January 11, 2024 • 10 mins
What happens when reinvention leads to loss? And how do you deal with it?
I'm Julie Basello and this episode is a raw look at reinvention through the lens of loss, a theme too many of us are intimately familiar with. Whether it's the heartache of divorce, the grief of losing a loved one, or the shock of a sudden job loss, these life-altering events can catapult us into the whirlwind of change. We discuss how these involuntary transformations, while incredibly tough, can lead to profound growth and an unexpected new path. And we also discuss the people we lose during these types of transformations.
As we navigate the tides of transformation, we also shed light on the relational shifts that often accompany personal metamorphosis. It's a complex dance of evolving identities where friendships and partnerships may either evolve or dissolve. This episode peels back the layers of why these changes occur and how to journey through them. Join us as we share not just the inspiring tales, but the messy, gut-wrenching ones too, offering a beacon of hope for anyone holding on through their own storm of change.
To contact Julie Basello email juliebasello@gmail.com or visit http://www.juliebasello.com
Mark as Played
Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Julie Basello (00:03):
Have you ever wanted to start over, to
reinvent yourself?
Reinvention is something we alldo at some point in our lives.
Sometimes it's simple,sometimes it's complicated, but
it's often necessary to lead afulfilling life, and it's always
interesting.
I'm your host, julie Bicello.
Join me for some inspiration asI share reinvention stories,
(00:24):
tips and tricks from real peoplejust like you.
Let's explore reinventionadventures together.
Hey, it's Julie.
Welcome to another episode ofReinvention Adventures, the
podcast where we explore theincredible journeys of
individuals who have embarked onthe path of self-discovery and
transformation.
Your reinvention could be apersonal one or a professional
(00:45):
one.
Either way, you're in the rightplace.
In between interviews thatshare reinvention stories, I
include episodes that focus onreinvention tips, and these are
episodes that focus on differentthings that may be a factor in
a reinvention journey.
When it comes to reinvention,there are a lot of layers, and
it's helpful to really look atthe might-happens and the
what-ifs before the process andalso as you go through the
(01:06):
process Before we begin.
This podcast episode issponsored by Bicello Media.
Bicello Media is my contentcreation company that supports
small businesses with theircontent needs.
Websites, social media,podcasting all require content,
and Bicello Media can help yoursmall business navigate the
process.
We also edit and producepodcasts for small businesses.
If you find yourself short oncontent or want to reinvent
(01:29):
yourself with a new podcast foryour brand, let's talk.
For more information, visitjuliebicellocom.
And now let's dive into thisepisode's topic in our
reinvention toolkit.
That topic is navigating losson the reinvention journey.
I like to think of reinventionas a happy and inspired choice,
but before you and I exploreloss during reinvention journeys
(01:49):
, it's important to note thatevery reinvention journey is not
a happy, positive and inspiringchoice.
Some journeys are forced uponus.
Things like divorce, death ofsomeone close to you or being
fired at work are all examplesof life circumstances that force
us into a life that looksdifferent and is filled with
changes.
Every reinvention journey isgoing to involve tons of change,
(02:11):
but when you aren't activelychoosing a reinvention, you may
mentally approach most of thosechanges like a toddler, kicking
and screaming on the floorbecause you didn't get the toy
you wanted.
Of course, I speak for myselfthere, but hey, if you are
listening to this, you may be akindred spirit who understands
exactly what I mean.
When the journey is somethingyou really have to navigate
because there is no other option, it makes things a little more
(02:33):
challenging.
Impossible no, nothing reallyever is impossible.
Inspiring?
Not really, at least not whileyou're in it.
But the only way out is throughin these instances, and if the
only way out is through, thereare going to be difficult
moments and ones where you'restruggling.
Before I actually approach thisepisode's topic, I did want to
(02:54):
be clear that what I'mdiscussing with you today about
loss is not just for thoseinspirational reinvention
adventures.
