just triggered me.
You just
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
triggered me.
Am
SPEAKER_01 (15:31):
I leading to my anger and rage about something?
That is then the story of it,rather than, I don't know, the
imagery of a phoenix is kind ofcoming to me, like arising out
of the ashes of that anger andrage and into something more
fulfilling or...
Productive?
productive or yeah I guessmeaningful all those things are
(15:56):
kind of green true to me becauseI think yeah there's so many
journeys that we all go throughor maybe all face and it's like
how do you decide to travel downthat path
SPEAKER_00 (16:09):
and anger is important right like this is how
I distinguish between am Iprocessing an emotion because as
a human being We need to processemotions.
Or am I now addicted to myemotion?
Because I recently learned thatwe can become addicted to our
emotional responses.
(16:30):
And so one of the questions Iask myself is like, is this a
bout of rage that I need to juststep out of my mind space
altogether and let it release inmy body and then I can regulate
and take action?
Or is this my default?
Oh, I love to go.
I love to go back to irritable.
I love to go back to annoyed.
I love to go back to resentment.
(16:51):
I love to go back to frustrationbecause if that's a neural
pathway that we've built in ourbrains of going to, when we go
to frustration, if that's theone we've always done, we
actually drop a drip ofdopamine.
So we can become addicted to ourfeelings.
And yet at the same time, we gotto feel our feelings.
We got to move emotion out ofour body.
(17:13):
So that's one of the ways that Idecipher.
Is this a proper, like not evenproper because what is proper?
But is this a normal emotionalresponse or is this a pattern
for me of default?
Because it's easier for me tofeel frustrated than it is for
me to feel abandonment.
(17:33):
Rejection, loneliness, sadness,despair, shame.
I'll tell you what, I'd ratherfeel annoyed than ashamed.
So we get addicted to that.
It's really interesting.
But emotions are normal.
We want to move them out of ourbody somatically.
But what we do as humans is wetell ourselves all these stories
(17:54):
about the emotion and then weperpetuate the emotion.
So then we became afraid to feelour emotions.
So then we stuff our emotionsand then they come out in really
ugly, interesting ways.
And then we're even more scaredof our emotions.
You don't have to fear youremotion.
Step out of story.
Move it through your body in 60seconds up to five minutes.
And then breathe.
(18:15):
But I always tell my clients,you're not allowed to think when
you're processing emotion.
And they're like, what?
No, like your brain is not goingto help you.
Mm hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (18:26):
So I think there was some therapist at some point in
my many years of therapy journeythat said not everything that
you think needs to be true or iseven your voice like it could be
like somebody else's voice or itcould be depression speaking to
you.
So don't believe everything thatyou think.
And that really made me be like,wow, you're right.
(18:46):
I don't actually need to believeevery single thing that I think
or do every single patternagain, because that's what I've
always done.
I can do something Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:58):
So we have something like 60 to 80,000 thoughts a
day.
80% of them are untrue andunhelpful.
And 80% of those are the samethoughts.
Untrue and unhelpful thoughtsyou had yesterday and the day
before and the day before.
So if you can imagine, this iswhy we're an anxious population
(19:18):
just flinging our poo on eachother all day.
It's like we're all walkingaround with these negative
thoughts that are releasinghormones that are adrenaline and
cortisol that feels like anxietythat we don't want to feel.
So then we spew it onto eachother.
Projection.
But what if we were tounderstand that our brains have
just evolved to keep us safe.
(19:38):
So they are just constantscanners for problems.
And your brain is going to giveyou 475 catastrophic outcomes
that are never going to happen.
But you're bigger than yourthoughts.
You're bigger than yourthoughts.
So you can't believe them.
You can just be playful withthem.
You got to believe your heart.
You got to believe yourintuition.
(19:59):
Or maybe a deep contemplation isfine.
But your thoughts, honey...
No, we're not.
We're no longer believe inthose.
Those are not very nice andkind.
We're not believing that thoseare built out of survival
strategy.
And so because we've had thesenegative thoughts over and over
again, they've gotten built intoour biology, which is why
they're patterned and defaultand addictive.
(20:21):
So.
It's really important that notonly we disconnect from
believing our thoughts are true,but that we consciously choose
to see the good and the goldenand the beauty and the
enoughness in the world becauseyou can start to build new
neural connections around that.
And we're like 40 years behindin building positive neural
networks.
So we've got some work to do,but it will change your life
(20:43):
when you start to do that.
And I feel like that's part ofredefining me too is like when I
– Unsubscribed from the idealsof perfectionism, I started
managing my monkey mind.
I started using neuroplasticityto reprogram my thoughts and my
beliefs.
I started doing deepsubconscious belief works.
(21:03):
I started moving trauma out ofmy body.
I started figuring out whatfeels good in my body.
I started trusting my intuition.
I strengthened my spiritualpractices.
That process of unperfecting hasa mind, body, and spirit
component of just, again,peeling what's not real and what
maybe was built out of wantingto be loved and fit in, aka
(21:27):
survival mechanism.
And then underneath all that islike who I really am, which is
just a big ball of love thatwants to spread that love in the
world.
in my own unique flavor of kindof a way.
So I feel like redefining me isactually just this big journey
of coming home to the truth ofwho I really am when I strip
(21:51):
away all those weird things wedo to be safe in the world and
to be liked and loved and allthat.
SPEAKER_01 (21:59):
I think it would be really interesting Interesting
because the word weird spoke tome there about like if we were
to objectively look at all ofthe behaviors or all of the ways
in which we are constantlyreaching for connection that are
unproductive rather than comingback to this intuitive
self-knowing and self-trust thatwe wouldn't need to reach.
(22:22):
We would just almost gravitatetowards what we are meant to be
connected to rather than feelinglike we have to.
quote unquote, be weird andreach in this unproductive way.
SPEAKER_00 (22:35):
Totally.
So the big thing that I'm tryingto dismantle in our human
existence are these collectionof weird things that me and my
people do that are like peoplepleasing, codependency, proving
energy, like weird things thatwe do to show that we're worthy,
(22:55):
like high achieving andpretending and facade and how
you used to act like I was sohard.
I look back and I literally wantto just like, oh, well, that all
that little 20 year old Brooke.
Oh, no.
Oh, that cutie was just tryingso hard to be safe and loved in
the world and that it was notthe most beautiful expression of
(23:16):
that.
But we have to have compassionfor it.
But yeah, when we dismantle allthat and we're no longer trying
to connect in ways that areinauthentic and also exhaustive,
by the way, then we open up forreal authentic connection, real
intimacy, being seen.
But I also think as humans,we're terrified of that.
(23:39):
Me being seen in my armor feelsmore safe than me being seen in
my flaws and all of myhumanness, my quirks, my
weirdness, my shadow, mystrengths, my gifts, and my
gold.
