Alexia Adams: Conquering Relationship Chaos

Episode Transcript
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Chanel Scott (00:26):
I'm Chanel Scott.

Josh Powell (00:28):
And I am Josh Powell.

We have an amazing guest today, guys.
We have Miss Alexia Adams.
Welcome, thank you.

It looks in his thing.
It's crazy, bigger than themayor, but I'm trying to see.

You crazy.

You crazy, exactly.

So, alexia, let's start off by first just telling
the viewers who are you.

Alexia "Big Lex" Adams (00:53):
It's a loaded question.
My name's Alexia Adams.
They call me Big Lex, thebiggest.
I play professional basketballsix years overseas.
I'm retired now.
I do player development for theHawks.
I have a podcast called theReality Table.
I also do the radios everyThursday with Big Bank, so it's
the Big Bank radio and now wehave a podcast Real active in

(01:17):
the community.
I have my own detox juice,alexia's drink to shrink.
It's some other stuff too.
That's a lot.

Wow, but you know what?
You didn't mention one thing.
You know I'm wrong.
I'm about to zone in.
Okay, so you did the show, puta Ring on it.

Yep, right, you did Put a Ring on it.

So I want to know was your participation on that
show inspired by real lifeevents?
Like?
Were you really looking well,you had to be in a relationship
correct, and you was trying todecipher whether you wanted to
put a ring on it?

Well, long story short.
Me and that person dealt witheach other in college and we
were in and out, off and on,whatever, but we decided to do
the show together.
We had rekindled something, sowe thought and we did the show.

So what was the?

outcome.
The outcome was a man sleeping.
He slept with a girl on theshow on me, so I left him on the
show.

So he did that in real life.

He did that in real life and he didn't
think it was going to get out.
What ended up happening wasthey had a closure date.
They had never did a closuredate before and we were trying
to figure out why they had aclosure date and apparently she
had already told production.
This is what happened.
He goes to her, so they wantedto make sure you get your

(02:33):
closure.
So that's when she put it outthere.

Wow, and so how did that make you feel?

I love him.
I was mad, for real.
I was mad for a minute and thenI ended up leaving him.
And it's been almost two yearsnow since the show.
He constantly reaches out.
I mean, we run into each other,we're around each other
sometimes, but he, even in frontof our friends that apologized
and they just ain't no comingback.

Music violation right.

On national television, bro.
That's the embarrassment part,exactly.

You knew we were going to be filmed.

Exactly.
Wow, that's the respect wentout the window with that guy.

That's right, absolutely so you're currently
in a relationship.
Let's clean this up.

You currently in a relationship.
Yeah, I was dating throughoutmy dating process.
I took my time to date, but nowthe guy I'm in a relationship
with his name is Rashawn Parker.
Oh, she's dropping names.
Yeah, I'll give him his name.
We ended up, to be honest, heplayed with my brother in high
school at McKee-Tren and we'vealways been in touch throughout

(03:37):
the years.
We dealt with each other inhigh school, tried to.
You know we liked each other.
I was overseas, and it was justa time where, you know, he came
to me and I said, shit, why not?
But honestly, I think with me Idon't like to try to find
somebody new.
I tried it, you know, likerecently, last year, I tried it.

(03:58):
Okay, that one it.
Talk about that, though.

No, the process, because the process.
Look at you, he knows.

He knows , he knows, he knows, he knows.
Who is it?
It don't matter, but who is it,josh?
Yeah.

It don't matter.
So talk about that process oftrying to date someone new that
you, you know, you didn't know,like what was the difficulty in
that?

To be honest, it wasn't too difficult.
I had just did the show, Okay.
So it was a lot of people DMingme, it was a lot of guys
approaching me, this particularperson DM me and we met up, you
know, a couple of times started,obviously, started dating, but
because of who he is, I didn't,I couldn't.

Oh you couldn't.
Okay, I know I don't need toknow about that, yeah.

Just like more so on the lines of you
know, people know him.
So it's like I don't trust thatand there's nothing wrong with
that because you know I have alot of professional athlete
friends and artists and stufflike that.
But I think that sometimespeople get caught up in who they
are used to be or still am, orwhatever, and it just didn't sit
well with me.
But he obviously knew I was onthe show.

(05:13):
He actually watched the show.
So when he saw you know, saw meon social media, he reached out
.

So I have a question because I know you
talked about like theembarrassment, right?

Yeah.

And typically most people.
You know they don't have thepublic embarrassment of things
like that playing out on.
You know a platform like that.
What were some of the thingsthat you did to like heal you
know what I mean During thattime before you actually started
to kind of get back out there,or did you start immediately

(05:49):
like dating or entertaining, Iwas embarrassed.

I was embarrassed I could walk around
Atlanta.
People could point, pinpoint me, and not to say that they were
pinpointing me because, oh, shegot cheated on, but oh, that's
the girl from Put a Ring on it,he slept on her.
But more so like in a sensepinpointing, like they were kind
of empowered in a sense that Ileft him.
But for me, the person goingthrough it, I felt embarrassed.

(06:16):
But the way everything revealeditself on the show and then a
reunion happened, people reallypinpointed me like, oh, good for
you, you left him, good job.

Like you got a lot of support.

I got a lot of support and with that
support came a lot ofopportunities.
I ended up going to a what wasit?
It was Andre Ryzen's booksigning.
I was invited to it and thenthe guy who is doing the movie
for him recognized me from theshow.
Hey, we about to get him back.
We want you in the movie.

(06:48):
And I thought he was justtalking.
Gave me some lines.
Did?
The movie had a role?
All because I was embarrassed,all because I was embarrassed.
So I mean I had a lot ofopportunities come from that.
I had a lot of people who reallywent through maybe not say that
, but something similar to itReached out to me.
You know, what are you doing toheal?