It's also for those messy,harrowing and gut-wrenching ones
too, where you're hanging onfor dear life as you navigate
through a set of crazy, insanecircumstances.
As you navigate your path ofreinvention, it's not uncommon
to experience a shift in yourrelationships.
This shift can manifest itselfin various ways, from growing
(03:16):
apart from friends toexperiencing the end of
significant relationships, andeven in the best-case scenario
of a reinvention journey, you'regoing to lose people.
Why do you think that is?
I, of course, have my theorieson this.
Let's explore why this happensand how to navigate this aspect
of the ReInvention journey.
One of the first reasons Ithink of as to why this happens
is when you have a change inalignment based on having new
(03:38):
perspectives on things.
It creates some distancebetween you and the others who
have been in your life.
At its very core, reinventionis not just about becoming a
better version of yourself.
It's about embracing change,and when you decide to reinvent
yourself, you're essentiallyembarking on a journey of
self-discovery and growth, andthis journey often involves
reflecting on your values, yourbeliefs, your goals, and
(04:00):
sometimes you start to realizethat the people around you may
not align with your newperspectives, priorities, change
and factors that once made arelationship strong and
connected may no longer bepresent.
Sometimes that means letting goof people or relationships that
no longer align with yournewfound path.
It can be difficult and it canbe sad, but sometimes life
events are difficult and sad,and ReInvention is no exception.
(04:22):
When you undergo a ReInvention,you often gain clarity about
your true self and what mattersmost to you.
This can result in areevaluation of your
relationships, and sometimes youstart to realize that certain
connections are no longerserving you, or at least not
serving you positively orsupporting your new direction.
By the same token, you and yournew self may not productively
serve others as you may have inthe past.
(04:42):
This isn't a one-way street.
After all, there are somecommon signs that a relationship
may not be aligning with yourReInvention journey.
One-way signs is a growingdisconnect with the person or
people involved.
Your conversations may becomeless engaging or meaningful and
you might notice that yourinterests and priorities no
longer overlap.
Additionally, if you feeljudged, unsupported or
criticized for your new path,those are all signs that the
(05:04):
relationship is struggling toadapt to your transformation.
The best way to handlerelationship shifts during a
ReInvention journey is to focuson communication.
Communication is key in justabout every aspect of life, so,
of course, it's key in thisinstance as well.
It's important to have open andhonest conversations with those
involved, expressing yourfeelings and explaining the
changes you're experiencing.
However, it's also crucial tounderstand that not everyone
(05:27):
will understand or support yourtransformation, and that's okay.
It's unfortunate when thishappens, especially when you
really care about someone, butlife is a journey and it's
filled with changes, and thosechanges need to be navigated.
It's also important to surroundyourself with individuals who
lift you up and encourage yourgrowth.
So what's the best way tonavigate this when it happens?
I think you have to remindyourself that your journey of
(05:48):
ReInvention is really personaland valid, and if you surround
yourself with a support networkof people that understand and
encourage your growth.
That will be a positive thing.
Focus on nurturingrelationships that align with
your new values and goals andgive yourself permission to let
go of those that no longer serveyour path or whose path you no
longer serve.
It doesn't have to be a bigblow up or anything dramatic.
(06:08):
Sometimes you and the otherperson will quietly disconnect.
The journey of ReInvention canbe challenging.
Be kind to yourself throughoutthe process when it's a messy,
difficult ReInvention.
There are a lot of emotionsinvolved that make it really
difficult to navigate.
One example of a ReInventioncircumstance filled with emotion
is divorce.
I do know some people who haveamicably divorced a partner and
(06:31):
coexisted and co-parentedsuccessfully.
I don't know many people whohave done that, though.
Most of the people I know whoare divorced carry some negative
emotions around therelationship they had with their
former partner.
They work through them, but ittakes time and it takes doing
the work, and there are manyfacets to be worked through.
