December 27, 2023 • 55 mins
When Q Parker of 112 joins the conversation, you know it's time to sit up and listen. Celebrating more than two decades of marriage, Q opens up about the ebbs and flows of a relationship forged in the spotlight, yet anchored in the reality we all share. We traverse the path of young love blossoming in the tumultuous world of entertainment, revealing the strength and wisdom garnered from setting boundaries and growing together. Sharlinda, Q's wife, emerges as a lighthouse of insight, guiding their partnership through the storms and calms of life with grace and resilience.
Shifting the lens towards the intrinsic need for authenticity and the art of compatibility, our exchange becomes a candid exploration of the spaces between us that foster true connection. We navigate the sometimes challenging evolution from individualism to legacy-building, understanding that the dance of marriage is a continuous adjustment to each other's rhythms. Through the stories shared, it becomes clear that the courage to present our true selves to our partners is not just brave but necessary for crafting a narrative unique to every union.
Wrapping up, our hearts and minds open to the transformative power of trust, the importance of self-care, and the delicate rebalancing of family roles. As we reflect on the powerful influence of mentorship and the journey of personal transformation, a roadmap emerges for nurturing the next generation with intention and integrity. Join us as we commemorate Q Parker's 21 years of marriage—a testament to growth, dedication, and the unshakeable bond of love that stands as a beacon for us all.
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Opposing experiences, a single woman and a married man, Chanel Scott, and Josh Powell, create a powerful and empathetic team, offering valuable insights and advice on navigating the complexities of romantic relationships and promoting healthier, more fulfilling connections.
Join Chanel and Josh as they unlock the secrets of successful relationships one conversation at a time.
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Episode Transcript
Available transcripts are automatically generated. Complete accuracy is not guaranteed.
Speaker 1 (00:01):
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
One conversation at a time.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Matter, the podcast.
I'm Chanel Scott.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
And I am Josh Powell.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
And we have a special guest, q Parker, with 112.
We're so happy to have you here.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Pleasure's mine, Pleasure's mine.
Yeah, I'm just elated to behere and to have this engaging
this, this dialogue, thisconversation with y'all.
So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Absolutely so.
I've had an opportunity towatch several videos of yours as
you document your journey, youknow, from the time when the
group was like crazy off thecharts, and some of your
experiences and your personalrelationship up until today.
Right, and you talk about someof the experience you had and I
(01:06):
want you to touch on that, but Iwant to focus more so on the
healing journey, like what didyou guys do as a couple
Sharlinda, your wife what didyou and Sharlinda do as a couple
to navigate that journey, toget to where you are today?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Absolutely Very, very good question.
Before I do anything, I'm gonnasay hey, babe, big shout out to
my wife Sharlinda.
We just celebrated 21 years.
That's awesome, and I alwayssay that there's no way you can
amass such a accomplishmentwithout some peaks and valleys,
(01:42):
absolutely, and our journey to21 years has been nothing short
of that.
You know, I believe, thatentering into this industry, I
really had no idea whatadulthood was going to present
to me.
And when you enter into theentertainment industry as a
teenager, you're really put inthe fast lane, like you put in
(02:05):
the HOV lane, and it's just likego, go, go, go go.
And a lot of times during thatyou stuff is coming so fast that
you're not really payingattention to the levels of
growth and you end up gettinginto some things that may not be
for the best benefit to you.
And I always say that gettingmarried at age 26, while I was
(02:31):
still growing into myself,riding the highs of the
entertainment industry and whatit puts in front of you, I don't
really I know that I wasn'tready for a full commitment such
as marriage when I said, yes, Iwant you to be my wife, and it
wasn't anything about anypressure or anything.
(02:53):
My wife is four years olderthan me, so it was no pressure
or anything.
However, I come from amother-father household.
My mother and father have beentogether 50-some years and so I
know that no matter how Inavigated my adulthood, I know
that my end goal was going to bemarriage with children, and all
(03:15):
that because that's what I grewup around.
So no matter how I navigatedlife, I knew eventually that was
going to be my end game.
And so when I met Shalinda, wedated for two and a half years
and I found myself at a jurystore and I asked her to marry
me because I just felt like thatwas the next thing to do.
(03:35):
But if I could do it all overagain, I don't know if I would
have done it at that age,because I'm still trying to
figure myself out and I've kindof concluded that I personally
don't believe that a man isreally ready to make that kind
of a commitment to maybe mid-30s, because in my case I could
(03:56):
have prevented my wife andmyself and our families from
going through a whole lot oftears and anguish and bitterness
and having to recover andreconcile and forgive, and all
of that just because of myimmaturity, and wasn't really
really ready to embrace whatleader, father, head of the
(04:20):
household, husband, what all ofthat entail.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Okay, well, what I would like to know first?
So, even though you say youwasn't ready, there was
something significant aboutShalinda that made you go to
that jury store.
Talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
So, as I said earlier , when you're in the
entertainment industry, it putsyou in the fast lane, and so at
the time I'm in my early 20s andI just didn't feel like a
female.
My age really had anything incommon with me, simply because
(04:55):
my lifestyle was just in thefast lane.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So you preferred someone older.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
That was your preference, I didn't know at the
time, but it ended up beingthat because what she may have
lacked in experience, she beenon this earth four years longer
than me and so we just kind ofmet.
Where there was similarity,there was high level of interest
.
It didn't get boring becauseshe was dropping game on me too.
(05:23):
As an OG she was dropping gameson me, teaching me things that
I just didn't know.
That was a requirement whenyou're officially like going
steady, like when you'reofficially dating somebody like
no, you got to do this, you gotto do this.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Oh, for real, I ain't know that, but I mean, what's
one or two of the things thatshe dropped on you?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
So when I met Charlinda, our daughter at the
time she was nine years old.
Just for clarity, I don'treally do stepchildren and none
of that.
You know we're together, that'smy child.
So our oldest, khadija, wasnine years old and the first
thing that kind of piqued myinterest was Charlinda was like
(06:05):
don't call my house after nineo'clock because my daughter now
we're in the bed and whateveryou want to do, it has to be
before nine o'clock.
That was different to me,because nobody's ever said that
to me.
I'm Q Parker, like when I call.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
You answer the phone when I want to go somewhere, we
going.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
But she was like and I think her experience gave her
the space to be able to makethat type of a mandate and then
just it's other little thingsthat, like she, just she had
this motherly quality aboutherself that she weren't really
with no BS.
She was very astute with whatshe wanted to do, how things
were going to go, and I had toeither get in line with it or
(06:48):
don't call her phone.
And again, that was differentto me but it was just so
intriguing to me.
It just kept me coming back tothe yard, like no, no, that's
powerful, bro.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
You talked about 21 years of marriage.
Talk about 21 years of growth.
Talk about what that lookedlike when you look back at your
younger self, to where you arenow, at this moment.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
When I look back, the first thing is I'm grateful
that she had the patience togive me the space to grow and
mature, because the Q Parker inthe mid-20s was just all about
career, all about what I wantedand what I needed.
(07:40):
Sidebar, I read this book, drKun Ju Fu.
He itemizes and he talks aboutthe three stages of manhood
boyhood, malehood, boyhood andmanhood.
Manhood is just gender-based.
The anatomy says that you are amale.
(08:01):
Boyhood phases you go throughlife feeling like the world owes
you.
What can I get from you?
Serve me, it's all about me.
But then manhood is thatultimate achievement where it's
about legacy, it's about respect, it's about integrity, it's
about generational wealth, it'sabout coverage, covering
(08:22):
protection, provision.
It's about all those things andwhat he states in the book that
a lot of men even fail to getto manhood stage because they're
stuck in the boyhood stage.
Still, what can you give to me?
I appreciate Shalinda havingthe patience with me to allow me
to get my priorities intact.
(08:42):
To answer the question how dowe get here?
I think, as I said, it'spatience.
It is learning how to becompatible.
It's time.
It is being a surveyor keepingyour surveillance cameras on,
because I think that every somany years, individuals change
(09:05):
and if you're not payingattention, you'll miss out on
that adjustment.
What I liked as a 30-year-oldmay be totally different than
what I liked as a 35-year-old,but if you're not paying
attention and you miss it,you're thinking that this is
what I need, but you're still inthe five years ago guy.
So I think we've been able todo that communication, obviously
(09:28):
, and just being real, beinghonest, not being afraid to be
vulnerable and being just anultimate teammate, which is
something that is just embeddedin me playing sports as a kid,
but also being in a group havingto rely on your brother and
(09:50):
being the ultimate teammate.
Well, I look at marriage as oneof these teams that I'm a part
of and if I do my job, we as ateam become successful.
If she does her job, itcontributes to the success that
we'll have as a team.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I heard you mention the word compatibility, right,
and I mean in the industry youcome across, I mean a number of
beautiful women who you may havegreat chemistry with, but what
was it in terms of compatibility?
Because chemistry andcompatibility are two different
things.
Right, and you said you andyour wife had the compatibility.
(10:27):
Talk more about that, because Idon't think people recognize
that there is a difference.
We can have chemistry, but whenwe get into it, there is no
compatibility, is not goinganywhere.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
People often ask what's the one thing that a
relationship must have and manytimes people immediately go to
communication, not negating thatcommunication is very important
and a necessity.
But I always start withcompatibility, because if I'm
compatible with somebody I wantto talk to them.
(10:59):
If I'm compatible with somebody, I want to be around them.
If I'm compatible with somebody, we can kick it.
We can also do business, we canhave fun, we can laugh, we can
do all those things.
So compatibility is always thefirst thing that I look for.
I think chemistry sometimes isinstant.
Compatibility has more of alongstanding role, it has some
(11:23):
elasticity with it, whereaschemistry can just be instantly,
instant, and then it can kindof fade away.