But to be really seen without myprotection, nobody taught us how
to do that in school.
We don't know how to do that.
(23:59):
So when we get close to it, wepush people away, we put our
suit back on, and we wonder whywe're so lonely and
disconnected.
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
Yeah.
And unfortunately, there's moreand more ways to create distance
between ourselves and othersnowadays.
SPEAKER_00 (24:16):
Yeah.
And one of the things that I'mgeeking out on lately, because I
do counseling and coaching and Iwork with individuals and
businesses and teams and groups,is the actual qualitative cost
in authenticity in business.
So this...
process that I've trademarkedcalled Unperfected of healing,
(24:38):
revealing, and rising is reallyto help people unearth their
authentic essence and brillianceand to create from that
energetic, from that place ofauthenticity.
And I believe that that,especially women coming together
in their gifts is going to solveworld problems.
Truly, I believe this.
(24:58):
And So when so many people areshowing up to important
conversations, whether it'spolitical or in business or in
all these boardrooms of power,and we're all coming in masked
up and armed up and in somefreaking facade, we're not
actually seen and we're notactually heard.
(25:21):
And we're not even contributingin a way that's genuinely in
alignment with who we are, whichis love.
No wonder it's not working.
Whatever we're doing politicallyand in business, it's not
working.
And here's how I know.
We're sicker than we've everbeen.
SPEAKER_01 (25:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (25:40):
So I'm trying to geek out on, like, what are the
costs of your organization whenyour team is coming in armored
up?
What's possible?
Because when I watch women gothrough this Heal, Reveal, and
Rise process, they access moreenergy, creativity, and
vitality.
And when you bring energy,creativity, and vitality to
(26:04):
everything you do, just yourpresence, your leadership, your
family, your team, your clients,whatever it is, that's going to
have a different outcome thancoming in guarded up,
inauthentic, all the things.
SPEAKER_01 (26:20):
Yeah.
Do you find that the people thatyou work with in business are
oftentimes leading from a placeof fear rather than leading from
a place of empowerment becausethey're worried about, I don't
know, I'll speak for myself.
Sometimes I find myself leadingfrom a place of fear because I'm
(26:40):
worried about stepping on otherpeople's toes due to fear of
offending them or fear of askingtoo much.
Those two things probably.
So yeah, I guess I'm curious,what are common themes that you
see when you speak to leaders inbusinesses about what takes them
away from leading from theirauthentic self?
SPEAKER_00 (27:02):
Yeah, so it all comes back to fear and a
worthiness wound.
Okay.
So the two categories I see themost, and this isn't for like...
I hate bucketing people.
It's always in this weirdjuxtaposition of I love data,
but don't you dare bucket ahuman being, okay?
They're so magnificent.
They're so brilliant.
There's no way you can tell methat they're just this one
(27:24):
personality.
But I will say that I do like todeduce some things, honey.
And so it's like when people areshowing up at work inauthentic,
they're usually coming from ego,which is fear, or...
a worthiness wound, which isalso kind of fear, right?
(27:45):
Fear of not being enough.
And so we're either afraid thatwe're going to be too much or
afraid that we haven't doneenough.
SPEAKER_01 (27:57):
I'm assuming some people could be both even,
unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00 (28:00):
Absolutely.
And some people teeter-totterand their team is so confused
because it depends on the day ofif I feel like I'm doing too
much or too little.
But yeah, I think a huge issueis that we're all behaving from
fear instead of love andoneness.
(28:20):
And that's why we're feeling soseparate.
And that's why we can't see eyeto eye.
And that's why we can't actuallyhave meaningful discussions that
solve complex problems.
And because we can't do that,we're stifling creativity.
Because we have no idea what thehuman psyche is actually capable
of.
We've only scratched the surfaceof its potentiality.
(28:42):
And so I think all this fearthat we've been indoctrined into
is literally suffocating ourpotential.
And you see it show up in allsorts of interesting and weird
ways in leadership.
UNKNOWN (28:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (28:57):
And we're never going to get it just right
because we're human, right?
So it's like even somebody likeme that has all this awareness
about these things, I still showup in ego sometimes.
I still show up afraid.
I still show up just wanting tobe recognized as someone who's
doing some good in the world andwanting to be validated.
We still get to be human inthis, guys.
(29:17):
It's going to be messy AF.
But I think if we're just tryingto grow in our consciousness,
we're doing something right.
SPEAKER_01 (29:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think...
And this is just something thatI would encourage everyone to do
is validate their ownexperience.
But also, it's really nice tovalidate other people.
And like, you know, because Ifind in my life, both personally
and professionally, just someonetelling me like, oh, I can see
that you're trying to do thework and you're not just just
chilling and just not trying tobe your authentic self or you're
(29:48):
not working to, I don't know,empower other people.
So yeah, it's good to validateyourself.
But I think getting thatfeedback or giving that
feedback, especially to otherwomen, like this podcast for
women.
So especially to other women, Ithink it's like really
empowering.
It can rise or help rise us allup.
SPEAKER_00 (30:05):
Yes.
Yes.
So, so much of my work isinspired by Brene Brown's work.
And when I see somebody in thearena and you know, you just
like you're out here trying tobecome a better version of
yourself.
You don't even need to bebetter.
You're golden as you are.
And that's really the truth.
(30:28):
We just forget.
But when you're actually tryingto To be a better mom and a
better person.
And you're trying to heal.
And you're trying to stopgenerational cycles.
And you're trying to love thyneighbor and all these things.
Girl, you're extraordinary.
The ripple of good that thatdoes is huge.
And we don't notice it in eachother.
(30:48):
And we don't call it out nearlyenough.
And so I love that, what youjust offered the group.
And one of the things that Ilove to do is just randomly...
give women especially but I meanI will a boy it's a little rare
it's a little rare but I loveboys and men too but I
definitely like my favoritething is to be on a walk and
(31:11):
come near like past like a 12year old girl and I will just
look at her and I'll be like Ihope you know your outfit is so
cool or I hope you know yourenergy I like to compliment
girls on their energy because Idon't want people to feel like
they have to have a coolappearance.
And I also think that that'swhat they care about.
(31:32):
So you kind of have to meet themon their level, right?
I hate people that are extremein any category.
You can't care about what youlook like and you shouldn't, you
know, you should care about.
It's like meet people on theirlevel.
But to compliment a girl who youknow is in her own head about
everything.
The world is telling her she'snot pretty enough.
She's not skinny enough.
She's not smart enough.
(31:52):
Her hair's too this, blah, blah,blah.
When she gets a random, genuinecompliment that is like, girl, I
really like your vibe.
I know that that leaves a waveor something.
I love, I go to this gas stationand there's a collection of
women that work there.
