ROW Episode 39

In this episode we explore some secrets to actualizing our potential, achieving success, and living a fulfilling and happy life.

Episode Transcript

Sovaida (00:08):
Hello and welcome to Reimagining Our World, a podcast
dedicated to envisioning abetter world and to infusing
hope that we can make theprincipled choices to build that
world.
In this episode, we explore somesecrets to actualizing our
potential, achieving success,and living a fulfilling and

(00:32):
happy life.
I recently attended aconference, a bunch of wonderful
folks from around the world whogot together to figure out how
they could make their work moremeaningful in the workplace and
how they could basically upliftthemselves and make the working
place a place more conducive togrowth and to happiness.
One of the things that struck mewas that so many folks have

(00:56):
achieved success.
They're at the top of theircareers, have the lifestyle
they've always wanted, thehouse, the cars, the vacation
the clothes, the jewelry, thestatus, the power, the
influence, and yet findthemselves surprisingly
unfulfilled and unhappy.
The question that I got a lot atthis conference when I talked

(01:17):
one on one with people was,"People view me as a success.
Then why do I feel so unhappyand unfulfilled?" I've been
pondering this question a lot,reimagining a world in which we
actually got some answers tothis question and we're able to
pull ourselves out of this mire,because it's a very unpleasant

(01:39):
way to live life.
And here's what I discovered.
What often underlies thesefeelings is actually a set of
beliefs that operate in thebackground of our lives.
It's sort of like, the way theoperating system of a computer
works, driving our choices andbehaviors in a way that

(02:01):
interferes with the authenticexpression of who we are.
So today I thought I wouldpropose a couple of shifts in
perspective that can free us upto live the lives that not only
meet some of the externalindicia of success, but also to

(02:23):
live lives of meaning in whichwe're liberated from the scourge
of comparing ourselves withothers and competing with them.
Here's a new perspective.
Imagine what would happen andhow different our human
experience, both individual andsocietal, would be if we were to
believe that we are each bornwith a pre ordained or factory

(02:48):
installed distinctive capacityor potential that is unique to
us, and that our job in thislife is merely to exercise the
gift of free will, that we talkabout as volition, to actualize
as much of this potential as wecan.

(03:09):
In other words, here's a formulathat I propose that if I take my
factory installed uniquepotential and I add to it my
volition to actualize thatpotential, it will lead to true
success, fulfillment, in otherwords a sense of meaning, and

(03:30):
lasting happiness.
Wow, that's an amazing package.
Let's see if we can convinceourselves that this is actually
the path down which we shouldall go.
Let's start by asking ourselves,What do we mean by preordained
measure or factory installeddistinctive capacity?

(03:50):
It is actually a combination ofstrengths and weaknesses--it's
actually pretty simple-- ofcapacities and limitations that
is unique to each of us.
Now, you and I know that earlyon in each of our lives, it
quickly becomes clear that eachof us has certain strengths and

(04:11):
certain weaknesses.
When I think back over my ownchildhood, I knew very early on
that I had a gift for languageand languages and music, yet I
was very poor at sports and Iwas okay at maths but I wasn't
stellar.
And then you start to noticethat even within one family,

(04:31):
different siblings raised by thesame parents, in the same
climate, eating the same food,subject to basically the same
influences, have differentdistinctive capacities.
It becomes apparent veryquickly.
So we conclude that the measureof our individual capacities
varies, it differs.

(04:53):
This difference in capacity is,however, neither good nor bad.
It just is.
We just have to recognize andaccept it.
And it's reflects a differencein degree.
Most importantly, everyone has aset of distinctive capacities.
No one is deprived of them.

(05:15):
So all of us are born withsomething special to offer this
world.
Now let's unpack the idea of ourpreordained or factory installed
distinctive capacities some moreand try to understand our
responsibility in relation toour capacity.
I want to share with you ananalogy that I find very helpful

(05:39):
in understanding this concept,and that is to think of life as
something in which you and I, weare the weavers of a tapestry,
which is our life.
When we're born, we're given theloom, and we're each provided a
set of threads.
These are things over which wehave no control.

(06:00):
This is part of the factoryinstalled, right?
We come with these things.
They're provided to us.
Some of us arrive with silkenthread.
Some of us are given wool.
Some are brightly colored.
Some are dull.
Textures are different, and soon.
In other words, we don'tdetermine the conditions in

which we're born (06:21):
time, place society, parents, wealth,
poverty, our skin color, ourgender, our religion, right?
These are all givens when wecome into this world.
They're preset.
But what we can control, andwhat we do have responsibility
for, is the design that weweave.

(06:42):
So this is where we haveresponsibility.
Now what if, in addition, wecame to understand that what
matters is not the size, or thecapacity that we have, the size
of our receptacle, so to speak,but how much of it we fill.

