January 22, 2025 • 52 mins
Welcome to "Rediscovering Connection," where we delve into the essence of human interaction with Pete Bombaci, the visionary founder of GenWell, Canada's human connection movement. In this 52-minute deep dive, we explore the transformative impact of genuine human connection on individual well-being and organizational culture.
Whether you're a leader seeking to nurture a more connected and healthier team, or an individual looking to enrich your personal relationships, this episode is made for you.
Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction to Pete Bombaci and GenWell's mission.
05:00 - The catalyst for starting GenWell: A story from a blackout in 2003.
10:00 - The Human Connection Conference: Insights and experiences.
15:00 - Post-Traumatic Growth: Learning from Cedar's opening talk.
20:00 - The new Canadian social connection guidelines - why no numbers?
25:00 - Balancing strong ties vs. weak ties in our daily lives.
30:00 - The role of technology in social connection - boon or bane?
35:00 - Community building through historical and modern lenses (Robert Putnam's "Bowling Alone" discussion).
40:00 - The workplace as a hub for connection - what can employers do?
45:00 - The concept of a 'Minister of Connection' in organizations.
Key Topics Discussed:
Crisis-Induced Connection: Pete shares how unexpected situations can foster community and how we can replicate this in everyday life.
Social Connection Guidelines: Why avoiding numerical targets in social guidelines might be more inclusive.
Digital vs. Face-to-Face Interaction: The debate on whether digital connections suffice or if they're merely supplementary.
Workplace Connection: Strategies for leaders to enhance team connectivity and the potential roles like a "Super Connector" or "Minister of Connection".
Guest Bio:
Pete Bombaci is a visionary leader in business and social change, passionate about fostering human connection. He founded The GenWell Project in 2016, driving Canada's Human Connection Movement to promote well-being through social interaction. Previously, he led Movember Canada to global fundraising success, raising $142 million for men's health. With 20 years in hospitality, Pete blends corporate experience with non-profit innovation to build a more connected society.
Website: https://genwell.ca/
---
I hope our conversation inspires you to rediscover connection in your personal or professional life.
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Love & sparkles,
✨Shelley
About Your Host
Hello you, I’m Shelley Doyle, founder of The Communiverse.
Through our 90-day program, The Social Wealth Roadmap, we empower remote and relocated leaders, founders, and creators build real-world social wealth—so they feel connected, trusted, and supported, both online and offline, no matter where they are in the world.
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Pete (00:00):
I have my own experiences working in past businesses where
(00:04):
those of us that were more thesocial type who brought people
together, who led the volunteer,who led the social committee,
who led all the gatherings werealmost dismissed as people who
weren't strategic, who weren'treally adding value to the
business.
But now that I understand theimportance of connection to the
(00:26):
bottom line, the direct link tobottom line, to productivity, to
collaboration, innovation,trust, respect, you know, all
the business measurements thatbusiness leaders today are.
Would die for happen when webuild a culture where people
feel seen, valued, heard, wherethey feel like their opinion is
(00:48):
appreciated and Jeffrey Yip atthe conference was the other
business speaker and his, he hadthe four layers of, you know,
feeling comfortable talking toother people is only feeling
comfortable to challenge.
And to, you know, suggest newideas.
That's a whole different levelof connection in a workplace.
(01:10):
And that comes, that can onlycome from time and shared
experiences and, and repetitionso that we get a chance to see
each other repeatedly.
And we start to go, I reallylike Shelly.
She's a really nice person.
I could trust Shelly because wedon't just.
Trust doesn't happen upon afirst meeting.
(01:31):
You mentioned that theconnection that when we have a
shared connection, that actuallyspeeds up the connectivity
between two people before wecame on.
And I think that's theunderstanding that business
leaders need to have
Shelley (01:44):
Hello and welcome to a very special episode of
Rediscovering Connection.
I am Shelley Doyle and I'mblessed to be here today with
Pete Bombacci, the founder ofGenWell, the social connection
movement in Canada.
Pete was the host of anorganizer of the recent human
(02:05):
connection conference inVancouver that I was incredibly
blessed to attend and share someof my research at.
Um, this is a third annual eventthat Peter's hosted of this
kind, and I believe it's theeighth year that Pete has been
driving this movement acrossCanada to get people connecting.
I wish I'd found Pete aboutthree years ago on my journey of
(02:28):
social connection.
I'm sure he gets this all thetime, but it was just such a
brilliant event bringingtogether people who were.
As passionate as me and Pete, inthe topic of social connection,
um, from all across Canada andquite a few people came up from
the States for it as well.
So a big welcome to Pete.
(02:49):
Thank you so much for making thetime to be with me today, Pete.
Great to see you again.
Pete (02:53):
Great to see you Shelly.
And always my pleasure to get ina good conversation with you
about the power of humanconnection to make us all
happier and healthier.
Shelley (03:03):
So, I think we'll start just with a bit of a why.
So I know you started GenWell,was it eight years ago?
I know that you've been part ofkind of big campaigns, big
initiatives in the past.
Movember was your baby for quitesome time.
Um, so I wonder what was thecatalyst to kind of get you to
(03:25):
become a human connectioncatalyst?
Pete (03:28):
You know, it's interesting.
Uh, the original reason thatthis whole thing started was
back in 2003 on the easternseaboard of North America, there
was a blackout.
And during that blackout, firstoff, we were all amazing.
You know, the human species isis incredible during times of
crisis.
We help each other.
We don't worry about ourscrolling through, you know, You
(03:51):
know, our social feeds, althoughthat was pre social media, but
we, we want to help people intimes of crisis.
There was a big snowstorm justNorth of Toronto.
The other day, they got fourfeet of snow in less than 12
hours.
I think, and nobody cares aboutgetting to work anymore.
They care about helping eachother that day.
Uh, as the day went on, I wentto a friend's house and who had
(04:13):
a barbecue.
It was in the middle of thesummer, August 13th, uh, it
happened at four 10 in theafternoon.
It was a Thursday.
And so after I got home andeverybody checked on their loved
ones, I went to a barbecue andat nine o'clock at night, I went
out on the front porch of thishouse and the street was packed
with people.
I lived on a busy street, so Ionly knew the neighbors on
(04:35):
either side of my house.
And I, I looked at the street inadmiration, wanting to live on a
street where I, it looked likeeverybody knew each other
because they were having a greattime.
There were, there was bicyclesand hot dogs and drinks and a
football being thrown.
And, and I walked out to thestreet and I said to them, geez,
I wish I lived on a street likethis where everybody knows my
(04:56):
name or knows each other's name.
And they all looked at me andthey all said, we don't know
each other.
And that was it, Shelly, is itwas that moment that I thought
to myself, well, that's crazy.
Why is it that we have to waituntil there's a crisis before we
come outside?
And I mean this, whether it's atour home, on our street, in our
offices, in our classrooms, it'severywhere we go.
(05:19):
So many of us are not making thetime to connect with the people
around us who will make us allhappier, healthier, make society
a better place for everyone.
And so the original inspirationis over 20 years ago.
20 years old and really Ididn't, didn't launch it till
2016 because I was too busydoing other things.
(05:40):
And then I finally just said,okay, uh, I had a couple of
people say, you gotta do this.
You believe in it so much.
And here we are eight and a halfyears later and we're still,
we're still going strong.
Shelley (05:52):
Amazing.
And what I loved about theconference was it seemed like
there were people from so manydifferent walks of your life
that came together to be part ofthis conference, whether they
were just there as, as guests orwhether they were active
participants on stage dancing,like one of your friends,
(06:13):
getting us all moving.
She gave a great statistic thatI think is it 20 minutes a day
that we need to move our bodies.
For, for health.
So kind of on a side note there,but I thought that was like
tangible, just having these kindof numbers just in our minds to
go, have I had done my 20minutes today for my physical
health?
Um, but we digress.
(06:34):
Um, something that I loved aboutthe conference was the way it
begun.
So I've been living in Canadafor three years, three months
approximately.
Um, so I'm very used to at thestart of talks, having, an
acknowledgement for the landsthat we are living, working and
(06:56):
playing on.
sometimes these acknowledgementsfeel authentic and heartfelt,
and they really do seem to havemeaning and they can help us to
ground.
And other times it kind of feelslike a.
I'm not quite sure that it'sserving the purpose that they're
(07:17):
doing it for.
Pete (07:18):
Yeah.
Shelley (07:18):
Um, the talk that came at the very start of the Human
Connection Conference, thisyoung guy named Cedar,
incredibly eloquent, welltraveled, he, I mean, he's very,
is he early twenties?
Yeah.
Pete (07:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shelley (07:33):
Oh, that was just a phenomenal way to ground us into
the place that we were going tobe for the, for the coming
couple of days.
Um, one, one piece that he saidwas about post traumatic growth,
a term that I have never heardbefore.
(07:53):
Obviously, a lot of us haveexperienced post traumatic
stress, I dare say, even off theback of the pandemic that's kind
of sitting with, but the idea ofactually growing through the
stress that we've experienced inwhatever scenario we've taken
ourselves through, that reallystruck me such a wise young
(08:13):
soul.
So thank you for bringing thatas a, as a way to open the
conference and to remind us allwhere we, where we were.
Pete (08:22):
Yeah, I'd say it's a credit to the other, uh,
conferences that I've attendedat where you've seen, you know,
um, uh, an indigenous welcomeceremony, uh, because I think it
does, uh, a lot, I agree withyou that many of the times when
we hear a land acknowledgement,it doesn't really seem like
we're going far enough to, uh,deepen not only our
(08:45):
understanding, but you know,what are we going to do?
And, and I think, uh, you know,Cedar was great.
His dad who, who spoke the nextday, uh, which really, you know,
the two of them combined reallyhelped, you know, root
everything about the conference.
As you say, it was such a broadrange of topics and that's done,
(09:05):
that's done consciously.
Um, and I think we spoke aboutone of the attendees was, who
said, you know, when they firstlooked at the agenda, I didn't
understand what the conferencewas, was Was all about like, it
was all over the place.
And that's the point is we'retrying to help people recognize
that human connection is a partof everybody's life.
I don't care that whether you'reindigenous, whether you're old
(09:28):
or young, whether you're rich orpoor, urban or rural, black or
white, you know.
Whatever community and cultureyou come from, we are all better
off when we have that supportivecommunity around us.
And that, as we know from RobinDunbar, who I know you are a
passionate follower of, and I'vehad an opportunity to ask Robin
(09:48):
a couple questions on a couplewebinars, is at the end of the
day, We need to recognize it'snot a thousand followers or a
thousand friends It's thosethree to five close friends That
we all need and I think when wego to a conference where we can
see different perspectives Thathelp us understand that human
connection is so fundamentalThat hopefully we can refocus
(10:10):
people's attention on what do Ineed to do, you know, and that
post traumatic growth Let'slet's take that that That
terrible incident whatever thatwas that was in your life and
let's direct the energy towardsOkay, let me find if that is not
what I want or where i've comefrom Then who are the people
that can support me in the worldthat I want to create or the
(10:32):
place that I want to go?
moving forward
Shelley (10:37):
And then one of the first talks of the conference
was Dr.
