June 10, 2024 • 22 mins
I just came back from a trip to Italy and there was a moment at a park where I realized something....we need to connect more with ourselves and those we love.
I polled our Instagram audience and 50% of parents feel disconnected and of these, 43% feel disconnected from their partners.
If you can relate to this, have a listen to this short solo episode.
You can also read the blog post I wrote about this and add a comment:
https://www.curiousneuron.com/blog/2024/6/8/are-we-too-busy-findings-ways-to-disconnect-from-our-kids-rather-than-moments-of-connection
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https://curiousneuronacademy.mykajabi.com/reflective-parenting-community-8751f762-a8f3-4562-b0e8-e37de4ab7187?preview_theme_id=2157310111
Purchase the Reflective Parent Journal below (get $10 off if you email me the review you leave for the podcast):
https://curiousneuronacademy.mykajabi.com/offers/FE2tgqG2/checkout
Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:00):
Hello, my dear friend , welcome back to another
episode of the Curious Neuronpodcast.
My name is Cindy Huffington andI am your host.
If you have been feelingdisconnected lately from
yourself, from your partner,from your kids, your friends,
your family or even yourcreativity then stay tuned to
this episode.
It's a solo episode.
(00:20):
I'm not interviewing anyone,but I'm going to talk about
something that I realized aboutthree weeks ago, and I polled
the audience on Instagram andasked them if they were feeling
disconnected, and over 50% ofparents said they were feeling
disconnected.
And then, when I asked themwhat they felt disconnected from
, they said they were feelingdisconnected from their partners
(00:43):
and from themselves and, like Isaid before, creativity and
friends and family.
So I really feel that we needto talk about this.
In addition, I've also writtena blog post, so if you want to
read about this and see some ofthe tips in a written format,
you can click the link in theshow notes.
But before I begin, as always, Iwant to thank the Tannenbaum
(01:04):
Open Science Institute, as wellas the McConnell Foundation, for
supporting the Curious Neuronpodcast.
Without them, this podcastwould not be possible.
And thank you the listener.
I've been getting lots ofemails from people who are
listening and I appreciate it somuch.
And if you do have a moment,click out of this podcast
episode and leave a rating and areview.
Send me an email at info atkirstenroncom.
(01:26):
Let me know that you did and Iwill send you a $10 coupon for
the reflective parent journalthat we have.
It's $30 on our website andI'll give you $10 off as a thank
you.
It's 100 pages and the way thatI've designed the journal is so
that if you are stuck insomething, it's not one of those
like think about your childhoodor what do you enjoy, what
(01:48):
don't you enjoy, sort of thingit's really about.
If I'm struggling with mypartner, how can I reevaluate
the conflict that we have andreflect on it?
Or if I'm struggling with myrelationship with my child, how
can I reflect on that Same thingwith a relationship with you?
How can you connect withyourself and use these
reflection prompts to rebuildyour values and take time to
(02:11):
create moments that areimportant to you?
That's what this journal is allabout, and the link is in the
show notes.
So I know that during May,there were episodes being posted
every single Monday, but I havea confession I well as you know
, there are people that supportme and help me, especially with
the podcast.
I have not been part ofscheduling and posting the
(02:33):
podcast and advertising it andtalking about it on social media
.
I had somebody doing that, twopeople doing all that, and I've
also been really disconnectedfrom social media.
I've had some help the pastcouple of months and part of
this whole conversation we'regoing to have today I'm going to
share my own personaldisconnects, and part of that is
(02:55):
with you guys and I have toapologize for that.
So in May I was in Italy.
My family and I so my threekids, my husband and I went to
Italy to spend some timetogether and this was the first
time in a very long time that Icompletely disconnected from
work.
So over the winter I oractually a couple months ago now
(03:20):
, I think time passes by reallyquickly I left Wonder Grade, so
I'm no longer the co-founder ofWonder Grade and I've been
taking a lot of time to reflectand a lot of time to think about
what my days should look likeand what I want my life to look
like, and I had a lot of helpwith Curious Neuron.
And while I was in Italy,something happened and I
(03:45):
realized that many of us arefeeling disconnected and or are
disconnected from a lot in ourlives.
So one of the places that wevisited in Italy are called the
Dolomites.
This is in northern Italy andit's part of the Alps and it's
very close to the Austrianborder.
We were outside of the citycalled Bolzano, italy, and about
(04:08):
45 minutes outside of that bigcity.
So we're really really in themiddle of nowhere and I went to
the park with my kids.