But I think when you arecompatible with each other you
have room to adjust, grow, beflexible, have that elasticity,
because in a relationship yougot to be able to be willing to
be stretched and pull to thecarpet, challenged, pushed,
(11:45):
motivated in courage, affirmedall of those things.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
So you said a lot of very powerful things, but when
we come back, I want to ask youdo you feel safe enough to be
who Q is in his marriage?
When we give back,Relationships Matter.
The podcast.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
The relationship's matter.
Welcome back to RelationshipsMatter podcast.
So, guys, before we get backinto this interview with Q
Parker, I want to remind you allto like, subscribe and share on
all of your favorite podcastplatforms, but I want to get
back into it with you, q.
So, before we went to break,josh was asking you how do you
feel safe being Q Parker?
And Josh, I'm going to let you,you know, give context to that
(12:33):
question.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean because the first andforemost like to have the
longevity, no matter how prettyor ugly or anything, like to
fight for somebody.
Just I think this is beautifulthat you and your wife made such
a commitment.
But oftentimes I've heard, beena part of conversations and the
(12:53):
list goes on where, even thoughpeople are together, they feel
like they can't be who they are.
And you spoke about, you know,being open, honest, transparent,
like you spoke about all thesethings, so I just wanted you to
elaborate.
You know, can Q be who he iswith his wife and his marriage?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
I think one of the first things we have to do great
question too.
I think one of the first thingswe have to do is there is no
prototype.
I have been able to say toShalinda you and Shalinda, we're
going to create and develop ourstory, Not based off of how mom
(13:35):
and daddy did it, not grandma,ma'am, not society.
You know, get rid of all ofthat.
There's no prototype, there'sno standard.
We can create and live in thismarriage how we decide to do
that.
But that comes with time.
You know you can't just show upday one and it's like I'm not
(13:56):
doing this, I'm not doing this,we don't do that.
But I think over time you getto really really learn and know
a person.
Like there are things thatShalinda knows.
I'm just not going to stand forCertain things she knows, Q
don't really care about that, sothat's good and vice versa.
But you get there in time andto specifically answer your
(14:20):
question, I can only be Q Parkerand I think my wife is at a
point right now where she knowsI'm going to be me, and being me
is still with a mindset of, youknow, making sure that it's
respectful, making sure that mywords land gently.
I always say that you know, becareful.
(14:42):
I say take a beat before youspeak, because if you really
care about somebody, you got tomake sure you hit their ears in
a delicate way, Even if it's atough conversation, still worded
in a way where it can land withlove.
And so I can honestly say thatI am my 100% authentic self.
(15:04):
But then again, if somethingnew comes and there's a new
thing that I'm into, a new thingthat I desire or I want, it's a
conversation and whether sheagrees with it or not, we'll
have the conversation and we'llfigure out a way to still get to
me.
What I'm asking for May not beone through five.
(15:25):
She may give me one, three,three and a half, but it's never
just say no and the same for me.
So, yeah, I can be my authenticself.
I'm vulnerable enough with myhonesty so that when she hears
it, she receives it in a waythat I know my husband wouldn't
ask or want to investigate thisor invest in this or whatever
(15:49):
the case may be, if it wasn'tsomething that he really, really
wanted to do.
And because of that she takesit as such, and so do I.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
You know.
What else was powerful, too, isthat you started off by also
telling us the longevity thatyour parents have had, so it's
like they paved the way.
But at the same time, you stillsaid me and my wife have to do
this our way.
I feel like a lot of times.
Just my opinion.
We always equate people beingtogether as like, oh, they're
(16:19):
happy, They've been together 50years.
You have no idea and you don'tknow what trauma, what behaviors
, what thought processes havebeen passed down.
So for you to say you know whateven though I have this example
, but I'm still going tostructure this the way me and my
(16:39):
wife are going to that'spowerful, because we have to be
able to decipher.
So I thought that was great.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
I think that's the first role to failure, when
you're trying to live yourrelationship or situation based
off of how someone is.
That I'll never forget one timeI have many stories, man, but
one time, sharn, we had got intoan argument and a disagreement
(17:07):
a colorful disagreement, and avery, very good friend of ours.
She mentioned well, let's callsuch and such, we need a third
party.
And I would always say no,let's not do that, because we
need to put that tool in our bagtoo.
If there's a roadblock, how canwe navigate through it?
(17:31):
We don't necessarily need athird party.
It ain't even that serious yet.
Now, if we feel like we need aprofessional mediator, then
obviously yes, but just on someday to day stuff, no, let me
hear you out, you hear me out.
Let's come to an agreement,even if we agree to disagree.
But we don't need to enlist insomebody else and bring somebody
(17:52):
else into our relationship whenwe can actually develop this
tool, sharpen this tool and sogoing forward, we will know that
this tool is in our backpack.
This is a part of our kit.
Now we have conflict resolution.
We have figured that part out.
Tomorrow we're going to presenta whole another, something that
we need to sharpen that tooland put that tool in our bag too
(18:14):
.
And so, again, another goodfriend of ours said stay
underwater and yourrelationships stay underwater.
You notice how, when you goswimming, right, and you put
your head underwater, you can'thear anything outside, and when
you finally come up from underthe water, you hear all the
chaos.
And so he planted that into ourrelationship doing some of our
(18:39):
roughest, toughest times, focuson each other.
Keep your head underwater.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
That's what we were able to do.
That's powerful.
Where did you learn thatcommunication style?
Because earlier you did mentionlike man, I'm cute.
Like you ain't answering thephone when I'm calling, Like you
ain't moving, you know what I'msaying, Like everybody done had
that moment.
You know what I mean, Whereas,like I know who I am, I mean
what's happening, you feel me.
So where did you learn thattype of communication and to be
(19:11):
able to be patient with somebodyelse, to listen to them you
know what I'm saying Articulatetheir thoughts?
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Because I liked her.
I liked her a lot and I knew,in order for me to get through,
I was going to have to calm downa little bit Because she was
like that cute Parker stuff thatcan stop at the door Got you.
You're not going to be thatdude when you come.
When we together, I get that'swhat you do and that's who you
(19:41):
are out there.
But if you want this toprogress, you need to lead that
guy, the performer, out there.
And I liked her enough to sayyou know what?
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I'm willing to do that.
That's big because so manypeople still will follow the
performer and they have noproblems with it because they
enjoyed the perks.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
What are some other practical principles that you
guys have implemented in yourrelationship that you could
share with some of the viewers?
You've named quite a fewalready, but just things that
you guys implemented in yourrelationship that helped you get
over whatever difficulties youwere experiencing?
Because I mean just the idea of, like we know your story I hate
(20:28):
to go back to the past but likenavigating through infidelity
and getting to a place where shecould actually trust you again.
What did that look like?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And that's like one of the toughest things to
overcome.
They talk about hills andmolehills and all that peaks and
valleys, but climbing the roadfrom infidelity is like climbing
Mount Everest.
I'm telling you, you've got tobe built for it, goodness,
you've got to be built for it,and if it matters to you, you'll
(21:03):
fight and you will becomecommitted to the process.
It's a process.
I'm a huge Alabama Crimson Tidefan and Coach Saban always
talks about the process.
That's a process Because you'reright, when you broken the
(21:24):
trust, it's not that she don'tlove you, no more.
It's not that he don't love you, no more.
It's just becoming a personthat can be trusted again.
And that's not an overnightthing.
Rebuilding trust is notovernight.
It's a real marathon and I knowmany people will quit because
(21:48):
they feel like man, it's beentwo years, you still mad.
Man, get over it already.
But I'll never forget atherapist said to me one time
because I was that guy too andI've been straight in there for
two years Like you, still mad.
And he was like you can't rushher healing process.
All you can do is just continueshowing up every day.
(22:12):
But also, what he also said was, if you're two of, you are
going to commit to this,reconcile.
Both of y'all got to commit, andso society says that it's the
offender who has to do all thework.
But the offender also has workto do as well, absolutely.
(22:35):
And us getting back on theright road is not just a
one-sided commitment, we have tocommit.
And so that word, I'm going todo the work.
So my biggest hurdle was doingthe work to show up every day
that I could be the man that shevowed to be with.
(22:57):
But her work was.
You got to really exercise thattough word forgiveness and
really accept it and live in it.
And that was one of our biggesthurdles.
But the moment that we decidedthat you know what, give me your
hand, I'm going to give you myhand and we're going to walk
this road to recovery together,and not just what you going to
(23:21):
do for me to day cue, what yougoing to do for me to day cue.
And in the beginning it kind ofstarted that way and I think we
were slowly making head waves.
But the moment that shecommitted to her responsibility
of recovery, that's when we wereable to move at a little faster
(23:42):
pace and I think that isultimately how we were able to
get through that season.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
And I'm glad you spoke about that.
But when we come back, we'regoing to ask you about the
biggest relationship in his life, which is with himself On
Relationships Matter, thepodcast Relationships Matter.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So before we went to break,Joss asked you a question about
your relationship with Sel.
Talk more about that.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Man, I'm in love with myself, man.
I love the way I eat.
I love the way I put emphasison health.
I love how I have made it apriority to have self-care and I
love how I have set boundarieswhen it comes to me, my time and
(24:43):
what I need for me, because Irealize that, as a provider and
a person who is in a role toprotect and do all of those
things, I'm no good to nobody ifI'm no good to myself.
So why, if you should supportme when I say, hey, I need a
(25:05):
date just to myself, because you, the children, everybody going
to benefit when I come back inthis house in a great mood, if
I'm stressed, if I'm waited, thewhole house going to be heavy,
stressed and waited.
I realize that I'm the heartbeatof my house, my home and my
(25:26):
family.