Kiffer Card revealing the newsocial connection guidelines for
Canada.
Um, and what was, what was kindof interesting on that was, so
each guideline had been sensechecked with say a hundred
experts around the world to getthe green light, but there were
(11:00):
no numbers.
In there.
Um, so that was intriguingbecause we know off the back of
the social connection surveythat numbers do exist.
Um, but it was felt to keep themout because everybody's social
needs are so.
When you hear guidelines youkind of feel like numbers would
(11:21):
be included in that and actuallyleading up to it speaking to
some people.
When I said about guidelines, itdoes kind of make some people's.
Toes curl thinking about it.
So yeah, I wonder, you obviouslywould have been involved in a
lot of conversations leading upto that and deciding that that
was going to be the approach.
Pete (11:41):
Yeah, like you, I, and I heard some numbers early on in
the process that, you know, the,the, the research was indicating
that the average person shouldprobably get two to three hours.
Of social connection on a dailybasis into their lives But when
you understood with over 120leading researchers from around
(12:05):
the world Who all contributed tonot only what the reason what
the the guidelines were but howwe how we positioned them and
when you listen to them talkabout you have to You have to
understand that the person whohas zero friends today And has
zero people that they canconnect with and build that two
(12:27):
to three hour window That is notreally helpful to have a
starting point of saying Youneed two to three hours today or
else you're going to end uphaving some type of a struggle
mentally physically You knowlonger term issues so what
basically the conversationlanded on was We we have to
(12:47):
recognize we're 50 years late Inthis conversation, this should
have been a conversation that wewere having in schools and in
workplaces and in communities 50years ago, because this
research, I'll give it a break.
You know, most of the healthresearch is only, you know, 30
years old, but, you know,indigenous communities.
(13:09):
I've been teaching theimportance of community and
connection for thousands ofyears, you know, Maslow 1942
with his hierarchy of needs,like, you can look at it
throughout the course ofhistory.
There's been many people who'vehighlighted it.
The problem is, we never talkedabout it beyond.
the research, the theory, or,you know, if you were outside
(13:32):
the Indigenous community, youknow, the last 60 years we've
created the most hypercompetitive individualistic
society in history and nobodytalked about it.
And so Tony Robbins has aphrase, you know, good times
create weak people, weak peoplecreate bad times, bad times
create strong people.
(13:52):
So we've created somechallenging times because as
we've been increasinglydisconnected from each other,
we've become unable to, to worktogether, to overcome the
challenges that we face.
So I think the numbers, theguideline on the numbers was to
say, look, we need to take themout.
So it's not overwhelming topeople, but let's give people
(14:15):
the direction that we all shouldbe paying more.
Time and attention to our socialhealth and our social
connections because they have analmost direct impact on our
mental and physical well beingand to the betterment of
society.
Shelley (14:33):
Thank you for, yeah, just sharing the, the, the why
on that, and that does make alot of sense.
Um, the other thing that reallyspoke to me off the back of the
social connections survey, um,was the balance between, social
connection with our strong ties,our, our close friends, our
(14:56):
family, and those weaker ties,like those interactions with
strangers or with coworkers.
Um, and I believe that theresults of the survey was really
saying it should be about a 70,30 split.
So 70 percent of our social timeshould be with our closer
friends.
And.
(15:16):
I just look at the landscaperight now and the research
saying that people are spendingon average two and a half to
three and a half hours on socialmedia.
So that's basically, that is thesocial time that we have every
day for interaction.
And on social media, are wereally interacting with our
close friends and family onthere.
I mean some, some of us, yes,some of that time, yes, probably
(15:39):
seeing them on our feed, but I,I think the majority of our time
isn't.
So is social media a force forgood or not?
Pete (15:52):
I think I just saw a stat the other day when you take away
sleep, eating, getting dressed,showering, all the things that
we do through the course of ourdays, that a child born today is
likely to spend 93 percent ofthe remaining hours, the
(16:12):
remaining life hours, Ontechnology.
That's not just social media.
That's all technology.
Well, the future is probably notbright.
If that's the reality of theworld moving forward, we know
that the best moments of ourlives happen when we're with
other people, not when we're onsocial media, not when we're
working, not when we'rewatching, you know, TV.
(16:36):
And so what we need to do ishelp people understand, you
know, we do digital detox dayson the first of every month.
And that's to say, look, we'renot against technology because
we all have it.
Look at what we're doing rightnow.
We're having a greatconversation.
We're using technology, but weneed to understand that we need
to steal back the time thatwe've lost technology and invest
(16:57):
it in building healthierconnections with friends,
family, neighbors, classmates,colleagues, whoever it is,
because that 70 30 split thatyou mentioned is.
Is again, it's going to move andit's going to ebb and flow over
the course of our days, ourweeks and our life.
And so I think guiding towardsthat number is good.
(17:19):
You know, you're probablyfamiliar with the book, Anxious
Generation, you know, everybodyin our space is, you know,
Jonathan Haidt talks about theimportance of us putting down
the phone, but I'll say thatthat's only step one, step two
is actually re.
Turning people to humaninteraction, helping us not only
relearn the skill, but actuallygiving us the permission to make
(17:43):
it happen because we've been onthis journey for 50 or 60 years
where we've been spending lesstime with people where we
thought we didn't need eachother.
And as we get to the other sideof, you know, the pandemic and
people trying to settle into thenew ways post pandemic, what I
think we're all recognizing isthat human connection isn't as
(18:03):
easy as we once thought it was,and now we might need a little
help making it happen.
And that's what really GenWellis here to do.
Shelley (18:11):
Amazing.
Yeah.
It's so, so necessary.
You're saying two to three hoursa day is what we're needing.
And, and I guess just thinkingabout the, the, the book Bowling
Alone and the film that we allwatched together, the, the first
day of the conference, which wasJoin or Die, which was a
documentary about, um, RobertPutnam and kind of how he came
(18:33):
to be writing this, um, reallypowerful book.
Pivotal book, um, all aboutjoining, joining clubs and
communities.
This was really interesting.
I didn't know this until wewatched the documentary that he
had started his research inItaly and it was seeing.
Why some areas in Italy were,uh, economically rich and their,
(18:54):
and their institutions wereworking.
And they really found this deepand clear correlation between
people joining clubs andcommunities and their, them
living in economic prosperity,which was a huge surprise.
And then his work was reallysetting to see if the same trend
(19:15):
existed in the U.
S.
So I guess that's, he's beenseeing this decline for, for,
for decades.
Um, what I was really interestedto discover that at the same
time as this book was written,um, an article was written by a
researcher named Nan Lim.
And he, he, he referenced Putnamand he agreed that, um, social
(19:37):
capital had been on the declinefor decades, but he also saw
that with technology, there wasthis potential for this.
Exponential rise in our socialcapital once more.
And I, I, and we see this likewe're, I'm sure you and a lot of
our listeners here are part ofmany online communities and
(20:00):
online clubs, whether, you know,it might not be in the real
world, but maybe online.
So it's understanding what is apositive social connection mix?
Like how many clubs andcommunities, physical versus
digital, can we be part of?
How many friends and connectionscan we really have nourishing
(20:22):
relationship with before we arespreading ourselves too thinly
and actually feelingoverwhelmed?
Um, and we just spoke a bitbefore we went on air.
Yep.
Um, Pete, about the fact thatwe're doing this work, we're
really trying to help otherpeople, but at the same time, we
need to remember we need to helpourselves as well.
(20:43):
And, and I'm definitely feelingat times like overwhelmed with
the number of people that I dowant to stay connected with.
And I want them to feel like I'mthere and I'm supporting them,
but understanding that I've alsogot maximum capacity.
So I'm not sure what thequestion there is.
I guess just thinking about themix.
Thinking about the mix in ourlives.
Pete (21:04):
You said so much in that two minute, uh, uh, speech,
ramble, whatever you want tocall it.
You know, starting with RobertPutnam, Shelley, what we have to
understand is Robert Putnam sawthis through the lens of
democracy.
You know, he saw it through thelens of political polarization
and the economy.
And GenWell lens is throughhuman beings and how we become
(21:27):
happier and healthier to Youknow, create a better society
that we all want to live in,because I believe the
fundamental is recognizing thatjust by spending time with each
other, we build trust, we buildrespect, we build optimism.
And so whether we see it throughthe lens of health and well
being, or we, we see it aboutrebuilding the trust in our
(21:48):
neighbors, in strangers, in ourinstitutions, It only can happen
when we start to reconnect ashuman beings.
So I think that's the firstpoint I would respond to.
Number two is I would say, ifyou look back in the early
nineties and you look at all thebooks that were written about
technology, it's reallyinteresting that they all saw
(22:09):
the positive of technology.
You know, they only saw how it'sgoing to create connection and
we're going to create with,we're going to connect with
people around the world andwe're going to, it's, we're
going to thrive because oftechnology.
Well, I would suggest to you 20years later, we missed the boat
on many of those, uh, on many ofthose books is because we didn't
(22:29):
understand when we were upagainst teams of behavioral
scientists who've now connectedtheir ability to distract us
from living our lives togenerating bottom line results
that we are being skewed.
by the wrong goals.
You know, if the goal was toactually create a healthy
society, you know, we shouldn'thave people that are out there
(22:52):
trying to distract us fromspending time together.
There was a Montreal study thatshowed that face to face
connections have nine times thebrain activity as a digital
Online digital connection.
So that message alone, knowingthat 80 to 90 percent of most
communication is nonverbal andthat you and I, while we're on a
screen are not getting the sameas if you and I were in the room
(23:15):
sitting across the table fromeach other, but I think think we
are starting to get there.
We're realizing that postpandemic, we got comfortable
with digital technology and it'sa wonderful supplement to human
interaction.
But let's not kid ourselves.
It's the reason why we called Ita human connection movement is
because we didn't want people tothink that social connection,
(23:37):
social media connection was goodenough.
Social media is only asupplement.
It's not a replacement becauseif we can't get people back
together face to face, we willsuffer many consequences in our
own health and well being to thehealth and well being of the
people we care and we love andlead.
And then finally, to the societyin which we live, which we can
(23:59):
see and Parts of the world wherethere's so much fracture because
we don't actually spend the timeto talk to each other, to get to
know each other, to buildbridges so that we can actually
realize that we have far more incommon that what differentiates
us, although we're alwaysfocused on those little things
that we don't align on insteadof that big grouping that we do
(24:23):
align on.