There was a park near our hoteland this was a beautiful park
park.
Lots of these like man-madestructures, wood and ropes,
things to climb, things to jumpoff of, things to balance
(04:34):
yourself and take risks reallydifferent than what I was used
to seeing here in Montreal.
So my kids were playing in thesand, they were building this
little house with sticks for aworm that they found and they
built a little house for it, andI was sitting watching them,
right beside them, enjoying them.
I wasn't on my phone, I wasjust, you know, sitting on the
side and I was looking around atthe park and something marked
(04:56):
me.
I looked at a mom.
She had this her daughtersitting on her lap and she was
swinging with her on a swing.
And then there was another momon the seesaw and she had two
very young kids on one side ofthe seesaw and she was on the
other side and she would sit andput all her weight and her kids
would go boom, flying up in theair and they were giggling and
(05:18):
laughing that daughter who wassitting on top of her mom in the
swing.
They were both giggling andlaughing.
And then I looked at a fatherwho was climbing the sort of
structure and kind of making itturn around and the child that
he was with was laughing andthey were both laughing and
giggling.
And then to the distant, at adistance, was a little building,
(05:40):
a home, and in that backyard Isaw a grandfather who was
walking around and behind himwas a child who was following
very closely to him and theywere both smiling and laughing
and interacting and tending tothe man's garden.
I was taken back by the beautyof this.
(06:01):
I just looked at everyoneplaying in the park with their
kids and then something hit me.
This was very different thanwhat I was used to seeing back
home in Montreal.
Not that I've never seen aparent playing with their child.
I've played with my kids and Isee lots of parents play with
their kids, but on average whatI was used to seeing was, you
(06:22):
know, a parent or parentsstepping back.
Even as neighbors when we go tothe park, we step back and we
take this moment to kind ofdisconnect from our parenting
responsibilities and we chat, wehave conversations, we connect
together, but we disconnect fromour kids.
And this whole situation wasn'tjust about, you know,
(06:44):
reflecting on how we play withour kids.
It just made me think of theword connection and often I'll
hear parents say I scroll onsocial media so I can disconnect
.
And I realized in that momentthat perhaps we are taking too
many moments to disconnect fromeverything that's happening
(07:06):
around us.
Maybe that break or thatpositive or good feeling that
we're looking for doesn't happenin those moments that we
disconnect.
And if I think back to myselfwhenever I do disconnect whether
it's through social media orjust taking a moment to step out
(07:27):
if I don't connect with eithermyself or a friend or my partner
, in those moments when I comeback to my kids, I'm not feeling
like I've filled my cup Right.
So those moments of disconnectalthough sometimes we need it
and it does help us it started.
(07:48):
This moment at the park got methinking.
Every single time I was with mykids or my partner, what am I
doing to connect with them?
This moment at the park made mebecome more intentional with
connection in my life, and sothe past couple of weeks on
vacation and coming back fromvacation, I've tried to create
(08:09):
intentional moments ofconnection, not just with my
kids, but with my partner, withmy friends, sending a text
message to the people in my lifethat really matter, calling
somebody just to say hi, to seehow they are.
It's as simple as a post-it onyour partner's night table or on
(08:30):
their laptop so that they canstart work and feel connected to
you, and so could you.
And so, my dear friend.
Today's reflection for this weekis truly about being more aware
or mindful of how often you aredisconnecting from what's going
on around you, if these momentsof disconnect are truly filling
(08:52):
you, filling your cup right andmaking you feel recharged so
that you can parent, and if youcan create more intentional
moments of connection duringyour day.
And I say moments of connectionbecause connection doesn't take
time right.
So I spoke about leaving apost-it for your loved one or
(09:13):
sending a text message to afriend.
It takes seconds, but it'sbeing intentional and mindful of
these moments.
And when you do that, I don'twant to say I promise you, but I
do sort of promise that it willfeel good at some point.
(09:33):
Maybe not the first time orsecond, or maybe even third, but
if you start creating momentsof connection, that person will
notice and it might startfeeling good to connect with
that person and they mightconnect back with you.
I know, I've seen it with mykids playing cards with them and
something that I've always donebefore, obviously, but now I'm
(09:57):
more aware of it and moremindful and it just feels so
good to connect.
If we look at the literature andthe science, which obviously
you know me, that's what I didand I put some of the art.
I put an article that I lookedup in the blog post and I'll put
it up, I'll put it in the shownotes.