And as I go, we go.
When dad's in a good mood,we're going to go out, we're
going to eat good, we're goingto laugh good, we're going to
have fun good, we're going to doall that.
But when husband and when popsa little stressed, we ain't
doing none of that.
I need somebody to help, and soI've just learned that in order
(25:51):
for me to be what I need to beto my tribe.
I got to make sure I take careof me because I would hate for
my tribe to need some for me andI'm no good because I haven't
done the work to make sure I canshow up when I'm needed to show
up.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
That's powerful For the men that are watching.
Give us three things on whatyou feel are good, self-care,
that somebody that's watching,and then give us three
boundaries that you feel areimportant.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Sure Two to three, so , man 2016, I started a men's
organization, brothers United ofAtlanta, and we do a Monday
morning prayer call, meditationcall and then once a month we
meet at Big Brothers, bigSisters of Metro Atlanta and
it's really managed as an openforum where men just come
motivate and encourage just loveon each other, be vulnerable,
(26:50):
all of that.
But it was established becausethe first thing I'm gonna say is
men need an outlet.
Yes, we cannot internalizeeverything we have to be outward
with, because that's one of thereasons why a lot of our men
are falling into a deficit.
They're stressed, weighted,trying to say the world and just
(27:12):
don't ever externalize things.
So I would say, for me, I lovereading, I love having days, man
, where I go get my nails done,facial massage, steam room and
just be to myself for about fiveor six hours.
(27:34):
Another thing that I love iscamaraderie, male to male
camaraderie.
There's a thing that I realizedthat is really, really
important to men and that's maleto male affirmation.
Oftentimes, men put so muchweight on when their woman, when
(27:54):
their wives, affirm them, then,to no disregard.
We need that and we appreciatehow a woman could really
energize us and say baby, yougot it, go get that deal.
Go close that deal.
You can see you're dope, you'rethis, you're that, love that.
(28:15):
But it also means a whole lotwhen my brother says Q man, that
was good man.
No, you did that.
The reason why that hits alittle differently is because he
knows what it's like to walk inthe shoes of a man, and so when
we accomplish something, heknows what it took to accomplish
that, and so that male to maleaffirmation is just as vital to
(28:39):
our survival as the womanaffirming us that male to male
affirmation is good, so that's anecessity.
Some boundaries is notcompromising on those
necessities.
That's the main thing, andprimarily because if you don't
(28:59):
take the time to take care ofyou, you can't take care of
nobody else, and I just think somany men are living in there
right now, which is why, ifyou're not a part of Brothers
United of Atlanta, find a men'sorganization that you can be a
part of to get some of thisstuff off of you.
Or to hear some men excitedabout having a pampered day or
(29:23):
having a day where I just waskicking it with my homies and
didn't have the word about it.
Wife went on my phone all nightwhen hounding me with tie-in
come up.
None of that, just allowing meto have my time with my guys so
that I can be recharged, so Ican be affirmed, so I can be
supported and motivated andencouraged.
And even, you know, see someexamples of some stuff that I
(29:45):
want to accomplish, because I'mseeing one of my other brothers
living and operating in that.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
How can men join Brothers United of Atlanta?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Yeah, it's brothersunitedatlantaorg.
Our social media is justBrothersUnitedATL, and once
you're there, there's nomembership, there's no nothing.
Just come, just come as you are.
Leave the initiatives.
What car you drive, how muchmoney you make, leave all that
out the door, because none ofthat matters.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
What are how do you feel men can view themselves or
feel valued outside of protectand provide?
Because you're in a space, too,where it's like we got to put
(30:42):
this, you know machismo and wegot to carry ourselves a certain
way because you talked aboutthe deficit you talked about,
we're stressed and basically ourlife expectancy is going down
To the man again that's watchingand for the women, too, to hear
(31:02):
, what does that look like?
Because a lot of times, mostmen, we feel like our value is
only in what we can do foreither our woman or our kids or,
you know, our families, ourcommunity.
So, you know, talk about that.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
I think we come into this game misdirected and misled
, because, as early as I canremember and a lot of us can
remember we're taught to be hard.
We're taught don't cry, are youokay, get up, don't be
(31:39):
vulnerable.
We're taught all of thosethings.
However, that's when we shinethe most, that's when we are the
strongest, when we show thatwe're weak, we show that we're
powerful when we can shed tearsAt some point.
(32:00):
We have to get rid of all ofthose stereotypes, get rid of
all those old teachings, becausea lot of us have sons, and our
sons are not going to be goodfor themselves, for no woman,
for their children, if they'restill subjected to that way of
thinking.
(32:20):
I love for my son to see mecrying.
If something affects me thatmuch that I need to shed tears,
they're gonna come, because Iwant him to understand that
that's okay.
If I'm hurt, I want to expressthat I'm hurt.
If something has bothered me,I'm the example in which my son
(32:42):
is going to live his life, andso if I don't want to perpetuate
all of these bad teachings, Igotta live in those, and so I
think that's the first thingthat we have to identify that
those words that were put intous are just misleading, because
we are the total opposite fromthat.
(33:02):
We're our best selves when weare sensitive, when we are
vulnerable, when we are delicate, when we are gentle, when we
lead with love and notaggression.
That doesn't mean that we weshouldn't have that in our kid
either, but it shouldn't be thefirst thing that show up.
And especially if these menhave daughters yeah, you want to
(33:26):
be able to show them that.
No, your man should be able tooperate in all of these
qualities.
They're in them, just hadn'tbeen tapped into.
Because society has said you'rejudged by how hard you are.
I think we got to get rid ofthat.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
No, that's powerful.
But when we get back you,because we know, when we talk
about society, when we talkabout our OGs, we talk about all
these people, these influences,folks that raise us.
I want to know how you wereable to break that, because it's
(34:01):
not easy for many men to wantto break that cycle, considering
the teachings and where you getthem from.
So when we come back that's myquestion for Lista Q Parker
Y'all are tuned in toRelationships Matter, the
podcast.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter podcast.
So Q talk to us about how youunlearned and relearned how to
like balance, like manage yourown family dynamic over against
maybe certain things that youlearned growing up.
How did you implement new waysof doing life?
Speaker 3 (34:49):
So, during the time of trying to win my family back
not just my wife, but my familyI realized that I didn't have a
go-to person that I could justtalk to, and one of the tricks
of the enemy is for men isfeeling like you're on an island
(35:10):
by yourself.
That's how the enemy win,because you keep everything
inside.
And so I realized right thenand there that I needed somebody
to talk to.
But then also, my son was born,and I knew that I did not want
to instill in him things thatwould prevent him from really
(35:37):
really maximizing who he issupposed to be.
I knew he was watching me, andso, when I had to reclaim my
family, I sat him down and I hada conversation hey y'all, did
dad do what he was supposed todo?
However, I'm gonna show youthat I'm gonna commit to winning
(35:57):
the family back.
And so, just in that lessonright there he sees, my dad is
my hero.
But dang, my dad messed up.
Wow, my dad committed tofighting and getting the family
back.
Wow, my dad is present.
And so, regardless of what I wastaught all those years prior to
(36:21):
this season in my life, I hadto figure out what is the best
for me and I was able to deducethat it wasn't the stuff that I
had been taught all these years,because a lot of those things
that I was taught was the singleman, the ego, the pride.
I was stuck in that boyhoodstage.
(36:44):
What can the world give to me?
And I realized that in thisvehicle, with me is my wife, my
children, my family, and it's upto me to navigate us to safety.
And not only am I gonnanavigate the safety, but my
(37:05):
children are actually in thebackseat watching every stop,
every yield, every lane shift,every landmark, and so I'm just
hoping that they'll pass that onto their children, because I
witnessed my dad do X, y, z andthen, hopefully, my
(37:26):
grandchildren are saying yo, myGP was thorough, because he was
able to navigate properly andget us all into a safe space.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
How important is mentorship?
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Mentorship is absolutely necessary.
I came across a bit of a pieceof information, maybe like last
year.
Do you know that in certaincountries, mentor is not even a
word?
It's not even a word.
In certain countries, mentalwas created because of the lack
(38:07):
of fathers in the household, andin other countries, their
percentage of fathers not beingin the household is higher than
it is in America.
And so if you talk to somebodyin foreign countries, they might
need them.
They will know what the wordmeans today because it's a word
that's so often used.
Years ago, before mentor becamethe word, they probably
(38:31):
wouldn't have even known whatthe word meant, because fathers
are a parent in their homes.
And so what do we do in ourcountry, in our world, where
there's a lack and there's anabsence of men?
Now the village is reallyraising the child.
You need Mr Mann, mr Smith, onthe corner to try to no, no,
(38:56):
tighten up young man, no, youdon't need to do that, and so
mentorship is critical.
I mentioned earlier today thaton this interview that my
organization, brothers United ofAtlanta, is partners with big
brothers, big sisters of MetroAtlanta, and big shout out to my
brother, kwame Johnson, who isthe CEO of BBBS with a mission
(39:18):
to pair littles with bigs,because there's so many littles
on the waiting list just for amentor, and so everybody that's
a part of Brothers Unitedbecause of our partnership, it's
almost a requirement for you tobecome a big, to register to
become a big, because there's somany young men and young girls
that are on the waiting listneeding a big.
(39:40):
And having the right mentorcould really set a child who was
on a wrong path to write inthat path and becoming
accomplished and, in some cases,life saving relationships.
So I think mentorship in ourcountry and in our community is
(40:02):
so critical man to the successand or failure, even life and
death in a lot of cases, when itcomes to our children and our
communities.
No, that's bad.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
What does success look like to you?
It's kind of shifting gears.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Man, success looks like health.
I'm on a mission, man.