And every day I come in, I dosomething to lift the vibration
(32:15):
of the
SPEAKER_01 (32:15):
establishment.
SPEAKER_00 (32:18):
Whether it's a joke or I tell them a story about how
my day started bad and I'mturning it around or every day.
And one day, one of the ladieswas like, Do you know that you
always bring a ray of sunshine?
I said, yeah, I do that shit onpurpose.
But these ladies, you can justsee it in their eyes.
(32:39):
They're not getting, they're notreally seen.
Mm-hmm.
(33:06):
Lifts me just as much as itlifts you.
So we could we could be betterat that step.
And I think, gosh, dang, ifevery single one of us
complimented one girl a day.
Over a decade.
A lot of people's lives.
It's big.
It's really big.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (33:24):
Yeah.
So I want to ask, why do youthink the world needs to hear
your message now more than ever?
Because, yeah, the world isdifferent now than it was.
you know, just a few months ago.
SPEAKER_00 (33:38):
Yeah.
So I just did a free masterclasscalled Audacity.
So maybe we can link that in theshow notes.
And it's a training where it'skind of my call to women in
leadership to remember who thefuck they are and let's start
using our voices.
Because I do feel like now morethan ever, we need women waking
(34:02):
up to their power and using itfor good.
What we're doing isn't working.
And what we're naturally giftedat as women, our intuition, our
sensitive abilities, ouremotional waves, our natural
ability to bring people togetherand connect and conspire, our
(34:22):
community, our storytelling,like the things that we are
naturally good at that werenever recognized on a
performance review.
We need to remember that thoseare our gifts.
We need to use themunapologetically.
We need to be asking difficultquestions.
We need to be stirring upcontroversy and we need to be
(34:44):
healing ourselves so that we canheal this planet.
So now more than ever, I don'twant to see women who are doing
what their husband tells them todo.
Unless In her heart and soul,she really believes it.
Now more than ever, I don't wantwomen spending precious energy
(35:05):
on having a perfect body whenwe've got world problems to
solve.
And by the way, this doesn'tmean that you need to go out and
run for president and run abusiness.
You healing...
literally heals sevengenerations of women before you
and seven generations of womenafter you.
So by you being someone whocares about healing, by you
(35:26):
loving your children, I want youto know that you're contributing
to the mission powerfully.
It's more than enough.
By you being authentic, you'recontributing to the mission.
By you raising a question ifsomething feels weird for you,
That is a powerful contribution.
By you leading your team withempathy instead of coercion,
(35:46):
that is a powerful contribution,right?
So this is a call for all womento just remember what we feel in
our heart and souls is what'sright.
And let's use our voices and ourgifts to accomplish some things.
But what we've been trying to dois...
We've been trying to get resultsin a masculine, male-dominated
(36:09):
way, and we're wondering whyit's not working for us.
Because we weren't designed todo it that way.
As women, we were literallydesigned to receive and create.
So if you think of the anatomyof the female body, receive,
create.
And we're out here hustling.
(36:31):
We're out here.
I just need another strategy.
I just need some more execution.
No, babes.
Babes.
You need to self-nourish,self-care, receive, connect to
the earth, connect to your body,connect to the things that feel
nourishing because then you'regoing to download a brilliant
idea and then you go create it.
(36:54):
You're going to download abrilliant nudge that's like the
solution to your problem.
And then you go take action.
So we've got to come home to ourown rhythms, our own natural
rhythms.
And remember that we're designedto receive and create.
And the more that we take careof ourselves and take care of
each other, the more nourishmentwe can create collectively, the
more we're going to accesswhat's really needed in a time
(37:16):
like now.
And then we're going to benourished enough to go do it.
We can't do it from a place ofdepletion.
We have to receive and thencreate.
So Unperfected is aboutunhooking from this old paradigm
of hustle and enoughness andperfection and do it this way.
(37:41):
so that we can remember who weare, so that we can show up and
get different outcomes.
And so that's why I think weneed it now more than ever,
because I think there's beensome voices at the table that
have been dominating theconversation for too long.
And I think now we need all ofour voices and we need all of
(38:02):
our hearts and we need all ofour Yeah.
Well, thank you for sharing allof that.
I just want to
SPEAKER_01 (38:26):
echo that I do think women are really gifted at even
what you just said I'm going tosay the same words just like
repeating it because I thinkit's true of like receiving and
creating because if you can'tallow yourself to receive I
don't think there's space tocreate but And so I think trying
(38:49):
your best to really dismantle orto remove barriers from allowing
yourself to receive is reallyimportant.
important because i thinkthere's a lot of women out there
just need to be reallyindependent and that's going to
bring me success i need to youknow do everything on my own i
need to do everything foreveryone all the things you kind
(39:09):
of talked about in anunperfected way yeah i don't
know so many things that i havethoughts and hopefully other
people do and i'd love tocontinue this conversation on
social media and all the otherplatforms because i think
there's a lot of goodness to besaid and yeah so with that i'd
love for you to share wherepeople can find you and all the
(39:29):
information that Brooke sharesabout where to find her will be
in the show notes.
SPEAKER_00 (39:33):
Yeah, yeah.
I love it, babe, because this isa conversation that is hot and
heavy right now.
So if you come to Instagram atBrooke Jean Unperfected, I'm
doing lives there.
I post a lot of content there tosupport you on your journey.
My website isliveunperfected.com.
I have a podcast.
It's called The Unperfected Pod.
We just did our 100th episode.
(39:54):
So yeah, reach out and let usknow what landed in this
conversation so we can continuethe conversation and continue to
rise together.
But Steph, thank you so much forhaving me.
And it's been so cool to justsee you continue to heal, reveal
and rise and have you in themastermind and be someone that
(40:15):
really gets to see you steppinginto your power.
It's really beautiful to see.
So keep doing your thing, girl.
I'm celebrating you.
Thank you.
I appreciate
SPEAKER_01 (40:25):
that.
We all need to celebrateourselves more because that's, I
think, another thing that womenneed.
don't do great at.
And I'll be honest, I don't doexcellent at.
So that's one of my 2024 goalsis celebrating 2025.
I don't even know what year itis anymore.
SPEAKER_00 (40:40):
She has a baby people.
She has a baby.
Leave her alone.
My bio too.
I don't think you read thatright, but I love you and it's
okay.
The bio will be cracked in theshow notes.
Nobody cares about the bio, butit's just hilarious.
UNKNOWN (40:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:58):
I love you so much.
Thank you for
SPEAKER_01 (41:00):
coming on.
Yes.
Thank you for tuning in toRedefining Us once again and
share with other people so otherpeople can continue to listen to
Redefining Us and we can getinto more listeners ears.
If you follow us or subscribe orleave a comment or review,
(41:21):
that'd be greatly helpful forother people to find us and also
just for me to get somefeedback.