But there were theseresearchers um, one was from
(10:18):
Harvard University and they shespecializes in in lifestyle
medicine, so her name isElizabeth Pegg Fratz and what
they had in, or what they wrotein their paper called the
connection prescription, is theywere talking about just how
important connection is for yourwell-being and mental health to
the point that they want moretherapists to kind of recommend
(10:43):
connection as a form or part ofyour therapy.
Connection with people aroundyou is healing.
Connections with people aroundyou support and have been shown
to have an impact on or lowerthe severity or risk not risk
severity of depression.
(11:05):
So taking the time to connectwith people is extremely
important for our mental healthand our well-being.
The opposite of that.
So feeling lonely and isolated.
There's a study that came outof not a study, but a survey
that came out of Ohio StateUniversity that found that 66%
of parents are feeling lonely,and I think that we're feeling
(11:28):
lonely because we're not takingthe time to connect, we're not
seeing just how important it isto connect with people around us
, and so I added on the blogpost a scale called the UCLA
three item loneliness scale.
You can do it right now,actually, if you want.
So there are three questions.
The first one is how often doyou feel like you lack
(11:51):
companionship?
Number two is how often do youfeel left out?
And number three is how oftendo you feel isolated from others
?
Rate yourself on these threequestions One being hardly ever,
two being some of the time, andthree being often.
If you score six to nine, thenit shows, according to research,
(12:15):
that you do have, or you arefeeling, a high level of
isolation and loneliness.
Level of isolation andloneliness and this is an
eye-opener.
This means that something hasto be done or changed to get out
of that.
It's something that we canchange.
We are in control of that, ifyou can find an online community
(12:36):
.
There was a study.
Where did they read this?
I think it's in the book calledLeaders Eat Last, and they
spoke about loneliness at theworkplace and they asked people
how many coworkers does it take,or close relationship with
(12:56):
coworkers does it take, for aperson not to feel lonely and
isolated at work?
And you know, people said maybethree, four, five, you five,
thinking that you need to have asmall group of coworkers that
you feel close to in order tonot feel lonely at work.
But the research shows that itonly takes one, and the same
(13:17):
applies to our life.
Do we have one person that wecan call text, connect with,
talk to?
So here are three steps.
If you do feel like you'refeeling disconnected and maybe
you don't know what you'redisconnected from, but you feel
it Start with assessing yourself.
Is it loneliness?
If not, then is it that youhaven't taken the time to
(13:42):
connect with yourself?
So step one is just askingyourself do I, you know, feel
lonely or disconnected, and fromwhat?
Number two is taking the timeto reconnect with yourself.
No matter who else you want toconnect with, start with
yourself.
Think about your values.
Do you know them?
(14:02):
Do you need to revisit them?
Think about or make a list ofthings that matter to you.
Are they part of your life?
Are they things that you needto bring back into your life?
What brings you joy?
What fills your cup?
All of these questions I knowthat they sound cliche what do
you enjoy?
What do you like?
I get that, but I don't thinkwe ask ourselves that question
(14:25):
enough and we don't take time todo that.
And then days pass and weekspass and months pass, and then
we feel disconnected.
Relationships take time andnurturing, and we have a
relationship with ourself, whichmeans we need time and
nurturing.
Then the third step is to becomemore intentional about moments
(14:45):
of connection.
So if it's really from yourselfthat you feel disconnected,
then how can you create momentsof connection during your day?
Is it by journaling at somepoint and journaling doesn't
take time.
It doesn't have to.
It could be five minutes, whereyou ask the question what's on
my mind, and you get it out, youput it out there.
Or it could what's on my mindand you get it out, you put it
(15:07):
out there.
Or it could be what's botheringme.
Or it could just be what am Igrateful for Five minutes.
Put a timer.
You don't need to do it longerthan that.
But I know that I've beentalking a lot about feeling
disconnected from yourself, butaccording to the 484 people that
voted on Instagram, 43% feeldisconnected from their partner,
(15:30):
which reminds us that we needto nurture that relationship as
well.
Now, I'm not a relationshipexpert and I don't want to
pretend to be, and I don't knowyour situation either, but are
there opportunities for momentsof connection, rekindling or
reconnecting together?
(15:51):
Sometimes and I've been throughit as well you know it gets
hard as a parent because it'svery easy to disconnect.
There are lots of externalfactors, but if you are feeling
disconnected from your partner,can you talk to them about it?
Can you let them know, can yousay that you want to try to
(16:11):
actively together, find momentsof connection, and that they
don't have to take time.
