Episode 47 - Overcoming Polarization

If you're disheartened by the deepening polarization in our world, wonder whether we can ever overcome it and where we might even begin, then this conversation is for you! Join me to explore a few practical things we can each do daily to build our individual and collective muscles for what seems like an impossibly heavy lift.

Episode Transcript

Sovaida (00:08):
Hello and welcome to Reimagining Our World, a podcast
dedicated to envisioning abetter world and to infusing
hope that we can make theprincipled choices to build that
world.
If you've ever despaired of thepolarization that exists in our
world and have wondered whetherthere is any way of overcoming

(00:31):
it or any way of healing thedeep divides, then I hope that
today's session will give youmore hope.
And we'll provide you with someideas that you may try to
experiment with in order to healthese deep rifts.
Before I start, I did want tomention that this podcast had

(00:54):
for a while just been availableas a videocast, but it is now
available as an audio podcast onall podcast platforms.
So whether it's Apple podcast orSpotify or pod bean, and so on,
you should be able to access it.
So that's good news.
It makes it easier for thelisteners, you guys, to listen.
And feel free to share the newswith your friends and

(01:17):
colleagues.
All right, let's dive in.
We humans have a funny habit ofidentifying ourselves and other
people, usually by using labels,indicating things like our
color, our race, our ethnic ornational origins.
In some places, folks are morefocused on religious identifiers

(01:41):
or political identifiers.
Where I live, in America,definitely political
polarization and politicallabels are probably the most
egregious of all at the moment.
I know for myself that I'vealways bristled when I find
myself described in certainways.
I remember the first timesomebody said to me,"Oh, you're

(02:04):
a woman of color." And Ithought,"what are they talking
about?" It was so jarring.
I had never thought of myself ashaving any particular color, let
alone being a woman of color asdistinct from something else.
And I started to wonder why isit that I had this reaction and

(02:26):
I realized that generally all ofthese labels are very
superficial and very limitingand what most of us yearn for is
to be seen and heard as humansand these labels tend to
trivialize us.
Our magnificence seems to belost on other human beings and

(02:47):
on ourselves when we self label.
And so, I remember thinking,"Gosh, this is a real scourge
and we need to find a way to getover it." The trouble with
labels is that we end upforgetting our true essence.
We forget that we are allcreated by one Creator
regardless of the name which weattribute to the Creator.

(03:10):
And we're born for the samepurpose.
In other words, I deeply believethat we have a common identity,
whether we acknowledge it ornot, and we're all traveling
along the same road towards acommon destination, a road on
which our main concerns andgoals, regardless of national

(03:31):
origin, race, politicalaffiliation or religious
affiliation.
Our main goals are growth, thedevelopment of our qualities, in
other words, the development ofourselves, our self
understanding, and contribution.
So I think growth andcontribution are the two big
goals that all of us really havein life.

(03:54):
However, the reality is that weare where we are, and if we want
to build a world in which we getrid of this persistent,
corrosive fragmentation andpolarization, then we need to
start by saying, all right,where are we?

(04:15):
We do live in an increasinglypolarized world.
That is the reality.
And we have to begin byaccepting it.
It's only once we've acceptedthat the fabric of our society
has been rudely rent asunder andthat there are deep chasms
between us that are threateningboth the peace and the well

(04:36):
being of our planet, that we candecide,"Okay, if this is not
serving us any longer, whatsteps can we make to heal, to
knit together the social fabric,to heal the divisions, to narrow
the chasms, and to harmonize ourdifferences?" And this is what
I'd like to discuss here withyou today.

(04:59):
Although the goal of healing andknitting together this torn
social fabric can seem like animpossibly heavy lift, let's
face it.
The alternative is trulyuntenable.
It will only lead to everincreasing suffering.
We're already suffering, manypeople in the world are, a lot.

(05:20):
And it will lead toexcruciatingly slow self
destruction.
So our other alternative, whichstrikes me as a better one, is
to work up to this heavy lift bystarting to build some muscles.
So I'd like to offer somethoughts on what these muscles
may be and how we can build themseriatim as we move from muscle

(05:44):
group to muscle group and gainthe necessary strength.
The first muscle is this.
You and I decide that every timewe go somewhere.
We set the intention ofidentifying the people in that
crowd that we don't know, whoseem to be very different from

(06:04):
us, who hold very differentopinions, and people we may even
think we don't particularlylike, and then choose
consciously to seek them out andtalk to them.
I was recently at an event and Iheard a television anchor say
that when he talks to hismentees, he advises them as

(06:26):
journalists to make a list ofthree people in any gathering
that they're going to that theythink they may not like or who
are very different from them andmake a point of going and
talking to them.
And I thought,"Oh, a like mindedspirit.
How delightful.
So I'm not the only one." Thereare others of us out there who
have the same approach.

