Old Friends, New Journeys: Navigating Love, Life, and What's New

Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 2 (00:07):
This is Relationship Talks with Rick and Naiman.
I'm Rick.

Speaker 3 (00:11):
And I am the DJ Blue Can't use.

Speaker 2 (00:12):
Naiman.

Speaker 3 (00:14):
I was still the DJ Blue, even though I typed my
name in Naiman.
I didn't think about that untiljust now, you typed in.

Speaker 2 (00:20):
You definitely typed in Naiman, so we got two guests
with us again.
It's been a while.
We got a cancel nut Hi, what'sup?
And we got.

Speaker 4 (00:27):
Kendra.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
Kendra's, like I don't know what to do.
Kendra's, like I'm afraid ofthe mic now.
Both of them used to bepodcasters.
Neither one of them podcastsanymore.
They're still podcasters.
I can't say that.
I can't even announce theretirement.

Speaker 1 (00:42):
They're still podcasters.
They just took some time.
I'm just joking.
Calm down Like Jordan comingback wearing the 4-5.

Speaker 3 (00:46):
I'm just waiting for that jersey to come on because I
haven't seen anything fromeither one of them in a while.
I'm just waiting for thatjersey to come on, because I
haven't seen anything fromeither one of them in a while.

Speaker 2 (00:56):
I was just wondering this is how it works, man.

Speaker 3 (01:01):
You got to do some stuff and come back.

Speaker 4 (01:04):
I'm not saying we throwing all this shade at the
beginning.
This shade just started out Atthe very beginning.
It's just all love, guys.
I just miss you.

Speaker 2 (01:11):
Miss both of you.
Just say that, just say thatAll right, I miss both of you.
I'm sorry.
It's true, though, but theyused to be podcasters, but
anyway, and you're trying to bea podcaster, how about that?

Speaker 3 (01:26):
Yeah, I'm trying.

Speaker 2 (01:31):
I'm not very good at it, but they used to be.

Speaker 3 (01:33):
You're still trying, I'm still trying.
I should probably quit too.
They didn't quit.

Speaker 2 (01:36):
That's the difference .
Never quit.
They didn't give up.
No, but both of them, both ofthem, I went to like look back
on their podcast and I wanted tolike listen to all episodes and
it's like, well, half a can toan S episodes is gone, like.
And then Kendra I texted her,like Kendra, where your episodes
at she's like I've been turnedthose off so All of mine were

(01:56):
going to know some of yours isstill up.
Not all of them, but it's likemaybe like 60 to sell up right
now.
60 episodes, that's a lot ofepisodes, yeah that's more than
we got Actually.

Speaker 3 (02:08):
this is, this is a recording.

Speaker 2 (02:09):
This is the 58th episode we've done of Rick and
Amy.

Speaker 3 (02:16):
I'm trying to make it to 60.

Speaker 4 (02:18):
Congratulations.
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (02:21):
Like now that we're still trying to podcast.

Speaker 2 (02:23):
No, I just really wanted to get us together.
It's been a while.
This is a group of people thatthis is actually our fourth time
recording together, the four ofus.
We have three other episodesand we did me and you name and
we did one episode on Kendra'spodcast.

Speaker 3 (02:43):
So you two are like I would say like wait, we did,
you guys.

Speaker 2 (02:49):
So we did three episodes we did.
The last one we did togetherwas the thrill of the hunt who's
choosing who?
And then we did the best dayever, which has one of my
favorite moments ever betweenthe four of us.
And then we did the anniversaryof have you ever been ghosted?
So three episodes, that was agood one, I know right.

(03:10):
So that's why I wanted to getus all together.
I just wanted to have like aconversation, just kind of recap
, see where everybody's doing intheir life right now.
And I think we should startwith can't when that, can't,
when that was new.
She looks so surprised.
What was changed?
123, 123.

(03:31):
What's up picking a numberbetween one and can't when that
I think it's.

Speaker 4 (03:38):
What's new?
So Since podcasting, I'vebecome a massage therapist.
That's what I'm doing.
I'm also back in school,working on my masters and
counseling.
Like I always said, thank you,yeah, that's the crux of it.

Speaker 1 (04:00):
I'm working and I'm going to school.

Speaker 3 (04:03):
I love it.
That's what I'm saying.
So you need to stop talkingabout them being ex podcast.
She's busy.

Speaker 2 (04:10):
I ain't never denied that, Kendra.
What about you?
What's new?

Speaker 1 (04:16):
What's new with me?
I got a baby.

Speaker 2 (04:20):
Three months already.

Speaker 1 (04:24):
Boom, congratulations , congratulations.

Speaker 2 (04:30):
Congratulations.
That's awesome, that's a bigheart.

Speaker 1 (04:35):
I never was.

Speaker 3 (04:39):
I never was.

Speaker 2 (04:43):
Kendra was never a player.

Speaker 3 (04:44):
She can't even get it out.

Speaker 2 (04:48):
She can't even say because it's not in her
vocabulary.
That's okay, I accepted.

Speaker 3 (04:54):
She knew this is a new youth, new time, a new
revelation.
We okay with that.

Speaker 2 (05:01):
Do you have anything new that's happening in your
life now?

Speaker 3 (05:04):
No Other than my cousin trying to ask me to
podcast.

Speaker 2 (05:09):
That seems same.

Speaker 3 (05:12):
It seems like the same type of situation, other
than just life and trying topropel myself forward mentally
and physically.
Those are probably differentthings now Just finding my own
self-worth, learning aboutmyself.
I love talking to people.
One of the things I thinkthrough the podcast I learned is

(05:34):
I like having conversationsMost of the time with myself.
That's kind of hard to branchout there.
I do love talking.
I think now I'm trying tosearch a way to maybe talk to
people on another level,possibly with podcasting, or
even I don't know.

(05:54):
I just want to help be positiveand shed some light on people's
lives in a way that I can, orhowever I can, whether that's
DJing or talking.
That's pretty much it.

Speaker 2 (06:06):
That's awesome, man, that's awesome.
I say that like I haven't heard, that I don't talk to you all
the time.

Speaker 3 (06:11):
He probably articulated differently.
Exactly.

Speaker 2 (06:16):
She did it.
Look, that's how you do it.

Speaker 3 (06:19):
I wouldn't articulate it like that to him.
I would more or less say likeif it was like a regular
conversation.
But what's up, man?
I probably say something likeat work.
What are you doing?
Working?
That's it.
That's how you call.
You ask him what are you doingat work?

Speaker 2 (06:36):
That's what you call me.
You call me between 7.30 and4.30.
What you doing, man?
Just trying to get through theday, bro, just trying to get
through work 4.30 to the night.

Speaker 1 (06:47):
Homework Exactly.

Speaker 4 (06:49):
One way or another.

Speaker 3 (06:52):
Something is happening.

Speaker 2 (06:54):
So the last episode we did was April 15, 2021.

Speaker 4 (06:59):
You didn't say what was due with you.

Speaker 2 (07:01):
I'm getting into it.
I'm getting into it.

Speaker 1 (07:05):
I'm not going to.

Speaker 2 (07:06):
I'm going to get to it.
So I was saying since then, Ithink probably the biggest
change that's happened is that Igot married.
Congratulations again, thankyou, congratulations.

Speaker 4 (07:18):
Aside from that.

Speaker 2 (07:20):
When did this happen, man?
You don't know when I gotmarried, bro.

Speaker 3 (07:23):
This is news to us.

Speaker 2 (07:25):
All of you all knew this.
So I got married, got a newhouse.
Other than that, I've beenworking on a different podcast,
still talking black Been,working on season two of that.
So that pretty much keeps mebusy with my nine to five and I
just finished a class.
So I finished that certificatea couple of months ago.
I'm not like that.
I give you props canceling that.

(07:47):
I was not trying to get backinto being in school because
it's like I was good for likethat first month, but after that
I was like, ooh, I know why Inever went back to my life.

Speaker 4 (07:57):
I've been holding strong for a couple of months.

Speaker 3 (08:01):
It's hard.

Speaker 4 (08:02):
It's hard.

Speaker 3 (08:03):
It's not even that the work is hard.
I haven't even been going toschool and I can't do it.
I feel for you both.

Speaker 2 (08:11):
I ain't been in school in the middle.

Speaker 3 (08:13):
I know I'm like no, I can't, because I'm gonna be
honest with you I love learningnew things, but I just can't put
my face in a book for X amountof time per week.

Speaker 1 (08:25):
That's me right there .

Speaker 4 (08:26):
Yeah, I can't give any extra time, like I'm both,
and I think what's going on withme is a combination of things
where it's like by the time Iget finished working on a full
day, the last thing I want to dois come home and have to do
homework.

Speaker 2 (08:41):
Yes.

Speaker 4 (08:43):
This is a goal I've had and I put off for so long
that I'm like I gotta at leastkeep trying to work towards it.
But I am reducing my courseload, so there's that.

Speaker 2 (08:55):
Well, all that stuff going on with you guys, Like I
understand why you don't podcastanymore, Despite all that shade
, that fake shade that I wasthrowing earlier.
It was just fake, I'm sorry.
No, you guys, guys, I meanespecially you, Kendra you got
three months old.
Like that's crazy in itself.
Like I'm thinking about likethe like the times we've been
together and we recordedtogether.

(09:15):
One of my favorite moments waswhen we were talking about I
think it was best days ever andand Naiman asked, I think it.
Naiman asked Kendra somethingand he said would you let
somebody, would you sleep withsomebody, if they took you to
Starbucks and got you a hot dogfrom Home Depot?
Did I say that Something aboutthe Home Depot hot dog?

(09:37):
That?

Speaker 4 (09:38):
was like hot dogs from Home.

Speaker 1 (09:40):
Depot, that was like the fun.

Speaker 3 (09:42):
My thing is this like I'm listening to myself Like
wait, did I actually say that?
You actually said that?
Food truck also.

Speaker 2 (09:48):
Yes, so they just actually brought them back, like
that's news, like, if y'alldon't know, they just brought
the hot dogs back to Home Depot.
So go ahead and have your daynight.
Home Depot need to be payingyou, richard I know right, I'm
poneying for that Home Depot.

Speaker 3 (10:00):
They'll be advertising on Home Depot hot
dogs while I'm on here.
I do not recognize.
No, they delicious though I'mnot going to lie.

