December 4, 2025 • 22 mins
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Have you lost those feelings of attraction? Are you wondering if it’s even possible to fall back in love with your husband or wife after years of distance, hurt, or "storms" in life?
In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes shares the roadmap for How To Fall In Love With Your Spouse Again In 2026. Even if your marriage feels like it is on the brink of divorce, or you feel completely numb, you can get those feelings back. Don't throw your marriage away yet.
The process of falling in love isn't a mystery, it’s a predictable path called The LovePath™. By focusing on four specific steps... Attraction, Acceptance, Attachment, and Aspiration... you can revitalize your relationship and save your marriage.
In this video, you will learn:
The PIES of Attraction: How to work on your Physical, Intellectual, Emotional, and Spiritual self to naturally draw your spouse back.
The Power of Acceptance: How to accept your spouse without tolerating destructive behaviors (like alcoholism or affairs).
True Attachment: Why "commitment" is the safety net that allows love to grow.
Aspiration: How shared dreams can act as the "superglue" for a long-lasting marriage.
Link to Kimberly's YouTube Channel: https://youtube.com/@kimberlybeamholmes
If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free
📞 BOOK A CALL WITH OUR TEAM: https://bit.ly/4fhb9Yz
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
Here's how to fall in love again in 2026.
(00:04):
If your marriage has been reallysuffering on the brink, and
maybe you have lost thosefeelings of attraction, you are
no longer feeling those feelingsof being madly in love with your
wife or with your husband.
You can get it back.
Don't throw your marriage awayyet.
Follow the four-step processthat I am going to show you
(00:24):
today, and this can absolutelyrevitalize your relationship and
save your marriage.
So, what are the four steps foryou to follow?
Well, here's the thing (00:34):
falling in love all starts with one
thing.
Attraction.
In fact, when we look at theprocess of falling in love, as I
said, I'm going to share foursteps with you.
But as I said, it all startswith attraction.
And even furthermore, when welook at attraction, there are
four areas of attraction that weare initially and forever
(00:58):
attracted to in our spouse.
We call them the pies.
In fact, they're the pies ofattraction.
So what are the pies?
What does it stand for?
Well, the P stands for physical.
I want you to think back to whenyou first met your spouse.
I remember when I first met myhusband.
Actually, when I first met myhusband, I was about three years
(01:21):
old and we were fighting over ared toy car.
Who was gonna play with it?
But as we got older and we remetin college, I remember exactly
what I thought about him when Isaw him.
I first saw his Facebook profilepicture and remembered him from
when we were kids, and Ithought, man, that guy got real
(01:43):
hot.
I loved his smile, his eyes, hisgreen eyes.
There were so many thingsphysically that attracted me to
my husband.
And there were things thatphysically attracted you to your
husband or to your wife.
What were they?
When was the last time that youeven thought about this?
Physical attraction isimportant.
(02:05):
It stays important throughoutour lifetime.
And typically, when we meetpeople, especially in person,
physical is the first thing thatreally attracts us to someone.
We see something that we findattractive and it leads us to
want to know more about theperson, which is what leads us
to the I, which is intellectualattraction.
It was one thing for my husbandto have those beautiful green
(02:28):
eyes and to be tall and all ofthose things.
But how did we know that we wereactually going to mesh?
How did we know that there wasgoing to be chemistry there?
We did that through talking,learning about each other,
telling stories about eachother.
We would do this on dates.
We had a long-distancerelationship for the majority,
actually for all of the timethat we were dating.
(02:51):
And so we talked a lot on thephone.
We got to know a whole lot abouteach other.
And whenever we would see eachother about every other weekend,
we would play what we call thequestion game.
So as we were going to dates, aswe were going to the movies, we
would just ask each otherquestions.
And the game was super simple.
Here's how it went.
I would ask him any question Iwanted to.
(03:13):
He had to answer.
But the only rule was hecouldn't ask me the same
question back on his next turn.
He could ask it in the future,but not then.
So simple, right?
But we learned so much abouteach other during that time.
And I realized this is someone Iam intellectually attracted to.
He's smart.
(03:33):
I like the things that he knowsand that he finds interesting.
I find myself learning andgrowing by just being around
him.
I was intellectually attracted.
Then there is the E, which isemotional attraction.
And emotional attraction is allabout does this person evoke
emotions within me that I enjoyfeeling?
(03:56):
I remember when we would go ondates, and my husband would open
every door for me.
He was the first guy I dated whocould afford to pay for my
meals.