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And I highly recommend it.
I've used it and it yieldsamazing results, especially as
we undertake the next musclebuilding steps.
So the second step is once we'veidentified and approached these
folks, we engage them in ameaningful conversation.
The goal being to truly learnwho they are, what makes them

(07:11):
tick and to really understand.
We don't need to seek to bepersuaded by them or to persuade
them.
It's just really an act ofactive listening.
So the way I do it that I foundsurprisingly door-opening is to
start by saying to people,"Look,I really don't care to know what

(07:33):
your self appointed labels are.
Because when I look at you, youridentity to me does not consist
of your political affiliation oryour religion.
or your ethnic origins.
I look at you as a human beingand I'm really interested in
getting to know you." And theseare the questions I start with.
I ask them,"What are your hopesand dreams?

(07:55):
What are your fears andanxieties?" And the best one,
the one that gets people andyields actually the most
fruitful results is,"What keepsyou up at night," right?
Because we all have things thatworry us and keep us up all
night.
So, that was the second muscle.
The third muscle is the attitudewe bring to these conversations.

(08:18):
We listen with an attitude ofcuriosity, of non judgment, and
of humility.
With the goal again of seekingto truly understand the other,
even though we may never agreewith them.
And to listen to them as thoughwe really care about them as
another soul, as another humanbeing created by that same

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Creator.
Now, here comes the fourthmuscle, which is actually a
really key one.
As we listen, we need to trainourselves to recognize and
identify those areas of commoninterest, where interests
overlap.
You may have all of theseopinions and interests and

(09:04):
you'll find that there's just atiny sliver of overlap.
That's what we want to getreally good at identifying, and
ferreting out, and highlightingthose in the course of the
conversation.
Once we've recognized them,really say,"Ah! Here's a
nugget.!" And then highlight it.
That then takes us to the fifthmuscle, which is employing the

(09:28):
skill of consultation, trueconsultation.
We talked about this.
We spent a whole sessiondiscussing what we mean by
consultation.
It has very specific featuresand steps.
I invite you to go back toepisode 19 of the Reimagining
Our World series.
I'm not going to go over itagain, but to employ that skill

(09:51):
of consultation in order toidentify a path of common
service.
In other words, say to thisperson you're talking to.
"Oh, wow! Look! We have thisarea of common interest.
What can we do to act togetherin solidarity, standing shoulder
to address this common concern,to solve this problem and so

(10:13):
on?" And it's miraculous whathappens when you do that.
The first thing that happens isthat just employing the skill of
consultation reminds us thattruth is single and indivisible.
It merely has various facets.
And when we look at this gem oftruth, whatever the topic is

(10:34):
that we're seeking truth about,we see things from our
perspective.
So I may look at the gem and seered.
You may look at the gem and,from the angle you're looking at
it, you may see it as blue.
Another may see it as yellow.
We could argue with each otherand maintain that each of us is
right, in which case all of uswould be wrong.

(10:54):
Because the truth is, it is allthose things.
Or we could enhance ourcollective understanding, arrive
at truth and seek solutions tocommon problems by sharing our
various perspectives.
That's the first magical thingthat happens.
The second thing that happens isthat we actually end up

(11:16):
identifying areas of commonservice.
And let me give you an example,actually, as I think about it.
During COVID in our building--we live in an apartment
building-- a group of peoplerecognized that the elderly had
trouble getting out.
They were more at risk and theyneeded access to food.

(11:37):
So a few people got together andidentified this as a common
concern and a problem to besolved and decided that they
would reach out to these elderlywho were trapped in their
apartments and ask them whatthey needed and then they would
go out to the stores and get thegoods and deliver them outside
their doors.

