What To Do If You JUST Got Served Divorce Papers

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Getting served divorce papers can feel like the final blow, but it doesn’t have to be the end of your marriage. If you’ve just received the filing, you are likely feeling panic, fear, and anger. In this video, we break down exactly what you need to do immediately to stay sane, protect yourself, and maximize your chances of saving your marriage.

Just because your spouse filed for divorce does not mean it is over. Divorce is an event, not the end of the story. We see couples save their marriages even after papers have been served.

In this video, we cover the 5 crucial steps to take right now:

Regulate Your Nervous System: Learn the "Box Breathing" technique (4-4-4-4). Set alarms for 8:00 a.m., Noon, and 6:00 p.m. to do this for 3 minutes. This resets your amygdala and stops the fight-or-flight response.

Process Your Emotions: Don't bottle it up. Write down every thought, fear, anger, and resentment on paper. Getting it out of your head helps it lose power over you.

Analyze Your Decision: Create a Pros and Cons list. Think beyond today... how will this divorce affect you in 10 months or 10 years? Consider the impact on your children, finances, and future.

Find the Right Lawyer: You need legal protection, but you must find a lawyer who isn't "vicious." Find someone who will defend you financially and regarding custody, but who also respects your desire to save the marriage and won't use your children as pawns.

Seek Expert Guidance: The average divorce costs $25,000–$30,000, plus the emotional cost. Consider investing that energy into saving the relationship instead. Marriage Helper has worked with over 25,000 clients and has a 70% success rate with our workshops.

Why You Should Watch: If you are asking, "My wife filed for divorce, what do I do?" or "My husband served me papers, is it over?" this video is your roadmap. We explain why filing is often a cry for help or a reaction to pain, rather than a final door closing.

Next Steps: If you want to know if your situation is salvageable, please fill out our application. We work with hundreds of clients personally every month to turn hopeless situations around.

If you're struggling in your marriage, don’t wait. Get our FREE resource: The 7 Steps to Rescue Your Marriage 👉 https://marriagehelper.com/free

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Episode Transcript

SPEAKER_00 (00:00):
You just got divorce papers.
Maybe you were expecting it.
Maybe you weren't.
Either way, I'm going to giveyou five things that you need to
do now in order to ensure thatyou don't do the wrong thing and
that you do the best thingspossible in order to stay sane
and hopefully even still be ableto save your marriage.
You might be thinking, save mymarriage?

(00:22):
I just got divorce papers.
Doesn't that mean it's over?
Absolutely not.
Just because your spouse hasfiled for divorce doesn't mean
anything is over.
I know that that's hard tobelieve and hard to feel right
now because it can feel veryfinal.
They want out.
Why should I try and make themstay?
Why should I still try and fightfor this when my spouse doesn't

(00:44):
even love me anymore?
But the truth of the matter isdivorce is just an event.
Divorce and the divorce papersare not the end of your
marriage.
It's just something that'shappened right now.
And it's not something thatcan't be overcome.
So many of the couples that wework with at Marriage Helper and
in our marriage helper workshopsand programs that we do, their

(01:07):
spouse has filed for divorce.
And guess what?
We still see those marriagessaved often.
I've even seen people literallyat the end of the workshops that
we do.
I'm pointing behind me becauseour workshop building is right
up the hill behind this buildingfrom where I am.
But I see people stand up at theend of workshops with their
divorce papers.
The spouse who filed for divorcestands up with those divorce

(01:30):
papers and shredding them infront of the entire group.
Y'all, this happens and it canhappen for you as well.
But here's what you need to knowfirst when you just got served
divorce papers.
So the first thing I want you todo is get out your phone and I
want you to set three alarms for8 a.m.
noon and 6 p.m.
When these alarms go off, here'swhat I want you to do.

(01:52):
I want you to do what I call boxbreathing.
It's not just what I call it,it's what it is called.
It's where you breathe in forfour seconds, you hold it for
four seconds, you breathe outfor four seconds, and then you
hold it out for four seconds andyou do that again.
I want you to do that for threeminutes whenever your alarm goes
off, 8 a.m., noon, 6 p.m.

(02:14):
Here's why.
Because when you do that kind ofbreathing, it actually resets
your amygdala.
And your amygdala is that partin your brain that really is
triggered with that fight orflight response.
And what studies have found isthat when you do that box
breathing for three minutes, itactually helps you become more
resilient.
Breathing helps to calm ournerves down, to calm our nervous

(02:37):
system, and helps us to be ableto better handle stressful
situations.
So for the next several days,three times a day, I want you
doing box breathing.
It's going to help you betteremotionally process what's going
on.
Now, the next thing I want youto do is get out a sheet of
paper.
And on this sheet of paper, Iwant you to write everything.

(02:57):
I want you to write yourthoughts, your feelings, how
angry you are, howeverunchristian-like it needs to be,
put it out on paper.
Your fears, your anger, everyemotion that you feel, what
you're scared of, all of it.
Write it out.
Why?
Because when you can actuallywrite these things down and get

(03:17):
them out of your head and ontopaper, they begin to lose their
power.
You can begin to process throughall of these things better so
that it doesn't take a hold ofyour emotions.
And right now, your emotions arelikely on fire.
They are likely just going allover the place with all of the
different worries, fears,resentments, expletives,

(03:40):
everything you could think of islikely what you're dealing with
right now internally.
Get all of that stuff happeninginside of you and put it on
paper so that you can betterdeal with your emotions.
And then, number three, I wantyou to really think about, take
time and think about do you wantto save your marriage?