If one partner is very busy,can you take the initiative of
connecting with them, can youwrite a little post-it, a little
note, and place it somewherethey'll see it in their bag, so
they see it at work, or on theirnight table, or on the third
part of the sink in the bathroomwhere they're a mirror, so that
(16:34):
they can see it in a momentthat just reminds them that you
love them.
And lastly, of course, can youcreate these moments with your
child.
Can you take a small walk, ashort walk, with them?
Can you read an extra book, canyou talk to them about their
day without asking too manyquestions?
Can you share a story from yourchildhood with them?
(16:56):
Find a moment to disconnectfrom everything else but connect
with those who matter All right.
Connect with those who matter,all right.
So I know that at the beginningI said I had to apologize to you
and I do because, like I saidbefore, I've been getting help
with Curious Neuron.
Somebody is writing and sendingout the newsletter, somebody is
(17:20):
helping me create the posts andposting them, showing up in my
stories.
That's me on Instagram, but theother posts, when it's not my
face, it's not me and I had ameeting with my social media
manager when I came back fromItaly and had this sort of
revelation about connection andsaid, okay, you need to do other
things because I need to takethe moment or the time to
(17:44):
reconnect with my audience.
When I started Curastroncomabout seven years ago, I jumped
onto social media.
Maybe a year and a half, twoyears after that and when social
media really grew for me andthis podcast was when I was
really really connecting withthe audience, I was there, I was
(18:06):
with you, I was on in mystories and I was posting and I
was writing the newsletteraccording to the conversations
we were having in my comments onsocial media.
But now it's not me showing upand I was stepping back trying
to guide and orchestrate thebigger picture of Curastaron but
I've lost connection with youand orchestrate the bigger
(18:29):
picture of Curious Neuron.
But I've lost connection withyou and now I will be coming
back and being here more presentso you can reach out to me.
Let me know that you'relistening, let me know what you
enjoy about Curious Neuron, whatyou'd like to see more of.
Send me an email info atcuriousneuroncom.
I want to hear from you.
I will be recording more soloepisodes this summer, but I
(18:49):
still have a lot of interviewsas well.
I'm interviewing a scientistthat studies lying and how to
teach honesty as well, so I'mexcited to share that episode.
In a few weeks.
There's a lot coming up and I'mexcited to reconnect with all
of you and hopefully we can seeeach other and speak to each
other.
(19:09):
By the way, I do mean speak toeach other.
I need to interview 100 parents.
I really do, and if you want tohave a conversation with me and
talk to me about parenting andsome of your challenges, then
send me an email at info atcurastroncom and I will more
than gladly jump on a zoom withyou and have this conversation.
(19:30):
In addition, I'm working reallyhard to launch a community
coming this fall and if this issomething that interests you, it
has everything to do withconnection and everything that
we spoke about.
As I started talking to someparents, I realized that many
parents did feel lonely anddidn't have a community.
(19:51):
Now I know there are lots ofcommunities out there.
I know they exist, I've seenthem.
I feel that we need a communitywhere it's not about learning
there are enough education toolsout there but just the space
where we can talk to others andrealize that we're not alone,
share, you know, struggles thatwe're having, get some guidance
(20:14):
on how to reflect on thesetroubles, and that's what I'm
really good at.
So I want to make sure thatthere's a space that exists for
parents.
So, if you're interested, we'rejust collecting names now so
you can click the link in theshow notes and join the wait
list so that you can receivethat email once the community
(20:35):
opens.
Okay, that's about all my voicecan take.
As you can hear in my voice,it's just been getting a little
bit worse as I'm talking and mythroat keeps getting dry.
I was sick this week and I'vebeen coughing a lot, and now I
have reached my limit of howlong I can talk to you.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I'm curious to know if you
(20:58):
agree with me or not.
You can add a comment in theblog post if you want.
That's where we can have theconversation around this and I'm
going to try to write more blogposts.
That's another reason why Iwrote a blog post.
I need to come back to the rootsof Kirsten Ron, which was
nurturing the parent.
Well, actually, no, that's a lie.
The root of Kirsten Ron wasmaking sure your child is okay,
(21:22):
and as I continued with KirstenRon and spoke to many parents, I
realized that parents neededhelp and that if they were not
okay, then their child was notokay, and so I switched my focus
onto parents a little whileback, but it's always been about
you and trying to support you,because there's not a lot out
there and I want to make surethat there's a space for you.
(21:44):
So, my dear friend, I really dohope that you have a beautiful
and wonderful week.