Shelley (24:26):
Something that's coming through to me as you say that,
Pete, is just about, um, I'mjust thinking of a couple of
male family members of mine whoI get on with so well and I love
them to bits, um, in person.
And they are non communicativevirtually, like they, they don't
(24:49):
attend any of our family events.
They don't get back to messages,but in person they're amazing.
And it's like social media,virtual connection isn't for
everyone.
And I think I understand thisbecause I've done a lot of
research, but I think otherpeople You know, family members
or friends of theirs pull theirhair out.
(25:12):
The fact that they don't keep intouch when they're not in
physical presence.
But then you get them inphysical presence, you know,
every few years and you pick upwhere you left off.
So there's, there's definitelysomething here.
That we could, I wonder ifanything's come up for you on
that.
The idea that not everybody isdown with digital interaction.
Pete (25:34):
Hey, I, if I had my choice, Shelley, I would never
spend another minute on socialmedia.
Uh, the only reason I'm on thereis because I'm trying to build a
movement and the cheapestcommunication channel is, you
know, like everybody, we're allusing it as a means to
communicate a message, uh,through a, a channel where a
(25:57):
large percent of the populationis, and it costs us no money,
but at the end of the, andbecause the, the advertising
world is so fractured, even ifyou had a million dollars, you
probably couldn't actually reacheverybody without using social
media.
Cause so many people arespending so many hours on the
platform, but at the end of theday, if you don't have a
(26:18):
business where you need tomarket yourself, and if you have
family and friends, and you havea job that you can go to each
and every day that.
You know, doesn't require you tosell anything.
You just do it.
Then I say good on you.
Don't ever pick up a phone.
Don't ever communicate topeople.
(26:39):
Do everything face to face oruse the phone to connect with
people.
I think it is, um, I thinksocial media has done great harm
and I think we're seeing it, youknow, in Australia having just
passed the ban to the age of 16,you know, these social media
firms are not picking up thecost of our health care system
(26:59):
when people battle with theirmental or physical well being as
a result of spending too muchtime on technology.
They're not picking up the, the,the bill for the illnesses that
young kids are facing becausethey're not going outside and
playing in the streets anymore.
You know, the reality is theyhave done great harm to our
society and they're not pickingup the bill and the rest of us
(27:22):
are trying to figure out this iswhat's going on right now.
In my opinion, we're all tryingto figure out how do we build
greater coping strategies to,to.
Adapt to the new world and howdo we help our young, you know,
Reduce the addiction so thatthey can lead a fulfilling life.
Not just today but for the next50 or 60 years because it is
(27:43):
more difficult today as an adultand as a kid to actually get
through this world withouthaving to Be wasting, you know,
you said two, I think it's sevenhours a day on technology
holistically.
So all technology, well that'sseven hours.
We're not getting back today,
Shelley (28:02):
for remote workers, I think it can be up to 13.
Hours a day on technology, purecraziness.
What are we doing to ourselves?
And I had this thought that inthe future, there'll be job
specs with, um, it will actuallyoutline number of live video
(28:23):
calls per day, because asuplifting as, uh, A one hour
video call is with someone likeyou having eight hours of back
to back video calls, you know,friends of mine, they want to
connect with friends and familythat don't live around the
corner for them, but they havezero bandwidth for, you know,
(28:44):
telephone calls or video callsoutside of work because they've
used it all up at work.
Pete (28:48):
Okay
Shelley (28:51):
I didn't know about the Australia rule about the age of
16.
Pete (28:57):
Two days ago.
Shelley (28:58):
Amazing.
Oh, thank you for sharing that.
Yeah, something that I've justintroduced my daughter.
So she's eight and she'sobviously, you know,
enthusiastic about technology,but I'm wanting to do it right.
So I am introducing her to thekind of things that I was
introduced to.
So Uh, you know, letter writing.
(29:19):
She's just, you know, juststarting to write sentences and
things.
So, letter writing is somethingthat we would do.
We'd have pen pals and things.
So I thought, well, email is amore efficient way to write
letters.
And she can write letters to hergrandparents overseas.
So, and that's going to help herlearn about writing on a
(29:39):
computer.
So I've allowed that for now.
I've set her up with her ownemail address to see, and then
for Christmas, I'm planning toget her a CD player for her
bedroom.
So she doesn't need a deviceyet, but actually I remember how
liberating and fun it was to getmy own CD player when I was
young.
So she can listen to some musicand.
Buy some CDs and that kind ofthing.
(30:01):
So trying to do it right.
Um, I wonder on your journey,what kind, what things you've
picked up that you've thought,I've got to implement this in my
own life, or I need to introducethis to my family, friends, like
what's really resonated with youalong this journey of, you know,
there's so many different waysthat we can connect.
Pete (30:24):
Yeah, it's so funny.
Here's what I say.
Shelly is I struggle just likeeverybody else does, you know,
I'm probably closer to 13 hoursa day than I am to the eight
hours a day.
And I'm the guy that's trying toencourage people not to do it.
But we're also trying to build amovement here.
And we're trying to raise fundsand, you know, Keep the lights
on.
So, you know, unfortunatelywe're all under the same
(30:47):
pressure and stress.
I'll tell you the one thing thathas worked for me.
Um, there's two things I'll saythat have worked for me in
putting the phone down.
Number one is my dog.
And every morning when I get up,the first thing I do is I go and
take the dog for a 45 minute toan hour walk.
I usually go with my wife.
(31:07):
Sometimes our son goes with usand that is time that, you know,
you're not looking at the phonebecause you're out and enjoying,
you Nature, the air, themorning, whatever the case may
be.
And so I think that's a reallypowerful one.
And, you know, I know that therewas a lot of pandemic dogs and
not everybody's so keen.
I heard somebody yesterday sayit was the biggest mistake they
(31:28):
made because they didn't thinkabout the responsibility later
on, but.
You know, it worked for us.
And then the other one is rightafter I'm done here, I'm going
to play hockey.
And I play hockey at the sametime every week, Tuesday night,
6 30, same location, same guys.
And I think it's reallyimportant for us to find the
activities that we're reallypassionate about and lock them
(31:51):
in on a regular basis in ourcalendar, you know, because I
know that spontaneity is reallydifficult because I can always
find more work to do.
And so kids are another thirdoption, but that may be an
expensive option for some peopleand not having a partner may be
another barrier to that.
But at the end of the day, youknow, my son who's sitting over
(32:13):
there right now, and I can'twait to go and wish him well at
the end of his day, you know,all these things are the excuses
we need to actually rememberthat life is more than
technology.
And so whatever we can do to putthese into our daily routines
and lives are the keys to, youknow, helping us stay connected.
(32:34):
I know a lot of people it'sabout eating together, you know,
putting down the phone, nophones at the table and spending
dinner together.
I know that children that are,that eat together three to four
times a week.
Are three times less lonely thanthose who don't eat dinner
together.
So, you know, it's little, it'sa little bit here and a little
bit there and a little bit ofthis and a little bit of this,
(32:56):
and we can start stealing backthe time that can make our kids
happier and healthier and let'sbe real.
Adults are struggling with thisas well.
So it makes us happier andhealthier as well.
And I think that's the wake upcall for all of us is look, if
every one of us recognizes, I doit for my kid, but my kid does
it for me.
I do it for you.
(33:17):
You do it for your neighbor andyour family and your relatives
and the people you work with.
We are in this together.
There's never been a time when Ithink it meant more.
Other than maybe in the middleof a war when we realize, look,
there's the enemy and we're inthis together.
And if we don't come together,we're, we're not going to
survive.
And I think in this digitallyconnected world, we need to
(33:40):
recognize, we need to create theoccasions like gen well,
weekends, like loneliness,awareness week, like talk to a
stranger week to help people.
Do the action.
Take the action that's going tomake you feel happier and
healthier because we've weanedpeople off all these actions of
talking to strangers or evenknowing your neighbor or having
(34:02):
dinner together or spending timefor a barbecue.
We need to get back to thosesimple things that make people
happier and healthier.
Shelley (34:11):
Something we haven't touched on yet, Pete, is the
workplace.
So there were a couple of talksat the conference touching on
the workplace.
And one of the big out, out,outtakes that I took away was
just that we need to be lookingat ourselves holistically, not
necessarily relying oncolleagues and our employers to
satisfy our social connectionneeds, what could employers do
(34:36):
to help the social connectednessof their teams?
Pete (34:41):
I think the answer is this, Shelly, and I love your
perspective on, you know, weneed to be, we need to take a
holistic approach to how we helppeople build healthier
connection habits, you know, theresearch in Canada shows that,
you know, Our relationships withour colleagues can have a
greater impact on our happinessand reduced loneliness Than our
(35:02):
own family and friends And so Ithink the important thing is for
people to recognize thatrelationships with our
colleagues can have a verySignificant and meaningful
impact on our sense ofconnection belonging inclusion
community and since we spendEight, 10, 13 hours a day,
(35:23):
sometimes working at work whenwe have healthy relationships,
those are really important fornot only our own effectiveness
and efficiency, which means wecan get the job done quicker,
but also to make the time thatwe're doing it far more
enjoyable.
But I think the role of theworkplace is not just educating
their employees about, you know,connections at work.
(35:46):
It's about helping youremployees understand that they
need to be connected in allaspects of their life.
But they need to talk tostrangers, that they should know
their neighbor, that they shoulddo volunteer work and get
involved in their community.
None of us is an island.
You know, we need people in allaspects of our life.
And I think.
You know, because, you know, Ilook at classrooms and I look at
(36:08):
workplaces, they are the twoplaces where we tend to gather
lots of people, you know?
So if I go to a big company andI get an opportunity to educate
500 employees about thisinformation that those 500
employees go back to theirfamilies and they tell their
families and then they engage inone of our campaigns.
(36:30):
And that's how we build amovement and a consciousness
around the importance of socialconnection.
So, I don't think that, and Idon't think the onus is on the
HR department or the CEO to doit, although they need to be
part of the solution, it's aboutempowering every employee with
the right information and theneverybody to be part of the
(36:51):
solution as long as somebody,and it's, I think it's up to the
organization to do it, ishelping create the occasions,
you know, on a regular cadenceso that You know, there's an
opportunity to have fridaycoffee or once a week or once
every other week Maybe there's alunch where everybody eats
together and the company paysfor lunch or once a month if
(37:14):
there's some type of a Outdooractivity and we go and we hike
or we walk or we ride a bike orwe go bowling or you know Each
of us needs to find the rightcadence for our community so
that they feel that sense ofconnection You Belonging,
inclusion, community that helpspeople not just cope, but
(37:35):
actually helps them thrive, notjust as employees, but as human
beings.
Shelley (37:41):
And is this, you say, it's not necessarily down to HR.