And I remember feeling like sucha princess whenever I was around
him.
It was not uncommon for him tosend me flowers, and I would
(04:17):
just wake up in my dorm onemorning and he had had someone
deliver me flowers.
He would send me text messagestelling me to have a great day.
I liked the way I felt when Iwas around him.
And this is a crucial part ofattraction.
Because when you don't like theway that someone makes you feel,
guess what?
(04:38):
You don't want to be aroundthem.
I had a friend who was dating aguy several years ago, and he
things were going well the firstcouple of months, but then
summer came around.
They started going to the beachtogether, to the pool together,
and he started saying thesecomments, like, you know, you
would look a whole lot better inthat swimsuit if you would just
lose about 15 pounds.
(04:59):
The audacity, first of all, ofthe guy to say that, but also
how do you think she felt?
She felt emotions she didn'tlike.
She felt not good enough.
She felt judged.
She felt like she couldn'tactually be herself around this
person.
And it was a huge red flag.
She ended that relationship andthankful for it because now
(05:21):
she's happily married to a manwho absolutely evokes positive
emotions within her.
Now listen, here's what I don'twant you to hear.
I don't want you to hear that weare the center of our universe
and that we should only be withpeople who treat us like
absolute royalty all the time.
That's not even feasible.
That's not realistic.
(05:41):
Of course, that's not going tohappen.
But overall, the most basicprinciple in relationships is
that we want to do the thingsthat evoke positive emotions
within other people, and we wantto stop doing the things that
evoke those negative emotions.
Emotional attraction is so keyto falling in love.
I want you to think about it.
(06:03):
When you first met your husbandor your wife, when you were
still dating, what were thethings they did that you felt,
man?
I love the way I feel beingaround them.
Maybe it was how he looked atyou.
Maybe it was how she would holdyour hand or how she would
comfort you whenever you gotstressed out.
(06:25):
What was it about your spousethat you loved?
Think about it.
You probably haven't thoughtabout it in a while.
And this brings us to the lastof the pies, which is spiritual
attraction.
We tend to be attracted topeople who we believe have
similar or better beliefs andvalues than we do.
When my husband and I firststarted dating, one of the first
(06:48):
things that my friends, becausewe all went to the same college
together, even though I saw himon Facebook, my friends knew
him.
They had gone on mission tripswith him.
And they didn't know that he andI had known each other from when
we were just kids.
But they said, Oh, Kimberly, youhave got to date him.
He is such a great guy.
(07:09):
And then they would go on totell me about his generosity and
about how he had served in allof these different places and
the way that he gave of himselfselflessly.
That made him even moreattractive in my eyes because
that was the kind of belief andvalue I had.
I valued a generous person whohad a strong Christian faith and
(07:31):
would be selfless in giving andserving and helping others.
And so that just was the cherryand icing on top of the whole
situation that really solidifiedhow attractive I was to him.
Now, here's the thing (07:44):
this is just the first part of falling
in love, but each of these fourareas you can think of as having
a scale.
And here's what I don't want youto do.
I don't want you to think, man,I am, I need to like rate my
husband or rate my wife on howattracted I feel to them in each
of these areas.
I don't think that's going tohelp you right now.
(08:05):
What you need to do is thinkabout you.
Because one of the keyprinciples that we teach at
Marriage Helper is how do youcontrol you?
You can't control your spouse,you can't change your spouse or
what they're doing.
The only person you can changeor control is yourself.
So rate yourself.
(08:26):
If your spouse was rating youright now on how physically,
intellectually, emotionally, orspiritually attracted they feel
towards you, what do you thinkthey would say?
You can then work on the areathat you feel like might get the
lowest rating.
So if you feel like, man,physically, I just haven't been
(08:47):
taking care of myself.
I haven't been eating right,I've been really depressed
lately, then maybe you shouldstart focusing on doing things
to get you to feel better and tofeel more physically attractive.
Maybe you've stopped talking,maybe you've stopped being
interested in things and beingan interesting person to talk
to.
Maybe you find yourself onlytalking about the kids and taxes
(09:10):
and things that are juststressful.
Bring some light and some funback into your relationship by
working on the intellectualattraction.
Maybe it's the emotionalattraction.
Maybe if you took a real honest,hard look, you would say, you
know what?
My spouse probably feels like Iam not very accepting of them,
(09:30):
or that I'm constantly tellingthem how to do things
differently, or that I don'tlove them as they are.
Maybe you've even just stoppedspending time together.