I'm 47 years old and I'm tryingto define what 47 look like
with 48, look and feel like what49 gonna look like.
And, man, I got quotes for daysfor you.
(40:41):
I heard this one of my mentorstold me.
He said when you're born, youlook like your parents, but when
you die, you look like yourchoices.
And so I can look at thechoices that I'm making today
and know that whenever my dad'scalled man, I'm gonna be a
(41:03):
handsome, I'm gonna be fit, I'mgonna be in shape.
Yes, sir.
My skin gonna be nice andglowing, my teeth gonna be right
, like I'm trying to keep myhead.
But you know, doing the best Ican with what I got.
But man, just I think healthman, because if I'm healthy I
(41:26):
got the energy to go out hereand get money.
If I'm healthy man, I got thestrength to go and be committed
and consistent with whatever itis.
If I'm healthy man, my mind issharp so I can continue being a
serial entrepreneur because I'msuch a creative man.
I'm thinking of ideas andbusinesses all day.
(41:47):
But if I'm not healthy, all ofthat stop.
If I'm healthy man, I can move,I can rock, I can do all of
these things.
I can be active for mygrandbaby right, I got two
grandchildren on the way and sofor me it's legacy and it's
health man.
(42:07):
Without our health man we don'thave anything.
And I'm committed to Godwilling, I'm gonna see 90 years
old or better.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
That's refreshing to hear.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
I know it, I'm gonna see 90 or better.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, that's refreshing to hear another man
talk about health.
Absolutely, because from myperspective, like when I look at
social media, you know when I'min the circles that I'm in, and
I'm not saying that it's a badthing, but you know we're in the
day and age of that grimementality.
Right, you can sleep when youdie.
(42:43):
You know what I'm saying.
But to hear you say I get mytoes done, I get my nails done,
I get facials, you know what Imean.
And I'm concerned about what Ieat.
You know what I mean Gettingrest, making sure I work out,
taking care of my body, all ofthese different things that the
(43:03):
traditional man just doesn'tthink about.
You know what I'm saying?
Because in a sense, it's likewe really don't matter in our
homes, in our communities, toour families, to our friends,
because if you don't have a bag,you can't talk to me, you can't
even be in this circle.
So I had to like address that,because you're speaking about a
(43:30):
lot of things when you talkabout self-care.
I hope that doesn't go overwhoever's going to watch this,
because it is important not justfor men but for women too.
It's important because, likeyou said, we can't function on
an empty cup and I got a realbig question for you.
(43:52):
As soon as we get back,relationships matter.
The podcast.
I love doing that Q&A.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So before we went to break,jars say he had to ask you a
question.
But before we get to hisquestion, what I would like for
you to do is so relationshipsare evolving, right.
What is one piece of advice?
Because you fought for yourrelationship, right you come.
It's a different generation now.
There's no longevity inrelationships today.
(44:25):
People get into a fight.
Next thing you know they getinto divorce.
We see it on social media allthe time.
What is one piece of advicethat you can offer this new
generation, or even someone inthe same position as you are in
terms of industry, or a musician, or an artist?
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Because so many things are moving so fast
nowadays.
I would say be patient, bepatient and do all your research
, go through all the scenarios,really, take the time to
(45:09):
practically research and dodiligence with the person and
allow them to do it with you aswell, so that, before you make
such a committed decision, youfeel really, really good about
who you are about to enter intothis agreement with.
(45:31):
And so I'd say, be patient andallow the dating process to
really really talk to you,because, if you look at it,
dating is a purpose for dating,because you want to figure out
who this person is and all ofthat.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Yeah, I would say go into that the purpose, because
some people don't know, somepeople just think it's time to
have fun, like they date withoutintention.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Cording and dating.
I think it became a thing justso that you can do all of your
due diligence to figure out orto have a clear view of is this
somebody that I want to investmy time and my lifetime, my
energy, my everything with andthroughout the dating process?
(46:19):
You will eventually get somesigns good or bad if this is the
person that, and you'll never100% know, but I think that the
dating process is its best whenyou have patience and when you
allow those things and thosefeelings to develop organically.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Okay, that's powerful , bro.
If you could save yourself fromyourself, what would be the
conversation that you would havewith yourself 20 years ago?
Man?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
I see why you asked that last.
I see what you did there.
I would say to myself 20 yearsago patience.
I would give myself the sameadvice that I just gave you,
(47:21):
because in giving myselfpatience, I would not have
rushed into marriage.
I'm very grateful thatSharlinda and I have just
celebrated, this past August, 21years.
But I can honestly say of the 21years, maybe 12 or 13 of those
(47:46):
years have been good years, andso maybe, if you add to my 26
year old self getting marriedeight years, I would have been
34, which is a lot to me, abetter age to kind of make that
(48:08):
type of a decision.
Because at 26, I'm in the heartof my rise in celebrity records
on the chart.
We traveling everywhere, somuch is being thrown at us, and
so I would tell my younger selfpatience, because had I utilized
some patience and allowed thedating process to really do what
(48:31):
it was designed to do, Iprobably would have waited a few
years.
Some people looking at thiswill maybe say oh, that's bad
man, you saying that youwouldn't have gotten married,
and I'm not saying that Iwouldn't have, and I'm not
saying that I wouldn't have evengotten married to Sharlinda, I
just know that a 34 year old QParker would have been better
(48:53):
suited to fulfill the commitmentof marriage than the 26 year
old Q Parker.
Speaker 2 (48:59):
No, that's powerful brother.
One more thing before I go intomy spell, If you don't mind I
think this camera right behindme, because you did say that you
just celebrated 21 years lastmonth, correct?
If you could open your heartand share your soul with your
(49:24):
wife and let her know how youfeel about her, Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
So I am Q Parker and my wife is the lovely, beautiful
Sharlinda Parker, and here itis just coming off of
celebrating our 21st yearanniversary.
I just want to say that I loveyou and I really appreciate you
being patient with me.
Oftentimes they say women growup a whole lot faster and mature
(49:53):
a whole lot faster than men,and even in my immaturity you
exude immense patience to allowme to grow into the man that you
always envisioned me to be.
You had confidence that I coulddo this way before I did, and
(50:17):
so I know we don't get to 21years without you being patient
and without you showing up.
I just I appreciate you for whoyou are, how you're a firm, how
you have been an ultimatepartner.
Thank you for our beautifulchildren and our grandchild and
our two new babies, newgrandchildren that are on the
(50:38):
way, and I love you so much.
Speaker 2 (50:43):
That's awesome, brother, and as expected, mr
Parker.
One thing that I definitelyfeel is that I am a man.
I feel is extremely important,especially us as men, first and
foremost, but us as black men.
You know what I mean To set thebar and to be the example, and
(51:05):
I mean this wholeheartedlybecause, again, we have so many
similarities.
We grew up with the same people, a lot of the same teachings,
man, but as a man, my brother, Ilove you, doug, and I'm truly
honored.
(51:25):
You know what I mean to sit inthis room and to share this
moment with you, because thereare so many things that I
understand about the journey,about being in this place of
space, that it's not easy, and alot of times it might feel
lonely.
You know what I'm saying.
A lot of times we might bearound people and question a lot
(51:49):
of things, man, but as a man,as a husband, as a father, as a
servant of the most high, you'restill here, being the example
of someone that, even thoughhe's failed, he's never given up
, and for me to be able to watchthat from afar.
You've inspired me, you've keptme going at times that you
(52:14):
probably had no idea.
You know what I'm saying,because that's how this thing
goes.
We were just talking about oneof our OGs, obviously and salute
to Kev, you know what I mean Iwant to give him his as well.
But to see a man be willing tobreak the mold and to go a
(52:35):
different route, it speaks a lotabout you as a person.
And it's not easy, bro, becauseI'm a part of this life just as
much as you are, and we see guysthat are our age still doing
the same thing, still behavingthe same way, still got bad
habits, treating people the waythat they treat them.
But for you to have a kindspirit and soul that you have,
(53:01):
for you to, for one, say, man, Ilove myself enough to be the
best version of me so that I cangive that in all areas of my
life, I don't want to let thismoment slide.
You know what I'm sayingWithout you knowing that I
genuinely mean that.
Brother Chanel, and I want tothank you here to support you
(53:24):
and whatever you have going onand just look forward to
building as we continue to moveforward, man, and hopefully
we'll be able to do this again.
But thank you you know what I'msaying For taking the time my
brother, and I genuinely wantedto say that to you and let you
know from another man how I feltabout you, brother, and I
(53:45):
appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Absolutely Well.
Thank you all for this amazingplatform.
Thank you for the questions.
I hope that someone wasinspired, encouraged, just
through these moments that we'vebeen able to share.
And I don't play man when itcomes to one of my brothers
saying I love you.
I'm the guy man that when I saythat, I want to hear it back,
(54:10):
because a lot of times guys shyaway from I love you, man, yeah,
man, thanks Word.
I'm the guy to be like nah, bro, I love you.
I want to hear how I love youback.
So to you, man, I love you too.
I appreciate you, I appreciatewhat you're doing, what y'all
are doing.
It's so, so, so needed and sonecessary in the community.
(54:32):
So more power to y'all.
You got my support.
You got whatever you need.
I'm a phone call away, I'mcoming.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
Fifth member coming soon.
Y'all check your boy out.
Relationships matter to thepodcast.
Bless this king man.
Appreciate you.
See y'all next time.
There is a inputs up onInstagram.
I'm Chanel Scott, the queen of relationship talk.
Speaker 2 (00:04):
I'm Josh Powell, two-time NBA champion.
Speaker 1 (00:07):
I've journeyed from trauma to healing.
Speaker 2 (00:09):
From the NBA to family, I've learned what really
matters.
Speaker 1 (00:13):
We've come together to unlock the secrets of
successful relationships.