Is it down to every team leader?
Like every team leader needs toconsider themselves a community
builder and find ways to bringtheir community together and to
nurture relationships betweenthose people.
community members, if you like,like just kind of reframing it
(38:02):
from teams to communities.
I remember thinking about, Ihave two children, I remember
thinking about having a thirdand doing a bit of research
about it.
Um, and they said, when you havethree children, like you're
creating so many morerelationships.
But from just the two to,there's so many more
relationships.
I didn't go through with athird.
(38:23):
Um, but just thinking about allof the relationships, if you
have a team of five, likethinking about all the possible
relationships that there arebetween the five and, you know,
maybe two of them aren'tnecessarily going to be right
for each other, but there'sstill like three others that
could be in relationship witheach other.
So how do we help to nurturethese, these relationships when
(38:44):
we are a team leader?
I guess that's just putting outthere food for thought.
Pete (38:49):
Well, I think, I think two things I'll say.
Number one, we need tounderstand that we've never
educated anybody on theimportance of human connection.
So you cannot just turn aroundtoday and look to a business
leader and say, go makeconnection happen because that
hasn't been a KPI.
Ever in history and so, youknow, we talk about culture But
(39:12):
I think culture is so undefinedthat people don't even know what
culture is And therefore that'swhy we've struggled in creating
cultures, but i've been part ofgreat cultures and I can tell
you it happened Because weconnected all the time because
our leader actually facilitated,whether it was dinners or
coffees or go for a drink afterwork, it was always about being
(39:35):
connected.
And I think connection is thefundamental aspect of building
great culture in anorganization.
But I think what we need tounderstand is that we need to
help.
Our leaders do it because, youknow, you may have a leader
who's an introvert, you know,just because they're a leader.
at the top of the businessdoesn't mean that their social
(39:59):
skills are at the at the caliberwhere they can lead these types
of events.
So what is the HR person or theCEO doing to help facilitate the
connection for that leader?
Because we also need torecognize that our teams are
made up of introverts.
But there's older people andyounger people, there's people
with families, there's singlepeople, there's cultural
(40:20):
differences.
There's, you know, people wholive a long way and who are
close to the office.
And it's all these criteria thatwe need to put into the hopper
and figure out what is the rightmix of activities so that
everybody feels like they arepart of the team and they're
given the opportunity to connectwith their fellow colleagues.
(40:42):
Because when I was When I wasyounger and in the corporate
world, it was at the end of theday, drinking and eating bad
food, like unhealthy food.
Well, that wasn't really a goodmix for, it was fun and as a 20
year old, that was great, but asa 30 and 40 year old drinking at
the end of the day, eating badfood was probably not the best
(41:04):
decision for me.
And certainly for many of theother people that were with me.
And I think we have to get overthis idea that eating and
drinking is the solution to allof our problems.
Um, because when we're trying tocreate that positive, healthy
culture of connection, that'sgot to include the thinking
about how do you connect or howdo I connect differently than
(41:26):
this person or that person?
Shelley (41:29):
Yeah, totally.
And two things are coming up forme there.
One of them, the Australianprofessor that spoke at the
conference, and he was sayingabout.
Uh, having a noni, having a noniwith your mates.
I love that.
Never heard of that, um, a nonalcoholic beverage being called
a noni before.
So that's new.
Um, and the other point that,um, that I, I'm quite passionate
(41:54):
about is employee resourcegroups.
So at my last organization, Iwas, I spearheaded a new
wellbeing employee resourcegroup because there wasn't one.
There was plenty for, um, Um, wedid a lot with, um, supporting
charities outside the workplace,but there was just nothing to
help employees from the inside.
So that was really, um,fulfilling, satisfying for me to
(42:17):
launch this and find otherpeople within the organization
who are equally as passionateabout wellbeing.
We've enrolled that out acrossEurope, but we always have.
Big objectives.
Like we wanted to get 15 peopleto attend every event.
Otherwise it felt like a fail.
And I think we need to startthinking smaller.
So in an organization, if youcan find two or three people
(42:40):
that are interested in the samething as you, and you can do
something with them.
Once a week, and they're not inyour team and you start to
create relationships in theworkplace.
Like, how is that going toimpact your happiness at work,
your commitment to stay, youremployee engagement, when you're
able to do something kind of nonwork related.
Within the workplace to likeenergize yourself to do the work
(43:03):
that you need to do.
Pete (43:05):
Yeah.
I think, I think, uh, we need todo a better job.
I have my own experiencesworking in past businesses where
those of us that were more thesocial type who brought people
together, who led the volunteer,who led the social committee,
who led all the gatherings werealmost dismissed as You know,
(43:26):
fun bobbies, as people whoweren't strategic, who weren't
really adding value to thebusiness.
But now that I understand theimportance of connection to the
bottom line, the direct link tobottom line, to productivity, to
collaboration, innovation,trust, respect, you know, all
(43:47):
the business measurements thatbusiness leaders today are.
Would die for happen when webuild a culture where people
feel seen, valued, heard, wherethey feel like their opinion is
appreciated and Jeffrey Yip atthe conference was the other
business speaker and his, he hadthe four layers of, you know,
(44:09):
feeling comfortable talking toother people is only feeling
comfortable to challenge.
And to, you know, suggest newideas.
That's a whole different levelof connection in a workplace.
And that comes, that can onlycome from time and shared
experiences and repetition sothat we get a chance to see each
(44:32):
other repeatedly.
And we start to go, I reallylike Shelly.
She's a really nice person.
I could trust Shelly because wedon't just.
Trust doesn't happen upon afirst meeting.
You mentioned that theconnection that when we have a
shared connection, that actuallyspeeds up the connectivity
between two people before wecame on.
(44:52):
And I think that's theunderstanding that business
leaders need to have.
If you have the people in yourorganization that are the
connectors, that are the peoplethat can rally 10 people or two
people or 10 or 20 or 30 to be avolunteer or do an activity
together.
Champion those people, give themfunding, give them T shirts or
(45:12):
give them some food budget, givethem something because if they
can help you facilitate theconnections that maybe you as
the business leader aren't soskilled at, give them the funds
to help them do it.
And then you show up at theirevent versus the leadership
always having to lead all theconnections.
Shelley (45:32):
Is there, is there a new role that's going to be
present in every bigorganization around the world?
And what is that role?
What does that role look like?
Pete (45:43):
There was a, an article during the global pandemic by
Mortensen, I forget his firstname.
You He's an INSEAD businessprofessor, and he said the
number one role on the otherside of the global pandemic will
be the the minister ofconnection or, you know,
director of connection, but ithad to be a very senior role.
And the sole purpose was toactually support and facilitate
(46:06):
the connections in theworkplace.
And so I think you're spot on,Shelly.
Unfortunately, I still thinkmost businesses think this is a
nice to have versus a must have,and therefore they aren't making
the investment.
They aren't making thecommitment to this.
Even when I go and do workshopsnow and we have, you know, a
toolkit that helps themfacilitate ongoing, what is your
(46:28):
calendar?
What is your cadence?
How often are you doing it?
Most businesses don't make thecommitment to do the ongoing.
You know, um, connectionopportunities because they think
it's good enough just to givepeople the information.
But I think what we'll see intime is that it's not just about
giving them the information.
(46:49):
But it's you have to helpfacilitate a study.
You know, pre pandemic this iswhen we were in the office.
76 percent of employees in onestudy out of Boston University
said that 76 percent ofemployees felt like it was a
challenge to build relationshipswith fellow employees.
And that was when we were in theoffice together.
So just because we put people ina room together doesn't mean
(47:12):
that they're going to getconnected.
We have to help facilitate thoseconnections because there's
status, there's, you know,different levels of the
hierarchy, there's male, female,there's language barriers.
In some cases, obviously we'respending more time apart.
There's so many more challengestoday that we as leaders need to
help people overcome by helpingfacilitate the connections that
(47:35):
make us all happier andhealthier.
Shelley (47:38):
Mm, I so hear you on so much of that, and I've
definitely had the thought overthe last couple of years about
there being a role for a superconnector.
I love the idea that it'sactually a senior role and
they're kind of working at alllevels and just, you know, just,
it can start really small, likesomebody that's very much on the
(47:59):
pulse of what a lot of differentpeople in the organization are
doing, whether that'sprofessionally or personally,
like you find out that someone'sjust.
Bin away to Italy and you hearthat somebody else is about to
go to Italy and you connect themto say, like, why don't you guys
have a coffee chat about this?
Cause that's it, the coffeechat.
I, I read an article about therenow being these tools that put,
(48:20):
um, like automate these coffeechats.
And I just thought, Oh God, Ibet that's really uncomfortable
because you don't necessarilyhave anything in common.
You wouldn't know where to startnecessarily with a, with a
conversation with thiscolleague.
You've just been.
Put to like, where's the,where's the points of reference.
So the idea of having somebodywithin the organization that can
(48:42):
actually do those intentionalintroductions to help you build
your network within theorganization.
Yeah.
I think we should just go offand write some job specs, Pete,
and see what we can do aboutthat.
Pete (48:54):
I think I know a couple of people who could apply.
Shelley (49:00):
Hey, it's been such a pleasure to connect in with you
today.
I wonder if there's justsomething that we haven't
touched on that you just thinkwe can't leave this conversation
without just mentioning thisthing that everybody needs to
hear about.
Pete (49:15):
Well, I think, you know, I think I'd finish off because
it's been a really beautifulconversation, Shelley.
And I think what we need to helppeople understand is that this
isn't going to change overnight.
And, you know, you and I are outhere, you know, working very
hard to awaken the world to howmuch we actually need each other
and the ways in which we canmake it happen.
(49:36):
But we need to recognize we'reup against a lot of challenges
in creating the type of worldwhere we are all given
permission to do it.
And, you know, we need tocontinue.
This is behavior change andbehavior change takes time.
And so.
Don't get frustrated if somebodydoesn't engage the first time,
you know, let's make sure thatwe continue to reinforce the
(49:58):
message.
That's why we have sevencampaigns at GenWell throughout
the year.
So we don't just do, you know,I'm not a big believer of one
week a year focused on You know,whether it's loneliness or
whether it's a mental healthissue, or one day of the year to
focus on this illness or thatillness.
The reality is when you'retrying to get people to change
behaviors, it takes time and ittakes repetition and this is why
(50:21):
we've created all thesecampaigns throughout the year so
that we can keep people focusedon.
Don't let this slide.
This is a really important partof your health and well being
and of the society that we wanttoday and in the future.
And so I hope that everybody,you know, cuts themselves a
little slack, you know, take afew baby steps, try a little
more tomorrow, put the phonedown a little bit longer because
(50:45):
together we can make the world ahappier and healthier place.
