October 24, 2025 • 16 mins
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When your marriage feels like it’s falling apart, anxiety can take over your mind—and your marriage. In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes shares 3 powerful ways to overcome anxiety during a marriage crisis so you can think clearly, stay grounded, and begin the process of saving your relationship.
Drawing from her personal experience with lifelong anxiety and her decades of helping people in crisis through Marriage Helper, Kimberly explains how fear, control, and uncertainty can keep you trapped—and how to break free from that cycle.
You’ll learn:
✅ How to take every thought captive and stop the endless “what if” spiral
✅ Why you must find the helpers who bring peace, not panic
✅ The science-backed way to reset your body through 4x4 breathing
Anxiety doesn’t have to rule your mind—or ruin your marriage. These tools will help you calm your thoughts, regulate your emotions, and start rebuilding the connection with your spouse.
If your marriage feels stuck in chaos, remember: there is always hope.
If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free
📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
I remember the very first time I was scared.
I remember looking all aroundme, and all I could see were
people, people that I loved,people I was related to who were
older than me, all freaking out,running around and looking at me
like something was very, verywrong.
(00:20):
That's all I remember of theevent.
But years later, what I ended upfinding out was I was actually
two years old and I was chokingand I was turning blue.
I was at my grandmother's house,at my mom's mother's house.
We called her mama, and we wereat one of those family
gatherings.
It was around Thanksgiving orChristmas, and everyone was
(00:41):
there.
And for whatever reason, I waseating this biscuit and I put
too much of it in my mouth,tried to swallow too much of it
at a time, and I startedchoking.
I wasn't breathing anymore.
And by the time anyone noticed,I was losing the color in my
face and turning blue.
So everyone was freaking out.
But then my grandmother, in themidst of all the chaos, came
(01:06):
straight to me.
She put her hand down my throatand she pulled out the biscuit,
allowing me to breathe again,allowing the color to come back
to my face and allowing me maybeeven to live.
The crazy thing is our bodiesremember these experiences,
these experiences that we havein life from when we were
(01:26):
scared, from when we werelooking around.
I was two years old at thattime.
When you're two years old, theperson you are looking for to
know if the world is safe aroundyou are the adults.
It's your mom, it's your dad.
But when I was looking around,all I saw was fear.
And I think there's a reasonthat that is the youngest memory
(01:46):
I can remember.
And unfortunately, it's a memoryof anxiety.
Thankfully, my grandmother didwhat needed to be done in order
for me to breathe again.
But there is likely a tie tothat between the fact that I
started having anxiety from sixyears old.
I became extremely scared oflosing my parents, of them
(02:09):
dying.
Like when I was at school, I hada phobia of tornadoes.
If there was any big stormcoming in, I had such fear of
this thing being the thing thatwas going to separate me from
the people that I loved.
And I didn't know how to processthat fear because I was young.
And here's the thing (02:28):
there's this book called The Body Keeps
the Score.
And the basic premise of thisbook is that all of us have
endured things like that in ourlives, in our childhood, in
different times of our lives.
And our body holds thosememories, those memories of
depression, those memories offear, those memories of anxiety,
(02:49):
times where we felt overwhelmedand powerless to do anything
about it, which is the basicdefinition of trauma.
Now, I'm not gonna dive intotrauma in this video, but I do
want to dive into anxietybecause, as I said, it's
something that I have struggledwith since I was at least six
years old.
And there have been times of mylife that I have really
(03:12):
struggled to process what I wasfeeling, why I was feeling that
way, and how to not let anxietycontrol my mind and fill my
emotions.
And it is a process.
If you are someone who hasstruggled with anxiety, you know
how this feels.
You know the debilitating fearthat can come when you allow
(03:34):
anxiety to rule your mind.
as I said, the body keeps the score.
There's a book about that, butthe phrase in general is
something that can guide thisdiscussion.
When we feel that there isdanger, when we fear that that
might be, that there may bedanger, that is the mode that
our brain goes into.
(03:54):
We begin to only see the fear,only see the bad, and only see
the negative.
The more that we think that way,unfortunately, the more those
neural pathways in our brainscontinue to wire and fire or
fire and wire.
The ones that fire together endup wiring together.
And if you think of it like apath through the forest, the
(04:16):
path that's walked on the mostbecomes the one that is the
easiest to go down.
Our brains are the same way.
And so when we continually thinkabout anxious thoughts and allow
ourselves to entertain thosethoughts, then the easier it
becomes to think anxiousthoughts and the cycle
continues.
