October 30, 2025 • 11 mins
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If your wife is the primary income earner in your home, this video is for you. More and more marriages today are experiencing a shift in traditional roles — and many husbands aren’t sure how to navigate it. You may fully support your wife’s success and still find yourself wrestling with confidence, identity, or how to “lead” in the relationship without competing with her.
In this video, Kimberly Beam Holmes shares:
Why this role reversal can create unexpected stress in a marriage
What your wife actually needs from you emotionally
How to step up as a confident, loving husband (without becoming controlling or passive)
How to work together as a team so both of you feel respected, valued, and connected
You don’t have to make more money to play a meaningful, strong, and respected role in your marriage. And your wife doesn’t want to compete with you — she wants to be on the same team with you.
There is a path forward where your marriage can feel balanced, secure, and deeply connected again.
If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free
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Transcript
Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
If you are a man married to a woman who is the
primary income earner in yourhome, then this video is for
you.
Here's the thing (00:07):
this is becoming more and more common.
And historically, our societyhas not really had this.
It has been that men hadn't haveeither been the only ones
working outside the home or theones earning more money when
they work outside the home.
But over the past couple ofdecades, really, but especially
over the past 10 years, it ismore and more common that women
(00:31):
are having highly successfuljobs, becoming business owners,
C-suite level, all of thosethings, still not at the rate of
men, but more common.
And it affects your marriage.
And I'm going to explain why andwhat you specifically, as the
husband of a woman who isworking at a high level in
(00:53):
business, can do about it.
So here's what we have tounderstand.
When women work outside the homeand when they work more outside
the home, we are beginning tosee that actually this may end
up causing a higher divorce ratefor these marriages, unless you
understand what's really goingon and what you need to do in
(01:15):
order to save your marriage fromdivorce when this is your
situation.
Part of this is because men arethe ones primed to have the
desire to provide and protect.
You know this.
You're the man.
And so there's likely a part ofyou, even if you fully support
your wife, there's likely a partof you that wishes that you were
(01:37):
the one.
I know because I've even seen itfrom my husband.
He has said before, I he is mybiggest cheerleader.
I know that for sure.
But he has also expressed thedesire he wished that I didn't
have that burden on me.
He has said that he supports me,but that he ultimately just
wants to make one dollar morethan me so that he can know that
(01:59):
he is doing his part.
My husband does his part in alot of ways.
And he does bring in money andan income, but it looks
different.
And it looks different than whatI do.
And honestly, there are yearswhere I bring in more than he
does.
Here's what you need to knowabout me.
And most women, I would say 90to 95% of women who are the
primary income earners don'tcare about the money.
(02:22):
I'm gonna talk more about thatin a minute.
But what you do need tounderstand is that you are the
one biologically primed to wantto provide and to want to
protect, while women arebiologically primed to want to
have a strong social setting andto nurture.
That is just how we are wireddifferently.
(02:44):
But because of each of our eachgender's individual giftings, it
is what makes them powerful indifferent ways in leadership and
in business.
And so that's one of the reasonsthat female entrepreneurs,
female C-suite leaders, femalebusiness owners are so
successful because there'snatural giftings that we have as
(03:06):
women that can really help makegreat organizations.
Now, that doesn't mean that itmakes it easy on the family.
Maybe you like the fact thatyour wife is able to bring home
an income and you like itbecause of what it does for you
and what it does for what yourfamily is able to do.
And that's great.
But here's the thing you need toknow.
(03:30):
Here's number one.
Your wife is overwhelmed.
She doesn't probably really wantto be the primary income earner.
She just wants to make adifference.
She just wants to use herGod-given skills in a way that
matters to the world.
She cares about the people thatshe leads.
She cares about the future ofthe company that she works at.
(03:52):
But that doesn't mean she caresmore about those things than she
cares about you and about thefamily.
But she's overwhelmed.
And when she gets home fromwork, she wants to feel like you
are a team.
There's a song, a country songby Kenny Chesney from years ago
called Just Be the Woman WithYou, or The Woman With You is
the title of it.
(04:13):
And the lyrics of it say it'sabout this woman who is working
hard all day.
And the chorus says, I've beengopher and chauffeur and company
chairman, coffee maker, companyrepairman.
Anymore, there ain't nothing, Iswear, that I won't do.
I've been juggling all of thesethings, dancing backwards in
(04:35):
high heels, but just when itfeels like I can't make it
through, it sure feels nice tojust come home and be the woman
with you.
That's how it feels.
We just want to come home andhave peace.
Because our life at work isn'talways peaceful.