Spending even just 15 minutes aday with each other in quality
connection time, being able totalk about your day, those 15
minutes a day make a hugedifference.
(09:53):
And it's astounding to me howmany couples don't even do that.
It's a great place that you canstart.
Or maybe spiritually, maybe youhave fallen out of line with
those beliefs and values thatyou held and want to hold
dearer.
What can you do to get back inline with those?
Whether that's going back togoing to church, getting
(10:14):
involved in a small group,reading your Bible, or even just
going out and volunteering.
It's all about doing somethingthat's bigger than you, that's
to serve other people.
What can you do to bring thatattraction back?
This is the first step tofalling back in love.
So then what are the other foursteps?
(10:35):
The next step is acceptance.
And it is really strongly tiedto this E of emotional
attraction.
Because acceptance is all aboutat its core, do you accept me
for who I am as I am withouttrying to change me?
It's when we feel like we aren'tdressing the right way, where we
(10:57):
don't look the right way, whenwe aren't talking the right way,
and our spouse is constantlywanting us to change or to show
up better.
Let me say it this way.
We had a couple that camethrough our workshop a couple of
years ago, and the husband said,My wife, every time she comes
with me to my work events, shejust doesn't talk as well or as
(11:17):
sophisticatedly as the rest ofthe people that go to these
events.
She doesn't dress as perfectlyas some of the other wives.
And it's embarrassing to me.
So for him, she wasn't goodenough.
That's ultimately what he wassaying to her.
He didn't accept her as she was.
He had a set of standards thathe wanted to her, that he wanted
(11:40):
for her to meet in order for herto be acceptable in his eyes.
He didn't accept her, and shedid not like the emotions she
felt when she was around him.
Therefore, this started to erodetheir attraction to each other
and erode the love that theyfelt towards each other.
(12:02):
Acceptance is the key to love.
And this one's a hard onebecause a lot of people get
stuck here on well, how do Iaccept my husband or accept my
wife when they are doing thingsI don't like, when they're
drinking too much, when they'rewatching pornography, when
they're going out and spendingall the money without talking to
me about it.
Those are things you still haveto address.
(12:23):
But we're gonna, we're gonna putthose to the side right now
because we're talking about howyou can fall back in love.
You can handle an issue withoutharming the person.
The issue of their alcoholism orwhatever it is, whatever else it
is that they may be involved in,you can handle that separately
(12:43):
from the way you see and viewand accept them as a human being
as your spouse.
You can absolutely say, I acceptyou for who you are, even if I
cannot tolerate this behavior.
Those two things don't have togo hand in hand.
We live in a world right nowwhere acceptance and tolerance,
it feels like we have to doboth.
(13:04):
In order to accept someone, wealso have to agree with
everything they agree with andeverything that they do.
But we don't.
You can show respect and lovetowards someone and also
fundamentally disagree withsomething that they're doing.
It is maybe an art, probably alost art.
But when it comes to falling inlove, more in love or back in
(13:26):
love with your spouse, this is akey component of what you need
to do.
This leads us to the third stepof falling in love, which we
call attachment.
Now, there's a lot out thereabout attachment theory and a
lot of things that you're gonnasay, ooh, where are you going
with this one?
I'm gonna boil all of it downfor you into something
incredibly simple.
(13:46):
Attachment is all about onething.
I will be there for you when youneed me, no matter what.
You see, when we becomeattracted to someone and we feel
fully accepted by them as we arewithout having to change in
order to earn their love.
And when we know that thisperson is going to be there for
(14:08):
us when we need them, isn't thatthe strongest foundation of love
that there is?
We all long to feel seen andheard and loved and to feel like
we are accepted for who we are.
That is the basis of what loveis.
(14:29):
Also, while knowing that thisperson is committed to me, that
they're not gonna leave whenthings get hard.
That's why marriage vows shouldand do most of the time say,
till death do we part.
And it's unfortunate that welive in a day and age where a
lot of those marriage vows nowsay, as long as we both shall
love, not as long as we bothshall live.
(14:52):
To be truly free in yourmarriage and to have the strong
love that you are searching for,it has to include commitment.
I will be here for you throughthe good and the bad, through
the ups and the downs, no matterwhat.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna agreewith everything you do or with
(15:13):
everything you think, and itdoesn't mean that we're not
gonna have hard times, but thatcommitment basis to it says
we're gonna find a way to makeit through.
And that's really at the corewhat attachment is about.
Which leads us to the last stepof the love path, which is one
that most couples never evenexperience, that we like to call
(15:34):
aspiration.