We call it a limbic systemtakeover, where everything in
(04:38):
our bodies begins to anticipatesomething that's out to get us.
There are physiologicalcomponents that happen when this
happens, such as our heartbeatgoes up, our breathing shallows,
our thoughts are racing.
All of that is just a bodilysign that you feel that there is
a threat out there to you.
And the longer you stay in thisplace of feeling like there's a
(05:02):
threat, the more you are goingto think is a threat.
Everything's going to start tobecome a threat in some way.
And the more you think aboutthese things, the worse the
cycle gets and the harder it canbe to calm down.
But it all really needs to startwith understanding one key
thing.
Your brain and body are tryingto protect you, but they are
(05:26):
doing it in the wrong way.
So what we have to do, we haveto take ownership and control of
what we can.
I can only control me.
I can't control anything else.
I can't control the situation.
I can't control externalcircumstances.
I can't control other people.
I can't control the outcome of atest result.
(05:46):
There are a lot of things Ican't control, but what I can
learn to control is myself.
So what you're gonna hear is 30years of trial and error
experience of what I have foundto be the most helpful ways to
manage my anxiety.
I even hate saying manage myanxiety.
There's a part of me that wantsto say, get rid of it.
(06:08):
But I know realistically,anxiety is gonna be something
that I always struggle with.
And that's okay because when I'maware of that and I don't let it
define me, when I realize Idon't have to be an anxious
person, I can be someone whostruggles with this.
Then it allows me to keep myguard up and to know when
anxiety is starting to rear itsugly head and the things that I
(06:32):
need to do to keep it at bay.
So there's three things that Iwant to share with you.
The first one is take everythought captive.
If you're a religious person,you have heard this before.
And even if you're not, theprinciple is the same.
When we are in a state of fear,I already said our brain is
(06:54):
looking for every singlepossible scenario, and it can be
exhausting.
And when your marriage is incrisis, you're doing this too.
We had a call to our livecall-in show that we do
yesterday, and this gentlemanwas asking so many questions.
He was saying, but what if thishappens?
My wife is in an affair, butthen she started a second
(07:14):
affair.
What if she decides to go backto the first one?
What if she doesn't go back tothe first one?
What if, what if, what if?
That is anxiety talking.
And the more that we entertainthose anxious thoughts, you know
exactly what happens.
We keep going down these rabbitholes, and there is no end to
them.
My anxiety a lot of the timetends to circle around health
(07:39):
and health issues that I getreally anxious about.
And y'all, I can't tell you howmany times I've gone to WebMD or
Chat GPT and just startedgetting really specific about
like tiny little things that Imight be experiencing with my
health health, just wondering,is this something that could be
a big issue?
Am I gonna miss it?
(07:59):
And I think that's a lot of thefear, right?
That I'm gonna be the one whomisses something that ends up
being terrible, that I'm gonnado something wrong, that I'm not
gonna see the signs when my wifeis having an affair, that I
could have stopped it, that I amgoing to mess up and it's all
gonna be my fault.
Anxiety is about control.
We want to have control of thefuture, but we can't, which is
(08:23):
why it's so important to takethese thoughts captive and not
go down the rabbit holes.
There have also been times whereI have begun to have that first
anxious thought.
Hmm, what if?
What if that thing I just felt,that pain in my back, what if
that's what if that's somethingterrible that's actually about
to happen?
What if I have pinched a nerveor slipped a disc or XYZ?
(08:47):
Like keep going down.
I could entertain those thoughtsand keep going down the rabbit
hole.
And I will come up three hourslater after worrying and being
more worried than ever beforeand to know better off.
And more than likely, completelywrong about what I think is
happening.
When things are happening inyour marriage, if you go down
(09:09):
those rabbit holes, what if mywife does this?
What if my husband does this?
You're gonna entertain everyangle you can think of, you're
gonna change the slightestlittle detail and then think
about it all over again.
And how do you feel at the endof it?
Oh my gosh, you're drained, yourbody is drained, your mind is
drained, and you are on edge.
(09:31):
How does that lead you to showup with your kids the next
interaction or the nextinteraction with your spouse?
You're frazzled.
And when people are in afrazzled state, they make a lot
of wrong decisions.
Wrong decisions in how theyreply and respond to other
people, in how they even thinkabout things, because you can't
(09:52):
think about things logically.
So, what you have to do is takethat thought captive and decide
I'm not going down that rabbittrail.
I'm not entertaining this one.
