Marvin Hunter: A Funny Thing About Relationships Is...

Have you ever watched a tightrope walker balance precariously between the priorities of family, relationships, and personal growth? That's the theme of our latest heart-to-heart, where comedian Marvin Hunter joins us, Chanel Scott and Josh Powell, for a candid discussion that teeters on the edge of humor and profound truth. We wade into the murky waters of family hierarchies, debating the precedence of spouses, children, and parents in our lives, and share poignant personal stories that reveal the delicate nature of these complex bonds.

Imagine sitting at a dinner table where each person's experiences and perspectives serve as a unique course, rich with flavor and substance. Our conversation ventures into the realm of gender roles and cultural expectations, seasoned with anecdotes from military life and the global buffet of cultural diversity. Marvin Hunter adds his comedic spice to the mix, sharing insights on how to manage relationships with alpha personalities and the importance of nurturing and empathy in finding the ideal partner.

As we wrap up our heartwarming exchange, we don't shy away from the sensitive topic of blending children into new relationships, nor do we gloss over the undercurrent of strength and aggression that ebbs and flows in the world of business. Our stories, laughter, and reflections create a tapestry that illustrates the vibrant, often challenging, landscape of human connections. So, if you're navigating the high wire of life's relational dynamics, tune in and let us share the lessons we've learned on staying balanced and grounded.

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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.

Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.

Episode Transcript

Speaker 1 (00:01):
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.

Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.

Speaker 1 (00:08):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.

Speaker 2 (00:10):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.

Speaker 1 (00:14):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.

Speaker 2 (00:18):
One conversation at a time.

Speaker 1 (00:20):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Matter, the podcast.
I'm Chanel Scott.

Speaker 2 (00:28):
And I am Josh Powell.

Speaker 1 (00:30):
And we have an amazing episode for you guys
today.
We have comedian Marvin Hunterhere with us today.
Welcome, welcome, sir.

Speaker 3 (00:39):
Thank you.
Thank you for having me.

Speaker 1 (00:41):
Yes, you know, I was checking out your page and I was
watching some of your shorts,right, and there was a short
where you dealt with who comesfirst.

Speaker 3 (00:53):
Yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1 (00:55):
Does the wife come first, does the children come
first, or does the mother comefirst?
And you know, I guess we allhave different perspectives and
I agreed with your stance, Ithink.
But in my mind I'm like,doesn't don't everybody have a
place?
Like I think, if it was asituation where, say, if I was

(01:16):
married and I've never beenmarried, so I don't know and my
husband, he had his mother andwe were riding together, I think
I was just getting the vaccine-there will be a call and that
would be a wrong call.

Speaker 3 (01:29):
There won't be a wrong call.
My whole thing with that isbecause to me it's common sense.
This is the woman you laybeside every night.
This is the woman who nursesyou when you sick.
This is the woman if you dropthe ball.
She got to pick it up.
She is the priority.
That's the nucleus of yourexistence.
Mom should understand that.
Most good moms will understandthat.
You know what I mean.

(01:49):
You can't be dibbitt anddabbing in the situation and
make your wife feel like she'ssick of fiddle to your mom.
At some point you got to popyour mama tit at your mouth.
You got to do it.
You got to do it.

Speaker 1 (02:01):
But listen, let me ask you this but I just feel
like there, because everybodyhas a position, I just feel like
you don't want to over like, oryou don't want to push, or you
know, some people can beterritorial or you don't want to
kind of just push it insomeone's face, Like you don't
want to cause a tension betweenyour mom and your spouse either.

(02:23):
I think if you you know, mosttimes when you see issues within
the family, it's becausesomebody has pushed somebody on
the other person rather thanletting it happen organically.

Speaker 3 (02:30):
But if you have a good wife, she understands that
too.
And I'm not saying youshouldn't neglect your mom.
Yeah, if you have a good wife,she would never let you neglect
your mom.
But I give you a situation.
I knew a dude who was his momwas very intrusive.
She wanted him to build her agazebo in the backyard.
He started building the gazebo.
We work on it every weekend.
The materials cost money.
He ended up losing his job,didn't want to tell his mom

(02:52):
cause he wanted.
He wanted to save face startpulling money out of his savings
to build his mom's gazebo.
But meanwhile the mom's stilltalking grievous to the wife and
the wife had to break it downlike look B, this is not his
money.
I'm the only one bringing moneyin the house.
He doesn't have a job.
The money's come out of thesavings.
So we're using my money tobuild a gazebo.
And if you keep talking to him,come on and burn that damn
thing to the ground.

Speaker 1 (03:13):
Now, I agree with you in that regard.

Speaker 3 (03:14):
You know what I'm saying Absolutely.

Speaker 1 (03:16):
I think that there has to be some boundaries set at
the very beginning.
You know, not to the point whereyou like pushing like the
person, but, like you know, youhave a conversation with your
mom, like well, you know, like Iam married, you know what I'm
saying Kind of set thegroundwork at the very beginning
and then there should be alevel of understanding.
But I just think about in myown, like my own family dynamic,

(03:38):
because I am single.
My mom, she was married to mydad but they got divorced when I
was very young and I thinkabout her introducing someone
into the family dynamic and itwould be situations where this
guy will come in likeoverbearing, like dude, you got
to be, you got to let it happenorganically.

Speaker 3 (03:58):
Organically.

Speaker 1 (03:59):
You know what I'm saying.
Like you can't come in that waybecause then now you're causing
dissension in the family.
You know, and I just neveragreed with it.
I think about my brother.
You know he has a wife.
When she came in it was stilllike very balanced Cause.
You know this is a new personyou know, but for whatever
reason, and not I'm biased nowbecause I'm single, so I'm

(04:20):
speaking from that perspectivenot the married perspective,
cause it's like, okay, we'veknown each other all of our
lives, like my brother, you knowmy mama, and so when you bring
this new person, it has to belike some type of balance.
What do you think, josh?

Speaker 2 (04:38):
I mean for one it's interesting because it's like
it's a great topic.
But why does it even have to bea topic?
Boom, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 3 (04:46):
It should be common sense.

Speaker 2 (04:49):
And to your point, cause you mentioned something
earlier, it's like people notunderstanding like their place,
so I feel like that's why theyget you know territorial.

Speaker 1 (05:01):
It's like when you say their place, like as a
family member, like I'm justthinking about it, somebody say,
like my cousin, he has a, she'snot a wife.
And I emphasize that because Ifeel the way.
But our relationship is foreverruined because of a
disagreement that she and I hadand he wanted me to respect her
as his old lady and I justwasn't feeling that because I

(05:26):
had a stance.
I felt the way I felt and Ijust refused and I think I don't
think I'll ever like have thatconversation where I feel like I
refuse to allow her to make, Irefuse to allow her to think
that she's more important thanme.

(05:46):
I'm just going to keep it realwith you so we can have a real
conversation.
So because of that I canapologize to him, cause he's my
cousin.
We've known each other all ofour lives.
He's looked out for me to careof me when I needed it.
But I just cannot let her haveit.