(07:03):
In other words, how much effortwe put in, in relation to the
capacity we have.
Here's a way to think aboutthis.
I may arrive in this world withthe capacity in a certain sphere
of a teaspoonful.
You on the other hand may havethe capacity of a bucket, or a
bathtub, or a river.

(07:24):
Let's go with the bathtub forthe purposes of this example.
Now, what matters is not thesize of my receptical as
compared with the size of yourrecepticle.
What matters is how much of whatI've got I actually fill up.
If I, with the capacity of ateaspoon full, am able to fill

(07:46):
it, and you with the capacity ofthe bathtub can only fill half
of it, the question is which oneof us has done better?
Now you could argue that yourhalf a bathtub contains
thousands of teaspoons andtherefore you in comparison to
me in terms of our achievementhave achieved a lot more and yet

(08:09):
you've only filled half of yourpotential, half of your
receptacle, whereas I havefilled a hundred percent.
What does this lead us tounderstand?
It leads us to understand hownonsensical it is to engage in
this whole business of comparingourselves with each other.

(08:30):
All we should be trying to befocused on in life is doing our
very best to fulfill as much ofour preordained potential as
possible, without regard to whatanyone around us is doing.
So we measure ourselves, notagainst each other, but against
our own individual potential.

(08:51):
Now, when we come to thisperspective, we suddenly feel
extremely liberated and light.
I know when I work with mycoaching clients, when we get to
this point, there's such a senseof palpable relief because this
pressure that's been buildinginside us like a pressure cooker

(09:11):
that is imposed on us by theexpectations of our family and
our friends and society, whetherthose expectations are real or
whether they're in our heads,they really squelches our
ability to be ourself, ourauthentic and highest self.
And now we're liberated fromthese scourges of comparison and

(09:34):
competition.
These two, comparison andcompetition, are destructive not
only to our spirit, but to ourcharacters.
Because, think about it, whenyou engage in comparison with
another human being, no matterwhat you conclude, it's not good
for you.
Let's say you compare yourselfwith X and you decide,"You know

(09:54):
what?
I'm doing pretty well comparedwith X." Now you're feeling a
little superior and itencourages a sense of hubris and
arrogance in you, which isdefinitely not good.
On the other hand, if youcompare yourself with X and you
think,"Actually, you know what?
They're so much better than Iam.
I'm not doing so well." Then youstart to feel inferior and that

(10:18):
has its own problems because itde energizes you.
Right when you need to strive,to up your game and better
yourself, you find yourselfparalyzed and feeling sorry for
yourself and feeling lethargicand apathetic.
It interferes with your life'swork, which is fulfilling the

(10:39):
preordained measure of yourpotential.
Now, one of the great benefitsof adopting this perspective of
having a factory installed setof distinctive capacities is
that it liberates us also toredefine the idea of success.
I see a lot of people talkingabout, What is success and how

(11:03):
should we define success?
One of the things that occurs tome is that rather than defining
success in absolute terms, whichis what we do in this world,
against absolute standards, westart to understand that success
can best be defined in relativeterms.
In other words, relative to thecapacities that we have, which

(11:24):
we already concluded aredifferent.
Let's look at a real lifeexample to illustrate this and
bring this idea to life.
Let's say there are two studentsof the same age going to high
school.
They're in the same class.
Let's say for purposes of thisexample, Maria is one.
She comes from a poor family.

(11:45):
She lives in a small abode whereshe and her seven siblings are
crowded into a single bedroom atnight.
They don't have much food toeat.
She often has to content herselfwith a piece of bread and yogurt
before bed.
I'm painting a picture here.
And because let's say she's theeldest of seven siblings, she
has to help her mother raise hersiblings and contribute to the

(12:09):
chores and household work.
So she has to get up at thecrack of dawn to help with a lot
of things.
And because she's sharing a roomwith all these siblings and they
can't afford electricity, shecan't stay up into all hours of
the night studying.
Now let's compare her to Abe,who is the same age but is an
only child from a wealthyhousehold.

(12:31):
You see where I'm going withthis.
He gets plenty of good food,lots of snacks.
He enjoys his own room.
He can come and go as hepleases.
He can stay up late to study.
It's quiet.
He's not distracted by all thesesiblings running around.
He doesn't have to get up tohelp with the chores.
There's a maid who helps him athome, and now we get to exam

(12:52):
time.
Maria and Abe are in the sameclass, and while Maria gets a B,
Abe gets an A, and everyonethinks, Gosh, Abe is such a
stellar, bright student," and weshould therefore give Abe the
award.
But wait a minute.
If we pause to think, thequestion that comes to my mind

(13:12):
is, Isn't the fact that Mariawas able to get a B in the face
of all the odds stacked againsther, isn't that act more
meritorious than Abe'sachievement of an A?
So much of our modern day lifeis driven by us gauging
ourselves against these randomabsolute standards that we set.