What do you guys want to hear mesay?
What do you women care abouthearing?
I'm totally open to Thank you somuch for joining us today.
(42:04):
So you can be in the know withall the things that are
happening in the Redefining Uscommunity.
Once again, thank you so muchfor listening and keep being
awesome.
Welcome to Redefining Us, where we explore
sexuality, identity, motherhood,and mental health to help women
thrive authentically.
Let's break free from roles thatlimit us and create a life where
you can truly be yourself.
Welcome back to Redefining Us.
I'm your host, Stephanie ContraO'Hara.
(00:20):
I'm a licensed professionalcounselor.
And today I have with me BrookeJean, who's a master's level
therapist, an LPC in the stateof Colorado, coach, speaker, and
host of the Unperfected Pod on amission to normalize normal.
She believes that life isn'tperfect, but it can be
unperfected.
And using blend of energy work,counseling, coaching, and
(00:43):
facilitation, she guides heraudience to let of why they
think they are in order tocreate the life they've been
waiting for.
So welcome, Brooke.
Thank you.
Thank you so much.
I'm so glad to be here.
Yes, I'm so happy that youdecided to come on.
I know you're very busy, so Iappreciate your time.
I wanted to just jump off rightinto the questions and...
(01:07):
I mean, as listeners know, thispodcast is called Redefining Us.
So I'd love to hear yourpersonal story of like
redefining who you are and yourjourney.
I know you've been throughpotentially a couple evolutions
of who Brooke Jean is.
So yeah, I'd love to hear that.
SPEAKER_00 (01:23):
Yeah.
I mean, first I want tonormalize how healthy it is to
be that work in progress, thatcontinual evolution of coming
home to yourself and redefiningwho you are minute by minute,
hour by hour, day by day.
It's not like we decide and thenwe're stuck with that identity.
(01:44):
And then we decide again when wehave a midlife crisis and we
stick with that identity.
It's like, I have a real pivotalmoment that I'll share the story
with you.
But I also want to normalizethat the Brooke Jean that I am
today is actually different thanthe Brooke Jean that I was last
week, last month, last year whenI rebranded and all the things.
And it gets to be that way.
(02:05):
And sometimes we box ourselvesin because we feel like we're
going to confuse people.
But a big thing in my story,which is really where my brand,
Unperfected, came from was wasthat I grew up with the good
girl complex, right?
Trying to, that was that highachieving, high performing,
(02:25):
perfectionistic type A, makeeverybody smile, bring home the
good grades type of child.
And I feel like I had doneeverything that I was supposed
to do.
I was like in the corporateworld, climbing the corporate
ladder was kind of at the top ofthat, the pinnacle of that.
(02:45):
I had a family.
I'd been with my partner foreight years.
We've been raising my son for10.
We owned a home.
We had a 529 college account formy kiddo.
We had the 401ks.
We had all of it.
And I was deeply unfulfilled andon the brink of burnout.
(03:05):
So I had this facade of who Ithought I was, which was this
badass corporate leader who wassuper successful and blah, blah,
blah.
And yet, in order to kind ofcope with the pressure that came
with being the perfect mom, theperfect leader, the perfect
wife, the perfect communitymember...
(03:26):
came a slew of coping mechanismsthat were super unhealthy.
I call it the trifecta, my wine,brie cheese, and Amazon Prime.
So I was, you know, waking up ina shame spiral because I'd eaten
a bunch and drank a bunch andwas short with my family the
night before.
So then I would be in the shamespiral.
So then I would double down onthe efforting and showing that I
(03:50):
was worthy and proving my valuethrough what I could do to like
basically sprint through my dayand at the end of the night do
it again.
And I did that for a decadeuntil I couldn't do it anymore.
And I was running a super targetin Aurora, Colorado.
It was a$45 million business.
(04:11):
I had 250 employees.
It was a second assignment.
It was a broken store that Itook over and had to fix in six
months because we were going topilot a remodel.
And we were doing the damnthing.
And I had an extraordinary team.
And then the Aurora Theatershooting happened.
And that was across the streetfrom my store.
And most of my early morninglogistics team was in the
(04:33):
theater that night.
And that collective communitytrauma split me wide open in
every way you can imagine.
Not at first.
At first, I went into helpingmode and repair mode and healing
mode for my team and theirfamilies and our communities and
(04:54):
rebuilding, really.
And then nine months later, Iwent and got married, which is a
major life transition, whichwill also kick you in the tits
if you didn't know that.
And I went and sat on a beach inMaui for 10 days and I regulated
my nervous system for what I nowunderstand as a therapist for
the first time probably ever.
(05:14):
And it was in that relaxationthat all of a sudden all these
childhood memories startedflooding in.
And I was like, shit.
Shit.
And so I knew stuff.
I knew that like who I'd becomethis like hard, intense leader
(05:34):
doing it all.
But then having this dirtylittle secret where I would
drink and eat and spend likethat, who I'd become like wasn't
actually who I am.
Yeah.
And I knew I was going to reallyneed a process of coming home to
myself to redefine who I am.
And so my poor husband on ourhoneymoon, I was the
breadwinner.
I was like, I'm going to have toquit my job.
(05:56):
Like, I can't do the work I canfeel is bubbling up inside of
me, which is going to get me onmy literal life purpose path.
UNKNOWN (06:05):
Right.
SPEAKER_00 (06:05):
I can't do that while working 60 hours a week in
this high pressure retailmanagement while raising a kid
like I won't.
I'll just keep grinding toprovide for our family because
that's what I know how to do.
So I left Target.
They took such good care of meon the way out.
I took six months off to shedthe corporate skin, to heal, to
get into therapy, to do yoga, tohike, to remember who the fuck I
(06:27):
was like.
I didn't know I was a mom and aTarget queen.
That's it.
I had no real identity.
Like who is Brooke Jean?
That little girl that loves tolaugh and dance and is
passionate and silly and fun andloves playing in the ocean.
I'd forgotten who she was.
I'd been responsible since I waseight years old.
And so for me, it was thatmassive pivot of like, oh, I am
(06:51):
not my work.
My work is not my identity.
My role as a mother is not myidentity.
What else is here?
And then I decided to go back toschool and get my master's in
counseling psychology andlaunched a coaching and
counseling practice and beendoing that successfully for nine
years.
(07:11):
But a few years in, I had mysecond baby, which was 14 years
later after having my first.
And I was knee deep inpostpartum depression and
anxiety.
And I was like nursing Chloe inthe middle of the night.
And I'll never forget, like allI was pumped with all this fluid
during the delivery and it hadall like settled down to my
(07:32):
ankles.
And so I was in excruciatingphysical pain.
Plus I hadn't slept in days upondays.
And I was looking out thewindow, nursing her, crying.