Speaker 2 (00:17):
One conversation at a time.
Speaker 1 (00:19):
One conversation at a time.
Welcome to Relationships Matter, the podcast.
I'm Chanel Scott.
Speaker 2 (00:27):
And I am Josh Powell.
Speaker 1 (00:29):
And we have a special guest, q Parker, with 112.
We're so happy to have you here.
Speaker 3 (00:35):
Pleasure's mine, Pleasure's mine.
Yeah, I'm just elated to behere and to have this engaging
this, this dialogue, thisconversation with y'all.
So thank you for having me.
Speaker 1 (00:46):
Absolutely so.
I've had an opportunity towatch several videos of yours as
you document your journey, youknow, from the time when the
group was like crazy off thecharts, and some of your
experiences and your personalrelationship up until today.
Right, and you talk about someof the experience you had and I
(01:06):
want you to touch on that, but Iwant to focus more so on the
healing journey, like what didyou guys do as a couple
Sharlinda, your wife what didyou and Sharlinda do as a couple
to navigate that journey, toget to where you are today?
Speaker 3 (01:19):
Absolutely Very, very good question.
Before I do anything, I'm gonnasay hey, babe, big shout out to
my wife Sharlinda.
We just celebrated 21 years.
That's awesome, and I alwayssay that there's no way you can
amass such a accomplishmentwithout some peaks and valleys,
(01:42):
absolutely, and our journey to21 years has been nothing short
of that.
You know, I believe, thatentering into this industry, I
really had no idea whatadulthood was going to present
to me.
And when you enter into theentertainment industry as a
teenager, you're really put inthe fast lane, like you put in
(02:05):
the HOV lane, and it's just likego, go, go, go go.
And a lot of times during thatyou stuff is coming so fast that
you're not really payingattention to the levels of
growth and you end up gettinginto some things that may not be
for the best benefit to you.
And I always say that gettingmarried at age 26, while I was
(02:31):
still growing into myself,riding the highs of the
entertainment industry and whatit puts in front of you, I don't
really I know that I wasn'tready for a full commitment such
as marriage when I said, yes, Iwant you to be my wife, and it
wasn't anything about anypressure or anything.
(02:53):
My wife is four years olderthan me, so it was no pressure
or anything.
However, I come from amother-father household.
My mother and father have beentogether 50-some years and so I
know that no matter how Inavigated my adulthood, I know
that my end goal was going to bemarriage with children, and all
(03:15):
that because that's what I grewup around.
So no matter how I navigatedlife, I knew eventually that was
going to be my end game.
And so when I met Shalinda, wedated for two and a half years
and I found myself at a jurystore and I asked her to marry
me because I just felt like thatwas the next thing to do.
(03:35):
But if I could do it all overagain, I don't know if I would
have done it at that age,because I'm still trying to
figure myself out and I've kindof concluded that I personally
don't believe that a man isreally ready to make that kind
of a commitment to maybe mid-30s, because in my case I could
(03:56):
have prevented my wife andmyself and our families from
going through a whole lot oftears and anguish and bitterness
and having to recover andreconcile and forgive, and all
of that just because of myimmaturity, and wasn't really
really ready to embrace whatleader, father, head of the
(04:20):
household, husband, what all ofthat entail.
Speaker 1 (04:24):
Okay, well, what I would like to know first?
So, even though you say youwasn't ready, there was
something significant aboutShalinda that made you go to
that jury store.
Talk a little bit about that.
Speaker 3 (04:35):
So, as I said earlier , when you're in the
entertainment industry, it putsyou in the fast lane, and so at
the time I'm in my early 20s andI just didn't feel like a
female.
My age really had anything incommon with me, simply because
(04:55):
my lifestyle was just in thefast lane.
Speaker 1 (04:58):
So you preferred someone older.
Speaker 3 (05:00):
That was your preference, I didn't know at the
time, but it ended up beingthat because what she may have
lacked in experience, she beenon this earth four years longer
than me and so we just kind ofmet.
Where there was similarity,there was high level of interest
.
It didn't get boring becauseshe was dropping game on me too.
(05:23):
As an OG she was dropping gameson me, teaching me things that
I just didn't know.
That was a requirement whenyou're officially like going
steady, like when you'reofficially dating somebody like
no, you got to do this, you gotto do this.
Speaker 2 (05:38):
Oh, for real, I ain't know that, but I mean, what's
one or two of the things thatshe dropped on you?
Speaker 3 (05:43):
So when I met Charlinda, our daughter at the
time she was nine years old.
Just for clarity, I don'treally do stepchildren and none
of that.
You know we're together, that'smy child.
So our oldest, khadija, wasnine years old and the first
thing that kind of piqued myinterest was Charlinda was like
(06:05):
don't call my house after nineo'clock because my daughter now
we're in the bed and whateveryou want to do, it has to be
before nine o'clock.
That was different to me,because nobody's ever said that
to me.
I'm Q Parker, like when I call.
Speaker 2 (06:21):
You answer the phone when I want to go somewhere, we
going.
Speaker 3 (06:24):
But she was like and I think her experience gave her
the space to be able to makethat type of a mandate and then
just it's other little thingsthat, like she, just she had
this motherly quality aboutherself that she weren't really
with no BS.
She was very astute with whatshe wanted to do, how things
were going to go, and I had toeither get in line with it or
(06:48):
don't call her phone.
And again, that was differentto me but it was just so
intriguing to me.
It just kept me coming back tothe yard, like no, no, that's
powerful, bro.
Speaker 2 (07:01):
You talked about 21 years of marriage.
Talk about 21 years of growth.
Talk about what that lookedlike when you look back at your
younger self, to where you arenow, at this moment.
Speaker 3 (07:18):
When I look back, the first thing is I'm grateful
that she had the patience togive me the space to grow and
mature, because the Q Parker inthe mid-20s was just all about
career, all about what I wantedand what I needed.
(07:40):
Sidebar, I read this book, drKun Ju Fu.
He itemizes and he talks aboutthe three stages of manhood
boyhood, malehood, boyhood andmanhood.
Manhood is just gender-based.
The anatomy says that you are amale.
(08:01):
Boyhood phases you go throughlife feeling like the world owes
you.
What can I get from you?
Serve me, it's all about me.
But then manhood is thatultimate achievement where it's
about legacy, it's about respect, it's about integrity, it's
about generational wealth, it'sabout coverage, covering
(08:22):
protection, provision.
It's about all those things andwhat he states in the book that
a lot of men even fail to getto manhood stage because they're
stuck in the boyhood stage.
Still, what can you give to me?
I appreciate Shalinda havingthe patience with me to allow me
to get my priorities intact.
(08:42):
To answer the question how dowe get here?
I think, as I said, it'spatience.
It is learning how to becompatible.
It's time.
It is being a surveyor keepingyour surveillance cameras on,
because I think that every somany years, individuals change
(09:05):
and if you're not payingattention, you'll miss out on
that adjustment.
What I liked as a 30-year-oldmay be totally different than
what I liked as a 35-year-old,but if you're not paying
attention and you miss it,you're thinking that this is
what I need, but you're still inthe five years ago guy.
So I think we've been able todo that communication, obviously
(09:28):
, and just being real, beinghonest, not being afraid to be
vulnerable and being just anultimate teammate, which is
something that is just embeddedin me playing sports as a kid,
but also being in a group havingto rely on your brother and
(09:50):
being the ultimate teammate.
Well, I look at marriage as oneof these teams that I'm a part
of and if I do my job, we as ateam become successful.
If she does her job, itcontributes to the success that
we'll have as a team.
Speaker 1 (10:06):
I heard you mention the word compatibility, right,
and I mean in the industry youcome across, I mean a number of
beautiful women who you may havegreat chemistry with, but what
was it in terms of compatibility?
Because chemistry andcompatibility are two different
things.
Right, and you said you andyour wife had the compatibility.
(10:27):
Talk more about that, because Idon't think people recognize
that there is a difference.
We can have chemistry, but whenwe get into it, there is no
compatibility, is not goinganywhere.
Speaker 3 (10:38):
People often ask what's the one thing that a
relationship must have and manytimes people immediately go to
communication, not negating thatcommunication is very important
and a necessity.
But I always start withcompatibility, because if I'm
compatible with somebody I wantto talk to them.
(10:59):
If I'm compatible with somebody, I want to be around them.
If I'm compatible with somebody, we can kick it.
We can also do business, we canhave fun, we can laugh, we can
do all those things.
So compatibility is always thefirst thing that I look for.
I think chemistry sometimes isinstant.
Compatibility has more of alongstanding role, it has some
(11:23):
elasticity with it, whereaschemistry can just be instantly,
instant, and then it can kindof fade away.
But I think when you arecompatible with each other you
have room to adjust, grow, beflexible, have that elasticity,
because in a relationship yougot to be able to be willing to
be stretched and pull to thecarpet, challenged, pushed,
(11:45):
motivated in courage, affirmedall of those things.
Speaker 2 (11:50):
So you said a lot of very powerful things, but when
we come back, I want to ask youdo you feel safe enough to be
who Q is in his marriage?
When we give back,Relationships Matter.
The podcast.
Speaker 1 (12:10):
The relationship's matter.
Welcome back to RelationshipsMatter podcast.
So, guys, before we get backinto this interview with Q
Parker, I want to remind you allto like, subscribe and share on
all of your favorite podcastplatforms, but I want to get
back into it with you, q.
So, before we went to break,josh was asking you how do you
feel safe being Q Parker?
And Josh, I'm going to let you,you know, give context to that
(12:33):
question.
Speaker 2 (12:33):
Yeah, absolutely.
I mean because the first andforemost like to have the
longevity, no matter how prettyor ugly or anything, like to
fight for somebody.