Speaker 3 (06:02):
I also think that the person, the middle person, so
your cousin, that person has tohave common sense, to the set
the boundaries, cause I alsospeak on the topic about men who
go through their whole livesand their wives and their moms
are doing this.
Are you kidding me?
So you're going to live yourwhole life dealing with this?
At some point you need to setyour mama down and your wife

(06:23):
both of y'all getting on mynerves, and this has to come to
an end.
This is just crazy.
So that person has to setboundaries too.
So you know to to counteractmaybe the territorialness or the
the friction too.
It's a delicate dance.
It's a delicate dance, you know, but I just I know so many
situations to where people womenand men are in hell because

(06:46):
their in-laws are intrusive.
You know, and I just I don'tunderstand why it's allowed.
I don't understand why it's athing.
We shouldn't even be havingthese conversations.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 2 (06:57):
That's my biggest point, because I, even though I
understand it, I personallydon't like the title thing
because basically, like for yourexample, it's like well, if she
was the wife, would you havetreated her differently?
I don't think so, so that's soagain, that's what I'm saying,
is like what you run into.
But I also think too, like if,if a person has a significant
other and they're building withthis person, they're living with

(07:19):
this person, there there's allof these different dynamic, you
know things going on in therelationship, then it should
kind of be understood.
You know what I'm saying.
But it's also unfortunate too,because even if you set people
down, like you said, some peoplejust ain't hearing that because
there's no respect across theboard for whatever the reason is
.
Then you get in a situationwhere you have to make a choice.

(07:43):
Unfortunately, you know what Imean and, in order for it to not
be tricky, you know especiallylike you know this is your woman
, or she was on the other foot,or this is your fiance, or this
is your husband or wife.
You got to make, you got tomake that decision.

Speaker 1 (07:58):
So that's the part that I struggle with, like the
choice piece.
Um, when I, when this actuallyhappened, which was a couple of
years ago, and I had aconversation with several
different people just trying toget, you know, get their take,
and everybody was like, oh, Idon't know, when it comes to his
lady, you know, because theythe first go to, they say is sex
, because that's, you know,that's his lady and you know I'm

(08:21):
like, but why should it matter?
I'm his blood.

Speaker 3 (08:24):
Like it does matter.
I mean, that's his woman,that's his woman, so he depends
on he, depends on her more thanhe depends on you.
Best, that's it he.
If he loves her, he depends onher and as a loyalty there,
there's a bond there, what hedoes you, even though you have
history from my standpoint.

Speaker 1 (08:44):
How, what would you say?
Would you have advised me to dowith that type of situation?

Speaker 3 (08:48):
Oh, you're supposed to take shit off nobody.
Okay, you're supposed to takeshit off nobody.

Speaker 2 (08:52):
But, but also to piggyback off of that, I think
to understand that that stilldoesn't mean that he doesn't
love you or value you, yeah,yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 3 (08:59):
That's the, that's the.
That's what he doesn't love you.

Speaker 2 (09:01):
Because it's like are you signed with her?

Speaker 3 (09:03):
So that must mean yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah,
yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Don't do that, yeah, don't dothat.
That doesn't mean he doesn'tlove you, but that's who he.
That's who he lays with, that'swho nurses him when he's sick.
That's maybe, maybe, the motherof his kids.
I don't know if they havechildren.

Speaker 1 (09:17):
They.
At the time they didn't, butnow they do.
So I know that relationship isirreparable for them because of
that.

Speaker 3 (09:24):
But but you're not supposed to take shit off,
nobody, no it doesn't matter.
It doesn't matter.
That should be boundary setwith people.
And just because that's your,your cousin's wife, you're not
supposed to take crap off of her.
You know what I'm saying?

Speaker 1 (09:36):
Because I want to, because I was, when I, when I
replay it in my head, like I'mlike how could I have handled
that differently, you know where?
Cause he never took size untilthat day.

Speaker 3 (09:48):
Yeah.

Speaker 1 (09:49):
You know what I'm saying.
That day was just a differentday.
I think it was more spiritualthan anything, cause you know
there was some other otherunderlying things going on.

Speaker 3 (09:56):
Are you an alpha I?

Speaker 1 (09:57):
am definitely an alpha.

Speaker 3 (09:59):
She's an alpha.
That's a problem right there.
So that's going to you know.

Speaker 1 (10:02):
maybe he knew it was coming, maybe he said why you
got to jump off the light.
He like he was the type of man.
He is the type of man wherehe'll defend in front of her,
but when she's not around it'slike you know what she know.
I was just and I don't likethat Cause.
Now you just disrespecting mein front of her and then you

(10:24):
come back to me when she's notaround trying to smooth it over
with me.
But I'm already offended.
So, then you, you sacrifice myfeelings for her.
You cannot play both sides ofthe thing.

Speaker 3 (10:36):
He live with her every night, that's the point.

Speaker 1 (10:39):
I just don't understand, like I think if it
was me and it was a family likemy spouse or my man and a family
member of mine, I just don't Iwould have whether I agree right
, wrong and different.
I think I would have been moreof a mediator.
I wouldn't be like, well, youknow, I lay up with him, I would
try to you know handle, cause Idon't want to not speak to my
family because of this person.

Speaker 3 (10:59):
That man get his arm both his own cut off tomorrow.
He, he, he going to expect thiswoman to wipe his ass.

Speaker 1 (11:04):
You ain't going to come on in and do it.
Yeah, you're right, he's gonnawash him up with cordless 指

(11:31):
SILETE.

Speaker 2 (11:33):
I want to talk to you about your service and I also
want to tap in to what that partof your life look like
traveling in different thingslike that.
The reason being is because weknow experiences shape and mold
us and it does in regards to somany things and because this is

(11:56):
a relationship podcast, wedefinitely want to find out how
that experience shaped the moldof you.
When we get back, Relationshipsmatter.
The podcast Relationshipsmatter.

Speaker 1 (12:10):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So we're here talking with MrMarvin Hunter, the comedian, and
Josh, you had a question forMarvin.
What was your question?

Speaker 2 (12:20):
Absolutely Well.
First of all, thank you foryour service.
You know what I mean and got asalute, you brother.
You know what I mean, but Iwanted to ask you to kind of
talk about that part of yourlife, talk about touring.
You know, just whatever yourdifferent experiences is,
because where I'm going with itis those experiences and how
they shape and mold yourperspective.

(12:42):
As far as relationships go.
Now, obviously you knowpersonal friends, whatever, but
you know, just kind of want totouch on that and then we'll
dive into the rest of it.

Speaker 3 (12:52):
Well, I was stupid.
I got married when I was 20.

Speaker 2 (12:55):
Oh, wow.

Speaker 3 (12:56):
Like an idiot, and I was not ready, and your your.
Your vision of the world isformed by your family dynamic,
and so what I see, my mom and mydad relate.
That's how I thoughtrelationships supposed to be,
and it was a disaster.

Speaker 2 (13:14):
It was a disaster how was your mom and dad, so that
way we can have some context.

Speaker 3 (13:19):
My mom- was, she didn't work, she didn't work,
she didn't work.
My dad worked two, three jobsthat supported us, and so I
assumed that this wasn't mansupposed to do.
But fuck that.
You got to work.
You got to do something.
You can't just be here.
You know what I mean.
And so that was an issue.