And I draw and I draw an arrowup and to the right because when
a couple can really nail thisand do it well, they experience
satisfaction and strength oftheir marriage more than most
people ever will.
So, what is aspiration?
(15:54):
Aspiration is all about having ashared dream that you work
towards together as a couple.
It's doing something above andbeyond just for you.
It's finding a way to havetraditions, it's finding a way
to make your marriage matter.
It can be something as simple asthat every couple of months you
(16:15):
go camping together as a family.
And that's something that bringsyou together when life tries to
pull you apart.
Or it may be that you want todedicate your lives to serving
together in some way, whetherwith a nonprofit or at a soup
kitchen or something like that.
You're doing something that isbringing you together when life
tries to pull you apart.
(16:35):
This isn't about just trying toget a multi-million dollar
retirement in a second home inItaly, as great as all those
things might sound, but it's notabout money.
The shared dreams aren't abouthitting some kind of wealth
goal.
It's about creating a life thatyou are excited about, that you
want to work together towards,and that excite and ignites you
(16:56):
and keeps you together, as Isaid, because life is going to
try and pull you apart.
Aspirations, having shareddreams.
This is the icing on top.
This is the next level that ifyour marriage can get to, and if
you have that, then you willkind of stay in love easier.
(17:17):
It's that thing that's going tomotivate you and keep you in it,
keep you committed, and keep youcontinuing to be attracted to
each other.
But here's the thing (17:26):
there's a lot of things that are going to
try and take you off the lovepath.
There's a lot of storms that maycome above the love path that
are going to rain on you, thatare going to make it hard, make
it messy, and maybe even blowyou off course.
Some of these storms can beother people, when affairs
happen.
(17:46):
Some of these storms can be whenlife has really crappy things
that it throws at you.
The loss of a loved one, theloss of a close family member or
friend, the loss of a job, theloss of a dream.
Even going through midlifecrisis, as crazy as it sounds,
is a storm.
It's a time and it's anopportunity where one or both
(18:09):
people in the marriage begin tosay, I know I said I do, but do
I really?
When you can get through thesestorms, your marriage will be
stronger on the other side.
But unfortunately, a lot ofpeople allow these storms to
take them off course, to falloff the love path.
And they begin to think, man,there's no way to get back on.
(18:32):
There's no way for me to fallback in love with my spouse
after I've fallen in love withsomeone else.
There's no way for us to putback together all of the
fighting and hurt that we'vecaused each other.
There's no way that we can fallback in love with each other and
that I can feel about my spousethe way that I used to feel
about my spouse.
And maybe you're even thinking,I just want to feel alive again.
(18:56):
I want to feel in love again.
I want to feel like I matter tosomeone again.
And I don't see a way forward ofhow I can do that with my
husband or with my wife.
So maybe I just need to startover.
Maybe I just need to go and bewith someone else and do what
makes me happy.
(19:17):
Here's what I am begging you tothink about first.
First of all, any person thatyou enter into this love path
on, you're going to experiencethe same problems.
It's not the person.
It's not the person that's goingto fix the issues.
It's fixing the issues in therelationship that you've already
(19:38):
committed to, the one thatyou've already built together,
the one that you already havehistory and children and all of
these things that you've donetogether, you can fall back in
love.
And it all starts with goingback to the beginning of the
love path.
It all starts by going back tohow can I be the most attractive
(20:00):
that I can be, physically,intellectually, emotionally,
spiritually, not in order to beaccepted, but in order for me to
be my best self.
Because that is what will bringyour spouse back.
As we like to say at MarriageHelper, if anything works, this
will.
And not because you have thefocus of trying to get the other
person to come back, it's not amanipulation tactic.
(20:22):
It's because this is theabsolute best thing you can do
for you, no matter what happens.
When you start working onyourself and increasing evoking
positive emotions within others,which remember, this is a key
tie-in right into acceptance.
When your spouse can begin tofeel accepted by you again, when
you show your spouse throughyour actions and behaviors and
(20:45):
words that you are going to bethere for them no matter what.
And when you can create a futureand dream life together that you
are both excited about, this iswhat you're wanting.
This is what creates love.
This is what creates lastingmarriages that have a legacy
impact for your kids and beyond.
(21:05):
And so I hope you do it.
How to fall in love again in2026.
Guess what?
It's the same every single year.
And it's following this processthat we have seen work time and
time again in the craziest ofsituations that you would
probably look at and say,there's no way that those people
could fall back in love.