I know that sometimes weeks aredifficult.
I know there are some teacherslistening to this podcast and
you are at the end of the schoolyear and I know that that can
be challenging.
I know that, as parents, thebeginning of the summer can be
challenging knowing how tobalance work and kids being home
(22:06):
, being bored and so I hope thatthis week is a good one for you
.
And, if not, send me an emailinfo at curiousnirongcom.
Let's talk.
Bye everyone.
Hello, my dear friend , welcome back to another
episode of the Curious Neuronpodcast.
My name is Cindy Huffington andI am your host.
If you have been feelingdisconnected lately from
yourself, from your partner,from your kids, your friends,
your family or even yourcreativity then stay tuned to
this episode.
It's a solo episode.
(00:20):
I'm not interviewing anyone,but I'm going to talk about
something that I realized aboutthree weeks ago, and I polled
the audience on Instagram andasked them if they were feeling
disconnected, and over 50% ofparents said they were feeling
disconnected.
And then, when I asked themwhat they felt disconnected from
, they said they were feelingdisconnected from their partners
(00:43):
and from themselves and, like Isaid before, creativity and
friends and family.
So I really feel that we needto talk about this.
In addition, I've also writtena blog post, so if you want to
read about this and see some ofthe tips in a written format,
you can click the link in theshow notes.
But before I begin, as always, Iwant to thank the Tannenbaum
(01:04):
Open Science Institute, as wellas the McConnell Foundation, for
supporting the Curious Neuronpodcast.
Without them, this podcastwould not be possible.
And thank you the listener.
I've been getting lots ofemails from people who are
listening and I appreciate it somuch.
And if you do have a moment,click out of this podcast
episode and leave a rating and areview.
Send me an email at info atkirstenroncom.
(01:26):
Let me know that you did and Iwill send you a $10 coupon for
the reflective parent journalthat we have.
It's $30 on our website andI'll give you $10 off as a thank
you.
It's 100 pages and the way thatI've designed the journal is so
that if you are stuck insomething, it's not one of those
like think about your childhoodor what do you enjoy, what
(01:48):
don't you enjoy, sort of thingit's really about.
If I'm struggling with mypartner, how can I reevaluate
the conflict that we have andreflect on it?
Or if I'm struggling with myrelationship with my child, how
can I reflect on that Same thingwith a relationship with you?
How can you connect withyourself and use these
reflection prompts to rebuildyour values and take time to
(02:11):
create moments that areimportant to you?
That's what this journal is allabout, and the link is in the
show notes.
So I know that during May,there were episodes being posted
every single Monday, but I havea confession I well as you know
, there are people that supportme and help me, especially with
the podcast.
I have not been part ofscheduling and posting the
(02:33):
podcast and advertising it andtalking about it on social media
.
I had somebody doing that, twopeople doing all that, and I've
also been really disconnectedfrom social media.
I've had some help the pastcouple of months and part of
this whole conversation we'regoing to have today I'm going to
share my own personaldisconnects, and part of that is
(02:55):
with you guys and I have toapologize for that.
So in May I was in Italy.
My family and I so my threekids, my husband and I went to
Italy to spend some timetogether and this was the first
time in a very long time that Icompletely disconnected from
work.
So over the winter I oractually a couple months ago now
(03:20):
, I think time passes by reallyquickly I left Wonder Grade, so
I'm no longer the co-founder ofWonder Grade and I've been
taking a lot of time to reflectand a lot of time to think about
what my days should look likeand what I want my life to look
like, and I had a lot of helpwith Curious Neuron.
And while I was in Italy,something happened and I
(03:45):
realized that many of us arefeeling disconnected and or are
disconnected from a lot in ourlives.
So one of the places that wevisited in Italy are called the
Dolomites.
This is in northern Italy andit's part of the Alps and it's
very close to the Austrianborder.
We were outside of the citycalled Bolzano, italy, and about
(04:08):
45 minutes outside of that bigcity.
So we're really really in themiddle of nowhere and I went to
the park with my kids.
There was a park near our hoteland this was a beautiful park
park.
Lots of these like man-madestructures, wood and ropes,
things to climb, things to jumpoff of, things to balance
(04:34):
yourself and take risks reallydifferent than what I was used
to seeing here in Montreal.
So my kids were playing in thesand, they were building this
little house with sticks for aworm that they found and they
built a little house for it, andI was sitting watching them,
right beside them, enjoying them.