(13:40):
And so it's just a lot of a lotof bump in the heads.
And you know, getting marriedthat young, I never, I've never,
advised anybody to get marriedin their 20s.
You don't know who you are.
You have new think, you do?
We all think, oh no, I'm, I'm,you know I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm
, you know you don't have nofrickin idea.
But when you're a 20, you arean idiot and you don't know it.
And so you know, listen topeople.

(14:02):
Everyone advised me that Ishould not do it.
I should not do it, and I didit anyway.
So it was, it was.
It was very difficult.
On top of that, you don't knownot to bring the baggage from
your house to your relationship.
Okay, you don't know not to dothat.
As I was telling your producerearlier, my mom was a was a
difficult woman.

(14:22):
Love my mom to pieces, miss herterribly, but she was a
difficult woman.

Speaker 1 (14:27):
Difficult on what way .

Speaker 3 (14:28):
Uh who, firecracker, Firecracker.
Oh you talk, give my dad hellyou stick.
You know she that um, uh, ifyour mom ain't having the house,
ain't happy that I lived that.
So I always told myself I wouldnever marry that, I would never
marry that.
And it it has affected methroughout my life, for good and

(14:48):
for bad, because to this day Idon't do volatile people At all.
I've been in a situation.
As soon as I smell it on awoman, we're done.

Speaker 2 (14:56):
That's good.

Speaker 3 (14:57):
We're done.
We are done.
You don't even get a chance.
I don't even care if you'revolatile and I'm done.

Speaker 2 (15:04):
That's good.

Speaker 3 (15:05):
You know what I mean.
Um, you could say that that hashurt me, maybe in the past,
maybe I've have denied myselfsome great relationships.

Speaker 1 (15:12):
but that's fine, let me ask you this how do you deal
with conflict in yourrelationship.

Speaker 3 (15:18):
Um, talk it out.
You got to.
Everybody's an adult here.
That's the thing I think ismissing.
Everybody's supposed to be adaughter.
You know you should be a talkstuff out like like an adult
when I see people who do crazyshit, because I'm mad.
To me that's ridiculous.
You're a child.
You are a child.
If you fly off to handle it,everything and everything's the

(15:40):
end of the world, like, come onman, like, especially if your
partner's not doing that to youand you're doing that to them.
Um, but you know, being in arelationship in the military is
already rough because, I tellyou, the cheating in the
military is crazy, isn't itCrazy, beyond crazy.

(16:04):
You know what I mean.
So it's just it's hard, did Igo both sides.
Yes, yeah, when the ships go outto sea or the army go to the
field or the marine go to thefield oh, it's Christmas time.
I get to base with a lot of thewives.
It's Christmas time and peoplethat know it, they know it.
It's a lot of infidelity goingon in the military.

(16:24):
What it's women, oh bro.

Speaker 1 (16:29):
Faithful, oh my Well that man had gone for like three
years.
Oh she's, oh it's been awful,okay, okay.

Speaker 3 (16:40):
I mean the dude to do anything to is just so.

Speaker 1 (16:42):
But what is he doing while he gone for three years?
Oh, so you ducking in.
It's a nine ducking and dyingto go both ways.
You know, I knew a cat.

Speaker 3 (16:51):
When I was in the military he he bragged to us
that he was trying to get hiswife to do a threesome and he
kept telling mom, I'm almostthere, mom, I'm almost there.
Mom was getting there rightbefore he deployed.
She done it.

Speaker 1 (17:05):
Then, once he deployed, she fell in love with
the woman and moved the woman.
The woman was two women, yes.

Speaker 3 (17:12):
And she fell in love with the woman.
Now he deployed calling backcrying on the phone.
No, don't cry now, I mean what?
Are you crying for Cause shethe mood of woman in she like a
for real.
He just he thought this was forhim but she liked it.

Speaker 2 (17:26):
But why he crying though?

Speaker 3 (17:27):
Cause he, his woman, love somebody else.

Speaker 2 (17:29):
Bit dog you should.

Speaker 3 (17:32):
And then the kids is on the phone.
This lady mean to us Wow, oh,wow, what, and you know,
military P wing on the heart.
We laughing at you cause youcrying.
You're stupid, wow so that wasa rough diploma for him.

Speaker 2 (17:50):
That's wild.
So where are some of the placesthat you you've traveled to?

Speaker 3 (17:54):
Oh man, 20 years in 11 different commands.
I've been 21 countries, fivecontinents, I've been all over.

Speaker 2 (18:02):
So, from a from a perspective standpoint, is there
anything that you picked upalong?

Speaker 3 (18:08):
those 20 years Everything.

Speaker 2 (18:10):
Cause I know for me right, for example, like being
in the Asian culture, likeplaying in Korea, playing in
China, like things like that.
You know the discipline, therespect, um, you know that they
really do like, for example, if,like you're somebody who's you
know older than even, even ifsomebody's 50 and you're 40,

(18:31):
like the way that they respectyou, the way that they like the
work ethic.
You know the cleanliness, likeyou know, when I was in Korea,
like how they move, everythingwas just immaculate, like.
So that's why I was asking,because when I was having
relationship talks to my Koreanbrothers and sisters, to kind of
see what their similarities andalso see where there's okay,

(18:54):
there's a fair amount ofdifferences.

Speaker 3 (18:56):
So that's why, that's why I was going with it.
That's why I wanted to ask youhow it is.
Americans think that we're acenter of the universe and when
you go overseas you see stufflike no, we're not and we're not
the best and everything.
There's other culture that wehave respect for their elders.
They do things differently.
It it uh.
You get a lot of uh, men, ofcourse, you know GIs go over

(19:18):
there and they marry women fromoverseas.
Sometimes it works, sometimesit don't, um, but you have to
factor in those differences inthe cultures.
Um, I would say, like, likeFilipinos, for instance.
I've known some guys that werewith Filipinos.
Women can be very dominating,very dominating, and uh, you

(19:39):
know.
But then you go somewhere like,uh, you know, um, japan, it can
be very docile.
You know what I mean.
So you got to know, uh, thedifferences and stuff.
I mean I don't think I couldever do it.
I never was attracted to I, I,I, I, I gotta have sisters.
I got it.
I just got it.
I just got it.
You know what I'm saying.

(20:00):
And uh, but I know a lot ofpeople, um, who go, who fall in
love.
You know people overseas Alwaysa tricky situation.
You have kids and don't work outand you take the kids.
Now they way over there.
Like you know, I've known some,some horror stories.
But uh, the military taught mediscipline, it gave me structure
, it by far.

(20:21):
That's not another decisionthat even comes close.
The best decision I ever madein my life was going to military
.

Speaker 2 (20:26):
Is there?
Is there a country or a culturethat you still carry with you
to this day?

Speaker 3 (20:32):
Carry with me, I don't know.
Enjoy.
I loved Australia.
I loved Australia.
I love Hong Kong.
I love Hong Kong, man, uh, uh,you uh.
Japan, yakuza great times,great times over there.

Speaker 2 (20:47):
So what did you love about Hong Kong?

Speaker 3 (20:50):
He just had a blast man.
He was like really and I wassingle when I was over there, so
you already know we ain't gotto get into it, but I mean he
had a blast over there man.
It was just really.
It was really fun, it wasbeautiful it Hong Kong Harbor is
one of them.
At night is one of the mostbeautiful things I've seen in my
life.