(04:00):
In fact, I want you to getanother sheet of paper and I
want you to write down all ofthe reasons that you want to
stay.
And maybe even write in anothercolumn the reasons that you want
to go.
Put the pros and cons down.
But I want you to really thinkthrough not just right now, if
you were to get a divorce, buthow would this divorce affect

(04:20):
you now, in 10 months, and in 10years?
I want you to think about yourkids.
I want you to think about yourfuture.
I want to think about yourfamily, your friends, all of the
things that will be affected byyour divorce.
Because right now, you get tochoose if you want to fight for
this marriage or not.
Because as I said earlier,divorce is not the end of the

(04:41):
story.
It doesn't have to be.
Especially the filing fordivorce, you can still work to
save your marriage.
And we can help.
But first, I want you to writeeverything down.
I want you to commit to it andyou to understand your why
behind wanting to save it.
And ultimately, if you decidethat you don't want to make your
marriage work, that's completelyup to you.

(05:03):
And I respect your choice.
I just ask that you thinkthrough all of the things that
are going to be affected thatmost people typically don't
think through when they receivedivorce papers.
The fourth thing that I want youto do is find a good lawyer.
Even though you want to saveyour marriage, or at least I
hope you do, you still need toprotect yourself legally and

(05:23):
financially through thisprocess.
I encourage you to find a lawyerwho isn't going to be brutally
mean or vicious or malicious inhow they deal with your spouse,
but understands that you want tosave your marriage and will keep
that in mind as they also defendyou, which is absolutely what
needs to happen as well.
We want to make sure in thisprocess that your kids are not

(05:47):
used as collateral or as pawnsin the divorce process.
They should be kept safe andsafe from your arguing, safe
from all of those things, butstill, as long as everything is
safe, they should still haveaccess to both parents.
So you need a lawyer who's goingto make sure that you're
getting, if you need childsupport, that you're getting

(06:09):
that, different things likethat, who's going to fight for
you, make sure you'refinancially taken care of, but
also make sure that you arebeing defended in the fact that
you want to save your marriage.
Many times we have couplescoming through our workshop and
their spouse agrees to comebecause of the divorce filing
and proceeding.
What I mean by that is thespouse who doesn't want the

(06:31):
divorce and wants to save themarriage says, I'll give you
something in the divorce if youcome to this workshop with me
and participate.
And so we see several situationswhere that is actually a part of
the process.
So that may be something thatyou want to take into
consideration as well.
And then the fifth thing that Ibelieve that you should do when
your spouse has filed fordivorce is consider working with

(06:52):
our team.
I know that's biased, and I amclearly a big advocate and
cheerleader for what we do atMarriage Helper.
But I have good reason.
We have worked with over 25,000clients in the past.
I mean, that's only since 2012.
And we've actually been doingthe workshops that we do for 30
years.
And so we don't even have all ofthe data of all the couples that

(07:14):
we've worked with, but I'veseen, I've seen the marriages
changed, I've seen the livestransformed, and I know the good
that happens when people beginto do the right thing.
I just know that if you do whatit takes and try to make your
marriage work, that you're goingto become a different person.

(07:37):
We hear that all the time fromour clients.
I changed and I now have abetter life.
I have a better relationshipwith my kids.
I have a better relationshipwith my spouse because of the
work they did and because ofwhat marriage helper was able to
help walk with them through.
And I would love to see that foryou as well.
And so if you want to see how wecan help save your marriage from

(08:00):
divorce, because we can and wedo, then I encourage you to
submit your application below.
And you may be thinking,everything's up in the air right
now.
I don't even know how I couldthink about doing something to
save my marriage.
Okay, watch some more of ourvideos, get to know us more, get
to trust us more.
Because I believe that you'llfind as you start learning the

(08:21):
things that we teach andimplement those principles that
you'll see change within you.
And I just want you to knowthere's more where that came
from.
So when you're ready, submityour application to work with
us.
We work with a hundred clientson a personal basis every single
month.
And we would love to see if itwould work for us and for you
for you to be one of those.

(08:41):
So when you're ready, you cansubmit that application.
And then the next step aftersubmitting the application is
booking a call with a real andcaring person on our team so
that we can know more about yourstory and assess how we can help
you and answer your questions,see if it's a good fit for you,
and see if it makes sense tocontinue to move forward.
We've seen amazing results.

(09:02):
Over 70% of marriages saved fromour couples workshop program
that we do.
We would love to help youachieve those same results.
And you also might be thinking,but isn't that gonna cost money?
And the answer is yes, it is.
And with everything you'realready going through, with a
divorce and finding a lawyer,you may think I just financially

(09:23):
can't afford that right now.

But let me ask you this (09:25):
how much more expensive is it gonna
be to go through the entiredivorce process, which the
average divorce is$25,000 to$30,000?
And not only that, but now youhave two households that are
coming out of your house, out ofyour income when you're
separated.
There's two, a lot of paymentsbecome duplicate.

(09:47):
And the longer that lasts, themore money you're paying for
that.
But not only that, there is anemotional cost to divorce for
you, for your kids, absolutely,and for your marriage.
All of those things should betaken into consideration.
And I can guarantee you thatwhen you go through what we do

(10:08):
at Marriage Helper, that it willhelp you better be able to
navigate this and hopefully nothave to pay all of that in
divorce because it will help yousave your marriage.
I believe it's worth it becauseI've seen it work for so many
people.
We would love to work with youif the timing is right.

(10:29):
But remember, no matter what hashappened in your marriage, there
is always hope.
At the end of the day, I thinkwhat so many people that I know
have wanted to be able to say isI know that I did everything I
could to try and save mymarriage and ultimately save my
family.
And we can help you do that.