Speaker 2 (10:11):
No.
So that was probably one of myfavorite moments, like do y'all
have any moments that stand outto y'all over over the times?
The four times recorder I meanthis is the fourth, but the
three times recorder or anyother time they like, no, I
can't think of nothing.

Speaker 4 (10:27):
It's like I can think of how I felt when we recorded,
like all four of us.
Let's hear that Now.

Speaker 3 (10:33):
I want to hear that.

Speaker 4 (10:34):
Yeah, Like.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
Richard's like.
Can you tell me what I said inepisode five?

Speaker 2 (10:42):
A minute 27.

Speaker 4 (10:44):
I feel like our topics were always really good
in that, even if we haddifferent perspectives, we
always respected that and listenand we learned from each other
from those topics, whether wewere talking about dating, like
you said, like the Home Depotsituation I know me and Kendra
went in on that- that was sofunny.

Speaker 3 (11:03):
Home Depot, though I can't believe myself for saying
that.

Speaker 2 (11:06):
What was wrong with me?
You said a coffee fromStarbucks and a hot dog from
Home Depot.
Okay, that's Home Depot.
I'm going to have to listenback myself.
That is a combination.

Speaker 3 (11:17):
But it's I mean honestly, if you think about it
like that's kind of thoughtfulright, like somebody, that's two
different places.
Most people won't go to oneplace to do those two things.

Speaker 2 (11:25):
See, now you're putting it down.

Speaker 3 (11:28):
That's valid.
Can I, can I get a?
What with what?

Speaker 4 (11:34):
So stuff, even like the ghosting episode, like our
topics were really on point forwhat was going on in the you
know atmosphere at that time.
And I felt like we yeah, I feellike we brought really great
conversation and that's what Icould always look forward to
with, even with Kendra on herown, or you and Naiman together,

(11:56):
or you by yourself, richardlike always, great conversation,
bringing something to theforefront, wow.

Speaker 1 (12:03):
That's yeah, that's legit, that's great.
Like I'm going to be honestwith y'all, I'm being like, yeah
, I'm like I don't care about myperspective, like every time.

Speaker 3 (12:12):
Every time we have like conversations, it's always
interesting to hear otherpeople's perspective, because
usually I'm just bogged downwith what Richard saying oh, wow
, so it's always the same.
Oh well, it's the truth.
I mean, that's the ever uniqueperspective and, like I said,
you could take that negative,you could take it as positive.
I don't care at some of thethings you know.

(12:34):
It was nice to hear wholedifferent perspectives from
different parts of the country,if you will, just areas that
we're not from right, likebecause we only know what we see
the people we hang out with.
So I've always looked forwardto like special episodes with
you guys because it always meantsomething new in the table

(12:55):
right, something new was on thetable.
New conversation, new faces.
It was always fun for me.

Speaker 2 (13:00):
That is fair.
That's something I never reallykind of thought about.
Just because, you know, whenpeople probably listen to us
they probably think we all inthe same place.
But, like me and Naiman are inthe same state but you two are
in two completely differentstates.

Speaker 3 (13:13):
Different way different.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
So far.

Speaker 3 (13:16):
What so?
East Coast?
What is it?
I know, I know one is on theWest Coast somewhere perhaps
right as far as I know, this isjust just me guessing.

Speaker 1 (13:24):
West side.
Okay, so you know what.
And then the.

Speaker 3 (13:31):
Kate Cantone I'm getting, I don't know, by the
way, that picture.
Look in the backgroundsomewhere in the South, I don't
know.

Speaker 2 (13:39):
Oh okay, what wait what?

Speaker 4 (13:43):
picture.

Speaker 2 (13:44):
He said because of the picture, though.

Speaker 4 (13:47):
Why?
Because of the picture.
I look like I live in an oldNegro spiritual is what you
trying to say, I'm telling youlook, is that Sierra?

Speaker 2 (13:56):
It's not see it kind of does look like Sierra.
No, just a little bit.
Kind of like.
A little bit I see Sierra.

Speaker 3 (14:10):
Okay, see, and still, I stay with the.
That's alright, you could bewherever you from right.
Be you be happy, that's allthat matters.

Speaker 4 (14:20):
I am a southern bail.

Speaker 2 (14:23):
Okay, even even the way she said it's southern.

Speaker 3 (14:27):
But you see, I said, I said south, south.

Speaker 2 (14:33):
Gotta put that Think.
I think one of the reasons why Ireally wanted to get us
together is just because backwhen we were all doing our
podcast, when Ricky and Amy wasreally prolific and can't, when
that you were doing LBF andKendra you're doing coffee with
Kendra it just felt like we hadbuilt like such a community and

(14:56):
like I had been on can't whenthat show like a thousand times
I mean, amy was on Kendra'sfirst show, I was like on Kendra
show, like you know, like athousand times and it's just
like we always kept in touch andit's like kind of like life
hits you in this thousand number.
It's an exaggeration, it'sprobably like I probably know.
I probably zone probably likesix episodes of Kendra and

(15:17):
probably like four or fiveepisodes of cantonet.
Maybe not including that,because we dropped another
episode.
Right before cantonet, stop LBF, we dropped another episode
that we had recorded.
Remember, we recorded it like along time, like we recorded
like a year and and then wereleased it like we had set on
it, I had edited, and then wereleased it slightly platonic,

(15:40):
yeah.
So it's like this is the miniseries.
They never would the mini seriesis supposed to be.
Five of them is like we nevergot to it.
But now this group is alwayshad could mean one.
Yeah, that's a super mini.
That's like I don't know.
I don't think we can use thisseries part.
It's just many, many podcast.

Speaker 3 (15:57):
All right.

Speaker 2 (15:58):
So, thinking about it , I like I had, so I've had a
chance.
Like every now and then I goback and I listen to Episodes
that we recorded like all theway, like Ricky name, and so,
like I said, this is the 58thepisode.
Like most of them are stillpublished.
Some of them have beenunpublished for different for
various reasons.
I'll say, but, like, I'll goback and I'll listen and I'll
listen to some of my point ofviews and think about how my

(16:18):
point of view has Shifted onsome things and some things have
stayed the same.
Like, thinking about, like whenyou were younger, have any of
your points of views when itcomes to dating change?

Speaker 3 (16:36):
Because everybody's got new relationships.
Now Kendra says she ain't gay,I'm married to be married.
A rich is married.
What you doing out here wouldyou say you was doing, you
didn't actually say she's in.

Speaker 4 (16:51):
I'm not hearing these streets.

Speaker 2 (16:54):
Hey, so see, she's still got her player.
She's like what's up?

Speaker 4 (17:03):
a.

Speaker 3 (17:04):
That's all right.
Look you, be you.
I'll let the people that'smarried and engaged.
Well, yeah, what?
Tell you what, richard, show ushow you would answer Okay, and
then we'll go after that.

Speaker 2 (17:18):
That's why y'all just like no, I just let Richard go
first.
So you know when I, when Ithink about it, you know.
So, like, like I said, welaunched in 2020 and that really
isn't that long ago if youthink about it's only it's only
been three years.
And I listen to some of mypoint of views and my point of
view shift, like I feel likeevery, every so often, you grow

(17:39):
a little bit.
You stay who you are in a core,but you grow in different ways.
So it's a lot of things that Istill agree with and it's a lot
of things that my mind havechanged a little bit on dating.

Speaker 3 (17:49):
Dating is.
It was interesting, you know, Ithink for me I found I found
someone that I really love andreally like, and I think for
anybody you should find Exactlythat.
You should find somebody andRichard has used this
terminology equally yoked.
Find someone you and you know,go to love them, cherish them,

(18:12):
find out what their needs are.
I mean, and that's one thing Iwould say I've learned after
getting out of these streets, asK Antoinette so eloquently put,
it.
One thing that I learned.
It wasn't for me, it was justabout I.
Honestly, it was about theperson themselves.
Like as long as, as long as sheloves herself, she's, she's

(18:34):
caring, loves me and wants peace, then we legitimately want the
same things out of life and Ifeel like we can grow on those
things and I feel like, hey, inany Relationship I feel like
peace is like, should be likethe first thing you have.
You know, find your peace, findyour center and You'll you'll
get happiness and it won't besomething you have to look for.

(18:54):
But, yeah, I would say, I wouldsay that's one thing that I've
learned, you know, sinceactually podcasting and I think
you know going through andhearing some of the experiences
on our episodes and otherpeople's episodes.
I'm about relationships.
I think it has helped, I wouldsay, my perspective on even

(19:15):
talking to people about myrelationship or Perhaps just
listening to other people intheir relationships, because I
feel like that's extremely valid, like to be able to talk to
people about the positives thatare going on your relationship,
just like you would do abusiness or something like that.
You know you've got people.
Hey, I'm doing good, don'tworry, keep, keep it up if you
work towards this.
I feel like it's the same thing.

(19:36):
So I would say those would bethe things that I've taken away
from our relationships, chatsAbout relationships, etc.

Speaker 1 (19:44):
So I have a question.

Speaker 2 (19:51):
For me, for her, for naming.

Speaker 1 (19:53):
Yeah for naming, because I like clarity.
So for the people who arelistening, I didn't hear you
ever say that you were.
Relationship.
We kind of like skipped overthat.

Speaker 3 (20:02):
I didn't say you was in a committed relationship.

Speaker 1 (20:04):
I'm in a very committed you said you was in a
committed relationship.

Speaker 3 (20:06):
I'm in a very committed.

Speaker 4 (20:09):
I hear he alluded to it just now and it made me know
that he was.

Speaker 1 (20:13):
Okay, exactly, and I'm looking for clarity for me.

Speaker 3 (20:21):
Well if you want to ask me something you sidebarred
like we did.
You, we sidebarred about rigid.
We all did.
We all did.
Now, first of all, yeah, no.
I'm in a hundred percentcommitted relationship.
I love congratulations.
I don't want to be with anybodyelse, 100%, so I mean I don't,

(20:44):
I don't mind saying thatunequivocally, undoubtedly, and
any other words that you're justtrying to pick.

Speaker 2 (20:50):
You're trying to pick up big words.
You just put in big.
I was trying, man, but I lookat.

Speaker 3 (20:55):
I stopped at that one because after that it was about
to go just totally yeah youjust gonna make up something up.
Right, I was gonna add do oneof those bible verses no one
knows.
No one knows, only I do,because I've read the scrolls,
right but no um.
Yeah, I would say yes, I'm in acommitted relationship and

(21:15):
since those episodes I have, Iwas, I wasn't in any type of
Committed.
I mean I was dating or coffeedating, more or less coffee
dating.
Why would you do anything elsewhen you're dating?
But that's just.