(07:10):
How are you?
First thing I kind of did waseat.
I was eating a lot.
I probably picked up 20 poundsand that ain't how big Lex looks
.
So once I picked up the weight,one of my friends hit me.
I was like Lex, I need you tocome to the gym.
Then I started going to the gymand then I started going to the

(07:32):
mountain every Sunday and thenI lost 20 pounds and then I
started like I want to and itwas more so of me in the sense
trying to get back.
You know what I'm about to showthis fool what he lost.
So I was up here, probablywriting in my journal I don't
never write Writing in myjournal being more active as far
as working out.

(07:52):
Then I started getting moreinvolved in my community, I
started wanting to do whateverYou're going to see this face
again and I mean those were thefirst steps, but honestly
calling everybody, calling allmy friends.
Josh, you know what?
I got an issue.
I need your help, I need youradvice, you know.

So when you talk to one with real aiming to cut you
off with the get back, I thinkit's an important thing because,
so many men and women rightProbably, can relate to that and
be in that mindset.
What does the get back do foryou?
If anything, did it do anything?

Yeah, because the get back depends on
how you use the get back.
So some women talk about that.
Yeah some women are nasty.

My question, which goes into what you just asked,
is did she personalize it?
And clearly you personalize itwas an offense to you and I want
to know.
I want the answer to hisquestion, but I want to know why
.
Because a lot of times we feeland it goes like what he's
asking about, the get back, isbecause it made her feel a type

(08:58):
of way, and I mean from a womanstandpoint.
I understand why, but I want tohear you articulate like how it
made you feel and why.
So the other people who arelistening, maybe we can learn
from it and maybe take adifferent route the next time.

The get back looks like two ways for me.
Some women use the get backnasty, you know they might go
slash the tire or something likethat.
I don't use it like that.
So my get back was at first.
It started like you know, I'm ashow this dude not even
understanding what I meant bythat.
I didn't even understand what Iwas going to do.
How did you feel?

I was just upset.

I was calling anybody that had a phone
.

Did it make you feel like less than?
Did it make you feel?
Did you feel like you had tocompare yourself to the other
person?

I think for me it made me feel and I'm
going to just keep saying itembarrassed, because I don't
never come out in public with adude.
If I come out in public with adude, everybody know I don't
care who I date now, but I'llnever come out too much with who
I'm with.
So the fact that I did that andyou embarrassed me I have a
little way about myself.
I'm like oh, you about to seeLex.

(10:07):
So it started with losingweight.
Once I saw that people weregravitated towards me from the
show, then started gettingpeople from losing weight, I
said, okay, I got a little.
I got a little, you know alittle.
I still got it.
I got a little, got a little.
What's the word I'm looking for?
Following, you know.
So so then I just started beingmore active and then I realized

(10:29):
the get back turn from me tryingto get back at him to me, just
wanting to be a better person,and then not go through or know
the red flags when dealing withother guys.
Because I saw him, I just choseto believe what he told me.
Okay, you know what I'm saying.
So he would tell me oh, I'mgoing, I got to handle this, go
out of town, but he probablywouldn't go on that down, you

(10:50):
know, and I believed it becauseI don't have no reason to
investigate it, right, you know.
So I think that the show reallyhelped me because it showed me
that I'm green when it comes toguys, because I always take
their word.
If you tell me, hey, I'm goingto the gym, I ain't got no
reason to question it, right,okay, you going to the gym, I'm
at work, you know, I don't haveno reason to question it.
But now I saw the level becauseyou got to remember on the show

(11:14):
, when he went on his dates, Iwasn't with him.
Right, when I went on my dates,he wasn't with me.
And then those cameras thatwere still playing when they
were on their days, I know hesaid that stuff.
I ain't know that girl wasriding in my truck.

But you know none of that.
I want to say I don't think.
I mean I don't know youropinion is your opinion of
yourself when you say green, butI just feel like you were
secure, like you didn't feel theneed.

I was green, you was green, I was
green because when I play itback, I seen him, I seen the red
flags.

Okay.

But I chose to believe that you know
he wouldn't do me like that.
Okay, you know.
So, yeah, I was green.

No, that's great points, but when we get back
Right I love doing this Get back.
We want to talk about cause.
You spoke about being a betterperson.
I think shifted for you, sowhen we get back, relationships
matter Hi.

Welcome back to relationships matter, the
podcast.
So, before we get back to ourguest, miss Big Lex, guys, I
want to encourage you all to goand like, subscribe and share
all your favorite podcastplatforms.
So, josh, before we went tobreak, what were you asking?
Miss Big Lex?
Alexia Adams, the biggest, thebiggest, that's right.

Well, I was, uh, because you know she mentioned
how she transitioned the energyfrom I'm going to show him, I'm
going to prove to him to like no, I'm going to work on me and be
a better person, and I thinkthat that's extremely powerful,
especially coming off of abreakup, because there's so many
emotions and obviously, again,with what you experienced,

(12:53):
that's a lot different than mostpeople.

I think the number one thing that helped
me was the people I kept aroundme Even before going to the gym
, like they would call me cometo the crib, pull up, go meet,
something like that.
And they were just kind ofgiving me encouraging words and
this is way before the episodewas dropped.
So they were, like you know, inmind.

(13:16):
I didn't tell them everything,I just told them what he did.
So at this point we hadn't evenfilmed the reunion, so I was
just still embarrassed Like thisfool.
I didn't know how it was goingto be transpired on television.
So that whole process, it took aminute, but it started with
just talking to people.
It started with just, you know,I can't believe.
It's like going to bed cryingBoom, and then, like I said, one

(13:40):
day, whichever day that was, Iwoke up, started calling some of
my friends who I knew wouldjust listen, and then they
started giving me their feedback.
Like, you just don't know whoyou are.
How many people your age youknow don't have kids.
How many people got their ownstuff together?
How many people, like, know whoyou are?
First, before you startquestioning this person who

(14:02):
obviously didn't know you ordidn't respect you or, to the
sense of it was a blessing inthe skies.

Have you forgiven him?

Yeah, I don't care about that, because I
wouldn't be with who I am todayand the person I'm with today.