And I just had this thoughtlike, what have I done?
Why did I have another baby?
Can I even do this?
Am I even made for this?
(07:54):
And my brain went to some reallyscary places.
And because I'm a therapist, Iknew that those thoughts
weren't...
That wasn't me.
That was the depression talking.
But I zoomed out, Steph, and Isaw this parallel where there
was this rise in expectation ofthe modern mom.
Since I'd had Camden, now we'renot just working.
(08:16):
We're the breadwinners.
Now we're not just...
cooking meals.
They have to be soy free, dairyfree, dye free, nut free,
fucking everything free.
We're not just taking care ofour children.
We're breaking generationalcycles of trauma and building
sensory play games like bro.
And then we're just posting itall online in our size two body
(08:37):
like, hey, look how happy I am.
I'm so grateful.
And I'm like, I'm not grateful.
I don't know that I like this.
But I saw that that rise in theexpectation of the modern mom
paralleled a rise in our mentalhealth issues.
We are drinking more than we'veever drank.
We have more PTSD.
We have more suicide.
(08:57):
We have more everything in someof these categories.
We've surpassed men.
And that's when I went throughanother awakening of redefining
myself.
I am unsubscribing from theseideals of perfection, this mom
I'm supposed to be, this wifeI'm supposed to be, this body
I'm supposed to have, this voiceI'm supposed to use.
(09:18):
I'm unsubscribing from all ofthat.
I'm creating my life in anunperfected way where I allow
myself to lead with my corevalues, whatever those might be.
And that was a big...
pivot moment in redefining me ofI'm not doing I'm not keeping up
with the Kardashians.
(09:39):
I'm like, what what matters tome today?
What's the one thing that Ivalue and how can I bring that
into my family and all of that?
And so that became a hugerebrand and a huge body of work
and an embodiment that I existin day in and day out where it's
like.
Let's embrace our messy.
Let's shed the shoulds and let'slive authentically.
(10:02):
And whether you're a mom orleader, a CEO, a grandmother,
the president of the UnitedStates, you are somebody
underneath all of those rolesand titles.
And it's really important tocome home to and reveal what
that is, because that usuallyhas our magic.
SPEAKER_01 (10:21):
Well, I'm going to say, if the listener's not
already inspired and hooked in,I'm not sure what's going on in
their brain.
SPEAKER_00 (10:27):
That was a long-ass answer.
That was a long answer.
I apologize.
But you asked, girl.
I'm going to give you the deets.
SPEAKER_01 (10:39):
I think what really stands out to me in your story
is both of the moments where oflike the lows or what people
would maybe like identify aslows, you really were able to
make both of those into wake upcalls or opportunities to do
something different rather thanresigning to this is just what
(11:00):
my life is now or here I am inmy stuckness.
And you're like, no, that's notwhat I want for myself and for
myself.
My family.
I need to do somethingdifferent.
Otherwise, I'm going to, I don'tknow, die on this hill like a
sad person.
But you're like, fuck no.
(11:22):
So I really admire that, Iguess.
A part of for you as well aslike in your story and kind of
really letting other people knowthat even if you're feeling
stuck and trapped, that doesn'thave to be your forever.
No,
SPEAKER_00 (11:35):
you can't let your trauma define you.
So part of redefining us isturning our pain into power.
And first of all, we all havehard things.
Some might be harder thanothers.
And we also all have thisincredible resilience and
(11:57):
strength to overcome.
Listener, you have it in youtoo.
It might be buried.
It might be a little drownedout, but you have it.
We all do.
It's not like I'm any strongerthan anybody else.
We just forget.
But it's about healing thethings that you've been through
and then writing an empoweringstory about it.
(12:22):
So, yeah, I was the oldest oftwo siblings, one who was born
with a brain tumor and almostdied and another with severe
mental health.
And that's why I becameresponsible at eight.
And that can either be a sadstory or that could be the
reason why I was aperfectionist, which led me to
this extraordinary body of workthat I get to live and breathe
every day.
Yeah, I got pregnant unplannedin college, but that also saved
(12:44):
my life.
Yeah, I didn't marry my babydaddy.
He cheated on me.
But that also brought me to myhusband.
It's like when I look at and Ido this life timeline exercise
with my clients where I havethem in a timeline style, put
their pivotal moments in theirlife, the hard stuff and the
beautiful stuff and to find athread.
(13:06):
A common thread of truth inthat, which is like.
I am strong.
I am resilient.
I was meant to overcome thesethings.
I have what it takes.
The universe is alwaysconspiring in my favor, even
when it really doesn't feel likeit is.
And having that empowering take,not in a spiritual bypass kind
(13:30):
of way, but in a I have thepower to choose my fucking story
and my narrative.
And I can either pull out ofthese hard things a victim story
or a victorious story.
And that doesn't mean I didn'tdo all the years of therapy and
personal development to heal mywounds.
And I still have wounds that Iwork on every day.
(13:51):
So I face the hard thing.
I feel the feelings.
I move them out of my body.
And then I get busy consciouslyfocusing on what I want to
create in my life.
And I do that dance back andforth, back and forth.
And you, listener, have thepower to do that too.
And you, Steph, you have thepower to do that too.
We can only let our pain defineus if we can turn it into an
(14:15):
empowerment story.
If you really think about it andyou think about the hardest
things you've ever been through,what did it teach you about
yourself?
What did it reveal to you aboutyou that if everything were just
comfy, cozy, easy, peasy, lemonsqueezy your whole life, you
would have never come intocontact with?
(14:36):
I wouldn't know what I'm made ofif I wouldn't have skated in the
depths of hell time after timeafter time again.
And I also wouldn't be ascompassionate of a human being
if I hadn't gone through thosedark nights so many nights.
So for me...
when we change our relationshipto pain, things can really shift
(14:58):
in how we redefine ourselves.
SPEAKER_01 (15:00):
Yeah, I think oftentimes people identify their
feelings or their emotions orthoughts and, I don't know,
invest in them in a way that canbe unproductive to them, right?
Like if I were to lean into myanger and rage about X, let's
(15:22):
say, Not X the platform, butthat's a whole other thing.
Anyway.
SPEAKER_00 (15:27):
You
SPEAKER_01 (15:27):
just triggered me.
You just
SPEAKER_00 (15:29):
triggered me.
Am
SPEAKER_01 (15:31):
I leading to my anger and rage about something?
That is then the story of it,rather than, I don't know, the
imagery of a phoenix is kind ofcoming to me, like arising out
of the ashes of that anger andrage and into something more
fulfilling or...
Productive?
productive or yeah I guessmeaningful all those things are
(15:56):
kind of green true to me becauseI think yeah there's so many
journeys that we all go throughor maybe all face and it's like
how do you decide to travel downthat path
SPEAKER_00 (16:09):
and anger is important right like this is how
I distinguish between am Iprocessing an emotion because as
a human being We need to processemotions.