I wasn't on my phone, I wasjust, you know, sitting on the
side and I was looking around atthe park and something marked
(04:56):
me.
I looked at a mom.
She had this her daughtersitting on her lap and she was
swinging with her on a swing.
And then there was another momon the seesaw and she had two
very young kids on one side ofthe seesaw and she was on the
other side and she would sit andput all her weight and her kids
would go boom, flying up in theair and they were giggling and
(05:18):
laughing that daughter who wassitting on top of her mom in the
swing.
They were both giggling andlaughing.
And then I looked at a fatherwho was climbing the sort of
structure and kind of making itturn around and the child that
he was with was laughing andthey were both laughing and
giggling.
And then to the distant, at adistance, was a little building,
(05:40):
a home, and in that backyard Isaw a grandfather who was
walking around and behind himwas a child who was following
very closely to him and theywere both smiling and laughing
and interacting and tending tothe man's garden.
I was taken back by the beautyof this.
(06:01):
I just looked at everyoneplaying in the park with their
kids and then something hit me.
This was very different thanwhat I was used to seeing back
home in Montreal.
Not that I've never seen aparent playing with their child.
I've played with my kids and Isee lots of parents play with
their kids, but on average whatI was used to seeing was, you
(06:22):
know, a parent or parentsstepping back.
Even as neighbors when we go tothe park, we step back and we
take this moment to kind ofdisconnect from our parenting
responsibilities and we chat, wehave conversations, we connect
together, but we disconnect fromour kids.
And this whole situation wasn'tjust about, you know,
(06:44):
reflecting on how we play withour kids.
It just made me think of theword connection and often I'll
hear parents say I scroll onsocial media so I can disconnect
.
And I realized in that momentthat perhaps we are taking too
many moments to disconnect fromeverything that's happening
(07:06):
around us.
Maybe that break or thatpositive or good feeling that
we're looking for doesn't happenin those moments that we
disconnect.
And if I think back to myselfwhenever I do disconnect whether
it's through social media orjust taking a moment to step out
(07:27):
if I don't connect with eithermyself or a friend or my partner
, in those moments when I comeback to my kids, I'm not feeling
like I've filled my cup Right.
So those moments of disconnectalthough sometimes we need it
and it does help us it started.
(07:48):
This moment at the park got methinking.
Every single time I was with mykids or my partner, what am I
doing to connect with them?
This moment at the park made mebecome more intentional with
connection in my life, and sothe past couple of weeks on
vacation and coming back fromvacation, I've tried to create
(08:09):
intentional moments ofconnection, not just with my
kids, but with my partner, withmy friends, sending a text
message to the people in my lifethat really matter, calling
somebody just to say hi, to seehow they are.
It's as simple as a post-it onyour partner's night table or on
(08:30):
their laptop so that they canstart work and feel connected to
you, and so could you.
And so, my dear friend.
Today's reflection for this weekis truly about being more aware
or mindful of how often you aredisconnecting from what's going
on around you, if these momentsof disconnect are truly filling
(08:52):
you, filling your cup right andmaking you feel recharged so
that you can parent, and if youcan create more intentional
moments of connection duringyour day.
And I say moments of connectionbecause connection doesn't take
time right.
So I spoke about leaving apost-it for your loved one or
(09:13):
sending a text message to afriend.
It takes seconds, but it'sbeing intentional and mindful of
these moments.
And when you do that, I don'twant to say I promise you, but I
do sort of promise that it willfeel good at some point.
(09:33):
Maybe not the first time orsecond, or maybe even third, but
if you start creating momentsof connection, that person will
notice and it might startfeeling good to connect with
that person and they mightconnect back with you.
I know, I've seen it with mykids playing cards with them and
something that I've always donebefore, obviously, but now I'm
(09:57):
more aware of it and moremindful and it just feels so
good to connect.
If we look at the literature andthe science, which obviously
you know me, that's what I didand I put some of the art.
I put an article that I lookedup in the blog post and I'll put
it up, I'll put it in the shownotes.
But there were theseresearchers um, one was from
(10:18):
Harvard University and they shespecializes in in lifestyle
medicine, so her name isElizabeth Pegg Fratz and what
they had in, or what they wrotein their paper called the
connection prescription, is theywere talking about just how
important connection is for yourwell-being and mental health to
the point that they want moretherapists to kind of recommend
(10:43):
connection as a form or part ofyour therapy.
Connection with people aroundyou is healing.
Connections with people aroundyou support and have been shown
to have an impact on or lowerthe severity or risk not risk
severity of depression.