Have you forgiven yourself For what?
For the decision?
Sometimes people real tell,sometimes people can be very
heavy and hard on themselvesbecause, like you mentioned,
right, I saw the red flags.
But you know what I'm sayingand I relate to that.
I can think of plenty of timeswhere there's been, you know, a
homeboy, maybe a family memberor somebody I was dating or

(14:37):
dealing with.
I saw what I saw, but I just,you know, kept going.
You know what I'm saying, likeit happens.
So that's that's why I wasasking, because some people can
be really hard and heavy onthemselves Like man, I can't
believe, like a stupid, likethey just be real negative.
You feel me?

But that's me today.
That's me today.
I give everyone the benefit ofthe doubt.
So, regardless if it's aboyfriend or a friend, I'm just
be green, because I always saythey wouldn't do that to me.
So I believe in the zodiacsigns.
I don't care what nobody say.
Libras are always trying tofind balance, and it's because

(15:17):
there's so much going on, Um,but to answer your question, you
said have I forgiven myself?
Um, I don't know if I forgivenmyself or didn't forgive myself.
I think that I had to gothrough that.
Um, I think if I didn't gothrough that I won't I wouldn't

(15:38):
have forgave myself.
I guess that's the best way tosay it, because for a long time
I was like how did how?
How I let that happen?
How did I even put myself in aposition to go on TV with him?
You know what I'm saying.
Like, how did that happen?
But yeah, I guess you could sayI forgave myself because that
happened.

Part.

Um him cheating on me and national
television, because I would havenever thought that of anything
to happen, I would have neverthought he would have did that.

Did you feel like this on you?
No, I just feel like that wasthe person I chose, so it's so.

it still goes back to me.

I mean that's fair.
Yeah, that's fair.
The way you look at it, that'sfair.
But there are there are somepeople who might say that was.
They did that because of me.
That's why I wanted the clarity.
You know what I mean.
Oh, hey, no, okay.

Somebody .
You know, at the end of the day, people do what they're going
to do anyway, absolutely, and Iwould let somebody do what they
rather do, or so I will let themdo what they want to do,
because that's what they wouldrather do.
So if there was no cameras, hewas going to do that anyway.

If he came to you about his desires, what would
that look like?

He's came back, you know, came to me
trying to fix stuff, trying todate again.
I was like, oh, that's out thepocket.
Trying to be friends.
I don't really see that.
I mean, I don't have no issuewith them, but I don't want to
be around them.
We see each other.
Hey, how you doing?
We've seen each other plenty ofplaces.
I don't know.

That would perpetuate the because if she'd
say they were friends and theywere hanging out and people
going to be like that's all andso and so.

That's what they do.
That's what they do.
And they'll look at me crazyand be like how could you even
be over here by him?
Yeah, oh, it's embarrassing,like we could really never be in
the same space.
Yeah, and if we are, as soon aspeople see us together, they're
like they'll probably take apicture, like oh, I thought she
can't stand him, I thought hecan't stand her.
They're right here by eachother.
That's every day.

(17:30):
So if it wasn't for the camera,even if there were no cameras.

It can be embarrassing to people to be
heartbroken or to be done acertain type of way.
You know, what I mean.
I'm not here to buy any means,but a lot of people won't feel
what you felt.
They won't know that becausepeople are viewing and you're
getting that you know people aresupporting because they're
gravitating and they're like ohso people won't know.
So that's why I asked, like ifthere were no cameras, would

(18:00):
that be something as different?

I think if there were no cameras, it
would still be an issue, becausemy friends would know what he
did, and the only difference iseverybody else wouldn't know, so
it'd probably be easier to Toforget.
I mean, I forgive him, but it'dprobably be easier to be around
him, to be around him gotcha.
But now, and especially becauseYouTube is very big, right

(18:27):
after the show he did a lot ofnonsense going on YouTube just
talking bad about me, and that'swhere it went left and then
bringing his mom in and blah,blah, blah.
What was his motive for doingthat, though?
Because he wanted people tofeel sorry for him.
He wanted to make it seem as ifwe just planned all this, and
he wanted people to feel sorryfor him, like, oh, I really

(18:49):
didn't cheat.
Oh, okay, whatever you got totell people to make yourself
feel better now that's fine, butyou knew what you were doing.

So what is different now between that
experience I'm not even worriedabout the television part of it,
but just that experience versusyour current relationship?
You know what I mean, because Idefinitely want to transition
into the positive of it, becausesomebody's going through a
breakup.
They're going to watch this,they're going to see how did

(19:18):
Alexia overcome her pain.
That's why I wanted totransition to kind of see what
was that process.
You say is somebody that youalready knew, but yet, and still
, people can change over time.
But what did that look like foryou?

So he played basketball with my
brother.
I played on the girls team.
We went to McKeechon HighSchool.
That's cute.
We always liked each other.
He was married, went through adivorce, married, went through a
divorce, got kids twice.
But when I went through thatwhole thing on the show, what
makes me we play it back is theperson who always checked up on

(19:57):
me was him.
And then when stuff on YouTubestart posting, it would be him
in the comments like y'all don'tknow her, y'all don't know what
y'all talking about, boom, boom, boom.
And then he would call how areyou, boom, boom, just want to
check up on you where you at thehouse.
Pull up to the house, boom,boom.
But now we fast forward.
So now we're June of last year.

(20:18):
He wishes back out again.
I'm going through a divorce,boom, boom, boom.
And I hear this all the time.
I don't hear from no more.
Call me back in November, toldyou I was going through a
divorce, went through it whenyou at.
I said I'm at the house, I'mpulling up.
And then we started you know,dating or whatever.
And then I told him myinsecurities with him was the

(20:40):
fact that he went ghost.
When he came back the firsttime he explained to me that I
had to get.
I ain't want no mess, I ain'twant to bring you no mess, and I
knew that was probably jumpingthe gun, but I told you I was
coming back for you.
I don't care who you talking to.
Boom boom, boom.
We started dating.
But the things he do.
He checks in.
He calls Even when I'm notthinking or if I'm going through

(21:01):
something.
I don't know if he feel it, butthen I get a text from him or a
call when you at Okay, and thenI'm like, yeah, I'm at work.
Next thing I look up, you knowhe bringing me lunch.
Oh, just check out that aboutyour boom boom.
People has done that before,but not to the extent that he do
it.
He'll drive all the way fromDecatur or wherever side of town
.
He's working because he's apublic adjuster.
So he's what you doing, whatyou need.

