Limerence EXPLAINED - Why You Feel So Alive With the Wrong Person

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Have you found yourself in love with someone who isn’t your spouse? You feel alive, seen, deeply connected—and yet... you’re married.
This intense, overwhelming emotion has a name: limerence.

In this video, Dr. Joe Beam speaks directly to the heart of what you’re experiencing.
He explains the science, the soul connection, and the emotional rollercoaster that makes it feel so real—because it is real. But it’s also something that won’t last forever.

🎯 You’ll learn:

What limerence really is (and isn’t)

Why it feels so powerful and irresistible

How long limerence typically lasts

What happens when the feelings start to fade

The real cost of chasing what seems like destiny

Why you might still be able to find everything you long for… in a renewed marriage

You are not crazy. You are not alone. You are not broken.
But before you make a decision that changes your life forever—watch this.

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

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Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:00):
Have you ever found yourself in this place?
You're married, but you're inlove with someone else.
If that's where you are rightnow, may I speak directly to the
deepest part of your heart.
What you're feeling right nowis intense, overwhelming,
electric and, yes, it feelssacred.

(00:22):
When you're with your lover,everything inside of you awakens
.
Life feels rich with coloragain.
You feel alive, desired,understood.
It's as if this person seessomething in you the world
either missed or forgot.
You feel like you can finallybreathe, like you matter, like

(00:43):
someone is seeing you, the realyou, maybe for the first time in
a long time.
You think about them constantly.
You wonder what they're doingif they're thinking of you, and
just hearing your phone buzzsends a rush of hope through
your entire body.
And it's not just physical,it's emotional.

(01:07):
It feels like your souls weresomehow meant for each other,
and that's what makes it soconfusing, because you never
expected to feel this way forsomeone outside your marriage.
You're married and you don'twant to hurt your spouse, and it
well may be that now you don'tknow what to do with the truth

(01:29):
that your heart is in two placesat once.
Let me say something you mayneed to hear.
You're not crazy, you're notevil, You're not broken.
You're experiencing somethingvery real.
It's called limerence.

(01:49):
Limerence is a deep emotionallonging to be with the other
person that you now idealize.
You feel that there's no onewho compares to them.
It's not just a crush.
It's not just chemistryAlthough brain chemistry is very
much involved it's an intense,overwhelming connection that
makes you feel alive again.

(02:11):
It often starts innocently Aconversation, a laugh, a shared
vulnerability but slowly itbecomes more.
Your brain starts to wireitself around this person.
You begin to imagine a futurewith them, to feel that life

(02:31):
without them would be unbearable.
But here's the hard truthLimerence is powerful, but it
doesn't last.
Please now, before you turn meoff thinking I don't know what
I'm talking about, please giveme a couple of minutes to
explain.
I've been in love with a womanwhile I was married to my wife.

(02:53):
I experienced limerence in itsstrongest, deepest form.
So I understand it from havinglived it for more than three
years before it finally faded.
Hers faded too.
It had to.
Why?
Well, research indicates thatthe intense emotions of

(03:14):
limerence typically last betweenthree months and four years.
I'm Dr Joe Beam, and over thelast 31 years I've worked with
thousands of people.
In limerence I've witnessed itless than five times where it
lasted as long as four years.
Seldom has it lasted threeyears and it always fades.
Now I'll explain in a minutethat it has to, not because the
people involved are bad and notbecause it lasted three years
and it always fades.
Now I'll explain in a minutethat it has to, not because the

(03:36):
people involved are bad and notbecause it wasn't real, but
because the brain cannot stay inthat heightened state forever.
It's like being on a rollercoaster nonstop.
Eventually the ride has to end.
Now I could go on to explainboth the anthropological and
biological reasons thatlimerence must not last or it

(03:57):
would eradicate humanity.
But you don't want to hear allthat.
Just know that when it doesbegin to fade, your lover starts
to see you more clearly and youstart to see your lover more
clearly, while in limerence youeach seem nearly perfect to each
other.
But in reality no one's perfect.