(21:26):
They can.
And you can too.
So if you want to know moreabout attraction and how you can
continue to work more on yourpies to become the best you can
be, you can also go and see mypersonal YouTube channel at
Kimberly Beam Holmes.
You'll also see it in the shownotes.
I have a ton of videos on thereon that.
But if you want more about yourmarriage and you begin thinking,
(21:46):
you know what?
Maybe this is workable.
Maybe we can fall back in love.
We have so many videos on thischannel.
I encourage you to even watchthe next one that we have that's
going to show up on the screen.
But be sure you subscribe.
And until next time, rememberthere is always hope.
Here's how to fall in love again in 2026.
(00:04):
If your marriage has been reallysuffering on the brink, and
maybe you have lost thosefeelings of attraction, you are
no longer feeling those feelingsof being madly in love with your
wife or with your husband.
You can get it back.
Don't throw your marriage awayyet.
Follow the four-step processthat I am going to show you
(00:24):
today, and this can absolutelyrevitalize your relationship and
save your marriage.
So, what are the four steps foryou to follow?
Well, here's the thing (00:34):
falling in love all starts with one
thing.
Attraction.
In fact, when we look at theprocess of falling in love, as I
said, I'm going to share foursteps with you.
But as I said, it all startswith attraction.
And even furthermore, when welook at attraction, there are
four areas of attraction that weare initially and forever
(00:58):
attracted to in our spouse.
We call them the pies.
In fact, they're the pies ofattraction.
So what are the pies?
What does it stand for?
Well, the P stands for physical.
I want you to think back to whenyou first met your spouse.
I remember when I first met myhusband.
Actually, when I first met myhusband, I was about three years
(01:21):
old and we were fighting over ared toy car.
Who was gonna play with it?
But as we got older and we remetin college, I remember exactly
what I thought about him when Isaw him.
I first saw his Facebook profilepicture and remembered him from
when we were kids, and Ithought, man, that guy got real
(01:43):
hot.
I loved his smile, his eyes, hisgreen eyes.
There were so many thingsphysically that attracted me to
my husband.
And there were things thatphysically attracted you to your
husband or to your wife.
What were they?
When was the last time that youeven thought about this?
Physical attraction isimportant.
(02:05):
It stays important throughoutour lifetime.
And typically, when we meetpeople, especially in person,
physical is the first thing thatreally attracts us to someone.
We see something that we findattractive and it leads us to
want to know more about theperson, which is what leads us
to the I, which is intellectualattraction.
It was one thing for my husbandto have those beautiful green
(02:28):
eyes and to be tall and all ofthose things.
But how did we know that we wereactually going to mesh?
How did we know that there wasgoing to be chemistry there?
We did that through talking,learning about each other,
telling stories about eachother.
We would do this on dates.
We had a long-distancerelationship for the majority,
actually for all of the timethat we were dating.
(02:51):
And so we talked a lot on thephone.
We got to know a whole lot abouteach other.
And whenever we would see eachother about every other weekend,
we would play what we call thequestion game.
So as we were going to dates, aswe were going to the movies, we
would just ask each otherquestions.
And the game was super simple.
Here's how it went.
I would ask him any question Iwanted to.
(03:13):
He had to answer.
But the only rule was hecouldn't ask me the same
question back on his next turn.
He could ask it in the future,but not then.
So simple, right?
But we learned so much abouteach other during that time.
And I realized this is someone Iam intellectually attracted to.
He's smart.
(03:33):
I like the things that he knowsand that he finds interesting.
I find myself learning andgrowing by just being around
him.
I was intellectually attracted.
Then there is the E, which isemotional attraction.
And emotional attraction is allabout does this person evoke
emotions within me that I enjoyfeeling?
(03:56):
I remember when we would go ondates, and my husband would open
every door for me.
He was the first guy I dated whocould afford to pay for my
meals.
And I remember feeling like sucha princess whenever I was around
him.
It was not uncommon for him tosend me flowers, and I would
(04:17):
just wake up in my dorm onemorning and he had had someone
deliver me flowers.
He would send me text messagestelling me to have a great day.
I liked the way I felt when Iwas around him.
And this is a crucial part ofattraction.
Because when you don't like theway that someone makes you feel,
guess what?
(04:38):
You don't want to be aroundthem.
I had a friend who was dating aguy several years ago, and he
things were going well the firstcouple of months, but then
summer came around.
They started going to the beachtogether, to the pool together,
and he started saying thesecomments, like, you know, you
would look a whole lot better inthat swimsuit if you would just
lose about 15 pounds.