Instead, I am going to thinkabout what is good.
Think about three good things.
Something you can celebrate,something positive, something
(10:13):
praiseworthy.
That's what you need to thinkabout.
My son tends to think about thenegative a lot and really focus
on that.
And so we started a practice acouple of months ago.
Every night before bed, he hasto say three good things.
And there has been a change.
He is now primed and ready.
As soon as he gets into bed, heknows I'm going to ask him what
(10:35):
three good things happenedtoday, which means that he has
learned to start focusing onthose good things throughout the
day.
But when we started, he couldn'tthink of anything.
And we really had to dig deep tothink of any good thing that
happened.
But since this is now apractice, it's something that
he's thinking about, he'snoticing good things throughout
the day, he's rewiring the wayhis brain is interpreting
(10:58):
situations for the better.
So take those thoughts captiveand start thinking about the
good.
The second thing that you needto do is find the helpers.
Find the people in your life whoare going to help calm you down
when you are going in thesespirals.
That doesn't mean that youdepend on them, but it means
(11:20):
that these are people who canbring you back to reality and
help you stay grounded when yourbrain is going crazy.
I have the helpers in my life.
I know who they are.
My husband, my mom, my dad.
They are the people who I turnto when I just need someone to
bring some sense into my life.
Don't go to the places or to thepeople who are going to make
(11:43):
your anxiety worse.
We had another caller onyesterday's Colin show.
And she was talking about howterrible she felt and how
anxious she felt.
But she also said in that, butI've been checking Facebook.
And when I get on Facebook, Isee the things that my husband
is doing and it makes me evenangrier and more hurt and more
anxious.
You're going to the place thatis leading you to feel this way.
(12:08):
So stop it.
Stop going to the people orplaces that make things worse
and find the helpers.
Find the environment, theperson, the place that is going
to lead you to have a bettermindset.
That means you have to have thewillpower.
You have to have the willpowerto stop doing the things that
are making things worse.
(12:28):
When that woman was saying that,the chat happening on YouTube
during that, during thatconversation of were people
saying, I got off social mediaand it was the best thing that
happened.
I stopped watching the news andit was amazing.
They didn't say that, but my momhas said that because she
stopped watching the news andit's helped her anxiety.
So maybe you need to figure outwhat it is you need to stop
(12:50):
doing and instead the positiveperson that you can turn to.
And you might be saying, I don'thave anyone to turn to.
I don't know who I can talk towho will be encouraging and
supportive of me, especiallywhen it comes to standing for my
marriage.
Well, there is two people atleast, there are two people at
least that you can always turnto.
(13:33):
Now listen, I've been aChristian basically my whole
life.
And I can't say that it hascured my anxiety.
It's a daily, daily decision forme to cast that on him, to not
think about those things inorder for me to receive a piece.
And sometimes a piece,oftentimes, the more I submit,
the more I do, or the more I doexperience it, that passes
(13:55):
understanding.
And the more you practice this,the better it gets.
The second person that you canturn to who's going to support
you and have your back is me.
It's our whole team at MarriageHelper.
We do this day in and day out.
We hold hope for you when no onein your life will.
Find the helpers.
Maybe that helper is MarriageHelper.
(14:16):
And the third thing that I wantyou to do is breathe.
Y'all, I know this sounds crazy.
I know this sounds like maybewoo-woo, and you're like, oh, I
don't want to get into all that.
No, this is actual science andpsychology.
When you begin to focus on yourbreathing and even doing
something as simple as what'scalled a four by four box
(14:37):
breathing, you will actuallyreset your amygdala, which is
that center in the brain thatactually is kind of like the
gatekeeper for your anxietyresponse.
And so when you are able toreset your amygdala, it can help
you become more resilient.
And it's so easy of how to dothis.
You breathe in for four seconds,just turn the timer on on your
(15:01):
phone, turn on the stopwatch,and then just breathe in for
four seconds.
Hold it for four seconds,breathe out for four seconds,
and then hold it at the bottomfor four seconds, and you do it
again.
It's called box breathingbecause you can think of breathe
in, or you can think breathe in,hold, breathe out, hold.
(15:25):
It's like you're doing a box.
Now, if you do that correctly,each breath should take 16
seconds.
16 seconds, you want to do itabout 12 times for it to be
three minutes, is what you'relooking at.
When you can do that for threeminutes, we know from research
that it helps to reset youramygdala, decrease your anxiety,
increase your ability to beresilient.