Speaker 2 (21:09):
You know, one of the things I learned, um, being
overseas, um, and then comparinga lot of things to the, to the
US, you know, and how we move,it doesn't matter where you go,
communication is big everywhere,yeah Right.
And for both parties to be onthe same page, to be able to

(21:30):
articulate your thoughts, to beable to, you know, have respect
for your significant other, um,and the list goes on and on and
on.
Like that was one of the thingsthat that I saw, that was like,
okay, like there there's,there's something that, no
matter where you're at, issomething that people hold near
and dear.
Another thing that I did thinkwas interesting, um, because you

(21:52):
know, countries and culturesdiffer, but like, for example,
going back to Korea, liketalking to one of my buddies and
he was just mentioning, likeyou know, the man's role in his
family you know what I mean andthen what the woman does, and
then how it's different withlike his parents versus like our
generation, cause he was, he's,close in age to me but a little

(22:13):
older.
But just saying, like you know,structurally, like there are
some differences, right, andthen I know, earlier you
mentioned how your father was.
I hate to say the word, butit's like that's what people use
it as is traditional right.
The man does this, the womandoes this, and it was
interesting that you were likenah.

Speaker 3 (22:34):
Nah, because times are different.
Right Times are different, youknow.
I can remember at one point,you know, money is short and I
got to eat on the ship.
I got to eat on my meals on theship because I can eat at home
and enough money to buy food forthree people for the kid and
I'm looking like it grow.

(22:54):
You gotta get a job, son, youcan't just sit here.
What are you going to do?

Speaker 1 (23:00):
But the conversation did that take place before you
got married or was thatsomething that you discovered
after you got married?

Speaker 2 (23:07):
Oh, and I'm definitely not here to bash, of
course not Hold that thought,because when we get back,
relationships matter the podcast, relationships matter.

Speaker 1 (23:22):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So, Marvin, we were talkingabout communication, right, and
you were stating that once yougot married, then you came to
the conclusion that your wifeneeded to get a job right.
And I was asking you did younot have that conversation
before marriage?

Speaker 3 (23:41):
Well, I was 20.
So I'm stupid.
You don't even know how to havea conversation.
You just assume folks had a job.
Before folks had a job, you metthem.
You think, so let's keep havinga job.
And when you were E1, e2, e3,especially back then, you were
making no money.

Speaker 1 (23:57):
Right.

Speaker 3 (23:57):
You was making no money.
Mm-hmm, it was a ass out, soyou had to have a double income.
Well, I remember we werestaying in San Diego.
This is like in the early 90s.
Gang culture is very prevalentout there, and I'm from a small
town and she's from a small townand one of her things was that
she was scared to get out there.
There's gangs out there, butI'll tell you I had better join

(24:19):
one.
You better join one, becauseyou got to get out here and go
work.
I don't know what the hell isgoing on.
You know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (24:26):
So it was always an understanding that she had to
work, even if it was unspoken,it was never.
Like you never said.
You could say at home Like whatyou're doing, no, no, no, no no
, no, no, never said, that wasnever said.

Speaker 3 (24:37):
No, you know what I'm saying.

Speaker 1 (24:40):
She's a little bit of me too, but anyway.

Speaker 3 (24:43):
But it was like you know, I got the baby with you.
Better duck tape into your ass.
I don't know what to tell youbecause the bills are due, wow.

Speaker 2 (24:52):
What's your take on traditional?

Speaker 3 (24:54):
Yeah.
I could, I'm a traditional dudeoverall, but we are living in
different times financially andI think that but that was it was
getting that way back in the80s though the way, because
we're a generation X, we hadpretty much had to raise our
sales because most of ourparents I just was my personal

(25:15):
situation my mom never worked,but most of my friends their
moms work, their mom and theirdad work.
So you know you had a latch keyand a key around your neck.
You walk to school, come homeat the go in the house, lock the
door don't let nobody in, takeme out to thought Young kid you,
seven, eight years old, doingthis, absolutely.
So I'm a traditional dude, butI think that you can't really
survive unless you really bringhome the bag.

(25:35):
If you two working class people, it's hard to survive.

Speaker 2 (25:39):
You got kids and only one person working you know
they hard, they hard on peoplebehind this, this topic.
You know what I mean and Ialways find it interesting to
get different perspectives,especially you know people that
are like 40s, 50s and on,because you know change is good

(26:00):
man.
But I think if you talk to awoman now, you know, especially
like you know for Chanel, forexample, like she's, she does
really well for herself.
You know she's ambitious.
I don't, I don't think shewould be like no, I'm not going
to do nothing, like even if adude came in because a lot of
you know most women are liketheir go getters.

(26:21):
You know what I mean.
Women can do so many amazingthings.
You know what I mean and youknow not not just as far as
getting money, but even from arelationship standpoint.
So you know, for those thatfeel strongly about like no, you
need to go basically killyourself and we just we just it
is really crazy that you knowthe traditional.

Speaker 3 (26:43):
It's like a taboo word, but a lot of women they
don't want to be traditional butthey want the man still be
traditional and that's crazy.
I know that.
I know of a situation wherethere was a guy working class
guy, the only high schooldiploma had a wife.
She wanted to keep up with theJoneses.
So he's working three jobs totry to maintain this lifestyle

(27:04):
for her and their kids.
She never really worked andwhen she would work it would be
a cashier job.
She felt like I get, I get tokeep all of my money.
He was never home, he just atethere and slept there.
He was always gone.
He couldn't enjoy the kids andthen meanwhile she's cheating.
She's cheating her ass off andyou know it came out and he was

(27:26):
completely heartbroken.
But it's like you put yourselfin that situation.

Speaker 2 (27:32):
How did he put himself in that situation?

Speaker 3 (27:34):
Because he he bought into it A man supposed to
provide.
But my friend got a nice house,they got a nice car.
Why you can't do less of a man.
You're not a man.
You can't, you can't get thisfor me.

Speaker 2 (27:46):
Fought him, though.
Do you fault him for that?

Speaker 3 (27:48):
Yes, really yes, because are you serious or
you're going to kill yourself.

Speaker 2 (27:54):
But if that's, if that's what you're taught and
that's what, that's what peopleinstill, why would that person
be a fault?

Speaker 3 (28:01):
Where does common sense come in?
You barely walk in.
You got bad knees, you, you,you.
Your quality of life is ass.

Speaker 2 (28:09):
I agree with you as I agree Doesn't care, but is that
a common sense thing though?

Speaker 3 (28:13):
Yes, if you're hurting, if you're in pain, you
don't want to be in pain.

Speaker 2 (28:18):
But if nobody else is telling them different, if his
woman ain't making them feellike that, mentally ill, you
know.

Speaker 3 (28:26):
You know your situation is as she doesn't care
.
This is the one person that'ssupposed to give a damn about
you.

Speaker 2 (28:31):
But does he know one else does?
Does he know what if it waspassed down?
Because we all come fromsomething, something's passed
down.
I do not.

Speaker 3 (28:40):
The stupid shall be discussed and punished.
This is life.
Someone told me that my youngand the stupid shall be punished
.
You can't walk around thisworld being stupid and then
expect stupid stuff not tohappen to you.
How do you not know that youdon't have a good quality of
life?
How do you not know that thisperson doesn't care, and not
only you work in three jobs.