(04:59):
The audacity, first of all, ofthe guy to say that, but also
how do you think she felt?
She felt emotions she didn'tlike.
She felt not good enough.
She felt judged.
She felt like she couldn'tactually be herself around this
person.
And it was a huge red flag.
She ended that relationship andthankful for it because now
(05:21):
she's happily married to a manwho absolutely evokes positive
emotions within her.
Now listen, here's what I don'twant you to hear.
I don't want you to hear that weare the center of our universe
and that we should only be withpeople who treat us like
absolute royalty all the time.
That's not even feasible.
That's not realistic.
(05:41):
Of course, that's not going tohappen.
But overall, the most basicprinciple in relationships is
that we want to do the thingsthat evoke positive emotions
within other people, and we wantto stop doing the things that
evoke those negative emotions.
Emotional attraction is so keyto falling in love.
I want you to think about it.
(06:03):
When you first met your husbandor your wife, when you were
still dating, what were thethings they did that you felt,
man?
I love the way I feel beingaround them.
Maybe it was how he looked atyou.
Maybe it was how she would holdyour hand or how she would
comfort you whenever you gotstressed out.
(06:25):
What was it about your spousethat you loved?
Think about it.
You probably haven't thoughtabout it in a while.
And this brings us to the lastof the pies, which is spiritual
attraction.
We tend to be attracted topeople who we believe have
similar or better beliefs andvalues than we do.
When my husband and I firststarted dating, one of the first
(06:48):
things that my friends, becausewe all went to the same college
together, even though I saw himon Facebook, my friends knew
him.
They had gone on mission tripswith him.
And they didn't know that he andI had known each other from when
we were just kids.
But they said, Oh, Kimberly, youhave got to date him.
He is such a great guy.
(07:09):
And then they would go on totell me about his generosity and
about how he had served in allof these different places and
the way that he gave of himselfselflessly.
That made him even moreattractive in my eyes because
that was the kind of belief andvalue I had.
I valued a generous person whohad a strong Christian faith and
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would be selfless in giving andserving and helping others.
And so that just was the cherryand icing on top of the whole
situation that really solidifiedhow attractive I was to him.
Now, here's the thing (07:44):
this is just the first part of falling
in love, but each of these fourareas you can think of as having
a scale.
And here's what I don't want youto do.
I don't want you to think, man,I am, I need to like rate my
husband or rate my wife on howattracted I feel to them in each
of these areas.
I don't think that's going tohelp you right now.
(08:05):
What you need to do is thinkabout you.
Because one of the keyprinciples that we teach at
Marriage Helper is how do youcontrol you?
You can't control your spouse,you can't change your spouse or
what they're doing.
The only person you can changeor control is yourself.
So rate yourself.
(08:26):
If your spouse was rating youright now on how physically,
intellectually, emotionally, orspiritually attracted they feel
towards you, what do you thinkthey would say?
You can then work on the areathat you feel like might get the
lowest rating.
So if you feel like, man,physically, I just haven't been
(08:47):
taking care of myself.
I haven't been eating right,I've been really depressed
lately, then maybe you shouldstart focusing on doing things
to get you to feel better and tofeel more physically attractive.
Maybe you've stopped talking,maybe you've stopped being
interested in things and beingan interesting person to talk
to.
Maybe you find yourself onlytalking about the kids and taxes
(09:10):
and things that are juststressful.
Bring some light and some funback into your relationship by
working on the intellectualattraction.
Maybe it's the emotionalattraction.
Maybe if you took a real honest,hard look, you would say, you
know what?
My spouse probably feels like Iam not very accepting of them,
(09:30):
or that I'm constantly tellingthem how to do things
differently, or that I don'tlove them as they are.
Maybe you've even just stoppedspending time together.
Spending even just 15 minutes aday with each other in quality
connection time, being able totalk about your day, those 15
minutes a day make a hugedifference.
(09:53):
And it's astounding to me howmany couples don't even do that.
It's a great place that you canstart.
Or maybe spiritually, maybe youhave fallen out of line with
those beliefs and values thatyou held and want to hold
dearer.
What can you do to get back inline with those?
Whether that's going back togoing to church, getting
(10:14):
involved in a small group,reading your Bible, or even just
going out and volunteering.
It's all about doing somethingthat's bigger than you, that's
to serve other people.
What can you do to bring thatattraction back?
This is the first step tofalling back in love.
So then what are the other foursteps?