(21:22):
I come home.
We had moved in together.
I come home, rub my feet.
You know what.
You ain't doing nothing.
Just sit down, cook me, food,everything.
He was intentional.
He was intentional.

Beyond and when we get back.
I want Lex to talk about how itfeels to have a partner that
serves when we get back.
Relationships matter.
The podcast.

Welcome back to relationships.
Better the podcast, so Lex.
Talk about what it's like tohave a partner that serves.

He's great.
Like I said, he got kids.
He has four children and he's aworker.
My last relationship, he wasfelt like everything was given
to him because of who he was.
This guy really goes in thestreets and hustles.
He's like I said, he's a publicadjuster but he goes to church
on Sundays.

(22:24):
My last relationship didn't.
He's trying to get more intothe Bible.
His father's a pastor and thenwhen starts starts going because
we're not perfect when we startgoing wrong, his dad always
drop a scripture in our littlegroup chat, whatever y'all going
through, because they knowwhatever, y'all going through A
relationship with his dad in agroup chat they would know,

(22:44):
because he would call his daddyor I would call his daddy, or.
But we all we're pretty tightknit, so it's more so them
helping us filter things out andnot just trying to push or
judge someone, like I wastelling y'all, like you don't
want to win every battle, youwant to pick your battle
sometimes, and I think his dadis good with explaining that
because he's married and he wasin the military.

(23:05):
He was an athlete, like both ofus.
So it's a different perspectivewhen you're talking to somebody
who kind of is in yourfootsteps or was in your
footsteps.
They're just older and I'm moreprone to listen to them because
they'll tell me what they did.
You know you ain't got to putyour neck on them.
They're all the time.
He's trying, you know, and thenhe'll come at me.
I'm trying.

Wow, so it's not like.
You found the one, he the one.
How do you know he's the one?
Okay, he the one, but what?

Goddy told me Huh Did she say?
You know the song.

Goddy, is that what she said?
Yeah, he got a song called theone.
Oh, practically, though, likewhat about him?
What characteristics Is there?
Someone watching and I'mlistening.
How to identify when you havemet the one?

When you go to bed smiling, when you
wake up, going to work, whensomebody texts you good morning
every day, not saying that youhave to get those text messages,
but he clearly knows my lovelanguage, so I think that's very
important.
So words of affirmation, heknows a physical touch, stuff
like that, and he just certainthings he'll say and I'm like,
hey, how you knew that he was.

(24:14):
Like I watched you when youdon't think I'm watching you.
This certain dialogues used andit could be all game, but it's
great game to me.
I'm in this game so kind ofgame because he sounds
intentional.
Yeah, he's he's very, it looksnice.
Can't take that away from you.
Know, rescue so good hair.

Do you, do you?
You speak really highly of him,so salute for that.
Do you do those types of thingsback, or is his love language
different?

He'll tell me I don't do none of it.
But now he told me when wefight, it's, you know, it's all
negative, but when it's positivehe'll say I remember two days I
woke up and he was like, thankyou, he was from my thank you.
I said, for what?
He's like, lex, I ain't workedout since college.
You know, I had got him goingto the gym, got him going to
yoga, and he said he just ain'tbeen this happy in a long time.

(25:14):
He said.
He said honestly, he'd been inlove with me since high school.
Yeah, what he told me.
So I think that for me, my, Ithink I show love to him
differently.
I don't do all that he does,and that's what I'm working on.
More, because he had a, youknow, conversation with me is
like I don't feel like youappreciate me and I never knew
this.
And I said, well, damn, how,not what I need to do, and it's

(25:36):
at first, when I first heard himsay it, I'm like, man, you just
talking because I'm talkingabout something else, arguing
about something else.
But I think for the first timeI listened to him and I'm taking
heat into what he's saying,because I would take my lunch
breaks, go have lunch with mycoworkers.
You know, he was like, if 15minutes up the street, why you
don't never have lunch with me?
Why don't you never bring lunchto me?
He's brought me lunch beforebut I never.

(25:57):
You know, the thing here iscommunication, because he was
never telling me none of thisuntil I get mad about something
else and I'm like your feelingsare valid.
I wish they just wouldn't comeout right now because I'm mad
about what I'm mad about.
But then that's one of thosethings where I had to lose that
battle that I'm mad about andjust listen to what he was
saying, because then, you know,we're building and working on

(26:20):
that.
So I need to be moreintentional with the things I do
and I complain a lot about myfriends being supportive of me.
I'm like man, they don't showup to this like something, the
ones I want to show up.
But when I realized I took anadvantage of him because he's
there every time, you know, noteven thinking that, because
that's my partner, like you know.
But I really took advantage ofhim because I should be doing

(26:43):
that for him with his job,whatever he needs me to do, and
it probably took for thatargument to happen for me to
realize down all this.
He was like you, putting allyour energy in these friends.
I'm here, I care about you,they can be gone tomorrow, and
I've heard it before, but nowI've received it like okay, I
got you.
So what we need to do, what Ineed to do, so that's just where

(27:04):
we at right now.

No, that's amazing.
I got a real good questionbecause, being in this
relationship with him andobviously you said you, you feel
like y'all are on that leveland page of marriage and all of
these things.
So not only have you or willyou be taking on the role as a
wife, but you will also betaking on the role as a mother.

(27:28):
So I wanted to ask you right,what does that look like for you
?
You know what I'm saying,because that we're talking about
this particular relationship,but this is a part of him and
you've stepped into this rolewith children involved.

(27:48):
So what has that dynamic beenlike for you?