Speaker 2 (21:29):
I.

Speaker 3 (21:34):
Mean, I'm just saying like I was always in, look, I
was always in disagreements whenit came to those.
Hey, a big dinner, like I getit 110, I get it you, you want
to eat?
But my thing is, this is likethat's always the weird part.

Speaker 2 (21:48):
Let it all, cousin, let it all.

Speaker 4 (21:50):
It's weird.

Speaker 3 (21:53):
It's, it's weird when I'm paying for the full thing.
It's weird.
That's when it's weird to me,like because if I'm dating I
mean you at the first time.
Like I feel like 50, 50 wouldhave been normal.
Right, look, I'm not gonna goin on this.

Speaker 4 (22:06):
Disagree with that, like I just feel like can't you
disagree.

Speaker 1 (22:12):
I was with you up until you said 50 percent,
because you taking the girl tocoffee and you want her to pay
50 percent of that.

Speaker 3 (22:19):
Oh no, I paid a fool for the coffee I'm talking about
.
He's talking about.

Speaker 2 (22:26):
We only got coffee, yeah, no.

Speaker 3 (22:29):
I completely understand.
There we go.
Good, I don't even have to.

Speaker 1 (22:34):
Because even as a woman, right when a man prepares
a dinner in a nice day for youis because you know he decided.
You know I really like thisgirl.
I want to do something nice forher when you first meet
somebody you don't know.
So I understand that part of it, but 50, 50 no.

Speaker 2 (22:52):
Not at the coffee shop.

Speaker 1 (22:53):
Not at.

Speaker 2 (22:54):
Starbucks.

Speaker 3 (22:54):
Just I'm saying like first couple dates, I feel like
Not at the coffee shop.

Speaker 1 (22:58):
I thought you were saying first date at the coffee
shop.
And I'm like man, you you know,but this is what he made that
hot dog comment in the lastepisode.

Speaker 4 (23:06):
I'm not really kidding, you're getting on him
because we were in agreementwith that it's like, a first
date doesn't have to be a wholeextravagant thing.
Right, you can go to a park.
You could do something simple.

Speaker 3 (23:16):
I Like I said I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to
listen back, because I don'tremember saying nothing about no
homes, people, hot dog.
Yes, you definitely did.

Speaker 2 (23:26):
Yes, you were sure 100% like I listen to that clip
all the time.

Speaker 3 (23:36):
Okay.

Speaker 2 (23:36):
I'm saying that in Kendra.
Do you ever listen back to oldstuff that you did maybe like in
kentucky?
So when that's like you writeused to write a lot like do you
ever look at back at that stuffand be like man.
What was I thinking?
Where was I at in this moment?

Speaker 4 (23:48):
I do I haven't done it recently like To the question
like I do Feel like evolutionas a person is just a part of
life and so when you look backor you listen back to the things
you've created, you see thatgrowth in real time right, and
that shift kind of just happens.
Um.

(24:09):
That's valid and I think that'sone of my favorite parts of
looking back, because you get tosee where you were versus where
you are and Make thatconnection whether or not it's
healthy, whether you need torevert back to some things you
believed in or whether you justneed to, you know, keep going on
the trajectory that you're on.
But yeah, I do it.

(24:30):
I just haven't done it oftenbecause I feel like I haven't
had a mental space to Thinkabout that stuff.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
Are you busy doing you?

Speaker 4 (24:39):
Listen, we're gonna get into that a little later.

Speaker 3 (24:48):
That's okay.
Look, that's all right.

Speaker 2 (24:50):
Hold on.
What about you, kendra?

Speaker 1 (24:53):
Um, I think, yeah, I definitely do not, like I, like
K, I'm tenets that I haven't didit recently.
I think the last time I did itwas like sometime before I
really stopped like 100podcasting and uh, one of the
things that I noticed that I wasdoing was I was, I was always
down because, like in my headobviously, if anybody listened

(25:15):
to coffee with Kendra, you knowI wanted to be married, right.
So like that was my goal, right.
So I was on podcast.
I was doing my podcast.
We were talking aboutrelationship.
I was reading aboutrelationships.
I was like studying it to Uh,to, to, to some degree, right.
And I have to say, now, beingengaged, now I feel like nothing
can really prepare you for that.

(25:36):
But being All the tools, youhave every tool that you need,
and it means nothing until youare in the position to use them.
So then, to get into theposition to use them, I have to
go back and in some time I'mcaught off guard like shit.
I don't, I don't know how tohandle this.
Maybe I'm just the wrong way,you know, I thought I was

(25:59):
prepared, but I wasn't prepared,you know.
So now have an information inlearning to utilize the
information is where I am now.
So like In in a sense, it'slike it's one thing to like say,
yeah, I could do this and Iwould do this and you should do
this, and but then it's likeokay, well, what do you do now?
Like, now, now's completelydifferent.

(26:21):
So now had I, if I had some ofthose same conversations that
would be coming from a differentpoint of view.

Speaker 4 (26:27):
Yeah, knowledge and application, two different
things, totally different.

Speaker 2 (26:32):
Say a, say a well from somebody in school, right,
yeah, I just wrote that in myPowerPoint like that's it.

Speaker 3 (26:42):
Look, that's valid though.

Speaker 2 (26:43):
No, I could totally agree.
I can totally agree with that.
I do.
I do know exactly what you'retalking about, because it's no,
it's no better way to learn thanbeing in it and as much as you
like, plan on it, like it's yourplans or what everybody has a
plan, till they get punched inthe face.
What's that?
Like Mike Tyson quote, it'slike when you get punched and
it's like whoa, like I reallythought I knew what I was about

(27:05):
to do, but I don't really knowwhat I'm doing now?
Yeah, man.
So if you, if you had, if youcould talk to your 18 year old
self, what kind of relationshipadvice would you give yourself?
Like look, canceling out.
She's like ready, you, ready,cancel that.

Speaker 4 (27:23):
So Compromise were necessary, but don't compromise
to the point where you forgetyourself.
That's probably the main thingI would say um, that's poetic I
think I would say to sorry.

Speaker 2 (27:39):
No right.

Speaker 1 (27:41):
I think I would say to, I would tell my 18 year old
self to spend more time withmyself and discovering myself
and learning new things and Etc,and not let, uh, the focus of
anything else be the focus asidefrom myself.

Speaker 4 (28:00):
Hmm.

Speaker 2 (28:01):
Hmm, what, what, what about you cuz?

Speaker 3 (28:05):
Oh, say to myself self Don't do those bad things,
stay away from all thosestrippers, stay away, even
though you learn these thingsfrom your older cousin.
Stay away from those things myolder cousin, your older cousin
Richard.
No nope, don't listen to himand don't follow his ways.

Speaker 2 (28:25):
No, I don't know.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
I would say I wouldn't say that I mean because
there was no way for me toavoid looking up to you at that
age, so Wow.
But no, I didn't have a realperception of relationships that
time.
I mean mentally.
Mentally, for me it was allabout just my time and and what
I wanted from from me.
So I mean I've kind of beenjust self discovering Myself.

(28:49):
But I would say, if I did givesome advice, what would I say?
I don't know, um, just listen.
I don't know, just listen,listen, listen and process that
information that you're hearing.
Um, process what you're hearingand then and then see if what
you're hearing is going to bebeneficial to you or if it's
going to be something down theline that's going to be Not so

(29:12):
beneficial.
You know, if you're justwaiting for something to change,
great like, does that makesense?
Does that make sense?
The way I'm saying it?

Speaker 4 (29:20):
Yeah, it's like just kind of listen.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
Listen and process and then make a decision, as
opposed to like listen andprocess and then wait till
forever to say, well, wow, Iheard this a long time ago, now
everything is bad.
I have to change that right.
So I would say, for that isjust kind of Recognizing, at the
beginning of any relationship,symptoms Of mental illness.

(29:44):
That's it I.

Speaker 2 (29:52):
You crazy.
I think, I feel like thesentiment of all of us is like
very similar.
I think the thing that I wouldreally tell myself is to Not
make myself smaller for anybodyto, to kind of like live in the
fullness of who I am and alsonot be afraid to see the world
and explore, and that Things canbe temporary until you get into

(30:16):
a permanent situation.
Things are temporary, so don'tget so caught up on things that
more times and often are goingto end up being temporary anyway
.
Man, I was like y'all was likey'all was saying stuff like
canceling that started.
I was like dang, should we, wesnap in?

Speaker 1 (30:34):
A little african woman on her.

Speaker 3 (30:37):
She got her book sitting next to her, written by
Jill Scott herself.

Speaker 4 (30:46):
Y'all, not gonna Y'all talked about me.

Speaker 2 (30:50):
I was throwing playful shade at y'all earlier.
They haven't been throwingshots all episode like and he,
he don't get no hate.

Speaker 3 (31:00):
It would be a shot if I wasn't right.
That's the thing, like eachtime each time I've been right
on the money Right on the moneystill a shot, it's still a shot.
It's definitely still is a shot.
Poster in the background.
Like Richard, I'm surprised hedon't have his African
sculptures behind him.
That's next.

Speaker 2 (31:15):
Well, I got two.
I got two black photographybooks behind me, so Richard's
next, I mean he's got.

Speaker 3 (31:20):
He's got his dreadlocks.
They've grown like to anextreme since we started the
podcast.

Speaker 2 (31:25):
Oh, they was like short, yeah, they was like sure
we started.

Speaker 3 (31:30):
You know, he looks like those light-skinned guys
that they play cast in thosefilms, right?

Speaker 2 (31:34):
where they come up with the with the dread.

Speaker 3 (31:39):
They're like they're an architect right there, an
architecture or something likethat.
You don't know what they'reactually doing.
Right, they just light skin andthey got good jobs.
I feel like that's the.
That's the type we would playhim right now.

Speaker 2 (31:51):
But yeah, that would be probably the thing I would
say that you just throw a shot,go right back into it.
Yeah, that's the probably thingI would change right there.
All right, so I like I know allof our situations.
We're at various stages ofdating and marriage and, and,
fiancine, I don't know what youcall that engagement, but Like,

(32:14):
how has your approach because Imean, like no matter, like even
me as a married man, you stilldate like, how has your approach
on dating changed now versushow it was, maybe like three,
four years ago?