(10:35):
The next step is acceptance.
And it is really strongly tiedto this E of emotional
attraction.
Because acceptance is all aboutat its core, do you accept me
for who I am as I am withouttrying to change me?
It's when we feel like we aren'tdressing the right way, where we
(10:57):
don't look the right way, whenwe aren't talking the right way,
and our spouse is constantlywanting us to change or to show
up better.
Let me say it this way.
We had a couple that camethrough our workshop a couple of
years ago, and the husband said,My wife, every time she comes
with me to my work events, shejust doesn't talk as well or as
(11:17):
sophisticatedly as the rest ofthe people that go to these
events.
She doesn't dress as perfectlyas some of the other wives.
And it's embarrassing to me.
So for him, she wasn't goodenough.
That's ultimately what he wassaying to her.
He didn't accept her as she was.
He had a set of standards thathe wanted to her, that he wanted
(11:40):
for her to meet in order for herto be acceptable in his eyes.
He didn't accept her, and shedid not like the emotions she
felt when she was around him.
Therefore, this started to erodetheir attraction to each other
and erode the love that theyfelt towards each other.
(12:02):
Acceptance is the key to love.
And this one's a hard onebecause a lot of people get
stuck here on well, how do Iaccept my husband or accept my
wife when they are doing thingsI don't like, when they're
drinking too much, when they'rewatching pornography, when
they're going out and spendingall the money without talking to
me about it.
Those are things you still haveto address.
(12:23):
But we're gonna, we're gonna putthose to the side right now
because we're talking about howyou can fall back in love.
You can handle an issue withoutharming the person.
The issue of their alcoholism orwhatever it is, whatever else it
is that they may be involved in,you can handle that separately
(12:43):
from the way you see and viewand accept them as a human being
as your spouse.
You can absolutely say, I acceptyou for who you are, even if I
cannot tolerate this behavior.
Those two things don't have togo hand in hand.
We live in a world right nowwhere acceptance and tolerance,
it feels like we have to doboth.
(13:04):
In order to accept someone, wealso have to agree with
everything they agree with andeverything that they do.
But we don't.
You can show respect and lovetowards someone and also
fundamentally disagree withsomething that they're doing.
It is maybe an art, probably alost art.
But when it comes to falling inlove, more in love or back in
(13:26):
love with your spouse, this is akey component of what you need
to do.
This leads us to the third stepof falling in love, which we
call attachment.
Now, there's a lot out thereabout attachment theory and a
lot of things that you're gonnasay, ooh, where are you going
with this one?
I'm gonna boil all of it downfor you into something
incredibly simple.
(13:46):
Attachment is all about onething.
I will be there for you when youneed me, no matter what.
You see, when we becomeattracted to someone and we feel
fully accepted by them as we arewithout having to change in
order to earn their love.
And when we know that thisperson is going to be there for
(14:08):
us when we need them, isn't thatthe strongest foundation of love
that there is?
We all long to feel seen andheard and loved and to feel like
we are accepted for who we are.
That is the basis of what loveis.
(14:29):
Also, while knowing that thisperson is committed to me, that
they're not gonna leave whenthings get hard.
That's why marriage vows shouldand do most of the time say,
till death do we part.
And it's unfortunate that welive in a day and age where a
lot of those marriage vows nowsay, as long as we both shall
love, not as long as we bothshall live.
(14:52):
To be truly free in yourmarriage and to have the strong
love that you are searching for,it has to include commitment.
I will be here for you throughthe good and the bad, through
the ups and the downs, no matterwhat.
It doesn't mean I'm gonna agreewith everything you do or with
(15:13):
everything you think, and itdoesn't mean that we're not
gonna have hard times, but thatcommitment basis to it says
we're gonna find a way to makeit through.
And that's really at the corewhat attachment is about.
Which leads us to the last stepof the love path, which is one
that most couples never evenexperience, that we like to call
(15:34):
aspiration.
And I draw and I draw an arrowup and to the right because when
a couple can really nail thisand do it well, they experience
satisfaction and strength oftheir marriage more than most
people ever will.
So, what is aspiration?
(15:54):
Aspiration is all about having ashared dream that you work
towards together as a couple.
It's doing something above andbeyond just for you.
It's finding a way to havetraditions, it's finding a way
to make your marriage matter.
It can be something as simple asthat every couple of months you
(16:15):
go camping together as a family.
And that's something that bringsyou together when life tries to
pull you apart.