You know what I mean Playing I think
with kids, his kids inparticular like we had a whole
family meeting and he told themI didn't expect him to say it
but he was like you know, I'mnot looking for likes to be a
stepmom.
Y'all basically grown.
That's what he told them.
But he did tell me that hestill wants one more kid.
And I told him after that wholesituation just throughout the

(28:14):
years like I don't see too manyof my friends that are still
with their, their parents, youknow, their first kids or
whatever.
I don't want to be a baby mama.
I told him my issues with thatand why I felt that way and he
was like, well, I'm telling youI want one more kid and I wanted
with somebody I actually love,someone I actually care about, I
love my children.
But I was always in thesesituations like this first time

(28:35):
I'm happy.
This is what he's saying.
So I think honestly I didn'ttell myself a long time that I
ain't want no more kids and Idon't want any kids.
Like I got kids, but I got kidsnow but I don't want no kids.
But he's probably the firstperson that made me think like
right now I have a kid with them.
As far as his children now,like they don't do too much,
they don't complain, they'reeasy, easy going.

(28:56):
They remind me of us when wewere kids just wanting to do
something.
So I think that's simple for mebecause I watch everybody
else's kids anyway basketballcamp, stuff like that.
So they kind of we just allkind of blend in and his other
two kids there in Arkansas.
So you know he's working ontrying to get them or trying to
bring them down.

You know, what I don't want to miss on is you
said that he's happy now and hewas in two marriages, correct?

Two marriages and a baby mom.

And it's crazy because I think that a lot of
people have this perception thatpeople who, even if they're in
a marriage, that they're in thisplace and it's like, oh you
know, because a lot of peoplecompare they're like, oh well, I
want what you got and it's easyfor you to say X, Y, Z or move
the way that you move thembecause you got what you got.
But I think that when youreally peel back the layers of a

(29:47):
person or the relationship,it's a lot of unhappy people.

Yeah, it's a lot of trying to stick
stuff out.

It's a lot of people trying to force a
situation because they wanted tolook a certain way or because
of social media and all of that.
So you know, I thought that.
You know, I just wanted to makethat point real quick.

What do you suggest those people do?

Exit stage Lil.

Even if they married.

Even if you married .

Let me tell you why I agree with him I
agree, I just wanted him to sayit.
My guy, like I said, he wasmarried twice.
The three kids that he had bythe first lady, the first young
lady he wasn't even married toher.
He was married to the last two.
But I looked at myself becauseI know he wants to get married
as a damn.
Maybe third time is a charm andI noticed with the friends that

(30:33):
I'm around this is their thirdmarriage.
Most of them is their thirdmarriage.
So it's not that it has to be.
You can't have loved your firsttwo wives or something like
that, but maybe it is third timeis a charm.
You know, sometimes you got togo through stuff to learn stuff
from other people, to meet theright person and not saying
those weren't the right people,but there was a disconnect
somewhere and it takes a biggerperson to leave someone than to

(30:56):
stay with them.
You know, I always tell thesepeople.
You know people think myparents are married.
My parents ain't married.
My parents ain't never beenmarried.
My parents probably had a ring.
My mom had a ring at one point.
I don't know where is that,brother probably ponded.

But your mom and dad are together though.

I mean they're not married, but that's
why I use them as an example.
They've been together sincethey were 15.
But they're together as acouple.

They live under the same house.

They're in the same house, however you
want to define that.
But the reason I say that aboutthem is they love each other
enough that they don't want togo nowhere else.
You get on and say they mightnot be married.
They're like man, we, commonlaw, we ain't about to waste no
money, you know like you knowthey don't.
It's not that big for them,like.
But I've seen, you know peoplemy parents separate, like seeing

(31:42):
it and seeing what it did to us.
And then when it came backtogether we were more solid.
But again, like my boyfriend,his parents had separated and
then he grew up in differenthouseholds, you know so he was
never really raised by one ofthem, he was always moving
around.
So he told me like that playeda big part of you know how, why

(32:04):
he believes in what he believesin today.

So we get back.
We will discuss more about BigLex and her relationship, or
relationships matter to podcast.

Welcome back to relationships matter, the
podcast.
So, lex, we've talked aboutyour current relationship, a
previous relationship.
What I'd like to find out fromyou is, up until this point,
what have been some of the morechallenging, the more relational
challenges that you'veexperienced prior to getting

(32:43):
into your current relationship?
Like if you had to surmise allof your relationships over time.
Like what are some of the morechallenging ones?

I think, and people don't get it, but I
think, just dating in Atlanta, Ithink it's difficult.
I think it's difficult to datein Atlanta, it's absolutely.
I really think that becauseeverybody want to be somebody in
Atlanta, everybody want to beoutside, everybody want all the
girls, all the guys multipledating multiple dating and I

(33:13):
think a lot of times peoplearen't honest with each other.
I think me personally, I'm ablessing to have the friends I
have because I know everybody.
So you do some stuff outside isgoing to get back to me 10
times.
Just don't be outside.
But no, I just think it's hardto date in Atlanta.
I think that for me, I neverreally had to date in Atlanta.

(33:35):
I was always in something whenI was overseas.
So when my friends wouldcomplain about dating, I was
like, man, this guy, this iswhat happened.
Then I actually came home andexperienced.
I said, boy, it ain't nothingout here, because this is what
you're dealing with.
You're dealing with multiplemen who claim their monogas miss
, and they might not be.
They might be into polygamy.
You're dealing with guys whowant to say their what's the

(34:00):
word?
I'm looking for DL.
Yeah, well, not say their DL,but they own the deal.
They own the deal.
So they dating a guy somewhere.
And then you're dealing withjust the guys, the masses, the
ones who want all the girls.

Yes, the men who date Sheila, Jackie Kim, the one
who's selling these dreams.

I said they need to stop selling these
dreams.
Who would it all you ain't?
Yeah, which goes to my point ofit was just so.
People I felt like were tryingto date me because I was on the
show.
Or I feel like people try todate me because I'm a men's
coach in the summer for a lot ofthe pros.
They want to be around theseguys.
I feel like people try to dateme because they want to be
around somebody else.