Just I think this is beautifulthat you and your wife made such
a commitment.
But oftentimes I've heard, beena part of conversations and the
(12:53):
list goes on where, even thoughpeople are together, they feel
like they can't be who they are.
And you spoke about, you know,being open, honest, transparent,
like you spoke about all thesethings, so I just wanted you to
elaborate.
You know, can Q be who he iswith his wife and his marriage?
Speaker 3 (13:15):
I think one of the first things we have to do great
question too.
I think one of the first thingswe have to do is there is no
prototype.
I have been able to say toShalinda you and Shalinda, we're
going to create and develop ourstory, Not based off of how mom
(13:35):
and daddy did it, not grandma,ma'am, not society.
You know, get rid of all ofthat.
There's no prototype, there'sno standard.
We can create and live in thismarriage how we decide to do
that.
But that comes with time.
You know you can't just show upday one and it's like I'm not
(13:56):
doing this, I'm not doing this,we don't do that.
But I think over time you getto really really learn and know
a person.
Like there are things thatShalinda knows.
I'm just not going to stand forCertain things she knows, Q
don't really care about that, sothat's good and vice versa.
But you get there in time andto specifically answer your
(14:20):
question, I can only be Q Parkerand I think my wife is at a
point right now where she knowsI'm going to be me, and being me
is still with a mindset of, youknow, making sure that it's
respectful, making sure that mywords land gently.
I always say that you know, becareful.
(14:42):
I say take a beat before youspeak, because if you really
care about somebody, you got tomake sure you hit their ears in
a delicate way, Even if it's atough conversation, still worded
in a way where it can land withlove.
And so I can honestly say thatI am my 100% authentic self.
(15:04):
But then again, if somethingnew comes and there's a new
thing that I'm into, a new thingthat I desire or I want, it's a
conversation and whether sheagrees with it or not, we'll
have the conversation and we'llfigure out a way to still get to
me.
What I'm asking for May not beone through five.
(15:25):
She may give me one, three,three and a half, but it's never
just say no and the same for me.
So, yeah, I can be my authenticself.
I'm vulnerable enough with myhonesty so that when she hears
it, she receives it in a waythat I know my husband wouldn't
ask or want to investigate thisor invest in this or whatever
(15:49):
the case may be, if it wasn'tsomething that he really, really
wanted to do.
And because of that she takesit as such, and so do I.
Speaker 2 (15:57):
You know.
What else was powerful, too, isthat you started off by also
telling us the longevity thatyour parents have had, so it's
like they paved the way.
But at the same time, you stillsaid me and my wife have to do
this our way.
I feel like a lot of times.
Just my opinion.
We always equate people beingtogether as like, oh, they're
(16:19):
happy, They've been together 50years.
You have no idea and you don'tknow what trauma, what behaviors
, what thought processes havebeen passed down.
So for you to say you know whateven though I have this example
, but I'm still going tostructure this the way me and my
(16:39):
wife are going to that'spowerful, because we have to be
able to decipher.
So I thought that was great.
Speaker 3 (16:46):
I think that's the first role to failure, when
you're trying to live yourrelationship or situation based
off of how someone is.
That I'll never forget one timeI have many stories, man, but
one time, sharn, we had got intoan argument and a disagreement
(17:07):
a colorful disagreement, and avery, very good friend of ours.
She mentioned well, let's callsuch and such, we need a third
party.
And I would always say no,let's not do that, because we
need to put that tool in our bagtoo.
If there's a roadblock, how canwe navigate through it?
(17:31):
We don't necessarily need athird party.
It ain't even that serious yet.
Now, if we feel like we need aprofessional mediator, then
obviously yes, but just on someday to day stuff, no, let me
hear you out, you hear me out.
Let's come to an agreement,even if we agree to disagree.
But we don't need to enlist insomebody else and bring somebody
(17:52):
else into our relationship whenwe can actually develop this
tool, sharpen this tool and sogoing forward, we will know that
this tool is in our backpack.
This is a part of our kit.
Now we have conflict resolution.
We have figured that part out.
Tomorrow we're going to presenta whole another, something that
we need to sharpen that tooland put that tool in our bag too
(18:14):
.
And so, again, another goodfriend of ours said stay
underwater and yourrelationships stay underwater.
You notice how, when you goswimming, right, and you put
your head underwater, you can'thear anything outside, and when
you finally come up from underthe water, you hear all the
chaos.
And so he planted that into ourrelationship doing some of our
(18:39):
roughest, toughest times, focuson each other.
Keep your head underwater.
Speaker 2 (18:47):
That's what we were able to do.
That's powerful.
Where did you learn thatcommunication style?
Because earlier you did mentionlike man, I'm cute.
Like you ain't answering thephone when I'm calling, Like you
ain't moving, you know what I'msaying, Like everybody done had
that moment.
You know what I mean, Whereas,like I know who I am, I mean
what's happening, you feel me.
So where did you learn thattype of communication and to be
(19:11):
able to be patient with somebodyelse, to listen to them you
know what I'm saying Articulatetheir thoughts?
Speaker 3 (19:19):
Because I liked her.
I liked her a lot and I knew,in order for me to get through,
I was going to have to calm downa little bit Because she was
like that cute Parker stuff thatcan stop at the door Got you.
You're not going to be thatdude when you come.
When we together, I get that'swhat you do and that's who you
(19:41):
are out there.
But if you want this toprogress, you need to lead that
guy, the performer, out there.
And I liked her enough to sayyou know what?
Speaker 2 (19:53):
I'm willing to do that.
That's big because so manypeople still will follow the
performer and they have noproblems with it because they
enjoyed the perks.
Speaker 1 (20:03):
Yeah.
Speaker 2 (20:04):
Yeah.
Speaker 1 (20:06):
What are some other practical principles that you
guys have implemented in yourrelationship that you could
share with some of the viewers?
You've named quite a fewalready, but just things that
you guys implemented in yourrelationship that helped you get
over whatever difficulties youwere experiencing?
Because I mean just the idea of, like we know your story I hate
(20:28):
to go back to the past but likenavigating through infidelity
and getting to a place where shecould actually trust you again.
What did that look like?
Speaker 3 (20:40):
And that's like one of the toughest things to
overcome.
They talk about hills andmolehills and all that peaks and
valleys, but climbing the roadfrom infidelity is like climbing
Mount Everest.
I'm telling you, you've got tobe built for it, goodness,
you've got to be built for it,and if it matters to you, you'll
(21:03):
fight and you will becomecommitted to the process.
It's a process.
I'm a huge Alabama Crimson Tidefan and Coach Saban always
talks about the process.
That's a process Because you'reright, when you broken the
(21:24):
trust, it's not that she don'tlove you, no more.
It's not that he don't love you, no more.
It's just becoming a personthat can be trusted again.
And that's not an overnightthing.
Rebuilding trust is notovernight.
It's a real marathon and I knowmany people will quit because
(21:48):
they feel like man, it's beentwo years, you still mad.
Man, get over it already.
But I'll never forget atherapist said to me one time
because I was that guy too andI've been straight in there for
two years Like you, still mad.
And he was like you can't rushher healing process.
All you can do is just continueshowing up every day.
(22:12):
But also, what he also said was, if you're two of, you are
going to commit to this,reconcile.
Both of y'all got to commit, andso society says that it's the
offender who has to do all thework.
But the offender also has workto do as well, absolutely.
(22:35):
And us getting back on theright road is not just a
one-sided commitment, we have tocommit.
And so that word, I'm going todo the work.
So my biggest hurdle was doingthe work to show up every day
that I could be the man that shevowed to be with.
(22:57):
But her work was.
You got to really exercise thattough word forgiveness and
really accept it and live in it.
And that was one of our biggesthurdles.
But the moment that we decidedthat you know what, give me your
hand, I'm going to give you myhand and we're going to walk
this road to recovery together,and not just what you going to
(23:21):
do for me to day cue, what yougoing to do for me to day cue.
And in the beginning it kind ofstarted that way and I think we
were slowly making head waves.
But the moment that shecommitted to her responsibility
of recovery, that's when we wereable to move at a little faster
(23:42):
pace and I think that isultimately how we were able to
get through that season.
Speaker 2 (23:48):
And I'm glad you spoke about that.
But when we come back, we'regoing to ask you about the
biggest relationship in his life, which is with himself On
Relationships Matter, thepodcast Relationships Matter.
Speaker 1 (24:05):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So before we went to break,Joss asked you a question about
your relationship with Sel.
Talk more about that.
Speaker 3 (24:16):
Man, I'm in love with myself, man.
I love the way I eat.
I love the way I put emphasison health.
I love how I have made it apriority to have self-care and I
love how I have set boundarieswhen it comes to me, my time and
(24:43):
what I need for me, because Irealize that, as a provider and
a person who is in a role toprotect and do all of those
things, I'm no good to nobody ifI'm no good to myself.
So why, if you should supportme when I say, hey, I need a
(25:05):
date just to myself, because you, the children, everybody going
to benefit when I come back inthis house in a great mood, if
I'm stressed, if I'm waited, thewhole house going to be heavy,
stressed and waited.
I realize that I'm the heartbeatof my house, my home and my
(25:26):
family.
And as I go, we go.
When dad's in a good mood,we're going to go out, we're
going to eat good, we're goingto laugh good, we're going to
have fun good, we're going to doall that.
But when husband and when popsa little stressed, we ain't
doing none of that.
I need somebody to help, and soI've just learned that in order
(25:51):
for me to be what I need to beto my tribe.
I got to make sure I take careof me because I would hate for
my tribe to need some for me andI'm no good because I haven't
done the work to make sure I canshow up when I'm needed to show
up.