(15:48):
Something as simple as that.
So take your thoughts captive,find the helpers, and breathe,
especially with four by four boxbreathing.
Overall, anxiety doesn't have torun your mind, and it also
doesn't have to ruin yourmarriage.
You can do these things in orderto help you calm down, which is
(16:12):
the first step in saving yourmarriage.
If you want to learn more abouthow to calm down, which as I
said is that first step insaving your marriage, then watch
this video next.
Until next time, remember thereis always hope.
I remember the very first time I was scared.
I remember looking all aroundme, and all I could see were
people, people that I loved,people I was related to who were
older than me, all freaking out,running around and looking at me
like something was very, verywrong.
(00:20):
That's all I remember of theevent.
But years later, what I ended upfinding out was I was actually
two years old and I was chokingand I was turning blue.
I was at my grandmother's house,at my mom's mother's house.
We called her mama, and we wereat one of those family
gatherings.
It was around Thanksgiving orChristmas, and everyone was
(00:41):
there.
And for whatever reason, I waseating this biscuit and I put
too much of it in my mouth,tried to swallow too much of it
at a time, and I startedchoking.
I wasn't breathing anymore.
And by the time anyone noticed,I was losing the color in my
face and turning blue.
So everyone was freaking out.
But then my grandmother, in themidst of all the chaos, came
(01:06):
straight to me.
She put her hand down my throatand she pulled out the biscuit,
allowing me to breathe again,allowing the color to come back
to my face and allowing me maybeeven to live.
The crazy thing is our bodiesremember these experiences,
these experiences that we havein life from when we were
(01:26):
scared, from when we werelooking around.
I was two years old at thattime.
When you're two years old, theperson you are looking for to
know if the world is safe aroundyou are the adults.
It's your mom, it's your dad.
But when I was looking around,all I saw was fear.
And I think there's a reasonthat that is the youngest memory
(01:46):
I can remember.
And unfortunately, it's a memoryof anxiety.
Thankfully, my grandmother didwhat needed to be done in order
for me to breathe again.
But there is likely a tie tothat between the fact that I
started having anxiety from sixyears old.
I became extremely scared oflosing my parents, of them
(02:09):
dying.
Like when I was at school, I hada phobia of tornadoes.
If there was any big stormcoming in, I had such fear of
this thing being the thing thatwas going to separate me from
the people that I loved.
And I didn't know how to processthat fear because I was young.
And here's the thing (02:28):
there's this book called The Body Keeps
the Score.
And the basic premise of thisbook is that all of us have
endured things like that in ourlives, in our childhood, in
different times of our lives.
And our body holds thosememories, those memories of
depression, those memories offear, those memories of anxiety,
(02:49):
times where we felt overwhelmedand powerless to do anything
about it, which is the basicdefinition of trauma.
Now, I'm not gonna dive intotrauma in this video, but I do
want to dive into anxietybecause, as I said, it's
something that I have struggledwith since I was at least six
years old.
And there have been times of mylife that I have really
(03:12):
struggled to process what I wasfeeling, why I was feeling that
way, and how to not let anxietycontrol my mind and fill my
emotions.
And it is a process.
If you are someone who hasstruggled with anxiety, you know
how this feels.
You know the debilitating fearthat can come when you allow
(03:34):
anxiety to rule your mind.
as I said, the body keeps the score.
There's a book about that, butthe phrase in general is
something that can guide thisdiscussion.
When we feel that there isdanger, when we fear that that
might be, that there may bedanger, that is the mode that
our brain goes into.
(03:54):
We begin to only see the fear,only see the bad, and only see
the negative.
The more that we think that way,unfortunately, the more those
neural pathways in our brainscontinue to wire and fire or
fire and wire.
The ones that fire together endup wiring together.
And if you think of it like apath through the forest, the
(04:16):
path that's walked on the mostbecomes the one that is the
easiest to go down.
Our brains are the same way.
And so when we continually thinkabout anxious thoughts and allow
ourselves to entertain thosethoughts, then the easier it
becomes to think anxiousthoughts and the cycle
continues.
We call it a limbic systemtakeover, where everything in
(04:38):
our bodies begins to anticipatesomething that's out to get us.
There are physiologicalcomponents that happen when this
happens, such as our heartbeatgoes up, our breathing shallows,
our thoughts are racing.
All of that is just a bodilysign that you feel that there is
a threat out there to you.
And the longer you stay in thisplace of feeling like there's a
(05:02):
threat, the more you are goingto think is a threat.