Or am I now addicted to myemotion?
Because I recently learned thatwe can become addicted to our
emotional responses.
(16:30):
And so one of the questions Iask myself is like, is this a
bout of rage that I need to juststep out of my mind space
altogether and let it release inmy body and then I can regulate
and take action?
Or is this my default?
Oh, I love to go.
I love to go back to irritable.
I love to go back to annoyed.
I love to go back to resentment.
(16:51):
I love to go back to frustrationbecause if that's a neural
pathway that we've built in ourbrains of going to, when we go
to frustration, if that's theone we've always done, we
actually drop a drip ofdopamine.
So we can become addicted to ourfeelings.
And yet at the same time, we gotto feel our feelings.
We got to move emotion out ofour body.
(17:13):
So that's one of the ways that Idecipher.
Is this a proper, like not evenproper because what is proper?
But is this a normal emotionalresponse or is this a pattern
for me of default?
Because it's easier for me tofeel frustrated than it is for
me to feel abandonment.
(17:33):
Rejection, loneliness, sadness,despair, shame.
I'll tell you what, I'd ratherfeel annoyed than ashamed.
So we get addicted to that.
It's really interesting.
But emotions are normal.
We want to move them out of ourbody somatically.
But what we do as humans is wetell ourselves all these stories
(17:54):
about the emotion and then weperpetuate the emotion.
So then we became afraid to feelour emotions.
So then we stuff our emotionsand then they come out in really
ugly, interesting ways.
And then we're even more scaredof our emotions.
You don't have to fear youremotion.
Step out of story.
Move it through your body in 60seconds up to five minutes.
And then breathe.
(18:15):
But I always tell my clients,you're not allowed to think when
you're processing emotion.
And they're like, what?
No, like your brain is not goingto help you.
Mm hmm.
SPEAKER_01 (18:26):
So I think there was some therapist at some point in
my many years of therapy journeythat said not everything that
you think needs to be true or iseven your voice like it could be
like somebody else's voice or itcould be depression speaking to
you.
So don't believe everything thatyou think.
And that really made me be like,wow, you're right.
(18:46):
I don't actually need to believeevery single thing that I think
or do every single patternagain, because that's what I've
always done.
I can do something Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (18:58):
So we have something like 60 to 80,000 thoughts a
day.
80% of them are untrue andunhelpful.
And 80% of those are the samethoughts.
Untrue and unhelpful thoughtsyou had yesterday and the day
before and the day before.
So if you can imagine, this iswhy we're an anxious population
(19:18):
just flinging our poo on eachother all day.
It's like we're all walkingaround with these negative
thoughts that are releasinghormones that are adrenaline and
cortisol that feels like anxietythat we don't want to feel.
So then we spew it onto eachother.
Projection.
But what if we were tounderstand that our brains have
just evolved to keep us safe.
(19:38):
So they are just constantscanners for problems.
And your brain is going to giveyou 475 catastrophic outcomes
that are never going to happen.
But you're bigger than yourthoughts.
You're bigger than yourthoughts.
So you can't believe them.
You can just be playful withthem.
You got to believe your heart.
You got to believe yourintuition.
(19:59):
Or maybe a deep contemplation isfine.
But your thoughts, honey...
No, we're not.
We're no longer believe inthose.
Those are not very nice andkind.
We're not believing that thoseare built out of survival
strategy.
And so because we've had thesenegative thoughts over and over
again, they've gotten built intoour biology, which is why
they're patterned and defaultand addictive.
(20:21):
So.
It's really important that notonly we disconnect from
believing our thoughts are true,but that we consciously choose
to see the good and the goldenand the beauty and the
enoughness in the world becauseyou can start to build new
neural connections around that.
And we're like 40 years behindin building positive neural
networks.
So we've got some work to do,but it will change your life
(20:43):
when you start to do that.
And I feel like that's part ofredefining me too is like when I
– Unsubscribed from the idealsof perfectionism, I started
managing my monkey mind.
I started using neuroplasticityto reprogram my thoughts and my
beliefs.
I started doing deepsubconscious belief works.
(21:03):
I started moving trauma out ofmy body.
I started figuring out whatfeels good in my body.
I started trusting my intuition.
I strengthened my spiritualpractices.
That process of unperfecting hasa mind, body, and spirit
component of just, again,peeling what's not real and what
maybe was built out of wantingto be loved and fit in, aka
(21:27):
survival mechanism.
And then underneath all that islike who I really am, which is
just a big ball of love thatwants to spread that love in the
world.
in my own unique flavor of kindof a way.
So I feel like redefining me isactually just this big journey
of coming home to the truth ofwho I really am when I strip
(21:51):
away all those weird things wedo to be safe in the world and
to be liked and loved and allthat.
SPEAKER_01 (21:59):
I think it would be really interesting Interesting
because the word weird spoke tome there about like if we were
to objectively look at all ofthe behaviors or all of the ways
in which we are constantlyreaching for connection that are
unproductive rather than comingback to this intuitive
self-knowing and self-trust thatwe wouldn't need to reach.
(22:22):
We would just almost gravitatetowards what we are meant to be
connected to rather than feelinglike we have to.
quote unquote, be weird andreach in this unproductive way.
SPEAKER_00 (22:35):
Totally.
So the big thing that I'm tryingto dismantle in our human
existence are these collectionof weird things that me and my
people do that are like peoplepleasing, codependency, proving
energy, like weird things thatwe do to show that we're worthy,
(22:55):
like high achieving andpretending and facade and how
you used to act like I was sohard.
I look back and I literally wantto just like, oh, well, that all
that little 20 year old Brooke.
Oh, no.
Oh, that cutie was just tryingso hard to be safe and loved in
the world and that it was notthe most beautiful expression of
(23:16):
that.
But we have to have compassionfor it.
But yeah, when we dismantle allthat and we're no longer trying
to connect in ways that areinauthentic and also exhaustive,
by the way, then we open up forreal authentic connection, real
intimacy, being seen.
But I also think as humans,we're terrified of that.
(23:39):
Me being seen in my armor feelsmore safe than me being seen in
my flaws and all of myhumanness, my quirks, my
weirdness, my shadow, mystrengths, my gifts, and my
gold.
But to be really seen without myprotection, nobody taught us how
to do that in school.
We don't know how to do that.
(23:59):
So when we get close to it, wepush people away, we put our
suit back on, and we wonder whywe're so lonely and
disconnected.
SPEAKER_01 (24:08):
Yeah.
And unfortunately, there's moreand more ways to create distance
between ourselves and othersnowadays.
SPEAKER_00 (24:16):
Yeah.