In addition to all the emotionalhavoc of a divorce or a
significant breakup, what isalso difficult to navigate is
(06:53):
losing some of the otherrelationships that existed while
the union existed.
Sometimes choices have to bemade that are difficult ones to
make.
You can love your ex-partner'sfamily, yet still choose to
separate yourself, and it isn'ta choice that is made just for
you, even though you may beviewed as selfish.
When you try to maintain arelationship with someone who is
your ex-partner's family member, you're also creating a
(07:13):
difficult situation, potentiallyfor that family member.
That person, or those people,are now put in the middle of a
situation, and that just isn'tfair to them either.
At some point, one or the othermay choose to separate
themselves from the relationship, not because they don't care,
but because they do care.
I'm going to get a littlepersonal here for a second.
When I was married and for aboutfour years after I was divorced
(07:34):
, I was very close to myex-mother-in-law.
During my marriage, my husbandand I went to dinner with her
every week and invited her tojoin us for all kinds of
activities, especially after myfather-in-law died.
After her son and I gotdivorced, she and I continued to
be close and to still meet fordinner and talk on the phone.
I realized that she was beingput in the middle and it was
creating issues.
At the start, though, Iselfishly wanted to continue my
(07:55):
relationship with her, because Ifelt like I had already lost
everything else.
She was the one constant thatremained.
My own mother had died aboutfour months before my ex-husband
and I split, and mystep-daughters are great humans,
but they were coming intoadulthood at this point and they
had their own lives and theirown things going on.
I had mentioned my dilemma to afriend of mine and what she said
to me stuck with me.
She said point blank it doesn'tmatter how much you care about
(08:17):
your ex's family, that is hisfamily and not yours.
You're the one who has to walkaway to maintain peace in a
situation that becomesconflicting.
She wasn't wrong, but it was areally difficult thing for me to
do.
It bothered me for a lot ofyears, but I felt that this was
doing the right thing for theright reasons, and it wasn't
just about me.
My ex-mother-in-law passed awaya short time ago.
(08:38):
I guess I've been grieving theloss of that relationship for a
few years now, and now I'mgrieving the loss in a different
way.
I loved her very much.
Rest in peace, choice.
I think anytime you'reexperiencing a loss of a
relationship that meantsomething to you, there's always
going to be sadness.
Doing the right thing forothers and for yourself is not
always easy or pleasant, and alot of the time it's filled with
(08:58):
second guessing and sadness.
Just because it feelsuncomfortable, though, doesn't
mean it was the wrong thing Atthe end of the day.
Losing relationships from yourlife, regardless of the reason
or circumstances, can bechallenging.
These losses are things thathave to be worked through and
grieved, like any loss.
Part of the process ofreinvention is loss Loss of some
people in your life, but also aloss of who you used to be as
(09:19):
you move towards your new selfand your new circumstances.
Navigating all these thingsisn't easy, but your people will
be there for you, and I'm herefor you too.
Hopefully, these little bits ofadvice can help you along your
journey.
As I wrap up this episode ofReinvention Adventures, I want
to remind you that your journeyis unique and, as you reinvent
yourself, have faith in theprocess.
Own your emotions, even whenthey aren't pleasant.
(09:41):
Embrace your journey oftransformation and remember
you're capable of remarkablereinvention.
If you have a reinvention storyyou'd like to share or a topic
you'd like me to explore in afuture episode, please reach out
to me.
My contact information is inthe show notes.
As one last note, this episodeis dedicated to Joyce, who I
mentioned earlier.
She impacted my life in manywonderful ways.
(10:01):
When you make a difference toothers, that is truly a life
well lived.
Thank you for listening.
I appreciate you Until nexttime.
This podcast is sponsored byBacello Media, a boutique
content creation agencysupporting the marketing efforts
of businesses through visual,written and audio content.
If you'd like to contact me, myemail is in the show notes.
(10:23):
You can also find me onInstagram at Reinvention
Adventures podcast or BacelloMedia.