Everything's going to start tobecome a threat in some way.
And the more you think aboutthese things, the worse the
cycle gets and the harder it canbe to calm down.
But it all really needs to startwith understanding one key
thing.
Your brain and body are tryingto protect you, but they are
(05:26):
doing it in the wrong way.
So what we have to do, we haveto take ownership and control of
what we can.
I can only control me.
I can't control anything else.
I can't control the situation.
I can't control externalcircumstances.
I can't control other people.
I can't control the outcome of atest result.
(05:46):
There are a lot of things Ican't control, but what I can
learn to control is myself.
So what you're gonna hear is 30years of trial and error
experience of what I have foundto be the most helpful ways to
manage my anxiety.
I even hate saying manage myanxiety.
There's a part of me that wantsto say, get rid of it.
(06:08):
But I know realistically,anxiety is gonna be something
that I always struggle with.
And that's okay because when I'maware of that and I don't let it
define me, when I realize Idon't have to be an anxious
person, I can be someone whostruggles with this.
Then it allows me to keep myguard up and to know when
anxiety is starting to rear itsugly head and the things that I
(06:32):
need to do to keep it at bay.
So there's three things that Iwant to share with you.
The first one is take everythought captive.
If you're a religious person,you have heard this before.
And even if you're not, theprinciple is the same.
When we are in a state of fear,I already said our brain is
(06:54):
looking for every singlepossible scenario, and it can be
exhausting.
And when your marriage is incrisis, you're doing this too.
We had a call to our livecall-in show that we do
yesterday, and this gentlemanwas asking so many questions.
He was saying, but what if thishappens?
My wife is in an affair, butthen she started a second
(07:14):
affair.
What if she decides to go backto the first one?
What if she doesn't go back tothe first one?
What if, what if, what if?
That is anxiety talking.
And the more that we entertainthose anxious thoughts, you know
exactly what happens.
We keep going down these rabbitholes, and there is no end to
them.
My anxiety a lot of the timetends to circle around health
(07:39):
and health issues that I getreally anxious about.
And y'all, I can't tell you howmany times I've gone to WebMD or
Chat GPT and just startedgetting really specific about
like tiny little things that Imight be experiencing with my
health health, just wondering,is this something that could be
a big issue?
Am I gonna miss it?
(07:59):
And I think that's a lot of thefear, right?
That I'm gonna be the one whomisses something that ends up
being terrible, that I'm gonnado something wrong, that I'm not
gonna see the signs when my wifeis having an affair, that I
could have stopped it, that I amgoing to mess up and it's all
gonna be my fault.
Anxiety is about control.
We want to have control of thefuture, but we can't, which is
(08:23):
why it's so important to takethese thoughts captive and not
go down the rabbit holes.
There have also been times whereI have begun to have that first
anxious thought.
Hmm, what if?
What if that thing I just felt,that pain in my back, what if
that's what if that's somethingterrible that's actually about
to happen?
What if I have pinched a nerveor slipped a disc or XYZ?
(08:47):
Like keep going down.
I could entertain those thoughtsand keep going down the rabbit
hole.
And I will come up three hourslater after worrying and being
more worried than ever beforeand to know better off.
And more than likely, completelywrong about what I think is
happening.
When things are happening inyour marriage, if you go down
(09:09):
those rabbit holes, what if mywife does this?
What if my husband does this?
You're gonna entertain everyangle you can think of, you're
gonna change the slightestlittle detail and then think
about it all over again.
And how do you feel at the endof it?
Oh my gosh, you're drained, yourbody is drained, your mind is
drained, and you are on edge.
(09:31):
How does that lead you to showup with your kids the next
interaction or the nextinteraction with your spouse?
You're frazzled.
And when people are in afrazzled state, they make a lot
of wrong decisions.
Wrong decisions in how theyreply and respond to other
people, in how they even thinkabout things, because you can't
(09:52):
think about things logically.
So, what you have to do is takethat thought captive and decide
I'm not going down that rabbittrail.
I'm not entertaining this one.
Instead, I am going to thinkabout what is good.
Think about three good things.
Something you can celebrate,something positive, something
(10:13):
praiseworthy.
That's what you need to thinkabout.
My son tends to think about thenegative a lot and really focus
on that.
And so we started a practice acouple of months ago.
Every night before bed, he hasto say three good things.
And there has been a change.
He is now primed and ready.
As soon as he gets into bed, heknows I'm going to ask him what
(10:35):
three good things happenedtoday, which means that he has
learned to start focusing onthose good things throughout the
day.