And one of the things that I'mgeeking out on lately, because I
do counseling and coaching and Iwork with individuals and
businesses and teams and groups,is the actual qualitative cost
in authenticity in business.
So this...
process that I've trademarkedcalled Unperfected of healing,
(24:38):
revealing, and rising is reallyto help people unearth their
authentic essence and brillianceand to create from that
energetic, from that place ofauthenticity.
And I believe that that,especially women coming together
in their gifts is going to solveworld problems.
Truly, I believe this.
(24:58):
And So when so many people areshowing up to important
conversations, whether it'spolitical or in business or in
all these boardrooms of power,and we're all coming in masked
up and armed up and in somefreaking facade, we're not
actually seen and we're notactually heard.
(25:21):
And we're not even contributingin a way that's genuinely in
alignment with who we are, whichis love.
No wonder it's not working.
Whatever we're doing politicallyand in business, it's not
working.
And here's how I know.
We're sicker than we've everbeen.
SPEAKER_01 (25:38):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (25:40):
So I'm trying to geek out on, like, what are the
costs of your organization whenyour team is coming in armored
up?
What's possible?
Because when I watch women gothrough this Heal, Reveal, and
Rise process, they access moreenergy, creativity, and
vitality.
And when you bring energy,creativity, and vitality to
(26:04):
everything you do, just yourpresence, your leadership, your
family, your team, your clients,whatever it is, that's going to
have a different outcome thancoming in guarded up,
inauthentic, all the things.
SPEAKER_01 (26:20):
Yeah.
Do you find that the people thatyou work with in business are
oftentimes leading from a placeof fear rather than leading from
a place of empowerment becausethey're worried about, I don't
know, I'll speak for myself.
Sometimes I find myself leadingfrom a place of fear because I'm
(26:40):
worried about stepping on otherpeople's toes due to fear of
offending them or fear of askingtoo much.
Those two things probably.
So yeah, I guess I'm curious,what are common themes that you
see when you speak to leaders inbusinesses about what takes them
away from leading from theirauthentic self?
SPEAKER_00 (27:02):
Yeah, so it all comes back to fear and a
worthiness wound.
Okay.
So the two categories I see themost, and this isn't for like...
I hate bucketing people.
It's always in this weirdjuxtaposition of I love data,
but don't you dare bucket ahuman being, okay?
They're so magnificent.
They're so brilliant.
There's no way you can tell methat they're just this one
(27:24):
personality.
But I will say that I do like todeduce some things, honey.
And so it's like when people areshowing up at work inauthentic,
they're usually coming from ego,which is fear, or...
a worthiness wound, which isalso kind of fear, right?
(27:45):
Fear of not being enough.
And so we're either afraid thatwe're going to be too much or
afraid that we haven't doneenough.
SPEAKER_01 (27:57):
I'm assuming some people could be both even,
unfortunately.
SPEAKER_00 (28:00):
Absolutely.
And some people teeter-totterand their team is so confused
because it depends on the day ofif I feel like I'm doing too
much or too little.
But yeah, I think a huge issueis that we're all behaving from
fear instead of love andoneness.
(28:20):
And that's why we're feeling soseparate.
And that's why we can't see eyeto eye.
And that's why we can't actuallyhave meaningful discussions that
solve complex problems.
And because we can't do that,we're stifling creativity.
Because we have no idea what thehuman psyche is actually capable
of.
We've only scratched the surfaceof its potentiality.
(28:42):
And so I think all this fearthat we've been indoctrined into
is literally suffocating ourpotential.
And you see it show up in allsorts of interesting and weird
ways in leadership.
UNKNOWN (28:56):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (28:57):
And we're never going to get it just right
because we're human, right?
So it's like even somebody likeme that has all this awareness
about these things, I still showup in ego sometimes.
I still show up afraid.
I still show up just wanting tobe recognized as someone who's
doing some good in the world andwanting to be validated.
We still get to be human inthis, guys.
(29:17):
It's going to be messy AF.
But I think if we're just tryingto grow in our consciousness,
we're doing something right.
SPEAKER_01 (29:23):
Yeah.
Yeah.
And I think...
And this is just something thatI would encourage everyone to do
is validate their ownexperience.
But also, it's really nice tovalidate other people.
And like, you know, because Ifind in my life, both personally
and professionally, just someonetelling me like, oh, I can see
that you're trying to do thework and you're not just just
chilling and just not trying tobe your authentic self or you're
(29:48):
not working to, I don't know,empower other people.
So yeah, it's good to validateyourself.
But I think getting thatfeedback or giving that
feedback, especially to otherwomen, like this podcast for
women.
So especially to other women, Ithink it's like really
empowering.
It can rise or help rise us allup.
SPEAKER_00 (30:05):
Yes.
Yes.
So, so much of my work isinspired by Brene Brown's work.
And when I see somebody in thearena and you know, you just
like you're out here trying tobecome a better version of
yourself.
You don't even need to bebetter.
You're golden as you are.
And that's really the truth.
(30:28):
We just forget.
But when you're actually tryingto To be a better mom and a
better person.
And you're trying to heal.
And you're trying to stopgenerational cycles.
And you're trying to love thyneighbor and all these things.
Girl, you're extraordinary.
The ripple of good that thatdoes is huge.
And we don't notice it in eachother.
(30:48):
And we don't call it out nearlyenough.
And so I love that, what youjust offered the group.
And one of the things that Ilove to do is just randomly...
give women especially but I meanI will a boy it's a little rare
it's a little rare but I loveboys and men too but I
definitely like my favoritething is to be on a walk and
(31:11):
come near like past like a 12year old girl and I will just
look at her and I'll be like Ihope you know your outfit is so
cool or I hope you know yourenergy I like to compliment
girls on their energy because Idon't want people to feel like
they have to have a coolappearance.
And I also think that that'swhat they care about.
(31:32):
So you kind of have to meet themon their level, right?
I hate people that are extremein any category.
You can't care about what youlook like and you shouldn't, you
know, you should care about.
It's like meet people on theirlevel.
But to compliment a girl who youknow is in her own head about
everything.
The world is telling her she'snot pretty enough.
She's not skinny enough.
She's not smart enough.
(31:52):
Her hair's too this, blah, blah,blah.
When she gets a random, genuinecompliment that is like, girl, I
really like your vibe.
I know that that leaves a waveor something.
I love, I go to this gas stationand there's a collection of
women that work there.
And every day I come in, I dosomething to lift the vibration
(32:15):
of the
SPEAKER_01 (32:15):
establishment.
SPEAKER_00 (32:18):
Whether it's a joke or I tell them a story about how
my day started bad and I'mturning it around or every day.
And one day, one of the ladieswas like, Do you know that you
always bring a ray of sunshine?
I said, yeah, I do that shit onpurpose.