Speaker 3 (32:27):
Can't do that.
This is for you, obviously.

Speaker 2 (32:29):
No, I mean it's for all of us.
Really, I'll start it.

Speaker 4 (32:32):
I'll start it out.

Speaker 2 (32:33):
I'll start it out.
So do you really yeah?
So like when?

Speaker 3 (32:37):
See, now y'all about to teach me something so with my
wife.

Speaker 2 (32:40):
Like I, the thing the thing with being married is is
that I have to make sure I'mmore intentional about Dating my
wife.
Just because, like we spend somuch time together, like sitting
on the couch doesn't constitutea date.
Like we see each other like allthe time and we sit next to each
other and we're we're like see,we're in the kitchen together,
we wake up, you know, and sowe're always together.

(33:01):
So it's like now, like myapproach, since I'm married, is
just making sure that I'mcarving out special times.
It's not just a time that we'respending in the house or a time
that we're watching the tv showtogether, like we've been going
we went to a couple concertslike um, outdoor concerts and
different things like that justtrying to Find times to carve
out, to make sure that we havethat time.

(33:22):
Because, as you, when you startto get a house and you, when
you want to start a family andall that stuff, your, your focus
is all over the place and it'sso distracted.
So now this is more.
You have to be more, way moreintentional about Dating and
making sure that you're findingthat time to be romantic with
your partner.
So that's how it changed for me.

Speaker 3 (33:42):
Very well put, richard.

Speaker 2 (33:44):
Thank you.

Speaker 1 (33:45):
I want to um, I want to agree with that too, because
I'm in the, I'm in between someof the stuff that you said.
So you guys are already married, but you guys don't have kids,
right, we have kids and we'reengaged, right.
So I'm kind of in between someof that.
So, uh, absolutely, it'simportant to like get away out
of the house, away from the kids, because when you are inside
and you're with the kids, I'mmommy, I have to be mommy all

(34:07):
the time.
You know I can't and I'm, youknow, and I'm fiance too, but
it's like it's not 100.
He can't get 100 of my time and100 of my attention.
And until we remove ourselvesfrom the house, you know we have
to get out, and that way we canlike, you know, fall in love
again and remember Okay, this iswhat I, this is what I loved
about you and this is what Ilike about you, because you can

(34:28):
really just get stuck and then Ithink that could definitely
like damper their Relationship,because then there's like no
romance anymore.
It's just like, you know, kindof like robots, we just going
about our days.
So I just wanted to double downon how important that is and,
um, I don't know what else Icould offer in my position, I
guess, um that was like one ofthe biggest things that Made a

(34:51):
difference, like that'ssomething that I didn't, I
wasn't expecting.

Speaker 2 (34:54):
It's like oh, like we together all the time, but
we're not dating like we used to.
It's different.

Speaker 1 (35:01):
That, so that quality time of y'all just spending
time together.
You know that was quality time,but once you live together,
that's no longer quality time.
It's like I see you every day.
I wake up with you every day.
It's no longer quality time.
Quality time has to be done.
I don't want to say outside ofthe house, because you could
plan like some really cute stuffinside the house, but it has to
just be you too for it toactually count as quality time.

(35:23):
And it has to not be like wewatching a show together like we
usually do, you know, it has tobe something special.

Speaker 2 (35:29):
Like going to home depot and getting a hot dog.

Speaker 4 (35:32):
If you don't stop For a married couple if y'all
already gotta go to home depot,might as well get a hot dog.

Speaker 2 (35:39):
I didn't even say nothing.
He's still talking about them,hot dogs, that's classic.

Speaker 1 (35:43):
If you're listening.
Stay away from that home depot.

Speaker 2 (35:52):
And so name me, name you're, so you're, you're dating
what?

Speaker 3 (35:57):
what is dating like?

Speaker 2 (35:59):
I mean you're still, you're still dating you in the
committed relationship here's.

Speaker 3 (36:05):
Here's this dickie part my African brother.
I believe that Perspectives ofwhat you're doing right, I don't
feel like I'm I'm dating.
I feel like I'm spending timewith the person that I want to
be with.
I feel like I'm dedicating Likethe time that I would consider
my free time doing somethingthat I really enjoy doing, which

(36:26):
is spending time with her.
I mean so, for me it's not,it's not dating, because, like,
if I'm with her, hey, whateverwe're doing is fine, whatever
she wants to do, I'm okay withit, because I mean, for me it's
not about doing other things.
And this is like I said.
That's why I say, for me is soperspective, because she's the
same way, if we're, hey, we'rehappy together.
You know, maybe we want to gowatch, watch the Sun, maybe we

(36:48):
want to go watch ducks, do somelittle weird like that, and
those types of things to me aremost important because, you know
, while it seems small, it'sextremely small, but we're not
enjoying Just that small thing.
We're enjoying that small thingand we're just enjoying
spending time with each other.
So so I would say that's that'smy perspective of of dating and

(37:10):
like, I guess, being withsomeone, but like I don't, I
definitely don't not.
You know, doing things andgoing out and you know hey,
because that's that's just asfun too.
But for me and and and my girl,I feel like it's it's just
about hey, our time together.
It's.
I guess it's the most importantthing to us and so far, I mean,

(37:31):
that's been Probably one of themost beautiful relationships
that I've had.

Speaker 1 (37:37):
I'm happy for you, but I just wanted to say that I
feel like that is dating as well, like if you and your partner
want to go watch the sunset,that's still dating right.
It doesn't have to be like, oh,we're going on a date, this is,
you know Stravagant thing.
I booked us this it doesn't evenhave to be that.
It could be like I like to say,walks on the beach.
If we Can get away for a walkon the beach, that's dating like

(38:00):
that's my, that's our date,that's our quality time, that's
something that we both enjoyeddoing.
So I don't think it has to besomething that you put together
and pay for it For it to beclassified as a date.

Speaker 3 (38:11):
Yeah, I'm not cheap, though.
First of all, I don't know,always take my woman to Mickey
D's.
You don't play with me.

Speaker 2 (38:22):
Dala, may you all.
You can eat three items.

Speaker 4 (38:29):
It's an intentional act, you know, with the purpose
of spending time, quality time,and being together with
intention right and having aspecific experience with the
person or sharing thatexperience with the person.
It doesn't have to be thiswhole production, but sometimes
it should be sometimes yeah, Ithink for me Dating exclusively

(38:56):
one person at the moment.

Speaker 2 (38:57):
Oh snap.

Speaker 4 (38:58):
All right, let's not do this.

Speaker 2 (39:01):
You know, you know who I am.
Oh snap, here we go, let's go.

Speaker 4 (39:07):
At one point I will say, over the last like year and
a half, I was dating multiplepeople and that experience
taught me a lot too, like peoplebeing willing to have those
Experiences and be intentionalwas a big thing, especially
because you see so muchdiscourse online about how to
date and how you should connectand actually Taking the time to

(39:28):
experience multiple people inthat.
That way, you get to learn moreabout how you want to Be
intentional in that way or whatyou want to experience at least
the person I'm with now.
We start with what we like.
Like okay, we want to go to getbrunch, we're gonna go to a
brunch.
If we want to go to a movie,we'll go to a movie.

(39:50):
One of our things now isskating, so sometimes we'll just
go to the skate park.

Speaker 3 (39:55):
I want to skate, but I don't have ankles for it.

Speaker 2 (40:00):
Okay.

Speaker 4 (40:12):
I think, at least for the officially single people
they get hung up with.
I Don't know how to date, noone ever taught me how to date,
and it's like even my homegirls.
I thought I might be like startwith something you like, you
know, and go from there, and ifthat person is willing to have
that experience with you, thatmeans something.

Speaker 3 (40:32):
Yeah, that's that's that's like it, because you, if
you think about it, I've beensaying something for a long time
and and one of the things I didwhen I made my first Twitter
profile Twitter, not Twitter.
I guess it's pretty much thesame thing now.
One thing I did when I made myfirst Tinder profile back in the
day was, I said to myself ifthey like me, they'll like me

(40:52):
for me, and then that's cool, ifthey don't like me, they won't
like me at all.
So I have to be myself, nomatter what that's real.
That's.
That's why that one chick kindof goes to me because of my
comments about our kill.

Speaker 2 (41:04):
Oh man, I listened to that episode.

Speaker 3 (41:16):
But.
But my thing is this I feellike opinions are very important
, especially when you get inrelationships, because if
someone expects you to change,that's that's like a huge no-no.
Like if, if you expect someoneto change and it was weird
because I said something theother day I told her I was like
I love you.
I was like don't change.
And then I thought about it.
I was like wait, I'm tellingyou not to change, like that's

(41:39):
just as toxic as tellingsomebody you want them to change
.
Like I don't want.
Like I want I want you to beyou.
I want you to grow and change.
If you want, do it.
If you don't, you know, I feellike that's a, that's a good
perspective as far as, likewe're trying to relate, like
being yours and allow your partof being Be yourselves as well
that on having the havingwhatever it takes that You're

(42:05):
able to evolve together.

Speaker 4 (42:07):
I mean that's across all connections, not not even
just romantic ones.
Like people, will innatelychange.
You know the way that thequestion was access.
You know what has influencedshifts in your perspective.
That happens as you learn, asyou Dwarf more experiences and
knowledge like, but having thatquality that you need to have in
that connection for you to notonly evolve as an individual,

(42:30):
but for your partner to alsoevolve alongside you.
Like that you have to have thatin order to really be, you know
, happy and to have longevity.

Speaker 2 (42:38):
One of the biggest shifts that happened for me is
when I was still single and Iwas dating before I met my wife.
I had to really be intentionalabout what I was looking for,
what I needed in a partner, whatI wanted our relationship to be
like, what I wanted a marriageto look like, and to really be
intentional about findingsomeone who had all of the
characteristics and had thesimilar ideas and thoughts of

(42:58):
what married like life, andmarried life specifically, will
look like.
And we'd be on the same page.
And when my mom first met mywife, the biggest compliment
that my mom could ever giveanybody is that, oh, you're such
, you are so yourself whenyou're with her.
And I have been in so manyrelationships where I had

(43:19):
changed who I was and then youdon't even always realize that
you're changing who you are tomake something fit.
And when I stopped, when Ifound the person that I didn't
have to change who I was and shedoesn't have to change who I
was, and they didn't have tochange who I was and they didn't
have to change who I was andthey weren't like a good partner
and they didn't have to changewho I was.
I was and she doesn't have tochange who she is Remember.