Speaker 2 (26:06):
That's powerful For the men that are watching.
Give us three things on whatyou feel are good, self-care,
that somebody that's watching,and then give us three
boundaries that you feel areimportant.
Speaker 3 (26:26):
Sure Two to three, so , man 2016, I started a men's
organization, brothers United ofAtlanta, and we do a Monday
morning prayer call, meditationcall and then once a month we
meet at Big Brothers, bigSisters of Metro Atlanta and
it's really managed as an openforum where men just come
motivate and encourage just loveon each other, be vulnerable,
(26:50):
all of that.
But it was established becausethe first thing I'm gonna say is
men need an outlet.
Yes, we cannot internalizeeverything we have to be outward
with, because that's one of thereasons why a lot of our men
are falling into a deficit.
They're stressed, weighted,trying to say the world and just
(27:12):
don't ever externalize things.
So I would say, for me, I lovereading, I love having days, man
, where I go get my nails done,facial massage, steam room and
just be to myself for about fiveor six hours.
(27:34):
Another thing that I love iscamaraderie, male to male
camaraderie.
There's a thing that I realizedthat is really, really
important to men and that's maleto male affirmation.
Oftentimes, men put so muchweight on when their woman, when
(27:54):
their wives, affirm them, then,to no disregard.
We need that and we appreciatehow a woman could really
energize us and say baby, yougot it, go get that deal.
Go close that deal.
You can see you're dope, you'rethis, you're that, love that.
(28:15):
But it also means a whole lotwhen my brother says Q man, that
was good man.
No, you did that.
The reason why that hits alittle differently is because he
knows what it's like to walk inthe shoes of a man, and so when
we accomplish something, heknows what it took to accomplish
that, and so that male to maleaffirmation is just as vital to
(28:39):
our survival as the womanaffirming us that male to male
affirmation is good, so that's anecessity.
Some boundaries is notcompromising on those
necessities.
That's the main thing, andprimarily because if you don't
(28:59):
take the time to take care ofyou, you can't take care of
nobody else, and I just think somany men are living in there
right now, which is why, ifyou're not a part of Brothers
United of Atlanta, find a men'sorganization that you can be a
part of to get some of thisstuff off of you.
Or to hear some men excitedabout having a pampered day or
(29:23):
having a day where I just waskicking it with my homies and
didn't have the word about it.
Wife went on my phone all nightwhen hounding me with tie-in
come up.
None of that, just allowing meto have my time with my guys so
that I can be recharged, so Ican be affirmed, so I can be
supported and motivated andencouraged.
And even, you know, see someexamples of some stuff that I
(29:45):
want to accomplish, because I'mseeing one of my other brothers
living and operating in that.
Speaker 1 (29:52):
How can men join Brothers United of Atlanta?
Speaker 3 (29:59):
Yeah, it's brothersunitedatlantaorg.
Our social media is justBrothersUnitedATL, and once
you're there, there's nomembership, there's no nothing.
Just come, just come as you are.
Leave the initiatives.
What car you drive, how muchmoney you make, leave all that
out the door, because none ofthat matters.
Speaker 2 (30:20):
What are how do you feel men can view themselves or
feel valued outside of protectand provide?
Because you're in a space, too,where it's like we got to put
(30:42):
this, you know machismo and wegot to carry ourselves a certain
way because you talked aboutthe deficit you talked about,
we're stressed and basically ourlife expectancy is going down
To the man again that's watchingand for the women, too, to hear
(31:02):
, what does that look like?
Because a lot of times, mostmen, we feel like our value is
only in what we can do foreither our woman or our kids or,
you know, our families, ourcommunity.
So, you know, talk about that.
Speaker 3 (31:19):
I think we come into this game misdirected and misled
, because, as early as I canremember and a lot of us can
remember we're taught to be hard.
We're taught don't cry, are youokay, get up, don't be
(31:39):
vulnerable.
We're taught all of thosethings.
However, that's when we shinethe most, that's when we are the
strongest, when we show thatwe're weak, we show that we're
powerful when we can shed tearsAt some point.
(32:00):
We have to get rid of all ofthose stereotypes, get rid of
all those old teachings, becausea lot of us have sons, and our
sons are not going to be goodfor themselves, for no woman,
for their children, if they'restill subjected to that way of
thinking.
(32:20):
I love for my son to see mecrying.
If something affects me thatmuch that I need to shed tears,
they're gonna come, because Iwant him to understand that
that's okay.
If I'm hurt, I want to expressthat I'm hurt.
If something has bothered me,I'm the example in which my son
(32:42):
is going to live his life, andso if I don't want to perpetuate
all of these bad teachings, Igotta live in those, and so I
think that's the first thingthat we have to identify that
those words that were put intous are just misleading, because
we are the total opposite fromthat.
(33:02):
We're our best selves when weare sensitive, when we are
vulnerable, when we are delicate, when we are gentle, when we
lead with love and notaggression.
That doesn't mean that we weshouldn't have that in our kid
either, but it shouldn't be thefirst thing that show up.
And especially if these menhave daughters yeah, you want to
(33:26):
be able to show them that.
No, your man should be able tooperate in all of these
qualities.
They're in them, just hadn'tbeen tapped into.
Because society has said you'rejudged by how hard you are.
I think we got to get rid ofthat.
Speaker 2 (33:41):
No, that's powerful.
But when we get back you,because we know, when we talk
about society, when we talkabout our OGs, we talk about all
these people, these influences,folks that raise us.
I want to know how you wereable to break that, because it's
(34:01):
not easy for many men to wantto break that cycle, considering
the teachings and where you getthem from.
So when we come back that's myquestion for Lista Q Parker
Y'all are tuned in toRelationships Matter, the
podcast.
Speaker 1 (34:22):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter podcast.
So Q talk to us about how youunlearned and relearned how to
like balance, like manage yourown family dynamic over against
maybe certain things that youlearned growing up.
How did you implement new waysof doing life?
Speaker 3 (34:49):
So, during the time of trying to win my family back
not just my wife, but my familyI realized that I didn't have a
go-to person that I could justtalk to, and one of the tricks
of the enemy is for men isfeeling like you're on an island
(35:10):
by yourself.
That's how the enemy win,because you keep everything
inside.
And so I realized right thenand there that I needed somebody
to talk to.
But then also, my son was born,and I knew that I did not want
to instill in him things thatwould prevent him from really
(35:37):
really maximizing who he issupposed to be.
I knew he was watching me, andso, when I had to reclaim my
family, I sat him down and I hada conversation hey y'all, did
dad do what he was supposed todo?
However, I'm gonna show youthat I'm gonna commit to winning
(35:57):
the family back.
And so, just in that lessonright there he sees, my dad is
my hero.
But dang, my dad messed up.
Wow, my dad committed tofighting and getting the family
back.
Wow, my dad is present.
And so, regardless of what I wastaught all those years prior to
(36:21):
this season in my life, I hadto figure out what is the best
for me and I was able to deducethat it wasn't the stuff that I
had been taught all these years,because a lot of those things
that I was taught was the singleman, the ego, the pride.
I was stuck in that boyhoodstage.
(36:44):
What can the world give to me?
And I realized that in thisvehicle, with me is my wife, my
children, my family, and it's upto me to navigate us to safety.
And not only am I gonnanavigate the safety, but my
(37:05):
children are actually in thebackseat watching every stop,
every yield, every lane shift,every landmark, and so I'm just
hoping that they'll pass that onto their children, because I
witnessed my dad do X, y, z andthen, hopefully, my
(37:26):
grandchildren are saying yo, myGP was thorough, because he was
able to navigate properly andget us all into a safe space.
Speaker 1 (37:36):
How important is mentorship?
Speaker 3 (37:42):
Mentorship is absolutely necessary.
I came across a bit of a pieceof information, maybe like last
year.
Do you know that in certaincountries, mentor is not even a
word?
It's not even a word.
In certain countries, mentalwas created because of the lack
(38:07):
of fathers in the household, andin other countries, their
percentage of fathers not beingin the household is higher than
it is in America.
And so if you talk to somebodyin foreign countries, they might
need them.
They will know what the wordmeans today because it's a word
that's so often used.
Years ago, before mentor becamethe word, they probably
(38:31):
wouldn't have even known whatthe word meant, because fathers
are a parent in their homes.
And so what do we do in ourcountry, in our world, where
there's a lack and there's anabsence of men?
Now the village is reallyraising the child.
You need Mr Mann, mr Smith, onthe corner to try to no, no,
(38:56):
tighten up young man, no, youdon't need to do that, and so
mentorship is critical.
I mentioned earlier today thaton this interview that my
organization, brothers United ofAtlanta, is partners with big
brothers, big sisters of MetroAtlanta, and big shout out to my
brother, kwame Johnson, who isthe CEO of BBBS with a mission
(39:18):
to pair littles with bigs,because there's so many littles
on the waiting list just for amentor, and so everybody that's
a part of Brothers Unitedbecause of our partnership, it's
almost a requirement for you tobecome a big, to register to
become a big, because there's somany young men and young girls
that are on the waiting listneeding a big.
(39:40):
And having the right mentorcould really set a child who was
on a wrong path to write inthat path and becoming
accomplished and, in some cases,life saving relationships.
So I think mentorship in ourcountry and in our community is
(40:02):
so critical man to the successand or failure, even life and
death in a lot of cases, when itcomes to our children and our
communities.
No, that's bad.
Speaker 2 (40:15):
What does success look like to you?
It's kind of shifting gears.
Speaker 3 (40:19):
Man, success looks like health.
I'm on a mission, man.
I'm 47 years old and I'm tryingto define what 47 look like
with 48, look and feel like what49 gonna look like.
And, man, I got quotes for daysfor you.