(29:00):
He worked at a plant and he cutgrass and he cleaned up
buildings.
She don't want to go help youclean the freaking buildings up
and she's constantly browbeating you because you are not
able to provide her a life thatshe feels like she deserves.

Speaker 2 (29:13):
You know why he might not know why?
Because his family passed itdown.
You know why else he might notknow?
Because ten of his closestpartners are living the same
exact way.

Speaker 3 (29:22):
No, not even one.
I know him.

Speaker 2 (29:24):
In another situation, not that one, I'm just saying
in another situation.
If he's not able to likeactually see that he may not
know different.
But if you're saying he hadexamples and people, that was
speaking on that then Iunderstand Because his family
hated him.

Speaker 3 (29:38):
They would constantly see it.

Speaker 2 (29:40):
Then I understand that, but I'm asking you the
message to the person that can'tsee that.

Speaker 1 (29:45):
How do you not see it ?
It could be ego or pride.
It could be something withinhim, maybe.

Speaker 3 (29:51):
I'm different, I'm perceptive.
I just can't see how.

Speaker 1 (29:54):
Something they believe that they should provide
.
Like that is yeah, I believeI'm traditional in that.

Speaker 3 (30:00):
Yeah, I do believe.
I think that women women needto feel safe, men need to feel
respected.
I think if those two things arestraight, that's the foundation
of everything.
So a woman should be feel safe.
So you should be able toprovide, but you can't kill
yourself doing it.

Speaker 2 (30:17):
How long was you with your first wife?
Eleven years, eleven years.
In that 11 years, did you feellike that was forever or did?
Was there something that yousaw At the beginning?
At the beginning, I knew it wasass.
I knew it was ass, so it wasass early.

Speaker 3 (30:33):
But when you in the military, you deploy distance,
trace fondness, we had to dealwith it.
And by the time I get back andthen everything's I'm about to
my head's about to explode.
I deploy again.

Speaker 2 (30:44):
So why was that okay for you to do that, but the guy
who's in another situation I hadrelief.

Speaker 3 (30:48):
Well, maybe his relief is worth a few dollars.
Trust me, brother, my situationwent like this.

Speaker 2 (30:53):
I'm just asking because I'm not saying the
specific details on thesituation.
I'm just saying in general, themindset, because if what you're
saying is what some I'm notsaying is a bad thing, right,
you're saying like, look, commonsense got to kick in, you got
to know better, like we can'tkeep doing it right, and where
I'm going with it is for peoplethat are in situations they

(31:14):
ain't got no business being in.
How do we escape from itbecoming 11 years?
Why can't it be seven?
Why can't it be two?

Speaker 3 (31:23):
Why can't I get what you said?
And the only, the only, theonly issues I can give you is
that at the time, every time, itbecame unbearable.

Speaker 2 (31:34):
I had a option.

Speaker 3 (31:35):
I had a relief valve which was deployed, got you Okay
, that's fair.
That's fair, I think definitelythe size of their.

Speaker 1 (31:43):
Definitely, you know but was she working while you
were deployed?

Speaker 3 (31:46):
Sometimes, yes, sometimes.

Speaker 1 (31:48):
So you was sending money in back, right, yeah, okay
.

Speaker 3 (31:52):
Yeah, it's the only money, hey it is what it is.

Speaker 1 (32:05):
I want to go back to a comment you made.
You said that you would neverdate a volatile.
I want you to be more explicitabout that statement.

Speaker 3 (32:15):
If I'm 52, I don't do volatile people.

Speaker 1 (32:20):
When you say volatile , what does that?

Speaker 3 (32:21):
mean, though, people, unpredictable loose cannons.
There's no reason for you to bea dud over 30 and be a loose
cannon in this world.
I don't understand those kindof people, especially dating
those kind of people, and thisgoes for women and men.
If you dating a man and youcan't take him nowhere, you
don't know what he's going toget bullied, or?

Speaker 2 (32:42):
what he's going to say to people.

Speaker 3 (32:43):
If you dating a woman and you can't take her places
and she doesn't know how to movearound in certain crowds and
stuff like that.
That's ridiculous to me.

Speaker 2 (32:52):
It is ridiculous.

Speaker 3 (32:52):
Why be with a person like that every time?

Speaker 2 (32:54):
Because it's your safety and it's all those, yeah,
yeah.

Speaker 3 (32:57):
Every time in my life when I've run up on a woman and
we see each other and once Isee that on you, I'm done, it
doesn't even matter, you can bethe best person in the world,
and once I see that I ain'tgoing to talk about it.
That's crazy.
That's crazy people stuff.

Speaker 2 (33:10):
I think that's commendable, to be able to like
stand on a boundary or whateveryou put in place, but it goes
back to my, my mom.

Speaker 3 (33:20):
My mom was volatile and I watched my dad deal with
that, I watched him navigatethat and I always said I wasn't
going to do that and I love mymom love my mom in pieces, but I
wasn't going to deal with that.

Speaker 2 (33:29):
I think so many people would be in a different
place if they actuallyremembered a lot of their
childhood experiences and whatfelt good and what didn't.
But when we get back because wedidn't finish talking about
right, we spoke about mother,wife.
But I just want to go back realquick because this is a heavy

(33:51):
topic for so many and I know Igot some things to say about
this.
For all you mothers or fathersthat put your children before
your partner, we're going to tapin when we get back.
Relationships matter.
The podcast.

Speaker 1 (34:15):
Welcome back to relationships matter, the
podcast.
So, marvin, we were talkingearly about the, the, the wife,
the spouse.
Who comes first?
The the spouse, the children orthe mom?
And I have a question as asingle woman, right, looking for
healthy relationship and in myforties you know most, when I

(34:38):
was younger I always had thisthing I wouldn't date men with
children.
But as you get older yourealize Pickings and most times
I mean at this age, if you don'thave kids, then I feel like
it's more of a commitment issue.
That's my own opinion.
But how do you manage, like ifyou were to involve yourself,
josh, like with a man who haschildren, has children's?

(35:02):
What baby mama's Cause?
My issue has never been thechildren.
I love children, like, lovethem.
It's the, the baby mama.
How do you manage that?
When you got you got childrenbaby mama, didn't you?
How does that even work?

Speaker 2 (35:19):
So I'll go, I'll go ahead and hang myself real quick
, but I feel strongly about this.
So and respectfully right,children are beautiful and
precious and all of these things.
They didn't ask to be here.
But if you're committing to aperson, right, that and again I

(35:41):
don't get into the whole debateof, well, you gotta be a husband
, you gotta be a wife.
But if y'all living together atthis point and y'all thinking
seriously enough and the kidsdon't met this person and all
that type of stuff, then in theorder of the partner or your,
your significant other orwhatever you want to call that
person, they should come firstand foremost with the

(36:01):
understanding and support,knowing that person.
So in your situation it wouldbe you know his relationship
with the kids and whatever thatlooks like, but he has a real
responsibility to make sure youknow your importance.
Period, period.
Like all this, the kids and meand whatever.