(43:40):
That's how I knew I had foundthe woman that I wanted to marry
.

Speaker 4 (43:45):
The good, the bad, the ugly.

Speaker 2 (43:47):
Yup, I can be as nerdy as I want.
Yes.

Speaker 3 (43:50):
As nerdy as you like, that's a blessing.
I always knew you'd find theone, Richard.

Speaker 2 (43:54):
I always knew you.
Thank you, coach, I always saidit.

Speaker 3 (43:57):
I always said it.
Now it's time for Kendra andPam Tonette.

Speaker 2 (44:02):
And Namon, and Namon she said she's working on it.
Namon, go ahead, we're nextright Did.

Speaker 4 (44:07):
I.
I said that you dating.

Speaker 1 (44:09):
You said it.
You said it.

Speaker 3 (44:10):
You want to take that you want to take that the way
you said it, though, it was likeI am exclusively dating.

Speaker 2 (44:19):
I am.
You know how I can't.
When that is with her words,she's very specific with her
stuff, but that's what she saidI'm exclusively dating one
person.

Speaker 4 (44:29):
I didn't say the one person part.

Speaker 1 (44:31):
We could read it down .

Speaker 2 (44:32):
there you put a lot of sauce on it, one person.

Speaker 3 (44:37):
I listen, because when people say things that
means a lot.
I have to listen, that's mything.
I might have said one person.

Speaker 2 (44:42):
I think the interesting thing about what you
said Kanto Annette was that youtalked about before you were
dating multiple people, and Iknow that that is not usually an
easy posture for most women totake.
Like, trying to date multiplelike women traditionally usually
they find somebody that theylike and they focus on that
person.
Men traditionally like usuallywe tend to hey like and we not

(45:04):
together till we together.
So like I'm just curious like Ididn't have this on the sheet
or anything but like what wasthat experience?
Like changing kind of like theway that you are used to dating
and focusing more on yourselfand being open to date multiple
people at the same time.

Speaker 4 (45:20):
Hmm, I mean I loved it.
I think it was necessary for meto get clear on my dudes, my
don'ts, my wants, my needs andallowing people to just share in
the energy, and for me to learnfrom that.
It wasn't easy because, like Isaid, I even have people who I
love or people who you know, Ihave friendships or connections

(45:43):
with, and they didn't understandit.
For them it was impossible tobe able to.
They even say, like it'simpossible for you to date
somebody at once, to shareyourself so many different ways.
I'm just like, well, if I'mconnecting with someone
specifically, they might besharing in a specific energy.
You know, with me that doesn'tmean that the K and 20 they get

(46:03):
is the same case when it'ssomebody else gets you know.
But it was just once I kind ofstart dating a person that, like
you said, I felt like I couldbe more of myself, with the good
, the bad, the ugly, the hardparts, the soft parts.
It just made sense for me to belike, okay, I would rather date
this person exclusively becauseit's no need for me to shop

(46:27):
around anymore, but also beingable to say like I wanted to
date just because I wanted thatexperience.
I wasn't dating to try to getin a relationship, I wasn't
dating to try to get married oranything like that.
It was fair for me to say Ijust want to have an enjoyable
experience with these people.
And I feel like that's stillsomething that's hard for a lot

(46:48):
of others to digest, especiallycoming from a woman.
But also, that's none of mybusiness, you know you date how?
you need to date and I'll do ithow I need to do it.

Speaker 2 (46:58):
Do you feel like doing it that way helped you
really narrow down what you werelooking for in a relationship?
Because I remember I think meand Amy talked about it on the
episode dating multiple women ordating multiple people From
doing that.
It's different things that youlike from a lot.
Sometimes you connect with,like you talked about connecting
.
Sometimes you could connectwith somebody on like two

(47:19):
instances and somebody else youdate you can connect on with a
different instance, and it'slike what I was looking for with
somebody where I could connectto all of the instances, instead
of having somebody I connect toon oh, we like sports and we
like to go shopping together andwe like to like do this and
that.

Speaker 4 (47:37):
At one point I had one guy that I just dated and we
didn't do anything, we wouldjust watch, go watch the new
Marvel movies together.
That was like you know, but itwas a beautiful experience for
me it was and I know that that'ssomething that other people may
not click and understand and Ijust had to be clear with why I
wanted to date and why I onlywanted the experience.
I was coming out of a hardbreakup, you know, at the time,

(48:02):
and it brought up a lot of othertrauma and stuff with me from
my past.
So it was a form of selfsoothing through those
experiences with people and Iwas clear on that.
I was honest with them, likehey, I'm dating other people,
you know.
So, starting it off withhonesty and also starting off
with the expectations.

(48:23):
So like, this is where we are.
What are your expectations?
Are you looking for agirlfriend or are you looking
for somebody exclusively?
Like that's not where I'm at.
And then when I well, you knowwhen that changes you
communicate that as well.
I mean, it's never going to beeasy trying to connect with a
person.
I feel like, even though you'reengaged and you're married, you

(48:43):
know how that road can sometimesget tough when you're trying to
find a person, but I feel likedating in itself is just a
necessary thing that you have togo through so you can get clear
on yourself.
I say all the time like datingwasn't because of other people.
It was for me to learn moreabout myself through connection
with them.

Speaker 2 (49:04):
And that's what happened.
That's, that's, that's so realName, and give you the snaps.

Speaker 3 (49:16):
Look you're gonna have me in the car listening.
Is it the way?

Speaker 1 (49:24):
I'm telling you.
I'm telling you, I just gotsooed, I'm like it's a girl.

Speaker 4 (49:28):
All day.

Speaker 2 (49:30):
No, that's what I said.
Dating helps you like figureout who you, who you are like,
how you connect with people, howyou interact and all of that
stuff, and it's just, yeah, it's.
It's like that's one of thereasons why I even look at bi
relationships and like I alwayshope that it's not just me, like
I hope that other people aregetting.
The people that I've dated inthe past got something like even

(49:53):
though we didn't end uptogether, I hope that they got
something that helped make thema better person or help them
learn a lesson, just becauseevery situation, even the bad
ones I was in, is like at leastI know what I don't like now, or
what I don't want, or what I,what I feel like I'm worth, what
what I want Settle for.
And it was.
It was like something else yousaid.

(50:14):
I can remember it like datingand being doing that expectation
talk, just like you being veryupfront about what I was looking
for, and like I remember likewomen never would take that
seriously you know what I meanLike they still would be like,
oh, we're about to be together.
But, on the same token, Iremember having that kind of
talk with other women that I haddated and it's like I didn't

(50:38):
take it seriously either.
So it's like it's always likeyou always want what you want
and like honestly, like I can'tI can't even put it on somebody
who told me like I wasn't reallylooking to be in a relationship
.
We can kick it, but it's like Irespect that because I've done
the same thing.

Speaker 4 (50:52):
It's not the same thing, so it's like keeping an
open mind that people aren'tlike they're not.
They're not concrete, repliableor plastic.
They change and what you wantand what you, based on what you
saw and experience with thisperson, may change, you know,
and keeping the grace for that,because sometimes you might
start off and you be like Ireally don't want nothing from

(51:15):
you, but you know we can justchill and then it comes into
something else, or vice versathat person was going to person
that you wanted to have thelongevity with and then you just
like you know this ain't gonnawork.
You have the option to changeyour mind.
I feel like sometimes, withinthis atmosphere of dating,
everybody's so scared to bevulnerable, so either we close

(51:37):
in on ourselves and it's kind oflike we cap our growth and our
learning because of it, becauseit's certain things that I
wouldn't be able to know aboutmyself had I not had somebody
else to be a mirror.
You know like sometimes I canbe bratty, sometimes I need to

(51:58):
compromise a little bit more,and it's very much some cases
now where I'm like I have somenose, but the person that I gave
a no is kind of yes, you know,man.

Speaker 2 (52:22):
I had some nose.

Speaker 3 (52:22):
I had some nose and then I gave somebody a no and it
was kind of like a yes.

Speaker 4 (52:31):
What I mean by that is like you have when you're
isolated by yourself.
You have these ideas of how youwant to enter the dating field
right, and you have all theselists.
People are supposed to checkout.
On some level it's healthy tohave that.
But if you don't know how tocompromise a little bit, you
might miss out on something If Ihad stayed with my no with the

(52:53):
person that I'm dating now.
I would have missed out on thegood parts because he was a no
on paper.

Speaker 2 (53:00):
I get what you're saying, so he must be like five
to.
That's OK, you keep your shortcane.
What's he?

Speaker 3 (53:10):
like.
What's he like?
What's he like TI in that onemovie, atl.
What's he like?
What's he like the other TI?
Like the gangster TI right inthe other movie?
What's that what he played with?
Oh takers?

Speaker 2 (53:22):
Oh, takers, takers, Takers, takers.

Speaker 3 (53:24):
Takers, takers, he was just a bad guy.
Right, you got to use TI.
You can use TI's characters inall his movies.
He's always like gangster, butsometimes he's not like an ATL.
He was cool, trying to help, sothat's why you said he was a no
on paper.
So was he like TI and ATL?
Ti and takers what I don't?

Speaker 2 (53:44):
know, I guess you'd have to know.

Speaker 3 (53:46):
You'd have to have seen those movies.
I have what's a no on paper.
This is my question.

Speaker 4 (53:55):
So I said that I wasn't open to dating a man with
kids.
The guy I'm dating now has kidsand, honestly, when I looked at
it, I was like this person istreating me better than guys
ain't got no kids, the guys whoreally ain't got nothing.
You know what I'm saying?
Like it was just not adding up,like I couldn't justify my

(54:16):
reason anymore, because myreason was always I think I
would want to be selfish withsome time, like I'm not selfish,
but I don't think I want tosplit my time.
I felt like that's a bigresponsibility.
But he managed it well.
You know, I never have to worryabout feeling seen and heard
and provided for in certain waysbecause of that, you know.
And I had to really look atmyself and ask like okay, why

(54:40):
was that a no in the first place?
It was because I had you know, Ihad this preconceived notion
about what it meant.

Speaker 2 (54:49):
Tear up your list.
Keep your list, but tear it upwhen you need to.

Speaker 4 (54:52):
But I know what you need to.