(34:36):
You guys want to be around theguys.
Basically like what do you callthem Groupies?
And not saying necessarily, butnot necessarily, male groupies,
maybe, like let's use Josh foran example.
He's an ex-professionalbasketball player Used to play
for the Lakers.
You know, trying to get closewith him or trying to get close
with some of my other friends,but I mean, I'm a dude though.

We talk about a dude.
We talk about girls too.
Some girls want to be cool withme because they know I'm around
all the guys Okay.

You know , I don't know if it's genuine
or if it's not, because they'realways like well, who all going?

So so to that point .
Yeah, because that's a greatpoint.
Yeah, how do you choose thepeople that are allowed to come
into your space?
I watch them, okay.

And I go through stuff.

My eyes hurt.

Yeah, I might go through stuff.
I might I've witnessed itmyself to where I've hung around
people, you know, new peopletrying to come around, and then
I'll see what their angle is.
And I'm like you know what I'mdone with that one and it's just
a process because you reallynever know.
So I try to filter out andthat's what made me, you know,
say to myself, man, if thisdating out in Atlanta when Buddy

(35:41):
came back was like where you atI was welcoming him back, you
know, because I never really hadtoo many issues with him, Right
, and I would rather proceed andtry to figure that out than and
know his situation than tofigure out someone who I don't
know nothing about.
And then some stuff come out,because everybody I've talked to
in this whole dating processthey would tell me these things,

(36:01):
but then stuff will come out.

Then more stuff will come out.
Right, and that's that's agreat point, social media.
To that point you just made,though, have your friends been
more beneficial as far ashelping you kind of weed through
your dating phase, or has thatbeen something that's that's
hurt you?
Because we we all have hadpeople that one homegirl,

(36:26):
homeboy we like hey you know,let me know because you might be
missing something.
We got feelings for this person.
We're just in the mix.
We don't see what other peoplecan see from afar, and that's
why I asked, because I thinkthis is important too, like from
my opinion, in my perspective,I think is amazing to have solid
people in your life, right,because sometimes when you trip

(36:47):
and fall and bump your head, youneed somebody that's going to
like tug on you and say, lookman, that ain't it.
Or Abre, you tripping.
You know what I'm saying?
You got a good person rightthere, like tighten up.
So that's why I wanted to askyou know what I mean.
That's an important, importantpoint to get up.

I'm starting to learn.
It go both ways and you got toreally pay attention.
When you're taking advice fromsomeone who's single, they
single for a reason and that'shurt me, and I'm saying that
because that's hurt me and myrelationships.
Listening to what they mighthave thought, that gets in my
ear and I'm thinking this on mypartner, and that ain't even the
case.
But when I get advice fromsomeone who's in a relationship

(37:23):
or married, it's a wholedifferent advice.
It's a whole.
It's something I would havenever thought of.
And then, nine times out of 10,that's what's going on.
So sometimes I think, are myfriends giving me bad advice on
purpose, because they want me tostay single, or are they giving
me bad advice because, or goodadvice, because they're
overprotective of me?
So it goes like this.
But I now take advice frompeople who are in a relationship

(37:46):
.
I don't care about what youropinion is and I'll take advice
from someone who's experienced,but I'm not about to take advice
from somebody who's probablyone or two years younger than me
.
Ain't been through what?
Nothing.
That what I've been through,and not to judge them, but I'm
just personally not about towaste my time.

I'm glad you clarified that too.

Yeah, yeah not to judge them, because
I've done it and every time I'vetaken that type of advice it
goes left and it goes in thewrong direction.
So no, and then it depends onwhat type of advice you're
getting from.
If I'm getting relationshipadvice, I go to certain people.
If I'm getting business advice,I'm definitely going to these
people.
If I'm just getting friendshipadvice, I'm going to my friends.

(38:22):
But relationship you got toreally know who you're talking
to, because everybody ain'teverybody Sometimes.
That's just keep it real.
I've witnessed guys give me badadvice because they don't want
me to be with that person.
They want to talk to me.
I don't find that out tilllater.
I've witnessed guys give megood advice and know the person,
but don't want to tell me thetruth and I'll be like just

(38:42):
don't give me no advice.
Then you know what I'm saying.
If you're not going to point mein the right direction and you
don't want to be a tattleteller,then just don't give me no
advice.
I rather you not just stay allthe way out of it.

I know you've been.
I had them homies come for youbecause you're giving out some
secrets now.

I'm not giving out no secrets.

You know a lot of these dudes be trying to act
like they 100, but they beplotting.

I feel like some do be plotting and I
feel like, so I was going to sayyou typically can design.
No, no, you can't design no.

I don't think so.
I don't think so.

I don't think so.
But, like I said, I'm veryparticular.
I mean, I just tell you I usedto be that person called the
first five people on my phoneand just asked for advice
because I need to talk tosomebody.
Whoever going to pick up, youknow what I mean.
I think I still do that, but Icall certain people, you know.
So it's like, and if I justrandomly decide to call somebody
that I'm cool with, I'll callthem just to hear their

(39:35):
perspective.
I think I just want to hearpeople perspective Because I was
going to ask you, do you?

actually take their advice, or do you just
because you know we'll asksomeone for advice, but we
ultimately do what we want to do.

I think we all just want to hear
someone's perspective and thenfilter that.
I might get three ideas fromyou two for him and somehow come
up with a conclusion, and Idon't know if that's good or bad
, but I don't all the time justgo with what I think, because
every time I've with what Ithought I was, it goes left
anyway.
So I'm like you know what, letme just ask this person what

(40:10):
they think or what could beanother.
And there's somewhere in themiddle where I found that I've
got a different perspective thatI never thought of and I was
like you know what, maybe I wassupposed to ask around because I
would have never thought ofthat.
You know, because I'll give youan example, I'll give you the
best example my dude didsomething just aggravates me,
right.
And then I came across Instagram, and Instagram there was a real

(40:33):
where this guy you probablyknow what I'm talking about he
said he was married like 18, 19years or something like that,
and he had three or four badyears with his wife.
He said I'll take them three orfour bad years before I not
take the win.
It was something like that.
So that's when I startedlistening to what.
You know, my dude's dad waslike take your foot off his neck
sometimes because he's doingeverything else.
We all can't be preference.