(13:35):
We judge each other and worse ofall, we judge ourselves by
standards like, How much moneyis he or she making?
Oh, she's making a hundred andfifty thousand dollars or pounds
or euros a year and I'm onlyearning 50,000, so now I get to
feel badly about myself.
Or they live in a very swankyneighborhood and I live in a

(13:57):
less swanky one.
And on and on.
All these absolute standardsagainst which we gauge ourselves
and then use them as bludgeonsto whip ourselves.
Adopting this new perspectivethat the conditions we are born
into or certain conditions arereally irrelevant; it's what we
do with them that counts.

(14:19):
That just liberates uscompletely to re conceptualize
and reframe and redefine ourideas of success.
If we were to operationalizethis idea of let's take our
factory installed distinctivecapacities and potential, where
do we need to begin?
Obviously the first step is tofigure out what those

(14:43):
distinctive capacities are andour limitations.
We have to know what are mystrengths?
What are my limitations?
There's a wonderful methodologythat has been proposed by a
wonderful gentleman by the nameof Dan Sullivan.
He's an amazing guy in the fieldof ideas and a strategic coach.
He has concluded that there'reessentially four criteria for

(15:06):
assessing our distinctivecapabilities.
The first is that this abilitythat you have or capability is a
superior one.
It's one that people around youspot immediately and they value
it.
It also comes so naturally toyou that you miss seeing it in
yourself.

(15:27):
And it's easy to fall into thetrap of thinking"Gosh.
This comes so naturally to me.
It's so easy.
Anyone can do it.
This isn't special." The secondcriterion is that you're really
passionate about engaging thiscapacity of yours.
You want to spend as much ofyour time as you can in it.
In fact, you never get tired ofit.

(15:48):
You are truly passionate.
I repeat this because you're notjust really good at something.
You're not just even excellentat it, but you're passionate
about doing things.
There are certain things thatwe're all really good at, we're
even excellent at, and I think alot of you will be able to
relate to this in the sphere ofyour work or your.
Probably spending most of yourdays doing things you're very

(16:10):
good at doing, but are reallynot passionate about.
So that second criterion isreally important.
The third is that as you engagein this distinctive capacity, it
fills you with positive energy,and you also energize those
around you.
And the fourth criterion is thatas you continuously and steadily

(16:33):
engage and hone this capacity,you keep improving on it.
There's an endless amount ofpossibilities for growth.
So you don't get to the end ofthe road and think,"Okay.
I've done this for 20 years.
I'm really done with thiscapability.
Time to move on." It alwaysconduces to your growth and you
can always improve it.
Now, key point is that all fourof these criteria must be

(16:58):
present for this to count as adistinctive capacity.
The beauty of identifying eachof us for ourselves, what these
factory installed distinctivecapacities are, is that the more
of our life we spend engageddoing these activities and
engaging these set of gifts andtalents and strengths and

(17:19):
capacities, the more our livestake shape.
And as we chisel away the partsthat we're weak at in life,
where our limitations are, whereweaknesses are, we see the shape
of our lives emerge, the shapeof our authentic selves, the
people we were really meant tobe.
It brings to mind a quote fromthe famous Michelangelo in which

(17:42):
he says"As the marble wastes,the statue grows." So right,
you're chiseling away at thisblock, which is yourself.
And as you chisel away, yourtrue self starts to take shape.
So we've now identified what ourdistinctive capacities are using
these four criteria.
Once we've identified them,we've also been given the gift

(18:04):
of free will, which we can thenutilize and harness to
operationalize these distinctivecapabilities and use them in
order to uplift and better thecondition of the world around
us.
The thing that is always goingto get in our way, it's a trap
that we all have to be wary of,is the trap of fear.

(18:27):
Fear is merely, as we all know,a mental construct that can
paralyze us by imposing falselimitations.
It takes courage and willpowerto act despite the fear.
We all know that famous saying,"Feel the fear and do it anyway.
This is what we need to do.
The next thing, and really thelast thought I wanted to offer,

(18:50):
is that one of the concretemethods of bringing free will to
bear and applying it to ourdistinctive capacities in order
to apply them in this world isto set goals.
So the method is activating ourwill and volition by setting
goals.

(19:10):
I want to share with you some ofthe benefits of goal setting.
There are really many.
There's a plethora of them.
Goals are tools that help usactualize our potential.
They keep us focused.
They help us to maintain ourexcitement and enthusiasm about
fulfilling our potential inlife.
So they help to motivate us.