(04:18):
Every person has their flaws,their habits, their ordinary
daily realities.
That may seem cute now, butdon't, as time goes on and
feelings always change.
Any intense emotion will alterwith time.
Maybe I should say it this wayEvery intense emotion will alter
with time.
Maybe I should say it this wayEvery intense emotion will alter
with time.

(04:39):
If you examine yourrelationships over your lifetime
, you'll see that I'm rightabout that.
For example, the emotions aperson feels for their newborn
in their arms isn't the sameemotion they feel toward the
child when the child is six or16.
They feel toward the child whenthe child is six or 16.
If you have children, youlikely felt a tremendous love

(04:59):
and a desire to absolutelyprotect them when you first saw
them come from the womb.
But if you felt that sameintense level of love right now,
ask yourself if you might feeldifferently about possibly
leaving your family for anotherperson.
Oh, I'm not trying to make youfeel guilty.
I'm only trying to explain howemotions change with time.
And the same will happen withwhat you feel for your lover,

(05:23):
just as it has, with time,toward your spouse.
It will change.
That means the version of loveyou feel right now won't stay
the same, and while you'recaught in the beauty of this
moment, you may not be thinkingabout what comes next.
But I ask you gently to considerwhat will this cost?

(05:45):
What will it cost your childrenif you leave their other parent
?
They're the ones who watch howyou love, the ones who will one
day ask why home didn't staywhole.
What will it cost your spouseif you leave them?
The one who may have failed you, yes, but who trusted you, who

(06:06):
built a life with you, who willcarry the weight of betrayal
even if they never show it.
And what will it cost you?
The ache of holidays andbirthdays and empty chairs at
tables, because what you feelnow will change, but the

(06:28):
consequences they last.
What begins as freedom canbecome regret.
What feels like destiny canlater feel like devastation.
Testimony can later feel likedevastation.
If you're still watching, it'sbecause you do care about your
current marriage and family.

(06:50):
So, before making a firmdecision to leave for the other
person, are you willing to makesure it's the right decision,
not just for you, but for thepeople you care about?
What do I mean?
Give us a chance to help youthink through all you need to
think through before you decidewhether to leave or to stay.
In three days, we can give youenough information to make your

(07:12):
decision based on what you feelis right for your life.
We do not make the decision foryou, nor do we manipulate in
any way what your decision willbe.
We do not make the decision foryou, nor do we manipulate in
any way what your decision willbe.
We simply teach.
Our job is to make sure youhave all the information you
need to decide wisely one way orthe other.
We never decide for anyone.

(07:34):
You decide.
I know what you're thinking, butI deeply love my lover and want
to be with them forever.
As to my spouse, we've grown sofar apart.
We don't talk anymore, there'sno spark, and maybe that's true
for now.
But don't you owe it toyourself to discover if the

(07:56):
spark you feel for someone elseis actually a sign of what your
heart is capable of?
What if those feelings are amirror showing you what you long
for?
And what if you could find allof that, not in someone new, but
in someone renewed, for thesake of your future happiness,

(08:19):
for the sake of those that youcare about?
It's definitely worth threedays to make sure, and we want
to help.
You may not know all you need toconsider to be happy with your
decision for the rest of yourlife, but we do, and that's not
hype.
That's what we do every singleday.

(08:42):
We help people in the veryplace you are right now people
in love with someone else,people ready to leave, people
who thought the marriage wasover.
If they decide to rebuild theirmarriage, we help them learn
how to love deeply again.
If they decide to leave theirmarriage for their lover, we've

(09:04):
given them the information tohave peace with their decision.
Your story's not over and yourbest love story might not be
behind you or beyond you.
It might be right in front ofyou waiting to be rewritten.

(09:24):
So here's our invitation Don'tgive up on your marriage.
Not yet, not until you'vehonestly examined your heart and
your mind.
You can schedule a freeconversation with us at
marriagehelpercom.
We won't talk with a counselor,but one of our staff who will
listen and who will let you knowwhat we can do for you.

(09:45):
Please, let us help.
We have the information and theexperience.
We have the path.
You just need to take the nextstep.
Choose hope, choose healing,choose love that lasts a

(10:07):
lifetime.
Let us walk with you and showyou what love can truly be.
Go right now tomarriagehelpercom, slash call
and schedule your conversationwith us.
Go right now.