When we come home, we want tospend time with you.
(04:56):
We want to spend time with thekids.
We want to do things together.
We want to feel like we'recoming home to a team.
I love being able to come homeand do things with my family.
Even if it's just sitting on thecouch and talking about the day,
or if it's making dinnertogether, it makes such a big
difference in how I'm able toreset and stop working from home
(05:18):
when I get home and bringingwork home with me.
And so please understand that.
Number one, about your wife.
Number two, what I hope youunderstand about your wife is
she really doesn't care aboutthe money.
More than likely, she reallyjust wants to make an impact.
Like I said earlier.
She cares about the differencethat's being made.
(05:39):
She cares about the lives thatshe's able to touch.
She cares about the outcome thatshe's able to help produce at
work.
That's what she cares about.
It's not about the money.
So if you ever feel tempted tothink, man, she's just doing
this because she wants X, Y, andZ, try not to make those
assumptions.
I would encourage you to justsometimes maybe ask her, if
(06:00):
you've never before, what do youlove about what you do?
Why do you love to do what youdo?
Try and understand more abouther motivation, her drive, and
the satisfaction that she givesfrom her work.
And I think that can help you asyou and if you start to feel
resentful about the success thatshe's having and start comparing
(06:24):
yourself to her, because that isa trap that I promise you don't
want to fall in.
Your wife is not trying tocompete with you.
Your wife sees you as part ofthe team.
You are a part of her team.
You as a couple, literally, thebasic definition of a marriage
is that you are a team together.
You are agreeing and committingto be there for each other, to
(06:47):
get through all of the trialsthat life throws at you as one,
as a team, doing it together.
Therefore, keep that mindset.
She's on your side, you shouldbe on hers.
She should be on your side, andyou should be on hers.
That's the way that you need toapproach all of the situations
that are thrown at you.
(07:08):
And number three, you may needto step up.
You may need to step up ifyou're the kind of person, if
you're the kind of husband whois not wanting to step on her
toes, who's scared of making hermad, who has really let her run
the ship because you don't wantto upset her.
if your wife is a super strong personality, a
(07:28):
fast decision maker, likes tomake things happen, is in a type
A personality, then she wantssomeone to challenge her.
And you may be sitting there ifyou're someone who's a slower
processor, who is more conflictavoidant, who doesn't like the
fast pace that maybe your wifemoves at.
(07:49):
You may feel like you just needto keep your mouth shut or to do
what she wants in order for herto be happy.
I am here to tell you it's notwhat she wants.
It's not what she wants.
Most of the guys that I datedbefore I married my husband,
they were that kind of person.
I would end up just running allover them and they would just do
whatever I wanted them to do.
(08:09):
And that's when I lostattraction for them.
And that's why when I found myhusband, my dad said to him
before we ever got married, youcan't let her run over you.
You have to match her strength.
And he always has.
My husband makes decisions, hepicks date night ideas, he
(08:31):
figures things out.
Sometimes it's not what I wouldhave chosen.
And you know what?
Sometimes I am mad at the choicehe made, but I respect the fact
that he steps up and he makesthings happen.
So if you are the kind of fanwho has been scared to do that
because you don't want to stepon her toes, it's time for you
to start taking some ownershipand start stepping up.
(08:53):
Now, I don't know exactly whatthat looks like in your
situation.
And I'm not saying that you needto become a bulldozer and that
you just need to start makingdecisions without thinking about
her or the outcome or anythinglike that.
But it could literally be aseasy as when she comes home from
work exhausted, exasperated, andsays, What's for dinner?
(09:14):
instead of you saying, Well,what do you want?
Just say, let's go here.
Let's do this.
Start making some smalldecisions because she does not
want to make all of them.
I am, I promise, I promise yourwife does not want to make all
of these decisions.
She wants someone to be astrength equal to her, just as
she is to be a strength equal toyou.
(09:36):
And that should be the way thatyou approach things.
The goal isn't for you to be thesame.
And your marriage can workextremely well, even if your
wife is the primary incomeearner.
But you need to make sure thatyou are respected, you need to
make sure that she feelsrespected.
And here's the thing marriagescan thrive as long as both
(10:00):
people feel liked, loved, andrespected.
So make sure you are doing yourpart.
Make sure that you're not makingassumptions about your wife or
why she's doing what she'sdoing, because that will just
lead to more resentment.
And see this as an opportunityfor you to grow together as a
team.
I would love for you to commentbelow.
(10:22):
Has this felt like yoursituation?
And if so, how?