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Now.
That was a perfect example.
Democrats, Republicans, black,white, brown of different
religious persuasions justdidn't come into it, because the
goal was to focus on this areaof common interest that
benefited all.
The truth about this approachalso is that This begins the

(12:18):
work of knitting social fabric,and it starts at the local
level.
It's not as spectacular as doingsomething at the global level,
or so we think, but it'sactually far more effective,
because we start to knit therent pieces of our social fabric
at the local level.
It's work that's done away fromgazing eyes, and we're not going

(12:42):
to see the effect of it until weget the social fabric built up
all around the world in bits andpieces.
And one day we're going to wakeup and recognize,"Wow, it's It's
done, or we're quite a waysalong the path." This brings me
to an analogy that I love touse, which is that of the

(13:02):
transformation that occurs whenthe caterpillar cocoons itself
and the butterfly starts to formwithin it.
What happens is that thesehidden groups of cells within
the caterpillar called imaginaldiscs start to multiply rapidly,
and as they multiply, each ofthem is correlated with a part

(13:23):
of the butterfly that is toemerge.
We don't see all of that.
It's going on inside the cocoon,where there's also a tremendous
process of disintegrationhappening, as the caterpillar
basically destroys itself.
And it is only when thebutterfly's fully formed and the
parts have come together andit's willing to emerge that it
breaks out of the cocoon.

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And that's when we finally seewhat's been going on.
I firmly believe that is what ishappening in our world right
now.
On the one hand, we have all thechaos and destruction.
And on the other hand, we'reseeing signs of this
rehabilitation of humanity atthe grassroots level in
localities all around the worldby groups of people who are the

(14:07):
well wishers of humanity,standing shoulder to shoulder in
solidarity to solve issues oflocal and tremendous concern and
then slowly growing from thatand expanding their purview.
Okay, the sixth muscle, and thisis honestly where the magic
begins to happen.

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As we engage in in commonservice with each other,
accompanying each other andstanding in solidarity together,
we find that we start to buildbonds of friendship, trust, and
love across these supposeddivides.
This is what is required to takeus to the next step, because

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once this trust has beenestablished and a feeling of
safety, a feeling of, wow, I'mnot being judged, people are
really interested in getting toknow me, they see me, they value
me, and they want the best forme, and they've been working
with me to help solve issues ofcommon concern.
Once that feeling of safety andtrust evolves, then we can

(15:14):
slowly branch out and starttackling the more difficult
issues, the things on which weare divided.
And what's fascinating aboutthis process, having done it a
few times myself, is that thethings that seems so existential
and so threatening, thepositions that we entrenched

(15:35):
ourselves in and didn't let goof, all of a sudden, feel like,
"You know what?
Maybe they're not thatexistential.
Maybe we can work together, do alittle bit of give and take and
figure out a way or maybe find acompletely new perspective that
none of us has thought ofbefore." And maybe that's the
thing that serves all of us andthat we really want, but it's

(15:59):
only when we let go of thesefeelings of fear and
entrenchment and polarizationthat we have any prayer of
arriving there.
Now, the other thing thathappens once we build trust is
that as we continue to employthis technique of consultation
that we talked about in episode19, and as we become more open

(16:21):
and more authentic in sharingour views and our thoughts and
our opinions, we start to spotthe hidden assumptions driving
many of these opinions.
The hidden assumptions withinourselves and in others.
These assumptions are there forall of us, and they're like the
operating system that drives thecomputer.
We use our computers blissfullyunaware of the code that was

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written to drive them, right?
And the code that exists, thepatterns of thinking that are
latent within us, that havebecome so automatic that we
don't recognize that they'reeven there, they are what lead
us to these assumptions uponwhich we then base a lot of our

(17:05):
opinions and from which arespawned our strongly held
opinions that lead to actionsand behaviors.
So as we uncover these hiddenassumptions--which is another
muscle that we need to developto learn how to uncover these
assumptions-- we can raise themto the surface and continue to

(17:25):
consult about them.
And as these hidden assumptionsare reconsidered and maybe
tweaked or discarded orreplaced, we then can move on to
finding solutions in these evergrowing areas of difference.
For those of you who think thismay not be possible, I just want
to give you an example.

(17:46):
After the Second World War inWestern Europe, there was a
gentleman by the name of JeanMonnet, who came up with this
amazing idea that essentiallyled to peace in Europe, the
peace that in Western Europe westill enjoy.
What he recognized was that allthe countries of Europe were so

(18:07):
decimated after the Second WorldWar that they all needed access
to coal and steel in order torebuild, and yet there had
always been this fight between,especially, the Germans and the
French over access to coalreserves that were needed in
order to fire the furnaces inwhich steel was made.
So Jean Monnet thought,"Well,gosh.