One face to face conversation ata time.
Shelley (50:52):
Beautifully said.
And I feel like I just need toleave this conversation with a
little testimonial.
So I did take part in your talkto a stranger week., and
afterwards, the next day when Iwas on the school run, uh, a
woman was walking down thestreet.
I asked her if she was on theschool run.
She wasn't.
And then I just kind of carriedon having a conversation with
her very naturally.
(51:12):
I'm sure like you, Pete, likeI'm, I'm someone that's quite
comfortable talking to strangersevery now and then.
I wouldn't typically cross thestreet to talk to a stranger
though.
So that was, it is like thesereminders through the GenWell
initiatives.
It's like, you do it for anhour, you know, once a year to
(51:32):
remind yourself that you can doit again.
And that then makes it feel.
Feel much more effortless andnatural to then continue doing
it.
So I think these are thereminders that you have in on
the, uh, on the program of genwell, so I will put all of the
links beneath, um, and, and lookforward to being part of this
whole movement with you, Pete,so blessed to know you.
Pete (51:55):
Yeah, so great to spend some more time with you, Shelly.
Thank you for all your support.
Thanks for opportunity to chatabout it today.
And, you know, I know thattogether we will change the
world.
I have my own experiences working in past businesses where
(00:04):
those of us that were more thesocial type who brought people
together, who led the volunteer,who led the social committee,
who led all the gatherings werealmost dismissed as people who
weren't strategic, who weren'treally adding value to the
business.
But now that I understand theimportance of connection to the
(00:26):
bottom line, the direct link tobottom line, to productivity, to
collaboration, innovation,trust, respect, you know, all
the business measurements thatbusiness leaders today are.
Would die for happen when webuild a culture where people
feel seen, valued, heard, wherethey feel like their opinion is
(00:48):
appreciated and Jeffrey Yip atthe conference was the other
business speaker and his, he hadthe four layers of, you know,
feeling comfortable talking toother people is only feeling
comfortable to challenge.
And to, you know, suggest newideas.
That's a whole different levelof connection in a workplace.
(01:10):
And that comes, that can onlycome from time and shared
experiences and, and repetitionso that we get a chance to see
each other repeatedly.
And we start to go, I reallylike Shelly.
She's a really nice person.
I could trust Shelly because wedon't just.
Trust doesn't happen upon afirst meeting.
(01:31):
You mentioned that theconnection that when we have a
shared connection, that actuallyspeeds up the connectivity
between two people before wecame on.
And I think that's theunderstanding that business
leaders need to have
Shelley (01:44):
Hello and welcome to a very special episode of
Rediscovering Connection.
I am Shelley Doyle and I'mblessed to be here today with
Pete Bombacci, the founder ofGenWell, the social connection
movement in Canada.
Pete was the host of anorganizer of the recent human
(02:05):
connection conference inVancouver that I was incredibly
blessed to attend and share someof my research at.
Um, this is a third annual eventthat Peter's hosted of this
kind, and I believe it's theeighth year that Pete has been
driving this movement acrossCanada to get people connecting.
I wish I'd found Pete aboutthree years ago on my journey of
(02:28):
social connection.
I'm sure he gets this all thetime, but it was just such a
brilliant event bringingtogether people who were.
As passionate as me and Pete, inthe topic of social connection,
um, from all across Canada andquite a few people came up from
the States for it as well.
So a big welcome to Pete.
(02:49):
Thank you so much for making thetime to be with me today, Pete.
Great to see you again.
Pete (02:53):
Great to see you Shelly.
And always my pleasure to get ina good conversation with you
about the power of humanconnection to make us all
happier and healthier.
Shelley (03:03):
So, I think we'll start just with a bit of a why.
So I know you started GenWell,was it eight years ago?
I know that you've been part ofkind of big campaigns, big
initiatives in the past.
Movember was your baby for quitesome time.
Um, so I wonder what was thecatalyst to kind of get you to
(03:25):
become a human connectioncatalyst?
Pete (03:28):
You know, it's interesting.
Uh, the original reason thatthis whole thing started was
back in 2003 on the easternseaboard of North America, there
was a blackout.
And during that blackout, firstoff, we were all amazing.
You know, the human species isis incredible during times of
crisis.
We help each other.
We don't worry about ourscrolling through, you know, You
(03:51):
know, our social feeds, althoughthat was pre social media, but
we, we want to help people intimes of crisis.
There was a big snowstorm justNorth of Toronto.
The other day, they got fourfeet of snow in less than 12
hours.
I think, and nobody cares aboutgetting to work anymore.
They care about helping eachother that day.
Uh, as the day went on, I wentto a friend's house and who had
(04:13):
a barbecue.
It was in the middle of thesummer, August 13th, uh, it
happened at four 10 in theafternoon.
It was a Thursday.
And so after I got home andeverybody checked on their loved
ones, I went to a barbecue andat nine o'clock at night, I went
out on the front porch of thishouse and the street was packed
with people.
I lived on a busy street, so Ionly knew the neighbors on
(04:35):
either side of my house.
And I, I looked at the street inadmiration, wanting to live on a
street where I, it looked likeeverybody knew each other
because they were having a greattime.
There were, there was bicyclesand hot dogs and drinks and a
football being thrown.
And, and I walked out to thestreet and I said to them, geez,
I wish I lived on a street likethis where everybody knows my
(04:56):
name or knows each other's name.
And they all looked at me andthey all said, we don't know
each other.
And that was it, Shelly, is itwas that moment that I thought
to myself, well, that's crazy.
Why is it that we have to waituntil there's a crisis before we
come outside?
And I mean this, whether it's atour home, on our street, in our
offices, in our classrooms, it'severywhere we go.
(05:19):
So many of us are not making thetime to connect with the people
around us who will make us allhappier, healthier, make society
a better place for everyone.
And so the original inspirationis over 20 years ago.
20 years old and really Ididn't, didn't launch it till
2016 because I was too busydoing other things.
(05:40):
And then I finally just said,okay, uh, I had a couple of
people say, you gotta do this.
You believe in it so much.
And here we are eight and a halfyears later and we're still,
we're still going strong.
Shelley (05:52):
Amazing.
And what I loved about theconference was it seemed like
there were people from so manydifferent walks of your life
that came together to be part ofthis conference, whether they
were just there as, as guests orwhether they were active
participants on stage dancing,like one of your friends,
(06:13):
getting us all moving.
She gave a great statistic thatI think is it 20 minutes a day
that we need to move our bodies.
For, for health.
So kind of on a side note there,but I thought that was like
tangible, just having these kindof numbers just in our minds to
go, have I had done my 20minutes today for my physical
health?
Um, but we digress.
(06:34):
Um, something that I loved aboutthe conference was the way it
begun.
So I've been living in Canadafor three years, three months
approximately.
Um, so I'm very used to at thestart of talks, having, an
acknowledgement for the landsthat we are living, working and
(06:56):
playing on.
sometimes these acknowledgementsfeel authentic and heartfelt,
and they really do seem to havemeaning and they can help us to
ground.
And other times it kind of feelslike a.
I'm not quite sure that it'sserving the purpose that they're
(07:17):
doing it for.
Pete (07:18):
Yeah.
Shelley (07:18):
Um, the talk that came at the very start of the Human
Connection Conference, thisyoung guy named Cedar,
incredibly eloquent, welltraveled, he, I mean, he's very,
is he early twenties?
Yeah.
Pete (07:32):
Yeah.
Yeah.
Shelley (07:33):
Oh, that was just a phenomenal way to ground us into
the place that we were going tobe for the, for the coming
couple of days.
Um, one, one piece that he saidwas about post traumatic growth,
a term that I have never heardbefore.
(07:53):
Obviously, a lot of us haveexperienced post traumatic
stress, I dare say, even off theback of the pandemic that's kind
of sitting with, but the idea ofactually growing through the
stress that we've experienced inwhatever scenario we've taken
ourselves through, that reallystruck me such a wise young
(08:13):
soul.
So thank you for bringing thatas a, as a way to open the
conference and to remind us allwhere we, where we were.
Pete (08:22):
Yeah, I'd say it's a credit to the other, uh,
conferences that I've attendedat where you've seen, you know,
um, uh, an indigenous welcomeceremony, uh, because I think it
does, uh, a lot, I agree withyou that many of the times when
we hear a land acknowledgement,it doesn't really seem like
we're going far enough to, uh,deepen not only our
(08:45):
understanding, but you know,what are we going to do?
And, and I think, uh, you know,Cedar was great.
His dad who, who spoke the nextday, uh, which really, you know,
the two of them combined reallyhelped, you know, root
everything about the conference.
As you say, it was such a broadrange of topics and that's done,
(09:05):
that's done consciously.
Um, and I think we spoke aboutone of the attendees was, who
said, you know, when they firstlooked at the agenda, I didn't
understand what the conferencewas, was Was all about like, it
was all over the place.
And that's the point is we'retrying to help people recognize
that human connection is a partof everybody's life.
I don't care that whether you'reindigenous, whether you're old
(09:28):
or young, whether you're rich orpoor, urban or rural, black or
white, you know.
Whatever community and cultureyou come from, we are all better
off when we have that supportivecommunity around us.
And that, as we know from RobinDunbar, who I know you are a
passionate follower of, and I'vehad an opportunity to ask Robin
(09:48):
a couple questions on a couplewebinars, is at the end of the
day, We need to recognize it'snot a thousand followers or a
thousand friends It's thosethree to five close friends That
we all need and I think when wego to a conference where we can
see different perspectives Thathelp us understand that human
connection is so fundamentalThat hopefully we can refocus
(10:10):
people's attention on what do Ineed to do, you know, and that
post traumatic growth Let'slet's take that that That
terrible incident whatever thatwas that was in your life and
let's direct the energy towardsOkay, let me find if that is not
what I want or where i've comefrom Then who are the people
that can support me in the worldthat I want to create or the
(10:32):
place that I want to go?
moving forward
Shelley (10:37):
And then one of the first talks of the conference
was Dr.
Kiffer Card revealing the newsocial connection guidelines for
Canada.
Um, and what was, what was kindof interesting on that was, so
each guideline had been sensechecked with say a hundred
experts around the world to getthe green light, but there were
(11:00):
no numbers.
In there.
Um, so that was intriguingbecause we know off the back of
the social connection surveythat numbers do exist.
Um, but it was felt to keep themout because everybody's social
needs are so.
When you hear guidelines youkind of feel like numbers would
(11:21):
be included in that and actuallyleading up to it speaking to
some people.
When I said about guidelines, itdoes kind of make some people's.
Toes curl thinking about it.
So yeah, I wonder, you obviouslywould have been involved in a
lot of conversations leading upto that and deciding that that
was going to be the approach.