(40:53):
I'm like, all right, I'm gonnahave to lose this battle.
Then.

Yeah, I guess, but also.
But still pay attention to thethings that make you tick,
because this is someone whoyou're considering spending the
rest of your life with, sothat's important.
Like, can I live with this?
Like, really, aside from whaty'all talk about, you got to be
real with you and be like can Ilive with this Defend on the

(41:19):
person?

Because I might can live with it with
them.
I might not can't live with itwith the next person, but if
it's the right person, you'regonna.
You're gonna deal with people'sstuff anyway, true?
So I think what I'm dealingwith with him is my new,
compared to what I was dealingwith with these other guys,
which was blatantly just beingdisrespected.
So, and when I say it like thatagain, it's because it was on

(41:40):
national television.

Yeah.

I don't care what nobody thinks.
Everybody don't get a chance tobe on TV, and when you get an
opportunity to be on television,to come out embarrassed,
exactly, it's a differentfeeling, right?

So we will have more from Alexia when we get
back.
Big Lex Relationships matter,the podcast Relationships matter
.

Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So big Lex, the biggest, thebiggest.
Let's talk about love languages.
What are your love languages?
What is your love language?

Physical touch.
Words of affirmation.
My dude said all of them.
He said I'm all of them.
Okay, thanks, I would say thatdoesn't be my main three.
How?

important are they to you?

It's not that they're so important, but
I'm starting to learn that mypartner's love languages aren't
the same as mine.
So when you start showing howyou feel like you should be
loved to them, you know, if youdon't know what their love
language is, it's going to be aconflict because they want to be
loved a different type of way.
Like I was giving you anexample, my dude I never knew he

(42:59):
got mad about certain things,you know, until he brought it up
.
When I get mad, he was like,well, how come you can't bring
me lunch?
You know, boom, boom, boom,because he do it for me, and I
never paid attention to that.
He does that for me because Ilike it, but also because that's
what he would like.
So I had to start dissecting.
I thought he just was alreadyout and I never paid attention

(43:20):
that he really would come acrossAmerica to bring me lunch or
whatever it is he did that day.
So, yeah, it's very importantto learn and to know your
partner's love language and ifyou don't, you need to start
trying to figure it out, becausewhen you start loving them a
different type of way, theymight find resentment or they
might go get it from someoneelse Right?
So if you show, them thatyou're good.

How important is it to have that conversation,
josh?

I feel like it's.
I feel like it's extremelyimportant.
I feel like a lot ofrelationships people are loving
their partners or a significantother is the way that they want
to love them, Right, the waythat they would like to be loved
.
I do feel that there could be abalance, but ultimately you
want to show up for a person theway that you know is special

(44:06):
for them.
You know what I mean and justlistening to you throughout this
time, I think that it'sbeautiful that you and him
communicate the way that you do.
You both acknowledge that yourwork's in progress, but at the
same time, y'all are bothwilling to know what I mean,

(44:28):
Just being able to.
When he said, hey, I'm doinglunch for you, why you don't do
that for me?
Some people, or most people inthat situation be like bro, I
ain't doing that, or whateverthey might say, but you was like
you know what?
I never thought of it that way.
So, to acknowledge yourperson's feelings, I don't feel.
A lot of times people do thatin relationships, especially in

(44:51):
the midst of conflict or sometype of disagreement.
A lot of times it's like me, me, me, me, me me.

But I will say that what you just said
, in the midst of disagreements,oh, it was two disagreements,
big disagreements, before Iacknowledged and understood what
he was saying, because I wasthinking he was using which is
still part of defense mechanism,but I felt like he was
deflecting, like we need toaddress this first, boom, boom,
boom and then finally, like Isaid, I was like eff it.
You know, eff what I'm mad atright now.

(45:19):
What are you saying?
And that took a week to happenand me knowing me, I try to
fight everything.
So then I was like you knowwhat it's about you today.
Okay, what you want, what am Idoing wrong or what do you need
from me?
Because this whole time he'sbeen saying it but I never heard
it, because he says it when Iget mad about what I'm mad about
.

But why does he do that though?

I still think that's deflecting.
Yeah, I feel, because I feellike you definitely are entitled
to your feelings, but it's allabout placement too, and I feel
like his placement with hisfeelings when he's telling me is
just out of order and it takesme to be the bigger person to
scale back and be like you knowwhat.
Okay, you right.

Like instead of him just naturally doing it when
everything is smooth and calmit's like it comes up in
discussion when it's like y'allare doing this.

It's like playing ping pong.
So she has an issue orsomething that she wants to
address and then, rather thanhim hear her out, he'll say well
, you didn't do this either, yep.

And then he'll go back to his feelings,
and that's what I've beendealing with.

He'll go back to his feelings.

So for me it's frustrating because I'm
like, I'm feeling like I'm notheard, you know, because I'm the
one who has the issue Right.
And now your issues are comingup.
In this whole time I never knewhow would I know?
I've never said anything before, right, you know.
But now they're coming up whenI have my issues.
So what I'm learning right thismoment is let me just be quiet,

(46:48):
let me address, let me be thebigger person and let me address
his issue first and let's seeif we can come back around the
mind.

Because I was going to say if your issues
don't get addressed, you'regoing to develop resentment over
time.