(36:22):
It's not even a comparisonthing.
You are my partner, I havethese kids right, and if you
rocking with him, then you'll besupportive on what that looks
like the day to day or whateverit is that y'all communicate
that works for you all.
But that doesn't and shouldn'ttake away from the importance of

(36:42):
y'all's relationship, becauseyou know what we just talked
like.
We spoke about so much and Iwant you to touch on it again
during the break.
So many people get lost, evenif it's a let's just take a
married couple.
They got together and had two,three kids.
That married couple would getlost if there's no order.
So it ain't just like you gotwith somebody with kids or I got

(37:04):
with somebody with kids orwhatever.
Like you can easily get lost.
But I wanted you to touch onthat because it is important.
It's very, it's very important.

Speaker 3 (37:14):
And I've been in your situation, you know, been
single and been with somebodyand just having to navigate that
I would say that we areprotectors of each other's heart
, so it's that person, that man,has to protect you from the BS.
I would never advise anybody toget into a relationship with a
man who has a crazy baby mamaand first place you should be

(37:34):
able to peep that out.
You know what I'm saying.
That ain't for you.
But if he does have a crazybaby mama, he's gonna be like
I'm gonna be like I'm gonna belike he got to.
He got to be the buffer he gotto.
You know, shield you from thatmadness, because it is hard.
It is hard if you a personcoming into a relationship,
trying to establish arelationship with somebody and

(37:55):
kids the kids are always, alwaysthere.
Issues with the kids, issueswith the kids.
And then you gotta think toowhen is a good time to introduce
your kids to a new person?
People do that too fast.
I've been in relationship withsomebody, trying to be in
relationship with somebody, andshe introduced them to kids too
early.
And then every time I come overthere, it's a task.
Who the hell am I, bob Vila,every time I come over there

(38:16):
it's bunk beds gotta be puttogether Now.
Next time I got a fixedskateboard.
Who the hell am I?
I'm Tony Hawk.
Who am I?

Speaker 2 (38:22):
You know what did that?

Speaker 3 (38:23):
at.
What am I doing?
Now?
I gotta chop down trees in theback yard.
Now I'm Paul Bunyan, so what?
I got a way a lot of hats to beover here and I don't even know
about like you good.
I don't even know about likeyou good yet, and now you
putting the kids into it.
You know what I'm saying.
So people, people do crazystuff.
And then go back to your pointabout the people being married.
You, we know so many kids, somany people today who they put

(38:45):
so much energy into the kids.
They lose themselves.
They ain't had a date night in10 years because they always had
dash recitals and they alwayshad football practice and they
always doing this.
You know we need to go back alittle bit to back in the day
where daddy get the big piece ofchicken, like it's a hierarchy
in the house.
You know what I'm saying.
And the kids need to understandthat.
It's healthy for a child to seeyou putting your husband first.

(39:07):
It's healthy for your childrento see you putting your wife
first, you know, because they,they know now.
They know how to navigate itwhen they get into relationships
.
Cause what's happening now?
You put so much energy intothese children, you overestimate
the level of importance, youcreate a little narcissistic
asshole and then you push themout into the world for the rest
of us deal with.

Speaker 2 (39:26):
Yeah, no, thank you.

Speaker 3 (39:27):
And that's what we got.

Speaker 2 (39:28):
What do you, what do you feel is a respectable time
to make an intro in in asituation like Chanel was
mentioning?

Speaker 3 (39:38):
To bring the kids and introduce a new person to the
kids.
It depends on how you feel.
You know when the time is right.
You know I, I, I built asituation where I know I was
seeing this young lady and shehad kept a little girl away from
from us and that was cool,cause again, I don't know if I
like you yet and then shebrought up, brought the little
girl around and of course I'mthe man.
So I plan on a date.

(39:58):
We're supposed to go to themovies and the fair and and and.
Then we get to the fair and thelittle girl's precious the
little pressure.
There I'm walking around, I'mwinning all the things for and
stuff like that, getting usstuff animals.
Now I'm smart and I can peepsome of them games you could
cheat.
So I didn't figure it out howto get around some of the stuff
to cheat.
When she peeped it she stoppedeverything, got on her knees

(40:19):
down to the little girl.
Say you see what he just did.
He's wrong.
Don't you ever do that?
But you ever.
Are you going to brow beat mein front of this child that you
want me to make an impressionfor?
I look at the little girl and Isay to myself baby girl, that's
the last time you ever see myface.
That was done.
I was done just off of thatCause.
I'm not fit to deal with that.
I'm not going to deal with that.
I'm trying to win stuff foryour child.

(40:40):
I'm trying to get your child agood, great experience, and then
you, brow, beat me in front ofthe child.
You just show me what you about.

Speaker 1 (40:47):
So I want to ask you cause I hear you say that, I
heard you talk about your momand what type of woman are you
attracted to, like, describe the, the characteristic, the
qualities?

(41:07):
I just want to get an idea ofwhat it is that you like.

Speaker 3 (41:10):
I have always been attracted to women, and not in a
sexual manner or a relationshipmanner.
Women who are women, who areladies.
This era of extra masculine rahrah over the top, it don't do
nothing for me at all.
I just I can't get out with itbecause I just feel like in a

(41:34):
relationship there's a man andthere's a woman.
I mean, you can't.
Only one person has a penishere, so you gave okay, Two of
us have a penis.
I'm not gay.

Speaker 1 (41:45):
I'm not gay.
I don't mean to interrupt you,but you said so it's okay for
the other side, Cause you saying, are you talking about in terms
of dominance, no, no no, justpeople we have gotten away from.

Speaker 3 (41:59):
Do you know?
Do you know if somebody's niceto you, you're taking back the
day you ever know?
Is that how somebody dosomething nice for you?
That's like oh wow, becausewe're so used to people being
assholes.
And it's like with women, forsome reason, when you have a ass
, I can't do it.
I notice how you treat theperson at the restaurant.
If you're talking crazy to thestaff, I notice how you you

(42:20):
don't have empathy A woman.
We require men to be providers.
I feel like women are somethingthat should be nurtured.
If you don't have a nurturingbone in your body, I peep that.
If you don't, if you see a baby, you don't be like, oh, if you
don't, if some women ain't gotthat, they ain't got that gear,

(42:40):
I peep that.
I guess you know.

Speaker 1 (42:42):
So I do another show with some ladies.
I do a show with Vivica Fox,Selena Johnson and Kendra G and
we were talking about likesomeone like I'm in my 40s,
right, and they was talkingabout like alpha female and
being aggressive.
And really, for me, I've beenforced to operate in that space

(43:08):
Because I'm single, I'm notmarried, you know what I'm
saying.
So I got businesses that haveto be ran, you know what I'm
saying.
And so one would say, oh, she'saggressive, but I have to be
Like at this age I would love tojust be soft and have someone
come in and say I got it and I'mlike cool, let me just sit back

(43:32):
.
But that just don't exist todayin my world.

Speaker 3 (43:36):
I understand At all and it goes back to trauma, it
goes back to childhood.
But I say like I watched my mombe that and I just it ain't
said well with women.
I watched my dad dealing withit and I just that's my thing,
but I don't mean volatile,though, like, like you say rah,
rah.

Speaker 1 (43:52):
I don't mean that, but because when you say
volatile, I mean are you, whenyou?
I just I guess I need you todescribe like, are you mean just
just flipping over everything,tripping over everything, or
just someone who's aggressive?