If you enjoyed this episode andyou'd like to help support this
podcast, please share it withyour tribe.
Giving a rating and review isalso appreciated.
Thanks for listening to thisepisode of Reinvention
Adventures.
Have you ever wanted to start over, to
reinvent yourself?
Reinvention is something we alldo at some point in our lives.
Sometimes it's simple,sometimes it's complicated, but
it's often necessary to lead afulfilling life, and it's always
interesting.
I'm your host, julie Bicello.
Join me for some inspiration asI share reinvention stories,
(00:24):
tips and tricks from real peoplejust like you.
Let's explore reinventionadventures together.
Hey, it's Julie.
Welcome to another episode ofReinvention Adventures, the
podcast where we explore theincredible journeys of
individuals who have embarked onthe path of self-discovery and
transformation.
Your reinvention could be apersonal one or a professional
(00:45):
one.
Either way, you're in the rightplace.
In between interviews thatshare reinvention stories, I
include episodes that focus onreinvention tips, and these are
episodes that focus on differentthings that may be a factor in
a reinvention journey.
When it comes to reinvention,there are a lot of layers, and
it's helpful to really look atthe might-happens and the
what-ifs before the process andalso as you go through the
(01:06):
process Before we begin.
This podcast episode issponsored by Bicello Media.
Bicello Media is my contentcreation company that supports
small businesses with theircontent needs.
Websites, social media,podcasting all require content,
and Bicello Media can help yoursmall business navigate the
process.
We also edit and producepodcasts for small businesses.
If you find yourself short oncontent or want to reinvent
(01:29):
yourself with a new podcast foryour brand, let's talk.
For more information, visitjuliebicellocom.
And now let's dive into thisepisode's topic in our
reinvention toolkit.
That topic is navigating losson the reinvention journey.
I like to think of reinventionas a happy and inspired choice,
but before you and I exploreloss during reinvention journeys
(01:49):
, it's important to note thatevery reinvention journey is not
a happy, positive and inspiringchoice.
Some journeys are forced uponus.
Things like divorce, death ofsomeone close to you or being
fired at work are all examplesof life circumstances that force
us into a life that looksdifferent and is filled with
changes.
Every reinvention journey isgoing to involve tons of change,
(02:11):
but when you aren't activelychoosing a reinvention, you may
mentally approach most of thosechanges like a toddler, kicking
and screaming on the floorbecause you didn't get the toy
you wanted.
Of course, I speak for myselfthere, but hey, if you are
listening to this, you may be akindred spirit who understands
exactly what I mean.
When the journey is somethingyou really have to navigate
because there is no other option, it makes things a little more
(02:33):
challenging.
Impossible no, nothing reallyever is impossible.
Inspiring?
Not really, at least not whileyou're in it.
But the only way out is throughin these instances, and if the
only way out is through, thereare going to be difficult
moments and ones where you'restruggling.
Before I actually approach thisepisode's topic, I did want to
(02:54):
be clear that what I'mdiscussing with you today about
loss is not just for thoseinspirational reinvention
adventures.
It's also for those messy,harrowing and gut-wrenching ones
too, where you're hanging onfor dear life as you navigate
through a set of crazy, insanecircumstances.
As you navigate your path ofreinvention, it's not uncommon
to experience a shift in yourrelationships.
This shift can manifest itselfin various ways, from growing
(03:16):
apart from friends toexperiencing the end of
significant relationships, andeven in the best-case scenario
of a reinvention journey, you'regoing to lose people.
Why do you think that is?
I, of course, have my theorieson this.
Let's explore why this happensand how to navigate this aspect
of the ReInvention journey.
One of the first reasons Ithink of as to why this happens
is when you have a change inalignment based on having new
(03:38):
perspectives on things.
It creates some distancebetween you and the others who
have been in your life.
At its very core, reinventionis not just about becoming a
better version of yourself.