Pete (11:41):
Yeah, like you, I, and I heard some numbers early on in
the process that, you know, the,the, the research was indicating
that the average person shouldprobably get two to three hours.
Of social connection on a dailybasis into their lives But when
you understood with over 120leading researchers from around
(12:05):
the world Who all contributed tonot only what the reason what
the the guidelines were but howwe how we positioned them and
when you listen to them talkabout you have to You have to
understand that the person whohas zero friends today And has
zero people that they canconnect with and build that two
(12:27):
to three hour window That is notreally helpful to have a
starting point of saying Youneed two to three hours today or
else you're going to end uphaving some type of a struggle
mentally physically You knowlonger term issues so what
basically the conversationlanded on was We we have to
(12:47):
recognize we're 50 years late Inthis conversation, this should
have been a conversation that wewere having in schools and in
workplaces and in communities 50years ago, because this
research, I'll give it a break.
You know, most of the healthresearch is only, you know, 30
years old, but, you know,indigenous communities.
(13:09):
I've been teaching theimportance of community and
connection for thousands ofyears, you know, Maslow 1942
with his hierarchy of needs,like, you can look at it
throughout the course ofhistory.
There's been many people who'vehighlighted it.
The problem is, we never talkedabout it beyond.
the research, the theory, or,you know, if you were outside
(13:32):
the Indigenous community, youknow, the last 60 years we've
created the most hypercompetitive individualistic
society in history and nobodytalked about it.
And so Tony Robbins has aphrase, you know, good times
create weak people, weak peoplecreate bad times, bad times
create strong people.
(13:52):
So we've created somechallenging times because as
we've been increasinglydisconnected from each other,
we've become unable to, to worktogether, to overcome the
challenges that we face.
So I think the numbers, theguideline on the numbers was to
say, look, we need to take themout.
So it's not overwhelming topeople, but let's give people
(14:15):
the direction that we all shouldbe paying more.
Time and attention to our socialhealth and our social
connections because they have analmost direct impact on our
mental and physical well beingand to the betterment of
society.
Shelley (14:33):
Thank you for, yeah, just sharing the, the, the why
on that, and that does make alot of sense.
Um, the other thing that reallyspoke to me off the back of the
social connections survey, um,was the balance between, social
connection with our strong ties,our, our close friends, our
(14:56):
family, and those weaker ties,like those interactions with
strangers or with coworkers.
Um, and I believe that theresults of the survey was really
saying it should be about a 70,30 split.
So 70 percent of our social timeshould be with our closer
friends.
And.
(15:16):
I just look at the landscaperight now and the research
saying that people are spendingon average two and a half to
three and a half hours on socialmedia.
So that's basically, that is thesocial time that we have every
day for interaction.
And on social media, are wereally interacting with our
close friends and family onthere.
I mean some, some of us, yes,some of that time, yes, probably
(15:39):
seeing them on our feed, but I,I think the majority of our time
isn't.
So is social media a force forgood or not?
Pete (15:52):
I think I just saw a stat the other day when you take away
sleep, eating, getting dressed,showering, all the things that
we do through the course of ourdays, that a child born today is
likely to spend 93 percent ofthe remaining hours, the
(16:12):
remaining life hours, Ontechnology.
That's not just social media.
That's all technology.
Well, the future is probably notbright.
If that's the reality of theworld moving forward, we know
that the best moments of ourlives happen when we're with
other people, not when we're onsocial media, not when we're
working, not when we'rewatching, you know, TV.
(16:36):
And so what we need to do ishelp people understand, you
know, we do digital detox dayson the first of every month.
And that's to say, look, we'renot against technology because
we all have it.
Look at what we're doing rightnow.
We're having a greatconversation.
We're using technology, but weneed to understand that we need
to steal back the time thatwe've lost technology and invest
(16:57):
it in building healthierconnections with friends,
family, neighbors, classmates,colleagues, whoever it is,
because that 70 30 split thatyou mentioned is.
Is again, it's going to move andit's going to ebb and flow over
the course of our days, ourweeks and our life.
And so I think guiding towardsthat number is good.
(17:19):
You know, you're probablyfamiliar with the book, Anxious
Generation, you know, everybodyin our space is, you know,
Jonathan Haidt talks about theimportance of us putting down
the phone, but I'll say thatthat's only step one, step two
is actually re.
Turning people to humaninteraction, helping us not only
relearn the skill, but actuallygiving us the permission to make
(17:43):
it happen because we've been onthis journey for 50 or 60 years
where we've been spending lesstime with people where we
thought we didn't need eachother.
And as we get to the other sideof, you know, the pandemic and
people trying to settle into thenew ways post pandemic, what I
think we're all recognizing isthat human connection isn't as
(18:03):
easy as we once thought it was,and now we might need a little
help making it happen.
And that's what really GenWellis here to do.
Shelley (18:11):
Amazing.
Yeah.
It's so, so necessary.
You're saying two to three hoursa day is what we're needing.
And, and I guess just thinkingabout the, the, the book Bowling
Alone and the film that we allwatched together, the, the first
day of the conference, which wasJoin or Die, which was a
documentary about, um, RobertPutnam and kind of how he came
(18:33):
to be writing this, um, reallypowerful book.
Pivotal book, um, all aboutjoining, joining clubs and
communities.
This was really interesting.
I didn't know this until wewatched the documentary that he
had started his research inItaly and it was seeing.
Why some areas in Italy were,uh, economically rich and their,
(18:54):
and their institutions wereworking.
And they really found this deepand clear correlation between
people joining clubs andcommunities and their, them
living in economic prosperity,which was a huge surprise.
And then his work was reallysetting to see if the same trend
(19:15):
existed in the U.
S.
So I guess that's, he's beenseeing this decline for, for,
for decades.
Um, what I was really interestedto discover that at the same
time as this book was written,um, an article was written by a
researcher named Nan Lim.
And he, he, he referenced Putnamand he agreed that, um, social
(19:37):
capital had been on the declinefor decades, but he also saw
that with technology, there wasthis potential for this.
Exponential rise in our socialcapital once more.
And I, I, and we see this likewe're, I'm sure you and a lot of
our listeners here are part ofmany online communities and
(20:00):
online clubs, whether, you know,it might not be in the real
world, but maybe online.
So it's understanding what is apositive social connection mix?
Like how many clubs andcommunities, physical versus
digital, can we be part of?
How many friends and connectionscan we really have nourishing
(20:22):
relationship with before we arespreading ourselves too thinly
and actually feelingoverwhelmed?
Um, and we just spoke a bitbefore we went on air.
Yep.
Um, Pete, about the fact thatwe're doing this work, we're
really trying to help otherpeople, but at the same time, we
need to remember we need to helpourselves as well.
(20:43):
And, and I'm definitely feelingat times like overwhelmed with
the number of people that I dowant to stay connected with.
And I want them to feel like I'mthere and I'm supporting them,
but understanding that I've alsogot maximum capacity.
So I'm not sure what thequestion there is.
I guess just thinking about themix.
Thinking about the mix in ourlives.
Pete (21:04):
You said so much in that two minute, uh, uh, speech,
ramble, whatever you want tocall it.
You know, starting with RobertPutnam, Shelley, what we have to
understand is Robert Putnam sawthis through the lens of
democracy.
You know, he saw it through thelens of political polarization
and the economy.
And GenWell lens is throughhuman beings and how we become
(21:27):
happier and healthier to Youknow, create a better society
that we all want to live in,because I believe the
fundamental is recognizing thatjust by spending time with each
other, we build trust, we buildrespect, we build optimism.
And so whether we see it throughthe lens of health and well
being, or we, we see it aboutrebuilding the trust in our
(21:48):
neighbors, in strangers, in ourinstitutions, It only can happen
when we start to reconnect ashuman beings.
So I think that's the firstpoint I would respond to.
Number two is I would say, ifyou look back in the early
nineties and you look at all thebooks that were written about
technology, it's reallyinteresting that they all saw
(22:09):
the positive of technology.
You know, they only saw how it'sgoing to create connection and
we're going to create with,we're going to connect with
people around the world andwe're going to, it's, we're
going to thrive because oftechnology.
Well, I would suggest to you 20years later, we missed the boat
on many of those, uh, on many ofthose books is because we didn't
(22:29):
understand when we were upagainst teams of behavioral
scientists who've now connectedtheir ability to distract us
from living our lives togenerating bottom line results
that we are being skewed.
by the wrong goals.
You know, if the goal was toactually create a healthy
society, you know, we shouldn'thave people that are out there
(22:52):
trying to distract us fromspending time together.
There was a Montreal study thatshowed that face to face
connections have nine times thebrain activity as a digital
Online digital connection.
So that message alone, knowingthat 80 to 90 percent of most
communication is nonverbal andthat you and I, while we're on a
screen are not getting the sameas if you and I were in the room
(23:15):
sitting across the table fromeach other, but I think think we
are starting to get there.
We're realizing that postpandemic, we got comfortable
with digital technology and it'sa wonderful supplement to human
interaction.
But let's not kid ourselves.
It's the reason why we called Ita human connection movement is
because we didn't want people tothink that social connection,
(23:37):
social media connection was goodenough.
Social media is only asupplement.
It's not a replacement becauseif we can't get people back
together face to face, we willsuffer many consequences in our
own health and well being to thehealth and well being of the
people we care and we love andlead.
And then finally, to the societyin which we live, which we can
(23:59):
see and Parts of the world wherethere's so much fracture because
we don't actually spend the timeto talk to each other, to get to
know each other, to buildbridges so that we can actually
realize that we have far more incommon that what differentiates
us, although we're alwaysfocused on those little things
that we don't align on insteadof that big grouping that we do
(24:23):
align on.
Shelley (24:26):
Something that's coming through to me as you say that,
Pete, is just about, um, I'mjust thinking of a couple of
male family members of mine whoI get on with so well and I love
them to bits, um, in person.
And they are non communicativevirtually, like they, they don't
(24:49):
attend any of our family events.
They don't get back to messages,but in person they're amazing.
And it's like social media,virtual connection isn't for
everyone.
And I think I understand thisbecause I've done a lot of
research, but I think otherpeople You know, family members
or friends of theirs pull theirhair out.
(25:12):
The fact that they don't keep intouch when they're not in
physical presence.
But then you get them inphysical presence, you know,
every few years and you pick upwhere you left off.
So there's, there's definitelysomething here.
That we could, I wonder ifanything's come up for you on
that.
The idea that not everybody isdown with digital interaction.
Pete (25:34):
Hey, I, if I had my choice, Shelley, I would never
spend another minute on socialmedia.
Uh, the only reason I'm on thereis because I'm trying to build a
movement and the cheapestcommunication channel is, you
know, like everybody, we're allusing it as a means to
communicate a message, uh,through a, a channel where a
(25:57):
large percent of the populationis, and it costs us no money,
but at the end of the, andbecause the, the advertising
world is so fractured, even ifyou had a million dollars, you
probably couldn't actually reacheverybody without using social
media.