Speaker 3 (44:03):
Everything is an attack.
I'm going to stand up formyself.
I'm going to show out in public.
I'm going to show out inprivate.
I'm not going to, I'm.
I have no coot.
I'm going to act, react react,react react, react.
That is crazy, Definitely trauma.
We deal with that in society.
It doesn't be a man or a womancause I know men that act like

(44:24):
that too and the woman's causelike baby, baby, calm down, baby
, baby, calm down.
That's crazy to me.
When you deal with that, so yousay who am I, who am I not
attracted to?
Is women that do that?
I can't, I can't do it.

Speaker 1 (44:34):
I understand you gave me a better like.
I wanted you to kind ofelaborate on what you mean when
you said it.
But I understand it's not goingto be an alpha female, it's not
going to be a strong woman.

Speaker 3 (44:42):
It's the volatility.
You know what I'm saying.
What's that?
I think Jay-Z got a line aboutknowing how to move in a room
full of wolves.

Speaker 2 (44:49):
Yeah, you got to know how to move, you know what I'm
saying, but why do we associatestrength with having to be
aggressive in some type of way?
Thank you, but we'll get backto that Cause.
Miss Chanel Scott going toanswer that I sure am.

Speaker 1 (45:09):
The relationship's matter the podcast.
Don't worry about it.
Wait a minute.
I was.
I was simply saying Welcomeback to relationships matter,
the podcast.
So, marvin, you had a questionfor me during the break and I
want you to re-ask that questionplease.

Speaker 3 (45:25):
My question is being in this industry, you know a
time of industry do you find itmore a necessity to be more
aggressive, to protect yourself,to not get taken?

Speaker 1 (45:38):
advantage of.
So the answer is yes, and I'vebeen on both sides coming into
an industry with zero knowledge,just wanting my show to be
picked up, Cause I organicallyor authentically just love
having relationship talk, Likewe will have this same
conversation in my living room,it would be no different, right?

(45:59):
And so, coming into it and notknowing you, dealing with sharks
, right, who when they see blood, they come in for it, and I
lost a lot because of thenaivety, because of just being
overly eager, I was told you'retoo naive, you too, you too nice

(46:21):
, and I don't even think I'mthat nice of a person.
But in that moment, in thatmoment, you know, you eager, you
think these people know, knowmore, know better.
I mean, I want to learn, I'mteachable, so I have learned.
And then not just just being abusiness on business, multiple
business owner and you dealingwith multiple personalities, A

(46:42):
lot of people, cause there's alot of people that assist me
with doing what I do.
You have to be, because if you,if you wasn't, nothing's going
to get done.
They going to do that persongoing to do what they want to do
, Meanwhile you paying, youspending money, right, I'm one
person.
I tell people all the time.
This is not a corporation.
This is a solo pre-newersituation.

(47:05):
You know, most people havepartners and people who put in.
No, that's not my story.
So, and I'm passionate aboutthe work.
So a lot of times for me,people may say, well, she's
overly aggressive or she's mean.
No, I just want my businesstaken care of.
Now, if you engage me off ofthis set and we dealing with

(47:25):
business, cool, I'm cool, I'mlaid back, I don't have a whole
lot to say and I'm going withthe flow.
I'm wanting to show where.
I'm just telling and they tellme you don't talk and my team no
, that's not true.
But I don't have noresponsibility.
I'm cool, you know what I'msaying.
That's not my responsibility toworry about how this is going
to get.
Take care, I'm just here to doa job, you know.
But I have found you have to be, because people will run right

(47:49):
over you.
You'll find yourself doingsomething that you don't want to
do because people are pushingyou, pushing you, pushing you.
So I have found that, yes, youcan't you be respectful.
Respect is important, butyou're not going to always be
because I'll always be polite.
It just isn't.
I've had, I've had, I've gonethrough probably four or five

(48:10):
assistants because they getclose to me and, like I said,
I'm cool.
When we not working and theytake that for something else,
they start doing what they wantto do and it gets to the point
where I didn't even want anassistant.
No more.
I'm like I'm good, I can do itmyself.
Well, I got enough people on myteam that have other
responsibilities that can justjump in.
Quincy, can you zip my dress?
It got to that because I didn'twant that, Because I'm like

(48:32):
this, because it makes me besomething that I don't
necessarily want to be.
But when people take advantagebecause they don't know how to
balance, it's about balance.
You know, Can I?
You know what I'm saying.
You can't, you can't show allaspects of yourself for fear of
somebody taking advantage.

Speaker 2 (48:49):
So what I heard was that, for example, in regards to
a specific business, you camein, we're very passionate and
you were learning.
Therefore, you didn't have theknowledge that you had now.

Speaker 1 (49:10):
Right.

Speaker 2 (49:13):
But again, it has nothing to do with being a shark
or somebody that has to standon an aggressive type of stance.

Speaker 1 (49:24):
I think had I been then they wouldn't have tried it
in the first place.
They saw that eager like for me.
I was like, even if I hadquestions, I would just say,
cause they know more than me,I'll be like, okay, well, let's
see, even if I had somehesitation, because I don't know
and you gotta trust somebody,you got to be able to trust

(49:45):
someone and for me I didn't haveanybody in my circle who really
had my best interest at hand,and the people who did have my
best interest at hand didn'thave all the details or the
knowledge to even be able toadvise me on what to do and what
not to do, because informationwas being kept back.

(50:05):
So I was really like at onepoint I had a team of about 30
people but I felt alone.
I'm in a room with 30 peopleand I feel like I'm by myself.

Speaker 2 (50:16):
So where I was going with that and, marvie, you can
go ahead afterwards is if we allcause, this is an example that
everybody can take somethingfrom.
But when you're educated onsomething and you have that
knowledge, you don't have to beaggressive.
It's just, basically, you knowand you learn and you're able to

(50:36):
articulate things in adifferent way so that people
know that they don't have toplay with you, because my thing
is and again, it's no knock,like if that's what works for
you, great, I'm not here toknock that.

Speaker 1 (50:47):
It works for me.

Speaker 2 (50:48):
I mean Okay it do, but it might work for you
personally right, but as far asother things.
Maybe maybe not, maybe I don'tknow, but all I'm saying is I
don't think that's the end-allbe-all because of that type of
message Like you don't have tobe that type of person in order
to get business done.

(51:09):
You don't have to be a superaggressive person to stand on
business.

Speaker 1 (51:13):
Well, what I have done to avoid being that is I
just hire people who arepassionate about what they do,
so I don't have to talk to you,cause I'm not, no, like a micro
manager.
I like people who, when theyget their responsibility, they
do taste it, but they don't needme to tell them what to do.
I don't like working withpeople who I got to be on your
back constantly.

Speaker 3 (51:31):
I gotta keep speaking to you.
Well, some of us got bad nervesand people get crazy, so you
know, you gotta know yourlimitations and stuff like that
and how to write people to dealwith people.
I think where the problem comesin with you.
If you super have to be superaggressive at your job and then
you bring that home, you gottaseparate the two.
You can't bring it home.

Speaker 1 (51:52):
I agree.

Speaker 3 (51:54):
It'll be a.

Speaker 1 (51:56):
I agree with you with that.
So that's why I said, if youengage me, like if you would
engage me in business, you mightsay, wow, she's firm or she's
aggressive, but when you engageme off this set, it's gonna be
different, right.
When I go home, I'm in my houseby myself, so no one really
knows me in my home life likethat right, where it's peace and

(52:20):
not a whole lot of chaos goingon or a whole lot of this and
that.