(11:05):
So taking the time to connectwith people is extremely
important for our mental healthand our well-being.
The opposite of that.
So feeling lonely and isolated.
There's a study that came outof not a study, but a survey
that came out of Ohio StateUniversity that found that 66%
of parents are feeling lonely,and I think that we're feeling
(11:28):
lonely because we're not takingthe time to connect, we're not
seeing just how important it isto connect with people around us
, and so I added on the blogpost a scale called the UCLA
three item loneliness scale.
You can do it right now,actually, if you want.
So there are three questions.
The first one is how often doyou feel like you lack
(11:51):
companionship?
Number two is how often do youfeel left out?
And number three is how oftendo you feel isolated from others
?
Rate yourself on these threequestions One being hardly ever,
two being some of the time, andthree being often.
If you score six to nine, thenit shows, according to research,
(12:15):
that you do have, or you arefeeling, a high level of
isolation and loneliness.
Level of isolation andloneliness and this is an
eye-opener.
This means that something hasto be done or changed to get out
of that.
It's something that we canchange.
We are in control of that, ifyou can find an online community
(12:36):
.
There was a study.
Where did they read this?
I think it's in the book calledLeaders Eat Last, and they
spoke about loneliness at theworkplace and they asked people
how many coworkers does it take,or close relationship with
(12:56):
coworkers does it take, for aperson not to feel lonely and
isolated at work?
And you know, people said maybethree, four, five, you five,
thinking that you need to have asmall group of coworkers that
you feel close to in order tonot feel lonely at work.
But the research shows that itonly takes one, and the same
(13:17):
applies to our life.
Do we have one person that wecan call text, connect with,
talk to?
So here are three steps.
If you do feel like you'refeeling disconnected and maybe
you don't know what you'redisconnected from, but you feel
it Start with assessing yourself.
Is it loneliness?
If not, then is it that youhaven't taken the time to
(13:42):
connect with yourself?
So step one is just askingyourself do I, you know, feel
lonely or disconnected, and fromwhat?
Number two is taking the timeto reconnect with yourself.
No matter who else you want toconnect with, start with
yourself.
Think about your values.
Do you know them?
(14:02):
Do you need to revisit them?
Think about or make a list ofthings that matter to you.
Are they part of your life?
Are they things that you needto bring back into your life?
What brings you joy?
What fills your cup?
All of these questions I knowthat they sound cliche what do
you enjoy?
What do you like?
I get that, but I don't thinkwe ask ourselves that question
(14:25):
enough and we don't take time todo that.
And then days pass and weekspass and months pass, and then
we feel disconnected.
Relationships take time andnurturing, and we have a
relationship with ourself, whichmeans we need time and
nurturing.
Then the third step is to becomemore intentional about moments
(14:45):
of connection.
So if it's really from yourselfthat you feel disconnected,
then how can you create momentsof connection during your day?
Is it by journaling at somepoint and journaling doesn't
take time.
It doesn't have to.
It could be five minutes, whereyou ask the question what's on
my mind, and you get it out, youput it out there.
Or it could what's on my mindand you get it out, you put it
(15:07):
out there.
Or it could be what's botheringme.
Or it could just be what am Igrateful for Five minutes.
Put a timer.
You don't need to do it longerthan that.
But I know that I've beentalking a lot about feeling
disconnected from yourself, butaccording to the 484 people that
voted on Instagram, 43% feeldisconnected from their partner,
(15:30):
which reminds us that we needto nurture that relationship as
well.
Now, I'm not a relationshipexpert and I don't want to
pretend to be, and I don't knowyour situation either, but are
there opportunities for momentsof connection, rekindling or
reconnecting together?
(15:51):
Sometimes and I've been throughit as well you know it gets
hard as a parent because it'svery easy to disconnect.
There are lots of externalfactors, but if you are feeling
disconnected from your partner,can you talk to them about it?
Can you let them know, can yousay that you want to try to
(16:11):
actively together, find momentsof connection, and that they
don't have to take time.
If one partner is very busy,can you take the initiative of
connecting with them, can youwrite a little post-it, a little
note, and place it somewherethey'll see it in their bag, so
they see it at work, or on theirnight table, or on the third
part of the sink in the bathroomwhere they're a mirror, so that
(16:34):
they can see it in a momentthat just reminds them that you
love them.
And lastly, of course, can youcreate these moments with your
child.
Can you take a small walk, ashort walk, with them?
Can you read an extra book, canyou talk to them about their
day without asking too manyquestions?