(18:30):
We're at an impasse.
We need to figure out a way forall nations to get equitable
access to coal and steel." Sothis was the problem they were
trying to solve.
They'd fought many wars overaccess to the coal, and people
were worried that Germany wouldthen start a third world war.
They didn't want to give herfull access to her coal reserves

(18:52):
and allow her to build all thesteel and then potentially
create weapons of destruction tostart a third world war.
So Jean Monnet had the brilliantidea of pulling these resources
--coal and steel-- in the handsof a supranational organization.
Now this was the solution thatwas arrived at, and he managed

(19:12):
to get on board a key group ofpeople, and it was able to raise
their consciousness andchallenge their hidden
assumptions that they couldn'tcollaborate with each other,
that they would forever have tobe in competition with each
other, that they would foreverbe at war with each other,
which, by the way, was thelanguage in the literature used

(19:33):
between Germans and the Frenchuntil the Second World War: We
hate each other.
We drink our hatred with ourmother's milk.
Does it sound familiar?
We hear this in other parts ofthe world too today, and we
think that these conflicts areintractable.
But they're not as we've seen inEurope.
And so he was able to do thatand to raise their consciousness

(19:54):
to recognition that they wereinterdependent enough, and had
what he called a fusion ofinterests, and that they needed
to focus on advancing thatfusion of interests.
And so out of it came theEuropean Coal and Steel
Community.
There are episodes on it in thisseries.
I suggest you go back and listento them.
I describe all of this in greatdetail, but the point I'm trying

(20:18):
to make here is that for thosewho are naysayers, we've done
this before.
It is possible.
So let's not sell ourselves abill of goods by saying,"Oh,
this is idealistic orimpossible." As somebody put it
so aptly,"The idealism of todayis the realism of tomorrow." We
start with a vision and beliefin it and conviction and work

(20:40):
towards it.
And then it becomes reality.
But without a vision, we perish.
Some of us may be fearful thatonce we arrive at a solution,
it's then set in stone and oh,gosh, what if it doesn't work
out?
Well, we don't have to fear,because we can get into building
this muscle of consulting, thenacting on it, and then

(21:02):
periodically reflecting on howwell it's going so that we can
make the necessary tweaks andadjustments.
We may need to just throw outthis approach that we came up
with, or the solution, and tryagain, go back to the drawing
board, or we can tweak it,modify it, or replace it with
something else.
The final comment I want to makeis to share with you a story

(21:25):
that I read in the New YorkTimes that I found quite
inspiring.
And I'm trying to see what thedate was.
It was in September of 2023.
It's called,"In an Israelioasis, a model for peace, if
messy and imperfect." What Ifound very exciting about this
was that it essentially is abouta group of 70 Arab and Jewish

(21:49):
families, all citizens ofIsrael, who came together and
basically asked a monastery togive them a piece of land so
they could form a village calledthe Oasis of Peace.
The idea was, this was going tobe an experiment to see whether
it was possible to have folksfrom these two backgrounds come

(22:11):
together and actually live inpeace.
And long story short, it wasincredibly successful.
Of course, they have theirchallenges, but because they had
built the muscles of trust andfriendship over the years, they
were able to negotiate,sometimes painfully, the
obstacles that arose.

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And the most important thingthat to me spoke of the success
of this project is that some ofthe kids who grew up there and
then left the village to go andmake their way in the world
discovered that life in the restof the world was not as

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satisfying and did not yieldthat sense of peace and security
and comfort that they had backhome.
And so they returned to thislittle oasis of peace.
I find that a very uplifting,inspiring story.
And I do wish that the mediawould pick up more on these

(23:13):
kinds of stories and highlightthem, as opposed to focusing
incessantly on sensationalizingthe bad news, which is, of
course, what sells, gets themthe ad dollars, and that's how
they make their money.
Not to mention that there arecertain political invested
interests involved.
But we, as the grassroots, we,the people need to get smarter

(23:38):
and start looking for evidenceof these processes of knitting
and weaving together healthycommunities at the grassroots
level, because one day we'regoing to wake up and see that,
"Wow! Society is getting closerto the kind of place we wish it
to be, the place that we want itto be, and to have the kind of

(24:00):
world that we deserve to have."Alright.
I see there are some comments,no questions.
I'll leave it at that.
Again, thank you so much forjoining me.
I look forward to seeing you innot too long from now.
There may be another episodetowards the end of February, so

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I'll see you then.
And remember, we're nowavailable on audio podcast as
well.
Take care.
Bye bye.
That's all for this episode ofReimagining Our World.
I'll see you back here nextmonth.
If you liked this episode,please help us to get the word
out by rating us and subscribingto the program on your favorite

(24:44):
podcast platform.
This series is also available invideo on the YouTube channel of
the Center for Peace and GlobalGovernance, CPGG.