Speaker 1 (54:55):
Yeah, I agree with that.
I think, when your single iseasy to write down a list of
things that you want, right, soyou build out that here's my
list of the things that I wantand here's the things that are
my no goals.
I'm not compromising on right.
That's easy, right.
But then in all actuality, lifedon't work that way.

(55:15):
Right, because, just like yousaid, right, I can have this
amazing list this is what I wantand what I don't want.
Then you can meet a guy that'slike, wow, he is really great to
me, but he's not really, he'snot really checking off this
list of things that I thought Iwanted or needed.
But this is how I'm gettingtreated and I didn't even know
that this is the way that Ineeded to be treated.

(55:36):
Now I'm, that list that wecreated don't really even matter
, right, and I think that listin a lot of ways, especially
women, can hold us back.
When we just have a listen,it's like, oh yeah, you're.
You know you're too short, oryou got kids, or your job isn't
a good enough, or you know, wegot all these expectations and
it's like, but that could be agreat guy and we say, oh, no,

(55:57):
because he's not meeting mychecklist.
I don't want him, so I thinkthat that we get in our own way
a lot of the time.
So when it comes to date and Ido understand what you're
talking about when you say youknow, well, this is my list of
stuff, but, dang, he's amazingwhy would you want to miss out
on an amazing person because ofa list that you made up?

Speaker 2 (56:18):
That sounds like a Tyler Perry movie right there.
That's a Tyler Perry movie.
I'm sure he done made thatmovie like six times, not?

Speaker 4 (56:25):
with the bad way.

Speaker 2 (56:26):
Yes, with some arm or with the fake.
Oh great, Straight back, ohthis also find the balance in
that.

Speaker 4 (56:34):
It's like you have to have standards.
You have to.
You know I'm saying you have tohave something that says, okay,
this is where my boundary is.
But you also have to know thatsometimes those are going to
change.
Sometimes somebody is going tochallenge it in a good way,
sometimes some people are goingto challenge it in a bad way.
But being open to continuouslylearning more about yourself and

(56:55):
your reasons why, you know, itjust keeps it, keeps it
realistic.
The thing with the kids is likeI'm 32.
That can't just stay off mylist.
You know.
It's just.
You got to be more open toadjusting where it needs to be
adjusted and if you're okay withthe reason why because I tell

(57:17):
him all the time I'm like you'rearound, because of the way you
treat me, because of the waythat you allow me to be myself
If that changes you know, thendon't we change.

Speaker 2 (57:27):
that's a different conversation.
No, that's that's, and that'swhat I said.
Like that that's that'sbeautiful, because I remember
watching it was relationshipgoes past your Michael Todd, he
talked about having a list andthen actually like when you find
that person, that person mightnot meet.
That list is not always aboutcertain things.

(57:48):
But like I did like and I waskind of like the same way, like
I was flexible on my list, but Idid have like deal breakers,
like if a woman didn't want tohave kids, like that was enough
for me because I don't have anykids and I want kids If a woman
like wasn't religious like I'mreligious at least a little bit
like that was kind of enough forme, just because, like I know

(58:09):
how I want to live my life and Iwant us to have like similar
similarities when it comes tocertain things.
So it's like certain thingsthat was a deal breaker for me.
But like you have your heartknows, but everything else, like
you can kind of be flexible on.

Speaker 4 (58:22):
Yeah, the little details.

Speaker 2 (58:25):
Thanks for sharing that, because I know you usually
don't talk about none of thatstuff.
Boy, we had to get it out of it.

Speaker 3 (58:31):
We literally had to squeeze that, that Georgia.

Speaker 1 (58:34):
We just make her feel really comfortable.

Speaker 2 (58:36):
That's what it is.
She missed us.
That's what it was I got.

Speaker 4 (58:41):
Maybe I'm over sharing because I'm not used to
be on the bike.

Speaker 2 (58:44):
That's probably.
That's probably it.
We caught her on the good day.
She just came back from a mostis y'all that liquor hit and she
, like man I'm being too honestright now, but I'm hearing All
right so I got some quick hitsfor y'all real quick and I'm
like I have some questions basedoff of previous episodes,

(59:05):
titles, and I'm going to ask youall the question and y'all can
answer it, like everybodydoesn't have to answer it if you
want to answer it, but justlike a short answer.
So the first one that I haveanybody can answer if they want
to is love really blind?
Yes, yes, love is really blind.

Speaker 3 (59:25):
Like the show no.

Speaker 2 (59:26):
Like the show no.

Speaker 1 (59:28):
I love the show, by the way, but I agree, love is
blind.

Speaker 3 (59:33):
Okay, so here's the sticky part.

Speaker 2 (59:36):
Hold up.
It's not like you're about togo into a long explanation.
It's supposed to be short.
I keep it real short.
Long story short.

Speaker 4 (59:43):
So I got to explain myself.

Speaker 3 (59:45):
Long story short.
I do not believe that love isblind.
I believe that everyone thatsays they can love someone Well,
okay, hold on, let's back it upfor one second.
What do you mean when you saylove is blind?
Do you mean like you think youcould just meet somebody on the
other side of a wall and be likeI love you and they be like I
love you too, and then when youmeet, they look hideous and

(01:00:06):
you're like.

Speaker 2 (01:00:07):
I still love you, even though you look the way you
look.
Sure, let's go with that, let'sgo with the show.

Speaker 3 (01:00:14):
Absolutely not.

Speaker 2 (01:00:15):
Love is not blind.

Speaker 3 (01:00:17):
It is not because I mean.
The thing is, you are attractedwhat you're attracted to, and
that's okay, right, but ifyou're not attracted to them,
you're just not attracted tothem.
I don't think any amount oflove is going to change that.

Speaker 4 (01:00:30):
So you were talking about it in the physical aspect.

Speaker 3 (01:00:32):
Well, I mean, that's what.
That's what we're saying, like,if we're saying like love is
blind, that's what essentiallywhat that would mean.
Like I feel like you can lovethem, but you won't be able to
give them too much of anythingelse if you're not attracted to
them.
I mean, that's, that's just it.
You can love them like you wantthem to be great and love their
feet and stuff like that and betotally happy with what they do

(01:00:54):
, you know, in their daily lives.
That's what I'm saying.
But when it comes to like Ifeel, like the physical aspect,
you won't be able to providethat to them, and you see what
I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (01:01:05):
So I get what you're saying.
I kind of say I think love isblind, but it takes more than
love to have a relationship anda good relationship.

Speaker 3 (01:01:14):
I think that's.

Speaker 2 (01:01:14):
I think you can follow, I might be thinking
about this too deep.
Like I see you over there.
You like glazing off to the.

Speaker 4 (01:01:22):
Because I don't know what you talk about in the
physical aspect.
Like is love, like.

Speaker 3 (01:01:27):
I'm saying, I'm saying like love as the way we
know love, like oh, I love you,I want you to be happy, etc.
Unconditional.

Speaker 4 (01:01:35):
And then?

Speaker 3 (01:01:36):
and then you have to add the physical to it, right?

Speaker 4 (01:01:39):
And that's what I don't think physical is the only
level of attraction, though youhave sexual attraction that's
separate from physical.
It can be separate.
You have you know mentalattraction is different levels
of attraction.
I feel like there's plenty ofpeople who might be attracted to
somebody's mind.
They might not necessarily likethey face, I don't know.

(01:01:59):
Like that's why I was likemaybe I'm thinking too deep.
That's what.

Speaker 3 (01:02:03):
I'm saying, like we're saying this, like you said
the same thing.

Speaker 2 (01:02:06):
Alright, kendra, go ahead, close it out.

Speaker 1 (01:02:11):
I was just going to say.
I get what she's saying, though, but I think personally that
more applies to women.
I don't think men can get overnot being attracted to a woman.
But I think, women, we canactually be in love with the way
a man treats us and his mindsetand etc.
We can fall in love with thatand be in love and be in a great
relationship with a man.
But I think men are not able toget over the physical

(01:02:33):
attraction If they're notphysically attracted to you.
I think for men that becomeschallenging.

Speaker 2 (01:02:40):
Yeah, I think you're right I think for most men.

Speaker 4 (01:02:42):
I think that's just where you place that value in
what is most important in yourattraction.
I think I've said before, forme I'm not physically attracted
to someone.
I could see somebody and Icould say, oh, they look great,
but physically it doesn't doanything for me until mentally
I'm attracted to them.
I mean that sapiosexual part.

(01:03:03):
I don't find people attractiveunless I'm mentally stimulated
by them.
So yeah, I don't know, it justworks different.

Speaker 2 (01:03:13):
Nope, I'm going to stop you right there.
I'm going to stop you rightthere.
So the next one is can you befriends with your ex?

Speaker 1 (01:03:24):
No no.

Speaker 4 (01:03:27):
One no I mean, why would we want to do that Exactly
?

Speaker 3 (01:03:34):
What is your definition of friends, though?

Speaker 2 (01:03:36):
Friends.
What's a friend?
I'm not really understanding.
I feel like not immediately.

Speaker 1 (01:03:39):
No, definitely not immediately.
I agree with that.

Speaker 3 (01:03:45):
Here's my definition of friend hey, oh wow, you're
still alive.
All right, let me finish.
It's really short.
Oh hey, oh wow, you're stillalive.
Yeah, I'm still alive.
Okay, what have you been up to?
Nothing much, Just chilling yousaying, all right, have a great

(01:04:07):
day.
That's my definition and levelof friends.

Speaker 1 (01:04:11):
That's cordial.
That sounds like you at thegrocery store.

Speaker 2 (01:04:16):
I really saw him at the grocery store when he said
that that's exactly what I saw.

Speaker 3 (01:04:20):
I feel like that's fair, like I feel like, hey, oh
man, you still alive Wow.

Speaker 2 (01:04:25):
Is that lettuce on sale?
You got two, all right.
Yeah, you got a 10-year-old now.

Speaker 3 (01:04:32):
Oh snap, Whoa glad you're alive.
Peace be with you.

Speaker 4 (01:04:37):
Like I said, I feel like it's possible.
I personally don't have aproblem with it as long as it's
not immediate.
You can't just break up and belike we friends now.

Speaker 2 (01:04:47):
Breathe, a room we have to have some breathing room
.
Now I feel you.
When we were talking aboutgoing back and forth on point of
views, I listened to thatepisode where this question came
from and I was like, yeah, youcan't be friends, but I don't
think you can necessarily beclose friends, and I think it
depends on the nature of therelationship and what kind of
relationship you're in now,because it's like I'm not going

(01:05:09):
to be friends with anybody thatmy wife's uncomfortable with,
period.
This is like all right, we canbe friends on Instagram,
whatever, but we can't be closelike that If you ain't friends
with my wife.
You know what I mean.