(19:33):
They help to keep us fulfilledand happy, because we can mark
each milestone along the way onthis path of success, this never
ending success and improvement.
They help to give meaning to ourlife.
We wake up each morning knowingexactly what we're going to do
and why we're doing what we'redoing to actualize our potential

(19:53):
in service to this world.
They help us to be in control ofour mind and our life.
It's our mind that causes mostof the difficulty with the
negative programming andthoughts we have, with all the
negative narratives that we tellourselves.
Now here's one of thefascinating things about goals.
Goals require commitment.

(20:15):
You can't have a goal and thennot commit to achieving it,
because then why bother with thegoal?
This commitment has power in it.
It has magic in it.
It serves as a magnet that drawsthe people, the opportunities,
the ideas, and the things youneed to actualize the goal.
It's actually quite amazing.

(20:36):
I'm moved to share a shortanecdote with you here.
Years ago, I was unemployed as alawyer for a period of time and
I got down to almost my lastpenny and needed to be able to
pay rent the following month andwas wondering where the money
was going to come from.

(20:57):
I went to bed on a Friday nightand I made a commitment to
myself.
I didn't tell anyone about it.
I lived alone.
I said, Okay, I'm going to openmy law practice.
And I've got to do thisimmediately.
And I set that intention outinto the world.
I wasn't thinking about it asI'm putting this intention out
into the world.
I just did.

(21:17):
I made a commitment and it was afirm one.
Next morning, Saturday, thephone rings, early, and I used
to like to sleep in on Saturdaymornings, so I was a little
annoyed.
And this gentleman's on thephone, and he says,"I'm sorry,
are you Sovaida Maani?
We met a few years ago at aparty.
You gave me your card.
If I recall correctly, you're alawyer.

(21:39):
Do you still do law?" I said,"Yes." He said,"Can you draft a
contract for me?
I'm desperate.
I need someone to draft acontract in a particular field.
And can you do it for me?" And Isaid,"Absolutely." And he said,
"But there's a problem here.
I need it today." So thatafternoon, there he was sat on

(22:01):
my living room sofa and handedme a check that covered my next
month's rent.
So there you have the power ofcommitment.
The magic and power of drawingas a magnet the people, ideas,
opportunities you need toactualize your goals.

(22:22):
I really wanted to hammer thispoint home.
Goals help us move forward inlife.
They make life more enjoyable.
They keep us balanced.
It's sort of like riding a bike.
As long as you keep settinggoals and keep achieving them,
no matter how small, as long asyou keep up the momentum, you're
upright on your bike.
As soon as you stop, you falloff and then it's very hard to

(22:42):
start again.
Now, the final cherry on thecake when it comes to goals is
that as we work towardsfulfilling our goals, we
discover that we have to eitherhone certain qualities of
character that we already haveor develop new ones that we've
never had a chance to developbut desperately need.

(23:05):
What am I talking about?
Things like perseverance andpatience and confidence and
resourcefulness and intelligenceand creativity and organization
etc.
If you believe, as I do, thatone of the key purposes of our
life is to become a betterperson and to do this by
developing your qualities ofcharacter, then applying our

(23:30):
distinctive capacities throughgoal setting, leads us to not
only success, but fulfillmentand meaning because we're
achieving our life's purpose andfreedom from comparison and
competition.
Wow, we have quite a bang forour buck.
As Jim Rohn the famous Americanauthor, motivational speaker,

(23:54):
and businessman, entrepreneursaid, Really, life is about what
you become, not what you do.
It's not what you do, but whoyou become." So as we go about
our daily work, if we wereconstantly to keep this in the
forefront of our minds, Is itreally about whether I got this
promotion or not?

(24:14):
Is it about whether I got towork on the juiciest project or
not?
Is it that I'm getting paid10,000 less than somebody else?
Is it worth me getting somiserable about these things?"
Is perhaps a bigger question toask myself, who am I becoming as
I do this job?
As opposed to what is my newlabel and status and all the

(24:38):
perks that come with it.
To recap, the formula forattaining a fulfilling,
successful, and joyous life isto identify our distinctive
factory installed potential,with which we're all born, add

(24:59):
to it a good dose of volition,in other words, operationalizing
our distinctive potential andtrying to actualize it in
service of bettering the world.
And then we will reap all therewards we want, true success,
lasting happiness, joy as we goon our journey, and a deep sense

(25:21):
of fulfillment.
All right, I hope that you havefound this useful.
I certainly enjoyed preparingthe materials to share with you.
And I look forward to seeing younext month.
Please share in the comments.
Let's have a conversation.
There might be things that havestirred some ideas in you, or

(25:41):
you have reactions or comments.
Please feel free.
All right.
I look forward to seeing younext month.
Bye bye.
That's all for this episode ofReimagining Our World.
I'll see you back here nextmonth.
If you liked this episode,please help us to get the word
out by rating us and subscribingto the program on your favorite

(26:02):
podcast platform.
This series is also available invideo on the YouTube channel of
the Center for Peace and GlobalGovernance, CPGG.