How have you allowed your wifebeing the primary income earner,
maybe to hurt your ownself-esteem or to stop you from
making decisions that you knowyou've needed to make as the
husband?
What have you learned from thisvideo that is going to help
change that trajectory in orderto save your marriage and make
(10:44):
it better?
Leave it in the chat.
I would love to know.
I also would love for you tosubscribe so that you can get
notifications every time werelease new videos, which is
very often videos that will helpyou save your marriage.
Until next time, remember thereis always hope.
If you are a man married to a woman who is the
primary income earner in yourhome, then this video is for
you.
Here's the thing (00:07):
this is becoming more and more common.
And historically, our societyhas not really had this.
It has been that men hadn't haveeither been the only ones
working outside the home or theones earning more money when
they work outside the home.
But over the past couple ofdecades, really, but especially
over the past 10 years, it ismore and more common that women
(00:31):
are having highly successfuljobs, becoming business owners,
C-suite level, all of thosethings, still not at the rate of
men, but more common.
And it affects your marriage.
And I'm going to explain why andwhat you specifically, as the
husband of a woman who isworking at a high level in
(00:53):
business, can do about it.
So here's what we have tounderstand.
When women work outside the homeand when they work more outside
the home, we are beginning tosee that actually this may end
up causing a higher divorce ratefor these marriages, unless you
understand what's really goingon and what you need to do in
(01:15):
order to save your marriage fromdivorce when this is your
situation.
Part of this is because men arethe ones primed to have the
desire to provide and protect.
You know this.
You're the man.
And so there's likely a part ofyou, even if you fully support
your wife, there's likely a partof you that wishes that you were
(01:37):
the one.
I know because I've even seen itfrom my husband.
He has said before, I he is mybiggest cheerleader.
I know that for sure.
But he has also expressed thedesire he wished that I didn't
have that burden on me.
He has said that he supports me,but that he ultimately just
wants to make one dollar morethan me so that he can know that
(01:59):
he is doing his part.
My husband does his part in alot of ways.
And he does bring in money andan income, but it looks
different.
And it looks different than whatI do.
And honestly, there are yearswhere I bring in more than he
does.
Here's what you need to knowabout me.
And most women, I would say 90to 95% of women who are the
primary income earners don'tcare about the money.
(02:22):
I'm gonna talk more about thatin a minute.
But what you do need tounderstand is that you are the
one biologically primed to wantto provide and to want to
protect, while women arebiologically primed to want to
have a strong social setting andto nurture.
That is just how we are wireddifferently.
(02:44):
But because of each of our eachgender's individual giftings, it
is what makes them powerful indifferent ways in leadership and
in business.
And so that's one of the reasonsthat female entrepreneurs,
female C-suite leaders, femalebusiness owners are so
successful because there'snatural giftings that we have as
(03:06):
women that can really help makegreat organizations.
Now, that doesn't mean that itmakes it easy on the family.
Maybe you like the fact thatyour wife is able to bring home
an income and you like itbecause of what it does for you
and what it does for what yourfamily is able to do.
And that's great.
But here's the thing you need toknow.
(03:30):
Here's number one.
Your wife is overwhelmed.
She doesn't probably really wantto be the primary income earner.
She just wants to make adifference.
She just wants to use herGod-given skills in a way that
matters to the world.
She cares about the people thatshe leads.
She cares about the future ofthe company that she works at.
(03:52):
But that doesn't mean she caresmore about those things than she
cares about you and about thefamily.
But she's overwhelmed.
And when she gets home fromwork, she wants to feel like you
are a team.
There's a song, a country songby Kenny Chesney from years ago
called Just Be the Woman WithYou, or The Woman With You is
the title of it.
(04:13):
And the lyrics of it say it'sabout this woman who is working
hard all day.
And the chorus says, I've beengopher and chauffeur and company
chairman, coffee maker, companyrepairman.
Anymore, there ain't nothing, Iswear, that I won't do.
I've been juggling all of thesethings, dancing backwards in
(04:35):
high heels, but just when itfeels like I can't make it
through, it sure feels nice tojust come home and be the woman
with you.
That's how it feels.
We just want to come home andhave peace.
Because our life at work isn'talways peaceful.
When we come home, we want tospend time with you.
(04:56):
We want to spend time with thekids.
We want to do things together.
We want to feel like we'recoming home to a team.
I love being able to come homeand do things with my family.
Even if it's just sitting on thecouch and talking about the day,
or if it's making dinnertogether, it makes such a big
difference in how I'm able toreset and stop working from home
(05:18):
when I get home and bringingwork home with me.
And so please understand that.
Number one, about your wife.