Speaker 3 (01:05:22):
But I think, respectfully respectfully any
relationship, right, I feel likeany relationship.
If you're dating someone oryou're, you know you, your
agreement with them is not tocheat on them.
If you feel like that thatwould jeopardize your
relationship, I feel like, hey,you should probably assess it,
right?
Is that safe to say it might bean issue to call in me?

(01:05:44):
People call in my phone everytime, every time something
happened.
Hey, can you come fix my stove?
You know, I feel like thosetypes of things.

Speaker 4 (01:05:53):
That's fair.
Oh yeah, that's fair.
We didn't look at too much,that's totally fair.

Speaker 3 (01:05:59):
I feel like at that, like if you could, because
regular conversations or, youknow, hanging out with people,
just just friends, that canescalate to hey, hey, you smell
nice Like that.
That can escalate Like thatcould be a bad situation.
No, Like I said, it depends onwhat your situation is too,

(01:06:20):
though.
What's the other end?
Wait a minute.
What's the other end of that?
What's the wait?
What, what do?

Speaker 4 (01:06:24):
you mean, I feel like this is a very like one end or
the other, and I feel likesometimes things fall in the
middle, you know, like ifsomebody's been in a
relationship with someone foryears and they ended amicably.
You know no hard feelings orwhatever, but the emotions just
weren't there anymore.
If that person would have cometo me and be like you know what,

(01:06:45):
I want to check up on her, oryou know she wanted to have a
conversation about whatever, Iwouldn't feel any type of way,
but that's just my level offeeling secure in the
relationship too.
If I feel a little bit moreinsecure, I might not feel like
I want you to have this openconnection, or if I feel like
something's there that mightinfluence me, not wanting to
have that open path.
But most of the time I feellike you know it's possible and

(01:07:09):
I don't think that it's alwaysgoing to be a hard.
No, sometimes I feel like it'sjust depends on the situation.

Speaker 2 (01:07:14):
I think that was one of those things in practice that
sound like you got into.
You actually get it.
It's like one of those thingsthat knowledge versus practice,
like actually like having thatsituation versus talking about
it.
I'm going to go ahead and moveon to the next one, because it
is kind of related the friendultimatum.
Can you, would you, tell yourmate not to be friends with
someone, or would you acceptthem telling you not to be

(01:07:35):
friends with?

Speaker 4 (01:07:35):
somebody else.
I got it to it.

Speaker 2 (01:07:40):
I said the friend ultimatum.
So basically, would you letyour mate tell you that you
couldn't be friends with aparticular person, or would you
tell your mate that they can'tbe friends with a particular
person?

Speaker 1 (01:07:51):
Oh, okay.

Speaker 4 (01:07:54):
I think you could request.

Speaker 1 (01:07:57):
Oh, I can tell and you could decide, or I could
decide for you.

Speaker 4 (01:08:01):
Yeah, that's always a choice.

Speaker 2 (01:08:03):
That's why it's an ultimatum.

Speaker 1 (01:08:06):
Then I feel like I wouldn't want to have to tell
you, I wouldn't want to evenhave to bring that to you,
because I feel like, if I'm yourwoman, you should see how I
feel about you, like you knowhow I'm feeling about the
situation and you decide at handwhat's for you, know what's
most important to you.
Like if, if, if making, if thewoman is making, or the

(01:08:30):
situation is making your wife,your fiance, your woman feel
uncomfortable, then I think,ideally, you should want to you
know in that, for the sake ofyou know your relationship,
especially if that's the personthat you're going to marry off
the, especially if it's theperson that you have married.
I would want you to do that onyour own.
Once I have to bring it to you,I'm just not going to want to

(01:08:53):
have to do that, because there'sonly one answer to that and by
the time I bring it to you I'mprobably already know I'm out
because I have to bring it toyou.

Speaker 3 (01:09:02):
She'll be clapping To the light for you.
No-transcript.

Speaker 2 (01:09:08):
I told you already.
I already told you this If Isee her near you, I mean
personally, I would say it'sit's.

Speaker 3 (01:09:21):
It's not my place, I guess, to tell anybody what they
should do with their lives,right, but the only thing I can
control because I don't believein controlling anyone the only
thing I can control is myselfand where I put myself.
So if someone would like to dosomething that was irritating me
, I would voice my opinion and Ithought about it and let them
get that on their own and ifanything changes, then cool.

(01:09:43):
Not that I have to startthinking about how to remove
myself from the situation,because the last thing I'm going
to do is argue with someoneelse about my piece like or what
I believe that I deserve as asan individual.

Speaker 2 (01:10:00):
I go ahead and jump in.
I think for me that if I, if Ihave to be with someone and I
have to give them an ultimate onabout a friend, then that's not
the person I should be with.
Like if I have to worry aboutsomething like my, my wife's
friends, then that wouldn't bethe right person.
Like I don't have to worryabout my wife's friends in the
same way Because I know she'llrespect us, she'll respect our
relationship, in the same waythat she doesn't have to worry

(01:10:21):
about me because I'm going torespect our relationship and her
in the same way.
So I don't yeah.
It's like.
It's like would you give yourmate a friend, ultimate on
basically saying that they needto get rid of a friend for y'all
to stay together, or would youaccept one?

Speaker 4 (01:10:40):
I can't never just give a straight answer.

Speaker 2 (01:10:42):
You don't have to answer.
It depends on my reason, but goahead.

Speaker 4 (01:10:44):
No, it's just, it depends on my reason.
Like if I'm saying like I'mgetting vibes from her but she
didn't like or she ain't didn't,I don't really have a place to
say like you have to set someboundary with this friend, like
you know, that's a choice you'regoing to have to make.
But if it's some serious thingsgoing on where it's like some
disrespect or some lines cross,some boundaries cross and you're

(01:11:05):
not stepping in, then I don'tfeel protected, I don't feel
hurt in my relationship.
Then that's a whole differentthing.
But sometimes I do think like,like I said, I've had a
conversation where it was likepeople think like, oh, you
shouldn't have, you know,friends of opposite sex and
stuff like that.
I'm just like it's a little.
I don't feel like you have theauthority for somebody, based on

(01:11:28):
what you got going oninternally, to say, hey, you
can't be friends with thisperson just because I don't
trust them based on their gender, like I don't feel like that's
fair to your partner.

Speaker 2 (01:11:35):
I think it's more like I don't trust.
At that point it's like I don'ttrust you, though Like they
wouldn't trust you.
That's what I said.

Speaker 4 (01:11:41):
I was like then the trust the issue of trust is
between you and your partner.
You know you and the otherperson.
But yeah, it just depends on myreason why.
But yeah, if I felt like I wasbeing disrespectful in some way,
it would definitely be like,hey yo, you got to cut that off.

Speaker 3 (01:11:59):
Hey yo, hey yo bruh bruh.

Speaker 4 (01:12:01):
Well, hopefully, like , like Kendra said, like it
would annoy me for me to evenhave to come to you with that,
you should already you should betapped in, tuned in for you to
know.

Speaker 2 (01:12:12):
I think that's hard, just because sometimes, like
especially as men, sometimeswe're kind of oblivious to
what's going on.
So I still think, I still thinkit's important for your mate to
communicate, just because Imean like just it's always that
thing.
Just because if I feel it, thenmy partner, who knows me,
should feel it too and that'snot always a fair assessment
just because our minds could bein a completely different place.

(01:12:34):
I remember dating someone whowas really, really jealous all
the time and it was like when wewere flirting with me and I'd
be just trying to play Xbox orsomething like that, and it's
like I don't even she, I didn'teven know she was flirting with
me, you mad at me for somethingshe doing.
I ain't paying attention to it,I don't know.
Here's the thing.

Speaker 3 (01:12:50):
I think I understand what Kanchelnetta is saying when
she says like.
Or Kendra said it, she saidwell, you should already know,
like if.
If you know, that's the but I.
I perceive that as saying likeme, if I know you and I'm
getting to know you and at thistime we're together, you know,
it should click in my head likehey, you know, because I feel

(01:13:13):
like in any relationship, yourgoal is to make this other
person feel comfortable with youin general.
So for me, I notice littlethings like if.
If you're starting to feel alittle certain time, I'm like
okay, well, is everything okay,like, because this is not normal
.
So I think that's what.
What she means Like right.

Speaker 1 (01:13:31):
Would that be safe to say?
Like you mean, like exactly wetapped in.
And he knows that this botherme.
With that, I don't even have tolike we can have the
conversation.
But before we have theconversation he has the ideal
that something's bothering meand vice versa, like you know,
because you're paying attention,you know like it's paying
attention versus being obliviousto everything, including your
partner.

Speaker 3 (01:13:52):
We don't want you to meet the.

Speaker 4 (01:13:54):
He was saying to it's like yeah, this is why you have
to know what your why is sothat when you have the
conversation with your partner,you can communicate that why
with them?
And he's like well, I didn'tsee her do X, y, z was like let
me tell you you know being okaywith those conversations.

Speaker 2 (01:14:09):
No, I mean, I feel I feel what you were saying, to
name it, but I don't like.
One of the things that I dodisagree with you on is that I
don't feel like it's your placeto make your partner feel
necessarily comfortable.
I don't think that's the mainjob, like it's not to make them
feel comfortable.

Speaker 4 (01:14:22):
You can do that all the time.

Speaker 2 (01:14:23):
It's a it's to make, because it's like you can't
control somebody else's likeinsecurities out of the way that
they view things.
All you can do is be authentic.

Speaker 3 (01:14:30):
I'm not trying to when I say that.
I don't mean when I say tryingto make someone feel comfortable
, meaning if we go somewhere andI'm, I can clearly say, hey,
I'm fine right now, right, like,I'm okay.
So is there is there somethinglike hey, I can do?
Is you know what?
That's what I mean.
I mean like offering hey.
If you're looking, even if I'mout with you, richard, like you
you're having an issue, I'mgoing to look at you and say,

(01:14:52):
hey, is everything cool?
You good, like, is thereanything that I can do to help
this situation?
Because, hey, we're trying tohave a good moment right now.
Whatever, it is right.
No I don't mean like control,I'm just saying like just
noticing and being attentive.
I guess is basically what I'msaying being attentive to
feelings or emotions, or evenjust what.