Can you share a story from yourchildhood with them?
(16:56):
Find a moment to disconnectfrom everything else but connect
with those who matter All right.
Connect with those who matter,all right.
So I know that at the beginningI said I had to apologize to you
and I do because, like I saidbefore, I've been getting help
with Curious Neuron.
Somebody is writing and sendingout the newsletter, somebody is
(17:20):
helping me create the posts andposting them, showing up in my
stories.
That's me on Instagram, but theother posts, when it's not my
face, it's not me and I had ameeting with my social media
manager when I came back fromItaly and had this sort of
revelation about connection andsaid, okay, you need to do other
things because I need to takethe moment or the time to
(17:44):
reconnect with my audience.
When I started Curastroncomabout seven years ago, I jumped
onto social media.
Maybe a year and a half, twoyears after that and when social
media really grew for me andthis podcast was when I was
really really connecting withthe audience, I was there, I was
(18:06):
with you, I was on in mystories and I was posting and I
was writing the newsletteraccording to the conversations
we were having in my comments onsocial media.
But now it's not me showing upand I was stepping back trying
to guide and orchestrate thebigger picture of Curastaron but
I've lost connection with youand orchestrate the bigger
(18:29):
picture of Curious Neuron.
But I've lost connection withyou and now I will be coming
back and being here more presentso you can reach out to me.
Let me know that you'relistening, let me know what you
enjoy about Curious Neuron, whatyou'd like to see more of.
Send me an email info atcuriousneuroncom.
I want to hear from you.
I will be recording more soloepisodes this summer, but I
(18:49):
still have a lot of interviewsas well.
I'm interviewing a scientistthat studies lying and how to
teach honesty as well, so I'mexcited to share that episode.
In a few weeks.
There's a lot coming up and I'mexcited to reconnect with all
of you and hopefully we can seeeach other and speak to each
other.
(19:09):
By the way, I do mean speak toeach other.
I need to interview 100 parents.
I really do, and if you want tohave a conversation with me and
talk to me about parenting andsome of your challenges, then
send me an email at info atcurastroncom and I will more
than gladly jump on a zoom withyou and have this conversation.
(19:30):
In addition, I'm working reallyhard to launch a community
coming this fall and if this issomething that interests you, it
has everything to do withconnection and everything that
we spoke about.
As I started talking to someparents, I realized that many
parents did feel lonely anddidn't have a community.
(19:51):
Now I know there are lots ofcommunities out there.
I know they exist, I've seenthem.
I feel that we need a communitywhere it's not about learning
there are enough education toolsout there but just the space
where we can talk to others andrealize that we're not alone,
share, you know, struggles thatwe're having, get some guidance
(20:14):
on how to reflect on thesetroubles, and that's what I'm
really good at.
So I want to make sure thatthere's a space that exists for
parents.
So, if you're interested, we'rejust collecting names now so
you can click the link in theshow notes and join the wait
list so that you can receivethat email once the community
(20:35):
opens.
Okay, that's about all my voicecan take.
As you can hear in my voice,it's just been getting a little
bit worse as I'm talking and mythroat keeps getting dry.
I was sick this week and I'vebeen coughing a lot, and now I
have reached my limit of howlong I can talk to you.
I hope you enjoyed this episodeand I'm curious to know if you
(20:58):
agree with me or not.
You can add a comment in theblog post if you want.
That's where we can have theconversation around this and I'm
going to try to write more blogposts.
That's another reason why Iwrote a blog post.
I need to come back to the rootsof Kirsten Ron, which was
nurturing the parent.
Well, actually, no, that's a lie.
The root of Kirsten Ron wasmaking sure your child is okay,
(21:22):
and as I continued with KirstenRon and spoke to many parents, I
realized that parents neededhelp and that if they were not
okay, then their child was notokay, and so I switched my focus
onto parents a little whileback, but it's always been about
you and trying to support you,because there's not a lot out
there and I want to make surethat there's a space for you.
(21:44):
So, my dear friend, I really dohope that you have a beautiful
and wonderful week.
I know that sometimes weeks aredifficult.
I know there are some teacherslistening to this podcast and
you are at the end of the schoolyear and I know that that can
be challenging.
I know that, as parents, thebeginning of the summer can be
challenging knowing how tobalance work and kids being home
(22:06):
, being bored and so I hope thatthis week is a good one for you
.
And, if not, send me an emailinfo at curiousnirongcom.
Let's talk.
Bye everyone.
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