Number two, what I hope youunderstand about your wife is
she really doesn't care aboutthe money.
More than likely, she reallyjust wants to make an impact.
Like I said earlier.
She cares about the differencethat's being made.
(05:39):
She cares about the lives thatshe's able to touch.
She cares about the outcome thatshe's able to help produce at
work.
That's what she cares about.
It's not about the money.
So if you ever feel tempted tothink, man, she's just doing
this because she wants X, Y, andZ, try not to make those
assumptions.
I would encourage you to justsometimes maybe ask her, if
(06:00):
you've never before, what do youlove about what you do?
Why do you love to do what youdo?
Try and understand more abouther motivation, her drive, and
the satisfaction that she givesfrom her work.
And I think that can help you asyou and if you start to feel
resentful about the success thatshe's having and start comparing
(06:24):
yourself to her, because that isa trap that I promise you don't
want to fall in.
Your wife is not trying tocompete with you.
Your wife sees you as part ofthe team.
You are a part of her team.
You as a couple, literally, thebasic definition of a marriage
is that you are a team together.
You are agreeing and committingto be there for each other, to
(06:47):
get through all of the trialsthat life throws at you as one,
as a team, doing it together.
Therefore, keep that mindset.
She's on your side, you shouldbe on hers.
She should be on your side, andyou should be on hers.
That's the way that you need toapproach all of the situations
that are thrown at you.
(07:08):
And number three, you may needto step up.
You may need to step up ifyou're the kind of person, if
you're the kind of husband whois not wanting to step on her
toes, who's scared of making hermad, who has really let her run
the ship because you don't wantto upset her.
if your wife is a super strong personality, a
(07:28):
fast decision maker, likes tomake things happen, is in a type
A personality, then she wantssomeone to challenge her.
And you may be sitting there ifyou're someone who's a slower
processor, who is more conflictavoidant, who doesn't like the
fast pace that maybe your wifemoves at.
(07:49):
You may feel like you just needto keep your mouth shut or to do
what she wants in order for herto be happy.
I am here to tell you it's notwhat she wants.
It's not what she wants.
Most of the guys that I datedbefore I married my husband,
they were that kind of person.
I would end up just running allover them and they would just do
whatever I wanted them to do.
(08:09):
And that's when I lostattraction for them.
And that's why when I found myhusband, my dad said to him
before we ever got married, youcan't let her run over you.
You have to match her strength.
And he always has.
My husband makes decisions, hepicks date night ideas, he
(08:31):
figures things out.
Sometimes it's not what I wouldhave chosen.
And you know what?
Sometimes I am mad at the choicehe made, but I respect the fact
that he steps up and he makesthings happen.
So if you are the kind of fanwho has been scared to do that
because you don't want to stepon her toes, it's time for you
to start taking some ownershipand start stepping up.
(08:53):
Now, I don't know exactly whatthat looks like in your
situation.
And I'm not saying that you needto become a bulldozer and that
you just need to start makingdecisions without thinking about
her or the outcome or anythinglike that.
But it could literally be aseasy as when she comes home from
work exhausted, exasperated, andsays, What's for dinner?
(09:14):
instead of you saying, Well,what do you want?
Just say, let's go here.
Let's do this.
Start making some smalldecisions because she does not
want to make all of them.
I am, I promise, I promise yourwife does not want to make all
of these decisions.
She wants someone to be astrength equal to her, just as
she is to be a strength equal toyou.
(09:36):
And that should be the way thatyou approach things.
The goal isn't for you to be thesame.
And your marriage can workextremely well, even if your
wife is the primary incomeearner.
But you need to make sure thatyou are respected, you need to
make sure that she feelsrespected.
And here's the thing marriagescan thrive as long as both
(10:00):
people feel liked, loved, andrespected.
So make sure you are doing yourpart.
Make sure that you're not makingassumptions about your wife or
why she's doing what she'sdoing, because that will just
lead to more resentment.
And see this as an opportunityfor you to grow together as a
team.
I would love for you to commentbelow.
(10:22):
Has this felt like yoursituation?
And if so, how?
How have you allowed your wifebeing the primary income earner,
maybe to hurt your ownself-esteem or to stop you from
making decisions that you knowyou've needed to make as the
husband?
What have you learned from thisvideo that is going to help
change that trajectory in orderto save your marriage and make
(10:44):
it better?
Leave it in the chat.
I would love to know.
I also would love for you tosubscribe so that you can get
notifications every time werelease new videos, which is
very often videos that will helpyou save your marriage.
Until next time, remember thereis always hope.
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