Or it may be that you want todedicate your lives to serving
together in some way, whetherwith a nonprofit or at a soup
kitchen or something like that.
You're doing something that isbringing you together when life
tries to pull you apart.
(16:35):
This isn't about just trying toget a multi-million dollar
retirement in a second home inItaly, as great as all those
things might sound, but it's notabout money.
The shared dreams aren't abouthitting some kind of wealth
goal.
It's about creating a life thatyou are excited about, that you
want to work together towards,and that excite and ignites you
(16:56):
and keeps you together, as Isaid, because life is going to
try and pull you apart.
Aspirations, having shareddreams.
This is the icing on top.
This is the next level that ifyour marriage can get to, and if
you have that, then you willkind of stay in love easier.
(17:17):
It's that thing that's going tomotivate you and keep you in it,
keep you committed, and keep youcontinuing to be attracted to
each other.
But here's the thing (17:26):
there's a lot of things that are going to
try and take you off the lovepath.
There's a lot of storms that maycome above the love path that
are going to rain on you, thatare going to make it hard, make
it messy, and maybe even blowyou off course.
Some of these storms can beother people, when affairs
happen.
(17:46):
Some of these storms can be whenlife has really crappy things
that it throws at you.
The loss of a loved one, theloss of a close family member or
friend, the loss of a job, theloss of a dream.
Even going through midlifecrisis, as crazy as it sounds,
is a storm.
It's a time and it's anopportunity where one or both
(18:09):
people in the marriage begin tosay, I know I said I do, but do
I really?
When you can get through thesestorms, your marriage will be
stronger on the other side.
But unfortunately, a lot ofpeople allow these storms to
take them off course, to falloff the love path.
And they begin to think, man,there's no way to get back on.
(18:32):
There's no way for me to fallback in love with my spouse
after I've fallen in love withsomeone else.
There's no way for us to putback together all of the
fighting and hurt that we'vecaused each other.
There's no way that we can fallback in love with each other and
that I can feel about my spousethe way that I used to feel
about my spouse.
And maybe you're even thinking,I just want to feel alive again.
(18:56):
I want to feel in love again.
I want to feel like I matter tosomeone again.
And I don't see a way forward ofhow I can do that with my
husband or with my wife.
So maybe I just need to startover.
Maybe I just need to go and bewith someone else and do what
makes me happy.
(19:17):
Here's what I am begging you tothink about first.
First of all, any person thatyou enter into this love path
on, you're going to experiencethe same problems.
It's not the person.
It's not the person that's goingto fix the issues.
It's fixing the issues in therelationship that you've already
(19:38):
committed to, the one thatyou've already built together,
the one that you already havehistory and children and all of
these things that you've donetogether, you can fall back in
love.
And it all starts with goingback to the beginning of the
love path.
It all starts by going back tohow can I be the most attractive
(20:00):
that I can be, physically,intellectually, emotionally,
spiritually, not in order to beaccepted, but in order for me to
be my best self.
Because that is what will bringyour spouse back.
As we like to say at MarriageHelper, if anything works, this
will.
And not because you have thefocus of trying to get the other
person to come back, it's not amanipulation tactic.
(20:22):
It's because this is theabsolute best thing you can do
for you, no matter what happens.
When you start working onyourself and increasing evoking
positive emotions within others,which remember, this is a key
tie-in right into acceptance.
When your spouse can begin tofeel accepted by you again, when
you show your spouse throughyour actions and behaviors and
(20:45):
words that you are going to bethere for them no matter what.
And when you can create a futureand dream life together that you
are both excited about, this iswhat you're wanting.
This is what creates love.
This is what creates lastingmarriages that have a legacy
impact for your kids and beyond.
(21:05):
And so I hope you do it.
How to fall in love again in2026.
Guess what?
It's the same every single year.
And it's following this processthat we have seen work time and
time again in the craziest ofsituations that you would
probably look at and say,there's no way that those people
could fall back in love.
(21:26):
They can.
And you can too.
So if you want to know moreabout attraction and how you can
continue to work more on yourpies to become the best you can
be, you can also go and see mypersonal YouTube channel at
Kimberly Beam Holmes.
You'll also see it in the shownotes.
I have a ton of videos on thereon that.
But if you want more about yourmarriage and you begin thinking,
(21:46):
you know what?
Maybe this is workable.
Maybe we can fall back in love.
We have so many videos on thischannel.
I encourage you to even watchthe next one that we have that's
going to show up on the screen.
But be sure you subscribe.
And until next time, rememberthere is always hope.
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