Cause so many people arespending so many hours on the
platform, but at the end of theday, if you don't have a
(26:18):
business where you need tomarket yourself, and if you have
family and friends, and you havea job that you can go to each
and every day that.
You know, doesn't require you tosell anything.
You just do it.
Then I say good on you.
Don't ever pick up a phone.
Don't ever communicate topeople.
(26:39):
Do everything face to face oruse the phone to connect with
people.
I think it is, um, I thinksocial media has done great harm
and I think we're seeing it, youknow, in Australia having just
passed the ban to the age of 16,you know, these social media
firms are not picking up thecost of our health care system
(26:59):
when people battle with theirmental or physical well being as
a result of spending too muchtime on technology.
They're not picking up the, the,the bill for the illnesses that
young kids are facing becausethey're not going outside and
playing in the streets anymore.
You know, the reality is theyhave done great harm to our
society and they're not pickingup the bill and the rest of us
(27:22):
are trying to figure out this iswhat's going on right now.
In my opinion, we're all tryingto figure out how do we build
greater coping strategies to,to.
Adapt to the new world and howdo we help our young, you know,
Reduce the addiction so thatthey can lead a fulfilling life.
Not just today but for the next50 or 60 years because it is
(27:43):
more difficult today as an adultand as a kid to actually get
through this world withouthaving to Be wasting, you know,
you said two, I think it's sevenhours a day on technology
holistically.
So all technology, well that'sseven hours.
We're not getting back today,
Shelley (28:02):
for remote workers, I think it can be up to 13.
Hours a day on technology, purecraziness.
What are we doing to ourselves?
And I had this thought that inthe future, there'll be job
specs with, um, it will actuallyoutline number of live video
(28:23):
calls per day, because asuplifting as, uh, A one hour
video call is with someone likeyou having eight hours of back
to back video calls, you know,friends of mine, they want to
connect with friends and familythat don't live around the
corner for them, but they havezero bandwidth for, you know,
(28:44):
telephone calls or video callsoutside of work because they've
used it all up at work.
Pete (28:48):
Okay
Shelley (28:51):
I didn't know about the Australia rule about the age of
16.
Pete (28:57):
Two days ago.
Shelley (28:58):
Amazing.
Oh, thank you for sharing that.
Yeah, something that I've justintroduced my daughter.
So she's eight and she'sobviously, you know,
enthusiastic about technology,but I'm wanting to do it right.
So I am introducing her to thekind of things that I was
introduced to.
So Uh, you know, letter writing.
(29:19):
She's just, you know, juststarting to write sentences and
things.
So, letter writing is somethingthat we would do.
We'd have pen pals and things.
So I thought, well, email is amore efficient way to write
letters.
And she can write letters to hergrandparents overseas.
So, and that's going to help herlearn about writing on a
(29:39):
computer.
So I've allowed that for now.
I've set her up with her ownemail address to see, and then
for Christmas, I'm planning toget her a CD player for her
bedroom.
So she doesn't need a deviceyet, but actually I remember how
liberating and fun it was to getmy own CD player when I was
young.
So she can listen to some musicand.
Buy some CDs and that kind ofthing.
(30:01):
So trying to do it right.
Um, I wonder on your journey,what kind, what things you've
picked up that you've thought,I've got to implement this in my
own life, or I need to introducethis to my family, friends, like
what's really resonated with youalong this journey of, you know,
there's so many different waysthat we can connect.
Pete (30:24):
Yeah, it's so funny.
Here's what I say.
Shelly is I struggle just likeeverybody else does, you know,
I'm probably closer to 13 hoursa day than I am to the eight
hours a day.
And I'm the guy that's trying toencourage people not to do it.
But we're also trying to build amovement here.
And we're trying to raise fundsand, you know, Keep the lights
on.
So, you know, unfortunatelywe're all under the same
(30:47):
pressure and stress.
I'll tell you the one thing thathas worked for me.
Um, there's two things I'll saythat have worked for me in
putting the phone down.
Number one is my dog.
And every morning when I get up,the first thing I do is I go and
take the dog for a 45 minute toan hour walk.
I usually go with my wife.
(31:07):
Sometimes our son goes with usand that is time that, you know,
you're not looking at the phonebecause you're out and enjoying,
you Nature, the air, themorning, whatever the case may
be.
And so I think that's a reallypowerful one.
And, you know, I know that therewas a lot of pandemic dogs and
not everybody's so keen.
I heard somebody yesterday sayit was the biggest mistake they
(31:28):
made because they didn't thinkabout the responsibility later
on, but.
You know, it worked for us.
And then the other one is rightafter I'm done here, I'm going
to play hockey.
And I play hockey at the sametime every week, Tuesday night,
6 30, same location, same guys.
And I think it's reallyimportant for us to find the
activities that we're reallypassionate about and lock them
(31:51):
in on a regular basis in ourcalendar, you know, because I
know that spontaneity is reallydifficult because I can always
find more work to do.
And so kids are another thirdoption, but that may be an
expensive option for some peopleand not having a partner may be
another barrier to that.
But at the end of the day, youknow, my son who's sitting over
(32:13):
there right now, and I can'twait to go and wish him well at
the end of his day, you know,all these things are the excuses
we need to actually rememberthat life is more than
technology.
And so whatever we can do to putthese into our daily routines
and lives are the keys to, youknow, helping us stay connected.
(32:34):
I know a lot of people it'sabout eating together, you know,
putting down the phone, nophones at the table and spending
dinner together.
I know that children that are,that eat together three to four
times a week.
Are three times less lonely thanthose who don't eat dinner
together.
So, you know, it's little, it'sa little bit here and a little
bit there and a little bit ofthis and a little bit of this,
(32:56):
and we can start stealing backthe time that can make our kids
happier and healthier and let'sbe real.
Adults are struggling with thisas well.
So it makes us happier andhealthier as well.
And I think that's the wake upcall for all of us is look, if
every one of us recognizes, I doit for my kid, but my kid does
it for me.
I do it for you.
(33:17):
You do it for your neighbor andyour family and your relatives
and the people you work with.
We are in this together.
There's never been a time when Ithink it meant more.
Other than maybe in the middleof a war when we realize, look,
there's the enemy and we're inthis together.
And if we don't come together,we're, we're not going to
survive.
And I think in this digitallyconnected world, we need to
(33:40):
recognize, we need to create theoccasions like gen well,
weekends, like loneliness,awareness week, like talk to a
stranger week to help people.
Do the action.
Take the action that's going tomake you feel happier and
healthier because we've weanedpeople off all these actions of
talking to strangers or evenknowing your neighbor or having
(34:02):
dinner together or spending timefor a barbecue.
We need to get back to thosesimple things that make people
happier and healthier.
Shelley (34:11):
Something we haven't touched on yet, Pete, is the
workplace.
So there were a couple of talksat the conference touching on
the workplace.
And one of the big out, out,outtakes that I took away was
just that we need to be lookingat ourselves holistically, not
necessarily relying oncolleagues and our employers to
satisfy our social connectionneeds, what could employers do
(34:36):
to help the social connectednessof their teams?
Pete (34:41):
I think the answer is this, Shelly, and I love your
perspective on, you know, weneed to be, we need to take a
holistic approach to how we helppeople build healthier
connection habits, you know, theresearch in Canada shows that,
you know, Our relationships withour colleagues can have a
greater impact on our happinessand reduced loneliness Than our
(35:02):
own family and friends And so Ithink the important thing is for
people to recognize thatrelationships with our
colleagues can have a verySignificant and meaningful
impact on our sense ofconnection belonging inclusion
community and since we spendEight, 10, 13 hours a day,
(35:23):
sometimes working at work whenwe have healthy relationships,
those are really important fornot only our own effectiveness
and efficiency, which means wecan get the job done quicker,
but also to make the time thatwe're doing it far more
enjoyable.
But I think the role of theworkplace is not just educating
their employees about, you know,connections at work.
(35:46):
It's about helping youremployees understand that they
need to be connected in allaspects of their life.
But they need to talk tostrangers, that they should know
their neighbor, that they shoulddo volunteer work and get
involved in their community.
None of us is an island.
You know, we need people in allaspects of our life.
And I think.
You know, because, you know, Ilook at classrooms and I look at
(36:08):
workplaces, they are the twoplaces where we tend to gather
lots of people, you know?
So if I go to a big company andI get an opportunity to educate
500 employees about thisinformation that those 500
employees go back to theirfamilies and they tell their
families and then they engage inone of our campaigns.
(36:30):
And that's how we build amovement and a consciousness
around the importance of socialconnection.
So, I don't think that, and Idon't think the onus is on the
HR department or the CEO to doit, although they need to be
part of the solution, it's aboutempowering every employee with
the right information and theneverybody to be part of the
(36:51):
solution as long as somebody,and it's, I think it's up to the
organization to do it, ishelping create the occasions,
you know, on a regular cadenceso that You know, there's an
opportunity to have fridaycoffee or once a week or once
every other week Maybe there's alunch where everybody eats
together and the company paysfor lunch or once a month if
(37:14):
there's some type of a Outdooractivity and we go and we hike
or we walk or we ride a bike orwe go bowling or you know Each
of us needs to find the rightcadence for our community so
that they feel that sense ofconnection You Belonging,
inclusion, community that helpspeople not just cope, but
(37:35):
actually helps them thrive, notjust as employees, but as human
beings.
Shelley (37:41):
And is this, you say, it's not necessarily down to HR.
Is it down to every team leader?
Like every team leader needs toconsider themselves a community
builder and find ways to bringtheir community together and to
nurture relationships betweenthose people.
community members, if you like,like just kind of reframing it
(38:02):
from teams to communities.
I remember thinking about, Ihave two children, I remember
thinking about having a thirdand doing a bit of research
about it.
Um, and they said, when you havethree children, like you're
creating so many morerelationships.
But from just the two to,there's so many more
relationships.
I didn't go through with athird.
(38:23):
Um, but just thinking about allof the relationships, if you
have a team of five, likethinking about all the possible
relationships that there arebetween the five and, you know,
maybe two of them aren'tnecessarily going to be right
for each other, but there'sstill like three others that
could be in relationship witheach other.
So how do we help to nurturethese, these relationships when
(38:44):
we are a team leader?
I guess that's just putting outthere food for thought.
Pete (38:49):
Well, I think, I think two things I'll say.
Number one, we need tounderstand that we've never
educated anybody on theimportance of human connection.
So you cannot just turn aroundtoday and look to a business
leader and say, go makeconnection happen because that
hasn't been a KPI.