Speaker 3 (52:24):
I've had supervisors or mentors that have many
different styles.
Some of them have beenaggressive.
They get the job done.
Some of them have been verysubtle, very, you know, they
educate themselves to wherethere's no doubt that they're
the smartest person in the roomand they're very calm.
There's different type ofleadership style, so if that

(52:46):
works for you, then that youknow and I'm not aggressive just
off the bat.

Speaker 1 (52:50):
Like if you have to make me step into that space,
then you've already violatedseveral times.
Like, just to just communicatewith you, just off the bat, I'm
not aggressive.
But if you see me beingaggressive, you've already
crossed the line multiple times.
And now I'm fed up because oneof the things about me I'm
passionate about the people thatwork with me.
I love the people that workwith me.

(53:11):
So most times if I'm talking toyou, then I'm trying to give
you a chance.
When I stop talking and I'm,that's when it's probably done.

Speaker 3 (53:23):
Let me answer this.
Hey, this is probably a littlebit out of topic but just
listening, and I'm in the middleof it.
Who's been your best bosses inyour life Women or men?

Speaker 1 (53:33):
Hmm, men, because men know how to.
They know how to engage me.
It's no competition, there's nointimidating factor there.
I stand six foot one to.
That's been a challenge in theworkplace even before getting
into this business.
I stand six foot one.
Most women are shorter than Iam Right.

(53:54):
So you got that.
If I have opened my mouth,you've already sized me up.
But my best bosses have beenmen because, like most of my
team, like I got a few women butmy team is men, it has been
like I got one main right hand.
You know, and as you know, wehave our moments, we talk about

(54:15):
it, we move on.
They don't hold on to it.

Speaker 3 (54:17):
Women hold on to it.
Men bosses been aggressive, no.

Speaker 1 (54:21):
No, because they know how to.
We know how to talk to eachother.
It's usually what the women islike they challenge, or it's an
intimidating factor.
I got to show you something inme.
I have never been the type ofperson because I'm confident in
who I am.
I don't do all that.
You know what I'm saying.
I'm confident in the space thatI operate in, but most time
dealing with women is more of anintimidating factor, or I got

(54:44):
to show you and you know, likewhat you're saying about.

Speaker 3 (54:48):
You know taking home, taking the aggression home,
separated from Back to what wewere talking about, about.
You know the separation betweenwho's important, more important
to mom or the kid or the wife.
You know a lot of people that Iknow won't put situation in
particular.
When I go back to the gazebostory, the mother was the boss
at our job and she would bringthat aggression and I got to be

(55:12):
in control as she will bring ithome and she would dominate her
son and so he just accepted itover the years and the wife
would have a problem with it andthe mother could not turn it
off.
She could not turn it off.
You know what I'm saying.
And then he, for whatever reason, could not control the back and
forth between his mom and hiswife because his wife was an
alpha and his mom was an alpha.

(55:34):
But the mom had this she was ashort laid out I don't know if
it was Napoleon complex or what,but she was just just my way
out of how it is my son.
She actually told the woman Iknew him before you.
She told the wife that I knewhim before you, which that has
nothing to do with nothing.
But you know relationships canbe tough.
You know you definitely have toseparate your your at work

(55:56):
persona from your family persona.
It could destroy your situation.

Speaker 1 (56:01):
So, do you think?
Because I was interested inyour stance on the volatility of
a woman.
That's where I was going withthe conversation.

Speaker 3 (56:09):
I don't want to.
Men are problem too.

Speaker 1 (56:11):
Because, I mean, it's like sometimes people say, well
, they're volatile, volatile andnot necessarily.
You know, everybody has theirown way of community.
It doesn't have to be right Allover the place and doing all
those different things.
But that's where I was goingwith the conversation.
So I think, in that that storyin particular that you're
speaking of, the boundaries havebeen set and obviously it

(56:34):
seemed like he operated.
He married someone who was justas domineering as his mother.

Speaker 3 (56:40):
She took it as long as she could.
And when the mom startedbarking at her and he hadn't
told the mom that he had losthis job, she had enough and she
stepped in and got in the mom'sass real quick, you know, and
that, but she took it.
She took it as long as she can,but I'm not going to be a
doormat on the for so long.

Speaker 1 (56:59):
Absolutely.

Speaker 3 (57:00):
And it created a wedge between them because his
mom didn't know he was fired andshe revealed that and he was
embarrassed about that.
You know that's his fault.
He should have got his momstraight.

Speaker 1 (57:10):
I'm going to be talking to your wife crazy.
Yeah, that's for sure.
And the fact that he was out ofwork and still trying to
perform, yeah, I don't agreewith that.

Speaker 3 (57:19):
Because Ebo should have never been built.
You don't have a job Negro, sojust keep it in her buck.
You are your ball.
I think I'll save it.

Speaker 2 (57:32):
No for sure.
I think.
For me, in all relationships,you know, it starts with the
individual and them knowing whothey are, because there's so
much power in that, because ofthe more you know about yourself
, then you're able to navigateall these different
relationships in your life andto be able to stand on business
and do it in a way whereeverybody can receive that Right

(57:54):
.
So when we talked about you knowthis, this choice, you know
whether it's the wife, the mom,the dad, the whomever you know,
at the end of the day, if peopleknow where they're at and
they're comfortable with that,it should not matter, because
love should not be a comparisonor a competitive thing, right?
So, and because of that, that'swhat creates a lot of attention

(58:18):
in these households and inthese relationships, slash
community, because family, youknow again, all in all, this is
all a part of community.
So you know your perspective.
You know Chanel made a lot ofreally good points and just
hoping that people can take awaysomething powerful.
You know, because theconversation, even though we
started with that, it took us ona tour, because you know,

(58:42):
that's typically howrelationships work too.
You know what I mean.
We can start one place and endin another place, but I also
think that's the beauty of it.
You know what I'm saying.
So, Marvin, thank you forcoming in and just want to give
you a flower.
I'm going to give you a flower,a dope man, a dope husband, a
dope father all the things thatyou do and continue to do, and

(59:03):
you have a gift, right, A uniquegift, because you make people
laugh, you make people smile,you make people feel good and
you know words can't express howmuch that's needed in the world
today.
You know how much love, youknow how much positivity.
So thank you for taking thetime to pull up on us today.

(59:23):
Amazing conversation.
Again, salute to you and allthat you're doing, and you know
you're part of this RM familyand we appreciate y'all.
Until next time, y'all, makesure y'all check my dog out.
Give me your Instagram.

Speaker 3 (59:38):
Get that man on Instagram at comedian Marvin H1.
That's comedian Marvin H1 onInstagram and comedian Marvin H1
on TikTok and Marvin Huntersfan page on Facebook and get at
me, because I keep having torebuild my page because they
keep taking my page, so it'sjust ridiculous.
But anyway, find a boy.

Speaker 2 (59:55):
And my boy getting major business.
He coming in pulling up on yourcity, great shows, the whole
thing, man.
But we support everything thatyou're doing and we appreciate
you.
We are signing out.
Man Relationships matter.
The podcast.

Speaker 1 (01:00:14):
Until next time.