Not with this particular issue.
I think it's going to be moreso.
It's going to have to be sometype of compromise with it, like
, if you don't want to do this,let's figure out how we're going
to compromise with it, if therecould be compromise with it or
it could be whatever.
But I think for me, right thissecond, a knowledge in his
feelings is more important,because he's spoken up finally,
even if it was the wrongplacement, and that's what I'm

(47:22):
learning right now, like youknow what, let's just address
how he's feeling, because healways addressed how I feel,
even though it being weird ways.
But okay, let's address how youfeel.
I'm going to work on it andthen, once I work on it, I'll
come back around.
I'm going to come back to whatI have an issue with.

Yeah, I'm just saying it will wear you out over
time.
If that continues to happen,then you will.
You'll be like okay, I don'teven care how you feel, that's
over time.
If it continues to happen, ifit's a repeated pattern Because
it's like I always got to put myfeelings on the back burner to
address yours because you'redeflecting.

But I think in this situation, for
most of the time, it's alwayshim putting my feelings before
him, but this issue that I have,he really is like trying to
deflect it.
So, okay, I'll play that game.
Let's handle your issues.
Let's handle your problem withme first, because I'm still
coming back around with my issue, and how do we resolve that?

(48:16):
And I'll never do that fornobody.

I always got to take the time to give my salute.
You know what I'm saying, Keepme on my head.
But I want to salute youbecause you know what I mean.
I know you extremely well andfrom a relational standpoint,
watching everything that youendured from a national stage or

(48:44):
platform and to how things haveshifted, from the entrepreneur
slash businesswoman that you are, woman, family member, friend
all of that you know what I mean.
Just keep doing the things thatyou're doing.
We appreciate you for takingthe time out of your busy

(49:04):
schedule to come pull up on us.
You know what I mean and share.
But I want to finish on adifferent note and I think it's
important to hear yourperspective, because you are
around so many men that are inthe industry or a part of the

(49:30):
industry, or athletes, whateveryou want to like.
You know successful, justdifferent type of men that
you're around, that you're coolwith, you know you have your
relationships with.
But speak to the men and giveyour perspective on what you
feel the men should do in thedating phase, based off of your

(49:52):
experiences, based off of whatyou learned, based off of
conversations that you've had.
I think this is a cool littlemoment to kind of do a role
reversal.
I think it's important that wehear from women as well.

I think that I've been blessed to get
the cheat code, like I wastalking earlier the cheat code
because I'm in an environmentwhere I play pro ball.
A lot of women stopped playingand I was training with the guys
.
That's how I built theserelationships.
Now basketball is over for allof us and I'm still in touch
with these guys and I meetpeople through other people and

(50:28):
rappers want to be singers andartists and basketball players
and basketball players want tobe vice versa.
So I think that's where thenetworking starts.
I think it's difficult and ittakes a strong person to date me
because I'm around so many men,because guys I've dated in my
past.
They don't like it, they feellike I got to be doing something
.
But anybody that knows Lex knowlike man y'all got to know

(50:51):
that's Lex.
You know like she out heremoving the groove and she out
here working on something, andmy dude definitely understands
that.
I think what the world needswhen it comes from the men that
are dating women, you got totake a step back.
Social media has very much didit.
The real dating, you know youdon't know if people are really

(51:15):
going on dates for dinners, freedinners and want to take a
picture of their food.
You don't know if guys reallylike you or if they like how you
look or what you bought on you.
You know what I'm saying and Ithink we just need to take a
step back.
Stop sending Ubers to go pickup women.
Go pick up the girl.
Stop just going to all theseexpensive places.

(51:36):
Go take a walk in the park, godo something that you can
remember.
Go to the movies on a Fridaynight.
Do whatever you used to do inhigh school.
Do it as an adult and do itwith that person, because these
Ubers getting old, I can Uberfor myself.
You could be sending an Uberher take her home, sending an
Uber to pick somebody else up,but you got to go back to square

(51:57):
one because we all have toagree that it's different dating
now than it was probably 15, 20years ago.
You know I was more excited todate someone, whereas too many
dating sites out and I feel likenow so many dating sites
because you're trying to justfind somebody.
Everybody you feel like mighthave been dragged or ran through
or whatever, whatever word youwant to use, but I think it

(52:18):
starts back with the basicsPicking the girl up, taking her
home, opening the car door,listening to her put the phones
down sometimes, maybe just takea couple of hours at the day
where we're not touching ourphones, like or being on social
media, because that's a bigproblem.
It's a lot of error with socialmedia.
There's a lot of temptation outthere, you know, and I think if

(52:40):
you're going to be in a healthyrelationship I hate to say this
, I hate to say it I don't thinknobody believes in this, but I
didn't believe in passwords orsharing locations until I got
with this guy.
He believes in sharing location.
It's not that he don't trustyou.
What if something happens?

(53:00):
What if something happens andsomething happens?
You got to know where you at.
What if I've seen it firsthand,you know.
So I'm big on.
Okay, well, now you can have it.
I don't care, I ain't gotnothing to hide.
I'll leave my phone open, buthe ain't going to go through my
phone, you know.
But the fact that he has it andvice versa I mean we spoke on

(53:21):
it he's never going through myprivacy.
But what if something happens?
You know, I can't get throughyour phone.
He got bad asthma, so he takesbreathing treatments every day.
His kids take breathingtreatments.
So, again, someone's upbringing.
They never really had phonesback then with their upbringing,

(53:41):
so now you have access tothings.
I think is more so beingtransparent and you're not going
to find too many transparentpeople.
Who's going to tell you thetruth?
You're not going to find toomany people that are going to be
honest and telling you.
You know, it's just you orwhatever you believe in.
You know, but I think I foundmy match right here, all right.

I heard of him.
Man, let's make sure y'alllistening up, you know what I'm
saying.
It's good to get both sides.
Lex, again thank you forblessing us with your presence.
Thank you for having meDefinitely a beautiful
conversation, gaining a lot ofdifferent perspectives, I know
for myself.
So a lot of reminders,confirmation, but at the same

(54:21):
time learned a few things.
So, thank you.
We hope to see you again soonat the wedding.
We appreciate y'all for anotherepisode.
Relationships matter.

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Episode Transcript

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Alexia Adams: Conquering Relationship Chaos

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