(40:41):
I heard this one of my mentorstold me.
He said when you're born, youlook like your parents, but when
you die, you look like yourchoices.
And so I can look at thechoices that I'm making today
and know that whenever my dad'scalled man, I'm gonna be a
(41:03):
handsome, I'm gonna be fit, I'mgonna be in shape.
Yes, sir.
My skin gonna be nice andglowing, my teeth gonna be right
, like I'm trying to keep myhead.
But you know, doing the best Ican with what I got.
But man, just I think healthman, because if I'm healthy I
(41:26):
got the energy to go out hereand get money.
If I'm healthy man, I got thestrength to go and be committed
and consistent with whatever itis.
If I'm healthy man, my mind issharp so I can continue being a
serial entrepreneur because I'msuch a creative man.
I'm thinking of ideas andbusinesses all day.
(41:47):
But if I'm not healthy, all ofthat stop.
If I'm healthy man, I can move,I can rock, I can do all of
these things.
I can be active for mygrandbaby right, I got two
grandchildren on the way and sofor me it's legacy and it's
health man.
(42:07):
Without our health man we don'thave anything.
And I'm committed to Godwilling, I'm gonna see 90 years
old or better.
Speaker 2 (42:18):
That's refreshing to hear.
Speaker 3 (42:19):
I know it, I'm gonna see 90 or better.
Speaker 2 (42:21):
Yeah, that's refreshing to hear another man
talk about health.
Absolutely, because from myperspective, like when I look at
social media, you know when I'min the circles that I'm in, and
I'm not saying that it's a badthing, but you know we're in the
day and age of that grimementality.
Right, you can sleep when youdie.
(42:43):
You know what I'm saying.
But to hear you say I get mytoes done, I get my nails done,
I get facials, you know what Imean.
And I'm concerned about what Ieat.
You know what I mean Gettingrest, making sure I work out,
taking care of my body, all ofthese different things that the
(43:03):
traditional man just doesn'tthink about.
You know what I'm saying?
Because in a sense, it's likewe really don't matter in our
homes, in our communities, toour families, to our friends,
because if you don't have a bag,you can't talk to me, you can't
even be in this circle.
So I had to like address that,because you're speaking about a
(43:30):
lot of things when you talkabout self-care.
I hope that doesn't go overwhoever's going to watch this,
because it is important not justfor men but for women too.
It's important because, likeyou said, we can't function on
an empty cup and I got a realbig question for you.
(43:52):
As soon as we get back,relationships matter.
The podcast.
I love doing that Q&A.
Speaker 1 (44:04):
Welcome back to Relationships Matter, the
podcast.
So before we went to break,jars say he had to ask you a
question.
But before we get to hisquestion, what I would like for
you to do is so relationshipsare evolving, right.
What is one piece of advice?
Because you fought for yourrelationship, right you come.
It's a different generation now.
There's no longevity inrelationships today.
(44:25):
People get into a fight.
Next thing you know they getinto divorce.
We see it on social media allthe time.
What is one piece of advicethat you can offer this new
generation, or even someone inthe same position as you are in
terms of industry, or a musician, or an artist?
Speaker 3 (44:46):
Because so many things are moving so fast
nowadays.
I would say be patient, bepatient and do all your research
, go through all the scenarios,really, take the time to
(45:09):
practically research and dodiligence with the person and
allow them to do it with you aswell, so that, before you make
such a committed decision, youfeel really, really good about
who you are about to enter intothis agreement with.
(45:31):
And so I'd say, be patient andallow the dating process to
really really talk to you,because, if you look at it,
dating is a purpose for dating,because you want to figure out
who this person is and all ofthat.
Speaker 1 (45:47):
Yeah, I would say go into that the purpose, because
some people don't know, somepeople just think it's time to
have fun, like they date withoutintention.
Speaker 3 (45:56):
Cording and dating.
I think it became a thing justso that you can do all of your
due diligence to figure out orto have a clear view of is this
somebody that I want to investmy time and my lifetime, my
energy, my everything with andthroughout the dating process?
(46:19):
You will eventually get somesigns good or bad if this is the
person that, and you'll never100% know, but I think that the
dating process is its best whenyou have patience and when you
allow those things and thosefeelings to develop organically.
Speaker 2 (46:39):
Okay, that's powerful , bro.
If you could save yourself fromyourself, what would be the
conversation that you would havewith yourself 20 years ago?
Man?
Speaker 3 (46:56):
I see why you asked that last.
I see what you did there.
I would say to myself 20 yearsago patience.
I would give myself the sameadvice that I just gave you,
(47:21):
because in giving myselfpatience, I would not have
rushed into marriage.
I'm very grateful thatSharlinda and I have just
celebrated, this past August, 21years.
But I can honestly say of the 21years, maybe 12 or 13 of those
(47:46):
years have been good years, andso maybe, if you add to my 26
year old self getting marriedeight years, I would have been
34, which is a lot to me, abetter age to kind of make that
(48:08):
type of a decision.
Because at 26, I'm in the heartof my rise in celebrity records
on the chart.
We traveling everywhere, somuch is being thrown at us, and
so I would tell my younger selfpatience, because had I utilized
some patience and allowed thedating process to really do what
(48:31):
it was designed to do, Iprobably would have waited a few
years.
Some people looking at thiswill maybe say oh, that's bad
man, you saying that youwouldn't have gotten married,
and I'm not saying that Iwouldn't have, and I'm not
saying that I wouldn't have evengotten married to Sharlinda, I
just know that a 34 year old QParker would have been better
(48:53):
suited to fulfill the commitmentof marriage than the 26 year
old Q Parker.
Speaker 2 (48:59):
No, that's powerful brother.
One more thing before I go intomy spell, If you don't mind I
think this camera right behindme, because you did say that you
just celebrated 21 years lastmonth, correct?
If you could open your heartand share your soul with your
(49:24):
wife and let her know how youfeel about her, Absolutely.
Speaker 3 (49:30):
So I am Q Parker and my wife is the lovely, beautiful
Sharlinda Parker, and here itis just coming off of
celebrating our 21st yearanniversary.
I just want to say that I loveyou and I really appreciate you
being patient with me.
Oftentimes they say women growup a whole lot faster and mature
(49:53):
a whole lot faster than men,and even in my immaturity you
exude immense patience to allowme to grow into the man that you
always envisioned me to be.
You had confidence that I coulddo this way before I did, and
(50:17):
so I know we don't get to 21years without you being patient
and without you showing up.
I just I appreciate you for whoyou are, how you're a firm, how
you have been an ultimatepartner.
Thank you for our beautifulchildren and our grandchild and
our two new babies, newgrandchildren that are on the
(50:38):
way, and I love you so much.
Speaker 2 (50:43):
That's awesome, brother, and as expected, mr
Parker.
One thing that I definitelyfeel is that I am a man.
I feel is extremely important,especially us as men, first and
foremost, but us as black men.
You know what I mean To set thebar and to be the example, and
(51:05):
I mean this wholeheartedlybecause, again, we have so many
similarities.
We grew up with the same people, a lot of the same teachings,
man, but as a man, my brother, Ilove you, doug, and I'm truly
honored.
(51:25):
You know what I mean to sit inthis room and to share this
moment with you, because thereare so many things that I
understand about the journey,about being in this place of
space, that it's not easy, and alot of times it might feel
lonely.
You know what I'm saying.
A lot of times we might bearound people and question a lot
(51:49):
of things, man, but as a man,as a husband, as a father, as a
servant of the most high, you'restill here, being the example
of someone that, even thoughhe's failed, he's never given up
, and for me to be able to watchthat from afar.
You've inspired me, you've keptme going at times that you
(52:14):
probably had no idea.
You know what I'm saying,because that's how this thing
goes.
We were just talking about oneof our OGs, obviously and salute
to Kev, you know what I mean Iwant to give him his as well.
But to see a man be willing tobreak the mold and to go a
(52:35):
different route, it speaks a lotabout you as a person.
And it's not easy, bro, becauseI'm a part of this life just as
much as you are, and we see guysthat are our age still doing
the same thing, still behavingthe same way, still got bad
habits, treating people the waythat they treat them.
But for you to have a kindspirit and soul that you have,
(53:01):
for you to, for one, say, man, Ilove myself enough to be the
best version of me so that I cangive that in all areas of my
life, I don't want to let thismoment slide.
You know what I'm sayingWithout you knowing that I
genuinely mean that.
Brother Chanel, and I want tothank you here to support you
(53:24):
and whatever you have going onand just look forward to
building as we continue to moveforward, man, and hopefully
we'll be able to do this again.
But thank you you know what I'msaying For taking the time my
brother, and I genuinely wantedto say that to you and let you
know from another man how I feltabout you, brother, and I
(53:45):
appreciate you.
Speaker 3 (53:46):
Absolutely Well.
Thank you all for this amazingplatform.
Thank you for the questions.
I hope that someone wasinspired, encouraged, just
through these moments that we'vebeen able to share.
And I don't play man when itcomes to one of my brothers
saying I love you.
I'm the guy man that when I saythat, I want to hear it back,
(54:10):
because a lot of times guys shyaway from I love you, man, yeah,
man, thanks Word.
I'm the guy to be like nah, bro, I love you.
I want to hear how I love youback.
So to you, man, I love you too.
I appreciate you, I appreciatewhat you're doing, what y'all
are doing.
It's so, so, so needed and sonecessary in the community.
(54:32):
So more power to y'all.
You got my support.
You got whatever you need.
I'm a phone call away, I'mcoming.
Speaker 2 (54:40):
Fifth member coming soon.
Y'all check your boy out.
Relationships matter to thepodcast.
Bless this king man.
Appreciate you.
See y'all next time.
There is a inputs up onInstagram.
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