Ever in history and so, youknow, we talk about culture But
(39:12):
I think culture is so undefinedthat people don't even know what
culture is And therefore that'swhy we've struggled in creating
cultures, but i've been part ofgreat cultures and I can tell
you it happened Because weconnected all the time because
our leader actually facilitated,whether it was dinners or
coffees or go for a drink afterwork, it was always about being
(39:35):
connected.
And I think connection is thefundamental aspect of building
great culture in anorganization.
But I think what we need tounderstand is that we need to
help.
Our leaders do it because, youknow, you may have a leader
who's an introvert, you know,just because they're a leader.
at the top of the businessdoesn't mean that their social
(39:59):
skills are at the at the caliberwhere they can lead these types
of events.
So what is the HR person or theCEO doing to help facilitate the
connection for that leader?
Because we also need torecognize that our teams are
made up of introverts.
But there's older people andyounger people, there's people
with families, there's singlepeople, there's cultural
(40:20):
differences.
There's, you know, people wholive a long way and who are
close to the office.
And it's all these criteria thatwe need to put into the hopper
and figure out what is the rightmix of activities so that
everybody feels like they arepart of the team and they're
given the opportunity to connectwith their fellow colleagues.
(40:42):
Because when I was When I wasyounger and in the corporate
world, it was at the end of theday, drinking and eating bad
food, like unhealthy food.
Well, that wasn't really a goodmix for, it was fun and as a 20
year old, that was great, but asa 30 and 40 year old drinking at
the end of the day, eating badfood was probably not the best
(41:04):
decision for me.
And certainly for many of theother people that were with me.
And I think we have to get overthis idea that eating and
drinking is the solution to allof our problems.
Um, because when we're trying tocreate that positive, healthy
culture of connection, that'sgot to include the thinking
about how do you connect or howdo I connect differently than
(41:26):
this person or that person?
Shelley (41:29):
Yeah, totally.
And two things are coming up forme there.
One of them, the Australianprofessor that spoke at the
conference, and he was sayingabout.
Uh, having a noni, having a noniwith your mates.
I love that.
Never heard of that, um, a nonalcoholic beverage being called
a noni before.
So that's new.
Um, and the other point that,um, that I, I'm quite passionate
(41:54):
about is employee resourcegroups.
So at my last organization, Iwas, I spearheaded a new
wellbeing employee resourcegroup because there wasn't one.
There was plenty for, um, Um, wedid a lot with, um, supporting
charities outside the workplace,but there was just nothing to
help employees from the inside.
So that was really, um,fulfilling, satisfying for me to
(42:17):
launch this and find otherpeople within the organization
who are equally as passionateabout wellbeing.
We've enrolled that out acrossEurope, but we always have.
Big objectives.
Like we wanted to get 15 peopleto attend every event.
Otherwise it felt like a fail.
And I think we need to startthinking smaller.
So in an organization, if youcan find two or three people
(42:40):
that are interested in the samething as you, and you can do
something with them.
Once a week, and they're not inyour team and you start to
create relationships in theworkplace.
Like, how is that going toimpact your happiness at work,
your commitment to stay, youremployee engagement, when you're
able to do something kind of nonwork related.
Within the workplace to likeenergize yourself to do the work
(43:03):
that you need to do.
Pete (43:05):
Yeah.
I think, I think, uh, we need todo a better job.
I have my own experiencesworking in past businesses where
those of us that were more thesocial type who brought people
together, who led the volunteer,who led the social committee,
who led all the gatherings werealmost dismissed as You know,
(43:26):
fun bobbies, as people whoweren't strategic, who weren't
really adding value to thebusiness.
But now that I understand theimportance of connection to the
bottom line, the direct link tobottom line, to productivity, to
collaboration, innovation,trust, respect, you know, all
(43:47):
the business measurements thatbusiness leaders today are.
Would die for happen when webuild a culture where people
feel seen, valued, heard, wherethey feel like their opinion is
appreciated and Jeffrey Yip atthe conference was the other
business speaker and his, he hadthe four layers of, you know,
(44:09):
feeling comfortable talking toother people is only feeling
comfortable to challenge.
And to, you know, suggest newideas.
That's a whole different levelof connection in a workplace.
And that comes, that can onlycome from time and shared
experiences and repetition sothat we get a chance to see each
(44:32):
other repeatedly.
And we start to go, I reallylike Shelly.
She's a really nice person.
I could trust Shelly because wedon't just.
Trust doesn't happen upon afirst meeting.
You mentioned that theconnection that when we have a
shared connection, that actuallyspeeds up the connectivity
between two people before wecame on.
(44:52):
And I think that's theunderstanding that business
leaders need to have.
If you have the people in yourorganization that are the
connectors, that are the peoplethat can rally 10 people or two
people or 10 or 20 or 30 to be avolunteer or do an activity
together.
Champion those people, give themfunding, give them T shirts or
(45:12):
give them some food budget, givethem something because if they
can help you facilitate theconnections that maybe you as
the business leader aren't soskilled at, give them the funds
to help them do it.
And then you show up at theirevent versus the leadership
always having to lead all theconnections.
Shelley (45:32):
Is there, is there a new role that's going to be
present in every bigorganization around the world?
And what is that role?
What does that role look like?
Pete (45:43):
There was a, an article during the global pandemic by
Mortensen, I forget his firstname.
You He's an INSEAD businessprofessor, and he said the
number one role on the otherside of the global pandemic will
be the the minister ofconnection or, you know,
director of connection, but ithad to be a very senior role.
And the sole purpose was toactually support and facilitate
(46:06):
the connections in theworkplace.
And so I think you're spot on,Shelly.
Unfortunately, I still thinkmost businesses think this is a
nice to have versus a must have,and therefore they aren't making
the investment.
They aren't making thecommitment to this.
Even when I go and do workshopsnow and we have, you know, a
toolkit that helps themfacilitate ongoing, what is your
(46:28):
calendar?
What is your cadence?
How often are you doing it?
Most businesses don't make thecommitment to do the ongoing.
You know, um, connectionopportunities because they think
it's good enough just to givepeople the information.
But I think what we'll see intime is that it's not just about
giving them the information.
(46:49):
But it's you have to helpfacilitate a study.
You know, pre pandemic this iswhen we were in the office.
76 percent of employees in onestudy out of Boston University
said that 76 percent ofemployees felt like it was a
challenge to build relationshipswith fellow employees.
And that was when we were in theoffice together.
So just because we put people ina room together doesn't mean
(47:12):
that they're going to getconnected.
We have to help facilitate thoseconnections because there's
status, there's, you know,different levels of the
hierarchy, there's male, female,there's language barriers.
In some cases, obviously we'respending more time apart.
There's so many more challengestoday that we as leaders need to
help people overcome by helpingfacilitate the connections that
(47:35):
make us all happier andhealthier.
Shelley (47:38):
Mm, I so hear you on so much of that, and I've
definitely had the thought overthe last couple of years about
there being a role for a superconnector.
I love the idea that it'sactually a senior role and
they're kind of working at alllevels and just, you know, just,
it can start really small, likesomebody that's very much on the
(47:59):
pulse of what a lot of differentpeople in the organization are
doing, whether that'sprofessionally or personally,
like you find out that someone'sjust.
Bin away to Italy and you hearthat somebody else is about to
go to Italy and you connect themto say, like, why don't you guys
have a coffee chat about this?
Cause that's it, the coffeechat.
I, I read an article about therenow being these tools that put,
(48:20):
um, like automate these coffeechats.
And I just thought, Oh God, Ibet that's really uncomfortable
because you don't necessarilyhave anything in common.
You wouldn't know where to startnecessarily with a, with a
conversation with thiscolleague.
You've just been.
Put to like, where's the,where's the points of reference.
So the idea of having somebodywithin the organization that can
(48:42):
actually do those intentionalintroductions to help you build
your network within theorganization.
Yeah.
I think we should just go offand write some job specs, Pete,
and see what we can do aboutthat.
Pete (48:54):
I think I know a couple of people who could apply.
Shelley (49:00):
Hey, it's been such a pleasure to connect in with you
today.
I wonder if there's justsomething that we haven't
touched on that you just thinkwe can't leave this conversation
without just mentioning thisthing that everybody needs to
hear about.
Pete (49:15):
Well, I think, you know, I think I'd finish off because
it's been a really beautifulconversation, Shelley.
And I think what we need to helppeople understand is that this
isn't going to change overnight.
And, you know, you and I are outhere, you know, working very
hard to awaken the world to howmuch we actually need each other
and the ways in which we canmake it happen.
(49:36):
But we need to recognize we'reup against a lot of challenges
in creating the type of worldwhere we are all given
permission to do it.
And, you know, we need tocontinue.
This is behavior change andbehavior change takes time.
And so.
Don't get frustrated if somebodydoesn't engage the first time,
you know, let's make sure thatwe continue to reinforce the
(49:58):
message.
That's why we have sevencampaigns at GenWell throughout
the year.
So we don't just do, you know,I'm not a big believer of one
week a year focused on You know,whether it's loneliness or
whether it's a mental healthissue, or one day of the year to
focus on this illness or thatillness.
The reality is when you'retrying to get people to change
behaviors, it takes time and ittakes repetition and this is why
(50:21):
we've created all thesecampaigns throughout the year so
that we can keep people focusedon.
Don't let this slide.
This is a really important partof your health and well being
and of the society that we wanttoday and in the future.
And so I hope that everybody,you know, cuts themselves a
little slack, you know, take afew baby steps, try a little
more tomorrow, put the phonedown a little bit longer because
(50:45):
together we can make the world ahappier and healthier place.
One face to face conversation ata time.
Shelley (50:52):
Beautifully said.
And I feel like I just need toleave this conversation with a
little testimonial.
So I did take part in your talkto a stranger week., and
afterwards, the next day when Iwas on the school run, uh, a
woman was walking down thestreet.
I asked her if she was on theschool run.
She wasn't.
And then I just kind of carriedon having a conversation with
her very naturally.
(51:12):
I'm sure like you, Pete, likeI'm, I'm someone that's quite
comfortable talking to strangersevery now and then.
I wouldn't typically cross thestreet to talk to a stranger
though.
So that was, it is like thesereminders through the GenWell
initiatives.
It's like, you do it for anhour, you know, once a year to
(51:32):
remind yourself that you can doit again.
And that then makes it feel.
Feel much more effortless andnatural to then continue doing
it.
So I think these are thereminders that you have in on
the, uh, on the program of genwell, so I will put all of the
links beneath, um, and, and lookforward to being part of this
whole movement with you, Pete,so blessed to know you.
Pete (51:55):
Yeah, so great to spend some more time with you, Shelly.
Thank you for all your support.
Thanks for opportunity to chatabout it today.
And, you know, I know thattogether we will change the
world.
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