(01:15:13):
Do you call them Regular signs?
Right, just regular cues.
That's what I mean.

Speaker 2 (01:15:18):
I got you those things, I got you All right, so
this one can be quick.
This one should be quick, Ithink.
So what could you maintain along distance relationship?
I thought the other ones wasgoing to be quick too, but like
I'm thinking this one like couldyou maintain a long distance
relationship?

Speaker 1 (01:15:35):
Personally I couldn't , so no, for me it's a hard pass
.

Speaker 4 (01:15:43):
Yes.

Speaker 2 (01:15:44):
Yes, name it.

Speaker 3 (01:15:46):
No, absolutely not.
I did it before and it wascrazy, and I'm not doing it
again.

Speaker 2 (01:15:52):
I don't think I could either, especially being
married Like my wife, like herjob was talking about center out
of town for two weeks.
I was like I guess I'm going tobe working out of town for two
weeks, because ain't no way liketwo weeks a long time, man like
I know.
Absence make the heart growyeah no, you know, these do seem
like a long time.
That's a long time.
Two weekends Come on.

Speaker 3 (01:16:14):
Two new episodes.

Speaker 4 (01:16:15):
Yeah, I was sure that somebody in the military and
we'd be going for months.

Speaker 2 (01:16:22):
Two weeks for me.
Like man, I miss my wife.

Speaker 3 (01:16:24):
I feel like the military relationships.
That takes a lot.
I feel like that's admirablebecause I mean, obviously this
person is serving for ourcountry, but it takes a lot.
I feel like to have arelationship and just to be
there for that.

Speaker 2 (01:16:37):
Why you make that face.

Speaker 4 (01:16:40):
He had to go all patriotic.
I mean it's real.

Speaker 2 (01:16:42):
You're serving the country.
Thank you for your service,Kansan.

Speaker 4 (01:16:47):
I got a W2.
It's a job All right.

Speaker 2 (01:16:52):
So the last one of the quick hitters is it's
unconditional love and arelationship real.

Speaker 4 (01:17:00):
Oh, and it shouldn't be.

Speaker 2 (01:17:02):
No, yes, naima.

Speaker 4 (01:17:05):
You talk about romantic relationship.

Speaker 2 (01:17:06):
Romantic relationship .

Speaker 3 (01:17:08):
Wait, what is?
What was the question?

Speaker 2 (01:17:09):
Unconditional love and a relationship real is
unconditional love and arelationship real.
This is the thing.
Does that exist?

Speaker 3 (01:17:18):
Did you write this down?

Speaker 2 (01:17:19):
Yes, it was.
It was based off of an episodethat we had started with Dr
Saudia.
You keep saying stuff like that.

Speaker 3 (01:17:27):
I think you'd be making stuff up, but I'm going
to go ahead and answer yourquestion.

Speaker 2 (01:17:31):
Thank you.

Speaker 3 (01:17:33):
From my perspective I would say unconditional love is
it should be like.
I feel like love in itselfshould be pretty much
unconditional, right, if youlove someone, for whatever
relationship or whatever reason,you should love them
unconditionally.
Your love shouldn't be, hey,well, I love you because this,

(01:17:53):
or because you're doing this forme, or anything.
It should just be hey, I loveyou because I love you.
So, yeah, I believe of courseit should exist.

Speaker 2 (01:18:02):
I go back and forth on it.
I go back and forth on it.

Speaker 3 (01:18:05):
I think I would you love people with conditions.

Speaker 2 (01:18:09):
No.
I think love is unconditional,but I think relationships aren't
unconditional.

Speaker 3 (01:18:14):
Did you hear what she said, Richard?

Speaker 2 (01:18:16):
Did I miss it?
What'd you say?
Cancer nut.

Speaker 3 (01:18:18):
She said yeah, she loves people with conditions.
What does that even mean?
That?

Speaker 4 (01:18:25):
like so it's like how he was explaining.

Speaker 2 (01:18:27):
Yeah.
So what I'm saying is that,like you can love somebody, but
like when it comes to thesanctity of a marriage and vows
or just even a relationship, youset up these things.
It's like certain things happen.
It's unacceptable.
You can still love somebodythat you not with, but in order
to maintain a relationship, youmight still love someone, but it
may not be able to be in aromantic relationship with them

(01:18:49):
because of something thatthey've done.
So I think, unconditional loveis real, but that doesn't
dictate that your relationshipis unconditional.

Speaker 4 (01:18:58):
And I think like that's one of the tick talks
that kind of took off.

Speaker 1 (01:19:05):
I feel naming, though I think I'm on the same page
with him.

Speaker 4 (01:19:10):
I was about to just echo that.
Like one thing I said was it'snot my love, that's, you know,
our conditional, it's mypresence.
So it's like we have allprobably been in relationships
where they ended badly or poorlyor whatever.
You still love that person andyou know you have to grieve that
person.
That love doesn't just go away,but you do.
I want my person to haveconditions with how I treat them

(01:19:33):
, how I show up to therelationship, because that
signals that they have that selflove and that confidence within
themselves and vice versa.
Like I don't think that weshould expect so much.
You know what I'm saying.
I don't expect my partner tolove me the way my daddy did.
I don't expect my partner towant me to love them the way
their mama does.

(01:19:54):
You know a romanticrelationship is different and
they should come come with somekind of conditions on how you
treat and show up for thatperson.

Speaker 2 (01:20:05):
Yeah, I think that was.
I think you said a way moreeloquently than I did, but yeah,
I think she did too Does thatmake more sense.
I don't think I did.

Speaker 3 (01:20:15):
Because I mean, richard was like yeah, you know
what you?
I don't think you can love aconditional, but you know you
can't be unconditional.

Speaker 2 (01:20:21):
What?
No, I didn't say that at all.
Whatever jargon you spend onthere, I swear.

Speaker 3 (01:20:27):
It wasn't received here on the side.

Speaker 4 (01:20:30):
It's the thing where it's like sometimes we say
unconditional love and we needrelationship and so it's like
trying to break apart thatdetail.
That's where I was.
Yeah, exactly, yeah, it's notthe same thing.

Speaker 1 (01:20:41):
It's not like oh I love you unconditionally, you
can just do anything to meExactly, yeah, exactly.
And so kind of the truth is Iswitch majors, are you?

Speaker 4 (01:20:52):
still Sat dreamcracker.

Speaker 1 (01:20:54):
If you've been like this before, what is your good
friend?
And also your mother?
Or can they say they are partof the family space?
I like that.
Let me give you a brief name.
No, actually, let youariamentetype.
That doesn't look like it.
I kind of relationships, lifecouples.
We start a bunch of time aftera question right out OK, we
create a relationship, but thenwe you mean the relationship
it's as a kid Um, you want totell me what that is.
So that's what you were talkingabout back then you were saying

(01:21:15):
you actually did this for awhile.
Right, I think I would havedisagreed.
But now you know, and being inmy relationship, now I know that
he loves me unconditionallyLike I can do.
Like in this man's eyes I cando no wrong.
You know what I'm saying Liketo feel that way is to know,
okay, this man loved meunconditionally.
Because, no matter what, he'sgoing to forgive me.
And I'm not saying, oh, I'mjust gonna treat him poorly, but

(01:21:37):
I'm saying I know what thatfeels like now so that I can
answer the question and say,yeah, absolutely unconditional
love can exist in a romanticrelationship.

Speaker 2 (01:21:47):
Yeah, I was saying I had interviewed someone from my
other show that she was talkingabout her ex and how they got a
divorce and they've beendivorced for years and she was
like I still love him, but hecouldn't work on himself to make
the relationship work.
He had things that he needed towork out within himself.
So it's not that I didn't lovehim anymore, it's just that I
had to love myself and separatemyself from the relationship

(01:22:08):
because it was killing me.
So it's like, so she, that lovedidn't just fade away.
It's just like we divorced nowLike I don't love you anymore.
It's like, no, I still love you, but for whatever reason, like
our relationship didn't work.

Speaker 4 (01:22:21):
Well, maybe it's me and you, richard.
We thought too much, wecomplicated the question,
because when we hearunconditional love, we know a
lot of people weaponize it to me.
I want you to love mecompletely, no matter what, and
sometimes it's just like youknow that's not what the
question was.
I got you.

Speaker 2 (01:22:42):
I guess.
So with that, I'm just gonna goahead and close it down.
I have to look at the notes.
Let's see how do we use it.
Anyway, can't, can't swim that.
Kendra, thanks for coming on.
It was great having you twoboth on again, I don't know.

Speaker 4 (01:22:56):
Do y'all want to?

Speaker 1 (01:22:56):
shout out any socials or anything.
I can, I can, I can.
She's the one, she's the one.
We can see her, we can see her.

Speaker 2 (01:23:01):
Don't uh-uh, leave Kendra alone.
Can't swim, that Don't know.
Her social media stuff no more.
That's okay, dude, let them bethere.
But anyway, if you want tocheck me out, you can check me
out at Diozism andS-D-O-G-D-S-I-S-M.
I do do another podcast calledStill Talking Black.
It's about all things blacknessfrom a black perspective.
Name it what you got.

Speaker 3 (01:23:24):
Yes, name here Diozism.

Speaker 2 (01:23:27):
What is it?

Speaker 3 (01:23:28):
That's how you can find me.
No, I am the DJ Blue.
On Instagram, you can find mynew podcast, the I Am the DJ
Blue show, and if you wait amoment, you'll hear it after
this episode.

Speaker 2 (01:23:41):
That what?
Don't have people waiting forsomething that ain't gonna be
there?
They were like man, I wait forthis episode.
It just went to something else,it just broke it.
They gonna be emailing me.

Speaker 3 (01:23:56):
That would be hilarious.
But no, yeah, I am the DJ Blue.
That's pretty much it.
Thank you for listening.

Speaker 2 (01:24:01):
All right, I just want to just say thank you to
everybody If you listened tothis and if you listened in the
past.
Thank you so much.
This is one of my favoritegroups to get together.
I'm so happy that we got tojust come and just put an improv
two episode together, and sothanks for listening and until
next time, boys and girls,remember.

Speaker 3 (01:24:19):
There's always a next time.
Stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (01:24:22):
What?
No, there's nothing comingafter this.
There's nothing.

Speaker 1 (01:24:26):
Just make sure to stay tuned.

Speaker 2 (01:24:27):
Yeah, I better just get it.

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