It's about embracing change,and when you decide to reinvent
yourself, you're essentiallyembarking on a journey of
self-discovery and growth, andthis journey often involves
reflecting on your values, yourbeliefs, your goals, and
(04:00):
sometimes you start to realizethat the people around you may
not align with your newperspectives, priorities, change
and factors that once made arelationship strong and
connected may no longer bepresent.
Sometimes that means letting goof people or relationships that
no longer align with yournewfound path.
It can be difficult and it canbe sad, but sometimes life
events are difficult and sad,and ReInvention is no exception.
(04:22):
When you undergo a ReInvention,you often gain clarity about
your true self and what mattersmost to you.
This can result in areevaluation of your
relationships, and sometimes youstart to realize that certain
connections are no longerserving you, or at least not
serving you positively orsupporting your new direction.
By the same token, you and yournew self may not productively
serve others as you may have inthe past.
(04:42):
This isn't a one-way street.
After all, there are somecommon signs that a relationship
may not be aligning with yourReInvention journey.
One-way signs is a growingdisconnect with the person or
people involved.
Your conversations may becomeless engaging or meaningful and
you might notice that yourinterests and priorities no
longer overlap.
Additionally, if you feeljudged, unsupported or
criticized for your new path,those are all signs that the
(05:04):
relationship is struggling toadapt to your transformation.
The best way to handlerelationship shifts during a
ReInvention journey is to focuson communication.
Communication is key in justabout every aspect of life, so,
of course, it's key in thisinstance as well.
It's important to have open andhonest conversations with those
involved, expressing yourfeelings and explaining the
changes you're experiencing.
However, it's also crucial tounderstand that not everyone
(05:27):
will understand or support yourtransformation, and that's okay.
It's unfortunate when thishappens, especially when you
really care about someone, butlife is a journey and it's
filled with changes, and thosechanges need to be navigated.
It's also important to surroundyourself with individuals who
lift you up and encourage yourgrowth.
So what's the best way tonavigate this when it happens?
I think you have to remindyourself that your journey of
(05:48):
ReInvention is really personaland valid, and if you surround
yourself with a support networkof people that understand and
encourage your growth.
That will be a positive thing.
Focus on nurturingrelationships that align with
your new values and goals andgive yourself permission to let
go of those that no longer serveyour path or whose path you no
longer serve.
It doesn't have to be a bigblow up or anything dramatic.
(06:08):
Sometimes you and the otherperson will quietly disconnect.
The journey of ReInvention canbe challenging.
Be kind to yourself throughoutthe process when it's a messy,
difficult ReInvention.
There are a lot of emotionsinvolved that make it really
difficult to navigate.
One example of a ReInventioncircumstance filled with emotion
is divorce.
I do know some people who haveamicably divorced a partner and
(06:31):
coexisted and co-parentedsuccessfully.
I don't know many people whohave done that, though.
Most of the people I know whoare divorced carry some negative
emotions around therelationship they had with their
former partner.
They work through them, but ittakes time and it takes doing
the work, and there are manyfacets to be worked through.
In addition to all the emotionalhavoc of a divorce or a
significant breakup, what isalso difficult to navigate is
(06:53):
losing some of the otherrelationships that existed while
the union existed.
Sometimes choices have to bemade that are difficult ones to
make.
You can love your ex-partner'sfamily, yet still choose to
separate yourself, and it isn'ta choice that is made just for
you, even though you may beviewed as selfish.
When you try to maintain arelationship with someone who is
your ex-partner's family member, you're also creating a
(07:13):
difficult situation, potentiallyfor that family member.
That person, or those people,are now put in the middle of a
situation, and that just isn'tfair to them either.
At some point, one or the othermay choose to separate
themselves from the relationship, not because they don't care,
but because they do care.
I'm going to get a littlepersonal here for a second.
When I was married and for aboutfour years after I was divorced
(07:34):
, I was very close to myex-mother-in-law.