But when we started, he couldn'tthink of anything.
And we really had to dig deep tothink of any good thing that
happened.
But since this is now apractice, it's something that
he's thinking about, he'snoticing good things throughout
the day, he's rewiring the wayhis brain is interpreting
(10:58):
situations for the better.
So take those thoughts captiveand start thinking about the
good.
The second thing that you needto do is find the helpers.
Find the people in your life whoare going to help calm you down
when you are going in thesespirals.
That doesn't mean that youdepend on them, but it means
(11:20):
that these are people who canbring you back to reality and
help you stay grounded when yourbrain is going crazy.
I have the helpers in my life.
I know who they are.
My husband, my mom, my dad.
They are the people who I turnto when I just need someone to
bring some sense into my life.
Don't go to the places or to thepeople who are going to make
(11:43):
your anxiety worse.
We had another caller onyesterday's Colin show.
And she was talking about howterrible she felt and how
anxious she felt.
But she also said in that, butI've been checking Facebook.
And when I get on Facebook, Isee the things that my husband
is doing and it makes me evenangrier and more hurt and more
anxious.
You're going to the place thatis leading you to feel this way.
(12:08):
So stop it.
Stop going to the people orplaces that make things worse
and find the helpers.
Find the environment, theperson, the place that is going
to lead you to have a bettermindset.
That means you have to have thewillpower.
You have to have the willpowerto stop doing the things that
are making things worse.
(12:28):
When that woman was saying that,the chat happening on YouTube
during that, during thatconversation of were people
saying, I got off social mediaand it was the best thing that
happened.
I stopped watching the news andit was amazing.
They didn't say that, but my momhas said that because she
stopped watching the news andit's helped her anxiety.
So maybe you need to figure outwhat it is you need to stop
(12:50):
doing and instead the positiveperson that you can turn to.
And you might be saying, I don'thave anyone to turn to.
I don't know who I can talk towho will be encouraging and
supportive of me, especiallywhen it comes to standing for my
marriage.
Well, there is two people atleast, there are two people at
least that you can always turnto.
(13:33):
Now listen, I've been aChristian basically my whole
life.
And I can't say that it hascured my anxiety.
It's a daily, daily decision forme to cast that on him, to not
think about those things inorder for me to receive a piece.
And sometimes a piece,oftentimes, the more I submit,
the more I do, or the more I doexperience it, that passes
(13:55):
understanding.
And the more you practice this,the better it gets.
The second person that you canturn to who's going to support
you and have your back is me.
It's our whole team at MarriageHelper.
We do this day in and day out.
We hold hope for you when no onein your life will.
Find the helpers.
Maybe that helper is MarriageHelper.
(14:16):
And the third thing that I wantyou to do is breathe.
Y'all, I know this sounds crazy.
I know this sounds like maybewoo-woo, and you're like, oh, I
don't want to get into all that.
No, this is actual science andpsychology.
When you begin to focus on yourbreathing and even doing
something as simple as what'scalled a four by four box
(14:37):
breathing, you will actuallyreset your amygdala, which is
that center in the brain thatactually is kind of like the
gatekeeper for your anxietyresponse.
And so when you are able toreset your amygdala, it can help
you become more resilient.
And it's so easy of how to dothis.
You breathe in for four seconds,just turn the timer on on your
(15:01):
phone, turn on the stopwatch,and then just breathe in for
four seconds.
Hold it for four seconds,breathe out for four seconds,
and then hold it at the bottomfor four seconds, and you do it
again.
It's called box breathingbecause you can think of breathe
in, or you can think breathe in,hold, breathe out, hold.
(15:25):
It's like you're doing a box.
Now, if you do that correctly,each breath should take 16
seconds.
16 seconds, you want to do itabout 12 times for it to be
three minutes, is what you'relooking at.
When you can do that for threeminutes, we know from research
that it helps to reset youramygdala, decrease your anxiety,
increase your ability to beresilient.
(15:48):
Something as simple as that.
So take your thoughts captive,find the helpers, and breathe,
especially with four by four boxbreathing.
Overall, anxiety doesn't have torun your mind, and it also
doesn't have to ruin yourmarriage.
You can do these things in orderto help you calm down, which is
(16:12):
the first step in saving yourmarriage.
If you want to learn more abouthow to calm down, which as I
said is that first step insaving your marriage, then watch
this video next.
Until next time, remember thereis always hope.
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