But these ladies, you can justsee it in their eyes.
(32:39):
They're not getting, they're notreally seen.
Mm-hmm.
(33:06):
Lifts me just as much as itlifts you.
So we could we could be betterat that step.
And I think, gosh, dang, ifevery single one of us
complimented one girl a day.
Over a decade.
A lot of people's lives.
It's big.
It's really big.
Right.
SPEAKER_01 (33:24):
Yeah.
So I want to ask, why do youthink the world needs to hear
your message now more than ever?
Because, yeah, the world isdifferent now than it was.
you know, just a few months ago.
SPEAKER_00 (33:38):
Yeah.
So I just did a free masterclasscalled Audacity.
So maybe we can link that in theshow notes.
And it's a training where it'skind of my call to women in
leadership to remember who thefuck they are and let's start
using our voices.
Because I do feel like now morethan ever, we need women waking
(34:02):
up to their power and using itfor good.
What we're doing isn't working.
And what we're naturally giftedat as women, our intuition, our
sensitive abilities, ouremotional waves, our natural
ability to bring people togetherand connect and conspire, our
(34:22):
community, our storytelling,like the things that we are
naturally good at that werenever recognized on a
performance review.
We need to remember that thoseare our gifts.
We need to use themunapologetically.
We need to be asking difficultquestions.
We need to be stirring upcontroversy and we need to be
(34:44):
healing ourselves so that we canheal this planet.
So now more than ever, I don'twant to see women who are doing
what their husband tells them todo.
Unless In her heart and soul,she really believes it.
Now more than ever, I don't wantwomen spending precious energy
(35:05):
on having a perfect body whenwe've got world problems to
solve.
And by the way, this doesn'tmean that you need to go out and
run for president and run abusiness.
You healing...
literally heals sevengenerations of women before you
and seven generations of womenafter you.
So by you being someone whocares about healing, by you
(35:26):
loving your children, I want youto know that you're contributing
to the mission powerfully.
It's more than enough.
By you being authentic, you'recontributing to the mission.
By you raising a question ifsomething feels weird for you,
That is a powerful contribution.
By you leading your team withempathy instead of coercion,
(35:46):
that is a powerful contribution,right?
So this is a call for all womento just remember what we feel in
our heart and souls is what'sright.
And let's use our voices and ourgifts to accomplish some things.
But what we've been trying to dois...
We've been trying to get resultsin a masculine, male-dominated
(36:09):
way, and we're wondering whyit's not working for us.
Because we weren't designed todo it that way.
As women, we were literallydesigned to receive and create.
So if you think of the anatomyof the female body, receive,
create.
And we're out here hustling.
(36:31):
We're out here.
I just need another strategy.
I just need some more execution.
No, babes.
Babes.
You need to self-nourish,self-care, receive, connect to
the earth, connect to your body,connect to the things that feel
nourishing because then you'regoing to download a brilliant
idea and then you go create it.
(36:54):
You're going to download abrilliant nudge that's like the
solution to your problem.
And then you go take action.
So we've got to come home to ourown rhythms, our own natural
rhythms.
And remember that we're designedto receive and create.
And the more that we take careof ourselves and take care of
each other, the more nourishmentwe can create collectively, the
more we're going to accesswhat's really needed in a time
(37:16):
like now.
And then we're going to benourished enough to go do it.
We can't do it from a place ofdepletion.
We have to receive and thencreate.
So Unperfected is aboutunhooking from this old paradigm
of hustle and enoughness andperfection and do it this way.
(37:41):
so that we can remember who weare, so that we can show up and
get different outcomes.
And so that's why I think weneed it now more than ever,
because I think there's beensome voices at the table that
have been dominating theconversation for too long.
And I think now we need all ofour voices and we need all of
(38:02):
our hearts and we need all ofour Yeah.
Well, thank you for sharing allof that.
I just want to
SPEAKER_01 (38:26):
echo that I do think women are really gifted at even
what you just said I'm going tosay the same words just like
repeating it because I thinkit's true of like receiving and
creating because if you can'tallow yourself to receive I
don't think there's space tocreate but And so I think trying
(38:49):
your best to really dismantle orto remove barriers from allowing
yourself to receive is reallyimportant.
important because i thinkthere's a lot of women out there
just need to be reallyindependent and that's going to
bring me success i need to youknow do everything on my own i
need to do everything foreveryone all the things you kind
(39:09):
of talked about in anunperfected way yeah i don't
know so many things that i havethoughts and hopefully other
people do and i'd love tocontinue this conversation on
social media and all the otherplatforms because i think
there's a lot of goodness to besaid and yeah so with that i'd
love for you to share wherepeople can find you and all the
(39:29):
information that Brooke sharesabout where to find her will be
in the show notes.
SPEAKER_00 (39:33):
Yeah, yeah.
I love it, babe, because this isa conversation that is hot and
heavy right now.
So if you come to Instagram atBrooke Jean Unperfected, I'm
doing lives there.
I post a lot of content there tosupport you on your journey.
My website isliveunperfected.com.
I have a podcast.
It's called The Unperfected Pod.
We just did our 100th episode.
(39:54):
So yeah, reach out and let usknow what landed in this
conversation so we can continuethe conversation and continue to
rise together.
But Steph, thank you so much forhaving me.
And it's been so cool to justsee you continue to heal, reveal
and rise and have you in themastermind and be someone that
(40:15):
really gets to see you steppinginto your power.
It's really beautiful to see.
So keep doing your thing, girl.
I'm celebrating you.
Thank you.
I appreciate
SPEAKER_01 (40:25):
that.
We all need to celebrateourselves more because that's, I
think, another thing that womenneed.
don't do great at.
And I'll be honest, I don't doexcellent at.
So that's one of my 2024 goalsis celebrating 2025.
I don't even know what year itis anymore.
SPEAKER_00 (40:40):
She has a baby people.
She has a baby.
Leave her alone.
My bio too.
I don't think you read thatright, but I love you and it's
okay.
The bio will be cracked in theshow notes.
Nobody cares about the bio, butit's just hilarious.
UNKNOWN (40:57):
Yeah.
SPEAKER_00 (40:58):
I love you so much.
Thank you for
SPEAKER_01 (41:00):
coming on.
Yes.
Thank you for tuning in toRedefining Us once again and
share with other people so otherpeople can continue to listen to
Redefining Us and we can getinto more listeners ears.
If you follow us or subscribe orleave a comment or review,
(41:21):
that'd be greatly helpful forother people to find us and also
just for me to get somefeedback.
What do you guys want to hear mesay?
What do you women care abouthearing?
I'm totally open to Thank you somuch for joining us today.
(42:04):
So you can be in the know withall the things that are
happening in the Redefining Uscommunity.
Once again, thank you so muchfor listening and keep being
awesome.
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