During my marriage, my husbandand I went to dinner with her
every week and invited her tojoin us for all kinds of
activities, especially after myfather-in-law died.
After her son and I gotdivorced, she and I continued to
be close and to still meet fordinner and talk on the phone.
I realized that she was beingput in the middle and it was
creating issues.
At the start, though, Iselfishly wanted to continue my
(07:55):
relationship with her, because Ifelt like I had already lost
everything else.
She was the one constant thatremained.
My own mother had died aboutfour months before my ex-husband
and I split, and mystep-daughters are great humans,
but they were coming intoadulthood at this point and they
had their own lives and theirown things going on.
I had mentioned my dilemma to afriend of mine and what she said
to me stuck with me.
She said point blank it doesn'tmatter how much you care about
(08:17):
your ex's family, that is hisfamily and not yours.
You're the one who has to walkaway to maintain peace in a
situation that becomesconflicting.
She wasn't wrong, but it was areally difficult thing for me to
do.
It bothered me for a lot ofyears, but I felt that this was
doing the right thing for theright reasons, and it wasn't
just about me.
My ex-mother-in-law passed awaya short time ago.
(08:38):
I guess I've been grieving theloss of that relationship for a
few years now, and now I'mgrieving the loss in a different
way.
I loved her very much.
Rest in peace, choice.
I think anytime you'reexperiencing a loss of a
relationship that meantsomething to you, there's always
going to be sadness.
Doing the right thing forothers and for yourself is not
always easy or pleasant, and alot of the time it's filled with
(08:58):
second guessing and sadness.
Just because it feelsuncomfortable, though, doesn't
mean it was the wrong thing Atthe end of the day.
Losing relationships from yourlife, regardless of the reason
or circumstances, can bechallenging.
These losses are things thathave to be worked through and
grieved, like any loss.
Part of the process ofreinvention is loss Loss of some
people in your life, but also aloss of who you used to be as
(09:19):
you move towards your new selfand your new circumstances.
Navigating all these thingsisn't easy, but your people will
be there for you, and I'm herefor you too.
Hopefully, these little bits ofadvice can help you along your
journey.
As I wrap up this episode ofReinvention Adventures, I want
to remind you that your journeyis unique and, as you reinvent
yourself, have faith in theprocess.
Own your emotions, even whenthey aren't pleasant.
(09:41):
Embrace your journey oftransformation and remember
you're capable of remarkablereinvention.
If you have a reinvention storyyou'd like to share or a topic
you'd like me to explore in afuture episode, please reach out
to me.
My contact information is inthe show notes.
As one last note, this episodeis dedicated to Joyce, who I
mentioned earlier.
She impacted my life in manywonderful ways.
(10:01):
When you make a difference toothers, that is truly a life
well lived.
Thank you for listening.
I appreciate you Until nexttime.
This podcast is sponsored byBacello Media, a boutique
content creation agencysupporting the marketing efforts
of businesses through visual,written and audio content.
If you'd like to contact me, myemail is in the show notes.
(10:23):
You can also find me onInstagram at Reinvention
Adventures podcast or BacelloMedia.
If you enjoyed this episode andyou'd like to help support this
podcast, please share it withyour tribe.
Giving a rating and review isalso appreciated.
Thanks for listening to thisepisode of Reinvention
Adventures.
Popular Podcasts
Dateline NBC
Current and classic episodes, featuring compelling true-crime mysteries, powerful documentaries and in-depth investigations. Follow now to get the latest episodes of Dateline NBC completely free, or subscribe to Dateline Premium for ad-free listening and exclusive bonus content: DatelinePremium.com
24/7 News: The Latest
The latest news in 4 minutes updated every hour, every day.
Therapy Gecko
An unlicensed lizard psychologist travels the universe talking to strangers about absolutely nothing. TO CALL THE GECKO: follow me on https://www.twitch.tv/lyleforever to get a notification for when I am taking calls. I am usually live Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays but lately a lot of other times too. I am a gecko.